


365 Days of You

by noelre



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cats, Character Death, Cooking, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Dress Up, Drunkenness, Established Relationship, Family Dinners, Fights, First Time, Fluff, Food Sex, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Japanese Rope Bondage, Jealousy, Light BDSM, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Molestation, Mutual Masturbation, Orgasm Denial, Punishment, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Content, Smut, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:31:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 233
Words: 600,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3076118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noelre/pseuds/noelre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty-somethings Kazunari and Shintarou have been together for few years and still counting, and there seems to be no stopping that. The year 2015 turns out to be the same domestic bliss as it has always been, completed with fights and make-up sex.</p><p> <em>(The writer’s New Year’s resolution 2015: write one MidoTaka fan fiction every single day for the whole year.)</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Suitably Warm

**Author's Note:**

> On the 31st of December I got a crazy idea - I'll write one MidoTaka fic every single day for the whole year of 2015. Another resolution of mine was to find ways to make myself happy, and since writing makes me happy, I thought, _hell, why not, let's do this_.
> 
> I've set myself some basic rules: every fic must be at least 1000 words, and I need to publish one fic every single day for the upcoming 365 days before midnight GMT, and all those fics cannot be earlier works of mine. I'll be working a prompt list in order, no skipping, no making things up on my own. Also, I'm aiming to have a coherent (as coherent as it can get) piece of massive fan fiction in the end, e.g. everything will be written in the same verse created by me with twenty-somethings domestic MidoTaka, and I'm trying to suit each day to the actual day of writing; it'll be like a real-time year of their relationship. Tags will be added accordingly, but knowing myself there will be a _lot_ of smut.
> 
> I'm probably going to regret this very, very soon.

On the flat above them echoed a steady stream of heavy dance music; it made the ceiling rumble. Surely Shintarou was cursing the thickness of the walls and floors at the moment, but Kazunari held a smile on his lips as he spun a spoon around in an overly large-mug filled with pure deliciousness in the form of hot chocolate. From outside came sputters of fireworks, which probably looked pretty magnificent in their multi-colored state, but he wasn’t interested in seeing the actual things – soon, he would watch them from the television much more cozily. He knew that within few minutes, the noises would reach another levels, and in the same minutes Shintarou would turn into a whining maniac.

 

Because of that, he added an extra spoonful of cacao powder in Shintarou’s green-colored mug. _Just because_.

 

Kazunari whistled a quiet, happy tune as he reached over to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of tiny pink marshmallows, and coated his own share with them. For a couple of moments he hesitated, then shrugged and added few floating to the dark liquid for the other mug as well. His toes prickled from coldness – his socks had abandoned him few hours ago and had frankly disappeared –, but at least he was feeling warm and still very festive under the Christmas jumper. It might have been already out of season, sure, but it tickled his bones nicely with affection and gave him a nice feeling. Obviously, it was brightly colored with several shades, and obviously Shin-chan wasn’t too fond of it. He still wore it after the season, though.

 

As he listened the gentle humming of the television, he balanced the two hot chocolates in his palms and made his way from the kitchen to the living room. Shintarou had already buried himself under a blanket, and with his long frame and legs pulled against his chest looked like an oversized child. A smile tugged Kazunari’s lips upwards, and it took a lot from him to concentrate on the task in hand rather than giving glances at his ridiculous lover with his ridiculous bed-hair. Like so many years in a row, he had to crawl in bed and shake the grumpy Shintarou awake ten minutes before midnight; it was obvious that Shintarou was growing old. So was he, but at least he still managed to stay up later than eleven in the evening. Scoffing to the private thought, Kazunari placed the mugs on the coffee table and plopped down beside the man.

 

“How much longer?” he asked. His eyes gleamed.

 

“Five minutes.” Shintarou’s voice was a gruff, a tired one, one that screamed _can you let me go to bed already, be so kind_. He rubbed his forehead and pushed his glasses better on the bridge of his nose, and settled his gaze to Kazunari, then to the hot chocolates that emitted both a delicious scent and some gentle steam to the room. His brows scrunched. “Why’s there marshmallows on mine?”

 

“Little sweetness won’t kill you, hun.”

 

The fireworks outside turned crazy, the sound vibrating over and over again in constant flows, and it echoed all the way to the depths of Kazunari’s heart. He shuddered and worked the back of his palm against his nose that had somehow turned cold. He curled his toes few times to avoid them from falling off and fixed his eyes on the presenter on the television; she looked warm under her heavy layer of clothing and a hat that hid her long jet-black hair, although her cheeks were bright red. She stood outside the main square in the city, and Kazunari knew they could also be there, too, after all, it was only few stations away. Nonetheless, there was something a bit more special about this, counting down the minutes and seconds in the safety of their home behind closed curtains. The only light came from the screen, and it brought something magical to the mood.

 

He leaned towards the table to do the effort of grabbing his mug and warm his fingers (and hopefully the rest of his body through it, too), but he stopped halfway as Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer. Like a pup Kazunari looked up to his lover and smiled sweetly. Shintarou’s earlobes got a bit of color in them.

 

“What?” he asked so sweetly, _as if_ he didn’t know.

 

Indeed, Shintarou rolled his eyes, but still pushed his soles to the floor and parted his legs, created space between his thighs, opened the blanket enough and patted the spot. “I don’t understand why you even bothered to _not_ come here in the first place,” he said, sounded a bit cocky, but Kazunari knew there was definitely embarrassment under the collected façade.

 

Like a good boy he picked his bottom up and settled it between Shintarou’s legs, and immediately got long arms draped around his body. The blanket was pleasantly fluffy, but the body he knew throughout gave the best warmth. He pressed his back against the broad chest and crooned, closed his eyes, laughter flirting with his lips. The year had given them so much happiness, and he couldn’t wait for the clock to strike midnight. Deep within Kazunari _knew_ that the upcoming year was going to weld them together even stronger. Behind him Shintarou settled to a better position but kept a tight hold of him nonetheless. Gently he pressed the back of his head against Shintarou’s shoulder, and through hooded eyes he looked at the corner of the ceiling where the bright colors of the television where projected.

 

For a moment, he thought he’d fall asleep, so calm it was in their own little bubble of a home. But Shintarou quickly tugged him out of the drowsiness.

 

“Where are your socks?”

 

“Hm?” Kazunari rubbed his eyes with his fingertips and sit up straighter, glanced at him over his shoulder and then towards his toes that he wiggled. A lazy smile illuminated his expression. “I don’t know, they just disappeared.”

 

Shintarou moved his hands on Kazunari’s thighs. “Pull your legs up, we’ll get your feet under the blanket as well.”

 

“Aw, but Shin-chan, there’s no space for them—“

 

“No buts.”

 

There was not much to disagree with, and so Kazunari pulled his heels against the edge of the couch and was very sure that their bodies weren’t going to fit together in the couch like this (it reminded him of the great argument when they bought the couch – he had wanted bigger, but Shintarou had refused because the color hadn’t been quite right; now the bigger would have been better). Perhaps it was the miracle of the New Year’s Eve, or the minutes before the year apathetically rolled into another, but they _did_ fit to the couch without too much shuffling, although it took some settling from both of them. After some silly seconds, Kazunari had his legs pressed against his chest quite like Shintarou had had his moments before. Blindly he moved his arm behind his back and aimed for the green hair, found his destination and ruffled the fluffy cloud of greenness, stroked it like he so often did.

 

Shintarou _was_ getting a little twitchy, however, despite rubbing his hands gently up and down Kazunari’s sides. A soft sigh trickled out of Kazunari’s mouth, and without a word he got up. He saw Shintarou’s urge to protest, but before a word got out of his lover, he sat down sideways on his lap, just like he should have done in the first place. As his whole core was filled with warmth and love he got to share every day, he finally reached for the mugs and gave Shintarou his own and held his in his hand. Instead of the television, Kazunari found Shintarou’s profile much more interesting, and once he examined the little stubble that hadn’t yet been shaved on the chin, he couldn’t turn his gaze away anymore. The skin under the eyes drooped, too, which served yet another remainder that they were no longer teenagers. After a year or two, they probably wouldn’t be able to stay up this late, anymore.

 

He stretched his neck towards Shintarou and pressed a sweet kiss on the corner of the plump lips.

 

Shintarou moved his arm back around Kazunari and squeezed him closer. “What was that for?”

 

“For another great year together,” Kazunari cooed. Finally he took a sip from the hot chocolate, and burned his tongue immediately. He muttered ‘ow’, and made Shintarou stop dipping the mug to his lips. The tip of his nose he trailed against the itchy chin and huffed sharply, pressed another kiss near the lips but didn’t yet reach the destination he was aiming for. He closed his eyes and heard the one-minute mark from the television. “I mean, I did a pretty fantastic job enduring you for another year again…”

 

“ _You_ did a fantastic job? It was me enduring you, not the other way around.”

 

Kazunari chuckled, and even let out a cozy, raspy giggle under his breath. He shook his head. Enduring each other… It made him smile. Looking at Shintarou like this, a little tired, a little sleepy, also a bit annoyed, it was still just as great as it had been during their first month together. Even still, the mere sight of the boy who had now grown into a beautiful man made Kazunari’s chest flutter and fireworks settle within _him_ , too. With much gentleness in the movement, he blew Shintarou’s share of the hot chocolate to enable him to drink it. So Shintarou did, even with the marshmallows floating around. Kazunari could have sworn he saw a shadow of a smile on the lips he loved so, and the little twitch made him grin brightly.

 

Without a warning he felt the soft fingertips trace over the side of his cheek and brush some of his hair behind his ear. Instantly a bucketful of love got shoved down the collar of his jumper, and he quivered.

 

“Your hair’s a mess,” Shintarou complained.

 

“Do me a favor and fix it, then.”

 

It was exactly what Shintarou did, with experience pulled off the black bobby pin that always got lost in the same shaded hair of Kazunari, pushed back the overgrown fringes and pressed them down flat against the scalp, and attached them again with the same pin. As a reward, Kazunari gave him a lengthy kiss.

 

With the pleasant taste of chocolate settling between his teeth and coating his palate, he leaned back against his source of heat and snuggled Shintarou. His nose was still wintry, but at least his toes were warming up under the blanket. With his fingertips Shintarou drew vague shapes on Kazunari’s back over the fabric of the jumper and pressed kisses to the untamed curls of lush black hair. On TV, people were smiling widely, waved their hands, jumped up and down, were much different from the usual mass of calm faces. Kazunari's eyelids were growing heavier, and suddenly he worried that he couldn’t open them if he would now press them together.

 

“What’s your resolutions this year?” he asked to keep himself distracted.

 

“I have none.”

 

“As always,” he scoffed.

 

“We both know they’re utterly pointless.” Shintarou lowered his head and let his nose travel up Kazunari’s neck. The motion made Kazunari shudder, and suddenly he was feeling _very_ warm indeed. He did his best to suppress that feeling, at least for few moments more.

 

“Maybe,” he murmured.

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“They’re counting now,” Shintarou announced with a quiet, soft, almost reconciling voice.

 

They were. _Ten, nine_ , Kazunari thought about the moment exactly year ago and how they were covered under a thick blanket then, too. The hot chocolate had been a bottle of white wine, though. _Eight, seven_ , what would be the perfect way to start a brand new year? He puckered his lips to a pout as he went through all the options they could do as soon as they would wake up. _Six_ , sex? _Five_ , or maybe be traditional and visit the temple, and after that some sex? _Four, three_ , god, he was so lucky to have Shintarou all to himself for yet another year. It couldn’t be more perfect. Kazunari tore his gaze from the happy people on screen and looked at his lover instead. Their gazes met, and he got swallowed deep into the greenness of Shintarou’s eyes.

 

_Two_. The fireworks outside turned ludicrous. Shintarou moistened his lips. So did Kazunari, very hastily, and sat up properly. The corners of his mouth drew up. How did Shintarou manage to look so gorgeous even when he was getting aged and sleepy?

 

_One_.

 

Without a word Kazunari stretched his neck again and Shintarou leaned down, and they pressed their lips together to a soft, moist kiss. His abdomen buzzed pleasantly, his heart felt like it was exploding under the ribcage, and as he parted his mouth and nipped and tugged Shintarou’s bottom lip and managed to draw a little exclamation of excitement, he chuckled. The arms around him held him closer, pulled him against Shintarou’s chest, and he settled his own on his lover’s shoulders. After the sweet first seconds of the brand new year, reluctantly he pulled back, but still stole another quicker kiss from the lips.

 

“Happy New Year,” he purred.

 

“Happy New Year,” said Shintarou and let out a breath that he had been holding in judging from the sound of it. For a cloying moment he pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s that was uncovered thanks to bobby pins, and then pressed a kiss on his lips.

 

From pure pleasure Kazunari murmured softly. “Do you want to check Oha Asa straight away?” His voice sang a drowsy tune.

 

“In the morning… So can we now go to bed?”

 

Kazunari sneered and let his forehead slip on Shintarou’s shoulder. “You’re impossible.”

 

“Realistic,” Shintarou corrected. “We need to visit the temple early.”

 

“Mm.” Kazunari pouted. He lulled his head on the spot that bones made rather uncomfortable and muffled a yawn against Shintarou’s shirt. The last thing he wanted to admit was that he was tired, too. So many times he had sworn to stay up until the morning, and maybe he had been energetic in his teen years, but now – the thought of snuggling under blankets sounded very tempting. He kissed the side of Shintarou’s neck and murmured, “Does that mean I get my New Year’s fuck now instead of in the morning?”

 

“…If it means you get your bottom up from the couch and into the bed, sure.”

 

His irises dilated, and swiftly he looked at Shintarou whose cheeks were getting rather rosy all of a sudden. Kazunari couldn’t help the smirk that crept on his mouth. “Just don’t fall asleep in the middle, alright? That would be a pretty horrible start for the year.”

 

“I’ll try my best.”

 

The promise tightened his stomach so very pleasantly, and without much complaining he pushed himself up on his shaky feet. With one swift gulp he finished off the hot chocolate that had turned unpleasantly lukewarm and reached over for the remote control. Their home turned dark, and in the silence he heard his own blood gushing in his ears, as well as the calming sound of Shintarou’s breath that had to be one of his favorites.

 

Kazunari already mentally prepared himself to start an exploration trip to the bedroom hoping to reach the destination unscathed and before dawn, but his legs disappeared underneath his torso, and he found himself tangling in Shintarou’s arms. A loud chuckle escaped him, although it was muffled by the insanity of the fireworks outside; even so, he still heard an amused hum coming from Shintarou’s lips, too. Once more they exchanged kisses and wishes for a happy and good new year, and as others celebrated it in the mercy of cold weather and colorful sky, Shintarou and Kazunari hid themselves under blankets and let their bodies melt together.


	2. Candy Apple Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Shintarou wanted was to clean up the Christmas decorations. Kazunari is having none of that.

After the festive nonsense, Shintarou had to have a day (also known as January the 2nd) of putting away everything Christmas-y and other things resembling too much of the season that had passed. Out with the decorations, in with… whatever they had that wasn’t red and green and twinkling like lights in crossroads. He climbed up the ladders, although only to the first step, and reached towards the bar of the curtains to snatch off the fairy lights that Kazunari had _insisted_ on putting there. They had been on twice. The first time when they had put them there, and at night it had bothered him, and he couldn’t sleep, so he had pulled off the plug from the wall; the second time when he had already been asleep and woken up to the blueness of the lights being swallowed by the morning sun seeping through the curtains. Shintarou couldn’t even remember why he had bothered to listen the ridiculous whim of Kazunari, when all they had done was collecting dust.

 

Close to the ceiling, he aimed and threw the lights down in a cardboard box, which side read ‘CHRISTMAS STUFF’ with his neat handwriting. Below the words were Kazunari’s drawings of a Christmas tree, an elf and a Santa. Shintarou stretched himself to left and from the end of the bar took off a golden-silver bauble that tangled there. It was covered in dust, too, and the sight made him scoff. As much as he wanted to throw it in the box, too, and have a little _accident_ , he knew the thing was the one Kazunari had given him as a pre-Christmas present for no apparent reason. Under his breath he sighed, shook his head and very carefully swung it on the bed over the pillows gathered at the feet.

 

He didn’t even want to start to think about getting the tree off from the living room.

 

Luckily Shintarou was an efficient man, and soon the floor was an organized mess of red-and-golden tinsels that spitted out weird glitter on the floor he had just vacuumed, and countless boxes of baubles that had somehow appeared in the bedroom without his consent. He brushed his forehead to his forearm and puffed air out of his cheeks, stood still with his hands on his waist. Without a word he examined the mayhem, and tried to think of a suitable way to fit everything to the box. The box would definitely go to attic – he didn’t want to repeat last year’s disaster of Kazunari secretly putting everything back up mid-January. His cheeks glowed from the memory. He ruffled his hair and plopped down sitting on the floor. He kind of wished he had changed his reindeer-filled pajama pants, because the _stuff_ the tinsels worked out of themselves really stuck to the fabric.

 

He muffled a yawn behind his palm and shoved the fairy lights on one corner of the cardboard box, and started stacking the bauble boxes on the other. Honestly, it was strangely quiet in their home; usually, Kazunari would listen to final Christmas songs and make him both upset and annoyed but now, it was eerie. Shintarou wrinkled his nose and pursed his lips, and tried to calm down his frantic heart that skipped irrational beats. Sure, he had given him the task of taking off the tinsels in the guest room, and although they were high near the ceiling and Kazunari had been stuck in his height of five foot nine inches ever since the prime age of sixteen, Shintarou reassured himself that the man would be fine. Still, he couldn’t get rid of the annoying ticking underneath his ribcage. With a lump hard to swallow in his throat, he cast his eyes down at the large box and slowed down the pace in which he shoved the baubles in it.

 

“Hey, Shin-chan!” suddenly echoed outside the bedroom, and Shintarou found himself able to breathe again.

 

“Yes?” he shouted back; it made his esophagus tremble.

 

He didn’t get an answer. He frowned but figured that if Kazunari had something to tell him, he would drag his legs here – he was _not_ starting the ‘let’s see who can shout the most and make the other annoyed so he has to come where I am’ game again. A hum coated his throat, and he fixed his concentration back on the matter in hand. Patiently he waited for few seconds, then realized that Kazunari was most likely not coming here, and clicked his tongue. Shintarou shook his head and settled his glasses better in their rightful place, and forgot all about his stupid lover for a moment. For being already an adult, sometimes Kazunari was an honest pain in the ass with his foolish impulses.

 

“Look what I found,” chirped Kazunari’s voice very close without a warning.

 

Shintarou jolted out of his thoughts, and sluggishly lifted his gaze ever so slightly. The first thing he saw were Kazunari’s hairy legs, uncovered, right in the doorway. His brows drew in to a deeper frown, but when he picked his gaze up properly to his sweetheart leaning against the frame, his mouth dropped agape. There the idiot was, stood in a very tiny red dress that had white fur on its hem that barely reached his mid-thighs. Honestly, the fabric looked very soft, rather velvet-like, comfortable even, but so _wrong_. Shintarou’s pulse ticked right on the root of his ear, and blood gushed in his body in two ways – to his face and groin. The cleavage was too big for the lanky Kazunari, and the dress graciously showed off the pink, hardened nubs on his chest. The thin straps bore to the man’s shoulders, and when he twirled around, the hem gave a good peek of his bare bottom.

 

As wacky as it looked like, Shintarou’s throat tightened. The blood kept pouring downwards.

 

“What…” He paused in loss of words as Kazunari stuck out his hip and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “What is that?”

 

A ridiculous grin plastered on Kazunari’s lips. “I found it in the guest room’s wardrobe, I guess someone must have left it there when we had the party.”

 

“But… Why the hell did you put it on?”

 

“What do you mean?” Again Kazunari twirled around, and again Shintarou got the confirmation that his lover indeed wore nothing underneath the little red outfit. “I thought it looks nice, don’t you think?”

 

Shintarou sneered and averted his gaze, simply because blood boiled very dangerously around his crotch. “It looks absolutely ridiculous with those legs covered in hair.”

 

“You’re no fun, seriously.”

 

For a moment – naively so – he thought he could actually continue what he had been doing and finish cleaning up, but from the corner of his eye he spotted Kazunari walk towards him with slow, bouncy, _seductive_ steps. Right behind the cardboard box Kazunari sat down in _seiza_ ; the polite position turned very perverted when the white fur climbed up his thighs and barely covered anything. In fact, Shintarou had a direct visual on his lover’s scrotum, and he could have bet all his luck and fortune on the fact that he was being teased on purpose here. When Kazunari leaned over and gave a view of his chest from the too big a cleavage, Shintarou was confident his hypothesis was correct.

 

“I look like Santa’s little helper,” cooed Kazunari and had a dangerous smirk playing on his lips. “Why don’t you be the man himself, and I can, you know… help you empty your sacks?”

 

Shintarou cringed and threw a golden tinsel over his lover. “Please, spare me from _that_ mental image.”

 

The smirk on Kazunari’s lips made his heart skip beats, and too intently he watched his lover wrap the tinsel around his neck. Kazunari pushed himself up on his knees and straightened the dress neatly over his body again, moved his hands on his hips that looked lusher than ever before. Maybe it was the cut of the clothing that made them so, Shintarou didn’t know, but he _was_ staring with his lips slightly parted and heavy breaths escaping him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Kazunari in such an idiotic get-go – he didn’t count the foolish matching Halloween costumes of a pea and carrot they had had –, and he couldn’t help the twitch his cock lazily gave in his pajamas.

 

He breathed hard through his nose when Kazunari shoved aside the box that was only halfway done and crawled towards him, got rid of the tinsel as well. With only few inches separating them, Shintarou’s fingertips itched to touch the bare skin that the dress showed here and there. He tried his best not to think of the fact that someone else had worn that inside _their_ home, and had probably had sex in it in _their_ guestroom, and it was quite easy when Kazunari leaned over and pressed his lips against his nape. Shintarou bit his lower lip and muffled a sigh, but still he dipped his head to the side and let his eyes slip close.

 

He tried to remain reasonable. “Did you… mm, finish cleaning?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari purred in his ear and made his core quiver. So sneakily he palmed Shintarou’s shaft. “It’s spotless, just like you love it… So can I now empty your sacks?”

 

“Say that one more time and I’m throwing you out,” Shintarou threatened, his voice dragging.

 

All he got back were giggles, and he knew his words weren’t taken that seriously. Kazunari trailed a path of kisses over his ear, and Shintarou wanted to lie down on the floor and let the _little helper_ do whatever he wanted. He didn’t want to give in too easily, though, which was why he remained seated on his bottom and leaned his weight to his arms behind his back. Through hooded eyes he watched Kazunari move around effortlessly, and as much as he had paid negative attention on the hairy legs, even they looked illegally inviting at the moment. Shintarou swallowed hard. Kazunari dug his fingers against the thin fabric of his pants and curled them around his cock, and lured out a trickling moan from his lover’s mouth.

 

Shintarou buckled his hips, and the moment he did that, he knew he lost the game, whatever the game was. The sight of Kazunari’s grin made him grumble, and he moved his hand on his nape and tugged the dark hair. As Kazunari mewled, Shintarou pulled him to a rough kiss, trailed the tip of his tongue against the thin upper lip and nipped it harsh between his teeth. He offered the man a cringe, but Kazunari merely sucked his bottom lip.

 

“You’re so eager suddenly,” Kazunari huffed.

 

“You’re—hnn—misinterpreting it.” Shintarou twinged when Kazunari shamelessly moved his hand underneath the several printed reindeers. The fingers were cold, but it didn’t bother his cock that pounded with the excessive blood it had within.

 

“Right, right…”

 

Kazunari curled his fingers around the band of Shintarou’s pants and underwear, and Shintarou resisted none when his lover tugged them down; he even helped in the task by pushing his bottom up enough for the fabric to slide comfortably right above his knees. There was no denying his arousal, not when it was clearly visible right in front of them. Within the agonizing seconds his dick had grown hard, the tip swollen, red and already leaking. He didn’t bother to question the reaction, it was natural with his loved one looking like that, and as he allowed the puffs to get past his lips, he closed his eyes when another kiss was given to him.

 

He was a little eager, after all.

 

The kiss lingered, and it hurt his nose that got pressed tightly right against Kazunari’s. He hummed a vague protest that dissolved as soon as the familiar fingers took a tight hold of the base of his cock and gave few determined, hard strokes. Heat gathered to his face, settled to his cheeks and nape and nuzzled the green hairline, and his hips hoisted up. His tongue Shintarou trailed against Kazunari’s, tilted his head and sighed softly several times to the rhythm of the hand caressing him. Through the kisses his scrotum was tugged, the concentration more on the left, which made him whimper apathetically to his lover’s mouth. Kazunari smirked – _of course_ he did –, and Shintarou huffed. A string of saliva joined the tips of their tongues together when he made the effort to pull back, and the same string got struck when Kazunari settled on all fours between his naked thighs and dipped his head low.

 

Shintarou’s low grunt echoed in the room that he had tried to de-Christmas to his best ability. Kazunari gave sloppy kisses to his abdomen, and he sucked in his stomach; his muscles trembled right on the surface of the skin. Knowing what he was getting, he sat upright and spread his legs properly apart, and to be on the safe side removed his glasses. He might have not seen Kazunari as clearly as a second before, but at least he wouldn’t have to buy another pair when certain someone would get too excited and knee them broken. As Kazunari ran his fingers through his pubic hair, Shintarou threw his head back and let out a throaty moan. His cock strained from desperation, it dripped pre-cum down the length, and one might have thought he had stayed in abstinence for weeks by the state of him right now. The skin of his neck flushed and created red spots around his chest and collarbones, and his thighs began to tremble.

 

Kazunari’s mouth was so wet and _hot_ when the lips enclosed around the swollen tip that was getting shades of purple. Shintarou didn’t bother to muffle down a moan that so desperately wanted to escape him, and vocally he let Kazunari now just how good he felt at the moment. He worked his long, lean fingers through the dark hair and looked down at the smaller man on all fours, waving his ass around like so when he worked the cock deeper in his mouth. Biting down on his bottom lip, Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s scalp with his fingertips and got a look from him. From the prime seat he watched his dick disappear halfway in the mouth that size always amazed him, and then get coated in saliva when Kazunari pulled back with a pop. His shaft strained, but so did Kazunari’s, which put up a very Christmas-y tent under the red fabric. It lifted the hem up, and Shintarou stared at the man’s balls and the base of his cock. He shuddered.

 

“It’s a bit unfair,” Kazunari whispered as he kneaded Shintarou’s scrotum; the movement made Shintarou want to press his back on the floor.

 

“What is?” Shintarou grunted.

 

Kazunari lowered his head back down and pressed a sweet, lingering kiss on the soaked tip, and then looked up so very innocently while trailing his tongue against the tiny slit that had always been Shintarou’s weak spot. He suckled the droplet of pre-cum and watched Shintarou look more than ready to unravel. “I only got few presents from you, but still your sacks are so full.”

 

Shintarou groaned, and as he rolled his eyes, he tightened his grasp from Kazunari’s hair and tried to push him away. “I _told_ you…” His voice rumbled, but Kazunari didn’t look condescending at all. “Are you going to behave, or do I really… nnhn, need to do this by myself?”

 

“Nn, Shin-chan…” Kazunari tilted his head and lifted his hand just enough to stroke the base of Shintarou’s cock. “Where’s your sense of humor?”

 

“Not… in this room right now,” Shintarou said through gritted teeth.

 

Kazunari said nothing, simply closed his eyes and brought his mouth back to the cock. Shintarou sighed and hung his head, and eased his grip from the dark hair. The sound of his lover choking on his size every now and then tightened his abdomen, and he didn’t care anymore that his lungs worked heavily. Kazunari bobbed his head in a steady rhythm, but Shintarou fixed his hazy vision on the shaking bottom that he wanted to nudge his hard-on in right at the moment. The other man seemed to have none of it, as he slowly moved his mouth back again after letting the tip touch his throat. Trailing his tongue around the cock, Kazunari flicked the thickest vein underside the erection. Shintarou trembled, his dick strained even more, and already he felt the desire to come.

 

He endured, however, and let Kazunari play with him as he pleased. His eyes barely stayed open as he watched him tease, lick his length and suck his balls one by one, and then bring his mouth back up and take the puffed tip back in. Shintarou swallowed loud and tugged Kazunari’s hair a bit more to guide him to the right direction. Yet again he praised the fact of being each other’s firsts and having to learn all the good tricks with each other through hours and hours of coyly watching porn while stroking each other off. Kazunari knew what he loved, what turned him on – and he knew the same thing vice versa. Again he was gobbled up properly, and this time Shintarou felt electricity flow through his veins with the speed of light straight down his groin.

 

“S-Slow down,” he muttered.

 

Kazunari glanced up with a slight frown on his face and looked so _dirty_ with Shintarou’s thickness inside his mouth. “Mhm?” he asked.

 

Shintarou cringed as he pushed his hips up, but slid his hand down from the hair to the soft cheek and rubbed it. Somehow, Kazunari looked like a chipmunk, stuffing his cock inside his mouth like so, and considering the mood it looked rather ridiculous. Shintarou scoffed. “Nh… I’m going to come if… if you continue.”

 

With another wet pop Kazunari moved his head back and left behind a trail of wetness. “You want to move to bed?”

 

Shintarou nodded and watched Kazunari so effortlessly jump on his feet. His hard-on was so obvious, and he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his lover who now evaded the mess on the floor by little bounces and tiptoes. Reluctantly Shintarou peeled himself off the floor, too, shook off the pants and underwear and pulled away his shirt, all the while watching Kazunari sway his bottom from one side to another in front of the nightstand. He shook his head but couldn’t deny the small curl of a smile that rose to his lips.

 

Slumping down on the edge of the bed, Shintarou might have been horny but his voice was still laced with love as he said, “Come here already.”

 

He didn’t have to ask twice. With a bottle of lube in his hand, Kazunari pinned Shintarou’s lap between his thighs and looked at him with all the affection in the world. Usually so stone-faced, now Shintarou smiled, so much in fact that it hurt the spot where sometimes dimples appeared. He murmured a quiet ‘give me some lube’, and once he had the sticky liquid pooling in the middle of his palm, with his free hand he tugged up the hem of white fur and wrapped his hand around Kazunari. A high-pitched mewl escaped Kazunari, and knowing fully well how cold the lubricant was, Shintarou soothed the sensation by pressing a kiss on the moist lips that tasted like him, a little sweaty that was. He eased his hand into a steady rhythm of lazy strokes, and alternated between them and short, harsh tugs. When he pressed his slick thumb against the tip, Kazunari gasped.

 

Shintarou stretched his neck and pressed a kiss on the spot that joined Kazunari’s neck to his shoulder. “Does it feel good?” he murmured against the slightly clammy skin beside a red strap.

 

“So good…” Kazunari grasped the hair on the back of Shintarou’s head and pulled gently. “I want your fingers inside me, too…”

 

Looking up at Kazunari slightly under his brows, Shintarou nodded, and with help smeared some lube over his fingertips. Without much hesitation although in use was his non-dominant hand, he moved his fingers between Kazunari’s bony buttocks and rubbed the puckered skin. The heaves that Kazunari let out made his own cock stretch towards his abdomen, but he endured and massaged the spot that was soon going to join them. The hole gaped, twitched, invited him in, and such an invitation Shintarou couldn’t refuse; he nudged his forefinger inside, and the body in his grasp trembled.

 

With no rush in the world he moved his finger back and worth, crooked it, then joined his middle finger in as well. Kazunari’s insides quivered, they felt like melting around him, and Shintarou drew in a sharp breath. It was the only sound that got out of his mouth, when Kazunari pressed his lips tightly against his and pulled him to a much-wanted kiss. It made his stomach turn upside down, and his heart raced, and made him wonder if he was just so excited or having a cardiac arrest. With much precision behind the movements Shintarou moved his mouth effortlessly against Kazunari’s and prodded his fingers deeper inside, spread the pulsating flesh and rubbed the inner walls.

 

Their mouths still locked together, from the corner of his eye he spotted Kazunari pouring lube on his hand and left the bottle open and dipped to the bed. Shintarou wanted to scold – surely their sheets would be gluey and the cleaning of it pure hassle –, but he didn’t get a chance when Kazunari broke the kiss and got up on his knees. His eyes were nailed to the man clad in red and white, and he pulled his fingers out, forgot to breathe. So thoroughly the tip of his cock got prepared, dripping both lube and pre-cum, and with confidence and experience Kazunari settled the thickness against his hole. Shintarou moved his hands on Kazunari’s hips and really could only concentrate on the wonderfully beautiful creature on his lap that belonged to no one else but _him_. This was his lover, looking impossibly good in the outfit, and it was his lover that lowered his hips inch by inch until his length eased inside the tightness.

 

They shared a moan; Shintarou’s came out deeper and lower, Kazunari’s an octave more desperate. For seconds they stayed still, gazed in each other’s eyes, and Shintarou knew this was how it was supposed to be. Maybe not in the exact disarray that was around them right now with all the decorations, but it was easy to shut them out of his mind right now. Kazunari pressed his forehead against Shintarou’s and closed his eyes, and finally bucked his hips up to a gentle motion. Shintarou followed, and felt the warmth of Kazunari’s breath against his nose. Kazunari’s hand moved across his back searching for a good place, but eventually it settled back to his hair, and Shintarou grunted when the greenness was pulled too hard and his skin prickled. As an apology, a sweet kiss covered his lips.

 

The firmness around his hard-on made his mind buzz and wipe empty. They moved together in an incoherent unit, but at least they were together and did draw pleasure from the hasty, unorganized movements. Shintarou moaned to Kazunari’s mouth and parted his lips, allowed an intruder in his mouth in the shape of a tongue. The thrusts turned slower, more mindful, and in that moment were just the two of them joining their sweaty bodies – the velvet of the outfit did tickle Shintarou’s skin ever so slightly, though. He grunted and trailed his tongue across Kazunari’s lip and stole a breathy kiss.

 

“Lay on your back,” he whispered, quietly pleaded.

 

Kazunari nodded and moved off swiftly, rolled on his back and spread his legs apart, held them against his chest and looked ready to be ravished. Shintarou had a pleasant ache in his head as he settled himself between the thighs, nudged the tip of his cock inside and then let his whole length follow. Very quickly arms draped possessively around him, pulled him closer, made him almost unable to move. He curled his back as a wave of pleasure hit him and ravaged his insides; it felt like his member was ready to melt inside his lover, which was often the sensation he got. Gently he rolled his hips towards Kazunari’s and drew out a beautiful, lengthy moan that hit him straight in the heart roots. Shintarou nuzzled his face to Kazunari’s shoulder and kissed along the line of his corded neck, and took a hold of the hips that felt slightly rounder after Christmas.

 

He began with gentle thrusts, searched for the right spot and felt his buttocks tense every time he moved himself deep inside Kazunari. When they both got accustomed to the rhythm – Kazunari judging from the luscious moans and gasps he worked straight in Shintarou’s ear –, he rutted up into him harder than before. As much as gentle lovemaking was his forte, Shintarou’s tensing abdomen craved for _more_ , it demanded something harsh and fast-paced, something that would nearly break his precious idiot in two. It might have been his body’s goal, and he obeyed his instincts like a puppet.

 

“A-Ah, Shin-chan… S-Slow down…” begged Kazunari with a voice that inflamed Shintarou’s insides.

 

All the really wanted was to engorge Kazunari. It was all Kazunari’s fault, anyway, for shaking his body around in the absurd dress that hardly suited him but showed off all of his greatest assets. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and brought back the image of the generous cleavage, of the bright pink nipples that he wished he could suck right at the moment. He didn’t, however, decided to save that for later and now simply indulged Kazunari under the gush of bumpy thrusts that were meant to drill deep within the flesh.

 

It wasn’t a long effort to completely unwind Kazunari. His lover writhed underneath him, his cock enclosed in his own palm. Just in time Shintarou pushed himself a little up to look at Kazunari and his face cringing under the pleasure. A gush of cum dripped to his abdomen and nestled in his pubic hair, and as gorgeous as Kazunari was, he was far from done. Shintarou kept his moves consistent and hard even when the man started to whimper; however, Kazunari still worked his hand on his dick as if milking out even the finest drops out of his member. A fine layer of sweat settled on Shintarou’s hairline, and as much as he wanted to keep up the rough pace, his muscles were starting to ache. He pressed his forehead to Kazunari’s and gave him a deep kiss, and felt his boyfriend eagerly respond to it.

 

“Uhn, you… okay?” he asked. As Kazunari nodded and pulled him to another kiss, against his mouth Shintarou continued, “Can I continue…?”

 

“Yeah… Y-Yeah, just… Mh, _please_ …”

 

Breathing against Kazunari’s neck, Shintarou realized just how heavy and rasping he sounded. He trailed a generous amount of kisses to Kazunari’s ear and suckled the earlobe for sweet moments while sluggishly slapping his hips against the other’s. Eventually he whispered, “Can you move… hm, move to your side?”

 

What came out of Kazunari’s mouth was the lewdest ‘yes’ he had ever heard in his life. His heart jumped all the way up his throat when the satisfied body underneath him wiggled, and with some obvious difficulties Kazunari pushed himself up and plopped back down on the bed on his side. If Shintarou was breathing hard, so was Kazunari as he pulled up the hem of the dress and revealed his perfect little round bottom. Shintarou inhaled sharply through his nose and lined his taller body right behind his boyfriend’s, and pushed himself back inside. It might have not been the most ergonomic position there was, but it was one he could move himself as deep as possible inside the quivering muscles. He buried his face to Kazunari’s salty nape and closed his eyes, took in the other man’s scent that was so familiar to him and worked his hips up slowly.

 

One of his arms he wrapped around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him closer, wanted them to share their body heat among other things. He trailed his fingers up from the hollow navel to the chest, groped the flatness and muffled a moan to Kazunari’s neck when sharp gasps trickled down his ear. So desperately Shintarou clung to the smaller body that curled perfectly against his own, as if they had been molded together in the process of making. His hips jerked forward, time after time, and his insides heated, his abdomen clenched and convulsed. The feeling only grew more intense when Kazunari moved his arm behind his back and groped Shintarou’s bottom, dug his nails to the skin and even slipped his fingers between the buttocks. Shintarou groaned in Kazunari’s ear and squeezed his eyes shut, felt the fingers move over his hole to the rhythm of his thrusts, but not even once did they plunge inside. Instead, they merely stroked and teased him, and brought him dangerously close to the heights.

 

What tipped him over the edge was Kazunari purposefully tightening his insides around him. Shintarou could no longer stand it, not with the heat and pressure around his member, and as much as he had wanted _not_ to come inside, it was exactly what he did, soiled Kazunari’s insides. He had lost count of how many times it had happened in the moment of blankness, and every time it was such a hassle to clean up, but not even once did Kazunari complain – he didn’t do so now, either. Shintarou took rough inhales, as if finishing a marathon just now, and few lazy times more rolled his hips before he pulled back. His softening cock still twitched, but he let the rest of the cum drop down on the sheets rather than stroking it all out; right now, all he wanted was to hold Kazunari close. That he did.

 

So many kisses he pressed to Kazunari’s neck, over and over again, short and sweet ones as well as long, lingering ones that made his heart do strange somersaults. All the while Kazunari stroked the back of his thigh with gentle movements as Shintarou caught up with his breath. He pulled him closer to his chest and closed his eyes, rested his forehead against the soft nape and worked his fingertips over the hipbone poking out in the sheer surface of Kazunari’s skin. So many things traveled across his mind at the moment, _I love you_ being the most frequent one. Instead of saying it aloud, he moved his dried lips across the skin he loved so and took in Kazunari’s sweaty scent. The hand on the back of his thigh remained and gave him shudders with every move.

 

“We’re keeping that outfit.” His voice was hoarse and exhausted.

 

Kazunari chuckled and looked at him over his shoulder. Something about his grin irked Shintarou to a whole new level he didn’t know existed. “So now you like it?” Kazunari asked and pressed his thumb against Shintarou’s nose.

 

“That’s not it,” Shintarou insisted. He really wished Kazunari would look elsewhere before his cheeks would turn deep red, but that surely wasn’t going to happen. He grumbled and shook his head, tried to brush it off to his best abilities. It wasn’t working very well, honestly, but at least Kazunari looked adorable while grinning at him so widely that his front teeth were showing. The post-orgasm glow really suited him.

 

“I love it how you first pretty much say I look hideous in it and then you still fuck me while wearing it… Yeah, totally not liking it.”

 

“Shut up,” he grunted.

 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll keep it _just in case_.”

 

Kazunari sounded light, _happy_. Shintarou couldn’t help but sigh and kiss the lips that seemed to be permanently tugged upwards. The grin was contagious, and he found himself actually smiling. It wasn’t as lewd and perverted as Kazunari’s was, rather, it was a sweet, satisfied smile. Again he pressed his lips against Kazunari’s that were softer and moister than his was at the moment, just because he _could_ , really. He pulled the smaller frame tightly against his own, and although he knew he should continue clearing out the mess, he rather spent a moment or two cuddling with this ridiculous fool that looked – undoubtedly – good in the idiotic outfit.


	3. I Didn't Go There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko Tetsuya was a thorn in Shintarou’s flesh, and a topic they didn’t mention often to each other.

With narrowed eyes Shintarou stared at the cookbook that leaned wide open on the counter right in front of him. For long seconds he stared at the picture of carrots cut beautifully, and then glanced down at the cutting board under his nose. He sneered. Although he had done a great effort of making his carrots look exactly like in the picture, they were hardly twins; his looked mutilated and ravaged, hardly the same thickness and size within them. A dangerous flush crawled up his neck, and he was more than happy at the moment that he was alone; Kazunari would have laughed at the carrot sticks for sure. All Shintarou wanted was to throw them away, but that would have been an insane waste.

 

Instead, he put down the large knife and rubbed his eyes behind the glasses, took deep breaths and closed his eyes. _You can do this, they’re just carrots_. His chest heaved rough. The worst part had to be the knowledge that Kazunari would have probably done them so much better than him – he didn’t want to admit that the other man was better at this than him. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip and lifted his hand, squeezed his eyes tighter shut and tried to recreate the movement of knife handling he had seen on the morning’s cook show he had watched with Kazunari snuggling under the crook of his arm. It was _just_ chopping up carrots, so why couldn’t he make them exactly the same as they were in the stupid book? In all silence he counted to ten, pronounced every syllable with care, and once he reached the tenth number, he opened his eyes again and looked down at the carrots. Suddenly, they didn’t look that bad at all.

 

He did do his fair share of cooking, all right, but he – just like Kazunari – always did some cozy food like stew that didn’t require vegetables to be in a specific shape. The blame was definitely on Kazunari who was still feeling too festive even with the decorations now safely stowed in the attic, and all Shintarou wanted to do was to make his other half happy, thus, fancy meal it was. He scratched his nape and rubbed his forehead with the tip of his thumb and index finger and pursed his lips. Maybe the carrots were salvable, if he tried hard enough. At least he had managed to make the meat look good (it was marinating in the fridge, and before Kazunari had left for the store, he had liked the look of it).

 

His movements now more calm and precise, he took some of the shredded vegetables and decided to try once more to improve the look of them. Very carefully Shintarou pressed the edge of the knife against the orange hue and took a deep breath. If he would now simply push the knife down, the ends of the carrots would be straight and he would be again on his way to make them look exactly like they were in the book. His pulse thickened. He drew in a breath and didn’t let it out, instead intensely stared at the vegetables that had somehow turned into his mortal enemies, and gently pressed the knife against them. As he parted his lips, the shivery breath escaped him, and he moved the knife down. _A bit more, just a bit—_

“I’m home!”

 

Kazunari’s shout startled Shintarou who pressed the knife down too roughly, and the carrots were yet again _not_ looking identical. He cringed and mumbled, “Fuck,” under his breath, and before he would turn completely crazy, he let go of the knife and watched his fingers tremble. His heart was still beating ruthlessly as adrenaline dripped through his nerves with great speed. Shintarou rubbed his temples and grunted, and now knew that the carrots would never look like the model in the book. Like a child he wanted to grab the vegetables and throw them to garbage straight away, but he didn’t want to be embarrassing over something as petty as carrots. He gritted his teeth.

 

It was all Kazunari’s fault, anyway. Thus, he threw a harsh glare to his lover when he marched to the kitchen. Kazunari looked blissfully ignorant, blinked his eyes and looked disgustingly sweet – which made it hard to be truly angry with him. His cheeks were glowing red, as well as his ears, yet a smile illuminated his lips as he put down a white, annoyingly rustling cheap plastic bag on the dining table. Shintarou followed the man’s movements with his gaze and tried not to pout too much, but he knew Kazunari caught up on that judging from the chuckle he let out under his breath.

 

“Stop grinning,” Shintarou demanded with a gruff.

 

Kazunari merely scoffed and shook his head. He licked his lips and pulled out a porcelain sheep from the bag. “Cheer up, babe, look what I got for you. Your lucky item, just like you wanted it, look how amazing the sheep is.”

 

Shintarou stared at the sheep and then his lover, and saw annoying resemblances in them; for one, they both smirked. The sheep was a bit frightening, its black eyes narrowed and teeth showing through the crack of its mouth, but if Oha Asa wanted him to have a terrible sheep, then terrible sheep he was going to have. It was surprisingly large, too, easily the size of his head, and already he thought of a place he could put it – definitely not in the bedroom. He inhaled sharply through his mouth and felt the corners of his lips tighten, but still he thanked Kazunari, although his voice was strained and not at all pleased. He abandoned the carrots and stepped closer, grabbed the statue and for the time being settled it on the kitchen counter near the fridge. From the spot the sheep stared at him, and he felt like it mocked him about his poor knife skills.

 

Without a warning Kazunari wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. Shintarou startled, and although the first second passed with his body tense, in the end he relaxed. His jaw might have still been rigid, but he did the effort of trying to soften his expression as he moved his hands over Kazunari’s and let him squirm in front of him. They exchanged a brief kiss. Kazunari’s lips were icy cold, and Shintarou shuddered; the coldness seeped under his jumper, but he let the man hug him tight and even pulled him against his chest.

 

Itching to continue to make the meal that was clearly going to be a disaster, he asked, “Did you bring the soy sauce?”

 

The light frown that rose between Kazunari’s eyes hardly suited him as he looked up at the taller man. He bit his lip. “What soy sauce?”

 

“The… one I asked you to bring.” Shintarou loosened his grasp from Kazunari’s waist. “You brought it, right?”

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

“But I asked you to go to the supermarket.”

 

“I didn’t go there,” said Kazunari and looked like a puppy dog. A _cheeky_ puppy dog, that was. The smile still lingered on his lips. “You just told me to go to that weird Chinese shop by the station and— _Oh_. Shit.”

 

Within seconds the smile faded from Kazunari’s lips. He swatted his forehead and then rubbed the spot against Shintarou’s chest, rose to his tiptoes and pressed a soothing kiss on the man’s chin that he had shaved in the morning. Like a child Kazunari clung to him and examined him with widened eyes that brought a tinge of guilt in Shintarou’s chest. Shintarou swallowed and knew very well that he’d hear a heartfelt apology in the matter of seconds. As crucial as the soy sauce was for the dish, when Kazunari _really_ started to apologize, well – he could never be angry at him. Already his lover’s bottom lip quivered ever so slightly.

 

“I was going to go there after I got the lucky item,” Kazunari began and pressed a sweet little kiss on Shintarou’s tightened lips. “But outside it I saw Tetsuya and we started talking and I completely lost the track of time and then I forgot to go there, I’m sorry, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou’s brows scrunched. “Tetsuya?” he repeated and witnessed Kazunari nod eagerly. He was ready to brush the name off, but suddenly it rang a bell in the back of his head. It alarmed thoughts he had buried deep within the darkness, and for a moment it locked his lungs. When he remembered to breathe again, he did so piercingly and tried to ignore the sweatiness of his palms. His fingers twitched to a fist, and his collected expression wavered. His throat tightened. “You mean… _Tetsuya_ , Tetsuya?”

 

Again Kazunari nodded.

 

Kuroko Tetsuya was a thorn in Shintarou’s flesh, and a topic they didn’t mention often to each other. He pressed his lips flat. There was no real reason for his hostility towards Tetsuya, but whenever he thought of him, he vividly saw his pacific little expression printed all over the pale face. And whenever he thought of that, his own features turned red. Inevitably his mind wandered to his and Kazunari’s graduation, which was yet another topic they did not graze often in each other’s company. Until graduation, they had been tightly with each other, had been together for over a year – then, _graduation_. Both of them had been confused with their futures, and one of them (Shintarou no longer remembered who it had been) decided to break up.

 

They had been apart for two months. Within those two months, Kazunari had spent three weeks together with Tetsuya. Then, they simply drifted back together like it was always meant to be.

 

The memory of it made Shintarou avert his gaze back to the cookbook that he wanted to throw against the wall quite frankly at the moment. His lips curled downwards, and although he wanted to continue cooking even under Kazunari’s watchful eyes, whenever he tried to read the next line of the recipe, he realized it was always the same. He grasped the edge of the counter and squeezed hard; his knuckles turned white. Rubbing his nape didn’t take away the tension, and neither did Kazunari’s figure that out of the blue glued back to his back and refused to go away. Shintarou kept his vision tightly fixed in front of him on the kitchen wall. This had to be all thanks to Cancer’s low ranking today – otherwise his chest wouldn’t feel so hollow. He stared at the porcelain sheep and narrowed his eyes at it.

 

“Are you jealous?” Kazunari’s voice was a buzz of laughter, amused, almost _flirting_.

 

“No,” Shintarou denied immediately and looked at the shorter man briefly over his shoulder. When their eyes met, he looked elsewhere again, knew that if there was someone able to catch his lie, it was Kazunari. “I’m really… I’m not.”

 

“Oh, babe, you’re _so_ jealous,” teased Kazunari.

 

“I’m not! I’m just, just—“ He cut himself short as he wasn’t sure what his point was. He took a deep breath and forced a smile on his lips, although that wonder he was only giving to the wall. “How was your _ex-boyfriend_ doing?”

 

Kazunari scoffed. He wrapped his arms tighter around Shintarou’s waist and brought his hands to his abdomen, rubbed the spot so very gently that it made Shintarou feel guilty for the spur of unwanted feelings. Clearly Kazunari tiptoed, because he reached his lips on his nape that was covered by a mess of green hair. “My ex-boyfriend who I dated years ago for whole three weeks without any sex was doing fine,” Kazunari chirped. “In fact, Mr. I’m-so-not-jealous, he invited us for dinner over at his _new_ lover’s place.”

 

As Shintarou lowered his gaze, he paved his hand through his hair. There was incredible thickness in the back of his throat that he couldn’t get rid of. Kazunari’s hand on his stomach was so gentle, stroking him over the jumper, and he felt a pang in his chest. He couldn’t understand why he still thought about something that had happened ages ago. After all, Tetsuya hadn’t tried to reappear in Kazunari’s life, and they hadn’t even been in regular contact with each other. Yet still his chest stiffened with the thought, and again he pressed his fingertips over Kazunari’s knuckles and rubbed them. The thing was, even after spending years together, Shintarou was still terrified that someone was going to take the sunshine out of his life.

 

“Hey, Mr. Grumpy,” Kazunari coaxed and bounced beside Shintarou again. He tiptoed and pursed his mouth like a little fish, and looked strangely pleased with himself. With a smile that threatened the pucker he tapped his lips. “Give me a kiss so you don’t have to stay jealous.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes, and once more said that he was _not_ jealous, before he leaned down towards the shortness of his lover and pressed a quick kiss on the lips that no longer were cold. As soon as he pulled his mouth back, he looked away again, fixed his eyes but not his concentration on the book. Beside him Kazunari sneered and even let out a heavy sigh, but Shintarou didn’t know how to behave anymore. His cheeks glowed, and quite honestly he felt laughable. As much as he liked to consider himself a respectable adult, at the moment he was far from one. His body jerked.

 

From the corner of his vision he suddenly spotted that Kazunari was no longer there. It felt like someone threw a bucketful of ice over his intestines, and his heart dropped to his stomach, yet he was too afraid to glance behind his back to see if his lover was really gone. Shintarou held in a breath, but as soon as he heard soft steps around the kitchen, he exhaled deeply. _You should apologize_ , he told himself and knew it was the truth. Words got stuck in his throat, though, and those that struggled to his mouth were stopped by the army of white knights by the entrance. His pulse ticked irregularly. Sometimes he got moments – usually during the night – when he was sure he was going to forced to be without Kazunari, because he was weird, and he wanted porcelain sheep and couldn’t rest until he could cut the carrots perfectly. He rubbed his palms to his thighs but couldn’t get rid of the sweaty feeling.

 

“Hey, I’m going to drop by a convenience store to get that soy sauce for you, okay?” Even still Kazunari sounded like he was in a good mood.

 

“Mm,” was all Shintarou could muster at the moment, and even that came out tenser than he wanted.

 

Very carefully he listened the rustling from the hallway. Few more seconds, and Kazunari would be gone… He tried to find safety by grasping the edge of the counter again. His heart turned maniac, pounded hard as if wanting to get freed from its blood-filled shackles. Shintarou glanced at the carrots, the book, and the porcelain sheep, and felt fear crawl in his bones and crush his heart. A wheeze escaped him. He squeezed his eyes shut and went through his options quickly: either apologize now or be in a possibly bad mood for the rest of the day. The answer suddenly seemed not at all complicated.

 

“Kazunari!” he called and pressed his back against the counter, faced the kitchen doorway. “Come back here for a second.”

 

Kazunari did as was told and rested the side of his head against the doorway, blinked rapidly but still held a smile on his lips. “What is it?”

 

Shintarou swayed his hand towards himself. “Just come here.”

 

It made his lover frown, and with slower steps Kazunari moved towards him. Shintarou took a deep breath and swallowed down his pride, and when the man was finally close enough to stand in front of him, he wrapped an arm around his smaller body and tugged him to a one-armed hug. His earlobes were glowing red, but he knew Kazunari wouldn’t tease him about it. It was indeed the case, and instead he watched his lover eye him, although he managed to do it only barely with his face buried against his chest. Just like this, Shintarou felt like they were seventeen all over again, as if he was only learning how to be affectionate and give hugs that weren’t awkward. Kazunari tangled his arms back around him and hugged him rather child-like.

 

Shintarou leaned down and pressed a kiss on the dark mess of hair, and nuzzled the spot with the tip of his nose. He murmured, “You can tell him we accept the invitation.”

 

Kazunari arched his brows higher. “Do we?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

The frown on Kazunari’s face melted into a gentle, soft smile that Shintarou couldn’t help but kiss. Kazunari shook his head a little and ruffled the green hair. “How many years more do I need to stay with you for you to realize that you’re stuck with me for good?”

 

In thought Shintarou pursed his lips, and then shrugged. “At least one more.”

  
“Roger that,” Kazunari whispered and slid his arms around Shintarou’s neck and grabbed himself a brash little kiss from his lips. When he pressed his soles properly back to the floor and looked up with his eyes gleaming, he tilted his head and rubbed Shintarou’s cheeks that were getting dangerously red by the second. The heaters _were_ on, after all… “How about you come to the store with me? Who knows, maybe I’ll forget the sauce again.”

 

“If it’s just the convenience store, I don’t think I’m needed there.”

 

“Aw, take the hint! I _want_ you to come along because I just can’t get enough of your silly super jealous face.”

 

If Shintarou had been blushing before, now he was thoroughly flustered. He stuttered and couldn’t really find the words, thus, he heaved out a sigh and shook his head, rubbed his forehead. What the hell was he going to do with this little thing? Here Kazunari was, cheering him up without any apparent effort, and he hated how easy he had become over the years. He agreed to the suggestion, simply because he couldn’t stand looking at the carrots any second longer (so he told himself instead of admitting that at the moment he just wanted to be around the ball of sunshine), and ushered Kazunari out of the kitchen where he wasn’t going to step in a while.


	4. Why Doesn't It Happen To Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Boyfriends._ The thought tickled his abdomen.

**4 th OF JANUARY, 20XX  
** _\- second year of high school-_

 

Plump snowflakes hit the window of the burger joint one by one with no apparent rush, and as soon as they came in touch with the glass, they trickled down as sad water droplets. Absentmindedly Shintarou stared at the process happen time after time and wondered if the snowstorm was ever going to stop. He liked snow as much as the next person, but only little children seemed to be excited about the white piles that gathered on the pavements and made walking so hard. Also, even the insides of the heated restaurant made him shudder, even when he was wearing thick layers of clothing chosen by his best ability. He pressed his palm to his chin and stared at one particularly big snowflake smash against the window like a daredevil, and followed its devlopment until he could no longer recognize it apart from the rest.

 

He had successfully tuned out of the trivial conversations going around him, and all he heard was a flow of mutters that made no sense to him. Sluggishly Shintarou blinked and rubbed his tired eyelids. Pulling an all-nighter of studying had hardly been a good idea, and although his complexion suffered, his grades didn’t. The pit of his stomach still rumbled even after one hamburger, but he refused to buy himself a second one – it was a waste of money, anyway. He curled his lips to a light pout and eyed people walking under the snow that glided down so slowly that he questioned whether time had accidentally stopped still.

 

The joint’s convenient location gave him a good place to stare directly to the closest crossroad. A couple waited for the light to turn green, and in the process of waiting the woman clung to her man like an idiot. Not only that, but she even tiptoed and kissed him, right there in front of everyone, and smiled so widely afterwards. Shintarou startled and felt his nape heat up. He couldn’t understand such public displays of affection. What was the point of them, to show the entire world how much in love you were? Not that he had ever been in love… His chest felt strangely hollow, and to distract himself from the sensation he tapped his fingertips lightly against his knee. In the back of his mind he considered himself the only seventeen year old who had no idea what the feeling of love was.

 

Love wasn’t for him, anyway. It was not useful, and all it caused were embarrassing situations in crossroads, it seemed. Still, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the couple, not even when the red turned to green and they were off.

 

Maybe it was the passing season that made everyone so affectionate – frankly, he hated it –, but within few minutes he spotted two boys, roughly around his age, coyly holding his hands. The taller one’s cheeks were bright red, and this sight especially made Shintarou’s pulse speed up. It felt like the vital organ in his chest was failing, and he clutched his fingers to the dark fabric of his jeans. Weirdly enough, no one seemed to pay any special attention to the couple, and in peace they walked past the window. Shintarou stretched his neck and nearly pressed his cheek against the glass to see them even for the last time. His fingers itched. What did it feel like to hold someone’s hand in his own? Sweaty, was his best guess, and he quivered. He puffed his cheeks and let out the air in a sharp exhale. Again he fixed his gaze on the melting snowflakes and found them a lot less complex.

 

“Shin-chan, are you even listening?” Kazunari complained with the most annoying, whining tone that had ever pierced through Shintarou’s ears.

 

With a slightly dramatized sigh he forced his head towards the other boy sitting across the table. It was a table for three, technically, and on the third seat sat his lucky item – an overly large plush toy of a frog that currently underwent a spike of popularity among the children that buzzed around the place. Shintarou sucked his lips to a tight line and eyed the ever-grinning Kazunari who really hadn’t held back with the burgers; currently, he was eating his third. Everything was topped off with soda and milkshake, along with some fries.

 

“I’m listening,” he insisted.

 

“And what did I say just now?”

 

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

 

“Ha, told you—Wait, what?!”

 

 _How_ did Kazunari have so much energy in his bones all the times? Was it because of his healthy appetite? Or maybe the more accurate question was, how much longer did he have to endure the other boy? Now Shintarou concentrated on examining Kazunari instead of the snowflakes. The boy kept babbling although he really wasn’t listening at all and didn’t even bother to hide the fact. The lips opened and closed like some fish’s, or some character’s from any children’s show. The same lips always created a permanent smirk on Kazunari’s mouth, and it was that exact smirk that Shintarou found himself staring. Somehow, Kazunari’s lips looked soft and moist, unlike his own chapped ones. The image of the couple kissing in the crossroad popped in his mind. If they’d kiss, Kazunari would have to tiptoe, too…? It seemed that Kazunari had done his height shooting already and seemed to be stuck in his current length. Those lips would probably feel soothing against his cracked ones…

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened, and he flushed bright red. He was caught in Kazunari’s vision like a woodland creature in headlights, and looked elsewhere so hastily that it made his neck ache. Under his breath he grunted and ignored Kazunari’s laughter that suddenly sounded like fairies singing or something just as ridiculous. All these details he had never spotted before now shoved themselves against his face, and he felt weak around the knees. He didn’t dare to breathe.

 

When Kazunari’s laughter died and he continued talking, so very carefully Shintarou eyed at him again. _Yes_ , the smirk was there as always toying with the thin pair of lips, but what about those eyes that shone shades of blue under the lights hanging from the ceiling? So rarely that color was visible in the otherwise so boringly grey eyes, but when he _did_ see it, he had palpitations. It also happened now. Was Kazunari aware that his eyes were actually colored like so? Shintarou moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue. He didn’t even want to think about Kazunari’s hands that looked so tiny compared to his. The lean fingers would probably feel nice entangled to his. Was it really so shameful to walk hand in hand in public, after all? Strange hammering invaded his chest area, and his throat felt unpleasantly thick.

 

What did love really feel like? He looked into the frog toy’s button eyes to search for answers and got none.

 

Against his thigh his phone buzzed, and the vibration soon turned annoying. He scoffed and with the help of some wiggling managed to fish it out. Not bothering to check the top screen, he flipped it open, and his brows drew in to a frown.

 

 _To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _Subject:_ Shin-chan  
            > now I know how the heart eye emoji looks like in real life!!

 

With his mouth dropping open, Shintarou stared at the message, and then within mere seconds looked up at Kazunari who grinned like a little boy who believed he had done the deed of the century. As heavy sigh escaped his mouth, he pressed the phone close and placed it in front of him on the greasy table.

 

“Are you seriously mailing me when you sit right in front of me?” He cocked his brows higher.

 

Kazunari pouted. “You weren’t really listening to me, and I had to get your attention somehow!”

 

“Ridiculous,” Shintarou declared and rubbed his sore temples. He worked his fingers through his hair and stroked his scalp gently, and wished he had never taken Kazunari’s suggestion to come here. All he wanted to do was to slump down on his bed and stretch out his long limbs and think about the weird ticking that Kazunari’s presence always gave him – even now. “Besides, I don’t even know what some heart eye emoji is.”

 

“You’re totally the epitome of it, Shin-chan.”

 

“Right.”

 

He pressed his lips tightly shut and clenched his jaw. His eyelids drooped and turned heavy, and he could barely keep his eyes open. Just for the sake of being polite, he decided to stay five minutes more, which was likely plenty of time for Kazunari to finish his food. Then he would walk together with him which was another ten minutes… His stomach fluttered, and he took a savoring breath. Fifteen more minutes. _Doable_. Shintarou parted his lips and found himself breathing slightly harder than normal. He was quick to shut his mouth, but even so he was suddenly so conscious of the movements of his chest heaving to the rhythm of his lungs.

 

Again his phone beeped and vibrated. Immediately Shintarou shot a glare up at Kazunari, and narrowed his eyes as if to tell him _it better not be you again_. He couldn’t interpret the other’s expression that was suddenly grossly tranquil. His fingertips quivered as he grasped the phone back in his palm.

 

            _To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _Subject:  
_             > I love you

 

Shintarou’s breath got stuck in his throat. _I love you_. There it was, right under his nose, imprinted on the too bright screen of his phone that trembled even when he tightened his fingers’ clutch around it. What did it mean, _I love you_? The blush that had settled a home on his cheeks now spread across his face and even crept towards his collarbones. He gritted his teeth and allowed a sneer, shook his head and wanted to slap Kazunari right in the middle of his head. With much talent he ignored the fluttering sensation down his stomach.

 

“What is this?” His voice was harsher than he intended. “Is this some sort of a joke of yours that I once again don’t get?”

 

Kazunari didn’t even look at him, instead, his gaze was nailed on his own bright orange phone which small keyboard he tapped intensely. The frown still made Shintarou look years older, and he could do nothing other than stare at his friend. Or was Kazunari even a friend? Did friends make these kinds of jokes? It _had_ to be a joke, right? I love you, I love you, _I love you_ , it battered so hard in his head that it made him nauseous. He had more serious matters in hands, but still he found himself staring at Kazunari’s slightly parted lips. The color had escaped from the boy’s cheeks, which was the very opposite of Shintarou’s situation.

 

The phone vibrated.

 

            _To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _Subject:_ it’s not a joke  
             > I want to be with you

 

“Are you serious?” blurted out of his mouth before he could control it.

 

Finally Kazunari looked at him, and the way it was done made Shintarou’s chest give out a dull pang. When Kazunari shook his head, there was softness in the corners of his mouth. Once or twice Shintarou had seen the same, and it had always been in the occasions of his father glancing at his mother. Was it affection? _Love_? Whatever the scientific term of it was, he felt his chest being gulped down by sudden warmth. He wondered whether Kazunari’s smile had really always looked so attractive, and nearly asked the question aloud before he came to his senses and left it unasked. But when Kazunari parted his lips, so did he, and a quiet whimper escaped him without his consent. It only made the other boy smile softer.

 

“You always look at me like you want me,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“I-I…”

 

Shintarou found himself unable to deny it, he couldn’t find the strength to say it wasn’t the case. Didn’t his gaze follow Kazunari wherever he went, and didn’t Kazunari already feel like a natural extension of himself wherever they were? He sat straighter as Kazunari’s gaze dropped back to his phone, and again he started to type something. This time, Shintarou stared at his phone intensely and kept the mail opened, wanted to see right at the second what was written to him. His blood gushed in his ears and made him unable to hear anything other at the moment. When his phone then buzzed, hungrily he opened the message.

 

            _To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _Subject:_ serious question  
             > do you wanna be with me, like boyfriends??

 

 _Boyfriends_. The thought tickled his abdomen. He pressed ‘reply’.

 

            _To:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _From:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _Subject:_ Re: serious question  
            > Maybe.

 

Another buzz.

 

            _To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ The Great Hawk ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
 _Subject:_ Re:Re: serious question _  
_ > score!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 

Kazunari actually cheered aloud in the burger joint, and Shintarou could no longer suppress his laughter that got out of his lungs lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and kudos ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ I'm so determined to succeed in this massive quest, so thanks for all the support!


	5. Shreds of Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although he didn’t struggle from the grasp mainly because Tetsuya was watching, he did wonder whether it was Shintarou’s jealous or apologetic behavior. He wasn’t sure where the line was drawn anymore.

            _To:_ Takao  
 _From:_ Kuroko Tetsuya  
 _Subject:_ Re:Re:Re Dinner  
             > Great, we will see you at six.

 

For the umpteenth time Kazunari looked at the message just to be absolutely sure what time they were supposed to be there. He took a deep breath and looked at himself from the mirror, and brushed the beige blazer he had chosen for tonight. With criticism in his eyes he glanced at his hair and worked his fingers through it in a desperate attempt to make it settle in a way he wanted, and vaguely thought of getting himself a haircut again. Maybe again he would plead Shintarou to do it; his lover might have not been a hairdresser, but he was good enough for the purpose he wanted. Thinking about him, Kazunari looked at his reflection and saw no color in his cheeks. Nausea pooled in his stomach. Considering just how jealous Shintarou still was after all the years spent together, he wasn’t sure whether the night was going to be a success.

 

When he was finally pleased with his appearance, he checked the time and opened the bedroom door, peeked towards the living room. Shintarou still sat on the couch and looked too comfortable watching some television show. Kazunari pouted and cleared his throat, but didn’t get the man’s attention to himself. He chewed the inside of his cheek and tightened his grasp around the phone. Whether Shintarou was doing this on purpose or not, he didn’t care at the moment. He narrowed his eyes, but forced his features to soften.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called gently; Shintarou didn’t even look towards him. “Would you please dress up now?”

 

“In a minute,” Shintarou grumbled.

 

“But we need to leave in fifteen minutes.”

 

“I’m going to be ready by then.”

 

Kazunari gathered air in his cheeks and huffed it out. He felt flush exchange paleness on his face as he stared at the back of Shintarou’s head. There was a wild green curl in the middle, and he knew it was going to take some time to tame it. He fought the urge to walk over and start working his fingers through his hair in an attempt to make his other half look as presentable as possible. As much as Kazunari wanted to go check himself from the mirror once more, he paced around and felt his core convulse. It had been a while since anyone had invited them over for dinner, and he would have loved for Shintarou to share some of his nervousness, too. Now the taller man simply sat there still in his sweatpants while he was groomed from head to toe.

  
“Babe,” he called. His voice strained and trembled.

 

This time Shintarou said nothing.

 

Huffing through his nose, Kazunari stomped to the kitchen to make sure once more that they had the bottle of white wine. It had been his idea – obviously –, but he still itched to buy some flowers for Tetsuya, just because he had been kind enough to actually invite them over instead of merely being polite with his words. He brushed some loose hair behind his ear and craned his neck, rubbed his nape and dreamed of a massage. Shintarou would probably do it if he asked really nicely, and the thought of having the familiar fingertips rubbing his aching muscles made him quiver. A quiet sigh escaped him, a little pleased and eager, but he shook the thought out of his mind and checked his phone for time again. Surely Shintarou had finally gotten up that lovely bottom of his and went for a change of clothes.

 

He couldn’t be more wrong. His blood boiled when he spotted Shintarou _still_ sitting on the couch, and he hadn’t even moved an inch. Kazunari’s knuckles turned white, and there was an irking pounding in his ears. Usually he might have been the weaker one physically, but right now he felt like he was ready to take Shintarou on and drag him to the bedroom with his own bare hands. The collar of the blazer turned itchy. He rolled his sleeves up right below the elbows and stared at him with narrowed eyes. No response. Now Kazunari knew Shintarou was stalling on purpose, most likely because of the bubbling jealousy in those stupid bones.

 

“Shintarou,” he said through his gritted teeth. When again he got no response, his face flushed, and he shouted, “Midorima Shintarou! Would you please be so kind and get your ass out of the couch and go change your clothes!”

 

It startled Shintarou, and it actually made Kazunari jolt himself, too; he rarely raised his voice, and the sound of himself yelling made his pulse spike. He didn’t pull back the words, though, merely crossed his arms tightly over his chest and glared at his lover. His nostrils flared, and he breathed harshly through them, felt like too much oxygen pumped through his veins but didn’t care. Shintarou looked like a little kid who had just gotten the scolding of his lifetime, and hastily he closed the television and pushed himself up on his feet.

 

“I’ll change my clothes now,” Shintarou hurried to say. He took the steps towards Kazunari and made the effort to kiss him on the cheek, but Kazunari stepped back and refused the gesture.

 

Eyeing Shintarou turn almost into a sad little puppy – the only thing missing were the drooping ears –, he felt a sting of guilt in the middle of his chest but ignored it at the moment. Harshly he stared at his lover’s long steps to the bedroom, and only once he was gone did he let out a puff of air he had been unconsciously holding in. Kazunari let his face relax and rubbed his forehead, shook his head. Being angry was really against his nature – he wasn’t an angry person, or one that would get easily agitated, but now Shintarou had driven him too far. His chest felt uncomfortably tight, and it didn’t help at all that he rubbed the aching spot with his palm. The more time passed the worse the idea seemed, but he wasn’t going to let Tetsuya down now because of a grown man who acted too childish for his own good.

 

Five minutes later Shintarou came out of the room neater than Kazunari had expected. He had clearly brushed his hair, and had chosen a plain dress shirt that was actually one of Kazunari’s favorites – the light blue hue of it had always complimented his lover. From head to toe he looked at the tall figure and hummed an approval, but even the sight didn’t manage to make his lips twitch higher. There was confidence in Shintarou’s steps and posture, but not on his face when he stopped in front of Kazunari and looked slightly down at him. For a brief moment Kazunari looked into his eyes and then busied himself by checking the time yet again. The shadow of the taller man loomed over him, and when Shintarou even wrapped an arm around his waist, Kazunari stared even more intensely at the small screen.

 

“Are you okay?” The words sounded choked.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kazunari allowed a tense smile on his lips and wiggled out of the grasp. “We need to get going now. I’ll take the wine, I guess you’ll drive?”

 

“Sure.”

 

No longer did he pay any attention to his lover, merely grabbed the wine bottle and embraced it against his chest, gathered his belongings and then stepped out of their home behind Shintarou. He eyed the broad back in front of him and chewed his bottom lip rather hard; he could already taste the iron in his mouth. His skin crawled, and over and over again he tried to settle the shoulders of the blazer better under the jacket, but it always felt uncomfortable. Kazunari fixed his gaze on Shintarou’s waist where the shirt had been tucked inside the neat black pants. Even when he was feeling off, he still found himself staring at the nicely sculptured bottom of the other man, and although his chest warmed up, he wasn’t feeling any better.

 

He slipped to the car and settled the bottle between his thighs. His neck still ached, and stretching didn’t help at all. From the corner of his eye he kept catching Shintarou looking at him, but he paid no attention to it, just rubbed his tired eyelids and then stared in front of him. The night was rainy and the water drops huge as they fell down on the car’s window. He would barely have time to stop by a flower shop… He didn’t really want to be moment too late, because he had told the truth – they were rarely asked to have dinners, simply because everyone was busy or hadn't found a significant other. Inviting a couple like them, thus, was always the last thing on the agenda. He groomed his hair and let out a shivery sigh. The traffic lights turned red, and again Shintarou looked at him. Kazunari’s neck corded as he looked as far away as he possibly could.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou called; his voice had turned tense. “What’s wrong?”

 

He only pursed his lips.

 

“Kazunari.” Now Shintarou sounded frustrated.

 

“I’m annoyed with your behavior,” Kazunari flatly said and glanced towards his lover of so many years. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s really adorable when you get all jealous and flustered, but this is important to me.”

 

“I’m not jealous—“

 

“ _Please_ ,” he scoffed. “I know it bothers you what happened back then, and it bothers me too, but I chose to be with _you_ , I chose to have a future with _you_ , and you’re being so blind if you think that after all these years I would change you to someone else so easily!”

 

“I don’t think that,” Shintarou insisted with a quiet voice.

 

Kazunari shook his head and felt his jaw tense. “You know, this is important to me whether you want it or not. You’re always so eager to go and meet your old friends from middle school, but whenever it’s something _I_ consider important—“

 

“Kazunari, come on—“

 

“—you act like it doesn’t matter, and you start behaving like a child and don’t listen to me when I tell you to get yourself ready!” He huffed. “We _never_ get invited out by another couple! Will you finally understand that it means something to me to have dinner with another couple, to whom we can talk about couple stuff that no one else will understand?”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips together and squeezed the steering wheel so hard that his skin tightened over his knuckles, and Kazunari understood that the conversation was over. He scoffed and shook his head, and looked out from the window again. The back of his eyes itched, and he couldn’t understand why he had woken up with the wrong foot today out of all the days. His bottom lip trembled but he bit it hard as he wiped his eyes to the back of his palm, and felt almost neglected at the moment. He tried his best to understand Shintarou’s insecurities every single day and reassure him that they were going to be together even when their hairs would turn grey and few, but in days like these he wanted reassurance, too. To have silence like this instead made his his lungs collapse.

 

“Stop by the station,” he mumbled.

 

“Why?” Shintarou sounded hollow.

 

“I need to buy flowers.”

 

“But we already have the wine for them.”

 

“Just stop by the station.”

 

Even when Shintarou silently obeyed, Kazunari’s heart gave out empty thumps. He stepped out of the car and into the rain, and hastily chose a nice little bouquet to give to Tetsuya, sure of the fact that the gesture would be appreciated. Taking the steps back to the car made him nauseous, and through the window he saw Shintarou examine him with a frown that made his insides feel dry. With a hard lump in his throat Kazunari settled himself back on the seat and pulled the belt back on, and looked down at the anemones and gerberas that looked out of place in the dark weather looming outside the vehicle.

 

The silence was the worst part; it tore apart his insides and made his eyes itch even more. Usually they weren’t silent in each other’s company, but then again, usually they didn’t even fight. Whether this was an actual fight or just a petty argument, Kazunari felt uncomfortable in his own skin. He watched the scenery pass right in front of his eyes and clutched the flowers better in his hand. Maybe it would have been better to stay at home, after all. It was going to be a disaster with both of them grumpy like this. He knew very well how antisocial Shintarou got when he wasn’t in the mood, and usually he was the one to gently bring his lover around. Gritting his teeth, he jolted when Shintarou tried to move his hand over his knee. Kazunari stared down at the slender fingers that grasped over his thigh and rubbed the spot so very softly, but still he pushed the hand away.

 

Eventually he climbed up the stairs to the third floor of the address that Tetsuya had given to him. Behind him walked Shintarou, and he felt his eyes bore to his skull. He really itched to look at him but he didn’t, instead, looked down at the stairs that he was conquering one at a time. When he found himself behind the right door, he reached his hand towards the doorbell but was stopped midway by Shintarou who grasped his arm with surprising gentleness. Kazunari’s eyes widened, and finally for the first time in several minutes he turned towards his lover and looked at his features that were cringed by a frown. It was too easy to get lost in Shintarou’s eyes at the most inconvenient times.

 

“Let’s talk about this,” Shintarou said in a hushed tone.

 

“We don’t have the time.”

 

“Please?” A frown appeared on Shintarou’s forehead. “It’s weird when you’re like this, all… annoyed and snappy with me.”

 

Like a defiant child Kazunari looked straight into Shintarou’s eyes as he pressed the doorbell with the tip of his thumb. His lips twitched downwards, and once he heard steps behind the door, he turned his face towards it and settled a smile on his mouth. The smile didn’t quite reach to the heights of his usual one, but at least he made an effort – he guessed that Shintarou probably sulked like so many times before. He took a deep, calming breath, and once the door swung open, he decided to smile even brighter just to be on the safe side.

 

Tetsuya looked as neat as ever with a gentle, almost shy smile decorating his lips. He laid his eyes at Kazunari, although he did nod to Shintarou. “Welcome,” he said. His voice was as soft as first snow among other things.

 

“Thanks for having us,” Kazunari chirped and offered the bottle of wine and the flowers towards the man of his size. “Here, we brought you these. The wine is really good, I promise.”

 

“Oh, you didn’t have to.” Tetsuya’s smile tugged higher, but even that wasn’t enough to make Kazunari’s more genuine. “Come on in, please.”

 

Kazunari stepped in with Shintarou right behind his heels. In the midst of wanting to take his jacket off, Shintarou already rushed to help him, and he had to glance at him over his shoulder. There was special softness in his lover’s features, yet it only made him wonder why he couldn’t be so sweet to begin with. He masked his sharp inhale behind his palm and rubbed his hips to get the sweatiness out of his palms, and curled his toes once he got rid of the shoes. With brows arched higher he glanced around the hallway and already decided that the apartment was a tiny dream on its own; small but cozy, and he found himself very fond of the grey tapestry. He also discovered himself in Shintarou’s embrace with the long arm draped around his waist. Although he didn’t struggle from the grasp mainly because Tetsuya was watching, he did wonder whether it was Shintarou’s jealous or apologetic behavior. He wasn’t sure where the line was drawn anymore.

 

“Kagami-kun,” Tetsuya called with a fragile voice. “Could you please come here for a moment?”

 

Kazunari wasn’t sure what he had expected Tetsuya’s lover to look like, but his eyes did widen ever so slightly when he saw a guy nearly as tall as Shintarou join them with an apron on. Hastily he brushed away his surprise and smiled instead, and found his lover loosening his grasp from his waist just a little. Tetsuya’s lover surely was a sight with his long and muscular frame and mess of a hair, but when he grinned, his whole face lit up; and when Tetsuya looked up at him, there was love on his face, Kazunari knew – of course he did, because that was how he looked like whenever he rested his eyes on Shintarou. His chest filled with warmth as he eyed the couple that could have easily passed as newlyweds. Tetsuya was taken to a bear hug, and although his cheeks glowed, he looked happier than ever.

 

“Kagami-kun, this is Takao-kun and his partner, Midorima-kun. This is Kagami Taiga, my… my lover,” he coyly added as a light blush spread to his face.

 

Kazunari dipped his head to a bow. “It’s nice to meet you. You have a nice home.”

 

“Thanks.” Taiga smiled from ear to ear. “Sorry about my clothes, I was just making the dinner.”

 

“Not a problem, really.”

 

“I should probably open the wine bottle,” Tetsuya thought aloud and got himself free from Taiga’s arms when the man headed back towards the kitchen.

 

“Could I get water instead? I’m driving,” Shintarou said.

 

Tetsuya nodded with a smile and traced behind Taiga’s steps. As soon as they were alone, Kazunari’s core tensed again, and he didn’t know what to say or do. Apparently, neither did Shintarou who pulled his arms back but looked like he wasn’t sure where to put them. Kazunari heaved a quiet sigh and bravely took steps forward while looking around the place. It really was decorated with some delicate style, and he wondered whether the color palette had been here before or if it was all Taiga’s work. He pursed his lips and peeked inside from the bedroom’s open door, but moved to the living room nonetheless, didn’t want to pry further. He plopped down on the couch and naturally got Shintarou beside him. As always, they sat right next to each other, the side of a thigh pressed against another, and Kazunari didn’t particularly mind – it was how they always were, anyway.

 

He shared a glance with Shintarou and then looked around. The couch was really comfortable, something he would have loved to have at their home, too. What really separated their living room to this one was the fact that theirs was full of pictures from gatherings and vacations that they had done together over the years, when here there were only few scattered around. Without a warning he got a hand in his lap and startled, and feeling slightly bewildered behind the eyes, he turned back towards Shintarou.

 

“Kazunari…” the man tried again quietly.

 

“Not now,” he hushed. He knew _exactly_ just what Shintarou wanted to say, and this was possibly the most inappropriate place for it. Through his pursed lips he mustered, “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

 

Shintarou parted his lips in an attempt to counter his words, but Kazunari never got to hear them when Tetsuya joined them again, balancing three glasses in his hands. Two of their contents sparkled, one was still, and with a ‘thank you’ he took his share of the wine and sipped from it. It was just as good as he remembered; they hadn’t had wine in ages, so it was nice little addition to his rigid system. Who knew, maybe it would make him relax. So sneakily Shintarou moved his hand on his knee, and Kazunari glanced down at it. His fingers itched to stroke the pale knuckles but he resisted the urge and tore his mind from the thought when Taiga sat down beside Tetsuya, this time without the apron.

 

“Kuroko’s been telling about you.” Taiga glanced at his sweetheart and nudged his shoulder. “Apparently you’ve been together for a really long time or something.”

 

Kazunari nodded, and finally he felt a genuine twitch in his lips. It didn’t quite spread to his features, but at least it was a beginning. “Yeah, we’ve been together since we were… were… seventeen?”

 

“Seventeen,” Shintarou confirmed.

 

Taiga let out a whistle under his breath and pulled Tetsuya closer to himself. “I guess you just know when you meet the right one, huh?”

 

“Mm… Definitely.” Kazunari spared another glance towards Shintarou and noticed the man’s lips pursing ever so slightly, and knew that under normal circumstances they would have kissed already. Now he merely patted Shintarou’s knee and then pulled his hand to himself. “I mean, obviously it’s ups and downs, but if you really love someone… You’ll somehow stick together even through the shitty times.”

 

Beside him Shintarou jerked, and Kazunari took a big gulp of the wine. He nearly choked on it but managed to swallow the liquid down his throat just at the right time. Few little coughs did escape him, but he pressed his palm against his mouth to suppress them. “How was your Christmas?” he asked and looked at the couple that seemed more than ready to just cuddle and snuggle right there under their eyes. His chest felt heavy.

  
“A little lonely,” Tetsuya admitted. “Kagami-kun and I spent it apart… I managed to visit my relatives, though. Did you have a big family Christmas?”

 

“Actually,” Shintarou hurried to say before Kazunari had the chance. “This year we spent the Christmas together just the two us for the first time. Usually we go to my or his parents and spend the holidays there, but this year we, um…”

 

Kazunari stared at the light, hardly visible blush on his lover’s face. He couldn’t remember the last time Shintarou had joined a conversation so early in the evening, especially with people he wasn’t that familiar with (or fond of). Was he trying for him? Kazunari’s expression melted, and he turned to look at Tetsuya and Taiga, and decided to help the struggling man who lost his words. “Yeah, this year it was just us. It was pretty nice change of pace.”

 

“Building up your own traditions, I think,” Tetsuya gently said.

 

“Totally. We had a small party before the actual Christmas, but on the day itself we just made some food and spend time together and all that,” Kazunari explained.

 

“You’re not married, are you?” Taiga’s forehead furrowed under a frown.

 

Kazunari shook his head, a little taken aback by the sudden words. It was the question he was most accustomed to; everyone asked it, starting from their friends and family. He let out a soft sigh and said the same thing he always did, which was the absolute truth. “We’re just waiting for the right time, you know… Life’s still pretty hectic, I guess, wedding is, wedding’s a big thing to organize. Or maybe I’m just waiting for Shintarou to finally pop the question.” He laughed with surprising nervousness and drew in a quick breath. “But how did you guys meet?”

 

At first Taiga looked dazed, but recovered fast. “We have this mutual friend whose kid is in the kindergarten that Kuroko works in,” he began. “And one day our friend got stuck in work and asked me to pick up his kid, and Kuroko was there and we started talking and I took him out for coffee, and… Yeah, here we are.”

 

“You didn’t take me out for coffee, Kagami-kun.” Tetsuya looked at the man beside him. “It was a burger joint near the kindergarten.”

 

“They’re practically the same, you can get coffee from both places.”

 

Kazunari alternated between looking at Tetsuya and Taiga, and let another sigh trickle from his lips. He remembered very well how it felt to be so in the honeymoon phase, when the world was looked through rosy glasses and there was nothing wrong in absolutely anything. Glancing down at the wine glass, he frowned lightly and felt his stomach churn. To ease the sensation, he bottomed the content of the glass and asked for a refill.

 

* * *

 

“Kazunari…” Someone poked him in the shoulder, which made him grumble. The noise came straight from his throat. “Hey… Don’t sleep yet…”

 

The words were right on the root of his ear, so _there_ and annoying, and sounded like a mosquito he wanted to swat out of his sight. Kazunari groaned, and when he was gently pushed from his shoulder, he insisted, “I’m not asleep.” It was hardly true, though. His eyes were glued shut, and drool trickled down his chin. He didn’t necessarily feel that sleepy, but his bones had turned heavier and achier than in ages. Still, he was _not_ asleep, no matter what some idiot proclaimed. Gentle chuckling filled his ears, and it was a dreamy noise, one that made him faintly smile. It actually sounded like his Shin-chan, but his Shin-chan rarely laughed. Thus, it probably wasn’t _his_ Shin-chan, but maybe someone else’s.

 

Arms curled around his and lifted him up a little. A pair of lips settled against his ear and whispered, “Are you tired or tipsy?”

 

“Mm… A bit of both,” he murmured back and finally cracked his eyes open. He expected a great flash of light blind him but instead, darkness swallowed him. Groaning, he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and tried to focus his vision on anything, really. Holding him up was Shintarou indeed, and the green eyes looked both worried and amused at the same time. Kazunari hung his head and closed his eyes again, and tried to think. The last time he had had his eyes open, they had still been at Taiga’s love nest, not sitting in the car. When he forced himself to look at Shintarou, he asked, “Where are we?”

 

“Home.” Shintarou did his best to pull him out of the car and up his feet. “I think you fell asleep on the way back, but now you really need to get up and go sleep on the bed.”

 

“Don’t want to…”

 

So he said, at least, but still Kazunari took a hold of the car’s door and got himself on his wobbly feet. He sought support from Shintarou’s strong body that he wasn’t that fond of now or the whole day, anyway, but it was better to lean on his lover than fall on his face because there was too much pride left in his head. Kazunari breathed heavily through his flared nostrils and hated the ache that settled right underneath his forehead. Shintarou was so very warm against him, and all he wanted was to bury his face to the man’s chest, cry a little and then move on. Although he didn’t allow himself to do so, at least faintly he remembered that he had had a good time. Most likely Shintarou had behaved, too. His memory was little hazy, truthfully.

 

Climbing up to their home was not an easy task, but somehow Kazunari found himself in their hallway doing a private striptease. He kicked his shoes off and dropped the jacket on the floor, and on his way to the bedroom he wiggled out of the jeans and blazer. All his limbs felt jelly, and none of them wanted to obey him at the moment. He wobbled from side to side like a little duck, and as hilarious as the mental image was, he didn’t laugh. Instead, he pouted and leaned against the wall.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou sighed. “Can we talk about what happened?”

 

“Tomorrow,” Kazunari sneered. He pushed himself away from the wall and slammed open the bedroom door, and squeezed his eyes shut. “I just… want to sleep right now, please. Please, Shintarou, can I do that?”

 

There was no verbal answer to his question, but he got arms back around his body, and those arms guided him to bed without a word. Kazunari quibbled and really wanted to whine how he could manage on his own, but after today’s events, there was something oddly soothing in the way that Shintarou clearly wanted to tuck him in. Thus, he finally stopped resisting and let the man bury him under a warm layer of blanket. Blinking rapidly, Kazunari followed Shintarou’s movements through the darkness and wasn’t surprised at all to see him lie down on his other side of the bed. There was a gap between them, a gap that hadn’t really existed before, but now it made his stomach feel empty as ever.

 

He hummed and turned his back at his lover. But shivers soon crawled down his skin when a soft kiss was pressed against his nape, and in his ear Shintarou murmured, “I love you.”

 

Kazunari’s pulse pounded fast, and his eyes widened in the dark. In fact, it felt like his heart had just jumped to his throat and refused to go down no matter how hard he swallowed. Sheets rustled behind him, and he guessed that Shintarou was going to move back to the other side of the stupidly large bed after all. Kazunari – an adult man still unwilling to sleep alone if there was a chance of sleeping together with his lover – grabbed Shintarou’s arm and forced it around his waist before the man could disappear around him. As a huff escaped him, he settled his back tightly against Shintarou’s chest and made him the big spoon, and settled his cheek properly against the pillow. It didn’t matter if they were in the middle of the worst fight of the year, Kazunari’s body quickly relaxed against the familiar one, and as a warm breath tickled his neck pleasantly, he fell asleep knowing that tomorrow everything was going to be fine again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I'm feeling under the weather with my writing (╯︵╰,) Bravely trying to wade through, though~~
> 
> I don't know why exactly in my fics I always end up pairing Kuroko with Kagami, when I'm more fond of him together with Aomine...


	6. Can't Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It looked like an actual angel had descended down from heaven and now crouched on the floor by his side of the bed.

“Kazunari…”

 

The voice that stirred him awake was as sweet as a choir of angels singing his favorite tune. There were soft fingertips against his hairline stroking the spot so very gently, and Kazunari didn’t have to ask twice just whom it was trying to wake him up. A smile twitched to his exhausted, drool-stained lips. As much as he wanted to open his eyes straight away, his eyelids were stuck and felt so heavy that he didn’t even bother to try just yet. He let out a hum to let Shintarou know that he was awake, and then grunted. His mouth was dry as ever, and the taste that was glued on the inside of his cheeks and palate made him nauseous. On both sides of his head he experienced heavy thudding, and his bones were hefty all of a sudden. He wrinkled his nose and then whined, and really wasn’t in the mood of waking up quite yet. But Shintarou kept stroking his forehead and occasionally his hair, too, and he couldn’t help but crack his eyes open.

 

It looked like an actual angel had descended down from heaven and now crouched on the floor by his side of the bed – the morning sunshine seeped through the curtains and created a bright halo around his lover. Kazunari drew in a short gasp and blinked, shielded his eyes from the excessive light. Shintarou didn’t wear his glasses, and in the blurred morning his eyelashes looked longer than normally. There was a rare smile curling the man’s lips, and Shintarou looked so very _soft_ that Kazunari had to question whether this was an extension of a dream. Shintarou rarely looked so gentle so early in the morning; he was more used to staring at a grumpy face above all.

 

He pressed his head tight against the pillow and tugged the blanket up to cover the bottom of his face. The memories of last night came back but not the feelings that had inflamed a storm in him. Now, he only felt calm when Shintarou continued stroking his cheek in a way he hadn’t done in forever. Kazunari tried to stop smiling but really couldn’t. His toes twitched, and as he wiggled them, warmth settled to the pit of his stomach.

 

“Hey,” he muttered in a broken voice.

 

“Hey.” Shintarou worked his fingers through the dark hair and rubbed Kazunari’s scalp with great care.

 

Kazunari closed his eyes as a mushy hum trickled from his mouth. He licked his dried lips and only succeeded in spreading the bad taste even wider. As quietly as possible he cleared his throat, as he didn’t want to break the moment that somehow felt magical. “Is it too late for me to be still laying in bed…?”

 

Shintarou scoffed. “Maybe a little.”

 

“Mm…”

 

He really wasn’t ready to get up yet, not when pain was controlling his head and making him unable to properly concentrate on anything other than Shintarou’s presence in front of him. It was a great excuse to stay still, and it seemed that Shintarou wasn’t in any rush of kicking him out of the covers, either. Kazunari peeked at his lover again and his smile under the edge of the blanket. In moments like these he realized just how beautiful man shared a life with him. Some green hair still stuck out on the back of Shintarou’s head, and although the skin drooped under the uncovered eyes, Kazunari could still tell that this was the same person he had fallen head over heels when he was sixteen and stuck in the same class as him. He lifted his arm and moved his fingers over Shintarou’s cheek that felt silky underneath his touch. How had he ever been mad at this man who looked at him like hearts had been implanted in his eyes?

 

“Can I kiss you?” Shintarou asked out of the blue.

 

Kazunari’s brows drew in to a frown, and hastily he rubbed the dried drool off from the corner of his mouth. “I haven’t brushed my teeth,” he whispered the obvious. He couldn’t even remember the last time Shintarou had wanted to give him a kiss with the morning taste in his mouth – it was a bit disgusting, after all.

 

“I don’t care,” Shintarou mumbled. Before Kazunari could utter out a single protest, he was already kissed straight in the lips.

 

It felt _nice_ , and it was a welcomed change of pace. He hummed and pushed his upper body a little up, and felt Shintarou rub his cheek affectionately. As much as Kazunari really wanted to deepen the kiss, he wasn’t too fond of extending the awful flavor to his lover’s mouth as well, thus he pulled his lips back but couldn’t resist the temptation of giving him a quick peck on the lips that were slightly chapped. They felt rough against his own, but it didn’t make his heart flutter any less. Grudgingly he pulled back, but pressed his forehead to Shintarou’s and felt the warm breath against his face. He took few calm inhales and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and gave him a hug of some sort – he nearly tangled out of the bed.

 

“Are you still annoyed at me?” Shintarou’s voice was hoarse.

 

“Slightly, maybe.” Kazunari smiled sweetly and trailed his fingertips over the man’s nose. “Give me another kiss and I’ll reconsider…”

 

He got exactly what he wanted, and chuckled against Shintarou’s lips. His heart flickered and his cheeks glowed from happiness that wrapped its gentle arms around him, and when he looked at Shintarou, his expression softened. Kazunari pressed his head back to the pillow and wanted to lull in the morning sun and under his lover’s gaze.

 

“How about now?”

 

“Mm… Not that annoyed anymore,” Kazunari admitted. “Maybe just a teeny tiny bit… But it’ll pass soon.”

 

“In that case…” Shintarou pushed himself up on his knees that clicked with a nasty sound. He stretched his arms and ruffled his hair, and said, “I have something for you.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes gleamed like a crow’s that spotted a treasure hoard. “What is it?”

 

“A surprise.” Shintarou rubbed his nape and clearly tried to conceal the pink tint that invaded his cheeks, but it didn’t go unnoticed. Kazunari grinned brightly as his pulse thickened. Shintarou cleared his throat. “So cover your eyes and don’t peek.”

 

“Should I get up?”

 

“You might want to sit up, yes.”

 

Kazunari’s breath hitched, and like an eager child he pushed himself to sit up and pulled the blanket over his thighs. He pressed his palm over his eyes that he squeezed shut and didn’t even bother to calm down his heart that pounded roughly under the ribcage. His skin crawled to goose bumps, and he shuddered, let out a little whine. He heard Shintarou walk out of the bedroom, and when he got back, something was clinking. It reminded him of a spoon hitting a plate or a glass, but he wasn’t sure. As much as he really wanted to spread his fingers apart and take a look between the gaps, he pressed his palm even tighter against his eyes and huffed through his nose. Shintarou moved around the bedroom in soft steps. After a minute, the mattress moved underneath him from the weight put on the other side of it.

 

“You can look now.”

 

Kazunari counted to three in his head before he moved his hand away, and blinked few times to get the haziness out of his vision. His eyes directly spotted a tray on the other side of the bed in front of Shintarou, and his mouth fell open. Breakfast in bed – _did he really do this?_ The tall glass of orange juice looked tasty, some water droplets glued on the side of the glass; the toast was exactly the right golden shade he loved; and there were even eggs made sunny side up, which always brought a smile on his lips. The bottom of his lip trembled, and Kazunari had to bite it hard to stop the urge to cry from surprise. His emotions on the surface from yesterday, he looked at Shintarou and gave him the nicest smile of his entire repertoire.

 

“I can’t believe you did this,” he breathed.

 

The lobes of Shintarou’s ears acquired a beautiful shade of red in them, but still he looked in Kazunari’s eyes. “I wanted… I want to apologize for yesterday. I know it was important to you, and I completely… I ruined it by acting like a child.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected a breakfast in bed, nor a heartfelt apology that made his eyes itch yet again. A lump rose to his throat, but for once with ease he managed to swallow it down. His smile softened, and he sat better upright, and spread his arms. “Come here, silly,” he said and wiggled his fingers to a sign for Shintarou to come closer now that there was the chance. His stomach tightened to the sight of his lover placing the breakfast tray a little farther aback, and only now did Kazunari pay attention to the fact that Shintarou’s bottom half was only clad in loose, grey boxers. The sight made him grin, but he heaved out a sigh when he finally managed to wrap his arms around the other man and hold him in a tight hug. Shintarou embraced him close to his chest, and it was a great excuse for Kazunari to bury his face to his warmth.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Shintarou mumbled near his ear.

 

“I know.” Kazunari rested his chin on the man’s shoulder. Why did Shintarou had to be so adorable first thing in the morning before he barely had his eyes open and could savor it?

 

“I really am,” Shintarou reassured and tightened his grasp from Kazunari. “I should have… I don’t want to degrade things you think are important. I mean… We rarely do stuff with other couples, it just sounded weird, especially with… You know.”

 

Kazunari nodded; he knew. He asked, “Did you at least have fun? Even like… tiny, tiny bit of fun?”

 

This time, it was Shintarou’s turn to nod.

 

A sigh of relief escaped Kazunari. He couldn’t even count anymore how many times during all the years they had shared intimate confessions about their fears and insecurities, and they seemed to culminate on the fact that still, after all this time, both of them were scared of losing the other. With the thought in mind, Kazunari moved his arms better around Shintarou’s body and kissed his neck, closed his eyes and murmured. He moved his fingertips on the man’s back, up and down in a slow rhythm, and heard a shivery breath escape Shintarou’s mouth. The stronger body in his embrace quivered, and he knew exactly what to do.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called with a sweet voice. When he got no answer, he pulled himself slightly back and moved his fingers underneath Shintarou’s chin that he lifted up. Looking into the man’s eyes, he tilted his head and smiled. Under the façade of the years passed, he still saw the anxious boy sitting in front of him, and he wanted nothing more than cradle the insecurity and make sure that even with it, Shintarou would be happy. With his thumb Kazunari rubbed the underside of his lover’s left eye. “I hope you know that you’re wonderful. A little silly sometimes, but still… so wonderful.”

 

“I’m weird, not wonderful.” Shintarou cast his narrowed eyes down.

 

“Why would you be?”

 

“You know… With the lucky items and everything. I guess it’s still acceptable when you’re a child, but when a grown man does it…”

 

“Hey.” Kazunari grasped Shintarou’s chin and squeezed rather hard and made the skin wrinkle, but his lover didn’t utter out a single sound. He forced him to look back up at him and made sure there was love in every single gesture on his features. “I don’t mind. Just because some kids back in high school said it was stupid doesn’t mean it is. I’ve never minded, not even when I’ve had to drag around your plush toys or other… weird things around the town, it doesn’t matter. You’re my Shin-chan, and my Shin-chan just happens to take his luck very seriously.”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and kissed Kazunari. After the quick peck, Kazunari sighed from bliss and rubbed his nose against Shintarou’s that felt very warm against his own.

 

“And you can be as jealous as you want, I’d be…” He paused for a sharp inhale. “I’d be super jealous as well, okay? Just press in that thick skull of yours that I’m planning to marry _you_ , and I’m planning to have kids with _you_. No one else’s is going to be good enough because no one else is my Shin-chan.”

 

“I love you,” said Shintarou so hastily.

 

“I love you too.” Kazunari smiled firmly and messed the green hair, then kissed the man’s lips quickly before he stretched his arms and let out a great yawn. “Now, pass me that orange juice, babe, my mouth’s like Sahara.”

 

When he got the glass safely in his hand, he patted his lap to an invitation. He didn’t have to ask Shintarou twice, when the man already rested his bones on the bed and pressed his head over his thighs and hugged his waist with one arm. Kazunari allowed himself to sink a bit better on the bed, and before long he found himself snuggling with his lover while struggling to keep the juice in the glass. Although there might have been traces of annoyance left in his body the moment he had woken up, how could he possibly stay like that after Shintarou’s words? He pulled the man closer and pressed his lips gently on his forehead, left behind a moist smooch and then nipped the tip of his nose.

 

“You’re so cute when you get clingy,” he chirped.

 

“I can easily move off.”

 

“Aw, please don’t,” he whined. “I like it when you’re like that, it feels like I’m having my personal heater attached to me.”

 

“Good to know you think so highly of me.”

 

Kazunari poked his tongue out and reached for the first slice of lukewarm toast. He split it in half and gave Shintarou the other part, and from the bottom of his heart enjoyed the breakfast in bed he still couldn’t be actually existed.


	7. Where Will It Be?

Sitting under a big, warm blanket in the coziest corner of the couch when a snowstorm was raging outside had to be Kazunari’s favorite pastime. He flipped over the page of the book he read and pressed the side of his head against the back of the couch, and muffled a yawn to his shoulder. Truthfully, he wasn’t an avid reader, but some habits rubbed from one person to another, and reading was something he had picked from Shintarou after having to listen over and over again how this and that book were absolutely brilliant. Obviously he had wanted to read the novels his lover was so enthusiastic about, and now he found himself reading Shintarou’s favorite author’s new book before Shintarou himself.

 

They weren’t necessarily _easy_ books that Shintarou liked to read, either. On the occasions when Kazunari read, he preferred to lay his eyes on something silly, something he didn’t have to think too hard (he was still burdened from all the reading he had done in high school and halfway through university), but their bookshelves were full of thrillers and mysteries and detective stories that Shintarou was passionate about for some reason. Kazunari licked his bottom lip and proceeded to the next page, and unexpectedly yet again found himself gulping down the words after each other. It was another mystery, a psychological one this time, and his body was rigid in the corner of the couch, pulled to a curl, and against his chest were his legs that he hugged as he rested his chin over his knees.

 

He wasn’t a fast reader, either, thus he had to speed his way through because when Shintarou would get the book in his hands, he wouldn’t let go until the final word had sunk in his head. Although it didn’t take that much time, Kazunari still wanted to know the solution before the novel would be ripped from his hands.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou’s voice called him across the apartment.

 

“Yeah?” he absentmindedly responded. If he hurried, he could probably read few words more. Few words was exactly the amount he absorbed when heavy steps already filled the living room. He nudged his index finger between the pages he was reading and closed the book, glanced at his lover over the couch.

 

Shintarou was neatly dressed – which was often the case, unless they were at home together not planning to go anywhere, then even Shintarou remained either in his pajamas or changed into sweatpants –, and Kazunari glanced at him from head to toe. There was something sexy seeing his lover looking very professional in a suit, and his thoughts immediately raced to the process of tearing that clothing off and making Shintarou take him against the hallway’s wall, or something similar. He parted his lips and let out a frustrated breath, and had to force himself to look up into Shintarou’s eyes instead of his body buried in the fine fabric.

 

“Where did you put them?” Shintarou asked, his voice as sharp as most of their kitchen knives.

 

Kazunari cocked his head and frowned. “I’m not sure if I follow.”

 

“My glasses, where did you put them?”

 

His frown only deepened when he without any real effort spotted the particular glasses in question on Shintarou’s head. Had the man forgotten them there and now didn’t feel them anymore? Kazunari snickered and parted his lips in an attempt to explain what a doofus his dear lover was, but he couldn’t even start when Shintarou already cut him off.

 

“I mean, babe, it’s a funny joke and everything, and in any other situation I would laugh, but I need them right now.” Shintarou spoke so fast that Kazunari nearly missed the extremely rare _babe_ in the middle of the words. At least his tone stayed polite. “I was supposed to leave for the job interview few minutes ago, so can you just please let me know where you hid them so I can get back home not being annoyed with you?”

 

“I didn’t hide them.” It probably wasn’t as convincing as it could have been, not with him trying to hold back his laughter.

 

“Please.”

 

“I didn’t hide them, I swear! You probably left them somewhere yourself.” Kazunari _could_ have played nice and tell Shintarou the whereabouts of his glasses, but he knew the man was in no real rush. The interview wasn’t supposed to start in an hour, and the drive was only fifteen minutes long – it was Shintarou merely being nervous, wanting to leave so ridiculously early that was.

 

Shintarou scoffed and shook his head, and like a two-meter hurricane paced around the living room and then the kitchen. Kazunari, too, shook his head but did it out of amusement and settled back to the cozy crease of the couch he had claimed as his. Occasional clattering came from different parts of the apartment, and Kazunari listened with a smile splattered on his face. He opened the book from the part he had left it, but found himself unable to concentrate on it – he rather listened whether Shintarou was realizing his silliness on his own, or if he had to help him in the end. It sounded like the odds were slowly turning towards the latter, and he didn’t necessarily mind. He glanced at the clock on the wall and decided to give his lover five more minutes before he would reveal the secret.

 

Five minutes passed with ease, and Kazunari had to admit that he was a little surprised that Shintarou hadn’t even thought of checking the most obvious place.

 

“Shin-chan!” he called with a singsong-y tone.

 

“Not now!” grumbled Shintarou.

 

“Just come here for a moment.”

 

Shintarou stomped back to the living room, and what had been a neat, collected façade had now turned into a red-faced man with a tense jaw. Kazunari sighed and put down the book for good, crooked his finger to his airheaded lover and picked himself up on his knees. It took some coaxing, but eventually Shintarou walked towards him and stopped behind the couch. Kazunari smirked like he had a secret, which he did. A very obvious secret.

 

“The next time you want to blow a fuse at me…” he teased and lifted his arms. With his fingertips he took a hold of the frames of the glasses and gently slid them from the top of Shintarou’s head to their rightful place on the bridge of his nose. “Check the easiest place first, okay?”

 

From the look of Shintarou’s face Kazunari could tell apart the thought process. First, the cheeks he loved turned pale, and suddenly blood rushed on them all at once. He tried to muffle his laughter but couldn’t, although he didn’t mean anything ill with it. There was simply something comical about the blushing, and in the obviously embarrassed Shintarou who buried his face in his palms and then proceeded rubbing his forehead. Under his breath Kazunari mumbled a gentle ‘oh, you’ and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and gave him a quick smooch on the lips. Still laughter curled on his mouth and made his chest pleasantly bubble.

 

“It’s not that funny,” Shintarou tried. “I’m going to be late.”

 

“You won’t,” Kazunari reassured and stroked the green hair to a better shape. He pursed his lips in thought as he tried to decide whether to let few strands of greenness fall over the forehead or not, but decided the former looked too unprofessional and brushed them behind Shintarou’s ear. He lifted himself up better to fix the deep blue tie that had been chosen. Vaguely he remembered it being Cancer’s lucky item for the day. “They’re going to love you, and they’re going to give the job to you because you’re the best doctor I know.”

 

“And how many doctors beside me do you _actually_ know?” Shintarou asked dryly.

 

“I only need one in my life, don’t I?”

 

“Great save.” Shintarou’s voice dripped of sarcasm. He buried his fingers briefly in Kazunari’s wild hair and ruffled it, then pulled back. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Knock their socks off.” Kazunari was already in the process of sinking back to the extremely comfortable position, when he flinched in remembrance and jumped back on his knees to watch Shintarou close in on the front door with dangerous speed. “I’m making pasta tonight so don’t eat out! And bring sake!” he called after him.

 

Shintarou said nothing but merely waved his hand as a bye, and closed the door behind his back. With a soft sigh Kazunari descended back on the couch and finally let a proper laughter out of his system. His chest felt so light all of a sudden, and when he pulled the blanket better over his quivering feet that weren’t satisfied even under woolen socks he had stolen from Shintarou’s drawer, he couldn’t stop smiling. In the back of his head he let recipes of a nice pasta sauce circle around, wondered if he should make Shintarou’s favorite and that easily decided on it. His silly goof surely was sometimes straight out of this world, and Kazunari still couldn’t believe it even when he opened the book again and continued reading with a huge smirk all over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After several days of writing things that were _really_ over the 1000-word rule I gave myself, I was actually more than happy to finally write something very small and simple and quite silly. This also marks the first milestone of one week - one down, 51 to go... ~~Fuck.~~


	8. Three Reasons

There were three reasons why Shintarou loved Kazunari.

 

He thought of all of them as he glanced through the marriage announcements in the morning’s newspaper and tried not to think about the small box he had hid in his socks drawer fourteen months ago. With narrowed eyes he went through the names systematically and tried to spot familiar ones but found none, and then judged which dates sounded good as a wedding day. He vaguely remembered the trend of having the wedding on the day of an anniversary, but he knew he had just missed _that_ window. He pursed his lips and flipped the page away from the happy news and into the culture section where he could easily spend the entire day reading through the fine prints of reviews about books and restaurants where he always secretly dreamed of taking Kazunari.

 

There was something special about lazy Thursday mornings spent together in bed. They weren’t being necessarily _together_ together, as Kazunari laid on the other side of the bed with his back turned to him doing something on his own, but even resting side by side like this made Shintarou feel like the luckiest person in the world.

 

From the corner of his eye he looked at Kazunari and frowned. Although the man had hogged all the covers like usually, Kazunari now nestled the blanket between his thighs and looked more uncovered than before. Shintarou’s gaze went straight to his lover’s bottom, and more crucially to _his_ pair of red boxers that Kazunari had taken without his consent. The underwear was too loose for the smaller male, and Shintarou stared straight at his round buttocks that looked even better than usually with his clothing. He gasped an abrupt inhale and tried to concentrate on the newspaper, but time after time he found himself gaping at the shape of Kazunari’s pale ass. With the tip of his index finger he pushed his glasses better up the bridge of his nose and craned his neck. For once he was sure that Kazunari wasn’t aware just what he was doing to him – making his stomach tingle and feel uncomfortably tight – and how good he looked with his disheveled hair and body that bent in weird curves in the position.

 

His pulse pounded in his ears as he intensely stared at a review of a book he had already read, and although he eyed through the short sentences, none of them got stuck in his mind. Discreetly he examined Kazunari who remained by his side, and parted his lips in a sigh. Shintarou craned his neck just enough to see over the man’s shoulder what he was doing, and wasn’t surprised at all that Kazunari busied himself with his phone first thing in the morning. Part of him really wanted to see his lover’s face instead of staring at his nape, but he merely pressed his lips tightly together. A wave of coldness hit him and goose bumps rose to his thighs, but he didn’t ask for even a corner of the blanket – if he did that, he might have lost the view of Kazunari’s nearly bare bottom.

 

After few minutes Shintarou was shamelessly staring at the backside, because for once he was not caught doing it. He remembered it to be bony back in the day, but during the years the bottom had grown fuller, and he actually preferred it this way; it was a lot easier to grope. Not that he groped it on a daily basis, oh, no, only once in a while and only when he was feeling especially lewd. He cleared his throat and felt his chest tighten. There was something beautiful in a way the bottom had been molded, and although Shintarou didn’t want to sound like a pervert to his own mind, he still contemplated whether he wanted to sank his teeth to the flesh or bury his face between the buttocks.

 

He caused himself to fluster ever so slightly.

 

To distract himself from the thoughts that made his groin dangerously come alive, he asked in a hoarse voice, “What are you doing?”

 

“Hm?” Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder and offered a tired smile. The night had curled his dark hair and threw them over his eyes. The morning sunlight brought out his bone structure and made his cheekbones pop in the surface of his skin, and Shintarou found himself staring at him. Kazunari’s smile twitched higher, and slowly he turned his head back to its original position. “I’m just checking Oha Asa… Cancers and Scorpios have a pretty good compatibility today, now I just need to—”, he let out a high-pitched yawn, “—check the lucky items.”

 

**_First: he respects my interests._ **

 

“Let me know,” Shintarou murmured and cocked his head. Kazunari had changed his position just slightly, and the shift only made his bottom look even better. He had to force himself to tear his gaze away and back to the newspaper. After few sweet, _I’m-not-looking-at-his-ass-anymore_ minutes later, Shintarou spotted Kazunari squirming beside him. When he laid his eyes at him, he tried his best to keep his gaze at his nape and the whirl of hair that had created there, but automatically he glanced down every now and then. Around Kazunari it was hard to stay diligent.

 

“Scorpio’s is an art museum, and… Cancer has J-pop music,” Kazunari announced and allowed another sweet yawn. He rubbed his eyes and tugged the blanket up to cover his chest better.

 

“Interesting.” Shintarou’s voice permanently turned strained and strange, and he blamed it fully on Kazunari’s position. He was short on breath, and slowly with the tip of his tongue he moistened his lush bottom lip. He would have thought that after all these years, he had somehow grown immune to the way Kazunari’s various body parts looked like, but even when the same parts had been clad in so many weird (and, admittedly, _sexy_ ) costumes and clothes, nothing looked more attractive than Kazunari wearing _his_ oversized clothes.

 

No longer could Shintarou ignore the flush around his nape and the pounding hot feeling over his skin, and he said with a muffled tone, “Can you pull up the boxers? I can see your ass.”

 

“Can you?” Kazunari brought his hand to his lower back without looking and moved his hand over his bottom, then chuckled. “I thought it was a bit breezy… If it bothers you, just pull them up, I don’t mind.”

 

_Just pull them up_ , he said. It was like a direct invitation of _just fuck me silly_ , or so it translated in Shintarou’s mind right at the moment. Now he blamed the heat within him to the time of the day; he always found himself a bit more excited during the mornings. Even now the very base of his cock tingled, and ignoring it was no longer the solution. As tightness crushed his chest, Shintarou folded the newspaper neatly and placed it on the nightstand before he slid down on the bed by his side right behind Kazunari. He rested his chin over the roundness of the man’s shoulder and glanced over, and saw a children’s game on the screen of the phone. He huffed loudly and brought his hand between their bodies in an attempt to actually pull the boxers up, but without his permission his hand planted itself straight on Kazunari’s buttocks and remained there.

 

Against his body Kazunari trembled and paused the game. He glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder and crunched his brows. “What are you doing?”

 

“I really don’t know.” Shintarou wrinkled his nose and caressed the smooth skin under his palm. Waves of heat hit him from head to toe, and underneath his pair of dark boxers his shaft jerked. “It’s your fault for doing it on purpose…”

 

For the first time in ages, Kazunari looked genuinely puzzled. “Doing what?”

 

“You know, you showing off your… And I’m here, and I… I, you know… Ugh.” In conclusion, somewhere along the line he had apparently turned into a giant pervert. _Great_.

 

In the midst of Shintarou’s silent crisis Kazunari turned around in his embrace and nuzzled his nose to the hollow of the man’s collarbone. It surely didn’t make Shintarou’s mood any less needy, and although he arched his back, he couldn’t really escape his hardening length down his underwear. He fixed his gaze on Kazunari’s eyes when he looked up at him, but even that didn’t help – the morning sun drew out the blueness of his lover’s eyes and made his heart skip a dangerous beat that ached deep within the core of his chest. Kazunari looked breathtaking as he blinked and parted his lips to a tender sigh. The same lips looked very soft and kissable, and Shintarou went down the spiral he had accidentally been sucked into.

 

“Why are you wearing my boxers in the first place?” he asked.

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I was too lazy to bend over to the lower drawer.” His smile was so very sweet as he worked his fingers up and down Shintarou’s neck. “Plus I kind of really like to see you flustered and horny like a teenager over the sight of my ass.”

 

It took Shintarou few seconds to realize, but when he did, his eyes widened. “So you _are_ doing it on purpose!”

 

Kazunari smirked. “Guilty as charged.”

 

“You’re so frustrating.”

 

“Frustratingly sexy,” Kazunari corrected.

 

Shintarou pursed his lips to pucker, but eventually let his face relax. He let out a defeated sigh. “That, too,” he admitted.

 

“Knew it,” Kazunari murmured softly against Shintarou’s neck where he had pressed his lips. One little kiss on the spot was enough to make Shintarou squirm in sweaty agony, although the motion itself was gentle. It simply made his mind wander to sidetracks that seemed to be inevitable in Kazunari’s company. He laid his arm over the man’s waist and squeezed tight, and felt teeth in his flesh. Shintarou grunted loudly and hated how easy he was always being in Kazunari’s care. Maybe it was a bit of a given, after all, but nonetheless his back arched and he pushed his hips forward. Kazunari’s body easily complied, and their groins pressed tightly together.

 

“How the hell—hnn—do you still… have all the energy for this?” Shintarou grunted. He buried his fingertips tight in Kazunari’s waist and raked them over the skin, and managed to draw out a breathy moan from the man.

 

There was no verbal answer, just teeth sinking deep into his neck and then moving lower. Shintarou quivered and slid his hand on Kazunari’s backside, and did exactly what he had thought about doing for several minutes – groped him, that was. The ass under his palm felt just as good as always, and he didn’t bother to hold back, even if it meant that red marks were going to decorate Kazunari’s skin for the rest of the day. Kazunari’s fingers on the hem of his shirt tickled him, and he sucked his stomach in but didn’t manage to escape. Inch by inch Kazunari lifted the shirt up, and Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek.

 

“I-I mean…” he tried to remain coherent with his words, but when Kazunari moved his hand from his abdomen to his chest, he forgot the skill of talking for a split second. In the pause he reluctantly created, he moved his hand roughly underneath the loose red fabric and cupped Kazunari’s scrotum tightly in his palm. As proud as Shintarou was of himself for making his lover breathe harder than him, Kazunari was still annoyingly composed. He scoffed and pressed his body tighter against the smaller one that was having his on a leash. He wet his lips and continued, “Recent studies show that… That, mm… The longer a couple stays together… _Fuck_ … T-The frequency of doing _this_ together decreases…”

 

“That’s just a real shame, isn’t it… _Shin-chan_?” Kazunari purred.

 

As much as he had hated the nickname in high school, now Shintarou found it too adorable. Also a bit perverted, which suited the mood just fine.

 

Without a warning Kazunari flicked his tongue across Shintarou’s nipple. Shintarou gasped and without thinking squeezed Kazunari’s balls tighter than he had intended to, and heard a painful whimper from his lover’s mouth. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. However, what else could he do, really, when a hot and moist tongue tormented his nipple that just _happened_ to be one of his good spots? Not only that, but when Kazunari started to suckle the sensitive nub as well, Shintarou dug his heels to the mattress. His toes curled, and the muscles on his thighs tightened. There was no stopping himself now anymore, and without an ounce of shame left in his quivering body he wrapped his non-dominant palm around his cock and tugged it harshly.

 

He hated and loved Kazunari at the same time for being such a tease practically all the time. He decided not to trust any scientific studies anymore in his entire life because they were clearly all wrong, and it seemed that Kazunari was on a mission to prove them incorrect one by one. As the length of his fingers trembled, Shintarou moved them against the soft spot joining Kazunari scrotum and his cock, rubbed it gently and made his lover writhe and whimper. A joyous grin illuminated his lips for a fraction of a second; he was happy to know he still knew exactly which buttons to press to make Kazunari for once flustered from neck up. As much as he knew he had succeeded, he also knew that the real champion here was Kazunari busying his mouth around his nipple. Shintarou squeezed his eyes and rolled them, and tensed his hips when his chest was groped and nipped and bit without any restrictions. Maybe one day he would be the one seducing Kazunari, not vice versa, but that day definitely wasn’t today.

 

Already he was a panting, shuddering mess. Kazunari trailed his tongue from the chest upwards, and at the same time yanked Shintarou’s shirt away from him. The tip of the tongue found its destination and flicked the man’s mouth, and out of an instinct Shintarou parted his lips. So eagerly he moved his tongue across Kazunari’s and opened his eyes, and looked at his lover whose cheeks were slightly burning but whose grin showed no mercy.

 

“Want to do sixty-nine?” murmured Kazunari so near his mouth.

 

Shintarou could only nod eagerly.

 

**_Second: he’s very passionate._ **

****

He got the best seat to the quick strip show when Kazunari tugged down the boxers and threw them across the bed, wiggled out of his shirt as well and settled over him with clear hurry in his bones. Shintarou let out a satisfied sigh when the wiggling butt settled right against his face, and he grasped the buttocks tightly and made sure to leave a set of red marks across the skin just to give Kazunari a piece of his thoughts. So beautifully Kazunari arched his back and pushed back his bottom, spread apart his legs, and made Shintarou’s breath hitch. He stared at the tight hole of pinkish hue nestling safely between the lush flesh, but before he could even think about doing anything, already Kazunari had took in his cock. Shintarou pressed the back of his head tight against the pillow and lifted his hips ever so slightly, and let out a throaty groan that rumbled in his lungs.

 

However, he wasn’t planning on losing, either (sometimes life was a bit of a competition with Kazunari, after all). Thus, Shintarou moistened his lips and lagged his tongue over the length of Kazunari’s dick that had sneakily grown hard. His arms he hooked around his lover’s waist and pushed the hips up enough to be able to tease the tip with his tongue. The choir of moans and gasps that vibrated against his own length made his stomach stiffen, and Shintarou knew that he was on the right track; he actually quite liked to take pride in his oral skills. Surely Kazunari wasn’t going to disagree with that statement, either. He swirled his tongue around the swollen member as much as he could with Kazunari trying to push and thrust his hips down, and eventually he had no other choice but to take it in his mouth.

 

The size, albeit smaller than his, stretched the corners of his mouth, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle with few deep breaths through his nose. Kazunari was eager, though, sucking his cock like there was no tomorrow, and Shintarou found himself forgetting to do the same thing in return every now and then. He didn’t have to bob his head too much as the man thrust his shaky hips in his mouth, a bit harsher than he probably guessed himself Shintarou thought, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his lover to stop, either. Saliva dripped from his mouth to his chin and settled to his chest, and he could barely keep up with the rhythm although he tried. A little desperate, out of a whim he slapped Kazunari’s ass, and the man squealed, sounded a little silly but it still got Shintarou’s cock grow harder in the wetness of the mouth.

 

So early in their morning the bedroom was filled by their equally loud gruff of moans. Shintarou kept pushing his hips up and felt vividly his dick hit Kazunari’s throat, but this time Kazunari didn’t gag or choke on it but merely kept going. A dangerous rush of ardor bubbled in his abdomen and inched lower with every movement of the skillful mouth, and Shintarou squeezed his eyes, tried to hold back. He moved his hands over Kazunari’s ass and squeezed yet again, kneaded the skin and clawed it, left behind marks of passion and lust that surely weren’t going to fade right away, which was exactly what he wanted. Pitiful whimpers got out of his mouth without his approval. His cock twitched and jerked, and he knew that few suckles would finish him for good. He was ready to burst—and then Kazunari pulled back.

 

“Nnm!” he protested with his mouth enclosed around the man’s dick that he really wanted to bite at the moment. Not sure what to do, he slapped Kazunari’s ass again to make him finish what he started, but he could practically _feel_ his tease of a lover grin. “Hnn, mmh!”

 

“What?” Kazunari’s voice trickled honey when he rolled his hips towards Shintarou’s face and even wrapped his thumb and index finger very tightly around the base of the cock twitching right under his chin. “I don’t understand you, babe, I think your mouth’s a bit too _full_ for speaking…”

 

Had Shintarou been in another position, he would have glared Kazunari hard right in the moment. Now all he could do was buck his hips up over and over again about the same rhythm as his lover did, but he still didn’t get what he wanted. He couldn’t stop his mouth, either, not when the hard-on pushed inside deeper with every thrust. He was the one who gagged to the size, but calmed his nerves by taking breaths through his nose again. Like the little devil Kazunari was, he wiggled over Shintarou and moaned unnecessarily loud and vulgarly. The pressure kept building near his cock but couldn’t get out, not with Kazunari’s fingers wrapped so tightly around him. He groaned from frustration and slapped his lover again on his ass, felt it jiggle under his palm and only managed to make himself more excited.

 

He had no other choice but to subdue to his destiny. So the thought, at least, when Kazunari suddenly loosened his grasp and brought his lips around the very tip and sucked hard. Shintarou couldn’t hold back anymore, not when his balls ached so damn much from the teasing, and he burst into the man’s mouth, and felt the excitement of an orgasm trample through himself. He felt Kazunari so very obediently swallow down even the final drop that hurried out of his dick. When the relaxation hit his muscles, all Shintarou really wanted to do was melt against the mattress and not move an inch anywhere anymore, but he knew that wasn’t possible right now – he still had a task in his hand (or rather, in his _mouth_ ), and it was a task he wanted to do good.

 

Although his jaw ached, he did his very best to draw out pleasure to Kazunari as well with long, thoughtful sucks. He wrapped his tired arms around the small waist again and pulled the hips closer, let the cock’s length bury fully in his mouth and deep-throated him to his best abilities. Already he felt Kazunari jerk in his mouth, and the body above him turned restless and twitchy. Now with his mouth empty, Kazunari moaned even more freely than before.

 

“Nn, Shin-chan… A-Ah, I’m, mmh…” He let out a loud, sharp gasp and pushed himself slightly up with his shaking arms. “S-Shin-chan, now… Now, _now_ …”

 

It had always been a mutual little agreement between the two of them. Kazunari pushed his hips up while Shintarou pulled his mouth back, and as the man thrust his hips against his chest, Shintarou made sure to stroke and caress him properly. When the rush of cum hit his chest instead of his mouth, he closed his eyes and finally pressed his head properly to the pillow under his nape. He moved his hand lazily on Kazunari’s length to let him ride the pleasure as far as he could, milked out the fine little droplets, and was happy that the saltiness didn’t coat his palate. Instead, heavy huffs filled the void that Kazunari left in his mouth, and he still kept his hand on the cock until he no longer felt anything burst to his chest.

 

Kazunari collapsed over his body, but it took him mere seconds to turn around and crawl over his soiled chest. With open arms Shintarou welcomed him, and once they were in each other’s embraces, he pulled the blanket over their sweatiness. Kazunari nuzzled his neck with his nose, and as a favor Shintarou stroked the man’s spine up and down in a soothing movement. Against his chest he felt the rhythm of Kazunari’s lungs and pulse, and his heart very quickly mimicked the latter. The room now turned silent, but the sunshine still wiggled through the cracks of the curtains and made the rumpled sheets look so much better. Vaguely Shintarou smiled and held Kazunari better in his arms.

 

“You’re infuriating,” he whispered and wasn’t sure why; maybe he just didn’t want to break the bubble they had sneakily built together in the last few seconds.

 

Kazunari pressed his cheek against Shintarou’s chest. “Why?”

 

“Because you almost didn’t let me finish.”

 

“Oh, you loved it.” Kazunari sounded smug.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and shook his head in slight bemusement, and surely wasn’t going to admit that Kazunari was absolutely right and that his stomach still tingled from the pleasant warmth of an intense orgasm. It was hard to stay sulking with Kazunari poking his tongue out like so, but he tried his best just to prove a point. Very quickly the actual point dissolved in his mind, but still he tried nonetheless, even when Kazunari kissed the tip of his burning hot nose and rubbed his own against his.

 

“Come on, cheer up,” Kazunari coaxed.

 

“I’m cheered up.”

 

Kazunari scoffed and rubbed his nose again against Shintarou’s. “Come on. Want to hear a really good joke I just remembered?”

 

Shintarou hummed, and felt his lips twitch a little higher. “Do I have any choice?”

 

“Nope.” Kazunari’s ‘p’ popped cheerfully in his mouth. He lifted himself a little up and suddenly looked suspiciously proud of himself. “So, why does Santa—“

 

“I’m sorry to break your bubble, but Christmas is already over,” Shintarou plainly interrupted.

 

“Oh, hush.” Kazunari pressed his palm against the man’s mouth, cleared his throat and started again with a grin on his lips. “Why does Santa have three gardens?”

 

Shintarou frowned. After few moments, he shrugged. He bet all his luck on the fact that the answer was going to be something very idiotic that would make him want to shove a pillow against Kazunari’s face just to shut him up.

 

Already Kazunari snickered. “So he could _ho, ho, ho_ them.”

 

It was Kazunari himself who burst into laughter, and all Shintarou could do at first was to stare at him with widened eyes. He shook his head and sneered. _Knew it_ , he knew it was going to be something so stupid that almost couldn’t even be called a joke. He rubbed his forehead and hummed a little tune of amusement, but Kazunari was really at it, laughing like he had just lost his sanity and wasn’t regaining it back anytime soon. “Did you get it, Shin-chan?” he mustered out in between his laughter and tears that rolled out of his eyes. “So he could _ho, ho, ho_ them, Shin-chan, ha, did you get it?”

 

The way Kazunari squirmed and wiggled in the height of his own cleverness like a cute little animal finally did it for Shintarou. At first he let out another hum that then evolved into a smile that grew into a bright grin, and before long he joined Kazunari and laughed out loud, so much in fact that his abdomen soon ached and he almost couldn’t breathe. Not to the joke, no, albeit it was somewhat clever, but to his lover who was too adorable to share a bed with him, who always came up with ridiculous jokes that he rarely understood, but who looked stunningly beautiful with his face a little red from laughing too hard.

 

**_Third: he makes me laugh._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, this has been my favorite prompt hands down. It might have not turn out _exactly_ how I wanted it and envisioned it to be, but at least I really enjoyed writing it.


	9. Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now was the perfect chance to propose, and afterwards he could order a bit more champagne and they could eat the dessert together, _engaged_.

The early evening bit into Shintarou’s fingers that he hadn’t covered with gloves per Kazunari’s suggestion, and made them tingle. Whenever he took deep breaths, he saw a string of whiteness emit from his mouth and dance up in the sky that was getting dark and colored by stars. He took slow steps, mostly because Kazunari was tightly attached to his other arm. For once, he really didn’t mind even when there were people around in the busy Friday evening. His core trembled violently, but it was hardly because of the coldness; no matter how hard he tried to calm down his nerves, he simply couldn’t. The little ring box in the pocket of his jacket weighted a ton, and every now and then he felt it brush against his hip through the fabric. Whenever that happened, his breath hitched and his eyes widened, and he was one step closer of having a heart attack.

 

It was high time to do it, though. He knew Kazunari was waiting for it, knew that Kazunari had hinted towards it so many times, and he knew that it was his responsibility to do it. If he wouldn’t, Kazunari would end up being the one proposing, and Shintarou found himself actually wanting to do it himself. Still he felt twitchy when he was now few steps away from it, although years ago he had made up his mind to stay together with his sweetheart for the rest of his life. But putting a ring around Kazunari’s finger…

 

What if Kazunari didn’t like the ring? The sudden realization made Shintarou’s eyes widen under the slightly foggy glasses, and his heart pounded loudly. Did he still have the receipt somewhere? Maybe he could return it and exchange it to something else if he saw disappointment in Kazunari’s expression… Surely he had the receipt _somewhere_ , it had only been, what, fourteen months since he bought it? Fourteen months, _damn_ , that was too long ago for him to return it. Should he buy a new one, then? He had been so confident when he bought it, had thought the elegant gold would suit Kazunari, but maybe the man wanted something more exquisite after all. But wasn’t a diamond in the ring too feminine? Shintarou had painful palpitations and breathed faster than ever, which made his lungs ache. _Shit_ , he should have proposed first without a ring and _then_ go buy a ring together with Kazunari. The one hid in his pocket wasn’t the cheapest, either. What if it wasn’t the right size? Oh, lord, it wasn’t going to fit Kazunari’s finger, it was going to be a disaster, and they were—

 

“You look nauseous,” Kazunari interrupted the train wreck of his thoughts.

 

“I’m not,” Shintarou said as he drew in a breath and sounded oddly high-pitched. Sure that he was going to die from lack of oxygen, quickly he exhaled and then fixed his gaze on Kazunari. He would have paid anything to be in his oblivious lover’s shoes right now. His pulse pounded on his forehead, and his nerves tingled everywhere; his insides still experienced a painful tremor, but he tried his best to keep a calm expression. Judging from Kazunari’s frown, he supposed he looked more weird than anything else. He cleared his throat and craned his neck, and was relieved to see the warm lights of the restaurant they were heading to. “Oh, look, we’re already here.”

 

Thankful of the fact that Kazunari turned his eyes towards the front of the restaurant (that still wore Christmas-y fairy lights, much to Shintarou’s displeasure), Shintarou finally took a deep breath. There was one downside being together with Kazunari, and it was the fact that the man had sharp eyes and could tell even the smallest of difference from his behavior – the skill only seemed to enhance the more years passed together. Shintarou shoved his free hand in his pocket to check if the box was still there, and got to stroke the velvety surface of it with his fingertips. When Kazunari looked up towards him again, Shintarou gave out a tense smile. It was probably more suspicious than anything else, he realized, and wanted to bang his forehead against the restaurant’s window.

 

The calming notes of classical music welcomed them as they stepped into the warmth. It was Shintarou’s and about half of the city’s population’s favorite restaurant for a reason; chandeliers hung from the ceiling, the tables were small and intimate, candles were lit here and there, the wine selection was unimaginable, and still it somehow managed to stay affordable. He hurried to take off Kazunari’s jacket and let his gaze rest a moment longer in his lover’s small build clad in a dress shirt that somehow made him look beautiful. His gesture made Kazunari smile sweetly, and it felt like the whole restaurant was lit up even more by the glimmer in the corner of his eyes. Shintarou’s expression softened, and for a moment his nerves disappeared. This really was the man he wanted to commit to for the rest of his life, because when he looked at Kazunari, his heart still skipped beats.

 

He handed both of their jackets to the cloakroom, and wrapped his arm around Kazunari’s waist as they were directed to their table. For once Shintarou decided not to worry about the little displays of affection he was willing to give in public, because tonight everything had to go perfect, and being close to Kazunari always calmed him down. Thankfully, their table was a little secluded, and in the middle of the table flickered the candle’s light of warm hue. Once he had to peel himself away from his lover and sit down, his core immediately tensed, and he felt a hard lump right in the middle of his esophagus. His cheeks turned pale, and fleetingly rubbing them with his ice-cold hands didn’t make it any better.

 

Kazunari leaned slightly over the table and looked at him. “I can’t believe you actually got us a table here, this is always crammed. How did you do it?”

 

“With some planning.” More accurately, frantically calling several times to the restaurant in the morning to get a table after someone had cancelled, because he had only gotten this idea the previous night. That he didn’t say aloud, though, merely tightened the corners of his lips to a sort of a smile and examined the glossiness of Kazunari’s hair that looked slightly unruly today, too, even when the man had fought with it. Shintarou knew very well that somewhere in the midst of that darkness where few bobby pins attached, and that later in the evening it would be his job to retrieve them. The task surely didn’t sound that unpleasant.

 

In the faint candlelight mixed with the one coming from a chandelier a little farther away, Kazunari looked breathtaking. It was a shame Shintarou only now at an older age could appreciate the man’s beauty, because back in the days Kazunari had looked wonderful, too, always with that cheeky smile on his young lips. He let out a gentle sigh and was about to throw in a compliment just because he wanted his lover in the proper mood, but couldn’t do it when a waiter dressed so very smartly swooped in with two menus.

 

“Good evening, gentlemen. Have you already decided what you would like to drink?”

 

Before Kazunari could utter out anything by accident, Shintarou hurried to answer, “We’d start with some champagne, if it’s possible.”

 

“Certainly, sir.”

 

“Champagne?” Kazunari repeated when the waiter disappeared. He arched his brows higher and rested his chin on his palm. “What’s the occasion?”

 

“Well, you know…” Shintarou already felt his palms turn sweaty and desperately tried to rub them against his thighs to keep them dry. His cheeks were slowly starting to glow. “We didn’t really… We had our anniversary and we didn’t get to celebrate it so I thought, I thought we could do it now, um, here, with some champagne.”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened immediately, and the smile that spread on his lips was warm. “That’s so sweet of you, Shin-chan. I thought you didn’t remember.”

 

“Of course I did.” _Sort of_ , anyway. He cleared his throat and was more than relieved to quickly get the flute of champagne in his hand. Again he made the effort to clear his throat to be on the safe side, and once they were alone, he lifted the glass ever so slightly and dipped it towards Kazunari’s. He was afraid of his voice shaking. “So… Mm. Happy anniversary.”

 

“Happy anniversary, honey.”

 

Taking the first sip of alcohol strangely calmed Shintarou’s sensitive nerves. He closed his eyes for few seconds and took in a deep breath, then sipped the sweet drink once more before he put the glass down on the table and took a discreet glance around. Mostly he saw couples bonding over candles, holding hands, whispering sweet things to each other’s ears and smiling, and for once there was not a twinge of jealousy in his bones; he had his very own sweetheart right here, after all. When one tune changed to another more peaceful one, he cast his eyes back to Kazunari and felt his heart flutter. It might have pumped more blood on his already rosy cheeks, but Kazunari’s features were slightly flustered as well. The hand resting over the table was too tempting, and Shintarou reached his hand towards it and held the slender fingers in his own. Kazunari’s lips looked dream-like, and if it was a dream, Shintarou never wanted to wake up.

 

“This was a really nice surprise.” Kazunari stroked the man’s knuckles with his thumb and made Shintarou quiver. “I thought we’d just eat at our usual.”

 

“I wanted something more special.” Of course it had to be something more special than the restaurant they usually went to, he was going to _propose_ , after all. Thinking about it, Shintarou suddenly drew in a sharp breath, and his pulse thickened. _The ring_ , in his jacket’s pocket – the jacket now in the cloakroom. He pulled his hand away from Kazunari and pushed himself up on his feet. “Wait just a second, I’ll be… I’ll be right back, alright?”

 

He didn’t stay to listen the answer when he already rushed out of the table and towards the entrance. Thankfully with ease he got the box to himself, and also received a knowing grin from the man in charge of the jackets. Shintarou made the effort to smile back but didn’t quite succeed, not with the sudden weight in his palm. He swallowed hard and examined the deep blue surface of the box, then took shaky steps back towards the dining area. Midway he stopped, and didn’t even have to get up on his toes to spot their table. Since Kazunari looked deep in thoughts with his gaze buried to the menu, Shintarou decided he had few minutes to spare and rushed to the bathroom.

 

Settling in front of the sink and mirror, he for the umpteenth time today opened the small box and stared at the ring that sat on the soft white cushion. It didn’t look as bad as he had again imagined it to be. The gold shone brightly and rather beautifully, and he could imagine it around Kazunari’s ring finger. Afterwards he could even buy a matching one for himself, and the thought made him genuinely smile. Gently he picked the ring up and rested it on his palm, narrowed his eyes and examined as closely as he could without pressing his glasses against it. Surely Kazunari was going to love it; or rather, he had a hunch that no matter what the ring looked like, Kazunari would still love it because he would _finally_ get the ring he wanted. Tenderly Shintarou placed it back to the box, and looked at himself from the mirror, groomed his hair to the most perfect shape he could do on his own (truthfully, Kazunari always did it better). Finally, after all these years, he was ready.

 

By the time he got back to their table and hid the box in his blazer’s pocket, his courage dropped down to his knees and the nervousness attacked him out of the blue again.

 

“The waiter came by,” Kazunari said when Shintarou managed to settle his trembling frame back on the chair. “I ordered you lobster, I mean, it was Cancer’s lucky item today… I hope you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t mind.” His voice came out shaky and muffled, and he cringed. Although he got a strange look from Kazunari across the table, he still tried to look as neutral as possible although the pit of his stomach churned. He didn’t even know _why_ exactly he was so nervous about the question, because he knew very well what Kazunari would answer, and he wasn’t hesitant about marrying him, either. Perhaps it was the fact that he wanted it to go absolutely perfectly – this was his only chance, after all, and if his proposal was absolutely dreadful, Kazunari would possibly be disappointed for the rest of his life. Shintarou’s pupils dilated from the thought, and he had to pop open the upper button of his shirt, because the collar suddenly turned extremely tight and restricting.

 

“Does this mean we’re going to celebrate the whole evening?” Kazunari asked with a soft voice that slightly purred under the breath.

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“Awesome.” The grin on Kazunari’s mouth made Shintarou’s heart skip a beat. “Though we really have to watch that cooking show together… Ha, I hated that cliffhanger last week, I’m pretty sure the man’s going to go home this week, he did such a shitty job with his chicken… Don’t you think?”

 

He pursed his lips. The knot in his stomach loosened a little. “I don’t know, the woman’s beef Wellington was pretty poorly.”

 

“But the guy’s chicken was _so_ dry, Shin-chan!”

 

“Just wait until the evening, you’ll see,” he said and sounded confident.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. “You just want him to stay in the competition because his ass looks good.”

 

A blush rose with alarming speed to Shintarou’s neck. He huffed through his nose. “ _Excuse me_ , I haven’t looked at his ass, and it’s hardly my fault that the cameras are always focusing on that part of his body. But if you really, really must be a little shit like this, then I should let you know that your bottom looks better.”

 

“Thank you very much.” Kazunari was all smirks. “He does have a nice ass, though.”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “You’re impossible.” So he said, and still smiled.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Kazunari curled his fingers around the flute and drank down the last drops of the champagne. The look in his eyes mellowed as he pressed his hand against his cheek and eyed Shintarou with a slightly tilted head. “Did I already tell you that you look beautiful tonight?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat and glanced around as if to make sure no one was able to hear it, although it was a bit too late for that. He moistened his bottom lip. “I don’t think you mentioned it, no.”

 

“In that case, you’re gorgeous.” Kazunari parted his lips and stared at Shintarou’s so intensely that it was obvious. “Formal wear really looks good on you… Though it doesn’t really beat that basketball jersey. Do you actually think we still have them stored somewhere?”

 

“Possibly… Why?”

 

“I wouldn’t mind banging Shutoku’s ace once more.”

 

Somehow, Kazunari’s teasing talk made his insides unravel. Although Shintarou couldn’t believe that his lover was being so indecent in public (or if he thought about it a second more, he _could_ believe it), it brought a soothing sensation in his stomach. He heaved out a sigh and closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and for a moment forgot all about the ring he had hid in his pocket. Sucking his lips in thought, he eyed Kazunari and tried his very best not to let his mouth curl into a smile. After all, he tried his best to keep up the image of the decent one in this relationship. However, he couldn’t resist the temptation to say, “I think the jerseys are in the attic, but when did you _ever_ bang Shutoku’s ace? I thought it was you being banged by him, not the other way around.”

 

“Now that you mentioned it, I think that was the case… Yeah, I remember he was pretty good with what he was doing. I kinda vaguely remember that I was banged against the lockers at least once or twice…”

 

“We’re in public,” Shintarou finally hushed.

 

“I’m just teasing you, babe,” Kazunari said and moved his hand back over Shintarou’s. With such gentle features and movements he once again began to stroke the man’s knuckles one by one. Once a moment of silence fell over them and Shintarou could once again hear the individual notes of the music playing faintly in the background, his stomach turned upside down. It felt as if Kazunari somehow knew about his nervousness, because the thumb stroking his skin turned even tender than before. He let out a shivery sigh, and the ring in his pocket felt burning hot against his waist.

 

When Kazunari began to eventually babble about this and that, Shintarou joined in with ease although he let most of the talking to his better half. Although he thought he was fine again, by the time their food arrived, he tasted nothing of the delicious-looking lobster although he tried to scoop in the butter sauce as much as he could. Tight knots settled deep in his abdomen, and whenever he made the mistake of glancing up at the gorgeous man across the table, he felt nauseous. He was really going to _marry_ the idiot that made him smile like he was stupid, and it brought more pressure for him to know that Kazunari only deserved the very best. After one and half wine glasses later, though, he was feeling pleasantly relaxed and confident again.

 

They ordered desserts – two chocolate fondues, minus the strawberries for Shintarou’s –, he knew that this was _it_. Now was the perfect chance to propose, and afterwards he could order a bit more champagne and they could eat the dessert together, _engaged_. His heart fluttered as he eyed Kazunari who blinked slowly as he looked around and showed off his sharp profile that Shintarou had always been fond of. He had to admit, he hadn’t slept an eyeful the previous night because he had laid in bed beside the lightly snoring Kazunari thinking about very precisely what to say in this moment and _how_ to say it. So far, everything was going just as perfect as it had been in his imagination.

 

“Kazunari,” he gently called.

 

“Yes?”

 

When Kazunari turned his head towards him, Shintarou’s heart jumped to his throat. His jaw tensed, and he no longer had the courage to breathe. Just like in his imagination, he reached for Kazunari’s hand across the table – too bad the man’s hand wasn’t actually there. His pulse sped up, and he let out a short gasp that made his lungs ache. He curled his fingers and waited for Kazunari to get the hint, because it was absolutely crucial he got his lover’s hand in his for everything to go as it had been the way he imagined it.

 

“Give me your hand,” he eventually had to say. He got what he wanted, but a second later he realized that his own hand was disgustingly sweaty. Shintarou pulled it back and rubbed it harsh against his thigh, and only then tugged Kazunari’s in his grasp. Across the table Kazunari chuckled softly and arched his brows.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou started again now that the setting was perfect.

 

“What is it?”

 

“You know, you… You…” He breathed deep and tried frantically remember the exact wording he had used while laying on his back and staring at the ceiling in the little hours of the night. “When we met, I thought you were… an annoying asshole—“

 

Kazunari chuckled. “What’s this about?”

 

It threw Shintarou off balance, and it took him few moments to collect himself. He squeezed Kazunari’s hand tighter in his own. “Let me just say this, okay? You were annoying, you were loud, and you were always there bugging me, but I realized that you were… actually always there no matter what, so I… fell in love with you just the way you were, annoying and loud.” He swallowed hard and felt his hand get sweaty again, but this time Kazunari tangled their fingers so tightly together that he couldn’t pull himself away. Shintarou looked into the man’s eyes that keenly examined him, and he knew that love was the primary color of them right now. His cheeks glowed.

 

“I’m still in love with you,” he blurted out, a moment too soon; his mind had abandoned the script it had made itself. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and hastily he tried to remember what exactly he had skipped. “I-I… You, mm… I’m in love with you, I mean, of course I still love you, but I’m also, I’m still, I feel the same what I felt when we first got together. Wait, no… No, wait…”

 

“Take your time,” Kazunari murmured so very softly that it surely wasn’t helping Shintarou’s nerves. He squeezed the man’s hand hard and made him let out a quiet whimper.

 

“I just want to spend the rest of my life with you no matter what.” _Take it easy, you know he’ll be ecstatic_ , he tried to calm himself as he nudged his free hand to the pocket of his blazer. He grazed his fingertips over the soft surface of the small box and swallowed hard. Few seconds, and they would finally be engaged, and they could start planning a wedding that would look like them. The thought made him curl his fingers around the box and nod a little to himself. He was ready to make Kazunari the happiest person there was. “So, Kazunari… um, _dear_ , would you… you…”

 

He trailed off when he saw his lover’s gaze suddenly move from him to the side. His brows drew in to a harsh scrunch, and slowly he turned to look towards the same direction as Kazunari, and his mouth dropped agape. It didn’t take a lot of time for him to process that only few tables away was a man on his knee beside a woman, _proposing_ , doing exactly the thing he had meant to do himself few seconds later. Although his system’s initial reaction was to draw out all the color from his cheeks, soon he flushed bright red. His jaw tensed, and he bit his lip to prevent himself from shouting the man to stop ruining _their_ moment. This was supposed to be his chance to make his long-term partner happy, not some sleazy man’s turn to propose to his girlfriend!

 

Shintarou trembled and squeezed Kazunari’s hand even harder from pure frustration. When the woman burst in tears (under everyone’s eyes, nonetheless) and clearly accepted, the people watching applauded, and he heard Kazunari gasp in awe. He eyed his lover, and although the man was smiling, there was something incredibly sad in his eyes that were dropped slightly down. Shintarou’s lips quivered, and he knew exactly what made Kazunari look like so even through happiness – his years’ worth of indecisiveness. He glared at the man who now hugged his new fiancée and in the back of his mind hoped he would have a very unlucky year for ruining his perfect plan.

 

When Kazunari finally turned to look towards him with a smile still on his lips, albeit slightly smaller, Shintarou stared at him with wide eyes and felt his heart up his throat.

 

“I’m sorry, what did you want to say?” Kazunari looked encouraging once more.

 

All the words he had rehearsed in his mind now disappeared as Shintarou looked into his lover’s eyes. How could he propose now after some stranger? His grand speech had been interrupted, and now he couldn’t muster out a single sound from his mouth. His pulse ticked right in his ears, and he felt his hand turn damp in Kazunari’s gentle caress. In his pocket Shintarou squeezed the jewelry box and then let go.

 

“I can’t remember anymore,” he lied and cast his eyes down. The rubs over his knuckles were soothing, but he felt absolutely horrible. He _could_ propose now, too, but didn’t it feel a little cheesy after witnessing such a great sinking-on-one-knee action? He hadn’t even planned actual kneeling! He looked at Kazunari and knew that if he had popped the question, there wouldn’t be a sad undertone lurking in the smile. Something blocked him from saying _the_ words, though. He offered another glare towards the man who was too up in the clouds to even notice him.

 

“Let me know if you remember, okay?” Kazunari cocked his head.

 

“I will.”

 

“Good.” Once more Kazunari stroked Shintarou’s knuckles before he let go. “But that was so surprising, I didn’t think those proposals happened outside movies.”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and fiddled the edge of the pure-white tablecloth. Trying to sound as nonchalant as possible he asked, “Did you think it was romantic?”

 

“Kind of…” Kazunari frowned lightly. “I mean, if _you_ would hypothetically propose to me, I wouldn’t mind you doing it when we’re home. It’s pretty romantic to do in a place like this, but there’s also something really intimate about laying on the couch back home looking not your best, and still you’d be proposed.”

 

At first a huge stone rolled off Shintarou’s chest, and then he frowned deeply. He had done all this great planning and scheming, when all this time he could have cozily and without anxiety do a perfect proposal at home in his sweatpants while snuggling with Kazunari. His insides turned cold within seconds, and he let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead, as his face faltered pale. It was suddenly so very difficult to breathe, and his vision turned hazy. This really wasn’t how he had planned this to go, and it was exactly because it wasn’t how he had imagined it that he felt like this. By now they should have been celebrating, and he wouldn’t be sulking. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek.

 

“I’d be happy with any kind of proposal,” Kazunari said and pushed himself up, and took the steps to stand beside Shintarou. Shintarou grumbled, but couldn’t help but feel a little better when he got a sweet kiss on his lips and Kazunari’s mouth by his ear. In his ear his lover said, “Just take your time with it, okay? Do it when you’re ready.”

 

Shintarou’s confused lips got a small peck before Kazunari retreated back to his place, and as he looked at the man’s little smile, Shintarou wondered whether Kazunari somehow knew what he had wanted to do. Nonetheless, he nodded and even smiled, mouthed ‘thank you’, and had a hunch that his desperate attempt hadn’t gone completely unnoticed. His chest tingled with warmth again, and he didn’t feel _that_ bad knowing that his spotlight had been stolen (although he was still annoyed to the man, he didn’t properly admit to himself) as he got to examine the corners of Kazunari’s mouth twitch higher. He moved his hand over the table and soon got Kazunari’s fingers back in his grasp. His skin heated, and by the time the desserts came, he was already over the biggest wave of disappointment. Already his mind started to brew new plans, and he was sure the year would present him with multiple new chances to make their future official.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **!! IMPORTANT !!** I'm leaving on a trip tonight and will be without internet tomorrow, thus, I'll upload tomorrow's fic on Sunday the 11th together with the eleventh one ~~unless something miraculous happens and I get a spot of internet~~. Sorry for the inconvenience!


	10. Essence of... a Successful Movie Night

Although the setting was perfect, the lights a little dim, his lover snuggling him like there was no tomorrow, Shintarou still narrowed his eyes and found it very hard to concentrate on Kazunari’s choice of movie – _Confessions of a Shopaholic_ – mainly because he got a man clinging to him like an eel. The problem was, he found great satisfaction in running his hand up and down Kazunari’s back to the rhythm of the soundtrack of the movie he would have never guessed Kazunari would choose, but it was hard to focus on anything other than his better half beside him. Not that he truly minded, really, not with this particular movie running in their television, and he found his gaze falling down to Kazunari every now and then. Unlike him, Kazunari’s eyes were nailed to the movie, and Shintarou had to admit that the man probably enjoyed the silliness of it that usually wasn’t part of the repertoire.

 

He wrapped his arms better around Kazunari and pulled him closer, which on the other hand gained him arms around his body. Still Kazunari didn’t look at him, merely hugged him tighter and rested his head against his shoulder, and Shintarou craned his neck. Truthfully, he would have rather make out than watch the woman clad in extensive amount of pink and designer clothes, but slowly he peeled his eyes off Kazunari and fixed his gaze back to the television. This was the deal, anyway, both of them got to choose one movie, and sometimes Kazunari threw such oddballs at him, and he didn’t know how to react. It had to be a joke, anyway, he thought and based his deduction on the wide smirk the man had held when he had browsed through the movie library.

 

Over an hour he had already endured, and he thought there wasn’t much left anymore. He huffed through his nose and settled himself better on the couch, and moved his legs up to the coffee table. Kazunari tangled even better against him, and Shintarou pressed a kiss on his hair. Finally he got a quick look from him, and even gained himself a quick peck. His insides melted; the smooch was going to be about the right thing for him to get through the rest of the painfully slow minutes. He found the movie boring for one and only one reason only; he (and anyone else, really) had guessed during the first minute just what exactly the ending was going to be. The woman would get the man, and they would live happily ever after, and it wasn’t _that_ exciting to Shintarou. He didn’t complain, though, not when Kazunari had selected it for some very strange reason that he couldn’t wrap his mind around. He pursed his lips and held back a deep sigh.

 

However, his core tensed when the couple on screen finally kissed. He held in a breath as his lips tingled to feel something against them, and with a slightly raised chin he stared at the television much more intensely than a second before. As a teenager the kissing scenes had been puzzling to him, but now he merely relived through the moments he got kisses to himself and always found his stomach in pleasurable knots. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a tug on his sleeve, and he glanced down at Kazunari whose eyes were gleaming. Behind the eyes Kazunari looked cheeky as so often was the case, and Shintarou’s expression softened. He knew immediately what he was getting, and leaned closer to claim it.

 

Kazunari’s lips were ever soft and moist, and Shintarou liked to think the kiss was more pleasant now that his lips weren’t completely chapped and cracked because of the harsh winter. Under his breath he let out a trembling hum and tilted his head, and deepened the kiss. His nose pressed tightly against the man’s, and Kazunari let out a little pleased whine that rekindled the heat in Shintarou’s tightening abdomen. He trailed his tongue against the thin upper lip, then nudged it gently inside as his body wanted to push Kazunari properly against the couch and _really_ start to make out. He resisted the urge, though, and merely moved his hand through the dark hair and slid it to the nape from there. The moment his fingers curled a little on the spot, Kazunari winced, “Ow…”

 

Shintarou pulled back. His brows furrowed, and he moved his fingertips over the spot that made Kazunari noises a little broken. “Does it hurt when I rub it like this?”

 

“Yeah…” Kazunari cringed.

 

Shintarou pulled back properly. His frown deepened. “Has it been like that for long? Does it only hurt when you touch it, or even when you—“ His voice got muffled by Kazunari who pressed his palm tightly against his mouth.

 

“I was making out with my lover, not my doctor.”

 

“Hah noh heihn a hohtor,” Shintarou tried behind the slightly damp palm.

 

“You are, just a teeny tiny bit,” Kazunari insisted. He pushed himself a little up and looked in Shintarou’s eyes, moved closer. When his mouth was almost touching the back of his own hand, he moved his hand away and kissed Shintarou’s lips instead. He pulled back with a soft sigh hitting the man’s parted mouth and quivered ever so slightly. Tilting his neck, he looked up and blinked so very innocently. “Just kiss me for few minutes, okay?”

 

 _Few minutes_ was a serious understatement, Shintarou soon realized. When Kazunari got in the mood, he was _really_ in the mood, and Shintarou could hardly breathe through the deep, tongue-filled kisses he was getting showered under. His lips turned sore and raw and soaked with saliva exchanged between them, and he really didn’t have the heart or the will to ask Kazunari to stop – he was enjoying it quite a lot himself, too. Kazunari drew out a gruff moan from him, then another, and another, and Shintarou worried he was getting a bit too excited. His heart was surely pounding hard in his chest, and his skin tingled wherever Kazunari made the mistake of laying his fingertips on. By the time he felt his hands underneath his loose shirt, Shintarou knew that the warmth tickling his muscles wasn’t very innocent but possibly quite dangerous if things would escalate any further. He kissed Kazunari and counted to five, and after the fifth pulled back. Their huffs muffled down the music of the movie, and a fine string of saliva connected their tongues for a split second before Kazunari licked his lips and grinned.

 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Shintarou sighed.

 

“Is that really a thing to say to you—Ah, I missed the ending!” Kazunari stared at end credits and pouted.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and pulled the man in his embrace, and kissed his forehead. Now that the urge to press his mouth on various parts of Kazunari’s body was awakened within him, it was rather hard to stop. “I can tell you how it ended, the two got together and lived happily ever after.”

 

“You never know.” Kazunari sounded like a stubborn little child as he narrowed his eyes and stared up at Shintarou, and poked his tongue out.

 

“Oh, I know, trust me.”

 

“Yeah, but _what if_ —“

 

“Just Google it.”

 

“Idiot,” Kazunari muttered under his breath and craned his neck just enough to press a sloppy kiss on Shintarou’s chin. Shintarou thought he saw pain twinge on his lover’s expression, but it was gone as soon as he thought he had seen it. Kazunari pressed the top of his head against his jaw and nuzzled the spot. “It’s your fault, anyway, to start kissing me like that.”

 

“ _I_ kissed _you_ like that?” Shintarou sneered. “I’m pretty sure it was the other way around.”

 

“Hm, whatever.” The grin on Kazunari’s lips illuminated the whole room. He patted Shintarou’s knee and finally peeled himself away from the man, got up and stretched his arms with a great yawn that turned almost monstrous at the final notes. “Your turn to choose, I’ll put the pizzas in the oven.”

 

“I want the one with ham.”

 

“Got it.”

 

Shintarou waited for few moments (or rather, in fact, he spent those moments looking at Kazunari’s back as he walked to the kitchen) and only then grabbed the remote control and browsed through the endless categories of movies they hadn’t yet seen. He wasn’t sure exactly what kind of genre he was feeling, but romance was definitely the last one on his list, although it always wound up Kazunari in the mood of kissing and occasional blowjobs. The thought made the muscles of his thighs tighten, yet he ignored the sensation and tried his very best _not_ to think about Kazunari on his knees on the floor in front of him. He cleared his throat, and after some minutes of mindlessly browsing around, he chose _Avatar_ simply because of the memories it brought up; it was a movie they had gone to see on one their very few dates, and Kazunari goofing around with the 3D glasses still brought a smile on his lips.

 

He hit pause as soon as the movie started and relaxed on the couch, and listened the clatters that echoed from the kitchen. When the clatters turned into steps, he looked towards Kazunari, and his vague smile disappeared as he saw the man rubbing his nape and shoulders. “Does it really hurt?” he asked.

 

“A bit.”

 

There wasn’t even a second of hesitation on his tongue as he said, “Go get the oil from the bathroom and I’ll massage you.”

 

Relief rushed over Kazunari’s features. “Would you?”

 

“Yeah, so just go grab it.”

 

He followed Kazunari rush straight to the bathroom and come back with the small glass bottle of massage oil. Shintarou took it and cringed immediately to its sticky surface, and made a mental note to himself to clean it afterwards. He sat upright and settled his legs slightly apart, and without a word Kazunari plopped down on the floor between them and pulled off his shirt. The area around the man’s right shoulder was a little red, but Shintarou guessed it to be because of the rubbing Kazunari had made himself. “Here, you can press play,” he said and moved the remote to the man’s lap. He rolled up his sleeves and poured a small amount of oil in his palm, then rubbed his hands together and listened the first tunes of the opening song.

 

“Oh, you chose _this_ ,” Kazunari chirped and relaxed his upper body. “Remember when we went to see it together?”

 

“I do.” Shintarou pressed his slick palms on Kazunari’s shoulders and gently felt the tension underneath his skin. Immediately his lover groaned and trembled. He rubbed his thumbs beside the shoulder blades and frowned slightly. “Does this feel okay?”

 

“Mmh, a little harder,” moaned Kazunari and dipped his head slightly lower. He let out a chuckle and asked, “Do you remember the 3D glasses? They were seriously so much fun.”

 

“They looked ridiculous,” Shintarou murmured as he slid his fingertips along the muscle. Surely, the one on the right felt a lot tighter, and gently he worked his hand on that side towards his shoulder and nape. Every movement made Kazunari groan a little louder than previously no matter how gentle he tried to be. He heaved out a sigh and sank his fingers better to the shoulder that hardly stayed as relaxed as he would prefer it to be. In fact, Kazunari tensed it and tried to press the roundness of it against his ear as he squirmed on the floor. “Try to relax, you’re making this unnecessarily difficult.”

 

“I’m trying, I can’t help it that it hurts!” Kazunari lifted his gaze back seemingly towards the television and grumbled. “Can you rub my neck?”

 

Shintarou hummed and moved his hand upwards inch by inch, and when he finally got around to massage the stiff neck, Kazunari’s moans turned surprisingly erotic with a hint of pain under the tone. A frown settled to Shintarou’s face, and he tried to concentrate on the matter in hands. Very carefully he settled his hand around Kazunari’s neck, somehow afraid that he would accidentally strangle him – which was an absurd fear – and rubbed his thumb against the sorest spot he easily found by following the tone of the man’s groans and grunts. He moved to sit on the edge of the couch and solely concentrated on massaging his lover instead of watching the movie he had already seen few times. He tried to unravel the tension, and although after few minutes he felt like he was gaining some process, it surely wasn’t as easy as he had hoped to be. Kazunari’s skin now sticky and glossy, Shintarou huffed and stared at the spot where his hand joined with the man’s skin.

 

“Does the pain radiate from your neck to somewhere else?” he asked and tried to sound casual instead of using his doctor-voice.

 

Kazunari spent a moment thinking. “To my head. I’m having a headache.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “We’ll start with some painkillers, and you need to book yourself a time for a proper massage. It’s probably nothing more but sore muscles, maybe you’ve slept in a weird position or something… We’ll monitor, okay?”

 

“Babe, _please_.” Kazunari laughed and glanced at him over his shoulder. “Don’t diagnose me.”

 

“I’m not diagnosing you.”

 

“You so are.” He let out an overly dramatized sigh. “I hope they’ll give that job to you so you can start diagnosing actual patients instead of practicing on me again.”

 

“I’m just worried about you,” Shintarou quietly said and moved his hand back to Kazunari’s right shoulder blade. His voice sounded quite bitter. “I didn’t know it was such a sin.”

 

Kazunari looked at him properly over his shoulder and let out a more genuine smile. Although a smile twitched his lips still a little higher, it wasn’t quite as wide as it had been. “You know what I mean,” he said. “Don’t sulk now, it makes you look so much older.”

 

“I’m not sulking.”

 

“Right, right…” Kazunari parted his lips for another set of words but got cut off by the timer buzzing annoyingly loud in the kitchen. The slight tightness in his features dissolved, and as he pulled his shirt back on and wiggled his way out of the floor, he leaned towards Shintarou and gave him a sweet, lingering kiss. “Thanks for the massage, Doctor,” he murmured, his tone playful. “Now wipe that sulk away and I might give you some pizza when I get back.”

 

Shintarou grunted and paused the movie he no longer even followed when Kazunari hurried to the kitchen. The scent that faintly reached the living room made his stomach grumble and turn upside down few times, and pressing his hand against the tightness really didn’t help. He examined his hands and their slick surface, and as comfortable as he was in the couch at the moment, he forced himself up and in the bathroom to wash off the oil and warmth that had transferred from Kazunari’s body to his. By the time he dragged his old, tired bones back to the living room, Kazunari already waited for him. The sight of the two plates and readily sliced pizzas made his lips twitch to a hungry smile.

 

He settled back to the couch and in return, Kazunari found his usual spot under the crook of his arm. Fifteen minutes later all of the pizza was gone and Shintarou’s stomach stretched pleasantly, and he felt like he had a purring cat approaching his lap an inch by inch. He moved his hand back to Kazunari’s back and stroked it, and gained some kisses here and there to his neck whenever Kazunari felt like it. Huffing through his nose, he found himself much more interested in this movie than the previous one – it seemed to be the opposite case with the other man who constantly tried to get him distracted. Even when he received kisses on the corners of his mouth, he still kept his gaze fixed on the magical-looking scenery that he had first witnessed hand in hand with his loved one. He could still vividly see Kazunari wearing the silly glasses, and remembered how in the middle of the goofing around _he_ had been the one initiating the kiss. Thinking of that, Shintarou really had no other choice but to dip his head lower and surprise Kazunari by a kiss on the lips. Although Kazunari blinked at first, dumbfounded, soon he smiled so brightly and then settled cozily back to his spot.

 

Once they hit the halfway mark of the movie, Shintarou heard faint snoring right underneath his chin. Carefully he glanced down and saw a stain of drool on his shirt right underneath the spot where Kazunari had moved his lips. The man himself looked deep asleep, although there was some faint movement underneath his closed eyelids. His breath clogged every now and then to the point of making Shintarou twitchy, but soon Kazunari took a deep breath through his mouth and murmured something incoherent and unexplainable. Shintarou’s mouth softened, and he pushed down the volume of the movie and stroked Kazunari’s hair with his index finger. It didn’t wake him up, and he figured that _nothing_ was going to stir him awake from his sleep anymore. Looking at his lover being so peaceful, he felt drowsy as well. He wished he could have properly remembered the last time they had _actually_ stayed up late – the New Year’s night was hardly countable; they had only stayed up right after midnight –, but there was no chance of that. The realization that they had sneakily grown old hit Shintarou, but with Kazunari by his side it wasn’t as shocking as it could have been.

 

He weighed his options for few minutes and then resulted in closing the television. Only a small lamp in the corner illuminated the room, and he could hardly even see the bedroom door. He hooked one arm underneath Kazunari’s knees and supported the man’s back with his other, and had to actually use his strength to pick him up. His body trembled underneath the weight of another grown man, but Shintarou was determined to make it to the goal even if it meant few bruises and injuries along the way. He took trembling steps forward and prayed for every known deity to him so he wouldn’t drop Kazunari down on the hard floor; a broken leg was the last thing he needed, really. He wobbled but felt almost prince-like carrying his lover bridal style towards the bedroom. In his arms Kazunari swayed and grumbled a bit, and Shintarou only hoped that he would stay asleep.

 

That, on the other hand, was too much to ask.

 

Slowly Kazunari rubbed his eyes and let out a high-pitched yawn under his breath. “Nn… Shin-chan? What are you doing…?”

 

“Shh, just sleep.” Shintarou would have preferred a sleeping-like-a-log Kazunari who didn’t move and wiggle in his arms and make the load a lot heavier. “I’m taking you to bed, so fall asleep again.”

 

Kazunari groaned but said nothing more, just pressed his head back against Shintarou’s chest and huffed few times rather loudly. Shintarou’s muscles quivered – carrying the other around was as good as any exercise, he now realized –, and he hurried the final steps through the door and beside the bed. With a bit too much force he plopped Kazunari down on the bed, and his lover moaned and rolled on his other side. It didn’t look like he was too much awake anymore, and Shintarou sighed from relief. His next challenge was to help the languid body to get rid of all the extra clothing, but he managed with surprising ease, although it was thanks to Kazunari rolling around like he so often did. Shintarou was rather pleased with himself as he got to tuck in the man underneath the warm covers, and for a moment he simply stood there and looked at him.

 

After a sweet moment he circled the bed, removed his glass and stripped himself down to his underwear, and slipped under the blanket as well. He inched closer until he held Kazunari in his arms, something he never really got tired of, buried his nose to the hair and breathed in the scent of a sickly sweet shampoo. When he closed his eyes, he thought of the younger versions of them and was sure they would have never thought that one day they’d end up like this. He smiled and had to bite his lower lip to prevent himself from chuckling.


	11. Black Horse

Through the car’s window Kazunari watched the city’s tall buildings turn into winter wonderland-like suburb of lush snow piles and more space than he even remembered. The tune of the song playing on radio was an upbeat one, but it wasn’t quite correlating with his mood that made his chest tighten every time Shintarou turned around another corner. He ran his hand over his thigh and knee several times and took deep breaths, but still couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he shouldn’t have been sitting in the car right now. It hadn’t been the most pleasant feeling to wake up in the morning to his lover whispering in his ear how certain Akashi Seijuurou wanted to meet up and he should probably come along, too. The moment still hit his insides like a ton of ice cubes poured in from the cleavage, and Kazunari shuddered. He wasn’t exactly convinced if the invitation had really included _him_ , too, or if it was a Shintarou-only kind of thing, but his lover had insisted and here he was.

 

His nausea was probably best explained with the fact that he was just a tiny bit scared of the said Akashi Seijuurou.

 

He glanced at Shintarou and felt guilt puncture his heart with its claws as he saw just how _happy_ the man looked like. Shintarou might have not admitted it himself, but it always seemed like he did enjoy meeting up with some old friends, and Kazunari didn’t want to deny that from him. The only question that circled in his mind was why he had to come along, too. If those bright eyes that belonged to Seijuurou would stare at him a second too long, surely he’d wet his pants. Not to mention how incredibly intimidating it was to watch two intelligent men have a conversation right in front of his eyes while he didn’t know what the hell to say himself. Kazunari pressed his forehead against the window that transferred coldness to his skin and made his brains feel even more frozen than before. Enduring would be his goal for today; Shintarou had done the same for him when they had met with Tetsuya, so surely he could survive Seijuurou. Surely…

 

Still he couldn’t resist the urge to ask for the umpteenth time, “Are you really sure it’s fine for me to come along, too?”

 

“Of course it is,” Shintarou patiently said yet again. “Akashi said himself that if you’re free, you should come along as well.”

 

“But isn’t it going to be awkward if you two want to catch up and everything and then your partner’s there hanging around like… ‘here I am, nice to see you, we’ve never even properly talked to each other but hi anyway’?”

 

“What are you being nervous about?” Shintarou cut to the chase and looked at Kazunari as he stopped by the red light.

 

“I’m not nervous.” Kazunari rubbed his nape and stroked some hair behind his ear. “I’m just…”

 

“What?”

 

_I can’t say your BFF from middle school intimidates me, can I?_ he pondered in his mind and then shook his head and pushed a smile on his lips. “It’s nothing, Shin-chan. I’m happy I can come along, it’s good to see some familiar faces again, yeah?”

 

“You’re right.”

 

Shintarou actually smiled and made Kazunari forget all about his nervousness. He watched the man’s profile as he once again concentrated on driving, and as he cast his own gaze back to the window that had gotten tickled by frost, the knots in his stomach weren’t as tight as they had been before. He was able to take deep breaths through his nose, relax and concentrate on the happy pop song that filled the car. He even sang along for few verses and gained a look from Shintarou, but he merely winked back and sang a note too high just because he could. It was his method to unwind, and maybe Shintarou understood it as well since he didn’t tell him to stop like he usually did.

 

The drive to the edge of the city wasn’t a long one but quiet and peaceful considering the traffic. Perhaps a bit too fast Shintarou stopped the car in the middle of the seemingly abandoned road, and Kazunari peeked outside through the frost. On one side stood a large estate belonging to the Akashi mansion – on the other side, however, spread another estate belonging to another Akashi mansion. His brows arched higher in awe, and he knew that their apartment back in the heart of the city was nothing compared to these two big houses that could have been snatched straight from few centuries back. With ease his heart dropped to his knees as Shintarou eyed the houses back and forth as well, and then pushed the pedal again. Somehow, Kazunari found his lips slightly dropped open when they turned towards the smaller of the mansions – in his mind he had been able to picture Seijuurou perfectly in the bigger and more decorative one. Compared to that, the smaller looked almost _modest_. Still it was something he could never afford in his entire life, probably not even if he’d win the lottery first thing the following day.

 

His pulse beat irregularly as Shintarou stopped on the front yard that looked like one from children’s princess tales. The snow had piled beautifully over the edges of a stone fountain, and the yard glimmered under the sun that had come out of the veil of clouds. Bravely Kazunari stepped out of the car and buried his head under a multi-colored, gaudy beanie – he had a matching one with Shintarou, and he had to admit that his other half looked more dashing than he did. They changed a look over the hood of the car, and when he slammed the car’s door shut, almost as if on a cue the front door of the house opened as well.

 

Seijuurou surely looked like a sight on his own; the brightness of his red hair could have been seen miles away, and the black earmuffs he wore only showed the shade off even better. If Kazunari squinted his eyes, it looked like the man had grown few inches the last time he had seen him, and suddenly he feared that he would be the shortest of them all. He took a sharp inhale through his mouth and followed Shintarou’s steps forward, cowered ever so slightly behind his lover’s broad and very safe back. There really was no personal grudge he would have held towards the other man, in fact, he was more than grateful that there had been someone with Shintarou before he had gotten involved with him. Yet he got a remainder why this idea had felt so bad in his gut when they were close enough, and Seijuurou laid his eyes at him. Kazunari’s core tightened immediately, and his nostrils flared. He bumped into Shintarou who looked at him, and because of that look Kazunari knew he couldn’t really escape anymore even if he wanted to.

 

“Shintarou.” Seijuurou’s voice sounded kind, but one could never be sure. There was a peaceful smile on his lips, nonetheless, as he cast his eyes up to Shintarou. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

 

“Just fine, a little busy with my life.” Shintarou surprised Kazunari by wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Surely the sixteen or seventeen year old version of him would have never done that, and it was exactly the thought that made Kazunari’s eyes widen so. Beside his lover he felt safe, however, and gladly pressed his body against the gesture that felt more reassuring than anything else. From up close he watched Shintarou’s lips part to a question of, “And I guess you’ve been doing fine, too?”

 

Seijuurou nodded. “I’ve been… a little busy with my life, too, as you put it.” He inched his eyes to Kazunari and smiled, although not as much as he did to Shintarou. “I’m happy you came as well, Kazunari.”

 

“My pleasure,” he hastily said, his syllables a little tangled to each other from the nerves that gnawed the part of his brains that was in charge of his mouth. He offered Seijuurou a smile, however, a wider than he had first considered giving, but the accident had already happened and the man didn’t seem too bothered with it. As Seijuurou stopped right in front of them, Kazunari realized that the inevitable had happened and he had, in fact, turned into the shortest person by few centimeters. It wasn’t that great of a discovery for his bravery.

 

“Should we go to the back, then?” Seijuurou arched his brows higher ever so slightly.

 

Shintarou nodded and let go of Kazunari who shuddered underneath his warm clothing. He had half-expected to get inside and cozily sit in front of a fireplace while being able to snack on something delicious, but it seemed that the men had a different view of the day as they tread a small path craved in the midst of the snow. Kazunari stayed behind few steps to give them a chance to talk, and talk they indeed did; he couldn’t recognize the words apart, but Shintarou’s posture looked relaxed, and that’s all he wanted.

 

In the middle of the path he stopped and looked around to take in the view of the estate. If it was supposed to be a small one, he couldn’t even comprehend exactly how large the one across the road would be. He breathed deep, and the frost nipped his nose that he rubbed with his mitten, but it didn’t help that much. Pulling the hat deeper to his head, Kazunari glanced at the men’s backs moving away from him one step at a time, and then examined the pure, untouched snow by his side. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to sink down on his knees and make a snow angel, but resisted the urge – he had a hunch someone might have wanted to keep the snowy scenery the way it was. He took slow steps forward. The sun made everything sparkle, the rays mostly hitting the snow that hooded over the tall trees like thick blankets.

 

The path squirmed through the front yard and circled around the main building to the back, and once Kazunari saw what exactly was _in the back_ , he froze dead on his tracks. In front of him rose an adorable little house, but in front of that adorable house stood the men with horses. Not one horse, or two, but _three_ horses, and one of them stared straight into his eyes and his soul. His heart jumped to his throat, and barely he managed to force himself forward. Shintarou was still busy talking with Seijuurou, but he did turn to look at him as he stumbled towards the house he now realized was a stable. Who the hell even owned a stable of their own nowadays? Kazunari’s brows cocked higher as he stopped in front of the pitch-black horse that supposedly was going to be his. Its eyes were slightly menacing as it kept staring directly at him, as if it would devour him any second now. Horses had never bothered him, but this one caused his stomach to tense.

 

“I was thinking of taking you for a ride,” Seijuurou explained mostly to him, and Shintarou nodded beside the man. Kazunari’s nostrils flared, and his heart stopped beating for a moment when the horse bumped its muzzle gently against his head. A smile illuminated Seijuurou’s features. “I hope you don’t mind, Kazunari.”

 

“No, I don’t… That’s fine, really.” _Apart from the fact that I don’t know how the hell to ride a horse_.

 

That he didn’t say aloud, not when Shintarou looked as excited as he did at the moment with his lips tugged upwards. Kazunari swallowed down a great sigh that wanted to escape him and patted the horse that now permanently stood by his side. Its black mane was glossy and looking very fabulous, but the size of the horse itself was a bit more than he had ever expected. How was he supposed to climb over to the saddle? The men did it with ease, and Kazunari couldn’t help but stare at his lover who he had never even seen on top of a horse. Apparently something hadn’t been told to him – something like Shintarou being able to ride a horse –, but he didn’t bother to question it as he turned his head from his lover back to the horse that kept pushing its muzzle towards him.

 

“Calm down,” he mumbled under his breath and stroked the horse’s mane. “I’ll get on top of you in a second, just give me some time to think.” Kazunari decided to swallow the droplets of pride he had in his body, took a deep inhale and said, “Guys, the problem is that I don’t know how to… ride…”

 

He trailed off as he looked over his shoulder and saw that Shintarou and Seijuurou were nowhere to be seen; only trampled snow remained on the spot where they had been a second ago. Kazunari puffed his cheeks full of air and let it out sharply, and his lips curled to a pout. His brows drew in to a deep frown, and he shook his head in bemusement. What was he supposed to do _now_? He squinted his eyes and couldn’t even properly tell just which direction the two of them had left – the snow looked ugly everywhere on the ground, after all. Without a warning his beanie dipped to the side, and a second later he realized that the top of it was in the horse’s mouth.

 

“Hey!” He snatched the hat back to himself and pushed it down to his head. “Easy, uh… girl? Are you a girl?” In a moment of confusion he crouched towards the ground and then pushed his legs straight right away. “Okay, you’re a girl. Just calm down, I’m sure I’ll figure this out in a second.”

 

She merely neighed.

 

Kazunari circled around her and stared at the saddle, but had no idea how to get on her. Surely there were _things_ tangling from the saddle, but how exactly would they help him? Shintarou probably had it easy with his tall frame, but when he envisioned himself trying to do it, all he saw was he falling on his ass to the ground. He huffed and rubbed his cheek with the mitten, then let out another frustrated gruff. Annoyance crawled over his skin and created goose bumps, something that he didn’t feel too often; thus, when it visited his body, it always felt more intense than usual. They should have waited for him. As much as he appreciated that there was someone Shintarou got along so well, he felt like a silly third wheel. If he’d go back and sit in the car, would Shintarou blow up at him when they would get home?

 

Not even one step did he manage to take when the horse pressed her black muzzle back against his head. Kazunari sucked his lips in and looked at her. “What do you want, girl?” he asked and tried to sound reasonably calm. It wasn’t her fault that she had been abandoned, after all. She neighed loudly and threw her head slightly back, which made the mane flow in the air. He couldn’t help but smile, and as he looked around, he spotted a bucketful of apples. His smile widened to a grin. “Is it the apples that you want? Should I give you one?” Not sure why he bothered to talk aloud (although it did feel appropriate), he stepped closer and grabbed an apple to himself. He held it in his palm, and within seconds she munched it.

 

“You like that?” He stroked her muzzle and sighed. “It’s just you and me now… We might as well eat some apples, right? No harm in apples.” _Unless you’re allergic to them and I end up killing Seijuurou’s horse_ , he thought and shuddered. Surely that wasn’t the case, or so he prayed. Seijuurou’s wrath probably topped with Shintarou’s anger was absolutely the final thing he needed in his life, but she didn’t look too ill as she finished the apple. Kazunari patted her back and plopped down on the nearby stool, crossed his leg over another and rested his chin on his palm. He had no other choice but to wait for the men to come back. Maybe it was a good thing, to have some bonding time together.

 

Over a branch from the nearby tree some snow fell down on the ground and created a taller pile. Kazunari whistled a tune that had been stuck in his head for few days now and tried to ignore the coldness that threatened to coat his bones. He would have preferred to wait inside in some warmth, but beggars can’t be choosers, he figured and pursed his lips in thought. The tip of his nose was ice-cold, and all he really wanted was few kisses to it to make him feel better. A sigh trickled from his mouth, and it turned into white vapor in the cold. He watched it float above his head and towards the treetops, until the sun nearly blinded him. His chin tipped above the sky, he stared at the blueness that didn’t look like it belonged to winter. Few daring birds flew across the icy blue, and he parted his lips in another shaky breath.

 

“Kazunari,” an amused tone called him.

 

The sound of trotting tore his attention from the sky to Shintarou followed by Seijuurou. Honestly, his lover looked good on a horse, and Kazunari couldn’t help but smile.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou’s brows arched higher. “I was thinking where the hell you went.”

 

Thankfully Kazunari could blame the redness on his cheeks to the temperature. He chuckled and bit his bottom lip as he looked at him. “You know, I just really don’t know how to ride, so I just thought I’d stay here with her.”

 

“You can ride with Shintarou,” Seijuurou said as it was the most obvious thing in the moment. “I’m sure Shintarou doesn’t mind… Do you now?”

 

“Not at all.” Shintarou actually _grinned_ and offered his hand towards Kazunari. “Do you feel like coming up here with me?”

 

“I don’t know how,” Kazunari admitted but got himself back up on his feet, and took the steps towards the horse that didn’t look quite as majestic as his black one. “So you gotta help me if you want me up there with you.”

 

It seemed that Shintarou didn’t hesitate for one moment to get down from the horse. Before Kazunari could muster out any clever retort, his lover’s hands were already by his waist, and like a little child he was being lifted up. He let out an accidental scream, which gained a neigh from the horse that surely wasn’t happy to get _him_ out of all the people on the saddle, but there he was, sitting on a horse. He breathed hard through his nose and wondered if anyone had ever died by falling off a horse’s back. The sudden thought made his insides cripple with fear, but it didn’t have the time to take over when he felt Shintarou’s body already pressing against his own from behind. It was his lover who took the reigns, and Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder.

 

“Aren’t you being proud of being able to do this?” he teased.

 

To his surprise, he got an actual kiss on his lips right underneath Seijuurou’s eyes. Shintarou’s nose was as cold as his. “Just a little,” the man complied.

 

Kazunari shook his head, and once they were moving, he tuned out of the men’s conversation and spent his energy on glancing around the view. He pressed his back better against Shintarou’s chest buried in a warm jacket and closed his eyes, and listened the deep voice of the man he loved while enjoying the very first horse ride of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who watched the first ep of the new season?! I was so pumped about it, and then I saw Midorima and Takao moving and talking again! It was _perfect_. ~~I can't wait to see them cry~~


	12. Heartstrings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer was he interested in being two separate units, rather, he wanted to thaw into one that would never be apart.

If Kazunari pressed his ear harder against Shintarou’s chest and really concentrated, he could hear the pulse of the lazy heart and the speed that blood gushed through the veins. He moved his arm better over Shintarou’s naked body and closed his eyes. The whiff of a cologne twirled in his nose, and although it was a pleasant scent, he would have preferred smelling the man himself. A hum rumbled within his throat, but when he parted his lips it turned into a small whimper that made Shintarou tighten his grasp from him. So very drowsily Kazunari opened his eyes again and was still in the middle of the process of calming down his breath. The muscles inside him clenched, and he felt droplets of stickiness between his buttocks.

 

Speckles of dust floated around in the sunlight that got in from the curtains drawn out of the way. If someone had binoculars and stood in the opposite building, surely they would have caught them naked in each other’s embraces, but neither of them got up to get the curtains back in front of the window. Kazunari sighed softly and examined the dust’s gentle flowing in the strips of sunshine that systematically created a pattern in the room. He blinked slowly and took in another sniff of the musky cologne that was little by little being overpowered by sweat. He actually preferred that.

 

He fixed his gaze on Shintarou’s skin and began to count the goose bumps on the chest. The nipple he saw was still perked, the color of it vivid deep red, delicious, inviting, and he had to press his lips against it. Shintarou trembled underneath him, and Kazunari offered the chest a sluggish smile. When he pulled back, the nub glistened with saliva and looked so very beautiful that he could hardly imagine it. He circled his fingertip around the hardness, and if he squeezed his other eye shut and examined the spot closely, he could see the area around the nipple quiver. Maybe it was the coldness, maybe it was another wave of arousal, but whatever the actual explanation of it was, it still made Kazunari smile. He let his soft sigh trickle against the warm skin of the bare chest, and with his palm properly stroked the area. He trailed his fingers towards the armpit and then pulled back, drew vague shapes over the goose bumps that he found so adorable.

 

He counted to three and only then glanced up, his brows arching ever so slightly. Stubble tried so desperately to push out of the tender skin of Shintarou’s skin, and it felt rough against his lips when he kissed the sharp curve. It made Shintarou grumble, and the sound vibrated in his chest and underneath Kazunari’s palm. He closed his eyes again and kissed the same spot, with his lips examined the rough surface that usually wasn’t there because Shintarou didn’t allow it to grow to a stubble. Whether it had now been laziness or an experiment, Kazunari felt giddy like a child about it, although the mental image of Shintarou with a beard made him want to chuckle uncontrollably. The first note of the chuckle he muffled against the man’s jaw, however, kissed along the line of the slightly corded neck and returned back to the chest.

 

There was nothing that could have made him feel quite as safe as the warmth wrapping around his naked body did. Shintarou’s hands felt soft, and the fingertips like little spiders hurrying along his spine. Kazunari squirmed and felt his abdomen heat, which on the other hand brought tingling around his body although it mostly concentrated on his chest and heartstrings. A short huff of a breath trickled from his parted lips, and he entangled his damp body better against Shintarou’s. He sort of felt like a child, cradled in the safety of arms that he so loved, and he wouldn’t change this particular moment to anything in the world. Quietly laying like this made Kazunari’s heart pound impossibly under its bony cage, and the butterflies that had nestled a home in his stomach ever since he was seventeen fluttered around so freely. Wherever Shintarou touched him, he tingled, and a matching set of goose bumps invaded him. He quivered. Shintarou pulled the blanket over the both of them and hummed.

 

The silence prolonged, although it wasn’t quite a silent moment for Kazunari who focused on listening the beat of Shintarou’s heart. His own organ soon mimicked the rhythm and beat lazily in his chest. He wished his skin could melt against Shintarou’s and join them for good. No longer was he interested in being two separate units, rather, he wanted to thaw into one that would never be apart.

 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Shintarou murmured. His voice strained, and if it was a cord, it surely would have snapped any moment now.

 

Kazunari looked up and into the green eyes that keenly examined him. He had never been sure what the color reminded him of, moss or grass, the leaves of early summer or sour apples, but he was in love with the color, especially when it looked down at him so softly. A smile twitched his lips higher, and he spotted dimples on Shintarou’s skin. One by one he kissed them, then stretched his neck to press his mouth against Shintarou’s. He could feel the man’s pulse on his lips, although he merely tasted the salty flavor of himself in the plumpness. Kazunari tilted his head, felt his lips stickily attach themselves to his lover’s, and pulled back with a quiet, moist sound that echoed in the otherwise silent room.

 

“I’m not sure what I’d do without you, either,” he whispered. The words took him over and made him sigh, made the back of his eyes itch, and without warning thick tears hazed his vision. He chuckled and tried to rub them away, but Shintarou brushed them off one by one with this thumb. It didn’t matter how many years or days or hours he spent together with the man, Kazunari still felt flutters and tingles like needles on his skin when he cast his eyes at Shintarou. It made him cry, not because of sadness but because of the joy that he had found a person who wouldn’t laugh at his tears but would stroke them away without a word.

 

It tugged his winding heartstrings. With moistness in his eyes, he pushed himself up and kissed so very gently Shintarou’s lips again, and buried himself to the warmth that would be his forever.


	13. Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cut himself short when he saw _that_ in Shintarou’s hands. _That_ was a porn DVD, and it wasn’t supposed to be in plain sight.

**13 th OF JANUARY, 20XX  
** _\- second year of high school-_

Like a headless chicken Kazunari walked around the empty house and tried to tidy up. The pillows on the living room couch looked disorganized, and although he had never bothered before to get them in some specific order, he now found himself almost obsessed with it. He settled them nicely on one corner, and then moved all of them to the other until he scattered them around. They had to be perfect, after all, he was probably going to spend most the time on the couch with Shintarou than anywhere else. Sure, they were _dating_ – sort of, at least. They hadn’t kissed or held hands or anything, instead, they had just been like they had always been, on the friend basis that Kazunari had wanted to get out of for so long. A year of pining after his best friend, and here he finally was, ready to take the next step.

 

There was really no better way to do it than have a quiet day alone at his place as his parents were out. Who knew, maybe they would finally start acting like they were _actually_ dating.

 

As the pillows were in a suitable position, Kazunari changed the compulsion to himself. He hurried to the hallway and looked at himself through the mirror with narrowed eyes. Were sweatpants too casual? Jeans might have been too much, though, if they’d end up cuddling… The thought made him sneer. Shintarou, _cuddling_ – that was as good as any joke. He tried to smile to his reflection, but gravity pulled the corners of his lips downwards. It might have been a joke, but he _wanted_ cuddling and snuggling and all those normal things that people usually did when they were together. After all, he was so attracted and infatuated with Shintarou that it was almost hard to believe.

 

His insides turned cold without a warning. What if Shintarou had only said ‘yes’ because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings? Kazunari’s eyes widened. Surely Shintarou wouldn’t do that. Kazunari’s core tensed, and although he tried to relax, it wasn’t very helpful. Once fear coated his bones and intestines, it no longer dissolved. They had been going out together for over a week now, so what was the problem? Maybe they weren’t sharing the same feelings. Kazunari sucked his bottom lip so much it hurt, but even then he didn’t let go. He worked his fingers through his hair and stared at the anguish in his reflection that hardly suited him. The wrinkles on his forehead made him look so old, and he worried they made him look less attractive. His thoughts ran with the speed of a train ready to be wrecked, and he only stopped when he smacked himself on the cheek.

 

“Idiot,” he huffed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and once he opened them, a smile popped to his lips. It illuminated his whole face, and suddenly he felt so much better again.

 

His usual chirpiness disappeared as soon as the doorbell rang. He inhaled sharply and wanted to run around the house once more to make sure that there was nothing that would put off Shintarou, but he also didn’t want to make the guy wait. The decision he made in the fraction of a second, and so he took few stumbling steps to the front door and swung it open with a bit too much power than he had actually intended. He settled the brightest, most brilliant smile on his lips to make sure that Shintarou felt welcomed and _loved_ the moment he took the first step in.

 

Shintarou didn’t look _that_ enthusiastic, though, as he stood on the doorway, buried deep in layers and layers of clothing but even still he seemed to tremble. The snow falling down the sky didn’t look as thick as it had been in the morning, and Kazunari peeked upwards to see their gentle pace. Only then did he properly fix his gaze to Shintarou who stared at him behind the foggy glasses. Kazunari couldn’t help but snort. “Don’t look so sour before you even get in, Shin-chan,” he chirped and took a step to the side to let the taller boy inside. Shintarou’s steps were amusingly slow, and he stood in the hallway like a frozen yeti.

 

“You wouldn’t be smiling like that if you had to stand there,” he promised.

 

“Come on, it’s just a bit of snow!”

 

“It’s a _lot_ of snow.” Shintarou’s teeth shuddered together as he peeled off the thick jacket and hung it beside Kazunari’s. “I couldn’t even have my lucky item with me, the damn snow would have ruined it.”

 

Kazunari cocked his brows higher. “What was it, then?”

 

“A paper umbrella.”

 

He tried his best not to laugh; he knew how serious Shintarou took his luck, and he really didn’t want to get on his bad side first thing – that surely wasn’t the key to unlocking cuddling. When he thought he had his laughing reflex under control, he cleared his throat and looked up at the other. “I think we have some of those in some wardrobe if you want one.”

 

“I might manage without one.”

 

Kazunari shook his head in amusement and took jumpy, twitchy (and highly nervous) steps towards the living room, and heard Shintarou diligently follow him without a word. So proudly he stopped by the couch and waited for him to say something about the neatly organized pillows, but Shintarou merely plopped down. Kazunari’s lips curled to a pout, and he huffed. He swallowed his disappointment, and as much as he wanted to sit down as well and then slowly start the game of ‘ _how close to him can I inch before he becomes suspicious and we can’t cuddle_ ’, but he remained on his feet and looked at Shintarou with a tilted head. His thoughts wandered as he examined the green eyes staring at him, the lips that slightly parted and looked so very kissable. When exactly would they finally kiss, anyway? Kazunari moistened his lips and let out a sharp sigh between them. There was something about Shintarou’s long frame that made his stomach tighten so very much and heat swirl within.

 

“What?” Shintarou suddenly asked and made Kazunari jolt out of his thoughts.

 

“Huh?”

 

“What are you staring at?”

 

“Nothing, nothing!” Kazunari grinned brightly and entwined his fingers to each other behind his back. “You want something to drink?”

 

Shintarou thought for a moment. “Water’s fine.”

 

“Aye, aye, sir, one water coming right up.”

 

Kazunari thought he saw a hint of blush in Shintarou’s cheeks, but he didn’t get to double-check it as his legs already led him to the kitchen. His fingers shuddered from excitement, and he was suddenly all smiles. This seemed to be going well, wasn’t it? Sure, Shintarou had only been there for few silly minutes, but Kazunari couldn’t help but feel that maybe today was going to be _the_ day. He thought of how warm the other’s body must have been, how the long arms would wrap themselves around him and pull him closer and never want to let go. If he was lucky, he could get kisses on the cheek and forehead, too, maybe some on the lips… Like an idiot he chuckled and grinned to himself as he poured water to two glasses. Butterflies raced around in his stomach like little daredevils, and he absolutely loved the feeling. The same insects had been inside him for a full year already, though he still didn’t get tired of them.

 

“Oi, Kazunari!” echoed from the living room.

 

“Yeah?” he called back.

 

“What is this… indecent thing here?”

 

“Huh?” he asked but no longer got a response. As a light frown settled between his eyes, Kazunari grabbed the glasses to himself and retraced his steps back to where he had come from. “What thing are you talking—“

 

He cut himself short when he saw _that_ in Shintarou’s hands. _That_ was a porn DVD, and it wasn’t supposed to be in plain sight. It was supposed to be buried deep under his bed, but there it was, safely in Shintarou’s hands, and Shintarou himself looked at it with slightly widened and terrified eyes. A lump rose to Kazunari’s throat and he couldn’t swallow it. The cold glasses in his grasp trembled, and for few seconds he stood still as coldness invaded his insides. Then, he moved as fast as he could and put the glasses down, and snatched the DVD from Shintarou’s hands. He chuckled nervously and tried not to look at the two naked, lanky men in the dark cover of it.

 

“This is, uh… This is, Miyaji gave it to me earlier, I wanted to, I meant to, it’s not supposed to be here.” He laughed again and shook his head, and didn’t really know what to do with himself. All the color ran out of his cheeks. “It’s… You know, it’s, it’s porn, yeah?”

 

“Takao.” Shintarou’s voice rumbled. His features were red from his collarbones to the very end of his green hairline. “Did you call me here just to watch that?”

 

“What? No, no, I promise, Shin-chan!”

 

“But it’s…” Shintarou parted his lips in a clear attempt to speak, but nothing came out at first. He cleared his throat and looked so embarrassed that Kazunari felt even more ashamed, and swayed his hands in order to explain whatever was on his mind. “It’s… two, you know. Two… _men_.”

 

Kazunari’s brows furrowed harder and caused a slight ache underneath his forehead. He took a deep breath and stopped panicking for a second, and glanced down at the cover again. Slowly he nodded and looked up at Shintarou. “Yeah, it’s… Mm. I’ve never watched porn like that before,” he lied under his breath. Truthfully, he _had_ watched two men do it, and had honestly found it more arousing than anything other. He tightened his grasp from the DVD and still wanted to bury himself deep underground. Shintarou stared at him, and under that stare Kazunari squirmed. “I’ll just go put it upstairs, you know, for… later use.”

 

“Wait,” Shintarou breathed after Kazunari had managed to take step and a half. He no longer looked directly at Kazunari. “Have you watched it?”

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

“Do you think it would be, mm… graphic?”

 

“Probably,” Kazunari slowly said. He arched his brows higher. “Do you want to watch it?”

 

He didn’t need a verbal answer as the bright redness of Shintarou’s face told everything. His heart jumped to his throat. Were they really going to watch _porn_ together? They hadn’t even cuddled or kissed or snuggled or touched each other, but they would watch porn together. There was something absolutely alluring in that. Kazunari hurried in front of the television before Shintarou would change his mind and sank on his knees to put on the DVD player. In the back of his head his pulse beat insane, and his skin tingled. He would see Shintarou’s reactions so close, maybe see him aroused… There would definitely be arousal in _his_ body, if he really were to watch two men have sex while sitting right beside his own boyfriend. He pressed play and scurried to the couch as well.

 

The first tunes of a cheesy music made the corners of his mouth tense. He rubbed his palms to his knees and glanced at Shintarou whose gaze was nailed at the television. For sure Kazunari knew that Shintarou had never watched anything like this – the guy seemed a bit too prune for that, after all –, and it only made his insides heat up even more. He didn’t even dare to breathe as he listened Shintarou’s heavy inhales. Reluctantly he watched a young looking man fill the screen, and within minutes his shirt was already gone. Kazunari tried to relax on the couch but couldn’t. Already he felt a twitch in his pants, and yanked a pillow over his crotch just in case.

 

The music died as soon as the second guy walked in to the plain room with nothing but bed in it. Kazunari had seen enough of similar things to know where it would lead, and soon he heard Shintarou gasp when both of the men were stripped down to their underwear. Their bulges were very large and very _visible_ , and intently Kazunari stared at them and felt his cock jerk underneath all the fabric. He wanted to shove his hand down his pants and start lazily stroke himself, but didn’t dare to. Carefully he glanced at Shintarou from the corner of his eye and breathed more roughly than before. Shintarou’s profile looked so sharp as he intensely watched the men slump down on the bed, and Kazunari had to swallow down a whimper when Shintarou’s Adam’s apple bounced down so heavily.

 

“I don’t understand,” Shintarou whispered. His voice dragged. “How are they… going to…”

 

“I think you’ll— _Oh_ , yup. I knew it.”

 

It was difficult _not_ to see one of the guys pounding hard inside the other’s ass, when the camera was nearly pressed against the spot where they joined together. Through hooded eyes Kazunari looked at it and chewed his bottom lip, and could no longer hold himself back. He sneaked his hand under the pillow and into his underwear, and took a hold of his hardening cock that pumped excitement all around his body. If only one day Shintarou would do that to him, too… He parted his lips and let out a sigh. He had always imagined Shintarou’s member to be big enough for it to actually hurt (he based his imagination on the height of the other), and the thought now made the hole between his buttocks pucker and plead for something inside.

 

Kazunari rested the back of his head better against the couch and closed his eyes, and worked his hand in fast tugs over his dick. He tried his best to not look suspicious at all, but the pillow on his thighs hardly covered anything, and he no longer cared. The moans that echoed from the television made him thrust his hips forward. He tightened his grasp from his cock and worked his fingers upwards, and then rubbed the leaking tip fiercely. Maybe once in his life he’d know how it felt to have sex with someone he loved; maybe that one time Shintarou would comply and let loose himself, too. His cock now hard underneath his damp palm, he whimpered quietly and stroked himself from the base to the very tip. He imagined it to be Shintarou and squirmed.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

It was the cruelest way to tear him out of his fantasy. His hand froze to his hard-on, and he whimpered again, itched to keep rubbing himself but couldn’t. Slowly he turned to look at Shintarou whose eyes were at him despite the steamy, naked sight on the television. Kazunari knew he had fucked up, and knew that within seconds Shintarou would get up and leave and they would no longer be boyfriends or even regular friends. He pressed his cheek hard against the couch and gritted his teeth in an attempt to try and find the words. _It’s not what it looks like_ wouldn’t probably work – it was pretty obvious what he was doing. He swallowed but couldn’t get rid of the clenching ache down his throat. A frown knitted his brows together, and slowly he pulled his hand back over the pillow. His fingers gleamed with pre-cum but he didn’t bother wiping them.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I can’t help it… I just want you to touch me like that.”

 

He was sure of the fact that without a word Shintarou would leave, but he startled when instead the other boy inched closer until their bodies were nearly pressed against each other. Kazunari’s eyes widened as he stared at Shintarou, and before he could utter out a single word, he already felt a pair of moist lips against his own. He hummed and very soon relaxed, although confusion still swirled in his mind. The background music was the porn stars’ moans, and he found himself quietly moaning as well when Shintarou kissed him so deeply. For a moment he thought he had fallen asleep, but when a tongue trailed inside his mouth and started a wild yet clumsy dance with his, Kazunari had to admit that this was reality. He moaned in Shintarou’s mouth and let his lower body writhe in agony; he wrapped his arm around the other’s shoulder and pulled him closer. The kiss was absolutely insane, and it made his thoughts turn into jelly and his body burning hot.

 

Grudgingly he let Shintarou pull back. He looked into his eyes and then closed his own when Shintarou pressed his forehead against his. “What are _you_ doing?” he murmured.

 

So very carefully Shintarou tugged the pillow on Kazunari’s lap. “I’m going to touch you,” he muttered with a hoarse voice.

 

“You don’t have to.” Kazunari stole a quick peck.

 

“I know.”

 

His thighs tensed when the pillow dropped to the floor, and he realized that Shintarou was serious; the greenness in his eyes indeed looked rather sharp. Kazunari pushed his pants and underwear to his mid-thigh and allowed freedom to his hard-on that so proudly stood up right underneath Shintarou’s gaze. He chewed the inside of his cheek and worried if the other was going to find it off-putting, but when Shintarou wrapped his hand harshly around his length and drew out a moan from him, Kazunari realized that such thoughts were irrelevant. He closed his eyes and threw his head back. Although Shintarou’s movements were so very clumsy and the strokes he gave so damn hard, Kazunari’s hips trembled. He allowed luscious moans out of his mouth, and with ease he was louder than either of the men on the DVD.

 

Kazunari arched his back, and the moan that escaped him came straight from his throat. In Shintarou’s palm his dick twitched and jerked, and he he felt so deliciously vividly how the tension started to gather in the very pit of his abdomen. He cracked his eyes slightly open and watched Shintarou and the alarming speed that a deeper flush rose to his cheeks. A little glance downwards made Kazunari gasp even louder than another hard tug, because he clearly saw a bulge in Shintarou’s pants, and it was a bulge he wanted to desperately take care of. Rather blindly he planted his hand over the other’s crotch and made him grumble.

 

Without a word he pushed his hand underneath the fabric that hid Shintarou’s member and flicked his fingers over the tip that felt swollen. Determined, Kazunari yanked the pants and boxers lower, and in awe stared at the hard cock that he had dreamed of for a while already. It might have not been as thick and long as it always was in his imagination, but it sure as hell didn’t let him down in any way. He mimicked Shintarou’s movements and caressed the other, and soon they were both moaning and squirming, their bodies jerking like the fully naked ones on the television. Kazunari’s mind rang, and he hardly believed that this was happening. The usually so calm and collected Shintarou now looked ready to do some serious ravaging as his hair drooped slightly over his forehead. Kazunari wanted to crawl over him but didn’t push his luck, and instead kept the movement of his hand steady on Shintarou’s cock.

 

“How do you like it?” His whisper was hasty and coarse. “Tell me, _please_ …”

 

“I-I…” Shintarou looked positively shocked, but his hand didn’t stop moving on Kazunari. “T-The… vein underneath…”

 

Almost hungrily Kazunari slid his fingertips on the underside of Shintarou’s erection and found a thick, pulsing vein with ease. He flicked it and then thumbed it, and it indeed made Shintarou groan louder than before. Knowing that he had successfully found a weakness with some help, Kazunari concentrated his movements on the vein in question, and although he stroked the whole length, he always paid special attention on the pounding blood right underneath the sheer surface. Every other second he forgot how to function and move his limbs, when Shintarou took surprising good care of him. Underneath his breath though he murmured, “Rub the tip,” and Shintarou did as was told. Kazunari was sure that he would explode any second now.

 

It was the frustration that he had carefully gathered inside him over the days that made him more sensitive and made him come without his own permission. He came in Shintarou’s palm, something he regretted the second it happened, because he was sure he’d get scolded of soiling the precious fingers. But Shintarou didn’t say a word, just sluggishly stroked him and milked out the drops one by one, and Kazunari didn’t know what else to do than moan and squirm in the height of pleasure. His mind turned into a white haze that couldn’t be pierced by anything. Perhaps it was an automated reaction or response, but he still kept moving his hand on Shintarou’s cock and desperately wanted to make him feel just as good, too. His mouth watered to the thought of one day being able to suckle and tease the thick vein that he could only touch now, and his hips bucked up.

 

Shintarou looked painfully _beautiful_ as he neared his climax. Kazunari paid all his attention on him and couldn’t care less about some sexy guys fucking each other on screen; his gaze was fully fastened on Shintarou, and he didn’t ever want to look elsewhere anymore. Shintarou breathed hard through his nose and let out high-pitched whimpers whenever Kazunari grazed the very special spot. Quickly he moved in on a kill, though, wanted to see the face he would make in the midst of his orgasm, and roughly rubbed the tip that had gotten a shade of purple in it. It was enough, more than so he thought, and when Shintarou came, his cum trickled down Kazunari’s fingers that had never looked as graceful as Shintarou’s did.

 

The moment was tranquil, and almost surreal. Kazunari caught up his breath and with care examined Shintarou’s flushed and exhausted features but found no traces of disgust. Slowly a smile rose to his lips, and once he started smiling, he could no longer stop. They had actually done something like that together – he couldn’t believe it. The always so collected Shintarou had unwound so easily, and his expressions had been absolutely precious. The men on screen weren’t nearly as done as they were, and as their entwined moans echoed in the living room louder than he remembered, Kazunari’s expression softened the longer he looked at Shintarou.

 

“Can we cuddle?” he asked without properly realizing it. When he did, the accident had already happened.

 

Shintarou frowned and pulled his pants up. “Sure… As long as you turn that thing off.”

 

He didn’t have to ask twice when Kazunari already grabbed the remote control and turned off the television. The moans now gone, there was a vacuum of silence in the room, and he wasn’t sure how to fill it or whether to even fill it in the first place. Carefully he moved closer and grabbed Shintarou’s arm, and settled himself underneath it. The spot was warm and so very safe, and it was a spot where he wanted to stay even ten years from now. Maybe that was too much to ask, but the idea brought warmth to Kazunari’s chest and tugged a smile back on his lips. He closed his eyes and relaxed in the embrace that he had wanted to experience for a long time now.

 

“Is this good?” Shintarou asked.

 

Kazunari looked up with eyes of a pup. “What do you mean?”

 

“ _This_. I’ve never cuddled before.”

 

“It’s just perfect.” And it was, perfection itself. Kazunari buried his quivering, satisfied body better against Shintarou’s and let out a gentle sigh. Although warmth and love bubbled inside him, he couldn’t help but ask, “Shin-chan… We’re boyfriends, right?”

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“I’m just thinking,” he began and shrugged a bit. “This is the first time we’ve properly done anything, and I thought that maybe you just agreed to get together with me because you felt sorry for me or something.”

 

Shintarou scoffed and sounded genuinely amused. He worked his fingers against Kazunari’s back with surprising softness. “Don’t be ridiculous. Do you honestly think I’d do something like this if I just felt sorry for you? You’re not smart at all, Takao.”

 

“Maybe not,” Kazunari chuckled. “I just wanted to be sure that we’re boyfriends.”

 

There was a flush in the very tips of Shintarou’s earlobes. He grunted, “I thought it was obvious.”

 

“It is now at least.”

 

Shintarou might have sulked, but Kazunari smiled as bright as ever.


	14. The Color Yellow

If love had a color, Shintarou thought it would be yellow.

 

He dragged his tired bones on the busy streets of the city and tried to make his way back home. His steps were heavy, his frame hard to carry, and the only on his mind was the thought of slumping down on the couch and eat dinner that Kazunari had hopefully made. Afterwards they would most likely spend a quiet evening together watching their favorite cooking competition on television, and then fall asleep one by one. The only problem was, he still had to get home, and then the luxury would be his. Getting stuck in the traffic lights, Shintarou removed his glasses and wiped the frostiness of them to his sweater’s sleeve that poked out underneath the jacket that wasn’t warm enough at all. He shuddered, and just in time when the red turned to green he pushed the glasses back to their place and took long steps in the midst of the crowd that tried to get out of the coldness. It was freezing indeed, and the only thing warming him up was the faint memory of a promise of curry for dinner.

 

Even though his steps were longer than someone else’s, it still wasn’t fast enough. He glanced at himself through display windows on his right side and hoped he would have taken a beanie with him; his ears were glowing bright red and cold. Whenever he breathed, it left behind a white trail, and Shintarou already counted the days to spring. Winter was too cold, and summer often too hot, and they were the middle seasons that attracted him the most. Kazunari, like so often, disagreed with him and didn’t mind winter or summer, much to his personal displeasure. Shintarou puckered his lips and sunk his head down in an attempt to get even faster home. Perhaps if he didn’t see the street still ahead of him, the journey would go faster. He hoped for the best.

 

The pavement was grey with dirtied snow, but underneath his feet a light spread around without a forewarning. For a reason he didn’t understand he stopped, and someone bumped to his broad back. Hastily Shintarou apologized to the woman who looked annoyed, and with a frown picked his gaze up. Beside him was a small shop full of warm light, and that light illuminated the tiny strip of the pavement he stood on. Through the display window he saw flowers that hadn’t wilted yet, and flowers that had vibrant colors and looked very alive despite the weather. A gasp got stuck in his throat. He had never been a flower person, never really cared for them, but despite the exhaustion in his bones he found himself taking the steps towards the door. Something about the dozens of tulips and orchids that nestled together and separate in the display made him dizzy with awe.

 

A little bell chimed over his head as he stepped in the shop that looked abandoned. The first fragrance Shintarou gathered came from roses, and he took a better sniff of it. It felt like the tiredness seeped away from his veins as he carefully took a step after a step forward and examined the flowers. He had an urge to buy some for Kazunari, and imagined that they would look beautiful in a vase somewhere around their home. The thought of bringing home something so gorgeous and equipped with a good scent made a smile twitch on his lips; already he visualized the surprised yet bright smile on Kazunari’s lips. January the 14th was in no way a special day, and he simply wanted to remind his lover how grateful he was of going back to a place he called home, and that he shared that home with someone he loved so.

 

“Would you need any help?” a squeaky voice asked near him.

 

Shintarou’s heart jumped towards his throat, and quickly he turned to look at an old man who stood few steps away. He forced himself to take a calm breath, and gave a tense smile. “I’m just looking, thank you.”

 

_Just looking_ was hardly the suitable term for what he was doing, examining the flowers one by one with narrowed eyes, that was. Every now and then Shintarou stopped and pondered what kind of a flower to get, because he was no expert yet wanted to buy something charming that would somehow suit Kazunari. He thought of roses but discarded the idea very quickly; he didn’t want to give something so ordinary now that he was for once seriously considering of buying something that would wither within few days. Few times he circled fully around the shop, when he saw exactly the thing he had been looking for, and with a glimmer in his eyes approached it.

 

He had no idea what the flower was called, but its yellow shine had caught his attention across the room. Its petals were plump and very beautiful, and it reminded him a little of a rose, but most importantly it made him strangely enough think of Kazunari, which on the other hand made his heart skip pleasant beats. His lips curled back into a smile as he examined the yellow hue and decided that it was exactly what he needed. Shintarou stretched his neck in order to spot the old man back in his vision. They seemed to see each other at the exact same time, because slowly the man walked closer to him and eventually stopped by his side – Shintarou was easily two heads taller than him.

 

He pointed towards the flower. “I’d like one of those.”

 

“Only one?”

 

“One is enough, yes.”

 

“Lovely.” With such gentle movements the older man took a hold of one of the flowers, and then proceeded towards the wooden table on the back of the shop. “Is it for your partner, perhaps?”

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in on a frown as he followed him. “How did you know?” _Not that it’s any of your business,_ was what he wanted to add but decided to stay polite, because surely the man meant no harm with his words.

 

“It’s a gardenia.” In the midst of wrapping the flower safely in paper that would surely protect it from the frost, he glanced up at the taller Shintarou and still held a kind smile on his face that illuminated his features despite the wrinkles carved in the skin. “Are you familiar with the language of flowers?”

 

“I can’t say I am, no.”

 

“I guess it hasn’t been that popular in many years,” he sighed and straightened his posture. “Gardenia means… ‘you’re lovely’. Yellow is the color of happiness, loyalty and appreciation, and because you chose one flower…” His smile looked almost _knowing_. “It means utmost devotion to one person. Think of it as this gardenia’s way of saying to your loved one on your behalf ‘all my deepest affections are concentrated on you’.”

 

Shintarou let out a breath he had unconsciously been holding in. “I didn’t know there’s so many things behind a flower.”

 

“Sometimes we pick them unconsciously, and they end up being spot-on.” The man handed the safely packed flower. “Here you go, I hope your partner enjoys it.”

 

With care Shintarou held it in one hand and tried to search for his wallet his other one. “How much is it?”

 

“Oh, I’ll give it to you.”

 

“No, that’s not necessary, I cannot—“

 

The man silenced him by lifting his hand, and then smiled. “Please take it. People so rarely buy flowers to their loved ones nowadays, so I want you to have it.”

 

“Um, well… Thank you.”

 

Shintarou really didn’t know what else to say, and he didn’t dare to decline, either. He exchanged a ‘good evening’ with the shopkeeper and then let the small bell announce his departure. The flower weighed practically none, but still it made the butterflies in his stomach fly around recklessly. He wasn’t sure whether the man had made up the entire thing or whether the flower really spoke of such things, but he still smiled like an idiot ten minutes later, because he actually _believed_ in the secret language of the one flower he had specifically chosen.

 

Happiness still controlled him by the time he got himself to the right floor and opened the right door. “I’m home!” he called as he took off his shoes.

 

“Welcome home!” Kazunari said, and from the direction the voice came Shintarou figured his lover was in the kitchen.

 

With much hurry and excitement in his body he took off his wet jacket and made sure the flower was intact as he walked to the kitchen and indeed, spotted Kazunari right in front of the stove. It really did smell like curry, and it was unusual how the smile still remained on his lips even when seconds and minutes ticked forward. For a second Shintarou examined the man’s nape, and then moved closer and hugged him from behind. In his embrace Kazunari startled and let out a small chuckle as he glanced at him over his shoulder. The lips Shintarou loved puckered, and he gave a small kiss on them.

 

“You’re in a weirdly good mood,” Kazunari said.

 

“Mm, it’s very odd.” Shintarou pulled back and cleared his throat, then offered the package to the man. “Here, I got this for you.”

 

“What, you actually bought something for me? What’s the occasion?” Kazunari’s eyes were big and so innocent as he wiped his hands clean to a cloth and then grabbed the flower to himself.

 

“There’s no occasion. I just felt like buying it.”

 

“Did you get hit on the head or something, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I might be in a good mood but better not test it too much.”

 

Kazunari’s laughter was so very lovable. He brushed some of the dark hair behind his ear and gently placed the gift on the kitchen table, and unwrapped it so painfully slowly. Shintarou sucked in his bottom lip and felt his core tense. He tried to think positively and hoped that Kazunari would like it or at least appreciate the gesture, and intensely he stared at the expression on his lover’s profile that was still filled with a regular smile. One layer at a time the gift unraveled, and when the yellowness of the flower eventually brightened the kitchen, Kazunari’s smile twitched higher. When he eventually looked at him, Shintarou saw affection in the man’s eyes.

 

“It’s beautiful.” Kazunari moved closer and wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders. “Thank you, I love it.”

 

Shintarou wanted to tell about the story behind that particular flower but didn’t get the chance to do so when Kazunari already kissed him. The kiss wiped his mind blank, and he rather concentrated on declaring his love himself than tell the flower’s way to do it. He moved his arms to Kazunari’s waist and hugged him tight against himself, and just for the sake of it gave another, deeper kiss.

 

If love had a color, it would be yellow, because it was the color that always reminded him of Kazunari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a really early morning for me! I'm flying back to UK today to continue studying after my holiday, and it's a lot easier for me to publish this now rather than later. See you tomorrow!


	15. Eyes That Can't See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he just imagined it, but wasn’t she being a bit too close to Kazunari?

The corners of Shintarou’s mouth were tense as he changed the sheets in the guestroom, and proceeded to search for an extra pillow. The day couldn’t have started any worse than to a phone call from his mother. He didn’t particularly mind talking on the phone with her (although she had the tendency to keep going on, and on, and _on_ , and sometimes she spent another hour talking with Kazunari right after him), but the fact that she had decided to go on a surprise trip with his father brought Shintarou’s mood down. Although there wasn’t anything wrong with it, he couldn’t understand why exactly his younger sister had to stay two nights at _their_ place. He huffed and threw the pillow on the bed before he could act out the urge of punching it. When he had moved in with Kazunari, his sister had spent odd nights over here and there, but she was no longer a child but a _teenager_. Thus, having her in his carefully built love nest was the last thing he really wanted.

 

He couldn’t have refused, anyway. Kazunari had been excited, too. So, Shintarou sulked.

 

His steps were heavy and thudding as he marched out of the guestroom and into the living room, and without a word and like a child he plopped down on the couch and forced his way in Kazunari’s arms. His lover chuckled gently, and it didn’t stop even when Shintarou glanced up at him and gave him a glare. He did receive a kiss, though, and that soothed him a bit. Just a tiny bit. He buried his overly tall body better in the smaller man’s arms and puffed out a sigh.

 

“You’re overreacting, you know,” Kazunari pointed out as he worked his fingertips on the band of Shintarou’s boxers on the back.

 

“I’m not,” insisted Shintarou and pressed his head against the man’s shoulder and stared at the nature documentary that had been left on. “What can we even _do_ with her? It’s not going to be as easy as last time, we can’t take her to aquarium again or something. She’s probably going to want to talk about… I don’t know, makeup and boys or something.”

 

“You can talk with her about boys all right.”

 

Shintarou let out a rumbling throaty noise of annoyance and pressed his fist tight against Kazunari’s thigh. “Shut up for a moment.”

 

“But it’s true!” Kazunari sounded too amused to pass as someone who took it seriously.

 

“You know fully well you’re the only _boy_ I’ve ever been interested in.” Shintarou scoffed.

 

“Just cheer up, Shin-chan.” Kazunari pressed his nose against the man’s forehead and nuzzled the soft spot, and kissed it afterwards. “I’ll make your favorite tonight, she’ll like it, too. I think we have some board games somewhere, anyway, we can just have a nice family night for once.”

 

A _family night_ was really the final thing on Shintarou’s agenda of ‘things I want to do’. He didn’t say anything, just pursed his lips tightly together and squeezed his eyes shut. Truthfully, he only had to endure two nights. He felt a little guilty thinking about that. He loved his sister dearly, of course he did, but the fear of unknown took over, and he couldn’t properly relax. It had been few months since he had last even seen her, and then she had been overly moody, easily annoyed, and it hardly been the same as it had been when _he_ had been a teenager and she just a child. Back then, he had known how to act around her, but now he was dropped to the deep end without any support. Or, hardly any support – he still had Kazunari. Maybe it was going to be enough. Kazunari was, after all, childish enough, so maybe he could pull it off for him, too.

 

For a very sweet hour he managed to spend on the couch in Kazunari’s embrace while learning useless facts about emperor penguins, and then the inevitable happened. The doorbell had never sounded as menacing as it did now, and reluctantly Shintarou pushed himself up from the couch and shared a look with Kazunari. He took a deep, calming breath and tried to think about the positive; this might be a good bonding moment between siblings, after all. The age difference could be an obstacle, but he’d complete this task in glory and then continue his quiet, peaceful live together with Kazunari without interference. The doorbell ran again, and Shintarou hurried, and without thinking anymore swung the door open.

 

At the age of fifteen, Midorima Youko was taller than an average girl of her age; in fact, she was the tallest of her class. It was the length and the green hair in a long braid that was in common between the siblings – other than that, they couldn’t have been any farther apart even if they tried. She had no glasses, her posture was perfect, and the smile on her glossy lips was dazzling. Shintarou rarely even had a smile twitching his lips up, and in those rare occasions it was only meant for Kazunari. Now he did the effort to smile to her, and felt warmth swell in his heart, after all. As he rested his eyes at her, he suddenly felt like things were going to be just fine, and it had been his nature of overthinking and worrying that had momentarily taken a grasp of him.

 

“Hey,” she said, her voice so very chirpy and an octave higher than Shintarou even remembered.

 

“Hey. Come on… in…” He trailed off ever so slightly when she tiptoed and tried to peek over his shoulder. Suddenly, her expression brightened, and she let go of her bag that loudly thudded on the floor.

 

“Kazu-nii!” she called, ignored his elder brother’s open arms and went straight to a hug with Kazunari.

 

Shintarou blinked and stared at the empty hallway, before he let out a sigh and closed the door. _Of course_ Kazunari had to be the more popular one from the two of them. He remembered their first years of together, and how his lover had always patiently played with dolls and other toys with her. With the thought in his mind Shintarou swirled around, and immediately his heart dropped to his stomach. The hug still hadn’t ended, and Youko looked suddenly very _clingy_ with Kazunari who didn’t seem to mind at all. Whatever traces of jealousy wanted to fill Shintarou, he brushed them quickly off and grabbed the bag that made his arms weep immediately.

 

“Youko,” he called. “Where should I—“

 

“Thanks for having me here,” she interrupted and directed his words only to Kazunari. “I’m really happy to be here.”

 

“We love to have you over.” Kazunari smiled like the sun itself. “I was thinking of making sukiyaki later today, is that okay?”

 

“Oh, I _love_ sukiyaki! I can help you make it if you want.” She batted her long, curled eyelashes and looked at Kazunari with big, round green eyes that had a rim of black around them.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and nudged her shoulder, and only then got her attention. He swallowed down a sigh and lifted the bag a little. “I’m bringing this to the guest room.”

 

“Oh, babe,” began Kazunari and moved his hand against his arm. The touch felt so very electric, and Shintarou inhaled sharply through his nose. Kazunari’s smile was gentler when it was given to him, or so he liked to think. “Do you mind making some tea?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

He didn’t stay to listen the friendly chatter but took quick steps to the guest room, and only there let out the deep sigh he had held in. At least Kazunari was in Youko’s favor, which was something Shintarou didn’t even question; sometimes it felt that even his own mother was more fond of his lover than him. He rubbed his forehead and placed the bag on the foot of the bed, and remained still for a moment. Laughter echoed around the apartment and moved towards the living room, and Shintarou felt his insides remain tense. With a purse of his lips he glanced around, and moved the pillows in a neater position before he got out. On his way to the kitchen he saw straight to the living room, and spotted both of them on the couch, Youko still clinging to Kazunari in a way Shintarou had never seen her do before. A light frown invaded his features, but he tried not to think about it twice as he focused his concentration on making tea.

 

Five minutes later he joined the duo, and as much as he wanted to sit down beside his lover, there was no space left in the couch. Shintarou hummed and grabbed himself a mug with steaming tea, and sat down on the lonely armchair tugged on a distance that felt as wide as the whole room. Kazunari was really all smiles, and it didn’t help at all that Youko giggled so loudly and extensively that it was giving him a headache. Shintarou swallowed down another sigh and carefully blew air over the mug to make it less hot. He already moved the edge of the ceramic to his lips, when his sister leaned over and showed off the wide cleavage and the round shape of her breasts. Not sure where to look, he spotted Kazunari glancing towards the same direction before he averted his gaze. Shintarou stared at him with narrowed eyes, but Kazunari didn’t see it at all as he filled in the few seconds’ silence with friendly chatter again.

 

Maybe he just imagined it, but wasn’t she being a bit too close to Kazunari? Shintarou nearly choked on his tea when he saw his little sister move her brightly painted nails to his lover’s knee, and although it looked innocent, the same small hand inched towards his thigh. Chewing his bottom lip in an attempt not to mention anything, Shintarou was confident that Kazunari would say something about it. Alas, his lover remained silent about _that_ , and instead talked about the newest movies with her. Inside Shintarou a tremor built up and wanted to expand into a fiery storm. How could his lover _not_ notice that a young girl’s hand was against his thigh and looking so very dangerous? There had to be limits of obliviousness, right? He stared at the spot that now joined his sister to his lover, but the connection didn’t break.

 

Whether she was doing it on purpose or not, Shintarou knew it was going to be a hell of a long night.

 

* * *

 

“Throw a six, Kazu-nii!”

 

“And why would I do that? I’d just get stuck on your spot.”

 

“That’s exactly the point!”

 

“Just watch me _not_ throw a six… Here goes, wish me luck, Shin-chan!”

 

“Oh… Oh, _oh_ , oh, look! That spot has my hotel, so start paying, Kazu-nii.”

 

Shintarou rubbed his aching temples and tried his best to tune out of the conversation that he didn’t want to witness at the moment. Evening had sneakily crept to the apartment, and he was getting tired. The stupid board game had been a ridiculous idea for two reasons; it was so damn long, and he had somehow found himself sitting on the other side of the table while Youko sat snugly right beside Kazunari. If he didn’t know better, those two would have looked like a stupid couple, and it made Shintarou grit his teeth together. There hadn’t been even once an instance when he hadn’t seen her _not_ touch Kazunari. Since when had she turned so touchy? She hadn’t hugged him even once, but she surely was all over Kazunari.

 

Again he saw her hand on Kazunari’s knee, and he was in the midst of averting his gaze when his eyes accidentally locked in with her. Her lips curled into a small smirk, and when Shintarou startled, she pressed her chest even closer to Kazunari’s arm. “Kazu-nii,” she chirped and curled her lean fingers around the dice. “You need to give it a good luck blow.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Really, now?”

 

“Really!”

 

“You two take your luck too seriously, I’m telling you.”

 

With redness in his face Shintarou watched the man give a good luck blow on her clenched fist. He wasn’t sure why he felt like he was competing with his younger sister from the attention of his own lover, but the realization surely didn’t bring a better mood to him. Loosely he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to ignore the look she gave to him again. It tugged and twinged his heartstrings, and it caused an unpleasant tingling deep within his chest. He breathed hard through his nose and strictly stared at the small red hotels that stood on colorful spots here and there. Only now he realized just how much he hated the damn game.

 

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” she suddenly announced and got up, and tiptoed towards the right room.

 

Shintarou watched behind her and then looked down at the table again. In front of him Kazunari squirmed and stretched his arms, and let out a loud yawn that echoed annoyingly in Shintarou’s ears even when the noise itself was gone. Underneath his eye he got a tic, and no matter how hard he rubbed the spot, it didn’t disappear much to his dismay.

 

“This is going well, don’t you think?” Kazunari asked and leaned his head against his hand, and looked so good it should have been illegal.

 

Shintarou only shrugged.

 

Kazunari sighed but did it softly. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“If you think that’s going to fool me after all these years, then you’re an idiot.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Shintarou insisted.

 

Again Kazunari sighed, but this time he plopped himself to the floor and crawled closer until he was right beside Shintarou. “Move your hands away,” he demanded, and when his wish was granted, like a child he settled himself on the man’s lap. Shintarou rolled his eyes but still wrapped his arms tightly around his lover and never wanted to let go. Kazunari’s hum was a throaty one when he glanced at him over his shoulder and pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s chin. “You’re doing a great job,” he whispered and kissed the same spot again.

 

“Am I?” Shintarou murmured and looked into Kazunari’s eyes. The color always calmed whatever chaos dwelled inside him.

 

“Yeah… I’m proud of you.” Kazunari smiled sweetly and pushed himself a little up to properly capture Shintarou’s lips in his own.

 

The kiss was gentle, and Shintarou felt his heart skip several beats; it almost felt painful, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. He tightened his grasp from Kazunari and pulled him closer, and allowed the man to deepen the kiss. _This_ was how he really wanted to spend all of his evenings, just the two of them while the rest of the world would continue to revolve behind the walls of their home built with warmth and love. Nothing else mattered, and if he didn’t have Kazunari by his side, there was no point in anything. Without Kazunari nothing hardly made sense.

 

He had to force himself to pull his lips back, but even so he pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s and enjoyed the moment. He forgot all about his weird thoughts and twisted jealousy that made no sense whatsoever, and simply drew in the moment of peace. They were fleeting seconds like these when he felt so very loved, and that the love was going to remain with him no matter what. Shintarou pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s cheek and made the man chuckle. Finally, a smile rose to his lips, too.

 

“Um, brother…” Youko’s voice shoved him out of the dream. “Is this something important? I found it on the floor.”

 

Sluggishly Shintarou fixed his gaze on his sister. In her hands was the little ring box he had stared at himself for months, and the sight of it made his heart drop to his knees and turn his intestines cold. A bit too harshly he shoved Kazunari out of his lap and got himself up to his feet, then took the steps that separated from him of her and snatched the box to himself. “This was _not_ on the floor!” he growled. It surely wasn’t, he remembered putting it safely in the midst of his socks like so many times before. His face got a bit too hastily a shade of red in it. “Why the hell have you been to _my_ bedroom, and on top of that rummaged through _my_ belongings?!”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari tried.

 

“Shut up,” Shintarou said, his tone of voice warning. He stared at his sister who didn’t look as remorseful as he wanted her to be. “Answer me!”

 

“Why is it such a big deal?” she whined. “It was just some stupid ring.”

 

Shintarou froze. Not only had Kazunari seen the box, now he _knew_ what was inside it. His nostrils flared, and although he really wanted to scold her, not a word got out of his quivering, panicking system anymore. He stared at her with widened eyes, and heard Kazunari’s steps behind his back like the sound had been amplified by a hundred.

 

“What ring?” Kazunari asked, his voice right behind Shintarou’s back.

 

“Nothing.” Shintarou squeezed the small box in his sweaty palm.

 

“But she just—“

 

“I said it’s nothing!” he shouted and made Kazunari startle. He breathed harsh and looked at his lover, then clicked his tongue and averted his gaze. What a nightmare it was, truly; as if that one night hadn’t ruined his surprise, the secret proposal was now utterly wrecked. Shintarou worked his fingers through his hair and shook his head. He simply gave up. “I’m going to bed, goodnight.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari still tried.

 

Shintarou no longer listened as he marched past his little sister and into the bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind his back and stared down at the box that was supposed to be _the_ surprise of Kazunari’s life, and then grunted loudly and threw it across the room. He yanked his hair and took huffs as breaths, and tried to calm himself down. Honestly, he had no idea whatsoever what his sister’s problem was, but although they were bound by blood, no one did things like that in _his_ own home. He felt the urge to hit something, anything, really, but he controlled it and instead yanked off the top cover from the bed and stripped down; he might as well actually go to bed just like he had said he would. Whatever was going on, he was absolutely tired of it.

 

He didn’t quite get under the warm blanket when Kazunari creaked the door open and stepped in. Shintarou threw a stare at him over his shoulder but was quick to look elsewhere. The door gently clicked close.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari coaxed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Shintarou said nothing.

 

His silence made Kazunari sigh. He heard steps behind his back, and from the corner of his eye he simply had to check what the man was doing. His heart sped up when Kazunari crouched on the floor and picked up the box. Shintarou’s stomach churned and turned upside down, but still he didn’t say anything although his head was full of curses and other nonsense. Without actually asking for it or even wanting it, he got Kazunari’s arms around his waist and felt the smaller body press against his back from behind. His skin crawled, and Shintarou felt uncomfortable in his own body.

 

“Talk to me,” Kazunari pleaded.

 

Shintarou couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Are you really so… so _fucking_ blind that you can’t see what she’s been doing the entire night?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

He wiggled out of Kazunari’s embrace and turned to look at him. “I don’t know what’s worse, she flirting with you or you being this oblivious to it.”

 

Kazunari huffed from amusement. “She hasn’t been flirting with me, Shin-chan.”

 

“She has been clinging to you the entire day, touching your thigh so casually and everything, and you didn’t do a single thing,” Shintarou spat. “And now that… that damn thing,” frantically he pointed towards the box that safely hid in Kazunari’s palm, “it’s all ruined, it’s just ruined.”

 

“Calm down.” Kazunari’s voice was soft and soothing as he stepped back in front of Shintarou. He placed the box on the nightstand and cupped his face in his palms, and looked him in the eyes. “You need to calm down now, okay? Nothing’s ruined.”

 

“It is.”

 

“It’s not,” Kazunari claimed. “You think I didn’t know that box existed? I clean your socks drawer, too, I know you’ve been keeping it there, and I know you’ve wanted to ask the question.”

 

“How did you—“

“I’m not stupid. So now you’ll just hide it in another place where I can’t find it.”

 

A grumble escaped Shintarou.

 

“And if you think she’s flirting with me, I’ll talk to her tomorrow about it.” Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s cheek and sighed. “But she’s your sister, Shin-chan, and she’s young and probably confused. But I’ll talk to her.”

 

“You better,” Shintarou grunted.

 

Gently Kazunari slapped him and only then pulled his hands to himself. “Just don’t worry about all these things on your own, okay? I’m not just some random guy living with you, so you should talk to me about stuff.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Good.” Kazunari tiptoed and kissed Shintarou’s lips. “Now, will you come and finish the game with us, or are you really going to sleep?”

 

Shintarou thought for a moment. “I think I’ll sleep. I’m really tired.”

 

“I’ll crawl beside you when we’re done, okay?” Once more Kazunari kissed Shintarou. “Don’t worry about such silly things, Shin-chan. You’re the only one I see, anyway.”

 

Blood gushed on Shintarou’s cheeks, but he didn’t utter out anything and merely watched Kazunari leave the room. A heavy breath he had held in escaped him, and he slumped on the bed feeling surprisingly empty. He stared at the ceiling and felt darkness spread over all the vital organs. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him, suspecting his own sister out of all the things so easily. Thinking that he was going crazy, he whimpered and grabbed a pillow, and pressed it tightly against his face. For a moment he wanted all the feelings to disappear, because the tight feeling in his chest was ready to kill him.


	16. Renovate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all, he _had_ promised Shintarou to talk with his sister, and now that the moment was approaching, his feet were getting slightly cold.

Kazunari woke up with his face tightly pressed against Shintarou’s back. It was a miracle, truly, because he could hardly remember the last time he had woken up before his lover who was always up so absurdly early. He yawned sweetly, and the sound muffled to the fabric of the loose shirt in front of him, and feeling a little dizzy he pulled his head back ever so slightly. He stared at the spot of drool and moved his hand away from Shintarou’s waist to rub his tired eyes. Vaguely he remembered being the one cuddled in the dark hours of the night, but somehow they had switched roles – actually, he preferred to hold Shintarou rather than have it vice versa. It was always a gentle moment when his lover wrapped his arms around him and didn’t let go, but Kazunari had the urge to let Shintarou know that he was loved.

 

Carefully he pressed a kiss on the man’s shoulder blade, and didn’t want to wake him up. Last night he had been so grumpy, and it seemed that exhaustion had taken him over for good. Kazunari pressed his palm tightly against his mouth to quiet down yet another yawn. With great care in his movements he rolled on the other side of the large bed and then forced himself up, pulled over a shirt and settled his boxers better over his crotch. He rubbed his rough chin and thought of keeping the stubble for a day or two just to annoy Shintarou. The thought made him snicker, although he knew he wouldn’t do it; the coarseness of the chin always felt uncomfortable, and his dear lover didn’t seem to enjoy it that much, either.

 

He stepped out of the tranquil wonderland known as their bedroom, and entered the harsh reality he knew he had to face sooner or later. After all, he _had_ promised Shintarou to talk with his sister, and now that the moment was approaching, his feet were getting slightly cold. Kazunari rubbed his nape and stretched his arms, and couldn’t help but smile to the empty kitchen. He let out a light sigh under his breath and stood still for a moment to enjoy the sun that pierced through the windows. His eyes wandered to the yellow flower that stood alone in the vase in the middle of the kitchen table, and the sight of it made his smile twitch higher. Maybe he should buy Shintarou a flower too someday, just because he _could_ , really, to let him know that he was always on his mind no matter what. He examined the flower and felt so lucky first thing in the morning, although it probably wasn’t _his_ lucky day.

 

First he checked Oha Asa to be able to give the forecast to Shintarou as soon as he would be up, and then Kazunari pondered about breakfast. Usually he wasn’t the one who made it; he rather blissfully slept through the morning and woke up to the scent of something good being cooked on the stove. He opened the fridge and puckered his lips, and wondered how the hell Shintarou had the energy in the mornings. He had merely been up for few minutes, and already he wanted to give up and slump back to the warmth of the bed and embrace Shintarou some more. Narrowing his eyes, he looked at the selection one shelf at a time, but found no enlightenment.

 

“Morning, Kazu-nii!” a delighted voice called behind him.

 

Kazunari startled and glanced over his shoulder to look at the younger Midorima sibling. His heart dropped to his knees. It was so early in the morning, but already the girl was in full clothing with a layer of makeup on, and suddenly he regretted the fact that he had no pants on. He tried to yank the hem of the shirt over the shape of his groin, but it was really no use. Hastily he gave Youko a smile together with a muffled ‘good morning’, and already she came nearly on his skin. He blinked rapidly and wondered whether Shintarou had told the truth all along. Politely he took a step back towards the stove and cleared his throat.

 

“You’re up so early,” he said in the lack of better words.

 

“Oh, I couldn’t sleep any longer.” She tilted her head and toyed with her long, green braid that fell over her shoulder on her chest. “I heard noises in the kitchen and I thought it might have been you, so here I am.”

 

“Right… Y-Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry if I woke you up.”

 

“It’s not a problem, Kazu-nii.”

 

Kazunari’s throat tightened when she took a step closer – _too_ close, that was –, and again he stepped back, and had to press his back against the counter. He had been a teenager once, too, and if he really, _really_ examined her properly, he could see a familiar glint in her eyes. Once he had looked like that, too, and the occasion he had had the same gleam had always been around Shintarou, his crush. _Hormones_ , it had to be. Color ran down from his cheeks. He should have listened to his lover more properly; Shintarou had keen eyes, too, although Kazunari hardly recognized it.

 

“How did you sleep?” she asked and blinked. Her eyelashes were almost too long to be legal.

 

“Good… I think.”

 

“You didn’t fight with my brother?”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “No.”

 

“ _Oh_.”

 

She seemed almost disappointed, and he realized that he really had to have some sort of a discussion about what was going on; not just for Shintarou’s sake but for his own, too. The last thing he wanted was to be in awkward terms with his lover’s sibling, because the girl in front of him was surely (or, at least, hopefully) going to be his future sister-in-law. Kazunari drew in a sharp breath and chewed the inside of his cheek in a rather desperate attempt to come up with how to present the topic. His brains were still half-asleep, not that they functioned _that_ brightly in the daylight, either. He rubbed his nape and felt a faint flush on his cheeks.

 

“I think we need to talk,” he finally blurted out after some thought and tried not to look at Youko’s confused features. “Why don’t you, you know… sit down?”

 

“Sure.”

 

When she sat down and leaned a little forward, Kazunari couldn’t help but notice the rather generous cleavage that her shirt created. He averted his gaze and frowned deep, and in his mind apologized to Shintarou for questioning him. Afterwards, he’d give his lover a sweet kiss and tell him that he was actually right. His movements a little cautious, he sat down across the table and intensely stared at the yellow declaration of love as he rubbed his rough chin.

 

“Um…” For once, he was at loss of words. Getting flirted by his partner’s younger sister was a scenario he had never thought he’d get into. He dipped his chin slightly down and swirled the hair on his nape. “I’m not sure if I’ve… given some wrong signal here or something.”

 

“What do you mean?” she asked and sounded so very innocent that guilt ripped through his heart.

 

“I’ve noticed—“, _or actually your brother did_ , “—that you’re sort of, sort of flirting with me, I guess? I just want to make clear that I really… _really_ love Shin-chan, and hopefully we’re getting married soon and start a family together, so…” Kazunari cringed. This had to be the most awkward encounter of his entire life. He arched his brows up as he looked at her. “I’m flattered, really, but I think you should focus your energy and efforts on someone of your age and someone more… available.”

 

She merely pursed her lips tightly together, and shortly it reminded Kazunari of Shintarou.

 

“Do you know what I’m saying?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

 

“Y-Yeah… I guess,” she muttered.

 

“I know how it feels,” he hurried to say to be on the safe side. “I know how it’s like when you’re young and… with all those hormones and everything, but I’m really…” He sighed softly and smiled. “I’m in love with Shintarou.”

 

She nodded timidly.

 

“So are we—“

 

Kazunari cut himself off when he spotted Shintarou’s drowsy figure step in to the kitchen, slightly wavering and stumbling. He lifted his posture up and smiled to his lover who rubbed his eyes, and had clearly – once again – forgotten his glasses to the bedroom like so many times before. They looked at each other, and briefly Kazunari close his eyes when he got the usual soft good morning kiss to his forehead. “Morning,” he said as Shintarou pulled back.

 

“Morning…” The man’s voice was nothing but a string of yawns. “Did I interrupt something?”

 

“Nope.” Kazunari smiled brighter than before and nudged his fingertips against Shintarou’s side and made him quiver. “You might want to go grab your glasses.”

 

“I’m not sure, like this I can hardly see that awful stubble of yours…”

 

“Hey, it’s not _that_ awful, okay? It looks manly!”

 

Shintarou sneered. “It looks ridiculous, but by all means, keep it intact and see how much I’ll want to kiss you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll shave it off later.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and looked at his lover’s sister who still sat across him. He offered her a smile, but she didn’t respond to it anymore. A feeling of breaking someone’s heart crept inside him and made his core quiver, but he knew it was for the best; he had no thoughts of falling for someone other than Shintarou, and he rather explained it now than encounter more embarrassing situations in the future. When Shintarou ruffled her hair, she looked up to his brother and did smile (and it reminded Kazunari very much of the bashful ones Shintarou sometimes gave to him), and Kazunari was sure that things would be somewhat all right in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's day 16, halfway through the first month, and I just really want to take a moment to thank you all for reading this and leaving kudos and comments. I knew from the beginning that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park, and although I'm still excited every day to write down another piece with these stupid boyfriends, it's extremely encouraging to know that **you** read this. So thank **you** , you make this worth it!


	17. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was a hot mess, trail of licked off chocolate here and there. Shintarou might have not done a precise job, but it was job enough to drive Kazunari insane.

Although Kazunari’s stomach was stretching from the extravagant dinner made from scratch by Shintarou, he still reached for the only thing made by _him_ – chocolate-coated strawberries that he had craved for weeks now. He grabbed one between his thumb and index finger and then reclined back on the couch in Shintarou’s embrace, and let out a delighted sigh. His stomach couldn’t get any fuller, but still he popped the berry in his mouth and smirked like a little boy in a candy shop. It made his mouth water, and he simply had to grab himself another one. Alas, the chocolate had already melted ever so slightly, but it still tasted good. Kazunari shifted himself better in his lover’s arms and through hooded eyes watched the one television show they never failed to watch together – the cooking competition that had hooked them both.

 

“Her cake doesn’t look that good,” he judged with his mouth full of succulent mixture of strawberry and dark chocolate. He glanced up at Shintarou and arched his brows higher, then nudged the man gently. “You could make a better cake than her.”

 

“Surely,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“ _Please_ , you could. Remember that one fruitcake you made, like, years ago? It didn’t look as dry as that one does!”

 

There was a hint of a smile on the man’s lips, and although Shintarou condemned the compliment, Kazunari knew he secretly liked it. His grin widened, and he stretched his neck just long enough to kiss Shintarou’s lips that still faintly tasted of red wine sauce. It might have not been his favorite flavor, but even that tasted amazing on the mouth he had touched with his own for so many times. A little reluctantly he pulled back, but still didn’t fail to smirk. Honestly, tonight was a good night, just the two of them like always, and nothing could have been better.

 

He kept telling himself he was _absolutely_ full, but still he inched closer towards the coffee table and snatched another strawberry, this one hiding underneath a thin coat of milk chocolate. He shoved it in his mouth and scrunched it with his wisdom teeth.

 

“Do you think she’s going home?” he asked fleetingly, and again picked his gaze up to Shintarou. His lover was simply irresistible.

 

Shintarou shrugged. “Possibly,” was all he first said, but when he laid his eyes at Kazunari, he cringed. “You got chocolate on your teeth.”

 

“Really?” Kazunari twirled his tongue over his upper lip and only then pressed the tip of it against the line of teeth. He repeated the movement few times more and pressed his teeth together and showed them off. “Is it still there?”

 

“Yes.”

 

He let out a gargle, but as he thought twice about it, the corners of his mouth tugged higher again. Leaning better against Shintarou, he cocked one brow up and tried to look as seductive as possible, though he knew it went perhaps slightly over the top. “You can clean it up, can’t you?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “How many of those trashy romance novels have you been reading again?”

 

“None!” Kazunari huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, and pressed his head tightly to the crook of the man’s arm. “Are you suggesting that it’s somehow dirty or perverted?”

 

“No,” explained Shintarou surprisingly patiently, “but when it comes to you, _everything_ could and will turn into something… dirty, really.”

 

“You don’t mind, though.”

 

Shintarou shrugged.

 

Kazunari shook his head and couldn’t decide whether all of it amused or bemused him. For once it would have been nice to have Shintarou extremely passionate, and hear him say with a low voice how much he really desired him. He rubbed his cheek against the fabric of the man’s armpit and closed his eyes, and smacked the combination of strawberries and chocolate. Of course he _knew_ that Shintarou wanted him, and he _knew_ there was passion between them still after all the years, but he really wouldn’t have minded to hear it at least once every now and then. Discreetly he peeked up towards Shintarou whose gaze was back on the television. He puckered his nose and wondered what was going on in that pretty mind of his lover.

 

As much as he wanted to ask, instead he reached his arm towards the small plate of strawberries still left, and then moved one of the berries chocolate-coated end near Shintarou’s lips. “Want to try one?” he asked, eager and rather _anxious_ to get him to taste his culinary success.

 

Shintarou didn’t decline or argued, instead, he parted his lips. There was no end to Kazunari’s grin as he got to pop in the little treat in his mouth, and with a tense core he watched Shintarou munch it. It was a painfully slow process, truly, and as much as he wanted to hurry him up, he sucked his lips in and swallowed down all the words that wanted to escape him right at the moment. Like a little puppy dog he looked at Shintarou with big, bright eyes, his teeth sinking harder into his lower lip. He did his fair share of cooking, sure, but he was no good with desserts; this one he had made from scratch, and he was very proud of it.

 

A smile spread on Shintarou’s lips, and it was a soft, gentle one. He dipped his head down and kissed Kazunari’s lips; on the man’s mouth Kazunari this time could taste his own creation. “It’s good,” Shintarou murmured when he pulled back, and pressed another kiss on the tip of his lover’s nose.

 

Kazunari’s heart skipped a playful beat. “I knew it,” he said and tried to sound nonchalant, when in reality his abdomen was full of little insects with wings that spread around with the speed of light. He wrapped his arm around Shintarou’s waist and hugged him tight, and cuddled together with the man. Warmth settled within him although his toes were still a little cold, but when he pulled his legs up and dug his feet against the couch, it was bearable again.

 

When the too loud tunes of commercials rolled in, he swung his legs over Shintarou’s lap and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. There was no resistance in his lover’s body when he pulled him closer and kissed him again, this time a little deeper than previously. Kazunari sneaked his tongue inside the mouth that still carried a distinctive flavor of white and dark chocolate, and he let a little raspy moan when Shintarou tugged him closer. The arms around him were tight, but it was how he preferred it; it always gave him the ‘ _I’m not planning to let go of you_ ’ feeling that he had cherished ever since he had found himself in Shintarou’s embrace. Droplets of saliva exchanged between them, and soon Kazunari panted. There was nothing more that he loved than sudden making out session on commercial breaks. Often he had wondered what the hell kept them glued so tightly together even with years shared, and he had reached the conclusion that it had to be these small declarations of love given to each other every single day when it was least expected.

 

The tune of the show replaced the commercials way too quickly. Kazunari pulled back to catch his breath, and felt heat nip the underside of his abdomen when he looked at Shintarou properly again. Truthfully, Shintarou didn’t look _that_ innocent anymore himself, and it only made the flames inside Kazunari flare higher and hotter. He parted his lips and let out a shivery sigh, and trailed his tongue over his bottom lip. Although the hosts were ready to announce who would be eliminated, neither of them paid any attention to it anymore. Kazunari stared into the greenness of Shintarou’s eyes and felt his heart pounding like it was ready to lose control of everything.

 

“The… The strawberries made me remember something.” Shintarou’s voice was hoarse and _so_ sexy that it turned Kazunari’s knees jelly. The little lift of the brows over the glasses didn’t make him any less needy, either. “You won’t laugh, right?”

 

“When have I _ever_ laughed at you?”

 

“I can easily remember a couple of times.”

 

Kazunari puffed air out of his cheeks. “Babe, you know you can tell me _anything_.”

 

“I know,” Shintarou reassured. He took a breath and asked, “Do we still have some chocolate left?”

 

“In the fridge… Why?”

 

“I’ve just always wanted to try something… You’ll see,” Shintarou hurried to add. There was a strawberry-like color in his cheeks, and without another word rushed out of the couch and into the kitchen.

 

Kazunari blinked and stared behind his lover like he had gone mental. Something he had always wanted to try… He huffed. What was it? He sank better to the couch and grabbed himself a pillow to cuddle against his chest; already he felt tiny withdrawal symptoms, thus, he buried his face to the soft surface and nuzzled it. Very carefully he listened the vague rattles and clatters that eventually culminated to the soothing sound of a microwave. Kazunari’s dark brows drew in to a fine frown. What was Shintarou microwaving, the chocolate? He thought of one or two purposes for that, but they didn’t really suit his composed lover… His lips puckered, and he decided to stop thinking before he would explode from curiosity. He forced himself to stare at the television where the next episode’s preview was.

 

Few odd minutes later Shintarou returned with a bowl in his hand, and indeed, it was filled with melted chocolate that made Kazunari salivate. He perked on the couch yet still frowned, the curiosity gripping his stomach so very tight. His spine tingled, and when the man settled down with the bowl still in his grasp, Kazunari no longer was in control of his tongue.

 

“What is it for?”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze to the chocolate. The blush on his cheeks seemed to deepen.

 

“Shin- _chaaaaan_ ,” whined Kazunari. “You’re making me go crazy! What is it for, please tell me!”

 

When the man finally looked back at him, there was something weirdly _raw_ in his expression. It made Kazunari’s throat tighten, and his heart did the weirdest somersaults he hadn’t felt in few weeks. All around his body his skin quivered and prickled.

 

“I want to…” Shintarou took a deep breath and tried again. “I want to taste it on your body.”

 

A hard pulse pierced Kazunari’s ears. He stared at him with eyes as wide as a frightened woodland creature’s, but he wasn’t afraid, quite the opposite, actually. He eyed Shintarou and then the chocolate, lifted his gaze back up to his lover and then down to the dark sweetness. His hard swallow was louder than the volume of the television, and as he parted his lips, a satisfied whimper escaped him.

 

“ _Please_ ,” he breathed.

 

For a moment or two he thought Shintarou would be too coy to do it, but when suddenly he got a deep kiss that made his insides clabber, he knew that there was no shy or hesitant bone in the man’s body at the moment. The frown on his face remained, but this time it was for pure concentration as Kazunari tilted his head and did his very best to respond to the kiss in a way he knew Shintarou liked it. Roughly he nipped the man’s upper lip, and the sudden realization that he was seriously going to get laid here with chocolate and Shintarou made a fever rise to the surface of his skin. A little flustered, he moaned into his mouth and was eager to help in taking off his shirt.

 

Kazunari wiggled out of his pants and rubbed his palm over his boxers, half-expecting Shintarou to get as equally undressed, but that didn’t happen. Instead, Shintarou peeled off his underwear inch by inch, and Kazunari had to lay down to help with the process. Naked and partially underneath his lover, he squirmed and smirked, and yanked the man closer from his forearms.

 

“Why exactly haven’t we tried this before?” His tone purred.

 

“I don’t know… Maybe we just haven’t had a proper chance.” Shintarou pursed his lips to a sweet little pucker, and dipped his fingertips to the chocolate sauce. With his lips still parted and ready to moan, Kazunari stared at the fingers that had done several dirty things with him, but this was something new, something exciting, and something he desperately wanted to test. With an alarming speed Shintarou moved his hand towards the other’s chest, but Kazunari stopped him right at the second by wrapping his own fingers around the lean wrist. He said nothing, simply popped in the long index finger in his mouth and suckled.

 

The chocolate was nicely warm; surely it wouldn’t cause injuries to his skin. He kept his eyes constantly fixed on Shintarou as he swirled his tongue around the finger, tasted the sweetness and the hint of bitterness, and pushed it deeper in his mouth. Slowly he pulled his mouth back and left behind a wet trail of saliva, and popped the finger out with a noise. The sight of quivering, huffing Shintarou was enough to drive Kazunari wild, and with haste he spread the fingers apart and began the same procedure with the other. He closed his eyes and nearly purred straight from the throat, and when he finally let loose Shintarou’s hand, he was painfully aware of the hardening sensation between his own thighs.

 

“More,” he pleaded.

 

Shintarou dipped his fingers into the chocolate again, but this time pressed them directly at Kazunari’s nipple. Despite the sudden warmth the nub perked, and Kazunari pushed his hips upwards. He looked down and chewed the inside of his cheek to stop himself from making too many sounds so early in the expedition. Shintarou’s fingers looked _beautiful_ , coated in chocolate and smearing the darkness around his chest. For once Kazunari was happy of his apparent lack of chest hair, because that would have been a mess he wasn’t willing to clean and wouldn’t even want to put his lover through. He hung his head on the side and watched Shintarou move so gracefully. There was a lopsided smile on Shintarou’s lips, and it was a reason enough to test this out.

 

Kazunari pressed his heels to the couch and let out an involuntary moan when Shintarou leaned closer and breathed in his ear. His nipples perked through the hot and sticky sauce, and he offered them towards the man. Whatever Shintarou wanted to do with him, he was going to allow it; there was not a single trace of doubt or hesitation in his mind when it came to this man. He breathed harder and heard it louder against Shintarou’s neck that was still right in front of his nose. Kazunari stretched his upper body enough to nuzzle his nose to the soft skin.

 

“Can I lick it off?” murmured Shintarou straight in his ear.

 

Kazunari’s body strained and wept. “Yeah,” he whispered, “you don’t have to ask.”

 

“It’s polite, though…” Shintarou trailed his nose down the length of Kazunari’s corded neck and towards the collarbones that had mere splatters of chocolate. He stuck his tongue out and allowed it down, and then flicked the coated left nipple with the tip of it. “Don’t you think?”

 

“Mm,” was all Kazunari managed to muster out. His body trembled underneath Shintarou. He struggled to keep his eyes open when all he wanted to do was to throw his head back and enjoy the ride, but still he kept looking at the sexy two meter sight layered on top of him. Shintarou looked so _eager_ , and that had to be the best part of it. Again Kazunari bucked his hips up, extended his figure from head to toe and allowed lewd grunts out of his mouth. As Shintarou swirled his tongue over the nipple, teased and nearly tortured it with quick bites and harsh tugs, Kazunari worked his hand around the man’s upper body and squeezed the back of his shirt hard.

 

“You like that?” Shintarou asked and managed to sound so innocent despite doing something so obscene.

 

“L-Love it,” Kazunari huffed and arched his back. “Keep… Mmh, keep going…”

 

Shintarou stretched himself away from Kazunari, momentarily though as he grabbed the bowl of melted chocolate and took it in his firm grasp. There was a delicious glint in the green eyes that lit up like so every now and then; it was still a rare treat. “I want to pour it over you,” Shintarou said. His bashfulness was gone, and although his cheeks still glowed, he seemed confident all of a sudden as he hovered the bowl only few inches away from Kazunari’s skin in goose bumps.

 

“Do it,” dared Kazunari with a smirk.

 

Exactly that happened. The lukewarm stickiness smeared around his chest, pooled in his navel, and threatened to tangle to his tidied up pubic hair. Wherever the chocolate hit, Shintarou lapped it away, one stroke of a tongue at a time. Kazunari could no longer ignore his erection in the noble stance, and all he missed was some friction. He pushed his hips up in a discreet hint for his lover to know where to direct his attention to, and although he was sure Shintarou got that particular hint, no chocolate or tongue or mouth traveled south of his navel.

 

He was a hot mess, trail of licked off chocolate here and there. Shintarou might have not done a precise job, but it was job enough to drive Kazunari insane. He moaned like there was no tomorrow whenever more chocolate was poured over his nipples and the man took them in his care. As much as he wanted to sneak his hand to his cock and give it few good strokes, he played by Shintarou’s unspoken rules and instead kept his hands securely over his head to resist the temptation. His hips moved like crazy, however, they pushed up and thrust against Shintarou’s crotch. Kazunari felt a bulge, definitely, knew that underneath the neat fabric grew another dick hard, and as much as he wanted to beg to view it, his mouth was stuffed with a constant wave of moans.

 

“S-Shintarou…” he moaned, knew that it would drive the man wild. “I want to… w-want to, ah…”

 

Shintarou perked up. “What?”

 

“On my ass…”

 

“On your—“

 

“Ass, yeah…” The smirk that tugged Kazunari’s lips higher was wicked. He nudged Shintarou farther away from him and effortlessly rolled around on his stomach. He grabbed a pillow and pressed it on his syrupy stomach, and lifted his bottom higher, spread his legs and was confident that he gave his dear lover one hell of a view. Wiggling his ass, Kazunari found it to be a good source of friction on his desperate cock. “Hn… do it. I’m all yours and you know it… _Shintarou_.”

 

Firmly his ass was grasped in two big palms, and he winced when Shintarou groped him hard. As much as he loved their sex no matter what, he also found Shintarou’s unrestricted side alluring. The man kneaded his ass, and when Kazunari finally felt the lukewarm chocolate spread across his buttocks, he muffled a moan to a pillow. He pushed his bottom out and up, and Shintarou moved to the rhythm of his body with ease and perfection. A tongue pushed between the flesh of his buttocks, and faintly Kazunari thought of making Shintarou clean him up afterwards; maybe he wouldn’t mind doing that _that_ much, really. Too soon Shintarou pulled back, but instead came a fine trail of chocolate down his spine together with a tongue that cleaned him up one vertebra at a time. Shintarou sucked the bones that nestled right underneath the sheer surface of skin, and Kazunari responded with moans and groans and wiggling his bottom.

 

Desperation glimmering in his eyes, he glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder and tried to push his chest up. Their eyes met, and for a moment they stared at each other without a word.

 

Then, Shintarou stated, “To bed?”

 

Kazunari added, “With the chocolate.”

 

Although he was fully capable of walking on his own despite the nakedness and the chocolate-ness of his frame, he still found himself scooped up in Shintarou’s arms. At first he didn’t let the man move as he kissed him hard, almost ready to suck the life out of his gorgeous lover, but when Shintarou did take his first (slightly uneasy) steps towards the bedroom, Kazunari finally palmed his cock and hoped to get chocolate all over his skin that wanted to breathe in Shintarou as much as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yesterday [this](http://sugawaera.tumblr.com/post/108257451888/you-know-youre-trash-in-too-deep-when-you-tattoo) happened. ~~Basically I got myself tattoos of 'Shintarou' and 'Kazunari'.~~ My tattoo artist joked that for the rest of the whole world they're upside down, and that's how I wanted them - I'll get to look at my boys every day, and that's what matters.


	18. Wild Child

“Shin-chan.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Have you thought about getting children?”

 

The soothing rubbing of his stomach stopped, and as Kazunari frowned lightly, he glanced over his shoulder to see Shintarou’s brows drew in to a similar position. Nonetheless, Kazunari smiled and pressed his hand over the man’s that still remained over his stomach, and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb. He could see thoughts run around his lover’s features, but he didn’t rush him; after all, it might have not been the best subject to discuss when sleep still coated their eyes after a nap that had extended too long. Slowly, Shintarou continued to caress him again.

 

“You know I have, we’ve talked about this countless of times,” he pointed out.

 

“Yeah, but—“, it took some effort for Kazunari to roll around in the burning hot embrace, but eventually he faced Shintarou, “—I think we could have _the_ talk?”

 

“ _The_ talk?” Shintarou’s brows arched.

 

“You know, talking seriously about getting kids.”

 

“So we’ve just been joking until now?”

 

Kazunari nudged his lover’s shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

 

Shintarou hummed and even cracked a smile; he might have not been playful in the most obvious way, but sometimes he did it in the subtle way and made Kazunari feel like an idiot for taking him too seriously. They exchanged a brief kiss, which Kazunari hoped they didn’t as his mouth still tasted like garlic from the lunch. With a quiet hum he pulled back and rested his head against the man’s chest, and lazily wrapped an arm around his waist. The beat of Shintarou’s heart was ever so soothing, and he closed his eyes.

 

“Are you against the idea of talking about it?” he murmured.

 

“Of course not.” Shintarou worked his fingertips up and down Kazunari’s spine.

 

“Mm.” It took some effort, but Kazunari glanced up at the man again and felt his lips twitch to a small smile. He wiggled his other hand from between their bodies and brought it up to Shintarou’s smooth chin that he stroked so very gently and carefully. It was the exact spot that he stared as he said, “I really want to have kids with you.”

 

Against him Shintarou tensed, but then relaxed. “It’s a big responsibility,” he reminded.

 

“I know.” Kazunari lifted his gaze to his eyes. “But we’re going to be together until we’re old and grey, aren’t we? We’re settled together, we have a home together, soon we’ll have permanent jobs as well… I’m not saying we should get one or two _now_ , but in near future.”

 

“One or two?”

 

“I wouldn’t mind two,” he softly said and rubbed his droopy eyelids. “But the amount doesn’t matter, I want to have at least one with you.”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze. The corners of his lips tensed, and so did his core against Kazunari’s.

 

A gentle sigh escaped Kazunari, and he lifted his hand enough to stroke the green hair that stuck up to every possible direction. “What’s making you worried?”

 

“I’m not—“

 

“I can tell.” His voice was still tender. “Talk to me about it, please.”

 

For a moment Shintarou hesitated, and then let out a great sigh. He pulled Kazunari closer and rested his chin on the man’s head. Under his breath he whispered, “What if I’m not a good father?”

 

“Babe…” Kazunari wiggled enough to look at Shintarou again. He kissed his cheek and then nuzzled the spot, and held a smile on his lips. “I can’t think of a better dad to any kid than you. If I’d feel you’d be a terrible one, do you think I’d talk about this with you?”

 

“Yeah, but…” Shintarou sucked in a breath and let it out through his nose. “When I think about you with children, I can see them absolutely loving you. But myself… I don’t know how to act around them, so wouldn’t they absolutely hate me?”

 

Kazunari propped himself up on his elbows and keenly looked at his lover who seemed so insecure and confused, that he had no other choice but to wrap his arms tightly around him and give him a hug. He hoped it was reassuring enough. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered near Shintarou’s ear. “You wouldn’t have to do it alone. And if you don’t want kids… Then we’ll be without kids. It’s not about me deciding what we’ll do and you have to follow.”

 

“I do want kids,” Shintarou said. “I mean… You’re already my family, we _have_ a family of the two of us, but… I want to see these tiny humans grow with us, but I’m just worried I’m not fit for the job.”

 

Kazunari stroked Shintarou’s cheek and made him close his eyes. “I don’t think anyone feels fit for it until they’re holding their child.”

 

Shintarou hummed and held in a moment of silence. “So you want two?”

 

“Well, if _I_ could decide…” Kazunari puckered his lips. “We’d get one first, and when that one is a bit older, we’d get another. So yeah, two sounds about the right.”

 

“It’s not a bad plan,” Shintarou retorted. “How would we… Adopting?”

 

Kazunari nodded. “Though there are other options, too.”

 

“I think adopting could be the best.” Shintarou pressed his head tighter against the pillow and narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. He muttered as if almost to himself, “We could transform the guestroom to a child’s room, but if we get two, there won’t be enough space, and we might have to move…”

 

Kazunari pressed his nose against his lover’s and nuzzled it. He closed his eyes and took few breaths. “You’re taking this seriously after all, aren’t you?”

 

“Of course I am.” There was a hint of hurt in Shintarou’s tone. “I’m thinking of living the rest of my life with you, I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

 

“I know.” Kazunari gave a small kiss on Shintarou’s lips. “I was just worried you’d want to change the subject immediately.”

 

“You think so highly of me.” Although Shintarou sounded devastated, there was a smile on his lips, and Kazunari knew that again this was his lover’s weird sense of humor. Shintarou wrapped his arm better around Kazunari and pulled him in his embrace. “I’ve given this some thought lately, alright? I want… I might be scared, but I want this with you. I want to marry you, I want to have children with you, and I want to grow old with you. I thought that was a given.”

 

Hearing all of it at once made Kazunari’s cheeks glow. He let out a small smile, a little bashful all of a sudden, and hid his face to Shintarou’s chest. “We’re really going to be together forever… Right?”

 

“Right.” Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s hair. “We’re not kids anymore ourselves, this isn’t just children’s talk. We’re getting old, and we know what we want, and what I want is you.”

 

Kazunari’s smile melted, and he couldn’t resist the temptation of kissing Shintarou again. This time the kiss was longer, but it was still soft and made him feel so safe about the shared future that was ahead of them. “I love you,” he murmured against Shintarou’s lips and pecked them again.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“So…” Kazunari drew vague shapes on Shintarou’s chest. “Did we just decide that we are going to get children at some point?”

 

“I think we did,” complied Shintarou. “But first, let’s get married. _Then_ we can get children.”

 

“Sounds like plan.” Kazunari rested his head back to Shintarou’s chest and sighed softly. He had done something right in his life at some point, because although his lover might have been a little cranky and grumpy and difficult at times, he was – most importantly – loving and supporting, and Kazunari felt secure with him. It soothed his mind that they both thought about having a future together, that they both shared ideas for the years to come, and that they were both going towards it together. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, and enjoyed the sound of Shintarou’s calm pulse against his ear.


	19. Driving North

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn’t seem like a terribly bad idea, because if that were the case, he would have gotten an earful of that already.

At four am Kazunari was fully clothed in his warmest jacket, and his bags were packed.

 

He tiptoed to the bedroom as quietly as he could with his shoes on, and eyed the endearing sleeping figure of Shintarou. The man was in deep sleep, and there was not a sight more gorgeous than this (his opinion might have been slightly biased). He rested his eyes on his lover and wanted to stroke his hair, but didn’t quite want to wake him up yet; he rather enjoyed the view now that he had the chance to. Soon, he would be carrying bags heavier than was necessary, and then he wouldn’t be able to appreciate the little wonders in life. Sweat already rose to the surface of his forehead, the fabric of his jacket too thick, and he realized he should have probably stalled with the outer clothing. It wasn’t his fault he was a little giddy and excited, though.

 

Finally, after waiting for a moment and a half, he nudged Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called, his voice quiet yet gentle. “Wake up…”

 

This had its risks. Although Shintarou was a morning person – while he was mostly nocturnal –, from experience Kazunari knew that surprise wake ups weren’t the thing that necessarily made the man happy. He was willing to put himself in danger, and if he’d awake a grumpy bear-like creature, _well_ , he’d give kisses enough to make him come around again. He poked his shoulder again, and this time Shintarou grumbled and inched ever so slightly. For Kazunari it wasn’t enough, and so he nudged the same spot again.

 

“What?” groaned Shintarou under his breath and lifted his chin, but didn’t open his eyes.

 

“Wake up, babe,” Kazunari coaxed, still more patient than he ever thought he could be. The room was dark, and he couldn’t properly tell apart Shintarou’s expression. “I got a surprise for you… Come on, Shin-chan.”

 

“What… time is it?” Shintarou sounded strained as he stretched his arm out and against the nightstand, and searched for his phone. Kazunari chewed his lower lip and wondered whether Shintarou was going to get annoyed or mad. He sank down on his knees, ready to make the man dizzy with deep, saliva-slicked kisses, and cringed when Shintarou gasped for breath. “Four am? Kazunari, what the _hell_?”

 

“It’s a good surprise, trust me!”

 

Shintarou pushed himself up on his elbows and clutched the front of Kazunari’s jacket. “What is the surprise then? I’d like to know so I can be the judge of whether I woke up for nothing or not.”

 

“So grumpy,” Kazunari whined and ruffled Shintarou’s hair. In the dark he aimed for the man’s lips, and managed to give them a sweet little peck. Shintarou tasted like early morning, and it was a flavor that Kazunari remotely liked. “I got us a little romantic getaway.”

 

“And what—“, Shintarou yawned loudly and sank back to the bed, “—exactly does a romantic getaway mean?”

 

“You, me, driving up a little North for a night in _onsen_.”

 

The silence that followed his words was excruciating, but still Kazunari remained perked up like a puppy waiting to be praised by its master. It didn’t seem like a terribly bad idea, because if that were the case, he would have gotten an earful of that already. Shintarou hummed in what seemed like a very thoughtful way. Without a warning Kazunari’s hair was ruffled, and he even got himself another kiss that left his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide. Whether it was a good thing or not, he couldn’t decide it yet, but with gratefulness in his bones he buried his face to Shintarou’s neck and nuzzled the spot he had chosen specifically for its softness. When he kissed the exact spot, Shintarou let out a throaty hum.

 

“Is it really such a bad idea?” Kazunari murmured.

 

“No, but…” Sluggishly Shintarou wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s neck and pulled him closer. “Are you seriously already wearing a jacket?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“So you want us to leave _now_?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Pretty much.”

 

Shintarou sneered and then let out a huff. “Why am I together with such a bothersome person…”

 

“You love it, though.” Kazunari got himself up and straightened his legs, and finally had the courage to turn on the bedside lamp. Shintarou shielded his eyes with his hand, and although he looked groggy with dark circles around his eyes, he was still the most beautiful sight Kazunari had ever seen. His grin turned into a gentle smile that seemed to permanently get stuck in his lips, but he didn’t bother to shoo it away. Through the shadows dancing on Shintarou’s half-naked body, he thought he saw a hint of a smile on his lips, too. He pranced in front of the wardrobe and started to pull off clothes from Shintarou’s side, and continued, “I thought I’d surprise you, so now we can soak properly in the hot water and relax and take it easy without any stress… And it’s just for one night, so there’s no harm in that, right?”

 

“I guess.” Shintarou yawned and finally pulled off the covers.

 

Kazunari glanced at his loved one over his shoulder and threw some clothes on the bed, while a cheeky little smirk still flirted with his lips. “You’ll love it,” he promised. “I’ll drive, too, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

 

“I wouldn’t have thought even for a second I’d be the one driving. How long have you been up already?”

 

“An hour. All the bags are ready, too.”

 

“You’re insane.”

 

Kazunari couldn’t come up with any clever retort in such a short amount of time, thus he didn’t even bother. He walked to the kitchen instead, although he was tempted to watch Shintarou strip naked and clothe himself again. Now that he finally could, he whistled a happy tune and patted his own shoulder for such a genius idea. A day in the onsen was definitely a romantic destination, and he knew Shintarou agreed with him even if he didn’t want to admit it aloud. As his heart sang happy notes and his stomach flipped upside down from the thought of being able to soak in such pleasant warmth, he hurried to make some breakfast on the go.

 

Fifteen minutes later Shintarou finally dragged himself to the kitchen as well, wrapped his arms around Kazunari and nearly collapsed on the smaller frame. Kazunari’s mouth jerked to another smile, and he glanced at the tired eyelids drooping behind the glasses. His heart skipped a beat, and he wondered whether he should have let him sleep an hour or two more. Shintarou _had_ been rather exhausted in the last few days, going to bed early and sleeping longer than normally, and now worry scrunched Kazunari’s bones. A gentle sigh escaped him, and as he turned around in Shintarou’s embrace, he kissed the dried lips. Then, he kissed them again.

 

“It’s only a few hours drive,” he murmured against Shintarou’s mouth. “You can sleep while I drive, okay? I made sandwiches and some coffee, and I’m taking a quilt along, so we should be pretty comfortable in the car. Right?”

 

“Thank you,” whispered Shintarou.

 

“It’s not a problem, babe. When we get there, we can just enjoy each other and not give a damn about anything else.” Kazunari winked.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but did it softly. No longer did he have to be coaxed, as he obediently followed Kazunari and even helped to carry one bag out of their apartment and into their car. Kazunari settled behind the wheel and rubbed his nape, and mentally prepared for the task ahead. It had been few months since he had last driven, but he figured he’d do just fine in the end. He kept his gaze on Shintarou who shuffled himself to the seat beside him; the man immediately buried himself under a jacket yet still shuddered. Resting his hand on the gearstick, Kazunari’s features softened as he examined another yawn wiggle out of Shintarou’s mouth. Some drool dripped on the corners of the lips, and sluggishly Shintarou brushed them to the sleeve of the jacket.

 

There were moments in his life when he simply caught himself staring at Shintarou and wondering how he had gotten so lucky. It wasn’t the kind of astrological, stars-aligned kind of luck that Shintarou believed in, but something entirely different, and Kazunari had a hunch that planets had nothing to do with it. This was his _soul mate_ sitting beside him; this was a man that seemed to have been made just for him and no one else when his DNA had been crafted. This was his first love, and he wasn’t sure how often first loves survived as far as they had gone. Whenever he thought of that, he honestly got a little emotional, because he could have chosen differently at some point in his life, and so might have Shintarou. Yet somehow here they were, together at a happy place built together.

 

“I love you,” Kazunari said, felt like expressing it aloud like so many times before.

 

“I’d love you more if you wouldn’t force me to get up at four am,” Shintarou retorted.

 

Kazunari scoffed. “You can’t say that aloud!”

 

“I think I already did.”

 

“I’ll take my words back in that case.”

 

“Sure you do.” Shintarou gave him an actual smile and leaned just enough to kiss Kazunari; he made him startle, but eventually Kazunari grinned, too. “Why don’t you drive now, and I’ll sleep… We can switch halfway so you get some sleep as well.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

So Kazunari said, but he was still determined to do as much of the driving as he could without waking up Shintarou and falling asleep. Once more he kissed his lover before he pulled back properly on the seat and started the car. Although he knew he should have fully concentrated on the matter in hand – keeping them alive inside the car and in the midst of traffic, that was –, he still couldn’t help but sneak glances towards Shintarou who settled properly in the seat and looked more than ready to doze off immediately. A gentle smile illuminated Kazunari’s face. He dreamed of snuggling against Shintarou in the pleasantly hot water of the onsen, imagined eating some seafood and possibly have some delicious, gentle and loving sex with yukatas on; the mental image of Shintarou clad in yukata did wonders to his mind. It made his stomach flutter pleasantly, and as his thoughts were solely concentrated on the man beside him, he pushed the pedal down and took the first exit towards North.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far this has been a walk in the park, but now begins the _real_ challenge, when my lectures start again. I'm a little nervous, but hopefully I'll somehow manage!


	20. China

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Already at the prime age of nineteen Shintarou had decided to stay together with Takao Kazunari for the rest of his life.

**20 th OF JANUARY, 20XX  
** _\- first year of university -_

Shintarou could no longer feel his toes. The state of his fingers was a little questionable, but it did ease whenever he put on mittens after he was done turning the page of his copy of ‘Introduction to Medical Science’. He let out a breath, and it came out as a white fog that danced on the evening sky where stars decorated the universe. Although he tried his best to concentrate on the small print right underneath his eyes, his glasses getting frost on them over and over again wasn’t helpful at all. Underneath his thick layer of clothing he quivered, and felt like giving up and going home, after all. In the end he refused to do so; he had sat on the staircase leading to Kazunari’s place for too many hours now to simply get up and leave. Determined (and slightly stubborn), he huffed out another breath and wiggled one of his mittens off to turn the page again.

 

With a sigh he rested the side of his head on the rail that coldness seeped even through the beanie that he had pulled over his ears. He stared at the book but got no new information from it; all he thought about was Kazunari, and Kazunari alone. He knew they had promised to meet each other tomorrow, _finally_ , but he couldn’t wait one moment longer than necessary. Only now Shintarou understood why people in movies had the uncontrollable urge to clutch their chests – thinking about someone who was gone hurt. It made his heart into a twisting, pounding, aching organ that he wanted to rip out of his chest and step over just so he wouldn’t feel so damn lonely. If someone had ever claimed that love was easy, they were absolutely wrong. Love was horrible. Love had to be a punishment from the things people had done wrong during their lives.

 

He sniffed, and then chuckled joylessly right afterwards. A month he had survived fine by himself, but now on the final day, he was actually crying. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes to the back of his mitten-covered palm. Love was horrible. What the hell were you supposed to do when you missed someone so much it physically hurt? It was awful. What were you supposed to do when you kept looking up at the beginning of the stairs to see a glimpse of the one you had died to see weeks and weeks now? Shintarou sniffed again and fixed his glasses, and concentrated on the complex sentences that turned into twirls of black-and-white. His focus was at zero, and he only thought of Kazunari and how he could have spend the New Year with him and sleep together under the dark, cold nights.

 

It had taken him few years, but only now Shintarou realized that he could not live without Takao Kazunari.

 

Gently he took a deep breath and allowed the air out of his lungs in one great puff. He tried to be realistic. There was no point in crying when Kazunari would walk up the stairs any minute now, and they could see each other. They could embrace each other, and surely he would listen all night at the wonderful tales of a cold month spent in China. His bottom lip trembled. What was _he_ going to share in return? Endless amounts of _‘I love you’_ s _and ‘I miss you’_ s? He bit his lower lip hard and drew out an irony taste that he spat out over the rail. At least he’d get to hold Kazunari in his arms, trace his skin with his fingertips and promise to never let go. One month didn’t sound like that long a time, but when you split it in thirty-one days, or 744 hours, or 44 640 minutes, or 2 678 400 seconds, it was suddenly a lot. All that time he could have spent telling Kazunari what he meant to him (after some courage boost, that was), and how he was _certain_ that this was what he wanted to have and cherish for the rest of his life. All that time he could have spent making love to Kazunari, holding him, kissing him, hugging him, but instead, he had been alone with his Introduction to Medical Science.

 

Already at the prime age of nineteen Shintarou had decided to stay together with Takao Kazunari for the rest of his life. It was not a joke but a very logical conclusion of his; he loved Kazunari, and Kazunari loved him. There was no need to look elsewhere.

 

He puzzled with his thoughts, and no longer even bothered to pretend to concentrate on his studies. He should have been in his own tiny apartment of one, reading and studying, but for the first time in his live Shintarou settled love on the top place. Pursing his lips, he wanted to tear out all the thoughts in his head along with his heart out of the ribcage. He couldn’t understand love, yet he loved and was loved every single day. _Weird_.

 

In the quiet apartment complex steps echoed, one by one. They were heavy, dragging, and the sound of them amplified by hundred and then by thousand. Shintarou’s heart jumped to his throat, and his nostrils flared. He shoved the book back to his bag and stared intensely at the start of the stairs. He knew the steps, of course he did, he had the last of his teenage years listened them every single day without a fail. His pulse shot up the roof, and already he felt like diagnosing himself with every disease he had read in the last month or two. He tightened his fingers into fists inside the loose mittens, and soon frowned deeply. The steps he still heard, but there was no one there. For a moment he was sure his drowsy mind made it up, and then keys jingled behind his back. Slowly he turned to look over his shoulder. His heart stopped beating.

 

A month backpacking in China hadn’t changed Kazunari from the outside much. His cheeks and chin were glowing red, and his overgrown dark hair looked oily and greasy as it stuck out of the beanie it had been clearly tried to tuck into. He carried a large back over his shoulders, and in the bag a variety of colorful trinkets hung, one always a little crazier than another. His posture wavered under the weight, and his whole frame swayed slightly from side to side as he tried to push the right key to the lock but seemed to fail time after time.

 

Shintarou drew in a breath. He had never seen a more beautiful sight.

 

“Takao,” he called as he pushed himself up on his feet. His mind circled from getting up too fast, and he held himself steady with the help of the rail. Kazunari paid no attention. Shintarou took a scared step forward, afraid that he had been forgotten over the days they hadn’t had any contact. A lump rose to his throat, and it was too thick to swallow. This time with his voice shivering more he tried again, “Takao.”

 

This time Kazunari noticed, and slowly he turned his head to Shintarou’s direction. The moment their eyes locked was also the moment Shintarou wanted to burst in tears that hadn’t wanted to escape him for the month but now tried to push to the surface. Shintarou staggered a step closer and felt an odd sensation on the corners of his mouth – he wanted to _smile_ , he wanted to _laugh_ , and do things he only ever displayed in Kazunari’s presence. After two steps he stopped, and few inches separated them. They stared at each other like they were nothing but strangers, as if they didn’t recognize each other, as if their hearts hadn’t connected already, as if they hadn’t in secret mapped out their whole future together.

 

“Shin-chan?” crooked Kazunari. “What are you… I thought we were… Tomorrow—“

 

Shintarou didn’t wait any longer, and he took in the distance between them and pulled Kazunari into a tight hug. He let out a sigh, and also out came the sneaky tears of missing and loving, feelings that he often did not verbalize out loud but feelings he had held deep inside him for years. Like a little child he trembled, and let out a wail when Kazunari wrapped his arms around him and held him just as close. They caressed each other, cried, then cried some more, and anyone could have thought they hadn’t met in years. But a month was enough to kindle emotions inside Shintarou, to crack his tough shell; a month had been the longest time they had been separated ever since they got to know each other. It was a given they’d cry a little. Or maybe a lot.

 

He buried his teary, snotty face to Kazunari’s neck and took in his scent. Kazunari smelled tangy, of sweat and spices, of experiences he would most likely share the moment they got time for that, and although it was a weird combination, it was the only scent Shintarou wanted to inhale at the moment. The body in his embrace felt so tiny (had Kazunari always been _this_ small?), and he no longer wanted to let go. He had to, yet he did so reluctantly, and immediately tried to stich back up a collected façade. He cleared his throat once, then twice, and looked down at Kazunari who didn’t bother to cover up the red rims around his eyes. In silence they stared at each other. Then, Kazunari cracked that silence.

 

“Did you miss me?”

 

Shintarou couldn’t help the laughter. He shook his head in amusement, and found his hand soon in Kazunari’s. Their mittens tangled together. “I surely didn’t miss your assumingly witty sense of humor.”

 

“Oh, look at you, a month and you’re still so mean to me.”

 

He grabbed Kazunari’s waist and pulled the sweat-soaked body closer to his. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on the salty lips. “I was never mean to you,” he murmured against the dried, cracked mouth, and stole another kiss. Then it was Kazunari’s turn, and he kissed Shintarou once, then another time, and another, and _another_ , and quickly it became a marathon of kisses worth a month or all those two million seconds they couldn’t spend with each other. For once Shintarou didn’t care that they weren’t safely hidden inside four walls, because this was something he wanted to show off; he was in love, and he was no longer ashamed of that.

 

Eventually Kazunari wiggled out of his embrace and turned the right key in the lock. He pushed the door open, and out came the familiar scent that Shintarou associated to home. Kazunari looked at him, and the smile on his lips was so very pure that it demanded to be kissed again. “I’m guessing you want to stay the night.”

 

“You guessed correct.” There was no denying it, really.

 

Coldness still in his bones, Shintarou stepped behind his boyfriend and shuddered when he peeled off the jacket. He threw his bag on the floor, watched Kazunari do the same, and when the bright orange winter jacket was put on the hanger and Kazunari stood in front of him with a ridiculous, gaudy Christmas jumper, Shintarou could no longer breathe. It felt like electricity filled the small hallway, as if Kazunari was one polar of a magnet and he was another. He swallowed hard and tired to let his sensible side take control of his system, but his bones and muscles were now run on raw emotions he had discovered in the past month.

 

He launched towards his lover like he had never done before, startled and surprised both Kazunari and himself in the process. Eagerly, _hungrily_ he pressed the other against the wall and kissed him hard, kissed him deep, and kissed him so very passionately that he wondered whether he had lost his mind for good, or if it was only a temporary diagnose. Kazunari’s mouth tasted of dirt, weirdly of chicken as well, but Shintarou still nudged his tongue inside and asked the other tongue out for a wild dance. He grabbed the beanie still over the dark head and threw it aside, and worked his fingers through the dirty hair. His cold body heated up one section at a time. He rutted Kazunari harder against the wall and moaned in his mouth, and didn’t understand what was up with him. All he knew was that he needed Kazunari _now_ , because seven hundred hours of waiting had been too much.

 

It seemed Kazunari wasn’t completely opposed the idea, either. As he softly panted against Shintarou’s body, he protested with a murmur, “I haven’t—mm—showered in—nnh, ah _yeah_ —in, in days…”

 

“I don’t care,” grunted Shintarou.

 

For a single fleeting moment they stopped, panted hard and looked into each other’s eyes. Shintarou licked his lips and felt his pulse on the root of his ear, and felt his body react in ways it hadn’t done in what seemed like forever. He held Kazunari against the wall by his waist and tightened his grasp, but his boyfriend’s expression didn’t waver. Instead, Kazunari leaned closer and gave a gentle kiss to balance the roughness of seconds earlier.

 

Finally Kazunari whispered, “Take me.”

 

Shintarou did exactly that.

 

A month’s worth of pressure built in his body, and his movements turned hasty and jerky. He fumbled with the belt of his jeans that he managed to push mid-thigh together with his underwear. Kazunari sounded like he was having difficulties breathing, but not once did he tell him to stop, and Shintarou trusted on his judgment. On their ankles soon laid rumpled, dirty clothes that made moving harder, but it stopped neither. Shintarou supported Kazunari by his bottom, and the other worked his legs around his waist. Tiny bit of weight rested now between Shintarou and the wall, and he could have wished no more. Panting, moaning, he worked his mouth against Kazunari’s and kissed him deep, mingled their tongues together, and tried to push himself better against the other. Kazunari lowered his hips, and once they reached the perfect position, Shintarou hesitated none. He pushed his length inside the dry flesh, and although Kazunari cried out loud enough for the sound to echo everywhere in the small apartment, he pleaded him to continue.

 

It wasn’t sex itself that Shintarou craved but the feeling of unity, the need for connection, and the knowledge of being together at last again. He rutted hard up into Kazunari and made him cry out, and also cry, but Shintarou couldn’t stop anymore. He held in the body tangled in damp clothes and droplets of desire, and over and over again he thrust in him, and wanted him to feel the things he felt for him. There was a never-ending flame in the pit of his abdomen, and it didn’t stop no matter how hard his movements turned. Shintarou buried his fingers to Kazunari’s hips, raked his nails over the skin and pushed him tighter against the wall. He wanted all of the neighbors to know that they were together, and that the bond they had created would last forever. What they had between them, it would surely be strong enough to survive any weather, and even in ten years they’d still tangle to each other like there was no tomorrow.

 

“Ah, Shin… Shin-chan…!” cried Kazunari and frantically tried to clutch the back of Shintarou’s sweater. “Bed… Bed, I want to… Mmh…”

 

Shintarou captured Kazunari’s mouth against his own and ravaged the sweet little lips as he stumbled the familiar route to the small bedroom. He settled him on the bed and not once pulled out, but kept his thrusts steady and heavy, and bore into the tender, tight flesh that tightened around him with every movement. Going in dry was something they had tried once, maybe twice, and it had never been a pleasant experience to either of them; now, neither of them seemed to care anymore. Shintarou’s mind buzzed and went numb as he slapped his hips against Kazunari’s and tried to concentrate on the feeling of the saliva-soaked kisses given to him. Saliva was a thing they exchanged together, generously, and Shintarou could no longer tell whose taste imprinted so strongly in his palate. He wanted to bore deeper into him, to pierce him in half, to claim him as his and no one else’s.

 

Kazunari arched his back and moaned from his throat. “Gently!” He nearly resorted to screaming. “G-Gently, uhn… That hurts…”

 

Shintarou had to admit defeat and slowed down his pace. It turned more intense, however, and the flame that kindled inside him only grew stronger. He moved himself in Kazunari slowly, gently, _lovingly_ , and as he pulled back from the kiss, he looked into the glistening eyes underneath him. They shared a smile, genuine ones they were, and Shintarou couldn’t properly breathe as he took in the sight that was a half-naked, squirming Kazunari whose lips were parted and where moans trickled lusciously out one by one. His heart skipped a beat, and suddenly his mind cleared. The bed underneath was small, but he wanted it to be big, wanted it to be enough for two. In fact, the whole apartment should have been meant for two, not only sufficient for occasional stay overs. His eyes widened, and as he examined the damp skin where the fabric didn’t cover it, he forgot to breathe.

 

He stopped moving. Kazunari frowned and cupped his face to his palms.

 

“What’s wrong?” whispered Kazunari.

 

Shintarou hesitated none to share his most intimate thoughts. “Move in with me.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes flared. He breathed irregular. His bottom lip trembled. “What are you saying?” His voice broke in the middle.

 

“Move in with me,” Shintarou repeated.

 

“I-I heard that, yeah, but where is that coming from…?”

 

“I can’t live without you.” His words turned heated. He rolled his hips against Kazunari’s and drew out a long moan. “I need to… You, for the rest of my—ah, _fuck_ —life, I… Please, _please_ …”

 

Through his moans Kazunari sneered and kept his hands on Shintarou’s cheeks. “I thought you’d never ask,” he snorted.

 

They seduced each into a sweet oblivion.

 

Afterwards with their skins covered in trails of saliva, sweat and cum, Shintarou slumped beside Kazunari and pulled him into an embrace. He imagined that in the moment they needed no words, thus he didn’t say a thing, and merely pressed kisses on Kazunari’s soft hairline. His fingertips were gentle and warm on the skin in goose bumps, and those bumps he tried to soothe over with his best abilities. He leaned over to grab his sweater that had disappeared from his body in the midst of the shared passion, and settled it over Kazunari’s quivering body. The reward he got was a smile, and a small peck on his lips, too.

 

“You do realize,” Kazunari lazily began and closed his eyes, and nearly purred against Shintarou’s throat, “that if we move in together, you have to stare at my face every single day?”

 

“What a punishment.”

 

Kazunari nudged Shintarou’s chin. “I’m being serious here.”

 

Shintarou traced the other’s jawline and looked into his eyes that were open again and keenly examining him. “I might want to stare at your face every single day.”

 

“Might?”

 

He nodded, and felt just a bit smug.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes but nestled closer to him. “I’ll move in with you on one condition,” he said.

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in to a frown. Warily he asked, “And what is that one condition?”

 

Kazunari’s lips curled to a cheeky smile. “You calling me Kazunari from now on.”

 

With the speed of light Shintarou’s cheeks glowed scarlet. He huffed through his nose, and his brains were quick to try and come up with a clever retort. He might have not been a master of them, but still he let out (for teasing purposes for once in his life), “Only if you drop the Shin-chan.”

 

Kazunari’s mouth fell agape. “Never!” he exclaimed, devastated.

 

Shintarou merely shrugged, and immediately he got Kazunari nuzzling his throat with the tip of his nose. He wasn’t sure who was coaxing whom into moving in with the other, but he found himself enjoying the banter. He chuckled softly, and the noise vibrated in his chest; soon it made Kazunari chuckle, too. This was the idiot he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. It was often said that young people made stupid decisions, but there was nothing ridiculous about this; Shintarou knew that this was the man who would stand by his side no matter what would happen.

 

His cheeks still had a flush on them as he pressed his lips near Kazunari’s ear and murmured, “Kazunari…” He felt shivers on the body pressed against his, and he merely tightened his grasp from him. Finally he told the most important thing, “Welcome home,” and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that these throwbacks to the past happen weekly? Sometimes the prompts are too delicious for me _not_ to write about younger Shintarou and Kazunari, and I really hope they're at least interesting! For me, it's a nice change of pace, even if it happens once a week.


	21. It's Time To... Be Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?” It seemed that they really had to talk about this. _Again._ “Have I ever made you question my devotion to you?”

Frantically Kazunari’s fingertips worked on a witty reply to Tetsuya’s text message while he tried to make the best minced-meat sauce for the pasta. It wasn’t easy for him to focus on two things, and now he directed his concentration more on working on the text rather than mixing the sauce that threatened to burn. He sent one text and then put the phone down, but picked it up as soon as it chimed again. Reading Tetsuya’s reply, a smile rose to his lips, and he turned down the heat of the stove to be able to answer back again.

 

Something he had really missed was having friends. Of course he had friends, people he could text with or ask out for casual coffee, and obviously Shintarou was still his best friend even after all the years, but he had missed having a _friend_ friend, someone who’d invite him out for a basketball match and dinner afterwards like Tetsuya now did. Under his breath Kazunari snorted and couldn’t understand how the years passed had made the other man much more relaxed and open. He remembered him slightly timid back in the days, even when they had briefly gone out together, but now Tetsuya sounded confident even through text messages, and it made him smile. He answered yes to the suggestion of an evening together, and put down the phone again.

 

He grabbed two plates and was ready to split the pasta in half already, when he realized that the sauce wasn’t quite done yet. Pursing his lips to a slight pout, Kazunari turned up the heat again and mixed it furiously. His stomach grumbled. Now that he had promised to go see a basketball match, he rather had his stomach full even when they’d go to dinner afterwards. Beside him on the counter the phone buzzed, and his smile spread from ear to ear. He replied hastily, and got another message back straight away.

 

“Kazunari,” called Shintarou and leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. “Is the dinner soon done?”

 

“In a second, the sauce is almost done…”

 

“Mm.” There was a pause. “Who are you texting with?”

 

“No one,” Kazunari absentmindedly muttered and brushed some of his hair behind his ear, and looked up at his lover with a smile. “Why?”

 

“You just smiled like… Nothing.” Shintarou’s eyes narrowed, and his shoulders tensed. He heaved out a sigh. “Could you bring my plate to the living room as well when you’re done?”

 

“Sure thing, babe.”

 

Kazunari fixed his gaze back on his phone and the sauce, and shifted his concentration constantly between the two. Five minutes later he finally decided to abandon the messaging and shoved the phone to his pocket, and like a good husband-to-be got the pasta and sauce on two plates, grabbed some forks and went to the living room. He plopped down beside Shintarou and gave him a kiss on the cheek, but unlike usually he didn’t get one back. Not thinking twice about it, he claimed dominance over the remote control and searched from their recordings the episode of the cooking show he had missed. When the familiar tune started, he sank the fork in the pasta and twirled it around, sucked it in his mouth and felt as content as ever.

 

He glanced at Shintarou beside him and smiled. “Is it good?”

 

Shintarou nodded and said nothing. The corners of his mouth seemed tense.

 

Kazunari hummed and put down the fork, and moved his hand on Shintarou’s knee. He squeezed it and rubbed the spot with his thumb. “You okay, honey?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

As another hum escaped him, Kazunari was ready to continue eating when the phone vibrated in his pocket. Immediately a grin twitched back to his lips, and he fished it out, checked the message and quietly chuckled. Tetsuya seemed to be on a roll today, and he absolutely loved it. As his chest fluttered pleasantly, he put down the plate and typed a quick message back, and didn’t notice that Shintarou had inched closer until he was right on his skin. He startled from surprise, and let the same surprise melt into laughter.

 

“Who are you texting so intensely?” Shintarou’s voice was hollow.

 

“Just Tetsuya.” Kazunari gave a quick peck on his lover’s lips and ignored the following message because his stomach churned too violently. He swirled the fork back in the pasta. “He asked me out for a basketball match because he got himself two tickets.”

 

“Why isn’t he taking that new lover of his along?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I think he just wanted to have spend some time with someone other than his lover.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“We’re probably going to grab some dinner afterwards, so you can just heat something up in the evening.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He turned to look at Shintarou and smiled gently. He could understand where Tetsuya was coming from, not necessarily wanting to spend all the waking moments with the person you loved. Although he had been welted so tightly into Shintarou that it was _natural_ that they were together every moment of every day, some time with a friend didn’t honestly sound that bad. Sure of the fact that Shintarou understood it, too, Kazunari was all smiles. It had been so long since he had last seen a basketball match – the last time had probably been in university, and even then it had been a match where Shintarou played. Warmth spread around his body together with the boyish giddiness. He’d get to catch up with Tetsuya again, too, and this time he’d be fully sober. The memory of the embarrassment of last time was still fresh in his mind, but he was happy that Tetsuya even bothered with him again.

 

The volume of the television hopped up during commercials. Kazunari huffed and searched for the remote, and spotted it beside his lover. “Can you give me the other remote?”

 

It seemed that Shintarou didn’t hear him.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called, his voice chirpy and singsong-y. “Could you pass me the remote? It’s right beside your thigh.”

 

No response.

 

Kazunari huffed and rolled his eyes, and had to slightly climb over Shintarou to get what he wanted. He pushed the volume down by three, and then settled back right beside the man to finish eating his lunch. He munched with good appetite, and intensely stared at the competition although he knew who was going home – that one woman hadn’t been in last episode, after all. Still, it was as exciting as ever as they crafted chocolate cakes. Briefly he wondered if he could make such a thing, too, but dismissed the idea quickly. Instead, he nudged Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“Babe, you think you could make us that kind of cake one day?”

 

If they were desserts, Shintarou was surprisingly good at them. Kazunari glanced up at his lover and arched his brows up, but the man didn’t face towards him. With his stoic expression Shintarou stared right in front of him, and Kazunari wondered whether he had turned deaf all of a sudden.

 

He poked his shoulder again. “Hey, did you hear me?”

 

 _Nothing_.

 

A sigh escaped his lips slightly covered with the redness of the tomatoes in the sauce. “What’s wrong?”

 

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

 

“Shintarou.” Kazunari’s core experienced a violent tremor. “Shintarou, for god’s sake.”

 

Slowly Shintarou turned his face towards Kazunari. His face was blank and his eyes dead like a fish’s, hiding behind the glasses. “What?”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Shintarou mumbled something.

 

“Could you repeat?” Kazunari smiled gently again.

 

A cringe took over the man’s expression. He moistened his bottom lip with his tongue and averted his gaze, but only momentarily. He cleared his throat. “You could have asked my opinion,” he murmured again, but time Kazunari _did_ catch it.

 

“About what?”

 

“You going out with Kuroko.”

 

 _Oh_. Kazunari’s eyes narrowed, and it felt like someone had poured a bucketful of ice inside his intestines. He put down his plate for good and peeled off from his lover, and looked at him harshly, clicked his tongue. “And why exactly do I need to ask your opinion or your permission if I want to go out with a friend?” When it seemed that cat had caught Shintarou’s tongue, Kazunari continued with his tone sharp, “I thought we had discussed about _this_ topic already. Is this really what you want to do again?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shintarou fiddled his fingers, and from the gesture Kazunari knew he lied.

 

“Yeah, you do.” Kazunari shook his head. “Why the hell are you so jealous?”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Then why are you acting so hostile whenever I mention him?”

 

Shintarou parted his lips in a response but pressed them back together. A blush crept to his neck, and he bit his lower lip. Kazunari averted his gaze and frowned deep. It wasn’t anger filling his insides but _disappointment_. With his fingertips he rubbed his forehead and took calm breaths, and tried not to explode. It was difficult when he thought about all the possible times in the future when they would have the same conversation over and over again. He took a shivery breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?” It seemed that they really had to talk about this. _Again_. “Have I ever made you question my devotion to you?”

 

“That’s not it—“

 

“Then what is it?” Kazunari faced Shintarou and huffed through his nostrils. “What is this, then? You say you’re not jealous, but you act like you suspect me of going out and cheating on you. You can’t do this every time. What do you want me to do, not have any friends?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “That’s not—“

 

“Or can I have friends as long as they’re not my ex-boyfriends?” Steadily Kazunari’s pulse settled underneath his forehead. One particularly thick vein pounded on his left temple. “You’re not jealous of _every_ guy in the world, you’re just jealous when it comes to Tetsuya, aren’t you? What are you afraid of, me dumping you over some stupid fling I had nearly a decade ago?”

 

“So what if I am!” shouted Shintarou. His face had turned red, and it was no longer embarrassment making it like so. “What if I am afraid of that, is that a sin?!”

 

“It’s exactly that if you restrict me like this and get so _fucking_ passive aggressive if I’m just going out for a dinner with a friend!”

 

“But he’s going to take you away from me!”

 

They both huffed hard and stared at each other without a word. The silence prolonged and turned heavy, but eventually Kazunari broke it by snorting. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, chewed his bottom lip to keep the words in his stomach. He didn’t succeed.

 

“You’re delusional,” he said. His voice strained but no longer did he raise it like he had done a second ago. “You are… How many years have I been with you now? How many years have I only seen your stupid face and not looked even once towards someone else? Huh? I understand that you’re insecure but this… This is getting too much.”

 

“What… do you mean?” Shintarou looked at him like a pup.

 

Kazunari chewed his lip even harder and got up. He didn’t get to take one step away when Shintarou already grabbed his hand and stopped him from going. When he looked at his lover over his shoulder, his heart skipped a beat. The man looked breakable, or perhaps already a little broken, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Shintarou so close to tears. Shintarou tugged his arm and asked, “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m going to spend the time with my friend because my partner is an obnoxious asshole.”

 

“You can’t do that,” Shintarou whispered.

 

Kazunari yanked his arm free. “Tell me _one_ good reason why I can’t. Tell me anything other than ‘he’s going to take you away from me’, and I’ll stay.”

 

Shintarou only stared at him.

 

“Figured,” he huffed. Like a feisty little hurricane he stomped to the bedroom and grabbed himself a bag, and shoved clothes in there. It took mere seconds for Shintarou to follow him, and the man slammed the door behind his back. Together in the same small room, for the first time in forever Kazunari felt claustrophobic. “What do you still want?” he snapped and yanked few of Shintarou’s shirts with him, too (they _were_ his favorite, after all). “Why don’t you really go your way and tell me what a _slut_ I am for wanting to spend time with someone other than you—“

 

“No one’s calling you a slut,” Shintarou said.

 

“You might as well be.” Kazunari swung the bag over his shoulder and stared at Shintarou. “You know I’m a patient person, but don’t test me. I’m so close to my limit, and you don’t want to push me over that.”

 

“Please stay, and let’s talk about this.”

 

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Some peace for your mind that I’m not in the same neighborhood as Tetsuya, right?”

 

“You’re being ridiculous—“

 

“No, Shintarou, _you_ ’re being ridiculous.”

 

Kazunari tightened his grasp from the bag and brushed past Shintarou, and pushed the door open. His steps were heavy and echoed around their home as he stomped to the hallway like a defiant kid who knew nothing better. He did know that storming out wasn’t a solution, but he was tired of always being the peacemaker. Why did Shintarou have the right to do and say whatever he wanted, but he had to tone down for the sake of having serenity between them?

 

“Kazunari,” pleaded Shintarou, “please don’t go, I can’t… Please.”

 

“I said I’m going, and you’re not stopping me.” Kazunari shoved shoes on his feet.

 

Shintarou stopped dead on his tracks and stared at him with widened eyes. “Are you leaving me?”

 

Kazunari couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped him. “You are… For fuck’s sake.” He turned around and took the steps between them, clutched Shintarou’s collar and yanked him down. Although anger bubbled in him, he still pulled his lover to a rough kiss, and let out a shivery breath when he pulled back. He looked into the man’s eyes and knew that they were both ready to cry. “I’m not leaving you,” he muttered. “But now I need to be without you. Don’t wait for me in the evening.”

 

“Kazunari…” Shintarou tried one last time.

 

He was no longer interested in hearing what the airheaded lover of his had to say, and Kazunari slammed the front door shut behind his back.

 

* * *

 

Behind Tetsuya’s door Kazunari shivered and tried to hug some warmth to himself. He had been such an idiot for leaving without a jacket – or leaving without actually making up the stupid fight. An hour spent in various public transports, and now he finally realized that it had been a mistake to go and _not_ talk things through. He sniffed and rubbed his nose to the back of his palm, and pressed the doorbell once more. Afraid that Tetsuya wasn’t in and he’d have to return home like a dog with its tail between legs, he breathed deep and worried about having a premature heart attack. What had he been thinking, screaming and shouting to Shintarou like that? The back of his eyes itched, and he sniffled again.

 

By the time Tetsuya opened the door, Kazunari’s eyes were soaked with saltiness.

 

“Kazunari-kun,” Tetsuya breathed. His eyes widened ever so slightly to the sight. “What… What happened? I thought weren’t supposed to…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kazunari mumbled and rubbed his eyes. “I shouldn’t be here in the first place.”

 

“Come inside, please.”

 

It was an invitation he couldn’t refuse, and so he dragged his sorry excuse of bones inside and quivered. He dropped his bag on the floor and heaved out a sigh, and tried not to look at Tetsuya too much. He was ashamed of himself, embarrassed as well, but most importantly he already missed being in Shintarou’s arms without a worry. Clumsily he moved his hands around himself and gave himself a hug as he hung his head a little down. Although he knew this was nothing but a little bump along the long road that they had already traveled together, he felt rather hopeless. In his pocket his phone kept vibrating, and although he wanted to grab it and apologize and plead Shintarou that things would be alright again, he didn’t get it out.

 

“Are you alright?” Tetsuya carefully asked and touched his shoulder.

 

Kazunari nodded. “Can we talk a little?”

 

“Of course. Is kitchen okay? Kagami-kun is taking a nap on the couch.”

 

Again he nodded and let Tetsuya lead him to kitchen. Few minutes after sitting comfortably, he already had a cup of burning hot green tea in front of him. He wrapped his palms around itand didn’t even know where to begin when he looked at Tetsuya. He tightened his grasp from the cup and swallowed down a sigh.

 

“Is this about Midorima-kun?” Tetsuya asked.

 

Kazunari’s heart twinged. Slowly, he nodded and gathered his courage. “We fought because he thinks… He thinks because you and I dated once, that now you’re going… That we’re going to get back together.”

 

Tetsuya blinked. “Why would I… I only consider Kazunari-kun as my friend.”

 

“I’ve tried to tell him that!” Kazunari pressed his lips together and then allowed another sigh. This time more calmly he said, “I’ve told him that, but… He’s just stubborn.”

 

“Maybe Kazunari-kun should try once more.”

 

“I will, I will, of course I… I just need some time for myself for a little while. So, um… If the offer still stands, we could go to that game and dinner?”

 

“Of course.” Tetsuya smiled gently.

 

“And… If there’s any space anywhere, I’d love it if I could stay the night as well.”

 

“I’m sure Kagami-kun won’t mind.”

 

Kazunari nodded and smile weakly. His phone buzzed again in his pocket, and this time he got it out and glanced at the screen. Three missed calls, fifteen new messages. Briefly he glanced through the texts. The first ones were generic ‘please don’t leave me’ and ‘I love you’, but the newer ones were longer and more detailed, and they made his heart skip a beat. Tomorrow he’d have yet another proper discussion about this with Shintarou, but for now he muted the phone and pushed it back to his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my 20th birthday I wished for a jealous Shin-chan (it's my favorite kind of Shin-chan), and because my second New Year's resolution was to be kind to myself - I gave myself a jealous Shin-chan.
> 
> So hello and welcome to the second jealousy arc, or as I fondly like to call it, 'the only times when Kazunari actually loses his shit'. This ~~never before used plot element~~ who am I kidding, it's the same, and those of you who think _not **again**_ , I'll let you know that this time it'll last today, tomorrow, and a hint on Friday as well. I'm fond of drama, I can't help it.


	22. Don't Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked up into Shintarou’s eyes, defiance gleaming in his own. “Right now I’m frustrated and you’re frustrated, and we’d only fight again. Fuck me like you couldn’t care less, just unwind the both of us, and then we’ll talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be on the safe side and to make sure everyone will be comfortable, I want to mention that in this chapter there's what I labeled (in the lack of a better term) as 'punishment sex'. It's slightly rougher than the previous sex scenes, so if that's not your cup of tea, I'll see you tomorrow together with a much calmer chapter ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

“ _The number you have tried to reach is not available at the moment. Please—_ “

 

Shintarou huffed and threw his phone across the couch. Fifty-five times he had tried to call Kazunari in the last twenty-four hours, but only during the five last ones his attempts had gone straight to voicemail. He chewed his bottom lip that was sore and raw, and tried to fight the urge to grab his phone and try again. His chest tightened, and intensely he stared in front of him and tried to calm down. The truth, however, was that Kazunari had never done something like this before, and he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than thinking about his lover. He was mad and angry, sure, but mostly he worried whether the man was all right or if something had happened or if he had gotten drunk and slipped to the river or if a murderer had attacked him. The thoughts invading him, Shintarou stretched his body and took the phone after all, and called Kazunari again. No answer.

 

The bed had felt too big and cold during the night. In the morning he had made breakfast for two like always and had to throw half of it away. Their home was silent, yet in his head echoed Kazunari’s laughter and whines and teasing, and everything he held dear. When the kind female voice announced that he couldn’t reach his lover, Shintarou curled his fingers tighter around the phone and allowed a small breath out of his mouth. All he really wanted to know was whether Kazunari was okay, if he had eaten and slept properly.

 

He bent his tall body in half and pressed his face near his knees. His bones quivered and trembled, and he tried to remain calm. His breaths hitched, however, turned irregular and hard to cope with, and soon his chest tingled even more. He was sure he’d die. Shintarou pushed himself back up and took in a deep sigh, but his efforts crumbled to his knees immediately, and he breathed fast again. He glanced around in an attempt to find something soothing, and knew immediately what would have calmed him down – Kazunari holding him in his arms stroking his hair, murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. He could no longer breathe. He abandoned the phone on the couch and stumbled to the kitchen.

 

The world swirled around him and became surprisingly monotonous. An ache settled in his head and refused to leave, and as he filled a glass with water and tried to drink it, it wasn’t a success with his hands trembling. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the counter, hung his head and counted to ten. Sometimes this happened, but he had always had Kazunari with him. Now he didn’t know anymore whether the one he loved the most was still committed to him, or okay, or even alive, and that made his heart pound. The pain radiated to his limbs. Finally he forced himself to bottom down the water glass and inhaled deeply afterwards. His shuddering might have stopped and his breaths turn a little easier, but it didn’t take the worry away.

 

He stared down at the slightly dirty kitchen counter with widened eyes, and grasped the edge of it. What would he do if Kazunari wouldn’t return anymore? He’d have to sell the apartment and move back to some god-awful shoebox all by himself… What about the ring, would he have to sell it, too? What would he do with the memories, or the idea that he had had something so precious and then ruined it with his own behavior? It was all his fault. Of course Kazunari would get tired of it, anyone would. He couldn’t help it, though, couldn’t control it when the frustration took over whenever Tetsuya’s name was mentioned. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and yanked his hair, and wanted to slap himself until his skin would be red and raw.

 

The inevitable had happened. He was never going to hold Kazunari again.

 

The keys in the front door turned and the door swung open, and Shintarou was sure the sound was his wretched mind’s illusion to torment him even more. He twirled his fingers tighter around the roots of his hair and yanked. The door was closed quietly and steps echoed, and a flicker of hope kindled inside him. He moved his hand to his mouth and didn’t dare to make a sound, wanted to know whether his ears heard right or not. If he concentrated, he heard someone take their shoes off, remove the jacket, even heave out a sigh…

 

Blood rushed to Shintarou’s head, and although his steps stumbled, he ran out of the kitchen and to the doorframe of the hallway. There stood Kazunari, his frame sluggish and exhausted. When their eyes met, there was no smile in the color of the eyes that Shintarou thought was the most beautiful. He remembered to breathe again, and immediately a wave of relief washed over him. _He’s alive, he’s breathing, he’s here_. He stared at his lover and he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to pull Kazunari in his arms and embrace him, then shout and scold him, and afterwards beg him to not leave him alone. It seemed that Kazunari didn’t know what to say, either, as he took careful steps forward and past Shintarou. Shintarou’s heart twitched, the organ making his chest ache. The slight brush of air that occurred when Kazunari walked past him felt like a hard slap across the face instead of the usual kiss on the cheek.

 

“Kazunari.” His voice strained and made it sound like he had cried for the whole day (he had done a little of that during the night, truthfully). Shintarou turned around and shadowed the man’s steps towards the living room, and was afraid that Kazunari would strut to the bedroom, grab his bags and leave. “Kazunari,” he tried again, this time more desperately.

 

In the middle of the living room Kazunari stopped and turned his face towards him, but didn’t really look at him.

 

“Remember that day when I dropped out of university?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou blinked, and his brows drew in to a frown. He wasn’t sure whether he had heard correctly or not, but he nodded and also said to be on the safe side, “I do.”

 

“We were screaming and shouting at each other all day.” A smile twitched to Kazunari’s lips. “And in the evening, you fucked me like you had never done before, slapped me, yanked my hair, forced me underneath you and made me cry and regret that I ever got you mad…”

 

A lump rose to Shintarou’s throat. His cheeks glowed heat, and he swallowed hard, felt his stomach turn upside down. All around his body his skin turned hot from the memory of the night he wasn’t too proud of. It had been consensual, of course it had, he’d never do anything Kazunari wouldn’t want – but the way he had done it, fucked him ruthlessly in the blind rage of thinking that the other was throwing his studies and future away so easily… His core trembled, and heat settled to his abdomen. Sometimes he thought of that night, and sometimes he wished he could do it again. Suddenly, he felt feverish. He pulled his fingers to tight fists and tried to take easy breaths.

 

“What are you trying to say?” he asked.

 

Finally Kazunari looked at him and tilted his head ever so slightly. “Fuck me again like that right now.”

 

An unwanted chuckle escaped Shintarou. The situation was absurd; they were supposed to talk about what had happened, not throw themselves in a second round of _that_ kind of sex! The collar of his shirt felt tight and pressuring, and he yanked it farther away from his throat. Another time he chuckled, snorted, and received a glare from Kazunari.

 

“Don’t laugh.” The smile was gone from Kazunari’s lips. “I’m being serious. I want you to fuck me like that.”

 

“I… But we…” Shintarou was at loss of words. Was he tested, or was Kazunari _really_ serious about something as silly as this? “We should… talk about what happened and not—“

 

“We’ll talk afterwards.” Kazunari took a step closer, and only few inches separated them. He looked up into Shintarou’s eyes, defiance gleaming in his own. “Right now I’m frustrated and you’re frustrated, and we’d only fight again. Fuck me like you couldn’t care less, just unwind the both of us, and then we’ll talk.”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “I can’t possibly—“

 

His words cut off sharply when Kazunari slapped him across the cheek with no warning. Shintarou whimpered and brought his hand to his skin that now stung and ached. He let out a quiet cry when he pressed the spot too hard, and stared at Kazunari with rounded eyes. The spot that had joined their skins too briefly glowed and radiated warmth around his face. He couldn’t believe it. Kazunari didn’t look too happy, either, as he rubbed his thumb against his palm and looked more hurt than he should have at the moment. Shintarou’s brows knitted together.

 

“Why did you do that?”

 

“Are you mad at me?” Kazunari countered. “I bet you were worried, I know, but are you mad at me? Did you think even for a moment that you’d punish me as soon as I get home?”

 

“N-No, I—“

 

“Shintarou,” interrupted Kazunari. “Just fuck me and ask your questions later.”

 

Shintarou’s heart pounded madly in the safety of his chest. He worried that Kazunari had gone crazy, but somehow he saw a hint of logic behind it. He was frustrated, yes, and he was sure that the other man was the same. If they’d really talk afterwards like Kazunari promised… Then wouldn’t this be a way to relax and calm them down before they’d have a proper talk about it all? He was torn between his options, torn between wanting to do exactly what Kazunari wanted him to do and trying to remain sensible. He wasn’t sure what to choose.

 

Then, he made the mistake of thinking exactly where Kazunari had spent his night, and his emotions took over.

 

With frustration burning inside him, he grabbed Kazunari from his collar and pulled him closer. He remembered how the twenty year-old version of him had acted; he could still mimic the same rough movements that had no hesitation behind them. He curled his fingers tighter around the soft fabric and glared into Kazunari’s eyes, and then pushed him downwards. “Get on your knees then,” he snarled, rather frightened how easily the button inside him had been switched. “Get on your knees and suck me so I can do what you so desperately want.”

 

Kazunari didn’t seem to hesitate at all as he sank to his knees in front of Shintarou. Shintarou thought he saw a hint of a smirk on his lover’s lips before he buried his face to his crotch and nuzzled his cock through the fabric. He grunted and threw his head back, and still tried to sort out his feelings. Doing this sort of thing, it was all right, right? If this was what Kazunari wanted, he’d go along with it… Maybe it would give them the results they both needed. At the same time, relief rushed through him; it seemed that Kazunari wasn’t leaving him, after all, that they could talk things through again and afterwards everything would be fine. The thought left his mind very quickly as Kazunari pulled down his zipper and tugged his underwear down, and before he could protest even a syllable, his dick already disappeared in the man’s mouth.

 

The tension inside him grew and then resolved when Kazunari bobbed his head on him. Shintarou let out a shivery sigh and worked his fingers through the dark hair that tickled his abdomen. As much as he wanted to gently stroke the hair, he gritted his teeth and yanked it hard. Kazunari cried out, but it wasn’t quite enough. Shintarou twirled his fingers tighter and pulled even more, and now he saw tears in Kazunari’s eyes that looked up at him. The initial reaction was to apologize, but it wasn’t what the man on his knees wanted, he knew that. Thus, he moved his hand on Kazunari’s nape and forced his head closer to his crotch.

 

“Take me fully in,” he demanded, his voice not as harsh and sharp as he wanted it to be. He had a hunch he’d find it sooner or later.

 

Kazunari did exactly as told. Shintarou moaned hard when the tip of his hardening cock reached his lover’s throat, and he couldn’t help the thrust his hips made. Kazunari gagged to his size, but Shintarou remained on the character he was slipping into and kept him on the position, and made him choke again. Slowly he rolled his hips forward, and had to admit that he was quite enjoying himself despite the twisted situation. Rationality, however, was starting to trickle down his spine, and all that was left was a form of passion he hadn’t left out in years. If Kazunari wanted a punishment, he would get one, delivered to his best abilities.

 

His dick slick with cum and covered with a layer of warmth, Shintarou grabbed Kazunari by his hair again and forced him to pull back. Their eyes locked together, and as much as he wanted to murmur a quiet ‘I love you’ or ‘I really missed you’ or ‘I was really worried’, he pursed his lips together and let none of the things out. Instead, with his member proudly up and twitching, he pressed his sole against Kazunari’s shoulder and pushed him down on the floor on his bottom. Kazunari whined like a wounded dog, and inside him Shintarou felt guilt dribble down. He held the motion in check, however, and forced himself to look down at his lover.

 

“Crawl on the couch,” he said and tilted his head. He wiggled his pants to his ankles and kicked them off, and yanked his shirt away. “Go on. If you wanted this so badly, be a good boy and obey me, then.”

 

Kazunari hung his head down, and on all fours dragged himself to the couch and on top of it. Shintarou trailed his tongue over his lower lip and followed.

 

“Undress.”

 

Over his shoulder Kazunari glanced at him, and in his eyes was ardor that often was there but not as deep and dark as it was now. Looking slightly cocky, Kazunari pushed himself to stand on his knees and pulled the fabric off painfully slowly. Shintarou’s breath got stuck in his lungs, and he had to bring his hand to his cock to relief some of the tension. Naked and looking very delicious, Kazunari pressed his chest against the back of the couch and pushed his bottom out. His ass was round and lush, exactly the kind that Shintarou wanted to bury himself into. So often he hurried in his declarations of love that he didn’t have the proper chance to appreciate Kazunari’s beauty, but now that he stared at his bottom and felt his pulse down his spine, he saw that years had made the man even more gorgeous.

 

“Mm,” hummed Kazunari and arched his back. “You want to do it, don’t you? I stayed at another man’s place, I know you want to show me where and who I belong to.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed. His hand stopped moving. “Did you do it on purpose?”

 

“No,” Kazunari promised. “But you might as well do it now that it happened…”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and heard a nasty crack. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised anymore that Kazunari managed to dig the darkest fury out of him at the right time, but he was still a little amazed. He breathed hard through his nose. As much as he was into this, he wasn’t fond of hurting Kazunari extensively, and so he rushed to the bedroom to grab a bottle of lube from the nightstand and returned to find the man still in the same position. He threw the bottle on the couch and stood behind him, worked his hands finally over his buttocks. They were smooth and pale – _too_ pale, that was. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and made his pulse even more audible. Kazunari wiggled and whimpered and enticed him. Shintarou’s bottom lip trembled. He ran his fingertips over the smooth skin and wondered what he should do.

 

He slapped him. Kazunari cried out loud, but Shintarou wasn’t done. He slapped his ass again, and again, and _again_ , and the skin underneath his palm trembled and jiggled. On the spot a red print of his hand formed one slap at a time, and after few more he could tell the neat outlines of it. Shintarou huffed hard, and after every slap Kazunari cried a bit louder than before. It was perverse, he felt, and couldn’t hide the fact that it aroused him. He raked his nails across the skin, made it redder, made it bleed. The paleness was replaced by his new masterpiece.

 

He glued his body to Kazunari’s back and harshly rubbed the puckered skin between the buttocks with his dry fingers. Against him his lover quivered and struggled, but Shintarou had no reason to stop anymore. “Do you like that?” he murmured in Kazunari’s ear and captured the earlobe between his line of teeth. He crooked his finger and nudged the very tip of his finger inside the parch flesh, but didn’t push it deeper. Even that made Kazunari protest with whines and groans. Shintarou pressed himself tighter against him and muttered, “Do you like it when I do this?”

 

“Y-Yes,” Kazunari whispered.

 

Shintarou pressed another fingertip against the hole and popped it in, spread apart the quivering muscles. “I can’t hear you.”

 

“Yes!” screamed Kazunari this time. “Hn… It hurts… It h-hurts…”

 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Shintarou asked, but even so pulled his fingers back and coated them generously with the sticky lube. When he plunged his fingers back inside, Kazunari sighed deep and moaned from his throat. “That better?”

 

Kazunari nodded furiously.

 

Shintarou hummed. He pressed his straining cock against one of Kazunari’s buttocks as he worked his fingers harshly inside him. Kazunari mewled and pushed his body away from him and then towards him. Shintarou breathed in deep and bit down on the man’s ear, made him cry out and made his own insides shudder. His free hand he worked on Kazunari’s chest and groped him hard worked his hand over his left nipple and then pinched and tugged. He stretched the delicate nub, then scrunched it between his fingers and wanted to break apart the sensitive tissue. Orchestrated by Kazunari’s lewd noises, Shintarou worked the nipple between his thumb and index finger and pulled it farther away from the chest again. Wondering how far exactly it would bent, he tested it out. Kazunari screamed.

 

“Shh,” he whispered in his lover’s ear and tugged the soft lobe again. “Why are you making such sounds?”

 

“It hurts,” Kazunari complained with a quiet, shivering voice, and pressed his front against the back of the couch. His knees trembled while supporting his weight.

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue and moved his hand away. Over Kazunari’s shoulder he saw the nub turn red and raw, and more swollen than its twin. “Should I stop in that case?” he murmured and trailed his tongue over the round shape of the ear.

 

“Don’t…”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t,” Kazunari repeated and glanced at him over his shoulder. His parted lips slick with saliva looked delicious. He cleared his throat and curled his mouth to a lopsided grin; it was one Shintarou wanted to wipe off as soon as he could. “I want your cock in me.”

 

Shintarou let out a noise from his throat. “Are you in any position to demand that?”

 

“You tell me.”

 

Sometimes, Shintarou had to admit it, he hated the way Kazunari ran his mouth even when there was nothing to say. He gritted his teeth and grabbed the man’s nape to his grasp, and forced his head down and his face against the couch. Finally he got some silence, although the moans muffled against the coarse surface, and he heaved out a sigh. In all peace he worked his fingers in and out of the tightness, and held Kazunari still from his neck even when he struggled. All hesitation had left him, and he knew this was between his body and Kazunari’s, nothing else involved. Blood pumped to his cock and made the length even nobler, and he couldn’t bear it anymore. A little grunt, and he pulled his fingers out and busied them on getting his dick as slick as it could get.

 

He pressed the tip of himself between the buttocks against the skin guarding what he wanted the most at the moment, and itched to nudge it inside.

 

“This is what you want, isn’t it?”

 

Kazunari nodded, his mouth too busy with moans and incoherent mewls of ‘please’.

 

Shintarou hit the reddened spot on the man’s ass with his palm once more, and then forced his thickness inside the warmth that had welcomed him in so often. This time, however, he moved for himself, for his own pleasure instead of something shared. His movements were rough and short, his thrusts a little shallow at first, because the ring of muscle wrapped around him so very nicely. A hint of a smile rose to his lips, and he squeezed Kazunari’s hips and pounded in him like they were mere strangers in the midst of a fling. Right now, feelings were cast aside, and it was all about this act of flesh meeting flesh in the cruelest way possible. He was quite in heaven.

 

He pushed himself deeper until his whole length was swallowed, and then rolled his hips with a more precise pace that he enjoyed. Underneath him Kazunari tangled against the couch and pushed his bottom out, and their home echoed from his moans and cries filled with lust and pain. Shintarou buried his fingertips to the roundness of the hips and dipped his head back, and kept going with the pace he established. His mind was a white haze. One by one his intestines and limbs relaxed, and the resentment that had controlled him last evening and the worry that had took over in the morning simply dissolved, ran down his knees and puddled on the floor on the piles of clothes. This was simple and straightforward, and he was in love.

 

Through hooded eyes he watched the vertebras of Kazunari’s spine pop right on the surface, but he frowned when his lover moved a hand on his own crotch and stroked his cock with inconspicuous tugs. Shintarou grumbled and grabbed Kazunari’s hair, and forced his head to fall back. The man cried.

 

“Hands where I can see them,” he growled.

 

Kazunari mewled, and with the speed of light pressed his palms back on top of the couch. His body rattled to the rhythm of Shintarou ramming in him, and he sounded mouth-watering with the moans rolling out of his tongue so freely. Shintarou cringed and picked up the pace, and felt pleasure pool dangerously close on the edge of his abdomen. The revelation made him only rut into Kazunari harder. His hair slipped on his forehead and over his glasses that he hoped he would have remembered to remove. Now it was too late, and he tried to ignore the way they crooked.

 

“Ah… Mmh, S-Shin…tarou,” whined Kazunari, “nn, there… R-Right there, there…”

 

“Here?” Shintarou confirmed, _as if_ he didn’t know where the good spot was, _as if_ he hadn’t mapped it out very carefully throughout the years. He moved the tip towards the exact spot over and over again and made Kazunari cry out even louder. He hummed, and the corners of his lips twitched. “You like it there, don’t you?”

 

“Love it…” Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder. Drool trickled from the corner of his mouth.

 

“You know what you’d love even more?” Shintarou’s voice was a low gruff of breath and desire. He tugged Kazunari’s lobe of ear and drew blood. “If I’d come inside you.”

 

“Mmh, _fuck_ , yes…”

 

Smirking, Shintarou pulled his upper body away from Kazunari’s back and took a tight hold of his hips, thrust inside him as hard as he could, and felt his own back arch. He was so close it was ridiculous; the situation aroused him, it really did. He groaned and threw his head back, and let out another grumble as he finally felt that the pleasure was too much and ready to burst. Although he tried to stall it, he came, taunted Kazunari’s insides and kept thrusting so not one drop of him would go to waste. He rolled his hips sluggishly, and what echoed in the living room were his grunts and the slapping sound where their bodies met.

 

Eventually he pulled back, did it reluctantly. He slapped Kazunari’s reddened cheek again and hummed. “There you go, just what you wanted.”

 

Kazunari trembled and spread his legs apart, cum oozing down the back of his thighs. He glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder, a frown cringing his pretty face. “W-Wait… What about me?”

 

Shintarou cocked his brows. “What about you?”

 

“I didn’t come yet.”

 

A smirk tugged Shintarou’s mouth higher. He pressed one of his knees against the couch and leaned towards Kazunari, trapped him between his arms. Intently his lover stared at him straight in the eyes, and the sight made the oozing pleasure inside him quiver. He dipped his head down and pressed his lips right against Kazunari’s, and murmured, “Do you deserve that?”

 

At first, Kazunari’s eyes widened. He took in a sharp inhale, but quickly he caught on and grinned lopsidedly. “Yes,” he purred.

 

“Were you really such a good boy?” Shintarou’s voice was honey dripping down.

 

“Yes,” Kazunari whined.

 

“Mm, I wonder…” Even with his words, Shintarou moved his hand around Kazunari’s cock and stroked the hardness with his long, lean fingers. Kazunari gasped for breath and trembled, squirmed ever so slightly but clearly tried his best to stay still. Shintarou’s heart went maniac again with every stroke and harsh tug, and although he wasn’t being exactly gentle with his movements, Kazunari responded beautifully. Shintarou gave him a small peck and said, “Tell me when you feel like coming.”

 

“N-Now,” Kazunari mewled. “Now, now…”

 

Immediately Shintarou slid his fingers around the very base and squeezed hard, and drew out a loud cry from Kazunari. The sound made his stomach turn upside down.

 

“What are you doing?” wailed Kazunari.

 

“What does it look like?”

 

“You can’t… Y-You… Let me come,” came the plead.

 

Shintarou pursed his lips. “Why should I?”

 

“ _Please_ …”

 

“Beg more.”

 

“Ah, please… Let me come, please… Mm, you know I—ah!—I-I’m a good boy, please… Babe, let me come… Shintarou…!”

 

“That’s no good.” Shintarou tightened his grasp from the base of Kazunari’s dick, and although he wanted to let the swollen member out of its misery, he fought the urge. “Use the name you gave me.”

 

Kazunari frowned and looked confused at first, but eventually he whispered, “Shin-chan… Please, Shin-chan, let me come… Shin-chan…”

 

With a smile toying his lips, Shintarou let him.

 

Kazunari’s body tightened from head to toe and then relaxed, when the evidence of the pleasure erupted on his abdomen. He arched his back and quivered, and his swollen tip still pushed out droplets of cum that glistened under the lights of the living room. Shintarou didn’t dare to breathe; he wanted to hear every single little sound and noise that his lover made. It took him few moments, but in the end Kazunari mewled like a hurt kitten and collapsed on the couch to a small curl.

 

Shintarou waited a second, and then sank on his knees beside the couch. He worked his fingers through the man’s damp hair and examined the peaceful smile on his lips. He no longer smiled himself, as his mouth curled down and his bottom lip trembled. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice quivering.

 

Kazunari nodded and lifted his hand to rub Shintarou’s cheek. “I’m just perfect, babe… Thank you.”

 

“Are you sure? It wasn’t too much or anything?”

 

“Don’t worry, it was exactly what I wanted.” Kazunari pushed himself up to his elbows and pressed his lips tenderly to Shintarou’s. He pulled back but pressed his forehead against his, and stayed still for a moment. He murmured, “Can you go and draw us a bath, and then we’ll talk?”

 

“Of course,” Shintarou hurried to say. He gave Kazunari one more peck on the lips before he worked his trembling legs up, and rushed to the bathroom.

 

He still felt dizzy from the sudden pleasure as he let the water pour down on the tub. He worked his fingers over his forehead and had to admit that he did feel relaxed, just like Kazunari had planned it. A small smile illuminated his lips, and once the water reached the very edge of the bath, he pondered whether to scent the water with something or not. In the end he threw in a bath bomb that smelled of roses and lavender. He turned around in an attempt to go and tell Kazunari the bath was done, but he stopped on his tracks and startled as his lover already stood by the doorway. Kazunari’s knees shuddered more than they probably should have. Shintarou took a quick step forward.

 

“Do you need help?”

 

“I’ll manage few steps, don’t worry.” Kazunari snorted and dragged himself closer. “You really didn’t hold back… I’ll be sore for days.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou said and offered a weak smile.

 

When the warm water safely engulfed Kazunari, Shintarou followed. It was a little crowded after all, but he settled behind Kazunari and parted his legs enough for the man to sit between them, and they fit just fine. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist and pulled him closer, and gave a trail of kisses on the route from his nape to the shoulder. He let out a deep sigh and pressed his lips tightly against the roundness of his shoulder, and closed his eyes. He had thought he’d never get to do this again, thus, he wanted to enjoy it as much as he could. Kazunari had come back to him, and nothing mattered more.

 

“Are you really okay?” His lips were near the root of Kazunari’s ear. The water relaxed his tired muscles even more.

 

“I am.” Kazunari moved his hands over Shintarou’s and squeezed them gently. He dipped his head a little lower and gave Shintarou the space to kiss his nape properly. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls,” he quietly began. “I was so… I was frustrated with you. I really thought we went through this few weeks ago…”

 

Shintarou’s heart twinged. “I know,” he said. “I’m not… suspecting you from anything or something, I’m just… genuinely scared, because I’ve built my life and future around you, and if you’d suddenly be gone… What the hell am I supposed to do?”

 

“But Shin-chan,” Kazunari voice was gentle, “if this keeps going on and on without any change, it’s difficult for me to stay with you.”

 

“You need to help me deal with this… this _jealous_ ,” Shintarou spat it out like a curse. He pressed his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I can solve this alone.”

 

“Mm.” Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder and offered a smile, together with a quick kiss on the lips. He pressed his back better to Shintarou’s chest and relaxed fully in the man’s embrace. He craned his neck and puffed out a sigh. “What if we start with some double dates? I mean… Tetsuya’s my friend, and I want you to be comfortable with the idea that I’m spending time with him.”

 

“I can do double dates,” Shintarou complied.

 

“Yeah?” Kazunari perked up ever so slightly, and rubbed his thumb over Shintarou’s knuckles. “You’re so important to me, Shin-chan, and I want to have a life with you, but you really need to trust me a bit more.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I mean…” He shuffled a bit to look at Shintarou even better. “Did something happen lately or something? Have I acted weird or… You didn’t used to be so jealous.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “I guess it’s just… Us getting married is right around the corner, and I know that as soon as I propose you, you’ll really be mine for life, but now I’m just… While I’m… I’m gathering my courage to it,” he admitted with his cheeks glowing, “I’m just… sort of scared that you’ll decide that it’s not what you want.”

 

“Sometimes you’re such a doofus, okay? I told you not to worry about stuff alone. If the whole proposal thing worries you, we don’t _have_ to get married, we can be the way we have—“

 

“No, no, you got me wrong, I want to get married, the proposal just _has_ to be perfect.”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened, and his smile turned gentle. “It’ll be perfect no matter how you do it and how long I have to wait.”

 

“I’m trying my best,” Shintarou sighed.

 

“But Shin-chan…” Kazunari’s smile twitched down. “This _has_ to be the final time this happens. I don’t want to have the same conversation over and over about this.”

 

“I know. The next time I’ll—No, there won’t be a next time.”

 

“The next time you’ll talk to me about it instead of act all passive aggressive,” Kazunari corrected and smiled like an angel. “I’m not saying you can _never_ be jealous or feel afraid, hell, I’m scared too that something will happen and that we won’t be together forever, but we just… We just need to talk about all of this openly, alright?”

 

“You’re right,” Shintarou said. He stretched his neck enough to kiss Kazunari’s cheek.

 

“So, for my behalf… This is now settled, and I really don’t want to keep fighting over something so stupid as this. I don’t even have the room in my body to be frustrated because you fucked me so hard.”

 

“For my defense, you _asked_ me to do that.” Shintarou hummed. “What was that really even about?”

 

“I told you.” Kazunari grinned and kissed Shintarou again. “It got us relaxed, didn’t it? I thought it would be better if we fucked the frustration out first and then talked. It worked, don’t you think?”

 

“Hm… Fair enough.”

 

“Yup.” Kazunari crawled around in the small tub until he faced Shintarou, and sat on his lap. A wince escaped him when he pressed his bottom against the man’s thighs, but it didn’t make his smile disappear. “So we’re okay now, right? You still love me and everything?”

 

“I still love you,” Shintarou promised and wrapped his arms around Kazunari’s waist. “But from now on… Answer your damn phone, okay?”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I will. That was really childish of me, I’m sorry.”

 

“I agree.”

 

“Hey!”

 

Shintarou smiled and nuzzled his nose against Kazunari’s. “Mm… How about we cook something together?”

 

“ _Oooor_ … We eat leftovers today so we can have another round, and cook together tomorrow?”

 

“Hm. Tempting.”

 

“I know, right?” Kazunari grinned against Shintarou’s lips and cocked his head to give him a deep kiss. It was followed by several smaller ones that made Shintarou’s mind dizzy again. “How about you wash me first, and we’ll talk about fucking afterwards?”

 

“Deal,” Shintarou said – it didn’t require a lot of thinking. He brought his hand back between Kazunari’s buttocks, and once his lover let out the first loud moan, he was a goner again.


	23. Rosemary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It also felt special whenever the man said it first rather than repeating it after him. Kazunari hummed and brushed his hair behind his ear, and said, “You know I really love you, too.”

Kazunari swayed his hips to the rhythm of the jazz-like song that came from the radio, and plucked the rosemary to smaller pieces. Although he still felt thoroughly _ravaged_ , and an ache had settled deep within his muscles ever since last night, it couldn’t restrain his smile that splattered on his lips. He glanced down at the small pot and the sauce he was making, and dropped few bits of the herb there, and then stirred, cranked up the heat and whistled along the tune. It was a nice song, one of his favorites, actually, and if he listened every carefully, he could hear even Shintarou hum along to it. He smiled even wider.

 

“Hey babe, could give me— _Oh!_ ”

 

He squeaked when Shintarou suddenly wrapped his arms around his waist right behind him. A quiet little chuckle escaped Kazunari, and he glanced at the man over his shoulder and shared a small kiss. It seemed that they both had the urge to be as close as possible today, and in turns they sought each other’s warmth over and over again. He thought of the loving blowjob he had gotten in the morning in bed under covers, and just for the sake of it kissed Shintarou again. The grasp on his waist tightened, and Shintarou pulled him closer. Kazunari rested his back against the slightly broader chest and moved the wooden spatula in a perfect eight inside the pot.

 

“How’s the chicken doing?” he asked, and although he really wanted to concentrate on _not_ messing up, his gaze kept inching constantly to Shintarou.

 

“Ready when you are.” Shintarou gave a trail of kisses on Kazunari’s nape and shoulder and made him squirm and laugh. He smiled against his lover’s skin. “What did you need?”

 

“Just the shallots. But don’t go yet,” Kazunari hurried to say and moved his hands over Shintarou’s that threatened to disappear from his stomach. He grinned. “I kind of like to be like this.”

 

“Kind of, huh…”

 

Kazunari’s heart fluttered when he got a kiss on the bridge of his nose, and he closed his eyes to simply enjoy the moment. There was one positive thing about the times when they fought, and that was always the aftermath. Shintarou was being gentle, and he always turned cheesy, so it surely was a win-win situation in his mind. The man on the radio still cooed with a smoky voice, and Kazunari began to sway his hips again to the rhythm of it. He kept his eyes closed and the silly smile on his lips, and although he knew he needed those shallots right about now, he didn’t want the momentary magic to disappear anywhere quite yet. Shintarou rested his chin on his shoulder, and absentmindedly Kazunari lifted his hand to ruffle his bush of hair.

 

“Remember this song?” Shintarou murmured.

 

A light frown invaded Kazunari’s face. “What do you mean, is this one of _our_ songs?”

 

“Pretty much.” Shintarou pressed his lips against his lover’s earlobe and made him shudder. Straight in his ear he muttered, “Pretty insensitive of you…”

 

“I’m not sure if you’re serious or joking.”

 

Shintarou sneered softly. “Joking,” he reassured and pulled Kazunari closer. “This was the song that played in that one restaurant where I took you on the night we moved in here.”

 

“Oh… _Oh_ , yeah, I think it was this. Oh, yeah, I wanted to dance to it but you didn’t want to.”

 

“Mm. We’re not dancing to it now, either.”

 

“Why?” whined Kazunari.

 

Shintarou peeled off and surprised Kazunari by gently slapping his bottom. “Because you’d burn the sauce, and I don’t want to eat dry chicken.”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips to a pout but had to admit that Shintarou was right. Still he heaved out a heavy sigh and shook his head in bemusement, and poured the finely chopped shallots to the sauce when they were given to him. He couldn’t help but keep moving his hips, though, simply because the rhythm was seductive. Soon he hummed along again, and after a moment whistled the tune that was slowly coming to its end. His reminiscence stopped as soon as the song switched to another (although he wasn’t a fan of jazz otherwise, it was pretty good cooking music), and he poured all of his concentration to the sauce again. Also, he poured just a dash of more white wine and grinned to his creation.

 

“I’ll set the table,” said Shintarou.

 

“Thanks!”

 

He moved the spatula on the counter beside him and grabbed the handle of the pot as hard as he could; his knuckles turned a little white. His hand trembled as he took careful steps towards the other side of the kitchen where the chicken was resting, and like a mantra he repeated to himself _don’t drop it, don’t drop it, don’t drop it_. It wouldn’t be the first time their dinner was ruined because he had gotten either clumsy or too hyper about something else, and now with his tongue in the middle of his mouth Kazunari focused. He narrowed his eyes, and didn’t even dare to breathe before he dipped the sauce and let the chicken fillets bathe in it. A victorious smirk rose to his lips, and he took in a deep breath and straightened his posture.

 

He buried his hands to bright-colored oven mittens and called, “Come grab the potatoes, Shin-chan!”

 

It was closer to a feast than a regular dinner, Kazunari realized as he settled the tray of chickens down on the dining table, and beside them the roasted potatoes came. It was lavish, and the sight made his stomach churn and complain. He licked his slightly dried lips and threw the mittens on the extra chair at the end of the table, and sat down to the other side of the table than Shintarou. They had done – or rather, _he_ had done it and Shintarou had merely looked what he was doing – their best to create a romantic atmosphere, completed by a tall candle flickering between them. The music played in the distance, and it was an experience Kazunari rather preferred over a restaurant.

 

He poured wine to their glasses and said, “Okay, dig in.”

 

“ _Itadakimasu_ ,” murmured Shintarou and pierced a chicken fillet with a fork and moved it on his plate.

 

Kazunari chirped the same phrase and began with the potatoes that were all alone on the other side. It took some shifting and shuffling, but eventually his plate was full of deliciousness, and he was ready to get his stomach satisfied. He took a sip from the wine, but before he managed to take a hold of his knife and fork, Shintarou moved his hand over his. His expression turned gentler, and he quivered softly when his lover brushed his knuckles. Over the dim light of the candle he examined Shintarou and spotted a faint smile on his lips. It always looked special, and it always without a fail made his pulse rise to the ceiling just like it did now. He parted his lips in an attempt to compliment the beauty of his lover, but didn’t get the chance to when Shintarou tugged his hand closer and kissed his fingers. Without a warning Kazunari’s cheeks glowed, and he let out a trembling sigh.

 

“I really love you,” Shintarou said.

 

It also felt special whenever the man said it first rather than repeating it after him. Kazunari hummed and brushed his hair behind his ear, and said, “You know I really love you, too.”

 

“I know.” Shintarou pressed another kiss on the soft skin before he let go of Kazunari’s hand. “I just want to apologize one more time about what happened.”

 

“Honey—“

 

“No, just listen to me, okay?” Shintarou puckered his lips clearly in thought and then huffed a breath out. “I’ve been thinking, and I came to the conclusion that we could invite, you know, Kuroko and his lover to have dinner at our place. We can cook together, and then get to know them better… Like you said, do more couple stuff with other couples.”

 

A delighted smile rose to Kazunari’s lips. “That sounds really good. Are you really okay with that?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I am. You can only stop fearing the unknown if you get to know it… or something like that.”

 

Shintarou was really trying, and Kazunari understood that. He mouthed the man another ‘I love you’, and felt his heart swell from pride; it had been _Shintarou_ suggesting this, not just him going along with something similar because he had told him to. He cleared his throat and settled better on the seat, and finally cut a small piece of chicken and popped it in his mouth. In all peace he chewed it, and washed it down with a small sip of wine. It tasted like there was a hint of too much rosemary, but thankfully it wasn’t overpowering. Maybe they’d cook this for the dinner, with slight modifications.

 

“How about we ask them over next week?” Kazunari arched his brows as he glanced up at Shintarou midway of drinking.

 

Shintarou swallowed hard and nodded. “Next week sounds good.”

 

“You’re the best, I hope you know that.” His words inflamed Shintarou’s cheeks. Kazunari chuckled gently. “You make me the happiest man there could be, alright? I know we have some… smaller and slightly larger bumps on the road every now and then, but nothing changes the fact that I love you.”

 

Shintarou hummed and cleared his throat. His face still glowed. “This talk turned a bit more cheesy than I expected.”

 

“Sometimes cheesy is good, Shin-chan.” Kazunari nudged a small bit of potato in his mouth and chewed it, and then asked, “How’s the chicken?”

 

“Good.”

 

“I know, right? Hell, if there’s ever some couple cooking competition, we should totally enter.”

 

“And what exactly would you do in that pair, order me around while you make a sauce?”

 

“Someone has to be in charge.” Kazunari smirked. “I’d let you have the _feeling_ that you’re the boss, but actually it’s me pulling the strings on the background. While making a killer sauce, thank you very much.”

 

“You’re ridiculous,” huffed Shintarou.

 

“We’d win, though.”

 

Now, a sly smile rose to the man’s lips. “Possibly.”

 

“ _Definitely_ , hun.”

 

Kazunari was so fond of the cheeky little shadows playing around Shintarou’s lips at the moment; they made his insides bubble from joy. Although Shintarou might have not been as outgoing as he was, there was something in these moments when they were alone that absolutely cracked the man’s tough exterior and displayed the person with a good sense of humor that Kazunari had fell in love head first when they were mere kids. He pulled Shintarou in to a heated (rather one-sided, too) discussion about their possibilities of winning such competition, and tried his best to make his other half to understand that with the power of love (Shintarou actually laughed) they’d be the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overly sweet and romantic Shin-chan is my second favorite.
> 
> Today I thought to myself 'you have 365 days and 365 times to write a killer fic, why don't you be a bit less selfish and let someone choose what you write for a day or two?'. Thus, here is your chance to ~~make a difference~~ to propose an idea for me to write. Is there something you've always wanted to read but no one has been crazy enough to write it yet? I'm your writer, right here (I honestly have no limits or triggers whatsoever). Maybe once or twice a month I'll write something **you** have proposed, and will naturally include it in the frame of the bigger story. So if you have a brilliant idea you want to see within the next year, you can contact me through my [tumblr](http://sugawaera.tumblr.com/ask) or simply leave a comment below, and together we'll make magic happen (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ


	24. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all seemed very… _flashy_. Rows after rows were lined the most beautiful rings, surely, but they all had diamonds or other trinkets attached to them. Shintarou would have hated such things.

With eyes of a hawk Kazunari trotted from one jewelry shop’s display window to another, and examined the gleaming diamonds and gold and silver with judgment imprinted right underneath his forehead. Although he might have not have a perfect vision of what he was looking for, nothing seemed to be right, which only made his mission harder. Examining the colorful diamonds immerged in rings, he thought of Shintarou who he had left at home to take a nap in all peace. Doing this would have been a lot easier with the man with him, but it would have ruined the surprise. Kazunari pursed his lips and huffed through his nose. It _had_ to be a surprise, anyway; Shintarou had gotten him a ring, and he wanted to do it vice versa. He might have not be the one proposing (Shintarou seemed to be very keen on doing that himself), but he still wanted both of them to have the rings by the time it would happen. Knowing his lover, there was probably only one ring bought, and it surely was for him.

 

Again he took the small journey from one shop in front of the other, and tried to decide which one to check first. He should probably get something simple, but it had to be classic at the same time… Golden, maybe? Or he could go extravagant and get Shintarou a ring of white gold. Kazunari rubbed his chin and craned his neck, closed his eyes briefly as he stood safely right in front of the bright display. White gold sounded better in his head, and it would probably look elegant on Shintarou’s beautiful fingers. He made a decision that brought familiar bubbling in his stomach, and a smile spread to his lips. Only in one of the displays he had seen white gold, thus he marched across the street once more and entered the shop.

 

There were few people under the bright lights with him, couples, then people alone, and although Kazunari had never been anxious about not wanting to be the only soul shopping, his breaths still came out rapidly. The woman behind the counter met with his eyes, and Kazunari gave her a smile and thanked his luck for her to be busy with another customer. He took slow steps towards the display that held the rings, and rested his eyes on the sight without the pressure of having to choose something in the matter of seconds.

 

They all seemed very… _flashy_. Rows after rows were lined the most beautiful rings, surely, but they all had diamonds or other trinkets attached to them. Shintarou would have hated such things – he, on the other hand, wouldn’t have minded but didn’t prefer them, either. Kazunari’s lips formed a neat pout as he glanced the selection through the polished glass and dragged his fingers over the clean surface. He wasn’t going to leave empty-handed, which he had decided already when he had sneaked out of the bedroom and left the tempting warm arms of his sleeping lover. He’d spent as many hours as it would take to find the perfect individual, because his lover deserved only the best and nothing less. It was going to be a ring for the lifetime, and he didn’t want to force Shintarou to look at something he wouldn’t find pleasing. Perhaps Kazunari put a lot of trust in himself and his own judging, but surely he knew his lover’s taste. He dearly hoped so.

 

“Good afternoon,” the woman said as she approached him and stopped on the other side of the small display. She smiled, rather tensely, or more professionally than Kazunari did at the moment. “Is there anything I could help you with?”

 

Behind his ear Kazunari brushed the side of his fringe that threatened to get over his eyes as he dipped his gaze lower to examine the rings. “I’m looking for a very special ring… Would you have something a bit more simplistic than these, without any rocks or anything?”

 

“Certainly.”

 

She bent over, and few seconds later straightened her legs underneath the pencil skirt and placed a display box on the counter. The rings rested on black velvet, and Kazunari leaned closer to examine them. They looked more of what he had thought of getting; they were beautifully simple, some of them thick, some of them lean, but all shined brightly and would undoubtedly look good on the ring finger of his other half. The thought tugged Kazunari’s mouth higher, and the urge to brush his fingertips over the shiny surfaces was great. He held his hands back to himself, though, and merely narrowed his eyes in the search of _the_ one.

 

“May I ask what the occasion is?” she asked, but sounded like she already knew. “That way we might find the perfect one.”

 

“Mm,” Kazunari agreed and glanced up at her. “It’s for engagement.”

 

Her smile softened ever so slightly. She pointed one side of the box and said, “This side is golden, while here in the middle we have white gold and on the other end silver. The white gold ones tend to be fourteen carats that is a little better in everyday use.”

 

“I was thinking of getting a white gold one, actually.”

 

“In that case…” She replaced the box with another that held only white gold ones; there were plain designs, and rings with small and also rather large diamonds. “This is our selection. If you may, I must say that the ones with diamonds in them have been more popular amongst women.”

 

Kazunari tried to swallow down a chuckle that nearly escaped him. It wasn’t the first time he had been tried to pair to a nonexistent woman, and although he might have been slightly offended when he was younger, now he only considered it humorous. He made sure his smile remained kind and polite as he said with apparent amusement in his tone, “As pretty as they really are, I’m pretty sure _he_ wouldn’t be fond of a rock in his ring, unfortunately.”

 

At first she blinked, and then immediately apologized.

 

Not taking it to his heart, he leaned a little closer to inspect the rings. Some were more beautiful than others, and they all competed from his attention by different measures of shine or engraving or pettiness. A light frown knitted his brows together, and he rubbed the tip of his chin in a desperate attempt to try and imagine them around Shintarou’s finger. He breathed a little harder and more irregular and sucked his lower lip.  He was certain that Shintarou had picked him the most beautiful ring there was, and as much as he was tempted to see the ring and buy a matching one, he wanted this to be a surprise. The thought of seeing Shintarou’s baffled expression when he would eventually propose to him and he’d pull a ring out of his pocket as well, made him smile even wider. Kazunari straightened his back and rubbed the side of his body.

 

“It’s a really difficult choice,” he said. His cheeks were starting to glow from the heat of having one layer of clothing too much on his body.

 

“Customers often say that. These,” she pointed towards the left of the box, “are the most popular models for men. They’re simple and lean, although not as thin as the ones favored by women. For example, this is our most popular one.”

 

She lifted one ring up, and Kazunari could tell the reason why it was popular. The ring was beautiful, lean but not too petite, and with ease he could have imagined it decorating Shintarou’s finger. He nodded and pursed his lips in thought, and the corners of his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. It was a good ring, but not _the_ one. “What other ones are popular?” he asked and arched his brows as he looked at her. Her red-painted lips puckered, and after a moment of thought she settled three others on the counter in front of Kazunari. He leaned closer again, and closely like a crow guarding its treasure he studied them one by one. They looked _too_ simple, nothing extra on them, just plain smooth surface. He wanted something that would be even remotely unique-like, even if it wouldn’t be one of a kind. His legs twitched.

 

“There might be some limitations of availability regarding the sizes, so do you know his… y-your partners ring size?” she stumbled ever so slightly with her words.

 

“I’ve taken measurements so they… should…” He trailed off when he spotted a ring on the very corner of the big box. He drew in a sharp breath and didn’t dare to let it out as he stared at it more intensely than before. Wondering why he hadn’t paid any attention to it before, he pointed it and asked, “Could I please see that one?”

 

“Of course.”

 

The ring was different. Its rims were smooth, but the middle felt craggy under his fingers that he moved over the roundness of it, as if someone had scraped it with a very fine instrument. Once he locked his eyes with it, Kazunari couldn’t look elsewhere anymore. Although its middle was coarse, it retained its beauty. From afar, it looked nothing special, but when he really looked at it from a small distance, it turned out to be unusual after all. It was a ring he already visualized in the hand that would hold his for the rest of their lives. A warm, soft smile stole his lips, and he let out a gentle sigh. It was as beautiful as Shintarou was, and just like Shintarou, it was precious beyond words.

 

After a moment in awe, Kazunari chirped, “I think—“

 

The sound of his ringtone cut him off. Quickly he apologized and gave her the ring, and took few steps back before he fished out his phone. Shintarou’s name blinked on the screen, and the name alone made him grin brightly. Without hesitation he answered the call.

 

“Hey, are you awake?”

 

“ _Yeah…_ ” Shintarou’s voice was a string of groans and sounded a little grumpy. “ _Where did you go?_ ”

 

Kazunari frowned and took one step away as a couple hovered nearby to talk about their engagement rings, to prevent Shintarou from knowing where he _really_ went. “Didn’t you see my note?”

 

“ _What note?_ ”

 

“In the kitchen.”

 

“ _I_ am _in the kitchen—Oh, I see it now._ ” Silence, and then some rustling. “ _After you’re back from your walk, can you get some milk? We ran out_.”

 

“Sure, you need something else?” Kazunari glanced towards the woman who intently looked at him. When he heard that Shintarou desired nothing else, he continued, “Give me twenty minutes, I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

He ended the call and pushed the phone back in his pocket, and nearly ran back towards the counter, afraid that the couple who had passed him would get to the woman first and steal away the ring that he had his eyes on. He apologized to her, and once more took a good look of the ring and decided that it was his catch for the day for sure. Taking a deep breath, Kazunari straightened his posture and said, “I’ll take that ring.”

 

A satisfied smile rose to her lips. “It’s an excellent choice,” she complied and pulled out a small piece of paper. “This one would be 34 000 yens, but we do have a golden one with a similar design that would be a bit more inexpensive.”

 

“I’ll stick with this, thank you.” Kazunari smiled. “If I get it now, can I come back later to to get it engraved?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Perfect. I’ll take it.”

 

He followed her to another counter, and didn’t mind at all to swipe his credit card to the machine. In fact, he was all smiles when he got the perfect little box in a bag full of paper to protect it, and he held on to it like it was his dear life. Kazunari _knew_ Shintarou would love it, he simply knew it, because throughout the years he had learned the man’s particular taste well, and this ring was going to match to it. The realization of that made it so much better, and as he put his mittens back on as he stepped out of the shop that had gotten a little busy again, he clutched the small black bag against his chest.

 

He dropped by the store to get milk and Shintarou’s favorite chocolate bar, and went home.

 

The first thing he did was to safely hide the evidence of any engagement ring bought to the sleeve of his jacket; it was only a temporary solution, and he’d move it somewhere safer when night would fall and Shintarou would be asleep again. Kazunari stretched his limbs and yawned, and called out in the hallway, “I’m home!” He got a faint ‘welcome home’ as an answer, and with a grin still on his lips he waded towards the living room where he assumed the man was.

 

In the living room Shintarou was indeed, reclined to the couch with only a towel around his waist, and looked like an ancient god with his muscles on the surface and glistening underneath droplets of water. Kazunari hopped to minimize the distance between them and stopped behind the couch, wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders. From close, the man’s abs looked even more impressive although he had seen them thousands of times – the sight of them still made him excited, though, and also briefly wonder whether he should get himself a gym membership.

 

“Did my personal Adonis take a shower?” he murmured in Shintarou’s ear and nipped his earlobe.

 

Shintarou grunted. “Who are you calling Adonis here?”

 

“So grumpy.” Kazunari slid his hand to Shintarou’s hard chest and bent over enough to get to brush his palm over the abs that he both admired and was a little jealous of. “I got your favorite chocolate from the store, so you should be a bit more grateful of having such an amazing lover as myself.”

 

“You’re so chirpy.” Shintarou dipped his head behind and glanced at Kazunari upside down. On the bridge of his nose was a red spot from the glasses, but the glasses themselves rested on the coffee table. “Was your walk _that_ good?”

 

“Oh, it was amazing.” Kazunari pressed a smooch on Shintarou’s shoulder, and like a child climbed over the back of the couch to sit beside his lover. With ease he shuffled in the man’s arms and cuddled his half-naked, damp body. Pressing his cheek against the side of his chest, he glanced up with wide, innocent eyes. “How was your nap?”

 

“Horrible.”

 

“I can tell, all right.” Kazunari wrinkled his nose. “Should I go and make us something to eat?”

 

“No… Stay there a bit longer.”

 

A gentle smile rose to his lips, and he nodded, buried himself better against Shintarou and wrapped an arm around his waist. He heaved out a soft sigh and closed his eyes, and listened the afternoon news that echoed from the television around the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they ever get married? Who knows! (If you're interested, [this](http://www.kultajousi.info/images/B29167_z.jpg) is the ring that I used for inspiration.)
> 
> Thank you for all your amazing suggestions, they gave me a huge boost of inspiration! Most of them I'm able to fulfill throughout the year, so stay tuned~


	25. Pyramid

Soaked with soap water all the way to his elbows, Shintarou swallowed down a sigh that wanted to escape as he grabbed the last plate together with a sponge. Furiously he tried to rub it clean with not much success. He wasn’t exactly opposed to washing dishes, it was simply a boring task to do alone. Kazunari had retreated who knew where, and Shintarou felt like this was some divine punishment for everything he had done wrong lately. He shook his head and chewed his bottom lip, still tried to keep in the sigh although he knew the other man was nowhere to be seen. Surely, if Kazunari could duck this chore, he would. His knuckles turned pale as he tightened his grasp from the plate and did his best not to let it break. A minute later it was sparkling clean without a trace of melted cheese, and a weak smile spread to his lips.

 

The tips of his fingers were wrinkled when he pulled his hands out of the water, and the disgusting sensation made Shintarou cringe. Drying them to a towel wasn’t much help, and he stared at the wrinkles like it was the first time he saw them. A shudder ran down his spine, and afterwards came the chills that his better half had never understood. Thinking about him, Shintarou swore that he should be rewarded, and briefly thought of burying himself against Kazunari and locking him down on a soft spot with his own arms. It sounded like a plan, and so he strutted out of the kitchen.

 

Not a soul was in the living room, however. He frowned and puckered his lips, and decided that Kazunari was probably napping, which was no surprise. There was no doubt in his mind about that. _That lazy ass,_ he thought and huffed. He opened the slightly closed bedroom door, and the real surprise was that Kazunari’s eyes were open and focused on a magazine even when he lied on his side on their king-sized bed. Shintarou’s chest tingled pleasantly, and a small smile tugged to his lips like it so often did whenever he had the chance to marvel Kazunari. His lover glanced up at him and smiled immediately.

 

“Your shirt’s a bit soaked,” Kazunari pointed out.

 

Shintarou puffed and yanked the shirt off, and walked to the wardrobe. He pulled on a dry one and asked, “Whose fault do you think that is?”

 

“Not mine, I wasn’t anywhere near you with water.”

 

“Yes, but certain someone left me do the dishes alone.”

 

“Well, I’m on your side against that certain someone, don’t worry, hun.”

 

“Incredible,” Shintarou muttered under his breath. For a second he stood by the foot of the bed, and with ease crawled to bed. Without hesitation he moved behind Kazunari and wrapped his arm around his waist, pulled him closer and received a satisfied little hum from the man. He rested his chin on his shoulder, and looked at the glossy magazine spread open on the bed. “What are you reading?” he asked and pressed his nose flat against Kazunari’s neck.

 

Kazunari chuckled softly and blindly moved his hand behind him to pat Shintarou’s waist. “The travel magazine that we subscribe.”

 

“We subscribe something like that?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s the first I’ve heard of it,” Shintarou mumbled.

 

Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder and offered a cheeky little smile. “Maybe you just haven’t been paying attention.”

 

“Highly likely.” As much as he craved for Kazunari’s undivided attention for the moment, Shintarou merely held him close and enjoyed the warmth given to his body. “Anything interesting in it?”

 

“Yeah… I was thinking that I’d love to go and see these.”

 

Shintarou peeked over Kazunari’s shoulder again, and saw the familiar fingers point out pyramids under a starry sky. His brows knitted together, and a quiet little sneer managed to wiggle its way out of his mouth. The sand glowed in the picture, yet there were no tourists, simply serenity around the tall creations. “Pyramids?” he stated the obvious. He worked his fingers under Kazunari’s shirt and brushed his bare skin, and made him quiver gently against him. “You want to go to Egypt?”

 

“Yeah, don’t you?”

 

“It’s not on the top of my list, no.”

 

“You’re no fun.” A pout curled to Kazunari’s lips, and slowly he faced the magazine again. “I’d love to go on a proper vacation, though, just somewhere nice and possibly warm.”

 

“It would be nice,” Shintarou complied and closed his eyes. They hadn’t really been in proper vacations together, not out of the country at least, and it was something he did crave. But maybe during their honeymoon… His stomach turned upside down and his heart skipped a beat. Egypt was out of the question for a honeymoon; he wanted to take Kazunari someplace more romantic, someplace exotic where they could concentrate on nothing but each other. If a honeymoon was happening, that was. _When_ , Shintarou sternly corrected himself, confident. _When_ they would get married, they _would_ go on a honeymoon. Planning to get it all done within a year, his nerves already wanted to grab the best of him.

 

“Shin-chan,” said Kazunari and interrupted Shintarou’s train of thoughts, thankfully. “Have you heard anything from the interview yet?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “Not yet, they said it could take up to a month… Why?”

 

“I was just thinking that…” Kazunari shifted a little in Shintarou’s embrace, until he nudged the magazine to the floor and turned properly around in the man’s arms. He looked up at Shintarou and worked his fingers over his chin. “When you get the place, you’d probably know if you’d get day offs as well, and then we could have planned something special.”

 

Softly Shintarou sighed and settled a small yet gentle smile on his lips. “Even if I’d get the job, I don’t think they’d immediately let me skip work for a week or two.”

 

“I know. I was just day dreaming.”

 

They looked into each other’s eyes. Kazunari stretched his neck, and they shared a small peck together. Although there was a smile on his lover’s lips, Shintarou thought it looked so awfully sad, and he couldn’t understand why. Normally Kazunari would have been all about smiles, but now he kissed him again and then buried his face to his chest. Shintarou’s heart twinged, and hastily he moved his hand on Kazunari’s back and rubbed it as soothingly as he could. He wasn’t as good in comforting as the other was, but over the years he had learned a trick or two, and intended to utilize them. In a big, slow movement he slid his hand up and down Kazunari’s spine and pulled him a little nearer to his chest.

 

“Is everything alright?” he murmured.

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari reassured and pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s throat. “I was just thinking something.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Kazunari glanced up at him and pressed his lips to a thin line. After a moment he sighed and closed his eyes, but didn’t bury his face back to his chest. “I’ve just been thinking recently that… when you get the job—“

 

“ _If_ I get the job,” Shintarou corrected.

 

“Let’s just say that for the sake of this argument, you’ll get the job.” As Shintarou nodded, Kazunari continued, “I’ve been thinking, um… I’m aware that we’re slowly running out of our savings, and it’ll be good when you get the job, and, and you know I’ve been applying to odd jobs as well.”

 

“I know.”

 

“But I thought…” Kazunari took a deep breath and looked into Shintarou’s eyes. A sudden smile rose to his lips. “I’ve finally decided what I want to do with my life, and what I want to do is get back to school.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. He still remembered like it was yesterday how Kazunari dropped out of university and swore that he would never go back. A breath got stuck in his lungs, but it escaped as a relief. “That’s amazing,” he said. His expression lightened and softened. “That’s… That’s really, wow. Have you decided what you want to study?”

 

Kazunari nodded. His smile spread wider. “I want to become an elementary school teacher.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t hold back his smile. He nudged Kazunari’s chin slightly up and kissed him deep without a warning. When he pulled back, he felt a little dizzy. “Go for it,” he said, “I’m so… You should do that. You have my support.”

 

“I know I do, but I also decided to… to find a part-time job. I mean,” he hurried to say, “I don’t want you to be the one who has to support both of us, so I want to study and work at the same time.”

 

Shintarou blinked. As much as he wanted to say _you don’t have to do that_ and _of course I’ll support the both of us_ , he knew how stubborn and rather prideful Kazunari could get if he was in the mood. Thus, he didn’t say the things that had wanted to get out of his system, and instead asked, “Have you been thinking about this for long?”

 

“Just few days,” Kazunari reassured. “I just wanted all the pieces to come together before I’d tell it to you. It’s a solid plan, right?”

 

“It sounds very doable, yes.”

 

Kazunari smiled like a child on the morning of Christmas. They shared another kiss, a tender one this time, and reluctantly they both pulled back. Kazunari allowed a soft sigh from his lips, and he rested his head back to Shintarou’s chest. “Who knows, maybe we’ll have time enough to go see the pyramids at the end of the year.” He sounded hopeful.

 

“We’ll do our best.”

 

Agreeing, Kazunari chuckled softly and pinned Shintarou to the bed underneath him. Shintarou’s mind was still swirling, but he was only able to concentrate on two things; the fact that the final puzzle pieces of their lives were finally settling together, and Kazunari’s body that grinded against him and made him quickly forget the first point.


	26. Dancing... At Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But in the midst of the candles stood Shintarou and looked so serious yet gentle at the same time, and once Kazunari fixed his gaze on him, he saw nothing else in the world.

“Sorry, but we don’t take new employees.”

 

For a split second Kazunari had thought that the seventh time would be the charm, but now reality slapped him right across the cheeks. He tried to keep the smile on his lips, but by now it was forced, and he no longer bothered. His shoulders collapsed, and he tightened his grasp from the paper he was holding. It didn’t feel any better to hear another rejection from a _teenager_ ’s mouth, and that same teenager looked at him with disinterest in his eyes. He wanted to turn around and never return to the stupid convenience store, but he forced the pride that had slid down to his knees to return back to its place. He took a deep breath.

 

“Can you at least give my CV to your manage just in case?” he asked as kindly as he could. His good mood from the morning was long gone.

 

The boy shrugged and grabbed the paper, but said, “It’s not going to be any use, though, because we don’t hire.”

 

“Just give it to him, will you?”

 

Kazunari shot a glare to him, and only then passed by the line of people who already curiously looked at him. An ache pounded hard in the back of his head, and the urge to kick the stand near the entrance was almost too tempting. He wanted to rip the rest of his resumes in little pieces and let them fall down on the pavement, but he shoved them to the very bottom of his bag and gritted his teeth.

 

It wasn’t fair, really. Or maybe it was, but he didn’t want to admit it. It was easy for Shintarou to walk in a hospital or health center with his impressive qualifications and degrees and an hour long resume and get a top job, but like a dog he dragged his bones from one store to another hoping to get something. _Nothing_. Kazunari cursed aloud and startled an elder woman waiting for the light to turn green beside him. He shouldn’t have dropped out of the damn university in the first place. Sure, he had struggled, but he might have had a good job by now – with more ease he could have started to study what he _really_ wanted to do. He curled his fingers around the handle of the bag and squeezed hard. He tried to calm down, as he didn’t want to march home feeling like this. Nothing helped. Not even the sight of a very beautiful looking flower shop that he passed by.

He was ready to dig a hole and let it swallow him. He wasn’t sure how he was going to face Shintarou now and have to tell him how no one wanted him. Chewing his bottom lip, he felt nausea pool in his stomach and bubble up his esophagus.

 

Truthfully, he felt like a disappointment. It was enough to make him want to break something and rip his organs out one by one. After days of feeling completely on the edge, Kazunari finally felt like he had lost it for good. As soon as he would get back home, surely Shintarou would act so sweet and kind and _understanding_ , yet it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to punch pillows and throw them at the walls, not get kisses and hugs and soothing cuddles from his lover. Kazunari huffed and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, and then took a deep breath. What was he doing, blaming Shintarou like this? Shintarou wasn’t any of the _fucking_ managers who didn’t want to hire him. The sun set and painted the sky dark black, which was about the scenery that invaded his mind as well. Nothing could have made his lips twitch into a smile.

 

Once he got home, he only bothered to murmur a quiet, defeated, “I’m home,” and expected nothing back. He threw his bag to the floor and froze still, when Shintarou’s voice echoed all the way to the hallway. His stomach churned. Did they really have _guests_ now on top of everything? He heaved out a harsh breath. _That idiot_. The one time Shintarou had guests over, and it was on a day like this. Kazunari straightened his back but pressed his forehead against the wall, and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to have a little cry and bury himself under blankets and be alone, not pretend to be a good host for people he couldn’t care less about at the moment. However, Shintarou was _laughing_ and sounded like he was having a good time, and for the sake of that Kazunari collected himself and pulled himself to the living room.

 

A forced smile on his lips, it dropped off as soon as he noticed that there was no one with Shintarou; instead, the man laughed to a phone. Relief washed over him, and Kazunari let his expression droop immediately. He tried to sneak past Shintarou but failed to do so from the very first step. His lover’s expression brightened, and he sat up straighter on the couch.

 

“He’s actually just here, give me a second,” he said to the phone and pressed it against his chest. The smile on his lips was rare and so achingly beautiful, yet it only annoyed Kazunari even further for no reason. “It’s your mom, you want to say hi?”

 

“No,” grumbled Kazunari. He averted his gaze to the door to a haven – bedroom, that was –, and approach it.

 

“You okay?” Shintarou’s words pinned him to the spot.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“If you say so.” There was a second’s pause. “No, he’s just going to the bedroom… I don’t know, a little cranky I guess?”

 

“I’m not cranky!” Kazunari protested. His cheeks got a shade of red in them, and the color only deepened when he turned to look at Shintarou. He puffed the excessive air out of his lungs and said, “I’m not cranky or grumpy or anything, okay? I just don’t want to talk to anyone right now, okay? So stop pestering me.”

 

“I’m not—“

 

Kazunari didn’t bother to listen how it ended; he marched to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Against the door’s surface he slid to the floor and hugged his legs against his chest, and buried his face against his knees. His spine curled, and so did his soul deep within the quivering flesh. He buried his fingertips tight against the denim hiding his skin, and listened the silence that all of a sudden absorbed him. A rejection or two wasn’t supposed to be this serious, the sensible side of him realized that, but the more emotional one told him time after time how his lover now had to support the both of them. Kazunari curled his hand on his nape and pushed his face even harder against the bony roundness.

 

This wasn’t like him, either. Usually he would have brushed such things off and try again, but his insides kept shuddering and shivering and gulping down the confidence he had gathered ever since he was a teenager. He wanted to let a smile splatter across his mouth, wanted to crawl in Shintarou’s arms and let him soothe him without a word, but he couldn’t find the will to push himself up from the floor. He had worked hard, he had! It wasn’t his fault that he had chosen the wrong path and followed his boyfriend to university without a clear goal in his mind… Or, maybe it was just a bit of his fault, but he’d still do it again, because he’d follow Shintarou to the end of the Earth if it meant they could be together.

 

All he wanted was a moment to collect himself to be his usual self.

 

However, the door was knocked, and it vibrated all the way to his spine.

 

“Kazunari?” Shintarou’s voice got muffled through the wood. “Is everything alright?”

 

“I told you I’m fine,” Kazunari muttered against his knee.

 

“How many years do you think I’ve known you? Come on, talk to me about it.”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

Shintarou stayed silent for a moment. “Did it not go well with the job hunting?”

 

Kazunari’s core tensed. His nostrils flared as he took in a deep breath, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to possibly sound normal. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Can I at least come in?”

 

“No. Can you just… Can you go and talk to my mom or something before she decides to call my phone or something?”

 

“…whatever you want.”

 

Again silence surrounded him, and Kazunari cursed his words to the darkest oblivion he could have possibly imagined. All he wanted, all he _really_ wanted was to nudge himself in Shintarou’s embrace and tell him how not one convenience store had wanted him, and then let the man be his reasonable self and make everything okay. Now, he pulled his legs closer to his chest and wanted to forget absolutely everything. In the morning he had been cheery and full of smiles; it was a mere shadow now. He wasn’t a gloomy person, but when those days happened, they hit him hard and made him want to shut down and disappear from everyone’s sight.

 

It took him five minutes to drag himself up from the floor and into the bed. He collapsed over the softness and curled up, and cuddled a pillow although it wasn’t what he really wanted to hold at the precise moment. If he was lucky, he’d fall asleep, take a brief nap and then be reborn after some sleep. He tried to think rationally, tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a big deal, that these things happened, but without him noticing panic had swollen inside him and taken a good grasp of him. He tried to take deep, calming breaths but failed. Once their savings would run out, they’d have to live solely on Shintarou’s salary, _if_ he’d get the job. But what if Shintarou _wasn’t_ going to get it, what if they’d tell him ‘nice try, but no’? Kazunari’s lungs ached under the heavy task. This wasn’t like him – over-thinking was Shintarou’s forte, not his. The back of his eyes itched and burned.

 

In the midst of the nervous meltdown, music suddenly blasted through the walls inside the safety bubble he had created in their bedroom. He couldn’t properly recognize the tune, not when it was so loud and annoying, and he gritted his teeth. Cursing his lover, Kazunari waited for it to disappear, but after few moments the messy tunes still twirled around their apartment and created a nasty ticking sound right to the root of his ear.

 

“Shin-chan!” His voice strained under the pressure of trying to sound gentle. “Could you please turn it down?”

 

He didn’t get an answer.

 

“Shin-chan!” His patience snapped sooner than normal. “Shintarou! Can you turn the music down? Shintarou!”

 

Kazunari wasn’t sure whether his lover didn’t hear or didn’t care, and although normally he would have betted his money on the first, now he was convinced that it was the latter. _Don’t get out of the bed, don’t get out, he’ll stop in a second, he’ll stop, he’ll stop, he’ll stop…_ He repeated it like a mantra, but it was one that brought no easing to his suffering. He pressed his teeth even tighter together and felt like smoke would soon rush out of his ears. His whole face heated up and glowed, and he put all his strength in pushing himself out of the bed. With every step he wished from the bottom of his heart that the music would stop so he didn’t have to explode to Shintarou; another fight was _not_ what they needed when they had just recovered from the previous. But the delirious tune continued, and he was ready to explode.

 

“For fuck’s sake,” he breathed and harshly swung the door open. “Shintarou, can you please be so—“

 

His words dried to his mouth the moment he stepped out of the room. The whole living room was a sea of candles, of little flames flickering and creating a dim existence. Now the music sounded calmer, and if he really concentrated, he faintly recognized its beautiful, curvy notes and the singer’s voice that worked with the music and sung about love. But in the midst of the candles stood Shintarou and looked so serious yet gentle at the same time, and once Kazunari fixed his gaze on him, he saw nothing else in the world. Everything else disappeared, and it felt like he stood in the middle of a void with nothing else surrounding him. Shintarou’s steps echoed as he walked towards him, they were louder than the calm music on the background, and Kazunari forgot to breathe.

 

Shintarou took a hold of his hand, and he was ready to cry.

 

“What are you doing?” His voice broke in the middle.

 

“Trying to cheer you up.”

 

Shintarou yanked him closer by his hand and wrapped an arm around his waist. Kazunari looked up into his eyes and couldn’t help the small snicker that toyed with his lips, when Shintarou moved both of his hands on his waist and held him closer, and took little steps that very much resembled dancing. His earlobes slightly glowing, he moved his arms around Shintarou’s neck and shook his head in amusement. Before he could utter out a single word, they were already properly glued to each other, taking steps to the rhythm of the music. It reminded him of all the times as a teenager when he had watched from the side as couples did a syrupy slow-dancing, and had always wanted to experience it. He supposed it was better late than never.

 

“You really went your way,” he muttered and glanced around. The candles cooed along with the soft song, and made his steps feel a lot lighter. “If our old teammates would see you now, they’d laugh their asses off…”

 

“So what?” Shintarou murmured in his ear and held him close, and swayed his body back and forth an inch. “If they’d want to laugh, they can laugh away, but I’m only interested in making my lover feel better.”

 

A gasp got stuck in Kazunari’s throat. Sneakily through the years, Shintarou had shed away the embarrassment that had defined their relationship in the first few years; if he’d put the older version of him beside the younger, he wouldn’t recognize them as the same. He let out a shivery sigh and pressed his cheek against Shintarou’s chest, and hugged him tight. He closed his eyes and listened the mesmerizing mixture of the singer’s voice mixed with his lover’s rapid heartbeat. It felt like heaven, and although exhaustion still lurked on the back of his head, he forgot all the things that made him grind his teeth together earlier.

 

He pressed his nose against the chest, and only a moment later peeked towards Shintarou again. The smile on the man’s lips made his expression fill with awe. “You’re full of surprises,” he admitted.

 

“I don’t know about that.” Shintarou moved his hands on the small of Kazunari’s back and kept his body in the small motion he had set it to be. “I just want you to know that we’ll be okay. If you didn’t succeed today, tomorrow you’ll try again, and maybe you’ll get lucky.”

 

“I might have to double-check my lucky item tomorrow,” he sneered. His expression softened, and he tiptoed to give Shintarou a kiss he deserved. Against his lips he murmured, “Thank you… Really, thank you.”

 

“It’s never a problem.”

 

Kazunari hummed under his breath and allowed his eyes to close again. His body took in the rhythm of the music with ease, and found himself humming the tune. He remembered the song from their youth, remembered that he had made an embarrassing CD for Shintarou during their first year together, and how this particular song had been part of the track list. Sure of the fact that his lover he remembered it as well, he let the music flow through his veins and swayed his body to the sound of the guitar together with Shintarou. Faint outlines of a smile illuminated his lips and lifted his spirits. The warmth of his lover engulfed him and cocooned him.

 

“Remember this song?” he asked and hugged the man tighter, and under his breath mimicked the singer, “ _Pleasant exhaustion, unhurried kisses, it was all planned…_ ”

 

“ _The word ‘self-confidence’ is written as ‘believe in yourself’_ ,” cooed Shintarou and made Kazunari giggle.

 

“So you do remember!”

 

“Faintly.”

 

“There was nothing ‘faintly’ about that,” Kazunari stated. He hummed along and decided to tease Shintarou once more, knowing fully well that his singing voice was far from one of angels. “ _Thinking of you from far, far away…_ I actually listened this on an endless repeat when I was backpacking in China.”

“Did you now?” Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s smile with his own.

 

The flickering candles joined in their wordless confession of love, and danced to the same rhythm as them. The song was about to roll to its end, when Shintarou entwined his fingers to Kazunari’s and twirled the man around once. Kazunari laughed with a smile spreading from ear to ear, and once more he spun around during the last notes. Smoothly the song changed to another, the singer’s voice turned calmer and more soothing, and Kazunari pressed his back to Shintarou’s chest and buried himself to the embrace as arms were wrapped around his waist. The singer moved from love to despair and heartache, but such emotions didn’t dwell on their home.

 

Shintarou pressed his lips to his neck, and Kazunari dipped his head down to give him better access. The hands on his waist grasped him tighter, and he was confident that they’d never let him go.

 

“Kazu,” whispered Shintarou; the rare nickname made Kazunari quiver. “You know that I talked with your mother?”

 

“Mm-hmm…” Shivers invaded him wherever he felt Shintarou’s warm breath. The soft hair on his nape rose.

 

“I also spoke with your father.”

 

“Did you?” he asked absentmindedly. Against his shivering skin Shintarou sounded more loving than ever. He closed his eyes and swayed in the romance. “What did he want?”

 

Shintarou moved his lips to the root of Kazunari’s ear and kissed the spot, and whispered with barely audible words, “I asked him your hand in marriage.”

 

Kazunari froze. Rapidly his eyes opened, and he stared in front of them the small dancing flames, and forgot the rhythm in his body. Blood bumped fiercely through his veins. He swallowed hard and tried to calm down his excited heart. Over his shoulder he glanced at Shintarou and stared at the small curl of his lips and the rosy cheeks. He parted his lips, but the attempt of words failed at first. In his lover’s embrace he turned around and tiptoed again, kissed him sweetly and tried to collect himself within seconds. The floaty words pierced the sweet silence between them. Kazunari’s eyes gleamed, and then watered.

 

“Are you serious?” he whispered.

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“You really… You asked him that?”

 

“Yes, and he very much approved.” Shintarou pursed his lips. “I was defying fate the last time for not asking him that before the first attempt, that’s why it failed…”

 

In that moment it became crystal clear that they were marrying each other, as if it hadn’t been obvious enough already. He thought of the ring he bought and wondered if this was the moment to exchange them, but Shintarou made no movement to let go of him, and Kazunari let the opportunity slip. This was not a moment of proposal, he realized, but it might as well been.

 

“You’re the most peculiar man I’ve ever met,” he said, or rather, _complimented_.

 

Shintarou knitted his brows together.

 

“It’s a good thing,” Kazunari hurried to say and sneered. He cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms and looked into the deep green that were his eyes. The color looked murky in the light of the candles, but still it made his heart flutter.

 

Again he rested his cheek against Shintarou’s chest and hummed, closed his eyes and wanted to forget himself there. Again they danced, one body against another, melting together, just like they were supposed to be. Again Kazunari sand with a croaky voice, and again and again they exchanged little kisses and quiet ‘I love you’s that were only meant for the other’s ears. He got lost in the warmth, and was confident that the next time they’d dance would be under lights that wished happy future for them as husbands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone interested, [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf9XKY543Gw) is the song they're singing in the chapter.


	27. Many Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About two minutes he was satisfied with it; then, he squirmed to another position and tried to come up with something other to do. Usually, that ‘something other’ meant pestering Shintarou.

Kazunari was bored. It wasn’t just any kind of boredom, either, but the _bored to the guts_ type that made him want to whine like a little child until he got attention. His source of attention had already ran away, though, because the television had been _too loud_ and it had _distracted_ the ever so important reading. Shintarou had disappeared to the kitchen almost thirty minutes ago and hadn’t returned, and only now Kazunari realized that he had been abandoned for good. He gathered air to his cheeks and puffed it out at one go, grabbed the remote, changed the channel and crossed his arms over his chest. About two minutes he was satisfied with it; then, he squirmed to another position and tried to come up with something other to do.

 

Usually, that ‘something other’ meant pestering Shintarou.

 

“Shin- _chaaaan_ ,” he called, but his lover didn’t answer. “Oi, Shin- _chaaaaaaan_.”

 

He huffed again and decided to let his lover off the hook. He slumped down on the couch on his stomach and stretched himself long now that he was the master of the couch, and took his phone. For five minutes he tried to help the pixelated chicken across the road, but he kept dying before he even reached near his high score. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, and gave up too soon. He checked his email, news, his email again, and read some dirt about an actor who had been caught cheating. In the end the phone flew in a nice arc to his feet. A loud grumble escaped Kazunari as he buried his face to couch and wanted to rot away. Even the cooking show didn’t cure _this_ boredom.

 

“Babe,” he whined a little bit more, and got absolutely _nothing_ as a response. He couldn’t believe he was losing to some damn book, although technically it wasn’t a competition. Not that his mind wanted to believe that, anyway. “Babe, come on, I’m bored to death. To _death_!”

 

Patiently – or so he liked to believe – he waited, but once he really got no answer whatsoever, Kazunari huffed and pushed himself up on his feet. He shook his head, and with child-like defiance stomped to the kitchen, and there the two-meter devil was sitting in all peace by the dining table. He stopped by the doorway and pressed the side of his head against it, and examined Shintarou hunch slightly over the table, his eyes nailed to the book in front of him. Having a feeling that nothing was going to pull the man out of his own little world, Kazunari didn’t bother to do anything but stare at first. Then, he cleared his throat, but not a single muscle of Shintarou’s quivered. As much of an adult as he wanted to be, he let his shoulders collapse, and dragged himself to his lover.

 

“Shin-chan,” he whined, like it was a matter of life and death. His dear Shin-chan didn’t react to him until he slumped down against his back and wrapped his arms around his shoulder. “I’m so bored, hun, do something with me.”

 

Shintarou pressed his fingertip against a printed line and glanced at Kazunari over his shoulder. He pressed his lips to a thin line and narrowed his eyes, and if Kazunari really focused his concentration on the man’s forehead, he recognized outlines of a vein pounding right underneath the skin. Shintarou’s harsh gaze pinned him to the spot, and so did his words of, “I thought you were watching television.”

 

“Mm… Not really.” Kazunari smiled sweetly to be on the safe side.

 

“And you chased me out of the comfortable couch for… what, exactly?”

 

“Oh, come on!” A pout curled to Kazunari’s mouth. “I’m just bored, give me some credit for not coming to bother you earlier.”

 

“At least you’re acknowledging the fact that you’re bothering me.”

 

“You idiot,” he muttered in Shintarou’s ear and pressed a lingering kiss on the round shape of it. He hummed under his breath and moved his hand to the man’s chest, and with such innocence moved his palm over his nipples one by one. In his ear he purred, “I’m really, really bored right now, won’t you play with me for a moment…?”

 

Shintarou huffed through his nose and turned to look at the book again. “I really want to finish reading this.”

 

“You can read it after…”

 

“After what, exactly?”

 

“After…” Feverishly Kazunari tried to think of something. “After I’m done with you?”

 

Shintarou laughed dryly. “Please. Why don’t you go and watch TV, and I’ll _play_ with you after I’m done doing what I wanted to do?”

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes and pulled his hands back to himself. This had to be their biggest difference; sometimes it was hard to get Shintarou to join a little playfulness, in fact, sometimes it felt like pulling a tooth. Sometimes it didn’t work at all. Afraid that today was going to be the latter, over the man’s shoulder he examined him actually continue to read. Somehow, the rejection made him crave even more for something he hadn’t even planned to have in the beginning. His eyes gleamed, and if he were a crow, Shintarou was the golden treasure in the horizon.

 

He sneaked his hands back over Shintarou’s shoulders and on his chest that he rubbed over the thick fabric of a sweater. In his ear Kazunari hummed and let out little needy moans and blew some air to get him to the mood, but stubbornly Shintarou remained in a tense, upright position and seemed to see nothing but the stupid book of his. Kazunari decided to tackle the man not with words but actions, and as his insides squirmed with excitement, he slipped his hand under the sweater from the collar and trailed his fingertips over the burning hot skin.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked Shintarou immediately.

 

“Nothing at all.” Kazunari kissed a trail on the man’s nape and blindly searched for his nipples under his fingertips. “Just continue reading and pretend I’m not even here.”

 

“That’s pretty… damn hard when you’re groping my chest.”

 

“I’m not doing anything at all,” he insisted. His words turned as good as nothing, though, when he pinched Shintarou’s right nipple between his index and middle finger, and made the body against him twinge. Gently he raked his fingers over the nub, and had an uncontrollable urge to lick it and suck it and make Shintarou feel especially good. Kazunari poked his tongue out in concentration and glued his chest better against the man’s back, and dipped his hand even lower. He touched Shintarou’s muscles, caressed them with all the love in the world, and then moved back to the nipples that he rubbed and pulled and twisted.

 

Shintarou’s low moan only fired him further. His mouth watering, Kazunari didn’t dare to breathe anymore as he moved to the side, yanked Shintarou’s arm out of the way and pulled his shirt upwards until it rumbled near his throat. The sight of the nipples with a pink hue on them made his abdomen tighten. He leaned in and enclosed his lips around one of them, held Shintarou on the spot and suckled the sensitive skin. Against him his lover trembled and worked his fingers through his hair, and Kazunari felt strange pride swell inside him. He captured the hardening nub between his teeth and nipped gently. His other hand he moved across the chest and rubbed the twin, pulled just a tiny bit like Shintarou liked it. Indeed, his lover groaned and grunted.

 

First there was a fine scent of sweat, but it quickly dissolved and turned into one of his saliva. Kazunari left behind a wet trail and pulled his mouth back, panted, but it didn’t stop a grin getting to his lips. The book was now abandoned, he saw and rejoiced, and lifted himself up enough to make Shintarou’s mouth his next target. He kissed him deep, then focused on the upper lip and sucked it. His heart fluttered in his chest, and he pushed his bottom out ever so slightly from pure arousal. He might have not wanted this before, but he sure as hell was now. Once more he gave Shintarou a kiss filled with tongue, and moved his mouth back to the man’s chest. The nipple in his mouth’s grasp was hard and so damn delicious. Kazunari let out a trail of moans and mewls, and occasional whimpers, too, and pushed his body against the chair.

 

Shintarou wrapped his arm around him. Kazunari was ready to brush the book on the floor and climb on the table himself to get explored by his lover, but Shintarou smashed his fantasy by tugging him farther away.

  
“Kazunari…” He sighed, and the noise he let out rumbled from his throat. “I’m really not in the mood of this.”

 

Kazunari blinked rapidly. He let his arms fall on his sides and pressed his lips together, but still tasted Shintarou on them. Although at first disappointment swelled in his chest and made the area tight, quickly his features softened. “I’m sorry,” he said and kissed the side of Shintarou’s nose, and gave him a one-armed hug. He rubbed his nose against the soft skin of the other’s cheek and murmured, “Should I leave you alone with the book?”

 

Shintarou glanced at him with his brows arched higher. Then, he averted his gaze. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

 

This round he lost to the book, Kazunari was quick to realize that and also to admit his defeat. Smile still splattered on his lips, and he gave Shintarou another quick smooch together with a new whispered apology. He didn’t need a lot of coaxing to return back to the living room and, alas, back to square one.

 

He muffled a groan as he slumped on the couch belly first and stayed still just like that for a moment. From the corner of his eye he examined the television and pursed his lips, and changed the channel. _This_ was one of the reasons why he so desperately wanted a job; he was so easily bored, and not all days did Shintarou manage to bear with him on every waking second. Kazunari ran his fingers through his hair and turned the darkness into a mess. He tried to swallow down a sigh but it escaped him, louder than he wanted. If he was lucky, maybe someone would simply give him a job without any effort… To make sure that hadn’t happened, he checked his email again and felt his heart sink to his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut. Suddenly, a nap started to sound like an extremely good plan.

 

“If you turn down the TV’s volume a little, I’ll come and read here,” said Shintarou out of the blue and ruffled Kazunari’s hair.

 

Kazunari jolted out of his thoughts and perked. He glanced up at his lover standing behind the couch, and thought he saw a smile on his lips; it might as well be the sunshine reflecting from the windows and creating faux shadows, too. It was an offer he couldn’t refuse, though, and so he nodded and grabbed the remote, and as he felt his heart skip joyful beats, he turned the volume close to zero and made room for Shintarou. On the other end Shintarou sat down, and his mere presence made Kazunari smile like a giddy little boy. It was close to Christmas when Shintarou even patted his lap, and the sign was clear. Kazunari eased himself back lying down and rested his head on the man’s thighs.

 

He let out a gentle sigh and closed his eyes, and relaxed thoroughly as Shintarou stroked his hair as if he was a mere needy kitten. His heart sang a tune of love and made his insides warm up. The arousal was gone, but replaced by an endless amount of affection.

 

“You know,” Shintarou began; Kazunari glanced up at him, “we’re actually a statistical abnormality.”

 

“You make it sound really sexy,” Kazunari sneered.

 

“I’m serious, though. The amount of affection should decrease the longer a couple stays together.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips. “But we’re not just _any_ couple, Shin-chan.”

 

“What do you mean?” Shintarou frowned.

 

“We’re going to be newlyweds, so… Better prepare yourself for it.” Kazunari gave out a lopsided grin. “Besides, who wants to study how affection decreases? That’s depressing.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Kind of.”

 

“Hm. I suppose you’re right.”

 

It always sounded so very good coming from Shintarou’s mouth. Kazunari squirmed to a better position and crooked his finger in an attempt to get the man to come closer. It didn’t quite succeed. Gently he rolled his eyes and tugged Shintarou from his shirt. “Come down here, yeah, and give me a kiss, _then_ I won’t bother you anymore.”

 

“Thank god for that,” Shintarou murmured, but the smile on the corners of his lips tattled the tale of him not meaning it. He did as Kazunari wanted, dipped his head down and exchanged a kiss. It was a kiss that could have easily expanded and result in piles of clothes on the floor together with damp skins melting together, but now it stayed civil, and very moist. When Kazunari eventually pulled back, his eyes might as well be changed into heart shapes, so in love he felt. He hummed softly under his breath, and stole one more peck before Shintarou pulled back and finally continued reading his book. For a moment Kazunari examined his lover from below, and with love in his system faced the television again. He snuggled better over the man’s thighs and received occasional strokes to his hair and back, and it was all he needed to cure the spike of boredom at the moment.


	28. Floating

Naked Kazunari straddling his lap never failed to make Shintarou aroused. Like so many times before, his mouth fell agape, yet it only turned the perfect victim for Kazunari’s pretty lips that tormented his pair. Shintarou complained none, and simply grasped Kazunari’s buttocks in his palms and squeezed hard. He kneaded the soft, jiggly skin, raked his fingernails over the flesh and made sure that tomorrow again Kazunari would remember who exactly made him feel so good day after day. Moaning into his lover’s mouth, Shintarou finally squeezed his eyes shut and let out a grunt under his breath as Kazunari worked his hips against him. Although he was still clad in underwear, underneath the fabric his cock tensed and stretched, and demanded some freedom. Kazunari palmed him yet didn’t give proper relief.

 

Shintarou grumbled from annoyance, but Kazunari merely smirked against his mouth.

 

With ease and experience, he pushed Kazunari on his back to the bed and yanked the long legs still covered in hair around his waist. He locked and pinned the man to the position, but Kazunari simply giggled. Arms circled his shoulders, and before Shintarou knew it, Kazunari already pulled him down with him and kissed him again. His core relaxed. He trailed his tongue inside the hot mouth and lured out little whimpers and mewls that turned high-pitched whenever he rolled his hips against his. There was still annoyingly much fabric between them; Shintarou wanted to feel Kazunari’s skin against his, feel the dampness and warmth and everything there was to share between them. A little frustrated, he rutted his hips harder against Kazunari’s and made him moan like he was seventeen and horny all over again.

 

His abdomen tightened. In a steady rhythm he continued to work his hips, and soon he dry-humped Kazunari, huffed and grunted and squirmed in the tight embrace that kept him in a firm lock-down. Their sounds mingled together and then filled the room. The bed squeaked, and already the sheets glued to Shintarou’s bare thighs. If only he had gotten rid of his underwear earlier… He pressed his palms against the mattress and lifted himself little up, and kept moving his hips while he gazed in Kazunari’s eyes. His heart beat like a maniac, and his pulse rose all around his skin. The hair on his arms perked, all thanks to the heated stare that Kazunari gave him back. Shintarou leaned in for another saliva-slicked kiss.

 

Kazunari grasped his bottom hard and squeezed. Shintarou gasped for breath, desperately, and felt everything below his navel tighten. He moved his hips harder. Already a spot of wetness stained his boxers. Grunting, he grasped Kazunari’s cock in his hand and stroked.

 

“Feels good…” mewled Kazunari and squirmed. “Ah… that feels good…” He wrapped his arms better around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him closer, spread his legs apart and pressed his chest to Shintarou’s. “Is it—nn…ah, _hn_ —good for you…?”

 

“Yeah,” Shintarou breathed. He indulged Kazunari to another kiss and felt like a rabbit in heat with his hips moving so rapidly. Kazunari sucked his lips and made them wet, and Shintarou licked them clean once before diving head first to another round of tongue action. He pulled back to catch his breath. “Can you… help me with the boxers.”

 

Kazunari grinned and did as was told.

 

So painfully slowly his cock got uncovered, and Shintarou hung his head down and stared at the dark, inviting nipples on Kazunari’s milky chest. His breath hitched. He kicked his underwear off and to the floor with the rest of their clothes. His mouth watered, and all he could think was the sensation of a hardening nub in his mouth. He readied for the kill as Kazunari groped him and arched his back and whimpered.

 

His lips were closing in on the sensitive area. Shintarou forgot to breathe but still heard his pulse pounding in his ears. Kazunari’s skin was on goose bumps, and he trailed his tongue over them on the arm near the chest. His skin tasted of passion and sweat. Shintarou’s abdomen tensed, and already his dick was ready to spout droplets out.

 

The happy tune of the cooking competition’s theme song blasted in the room and broke the magic.

 

At first, Shintarou ignored it and found his target, and began to suckle Kazunari’s nipple with loud sound effects in an attempt to drown his phone’s ringtone. But Kazunari grasped his shoulders and tried to yank him away, yet he refused. Stubbornly Shintarou remained against his lover’s chest and kissed and bit and nibbled his nipple and rubbed the other across the chest. Kazunari called him, not only once or twice but five times in a row. He grunted, gritted his teeth and popped his head up. His expression couldn’t have been sour even if he tried.

 

“What?” he growled.

 

“Shouldn’t you take that?” So Kazunari said, and still panted and squirmed, and looked more than ready to be ravaged.

 

“It can wait.” Shintarou moved his hands on the small of Kazunari’s back and pushed his lower body up. The bright pink tip of his lover’s cock looked suddenly very delicious as well.

 

“No, Shin-chan… Shin-chan, come on—Shin-chan, that tickles!” Kazunari croaked and giggled and tried to push Shintarou away from his abdomen. In the safety of the soft skin Shintarou grinned and let the tips of his bangs brush gently over Kazunari’s stomach. The man neighed and laughed and screamed, and nearly kicked Shintarou in the face; luckily his reflexes were sharp. To the rhythm of the familiar song he slid his fingertips on the sides of Kazunari’s body and made him moan even louder.

 

The song stopped. Then, it began again.

 

This time Kazunari yanked him away harder and looked into his eyes. “I don’t want to fuck with that song on the background, can you just answer it so we can properly continue?”

 

“For fuck’s sake,” cussed Shintarou and pushed himself up on his elbows. He stretched his long figure towards the nightstand, and managed to capture the vibrating phone without moving Kazunari too far away from his crotch. He settled back to his original position and yanked Kazunari closer, forced the legs tighter around his waist and with narrowed eyes stared at the small screen of his phone. _Unknown_. His chest tensed. If a telemarketer answered, he was going to rip their head off. As Kazunari wiggled underneath him with clear anxious on his skin, Shintarou answered the call.

 

“Midorima Shintarou.” A tic appeared near his left eye.

 

“ _Good evening, I’m calling about the recent job interview you had with Tokyo University Hospital_ ,” a man said with a smoky voice.

 

Shintarou froze. The tic disappeared. “Yes?” His voice strained.

 

“ _Hm…_ ” Papers rustled. “ _Well, we have finally considered all applicants and reached our decision. There were a lot of good candidates for the position—_ “

 

Of course. Shintarou’s heart sank to his knees. He had only recently graduated, why would they give such a spot for him? Why did they have to call now? He would have preferred to be alone, would have wanted to have time to prepare how to tell Kazunari that they were in trouble. He cringed when Kazunari gently stroked his abdomen and looked at him curiously. Shintarou averted his gaze. His chest tightened. He couldn’t breathe.

 

“ _—and it was really difficult to choose the best one_.”

 

“Yes, I understand.” He was ready to choke.

 

“ _We’d like to offer you a place from our cardiovascular department_.”

 

Everything around him turned blindingly white. Shintarou’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped wide open. His heart stopped beating, and then it sped up without a warning. He pressed his palm against his mouth and tried to calm himself down. Behind his eyes warmth spread and wanted to push salty tears out. He swallowed hard. He pushed himself up on his knees and then away from Kazunari, and immediately Kazunari scurried to sit up. His lover looked confused, frowned, touched his arm gently and rubbed it soothingly. Shintarou wanted to explain it wasn’t bad news, but he couldn’t. Not a word managed out of his quivering system. He bit the nail on his middle finger.

 

“ _Hello?_ ”

 

He jolted out of his thoughts. “Yes, I’m sorry.”

 

“ _It’s alright_.” The man on the other side sounded almost amused. “ _If you could drop by within few days to sign the contract, then you could start on the eight of February. Does that sound good?_ ”

 

“Yes… Yes. I’m… Yes,” Shintarou stammered. “That sounds… Thank you. Thank you very much.”

 

“ _We’ll see you in few days, then. We’re eager to get you on the team._ ”

 

“Yes… Thank you. Thank you, I’ll see you.”

 

Once he ended the call, the reality hit him hard, like a sharp slap across his face. His pulse moved from his ears to his forehead and made the spot ache. Slowly, a smile spread to his lips, and the smile expanded to laughter. He was going to be a doctor. Not some medical student who wished to be a doctor, he was going to be a _real_ doctor working with _real_ patients and _real_ hearts. Shintarou laughed.

 

“Babe,” Kazunari called and tugged Shintarou’s arm. “You’re seriously scaring me, what’s going on? What happened?”

 

Shintarou couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. “I got it,” he said.

 

“What?”

 

“I got the job.” He looked at Kazunari properly and saw the realization hit his lover as well. Although he knew that the words weren’t necessary to spell aloud anymore, not when Kazunari grinned and nearly jumped up and down on the bed, still he said with proudness in every living cell of his body, “I’m a doctor now.”

 

“Oh my god, Shin-chan!” screamed Kazunari so hard that it nearly broke Shintarou’s ears. He pounced on Shintarou and tackled him on bed, and covered him in a series of sloppy smooches. “You got it! You got it, I can’t believe you got it! You’re not fooling me, right, you actually got it, right, _right_?”

 

“Not joking.” Shintarou grinned.

 

Kazunari screamed some more like a broken record. “You got it! Fuck, Shin-chan, you’re a doctor! Look at you, you’re a doctor, god! Oh, we have to celebrate, we have to call your parents, _oh_ , they’re going to be so proud, let’s invite them over and—“

 

Shintarou shut his lover up by a kiss. If adrenaline rushed through his veins, it surely did through Kazunari’s as well. He tasted a grin on the man’s lips, and smiled himself, too, softly at first, and then it widened. Silence filled the room again when he pulled back. They looked at each other and exchanged a sweeter, gentler kiss. In his stomach butterflies fluttered to the rhythm of his fiercely pounding heart. Once more he pressed his lips against Kazunari’s, and this time made it last. It lingered. It poured love between them. And eventually, when he reluctantly pulled back, a string of saliva bound them together, and then he licked his lips and broke it.

 

“I got it,” he whispered and looked up into Kazunari’s eyes. He stroked some of the hanging hair behind the ear, but it refused to stay there.

 

Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s cheek and settled better on top of him. “When are you starting?” he murmured and smooched the man.

 

“They said on the eight of February.”

 

Chuckling softly, Kazunari rested his forehead on Shintarou’s. “I’m so proud of you. I’m really, I’m so proud.”

 

The words were the best kind of celebration Shintarou could have hoped for at the moment. He let out a shivery breath, and tried to really focus on the thought that he had gotten a job of something he was passionate about. He pressed his head against the soft mattress and moved his hands on Kazunari’s hips, and squeezed. Kazunari looked down at him and grinned, and again they kissed. It was so sweet it nearly hurt; at least it made his stomach tighten again. On a wordless contract they deepened the kiss and celebrated by drowning in pleasure known by both of them.


	29. Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t _his_ fault that his cock decided to be hard and bothering first thing in the morning; maybe he had seen a dream, maybe his body just wanted Shintarou to wake up with the wrong leg, he didn’t know.

“…nari… Kazunari. Kazunari!”

 

Kazunari jolted awake, not to the sound of his name called but to the rather violent nudges that his innocent shoulder got. He lifted his head and rubbed the corner of his mouth clean from the dripping drool and dried saliva, and tried his best to open his eyes. Not succeeding, he pressed his head back to the pillow and nuzzled his face on Shintarou’s burning hot shoulder. Ready to fall back asleep and put everything down on dreams, he grumbled when Shintarou nudged him again, this time clearly trying to make him roll farther away.

  
“What?” he whined.

 

“Stop poking me.”

 

“W-Wh—“, he yawned loudly, “—what?”

 

“You’re poking me,” Shintarou grumbled and inched himself away.

 

Kazunari glued himself back to his lover without a worry. “I’m not poking you… What are you saying, Shin-chan, it’s so early…”

 

“You’re poking me with your damn dick, so could you stop?”

 

As a frown invaded Kazunari’s face, he finally admitted defeat and rolled on his back. He yanked more blanket to himself and hid his hand underneath, slid it towards his crotch, and _yup_ , his dick was in the parade shape first thing in the morning. He grunted and rolled on his side, turned his back at the too grumpy man and hugged a pillow against his face. It wasn’t _his_ fault that his cock decided to be hard and bothering first thing in the morning; maybe he had seen a dream, maybe his body just wanted Shintarou to wake up with the wrong leg, he didn’t know. It didn’t help at all that Shintarou considered it such a bother, and the thought made Kazunari let out noises from his throat. He hugged the pillow tighter and just for the sake of it, kicked his heel against something soft.

 

Shintarou let out a scream. “What the hell was that for?”

 

“For being an idiot first thing in the morning,” Kazunari grunted against the pillow that got soaked under his drool. He pressed his crotch against the mattress and whimpered, and couldn’t help but grind his hips to get some relief. A moan escaped under his breath, and for a moment it was the only thing that echoed in the bedroom.

 

“…what are you doing?” Shintarou eventually asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Kazunari stopped wiggling and instead, hogged all the covers to himself. He buried his body under the warmth and shuddered. Behind his back Shintarou complained, but he wasn’t listening anymore. Maybe if he had been allowed to sleep until it wasn’t so early that even the Sun hadn’t come out, then his erection might have died down without a word. Now, he was hot and bothered and unable to fall asleep, thanks to a _certain_ idiot. He pulled the blanket up to his face and tried to resist the urge of giving himself few well-earned tugs. His cock pleaded that, and he gave in and moaned.

 

Part of him wanted to be a teenager again and move a pillow between his thighs and relief the ache with thrusts of hips, but his bones were too tired to move. He breathed harsh through his nose and pulled his hand back to himself, and squeezed his eyes shut. _Fall asleep, fall asleep, fall asleep_ , he told himself, _no need to get more excited, Shin-chan’s going to sleep, just fall asleep…_

 

It didn’t help his struggle any further that Shintarou moved against his back like a leech.

 

“What are _you_ doing?” Kazunari whined some more.

 

“You took all the covers,” Shintarou explained, his voice annoyingly rational. “I’m cold now.”

 

“I might accidentally _poke_ you, though.”

 

“What are you being all grumpy now?”

 

“What are _you_ being all grumpy first thing in the morning?” Kazunari glanced at the man over his shoulder and really tried his best not to grin. He felt so witty even in his half-sleep and half-dead state. Shintarou’s lips glistened with morning saliva, and Kazunari wanted to lean in and kiss him. The brief thought made his boxers feel even tighter. He grumbled. “I can’t help it if I get an erection first thing in the morning, it’s _natural_.”

 

“It woke me up,” corrected Shintarou.

 

“So?”

 

“So, now I’d like to get back to sleep. Give me some covers.”

 

“No.”

 

Shintarou huffed sharply. “Come on.”

 

“Nope.” Kazunari buried himself better under the blanket and kept it in his grasp like his life was hanging on it.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“ _Fine_.”

 

The sheets rustled. Kazunari peeked over his shoulder and spotted Shintarou on the other side of the bed, arms tightly crossed against his chest, and the long bare legs in a complex tangle. He hummed and turned his face away again, and closed his eyes, tried to relax and forget all about his raging erection. The little banter only made him more eager. He gave himself a permission to rub a little over the covers. So he did, and his hips convulsed roughly. He squeezed his hard member through the fabric and swallowed down a loud moan that threatened to escape. His heavy breaths bounced from the walls, though.

 

The mattress shifted underneath him, and soon he felt Shintarou’s breath against his neck. Kazunari squirmed and craned his head.

 

“Could you give me some covers, _please_?” Shintarou added.

 

“I don’t want to,” Kazunari groaned.

 

“I’m freezing.”

 

“Not my fault.”

 

“Actually, it _is_ your fault.” When nothing happened, Shintarou puffed hard again and pressed his body against Kazunari. He moved his mouth near the man’s ear and muttered with a coarse voice, “If I give you head, will you _then_ stop hogging the blanket?”

 

Kazunari’s heart twinged. His lungs locked down at first, but when he glanced at the man over his shoulder, he let out a shivery breath. Intrigued, he narrowed his eyes and examined Shintarou’s ever-serious face. “You wouldn’t give me head,” he countered.

 

“I would.”

 

“Really?” Kazunari sounded suspicious.

 

“ _Really_.”

 

Before he was able to come up with a witty reply, his lips were already captured in a kiss that tasted of interrupted sleep. Kazunari grumbled and tried to roll on his other side to deepen it, but Shintarou already pulled back. Through hooded eyes he looked at his lover, and let out a loud moan when the side of his neck got kissed. He plopped down on his back and pushed his hips up, and quivered wherever Shintarou left a cold and moist spot. Kazunari moved his forearm against his face and tried to calm down his frantic heart. Morning blowjobs were nothing new, but still excitement tingled the underside of his spine and made him thrust his hips in the air. Under his arm he examined Shintarou, and muffled a little whine when the man disappeared under the blanket.

 

Kazunari stared at the ceiling and whimpered whenever Shintarou pressed his lips against his hipbones and the skin around them. Usually Shintarou wasn’t the one initiating this, or even appeared enthusiastic about a blowjob before they had woken up properly, but now Kazunari received wet kisses all around his abdomen – his lover must have _really_ wanted the blanket back. He chuckled, yet it turned into a prolonged moan and filled his mouth. Shintarou forced his thighs apart and his soles on the bed, and Kazunari stared at the lump in the shape of a head near his crotch.

 

He bit his finger to keep himself relatively quiet, but found it soon impossible. Shintarou slid his hands over his stomach, let them crawl under the shirt and on his chest, and Kazunari gasped for breath when the fingers teased his nipples. He pushed his hips up and threw his head back, and created a curve of lust with his body. With his thumbs Shintarou rubbed his nipples, first one by one and then both at the same time, and then flicked them. Against his underwear his cock strained, and Kazunari threw his head to the side. He moved his hands under his shirt as well and placed them over Shintarou’s, moved his fingers between his lover’s and squeezed. Whether he was dreaming or Shintarou had gone crazy, he was in heaven and didn’t want to descend anymore.

 

His underwear was tugged away rapidly, and once his dick popped free, Kazunari couldn’t stop squirming. Kisses rained on his abdomen, then through his wild pubic hair that he had wanted to shave off for weeks now, and finally on the very base of his cock. He tried to press his thighs together and capture Shintarou’s head in between, but Shintarou kept them firmly apart. Kazunari moved his other hand over the shape that was his lover’s head and wished he could have seen something. As much as he wanted to yank away the blanket, he didn’t. Shintarou trailed his tongue from the base to the very tip. Kazunari was ready to explode.

 

“Don’t tease me…” he mewled.

 

Shintarou said nothing, and if he did, the blanket muffled the words.

 

Kazunari got a kiss on the swollen tip but it was hardly enough; he didn’t receive more attention there, either. He pushed his heels harder against the rumpled sheets. Shintarou trailed his tongue up and down the shaft with such eagerness that Kazunari couldn’t remember when it was the last time he had witnessed it, and once the tip of the of the hot tongue reached the tightened seam of his balls, he cried out. He wiggled his hand under the blanket and buried his fingers to the fluff of Shintarou’s hair, and yanked a little, moaned some more. Shintarou sucked one of his balls, then the other. Kazunari tried to keep his hips steady but couldn’t.

 

“S-Shin-chan…” He let out a mixture of a moan and yawn. He squeezed Shintarou’s fingers, and they tangled their hands together. All Kazunari wanted at the moment was to kiss the man before he could taste himself on the lips, but the other’s mouth remained on his scrotum sucking his most sensitive spots. He threw his head from side to side and pushed his hips up, tried to offer his weeping cock to Shintarou, but the lips stubbornly remained on his balls. The veins on his dick pounded harder than ever. Kazunari grasped Shintarou’s hair better in his grasp and tugged.

 

Finally Shintarou wrapped his lips around the tip of Kazunari’s cock, and Kazunari moaned harder than he actually wanted to. Without a warning his dick sank fully in to the hotness that was his lover’s mouth, and he thrust his hips forward and tightened his grasp from Shintarou’s hand; his knuckles turned pure white. Shintarou bobbed his head, up and down so rapidly, and Kazunari had to see. He grasped the edge of the blanket and shoved it further away from his chest, did it desperately, and eventually his eyes met with Shintarou’s. There was a dangerous gleam in the man’s eyes, and he knew what it meant – confidence. It was a confidence of his skills, of knowledge that he would make him feel amazing, of the fact that afterwards the blankets would be his. Kazunari parted his lips and moaned. Shintarou didn’t break eye contact. Kazunari swallowed hard and pressed his head back to the pillow.

 

Whenever his dick hit his lover’s throat, Kazunari cried out and wiggled. Shintarou sucked hard, and then pulled his mouth back, licked the side of the throbbing member and made Kazunari beg for more. His mind turned gooey, and his thoughts dissolved one by one until all that was left was the urge to kick the covers to the floor and get fucked hard. He couldn’t even find the strength to pull the blanket off properly, and so it fell back to cover Shintarou’s smugness and his amazing tongue work.

 

The hand he held in his wiggled free. His nipples were teased and rubbed and pulled and tugged, and Kazunari thought he was turning crazy. Every now and then Shintarou flicked the glans of his cock with his tongue, and every time he shuddered a bit more violent than before. “Babe…” he pleaded. “Ah, please… C-Can you… Shin… Ah…”

 

He trailed off as soon as Shintarou wrapped his mouth back around his cock and moved his head down with the perfect rhythm before pulling back again. Several times Kazunari received saliva-slicked kisses to the head, and wanted some on his lips, too. His mouth was full of moans to ask for it, and he merely grasped Shintarou’s hand back to himself and squeezed it tight. He cried out, and felt a tight pressure on the very pit of his abdomen. It wanted to burst even more desperately as Shintarou began the tugging game with his balls. Kazunari couldn’t stay still anymore. He squirmed as if trying to get free, and Shintarou always pulled him closer without a fail. He was trapped and locked in the embrace he didn’t even want to get out of. He arched his back, and his bones popped to the surface of the pale skin. He rolled his hips, towards Shintarou and then away from him, but the mouth found him again and drowned him in pleasure.

 

All his sensitive spots were teased at once; his nipple rubbed, his balls tugged, and his dick sucked with experience and precision. The pressure of the pleasure built strong inside Kazunari, and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He dug his toes against the bed and made a bigger mess of the sheets.

 

“Shin-chan…” He threw his head to the side. “I’m coming… I’m—nn—I’m coming, I’m… Ah, hnn, I’m coming…”

 

Shintarou didn’t pull his mouth back. In fact, he took Kazunari’s dick deeper.

 

Kazunari panicked. “Shin-chan!” His voice strained. He tried to push Shintarou away by his shoulder. “I’m coming, Shin…chan, pull back… I’m c-com—Ah…!”

 

He simply couldn’t hold back anymore. For the first time in years, he came inside his lover’s mouth, a place that had been forbidden for as long as he remembered. Shudders invaded him, pierced him, pinned him down from head to toes. He melted against the bed, and the orgasm took him in its sweet cradle. He huffed and melted against the bed, and stroked Shintarou’s hair. The man emerged from under the blanket and rested his chin on Kazunari’s abdomen, and kissed the skin lazily here and there. Kazunari swallowed and looked at the droplets of cum on the corners of the man’s lips.

 

“Why did you do that?” he murmured.

 

“Do what?” Shintarou pressed a series of kiss on Kazunari’s trembling skin. His softening cock oozed few drops more.

 

Kazunari whimpered, but before he managed to say a word, Shintarou already climbed over him and kissed him. The salty taste of himself was something he hadn’t gotten in a while, and it made him cringe. Either so, he licked the drops away and kissed the man again. “You could have pulled away.” He stroked Shintarou’s cheek.

 

“I know,” Shintarou reassured and dipped his head down to kiss Kazunari’s nipple. He suckled the nub and made Kazunari whimper. “It’s okay once in a while.”

 

“Hmm… If you say so…”

 

Kazunari brushed some of his hair behind the ear and smiled as they shared another kiss, then a quick smooch, and again a kiss that deepened and made his mouth taste of cum. Shintarou worked his fingertips over his stomach and made him giggle against his lips, and soon Kazunari couldn’t concentrate on kissing again as he was too busy laughing. Breathless, he gazed into Shintarou’s eyes and felt his features soften again. He flashed a smile that showed off his teeth, and strained his neck enough to give him another kiss. He tugged the covers upwards and then laughed under his breath again.

 

“Want some blankets?” he asked and looked up at Shintarou.

 

“So _now_ I can get them?”

 

“Yup.” His ‘p’ popped, but muffled when he met Shintarou’s lips with his own again. “That felt super good.”

 

A faint smile spread to the man’s lips. “I could tell, all right.”

 

“Smug.” So he said, but loved it anyway. He moved the warmth of the covers over both of them and cuddled against Shintarou’s chest. He closed his eyes and calmed down his still madly beating, adrenaline-filled heart, and snuggled closer to the man. Listening Shintarou’s heartbeat was the most soothing thing in the world, and he knew he could have slipped easily back to sleep. His lover already did, snored lightly, and Kazunari sneered. He kissed the side of Shintarou’s neck and lulled in the sweet warmth.


	30. Something Witnessed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no territory to be claimed, because this was _his_ home, this was _his_ lover and fiancé-to-be, and he had to stop proving himself to someone like Tetsuya who probably didn’t even care. Knowing Tetsuya the amount he did, Shintarou guessed that the man probably didn’t think about it twice.

Shintarou tried to do a precise job with the sharp knife as he chopped a bunch of tomatoes into smaller pieces. Huffing hard through his nose, he wiped his slightly sweating forehead to his forearm and stared at the redness that spread throughout the cutting board. Their kitchen smelled of fish, something they normally didn’t eat, but still Kazunari had suggested it. Shintarou had simply went along with it, and hadn’t been able to talk with a knot forming in his stomach, and his mouth feeling so incredibly dry.

 

For the whole day he had braced himself for the inevitable – the doorbell ringing, and Tetsuya and Taiga walking in –, but he still didn’t feel quite ready. He drew in a breath and didn’t let it out, and focused purely on the tomatoes for the salad. Even the salad had to be perfect, he _wanted_ it to be perfect, because it would be ultimately Tetsuya eating it. He wasn’t obsessed, no, or so he told himself, yet the moment he chopped one tomato in the wrong way, he had to throw it away. Toning down the jealousy was the difficult part, but he tried. Nonetheless, he had spent hours in kitchen, and also very long minutes to decide the perfect outfit (eventually he went with burgundy instead of murky green in his sweater – the shirt underneath was white), yet the mental preparation lacked.

 

_There’s no reason for you to be jealous,_ he told himself. Tetsuya was coming with his lover, after all. _Kazunari loves_ me _, he’s going to marry_ me _, not some fling from the past_. The thought soothed him a little, and Shintarou found himself able to breathe properly again. Still, there was tension in his nape, and he didn’t know how to fix it. He only needed to survive through the day, maybe have some fun, and show Kazunari that Tetsuya could come into their lives if he so wished. He craned his neck and scooped the tomatoes in his palms, and settled them to a large glass bowl. The cucumber came next, and he found odd satisfaction in cutting it in half with the thick knife.

 

“How do I look?” Kazunari suddenly chirped behind him.

 

Shintarou glanced at him over his shoulder, and then had to turn around to face him properly as he wanted to take in all the details. Kazunari always looked gorgeous, but the little extra effort made him _stunning_. He spread his arms and twirled around, and Shintarou got a good look of the cashmere sweater that he had never seen in use. There were few of them in the wardrobe, he knew because he had gotten those selected ones for Kazunari because of various occasions. They color-coordinated, too, both wearing dark red although his was slightly deeper color. Kazunari’s hair was for once tamed, the overgrown bangs pushed back with the help of a bobby pin. Shintarou fell in love all over again.

 

“Good.” His voice was a little choked.

 

“So do you,” Kazunari said and trailed his steps right behind his lover. Shintarou expected to get hands around his waist like so many times before but Kazunari rubbed his shoulder blade and looked up at him with a serene smile on his lips. “Is there something I can do to help?”

 

“Not really… Only this salad is missing.”

 

“Mm… Okay.” Kazunari gave up with ease but didn’t disappear. He tugged Shintarou’s sleeve and smiled sweetly. “Gimme a kiss.”

 

The man didn’t have to ask twice. Shintarou dipped his head down and pressed his lips to Kazunari’s for a small, fleeting smooch. He knew it was most likely the last one they’d exchange during the evening – or, perhaps, he’d try to sneak in more kisses to claim his territory in front of their guests. His eyes widened to the thought, and he chewed the inside of his cheek. That was _exactly_ the kind of thing he wasn’t supposed to be thinking. There was no territory to be claimed, because this was _his_ home, this was _his_ lover and fiancé-to-be, and he had to stop proving himself to someone like Tetsuya who probably didn’t even care. Knowing Tetsuya the amount he did, Shintarou guessed that the man probably didn’t think about it twice. It was only him obsessing over nothing.

 

Still he couldn’t get rid of the tightening feeling in his stomach.

 

Ten minutes too early the doorbell rang, and Shintarou nearly lost his mind. He had calculated the time perfectly, and now he stared at half a cucumber still in the need of chopping. Kazunari shouted that he was coming to the door, and here he was, still clad in apron with his fingers dripping the juices of various vegetables. His heart halted, and then his pulse shot through the roof. Panic curled its nasty fingers around his most vital organs and squeezed. A wheeze of air escaped him. Without much thought put into it, he shoved the rest of the cucumber in the fridge and yanked the apron off. A mirror was something he desperately needed, but didn’t have time for it as he took long, twitching steps to the hallway and found his place beside Kazunari just in time for his better half to swing the door open.

 

The couple behind the door had a friendly aura around them, and still Shintarou’s heart trembled. He stayed behind when Kazunari took the step forward and calmly watched his sweetheart wrap his arms momentarily around Tetsuya. He glanced at Taiga who looked just as blank as he did, and they shared a small nod together. Surely with Taiga he could get along. He hoped, at least. His gaze glazed. In fifteen minutes, he’d have to take the fish out of the oven… The potatoes should be done around the same time, too, so definitely within twenty minutes already they could eat—

 

“Midorima-kun.”

 

The voice of Tetsuya startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked down at the smaller man who had appeared right in front of him. Tetsuya smiled and held out a bottle of wine. “I brought this,” he said. “I hope it’s good, they recommended it in the store.”

 

“Thank… you,” Shintarou murmured, and under Kazunari’s watchful eyes cleared his throat and offered Tetsuya a smile. He took the bottle and glanced at the label and the sparkling whiteness inside the glass. He made the effort to twitch his lips a little higher. “I’m sure this will be good, thank you very much. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go put this in the fridge… Should we drink our wine first?” He glanced at Kazunari, part of it for some mental support.

 

“We can start by ours.” Kazunari offered the sweetest smile there was.

 

With the power of such a gesture, Shintarou excused himself and hurried to the kitchen. He worked efficiently, though, wanted to prove to Kazunari that he was capable of normal interaction without a trace of hard feelings inside him. To four tall glasses he poured the red wine Kazunari had chosen earlier, took two and marched with long steps to the living room where the rest settled. His smile was tense and firm as he offered the wine first to their guests, and only afterwards brought his and Kazunari’s shares. As much as he wanted to sit beside his lover for some mental support, he settled beside Taiga in an attempt to be more social.

 

“So,” he began and paused for a second too long. He cleared his throat and examined the vibrant colors in Taiga’s hair. In the lack of better words, he blurted out, “How have you been?”

 

“Just fine.” Taiga offered him a grin, but said nothing more.

 

That was the end of that conversation.

 

Shintarou took a gulp slightly too big from the wine and felt a buzz invade his spine from his nape all the way to the tailbone. Briefly he closed his eyes and listened Kazunari chatting up Tetsuya like they had been best friends forever. He controlled his face, didn’t want to cringe, and calmly opened his eyes again and examined his lover. Kazunari leaned closer to Tetsuya, and looked breathtakingly beautiful clad in the soft fabric. Their eyes met briefly, and Shintarou’s breath got stuck in his lungs.

 

Kazunari straightened his back and grinned brightly. “I have to tell you, because I’m sure Shintarou won’t say it himself, but I’m now living together with a doctor.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. A blush crept to his neck and crawled to his ears. He wanted to drown in the wine glass, even when proudness gleamed in his lover’s eyes.

 

“Congratulations, Midorima-kun,” Tetsuya said. “Where will you be working?”

 

“The… At University Hospital.”

 

“That sounds wonderful.”

 

“Doesn’t it?” Kazunari said. His smile reached from one ear to another. “He got the call few days ago, I’m so proud of him, I can’t believe it actually happened…”

 

Shintarou tuned out of the conversation and frowned lightly, stared down at his wine glass. His heart felt an ounce lighter than before, and a smile threatened to climb to his lips. Kazunari was _proud_ of him. He felt like a child being praised. His heart fluttered like a bird trying to escape from its cage. Butterflies raced in his stomach and unwind his knots one at a time.

 

“So, a doctor, huh?” hummed Taiga beside him. “That’s pretty awesome.”

 

Mildly baffled, Shintarou collected himself quickly. “I’m not sure how _awesome_ it is, but thank you. It’s going to be my first proper time.”

 

“So you haven’t been working as a doctor before?”

 

“I did my residency at another hospital and worked briefly there, but I took some time off afterwards… To recharge my batteries, I guess. It feels good to get back to work.”

 

“Yeah, I imagine,” Taiga said.

 

Arching his brows, Shintarou asked, “What do you do for living?”

 

“Uh… I’m a firefighter. Slash home cook.” Taiga rubbed his nape. “Yeah, I’m just a firefighter.”

 

“In that case, I hope we’ll never meet.”

 

At first the man looked at Shintarou blankly. Then, his face illuminated, and he let out a breath through his mouth. “ _Oh_ , yeah, I get it. That’s a good one.”

 

Shintarou found surprising satisfaction in making an actual joke. He hid his smile behind the glass and took a sip. Again his eyes met with Kazunari’s, and they shared a brief look while his lover’s mouth was still running in the conversation with Tetsuya. Shintarou pursed his lips loosely together, and tried to tug off a thread from the hem of his shirt. Silence filled the space between him and Taiga, but he did nothing to fill it. The longer it lasted, the less awkward it became.

 

Moments later, he remembered the food. His heart jumped to his throat, and he forgot to breathe. He pushed himself up on his feet and gathered everyone’s eyes at him. The center of the attention was a position he rather didn’t have. Hue of red covered his cheek. “I need to go check on the food—“

 

“Oh, let me do that,” Kazunari offered hastily and got up as well. “Just relax, I’ll take care of it.”

 

“Thanks,” Shintarou muttered, and knew exactly what his lover was trying to do. Defeated, he sank back to the soft spot and quietly cleared his throat. He felt like a third wheel, awkwardly so, but he rather experienced that with the actual couple instead of Tetsuya and Kazunari. He gave both of them a tense smile and then averted his gaze. In an attempt to make the situation feel less awkward for himself, he sipped from the wine again.

 

He didn’t know what to say to either of them, thus, he said nothing. The silence hung heavy over his head, and already he missed Kazunari’s presence in the room, simply because his better half could babble about anything without a worry and create conversations. He, on the other hand, rather sat in the embarrassing moment than force a topic to the void without words. He swayed the glass a little and examined the wine roll inside. At the moment, it was the most interesting thing he could have imagined. He felt Tetsuya’s gaze on him, but didn’t dare to look up. His ears burned. The nausea he had managed to shoo away now came back.

 

“Dinner’s ready!” announced Kazunari and broke the circle of absolute doom.

 

All three of them sprung up on their feet, as if he wasn’t the only one relieved to get out of the living room. He remained polite and let the two go first, and thankfully his seat was located right next to Kazunari. Shintarou let out a breath of relief and sat down, and received a reassuring little squeeze on his knee. He glanced at his lover and smiled, felt the urge to kiss him but didn’t lean in although he desperately wanted to.

 

“Okay, _so_ , we have oven-baked fish… salmon, I think, then some greens, and… I was making that puree but I wasn’t sure exactly what the thing was that I mushed.”

 

“Cauliflower,” Shintarou helped.

 

Kazunari grinned. “Cauliflower puree, got it. And you can’t eat your stomachs full, we still have dessert!”

 

“It looks very good,” complimented Tetsuya and looked at his lover. “Don’t you think, Kagami-kun?”

 

“Yeah, definitely,” Taiga agreed. “You guys made this yourself?”

 

“Yeah. Or, actually, Shintarou was in charge today. But just for today!”

 

“Looks good, man.” Taiga fixed his gaze on Shintarou directly in front of him on the other side of the table. “You into cooking?”

 

“Not particularly,” Shintarou said. He couldn’t understand why Kazunari showered him under compliments one after another. “We just… We often watch this one cooking competition, it’s rather educational.”

 

“Oh, the one that comes in the evenings? That’s amazing. I’m pretty sure that the man with blond hair is going to win.”

 

“That’s what I keep telling to Kazunari,” Shintarou huffed, “but he thinks the woman will win.”

 

“Fucking nonsense, she’s failed so many times, there’s _no way_ she could win, and if she does, the judges are blind.”

 

“I _know_.”

 

The heated yet friendly conversation was the first one he had in ages with someone other than Kazunari. Shintarou startled in the realization. For a moment there, he forgot his usual reserved nature and simply talked without thinking too much, and it made odd warmth spread in his bones. Beside him Kazunari grinned, and Shintarou looked at him, rolled his eyes to the twitch of the lips. His chest didn’t feel as tight anymore, however, and he actually found it enjoyable to be pulled to a conversation about cooking and other things with Taiga.

 

It took forty minutes for the four plates to empty completely. Shintarou leaned slightly better against the chair and tried to ignore the awfully stretching feeling of his stomach, but didn’t quite succeed. Even when he was full and nearly unable to move, he got up and grabbed the dirty plates and cutleries one by one. Kazunari moaned how nauseous he felt, and silently Shintarou agreed. That last piece of fish had been too much, and now he moved sluggishly without any real hurry.

 

“Maybe we should wait with the dessert,” grumbled Kazunari.

 

“That could be a good idea,” Taiga said.

 

“Mm… Oh, I know what we can do while waiting.” Kazunari grinned brightly and leaned to his chair, and glanced at Shintarou briefly over his shoulder. “I got Trivial Pursuit as a Christmas present for Shintarou, and we haven’t had the chance to test it out yet.”

 

Shintarou nearly dropped the plates on the floor. His insides froze. He heard his pulse in his ears. “Isn’t that a bit…” _Childish_ , was the word he’s looking for. Childish for other people, that was – he was into board games, and so was Kazunari, and it was something they frequently did together. But for other people… His core tensed. It was weird. Childish. Laughable.

 

“I haven’t played that in ages,” Tetsuya said and smiled. Oddly enough, the smile seemed to be directed more to Shintarou than Kazunari. “That would be a lot of fun, I believe.”

 

“It’s decided in that case,” Kazunari exclaimed and grinned brighter than the Sun. His smile was dazzling, nearly blinding, and it even tugged the corners of Shintarou’s lips higher as he disappeared momentarily to the kitchen, and came back as the game board was being settled on the table that still held half-empty wine glasses.

 

As Kazunari shuffled the cards, he said, “We should probably play in teams—“

 

Shintarou felt satisfied. They were going to _slaughter_ the other couple.

 

“—so honey, why don’t you be with Tetsuya?”

 

His heart dropped to his stomach. He, a team with _Tetsuya_? He stared at Kazunari with narrowed eyes, but his lover looked gentle, rather _encouraging_ as well. Swallowing down a sigh that wanted to escape, he nodded and switched places with Taiga, and offered Tetsuya a polite smile. He could only guess what Kazunari’s motive behind this was, and he rather went along with it and played it nice than cause a scene and possibly more harm to his own relationship.

 

He faced Tetsuya. “Is there any specific color you wish to be?”

 

“Anything’s fine with me, Midorima-kun.”

 

Out of fondness of the color, he took a hold of the green button and settled it neatly on the corner closest to them. It contradicted with the bright orange one that Kazunari chose. He followed his lover’s movements carefully, watched him throw a dice and make his button hop, and stared at the deck of cards that he offered to Tetsuya siting beside him. Kazunari said, “If you’d do the honor and start.”

 

Tetsuya took a hold of the cards. Beside him Shintarou twitched, and hoped for a difficult question. He might have been in a separate team with his lover, but he still had the need to win. He curled his fingers to a fist that turned sweaty from nerves. Tetsuya took too long to read the question himself, and all Shintarou wanted to do was to grasp it out of his hand and read it aloud himself. He didn’t, for the sake of peace.

 

Clearing his throat, Tetsuya asked, “What direction does the river Nile flow?”

 

“Shit,” cursed Kazunari, “this is geography, isn’t it? I’m rubbish at that!”

 

Shintarou knew it; he had had to help Kazunari with the majority of his homework, geography included. His lover wasn’t stupid, quite the contrary, he merely had a short attention spam that wasn’t very useful in studying.

 

“I don’t know anything about geography, either,” Taiga said and cringed. “Where the hell is the river Nile, anyway?”

 

“Af…rica, maybe?” Kazunari pursed his lips. “Uh… It’s right on the tip of my—Egypt! It’s in Egypt!”

 

“That wasn’t the question, Kazunari-kun,” reminded Tetsuya. “What direction does it flow?”

 

“Left?” Taiga tried. His lover shook his head. “Right? Up? Down?”

 

“It doesn’t flow at all?” Kazunari tried.

 

Shintarou sucked in his bottom lip to prevent himself from laughing. He wasn’t an expert in geography, but had excelled in the exams. It was either south or north, he knew that, but couldn’t decide between the options. Kazunari looked adorable with his cheeks a little red from thinking so hard, and had they been in the same team, this would have been the time he had whispered the answer to his lover’s ear and let him steal the spotlight. Now, both Kazunari and Taiga looked suffering.

 

“I seriously don’t know,” Taiga finally said.

 

“Me neither.” Kazunari sighed. “Where does it flow?”

 

“North,” Tetsuya announced. The answer was greeted by a choir of groans and ‘I knew it’s, and Shintarou couldn’t help the hum of amusement that escaped him. They made quite a comical duo, and the realization of that made him understand that somehow, his stomach was free of knots again. He tried to hide his smile under a cough. He rolled the dice and moved their button, and braced himself for the question.

 

“Who won… What the hell is this question?” Kazunari huffed and straightened his back. “Okay, who won the Nobel Price in literature in 1994?”

 

Shintarou’s face turned tenser and sterner, but only because he was deep in thought. 1994, Nobel Price, he had read it, he remembered. He squeezed his eyes shut and worked his fingers through his hair. He wanted to get this right, to impress Kazunari, although Kazunari was already his and probably impressed, too. He wanted to give him one more reason to be proud of him. Just one. He rubbed his temples and tried to think. His stomach turned upside down.

 

“I have a feeling,” Tetsuya murmured near him, “that it might be Kawabata Yasunari.”

 

“No,” rejected Shintarou immediately. “No, he didn’t win it in 1994.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Positive.” He glanced at Tetsuya for a split second and already averted his gaze. This had to be right. If Tetsuya got it wrong, he had to be right. Shintarou took a deep breath through his nostrils. “It’s Oe Kenzaburo.”

 

Tetsuya frowned lightly. “I’m not sure if he ever received the Nobel Price…”

 

“He did.” Shintarou was full of confidence. “I remember he did.”

 

“ _Soooo_ … What’s your answer?” Kazunari arched his brows higher.

 

“Oe Kenzaburo.” Shintarou would be a shame to himself if this were wrong now. His throat tightened, and he could hardly breathe. But from the little twitch that appeared on the left corner of Kazunari’s mouth he _knew_ he was right. Already he pulled his posture up and was ready to accept the glory.

 

His lover nodded and grinned. “Correct.”

 

Now, _he_ was pretty proud of himself. He knew he was supposed to compete against Kazunari and Taiga, but his silly mind couldn’t let go of the imaginary rivalry with Tetsuya. Shintarou smirked, and settled better to the couch, and was ready to shove some knowledge in the other’s throat.

 

Two and half hours later the desserts were eaten, and the second round came to an end (Shintarou and Tetsuya won both of them). It also marked the time of Tetsuya and Taiga’s departure; Tetsuya looked a little drowsy and sleepy as he leaned against his lover’s chest in the hallway and smiled gently to both of them. Shintarou moved his arm around Kazunari and pulled him close, and enjoyed the moment of finally being able to get touchy with him.

 

“We’ve had an amazing time,” Tetsuya said. His smile turned kinder. “We should do this again.”

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Kazunari rested the side of his head against Shintarou’s arm. “The next time we won’t play Trivial Pursuit, though, I don’t want to lose two times in a row.”

 

“You did great,” Shintarou murmured.

 

Kazunari looked up at him with rounded eyes. “Did I?”

 

“No, but I was just trying to make you feel better.”

 

“Asshole,” muttered Kazunari and punched Shintarou in the arm. He shook his head and sighed, and faced Tetsuya again. “We’ll see you around.”

 

“See you, Kazunari-kun, Midorima-kun.”

 

They were gone as abruptly as they had come.

 

Shintarou took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wanted to pat himself in the back. He had survived – no, he had done a _great_ job, and he hadn’t felt jealous at all. It had been genuinely nice, and he sort of understood why Kazunari had been so fond of wanting to do couple things with other couples. There was not much strength in his body, and he thought of starting to clean up, but couldn’t move a single inch when Kazunari attacked him in a form of a tight hug. Shintarou hummed and smiled, and moved his head lower to give a kiss to his lover. He had already missed Kazunari’s lips, as ridiculous as it sounded.

 

“That went well, don’t you think?” Kazunari whispered and kissed him again.

 

“Mm… Surprisingly so,” Shintarou admitted and rubbed his nose against his lover’s.

 

“I really enjoyed that… And you played along so nicely.” Kazunari’s breath was warm against Shintarou’s face.

 

“I tried my best.” Finally Shintarou let go of him. “Now we need to clean up, though.”

 

“Can’t that wait until tomorrow?”

 

“No, because tomorrow you’re going to make me do it all by myself. Come on,” he encouraged, and gently slapped Kazunari’s bottom. Kazunari squealed but grinned nonetheless and returned the favor by giving Shintarou a slap, too. As much he found it ridiculous, Shintarou couldn’t conceal the smile on his lips as he dragged himself to the kitchen together with Kazunari.


	31. On a Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if the choice that brought them back together never happened?

It was the worst weather to eat lunch outside, but Shintarou needed it, needed some fresh air because the hospital atmosphere was starting to get to him. His neck was stiffened and there was nothing he could do about it, even if he wanted to and honestly tried to. He lifted his shoulders and managed to get the collar of his thick jacket cover his mouth. The frost was the worst part; it seeped under the fabric and twirled shapes over his skin, and made him feel absolutely horrible. Before he knew it, the even terrain turned into a small uphill that he involuntarily conquered. He squeezed the bento closer to his chest and gritted his teeth. This was the most horrible idea of the century.

 

Step at a time he climbed up. The cherry tree on top was frozen and looked rough, frostbitten, and rather ugly. Clouds filled the sky, made it look like a cotton candy gone wrong, and Shintarou heaved out a sigh in his solitude. Under the tree was a bench, and on the bench sat a couple. He rolled his eyes, wondered why someone bothered in this weather and season, and walked past them without looking towards their direction. He didn’t need another remainder that he was alone, and was going to be for the rest of his life. _If only…_ Shintarou cut himself off before he could even begin, but the damage was already done. His heart tightened and locked his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. The annoying tingling appeared back to his spine like so many times before. Within a second he had created his personal Hell using only two words. They were the worst.

 

“…Shin-chan?”

 

Correction. _That_ was the worst word of his life.

 

Shintarou froze. Such a silly nickname brought back memories he had suppressed long time ago. Sometimes they surfaced, like now. His legs got stuck in the grass, as if he had become part of nature. Something hard got stuck on his throat, and he couldn’t get rid of it. His old nickname was repeated, and he knew it wasn’t just his mind’s creation. His pulse ticked. He pressed the bento against his chest like he was protecting it. His lips trembled. It couldn’t be. _It can’t be_. It was a voice he hadn’t heard in years, yet it was the same voice he dreamed of at night, remembered the vibration it had created deep within his chest when it had danced straight in his ear. He closed his eyes and took his first deep breath. It didn’t help.

 

Slowly he turned around and faced the worst nightmare of his life.

 

Kazunari. Not alone.

 

Shintarou eyed Takao Kazunari and then Kuroko Tetsuya, briefly glanced their intertwined hands and shoulders touching, and felt nauseous. His eyes widened ever so slightly. Since he had been nineteen, this was his nightmare. His friend, no, his _first love_ together with another man because he had broken things off. They were still together. _Look at them, still together_ , he mocked himself and let out a huff, visible in the cold air. He could only stare. Not a word came out of his mouth, not when all the memories hurried back. They had been so young and passionate, muttering ‘I love you’s under blankets and ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you’s in the broad daylight. They had been happy. _He_ had been happy. Then, he had become a coward. Dumped him. Left him to find someone else. And now, he had someone while he was alone.

 

He choked in words that wanted to escape. Kazunari blinked and tilted his head. “Shin-chan? It’s you, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes,” he finally mustered out of his mouth. His lungs had a failure and didn’t pump enough oxygen in his system. The whole world spun around him. _Shock_ , he diagnosed himself in a heartbeat and hummed under his breath. _Chest pains. Tingling in fingers._ The good doctor went through his symptoms one by one. _Headache. Difficulties breathing_. He couldn’t find himself a diagnose that didn’t have something to do with the word ‘heartache’.

 

Kazunari smiled, _grinned_ , and it was exactly the same twitch of lips as it had been in their youth, just as bright and teasing. “How have you been? I’ve wanted to catch up with you for so long!”

 

“I’m… I’ve—“ Shintarou inhaled sharply. The bare fingers of both of the men were tightly entangled together, surely for heating purposes, but the sight made his reddening face pale within silly fractions of seconds. One time, Kazunari had held his hand, too. Surely he had always grumbled and complained about it, but the hand had always felt warm against his slightly sweaty one. When they had wrapped their bodies together, so had their hands, squeezing each other’s fingers in secret promises of never letting go. Shintarou squeezed his fingers to tight fists. “I’ve been good,” he eventually lied. He had stopped being _good_ ever since they broke up nearly a decade ago. Kazunari didn’t need to know that. He wished he wouldn’t, either. It killed him.

 

It took Shintarou a moment of silence to ask, “And you?”

 

“We’re doing fine.” _We_. “Actually, we’re soon getting married.”

 

So Kazunari said but didn’t glow at all, and not even a smile moved to his lips. Shintarou tried to look as blank as possible, although a great turmoil washed his insides. Married. His first love was getting _married._ _Congratulate him_ , he told himself and parted his lips, but didn’t manage to say anything. How could he? He wasn’t happy about it, and Kazunari certainly didn’t look like that, either; the way he had said it made Shintarou think it was a life sentence rather than a joyful event. He tightened his grasp from the lunch box and glanced Tetsuya who stared at the white ground, his cheeks glowing a little. It could have been him sitting next to Kazunari, hands joined together, ready to discuss about wedding plans and honeymoons.

 

“Congratulations,” he finally forced out of himself. He couldn’t feel his heart anymore. It was gone, finished, and so was he. Or at least wanted to. He took a step backwards. “I need to get going. It was… pleasant to see you.”

 

He turned his back and swore never to think of Kazunari again.

 

“Wait, Shin-chan!”

 

In his mind Shintarou cussed and stopped still. He didn’t turn around but the man circled him, stopped in front of him. He hadn’t grown even an inch since he last saw him. Looking down at him with cold, narrowed eyes, he had nothing to say. He wasn’t going to stand in the way of someone’s happiness. _Would you at least look happy about the fact that you’re getting married?_ was what he wanted to ask from Kazunari, but words shriveled in his esophagus. Kazunari offered him a weak smile and pointed towards his chest.

 

“Are you eating lunch? You could join us if you want.”

 

“I’m eating with colleagues.” A white lie, but pure enough to save him from further heartache.

 

“Oh… Oh, yeah, I should have thought of that.” Kazunari laughed, and sounded rather nervous. He ruffled his dark hair. The lobes of his ear were flaming red. “I’ll… We could catch up sometime? Just the two of us?”

 

“Sure,” Shintarou dryly said. He had no intentions of doing that.

 

“Great.” Kazunari lingered on the spot and eventually looked straight into Shintarou’s eyes. “It was really good to see you, Shin-chan.”

 

What the _hell_ was so good about it? Shintarou gave a polite and timid smile, exchanged a goodbye and finally took the steps away. The farther away he got, the heavier his feet became, as if they were telling him to turn around and plead Kazunari to take him back after all these years. He clenched the front of the jacket on his chest and squeezed, cringed. It hurt, too much, more than he had bargained for. Everything he had in life except love. Correction; he had everything in life except _Kazunari_. No one else was good enough. Tonight he’d drag his bones to a house he couldn’t call home because it was empty and without a sound, and he’d wonder what the hell had gone so wrong. It was supposed to be _him_ , on that bench on that hill. He’d repeat that to himself again and again over a glass of wine.

 

But now, he returned back to the hospital, sealed himself to an empty toilet and cried over the store-bought bento.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, the last days have been extremely exhausting. I've been asking myself dozen of times _why are you doing this again?_ and told myself _you can stop whenever you want_. I never realized before how much effort it actually takes to write something every single day without a fail. I'm constantly struggling with inferiority complex, and often tell myself _just leave the writing to the more skilled ones_. Late last night I went through your comments again, one by one, and I got this sense of relief; I realized that I'm doing this because I love these idiots, this little domestic world I hastily created around these men. I'm doing this to feel good about myself and cherish the skills I have today - at the end of the year, they might be different.
> 
> On a more positive note, welcome to the last day of January. We made it, you and me! First month, over, and here we are, standing together. It was such a hectic month, full of jealousy and few fights, but also pretty steamy sex. In a way, I'm relieved - I made through one month, surely I can do eleven more. Tomorrow I'll welcome you to February, a month where nothing will go right, or as I more fondly like to say, 'where shit will go down'. Gotta love angst. Thanks for making this worth writing in January, let's have more fun next month!
> 
> ~~Also, who else is vibrating with excitement because today will start **SHUTOKU VS RAKUZAN?!** I surely am. I'm already screaming. Best day of the whole month!~~


	32. Find the Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It always began with a lazy groan that echoed in his ears like his favorite song.

The best part of Shintarou’s day was to see Kazunari wake up. It always began with a lazy groan that echoed in his ears like his favorite song. Then came silence, in which he had plenty of time to settle his glasses back to his nose and concentrate on trying to solve the morning’s crossword puzzle. Five figured words later, Kazunari began to stir beside him. The groans orchestrated the movement as the man rolled from one side to another. It was clear he sought Shintarou from his side, and ended up hugging his thigh. The sight on his lap made Shintarou’s lips twitch dangerously, and he smiled in the secrecy of the morning hue shining through the slightly parted curtains. Like a kitten his lover purred, and buried his face better against the thigh. Underneath the thick blanket Kazunari’s body inched from here to there. Shintarou had to put down the newspaper to witness the moment better.

 

The best part of the best part was to see Kazunari’s tired smile when he eventually lifted his chin up and looked at him through hooded eyes. Drool stained his chin, and Shintarou wiped it clean. His lover’s smile turned gentler, and he buried his face back between the thighs, seemingly the most comfortable crease there was in his body right now. Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s scalp and gathered tiny grunts that were enough to make his heart skip irrational beats. It wasn’t supposed to happen anymore, not when he had witnessed the same scene hundreds of times, but every single time a smile toyed with his lips, and his chest felt oddly light.

 

He wanted to enjoy this moment, anyway. It might have been the last time he could do so.

 

Even with a thought like that he continued with the crossword. In his lap Kazunari squirmed in a clear attempt to find a better position. Shintarou didn’t mind – not now, at least, yet sometimes when he was tired and grumpy, he nudged Kazunari aside or picked himself up from the warmth of the bed. Ready to protect the other man from all harm, he oversaw that the process of waking up went without a disruption. Sometimes in thought he put down the pen and focused on stroking Kazunari’s hair instead.

 

It took five more minutes of preparation for Kazunari to murmur under his breath, “Morning…”

 

“Morning.” Shintarou made the effort to whisper, didn’t want to force Kazunari’s ears in the middle of mayhem the first thing in the morning. He might have had the urge to lean down and capture the lips that tasted foul, but he didn’t. Returning back to the words, he frowned lightly and pursed his lips together. He could think better when he draw vague shapes on Kazunari’s shoulder, slowly, gently. The movement gave him gentle hums and a look from his lover again. He cast his eyes down and dared to smile. Kazunari chuckled under his breath and wrapped his arm around Shintarou’s waist, and pressed his face against his abdomen.

 

“How’s the puzzle doing?” Kazunari’s voice muffled against Shintarou’s pajama top.

 

“Alright. I have one third filled.”

 

“When—“ The man yawned loudly and high-pitched, on purpose. “—did you start it?”

 

“Maybe ten minutes ago.” Shintarou moved his fingers away from the silky smooth raven hair and curled them around a pen. “What do you think, what’s… ‘green, white, Savoy and Chinese’?”

 

“Mm… How many letters?” Kazunari rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

 

Silently Shintarou counted the empty boxes. “Seven.”

 

“Uh…”

 

The man’s mouth hung agape as he thought with narrowed eyes. Shintarou couldn’t help but think how _cute_ Kazunari looked at the moment. He had always thought so, and in his teen years had fiercely flustered whenever the particular thought invaded his mind, but now he remained relatively calm about the fact. It made him want to kiss him, but that he didn’t do. The morning taste on Kazunari’s lips was something he was not fond of, and they both knew it. He did move his fingertips to the side of his better half’s face and stroked the soft skin. Kazunari chuckled – the noise was coarse and straining – and kept rubbing his eyes until he rapidly blinked them and looked up at Shintarou.

 

“Mm,” he hummed again and pursed his lips. A little bit more awake, he was still a stunning sight. He tugged the blanket better over his nakedness and rested his head in another position in Shintarou’s lap. “So something green… but also white… Savoy? Isn’t there Savoy… _Oh_!” he exclaimed. His eyes gleamed, and a twinge of apparent proudness lifted his lips to an endearing grin. “Cabbage, right? There’s green cabbage, white cabbage, Savoy cabbage, Chinese cabbage… Does it fit in there?”

 

With his tongue in the middle of the mouth, he fitted the letters one by one to their boxes. None was left empty, and no letter was abandoned. “Seems to be right,” he said, and swallowed down the laugh that wanted to burst out when Kazunari did a small cheer. Sometimes, his lover was an idiot. Shintarou huffed through his nose and put the pen down. Soon, they wouldn’t wake up together, they wouldn’t solve crossword puzzles together, and Kazunari wouldn’t drown him under an endless sea of kisses. He averted his gaze. His chest tightened and made the pajama top feel uncomfortable. For once he did something he often did not; admitted his feelings aloud first. “I’m going to miss this.”

 

“Miss what?” Kazunari glanced up with child-like eyes.

 

“ _This_. Waking up together.”

 

His lover’s expression softened, and he pushed himself up. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou and kissed his shoulder. “You make it sound like you’re dying,” Kazunari murmured and rested his chin on the roundness. “We still have the chance of doing this after you start working.”

 

“We don’t,” Shintarou insisted. “What if I have a morning shift and you’re still asleep? Or I have a night shift and I come back home in the middle of the night, and then you wake up when I’ve just fallen asleep.”

 

“You’ll have day offs,” Kazunari reassured. He pressed his lips back to Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“I know, but…” Shintarou sighed. Of course he knew it was necessary, to work and make a living so they could have the life that they both deserved, but… He sucked in his bottom lip and removed his glasses, and looked at Kazunari who was a little blurry. “I’ll just miss this. Even the times when you’re annoying.”

 

“We’ll create new routines, Shin-chan.” Kazunari moved his hand to Shintarou’s and squeezed. “It’s all going to be okay. Maybe you’ll have so much fun at the hospital that you won’t even remember me until you get back home.”

 

“I doubt that. It’s hard to forget someone as loud as you.”

 

“You’re so mean,” Kazunari whined.

 

Shintarou hummed. This was really the sort of thing he wanted to wake up every morning. Or at least every other. Feeling annoyingly sentimental, he eyed Kazunari grab the newspaper and pen to himself, and even pushed the glasses on the bridge of his nose. They hardly suited him, but made him look a little smarter. Shintarou wanted to point that out, but ended up merely kissing the tip of Kazunari’s nose. His lover purred yet kept his eyes on the puzzle.

 

“Oh, this one’s totally made for you,” he said and cleared his throat. A small smile still toyed with his lips. “A zodiac sign, one, two… three… eight letters.”

 

“Eight letters, huh…” Shintarou didn’t think too deeply about it, as he rather wrapped his arm around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him closer. Most of the days he felt like they were joined from the hip, always close, always together. He wondered when it was going to end. After he started working, after a month, after the wedding, after they were old and grey? Shintarou closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against the fluffiness of Kazunari’s hair. He had fallen, fast and hard, and he couldn’t pick himself up anymore. He was a goner, had been for years, and it was all Kazunari’s fault. It was fate, however, and he never defied it. Under his breath he hummed. “Try Aquarius.”

 

“A… qu… yeah, that’s it.”

 

Shintarou received a small kiss as a reward, which really only thrived him to complete more of them. They joined forces, until Kazunari decided that it should be a competition, and Shintarou couldn’t resist it; it always felt good to beat his lover at a game, as much as he wasn’t willing to admit it. They bantered, then kissed, bantered more and made up by little smooches, and by the time the Sun had set high on the sky and brought immense amount of light in the bedroom, Shintarou still wasn’t ready to let go. So he didn’t, and pulled Kazunari closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although the quality of the animation in last night's ep was _interesting_ , I was still excited afterwards. Weren't the boys absolutely amazing?!


	33. It Is Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> February the 2nd seems like a great day to give something back, doesn’t it?
> 
> I want to spend this moment to thank my greatest inspiration. When you read this, yes, I mean _you_ (I’m sorry in advance). We might not know each other and have merely exchanged few words, but you are someone I have looked up to as long as I have been in this fandom. I remember the day I first read something you have written, and it struck straight to my heartstrings. I was in awe, and I thought to myself, _here is my goal, this is what I want to do to as well_. Your passion to this peculiar pairing gave me a fiery passion to these boys as well, and here I am, ruining my life with a massive declaration of love for these dorks otherwise known as this fic. The love I have for these boys is what keeps me alive, and what keeps me going through the days when nothing goes right. There are days when I feel inferior to your writing, but there isn’t a single day when I’m not in awe with your skill and kindness. Thank you for pulling me into this world without knowing that you did, thank you for being a role model and a constant source of inspiration for me, thank you for reading my attempts of writing. You are the true treasure of this pairing, and I want to dedicate this fleeting moment before this day’s chapter to you. You're important, and absolutely precious. Thank you.
> 
>   ~~Was this too sappy? It’s such an early morning for me, I have no judgement whatsoever.~~

One thing Kazunari loved was to make Shintarou blush.

 

He wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders and kept his legs pinned down under his thighs, and pressed his nose against his. He nuzzled it, and felt Shintarou’s stubble scratch his chin. It didn’t bother; it actually felt quite nice. His chest bubbling and his domestic butterflies cheering in the stomach, Kazunari gave him a smooch.

 

“I love you,” he murmured for the umpteenth time.

 

Red was the primary color of Shintarou; red made him look adorable and irresistible. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut but it didn’t take away the fact that a blush spread across his cheeks and even took control of his ears. Kazunari’s favorite thing about his lover’s fluster was that it spared none of the man’s features – everything was red. Sometimes the red was a pinkish hue, sometimes it was as bright as a fire truck, and now, it was something in between. He wanted to make it alive and vivid, make the skin so hot he could feel it underneath his fingertips. He was a little mean like that, but Shintarou never really truly complained.

 

Kazunari settled better in Shintarou’s lap and made sure that the man wouldn’t escape (which could have easily happened since he was the smaller of them). His arms he tightened around his lover, and pressed his lips on the side of Shintarou’s nose. He kissed the spot sweetly, multiple times, and only then dipped his head low enough to trace the rough jawline. Underneath him Shintarou squirmed. Kazunari pressed the inside of his thighs harder against the sides of Shintarou’s. His body quivered from excitement.

 

He brought his lips to the man’s ear and whispered, “I love you, Shin-chan.”

 

Finally, Shintarou puffed air out of his cheeks and said, “Why do you have to keep repeating it? You sound like a broken record.”

 

Kazunari’s mouth curled to a lopsided smile. “Do I really? I thought you liked it when I declare my love to you.”

 

“Once—“ Shintarou choked on his words as Kazunari poked his ear with the tip of his tongue. He squirmed and grunted. “O-Once is okay, but you’ve been… ten minutes…”

 

“I just want to make sure you know.”

 

Truthfully, this was just a whim. An effort to try and see a blush spread on Shintarou’s cheeks. That he had achieved already, but now that he had started, Kazunari couldn’t stop; not when pleasant warmth overtook his limbs and bones. He was melting honey in Shintarou’s lap, gooey, a little out of breath, too.

 

“I really love you.” It didn’t matter how many times he said it, he still meant it from the bottom of his heart.

 

Shintarou gritted his teeth and looked elsewhere. He looked positively embarrassed, but the blush wasn’t evolving anymore. Kazunari narrowed his eyes and examined it, but didn’t see any change in the bright shade. He huffed through his nose and scooped the man better in his arms. As he rubbed Shintarou’s shoulder blades, feverishly he tried to come up with another plan. In the midst, he marveled Shintarou’s beauty; the way his long eyelashes curled took his breath away and made him want to kiss them; his jawline popped to the very surface of the skin; and his eyes seemed a tone greener from the usual emerald. Kazunari took in the sight and felt his chest tighten pleasantly. This was _his_ lover, _his_ man – _his_ husband-to-be. _His_ future.

 

He felt a little emotional all of a sudden.

 

“I’m in love with you,” he blurted out before he had the chance to think the words over. At least Shintarou faced him again. A shadow of a smile danced on Kazunari’s lips. “I love you, but I’m still in love with you. You’re… perfect,” he breathed.

 

“You can really stop now,” Shintarou muttered. His brows drew in together, and whenever he tried to get up, Kazunari pushed all of his weight down. The man grumbled. “Kazunari, come on. I was supposed to do the dishes.”

 

“Just a little while is okay.” Kazunari tilted his head and smiled sweetly, leaned closer and pressed an equally soft kiss on Shintarou’s lips. He was a little surprised that the kiss was responded; he felt like walking on thin ice already, frankly. He wanted to make his lover soft and embarrassed, but there was a fine line of that and frustration. Hoping to stay on Shintarou’s good side, he hummed against his mouth and pulled back, only to give another smooch. He pouted ever so slightly. “I can declare my love to you whenever I want, can’t I?”

 

“Yes, but…”

 

“But?” Kazunari perked. His breath got stuck in the throat. “Are you possibly embarrassed?” Now, he was close to his target. He wanted Shintarou to admit it. Finally, the blush deepened as the man cleared his throat.

 

“I’m not embarrassed,” Shintarou insisted.

 

“Are you sure?” Kazunari pursed his lips. “Because Shin-chan, you’re kind of red.”

 

“It’s just very hot in here, that’s all.”

 

Unable to contain his laughter, Kazunari shook his head and kissed Shintarou again. Although Shintarou grumbled, he still kissed Kazunari back. Against his partner’s lips Kazunari grinned and muttered, “You’re such a tsun-tsun…”

 

Shintarou pulled back. “I’m not!”

 

“Yeah, you are. The biggest I’ve ever encountered.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” grunted Shintarou.

 

_Mission accomplished_ , thought Kazunari even when he didn’t get a verbal confirmation. It was so obvious, though, that his lover was embarrassed beyond words. A giggle rumbled in his chest. Finally deciding to stop teasing Shintarou, he pushed himself up but squealed when Shintarou pulled him right back down. Kazunari arched his brows higher. This time it was Shintarou holding him in place, hands on his hips, a deep red on his pores. He tightened his hands on the lush hips. Kazunari’s brows returned to their original position and then knitted together.

 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Shintarou commanded.

 

Kazunari cocked his head. “Why not?”

 

“Because.” It was a harsh gruff under his breath, yet still Shintarou’s expression softened. He took a deep breath through his nose and allowed it out of his mouth, and moved his lips right against Kazunari’s ear. The warm breath tickled, and Kazunari squirmed. It didn’t stop Shintarou who moved his hands underneath his lover’s shirt and brushed the naked skin that quivered. With a heated voice in Kazunari’s ear he whispered, “I’m the luckiest man on the planet to have you, and I want to cherish you, you and all your idiotic whims like this. You don’t even know how much you mean to me, because I can’t put it in words, but I’d do anything for you and to make you happy.”

 

Another thing Kazunari loved was when Shintarou made him blush.


	34. Something You Heard Your Friend Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn’t sure how much more bluntly he could say what he wanted, thus he let out of his mouth, “You need to fuck me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter will include **TAKAMIDO** (Takao will top).
> 
> As requested by Angel_Kyra, sxeraa27, Anon, and anyone else who wanted to see Takao top, _well..._. Here I am. A little flustered. But it was my first time! This wasn't supposed to happen this fast, but I couldn't ignore the nagging thought I got when I read the this day's prompt for the first time. I'm also happy to announce that this is the longest chapter to this day - almost 7k! I have to admit that it's also the longest chapter I have _ever_ written, so I guess it's safe to say that I got inspired and lost in the words.
> 
> //It seems that I also crossed the magical 100 000-word mark. Yay!

“I’m having a lot of sex, but it’s just boring, there’s nothing new to it anymore!”

 

Shintarou nearly choked on his beer. He coughed violently and tried to muffle the sound behind his palm, but for a split second the eyes of his middle school teammates were on him; then, Ryouta and his whining tone became the matter of importance again. In silence, once he managed to collect himself, he wiped the foam away from his lips and put the pint down on the table. Being the farthest from Ryouta, he saw backs of colorful heads turned towards the blond’s direction. Eventually, he did too, although his heart was still ticking fast.

 

Sex was something their group _never_ discussed, and now Ryouta had brought the taboo up. Atsushi seemingly couldn’t care less as he focused more on his candy bar; Seijuurou’s shoulders were relaxed but his gaze somewhere else entirely; Shintarou shared a small look with Tetsuya (why was he even sitting next to _him_ , out of all the people?). Only Daiki squeezed his lips tightly together, and then huffed breath out of his mouth.

 

“Dude, seriously, I’m _right here_ ,” he growled.

 

“So what?” Ryouta brushed some hair behind his ear. “I want some love advice, and my friends might help!”

 

“Not when I’m right here having to listen to you complain. Besides, when has our sex life _ever_ been boring?”

 

They indulged to a pointless banter. Shintarou missed Kazunari and heaved out a sigh, and wondered why he had even bothered to come to the gathering. They met up regularly, once a month if they were lucky and didn’t clash, so he could have been sitting on the couch together with Kazunari watching their favorite show rather than drown his misery in the small pint of beer that he had grudgingly bought. Honestly, the glass of red wine in front of Seijuurou looked a lot tastier. Gritting his teeth, Shintarou curled his fingers around the beer and took another sip, and tried not to shudder too much from disgust.

 

He rubbed the corners of his eyes were wrinkles already gathered. The argument turned louder and more heated, yet the other noises of the English-styled pub covered this particular duo. He was getting too old for this. Wondering whether to take his phone and text Kazunari how amazingly dull it was without his presence, he merely took another gulp from the drink. It didn’t take away the dull ache that formed a tight circle around his head.

 

Although Ryouta’s words had been sudden, Shintarou couldn’t help but wonder if there was truth behind them. Did it really cause such an argument when sex in a relationship became dull? Their sex wasn’t boring… But he had to admit that there was nothing _new_ new to it, either. He worked his fingertip over the rim of the glass and pursed his lips together. Kazunari had never complained, so he supposed they were still safe. Or maybe his lover _did_ consider their sex boring. After all, they had a set of positions they used, maybe few times in a month toys if he really got into it, but that was it. Behind his glasses his eyes widened ever so slightly. His heart dropped to his knees. _Oh_. Their sex _was_ boring. Soon, they would argue, too, and then Kazunari would leave him because in bed, he was always the same. A gasp got stuck in Shintarou’s throat. He took another, bigger gulp from the pint.

 

“Come on!” complained Daiki and faced the rest of the men. “Can someone just—Murasakibara, are you really having such a fucking variant sex life?”

 

“ _Eeeh_ , Mine-chin… I don’t kiss and tell.” Atsushi licked his fingers clean from the sugarcoating.

 

Shintarou averted his gaze so hastily that his neck ached. It wasn’t enough to get him away from Daiki’s radar. “Midorima, you’re still with that high school sweetheart of yours, yeah? How’s your sex life, are you trying something new all the damn time?”

 

Shintarou’s cheeks glowed bright. His throat tightened, and he could barely face Daiki who stared at him with clear expectancy in his eyes. He parted his lips and tried to come up with something to say – something that wasn’t in any way connected to his and Kazunari’s sex life, because that was _private_ , and someone like Daiki didn’t need to know a thing –, but nothing got out of his system. Panic crawled on his spine like thousands of little spiders ready to devour him. He tightened his grasp from the beer. His knuckles ached.

 

“Lay it off, Daiki,” Seijuurou dryly said.

 

With great sound effects Daiki huffed and leaned better into the chair, and glared at Ryouta beside him, then the rest of them. Around his dark irises were red rims. “Whatever, you fucking faggots.”

 

“Daiki,” warned Seijuurou.

 

“What? It’s the truth, everyone in this table is gay as fuck!”

 

Shintarou ignored the words and concentrated on staring at a completely different direction. The atmosphere around the corner table corded, and he wanted nothing more than bury his exhausted bones in Kazunari’s loving embrace. Daiki still ran his mouth, and sometimes Ryouta joined him, and it was hard for him to listen them fight over whether they had diverse enough sex or not.

 

He drummed his foot against the wooden floor and couldn’t calm down, and ended up biting his index finger’s nail until it hurt. Uneasy in his own skin, he wanted to call Kazunari and ask whether he was bored with their sex life. It couldn’t be the case, right? Kazunari hadn’t complained before, hadn’t made the slightest remark that something had to change – in contrary, his lover seemed _pleased_. Sure, they didn’t have sex as often as they had when they were young and horny like rabbits ready to procreate, but that was natural; they had been each other’s company for years already. Shintarou couldn’t get rid of the uncomfortable tingling that invaded his skin here and there. He should have been more adventurous, more experimental, let Kazunari explore some more. They were stuck in a routine, and he was afraid that it was going to tear them apart like it did with Daiki and Ryouta. Truthfully, those two always fought to the point that it was hardly healthy anymore, but Shintarou only saw this particular fight playing in his mind on an endless loop.

 

Worried, he bottomed the beer and refused seconds.

 

* * *

 

Opening the door home, he was happy he hadn’t drunk a drop more than necessary. It gave him a pleasant buzz, surely, but it didn’t make him slur or act like an idiot (which Daiki had definitely been the victim of). His eyelids drooped and wanted to glue together, and he had to search support from the wall to get rid of his shoes. Tired and ready to take a shower and fall asleep, Shintarou couldn’t get rid of the thought that their sex was too ordinary. Kazunari probably really thought so but hadn’t had the chance to tell him. He rubbed his eyes and tried to make himself more energetic. Temporarily it helped. His steps were still on the draggy side when he pushed himself to the living room.

 

Kazunari was a small curl on the couch, buried under blankets, a large mug of presumably tea on his hands. When Shintarou was close enough, Kazunari startled, and although the surprise didn’t disappear from his eyes, he still smiled. A little confused, admittedly.

 

“What are you doing here already, babe?” Kazunari leaned against the back of the couch. Shintarou stopped in the middle of the room and breathed deeply. “I thought you’d be gone longer, over midnight or something. Was it at least good?”

 

With the little nudge that the beer now gave him, Shintarou blurted out, “We need to try something new.”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

“We need to try something new,” repeated Shintarou as he attempted to collect his thoughts to a reasonable unit. He rubbed the side of his head. “You and me, we need to… something new sex-wise.”

 

Kazunari sighed softly, and he put down the cup to get up on his knees on the couch. “What are you talking about?”

 

Irritation irked in the back of Shintarou’s head. He wasn’t sure how much more bluntly he could say what he wanted, thus he let out of his mouth, “You need to fuck me.”

 

Laughter escaped Kazunari, loud and sharp, until it settled to a silent chuckle. He pressed his chin against the couch and looked at his lover with softened expression. “What exactly happened there?” he asked.

 

“Nothing happened,” Shintarou told a small white lie; Kazunari didn’t need to know the exact details, not yet at least. Nonetheless, he was confident that his solution was flawless – Kazunari hadn’t fucked him even once in all the years together, so that was definitely something new. Something exciting. Something that he had mentally prepared himself for the whole taxi ride, too. Tonight, he was going to do the same thing that his lover did every time they had sex; spread his legs apart and let Kazunari have him. He narrowed his eyes as he examined the man. “I just want you to fuck me. I can want that, right?”

 

“Right.” Kazunari didn’t sound too convinced. “You’ve just never wanted that before, that’s why it’s making me confused.”

 

“But we can try it, right?” Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek.

 

“If you _really_ want to do it, yeah, we can try it. But if you’re being pressured by the Miracles, I’d rather not.”

 

Sometimes Shintarou hated when Kazunari got all _responsible_ and _knowing_. He huffed. “I’m not being pressured into anything. I want to know how it feels.”

 

For a silent second Kazunari eyed his lover, then smiled. He crooked his finger to him. “Okay, I believe you. Gimme a kiss.”

 

Shintarou took the few steps closer and leaned down to kiss Kazunari. Truthfully, his stomach bubbled from nervous butterflies. He wasn’t exactly scared, simply a little concerned about the switch of roles. For him it was natural to fuck and make love to Kazunari, and Kazunari probably thought it was natural for him to be the one being done, so Shintarou discovered a hard lump in his throat. With the help of the deepening kiss he managed to swallow it down, but it only created a tight knot in his chest. Reluctantly he pulled back from the moistness and fluttered his eyes close as Kazunari licked his upper lip. Quivering, he grasped the couch for moral support.

 

“Go take a shower, alright?” Kazunari murmured and worked his hand on the small of Shintarou’s back. He stroked the spot. “Get yourself cleaned and relax, I’ll wait you in the bedroom.”

 

They exchanged one more kiss, and then Shintarou was on his own. He didn’t think twice or thrice about anything, just got himself to the shower and made sure that every nook and cranny of his body was spotless. It was supposed to be a pleasant experience, something _new_ , a safe way for both of them to explore uncharted territories and together break boundaries that they had set without a word. He felt a warm nip in the bottom of his abdomen. He got out of the shower and didn’t bother with a towel, simply let the water droplets lick his skin from his nape to the curve of his spine. With uncertainty in his steps walked to the bedroom.

 

Kazunari looked breathtaking, as always, even when he was fully clothed. It was the mere idea that this man was going to… _take_ him (Shintarou couldn’t come up with a more vivid term at the moment, not when his mind was nothing but a concerned mush) that made him look more irresistible than before. They shared a glance, and although Kazunari looked gentle, Shintarou couldn’t stop the trembling of his toes. Without a word he sat on the edge of the bed and got his lover’s arms immediately around him from behind. Kazunari trailed a set of kisses on his damp nape. Shintarou shuddered.

 

“Are you really sure about this?” whispered Kazunari.

 

Shintarou couldn’t muster out a word. Thus, he nodded.

 

“You’re trembling.” Kazunari was the one who pointed out the obvious. “And your shoulders are tense… Here,” he said and kneaded the spot joining Shintarou’s shoulder blades.

 

“I’m just nervous,” Shintarou told the truth.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.” Another truth.

 

Kazunari rested his chin on Shintarou’s shoulder. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

“I’m not afraid of pain.” He thought for a moment and then corrected himself, “I’m a little wary of it.”

 

“It won’t hurt.”

 

“And yet I clearly remember how you were crying and whimpering when we first did it, and kept telling me to stop because it hurt ‘so fucking much’.”

 

“I did not!” Kazunari huffed.

 

“You did.”

 

Again Kazunari puffed, and from the small sound Shintarou could tell that his lover pouted. So was indeed the case when he looked at him over his shoulder; the downward curl of the lips was adorable, however. They shared a kiss, and in the midst of the moist declaration he felt hands down his firm chest. His insides convulsed. _Bare with it_ , he told himself and deepened the kiss. _This is something new, this makes sure that we won’t fight like those idiots._ He tried to get rid of the tension from his shoulders, but it really only did the opposite. Squeezing his eyes shut, he allowed Kazunari’s tongue in his mouth and his hand around his shaft. Again he tensed, but this time it was from pleasure.

 

Shintarou dipped his head down ever so slightly as Kazunari offered him few testing strokes, nothing out of ordinary. He moaned in his lover’s mouth and blindly searched for his cock, found it and caressed it in a matching rhythm. For a sweet moment, they were a coherent unit of heavily breathing mouths and skins searching for each other. Then, Kazunari pushed him gently down on the bed, and Shintarou was certain his heart was ready to burst out of his chest. Underneath the smaller frame he shuddered, and over the hue of his eyes his brows stitched together to an uncertain frown. Kazunari rubbed the wrinkles but didn’t manage to soothe them.

 

“You’re so nervous, aren’t you?” He sneered softly.

 

“I’m about to get a cock in my ass for the first time, _yes_ , I am quite nervous,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes. “You’re not drunk, though, are you?”

 

“I had one beer, nothing more. With my height-weight ratio, I’m confident to say that I’m really not drunk. What’s this inquisition all of a sudden?”

 

“I’m just trying to figure out why you want to do this.”

 

Shintarou sucked his bottom lip in his mouth. After two seconds he released it. “I told you, I want to try something new.”

 

“They told you something, didn’t they?” Kazunari’s voice suddenly dropped an octave higher and sterner. He cupped Shintarou’s face in his palms and looked him in the eyes. “It’s something ridiculous, isn’t it, like ‘you’re not a real man unless you got a dick in your ass’, or something just completely out of this world?”

 

“No,” Shintarou defended. He averted his gaze but had to face Kazunari when his chin was squeezed hard. He would seriously need to stop underestimating Kazunari’s keen eyes. Heaving out a sigh, he gave up. “Kise and Aomine were fighting about how boring their sex life, and then I realized that we always have sex in the same way, so I thought…”

 

“That I’d start a fight over it?” Kazunari arched his brows higher.

 

“Yes.” Now that Kazunari had said it aloud, Shintarou realized how ridiculous it was. A familiar glow of heat sneaked to his cheeks. “I thought you weren’t content with this.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Kazunari dipped his head down and pressed a smooch on Shintarou’s lips. “We have variety in sex. Just because I never get to fuck you doesn’t mean I’d be displeased with something. I’ve accepted my fate,” he snickered.

 

Shintarou tilted his head on the other side and let out a breath from his nose. “But does that mean you _want_ to fuck me?”

 

“Sure, I mean, I’ve been thinking about it sometimes…”

 

Shintarou took a deep breath, and spent few precious seconds to try and figure out how to settle his words that they wouldn’t come out in a weird way. “You can fuck me,” he eventually said, simply blurted it out and for his own surprise, didn’t regret it afterwards.

 

Ever so slightly Kazunari’s eyes widened. Still he said, “We don’t have to, I don’t want you to feel pressured because your friends said something.”

 

“I’m not pressured.” Not anymore, that was. “If you want to give it a go, I’m fine with it.”

 

“It might hurt,” warned Kazunari.

 

“I don’t care. If it’s you, it’s okay.”

 

Kazunari tugged his sweatpants down. “You’re impossible.”

 

“That’s my line,” Shintarou pointed out. He moved his hands on Kazunari’s thighs were the hair was thinner, lighter and scarcer, and stroked their softness. It stirred Kazunari, and Shintarou continued with faint lines of a smile on his lips. “It’s really okay,” he murmured. “So make me your _neko_.”

 

Kazunari burst in laughter. “Someone’s been watching porn!”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Mm, you better shut me up…”

 

Kazunari trailed off with a grin and leaned back close to Shintarou. He sealed his mouth tightly to Shintarou’s and kissed him hard. At first Shintarou had troubles following, but when Kazunari sucked his tongue and made him an outright slave for the uprising passion, he had the time to adjust. He worked his arms around the smaller man’s body, and willingly spread his thighs to Kazunari who lined his body between them. Working his hands down the small of Kazunari’s back, Shintarou grumbled in his mouth. The pit of his stomach still nipped, but the more he exchanged saliva with his loved one, the looser the knots inside him became. Confident that this was exactly what he wanted, Shintarou’s mind got wiped empty when Kazunari worked his fingers to his bare chest.

 

His sensitive skin teased, Shintarou dug his heels to the bed and felt his cock twitch. He wanted to move his hand to the throbbing member but Kazunari beat him to it and took a tight hold of him. Shintarou arched his back and broke the kiss, and felt the hot lips roam on his perked nipples. Stroked and sucked, he felt fundamentally different. Inside his mind he had already made the switch and promised not to resist. The kisses trailed around one nipple to the other, up to the collarbones, and eventually the hard line of jaw. Shintarou couldn’t keep his eyes open and let them roll close, as the silky smooth hands took good care of him. He pushed his hips slightly up. He fluttered his eyes open only when he received a small kiss, and looked up at Kazunari’s body that hovered over him.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, felt the need to know everything, wanted everything to be spelled out to him. That was the rational thing to do.

 

“Searching for the lube.”

 

Kazunari glanced down at him. Even when his hair fell over his eyes and the position created a double chin under his actual one, Shintarou stared at him in awe. Slowly he nodded and relaxed, but soon tightened his abdomen to lift himself up. He yanked the hem of Kazunari’s shirt and tried to pull it off, and with some help from his lover succeeded. Brushing his fingertips over the nubs on Kazunari’s chest, he examined his lover’s face cringe in a fleeting pleasure. A bit too soon Kazunari pulled back properly between his legs and looked at him.

 

“Should I use just my fingers or try to find the toys somewhere?”

 

“Your fingers… just fine.” The idea of toys present in the bed made Shintarou squirm with agony. He knew how deliciously embarrassed Kazunari always got, and he didn’t want to be the one going through such an emotion. He cleared his throat and propped himself up to his elbows, and twitched as Kazunari stroked his inner thighs. His cock wasn’t fully hard, and he was worried that it would turn flaccid by the time they’d start. Even so, he didn’t touch himself but examined the flow of lubricant from the bottle to his lover’s fingers. “So you’re going to… stretch me or…?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari smiled gently. “If you don’t mind.”

 

“No, I don’t— _Ah_!” escaped him when the cold fingers pressed against the guarded skin between his buttocks. Briefly wondering what the hell he had decided to do, Shintarou threw his head back to the pillow and moved his forearm over his face to conceal his blush. The sensation of having someone touch such a sensitive strip of skin made his thigh muscles tighten, although he tried his best to relax. He remembered their first time, and how he had breathed _relax_ to the shaking Kazunari at least hundred times; eventually it had been the only word he had managed to fully form. Now, the adult version of himself kept repeating it inside his head, ironically enough not fully able to do it. Kazunari merely worked both sides of his finger’s length against the puckered skin and didn’t nudge inside. The motion was enough for Shintarou to tighten the ring of muscle right underneath his lover’s fingertip. His cock jerked.

 

“You okay?” His free hand Kazunari moved to Shintarou’s chest and rubbed the firmness and stroked the nipple closer to his fingers.

 

“Yeah,” Shintarou muttered. He twitched when more lube was poured between his buttocks. It was cold and _sticky_ , and surely a lot of effort to try and clean up afterwards. Yet the coldness heated underneath Kazunari’s embrace, and soon the stickiness didn’t feel as disgusting as his first reaction had given out.

 

“Can I move a finger inside you?”

 

“You don’t have to ask!” Shintarou’s voice shivered, from frustration and embarrassment.

 

Kazunari hovered back over the man and kissed his lips that were partially uncovered under the arm that firmly stayed put. He still moved his finger gently over the skin, corresponding every movement Shintarou’s tall frame twitched. “Of course I have to ask,” he whispered and kissed Shintarou again. “I want this to feel good for you, otherwise there’s not point… Would you relax for me, babe?”

 

“I’m relaxed,” groaned Shintarou.

 

“A bit more in that case.” Kazunari sounded mildly amused.

 

Frustration building inside him, Shintarou took a deep breath and moved his thighs even wider apart. He took a new set of breaths, and vaguely felt like preparing himself for labor; that was a thought he rather _not_ had at the moment. Still, they were the deep inhales that made his muscles twinge final time before relaxation, and hastily he nodded to Kazunari. Truthfully, this didn’t feel too sexy, and the arousing side was slowly fading away, but he knew this was necessary. Sexy would come later. Now, it was nearing science.

 

Too vividly he felt Kazunari’s fingertip impale him. It invaded the flesh that no one had ever touched, and his first reaction was to push the foreign object away. Yet there was nothing foreign about his lover’s finger that had roamed everywhere but _here_ , and so Shintarou squeezed his eyes and took another deep breath. Near his ear he heard the too familiar chant of _relax, it’ll feel better, relax, just relax_ , and he wanted to suffocate Kazunari with a pillow. Kazunari nudged his finger an inch deeper, and Shintarou bit his lower lip to suffocate a moan. Somehow he succeeded in it, but managed to draw out an irony taste. His skin stretched, and the sensation was _burning_ , piercing. It traveled along his spine and then back with a great speed. Only one finger, and he was ready to call it quits.

 

“All in,” announced Kazunari.

 

Underneath his fingers Shintarou peeked at the smiling man, and pushed a weak smile on his own lips. “One finger… yeah?”

 

“Yup.” Kazunari licked his lips and tilted his head, let out a shivery breath. “I kinda know why you like this so much, it’s really tight… Like your insides will swallow my finger whole.”

 

“No need… for commentary,” Shintarou grunted, and finally moved his arm beside his body.

 

“Can I move my finger, though?”

 

“I told you not to ask.”

 

To the remark Kazunari offered a lopsided grin and pulled his finger back an inch. A gasp got stuck in Shintarou’s throat, but he survived the movement that soon turned rhythmic back-and-forth action. Once Kazunari pushed the whole length back inside, Shintarou’s features twisted under a cringe. He huffed and whimpered.

 

“Did that feel bad?” Kazunari’s voice was so obviously laced with worry.

 

“Stings,” Shintarou said honestly. “It’s… weird. It feels—hnn—weird.”

 

“Kind of like you have the urge to go toilet?”

 

If Shintarou had been in the suitable position, he would have slapped Kazunari. He huffed and shook his head. “Yes, _please_ let me remember this moment from your stupid toilet humor.”

 

A giggle was the first sound that escaped Kazunari. “What? It kind of feels like that at first! Don’t deny it.”

 

“Look at me flatly denying it.”

 

“Where’s your sense of humor?” muttered Kazunari but moved his finger in and out again, until he pulled it out completely. Shintarou’s hole convulsed rather violently; the dark, fine hair around the pucker curled sloppily under the excessive amount of the lubricant. Kazunari let out a shivery sigh. “Want to try it with two?”

 

“Go for it.” Shintarou pressed his body better against the soft mattress.

 

He thought he was ready, mentally and physically, that was. The first finger didn’t feel anything special any longer, but once Kazunari wiggled another one in, Shintarou felt like flames were swallowing a very specific part of his body. He let out lewd moans and threw his head to the side, and tried to press his thighs together. Kazunari prevented him from doing it. Shintarou grunted and arched his body in a weird curve that only made the ache inside his muscles powerful. What soothed him were soft rubs along the length of his chest. Holding in a breath, Shintarou looked at Kazunari.

 

“Kiss me,” he pleaded.

 

Without a heartbeat in between, Kazunari obeyed him. The kiss took his mind off the edge, and as he got into the wild dance of hot, needy tongues, he faintly felt the fingers move and curl inside him. Shintarou moaned, and for a moment their kiss broke as Kazunari added another squeeze of the lube. Feeling positively soaked, Shintarou wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s shoulder and tugged him closer, and roughly kissed him. Although he couldn’t have believed at first, he was actually starting to _enjoy_ this. He whimpered against Kazunari’s lips, the sound almost identical with the ones his lover always emitted. Now he understood why, and couldn’t stop. Kazunari crooked his fingers to a delicious position, and a shot of pleasure traveled to every corner of Shintarou’s body.

 

“That… feels good,” he whispered.

 

“You’re going soft, though,” Kazunari muttered back. He pushed himself more upright and circled his free hand’s fingers around the base of Shintarou’s softening cock. Before Shintarou was able to protest a single thing, Kazunari already said, “I know what we’ll do.”

 

Without a warning the fingers were pulled out, and Shintarou grunted. Still he was given no chance to talk when Kazunari peeled away from him and then settled over him, his bottom towards his face. Now, this was something Shintarou _was_ accustomed to, and the familiarity of it brought a smile on his lips. He wiggled his hands up and grasped Kazunari’s bottom, squeezed and groped, and made the body on top of his tremble. The mewls Kazunari made soon vibrated against his cock, and Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut. Knowing he had few more moments to prepare himself for the action, Shintarou took it with open arms and nudged his tongue against Kazunari’s balls.

 

Prepared to do a thorough job to make Kazunari both hard and enjoy himself, Shintarou searched for the bottle of the lube, and eventually spread the liquid over his lover’s length. He stroked the dick, yet at the same time concentrated on the pleasure Kazunari’s mouth was giving him. Sometime in the midst of the kisses and sucks and harsh tugs of teeth, the two fingers sank inside him again. Shintarou could have gotten accustomed to it, because when he really thought about it, this was exciting. Something they had never done before – he now understood the lure of it. As Kazunari worked him with a lovely pace with both his mouth and fingers, Shintarou tried to fix his focus back in the matter in his hands. In his mouth he felt the man harden, and swallowed him better inside. Even when Kazunari thrust his hips towards him and nearly choked him, Shintarou continued persistently.

 

For uncountable minutes they were tightly locked in each other’s embraces. The room filled with the sounds of lust and lewd sucking noises, together with wet kisses and smooches given to damp skins. Shintarou was as rock hard as Kazunari was, and he had even gotten used to the thickness of two fingers. Kazunari’s member was no two fingers, but he figured he’d be all right – he hoped so, at least. Kazunari pulled back, and Shintarou’s mouth became empty again, much to his displeasure. But he got lost in the stunning shade of Kazunari’s eyes when the man turned over to him again. They shared a kiss, sweeter this time. Shintarou didn’t want to let go anymore.

 

“How do you want to do this?” Kazunari whispered and stroked Shintarou’s green hairline.

 

“However you want it.” Through hooded eyes he looked at his lover. Right now, he simply wanted to drown in pleasure and didn’t care how it was done.

 

“Mm… Why don’t you get on top of me, then?”

 

 _Correction_. Any way was fine _but_ that. Shintarou caught his bottom lip to his teeth’s grasp and held it there until he was done thinking. “I’m heavy,” he carefully said.

 

“So what? I’m a man, I can handle a bit of weight.” Kazunari smiled so very sweetly and kissed Shintarou once more, and only then rolled on his back to the bed. He patted his thighs. The smile turned into a grin. “Come here, it’s okay.”

 

Shintarou hesitated but couldn’t say no to the offer. He cleared his throat and rubbed his palm clean from the lubricant, and straddled Kazunari. A position he had never been in before; it made his cheeks heat up, but at the same time he felt quite wanted as Kazunari grabbed him from his hips and looked at him with raw passion in his eyes. Shintarou parted his lips and allowed a small grunt out. Suddenly, this didn’t seem like such a bad idea at all, albeit a little embarrassing. Kazunari rubbed his hips, worked his fingers over his hipbones and then gave his cock a tug. Shintarou’s hips jolted forward, and he sought support by pressing his palms against Kazunari’s chest. All the time, he was worried of weighing too much, of crushing the smaller frame underneath his two meter one, but Kazunari didn’t seem troubled.

 

Without a word he took the bottle, popped the cap open and poured the lube generously over Kazunari’s cock. Kazunari twitched and buried his fingertips deeper to the flesh of Shintarou’s hips, which caused him to shudder. So many times he had been in this position being the one watching, thus now Shintarou tried his best to mimic the hand movements of Kazunari as he spread the liquid better on the shaft. He felt a bit intimidating staring at it – it was going inside him any second now. His chest swelled, and his heart jumped to his throat. Gently Kazunari took the bottle from him, and their fingers briefly touched each other. It brought a smile to Shintarou’s lips that soon disappeared when his lover’s fingers invaded him for a moment longer. Probably to get him more wet and slick, he presumed, and gently rocked his body to the movement.

 

“Shin-chan,” called Kazunari with his sweetest voice. “Do you feel like you can take me in?”

 

Shintarou had to think a while to make sure he gave the correct answer. “Yeah,” he eventually said. The fingers inside him disappeared. He settled himself around the spot he thought was the best, and rubbed the head of Kazunari’s dick. “I just ease it in, right?”

 

“Right. But do it carefully, okay? I don’t want you to hurt.”

 

Such warm, safe hands cupped his face, and it was enough to reassure Shintarou. He held in a breath and settled the tip against his hole, and then allowed a deep exhale. Nervous, his core trembling, he slowly moved his hips downwards. With surprising ease the head sank in, and it made him moan louder than he thought was even possible. The burning, tearing sensation returned. His hips shook, yet Kazunari supported him. In the midst of the numbing ache Shintarou weighed his options, and chose the quicker one. He forced himself down at one go. A slap filled the room as his skin came back in contact with Kazunari’s.

 

It wasn’t his brightest moment. “Fuck…” he moaned and forced himself to an upright position. Inside him was a cock, and that cock really wanted to tear him apart. He huffed through his nose and squeezed his eyes shut to stop tears of pain from rolling to his cheeks.

 

“Idiot,” Kazunari softly scolded. He stroked the sides of Shintarou’s quivering body and pulled him closer, kissed his lips. “Let’s stay for a moment like this, yeah? We can—“

 

“No,” Shintarou interrupted. He panted like he had just finished three marathons in a row. His lungs didn’t work properly. “I want to do this properly now, I want to… I don’t know, I can’t—ah, _fuck_ —think straight…”

 

“Babe.” Kazunari’s voice was so very sweet, like honey melting over pancakes and butter. He pushed his legs up and supported Shintarou’s body with his thighs, allowed his lover to lean a little backwards. “It’ll start feel amazing in a second, okay? And if it doesn’t feel good, I’ll stop and finish you off with my mouth or—“

 

 _Talking too much_. That was Shintarou’s verdict as he pressed his palms tighter against Kazunari’s chest and pulled his hips up. The little movement was enough to shut his mouthy lover up, and he really enjoyed the moment of silence. He took another moment to think how he really felt. It wasn’t _hurting_ , per se, it was simply a stinging kind of ache around the slick thickness and pounding veins. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and moved his hips down until the length was properly buried inside him again. Then, he repeated the movement and lured out a moan from himself.

 

“Fuck,” whispered Kazunari. He tightened his grasp from Shintarou’s hips but threw his head back to the pillow, and laughed brokenly. “This feels… It’s so, nnh… _Tight_.”

 

Shintarou laughed, too, or at least tried. It sounded more like a dying whale. “I know… I-I know…”

 

“Wait, I want to… Hnn.” At least they both sounded like dying whales.

 

Kazunari propped himself first up to his elbows, then sat up properly. It was followed by a desperate attempt to get Shintarou to sit properly on his lap, and resulted in Shintarou finding himself lying on his back with Kazunari between his legs. He didn’t mind, and so he wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders and pulled him closer. The first thrusts Kazunari made himself felt intense; Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it was the good or bad kind. He tugged Kazunari even lower and pressed a kiss on his lips, and for a moment neither of them moved their bodies, just let their mouths collide to each other. When they pulled back by a mutual decision, they were both out of breath.

 

Kazunari grasped Shintarou’s legs and spread them apart, and like a young bunny that knew nothing better worked his hips hard and rough against Shintarou’s. The noises that Shintarou made were involuntarily animalistic, and he sought support by grasping the blanket underneath. However, soon his fingers were entangled together. Suddenly, a realization took him over. This wasn’t just his first time like this, this was also Kazunari’s first time doing having his cock inside someone else. He felt like they were teenagers all over again, and had a hunch that his lover wouldn’t survive too long. Back in the days, he had come embarrassingly fast, after all.

 

With the thought in mind, Shintarou tightened his grasp from around Kazunari and listened the moans that trickled straight in his ear. So very desperately he sucked the man’s earlobe and tried to keep up in the hectic rhythm that rocked his body. Between their stomachs his cock got a lovely amount of friction, but not enough to actually get him off. Even so, he tugged Kazunari’s ear with his teeth and murmured with a heated voice, “I love you… I love you, I-I love… you…”

 

“Nn, Shin…chan, ah! Mm, fuck, _fuck_ , I-I… lo—“

 

The sentence didn’t get finished but Kazunari did, abruptly. Shintarou felt it vividly, as the cock inside him throbbed like it had turned maniac. Few more heavy thrusts Kazunari gave him, and then it all of a sudden stop. Shintarou breathed heavily and listened Kazunari pant. It felt like if he listened closely enough, he could almost hear his partner’s heartbeat. It was such an intimate moment, he thought, as he hugged Kazunari to his embrace and let their skins melt together. His long legs he wrapped around Kazunari’s waist and held him in the position. Once the man made clear movements of wanting to get free, Shintarou didn’t let him.

 

“Stay there a moment,” he muttered.

 

Kazunari pushed himself up enough to look into Shintarou’s eyes. Few droplets of sweat shined on his forehead. His hair tangled down and shielded his eyes. “Why?”

 

“Because you ask that a lot, and I want to know how special that feels.”

 

Shintarou got himself a tired smile and a body collapsing over his. He closed his eyes and hugged Kazunari better, took him in his embrace and felt his lover’s cock soften slightly inside him. Now the only problem was his erection poking against their stomachs. Shintarou grumbled but got a quick kiss.

 

“Should I really finish you with my mouth?” asked Kazunari.

 

“Your hand will be enough,” Shintarou reassured.

 

In the safety of his loved one’s hands he reached his climax, too.

 

Eventually they settled like they always did, Kazunari in the crook of Shintarou’s arms. Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s back, gently up and down, his movements big and soothing. He gave kisses to the dark, slightly damp hair and the forehead, too. As Kazunari stretched his neck, they exchanged a kiss. Then another, and another, until Shintarou lost count. His insides still throbbed now that there was nothing inside, but Kazunari rubbing the small of his back made it feel a lot better. With his eyes Shintarou followed Kazunari dip his face against his neck. The breaths on his skin tickled. He pulled a blanket better over him and decided to skip shower tonight.

 

“Did you enjoy it?” Kazunari finally asked and nuzzled Shintarou’s collarbone.

 

“It was… different.”

 

“Good different, or bad different?”

 

Shintarou glanced down at Kazunari. “Just different. I still think I prefer to do you.”

 

“I’m not blaming you, it felt…” Kazunari pursed his lips in a clear attempt to find a word. Eventually he breathed, “ _Amazing_ ,” and gave Shintarou a pair of puppy eyes.

 

Shintarou rolled his own and shook his head in amusement. He pulled Kazunari closer and answered the silent question, “ _Yes_ , we can give it another go some other time. But not right away, okay?”

 

“Yes!” cheered Kazunari and snuggled Shintarou even better, almost child-like. “You’re the best.”

 

“Oh, I know.”

 

Kazunari laughed, and even Shintarou couldn’t hold back his smile. They kissed, let it linger and fill the room with a scent of love overpowering the sweat. His insides might have ached, but his chest felt light, and his heart fluttered as he tilted his head for another sweet kisses that melted him from head to toe.


	35. Trained To Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why not? He’s the most adorable thing ever, aren’t you? Aren’t you the cutest puppy? Yes, you are,” he spoke directly to Nigou now. He was sure he agreed, judging from the series of little testing woofs.

Kazunari allowed a small Husky pup to climb over his lap and lick his face. Underneath the small coarse tongue he laughed, and although the puppy wasn’t necessarily heavy, he still felt his weight over his chest. The dog’s eyes were the most piercing blue shade he had ever seen, a little icy but so very gorgeous, and it only made him more irresistible. Kazunari didn’t have the heart to usher him away, thus, he let himself be buried under excited, soaked kisses. The pup looked satisfied, so he was sure it was all fine.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me at dinner you got this cutie?” he asked from Tetsuya who sat near him with his legs crossed.

 

Tetsuya gave a little shrug. “I wanted Kazunari-kun to see him in person.”

 

“He’s so adorable I can’t handle it.”

 

The cuteness was indeed almost too much to deal with. Kazunari made the effort to push his upper body up, and although the puppy got the hint, he still remained by his side and poked his pink tongue out. Every now and then he barked, although one couldn’t really call it a bark, more of an attempt that ended up as a quiet ruff. Kazunari grinned, the gesture spreading from ear to ear, and worked his fingers behind the pup’s ear. More saliva dripped from his tongue to the floor, and he ruffed again. Kazunari had to force himself to look up at Tetsuya.

 

“What’s his name?”

 

“Nigou,” Tetsuya said, rather proudly at that.

 

Kazunari arched his brows and said nothing. “And what does Kagami think about him?”

 

Tetsuya drew in a sharp inhale and gathered the air in his cheeks until he allowed it out. He pursed his lips. “Kagami-kun accepts him, although Kagami-kun doesn’t really want to come near Nigou…”

 

“Why not? He’s the most adorable thing ever, aren’t you? Aren’t you the cutest puppy? Yes, you are,” he spoke directly to Nigou now. He was sure he agreed, judging from the series of little testing woofs. The tongue poked out even more. Kazunari was ready to talk with Nigou some more with great affection in his voice, and so he did as the icy eyes looked at him keenly. In the back of his mind, like a little child, he wanted a dog now, too. And surely like a little child, he would have to go home and beg from Shintarou. He already knew the answer, however, and the answer made him pout.

 

There was a brief silence. Tetsuya broke it.

 

“What did Midorima-kun think of you coming here?”

 

The joint between Kazunari’s shoulder blades tensed. He took a shallow sigh and kept petting Nigou as he turned to Tetsuya. He made the effort to smile, a little wider than before. The tension still didn’t disappear, quite the contrary; it spread through his veins. “He was alright with it,” he said. Automatically he thought of the small tenseness in Shintarou’s lips when he had told about visiting Tetsuya, together with the deep kiss he had received a moment before he had stepped out of the front door. The memory of the kiss still made him feel a little dizzy in the head. “He’s coping, and that’s already making me happy. You could say I’m training him to do it,” he joked, and a second later buried his face to his palms. The joke wasn’t his finest, but at least it made Tetsuya snicker.

 

“Midorima-kun _is_ quick to learn,” said Tetsuya.

 

“Yeah, he is.” Kazunari sighed softly, and as his gaze got a dreamy hue on it, he grabbed a bright pink chewing toy and offered it to Nigou. In the midst of pull-and-tug, he glanced over at Tetsuya, and his smile softened. “I didn’t have the chance to show you when you were over, but I bought him a ring.”

 

“A ring for…?”

 

“Engagement!”

 

Tetsuya seemed delighted. “Did Midorima-kun finally ask the question?”

 

“Oh, no, no! I just bought it… preemptively, I guess.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I mean, he did try to propose me once already.” Now Kazunari sounded defending, which he guessed he was. Just a little. “He took me to a restaurant for a late celebration of our _anniversary_ ,” he created the quote marks himself, “and it was just really obvious that he was going to propose, but then he didn’t.”

 

Tetsuya’s lips curled lower. “What happened?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Maybe it just didn’t feel like the right time after all? I’m just letting him take his time. He’ll propose to me, I know it.” He was _sure_ of it, he felt it in his bones – he had no reason to doubt it. Yet he couldn’t help but feel a beginning of nausea under his abdomen as he saw Tetsuya’s light frown. He breathed a little harder. “He’s going to propose to me, he is.”

 

“I’m not doubting that, Kazunari-kun,” Tetsuya gently said and crooked his fingers to the puppy that stopped pestering Kazunari and eagerly jumped to the other man’s lap. Orchestrated by few attempts of a woof, Tetsuya continued, “I’m confident that Midorima-kun will propose. Anyone can see how much Midorima-kun loves you.”

 

“You’re making _me_ doubt it, dammit. No weird eyebrow things anymore, or I’ll kidnap your puppy and take him home with me,” Kazunari warned.

 

Tetsuya chuckled.

 

“But how is it going with you, you think Kagami’s the one?”

 

“Hopefully.” A soft blush invaded Tetsuya’s cheek, and hastily he fixed his eyes to Nigou who tried to get his constant attention. “I think Kagami-kun might be the one.”

 

“As long as you don’t get married before me, then I’m cool with it. No, as long as none of the Miracles get married before we do, _then_ I’m happy,” Kazunari corrected himself.

 

“It’s not a competition,” reminded Tetsuya.

 

“I know, I know, but it’ll be a good boost for Shintarou, so I can just tell him… ‘look, you married first, so be happy that you have an amazing lover like me’, or something.”

 

“I suppose you’re right.”

 

“How were they, anyway? Shintarou didn’t say a word, but you were at the pub, too, right?”

 

Tetsuya nodded. “Everyone were… fine, I believe.”

 

“And Kise and Aomine fought again?” Seeing Tetsuya hastily avert his gaze, Kazunari exclaimed, “Come on, give me some dirt! I can’t come there, anyway, so I want to know the good stuff.”

 

“I’m sure no one would mind if you would come along.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t have freakishly godly basketball skills, so I don’t think I count. Plus it’s time for you guys, and it’s kind of your thing, and I don’t want to take it away from Shintarou.” He tempted Nigou back to his lap and patted him, grinned at him before he glanced up at Tetsuya. “I’m just asking for some gossip, that’s all.”

 

“Kazunari-kun is starting to sound like a housewife.”

 

Kazunari groaned but admitted, “Yeah, okay, _maybe_. But I’m going insane back home, I just want to have a job or start planning a _wedding_ or any other stuff.”

 

“I understand. But I’m sure Midorima-kun would love to tell you the things himself.”

 

“Yeah, I should probably try… But someone has to tell me, I don’t feel like calling Kise again and ask whether his relationship is on or off this time.”

 

Tetsuya agreed and concluded the conversation; Kazunari realized that his friend was too polite and tight-lipped to be his source of gossip. Knowing he’d really have to turn to Shintarou to get what he wanted, he snickered privately to the idea of them sitting on the couch, _gossiping_ like they were back in high school and it was the most interesting thing they could possibly talk about together. He watched Nigou roll around the floor, as if showing off the little skills his puppy mind had, and Kazunari made sure to give him plenty of praise after Tetsuya.


	36. An Issue You Care About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His whole world collapsed.

Shintarou tried to resist the urge to hum as he ironed the pile of clothes, one item after another. Sometimes he felt the need to hum or make any other sound that closely resembled a tune, simply because he felt _happy_. With his lover in his sight lazing on the couch, how could he not be? A smile twitched to his lips, and that he allowed without a question, but as the same lips tried to pucker to make him whistle, he pressed them flat. He finished another shirt and threw it to the back of the couch, would fold it once he was done with the mountain of unfinished ones on his other side. As he grabbed Kazunari’s favorite pair of jeans and settled them neatly to the board, Shintarou eyed his lover and wished that he would be done quicker. Kazunari looked as comfortable as ever on the couch, soft and warm, and he wanted to join him as quickly as possible.

 

“Babe,” called Kazunari and turned his head slightly towards him, but his eyes were still nailed to the weather forecast on television. “Was it on the eighth that your work began?”

 

“Yes, why?”

 

“I need to start practicing to make bentos.” Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder and grinned exactly the same way as he had done in their youth.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes, but his mouth twitched. “I can make one on my own or buy it.”

 

“You can’t! I need to be the perfect husband your colleagues will be jealous of, so I’ll make you lunch every day.”

 

Shintarou wasn’t sure whether Kazunari joked or not.

 

Shaking his head from amusement, he focused back on the clothes. He finished the jeans and grabbed another pair that belonged to his lover again. He did a precise job, ironed every corner of the dark fabric to make sure that it was neat. Kazunari never bothered, he merely stroked the clothes with the iron here and there and was done, and afterwards Shintarou cursed the wrinkles that were still visible. Wanting to avoid exactly that, once he lifted the hotness, he checked the clothing multiple times and didn’t let go of it until it was up to _his_ standards.

 

“Should I fold the clothes?” Kazunari had crawled closer, and now stood on his knees on the corner closest to Shintarou.

 

“If you don’t mind.” Although Kazunari parted his mouth for words, Shintarou hurried to say, “But you’re getting no rewards.”

 

Kazunari huffed. His shoulders slumped. “I wasn’t going to ask for a reward,” he whined.

 

“Yes, you were, it’s written all over your face.”

 

“Meanie,” Kazunari mumbled under his breath but yanked the jeans from the top of the neat pile and folded them in his lap.

 

For few seconds Shintarou overlooked the process, and once he was pleased with it, he continued ironing without monitoring his lover too harshly. Every now and then he glanced up at the forecast, and every time in the back of his mind cursed the amount of snow that seemingly desperately wanted to take over the whole country. The idea made his skin crawl, and he shuddered. Snow was the last thing on his personal agenda. Already he waited for spring, for the cherry trees to blossom, and for warmer days. From the corner of his eye he glanced at Kazunari and forgot all about the complaints. Even with first wrinkles forming around the man’s eyes, Shintarou declared him the most exquisite being on the planet.

 

His warm thoughts got cut off with the familiar tune of the cooking show. He glanced around and spotted his phone on the coffee table. “Could you give it to me?”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari reached over and eyed the phone’s screen like he so often did. “It’s your dad, want me to answer it?”

 

“No, I think I’ll handle it myself this time.” Shintarou offered his lover a smile as their fingers softly brushed each other in the exchange of the phone. Kazunari returned back to his task of folding, and Shintarou placed the iron safely on the side and answered. “Hi, dad.”

 

“ _Are you at home?_ ” No proper greeting, simply a question given with a strict tone.

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. He hadn’t spoke with his father in a while, and this wasn’t exactly how he had imagined this to go. He pursed his lips. “Yeah, I am. Kazunari’s here too, if it helps.” Sometimes his parents called his phone, only to say ‘hello’ to him and then wanting to engage to a lengthy conversation with his other half. Often he felt like his lover was the more popular one with his entire family. The thought made him muffle a grin.

 

“ _It’s… I need to talk to you_.”

 

“What’s going on?” Patiently Shintarou waited, but his father said nothing. His frown deepened. He heard heavy breaths on the other side of the line, accompanied suddenly by a sniff. Shintarou’s heart dropped to his knees. His father _never_ cried, and had taught him not to do it too often, either, and to hear him in such a vulnerable moment that he would have never shared with him… His core convulsed harshly. “Dad… What’s going on?”

 

His father drew a sharp breath. “ _You should sit down_.”

 

Shintarou disobeyed and stayed on his feet, not that his father knew. He squeezed the phone better in his grasp. “What’s going on? You make this sound so serious.”

 

There was a moment of silence. Then, “ _Your mother’s dead._ ”

 

His whole world collapsed.

 

_Your mother’s dead_. It rang in his mind and didn’t quite reach the part of his brains that usually registered words. He stood still, a blank look overtaking his face, and stared in front of him. Then, a smile rose to his lips. His mother couldn’t be _dead_ , she had sounded perfectly fine the last time he spoke with her! This was a _joke_ , he realized, something his father never did, and had decided to jump straight to the extreme. Shintarou pressed his feet better on the floor and nearly fell over. His knees trembled, wanted to give up. One organ by one his system was failing, and the shutdown began with his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. Next came the heart that pounded fiercely in his chest. It ached. But Shintarou told his body to _calm down_ , that it was only a _joke_.

 

“What are you saying?” he asked, a curl of laughter in his tone.

 

“ _She… passed away yesterday. Cancer._ ”

 

His father cried.

 

The sound of the outburst of sobs and helpless cries turned Shintarou’s insides empty. His bottom lip trembled, yet he pressed the lips together to prevent it. He stumbled a step back. So it wasn’t… a joke? This wasn’t his dad’s… lousy attempt of humor? His body continued to shut him down. The phone against his ear trembled. He breathed harsh, and then hyperventilated. Taking short breaths, he pressed his free hand against his mouth to muffle them. His eyes ached, his vision turned white and blurry. The first tears sneaked out, rolled down his cheeks to his jaw and did a suicide. No new ones followed. His chest twinged, up and down, painfully. Shintarou couldn’t feel his heart anymore, and then it pounded right under his spine.

 

His mother was dead.

 

“Shin-chan….”

 

He didn’t recognize the voice anymore.

 

Clutching the phone, he muttered under his mouth, “How?”

 

“ _Cancer_ ,” his father repeated. “ _She_ —“

 

“Never said a word about that to me,” Shintarou finished. There was no proper connection between his brains and mouth anymore. He simply said the things that rolled first on the tip of his tongue. “I didn’t know anything about it.”

 

He still hoped that it was a joke of a really bad taste.

 

“ _She didn’t want to worry you. We thought… She thought she could survive._ ”

 

“But I’m a doctor.” It was spoken by a similar tone than a determined child’s that had come up with the perfect plan for future. Shintarou’s voice was indeed child-like, quivering. He _was_ a doctor. He could have cured it, or at least ease the pain, or done _something_ to prevent this from happening! His eyes widened ever so slightly. He tightened his grasp from the phone and didn’t feel his fingers anymore.

 

“Shin-chan,” the voice persisted.

 

“ _The funeral’s tomorrow_ ,” his father said. His words broke in the middle, but he solved it by a small cough. “ _You don’t have to worry about anything._ ”

 

“But… Isn’t it _my_ job to organize it?”

 

“ _We thought it was better this way, with you being there and we here_.”

 

“But I’m the eldest son.” Shintarou’s voice started to sound more and more of a whining child’s. It was exactly how he felt – if he whined long enough, maybe it would undo everything. Maybe he’d get what he really wanted.

 

“ _Shintarou_ ,” called his father. Suddenly, he was gentle, more than ever, and it tugged the roots of Shintarou’s heart. “ _Son… It’s all right. It’s all right_.”

 

Nothing was all right. All of this was wrong.

 

“ _I’ll talk to you more in the evening… Tell Kazunari a hello from me, would you? I love you_.”

 

The three little words made Shintarou understand that he didn’t live in a dream. _I love you_ , his father never spelled it aloud to him. Shintarou’s nostrils flared in an attempt to take deep breaths. Too quick he heard beeping on the other side of the phone and realized that his father had left him all alone with his thoughts. _Well_ – almost alone.

 

“Shintarou!” called Kazunari. His voice panicked. “What’s wrong, tell me.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and swayed on the spot. He put the phone down and squeezed in his grasp, and wished his fingers could bore through the plastic and metal. Maybe that would erase the conversation. He took two forced breaths and tried not to think about anything. The back of his head pounded, however. “Do we still have the black suits somewhere?” His voice strained. Trembled. Ready to make him cry. But not yet. He didn’t want to cry yet. Not in front of his lover. Not in front of anyone.

 

“I-I think so,” Kazunari stumbled. “Why?”

 

Shintarou opened his eyes, the lids still hooding them. He stared in front of him but didn’t really see anything. There was not a single feeling inside him, just emptiness. He kept swaying, his legs ready to give up. This was a sick dream. Twisted. “Mom’s dead.”

 

The words made it too real.

 

“What?” Kazunari cried out. He scurried to his feet. “No… No, that’s not possible. Shin-chan, what are you saying, your mom can’t be d—“

 

“Don’t,” Shintarou growled. He gritted his teeth. “ _Don’t_ … say that word.”

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

Kazunari’s arm approached him. Shintarou glared up at him. “Don’t touch me.”

 

Without a word Kazunari stepped back and pulled his arm against his chest. Shintarou felt like a freak in a circus, or an exotic animal in a zoo, because that was _exactly_ how the man stared at him right now. The back of his eyes itched and burned, but he simply told himself _not yet_. Once Kazunari would be away, then he’d cry. Only then. Then he’d feel something. Now… He knew he hurt his lover like this, but he created a bubble around him, a bubble that no one or nothing would be allowed to break. Shintarou craned his neck and closed his eyes. His mind was void of anything, yet his chest ached. He needed a moment of peace.

 

He faced Kazunari. “Could you take my credit card and go buy me another phone?”

 

“What?” whimpered Kazunari. “W-Why?”

 

“Could you just… please do that for me? Honey, _please_.”

 

They looked at each other, and Shintarou recognized tears in Kazunari’s eyes. He knew his lover had every right to feel the way he did – he had been close to his mother, after all –, but right now _he_ wanted to be the one crying. It took a moment, but Kazunari nodded, agreed so gently, and left.

 

Alone. Their home had never felt so big and empty like it did now. Shintarou took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. It made the veins on his forehead pound harder than before. He moistened his lips and craned his neck, and slowly opened his eyes. His heartbeat echoed in the living room. His expression didn’t twitch at all as he calmly walked over to the socket in the wall and pulled the iron’s plug off. He wouldn’t need it anymore. His shoulders relaxed. Not a thought crossed his mind, and he looked around like he had never been here before. He breathed, and his lungs worked hectically. He saw. He breathed. His heart worked. He was _alive_.

 

Shintarou screamed and threw the phone against the wall.

 

Whatever dams his body had created to protect his mind crumbled down. He shouted until his lungs ached, and shouted more. He crouched over to grab the phone and smashed it on the floor. His mother was _dead_ , soon nothing but ashes. She hadn’t even told him! A cancer, and not a word to her doctor son. His cheeks reddened, and he trembled, bared his teeth. He took a hold of what was still left of the phone – not much – and dropped it back on the floor. He stepped on it— _fucking_ cancer—stepped on it again— _fucking_ rotten world—stepped on it— _fucking_ gods for taking his mother too early—smashed it under his foot— _fucking_ truth that hadn’t been told to him—stepped on it. He shouted, until his mouth was dry and his voice raspy. He shouted until the rage turned into tears.

 

His chest jerked to the rhythm of the sobs. His legs could no longer support him, and he collapsed on the floor. Shintarou pulled himself to a small curl and buried his face to his knees, clawed the wooden floor. He had been five and in this same position, and she had rubbed his back and told him that he was going to learn to read one day. He had been ten and in this same position, and she had told him she wasn’t going to love him any less even when his sister grew in her belly. He had been eighteen and in this same position, and she had told him that he would always be cherished even if he loved another boy who would be his future.

 

Shintarou yanked his hair in a desperate attempt to get the green strands loose and in between his fingers. She was never going to discuss with Kazunari about the dozens of choices about flower decorations for their wedding. She was never going to see him marry the man he adored. She would never cry the tears of joy in the front row when he would kiss Kazunari for the first time as a husband. She was never going to see them build a family together, she was never going to pull both of them in her soothing hugs again and tell them how proud she was of them. The tears soaked the knees of Shintarou’s pants. It wasn’t fair. His mother had hardly been old, she wasn’t supposed to struggle with cancer in secrecy. He could have helped her. He was a doctor, he could have helped her. He could have made it better. He yanked his hair harder and sobbed an octave higher. This wasn’t fair. Why her? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t _fair_ , it wasn’t—

 

Warm arms wrapped around him. Another body layered his, another set of tears wet his clothes. A soaked kiss on the ear, a stroke of a hair. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and cried.

 

Kazunari pulled him up, moved a hand on his nape and pressed his face to his chest. Shintarou wrapped his arms around his lover’s body and hugged him, cried against him, let out the frustration and desperation, but it didn’t help. Kazunari rubbed his back, and he reminded him of his mother who would have done the same. Shintarou was sure of dying, so much his chest hurt. He felt nothing and everything at the same time. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not so soon, not so abruptly, not without him seeing her. Against his ear Kazunari cried softly, together with him, and Shintarou knew Kazunari tried to take away his pain, tried to suck it to himself. Tried to make him feel better, tried to make him feel like he wasn’t dying.

 

Even Kazunari couldn’t take the feeling away. Shintarou cried and didn’t stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought last month was bad... Welcome to February.


	37. Country Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was really going to happen. His brows drew in together. He tried not to look in front to the photo of her where she looked happy and _alive_.

Sluggishly the skyscrapers turned into detached houses, and the mass of people into open space. Kazunari couldn’t remember the last time he had been this far away from the city, and he thanked the traffic for a chance to stare at the scenery, because he didn’t know what else to do. He tightened his grasp from the wheel and intensely glared through the window, every now and then pushing his feet gently against the pedal. Never before had the car felt so distressing. The radio wasn’t on, and he had to fight the urge to hum some ridiculous song just to make the silence feel better.

 

The truth was, he felt so tiny sitting beside Shintarou. Not tiny in terms of height, but because there was no way he could bring life back to the blank features of his lover, to the green eyes that stared right in front of them and seemingly saw nothing. Kazunari had tried; he had talked for the first fifteen minutes, tried to bring his lover in a conversation that didn’t matter, tried to hold his hand, but Shintarou was a statue of salt. An hour ago he had given up. Now he swallowed down a sigh and loosened the tie around his throat, popped open the first button of the pure-white dress shirt. He was surprised he even fit to the old suit – admittedly, it felt a little tight around the thighs. Once stuck in rare traffic lights, he looked at Shintarou.

 

Last night had been one of the worst of his life. In his arms Shintarou had cried and screamed, blamed the whole world and then everyone one by one, and even Kazunari hadn’t spared from the poison tongue. But he had held his lover until dawn, until the tears dried and the body in his embrace turned limp. They had slept two hours. This version of Shintarou scared him, because he had never seen him like this – not a muscle in the man’s body twitched, and the look he gave to the windshield was cold and narrow. The prolonged version of the silence wrapped its arms around Kazunari’s neck and choked him. The light turned green, and he looked elsewhere.

 

His chest felt tight, his lungs collapsing, and he couldn’t breathe properly. He curled his fingers better around the wheel and squeezed. If only he could suck in all Shintarou’s sorrows, he’d do it. If only there was a way that the pain could be transferred to him, he’d accept it in a heartbeat. His lover was hurt, and he along the years he had sworn to protect Shintarou from any kind of ache. Kazunari sniffed and rubbed his eyes to his forearm. He felt so tiny. Useless. He couldn’t help Shintarou, he couldn’t make him feel better, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t bring Shintarou’s mother back. It wasn’t fair, was it now? Through the desperate sobs in the night he had gathered the obvious – cancer –, but how was it possible? She had been full of life when they had last taken this road. Kazunari gritted his teeth. His knuckles turned pale.

 

He wanted to protect Shintarou, but didn’t know how to. A failure. That he was.

 

In silence they traveled. The city turned into spots of country field here and there. It had always been a place that Kazunari was drawn to, because it seemed like a good place to start and build a family together with a significant other. He wished he could have stopped and turned the car around and undo everything. They shouldn’t be here. Kazunari glanced around and felt shivers down his esophagus. There was not a soul around, just them with too much sorrow that the tiny car couldn’t handle. He sniffed again and bit his bottom lip to stop himself from crying. He had loved her like his own mother, like a second mother, but did he have any justification to cry like this? It wasn’t _his_ mother he would see and then watch burn to ashes. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe. _Don’t cry_ , he gently told himself. _Today, you’ll be his shoulder and rock, so don’t you dare to cry_.

 

An hour and a half later he pulled over near a temple he had never visited before. It seemed that they were the first ones.

 

Kazunari was only in the midst of finding the button to press to release himself from the shackles of the seatbelt when Shintarou already slammed the door shut on his side. He startled, and his eyes widened ever so slightly as he eyed the tall, stiff figure through the window. Shintarou looked like death itself, and his usually beautiful profile was now riddled with loss. For a second Kazunari stopped struggling and simply stared, not knowing what else to do. Once more he sniffed and made sure that no snot was coming out of his nose. He glanced down and suddenly felt claustrophobic. He wanted out but knew he shouldn’t, not yet. _Give them some family time_.

 

A knock on the door beside his ear startled him. Eyes showing too much white, he glanced at Shintarou who leaned over. Hastily Kazunari rolled the window down and heard the first words of the day spoken aloud to him.

 

“Are you coming?” There was not an expression crossing Shintarou’s eyes, merely blank eyes stared at Kazunari.

 

“Y-Yeah… I’ll be right behind you, just go ahead.”

 

Shintarou didn’t resist but pulled away, and walked towards the front door with unusually short steps. Kazunari watched him go, worried, and felt a twinge in his chest. Released, he leaned over the backseat and grabbed a bag he had taken along. He took in a deep breath and nudged the bag back, yet now held a black-and-white envelope for condolence money. Hesitating, he still didn’t put it back but pushed himself up, took the two sets of prayer beads from the pocket of the door and stepped into fresh air.

 

Even the air hung heavy and mourned. Kazunari looked up and saw dark, giant clouds covering the sky. He stood still and breathed deep now that his lungs showed signs of properly working. Closing his eyes for a moment, he listened the silence that got pierced by tweeting of birds that were brave enough to stay for the winter. The coldness prickled the tip of his nose, but he remained on the spot. His bottom lip trembled, but he sucked it in to stop the avalanche it wanted to create within his quivering body. Fiercely his heart pumped blood to his veins and made it hurt. Hardening his mind, Kazunari nudged the monotone prayer beads to his pocket and hid the envelope behind his back.

 

He walked in and hoped he hadn’t; Shintarou’s father hugging his son was something he wanted to happen, yet the moment he stepped in view, they let each other go. Beside his father stood Youko, two heads smaller, clad in black kimono, her eyes surrounded by red rims, and trails of dried tears on her cheeks. Kazunari pulled his lips together to an attempt of an apologizing smile but couldn’t. What was left of the family stood side by side, and Kazunari felt like an outsider. Today, he would be a face among the guests, and he didn’t mind. All three looked at him, and he returned the favor. Words dried in his throat. He tightened his grasp from the envelope behind his back and glanced at Shintarou multiple times. With a hunch that his lover wasn’t going to approve his actions, he took a sideways step in front of the eldest Midorima and breathed deep.

 

“My… condolences,” he choked in between. He cleared his throat and brought the two-colored envelope in front of his body. Before he had the chance to bend his body to a bow, Shintarou shifted in the corner of his eyes.

 

“What are you doing?” slithered through his lover’s gritted teeth.

 

Kazunari didn’t listen, didn’t even look at him as he took his deepest bow and squeezed his eyes shut. He had memorized these words in the midst of the night’s despair, and he intended to use them well. “On behalf of the Takao family… My parents apologize they couldn’t make it.”

 

He had no intentions of getting up, but a hand gently squeezing his shoulder made him look up and his spine to return to upright position. Shintarou’s father held a broken smile that showed traces of softness that Kazunari had never seen before. Beside him Shintarou seethed, showed the first proper emotion of the day, yet Kazunari looked at the elder version of him. He said nothing, felt like for once he didn’t need to, and the man squeezed his shoulder once more before letting go. Nodding, Kazunari turned around towards the table where he settled the envelope carefully. He took a hold of a pen and hovered over an open book, but before he could write a single character of his name, Shintarou grabbed his arm harshly and yanked it.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked again, this time with low hisses right against his ear. “You’re _family_ , you don’t need to do that.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari looked into his lover’s eyes and saw a flicker of fire in the midst of the greenness. They stared at each other. Although he had answers ready – he wasn’t blood relative, the envelope had been from his whole family, he wanted to respect her –, not single one managed to get past his teeth. By the time he managed to part his lips and let air flow to his mouth, the door opened, and more people came in. They both looked towards the direction, and finally Shintarou let go. The spot on Kazunari’s arm tingled, and he was sure it would gather bruises. He nudged his lover’s hand and made him look at him once more; his eyes were glazed again. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

He hurried to write his name down on the book and proceeded to take a seat halfway the room. He stared up to the ceiling, to the spot joining it and the wall, and fiddled the pitch-black sleeve of his suit. His lower lip still trembled, and nothing could stop it anymore. The sensation eased a little when the seats were taken one by one, and an odd tranquility filled him. He closed his eyes and listened the shifting of chairs and shuffling of clothes, and felt his chest tighten. This was really going to happen. His brows drew in together. He tried not to look in front to the photo of her where she looked happy and _alive_. He craned his neck, yet startled when an elder woman sat beside him. Out of politeness he nodded to her, but averted his gaze immediately afterwards.

 

Picking up his gaze to see Shintarou’s father and sister walk in the midst of the chairs towards the front row, he couldn’t help but wonder where Shintarou himself was. A quiet gasp nearly choked him when his arm was squeezed again, and he looked up at his lover with widened eyes.

 

“Get up,” Shintarou muttered under his breath.

 

Not wanting to cause a scene in front of everyone, Kazunari obeyed without a word and shadowed Shintarou’s steps to the front row. He had the gnawing feeling that it wasn’t his place, but Shintarou pinned him down by taking a tight hold of his hand, and Kazunari complied. The remaining Midorimas seemed to be dead-set on the fact that he was family, too, and the thought melted his tightening chest. He squeezed Shintarou’s hand on his own and stroked the knuckles with his thumb as soothingly as he could. At first eyeing the monk’s movements, the moment he look at Shintarou, he regretted it. Sorrow cringed his lover’s features for a split second, and then Shintarou already collected himself to an emotionless façade.

 

The monk’s words went from one ear and came out of other. Kazunari couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the sweaty fingers in his grasp, and although it was not much, he kept stroking Shintarou’s knuckles and the back of his palm to bring him some comfort. Hoping it was even remotely enough, he looked in front of him and then averted his gaze, and bit his bottom lip, drew out a taste of blood in his mouth.

 

It wasn’t fair… None of it was. On Shintarou’s other side Youko wept quietly, hung her head down and then got an embrace from her father; her small figure buried in the strong arms. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut. This was always meant to be a _happy_ family, this was supposed to be a family that was going to stick together and invite him to it with open arms. She had always been the one who accepted him with no reservations, had treated him like he was her own son, and in the secrecy of one hazy morning had told him how grateful she was that he was there for her son. She wasn’t going to sit beside his mother in their wedding and brush away tears of joy; she wasn’t going to see his son become the doctor he always wanted to be. The back of his eyes burned, and Kazunari squeezed his eyelids together so hard it hurt. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…_

 

He only let go of Shintarou when it was his lover’s turn to burn incense. The smell stung in his nose, and he cringed. About to shove his hand to his pocket to take the beads, he was startled by Shintarou’s silent invitation to come with him. Unable to resist, Kazunari pushed himself up and felt his knees tremble. It was a miracle he managed to stay on his feet, but he found himself beside his lover. Shintarou’s hands trembled as he offered the third one. Without a word Kazunari moved his hand over his lover’s and held it gently. The scent swirled straight to his nostrils again and made him feel nauseous, but it all seemed so very irrelevant when he looked at Shintarou. This was the man he would protect until the end of his days and beyond, and this was the man he would love unconditionally through everything. He held Shintarou’s hand and helped him back to their seats.

 

The monk continued, and involuntarily Kazunari tuned out again. Thoughts swirled in his mind, back and forth, and he thought of her smile that her son hadn’t quite inherited, yet her gentleness visited Shintarou’s features on a daily basis. He smiled weakly when Shintarou rested his head on his shoulder. Kazunari wanted to run his fingers through the green hair and tell him that everything was okay, but that would have been an awful lie. He remained silent and vigilant over his lover, ready to defend Shintarou from anything that wanted to harm him.

 

Too soon they had to get up, and the guests rolled out one by one, giving their final condolences for the family. Kazunari stood farther behind and tried to make himself as invisible as possible, and hugged himself rather awkwardly. The suit started to became unbearable but he forced himself through the sensation that made the skin on his nape prickle. The moment of emotions was gone from Shintarou, and he merely stood silently beside his father few inches taller. Kazunari rested his eyes on the sight and swallowed a trembling sigh that wanted to escape. He clung his fingertips to the hem of the suit top and chewed the inside of his cheek. All three of them drooped their heads once the final guests were gone. Without a word Shintarou marched out of the temple, and his sister followed close to his heels. Only the eldest Midorima remained, and he offered Kazunari a glance.

 

“Will you be staying over?” His voice broke.

 

Kazunari hesitated, but nodded. “I think we will, if it’s not troubling.”

 

“No, of course not… We’ll make dinner and get you settled in the guestroom.”

 

Again he nodded and shadowed his steps out of the temple. The clouds hanging above their heads had turned darker, and he briefly wondered if it would rain. Maybe it would turn into a thunderstorm and vocalize everyone’s frustrations. He hurried to the car where Shintarou already sat, and made sure to drive safely yet with haste. Shintarou said nothing, and Kazunari couldn’t help the burning, itching sensation deep within his chest nestling near his heart. He stared in front of him and wanted to say something, _anything_ , really, but didn’t know how to begin. Before he managed to muster the courage and the words, he already pulled to the front yard of the Midorima household.

 

“Who wants dinner?” Shintarou’s father tried.

 

“I’m not hungry,” grunted Shintarou, and without a word more marched to the guestroom and slammed the door shut behind his back.

 

It made Kazunari jolt, and with a frown on his face he watched Youko run to her room, and another slam followed. Carefully he glanced at the elder man beside him who sighed and rubbed his temples, looked broken but still seemingly willing to not give up quite yet. Kazunari pressed his lips flat and felt the urge to squeeze his shoulder, but kept his hand to himself. However, he offered, “How about I make some dinner for the two of us? Shintarou and Youko can eat when they feel hungry again.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Kazunari offered him a small smile and removed the jacket that had trapped him in for hours, and rolled up the sleeves of the white shirt. He didn’t bother to ask where things were, not now, not in this situation, and merely went through the cupboards one by one in an attempt to find something suitable. Settling on omurice, he cracked eggs in a bowl and whisked them furiously, when he heard a chair behind him creak. He glanced at the man and quickly faced the stove again. Surely in the guestroom his lover was crying – sometimes his heart pulsed in a way he could simply _tell_ that Shintarou cried –, but he didn’t dare to check on him until he was given the permission. He breathed hard through his nostrils and whisked even harder than before.

 

“Kazunari,” called Shintarou’s father and messed up his pace.

 

Kazunari looked at him over his shoulder.

 

“It’s a blessing Shintarou has you.”

 

Eyes widening, unable to say anything, Kazunari merely nodded and hastily faced the bowl of beaten eggs again. His heart thudded loudly near his spine, and he gritted his teeth. Although the eggs were just fine, he kept whisking them harshly and stared at them through narrowed eyes. When the sun would drop down, he’d take Shintarou in his embrace and sing him to sleep, tell him that although things weren’t all right now, they were going to be one day. He’d let Shintarou cry against his chest, let him blame everything and everyone for the loss, and no matter what, he’d stay there until the tears would turn into quiet sobs and his lover’s heart wouldn’t ache so much.

 

Ready to pour cream to the eggs, he heard a sniff behind his back. The sniff turned into helpless sobs, and Kazunari’s heart broke in half. He felt it in his bones that in every separate room the remaining three of the family cried and tried to soothe their broken hearts in any way they could and knew how to. The thought that he could only help one of them crossed his heart, and made tears swell in his eyes. _You’re useless_ , he convinced himself one more time and poured the egg mixture on a burning hot pan.


	38. Take It Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the curtains drawn fully in front of the windows, the room was a lair of darkness and grief.

The big house was eerily quiet, apart from the occasional sounds the sunny-side eggs made on the frying pan. Kazunari’s concentration was at its highest as he poked them around the pan, added a bit of salt and pepper and flipped them around without breaking the yolk. Thanks to his determination, the whole kitchen smelled of breakfast of various kinds, and the selection was close to a hotel’s morning. It was the least he could do, he thought, and although he had had to wake up early to get some eggs boiling and toast ready (he had burned the first batch in his sleepy state), he was happy with this. The Midorima family deserved this, deserved the best, and a breakfast served straight under their noses without an effort made by them was a good start.

 

He moved the eggs on a separate plate and cracked two more. The only downside of being the only one awake was the solitude it gave. It gave him time to think, and he would have rather not have that at all. The more he thought the more nauseous he got, and his stomach turned into knots. He tried not to think of her, because whenever he did that he began to think about his own mother and how _she_ could die in a blink of an eye, too. His spine tingled, and he rubbed his nape to get rid of the tension. He couldn’t believe that she hadn’t told Shintarou about her cancer; Shintarou _was_ a doctor, after all, not that it would have changed anything. It probably wouldn’t, but it was easy to throw around the ‘what if’s and ‘could have’s.

 

“Kazu-nii…” a weak voice murmured behind him all of a sudden.

 

Kazunari twirled around and looked at Youko, and made sure to give her the gentlest smile of his repertoire. “Morning,” he said to the sleepy figure that had stopped in the middle of the kitchen and now swayed back and forth while rubbing her eyes. “Take a seat, I have some breakfast for you. Eggs and toast and a bit of bacon if you want, and then some cold orange juice, all the lot.”

 

“I’m not… I’m not hungry.” She frowned and looked at Kazunari.

 

In that moment he witnessed the swelling and redness of her eyes, and it brought a lump to his throat. He tried to swallow the hard feeling down but couldn’t. Even his smile wavered, but he bravely pushed it back up in a weak attempt to cheer her up. “Why don’t you sit down anyway, and just have few small bites of everything?” he softly said and left the immediate closeness of the stove to help her take a seat. She seemed like an empty shell, the usual determination gone. Kazunari chewed his lip and then released it from his teeth’s grasp. He grabbed a plate and filled it with the various bits of breakfast, and put it in front of Youko. “Here, just give it a go,” he murmured and offered her a fork.

 

She didn’t, and merely glanced up at him with a little frown on her face. “Where’s…” Her voice broke and she couldn’t continue.

 

Kazunari smiled weakly. “I think your dad is still sleeping, and I was just planning to bring breakfast to your brother.”

 

Shintarou… He didn’t know where he should begin. He hadn’t slept an eyeful as he had held his lover in his arms, mentally prepared for the worst; but Shintarou had been silent, still like a stone. It had been the silence worrying him the most, thus Kazunari had stayed awake as long as it took for Shintarou to fall asleep, which had only been in the first minutes of the new morning. He was tired and ready to drop down, but he couldn’t give up, not now, not when he still had things to do. Afterwards he’d take a small nap, but now, he needed to get some food in his lover’s system.

 

Kazunari fried two more eggs in the way Shintarou liked them – the yolk broken –, and settled them to a plate that he moved to a tray. Breakfast in bed, surely that would bring some life to the man? He was running out of options a bit too quick and didn’t know what else to do anymore. He only wanted Shintarou to feel like one day he could survive the sorrow, and if it meant that he had to stay in the warmth of the bed the whole day too, then that would be exactly what he’d do. First he made sure that Youko was eating even if it was mere nibbles from the corner of a fried egg and toast, and only then took the tray to his hands. The glass of orange juice trembled vigorously, but he tried to keep himself steady. It didn’t quite work, and some spillage happened; nothing that would force him to turn around though, luckily, and with braveness in his soul marched towards the guestroom Shintarou was holed in.

 

He knocked once, then another time, and didn’t get an answer. “Honey? It’s me,” he called to be on the safe side. When no _go away_ or _I don’t want to see you_ echoed, Kazunari pushed the door open with his elbow.

 

With the curtains drawn fully in front of the windows, the room was a lair of darkness and grief. It swallowed Kazunari whole without permission, but still he kept a small smile on his lips to banish away the feelings that wanted to crawl around his sturdy bones, too. It would be no use if both of them lay under thick blankets, thus he tried. He really tried for the sake of his lover. The glass clinked against the plate as he moved closer, and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. Shintarou was a lump of curled limbs under the covers, pulled to the smallest mass one could do with such a height. Kazunari eyed the shape, put down the tray on the nightstand and rested his hand on what he assumed was the man’s hip. He rubbed the spot gently.

 

“Baby,” he murmured and leaned a little closer, but didn’t invade the safe bubble Shintarou had created on his own. Some green hair stuck out near the pillow, and Kazunari stroked the fluffiness so very gently. “I made you some breakfast… Want to try a little?”

 

Shintarou grunted. Kazunari took it as a sign of ‘no’.

 

“Shintarou…” He dipped his head down and kissed his lover’s ear. He murmured, “Please have at least some, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

 

Not a word. Kazunari heaved out a silent sigh and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t force the food in the man’s mouth, either, although it sounded very tempting. Ready to think of some other way, he tried to pull back, and suddenly everything happened so fast. One second he sat up, and the next he was already suffocated by the warmth of the blanket and Shintarou’s arms around his body so very possessively. Like little children they now lied under what felt like a blanket fortress. It was hot and hard to breathe, and Kazunari had to take two moments to recover from the surprise. Through the dimness he glanced at Shintarou who clung to him like he had never done before. Relaxing, he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.

 

“Take it away.” Shintarou’s voice was dry and broken against his neck.

 

Kazunari worked his fingers up and down his side over the shirt. “What should I take?” he asked, quiet.

 

“This feeling. I don’t want to… I’m not supposed to…” Shintarou grumbled and pressed his forehead tight against Kazunari’s. “Act like this, I’m an adult, I need to… work tomorrow… I need to… need…”

 

“Hey…” Kazunari wiggled his hands free and cupped Shintarou’s face. “No one’s telling you how to act. You can act like this whether you’re five or twenty-five or fifty, this is _normal_. You can act exactly like this, it doesn’t… make you any less of an adult.”

 

“But you think I’m ridiculous,” muttered Shintarou.

 

“No—Shin-chan, I don’t think you’re ridiculous. This isn’t ridiculous, all I want is for you to feel good and safe again, and whether that takes a day or a week or a month, I’ll be here with you.”

 

For a moment they looked each other through silence. Eventually Shintarou averted his gaze. “It’s not fair,” he whispered.

 

Kazunari’s features softened. He took the man better in his arms and pulled his head to his chest. “It’s so unfair,” he agreed and worked his fingers through the dirty hair. “It’s so unfair… I’d take the pain away in a heartbeat if I could, trust me… I’d take it away right now.”

 

Against his chest Shintarou sniffed. The long arms draped better around him and tugged him closer. His chest muffled another set of sniffles.

 

“Don’t disappear,” Shintarou pleaded. “Don’t go, please, don’t… I need you, need… don’t go, don’t, I need—“

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kazunari reassured. He tucked some hair behind Shintarou’s ear. “Never, I promise. I won’t, I’m always going to be there when you wake up and go to bed, I promise.”

 

A whimper escaped Shintarou, and Kazunari knew he wasn’t entirely convinced. He pressed a gentle kiss on his lover’s forehead and lulled him in the warmth of his arms. If only he could suck away the sadness and transfer it under his own skin… Yet all he could do was to be here when he was needed. By the bedside the eggs and toast grew lukewarm and soggy, and he murmured a quiet, loving lullaby in Shintarou’s ear in another attempt to calm him down. Against his body the man relaxed, and Kazunari continued to sing.


	39. It's Gigantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything else Shintarou forgot about as a small smile curled to his lips. That was his work, his livelihood, right there, tall and big and blocking the sunrise.

Shintarou stirred awake from a nightmare to his 5am alarm. His heart beat insane, yet he took deep breaths to calm himself down from the swirls of scenarios that weren’t true. For the first time in years, he gave himself five minutes more and rolled on his side to wrap an arm around Kazunari’s sleeping figure, but the other side was empty. His nightmare becoming reality a moment too soon, he jolted and stared into the darkness, although without his glasses there wasn’t much to see. He patted the spot where another man usually lied, but Kazunari really was gone. His pulse ticked in the root of his ear, and his palms turned sweaty. Although the sheets were rumpled beside him, his chest tightened anyway.

 

Without a single realistic cell in his body, Shintarou stumbled out of bed. He took his glasses and pulled a shirt on, and hurried out of the room. What if something had happened? What if he hadn’t heard the screams of help because he had been too deep asleep? The only light shone from the kitchen. It was only five am, Kazunari was _never_ awake this early. What if he was dead? _Dead_. Shintarou froze in the middle of the living room, suddenly too afraid to take the few steps forward. Hastily he tried to push up the memory of Kazunari laughing, but couldn’t – it only made his breathing more irregular. He couldn’t remember what his lover’s laughter sounded like, and could barely visualize his smile. He couldn’t breathe, his lungs forcing a lock-down. Again he’d have to see Kazunari in a puddle of blood, lifeless, staring at him with empty eyes when the outside world crumbled down.

 

The thought shoved him forward, and he nearly fell over in the rush to the kitchen.

 

Under the light stood Kazunari, moving, _alive_. Shintarou let out a heavy breath and leaned his head against the doorframe. Although here was a solid proof that his lover wasn’t dead, his heart didn’t calm down. Couldn’t. He didn’t have the time to pull on a neutral look, when Kazunari already looked at him over his shoulder. Now Shintarou knew again what his smile looked like, and it brought weird serenity over the tidal waves inside him. He rubbed his tired eyes and then his damp palms to the hem of the wrinkled shirt.

 

“Why are you up so early?” he whispered and muffled a yawn behind his hand.

 

Proudly Kazunari showed him a box. “I’m making you a bento.”

 

Shintarou sighed and shook his head, but walked behind him and wrapped his arms tight around him. Here it was, the warmth of his lover, _not gone_. He pulled the smaller body better against his and rested his head against Kazunari’s bed hair. “I told you, you don’t have to,” he murmured, too tired to argue.

 

“I know, but I wanted to. You’re going to be hungry otherwise.”

 

With a little grumble he buried his nose to the dark hair and nuzzled the chosen spot. He rubbed Kazunari’s stomach under his shirt. The familiar scent of shampoo and sweat allowed him to breathe more openly again. Shintarou craned his neck and pressed a kiss on the joint spot of Kazunari’s nape and shoulder. He pulled back, but Kazunari reeled him back in, and only once they hugged each other did Shintarou realize how much he actually needed it. In his lover’s embrace he allowed himself to close eyes again and let his muscles relax. This warmth and closeness would never disappear. In the evening he’d come back home, and Kazunari would still be here. Shintarou rubbed the man’s back and listened his raspy breaths.

 

Five minutes later, he gave a kiss on Kazunari’s cheek and said, “Now, go back to bed.”

 

“I don’t want to,” grumbled Kazunari. “I’ve been awake too long now, I’m not going to fall asleep. Let me see you off like a proud mo—“ He cut himself off and cringed.

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat, and then pounded insane again. It took him few seconds to collect himself, but he made the effort to smile afterwards. He ruffled Kazunari’s hair to a bigger mess and kissed the tip of his nose. “At least take a nap during the day.”

 

Kazunari’s smile widened. “I’ll do that, don’t worry. So tell me, what are you going to wear?”

 

“Just something, I suppose. They’ll give me clothes at the hospital.”

 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.” Kazunari tiptoed and kissed the side of Shintarou’s nose. When he pressed his soles back to the floor, he wrapped his arms around the man’s waist. “And you’ll take the car?”

 

“Yes. Unless you need it for something.”

 

“Nah, I’m just going to spend the day here, dreaming about my own doctor.” Kazunari pulled his hands back to himself, and the heat disappeared from Shintarou’s hips. “Why don’t you go and do your stuff and I try to finish this bento, and I’ll meet you in this spot in ten minutes?”

 

“Five,” bargained Shintarou. He didn’t want to spend too long away from Kazunari before he’d really have to be alone.

 

“Seven,” Kazunari countered.

 

Shintarou drew in a sharp inhale but said, “Alright.”

 

Together they agreed on it, exchanged brief kisses, and Shintarou left Kazunari to his own devices. It was the first time in his life that he realized that seven minutes was _really_ stretching it. He pulled clothes on as quickly as he could – two minutes spent – and hurried to the bathroom to brush his teeth – another two minutes. He stared himself from the mirror and didn’t recognize the man with dark circles around his eyes and a slightly glazed gaze. Disgusted by the sight, he made the first effort to shave in days. He managed without a single cut to the sensitive skin, but in total of nine and a half minutes he hurried to the kitchen. It was empty, thus he took back few steps and headed to the hallway instead.

 

Kazunari leaned his back against the wall and hung his head down, and hugged the bento against his chest. Shintarou rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, and his lover startled _awake_. Scolding in his eyes, he grabbed a pair of shoes and dropped them on the floor, but settled in front of the man and looked at him with brows arched higher.

 

“I told you to go back to sleep.”

 

“I’m not sleepy,” insisted Kazunari. He didn’t spot the trail of drool reaching his chin from the corner of his mouth. Shintarou pushed the shoes on, and only then Kazunari offered the box to him. “Here, honey. Have a good day at work.”

 

“Thank you,” Shintarou murmured. He dipped his head down and kissed Kazunari, merely a small peck. Once he pulled back, his mind spun with the speed of light. What if something would happen? A fire would start in the kitchen, or he’d get in a car accident. Was _that_ kiss enough to be their last one? A lump in his throat, Shintarou yanked Kazunari closer again and kissed him deeper. Against his mouth Kazunari murmured. Shintarou closed his eyes and made sure to memorize the shape and taste of his lover’s lips. Only when he was done with that did he let go of Kazunari. He looked into his eyes and was confident the color of them he’d remember for the rest of his life. A little reluctantly he said, “Alright, I’m off. If something comes up, call me.”

 

“I will, I will.” Kazunari yawned and slapped Shintarou’s bottom. “Go get them, tiger… or something. I’ll see you tonight, dinner will be ready.”

 

Shintarou gave him a shaky smile, and closed the front door behind his back.

 

Alone in the sleepy staircase, he wanted to sink on his knees. His core trembled and made him more nauseous as he walked down one step at a time. He was going to be _rubbish_ at the job… Not knowing anything anymore. Why had he taken time off before going back to work again? He chewed his bottom lip. As he got to the crisp morning air, he looked behind him to the building. Their kitchen light wasn’t on anymore. His heart sank to his ankles, but bravely he took the steps towards the car, and hurried the final ones. Was Kazunari really going to be okay? This was the first day of their new life. He huffed and climbed in the car, and switched the heating on. Kazunari was an _adult_ , of course he’d be okay! He’d—

 

Shintarou froze to the seat with his fingers wrapped around the wheel. His eyes widened. Guilt wrapped its old, ugly hands around his heart and squeezed. What was he thinking about… work and Kazunari? It wasn’t fair for his mother. He was supposed to spend every moment thinking about _her_ , not other petty stuff that hardly mattered. Shintarou swallowed hard, and with a trembling hand started the car. No one to see a moment of collapse, he pressed his forehead against the wheel and breathed harshly. He had to calm down, right _now_ , he had to focus on _work_ and not the pitch-black feeling he had tried to usher to the back of his mind for the day. Shintarou pulled himself to sit properly again, apologized to his mother and started the journey.

 

Thirty minutes later he pulled over in front of the biggest building he had ever seen. His thoughts dissolved for a wonderful moment as he grabbed his belongings and stepped out, and looked up to the gigantic hospital. A breath got stuck in his lungs, and once it got out, it was a heave of awe. Everything else Shintarou forgot about as a small smile curled to his lips. That was his work, his livelihood, right there, tall and big and blocking the sunrise. He took a step away from the familiarity of the car and towards the unknown. Afraid that he’d be late although there was time to spare, he hurried the final steps through the sliding doors.

 

The morning sun filtered through the first floor’s glass windows. He spent a moment to simply stand still and look around. It was clean, neat, and so very _beautiful_. Shintarou shuddered under his thick coat and cleared his throat as a doctor passed him, and walked to the reception. “Morning,” he said to the receptionist who held a smile on his lips. “I’m here for… my first day of work?” It sounded ridiculous, but he couldn’t take the words back anymore. He tightened his grasp from his bag. “I’m Midorima Shintarou.”

 

“Mm, good morning,” responded the man and stroked the keyboard for few seconds. Eventually he glanced up and gave him a sunny smile that reminded him of Kazunari. They were a bit alike, truthfully, both with dark unruly hair and eyes that went well with the smile. “Go to the third floor, the head of the department should be there.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Shintarou spared him a timid smile. He chose the stairs instead of the elevator, and regretted it after one floor. Bravely he continued, ended up in the right floor, and immediately attracted the attention of a woman dressed in a white coat. He swallowed down a heavy breath and followed her example for a hasty bow.

 

“Morning,” she said as she pulled her spine back to a perfect position. “Midorima, I assume?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I’m Hayashi Kasumi, the head of the department. Why don’t we start straight away?”

 

Shintarou had no objections. He shadowed her steps and closely listened her words as they took a small tour around the floor. Immediately he respected her, and had to admit that the strict personality and the timesaving smiles were admirable. She was someone he didn’t mind working under, which was a blessing. For a moment he let his thoughts trail as he glanced around and took in the sight and tried to remember the floor plan. He hardly succeeded on his first go, and had to abruptly stop as Kasumi did, too.

 

“Any questions?” she asked and arched her brows.

 

“No.” Shintarou nearly choked on the small word.

 

“Good.” She looked pleased. “Why don’t you go change into scrubs, and I will introduce you to the residents afterwards?”

 

“Yes. Um… That room, right?” He pointed towards the door he remembered to be a right one.

 

She nodded, and he reciprocated the gesture and stepped to the dressing room. Not having the time to take a deep breath and collect himself – which he didn’t mind –, Shintarou yanked his clothes off, and then stared at the clothes hanging in the empty closet. Bright _purple._ He took the shirt and pulled it on, and allowed a fleeting cringe. He was really going to wear _purple_. Used to light blue in his residency times, he felt a little silly glancing at himself through the mirror. He saw nothing but the nauseous color, but felt a bit better once he pulled the white coat on. To the chest of the coat his name had been embroidered. He looked at it, and his eyes gleamed. Once Kazunari would hear about it, he would be _so_ proud.

 

With the thought curling his lips up, he stepped out of the room and nearly bumped to a four-headed crowd. Behind his glasses his eyes widened, and he stared down at the four residents, all a head shorter than him, all looking too excited for words. He blinked and searched Kasumi to his view.

 

“These are the residents for our cardiovascular department,” she introduced.

 

He dipped his head down to a small bow. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

 

Receiving four similar wishes at different speeds, Shintarou was slightly overwhelmed. He blinked and shoved the feeling quickly to the background, and nodded to the four younger ones.

 

“Well, off I go,” Kasumi said and offered a brief smile to Shintarou. “I’ll see you at the end of the day, but welcome.”

 

Shintarou managed to muster out a thank you, and then felt like a little child abandoned alone to the kindergarten for the first time. His eyes widened ever so slightly as he looked at the residents, and had a hard time coping with the fact that once he had looked at a doctor with such enthusiasm in his eyes, too. Now, he was in this position, and tried not to think about anything unnecessary. If he could go for the day without thinking about things he didn’t want to mention, he’d be all right. Yet it didn’t take away the feeling of being completely at loss. He stood still like a statue of ice and stared in front of him. One of the residents offered him a chart.

 

“We should probably begin by making a round,” the resident whispered.

 

It took few seconds for Shintarou to process. “Yes, uh… Round. Yes, we’ll make a round.” He cleared his throat. He might have gained muffled chuckles from the younger ones, but he didn’t allow it to get in his pride’s way. He straightened his back and neck, looked through the files now in his hands, and decided to make his mother proud.

 

* * *

 

The moon was high in the sky by the time Shintarou dragged himself up the stairs and opened the front door back home. He heaved out a sigh and threw his bag on the floor. He tried to kick his shoes off but didn’t manage, and found himself with his forehead pressed against the wall. His eyes ached, and the darkness of the hallway had never felt more soothing. In every part of his body his bones complained and whined, told him yet again that he wasn’t twenty anymore, that he was growing old (although in the universal scale he wasn’t _that_ old quite yet) against his will. He heaved out a sigh. In the safety of home and darkness, he allowed his confidence to disappear; he allowed the sorrow take over his mind and itch the back of his eyes.

 

Before he could collect himself and count to ten, loud stomps approached him. Shintarou inhaled sharply through his nose and forced himself away from the wall, but knew that in front of Kazunari he didn’t have to pretend. He felt a little bad for feeling so down, however, once he encountered his lover’s wide smile. It really was almost identical with the receptionist’s.

 

“I’m home,” Shintarou said.

 

“Welcome home!” For a moment Kazunari looked like he was ready to jump in Shintarou’s arms, but he ended up pressing a kiss on his cheek. “How was it? Tell me all about it!”

 

“Uh…” Shintarou couldn’t think of _anything_. His mind pounded empty as he looked at Kazunari. Even without lights he knew that the man looked up at him with eyes of a pup. His stomach churned and turned upside down. His skin prickled. He heaved out a sigh and allowed his posture to collapse. “Why are you still awake?” he asked instead.

 

“I just couldn’t go to bed before you’d get back home. Was it that bad?”

 

“No… No, it was good.” Shintarou sighed and allowed Kazunari to tug him to the light of the living room. Now he saw the dark brows knitted to a frown, and felt his core quiver. He searched for suitable words. He couldn’t find any. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really… I’m just exhausted, and I have an early morning again.”

 

Although he knew with all his heart that whatever weighed him down, he could tell it to Kazunari, he couldn’t muster out the words he really wanted to say. _I’m sad. I’m devastated. I want everything to be okay. I want my mother back_. He couldn’t be a bother to his lover anymore, not after so many days. Shintarou forced a smile on his lips and ruffled Kazunari’s hair. His heart was ready to break in half, but he wasn’t ready to show it. He pulled away quicker than normal and averted his gaze, rubbed his nape. Kazunari followed his every movement, closely, too keenly. He felt claustrophobic.

 

“Why don’t you go to bed already, and I’ll take a shower?” he suggested. His spine tingled. _Uncomfortable._ He looked towards Kazunari but not at him. “I’ll see you in bed in few minutes.”

 

“Mm… Okay.”

 

Kazunari left, and Shintarou breathed deep.

 

His few minutes turned into full half an hour that he hadn’t planned. By the time he tiptoed to the bedroom, Kazunari was fast asleep, hogging all the covers and spreading out on the bed like a starfish. Shintarou stared at the figure and wondered what the hell was wrong with him for having a constant dull ache in his chest. If things had gone as planned, he would have been on the phone with his mother telling about his day, and afterwards would repeat the same things to Kazunari who would listen to him with child-like excitement in his eyes. Now, silently, Shintarou eased himself to bed and remained on his own side. His skin rose to goose bumps, but he didn’t dare to tug some blankets to himself. He was too old for this. Too tired for this. Yet it didn’t take the fact away that his mother had been his biggest supporter, and now she was gone.

 

Shintarou turned his back to his lover’s sleeping figure and squeezed his eyes close, and refused to open them anymore.


	40. Very Subtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shintarou laughed. It wasn’t a happy laughter, more of a mocking one. This man was ridiculous, had always been, and would always be.

After midnight Shintarou dragged his steps up the stairs and back home, and had never been so grateful in his life to see total darkness in the hallway without a soul around. He heaved out a silent sigh and threw his bag on the floor; the full bento box made quite the sound as it hit the wooden floor, and he cringed. If Kazunari hadn’t been awake, he surely was now. Chewing the inside of his cheek, Shintarou kicked his shoes off and wiggled out of the jacket. In his mind he went through the things he desperately wanted – a burning hot shower, soft and warm bed… Although his stomach churned, food was last on his agenda. He worked his fingers through his hair and tried to push back his bangs but didn’t quite succeed.

 

As he took the first careful steps towards the living room, he prayed to every known deity in the world that his lover would be fast asleep safely in the bed. His heart and spirit dropped to his knees when he spotted Kazunari sitting on the couch as awake as ever. Shintarou stopped still and didn’t dare to breathe. A wall of useless questions was the last thing he wanted. Kazunari was pretty into the show on television, so if he would sneak very quietly… Shintarou held in a breath in his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. All he wanted was to stand under warm water and think of _nothing_ , let water drip over him and concentrate on _nothing_. He took the first careful, sneaking step forward. He was caught in Kazunari’s radar immediately.

 

“Welcome home, honey.” Kazunari gave such a gentle smile that it made Shintarou’s heart burn with guilt.

 

He cleared his throat and stopped still again, straightened his posture. “I’m home,” he announced, defeated.

 

“How was your day?”

 

“Fine.” Seeing a moment for escape, Shintarou took hastier steps forward. Kazunari’s glance pinned him down, however.

 

“Babe…” Kazunari pushed himself up on his knees and turned around, leaned against the back of the couch and examined Shintarou with a light frown wrinkling his forehead. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Shintarou assured a moment too quick.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari spread his arms apart. “Come here.”

 

“No.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“I said _no_!”

 

Shintarou’s nostrils flared, and he knew he was on the edge again; Kazunari nudged him towards it with every gesture, too. He stared at his lover until he gave up, and approached the bathroom. Right now, he couldn’t do this. Every time he looked at Kazunari, he imagined him dead and buried underground, and it was thought enough that made him want to bend on his knees on the floor. The back of his eyes burning, he wanted to hide and never come out again. He grabbed the handle to the bathroom and swung the door open.

 

“Shin-chan,” called Kazunari again. “I’m worried about you.”

 

Shintarou gritted his teeth and tightened his grasp. “There’s nothing to worry about me. Can I now go to the shower without an interview about every single detail of my day?”

 

“Shintarou.”

 

He couldn’t help but turn to look at Kazunari. That was the power of his given name that his lover so rarely uttered out.

 

Kazunari took a moment of pause. “I’m worried you’ll do something.”

 

Shintarou laughed. It wasn’t a happy laughter, more of a mocking one. This man was ridiculous, had always been, and would always be. He shook his head in amusement and dipped his head a little behind. “Like what?”

 

“W-Well, I don’t—“

 

“Are you a psychologist now? Is that what you want to do, analyze me and my behavior and whatnot?”

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

“Or maybe you’re suggesting that now that I have access to all kinds of _fun_ pills, I’ll overdose myself simply because my mother is dead!” He shouted the final words, and it was the sound of his own voice that startled him. Taking a sharp breath through his nose, he squeezed his eyes shut and shielded his eyes. Quietly he said, “That’s not what I… I didn’t—“

 

“I know.” Kazunari sounded gentle but a little broken. Shaken.

 

Shintarou couldn’t feel his heart anymore. “That wasn’t appropriate at all, I’m…”

 

“I know,” reassured Kazunari again.

 

Before Shintarou could glance up properly, Kazunari already wrapped his arms around his body and pulled him to a safe hug. It didn’t necessarily relax Shintarou, but it was enough to draw out a shaky sigh. He held Kazunari in a tight, desperate embrace and buried his face to his neck. This was what he had become, a snappy, idiotic man who couldn’t even respect his lover. Kazunari grieved, too, it wasn’t fair that he took the entire spotlight. He pulled his lover closer and took in the scent of familiar shampoo. He grumbled when Kazunari pulled back and was ready to tug the man back in his arms, but Kazunari entangled their fingers together and yanked him towards the couch.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou complained.

 

“Just come here and talk with me.”

 

“I don’t want to talk.”

 

“Come on.”

 

Kazunari’s voice still remained soft as he pulled Shintarou to sit on the couch with him. As he plopped down, Shintarou considered his options for a second, and then pressed his head to the man’s lap. Over his head he saw the most beautiful smile. Kazunari moved his fingers through his hair and stroked the mane so very gently that Shintarou’s eyes burned. He squeezed them shut and concentrated on breathing regularly.

 

“Talk to me about anything,” Kazunari coaxed. “Anything is fine, don’t… shut me out, please.”

 

Shintarou remained silent for a minute. Then, he weakly said, “The receptionist reminds me of you.”

 

Not sure whether it was what Kazunari wanted, he carefully glanced up. Kazunari smiled a little wider as he rubbed the green hairline. “Tell me more,” he whispered.

 

For now, it was good enough. “He… has your smile. Spreads on the cheeks and, you know… Sunny and a little idiotic.”

 

“He sounds like a nice guy.”

 

“I wish it would be you, not some copy of you.”

 

Kazunari snickered softly. He moved his hand from the hair to the shoulder, and massaged the muscle joining the roundness to Shintarou’s nape. As Shintarou groaned, Kazunari remained silent.

 

“I miss her,” Shintarou blurted out and surprised himself. He was so done with the subject, but the words simply escaped without permission.

 

“I know,” Kazunari murmured.

 

Once the tap was opened, the small leakage turned into a tidal wave. “I could have… I just wanted her to tell me about it. I could have done something, I could have… saved her, I could have made sure she gets the right treatment, I… Why didn’t she just tell me?”

 

Kazunari frowned and thought for a moment. “Maybe she didn’t want to worry you.”

 

“It’s my fault.” Shintarou turned on his side and stared at the open television. He brought his hand up and rubbed his nape. “I could have prevented it…”

 

“You know that might not be true,” Kazunari said gently and leaned close enough to kiss Shintarou’s cheek. Unlike Shintarou expected, Kazunari didn’t pull back but remained on the spot. In his ear he murmured, “I don’t mind if you’re sad and want to show it, but please don’t push me away or shut me out… I’m here for you, I was made to listen to you and support you and be by your side no matter what…”

 

Shintarou glanced up at him. He mouthed ‘thank you’, but a sweet, fleeting kiss on the lips muffled the silent words. Blinking, he felt his features soften. He lifted his hand and ruffled Kazunari’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he said and meant it.

 

“Don’t be.”

 

“I still am.”

 

They shared a look, and then another kiss.

 

“Go take that shower now, babe,” Kazunari said and tickled the side of Shintarou’s neck with his soft fingertips.

 

“Let me stay here a while longer,” begged Shintarou.

 

Kazunari complied without an argument. Another kiss later Shintarou settled himself properly lying down, searched a good spot for his head on Kazunari’s soft thighs and closed his eyes. Before he could even think about getting up and taking the much-wanted shower, he fell asleep without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit a strange slump yesterday. It wasn't the traditional, _why-am-I-writing-I-suck_ kind that I experience about five times a day. This one was a gripping guilt of writing _too short chapters_. Confession, I do feel bad every time I write something just above the 1000-word mark. I tell myself that I can't realistically expect myself to write long things every single day. My average is somewhere around two or three thousand, and _wow_ , do I feel bad about that. But I'm learning to appreciate the words I write, and I'm not ready to give up yet!
> 
> ~~If you're keen to know just when exactly will this constant dwelling in sorrow stop, today's your lucky day.~~


	41. Dreaming Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of all the mornings, _this_ was the one when he experienced the horror of having a rock hard erection and no means to make it better.

**10 th OF FEBRUARY  
** **-** _second year of high school -_

 

Shintarou stared at a ceiling he had never seen through the morning haze before. There were a lot of things wrong, like the thick blanket that made a harsh sound whenever he moved even an inch; the room was few degrees hotter than what he was used to; and even though the bed tried to be king-sized, it still wasn’t enough for two growing boys. The worst thing, however, was the heat and pressure in his underwear. Out of all the mornings, _this_ was the one when he experienced the horror of having a rock hard erection and no means to make it better.

 

His skin damp and a little sweaty from here and there, from the corner of his eye he glanced at Kazunari, unable and unwilling to move. The other set of covers had been kicked away, and Kazunari’s sleeveless shirt had climbed up to his chest and revealed his stomach. His muscles were toned, so visible and so _there_ , and Shintarou swallowed hard. The sight wasn’t doing any favors to his hardened shaft. He cringed and looked quickly elsewhere, yet a flush overtook his cheeks. The first time staying properly over at Kazunari’s place as… _boyfriends_ (he cringed again), and here he was. Horny. Disgustingly so, on top of that. He urged to sneak a hand under the blankets and jerk himself off, because Kazunari was dead asleep and judging from his snoring, wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon.

 

Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and took harsh breaths through his nose. _Endure_ , he told himself, his tone not gentle at all. _You’ve seen him like this several times, calm down_. These words he directed mostly to his dick. It wasn’t any use. The glow on his face deepened. Carefully he rolled on his other side facing away from Kazunari, and held in his breath. It was morning enough for the possibility of his _boyfriend_ waking up – eight am was a normal time for him; knowing Kazunari like he did, it was a bit too early for the other –, and he didn’t want to take that risk. To let Kazunari see such a shameful state… Shintarou gritted his teeth tightly together. This was his problem, and his problem alone.

 

Too bad he didn’t know how to fix it, when all he thought about was Kazunari.

 

He let out a small grunt and tried to dismiss the vivid images of the other boy lazing on a couch with just his boxers on. Or what about that passionate moment of making out in that exact same couch as Kazunari’s parents had been out shopping for groceries? His dick hardened even more, and finally Shintarou had to press his hand harshly against it. Although there was thin fabric separating his palm from the treacherous organ, it wasn’t much. He continued to take deep breaths whilst his pulse ticked beside his spine. His thoughts trailed to Kazunari’s soft, moist lips that had collided with his own several times. Shintarou moved his hand over his cock and muffled a moan wanting to escape. Quickly he pulled his hand back above the blanket and stared wildly at the wall beside him.

 

There wasn’t an escape, either, not when he was trapped between the wall and Kazunari’s sleeping figure. Shintarou was confident that he knew the room’s layout perfectly – he had been here often enough for that –, but it was Kazunari’s worst habit of leaving things laying on the floor that worried him the most. If he’d step on something and fall, Kazunari might wake up and the secret spill out. Shintarou shuddered and lifted his shoulder near his ear. It was the last thing he wanted, the idiot to tease him about something as natural as an erection in the morning. And it _was_ natural, especially if you slept together with your best friend slash new boyfriend for the first time under the latter label, Shintarou argued to himself. He hummed under his breath and pressed his thighs tightly together. The motion only made matters worse.

 

He glanced at Kazunari’s sleeping figure over his shoulder and went through his options quicker than ever. Carefully he faced the wall again, and with minimum wiggling inched his boxers down to the ankles. If he’d be quiet and discreet, surely he could take care of it himself… Not a problem. But the moment Shintarou wrapped his fingers around his cock that seemed more sensitive than ever, he let out too loud a whimper. He buried his face to the pillow and cursed biology to the lowest circle of Hell. Strictly speaking, he knew this wasn’t supposed to be embarrassing, but Kazunari would _never_ stop mentioning it if he was caught now. Shintarou bit the pillow and gave himself another harsh tug. His hips squirmed, and already he was about to burst.

 

One stroke at a time he tried to relieve himself, but the tactic was awful; after every tug he moaned and whined a bit louder than before. Rolling on his stomach, he pushed his hips against the bed, imagined that it was Kazunari he fucked instead of a motionless mattress. The bed squeaked. Shintarou froze. He could hear his own breath too loud in the otherwise silent room. He peeked towards Kazunari again, and only looked elsewhere when he was absolutely sure that Kazunari was still sleeping. The room felt so hot – or maybe it was _he_ who experienced such a heat wave without a reasonable explanation other than blood pouring downwards from his navel. He had the guts to start stroking himself a little faster. With every movement of a hip the bed’s frame complained a little more. Soon, he’d wake up the entire household simply because he was _horny_ and too coy to ask his boyfriend to take care of it once he’d wake up. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and thumbed the head. Slickness spread under his finger and made his task just a little easier.

 

“Mm, Shin-chan… What exactly are you doing?”

 

Shintarou felt like a star of a bad horror movie as he slowly turned his face towards Kazunari. Kazunari rubbed his eyes and yawned sweetly, and in the fleeting moment Shintarou knew he still had the chance to salvage the situation. He tugged the covers to himself and tangled it over his damp skin, nudged a pillow against his crotch and stared at the other boy more harshly than necessary.

 

“I’m not doing anything.” His voice trembled from arousal.

 

“Yeah, okay, you just decided to…” Kazunari yawned again and pushed himself up to his elbows. His shirt finally fell over his flat stomach. “Jerk off on your own and not let me participate?”

 

The heat that had invaded Shintarou’s cheeks turned more violent. “I wasn’t… _jerking off_ , what the hell are you going on about?”

 

“Shin-chan, _pleeeease_.” Kazunari slumped against Shintarou (Shintarou perceived it as an attack) and wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist. Before Shintarou could react, Kazunari already slipped his hands under the pillow and straight to his groin. Kazunari chuckled to his boyfriend’s ear and muttered, “I might have just pretended to be asleep so I wouldn’t miss the show.”

 

“Takao,” grumbled Shintarou. He wanted to scold and say something clever, but his mind turned blank the moment Kazunari wrapped his moist hand around his dick. Shintarou tensed his pelvis and out of a reflex pushed his bottom backwards against Kazunari’s crotch.

 

“What?” Kazunari’s voice held a hue of false innocence, but he dropped it as soon as he concentrated his touches on the swollen tip of Shintarou’s cock. “You should have woken me up,” he murmured, his words heated. “I really want to… Can we do it? Shin-chan, please, I won’t ask anything from you in the next three weeks.”

 

“Of course not!” Shintarou yanked Kazunari’s hand away from him and shifted as near the wall as he possibly could. Uncomfortable with his hard-on pressing against the cold wall, he wiggled around and faced Kazunari, and gave him his best glare he could possibly muster without his glasses. “Your parents _will_ wake up if we do something… something like that.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“I do.”

 

“They understand, they’ve been in love,” Kazunari coaxed.

 

“No.”

 

“Please?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “No.”

 

“Wouldn’t you love to take me against that wall, though?” Kazunari tilted his head and flashed a mischievous grin. “Me sitting between it and you, and you could ram in me with your big, veiny c—“

 

“Shut up.”

 

Kazunari might have pressed his lips flat, but he worked himself up on his knees and yanked Shintarou up, too. Grumbling, Shintarou tried to tug the hem of his shirt over his obvious arousal, but Kazunari pulled him closer and kissed him. After a month, the sensation was still so very new and fresh, and he didn’t know what the hell to do with his mouth. Sometimes Shintarou felt that Kazunari wasn’t completely on map with that, either, but somehow successfully they managed to kiss and trail tongues against each other’s. Very quickly Shintarou pulled back, though, and caught his breath.

 

“What are you doing?” he huffed.

 

“Trying to get you in mood.” For a person who had just woken up, Kazunari was annoyingly energetic. He crawled over Shintarou and slumped down, stretched towards his nightstand and started a search. Shintarou swallowed hard and glanced down at the ass that wiggled right on his lap. His crotch pressed against Kazunari’s, and he was sure of dying from the teasing. As reluctant as he was to have _sex_ when it wasn’t just the two of them in Kazunari’s house, he didn’t necessarily want to say ‘no’, either. The first time had been horrendous, messy and seemingly painful, but Shintarou felt like the few practice times had made him better. His eyes widened to the thought, but before he could scold himself for such indecent ideas, Kazunari already pulled back up with a small bottle of translucent liquid in his hand.

 

Shintarou eyed him and arched his brows. “Are we _really_ doing this?”

 

“Yup.”

 

He hesitated a moment. His options seemed very slim, thus, he let out a noise from the throat and pushed himself up, and sneaked towards the other side of the room to rummage through his overnight bag.

 

“What are you searching?” Kazunari asked, his tone hushed.

 

“This.” Shintarou showed a foil-wrapped condom and hurried back to bed.

 

“We don’t really need those, do we?”

 

“We need to be _safe_ , Takao.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips and snatched the condom from Shintarou. “We’re pretty safe considering the fact that we haven’t fucked anyone before, don’t you think?”

 

“Do you want to do this or not?” Shintarou stared at him.

 

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry!” Kazunari threw his hands up for a sign of defeat. He shuffled around the bed until he sat right on the other side and pressed his back against the wall. Searching for a position, once he did, he tugged his boxers off and spread his thighs.

 

Shintarou forgot to breathe. His eyes widened, and he couldn’t do anything but stare. Kazunari hooked his arms under his thighs and slid over his tailbone, and smirked like he knew what he was doing. Shintarou sucked his bottom lip and tried to come up with something to say, anything, really, but couldn’t. He had seen Kazunari’s… _places_ the few times they had done this, but never had he witnessed such lewd gestures. A lump rose to his throat and made breathing more difficult. Eventually, he moved closer. Just a bit.

 

“We should…” He cleared his throat. “Get you… like this… as well.”

 

“I’m good, thanks.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed. “What exactly is the point in that case to—“

 

“The point is,” began Kazunari, wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him closer, “that I can feel good even without having a hard-on right now. I can want to make you feel good without getting anything in return, yeah?”

 

“I don’t know about that.” Shintarou lowered his gaze to Kazunari’s collarbone that peeked underneath the shirt. “It sounds highly selfish.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“I _know_ so.”

 

“Shin-chan, I’m telling you it’s okay to start without me having such a massive erection as you have.”

 

Shintarou gritted his teeth, and from between muttered, “Shut up.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes got a cheeky gleam. “You like it when I compliment you, though,” he purred. He popped open the cap of the lube bottle, smeared it over his fingers and stroked Shintarou again. As his boyfriend jerked, he continued with a whisper, “You’re so big and _huge_ , and so long and thick, I really don’t want something else in my life.”

 

“Can you just… shut up?” Shintarou’s cheeks glowed.

 

Kazunari ignored him. “I mean, look at you, yours is amazing. And if I flick this little vein here…” He thumbed the underside of Shintarou’s dick and the thickest vein on the member. Shintarou grunted and buried his face to Kazunari’s neck to muffle his sounds. His hips trembled, and he knew that the moment he’d nudge himself in, he’d come.

 

“You wanna prep me?” murmured Kazunari.

 

Shintarou took a moment to think but nodded in the end. He peeled himself away from the other and grabbed the lube, and looked into Kazunari’s eyes. Although the smartass always sounded so teasing and confident, in that moment he looked so very fragile. Shintarou frowned and dipped his head lower, thought about kissing him but didn’t. Instead, he gently rubbed his finger between Kazunari’s buttocks and made him grin. _Stupid_ to think about even for a second that Kazunari would do something other than smile like a goof. Shaking his head in bemusement, Shintarou nudged his fingertip inside. This time Kazunari didn’t moan from pain. He thought of it as a good sign and inched his finger deeper.

 

“Do you think we’ll get better at this in ten years?” Kazunari moved his hand on Shintarou’s nape and stroked the shorter hair.

 

“What makes you think I’ll stare at your face for ten years?”

 

Kazunari huffed. “Because I’m your best friend, _obviously_. I’m going to be at your wedding, either as the groom or the best man… Or maybe both, but wouldn’t it be a little sad if your groom was your groom _and_ your best friend?”

 

Shintarou forgot to move his finger as he stared at Kazunari. His brows furrowed. “Just what on Earth are you talking about?”

 

“Trying to pick the best best man for your wedding.” Kazunari grinned and spread his legs farther apart. When Shintarou curled his finger inside him, Kazunari hummed and pressed the back of his head against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. “If I’m the groom, why don’t you take Miyaji as your best man?”

 

“Can you _not_ make me think of him when I’m about to do this?”

 

“I’m just saying!” Kazunari defended and kept rubbing Shintarou’s nape. They shared a look. “I don’t want people to think you have no other friends but me.”

 

“I don’t,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Oh, babe, don’t get so melancholic.”

 

“Please don’t _ever_ call me ‘babe’ again.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It’s horrendous.”

 

“It’s _cute_.”

 

Shintarou pressed his teeth together. “I swear to god, if I could shut your mouth even for a moment…”

 

“I _could_ suck you off.”

 

Shintarou cocked one of his brows up. He heaved out a sigh. “It was rhetorical, I’m doing _this_ now that I started it. So shut up for a moment, would you?”

 

Luckily, Kazunari didn’t say a word. Knowing the other boy like he did, Shintarou was sure the sweet silence wasn’t going to last for very long, and hastily he continued moving his finger inside the tight flesh. His cock was softening by the second – mainly because in his mind rolled around both Miyaji and wedding plans –, and Kazunari caught it too as he ripped apart the foil and made a _very_ thorough job on getting the condom on Shintarou. Shintarou closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the wall, eased in another finger and listened Kazunari’s whimpers. After minutes, he pulled his fingers out and pushed himself away from the wall.

 

“You ready?” His voice turned hoarse. He looked at Kazunari and his _stupid_ puppy eyes that looked up at him – he knew what they meant. A heavy sigh escaped him, but still he said, “What is it?”

 

“I just wanted to let you know that I think I’m the best possible candidate for a best man. I know embarrassing stuff about you, after all.”

 

“Takao,” Shintarou called. “Do you want me to do this, or are you going to keep running your mouth like the idiot you are?”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips to a pout. “That’s a pretty harsh thing to say to your boyfriend, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou thought about it. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re not an idiot, you’re just being _very_ annoying right now.”

 

“Sorry.” Kazunari took a deep breath and held his legs up against his chest. “Okay, I’m ready, take good care of me.”

 

“Yeah, always.”

 

The sneaky words slipped past his lips without him realizing it at first, and it was Kazunari’s wild stare that made Shintarou understand. His eyes widened, and although a blush crept to his ears, he didn’t take back the words. He blamed them on Kazunari’s ongoing talk about weddings and future and stuff he had never really bothered to properly think about before. Kazunari’s features softened, and so did Shintarou’s. In fact, he let out a small huff that resembled a chuckle and hung his head down in amusement. This idiot was his best friend (not that he would have ever given Kazunari the satisfaction of saying that aloud), and was _possibly_ going to be that for years to come. Usually such thoughts frightened him and he rather refused to think too much ahead, but there was an odd sensation of soothe in thinking that at least one person was going to stick by his side stubbornly.

 

Shintarou glanced up and shared a shy kiss with Kazunari, and dearly hoped they’d still be close to each other in ten years.


	42. That's the Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sure of the fact that the man’s tactic was to wear him down until he agreed, Shintarou shifted in the bed, and Kazunari followed.

“Babe.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can we get a kitten?”

 

From his comfortable position Shintarou moved on his back to be able to look at Kazunari beside him. Even through the early dimness of the night he could recognize the outlines of an annoying puppy look his lover was so good at. He sighed and rolled his eyes shut, and moved back to his side. Hogging the blanket to himself, Shintarou grunted when Kazunari hugged him from behind and held him with all his might.

 

“We’ve talked about this,” he pointed out.

 

“I know.” Kazunari pulled Shintarou’s shirt up enough and pressed his lips against one of the vertebras. Shintarou shuddered. “But I thought maybe you could reconsider…”

 

It wasn’t the topic that frustrated Shintarou, but the fact that this was happening right when he wanted to fall asleep and mentally prepare himself for another day at work. He swallowed down a heavy sigh that wanted to escape him, and rubbed his forehead. He had no doubt in his mind that Kazunari had chosen this specific moment purposefully. Sure of the fact that the man’s tactic was to wear him down until he agreed, Shintarou shifted in the bed, and Kazunari followed. The arms around his body were soothing, and secretly he enjoyed being the one spooned. He moved his fingers over Kazunari’s arms and stroked the skin in thought.

 

“It’s a lot of responsibility,” he said.

 

“I know! But I can do it, and I know you’d get excited in the end, too. I’m all alone here during the days, so I’d need some company, and a little cute cat could keep me busy while you’re out there making us money.”

 

Shintarou glanced at him over his shoulder and arched his brows. “How many times did you rehearse this speech?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Few times, but you’re not really sticking to your lines.”

 

“I’m sorry for that,” Shintarou dryly said. He allowed another grunt from his mouth, and had no other choice but to roll back to his other side and face Kazunari. His lover worked his hand under his shirt and stroked his chest, and Shintarou was confident it was all part of the plan. It felt nice, nonetheless, especially whenever the soft hand went over his frantically beating heart. “Are we really _ready_ for a cat?”

 

“Hun, can you just… think it through properly before you judge the idea?” Kazunari huffed and pinched Shintarou’s nose; the man exclaimed. “Besides, I’m not a child anymore, I _know_ it’s a big responsibility to take care of another living thing. I’m home alone now, and even if I’d get a job at some point, I wouldn’t… The both of us would take care of it. I’m sure it’d cheer you up, too.”

 

“I’m not sure if a cat can fix all of this.”

 

“Please? You _know_ I’ve always wanted one.”

 

That was true, Shintarou thought. At least five times a year they had the same conversation, exact words from both of them, resulting to his sturdy _no_ or _not yet_. For once, he took a deep breath and thought it through like Kazunari wanted. He pursed his lips and examined his lover a little better with narrowed eyes. Kazunari wasn’t an irresponsible person; that was a given. A cat didn’t sound like _that_ much work… It would have it downsides, though. Shintarou was most afraid of Kazunari losing interest, and the responsibility would come to his shoulders. He wasn’t sure whether he could handle that on top of the stress from work and his mother’s death. His chest tightened, and he had troubles breathing for a moment. Eventually he let out a deep sigh.

 

“Why am I thinking about this like you’re a child?” he asked aloud.

 

“That’s what I’d like to know, too.” Kazunari pressed his lips flat. “Listen, Shin-chan, I know it’s a big step, but we’ve agreed to have a child or two together, so… a cat would be a good practice, don’t you think?”

 

“I suppose,” Shintarou admitted. “Alright, let’s say _hypothetically_ that we’d get a kitten. You’d have to take care of it when I’m at work.”

 

“Honey, _please_ , can we both really stop pretending like I’m five? I’m an _adult_ , it’s getting a bit offensive that you consider me to be at the level of a child.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Shintarou meant it this time, and felt a twinge of guilt in his chest. He breathed deep through his nose and brought his hand to Kazunari’s hair. Stroking the softness was already therapy on its own, because working his fingers through the black strands soothed his frantically beating heart. He closed his eyes and took a moment to think. “What kind of a cat would you like to get, then?”

 

“Any kind is fine.” Already excitement bubbled in Kazunari’s voice. “Really, any kind is… But I’d want a kitten first, and maybe later we could get a cat from a shelter—“

 

“Just how many cats are you planning us to get?!”

 

“I’m just kidding,” Kazunari softly said and pressed a kiss on the tip of Shintarou’s nose. “One is fine. And I know you’d prefer a cat over a dog, anyway, so I’m also thinking about you.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t deny it. “I might have possibly amused myself with the thought of having a pet once or twice.”

 

“See? So we’re getting a cat?”

 

“Hm…”

 

“Shin-chan, _please_ , you know how many years I’ve been wanting us to get one.”

 

“That’s true.” Shintarou supposed it was safe to say that this wasn’t one of Kazunari’s ridiculous whims that he so often managed to survive through. He closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around his lover, and pulled him closer to bring some extra support and warmth. He really had to stop thinking that they couldn’t survive a cat together – they were both adults already. Had he never failed to keep his promise? _No_.

 

His final verdict was, “Give me few days to think about it.”

 

“Thank you,” Kazunari breathed and snuggled himself against Shintarou’s chest.

 

So Shintarou had said, but he already had a plan in his mind; he’d get Kazunari the kitten he’d wanted for so long, and surprise him as a sort of a thank you for always being there for him. Mentally going through a list of all the things they’d need for a cat, he shifted to a position suitable for Kazunari who still searched for the perfect spot. Suddenly so occupied with the thought of a cat, Shintarou startled, and his eyes widened. For a small moment, the damn cat was all he had been thinking – no dark thoughts. He looked down at Kazunari and got a look from him. Within seconds his lover’s expression softened, too, and Shintarou couldn’t help but offer a smile. They shared a kiss, and only afterwards did the room quiet down for good.

 

A cat didn’t seem like an awful idea; it was indeed better than a dog. Surprisingly content with the final decision, Shintarou still held a smile on his lips when Kazunari fell asleep in his arms. A kitten wouldn’t solve any problems, but seeing one with Kazunari might twitch his lips higher more often.


	43. A Great Man

Just about to fall asleep, Kazunari startled conscious to the sound of the door creaking.

 

It took him few seconds to calm down, but when he did, he tried to make sense of the red, blinking numbers of his alarm clock. Four am. Groaning, he moved enough to look over his shoulder, not that he saw anything properly without rubbing his eyes close to tears. Right in the doorway stood a long, lean figure, still, rather eerie. Then, it cursed.

 

“Did I wake you up?”

 

“Mm… No,” Kazunari murmured. He tried, “Welcome home…”

 

“That’s not very convincing,” muttered Shintarou.

 

Kazunari rolled properly on his side and hugged a pillow against his face. His other eye buried to the softness, with the other he followed Shintarou’s tiptoeing movements around the bedroom. His body wanted to melt, his mind fall back to a stasis of not thinking anything at all, but he couldn’t help himself now that Shintarou was home. He tried to rub the sleep off his eyes, but it stubbornly remained. Muffling a yawn to the pillow, he pulled his legs against his chest and hugged them. Soon, he could wrap his arms around Shintarou and feel the burning warmth of his skin against his own. His heart thudded to the thought.

 

Mentally preparing himself to stay awake at least fifteen minutes more, he startled when Shintarou climbed on the bed clad in nothing but boxers. Kazunari’s brows drew in together to a scrunch, and without a word Shintarou eased himself to his usual position beside him.

 

“You’re not… going to take a shower or eat?” Kazunari asked.

 

“I’ll do that in the morning.”

 

_Fair enough_. Kazunari didn’t complain, and moved his legs back down and wiggled close to Shintarou. From a silent agreement of many years he moved himself against the broad chest that had always brought him safety, and Shintarou wrapped his arms around him. The fusion of sweat and disinfectant swirled to his nostrils; Kazunari cringed but decided not to mention anything about the possible necessity of a shower. It would have meant that he’d have to fall back asleep without Shintarou, after all. Mostly breathing through his mouth to keep himself sane, he nuzzled the spot above his lover’s collarbone and kissed the damp, tangy skin.

 

“How was your day?” He glanced up, only to fix his eyes on Shintarou’s chin. Stubble wanted to push out again. He felt its roughness with the very tips of his fingers.

 

“Good.”

 

Kazunari expected nothing more and was satisfied with what he got. He felt like the life in the hospital was restricted area from him, only ever hearing _good_ or _okay_ or _tiring_. From those, within few days he had learned that ‘good’ was possible the highest praise Shintarou could give to his day. Feeling a tingle down his spine, Kazunari was ready to purr like a content kitten as he yanked the blanket better over them. He threw his leg over Shintarou’s hip and locked him in the place; the man didn’t protest. His own skin burning and his lover’s on the colder side, Kazunari was more than happy to provide him with some warmth. He squeezed his eyes shut. If he’d fall asleep right now on this particular second, he could sleep a rather long time…

 

“Um,” began Shintarou.

 

“Hm?” Kazunari glanced up and fluttered his eyes back open.

 

“I had… my first surgery today.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. Was Shintarou really telling him about his day with more than one word? His heart beat faster and ticked like a maniac. He pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Shintarou with eyes of an excited puppy. “Tell me about it,” he said, almost _pleaded_. “Did it go well?”

 

Shintarou’s features seemed to relax. He rolled on his side and leaned on his elbow. “It was a success,” he announced. It looked like he smiled; Kazunari couldn’t tell for sure without putting the lights on, and he didn’t want to ruin the moment. “A little tricky, but… manageable. It felt good to hold the instruments in my hands again.”

 

“I bet you were amazing.” Kazunari grinned and leaned closer. He kissed Shintarou on his nose, and then startled as he was pulled to a proper kiss. Humming against his lover’s mouth, he melted and was ready to fly above the clouds from pure bliss. In moments like these, he felt like they were going to be all right no matter what life threw at them. There was a spark of life in Shintarou’s eyes, and it was all he really needed for the whole year. He smooched the man once more before pulling back. He didn’t get too far when Shintarou rested his arm on his waist, and Kazunari resisted none. Kazunari pressed his head back to the pillow and looked at Shintarou. “I’m sure you looked really good, too, being all professional with your clothes.”

 

“Remind me that I need to wash them.”

 

“Wait… Does that mean I can actually see you in them?”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips flat, yet the corners tried to tug higher. “If you behave.”

 

Kazunari grinned wide enough for his nose to wrinkle. “I always behave! I could be your nurse, or maybe your patient… I can’t decide which sounds se—Ow!” he squealed as Shintarou pinched his nose. Wiggling out of the grasp, Kazunari rubbed his poor nose that stung, and offered the man a glare that no one could have even called a proper one. He whined, “You’re so mean…”

 

“You weren’t behaving,” Shintarou defended. He took a pause and added, “And if you must know, a patient sounds sexier.”

 

“I knew it!”

 

Maybe he was simply imagining it, but Kazunari thought Shintarou seemed a little better than in the past few days. A smile frequented the man’s lips ever so often, and Kazunari was mesmerized every time. He worked his hand on Shintarou’s cheek and stroked the chosen spot as gently as he could. He tried to swallow down a yawn but didn’t quite succeed, and within seconds found himself in Shintarou’s embrace, properly lying on the bed. Smiling, Kazunari slid his arms around Shintarou’s shoulder and held him.

 

In his ear Shintarou murmured, “My shift ends early tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah?” Kazunari ruffled his hair. “ _Oh_ , we could do something together… Yeah? Like a movie night or something.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s nape. “Would you like that?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“Great,” Kazunari breathed. He pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s neck and let him go, watched him move on his side of the bed and followed. He rested his head on his chest and shifted to find the absolute perfect spot. “I’ll make sure everything’s ready, dinner and then popcorn and everything. It’ll be fun.”

 

“I know,” Shintarou said.

 

As they locked eyes with each other, Kazunari had the urge to ask how he was feeling. He didn’t, and had been avoiding that question like plague in the last few days, because it always brought a gloomy look on his lover’s face. Trusting on the fact that Shintarou would tell if something was on his mind, Kazunari snuggled close to him and listened to his calm heartbeat. Before he could think twice, from his mouth escaped, “I’m proud of you.”

 

A moment of silence, and he was sure he had ruined it. Carefully he glanced up. His lips twitched to a smile when he saw the same tug in Shintarou’s mouth.

 

“I love you,” countered the man.

 

His stomach bubbling and his heart beating so effortlessly, Kazunari repeated the same words and grinned through the haze of the early morning.


	44. Do Not Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, he heard steps. His spine tensed. What kind of a look should he have, smiling or nonchalant? Something in between?

Shintarou drove as fast as he could without breaking any laws. Underneath the collar of his loose shirt his skin dripped sweat, and as he dreamed of taking a long, warm shower, he pressed his foot harder on the pedal. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard and chewed the inside of his cheek. He had promised the breeder to be at their place at seven – the numbers were sneakily trickling towards eight already. If this wasn’t going to work today, what exactly was he supposed to do with all the stuff on the backseat? Litter boxers weren’t necessarily cheap, he had realized, and they would be completely useless without a cat in them. He thought of calling Kazunari to give him a heads up that their family was going to become three-headed. _Don’t tell him_ , he told himself and hummed. _Let it be a surprise, you know he’ll be ecstatic._

He tightened his grasp from the wheel and prayed to get there on time.

 

Twenty-five odd minutes later he parked in front of a house on the outskirts of the city and got himself out of the car. Hesitating, he grabbed his access key and shoved it in his jacket’s pocket, and looked at the cozy, rather rustic house that made him dream of a similar one in the future. He heaved out a sigh and sucked his bottom lip in his mouth as he walked up the three steps. Through the windows lights illuminated the dark gravel ground. He hoped he’d still have the chance to get what he wanted; he didn’t want to return back home with mere plastic things to show to Kazunari. He knocked once, then another time, and took a small step back.

 

A man around his age opened the door and stared at him blankly.

 

Shintarou brushed his overgrowing bangs out of his eyes’ way. “Good evening.” He tightened his core and pulled up his posture. “I’m Midorima, I called about the kittens earlier today…”

 

It took a second for the man’s face to lighten. “ _Oh_ , yeah. I thought you had bailed when you didn’t get here in time.”

 

“I apologize, I got stuck in work and traffic.”

 

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Come inside.”

 

So Shintarou did, took wary steps forward and nudged his shoes off. With no extra slippers in sight, he followed the man with his socks – they were embarrassingly _pink_ and tight; he had taken Kazunari’s by accident in the morning and hadn’t realized the mistake until in the hospital’s changing room –, and greeted a woman sitting in the living room. Through the living room they walked to another room, and the sight that greeted him managed to melt his usual stone heart. A cat curled comfortably on a small, fluffy bed, and around her sat little grey and black puffs of fur, staring towards them, meowing. Shintarou’s lips twitched to a small smile, but he flattened his mouth hastily as the man looked towards him. He arched his brows and stole another look towards the kittens. If _he_ was smiling, Kazunari would go crazy with joy.

 

“So, uh, they’re all reserved now. This beauty would be yours,” the man said and picked one furry ball up.

 

Shintarou’s chest clenched. A black kitten. It was _black_. He was going to have a _black cat_. Unable to come up with anything less lucky than that, he stared into her blue eyes and then focused on the white-furred paws. There was no way around it – she was almost completely pitch-black. The _only_ black one, too. He held in a sigh. _Great_. The gods must have been laughing at him right now.

 

“They’re all mixes, the father was a, uh, stray cat, so she won’t be that popular in contests if you were planning that.” The man put the small kitten down. The girl stumbled back to the safety of her mother.

 

“No, we were thinking of having just a house cat.”

 

“You got family? You know, small children or something who wouldn’t understand that you need to take good care of animals?”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “It’s just me and my… um, my partner.”

 

“Huh.” The man paused for a second. “Uh, anyway, she’s had her check-ups and she’s had her shots and everything, so… You want her?”

 

Shintarou looked at the ball of black fur and chewed his lip. She might have been an omen of bad luck, but he knew Kazunari would love her. Already he envisioned Kazunari baby-talking to her, stroking her, taking a good care of her, almost being a father to her… Smiling like an idiot, too. It was the thought that made _him_ smile. A cat as the third member of their family didn’t sound bad at all anymore. He looked at the man and nodded. “Yes, I’ll take her.”

 

“Great.” A smile rose to the other’s lips. “You got something to carry her?”

 

“In the car, yes. I’ll fetch it.”

 

Even when he acquired as much information as possible in the first minutes of the morning, everything slipped away from Shintarou’s mind when he was finally alone in the car with a meowing box on the seat beside him. With bewildered eyes he stared at it, and from the cracks saw the little kitten cower in the corner and mewl some more. The sound tugged the roots of his heart. He had just taken her away from her mother; the urge to get back and bring her to the safety of familiar warmth was great. But he tightened his grasp from the steering wheel and started the car, and drove as slowly as he could so she wouldn’t be more afraid. In every street corner and traffic light he itched to check whether she was all right – the small noises had stopped, and it was dead silent. Cats couldn’t die of shock, could they? Shintarou swallowed hard. Powered by the unwanted thought, he hurried the last blocks.

 

It took a surprising amount of effort to drag the box up the stairs to home. He struggled to open the door, but when he did, he blindly kicked his shoes off while trying to keep her steady. She wasn’t making a single sound. It made his heart thud irregularly, but he did his best to remain calm even when his skin rose to goose bumps. He reminded himself to take deep breaths.

 

“I’m home!” he called. His voice trembled from sudden excitement. He couldn’t wait to see Kazunari’s face. A smile plastered to his lips, wider than he wanted it to be.

 

It took few moments for Kazunari to shout, “Welcome home, dinner’s on the table!”

 

Shintarou stood still and waited, ready to present the box, ready to tell that they had a little girl now. He waited, but Kazunari never appeared to the hallway. His smile puckered, and he huffed through his nose. “Kazunari!” he shouted. His voice grew impatient. “Come here for a second!”

 

Now, he heard steps. His spine tensed. What kind of a look should he have, smiling or nonchalant? Something in between? Shintarou chewed the inside of his mouth and tightened his grasp from the box. He heard a faint mewl inside and breathed from relief; so she was still alive, albeit probably frightened. He exhaled deeply and took a step closer, and was ready to see happiness tainting his lover’s face. His intestines trembled and made him a little nauseous.

 

The door swung open. Kazunari, clad in an apron, stared at him. Then the box. Then at him again, and then fixed his narrowing eyes to the box.

 

It took mere seconds for his frown to change into a full-fledged grin. “You _didn’t_ ,” he breathed.

 

Shintarou allowed a smile on his mouth. “I did.”

 

“You didn’t!” Kazunari hurried a step forward and crouched enough to look into the box. His eyes widened and his breath hitched, and he looked up at Shintarou. “I know you said you’d need few days to think about it, but you didn’t say anything about actually getting one!”

 

“Surprise,” Shintarou said.

 

“Oh, babe! Fuck, that’s… That’s a kitten. That’s… Hello, you’re so cute,” Kazunari murmured to the box and smiled so gently that it made the back of Shintarou’s eyes itch and heat up.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “Before you get too engrossed, I have some stuff in the car, so could you go and get them?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, oh, I… I can’t believe you…” Loss with words, Kazunari shook his head and tiptoed to press a hasty kiss on Shintarou’s cheek. The kiss tasted of smile. “I’ll be right back!”

 

Shintarou bristled from satisfaction. There was something special about making his lover speechless (usually Kazunari was the one with many words no matter what the emotion), and he grinned. He felt like it was a mission accomplished, yet he knew that the actual task had just begun. He felt like he had to verbally announce her that she was going to be okay, but even the mere though of talking aloud to a small cat made his cheeks glow from embarrassment. So he cleared his throat quietly to not scare her more and maneuvered to the guest room. He felt like following the several articles he had read to the very last dot, and decided that the mostly unused room was a suitably quiet environment for her.

 

With just the two of them, he felt a little awkward. Nonetheless, he put the box gently down and opened the door. Shintarou wasn’t sure what he had expected, but he still frowned when she didn’t dart out. Worry gnawing his veins one by one, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his long legs along as well. In silence he waited, until he heard Kazunari call him by his name.

 

“In the guest room,” he answered, tried not to be too loud.

 

Kazunari was a comical sight, his arms full of the things Shintarou had bought. He nearly tripped to the box on the floor but managed to avoid the disaster right on the final moment. Heaving out a gentle sigh, Shintarou had hard time making his smile less obvious, and after a few seconds he stopped trying. It was an endearing sight to see Kazunari busy himself by settling things down in a chaos that surely looked like a logical order to him. When the litter box was pushed to the corner and the small soft bed placed in the best spot, Kazunari crouched a little down to get a glimpse of the kitten, but pushed himself up and climbed to bed with Shintarou.

 

He clung to Shintarou’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder. “I still can’t believe you actually got us a kitten.”

 

“It was the right time.” Shintarou’s cheeks glowed a tint of red. He looked at Kazunari and hummed, and resisted the urge of pressing a kiss on his forehead. Instead of a kiss, he wrapped an arm around the man’s waist and pulled him close. “Are you happy?”

 

“ _Insanely_ happy,” Kazunari chirped and looked up. His eyes gleamed. “What does it look like?”

 

“She’s a black cat,” Shintarou dryly said. He gave Kazunari a glare and managed to make the beginning of laughter disappear. “But she’s… cute.”

 

“I’m sure she is.” Kazunari nuzzled his nose against Shintarou’s arm.

 

“And for your information, I spent the entire morning reading about various articles about getting a kitten, so you need to educate yourself, too.”

 

“Of course I will!” Kazunari huffed.

 

“Good.”

 

“Mm… Shin-chan got us a baby girl, I still can’t believe it.”

 

“You better start believing. Look.”

 

She poked her tiny head out of the box and mewled. Kazunari gasped for breath and enclosed his mouth with his palm, then shook Shintarou from his arm. “Look,” he whispered and kept tugging his lover’s sleeve. “Look, _look_. Oh, she’s a beauty, look at her!”

 

“I’m looking,” Shintarou reassured.

 

Her steps were clumsy. By the time her full figure was out of the box and on the floor, she let out a louder meow and stopped, sat in an unwieldy position and stared in front of her. Kazunari could hardly stay still, his fingers boring to Shintarou’s arm so hard that Shintarou was sure he would leave the room with bruises. He wasn’t sure exactly which one was more mesmerizing sight, the kitten or Kazunari staring at her with widened eyes filled with child-like awe. Shintarou decided on the latter and patted Kazunari’s side before he pulled his arm to himself.

 

Kazunari didn’t hesitate a second longer as he dropped himself carefully on the floor and sat few feet in front of her. His eyes were full of wonder. “Hey,” he gently murmured and pressed himself flat on the floor. “Hey, girl… Oh, you’re the cutest girl I’ve ever seen, you are… Wanna come and say hi? Come here, love, want to come here?”

 

Shintarou parted his lips and forgot to press them back together. From the prime spot from above the situation he looked at her, and as she let out few careful meows, she actually took steps towards Kazunari. Cowering, careful, she pressed her little nose against Kazunari’s hand that was offered to her. Kazunari bit his lip, and Shintarou couldn’t tear his eyes away from him anymore. Even if a basketful of kittens would be given to him, they would never be as adorable as his lover was right at the moment. Kazunari brushed his dark hair aside and tried to coax her into his lap. Shintarou kept his eyes at him and heard his heart sing a song of love.

 

It took few minutes, but eventually she climbed on Kazunari’s lap. With his fingertips Kazunari stroked her head, and she looked pleased. The corners of Shintarou’s lips kept twitching higher. Even when he rubbed his mouth to the back of his palm, the smile didn’t disappear.

 

“She’s adorable,” Kazunari whispered and could barely move his gaze to Shintarou. He let out a gentle breath. “She’s really… _Wow_. What should we name her?”

 

“You can decide.”

 

“Really?” Kazunari smiled so very gently and looked down at her again. He petted her with a careful hand and puckered his lips. “How about… Ao? Because of her eyes.”

 

“That sounds good,” Shintarou complied. As long as Kazunari was happy, so was he.

 

“Do you like that, kitty?” Kazunari asked softly and rubbed the underside of her tiny chin. “Do you feel like you could be Ao? It suits you just fine, sweetie, oh, yes it does… Shin-chan, come say hi to her.”

 

“Oh, I think I’ve said hi to her enough.”

 

“Aw, come on.” Kazunari looked up at him with pleading eyes and patted the spot on the floor beside him.

 

Shintarou sighed but couldn’t say no. He eased himself on the floor beside Kazunari and straightened his legs, and looked at her getting cozy in Kazunari’s lap. A spot that was used to be reserved to him, he didn’t feel that bad to allow her in it. He shared a brief look with Kazunari, and then pressed his hand on the man’s thigh to let her take a sniff. Only a moment later did he carefully run his fingers on her head. She meowed. Shintarou took it as a sign of acceptance.

 

“Hey.” Kazunari nudged his arm and attracted his attention. His dark brows knitted lightly together. “You’re really okay with this, right? You’re not doing this just because I wanted to, right?”

 

“I want this,” Shintarou quietly said. She pressed her tiny teeth on his finger, but he didn’t mind – it hardly hurt. “It’s good practice for us, I think.”

 

“I’m sure it is.” Kazunari nuzzled Shintarou’s arm again and kissed the spot. Afterwards he looked up at him and offered a soft smile. “Thank you… Really, thank you, Shin-chan. This is more than I could have asked for.”

 

Shintarou’s cheeks glowed. “Don’t mention it,” he hurried to say and averted his gaze to the little girl still on Kazunari’s lap. He craned his neck and pulled his hand to himself. “I think it was time that our family grew by size.”

 

“Mm… You’re right.” Kazunari smiled and looked at her. “You’re a Midorima now, little girl, isn’t that great? Yes, you managed to become Midorima before me, you should be super grateful…” He chuckled as she meowed. “Sorry, sorry, Takao isn’t available anymore!”

 

“When did we decide that you’d become Midorima?”

 

Kazunari blinked and turned to look at him. He pressed his lips together and huffed. “I thought that was a given! I didn’t think you want to be Takao. I mean, think about it, Takao Shintarou? That’s not as appealing as Midorima Kazunari.”

 

It made Shintarou’s heart burst from unexplainable joy that trickled all around his body through the heavily pulsing veins. _Midorima Kazunari_. It had a certain ring to it. He actually grinned.

 

“Yeah, I knew you’d love it,” teased Kazunari.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

 

“Make me.”

 

The same old chestnut, yet Shintarou fell for it every single time. Again he rolled his eyes, but leaned closer and was careful not to make their little girl squish between their bodies. He leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss on Kazunari’s lips. Against his lips a chuckle vibrated, and it made him hum from amusement, too. He brought his hand to his lover’s cheek and caressed the soft skin, and reluctantly pulled back when his lips turned slick with saliva. They looked into each other’s eyes, and Kazunari’s grin widened. Thinking of the day he could change the nameplate on their front door from ‘Midorima and Takao’ to a simple ‘Midorima’, Shintarou kissed Kazunari again. After few more small smooches, he rested his head on Kazunari’s and closed his eyes. It was obvious he had done something right in his life to receive such a man by his side; now, a silly girl was making him smile, too. He had already been a family with Kazunari, but now that the little kitten was physically in their home rather than in minds, Shintarou didn’t regret the decision at all.


	45. A Gray Coat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dozens of ideas for the surprise flew in his mind, and he knew any of them could be correct; knowing Kazunari as he did, it could be _anything_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Whether you're spending the day with the lovely company of yourself, a friend, or the love of your life, I hope you're enjoying yourself. No matter what, _you_ are important, and _you_ deserve all the love in the world.

Kazunari sang his favorite song as he tried to do a precise job in cutting the potatoes in equally sized bites. The kitchen smelled of red wine sauce – his specialty – and a roast hiding in the oven cooking to perfection under his tight surveillance. He couldn’t think of anything better than making a meal for his hard-working lover who would be home within an hour, if his promise held together. Kazunari’s lips twitched to a higher smirk as he spread the pieces of potatoes to a baking tray and grabbed two more of the whole ones. Yet he had to stop for a moment to bring the song to its dramatic ending, and only afterwards switched the radio on. The songs told about pink-hued love, and he couldn’t have felt any giddier. The best thing about love songs was that he _knew_ how it felt to receive such glances from across the room and such kisses that would swipe his feet away.

 

Shopping for necessities on Valentine’s Day was something he loved. The city had been filled with lovers celebrating their months and years spent together; the display windows had been in various shades of red, and all of it had made Kazunari ridiculously happy even when he had been alone whilst going around from shop to shop. Last Valentine, he had managed to coax Shintarou to hold hands together in public – he thought of it as his greatest achievement. This year, they’d have an intimate celebration, just the two of them, no need to go outside together. Kazunari bit his bottom lip to stop grinning so much. They both needed some celebration in their lives, Shintarou especially, and he couldn’t have come up with a better one-day holiday than declare their undying love to each other.

 

So he made sure that the dinner would be amazing. He nudged the rest of the potatoes to the tray, pulled the roast out of the oven and replaced it with the potatoes. Taking a step back, Kazunari eyed the controlled mess he had created and felt his heart swell with pride. All that was left was dessert… _Obviously_ he was part of it (Shintarou would definitely call him cheesy), like a dessert coming after the dessert. This year, he had really gone for it, he had; stepping to the lingerie shop was an adventure of its own. Kazunari heaved out a gentle sigh and shoved all of the empty and dirty bowls to the sink and began preparing the chocolate dream he had seen in magazine.

 

In the midst of measuring flour, he heard a demanding little mewl near him. Lightly frowning, he turned around and spotted their little fur-ball standing right in the doorway. She meowed some more and took few steps inside.

 

“Hey, lil’ explorer,” Kazunari said with a smile. “Are you ready to conquer the kitchen now? Come here, don’t be shy!”

 

Alas, she was a little coy in her small steps. She circled around and then ran out of the kitchen, only to curiously come back a second later. Kazunari chuckled gently and abandoned the dessert for the moment to occupy himself more with opening a can of food. He turned it upside down to a small bowl Shintarou had gotten, made sure it looked good, and only then walked a little closer to her and dropped on his knees. “Here you go, baby, look what I got you from the city.” He nudged the bowl a little closer to her and sat back. “Does it look yummy? I bet it does, just dig in!”

 

She gave him a concert of meows and marched closer. Taking a long time of simply sniffing the food thoroughly, she eventually munched it with good appetite and showed off her baby teeth once in a while. Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair and watched her be absolutely adorable. It really felt good, to have a third member to their family. Maybe in the future their family would grow some more; he hoped so at least. Leaning his chin to his palm, he was in no rush to continue what he was originally doing when she left the food alone and approached him.

 

“You done?” he asked and offered gentle scratches under her chin. She meowed, and he took it as an agreement. “Good girl, yes, you’re such a good girl— _Oh_!” Kazunari burst into chuckles when she hopped on his lap and planted herself right there. Kazunari held her carefully and ran his fingertips over the soft top of her head. “Later, we’ll play lots together, I promise, but tonight your daddies are going to be busy with each other… So don’t worry when Shin-chan might pet me and make me purr, okay?”

 

She cooed a soft mewl.

 

“I know, I know, but it’s because of Valentine’s Day. We’ll have our fun, and then you can come to sleep in our room again. Does it sound like a deal?”

 

Several times she meowed as Kazunari stroked her jet-black fur. A constant smile twitched his lips higher, so much in fact that it hurt the spots where no dimples had ever appeared. Checking the time and knowing he only had forty minutes to Shintarou’s return, he still didn’t move a muscle but let her lull to sleep in his lap. Only when he was absolutely sure that the little huffs she made were quiet kitten snores did he push himself up with her safely cocooned in his arms. Carefully he made his way through the apartment and settled her on her own little bed, and made sure to leave the room’s door open when she was ready for a new set of adventures. Like a proud father Kazunari spent a moment of simply looking at her and smile more softly to the little curl that was theirs. It was difficult to tear his gaze off of her, but eventually he did.

 

While he was at it, he took a detour to the bedroom and stripped himself naked. Whistling a quiet tune of love, he rummaged through the shopping bags until he found what he was looking for – the lingerie. It was a two-piece set, both made of black lace, and although he snickered to the thought of having them on, it was part of the present he had prepared. Amused with his own idea, Kazunari pulled on the small strings that barely covered a thing and was more than happy of the extra hour spent in the morning of shaving himself. Over his shoulder he checked his milky-white bottom and the thin black string between his buttocks, and decided that it looked sexy enough. The tight top was a different matter altogether, but it slipped on easily with no softness on his chest. Prancing around, Kazunari stopped in front of a mirror and with narrowed eyes looked at himself from head to toe. Even if he had to say it himself – he looked pretty damn hot. Topped off with a grin, he knew he was ready to go and look ridiculously sexy in front of Shintarou. Pleased with his choice, he pulled a neater set of clothes back on and made sure to have the other pair of red-lace hot pants ready for Shintarou; he had all the desires to see the man clad in them.

 

He hurried back to the kitchen to finish what he started. With the chocolate mess poured in two glasses and the glasses stowed away safely to the fridge, Kazunari took a deep inhale for the first time in hours. Everything was ready and _perfect_. He hurried to set the table, found a candle and settled it between the plates. If he turned the kitchen light off but the living room light on, the lighting around the dinner table didn’t look bad at all… He pursed his lips and did exactly that. He plopped down on one of the chairs and crossed his legs, and fiddled his fingers. Now all that was left was Shintarou at the same table telling him exactly how much he loved him. Kazunari snickered. It would be romantic, and even the normally stone-faced lover of his would surely be pleased. Purring from content and his own cleverness, he leaned back to the chair and waited.

 

Kazunari liked to think that he was a patient man. Thus, he wasn’t too alarmed when fifteen minutes had passed from the time Shintarou had said he’d be home and the man was nowhere to be seen. Twenty minutes felt nothing, either. But when thirty-five passed and Shintarou wasn’t in the same room, Kazunari’s stomach churned. Quietly he cleared his throat, waited two minutes more, and only then pushed himself up and grabbed his phone. He called Shintarou and anxiously listened the monotonous tone, until a woman announced him that he couldn’t reach him. Kazunari chewed his bottom lip and shifted his weight from one foot to another.

 

An hour later the food was cold and the evening turned into a night, and Kazunari couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore. He called Shintarou again but it went straight to voicemail. Nothing bad had happened… right? Hastily he checked the news but found no indications of any kind of accident. He paced around the apartment, and eventually threw himself on the couch. He stared at the ceiling and felt hollow in the chest. This wasn’t exactly the kind of Valentine’s Day he had hoped to have. Not that there was anything wrong if Shintarou was merely late, but it felt a little lonely to know that somewhere in the city was his lover, and he was here. Feeling nauseous, Kazunari rolled on his side and faced the couch and stared at its surface. _He’s alright_ , he assured himself. _He’s alright, he’s alright, he’s alright…_ Kazunari pulled himself to a small curl and tried to block the rest of the world out of his head. He couldn’t breathe properly, and when he did, he panicked.

 

It wasn’t like Shintarou to not let him know about his whereabouts.

 

Another hour later he called his phone. It went straight to the voicemail again.

 

* *

 

Desperation gnawing his feet, Shintarou hopped over every other step and breathed harshly. He made quite the noise in the otherwise empty staircase but he didn’t care – he was late and had _fucked up_. He knew exactly how important silly holidays like Valentine’s Day were to Kazunari; his lover practically breathed them and always made them a big number, and he had learned to live with that. But now, he was late as hell. Although he had a proper excuse and a proper apology in the form of hastily bought bouquet of roses and a convenience-store confectionary, he hoped to save himself from the possible fury. His lungs didn’t work properly as he climbed up the stairs to the right floor, his forehead a little damp and his pores clogging with sweat.

 

He swung their front door open and immediately began to wiggle himself out of the unnecessary clothes.

 

“Baby? I’m so sorry, I’m _so_ sorry, I got stuck in a surgery and the traffic was an absolute nightmare, and there was no power left in my phone and I couldn’t let you know, I’m sorry!” He spoke in frenzy and expected a nearly six foot tall anger attack him, but he heard nothing. Frowning lightly, Shintarou took a careful step forward but examined the hallway frantically. Kazunari’s shoes were intact, his jacket still hanging beside his… He let out a sigh of relief. He tightened his grasp from the bouquet and the box of chocolate and walked forward.

 

“Kazunari?” he called.

 

Only silence answered him.

 

Shintarou _knew_ it was so late that it was hardly Valentine’s Day anymore, but he had really tried his best to get out of the hospital and into this spot as quickly as possible. He chewed the inside of his cheek and called for Kazunari again. Again, he didn’t get an answer. What he worried the most wasn’t a sulky or sullen expression on his lover’s face but _disappointment_. If there was one thing he feared in his life, it was disappointing the love of his life, and now he was afraid he had done exactly that. His heart beat painfully in his chest and wouldn’t stop even if he told it to calm down. His eyes widened for good, he hugged the chocolate against his chest.

 

Carefully he stepped to the kitchen. “Kazunari?” he called but saw no trace of him. The sight around him, however, made him swallow loudly. No matter how he looked at it, that was definitely a dinner on the stove. Not just any dinner but a dinner made with _effort_. Shintarou’s spine turned rigid as he examined the roast and potatoes closely. A dirty plate topped the pile of dishes, and once he passed the dining table, his heart sank to his ankles. Only one clean plate remained. The realization that Kazunari had eaten alone made him want to get down on his knees. He had fucked up for good.

 

“Kazunari?” His voice trembled now. He stumbled steps out of the kitchen. This was one of Kazunari’s favorite holidays, and he had absolutely ruined it, all because of a stupid rookie mistake in the operating room. If he’d survive with a bit of sulking, he’d be happy. He would be _ecstatic._

 

Shintarou found Kazunari on the couch, stretched out with his whole length. He heaved out a sigh and idly wondered how incredibly stupid he had to be to think that the man would walk out because of something like this. Shaking his head and letting out a huff, he walked closer and got on his knees beside the couch. Kazunari slept so soundly, snoring slightly, dark rims running under his eyes. Shintarou almost didn’t dare to wake him up when he seemed so peaceful, but after a moment of hesitation he nudged Kazunari’s shoulder. His lover stirred and groaned.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou called. This time his voice was as soft as cotton. Gently he shook Kazunari’s shoulder and managed to draw out a silent complaint. Deciding that the man was awake, Shintarou continued, “Kazu… I’m really sorry. I got held back in a surgery, and the battery in my phone ran out.”

 

“Mm… Shin-chan?” Kazunari pushed his head up and rubbed his eyes. Once he laid his eyes on Shintarou, Shintarou made sure to hold his token of apology in a way that Kazunari would see it. A small smile rose to the man’s lips, and he tugged Shintarou closer, gave him a quick kiss. “Flowers and chocolate… Impressive.” He grinned sleepily.

 

“I figured I’d have to do _something_.”

 

“First Valentine gift in years,” Kazunari murmured and muffled another yawn behind his palm. He pushed himself to sit up and looked at Shintarou.

 

“I’m really sorry.” Shintarou simply had to say it once more.

 

“I’m just happy you’re there.”

 

Shintarou got pulled to a tight hug. He melted against Kazunari’s touch and hugged him back to his best abilities, and made sure to convey his love to him without actually saying the magic words. Pressing his lips gently against his lover’s neck, Shintarou spent a moment kissing him and giving him a reminder of all the feelings that swirled in him daily. Reluctantly he pulled back and got another kiss straight to his mouth. A smile twitched to his lips. Still he felt like he could do a bit better and arched his brows as he took a seat on the couch beside Kazunari.

 

“We can still celebrate if you’re up for it,” Shintarou suggested.

 

Kazunari blinked. “You want to?”

 

“Yes, I mean… It’s not midnight yet, so technically it still _is_ Valentine’s Day.”

 

Kazunari’s expression brightened. “In that case… I’m still a little sleepy so it might affect it, but I have a surprise for you.”

 

“Um, baby,” stumbled Shintarou – this specific day was one of the few when he agreed to use cutesy pet names he would have never uttered out of his mouth otherwise, “I think I’ve gotten enough surprises now. I saw the dinner in the kitchen, and it looked spectacular. I really wish we could have eaten it— _Mmhm._ ”

 

His words muffled under Kazunari’s palm. Kazunari hurried to say, “Yes, yes, but I still have another surprise, and you’re going to love it, so shut up and let me give it to you.”

 

Shintarou sighed. There was no stopping this man if he really got into something. Thus, he nodded as an agreement and knew it was less trouble than start a petty argument over something that Kazunari was going to win, anyway. He set the flowers and the chocolate on the coffee table and settled back on the couch. Without another word Kazunari disappeared to thin air. Shintarou’s brows drew in together, but he crossed his leg over another and patiently waited. Dozens of ideas for the surprise flew in his mind, and he knew any of them could be correct; knowing Kazunari as he did, it could be _anything_. A little nervous, he still thanked his luck for a shorter shift – without it, he’d never have the energy to still stay up. He examined the roses’ bright red petals and pursed his lips, then dropped his gaze on the floor and searched for a kitten. He couldn’t find her.

 

“Where’s Ao?” he called.

 

“The last time I checked, sleeping in the guest room!” echoed Kazunari’s voice suspiciously from the hallway.

 

Shintarou hummed and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. Not being able to deduce what the hell Kazunari would do in the hallway, he briefly thought of the man escaping or running away, but they didn’t seem plausible. He drummed his fingertips against his arm. Patience was his virtue, but he was steadily growing to the opposite. He couldn’t help but ask, “What’s taking you so long?”

 

As if right on cue, Kazunari swung the door to the living room open and stepped inside. Shintarou’s eyes widened. The only difference was the fact that Kazunari wore a long, gray coat that reached all the way to his calves. One of Shintarou’s brows rose higher.

 

“It’s… a coat,” he pointed the obvious. Not just any coat, either. It had been _his_ coat years and years ago, and he had worn it once until Kazunari declared that it made him look like a flasher. That was the only day the coat ever saw. The memory of it made his heart twinge now that it hung over Kazunari. It was a surprise, surely. Shintarou tried to come up with something nice to say. “It’s, uh… thank you?”

 

“Silly,” scolded Kazunari. “It’s not about the _coat_ , but what’s underneath, okay?”

 

“And… what exactly is underneath it?”

 

Kazunari grinned, and the grin alone was enough to pin Shintarou to the couch and straighten his posture. He knew that grin, oh, he knew it very well, and it made blood stir downwards and between his thighs. Curling his fingers to fists over his knees, he swallowed hard. Kazunari slipped his hand over the first button and popped it open. Shintarou’s eyes widened. _Lace_. That was definitely lace, black, and barely covering his lover’s pale skin. Another button popped open, and he didn’t dare to breathe anymore. _Lace, lace_ , that was lace, no, that was _lingerie_. Kazunari sucked his bottom lip in his mouth and slowly opened the third button. A strip of bare abdomen. Shintarou’s hips jerked.

 

So very slowly Kazunari toyed his fingertips over the final button. Shintarou sat right on the edge of the couch and stared at his lover with narrowed eyes. It was pure torture, but when Kazunari finally opened the last button and fully exposed his torso, Shintarou didn’t know what to do with himself. His cheeks glowed from heat. Kazunari, in lingerie. In black, lace-filled lingerie. The tiny bottom didn’t leave anything to his imagination; he could trace the shape of the man’s cock with his mere gaze. The small piece of slightly see-through fabric bundled Kazunari’s scrotum to a tight, mouth-watering package. His heart ticked fiercely and filled his veins that pounded hard right underneath his jaw. Kazunari was a sight, and that sight made his abdomen nip. With his lips parted, Shintarou breathed heavier and looked at the man from head to toe. He was only mid-torso when Kazunari covered himself again.

 

“N-No—“ Shintarou squeezed his palm against his mouth to stop himself from acting like a horny teenager.

 

Kazunari smirked. “Do you like it?” He took a slow, seductive step forward and dragged his tongue over his bottom lip. Shintarou was a captive of the eyes, and he knew that Kazunari knew it. He inched better on the couch and tried to get in control of his breath as he nodded to the question. _Liking it_ was a serious understatement. He loved it, his body loved it, and his cock was twitching wildly underneath the loose pants. Right in front of him Kazunari stopped and masked his small yawn against his shoulder.

 

“Want to see more?”

 

“Yes,” begged Shintarou. His fingers itched to touch, and he did tug the hem of the long coat. There was nothing sexier in the entire planet than Kazunari’s grin right at the second. It was a grin of a confident man, of a man who knew he was going to get laid within ten minutes. Mesmerized, Shintarou stared up at him and breathed, “Show me, please.”

 

He didn’t have to ask twice. First Kazunari revealed his shoulders, and then let the coat slip on the floor. There he stood, half-naked, so painfully _arousing_ , and Shintarou couldn’t do anything else but gawk. The soft curves crafted by years passed looked tempting underneath the thin, tight lace. Shintarou’s hands trembled as he settled them on Kazunari’s waist. He wasn’t pushed back or scolded, instead, he was allowed to touch as much as he wanted. It felt like he was under a spell, rich and powerful, as he worked his coarse fingers over the naked sides that quivered under his touch. He glanced up at Kazunari and witnessed a beautiful smile, together with a hand working its way through his hair.

 

Kazunari had been right. He really loved the surprise.

 

“You look so beautiful,” Shintarou mustered out, trying to work his way out of the haze. “You look… breathtaking. _Wow._ ”

 

“Do I?”

 

“God, yes… _Yes_.” Shintarou craned his neck and pressed his mouth on Kazunari’s navel. The body in his embrace shuddered. He trailed the tip of his tongue around the perfectly round bellybutton and slid his hands on the small of Kazunari’s back and lower. When his hands didn’t meet any fabric, Shintarou perked up and pulled back. A breath got stuck in his lungs. “Turn around,” he hurried to say.

 

Kazunari did exactly that, and Shintarou let out a whimper. They were strings. _Strings_. He pressed his mouth back to his mouth to muffle an excited whine. A tiny black string worked its way through the round buttocks that demanded and nearly screamed for attention. Shintarou groped. Kazunari looked at him over his shoulder, and Shintarou gave him a look of a little boy in a toy store. For a fleeting moment they looked at each other, before Shintarou curled his arm around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him to sit in his lap. Kazunari giggled. The sound was enough to make Shintarou smile.

 

“You look so good,” he murmured in his lover’s ear and palmed his front.

 

“Mm… I think it’s safe to say that you like it, Shin-chan,” Kazunari purred. There might have been a tired undertone in the voice, but it didn’t make it any less sexy. “But you should probably take a small peek underneath the strings.”

 

Shintarou hurried to hook his fingers under the band of the tiny underwear and tugged them a little. His eyes widened to the sight of no visible hair. He released the band but slipped his hand underneath to feel the smoothness. “No,” he breathed.

 

“Yes!”

 

“You _shaved?_ ” he asked in disbelief. When Kazunari nodded, Shintarou murmured, “Let me have another look…” So he did, pulled the strings again and laid his eyes on the sight he hadn’t seen in forever. Kazunari’s skin was smooth and looking very silky, and Shintarou suddenly had an unexplainable urge to trail his tongue over the spot where his lover’s unruly pubic hair had once been. He trailed his fingertips around the softness and eventually curled them around the very base of his cock. In his lap Kazunari tensed and let out a small whimper.

 

“I can’t… Hn.” Shintarou took deep breaths through his nostrils. “I can’t even find the words.”

 

“Good.” Kazunari spread his legs wider apart and moved his hand over Shintarou’s knuckles, just the thin fabric in between of their skins. “Do you like the surprise?”

 

“Best surprise I have gotten in years,” Shintarou said, his voice rough and low.

 

“Then I’m happy.” Kazunari looked at him over the shoulder and offered a lopsided grin. “Mind if I give you a blowjob to begin with?”

 

Such words given so innocently were ready to make Shintarou burst. “Yes,” he hurried to say, a bit too fast, a bit too desperately. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I don’t mind, no.”

 

“I figured.”

 

Kazunari hopped off his lap and twirled around, got down on his knees and nudged Shintarou’s thighs apart. Shintarou rolled his head back and relaxed, and enjoyed the feeling of getting his lover stroke him over the pants. Yet the moment Kazunari tugged his pants down to his thighs along with his underwear, Shintarou muffled a moan by chewing his bottom lip. Through hooded eyes he looked down at his lover and gently stroked the dark bush of hair that tickled his inner thighs. He worked his fingers at Kazunari’s chin and lifted it an inch higher. Their eyes met. Kazunari licked his lips so very slowly and made Shintarou tremble.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, babe,” Kazunari purred and without a second’s pause worked Shintarou’s length in his mouth.

 

Shintarou dipped his head back and curled his fingers around Kazunari’s hair. The wet, hot mouth gulping down his cock was enough to unravel him completely, and already through the first long, teasing sucks he could tell that he wasn’t going to survive very long without a release. He tensed the muscles on his thighs and worked his hips just a little higher for the sake of it; once he pressed his bottom properly back on the couch, his toes curled in ecstasy. He looked down at his lover again and felt his heart leap to his throat. Kazunari fixed his eyes at him, and as the intense gaze bore holes through his body, Shintarou whimpered and trembled. Completely under the spell of the lace-covered man, Shintarou’s dick jerked in the depth of Kazunari’s throat. His lover didn’t gag when he took him deeper, and once his whole length was buried to the damp tightness, Shintarou lost control.

 

He moaned, and yanked Kazunari’s hair more than he truthfully wanted to but couldn’t really stop himself anymore. Kazunari picked up his pace, then pulled back and trailed his tongue over the length of the shaft, and then swallowed Shintarou whole again. Shintarou grunted and groaned, his lewd noises echoing around the living room; the sound made his earlobes glow bright red, but it surely didn’t make him any less aroused. Quite the contrary – his cock twitched and oozed pre-cum, and Kazunari smeared the thick liquid on his lips and licked it away in an instant. Shintarou heaved out a heavy sigh and thanked every deity for a day dedicated to lovers. It was hastily becoming his favorite day, too.

 

What felt like long, excruciating minutes Kazunari spent sucking the very head of the man’s cock. As much as Shintarou wanted to hold back, he couldn’t help the spillage. In the safety of his lover’s mouth he came, and immediately regretted it upon hearing Kazunari cough and pull back. Trembling from the sweet orgasm, Shintarou bent his body in half and spared a kiss to the man’s tainted lips.

 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. He cupped Kazunari’s face to his palms and kissed him again.

 

“Don’t worry, Shin-chan, it was just a lot thicker than I expected.” Kazunari offered an illuminating grin.

 

Taken aback, Shintarou flushed. “I-It’s just because… we haven’t really… There’s been no sex, and I haven’t… you know, touched myself or…”

 

Kazunari chuckled softly and pulled himself up, and climbed into Shintarou’s lap. “It’s okay, silly… Tasted good.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but was still in the midst of gripping embarrassment and a tender after wave of the climax. He wrapped his arms around Kazunari’s waist and held him close. “You’re unbelievable,” he murmured, and for once it wasn’t for mockery.

 

“I know.” Kazunari tilted his head and kissed Shintarou sweetly. “And also unbelievably aroused right now… Want to have seconds in bed?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I thought you wouldn’t ask.”

 

There was no coaxing needed for him – he was fully convinced of the nature of Valentine’s Day that made so many lovers lightheaded. Now part of the crowd, he picked Kazunari up and carried him bridal style. It was a little hard, not because Kazunari wasn’t a lightweight – although that certainly played an element –, but because he kept receiving small and deep kisses back to back. Such declarations of affection made Shintarou’s head spin, but somehow he managed to find the right door and the right room.

 

It was only after he placed Kazunari on the bed that he discovered the existence of hot pants made from red lace and bought for _him_. Although hesitating at first, Shintarou pulled them on. The amount of praise he received was enough to make him forget about his looming insecurities and made Kazunari properly his Valentine.


	46. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as he didn’t want to lose (if he did, Kazunari would forever remind him of that), he also wanted to give soft little kisses around his lover’s skin.

Drowsy, Shintarou eyed the little miss in a curl beside him, clad in a black suit of fur, and sleeping the afternoon away. What he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around was how the hell she had managed to jump on the bed. He had looked away from her once, and when he had turned his head back to her, she already meowed right beside him. Few strokes and a little playing had exhausted her, and here she was, sleeping like there was not a worry in the world. Shintarou preferred it that way; he rather had her _not_ worrying anything other than silly kitten things that would never even cross his mind. He leaned the side of his face against his palm and tried to ignore the ache in his elbow and wrist.

 

She looked so fragile, and at the same time so soft. His fingers itched to pet, but he kept his distance, didn’t want to bother her. For once in his life, it seemed that she wasn’t favoring anyone; one moment she’d demand attention from Kazunari, and then try to jump on his lap instead. Never in the situation before, Shintarou heaved out a gentle sigh and allowed his trembling arm to finally collapse. He pressed his face to the soft mattress and closed his eyes, and listened the little purr-like sounds she made in her sleep. It made him sleepier, too, together with the stomach full of yesterday’s leftovers. Even a day old, the dinner had been delicious – Kazunari had definitely made both of them proud. The only downside was his willingness to fall asleep right now. He didn’t quite want that, didn’t want to spend his first day-off simply _sleeping_ , but once he had slumped on the bed, he couldn’t get up anymore. Idly he wondered why Kazunari hadn’t followed, but didn’t bother to shout for him to get in here, too.

 

He felt like talking of the devil, when the door was knocked softly and then creaked open. Kazunari’s head poked in, together with a wonderfully endearing smile that never failed to make Shintarou’s stomach flip upside down. “Hey, what are you two up to?”

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou truthfully said. He mustered the energy to roll around on his other side and faced his lover. “Just laying here, enjoying life, I guess.”

 

It made Kazunari’s smile soften ever so slightly. He sighed gently. “Are you going to sleep, or do you feel energized enough?”

 

“Enough for what?”

 

“For my revenge.”

 

About to ask what he was talking about, Shintarou pressed his lips flat as Kazunari opened the door enough and revealed their copy of Trivial Pursuit that safely rested against his chest. Shintarou inhaled sharply and rolled his eyes, but only made Kazunari chuckle. Kazunari swayed in the doorway, shifted his weight from one foot to another, and looked at the man keenly. “You want to do it?” he asked, a little impatient. “Because, I mean, I’m still pretty pissed that I lost the last time we played, so I demand a rematch.”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue, and after a mere second’s hesitation he nodded to his airheaded lover. “ _Fine_ , bring it here, then. But when you lose again, don’t blame me.”

 

“What makes you think I’ll lose again? Big words, Shintarou,” teased Kazunari. He hurried to the bed, only to stop to the edge of it. He poked his tongue out in concentration and took few seconds to settle himself in a position beside Shintarou so that he didn’t disturb their little girl’s sleep. When Shintarou finally pulled himself up and sat lazily cross-legged, the bed didn’t seem all too crowded anymore. He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips and made sure to get rid of all the signs of sleep from his eyes while Kazunari set the board. It was bumpy and unstable and the buttons hardly stayed in their places, but it made Kazunari grin so widely, and it was enough for Shintarou.

 

“So, _Midorima_ ,” Kazunari snarled and almost couldn’t contain his smile, “bring it on. Let’s see the mighty ace get down on his knees.”

 

“Obviously you’re going to lose, _Takao_.”

 

They shared a look, and then both burst into quiet laughter. It felt strange, to call Kazunari that, which he hadn’t done in years and years. Yet there was something very cozy in it, and Shintarou couldn’t help but smile. Had he told the seventeen-year old self that one day he would call this guy Kazunari, the younger him would have refused in a heartbeat and stared at him like he was insane. There were a lot of other things he would have loved to tell to his younger self; _treasure him because he’s the one who’ll stick with you_ , was one thing; _don’t get so damn mad at him for that one Halloween prank_ , was another. In the midst of the silent chuckle, he got a quick kiss on his lips. It only melted his insides even more.

 

“Let’s make this fun, okay?” Kazunari toyed with the dice and pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes a little. “Let’s say… That whenever you get a question right, you get to kiss the other wherever you want.”

 

“Are you trying to make this into some kind of pervert game?” Shintarou arched his brows up. “Because I don’t think I’m quite in the mood for that.”

 

“No, no! No, nothing pervert, just nice little kisses without any horniness. Okay?”

 

“Hm. I guess that’s all right.”

 

“Great! The older one gets to go first, here you go.” Kazunari grinned and gave the dice to Shintarou and took the thick deck of question cards to his hands and squeezed.

 

Wondering where the hell he had been sucked into without him properly realizing it, Shintarou held in his breath and threw the dice. He moved his green button to the corresponding square, and cringed. _Nature_. He knew nothing of that. A little nervous, he glanced up at Kazunari. As much as he didn’t want to lose (if he did, Kazunari would forever remind him of that), he also wanted to give soft little kisses around his lover’s skin. Keeping his fingers crossed for an easy question, he heaved out a sigh of relief when Kazunari exclaimed and pouted.

 

“This is too easy! Nn, what’s the national animal for Japan?”

 

The pout was the first one he’d kiss. “Koi, right?”

 

Kazunari whimpered and rolled his eyes, closed them, then nodded. Victorious smile on his lips, Shintarou leaned over the board and eyed Kazunari’s face for a small moment before he pressed his kiss on the adorable little pout. Against his lips Kazunari murmured, and would have surely kissed him back if he didn’t pull back in time. It only made his lover’s pout more childish. “Are you kidding me? Is that it?” Kazunari whined. “I thought we’d make out.”

 

“It was you who said they’d be _nice little kisses_ ,” Shintarou reminded.

 

“The worst idea ever,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“We can stop if you want.”

 

“No, no!”

 

A little smug, Shintarou handed the dice to the man and grabbed the cards to himself. Keenly he watched Kazunari move his orange button, and then cleared his throat, readied for the question. “What is the height of a basketball hoop?”

 

“ _What_?” Kazunari narrowed his eyes and stared at him. “The height? How am I supposed to now that? We just had to shoot the balls through it, that’s all.”

 

“But considering the fact how many years of your life you have actually spent on a basketball court…” Shintarou’s eyes gleamed wickedly as he covered his mouth with the card to mask a smile that actually pulled on his lips.

 

“Stop it, it’s not funny!” Kazunari sulked and crossed his arms over his chest like a little boy ready to throw the board on the floor and march out. He didn’t, thankfully, and instead looked up towards the ceiling and pursed his lips. “Um… You’re over six feet… The hoop’s taller than you… Don’t laugh at me!”

 

“I’m not laughing,” Shintarou promised, albeit felt a little amused.

 

Kazunari rubbed his nape. “Uh. Nine feet? No, eight. No, nine!”

 

“Ten,” corrected Shintarou and moved the card at the bottom of the deck, and ignored the wide-eyed stare he received.

 

“Babe!” Kazunari crawled closer. “You have to give that to me, it was almost right!”

 

“Yes, _almost_ right.”

 

“Baby, come _on_.”

 

Kazunari’s puppy eyes were very convincing. Shintarou sighed and rolled his eyes, and said, “All right, fine. You’ll get that.” Not because he was going easy with his lover, no, but because he really wanted to feel Kazunari’s lips somewhere over his body. Kazunari smirked so brightly and leaned over the board, and from his gaze Shintarou tried to deduce where exactly he’d get the kiss but didn’t find an answer. When the man eventually pressed his mouth hard against his neck like a leech, Shintarou knew he should have guessed it.

 

It wasn’t a quick kiss, either, but a long one they sometimes changed during foreplay. Wondering whether this was actually in the end supposed to be one massive foreplay that would lead to them rolling around the bed and making a mess of the covers, Shintarou dipped his head back and slipped his eyes close. Kazunari had always been amazing with his mouth, and now that the exact same mouth was nipping his neck and going towards his nape, Shintarou shuddered and couldn’t really control the movement. Grunting under his breath, he wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s waist and enjoyed the tickling sensation that slowly trickled down his spine although the lips remained. In the midst of the sea of kisses Kazunari nipped him again, this time harder, and he let out a small whimper. Eventually Kazunari pulled back with a wet pop, and from the annoying stinging Shintarou knew that a mark now decorated his skin. He grumbled and rubbed the spot that was slick from the excessive amount of saliva.

 

“Did you just give me a hickey?” he asked.

 

Kazunari puffed his cheeks full of air. “Possibly.”

 

“And how did you think I would cover it for work?”

 

“Uh…”

 

“That’s it.” Shintarou yanked Kazunari towards him and took him to sit down on his lap. Although Kazunari squealed from obvious surprise, he didn’t resist at all, and quite happily settled better over Shintarou’s thighs. Shintarou wrapped both of his arms around his lover’s waist. The commotion made Ao startle awake, and she let out a loud meow before turning around and pulling herself to another curl. Shintarou rested his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder and grumbled, “You’re not allowed to play this game anymore.”

 

“Why not?” Kazunari wiggled and looked at him over shoulder.

 

“Because after few rounds you’ll most likely end up sucking my cock, and that wasn’t the point of the game, was it now?”

 

“You make it sound like it would be a bad thing.”

 

“Considering the fact that I’m still not really in the mood for it, it might not be too pleasant.”

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted together. He inhaled sharply and nudged his fingers under Shintarou’s, and entwined them together. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he muttered. “I’m not forcing you to be in the mood or anything, _I’m_ not in the mood, I just thought… I don’t know.”

 

“Hey.” Shintarou pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s cheek and reached his lips for a kiss to the beautiful jawline. “Don’t apologize. Why don’t you just ask me those questions and I’ll answer them correctly, so we can get kissing? We both know you’re not going to get any of them right, so we should just trust my wits and actually be able to kiss each other.”

 

“I’m not _that_ stupid.” Kazunari pinched Shintarou’s arm.

 

“No, just a little dumb.”

 

Rather dramatically Kazunari rolled his eyes, but picked the deck of cards anyway. Shintarou hummed from satisfaction and held the man gentler in his lap, and listened the questions. To every one he answered, getting most of them right, and pressed several kisses on Kazunari’s nape before he moved to his shoulder. Sometimes he stumbled over his answers, but didn’t have to wait for too long between the kisses. One particular spot on the bony roundness of Kazunari’s shoulder tasted especially good, and he spent five answers’ worth kissing it. In his embrace Kazunari quivered and let out a steady stream of quiet whimpers.

 

Ten minutes later the board was nudged to the foot of the bed, the cards forgotten, and Kazunari rested his weight on top of Shintarou, as their lips got busy with each other. Shintarou might have not been in the mood for sex, but he hadn’t said anything about making out, and he found the act of locking his mouth tightly to his lover’s rather a turn on. Willing to kiss him until he couldn’t breathe anymore, Shintarou wrapped Kazunari better in his embrace and kicked the board to the floor to get it out of their way.


	47. Digging for Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kazu,” he called; Kazunari lifted his head up. “Do you want to have sex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A while ago _**Winterdarkness**_ requested for Midorima to eat Takao out and getting him off like that, and this is _sort of_ a response for that. But I'm going to have another go at it at some point and try to fulfill all aspects of your suggestion!

Idly Shintarou followed the documentary about wolves on the television, but was more focused on brushing Kazunari’s legs that had been thrown to his lap a while ago. He worked his fingers over the hard bones of the ankles, slipped them under the thick fabric of the sweatpants and kneaded the calves that felt a little tense. Frowning to the sensation, he glanced at Kazunari who didn’t seem as phased as he would have guessed him to be; instead the man watched the television rather keenly and looked more relaxed than he was at the moment. Slowly Kazunari blinked every now and then, yawned widely and rubbed his eyes, and all of the little gestures that weren’t even special made Shintarou look at him with softening wrinkles around his eyes.

 

By the time he turned to look at the explanation about wolves’ mating ritual, he pulled his hand back to himself and worked it over the pants towards the knee. He squeezed gently but only got a slow, vibrating hum as a reward. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes in an attempt to memorize whether he had everything ready for leaving to work. This fleeting moment was important to him; his shift would be long, and he wouldn’t see Kazunari in what he considered a long time. He wanted to have at least a little quality time, and also wanted to give it to his understanding lover.

 

Shintarou craned his neck and felt his muscles tense under the clothes as he watched a wolf mate with another. The cameras didn’t turn away to give privacy, and although the act itself was rather brutal, Shintarou paid just a little more attention to it. He looked at Kazunari, who seemed just as indifferent as learning about the animals’ diet, and turned his chin back towards the act. Did animals mate out of love? He puckered his lips and decided that it probably wasn’t the case. A shivery sigh escaped him, and it turned out a little heavy and hoarse. The wolves’ act continued longer than he had expected, and he shifted ever so slightly on the couch. Kazunari’s legs followed with ease. They were becoming a little heavy, but Shintarou endured. However, watching the wolves get busy with each other, he had the urge to do the same.

 

“Kazu,” he called; Kazunari lifted his head up. “Do you want to have sex?”

 

“Now?”

 

“Well, yes.”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to leave for work in a bit?”

 

“We can make it quick,” Shintarou hurried to say.

 

“Sure.”

 

With such ease Kazunari complied and pulled his legs to himself. He lifted himself up and crawled on the other side of the couch. Before Shintarou could say anything, he was already pulled to the swirl of exchanging several brief kisses. None of them deepened to something meaningful, and he wasn’t quite sure whether he preferred it like so or not. Nonetheless, through the quick smooches he made sure to draw in both Kazunari’s taste and scent, and against his mouth he grunted. Shintarou felt like he had dug his own grave; he wasn’t specifically good with quickies, because whenever they did have sex, he wanted to make a thorough job and satisfy both of them. It wasn’t in his nature to do something hastily and clumsily, but now time was his enemy. Ready to accept the challenge, he still grumbled when Kazunari pulled his mouth away.

 

Shintarou pressed his forehead tightly against his lover’s and planted a hand on his crotch, and quickly Kazunari followed his example. He worked his fingers efficiently over the small bulge and rubbed, traced the shape with his fingers from both sides, and palmed him. Kazunari mimicked his movements only for the first few seconds and then already slipped his hand under Shintarou’s pants, and moved his fingertips roughly against the seam of his underwear that brought a great friction to Shintarou’s cock that jerked. Rolling his eyes shut, Shintarou felt a little lightheaded as Kazunari’s warm breath swirled over his face and caressed his cheeks. He craved to kiss him, to sloppily press his tongue flat against his and make sure that Kazunari knew just how much he was desired, but there was no time. The realization made him tug the sweatpants down to Kazunari’s ankles with little difficulties, and roughly he grasped his lover’s cock through the underwear.

 

He rubbed his thumb hard on the crown that shape was visible through the thin fabric. Shintarou even brought his finger to his mouth and coated it with saliva, only to return to touch the same spot to reveal a little bit of pinkish hue through the grayness of the boxers.

 

Kazunari whimpered. “Nn, yeah…”

 

“Do you like that?”

 

“ _Yes_ …”

 

The hoarseness of Kazunari’s voice travelled straight to Shintarou’s dick. He let out a breathless grunt. He wanted to tease Kazunari, make him sloppy and lewd and begging, but he could hear the clock ticking in the back of his mind. Anxious that he’d have to leave before they finished anything, Shintarou yanked the underwear down and wrapped his fingers around the swollen cock. As Kazunari whimpered, he replicated the movement. Both uncovered, both panting a little harder than before, Shintarou made sure to alternate between short, harsh tugs and loving, gentle strokes. Kazunari, on the other hand, jerked him hard, made him grow in full size and didn’t give any mercy at all. Not wanting to stay behind, Shintarou was quick to match Kazunari’s rhythm. With his free hand he yanked one of the man’s legs to his lap, and then did the same to the other, until their crotches were nearly pressed against each other.

 

The position made things a little easier. But Shintarou startled as his hand was slapped away so abruptly, yet soon he dipped his head back in pure bliss as Kazunari grasped both of their cocks and stroked them against each other. Shintarou could feel every little twitch that the other dick made, could feel the pounding of full veins against his own. His hips spasmed involuntarily, and by the time Kazunari rubbed both of their heads, Shintarou was getting slick with pre-cum. Hoarse, embarrassing throaty sounds escaped Shintarou, but Kazunari sounded beautiful with his breathy moans that trickled out of his mouth with ease. Shintarou’s lips felt so lonely, and he wanted nothing more but to press them on any strip of burning flesh. The thought made his body freeze and his abdomen tighten, and his eyes widened. Suddenly, he knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was to dart his tongue against Kazunari’s quivering hole and make him feel amazing.

 

Powered by the thought, Shintarou mustered, “Wait.”

 

“H-Huh?” Kazunari sounded a little weak, but let go of their equally hard shafts.

 

Shintarou didn’t explain, and simply wiggled his body free and got up. Brushing touches filled the small of his back, but he assured that he wasn’t going anyway but turning around and sinking to his knees on the cold floor. Although Kazunari’s expression was dominated by a light frown, it turned into a grin as Shintarou hooked his arms around the thighs and lifted them up. Kazunari was quick to slide his weight mostly on his tailbone, but it wasn’t good enough. With a needy grunt Shintarou pushed his lover harder against the couch until his bottom was raised high enough. Shintarou took a good, long look and felt his lips twitch to a smile. Kazunari’s cock might have not nestled in hair anymore, but dark, thin curls covered the strip of flesh between the firm buttocks. The sight sapped Shintarou’s breath, and his cock throbbed even harder. Under his caress Kazunari quivered and moaned.

 

Hungrily Shintarou twirled his tongue over Kazunari’s balls that were firm and tight and so _full_. The need to get them completely empty and drained rose in Shintarou’s belly, and he trailed his nose against the scrotum while he worked his tongue up and down the tight seam. Leaving behind trails of saliva and loud, wet noises of kissing, Shintarou slid his tongue down towards the perineum. On his taste buds swirled the tanginess of sweat, but he didn’t mind; it was a mere stop towards his final destination. But before he could reach what he desired, a hand suddenly blocked his way. Frowning and grumbling, he looked up at Kazunari whose cheeks glowed bright red.

 

“Are you really going to do that?” Kazunari’s voice was lower than normally, shuddering a little.

 

Shintarou’s features relaxed. “Yes.” To prove his point, he lapped the slender fingers that created an effective shield.

 

Kazunari wiggled. “I’ll— _nn_ —clean myself in that case.”

 

“Don’t,” grunted Shintarou. He tried to nudge the hand away, gently at first and then with more pressure, but it stubbornly remained. His mind turned blank, anyway, when Kazunari twirled his fingers to his hair and yanked rather hard. He looked up, and swallowed hard upon seeing his lover’s narrowed gaze.

 

“If you’re going to eat out my ass, I’m going to wash myself first.”

 

It was the final, and Shintarou knew it. Usually Kazunari wasn’t the one giving finals about anything, but now it was more effective than Shintarou wanted it to be. He sighed heavily, and wondered if the world was turning to its end, because this felt like their roles had been swapped. But like a good lover he said, “Fine,” and got up, slumped down on the couch and continued, “but make it _really_ quick.”

 

“Got it.” Kazunari got up but didn’t disappear before giving Shintarou a kissing. The kiss was more feverish than any of the ones exchanged before, it dragged, it made their tongues dance and Shintarou not willing to allow Kazunari to go. He took a tight hold of the lush hips and squeezed, but Kazunari pulled back. For a second a string of saliva joined them together, and then it was gone together with the airheaded idiot who skipped to the bathroom and nearly fell over on his way.

 

Shintarou melted against the couch and tried to ignore the nagging thumping on his cock. He itched to touch but resisted the urge, didn’t give himself even a one tug. A sigh escaped him. He really wouldn’t have minded to taste the sweat on Kazunari’s flesh… The thought made him quiver. It had been less than a year that he had been into this… _rimming_ business (admittedly, he felt a little coy even thinking about it), and that was purely thanks to a porno they had watched together. At the time, Kazunari had sat right on the edge of the couch looking more than ready to burst when the specific act had echoed in their living room; Shintarou had decided to give it a go, and they had both liked it. He wasn’t amazing at it, but he supposed his enthusiasm fixed the lack of experience. Thinking about it made his cock ache even worse, and he gave himself a permission to lazily stroke it. He did, and had to stop a second later to prevent himself from having too much fun alone.

 

Five minutes later Kazunari returned. The drops of water gleamed on his skin like dew making love to leaves first thing in the morning, and Shintarou smiled to the sight and welcomed him back with open arms. Kazunari leaned over for another deep kiss as if they hadn’t seen each other in days, and Shintarou wrapped his arms around the damp body. From the very ends of Kazunari’s hair water trickled down to his fingers. The man smelled of absurdly sweet watermelon that Shintarou knew was in their shower gel, and he cringed a little. Nonetheless, he made sure that the kiss was sloppy and hot thoroughly before Kazunari climbed on the couch.

 

“How do you want me to be?” Kazunari’s lips twitched to a smirk.

 

“I want to see your face.”

 

“So the same way I was before?”

 

Shintarou nodded, and Kazunari complied. Back on his knees on the hard floor, Shintarou grabbed one of the cushions and settled it under his feet and found comfort in it. This time on his own Kazunari lifted his legs, and in between the parted thighs them Shintarou spotted a heated expression on his lover’s face. He let out a deep breath and worked his forefinger up and down the tender flesh between the buttocks, his finger not sliding too smoothly because of the remnants of water. Shintarou moistened his lips and hummed as Kazunari stroked his hair. He glanced up at him once more before he lowered his face between the deliciously milky thighs and nipped the perfect middle of Kazunari’s balls. Already the man let out a little whimper, which encouraged Shintarou even more. He dragged his tongue down to the tight perineum, nipped it gently and pulled the skin along. The scent of the watermelon was almost overpowering, and something about it made him want to burst in uncontrollable laughter. He held it in, though, and worked his nose against the flesh. The delicate whiff of sweat really was gone.

 

Poking his tongue out, he worked his arm over Kazunari’s chest and thanked his long limbs; he could reach the delicate nubs just fine. With a concerto of moan guiding him, Shintarou flicked his tongue across the convulsing hole and made sure to once more memorize the shape of the ring of muscle. Lavishly Kazunari moaned and yanked the green hair, a little hard, but Shintarou kept a moan deep in his stomach. He brought saliva to the front of his mouth and spread it across with the help of his tongue, smeared it, and slickened the drying skin. It took a bit of a mental confidence boost, but he worked his tongue inside Kazunari. The flesh tasted of soap, and the idea of Kazunari working his finger inside him multiple times made Shintarou desperately want to touch himself. He rolled his eyes close and pushed his tongue as deep as he could, and worked it out. Repeating the movement, fucking his lover with his overly eager tongue, Shintarou fluttered his eyes open and looked at the fluster on Kazunari’s face.

 

He pulled his tongue back to himself and kissed the trembling flesh. Although he knew the answer, he still asked, “Does it feel good?”

 

“It feels so… _so_ good,” admitted Kazunari. His breath labored. He stroked the top of Shintarou’s head and looked at him with surprising gentleness in his eyes. “You’re doing a great job, baby… Can you keep going?”

 

Praises always made Shintarou’s heart swell with pride. He nodded and settled his mouth neatly on Kazunari’s inner thigh and kissed the spot, and got so carried away that by the time he pulled back, the skin was bruising. Smiling to his masterpiece, he dragged his tongue from the inner thigh towards the knee and then back again, and tried to make Kazunari understand how deeply in love he was with his figure. Shintarou hoped it was a success and buried his face back to its original place, and busied his mouth by nipping and biting and licking the puckered hole. Time ticked, he knew, but _damn_ , he wanted to take his time enjoying the taste of his lover now that they were doing this. The last time had been on Christmas eve – truthfully, the day was still a little blur to him because of the eggnog and the excessive amount of sex –, and now Shintarou regretted choosing this method. Once he took a bite of the tender skin, he wanted to keep doing it for hours, wanted to make Kazunari squeal and beg. Dissatisfied with the need of time management, he nudged his tongue back in and pumped it in and out, over and over again, until it felt like the muscles around were nothing but soft goo.

 

From the corner of his eye he noticed Kazunari taking a hold of his cock and starting to stroke. Shintarou gasped, and for a moment forgot to move his mouth when he examined the man’s face twist from pleasure. Moans after moans escaped from the pretty little mouth, and the sight was so much better than any porn Kazunari had made him watch over the years. Shintarou sneaked a hand to his own dick and pumped fiercely, closed his eyes and kept going with the tongue-fucking. Kazunari’s insides convulsed, and Shintarou could taste every single twitch of a muscle.

 

“Ah, Shin-chan… Shin… nn, _Shin-chan_ …” Kazunari moaned and drowned the sound of the television.

 

The sound of his nickname had never been better. Shintarou thumbed the glans of his shaft and felt it slicken with more droplets of pre-cum. More feverishly he worked his hand on himself and his tongue inside Kazunari.

 

“Shin-chan, I’m coming… I’m coming, ah, I’m… c-c—“

 

Kazunari couldn’t finish his sentence when a sea of moans overtook the words and made him into a trembling mess. Shintarou made sure to watch the gush of cum invade his lover’s stomach, yet kept moving his tongue around until Kazunari’s frantic hand stopped moving and merely squeezed the deep-pink, swollen tip. A gentle sigh escaped Shintarou, and once he hid his tongue back in his mouth, Kazunari melted against the couch. He brought his legs down, and his chest heaved heavily up and down to the rhythm of his frantic breaths. Kazunari’s eyes kept slipping close but time after time he opened time, and brought a lazy hand on his stomach.

 

As the man spread the semen everywhere and made a mess, Shintarou stared at him intensely and tugged his hard-on more violently. Kazunari spotted him and wiggled his fingers at him. “Get up and come a little closer,” he asked and pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the couch.

 

Not resisting such an invitation at all, Shintarou worked himself up, his knees crunching, and stood right where Kazunari wanted him. The moist, hot hands grasped his bottom and yanked him closer, and Shintarou got a lewd view of his cock sinking in his lover’s mouth. His upper body bent, but he forced his spine straight again and his eyes keenly at Kazunari. It looked rather adorable as Kazunari stuffed his cock against the soft inside of his cheek, and sluggishly sucked him off. Grunting and openly moaning, Shintarou moved his hands to the back of Kazunari’s messy hair, but allowed him to have his own pace and didn’t force his shaft any deeper than the man wanted to take it. The sucks were shallow and concentrated mostly on the tip, but it was enough to make Shintarou want to dip over the edge.

 

Kazunari pulled his mouth back with a loud pop and looked up at him, yet kept his hand firmly on the hard cock. A little sheepish smile spread to his lips that he licked. Shintarou couldn’t help but look down, and once he did, he couldn’t look elsewhere anymore.

 

“You look so pretty, Shin-chan,” Kazunari murmured. His free hand he moved on Shintarou’s lean torso and rubbed his chest. Under his caress Shintarou twitched and whimpered. “You’re so beautiful… Look at you, so perfect… _So_ pretty, Shin-chan, amazing…”

 

“D-Don’t…” Shintarou muttered. His bottom tightened, and he leaned a little closer when Kazunari stroked him even faster. The leaking tip of his cock pressed against the man’s cheek, and as Shintarou looked down at the sight, he was ready to come, _right now_. Kazunari probably realized it, too, as he paid more and more attention to the swollen tip.

 

“Come on my face,” Kazunari begged with a hoarse voice. “On my face, please, Shin-chan… Make a mess of me, _please_ …”

 

Shintarou couldn’t resist. His hips jerked forward, and as he spilled, he surely made a mess of his lover’s face. On Kazunari’s cheek, his nose, some on his lips, the amount of cum might have not been impressive but it was a handful. Shintarou breathed hard and pressed his hands on the couch, and curled his long body over Kazunari who slipped a little down. A thick drop of the semen dripped from Kazunari’s nose to his lips, and Kazunari quickly licked it away and smirked so happily it was absurd. Shintarou concentrated on catching his breath, which proved to be difficult when Kazunari milked him completely empty. He closed his eyes for a moment, and once he opened them, he brought his thumb to the man’s cheek and spread the result of his pleasure. Like a cat Kazunari purred and kissed the thumb once it crossed his bottom lip.

 

Shintarou leaned down and kissed him. Although he tasted himself on the lips, he didn’t care. Right now, he only wanted to kiss Kazunari and do nothing else. He climbed on the couch and made sure not to crush him under his weight.

 

“Was it good?” Kazunari muttered against his mouth.

 

“Extremely.” Shintarou hummed and tilted his head, and gave one more kiss before he pulled back. Gently he brushed Kazunari’s thighs and caressed them. His features so very soft, he looked at Kazunari with his eyes in the shape of hearts. “Did you enjoy it?”

 

“Mm-hmm… Although now I have to take another shower.”

 

“We can have one together,” Shintarou promised. “I think I’ll have enough time for one.”

 

Kazunari chuckled sluggishly. “Hopefully… You don’t want to look like you just had sex in front of your patients.”

 

“Mm, good point.”

 

“I know…”

 

Kazunari wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s nape and yanked him closer for another kiss. It seemed it didn’t exactly matter just how many times they kissed, because every time butterflies occupied Shintarou’s stomach and made him feel like it was their first time all over again. Lulling in the sweet moment, Shintarou eventually had to pull away but did it so very reluctantly. He tangled his fingers to Kazunari’s, and Kazunari squeezed them, gently, so very softly that it made Shintarou smile. Shintarou helped him up on his feet, and with their hands still entwined led his lover to the warmth of the shower.


	48. Dancing

Watching Daiki and Ryouta tangled to each other while playing tonsil tennis on the other side of the bar, Shintarou wondered why exactly he had allowed Kazunari to drag him in the midst of loud music and tipsy idiots. He tightened his grasp from his water glass and took a sip, but the ice had long melted and the water was no long cooling or refreshing. The burden of a fifteen-hour shift weighed heavy on him, but when Kazunari asked something, Shintarou always delivered. Ever since their teenage years passed, it had always been so. Perhaps he had been the more selfish one in high school, but he had gotten annoyingly gentle, and had a very special soft spot for Kazunari. Now he only wished his lover would have paid more attention to _him_ instead of chatting the night away with Tatsuya who was constantly entrapped in Atsushi’s long arms.

 

There was nothing wrong about meeting his old teammates (and nearly all of their _lovers_ ), but a bar with this much flashing lights wasn’t exactly what he had had in mind. Shintarou’s knuckles turned white, and he took another sip contemplating whether he should ask for another colder glass. Keenly he watched the back of Kazunari’s head and tried to send him mental signs to come here and entertain _him_ , but it seemed their relationship wasn’t quite on that level yet. Kazunari stayed bolted right where he was and laughed so sweetly that the sound carried over the music and straight to Shintarou’s ears. Shintarou swallowed down a heavy sigh and leaned his cheek against his palm, and rolled his eyes shut. It was getting late, and he had another shift tomorrow, and he knew he should be tucked in bed instead of sitting on a uncomfortable stool.

 

From the corner of his eye he looked at Ryouta who had climbed on Daiki’s lap. Seeing sloppy kisses like that made him quiver. Maybe it was only his mentality, but such things he hoped people would reserve to privacy. He could give _small_ declarations of affection to Kazunari, like a quick brush of fingers or maybe a fleeting peck on the cheek, but the day Kazunari would demand something like _that_ would be the day he would definitely march out of the bar without thinking twice. Shintarou pursed his lips and tried to send another patch of signals hoping for telepathy. Kazunari didn’t even notice him.

 

“Are you only drinking water?”

 

Shintarou startled from his thoughts and looked on his other side, and at the stool where Seijuurou slipped in with ease. Not sure exactly when that had happened – he had just seen him say his goodbyes to Tetsuya who had given up the night –, he let out a small sigh and nodded. “I have work tomorrow, I don’t want a hangover, and I’m sure it’s not in the interest of my patients, either.”

 

“You could have stayed home.” Seijuurou offered a small smile but made the effort to tighten his grip from the glass of weirdly colorful cocktail. It seemed to be the same one that Kazunari bottomed so eagerly – he was already at his second.

 

Shintarou rubbed his tense nape. “I’d rather be here than wait at home for him to return.” He nodded towards his lover.

 

“Ah, I see.” Seijuurou crossed one leg over another and took a sip through the neon-blue straw, only to sigh afterwards. “If only my lover was so keen on meeting everybody…”

 

The music drowned some of Seijuurou’s words. Shintarou frowned. “What?”

  
“Nothing.”

 

Shintarou nodded, not sure if it really was all right to leave it to there, but he decided to be courageous and turned his head towards Kazunari again. There was a small whirl of messy hair right on Kazunari’s nape, and the sight made Shintarou smile faintly. It was his favorite spot to stroke and try to untangle and straighten, but no matter how hard he worked, the hair always curled back to its position. Knowing that at least Kazunari was enjoying himself, Shintarou felt a little better himself. So often Kazunari refused to come along because it was _friend time_ , but once he had found out that it was a huge gathering with people dragging their partners along, it had been Shintarou forced with him, not the other way around. Surely in the dead of the night in bed Kazunari would tell him all the things he had talked about, and he would patiently listen.

 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Seijuurou said on his other side.

 

“Huh?” Caught off guard, Shintarou turned around again and stared at Seijuurou with a deep frown on his face.

 

“Your mother. I heard about it.”

 

“Oh.” With an incredible speed his heart sank to his knees. There had finally started to be days when he only thought of her once or twice in the midst of the hectic schedule, and it helped to relief the pain. But here he was, the fact smashed right against the dirty surface of the bar, and Shintarou forgot to breathe. Like a little child lost in the shopping center he looked at his friend with slightly widened eyes. He couldn’t swallow down the lump in his throat. He cleared his throat and nodded a little. “Thank you.” It was all he could think about at the moment.

 

Seijuurou leaned closer and pressed a hand on his knee. “You do know that I will listen if you need someone else to talk to you.”

 

Glancing down at the hand, Shintarou wondered if Seijuurou had had one cocktail too many. He didn’t usher it away, though. “I know,” he assured.

 

“Let me take you out on a drink this week. Just you and I, somewhere quieter. I insist.”

 

“Uh…” Shintarou glanced over his shoulder at Kazunari and puckered his lips in thought. The hand on his knee stubbornly remained. “Sure,” he said after few seconds and fixed his gaze back at Seijuurou. “Sure, that sounds… refreshing. I’ll send you a message when I’m free.”

 

“Perfect.”

 

Clumsily Seijuurou patted Shintarou’s knee exactly three times before he pulled back, and nearly fell over as he tried to lean against the back of the stool, yet the stool had no back. Shintarou already leaned forward to catch his friend, but pulled his hand back to himself when it seemed that his assistance wasn’t needed. He could tell for sure that the drinks had done their duty and unraveled Seijuurou a little bit too much. Truthfully, it seemed that he was the minority at the moment, _not_ tipsy or drunk, that seemed; aside from himself, he guessed only Atsushi and Tatsuya were on the same side. He could tell Kazunari wasn’t exactly sober anymore from his voice climbing an octave higher every other word; he shook his head in bemusement, bottomed his water and looked at the time. _Too late_.

 

One ear-pounding song switched to another, and its rhythm made Shintarou think of some European country. It was also a song that seemingly pulled Ryouta out of whatever spell he was under, as the blond that was too perky for his own good pulled himself out of Daiki’s lap. “I love this song!” he exclaimed, his words slurring, barely making any sense.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the tune that made him tap his foot against the sticky floor. About to order himself another water, after all, defying the urge to relief himself later, he only managed to lift his hand when a great crash echoed over the song. He looked towards the other end and regretted it immediately. Ryouta balanced on a stool and wiped the surface clean from the glasses with the tip of his foot. The glasses crashed one by one on the floor, and a set of little shot glasses trickled down on the bartender’s side. But it seemed Ryouta didn’t care at all once he got both of his feet safely on the bar; a bright grin illuminated his lips. Shintarou wanted to dig a hole and let it swallow him whole – as long as no one associated him with that hips-shaking idiot, he was moderately all right. Second-hand embarrassment, however, ran through his veins. Seijuurou said nothing about it. Apparently Ryouta was given a silent permission to do what he was set out to do.

 

“Daikicchi!” he shouted over the thudding music and reached towards his kissing partner. “Come up with me!”

 

Daiki refused. Shintarou shook his head and ordered the water from the displeased-looking bartender, and managed to take a sip before he nearly choked on it while watching Ryouta swaying his hips from one side to the other. He experienced palpations when the idiot balanced over the bar and took steps towards their side. Afraid to be utterly embarrassed, Shintarou eyed the glasses that got broken one by one over the designer shoes. Only now and then Ryouta stopped to regain his balance and to show off his dance moves that were nothing but sloppy, yet oddly tempting. But he approached, too fast, and Shintarou couldn’t breathe. When Ryouta stopped, it wasn’t in front of him but Kazunari.

 

His heart skipped an ugly beat.

 

“Takaocchi, _please_ ,” whined Ryouta and stretched his hand towards the vigorously giggling Kazunari who could barely keep sitting on the stool without falling over. Ryouta’s expression turned to one of a pup’s, and he wiggled his fingers. “I know you want to, Takaocchi, come on!”

 

From the lack of immediate refusal, Shintarou knew that his lover was _considering_ it. In his mind he made several threats to utter out to Kazunari if he dared to get up – _I’m leaving as soon as you get one foot up there_ , or _I’m going to sleep on the couch for the next month_ –, but his mind turned completely blank as Kazunari gave Ryouta thumbs up and pulled his legs up on the stool. Shintarou narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth, squeezed the ice-cold glass better in his grasp. When Kazunari glanced at him over shoulder, the man showed off the brightest grin there was. Also a little tipsy, truthfully.

 

“Shin-chan, order me another drink!” were Kazunari’s last words, and then he already joined Ryouta up above everyone.

 

Shintarou buried his face to his palm. The music created a nasty tic right on the root of his ear, yet he still tapped his foot against the floor. When he had the courage to look up, his breath sapped in his lungs. He couldn’t deny the fact that Kazunari looked _good_ in his jeans that were tighter than normally as he swung his hips clumsily to the rhythm of both the song and Ryouta. Yet they were Ryouta’s hands reaching over Kazunari’s bottom that made Shintarou see bright red and his blood pressure to boil inside his veins. He didn’t have to bother to raise his voice, though, as Kazunari discreetly moved the other man’s hands up to the small of his back. It seemed that Ryouta took the hint as he pushed his arms up in the air and worked them along his figure. The glass on Shintarou’s hand trembled, not because of his uprising frustration but because of the hard steps both of the men made together.

 

Easily a head shorter, Kazunari wasn’t losing in allurement as he recreated the movement whilst rolling his hips that looked more than delicious in the skinny jeans. In a heartbeat Ryouta copied the movement, and soon they grinded against each other. Shintarou felt a twinge in his chest – perhaps once or twice Kazunari had worked his body against his in a dance, but it had never looked so damn _sexy_. His lips puckering to a pout, Shintarou narrowed his eyes even more yet kept them tightly fixed on Kazunari’s bottom that worked clumsily to keep up with Ryouta. Something about the sight worked its way straight into Shintarou’s boxers, and his cock stirred.

 

“Look at my boy go,” slurred Daiki as he took Kazunari’s vacant seat. He leaned towards Shintarou and gave a sheepish smile, pointed a messy finger towards the two having a dance-off. “But I mean, _damn_ , that little bitch of yours—“

 

“Don’t even think about it,” Shintarou snarled. His low, grumbling voice was enough to startle Daiki, and the man pulled back. His eyes kept fixed on both of them, and it was reason enough for Shintarou to want to give him a good kick between the legs. Kazunari looked good, _yes_ , but no one else should have been paying any attention to it. Still grumbling and making sure that Daiki kept his gaze on his own lover instead of his, Shintarou reluctantly turned towards Seijuurou when he nudged his shoulder. “What?” he grunted.

 

Seijuurou pressed his lips flat and leaned in. “I wouldn’t worry about Daiki but all the others.”

 

“What others?”

 

As Seijuurou pointed towards a direction behind their backs, Shintarou’s gaze followed. The sight of an audience – heavily male-dominated – made his heart stop beating. With the speed of light his cheeks glowed, from pure possessiveness, really. Who gave all those perverts the right to watch _his_ lover with their tongues hanging out? He took a large gulp from the water and decided that this was enough. Kazunari had embarrassed both of them enough, and Shintarou wanted no ogling eyes on the man’s shaking ass any longer. Shintarou pushed himself up on his feet and settled on the small space between two stools. He grabbed Kazunari’s leg and tugged harshly.

 

Immediately Kazunari glued his eyes at him. There wasn’t a hint of shame in those familiar features but a grin enough to make anyone’s knees turn into jelly. Shintarou gritted his teeth together so hard they ached.

 

“Shin-chan!” shouted Kazunari over the music and Ryouta’s broken attempt of singing in English (no one seemed to exactly mind as long as he was shaking his long, lean body in movements that should have only belonged to his lover). “Look, aren’t I looking—“

 

“Get down on this instant,” Shintarou snarled and tightened his grasp from the thin ankle.

 

Kazunari didn’t utter out a word but kept dancing.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou called, impatient.

 

It seemed that his lover was dead-set on dancing the night away.

 

“Takao!”

 

Kazunari’s movements stopped in a heartbeat, which would have looked comical beside Ryouta in any other situation but this. His hard swallow was painfully visible; his legs trembled, and his grin turned upside down. He bit his bottom lip, and under Shintarou’s harsh glare obeyed. It took long seconds for him to get down, but when he did, Shintarou wasted no time. He curled his fingers around Kazunari’s bare wrist and squeezed, and didn’t care about the small whimpers his lover made as he dragged him through the cheering crowd. Sure of the fact that Ryouta was continuing the show all on his own, Shintarou didn’t bother to look as he pulled Kazunari to the fresh air and the silence of a back alley. Standing in front of his lover, he could tell with one look he was on the road of getting drunk; Kazunari’s cheeks had a bit too deep coating of blush, and his eyes had thick red rims around them.

 

“Why the hell did you do that?” he demanded.

 

Kazunari pressed his back against the building’s wall and fiddled his fingers. “Am I in trouble?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I was… was just dancing,” he muttered to his feet and craned his neck. When he looked up at Shintarou, his bottom lip trembled. “I thought… it was fun, and I thought you’d enjoy it, possibly…”

 

Even through the fit of anger, Shintarou made sure there was enough space between them to not let Kazunari feel _too_ threaten. He crossed his arms over his chest. “And why do you think I’d enjoy all those men and women staring at you like you were just a piece of meat shaking his… his _ass_ at them?”

 

“But I was jiggling my butt for you, Shin-chan!” Kazunari whined.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and tried not to explode. Idly he wondered why the _hell_ he had to have a conversation about how dancing on tables wasn’t appropriate for a man of Kazunari’s age, and continued, “You’re not a teenager anymore. That kind of stuff does _not_ belong to this kind of situation in front of all my friends.”

 

“But Kise was doing it, too!” Kazunari stumbled a step forward and clutched the front of Shintarou’s sweater. “You can’t just blame me! Kise started it, Kise asked me to do it!”

 

“But you should have some sense in that stupid head of yours to not do it!” Shintarou barked. “First you force me here after my long day of work, then you ignore me, and then on top of that decide to act like a drunken idiot by getting up the bar! If they’d demand payment for the damage, who’d pay, you?”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “Please don’t shout at me, baby… I’m sorry…”

 

So he said, but Shintarou wasn’t too convinced. “Don’t you understand that people associate me with you? We’re an _item_ , Kazunari, and what you do affects my reputation and vice versa. You wouldn’t like it if I did what you just did, would you?”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and pulled on a great pout. “Are you saying you didn’t like it?”

 

“Frankly, you _embarrassed_ me.”

 

As soon as the words escaped from his mouth, Shintarou regretted them for one reason only – Kazunari looked ready to cry. The man stumbled a step back and pressed his back against the wall again. At first he looked at Shintarou with helpless eyes, and then hung his head down; his shoulders slumped, and so did his entire posture. As mad as Shintarou was, he knew that such a thing he could have saved to himself instead of making Kazunari look like that. Feeling guilt gripping his chest, Shintarou took the step separating them and touched Kazunari’s arm. His lover pulled his body immediately back, and somehow it reminded Shintarou of a turtle pulling to the safety of its own shell. With all the alcohol in Kazunari’s system, Shintarou didn’t even bother to try and soothe everything out.

 

“Go get your coat,” he said instead, his voice blank and dragging. “We’re leaving.”

 

Kazunari nodded and without a word worked his way back inside. Few steps behind Shintarou followed and tried not to feel so bad about the whole thing. He _had_ been embarrassed, after all, and he always tried to be truthful to the partner he had chosen for life. But the joy was gone from Kazunari’s body, it was obvious, and he knew he should have been gentler. Once they waded their way back to the bar, Ryouta no longer danced on the table but sulked on one of the stools between Daiki and Seijuurou. Once he saw Kazunari, his expression brightened ever so slightly.

 

“Takaocchi, we should do it—Wait, are you _leaving_ already?” Ryouta whimpered as Kazunari grabbed his jacket from the floor. Immediately, a stare of death pierced Shintarou. “You can’t do that, Midorimacchi, we were just about to have super fun!”

 

“We’re going home now,” Shintarou stated and tried to remain polite.

 

“That’s not fair! That’s not fair, we’re coming with you!” Ryouta tugged Daiki’s arm; the man looked ready to pass out any second now. “If you’re going, then we’re going, too! Come on, Daikicchi, move, we’re leaving!”

 

“You’re not coming.” Shintarou felt blood rise up to his face with speed when it looked like Seijuurou was more than ready to leave with them as well. “Seriously, Kise, I’m not taking you with me.”

 

“You have to! You have to, you have to, you have to, you have to, you ruined our night!”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and moved his hand on the small of Kazunari’s back to guide him towards the entrance.

 

“Midorimacchi!” Kise screamed. “You have to—“

 

“Fine!” Shintarou shouted and made all the men jolt. “Whoever wants to come with us, step forward now! But if you decide to use my taxi service, you will shut the _fuck_ up right now!”

 

Silence followed his outburst, and even Kazunari stared at him with widened, reddened eyes. Shintarou grunted and pressed his hand harder on the curve of his lover’s back to make him take quicker steps back towards the fresh air. All of a sudden he felt like a mother goose, as Ryouta with Daiki and Seijuurou alone followed him in a nice neat line. Not sure whether he wanted them in his apartment under these circumstances, he remained silent and cursed the whole night into oblivion. Tomorrow morning he would have to wake up before dawn, and he’d make sure that every single one would _sleep_ instead of continuing an idiotic party of their own. He drew Kazunari closer and gritted his teeth tightly together.


	49. Play a Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he really wanted was to bury himself in Shintarou’s arms and snuggle him and tell him how sorry he was about hundred times before Shintarou would get annoyed and kiss him to shut up.

An ache split Kazunari’s head right open, and as he woke up to the thudding, he felt like his brains trickled out of his ear like boiling hot goo. He groaned loud and cracked his dry eyes open, but squeezed them right shut. It was too bright, and he wasn’t enjoying the sensation of the sun drilling to the back of his sensitive irises at all. He drooled against the soft pillow and tried to take deep, calming breaths, but it didn’t relief the pain at all. Maybe Shintarou was already awake, and he’d be kind enough to go and get him a glass of water and some painkillers… Yet knowing his lover, he’d get nothing but scolding.

 

As the thought pierced his head, he remembered exactly what he had done last night. He muffled his scream against the pillow and kicked his feet softly against the bed. He had danced, _on top of the bar_. Cursing Ryouta to the lowest crack of Earth he could possibly think of, Kazunari rubbed his eyes. Maybe… Maybe Shintarou wouldn’t be too mad anymore. He remembered what an absolute embarrassment he had been to his lover, and felt his chest tighten unpleasantly. Shintarou had said it so himself – he had been _ashamed_. For a good reason, Kazunari agreed. The other side of the bed felt occupied, and a stone rolled off his shoulders. Now he had a good time to apologize, right before Shintarou would leave for work.

 

It took a lot of work from him to inch on the other side of his body, but he managed, and wrapped an arm around Shintarou. Instantly the overpowering scent of booze hit him and brought the taste of bile up his throat. Even when he was afraid of throwing up, Kazunari pressed his face against Shintarou’s shoulder and tried to swallow down whatever wanted to get up. It was job difficult enough, and he tried to relax against the warmth that didn’t bother to embrace him back. Wondering if Shintarou was _this_ annoyed with him, he collected his courage and opened his eyes, only to see a messy bush of blond hair greet him.

 

“What the…” He lifted his head up (and regretted it immediately as the movement brought a tingling sensation down his nape and made him unable to move). No matter how he looked at it, it was Ryouta’s figure he had wrapped himself around. A little surprised squeal wanted to get out of him, but he managed to shut it off right in time, didn’t want to wake up the blissfully sleeping Ryouta who dripped drool from the corner of his mouth to the bed. It felt like someone had poured ice-cold water over his intestines. Was he even at home? Frightened that he had fucked up more than he had ever dreamed of, Kazunari craned his aching neck and glanced around, and within a second sighed from relief. It was his bedroom, all right, basking in the annoying morning sun.

 

He pushed himself to sit down and rubbed his eyes. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry for it. Still he muttered aloud, “Why the hell am I sleeping with you…” and spared a glance towards Ryouta who gave him no answer. He worked his fingertips over his eyelids over and over again, and afterwards managed to blink his eyes normally again. The world wasn’t a blur anymore, but it didn’t make anything better. It didn’t bring his heart back from his knees to the chest, and it surely didn’t stop his core from quivering. The positive side was the fact that he was fully clothed, yet he knew that there was no amount of alcohol in the world that would have made him cheat on Shintarou. Still, the fact that he had slept next to _Ryouta_ bothered him, and so pushed himself up on his trembling feet. He stumbled and nearly fell, but managed to grasp a hold from the nightstand just in time.

 

The clothes from yesterday trapped his aching body underneath, but he didn’t bother to change them; there were more pressing issues at hand right now. Maybe Shintarou hadn’t left… Maybe he still had the chance to apologize before another long shift. Powered by the thought, Kazunari cleared his throat and tried to ignore the thudding by the root of his ear. His mind was still on fire, and it didn’t make walking any easier – truthfully, he couldn’t have been able to walk a straight line even if he’d try. Why the hell had he drunk so much? It was supposed to be a fun gathering, not centered on him making his other half feel so embarrassed because he couldn’t behave… Kazunari swallowed hard – it hurt –, and as panic turned the wooden floor into quicksand and made it nearly impossible to advance, he yanked the bedroom door open.

 

At first he couldn’t see a thing as he cringed from the too bright sunlight. When his weeping eyes got accustomed to it, his heart jumped up his mouth. Instead of Shintarou, Seijuurou and Daiki occupied the couch, and it was the oddest pairing he could have seen right at the very moment. Seijuurou seemed shower-fresh, while Daiki’s attire looked more like his, completed with dirty hair and occasional groans. Kazunari spotted the Trivial Pursuit board on the table, and his brows knitted deeply together. Swaying on the spot that suddenly didn’t seem all too secure, he narrowed his eyes and held his head. He groaned quietly, and so did Daiki. Seijuurou, however, offered him a flat smile.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“M-Morning…” Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut when it felt like he was going to vomit after all, but somehow managed to keep everything inside. Clearing his throat, he fixed his hazy gaze back to the man and asked, “Do you know… where Shin-chan is?”

 

“Ah, Shintarou left for work hours ago.”

 

The frown on his face didn’t help the headache. “What time is it…?”

 

“Noon.” Seijuurou’s smile twitched a little higher. Somehow, it seemed sadistic. “I’ve made some coffee if you’d like some.”

 

“Thanks…” Not bothering to question why exactly the other was so comfy at his home, Kazunari staggered a step closer and patted his pockets. Nothing bulging out, he stopped dead on his tracks and leaned against the couch to keep his balance. His head would explode any second, he knew; the pain throbbed on the back of his head and spread down to his spine. He breathed deeply and murmured, “Have you seen my phone…? Same as Shin-chan’s but… an orange case?”

 

Seijuurou frowned lightly. “It might be in the kitchen.” He paused for a second. “Is Ryouta still asleep?”

 

“Um, yeah… I think so.”

 

“I do apologize, we’ll be out of the way as soon as he wakes up.”

 

“No, no, it’s… fine,” Kazunari concluded. If he were truthful, he would have loved nothing more but to pull on sweats and order pizza to survive the hangover and then beg for forgiveness, but didn’t voice that aloud. Instead, he looked at the game board and couldn’t hold in his curiosity anymore. “Are you really playing that?”

 

Seijuurou flashed a sheepish smile. “Yes. It’s just an attempt to wake Daiki up, really. Care to join?”

 

Maybe it would wake _him_ up, too. “Yeah, I’ll just… I’ll just get the coffee first.”

 

Still in daze, his mind spinning around and splurging ideas that didn’t really belong there, Kazunari hurried to the kitchen, not because of the coffee but because of the phone. He found it within a heartbeat and latched himself to it, and sent Shintarou a message to call him at lunchtime. When he got back an answer within five minutes saying nothing but ‘ok’, he knew he was fucked.

 

His skin rose to goose bumps, and his hands trembled as he poured some coffee to his favorite mug. Even the sight of the cute pink stripes on white porcelain didn’t manage to make him smile. Why the hell had been so _stupid_ to do something as idiotic as he had done? And right under Shintarou’s nose! Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against the counter, and hit his head rather softly against it. It wouldn’t be anything earth-shattering, relationship-breaking, no, but now he was ashamed and didn’t know how exactly he was going to wiggle himself out of this mess he had created all by himself. The tight jeans gripped his thighs hard and made his blood back down. He wiggled his fingers, nudged the phone to the pocket, and grabbed the mug with him as he dragged himself back to the living room, defeated.

 

Daiki had slumped down and took the entire couch with his listless body, and Kazunari didn’t even bother to try. Under Seijuurou’s watchful eyes he plopped himself down on the floor and tried not to pay attention to the dull ache in his chest. Shintarou must have hated him now. Kazunari hung his head down and closed his eyes.

 

“Are you worried?” Seijuurou asked.

 

Kazunari lifted his head and watched the man toy with the dice, before he mustered out without wanting to, “Yeah… I feel like some stupid kid instead of a man, I really thought I’d never do something so…” He couldn’t find a suitable insult, and merely sighed. “Shin-chan’s going to be so mad at me.”

 

“I thought Shintarou looked more concerned than upset before he left,” said Seijuurou. “We all make mistakes, don’t you agree?”

 

“Yeah… I guess?”

 

“Either way, there’s nothing you can do about it before you have a chance to talk to Shintarou. So why don’t you play a round with me?”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips and took a sip from the coffee. It was the strongest he had ever tasted, and he cringed. As much as he wanted to spit it back to the cup, he bravely swallowed and shuddered straight afterwards. He gazed at the board and wrinkled his nose. “I’m really not good at that, I keep losing to Shin-chan every time.”

 

“Maybe today is your lucky day, then.”

 

He laughed dryly. “I seriously doubt it.”

 

Seijuurou tilted his head ever so slightly. “And why is that?”

 

“Because I… you…” Whatever wanted to get out of Kazunari’s mouth simply didn’t. With widened eyes he stared at Seijuurou and felt a shudder of terror pierce him through the whole length of his torso. He shook his head. “Nothing. Let me be the orange button, and then we can play.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

Kazunari pushed himself up on his knees and regretted it immediately. The world around him was in motion, but bravely he tried. Trivial Pursuit really wasn’t the thing he wanted to do first thing after waking up, but under Seijuurou’s authority he felt like he had no other choice. All he really wanted was to bury himself in Shintarou’s arms and snuggle him and tell him how sorry he was about hundred times before Shintarou would get annoyed and kiss him to shut up. _That_ sounded like his kind of plan, but he couldn’t help but settle the right button to his corner of the board and try to focus his gaze on it. Maybe Seijuurou was doing this on purpose, like a second-hand punishment, because the colors only made his head hurt even more.

 

He rolled the dice and landed to the right square. Seijuurou’s question went in from one ear and came out of the other, and Kazunari stared at him blankly. He did see the man’s mouth move, but he couldn’t hear anything other than his own erratic heartbeat taking control of his ears. Before he managed to ask the other to repeat, his pocket vibrated.

 

Forgetting to breathe, with clumsy, lukewarm fingers he fished his phone out and watched the familiar ‘Shin-chan’ with three different emojis behind the letters flash on the screen. His nostrils flared, and Kazunari had to remind himself to keep his lungs working. He stared at his phone like he had never seen it before, and then snapped out of the trance. He knew exactly how impatient Shintarou could be, and he didn’t want him to hang up before he had the chance to say anything. Scurrying up to his feet, he looked at Seijuurou. “Do you mind if I… you know, take this?”

 

“Be my guest.”

 

Kazunari rushed towards the bedroom, only to midway realize that Ryouta was happily making the whole room smell absolutely horrible. He traced his steps back, his phone buzzing in his hand, and he squeezed it like his life depended on it as he ran to the bathroom. He locked the door and pressed his back against it, only to slid down on the floor. For a second longer he looked at Shintarou’s name with a gnawing feeling in his heart, and then answered the call.

 

“Baby?” His voice trembled.

 

“ _Hey_ ,” Shintarou said, almost _whispered_. “ _So you’re still alive_.”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari let out a sad laugh. He couldn’t make anything out of Shintarou’s voice. He pulled his legs up his chest and hug them, pulled himself to the smallest possible package and rested his chin over his knees. Shintarou said nothing, and neither did he, and the silence was a blade sharp enough to pierce through his guts and kill him. Eventually, he quietly cleared his throat. “Um… I’m really sorry about… last night.”

 

“ _Don’t be_ ,” said Shintarou immediately.

 

“I am, and I should be, okay?” Kazunari gripped the phone tighter. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you… And I would have been ashamed of myself, too. It wasn’t… suitable behavior at all, and I know that.”

 

“ _Kazunari_ ,” Shintarou sighed rather softly. “ _I was too harsh with my words last night, and I certainly didn’t mean to make you feel bad._ I _felt bad after that_.”

 

Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the back of his head harder against the door. “I just don’t want you to be ashamed of me… Shin-chan, that’s really the last thing I want in this world.”

 

“ _Kazunari_ —“

 

“No, listen to me. You should be proud of me in every situation and not having to watch me dance… dance…” His words died in the middle, and he couldn’t get out a single sound. Breathing hard through his nose, Kazunari suddenly feared of losing his mind, and didn’t understand why something so simple as getting oxygen to his lungs was so hard. He buried his face to his knees and tried to claw the phone. Whenever he did manage to breath, they came out as little hiccups filled with pure panic.

 

“ _Kazunari_ ,” Shintarou called but got no response. “ _Dear, you need to calm down, take deep breaths. Nothing’s going to happen_.”

 

The backs of Kazunari’s eyes burned. Shintarou instructed him to breathe through his nose and out through his mouth, and so he did, time after time as his lover counted for him on the phone. _This_ was embarrassing, too, but he did his best to push the thought deep in the dark pit of his mind, because it wasn’t helping him at all. After a moment, he was back in control of his breathing, but the shaky feeling inside him still lingered. He only wanted to see Shintarou’s face right now, because surely it would be more calming than anything else.

 

“ _Listen_.” Now Shintarou sounded a lot gentler. “ _I’m not mad at you, and I’m not upset about it. It happened yesterday, and today is a new day_.”

 

“If you say so,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“ _Yes, I do say so. Are you having a hangover_?”

 

“Yeah,” he admitted, miserable.

 

“ _Then I’ll stop by a convenience store when I get back home to make you feel better. What do you want, ice cream?_ ”

 

Why the _hell_ was Shintarou still together with him? Kazunari’s eyes burnt with tears, and he nodded, only to realize a second later that his lover couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I want ice cream,” he mumbled, his tone a little childish.

 

“ _The one with chocolate chips, right? Just try to get some rest, drink plenty of water, and take a nap if you need to, and please… make sure there’s no extra people by the time I get back, alright?_ ”

 

“Okay,” Kazunari agreed. He took a breath deep enough to raise his chest significantly, and heaved the air out at one go. “You’re dear to me, Shin-chan.”

 

“ _And you know I feel the same way about you_ ,” Shintarou said, matter-of-factly. “ _Now, I need to return back to work. Will you be alright?_ ”

 

“I think so.” Kazunari straightened his posture and told himself that things were just _fine_. For a moment he hesitated, and then continued, “Can I cuddle you when you get back?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “ _Yes, you can. Go get yourself a painkiller now if you haven’t already, and stop thinking about it. We’ve handled it now, and it’s forgotten, and I know you won’t do it again._ ”

 

“Oh, I won’t, trust me.”

 

They exchanged their byes with sweet voices, and Kazunari felt admittedly a lot better when he ended the call. Yet he remained on the spot a while longer even when the floor made his bottom tingle with coldness. The truth still was that he was embarrassed of himself, but Shintarou hadn’t sounded like he was smoothing the truth. Kazunari allowed a sigh and hugged his legs a little tighter against his chest, and dreamed of eating ice cream in Shintarou’s arms.


	50. Apple Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly, Kazunari turned to look at him. What seemed like an attentive expression now softened, and a smile spread to his lips.

Holding hands in public wasn’t Shintarou’s forte. Usually the mere idea made his spine tingle and _not_ in a very good way, because his private businesses wasn’t meant for the rest of the world. Yet there were certain occasions when he moved his hand to Kazunari’s and let his lover squeeze it gently. That was the case now, although he barely felt the grasp through a set of mittens. Shintarou glanced at him, but Kazunari was more interested in their surroundings. On good days, when they had nothing else to do and the weather was favorable, they’d take the train to quiet, peaceful suburbs and walk around in the silence. It was the place where he felt comfortable enough to give certain displays of affection. His steps slow, every once in a while Kazunari tugged him forward and he obeyed.

 

He looked around to the spacious houses and the neatly tendered front yards; some of them were filled with snow, and from some the snow had been ruthlessly shoved aside. The sight made him crave to live in such a detached house, too. Sometimes he toyed with the idea of moving into one of them – they were at the stage already, had been for a year or two now –, but he hadn’t gotten around to tell it to Kazunari yet. Sighing softly, Shintarou watched his breath turn visibly white in the brisk air and looked up to see it float high above the clear sky. The coldness prickled his skin despite the warm, thick layer of clothing, but he didn’t complain. He had to admit that walking hand in hand was surprisingly cozy. The faint smile on Kazunari’s lips made the moment even better, and Shintarou couldn’t help but smile as well.

 

All of a sudden Kazunari came to a full stop, and Shintarou stumbled few steps. Just in time he managed to pull his long body back in control and settled beside Kazunari with a light frown. His lover stared at a house with narrowed eyes, and Shintarou examined the same one. It looked no different from the rest, as it, too, looked spacious and taken care of. Even when he gently tried to tug Kazunari back in motion – it was a little questionable to keep glaring at someone else’s house like so –, his lover didn’t budge a single inch. Shintarou sighed and moved right back next to him again, and took in the sight once more. He found the only difference, and it was a winter-bitten apple tree on the front yard. It stretched long towards the sky, but so did every other cherry tree on the same street. He looked at Kazunari’s sharpened profile.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. His heart beat a little faster than a second before.

 

Slowly, Kazunari turned to look at him. What seemed like an attentive expression now softened, and a smile spread to his lips. “I want a house like that, too,” he announced, his voice rather gentle and above all, loving.

 

Shintarou eyed the house once more before he fixed his gaze for good on the man. “What exactly is different from it than the rest of them?”

 

“Maybe the apple tree?” Kazunari chuckled and tightened his grasp from Shintarou’s hand. “I don’t know, it just looks like a house where I want to raise our kids and spend the rest of my life and then watch our kids move out, and grow old together with you.”

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a joyful beat. His cheeks gained heat, but it was easy to mask the weather as a culprit. He still made the effort to hold his lover’s hand a little better. The wrinkles on his face smoothened. “You’re right, it looks like a good house for that,” he agreed. Thinking about the future used to scare him, because it seemed vast and endless. But after he had realized that this was the man that was going to stick with him through any kind of weather, that this was the man he would proudly call his husband and the father of his children one day, he had found thinking about his old days rather pleasant. They were days he would spend with Kazunari, after all, and even if it meant enduring a bucketful of bad jokes every other day, he’d take it.

 

“I’m serious, though,” Kazunari said as he finally walked again and pulled Shintarou along. “I’m tired of living on rent, I want to _own_ a house and know that it’s ours.”

 

“And with what money were you exactly thinking of buying one?”

 

Kazunari looked at him. His lips puckered. “Well, I have that one special savings account—“

 

“You promised not to touch it unless it’s an emergency,” Shintarou reminded dryly.

 

“I want to invest in our future, Shin-chan.” The pucker on Kazunari’s lips grew into a pout, and he looked on his side at the neat line of houses again. “Why is it your life mission to disagree with absolutely everything I say?” he mumbled.

 

“I’m not trying to do that.” Shintarou forced both of them to stop. “I’m just trying to be realistic, alright? You just have the tendency to want things without really thinking about the consequences.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kazunari’s shoulders slumped ever so slightly. “This is how strong my faith is for the fact that we’ll be together for all the years that are ahead of us, Shin-chan. I want to buy a house with you, and I want to make our life look like _ours_. But if you want to keep living on rent, that’s fine with me, and we’ll—“

 

“That’s not what I want,” Shintarou hurried to say as he yanked his lover closer. As he tried to gather his thoughts into sensible words, he sighed. “I agree with you, now feels like the most suitable time to invest on something like that, but we need to look into things together, and see the price range, and make sure everything’s working before we leap into something so big head first.”

 

“I hate when you do that.” Kazunari rolled his eyes.

 

“Do what?”

 

“You know, be all realistic.”

 

The little flash of a smile allowed Shintarou to breathe properly again. “Well, your head is always right in the clouds,” he said, _teased_ for once in his life, and squeezed Kazunari’s hand. “But I do like it,” he revealed after a pause and gave a sheepish grin.

 

Kazunari was all smiles as he clung to Shintarou’s arm and clued himself tightly to him. For once, Shintarou really didn’t mind at all even when a person passed them every now and then. He was _in love_ , after all, with this headstrong creature that managed to make him smile when no one else did and that made him unafraid of the future that had always seemed so gloomy before. With his free hand he patted Kazunari’s arm and got an endearing smile back. He inhaled a gentle breath and looked up in the sky that looked frosty with its ice-cold blueness. Thinking of his mother, he felt his chest tighten, and closed his eyes for two steps. She would be proud of him; she would be proud of the way she had raised him to respect the man he held dear. For the first time after she had passed away, the thought of her brought a small smile on his lips.

 

“What?” asked Kazunari and tugged his sleeve.

 

Shintarou shook his head. “Nothing.”

 

“You sure? You look so cute when you smile like that.”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

Kazunari smirked but didn’t question it any further; instead, he pulled himself closer to Shintarou and walked to the same slow rhythm. As much as Shintarou wanted to stop smiling, he couldn’t. It would be what she’d want, anyway, for him to smile a bit more often. As Kazunari stared at the houses in awe again, Shintarou eyed the man’s profile and wanted to kiss him, but decided to save that for the privacy.

 

As they took the train back home, Shintarou let Kazunari rest his head on his shoulder and didn’t care about the occasional looks they received.

 

His feet surprisingly sore, he was more than happy to kick his shoes off in the warmth of their hallway. They shared a small kiss each other, fleeting, enough to make him crave for more, but he didn’t ask that and instead hung both of their jackets. He shuddered as the cold of the outside world slowly seeped away from his skin, and curled his toes to make them defrost a little faster. Resting his gaze on Kazunari whose feet were covered in thick woolen socks, Shintarou hummed.

 

“I think I’m seriously making coffee, I’m craving for it,” Kazunari announced and look at him over his shoulder. “You want some?”

 

“Sure.”

 

A flash of a smile, and Kazunari disappeared to the kitchen. Shintarou worked himself with slight difficulties to the living room. Ao slept the afternoon away on the other side of the couch, and he really didn’t want to bother her, thus, he sat on the side more unfamiliar to him. From the corner of his eye he watched her stir in her kitten-sleep, and as much as he wanted to acknowledge her presence through words, he still couldn’t shove aside the embarrassment it would have brought him. Shintarou shook his head in bemusement and opened the television, tried to find something worthwhile to watch. In the process of it, at the right channel his eyes widened from the recognition of the cooking competition hosts.

 

“Hey, they’re showing a re-run of the episode we missed two days ago!” he called, his chin towards the general direction of the kitchen.

 

It took mere seconds for Kazunari to rush to the joint of the kitchen and living room, and he peeked his head out. “You serious?” he asked but answered himself, “Fuck, don’t change the channel, the coffee’s almost done!”

 

More than content of the discovery, Shintarou put the remote down and relaxed on the couch. It felt so _wrong_ to even watch the beginning alone without Kazunari’s comment how one of the competitor’s hair looked like chicken to him (which happened every single time without a fail). He melted better to the couch and glanced at her again. She had opened her eyes and idly stared at him with the piercing icy-blue, but didn’t move a single bone, and only after a moment lazily swayed her tail. Shintarou was about to reach his hand to pet her when Kazunari arrived with loud thuds as steps.

 

“Watch out, babe, move your feet out of the way… Thanks, here you go.”

 

Sitting more upright, Shintarou took the pleasantly warm cup to himself and watched Kazunari place his on the table. With ease Kazunari picked Ao up and settled her on his lap, and although she first protested with a meow, she settled comfortably on his lap and purred softly under her breath. Kazunari heaved out a heavy sigh and rested his head back to Shintarou’s shoulder. He moved his hand on the man’s thigh and stroked the spot gently.

 

Every movement of the hand brought a tingle right next to Shintarou’s spine. He bristled with joy but didn’t show it on his face, rather took a sip from the milk coffee and enjoyed the fingers working over his leg. He glanced down, saw Kazunari’s other hand absentmindedly stroke their kitten, and the sight brought a smile on Shintarou’s lips. Needless to say, this was the kind of life he had never envisioned to have but now knew had always secretly hoped for. His lips tingled from the urge to kiss Kazunari again, but he was too sluggish to lean down and relief that need. Instead, he worked his fingers through the mess of dark hair and rubbed the very nape of his lover’s neck. It made Kazunari squirm and chuckle, but the hand on his thigh never disappeared.

 

Kazunari looked up at him. All the love in the world had been implanted to his eyes. “I’m not sure how exciting this episode is, we already saw who’s not there on the next one,” he pointed out with a soft voice.

 

“Does it really matter?” Shintarou got easily lost in his eyes.

 

“No… Not really.”

 

Agreeing, Shintarou hummed when Kazunari placed his head back on his shoulder. Ready to melt from the sudden sweetness, he rolled his eyes closed and enjoyed the moment.


	51. Good Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like February is a suggestion month! ~~I can't help it, the prompts go really well with them.~~ This time it's a request from **_Slemons_** who asked for sick Takao, and Shin-chan nursing him... I'm not sure if you had this in mind, but let's roll with it for now!

**20 th OF FEBRUARY, 20XX  
** _\- second year of high school –_

Kazunari tried to inhale deep, but gooey snot coated his nostrils thoroughly and made breathing that much harder. As a groan escaped his mouth – he could _taste_ the snot as well, and that sensation alone was enough to make him nauseous –, he took a little inhale and rubbed his nose against the back of his palm. With disgust in his features he stared at his hand and wiped it clean to the blanket he had tightly wrapped around his body. The cold towel on his forehead had changed into lukewarm and didn’t help at all anymore. His skin glowed absolutely everywhere, and as much as he wanted to throw the blanket away and feel freer and less restricted by some damp fabric, he kept it tangled around him. That was what his mom had said when he had called her, along with _should we come home after all_ and _are you really going to be all right_ as if he was ten all over again.

 

Truthfully, he felt like _shit_. There was no other way to describe it, and he couldn’t have come up with any more sophisticated adjective even if he tried.

 

He tried to focus on his favorite movie that he had decided to put on, but his mind felt so full. Maybe the mucus had climbed up to his brains. The thought made Kazunari shudder, and he squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach grumbled and demanded to be fed, but he was too tired to even get up and walk to the fridge; the journey felt kilometers long. Once he had started shivering, he kept going without wanting to. He wiped his nose straight to the blanket this time and sneezed, too. He made a mental note to chuck it to the laundry on the first moment possible, and sank better on the couch that was all his. Breathing mainly through his mouth made his throat dry, and Kazunari grumbled and wiggled like an unsatisfied child. He knew he should have been thinking about homework and all the revision he’d need to do as soon as he could stand on his feet, but he rather didn’t. Lulling in his sickbed – or _couch_ – was a lot more tempting. Too bad his vision was a blur, his mood feverish, and his lungs raspy.

 

What saved him from sudden death of boredom was a happy ringtone. He stared at his phone that rested on the table and groaned loudly. Couldn’t it just somehow teleport itself to _him_? Swearing that he would become an inventor just to come up with something like that, Kazunari stretched his quivering muscles that weren’t in the mood at all, and curled his fingers around the vibrating phone. Seeing Shin-chan’s name flash on the screen made his sweaty brows knit together. It was _odd_ , to say the least, because usually he was the one who called whilst Shintarou preferred texting as the method. Nonetheless Kazunari answered the call and pressed the wonderfully cool surface of the phone against his ear.

 

“Hey, Shin-ch—“ A violent sneeze interrupted him. The echo of it was modest coughs.

 

“ _Where are you?_ ” demanded Shintarou with a strict tone. “ _First you didn’t come to classes, and then you were nowhere to be seen in practice. Explain_.”

 

“I’m sick!” Kazunari whined, a little desperate, a little hurt that Shintarou hadn’t caught that during the very first seconds of the call. He let out a quiet mewl and bent his body to be able to press his sweaty forehead against his knees. “I’m sick, Shin-chan, so you can’t be all mean to me today…”

 

“ _Sick?_ ” Shintarou paused for a moment. “ _Since when?_ ”

 

“Since yesterday evening. I—“

 

Kazunari couldn’t even finish his sentence when a monotonous beeping answered him. His eyes widening and his brows arching higher, he looked at the screen of the phone. Shintarou had actually _hung up_ on him His mouth circling to almost a perfect ‘o’, Kazunari huffed through his stuffy nose and threw the phone on the other side of the couch, and crossed his arms over his chest. What was that about? You didn’t just hang up on your _boyfriend_ when he was lying on his deathbed!

 

As a loud throb took over the back of his head, Kazunari let out another loud groan and threw himself on the couch with all of his length. The blanket fell partially on the floor and revealed his shorts that he had deemed fitting to his heat level. He wasn’t quite sure whether he was hot or cold, but didn’t bother to pull up the blanket after all. If he’d die from either heat or hypothermia, he’d blame it on Shintarou. Sullen, Kazunari’s lips puckered to a wild pout, and he lifted his head enough to look at the phone to make sure Shintarou didn’t call again to apologize for bad reception. Nothing. Convinced that he had the worst, the lousiest boyfriend in the entire world, he let out throaty grumbles and rolled on his side to face the couch. The couch was a better lover to him, embracing him, taking good care of him, being soft and soothing, and everything he wanted Shin-chan to be instead of the idiot he actually was. Deciding that Shintarou really wasn’t worth his precious, feverish deliriums right now, Kazunari squeezed his eyes close and wanted to fall asleep as soon as possible.

 

It was the annoying ringing of the doorbell that made him curse another being as low as possible within ten minutes. Kazunari let out a new set of throaty noises and squirmed on the couch that was slowly becoming uncomfortable. Over and over again the doorbell sang so very happily, and Kazunari wanted to pull its cords and cut them so it wouldn’t. “No one’s home!” he tried with a shout, but it gave no desired results.

 

Like goo he slipped on the floor and lied on the coldness for few precious moments. The sound of the doorbell had never been more annoying, and Kazunari desperately wanted to kick something. His usual sunny side was long gone, and it was replaced by rain with a chance of thunderstorms. First he crawled towards the front door and had to stop to catch his breath and cough. Phlegm rose to his mouth and made him gag, and he tried to swallow it down with a little success. Sure of the fact that he’d throw up any second now, Kazunari forced himself up on his feet and rushed forward. A bad decision, he realized within seconds, as the world around him swayed and the door seemed to be farther and farther away. Sniveling, he leaned against the wall right behind the door. He allowed his eyes to slip close and hung his head down, collected his strength. Whoever it was, he’d make sure they’d leave in a heartbeat so he could go hug the ice-cold toilet. _Ah, yeah, I’ll do that_ , he thought and dreamed of it as he took the effort to swing the door open.

 

He wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but once he saw Shintarou’s towering figure with a plastic bag in hand and a mask covering half of his face, Kazunari realized it couldn’t have been anyone else. He stumbled a step back and wrinkled his mouth to a pout.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“What is with that attire?” countered Shintarou, his eyes glaring behind the glasses.

 

“Huh?” Kazunari looked down at himself and didn’t understand what was wrong with the shorts and an oversized sleeveless shirt. They were _comfortable_. “I don’t understand, Shin-chan, what are you complaining about?”

 

“When you’re sick, you need to dress _warmly_ ,” Shintarou stated matter-of-factly and barged in, and marched past Kazunari. “Go lay down on the couch, you shouldn’t be up on your feet in the first place.”

 

“But I was lying on the couch before you decided to brutally violate my doorbell!” Kazunari whined, closed the door and hurried after Shintarou. “It’s your fault I’m up on my feet!”

 

Shintarou stopped and adjusted his glasses. “Go on the couch, Takao.”

 

Kazunari grumbled and bared his teeth to him to an ugly grimace, but obeyed nonetheless and slumped down on the couch. A little cold, he yanked the blanket back over himself and pulled his legs against his chest. Mildly curious, he watched Shintarou storm around the house from one room to another; it was a lot more interesting than the movie on the television. Kazunari’s pout curled to a little grin, but it disappeared as soon as Shintarou marched straight towards him. His eyes widening and his heart beating a bit too fast, he parted his lips to a protest, but got a thermometer between them instead. He frowned but enclosed his mouth around it, and gave an upward glare to Shintarou. His boyfriend rolled up his sleeves and remained on his feet right in front of him.

 

“Hah ha hu hoing?” Kazunari tried.

 

“Stay still and don’t say a word for a minute.”

 

Not very happy about the command, Kazunari loosely crossed his arms over his chest but kept the little device in his mouth nonetheless. He looked Shintarou more closely. There were little wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, and he knew the wrinkles only appeared when the other boy was anxious about something, like thinking he hadn’t read enough for an exam that he’d ace in the end. His heart thudded. Was Shintarou _worried_ about him? Surely, Shintarou tapped his foot against the floor and kept glancing around, and whenever he fixed his gaze back on Kazunari, the wrinkles deepened. Kazunari’s chest tightened, and then melted, and a smile overtook his features. His Shin-chan was actually _worried_. The thought made him giddy and his stomach nip pleasantly.

 

The thermometer beeped in his mouth. Shintarou sighed sharply and pulled it out. His lips puckered. “Fever,” he sighed and shook his head. Then, the harsh stare climbed back up to Kazunari. “Don’t move a single bone.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes but nodded, and watched Shintarou disappear to the general direction of the kitchen. As much as he was still sulking, at the same time it was hard for him to contain his grin. Shintarou had come all this way just to make him feel better… It had to be the case, right? Of course Shintarou wasn’t going to admit that, he’d be too _tsun-tsun_ for that, Kazunari deduced and rolled his eyes close. Hearing steady clattering from the kitchen was quite soothing and brought his mind to places where it had visited once or twice before. When they’d grow up and would be adults and hopefully together, would it feel like _this_ to live together? To be able to hear another person in a place he called home, to have someone to take care of him when he couldn’t breathe properly because of his runny nose… Maybe he was stepping ahead and maybe he was too optimistic, but at least he knew that Shintarou really cared.

 

Five minutes later Shintarou returned together with the biggest mug Kazunari had ever seen; he didn’t even know that they owned one. He inhaled sharply through his mouth and coughed immediately afterwards. Maybe he only imagined it, but Shintarou’s last steps seemed a bit hastier than the first ones.

 

“Drink this.” Shintarou nudged the mug in Kazunari’s hand and remained standing up.

 

A little cautious, Kazunari sniffed the hot liquid but couldn’t come up with a scent. He looked up at the other. “What is it?”

 

“Chamomile tea with honey. You need to drink something warm so that the membranes lining your nose and throat don’t feel so uncomfortable—“

 

“Are we roleplaying doctor and patient here?”

 

Shintarou’s cheeks glowed a little redder. “Don’t be ridiculous, Takao. Just drink it and keep your mouth shut.”

 

Wanting to ask how exactly he was supposed to drink while keeping his mouth shut, Kazunari thought it was best to keep it hidden and took a sip of the tea instead. He didn’t quite taste anything, but as the warm liquid flew down his throat, he shuddered and wondered if he had found his way to heaven. It soothed the soreness that coated his esophagus, and hungrily he took another gulp. Pretty sure the satisfaction of this was the same as with those who finally got water in the middle of the desert, Kazunari bristled from joy. Yet he startled when something cold suddenly slammed against his forehead, and with bewildered eyes looked up at Shintarou again.

 

“It’s just something to make you feel less hot,” Shintarou muttered. He crouched in front of Kazunari to press the little cool strip better on the forehead, and once he was done, he didn’t straighten his legs. Instead, he remained on the position, now a little lower than Kazunari’s eye level.

 

Was it the fever doing weird tricks to him? Kazunari focused his gaze on Shintarou, and _yes_ , there his boyfriend was, taking care of him, looking at him with such worry in his eyes that he wanted to say that it was only a stupid flu and that he’d get over it in a heartbeat. He looked into Shintarou’s eyes and sighed gently. “I never thought I’d live to see the day when Shin-chan would take such good care of me,” he quietly teased and managed to draw out even a deeper blush.

 

“It’s not like that,” Shintarou hurried to say with the speed of light. “I simply thought you were doing something idiotic like skipping school and practice, which you shouldn’t, and I couldn’t help but wonder—“

 

“So you were lonely without me?”

 

It was amusing to see Shintarou’s eyes widen so much in such a short period of time. Kazunari hid his smile behind the large mug but couldn’t help the throaty chuckles as Shintarou turned bright red. The boy parted his lips several times to form words, but not once did he manage to say something. A little worried whether he had broken his Shin-chan for good now, Kazunari took a small sip from the tea and sucked in his lips to stop himself from grinning.

 

“I wasn’t lonely without you,” Shintarou finally mustered out, and immediately cleared his throat and pushed himself back up. “Anyway, you need to finish that so you can take shower, and afterwards you need to sleep.”

 

Ready to throw more fire to the flames, Kazunari asked with his sweetest voice, “Will you tuck me in?”

 

Shintarou spared him a glance, and as he looked away, he pushed his glasses better up on the bridge of his nose. “Possibly,” he muttered so very quietly and rushed out of the living room.

 

Blinking rapidly, Kazunari wasn’t exactly sure what to think about. Had his silly little thing been a _success_? Shintarou had agreed to tuck him in to bed, he had heard that with his very own ears. Shintarou tucking him in… Kazunari flushed without warning. His nostrils flared, and as he finished rubbing his nose clean to the blanket, he gulped down the tea faster than he could actually swallow. He’d take a super short shower just so he could see the miracle that was Shin-chan acting nice and gentle like a good boyfriend. Mentally apologizing to Shintarou for even thinking that he was a lousy lover, Kazunari bottomed the tea and got up so fast that he nearly fell over.

 

“I’m taking a shower!” he cooed with a raspy voice.

 

He got rid of the clothes already on the way to the bathroom, and jumped under the shower with haste. He made sure that there was not a bead of sweat glistening on any crook of his body, the warm water did wonders to his aching muscles. Kazunari’s heart beat fast, and he couldn’t really calm down knowing that Shintarou was here to take care of him. He looked up and pushed his bangs out of the way, and let the water lick his damp features. He only wished he wasn’t so damn sick now; otherwise, surely they could kiss and cuddle and snuggle and maybe have another go at fucking. His toes curled from the thought, and Kazunari chuckled. He opened his mouth and took some water in, gargled and spit it out on the slippery floor.

 

In the end he took a little longer time than was necessary. He felt a lot mucus-freer by the time he turned off the shower and stepped out, and searched for a towel. Finding none, he opened the door just enough and startled. Shintarou stood right behind, now fiercely blushing, and took a step behind. Kazunari stared at him with wide eyes and his heart up his throat, but heaved out a gentle breath and couldn’t help the smile that tugged his lips higher. “Can you get me a towel?” he asked. Without a word Shintarou nodded but nearly walked into a wall as he turned around.

 

Kazunari wasn’t sure how Shintarou managed to be so damn cute while still being the way he was. Shaking his head in amusement, he found all the little things endearing, like the fierce blush and the wordless worry that Shintarou would surely never express aloud. A moment later the boy returned with a fluffy towel, and Kazunari opened the door more. He wrapped the towel around his dripping body and pretended not to notice the discreet glance Shintarou gave to his naked body. Pushing his bangs out of the way of his eyes, he straightened his posture and looked up at the other with eyes of a puppy dog.

 

“I’m ready to go to bed now,” he said.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “Of course you are.”

 

“I don’t get to see grumpy Shin-chan act all lovey-dovey every day, after all.” Kazunari’s voice sang.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes, and although his blush deepened, he didn’t say a word and merely guided Kazunari to his bedroom. Only behind the closed door did he command, “Put something warm on, shorts aren’t good enough.”

 

“Yes, yes.”

 

The teasing on Kazunari’s voice was a little ruined by the raspy undertone that he wished was gone. He coughed and muffled the sound to the towel that he then dropped on the floor. Prancing around with his naked, heated, feverish body, he knew without looking that Shintarou was watching, and actually preferred that. He grabbed his favorite pair of flannel pajamas and pulled them on painfully slowly, but jumped on the bed and wiggled under the covers. He looked at Shintarou and perked up a little. “I’m ready to be tucked in,” he announced, a little child-like.

 

Although Shintarou sighed heavily, he sat on the edge of the bed and squeezed the blanket to his white-knuckled grasp. Kazunari didn’t dare to breathe as his boyfriend settled the blanket properly over him, and only then did he realize that he had never seen Shintarou look so _soft_ and _gentle_ before. A little flustered by his own thought, Kazunari sank better on the bed and yanked the blanket to cover the lower half of his face. He guessed that Shintarou would get up immediately, but to his surprise he remained. Kazunari’s heart went crazy in the chest.

 

“Thanks,” he murmured and looked at Shintarou with all the love in the world. He _loved_ this guy, had secretly done so for at least half a year, but to have him as his official boyfriend made the feeling simply so much better. Yet he wasn’t ready to say the words aloud, and he knew that Shintarou wasn’t ready to hear them, either. He sighed softly. “You were a little worried after all, weren’t you?”

 

Shintarou brushed his bangs and finally took off the mask that covered his mouth. “I wouldn’t say so,” he said, but the softness in his voice tattled the truth. Clumsily he patted Kazunari’s knee few times before he pulled his hand to his own lap. “Are you going to be okay?”

 

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” Kazunari pulled the blanket to his chin to reveal the little smile that toyed with his lips. “You’re going to leave now, aren’t you?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“Could you stay until I fall asleep? I’d feel better.”

 

After a moment of hesitation Shintarou nodded again. Kazunari sighed from relief and finally let the heavy lids droop over his eyes. Yet a shudder pierced him once he felt Shintarou’s hand on his forehead, probably wondering if the fever still remained. Even if it did, Shintarou didn’t say a word and instead, stroked Kazunari’s hair in a way he had never done before. Kazunari purred softly and didn’t really want to fall asleep anymore, not when he could enjoy _this_. But his body disagreed, and as much in love as his mind was, it wanted to knock him unconscious any second now. He thanked his luck that the last thing he felt were Shintarou’s taped fingertips against his forehead before he really fell asleep.


	52. Impossible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh!” the man exclaimed and shared a brighter, wider smile and leaned towards the counter. “It just happens to be that _my_ lunch break is right now, too… Would you want to grab the lunch with me? I know loads of good places nearby.”

Shintarou stumbled down the stairs from the hospital’s third floor towards the ground, and felt a little absentminded about walking as he checked that his phone carried no new messages or calls. He wasn’t sure exactly why he thought Kazunari couldn’t handle everything by himself at home, or that something would happen to the man, but he deduced the worry to be because of the change in their situation. Usually, he had always been there for him if something _had_ happened, and he still wasn’t quite used to the fact that he most likely wouldn’t be his lover’s go-to man anymore. Heaving out a sigh, he shoved the phone back to the pocket of the white coat and tightened his grasp from the bento box. His stomach grumbled, yet the darkness under his eyes hung and almost made the skin painful to touch. Few long shifts back to back, and now he was ready to go home and bury himself to bed and force Kazunari with him, too. _Few more hours_ , he told himself as he arrived to the ground floor and pushed open the door out of the staircase.

 

It didn’t seem like a busy day, not at the moment, at least, and the lack of people around actually made Shintarou smile weakly. He adjusted his glasses and looked at the sunny weather through the large, fingerprint-coated windows. It might have been cold, but at least the sun was out; it would be the same sun Kazunari would be admiring, in case he was awake. _Probably not_ , he dryly thought and let out a tired snicker.

 

As soon as he walked past the reception, he heard someone call him, “Doctor!”

 

Afraid that he’d have his lunch break canceled, after all – he was hungry as hell, but he had put off eating as long as he could –, Shintarou turned around and looked for the person with his gaze, when he spotted the receptionist waving his fingers at him. He frowned lightly and walked closer, and eventually leaned against the counter and slightly over. They had merely changed ‘good morning’s and ‘good afternoon’s and ‘good evening’s with each other, but even during those words the other man had smiled so widely. Every single time it reminded Shintarou of Kazunari, like it did now, too, as the receptionist competed with the sunshine with his tugged up lips. His hair was a mess, surely controlled chaos, and it made him look younger. Not that he knew what his age was, but he had always guessed it a bit down from his own. The dimples on the receptionist’s cheeks were unique to him, and Shintarou found himself staring at them. They looked rather… _adorable_ , yet he was sure that such things would look more endearing on Kazunari.

 

“Is something the matter?” he asked.

 

“Oh, no, no!” The receptionist waved his hands and snickered. It made his eyes narrow a little, and the chuckle only grew in size. “I was just wondering if you’re having your lunch break.”

 

“Yes… In fact, I am.”

 

“Oh!” the man exclaimed and shared a brighter, wider smile and leaned towards the counter. “It just happens to be that _my_ lunch break is right now, too… Would you want to grab the lunch with me? I know loads of good places nearby.”

 

Shintarou gave him a small smile and showed the bento. “I actually have my own. But thank you.”

 

He eased himself away from the counter and took the steps towards the sliding doors, when the receptionist called again, “Doctor!”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and stopped midway, and this time didn’t bother with going back to the counter. The receptionist stood up and leaned his upper body against it, and still had a smile splattered to his features. “Do you mind if I still join you for lunch?” the man asked.

 

A little dumbfounded, Shintarou ended up nodding. “Sure.”

 

“Great! Let me just call myself a temp for the lunch break…”

 

The man busied himself with the phone, and Shintarou swallowed in a sigh that wanted to escape. He knew that every minute waiting meant less time eating, which made his stomach grumble from displeasure. Not fond of the fact that he felt the need to be so overly polite every single moment of his life with strangers, Shintarou fished out his phone and checked for messages. There were none to occupy him with, so he looked up from the screen and at the receptionist. The man had already gotten up and put a coat on, still smiling so ridiculously brightly that Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it came naturally or not. He knew for sure that such a sunny smile was part of Kazunari, but couldn’t tell the truth with this man.

 

“Sorry for the wait!” the other said as he hurried from behind the desk and beside Shintarou who was easily a head taller. “Let’s go. Did you have any specific spot in mind where you wanted to eat?”

 

“Just a bench in the yard,” Shintarou said and looked in front of him. “I want to be available if they need me.”

 

The man chuckled. “As expected from a hardworking doctor!”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened, and with the bewildered gaze he looked at the man. Never before in his life had he met someone _so_ alike to Kazunari, and this man was amazing in that sense, although their ages didn’t quite match – his words, his gestures, everything made him think of Kazunari. Even the little tilt of a head was nearly a perfect replica, yet the smiling eyes that looked at him didn’t really hold the same beautiful color. Wondering exactly why he was thinking even that sort of things, Shintarou was quick to avert his gaze.

 

“What’s wrong?” There was a tone of amusement in the man’s voice.

 

“Nothing.” A little confused, Shintarou added, “You simply reminded me of someone.”

 

“In… a good way?”

 

“I suppose.”

 

The man laughed. “I’m flattered!”

 

Shintarou hummed but merely from politeness. Had he gotten a say, he would have spent his lunch alone without the need to engage with conversation of someone he saw for a fleeting moment whenever he went to work and got off; yet he didn’t have the heart to usher him away as he eyed the bouncy, merry steps. He sighed and masked it as a mere exhale of the fresh, brisk air. From the gentle prickling in his toes he could tell that spring was coming, slowly but steadily, and nothing pleased him more at the moment. He offered the weather a small smile and a silent ‘thank you’ as he sat down on the first available bench and set the box on his lap. Plopping the lid open, he felt slightly claustrophobic as the man leaned straight into his personal space. Shintarou had to clear his throat for him to get the hint, but even so he pulled back only slightly.

 

“Is that a homemade bento?”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou simply stated.

 

“Ah, I’m so jealous! Did you make it yourself?”

 

“Someone made it for me.”

 

“Oh, I see.” The man looked up to the clear sky before he fixed his gaze back on Shintarou. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced, yeah? I’m Yamaguchi Haruki.”

 

Shintarou forced a flat smile on his lips. “Midorima Shintarou.”

 

“Nice to meet you.” Haruki was full of smiles as he inched himself just a little closer and kept gawking at the bento, but said nothing about it. Eventually he leaned against the bench and crossed one leg over another, and fixed his piercing gaze on Shintarou. “So, have you enjoyed your first few weeks here?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou grasped the chopsticks and fondly gazed the content of his lunch. He felt like Kazunari was improving every single day, often taking his requests in consideration. Sometimes he left behind adorable little notes, like _work hard_ or _we’ll be waiting for you to come back home_ together with a drawn kitten, but today didn’t seem to be one of those days. His lips curling slightly downwards, he buried the beginning of the chopsticks to the tender rice and briefly glanced at Haruki. “Everyone has been rather helpful. It’s hectic but manageable.”

 

“We have a good atmosphere, all right. What did you specialize in again?”

 

Shintarou swallowed hard the bit of rice he managed to shove in his mouth and coughed, felt like choking. He had to rub his chest to calm his lungs down, and only afterwards did he muster out, “Cardiac.”

 

Haruki gave him a sheepish smile. “So you’re like a love doctor, eh?”

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in together. “What?”

 

“You know… hearts and love… So like a love doctor?”

 

“Oh,” Shintarou breathed. It took five seconds more for the joke to actually sink in. “ _Oh_ , I understand. Funny.”

 

“I don’t know about that, it didn’t make you laugh.” Haruki chuckled and shook his head. “But if I were to rate it, I’d give it seven out of ten. It was subtle, but maybe you’re just not used to my kind of humor.”

 

Shintarou begged to differ but didn’t point it out; he had never heard worse jokes than the ones Kazunari gave to him from time to time, and his lover was into the kind of bad jokes. Suddenly they kept popping in his head one by one – like the ridiculous Santa jokes that still sometimes haunted him –, and he hid his accidental smile behind his palm. From the corner of his eye he spotted Haruki’s gaze intently at him, and he cleared his throat and made the effort to look as neutral as possible. How he hated the fact that Kazunari made him smile even when he wasn’t physically there next to him.

 

_Speaking of the devil_ , he thought as his phone buzzed in his pocket. No one else would bother to mail him – truthfully, his inbox was full of useless messages from Kazunari –, and so with a little wariness in his bones he fished the phone out. Indeed, Kazunari’s name flashed on the screen, and Shintarou didn’t hesitate to open the message.

 

_To_ : Midorima Shintarou  
 _From_ : Kazunari  
 _Subject_ : to our hardworking doctor!!  
> look how much we miss you!  
> can’t wait to cuddle you!  
> [Attachment]

 

Frowning, Shintarou opened the attachment of the message, and an involuntary laughter burst from his mouth. There his idiots were, both in bed, Ao lying on her back with her black-furred tummy exposed; only half of Kazunari’s face had managed to make it to the picture, but even the half was full of life and energy with a wide, teeth-exposing grin plastered on the features. Shintarou looked down at the picture and tried to recollect himself to a stone-faced façade, but the longer he eyed the picture, the more his lips pulled upwards. He shook his head in amusement and tried to think of a reply he could give to Kazunari. _Can’t wait to cuddle you_ circled in his mind, but even when it was the truth, it sounded annoyingly sappy. He pursed his lips.

 

“What’s so funny?” Haruki suddenly asked. He leaned in to see the phone, but Shintarou pressed it against his thigh to cover it.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“So you’re just laughing at nothing? I’m not exactly convinced.”

 

The smile from Shintarou’s lips disappeared. He gave Haruki a narrowed glance. “Frankly, I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

 

Haruki blinked rapidly few times, and then startled. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean to impose or anything, I’m so sorry! Please forgive me, that was so rude of me!”

 

“It’s all right,” Shintarou said, his tone a little dry. Without writing a reply he pushed the phone back to his pocket. “I simply don’t want to spread my personal businesses around.”

 

“I totally get it, don’t worry.” Haruki gave a shaky smile that tried to pull wider but didn’t quite reach it. He laughed, yet it sounded nervous. “I mean, I guess most of us are like that, I mean, it’s our personal businesses so it feels weird if someone just randomly imposes, and I think, I-I mean—“

 

The frantic words hit a sudden wall when a beeping noise started. At first Shintarou frowned, but a second later realized it was _him_ beeping. From the waist of his pants he snatched his pager and heaved out a heavy sigh. _Great_. All he had managed to eat was a little bit of rice, and the next time he’d have the chance would only be back home. As annoyance gnawed his cells, he attached the now silent pager back to its place and said, “I have to go.” Rather pleased with the fact that he at least got out of the situation, he snapped the lid back to the box and got himself up on his feet. Immediately Haruki followed his example.

 

“Do you want to catch a proper lunch or dinner some other time?” Haruki hurried to ask.

 

Shintarou glanced at him briefly. “We’ll see about that.”

 

Only now did he realize exactly how bothersome it was to try to strike a conversation with anyone other than Kazunari. With Kazunari he somehow _knew_ what the man was going to say, and he felt at ease with him; someone like Haruki only made his insides tense from unease. Shintarou was sure of the fact that from now on he’d spend his lunch times in the precious company of no one but himself. He gave the other man a flat ‘bye’ and left him on the yard as he took long, hasty steps back inside, his stomach still grumbling.


	53. Intense Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so... _so_ ashamed of publishing this. My personal life has been a mess (and so the writing process turned into a 'I want this to be over as quick as possible'), and I'm not satisfied at all how this day's fic came out. I'm embarrassed because I have certain standards of my own to fill, and I think this doesn't quite reach them. But I'm sure tomorrow's a better day - I'm trying not to let this bring me down!

“Do I really have to come along?”

 

“ _Yes_! They specifically told me to bring you, too. Miyaji practically screamed on the phone to get your ass in there.”

 

“Miyaji?” Shintarou’s brows drew in together, and his lips curled to a sulk. “We didn’t even get along.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. “You just _think_ you didn’t get along, hun. Could you just stop whining for a moment and come along quietly?”

 

“Would _you_ stop _whining_ if you were dragged to some idiotic karaoke right after a long, tiring shift at work?”

 

Kazunari was the first one to stop in the middle of the busy street and look at Shintarou over his shoulder. He chewed his bottom lip, and what had been annoyance in his features and stance now turned into hesitation. If he looked at his lover, he could see the signs of exhaustion easily; underneath Shintarou’s eyes the skin had darkened and dragged downwards; there were tightened wrinkles on the corners of the eyes and mouth; and Shintarou didn’t look too sharp. Kazunari heaved out a small sigh and shoved his hands to the pockets of the jacket.

 

“You can go home if you want,” he said.

 

“I’m already here, and we’re almost there, so it wouldn’t make any sense,” Shintarou said. He took the step separating them and yanked Kazunari back to movement from his arm. “But next time, try to be more considerate about my schedules. I don’t have the stamina, and I haven’t sat around lazing at home the whole day.”

 

Kazunari looked up at Shintarou. “Are we really bringing my unemployment to this discussion?”

 

“No,” said Shintarou without missing a heartbeat.

 

Grumbling, Kazunari fixed his gaze right in front of him. He might have seem annoyed, his hands clenched into tight fists in the safety of the warming pockets, but in reality he simply felt _bad_. It was too easy for him to forget that Shintarou couldn’t come to every little gathering, but Kazunari never had the heart to turn their friends down. Also, they had become an _item_ – everyone wanted to see both of them, not just half of what was desired. Always stuck between wanting to please everyone else and his lover, he knew he should have picked the latter again. He cast his eyes on the ground that was slippery with slush and swallowed down a sigh that wanted freedom. Shivers ran over his skin, absolutely everywhere, but they only strengthened from surprise when Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist without saying anything. In _public_. Kazunari stared up at him with widened eyes.

 

“Don’t beat yourself about it,” Shintarou quietly said, his words almost swallowed by the noise of the traffic.

 

“I’m not—“

 

“I know you are.” Shintarou squeezed Kazunari a little closer before he let go. “If I really didn’t want to come, I would have stayed behind. I know you keep trying your best.”

 

Kazunari bristled and wished he could have felt his lover’s arm around him a bit more. “I guess I am,” he muttered and shrugged. Things like this would be easily resolved if he had a job, too, if he could _know_ how it felt to have bones aching and body exhausted after a long shift that felt like it would never end. He brought his mitten-covered hand to his hair and tried to ruffle them for a messier look. If he had any more consideration, he would have apologized to Miyaji, and they would have met their old teammates some other time. He pursed his lips and then released, and worked his tongue over the slight dryness. He should have known better.

 

In a wordless void they walked, side by side, hands sometimes brushing against each other, but Shintarou never held Kazunari’s, and Kazunari was fine with it. Public hand-holdings and hugs would never happen unless it was a very special occasion, and he accepted it. Surely, _sometimes_ it would have been nice to show the entire world that they were a couple, that they were an inseparable unit that had gathered two into one as if they were attached from the hip, but Kazunari knew such a thing wouldn’t determine their relationship. He liked public displays of affection, Shintarou didn’t, and that was that. His breath turned white and visible as it hit the brisk air, and Kazunari watched it float to the dark evening sky colored by the bright lights of the skyscrapers.

 

They turned to a more colorful street, one full of neon signs. Kazunari checked the address from his phone, announced, “It’s here,” and stepped into a crowded bar. Through the crowds into a more silent corridor, and they walked past closed doors with numbers attached to them. With his tongue in the middle of the mouth Kazunari searched for the right one, and eventually stopped behind number nine. He held in a breath, and once Shintarou settled beside him, he quickly squeezed his hands to get the man’s attention.

 

“You want to do this, right?” he asked. “Because we can still just go home if you want…”

 

“We already came this way.” Shintarou leaned over and knocked the door twice, and rested his gaze on Kazunari. “It’s fine.”

 

Kazunari parted his lips to ask for a second time if they should turn around and go home, after all, when the door in front of them swung open.

 

It looked like Kiyoshi hadn’t changed at all, his features merely gotten older with some wrinkles around his eyes, but he was still very… _Miyaji-like_ , Kazunari found himself thinking as he inhaled a sharp breath and straightened his posture. He watched the familiar mouth open, and wasn’t exactly sure what to expect to hear. Even Shintarou’s features beside him visibly tensed.

 

“I don’t want any hand-holding, lips-kissing sort of action, all right?”

 

He should have known. A grin pulled on Kazunari’s lips. “I didn’t know that the years turned you into a homophobe,” he teased.

 

Kiyoshi huffed sharply through his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m _not_ , I just don’t want to see any of that, it doesn’t matter if you’d be a girl. I can see that the years didn’t turn you any more _polite_ than before!”

 

Kazunari chuckled and shook his head. “Not an ounce more politeness in me, all right, Shin-chan hasn’t taught me properly.”

 

“I have tried,” Shintarou dryly said and fixed his gaze on Kiyoshi. “It’s good to see you again, Miyaji.”

 

Kiyoshi’s smile softened ever so slightly, barely noticeably. “Yeah, you too.”

 

Kazunari looked at from one of the men to the other, and felt – pleasantly so – like a third wheel. He took a quiet inhale as if not to bother them, and couldn’t help the smile that sneaked to his lips without a permission. “You know, I’m just going to…” He tiptoed to see behind Kiyoshi’s back and spotted familiar faces. “Oh, Otsubo, Kimura!” he exclaimed and hurried out of the scene that he rather granted to Shintarou.

 

With ease he slipped beside the two men sitting on the couch, and as he engaged to a little chitchat, he glanced at the duo in the doorway every now and then. He knew that Shintarou loved to proclaim that he had never gotten along with Kiyoshi, and he also knew that it was such a lie; seeing the men’s relaxed positions and nonchalant talking tattled the truth. Kazunari smiled to himself and received odd glances from his other former teammates, but he brushed the little gesture off with a wave of a hand and by babbling even more about stuff like weather and their little kitty girl that they had to leave at home. Eventually Shintarou took a seat beside him, and absentmindedly Kazunari patted his knee, only to freeze a moment later. Sure of the fact that Kiyoshi wouldn’t appreciate it too much, he pulled his hand back to himself but received a softer glance from his lover.

 

“So!” Kazunari said. “Are we going to first sing karaoke or catch up?”

 

“Catch up,” grunted Shintarou beside him.

 

Kazunari nudged him gently with his elbow. “I’m going to make you sing whether you want it or not, Shin-chan.” He ignored the glare he received from the man and turned towards the other men. “Either way, what’s going on?”

 

Kiyoshi smiled so widely that Kazunari had never seen his lips turn up like that. “I’m a father now.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Yeah, my wife gave birth to our girl a week ago. Now I have two beautiful women in my life.”

 

“Ah, I’m so jealous…” Kazunari sighed gently and only jolted out of his thoughts once he spotted Shintarou look at him funnily. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say _I wasn’t asking for a baby_ , and it calmed the tension in Shintarou’s posture. Smiling to his silly lover, Kazunari squeezed his knee as discreetly as he could and got quick fingers brushing his knuckles before they were gone already. A little sullen about the fact (because he loved Shintarou’s touches no matter how long or short they were), he fixed his gaze back to Kiyoshi. “Did you plan to have a baby?”

 

“Well… Sort of an accident, but we decided that the time was right.”

 

“Anyway,” interrupted Taisuke, “I don’t see any rings in your fingers, I thought you had gotten married already?”

 

A little taken aback by the question, Kazunari felt his cheeks glow as he glanced at Shintarou who immediately averted his gaze. He let out a chuckle, slightly nervous one. “We’re not really… We just haven’t gotten around to do it yet.”

 

“You mean Midorima’s been too coy to actually ask it from you?” Kiyoshi dryly asked.

 

“No, no, we’ll have a wedding soon! This year, or maybe next. We’re just in the process of… of—Anyway, Shin-chan is now a doctor!”

 

“Congrats,” said Shinsuke.

 

“Thank you.” Shintarou’s voice was slightly hoarse and muffled.

 

“How is it going?”

 

“Very busy,” Shintarou said and glanced at Kazunari, clear anguish in his eyes. “But rather rewarding at the same time.”

 

Kiyoshi huffed. “How exactly is it fair that you get both your dream job _and_ the boy you always dreamed of?”

 

“W-What? I never, I-I _never_ dreamed of having _this_ ,” Shintarou pointed at Kazunari.

 

“Aw, Shin-chan!” exclaimed Kazunari.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Shintarou hurried to say and leaned towards Kazunari, his voice a little heated. “You know that I’ve always wanted you, I didn’t mean to say that I never dreamed of you, that would be just utter lies…”

 

“Can the both of you stop teasing him?” Taisuke said, his brows arched a little higher. “It’s like you are teenagers again, let Midorima breathe and stop shoving him to the crossfire.”

 

Kazunari pouted and crossed his arms over his chest, and smiled a little to the look of pure relief splattered to his partner’s face. Shaking his head a little from amusement, he said, “Why don’t we just start singing, that’s what we’re here for, right? I’ll go first!” He leaned towards the table and grasped the microphone to himself. Concentrating perhaps a bit too much, he began to sing with the sweetest voice he could possibly muster out at the moment, and made sure to dedicate the wonderfully gentle love song to Shintarou for Kiyoshi’s displeasure.


	54. Extra Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually it was his boyfriend in charge of their meals, but Kazunari wanted to surprise him – the day was turning into an evening, after all, and he knew Shintarou would be gone at least half an hour more.

**23 rd OF FEBRUARY, 20XX  
** _\- first year of university –_

Kazunari opened the only cookbook they owned from a random page and decided that it was the thing he’d cook. With a pucker on his lips he eyed the colorful picture of a delicious-looking curry and narrowed his eyes. It might have been a dish he had never made before, but he was more than willing to try for the sake of getting some dinner tonight. He started his quest of searching the right things from cupboards that were still foreign to him. Ever since moving in together with Shintarou, simple every-day things like finding cinnamon had become an adventure. However, it was an exploit that made him grin, and it was also one he’d share with Shintarou as soon as he’d get home.

 

With good mood in his head and a joyful beat in his heart, Kazunari whistled a song that had been stuck in his head for days (so long, in fact, that Shintarou was slowly getting annoyed with it, and _him_ ). He chopped an onion and tried his best not to cry, but once the culprit was finely diced, his eyes itched more than in ages. Sniffing hard, he rubbed them to his forearm and took a deep breath. It would be the first time he’d cook for Shintarou, and the thought alone made him excited beyond words. Usually it was his boyfriend in charge of their meals, but Kazunari wanted to surprise him – the day was turning into an evening, after all, and he knew Shintarou would be gone at least half an hour more. Not jealous at all of the long days, he turned on the radio after all, and danced to the rhythm it gave to him.

 

There were ups and downs living with Shintarou, he leisurely thought as he grabbed the leftover chicken from the fridge and started to slice it. A nice thing was that they were practically always together – the downside was that they were _always_ together. Yet Kazunari figured that if they’d manage to live together in a small apartment like this, they could survive through anything. Once they’d finish studying and get jobs, they could move someplace bigger. The thought tickled the bottom of his abdomen. He was getting so _domestic_ , thinking about the future more casually than he had ever done. Of course he had vaguely always pictured Shintarou in his plans for his adulthood, but the more days passed together, the more certain he was that this was _it_. _The_ relationship. _The_ life he wanted.

 

Giddy with the thought, he followed the instructions rather sloppily; he could never be like Shintarou who measured every single teaspoon to absolute perfection. Truthfully, Shintarou’s cooking tasted _amazing_. Wanting to prove his worth as a home chef, Kazunari threw the chicken to the pan together with everything else, and began to add spices. He figured it was supposed to be a spicy curry and went for the quest to find chili powder he remembered them having. Once he found the red-labeled glass jar, he hummed to the song and in the middle of the kitchen shook his hips as wildly as he could. The jar nearly dropped on the floor, but it was worth it – his dance moves were _amazing_.

 

Willing to demonstrate them to Shintarou per request once he’d get home, Kazunari pursed his lips together to another concerto of whistling and popped open the lid of the jar. He tilted his head in thought and dipped the jar ever so slightly until some of the powder dropped over the mixture. It painted it red, but hardly _enough_. So, Kazunari tilted it a bit more, and without a warning the amount of at least two spoonsful more dropped to the pan. He stared at the pile of chili powder with widened eyes. “Shit,” he muttered and hurried to put the spice down on the counter. He stared at his creation and cringed at first, but soon took a calming breath. It wouldn’t be _that_ bad, he figured and mixed the chili to the curry. The color of it was a beautiful, vibrant red, and it would taste spicy enough for sure. Still proud of himself, Kazunari decided that it would be perfect, settled a lid over the pan and let it simmer in peace.

 

In the midst of cooking a bit of rice, he heard the front door open. His heart leapt to his throat, and a huge smile splattered to his lips. He could hardly stay still. “Hey!” he called for Shintarou and squeezed the spatula harder to his grasp. “Come take a look, I’m making dinner!”

 

It took few seconds, but eventually Shintarou peeked to the kitchen. “ _You_ are cooking?” he asked, his voice almost insultingly dubious.

 

“Yeah, yeah, just come and take a look.”

 

So Shintarou did, moved few steps closer and rested his hands on his waist. Kazunari spent a precious moment of just _looking_ at his lover clad in training clothes that seemed to be drenched in sweat. Some of the green hair glued on the forehead, and the cheeks glowed bright red, yet still Shintarou was a sight that Kazunari could have stared an entire day. He looked down at the uncovered shins and felt like scolding him for walking outside like that in such a cold weather, but his mind got more preoccupied within seconds.

 

“What exactly are you making?” asked Shintarou with a frown as he put down a large sports bag.

 

“Curry.” Kazunari pouted – did it not _look_ like curry? With slightly narrowed eyes he looked at his boyfriend, but his features soon melted to a smile. He crooked his finger to Shintarou. “Come give me a kiss, at least.”

 

“Do I have to?”

 

Kazunari huffed. “Yeah, it says so in the contract of this place.”

 

“Oh, so does the contract state that every time I walk through the front door, I need to kiss an idiot who happens to live under the same roof?” Shintarou took a step closer.

 

“Looks like you really should get yourself familiarized with the fine print, Shin-chan.”

 

By the time Shintarou stood right in front of him and leaned down, Kazunari still couldn’t contain his grin. He tasted a smile on Shintarou’s lips, too, and it had to be his favorite flavor of all time. After a small smooch, he kissed his boyfriend again, and had to tiptoe to reach Shintarou who had been treated too well by puberty. Eventually Kazunari pulled back, and looked up at the other with so many hopes and dreams in his eyes. Swaying his body ever so slightly, he patted Shintarou’s waist before he turned back towards the stove and mixed the bubbling curry.

 

“How was the practice?” he asked.

 

“Too tiring after the lectures.” Shintarou heaved out a sigh and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “But it’s a good team. You really should join.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “There are a lot more skilled people than me, I’d rather have them play.”

 

“No one is as skilled as you are in what you do.”

 

“Aw, thanks for the compliment!”

 

“I mean it,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari glanced at him, and the smile on his lips softened. Compliments coming from Shintarou’s mouth still sounded so very weird, and he was only in the process of getting used to them. He watched Shintarou take a big gulp from the bottle, and found it oddly sexy. His stomach felt slightly warmer, but such thoughts he’d save for dessert. “You know,” he began, “you can come and hug me from behind like every proper lover does.”

 

Shintarou let out a puff. “I’m sweaty.”

 

“I really don’t mind.”

 

He was still a little surprised when Shintarou did in fact wrap his arms around him from behind and pulled him to an embrace. Shintarou hadn’t lied; he did smell of sweat, but just like Kazunari said, he didn’t necessarily mind. He moved his hands over the other’s and closed his eyes, and spent a sweet moment of cradling and lulling in the caress of the person he loved the most.

 

“How was your day?” murmured Shintarou near his ear.

 

“Mm… Short and boring.” Kazunari pursed his lips and looked at him over shoulder. “I might… I think I’m going to change my major.”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together to an adorable frown. “Are you not fond of economics?”

 

“I mean… It’s _okay_ , really, but I don’t want to spend years studying something that’s just okay.” Kazunari swallowed a sigh. “Who knows, maybe I’ll change it to sports studies. Or humanities.”

 

“It could be an option. As long as it makes you happy, I’ll support it.”

 

“Oh, look at you, finally getting used to the whole lovers business.”

 

Shintarou shook his head and peeled away from Kazunari. “You’re unbelievable.”

 

“I know,” Kazunari chirped. “You going to take shower first? I’m sure the food will be done by then.”

 

“Sure.”

 

He watched Shintarou disappear from the kitchen and felt butterflies racing down his stomach. He might have been used to being together with Shintarou, but _living_ together was a whole other thing; it made him want to squeal with joy. Smiling like a goof, Kazunari set the small table as nicely as he could without overdoing it, moved the pots on the table as well, and looked at his creation proudly. The first proper dinner he had made – it would be amazing. Pride curling his lips up even more, he shuddered gently, and proceeded to do the dishes. Afterwards, he could simply spent a moment on the couch with Shintarou without having to worry about washing things up, and who know, maybe some cuddling would lead to mind-blowing sex. Definitely down for that, Kazunari felt his abdomen tighten pleasantly and smiled even wider.

 

Ten minutes later shower-fresh Shintarou walked back to the kitchen, and the dripping hair was a sight enough to make Kazunari want to pounce on him. He didn’t, however, and rather set himself nicely on the other side of the table and plopped down on the chair. He lifted off the lids. Smiling so widely started to hurt his cheeks, but he couldn’t stop.

 

“So, there’s some rice, but here’s my masterpiece!” He gestured towards the bright red mixture. “It’s chicken curry, made by a recipe, so you won’t get a food poisoning.”

 

“It looks… surprisingly good, actually,” Shintarou said, a hint of awe in his voice.

 

“It’ll taste even better, I promise.”

 

His posture more upright, Kazunari watched Shintarou take both the rice and the curry to his plate. He chewed his bottom lip and prepared to be hit by sea of praises. It would feel _amazing_ , because although Shintarou might throw a compliment here or two every other week, Kazunari couldn’t remember the last time he had heard actual, genuine praises. His lips parting to a nervous inhale, he held in the breath as he watched Shintarou lift a spoon of rice and curry and put it in his mouth. Intensely staring at his boyfriend, Kazunari bit the inside of his cheek and bristled. Shintarou chewed once. Twice. Then, he swallowed hard and brought a hand to his palm. Tears glistened in his eyes, and his cheeks turned alarmingly red.

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply. “Is it… How is it? Is it good?”

 

Shintarou coughed so hard that Kazunari feared for him to choke. Shaking his head, Shintarou pushed himself up on his feet quicker than ever before. “Wa…ter,” he mustered out and already rushed towards the sink.

 

As Kazunari watched his lover gulp down glass after glass of water, he frowned and looked at the plate on the other side of the table. His confidence trickled away within fractions of seconds, and he eyed the curry. It looked _delicious_ … He glanced at Shintarou who had finally stopped coughing, but even when the other returned to the table, he still drank an alarming amount of water. With widened eyes Kazunari looked at him, and then glanced down at the table. He fiddled with the sharp corner and craned his neck.

 

“Was it that bad?” he quietly asked.

 

“Just… Taste it yourself before you feel bad about it, all right?”

 

Kazunari grabbed his spoon and took some curry straight from the pot. Without thinking twice he nudged it to his mouth, and immediately it felt like fireworks exploded in his mouth. Not the good kind of fireworks, either, but the malfunctioning ones that chased you on the ground and made you fear for your dear life. Kazunari stuck his tongue out and retched, and the sound was followed by violent coughs. All he could taste was chili. No chicken, no cinnamon, no other spices, only chili. He coughed hard and felt his face glow, and almost blindly he reached for his hand towards Shintarou who have him a glass. Never needing water so badly before, Kazunari gulped it down with haste and felt like he could drink at least ten glasses more. His mouth numb, he felt an unpleasant tingling down his throat. He kept coughing.

 

“It’s horrible!”

 

“A little… over seasoned.” Shintarou surely sounded polite, but Kazunari knew the truth.

 

“Come on, it’s inedible.”

 

Shintarou hesitated a moment but eventually sighed. “It is. Too much chili.”

 

“Aw, fucking hell…” Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair and scratched his scalp. “I really thought I’d make something good this time!”

 

“I’m sure you will do better the next time.”

 

“Why do I have a feeling that you won’t let me near the kitchen in a really long time?”

 

Shintarou stared at Kazunari with flattened lips. He shook his head and heaved out a sigh, but settled a softer look on his face in the end. “Why don’t we eat leftovers today, and tomorrow after both of our lectures we’ll cook something together? Does it sound like a deal?”

 

“I guess…” Kazunari swallowed in a sigh. “Yeah, that’s good. But you need to teach me how to cook, or otherwise we’ll starve on the days when you’re not home early.”

 

“I’ll teach you, don’t worry. Now, is there any chicken left?”

 

“A little, I think.” Kazunari got up. “I’ll just get that, thanks for surviving a bite of that shit.”

 

“Kazunari.”

  
Even still he wasn’t quite used to hearing his first name from Shintarou’s mouth; yet he still preferred it over the impersonal ‘Takao’ that Shintarou had slowly gotten rid off in the last few months. It made his spine tense and tingle. He turned around and smiled weakly. “What is it?”

 

Shintarou made the effort to smile. “It was a very nice gesture of you to cook for us.”

 

The small smile on Kazunari’s lips widened. “Thanks, Shin-chan. I’m gonna be able to cook something good before you know it.”

 

Feeling a lot better than a moment ago, now he didn’t mind at all to march on the kitchen to heat up the little leftover chicken that he had spared. He whistled a tune of his favorite song, and as he returned to the table with a burning hot plate with him, he stole a cheeky little kiss from Shintarou who didn’t seem to mind.


	55. Say It Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under Kazunari’s keen yet exhausted gaze he stared at the screen of his phone and felt his insides turn cold under a blizzard. _Father_ , it said.

Absentmindedly Shintarou ran his fingers through Kazunari’s hair and tried to shift his position to a more comfortable one very carefully. Carefully because of two things – Kazunari was near falling asleep as he leaned his head to his shoulder and forgotten all about the news minutes ago; and in his lap Ao had settled her small bones to a fluffy curl and let out quiet, peaceful meows every now and then. He wanted to reach for the remote control to turn down the volume of the television to not force either of them to get back to reality, but in the midst of them he couldn’t help but gently smile. When puberty had properly hit him at age sixteen, he had been certain that no one would ever bother with him, but here he was, surrounded by a loving family. If he could, he would have traveled back in time to tell his younger self to relax, because life would turn out to be _good_ with a little patience.

 

Of course Kazunari was the reason of his happiness. Because Kazunari had stayed beside him through all the rocks in life, he could still stand up on his two feet and not bend over when the universe wanted him to. As his smile softened, Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s scalp, and his lover grunted quietly. Kazunari moved only a little and didn’t even open his eyes, but did wrap an arm around Shintarou’s waist and held him close. Shintarou rested the side of his head against Kazunari’s and made the effort to tickle the underside of their little girl’s chin. She meowed, looked up at him with her bright blue eyes, and then began to purr. A tingle traveled from between his shoulder blades and raced down to the tailbone.

 

All he needed in life was right here. It was funny how it could all fit in one old couch.

 

Still smiling faintly, the gesture twitched downwards when his phone buzzed and spat out the intro of the cooking show. Shintarou frowned lightly, and to his displeasure Kazunari stirred beside him and lifted himself up with a sharp inhale. His lover rubbed his eyes and sleepily looked up at him, but it was Shintarou with his quick reflexes to grab his phone. Under Kazunari’s keen yet exhausted gaze he stared at the screen of his phone and felt his insides turn cold under a blizzard. _Father_ , it said. He chewed his bottom lip. The last time… He didn’t even want to think about it. The phone made his fingers vibrate, too. Shintarou glanced up to Kazunari who tried to peek towards the phone.

 

“It’s dad.” Shintarou’s voice was muffled and rather hoarse.

 

Kazunari perked, and although his eyes widened for a split of a second, he seemingly made the effort to settle a normal look on his face.

 

“I’m _so_ craving for tea right now,” he suddenly said over the sound of the ringtone. “I’m gonna make some, I’ll be right back.”

 

“You don’t have—“ _to go away_ , was what Shintarou wanted to say, but Kazunari was too quickly on his feet and gone. He heaved out a sigh and looked down at his phone that he squeezed to the grasp. Worried that he was only going to hear more bad news, he closed his eyes and took few short breaths through his nose. Finally, he answered the call. “Dad?” His voice shuddered.

 

Silence. Then, “ _Shintarou?_ ”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou breathed.

 

“ _Oh, sorry, I wasn’t sure if… It doesn’t matter_.” His father cleared his throat and rolled into another excruciating silence.

 

“Is… Is something wrong?” He was almost afraid to ask; he brought a fingertip to his mouth and chewed it, and didn’t let go until he felt the sharpness of his teeth engrave marks to the skin.

 

“ _No… I only wanted to know how you’re doing_.”

 

“Oh.” Shintarou found himself able to breathe properly again. He rolled his eyes shut and leaned his back better against the couch, and brought his free hand over Ao’s head that he stroked gently. She responded with soft purrs. “I’m… doing all right. A bit busy, but it’s keeping me distracted from… things.”

 

“ _Did you start working already?_ ”

 

“Yes, few weeks ago.”

 

His father cleared his throat; it seemed he tried to make it quiet. “ _Have you enjoyed it?_ ”

 

A faint smile rose on Shintarou’s lips. He couldn’t remember the last time he had properly _talked_ with his father. They were both a bit like that, so painfully _men_ , like his mother had once told the both of them. “I’ve found it very satisfying so far, yes,” he replied and slowly opened his eyes. He stared at the cream-colored ceiling and wished Kazunari would have been near, so he could have pulled him to his embrace. Yet the weight of a kitten on his lap wasn’t too bad, either. Thinking of her, he mustered out, “We got ourselves a cat.”

 

“ _A cat?_ ” his father repeated, and even chuckled; it was a sound that Shintarou hadn’t heard in ages. “ _Did you decide about it together?_ ”

 

“Well… Kazunari might have talked me into it.”

 

“ _Oh, son, that’s our role with them, they are so stubborn and headstrong, but at the end of the day we still—_ ”

 

Abruptly his father stopped. The smile that had toyed on Shintarou’s lips now disappeared, and he kept his gaze fixed upwards although the back of his eyes itched. He knew what they were both thinking, and it was enough to make him crumble momentarily. He took a deep breath, first through his nose and then his mouth. His heart beat so lazily, and he wondered if it was going to stop for good. But it kept going, kept beating, kept him alive for the one person who wanted him – _both_ of them – to stay that way.

 

“At the end of the day we still love them, don’t we, dad?” he asked. Not once had he been this honest with his father, but he decided that today was a good day to start.

 

“ _…Yes._ ”

 

Shintarou let out a shivery breath and pushed his body more upright. “How are things there?”

 

“ _We are managing. You should come and visit when you have time_.”

 

“I’ll… I, I’ll really try my best. Kazunari might want to come along, though.”

 

“ _You know it is never a problem. How is he?_ ”

 

Shintarou glanced towards the kitchen and chewed the inside of his cheek. Kazunari was really being unexceptionally _quiet_ , and he had his doubts. “He’s fine, making tea right now. Did you want to talk to him?”

 

“ _Oh no, no, I don’t want to bother him. I simply wanted to know how you were doing._ ”

 

“Thank you for calling.” For once, he meant the words. “It was… I… You know.”

 

His father sighed softly. “ _I know. I think I will let you go now, I’m certain Kazunari doesn’t want you to miss out on that tea. I love you_.”

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped to his throat. _I love you_. He was so used to hear the three words from Kazunari’s mouth, but not his father’s; twice within a month was a record. His eyes widened. “Dad,” he called, and once he was certain that he still held his attention, he asked, “Could you say that again?”

 

“ _I’m sorry?_ ”

 

“Could you… The thing you just said, could you say it again?”

 

Silence. A long one. It trickled to torturing seconds, but eventually he heard, “ _I love you, Shintarou. Never doubt that_.”

 

Somehow, he felt like the tiny version of himself that had sat outside a hospital room waiting to see his new little sister. With big eyes he had looked up to his father and grasped his hand, squeezed his fingers and asked if he was going to still love him when they’d bring her home. His father had used those exact words after his ‘I love you’. _Never doubt that_. No matter what he’d choose in his life, _never doubt my love to you_.

 

“I love you too, dad,” Shintarou managed to muster out.

 

He ended the call and squeezed the phone to his hand, pressed his fists against his forehead. His breaths sounded like quiet sobs, but they weren’t like so. Although his eyes itched, he didn’t cry. Instead, he smiled, a little silly behind the safety of his hands, but it was a smile nonetheless.

 

A moment later he heard soft steps, looked up, and saw Kazunari balance two huge mugs. The smile on his lover’s lips made Shintarou smile a little bit more, too. Keenly he followed the man’s movements with his gaze, and put down the phone to take the warm mug to his hands instead. Kazunari nestled beside him again, pressed his forehead against his arm and rubbed the spot.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“I couldn’t be any better,” Shintarou said. “Thank you.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “For what?”

 

For a second Shintarou hesitated. Then, he gave the man a gentler smile. “For the tea,” he said the second thing that popped to his mind.

 

“You don’t have to thank me for that, babe.”

 

_Thank you for being here_ , was what Shintarou really wanted to say but let it sink down to his stomach. He didn’t want to make Kazunari too smug, after all.


	56. Can't Be Sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about Seijuurou was that he felt at ease with him. He had befriended a boy in middle school, watched him grow crooked and then find himself again – after all those years, here Shintarou still was, waiting for the evening that would surely be pleasant.

Shintarou felt strange walking in the early darkness of the city without Kazunari. That, _and_ wearing one of his best clothes without going to meet his lover seemed a little odd in his mind, but Kazunari had _insisted_. And Kazunari had insisted that _those pants make your butt look amazing_. Shintarou wasn’t quite sure whether he wanted his _butt_ to look like that when he would meet up with Seijuurou out of all people, and so he let out a quiet sigh and shoved his hands better to the pockets of his jacket to keep his fingers warm.

 

He looked up above his head and couldn’t see any stars, not when the lights of the city were so bright that they became the center of the small universe. Keeping his bottom lip in his teeth’s grasp, he had to admit that he was slightly ecstatic. Seijuurou had messaged him the name of the bar, and Shintarou faintly knew it; it was one of those fancy ones where he had taken Kazunari only once in their entire time of dating. He should have taken him places like that more often, he realized. Making it one of this year’s goals, he waded through the crowds that slowly walked to and fro, and stopped in the traffic lights with hundreds of others. Although this was surely going to be interesting, he wouldn’t have minded to simply be at home and sleep and spend time with his lover on his day-offs. Almost every single one of them right now he had spent someway else, and he decided that in the next instance he’d refuse all invitations and sleep until noon.

 

It took five more minutes for him to reach the right bar. He stepped inside, and cold-toned blue lights welcomed him. A gentle music played in the background as he peeled himself off from the jacket and held it over his arm, and took careful steps towards. The bar counter itself was empty but the tables around him full, yet the conversations were hushed. Shintarou looked around with slight awe in his bones and approached the bartender clad in black-and-white attire. He leaned over the counter and puckered his lips in thought. “Gin tonic, please,” he said, and as the bartender began the preparation, Shintarou glanced around in an attempt to spot Seijuurou somewhere. He failed to do so, and curled his fingers around the generously big glass as he pushed himself away and went on the quest to find his friend.

 

All the tables seemed secluded; the women were dressed in their finest, the men looking rather handsome. He knew that only Seijuurou could have picked an upscale bar like this, and he felt a little outplaced although he was dressed properly for the occasion. But the collar of pale blue dress shirt felt anguishing, his straight black pants licking his bottom perhaps a bit too much. He straightened his posture to find a speckle of confidence inside, although he had never been an overly self-assured person. Truthfully, he didn’t feel desirable in clothes like this but in the moments when he looked absolutely horrible, his hair a mess, a stubble growing, and still Kazunari looked at him with so much passion in his eyes. The thought made him quiver.

 

Finally, he found Seijuurou from a small table pleasantly away from everyone else. He glanced at the glass of white wine on the table and tightened his grasp from his own choice of drink. Maybe he should have gone with wine, too. As soon as Seijuurou spotted his approaching figure, he got up on his feet beside the table and smiled gently.

 

“Shintarou,” Seijuurou called; a name that once had had so many connotations in the same man’s mouth was now soft and pleasant, “I’m glad you could make it.”

 

“Of course.” Shintarou put down the glass and seated himself, placed his jacket neatly on the vacant seat beside and settled a smile on his lips. The thing about Seijuurou was that he felt at ease with him. He had befriended a boy in middle school, watched him grow crooked and then find himself again – after all those years, here Shintarou still was, waiting for the evening that would surely be pleasant. There weren’t many people he could genuinely call his friends in the world, but Seijuurou was one of them. Thankfully. “How are you doing?” he asked.

 

“Pleasantly busy.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly and tried to remember the last time he had seen such a lopsided smile on Seijuurou’s face. He couldn’t. “Care to elaborate?”

 

“Maybe after this glass of wine, yes.” Seijuurou flashed a friendly, _cheeky_ smirk, and Shintarou couldn’t help the feeling that something was slightly off. A sip from the wine, and Seijuurou straightened his posture, sat a little more upright, and then leaned closer over the table between them. “But how are _you_? I assume last week’s little fiasco is now settled?”

 

“Do you mean the… There wasn’t a problem to begin with,” Shintarou assured. “I told Kazunari how I felt about it, and we talked it through. Did I already mention to you our cat?” he blurted out all of a sudden.

 

Seijuurou’s brows arched higher. “I believe you have not.”

 

Shintarou reached over to his jacket and fished out his phone, and browsed through the dozens of pictures that Kazunari either sent to him or taken for him of their kitten. Judging the photos one by one, he finally felt like he found a perfect one and offered the phone to Seijuurou. “So, that is our cat, always sleeping, and if she’s not, she’s up to something bad.”

 

Like a proud yet hesitating father he examined Seijuurou’s reaction and tried to search for something unpleasant in it. Suddenly, Seijuurou chuckled. Shintarou’s heart sank to his stomach and tangled in the midst of his intestines.

 

“What?”

 

Laughter still curled on Seijuurou’s mouth. “The years have really changed you.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Let’s just say that if someone had told me that out of all the people _you_ would enthusiastically show off a kitten you have acquired, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

 

“I’m not being enthusiastic,” Shintarou defended and snatched the phone back. He stared down at the picture of Ao showing off her teeth, and then snapped the phone shut, shrugged. “I just thought you might find it interesting.”

 

“Oh, I do,” Seijuurou assured and brought his upper body back properly against the chair. “I just can’t help but wonder if it’s adulthood or love that has made you like this.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and felt his cheeks glow. He cleared his throat and buried his uprising embarrassment to a sip of the gin tonic.

 

“Talking about love, how is the marriage plan advancing?”

 

Shintarou groaned. “Could we _not_ talk about that? I feel like everyone is too keen to know.”

 

“I think we’re all expecting the news we have waited for years. Are you hesitating?”

 

“No! I’m working on it. I _am_ ,” Shintarou emphasized as he spotted Seijuurou’s dubious look. “I’m going to propose soon. Within few months. The point is, I’m in the process of making it happen, and that’s it. So why don’t you just tell me what is making you so _pleasantly_ busy?”

 

Pressing his lips flat, Seijuurou still smiled. He remained silent for few seconds, and then uttered out, “I’m seeing someone.”

 

Shintarou’s mouth fell agape. It took him a moment to recollect himself. “Congratulations,” he said and offered a smile. “She must be a lucky girl to capture your eyes.”

 

“ _He_.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened, not because of the revelation but because of his own stupidity. Here he was, in a relationship with a man for years, and still he fell on the trap of assuming things. “I’m so sorry,” he hurried to say. The glow in his cheeks deepened. “I thought… I don’t even know. Do I know him?”

 

“Possibly.” Seijuurou tilted his head ever so slightly. “He is Furihata Kouki.”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips in thought and closed his eyes for a second. Eventually, he shook his head. “I don’t think I have ever heard of him, no.”

 

“He played in Seirin with Tetsuya. In fact, it was Tetsuya who introduced us.”

 

“Huh.” No matter how hard he tried to think, the name rang no bells to him. “Either way, you should introduce him to the rest of us.”

 

Seijuurou sighed. “I tried to coax him to join me to the bar last week, but he didn’t want to come.”

 

“Sometimes it’s like that in the beginning, I suppose.” Shintarou took another sip from his drink. “What did your father think of him?”

 

The corners of Seijuurou’s mouth tightened. “We had a discussion about it,” he said and inhaled sharply. “It resulted in me telling him off.”

 

“Congratulations are in order, yes?”

 

“Yes.” The smile returned to Seijuurou’s lips. He pressed his palm against the table. “The problem is, how can you be sure that it is love you feel?”

 

“Uh…” Shintarou glanced around him to gather his thoughts. Usually, love wasn’t on the agenda of things they talked with each other. Surely, there had been instances in their friendship when Shintarou had confided to Seijuurou, especially when things had been rough with him and Kazunari, but this felt out of his league. He wished Kazunari would be next to him to explain the complexity of such emotions. “I’m not… sure, um… You simply kind of know?”

 

“Well, how did you know you loved Kazunari?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat and took a gulp from the drink. He swallowed the liquid hard down his throat. “There’s this… this attraction you first feel, and then… Then, mm… They’re sort of… always _there_ , and you start to imagine that… _maybe_ they’d always be beside you…”

 

Seijuurou stared at him with a blank face. “That doesn’t sound too helpful.”

 

“It’s very hard to try and describe that kind of a feeling,” Shintarou defended. “When it’s love, you simply _know_ it.”

 

“I suppose that is the case, then…” Seijuurou rubbed his forehead and sipped from his glass. “I believe Kouki and I are in what you call a honeymoon period.”

 

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly. “Afterwards, the reality hits you, and it will hit you hard.”

 

“Is that coming from an experience?”

 

“Oh, _yes_. It’s the after-honeymoon that tells you whether you’re willing to stay together with that person or not.” Shintarou huffed through his nose and shook his head in slight amusement. He worked his fingertips over the edge of the glass and pursed his lips. “This feels ridiculous, talking about _love_ like we are teenagers again. Not that we _ever_ bothered to talk about something like that.”

 

“It’s refreshing, don’t you think?” A smile toyed with Seijuurou’s lips. “And the middle school versions of us would have thought it absolutely absurd.”

 

“It feels rather absurd right now.”

 

Seijuurou heaved out a soft sigh and lifted his glass. “How about we dedicate tonight to love? To your upcoming marriage, and my… whatever this is shaping out to be?”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Shintarou pressed his drink against Seijuurou’s for fleeting seconds. “Cheers,” he said, took a sip, and felt a pleasant buzz down his stomach.


	57. Ribbons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Anyway,” interrupted Kazunari and stuck his tongue out to his suddenly sullen lover. He buried his hand to the box and lifted a pile of ribbons. “Don’t you think it would be kind of sexy if I was wrapped in ribbons and nothing more?”

“Come here… Kitty, come here, here it is, _come here_ … Oh, good girl! You’re such a good gi—You don’t need to show your teeth to me!”

 

Shintarou frowned and glanced up from the job application he was marking with a red pen. He wasn’t exactly sure where to concentrate his stare at first; Ao stumbling on the floor trying to catch a red ribbon Kazunari offered to him, or the pink ribbon over Kazunari’s head, or the huge cardboard box beside his lover that explicitly stated ‘RIBBONS’. Truthfully, he had never seen that box, but he found himself questioning whether it was really full of nothing but ribbons. Chewing his bottom lip, he turned his attention back down on the application and narrowed his eyes. It sounded just like Kazunari, the language bubbling and all over the place. He was suddenly relieved that he had taken this task to himself.

 

“You’ve misspelled convenience store,” he pointed out.

 

Kazunari startled. “What?” he whined. “How can that… Let me see.”

 

Shintarou offered the paper and the pen, and examined Kazunari read through. Within a second he giggled and shook his head, uncapped the pen and scribbled something to the paper. Once Shintarou got it back, he eyed the misspelled word that was now even more horribly wrong. He shifted in the couch and crossed his leg tighter over the other. Although there was a tic near his temple, he didn’t have the heart to tell the man that he had gotten it wrong _again_. He held in a breath and rubbed the joint attaching his shoulder to his neck, and made a mental note to himself to discreetly correct it to the right spelling when he had the chance.

  
He took another application, but before he began to read, he looked at the duo on the floor again. The red ribbon was now abandoned, and instead they fought over a blue one that Ao tried to slap with her paws. Kazunari always pulled it back just in time, and the little miss meowed loudly and kept attacking the moving ribbon. Shintarou frowned lightly and put down the paper, and leaned his cheek to his palm to look at them better. The pink ribbon over Kazunari’s dark hair was a little crooked and on the verge of falling off.

 

“What exactly are you doing?” he finally asked.

 

“We’re playing together, can’t you see?” Kazunari looked up at him and flashed a bright grin. “Want to join?”

 

“I think I’ll rather stay here.” Shintarou rubbed his nape that was still a little sore from the nap he had taken hours ago. He buried his fingertips to an especially aching spot and groaned. “I would just really like to know where the hell you dug up that box.”

 

“This?” Kazunari peeked inside the box. The grin didn’t disappear. “Okay, so, while you were sleeping, I was searching some things in the guest room, and you know how I was cleaning after New Year’s? I think I must have missed this one, but I found it and it’s just full of ribbons and I’m not exactly sure where they’ve all come from.”

 

“I can’t quite the grasp the idea of why we’d have a box full of nothing but _ribbons_ , but I promise that it has something to do with you.”

 

“Why do you always blame me?” Kazunari exclaimed and whined afterwards. He grabbed a big green ribbon from the box and threw it towards Shintarou, but it only managed halfway. It made him pout. “Maybe it was _your_ hobby two years ago or something to collect these, or maybe they’re lucky items over the years?”

 

Shintarou huffed. “First, such a thing has _never_ been my hobby, and second, Oha Asa wouldn’t give me the same lucky item over and over again.”

 

“But you never know!”

 

“As an avid follower of Oha Asa for over a decade, I can assure you—“

 

“Anyway,” interrupted Kazunari and stuck his tongue out to his suddenly sullen lover. He buried his hand to the box and lifted a pile of ribbons. “Don’t you think it would be kind of sexy if I was wrapped in ribbons and nothing more?”

 

Shintarou flexed his nape. He took deep breaths through his nose and puckered his lips. “You’ve piqued my interest,” he said. His eyes widened ever so slightly. “Tell me more.”

 

“So,” Kazunari started. He gave one more ribbon to Ao before he pushed himself up on his feet, approached Shintarou and dropped the ribbons in his hands to his lover’s lap. His grin was wicked and lopsided; Shintarou knew very well what it meant. “Imagine me stripping down right here in front of you… And the ribbons are big enough to wrap around my body… I’d be like a gift for you.”

 

Slowly Shintarou trailed the tip of his lips over his dried lips. His throat tightened as he looked up to Kazunari who leaned over him, and could vividly imagine him without clothes. It felt like his hands moved on their own as they grasped Kazunari’s hips and held him. “Let me try to get this correct,” he said. “You would be naked in front of me, clad in nothing but ribbons… What am I getting out of this?”

 

“The opportunity to fuck me?”

 

It was tempting, there was no denying that. Shintarou narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and thought it through for few seconds. “Alright,” he eventually said, _as if_ there was something to even think about it. He hadn’t been in the mood, but he surely was now. He pulled his hands back to himself and moved his leg away from the other, and sat more comfortably on the couch. “Let’s see you in ribbons, then.”

 

He really didn’t have to coax Kazunari at all when the shirt was already gone, and he had the chance to admire his lover’s bare chest. Shintarou tilted his head and licked his lips again, sucked in the bottom one and breathed a little harder through his nose. Kazunari fixed his eyes straight to his, and almost as if to a silent song he swayed his hips from one side to another. Trying his best not to associate the movement to a certain other time of dancing, Shintarou’s lungs sapped when Kazunari brought his hands to the waist of his sweatpants and slowly tugged them down. His heart beating erratic, Shintarou breathed heavy and watched the lush hips roll. It was slightly clumsy but so fetching, and once the sweatpants were on Kazunari’s mid-thigh and eventually on his ankles, Shintarou couldn’t turn his gaze away.

 

“Do you want the honor of pulling down my underwear?” purred Kazunari.

 

“Yes,” Shintarou whimpered, his voice so small.

 

Without a second’s pause Kazunari settled in front of him. Hungrily Shintarou moved his fingers to the tight band of his lover’s boxers and yanked them down inch by inch. Underneath the fabric were no surprises, but per usual, it made his heart jump up to his throat. The skin right above the flaccid cock looked prickly, the previously shaved pubic hair wanting to clearly push back to the surface; Shintarou knew that if he were to move his fingers against the spot, it would feel rough. Perhaps it was odd, but he preferred Kazunari with hair, although he couldn’t deny the convenience of porcelain skin during blowjobs when the curliness wouldn’t tickle him. He bent a little down to pull the underwear down to the man’s ankles, and Kazunari stepped out of them with the help of leaning his weight over his shoulders.

 

As Shintarou pulled back and took a good look of his lover, like so many times before he couldn’t help but marvel the way years had cradled Kazunari so very gently. No matter how much he looked at the mature curves, they drove his insides wild without permission. Even now he stared at Kazunari with parted lips and tried to breathe calmly, but it was rather hard with a naked beauty in front of him. And Kazunari grinned to him in a way that he _knew_ exactly how much he adored him, but didn’t say a word. Instead, Kazunari twirled around and bent over the box, parted his thighs ever so slightly. A lump rose to Shintarou’s throat, and he had to work hard to swallow it down as he got a proper eyeful of Kazunari’s scrotum hanging heavy and his cock twitching. His own dick jerked, but Shintarou gave it a gentle pat to calm it down. He only achieved the opposite and let out a muffled whimper under his breath.

 

“Which color do you want?” Kazunari wiggled his bottom. “We have practically every possible one here.”

 

“Anything’s fine,” Shintarou mustered out. The bulge under his sweatpants was steadily growing, even more so as he palmed himself.

 

“Hmm, I wonder…”

 

What Shintarou really wanted to tell Kazunari was to hurry, but he knew that would have been exactly what the wicked man wanted. Not quite ready to give him that satisfaction, he watched the dance Kazunari’s bottom performed instead. The coy teenager still residing in him made heat grow on his cheeks, but Shintarou couldn’t help but think how he would have loved to take Kazunari on his lap and bury himself between the round buttocks. He sighed and closed his eyes briefly, only to open them at the right moment as Kazunari wrapped a bright red ribbon around his waist. A large bow settled itself to the beautiful curve of the small of the man’s back, and Shintarou sighed again, this time from pure awe. Another Kazunari worked around his neck, and Shintarou couldn’t help the feeling that his birthday had come few months too early.

 

After few more ribbons around his body, Kazunari twirled around with an angelic smile plastered to his lips. He spread his arms and twirled around; the ends of the bows moved in motion. “What do you think, babe?”

 

“Positively arousing,” said Shintarou and offered a shaky smile.

 

Like a predator readying its attack, Kazunari moved closer one slow step at a time. “And that’s a good thing, right?” he purred.

 

Shintarou swallowed hard. “Very,” he whispered.

 

Kazunari moved his hands on both of Shintarou’s shoulders and pushed his back better to the couch. Without any difficulties he climbed over the man’s lap and trapped him between his thighs. Shintarou didn’t really know where exactly to look, yet he sucked in his lips to prevent laughter from escaping as he noticed a small ribbon wrapped neatly around the base of Kazunari’s cock. Shaking his head in amusement, he knew only his lover could pull something like this off. He rested his hands back on Kazunari’s hips, and once he had taken in the sight of his naked groin, he looked up into his eyes. Yet soon everything turned a little blurry as Kazunari took off his glasses and moved them to the table.

 

“Feel like unwrapping your present?” Kazunari murmured and gave him a quick smooch.

 

Shintarou breathed hard. “What’s the occasion?”

 

“Mm… How about being the world’s best lover?”

 

“Am I that now?”

 

Kazunari smirked. “You most definitely are, Shin-chan.” He cocked his head and gave Shintarou another sweet kiss but no time to respond to it. “You could also keep the ribbons intact if you want that…”

 

Shintarou trailed his tongue hastily over his bottom lip. He looked up at Kazunari and stretched his neck ever so slightly, parted his mouth, and got the kiss he so desperately needed. This time it lingered and gave him time to kiss his lover back, and so he did, passionately. He moved his arms properly around Kazunari’s body and pulled him closer, so close in fact that their bodies could have melted together if they were able to. From Kazunari’s lips he tasted coffee, and it only grew stronger when he slipped a tongue inside and dragged it against the man’s. Shintarou moaned against Kazunari’s mouth, and let out even louder moan when Kazunari moved his hand casually on his crotch. Preferring his partner’s touch to his cock, Shintarou deepened the kiss. A quiet mewl trickled out when Kazunari nudged his hand under his boxers and took a firm hold of his cock, gave it few tugs.

 

The problem was – sometimes it _was_ an actual problem – that even if Shintarou wasn’t in the mood, Kazunari knew exactly which buttons to press to get him there. It wasn’t exactly a problem right now, since he had nothing better to do, but Shintarou felt so very easy as he grew hard and heavy under Kazunari’s skillful fingers that teasingly rubbed the head. Shintarou peeled his mouth away and dipped his head back, but only momentarily as he carefully yanked Kazunari’s face closer from the red ribbon around his neck. He pressed his lips against the jawbone and kissed it, slipped his eyes close and then bared his teeth. Giving the sweet spot gentle nips, he managed to lure out a delicious whimper. The hand on his cock never stopped.

 

“Have you— _ah_ —noticed,” mumbled Shintarou against Kazunari’s jaw, “that it’s always you… tempting me into this?”

 

Kazunari pulled back, gathered air in his cheeks and let it out all at once. “What are you implying?”

 

“Nothing, I just… realized it.”

 

“You know, one of us has to initiate it because _certain someone_ is always either too lazy or shy to do it.”

 

“Honey, I wasn’t criticizing,” Shintarou hurried to say when he saw a familiar hue of pink on Kazunari’s cheeks. He moved his hands to the small of the man’s back and stroked the skin, and every other second brought his palms up his spine. “It was a mere observation, you know fully well that I desire you, too.”

 

Kazunari’s lips trembled and clearly wanted to purse into a dangerous pucker, but the wrinkles on his features eventually smoothened. “But you know I wouldn’t necessarily _mind_ if you took the initiative every now and then,” he still said.

 

“I know, and I’m trying my best to improve.” Shintarou wrapped his arms tighter around Kazunari and pulled him closer. “But I have to say, you look really pretty right now…”

 

Finally a smile rose back to Kazunari’s lips. He glanced down at himself. “Do I?”

 

“Oh, yes, you do. _So_ beautiful…” Shintarou gave him a small smile together with a kiss that deepened within the matter of seconds. More than eager to start _unwrapping_ his unexpected present, shivers ran down his spine when he lifted his bottom up enough to nudge his pants and underwear down. Kazunari giggled against his mouth in the midst of the kiss, and even Shintarou hummed from clear amusement as his lover settled properly to his lap.

 

Their cocks nestled together, Shintarou’s hard, Kazunari’s slowly getting in there. The bottom of Shintarou’s abdomen nipped, and he moved the ribbon around the man’s neck a little aside to plant a kiss on a soft, tangy spot. When he found the perfect one, he began to suck like his dear life depended on it, and against his body Kazunari wept and whined. The sounds encouraged him to use his teeth, and he decided to be brave enough to take the initiative that Kazunari was so keen on having. In the midst of harsh nips and tugs, Shintarou glanced downwards and circled his palm around both of their cocks and brought them against each other. Kazunari’s dick felt so pleasant against his own, and he twitched ever so slightly when he gave the first stroke.

 

Kazunari clung to him like there was no tomorrow. The ribbon got pressed against Shintarou’s face over and over again as Kazunari began to roll his hips and bounce on his lap, but he tried to keep breathing somehow. Admittedly, it was a little difficult when Kazunari yanked him to a tongue-filled kiss, and soon Shintarou didn’t even bother to put focus on it anymore; he preferred kissing his dear lover, after all. His skin growing a little dump under his shirt, it seemed Kazunari didn’t have the need to take the fabric off as he clutched the back of it and whimpered loud. Shintarou closed his eyes and pressed his nose flat against Kazunari’s shoulder, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

He got Kazunari’s hand over his, and together they touched themselves and each other. It took a bit of effort and a lot of rubbing of the glans, but eventually Shintarou’s fingers turned slick from pre-cum that he couldn’t tell whose it was. Barely he managed to look down, and a breath got stuck in his throat immediately. It looked _arousing_ , the way their erections pressed against each other, wept with each other, looked ready to burst now that they were in intimate contact with each other. His head was more swollen, but Kazunari’s redder; his rose a little higher, but Kazunari’s had always been slightly thicker. Shintarou tried not to think of the fact that it had been _that_ cock inside him, but once he got the idea, it stubbornly stayed. His breath hitched and his pulse ticked right on the root of his ear. He buckled his hips closer to Kazunari’s and whimpered from the mere memory of having something spread his insides.

 

“Babe…” Kazunari whispered and nudged Shintarou’s hand away. “Do me and I’ll do you…”

 

Shintarou didn’t have to think twice about that. This time he grabbed only Kazunari’s cock and continued with the strokes, mimicked the man’s tugs on his shaft, and cringed from pleasure. As much as he wanted to have a fuller experience with him buried deep inside his lover, he felt too sluggish to get up and get the lubricant from the bedroom. Since Kazunari seemed content with this only, Shintarou exorcised the thought away and kept the movements of his hand steady instead. He gave Kazunari loving, long strokes, but as he felt the cock in his palm starting to wildly twitch, he knew without a word what to do. He picked up the pace and offered him short tugs, wrapped his fingers tighter around the very head and indeed, within seconds Kazunari’s hips trembled and he released together with a string of moans.

 

In awe, Shintarou looked up at him and felt his cheeks heat. There was nothing more mesmerizing than the swirling pleasure in Kazunari’s face, and as he intensely stared at him, he felt his abdomen stiffen. Kazunari’s hand might have turned lazier, but it wasn’t any less good than before. Shintarou rolled his hips to the motion, and a pleasant buzz filled his head. His hand slick and dirty from his lover’s cum, he quickly wiped it clean to the couch – regretted it immediately – and wrapped his arms back around Kazunari to get him near. He buried his face to the burning hot chest and listened the insanely rapid heartbeat, and once Kazunari began to thumb the tip of his cock, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He squeezed the back of the man’s body as he came, his hips spasming, moving upwards, frantic. He quivered, not as out of control as Kazunari had, but the most pleasant warmth spread inside him and made him feel like he was crafted from jelly.

 

Breathing hard and heavy, he looked up at his lover. They spared a look, then a kiss, sweeter than before, longer than before, and it told everything necessary. Kazunari moved his arms around him and hugged him tight, nuzzled against his clothed chest, and Shintarou kept his arms on him rather protectively. He stroked Kazunari’s spine with the very ends of his fingers and tried to recollect his breath, but it was hard when his pulse pounded so loud and the rush of blood gushed in his ears. Kazunari kissed his collarbone over the shirt and tightened the hug.

 

“That was so good…” Kazunari murmured.

 

Shintarou hummed an agreement.

 

Kazunari looked up at him and smiled so very sweetly that it made him smile, too. It was hard for him to be in control of his mouth with Kazunari, truthfully; he could be without smiling for months if it wasn’t for this man. Shintarou pondered whether to give him a kiss, but Kazunari beat him to it and smooched him. After that, Kazunari moved his head to his shoulder and remained still. His lover’s warm breath tickled, but it brought a soothing sensation to his chest. Shintarou moved his hands to Kazunari’s buttocks and lifted him a little better to his lap. His fingers he combed gently through the messy hair, and over Kazunari’s shoulder he looked at Ao who seemed to have exhausted herself with the ribbon; she laid on her back with her feet slightly curled, swayed her tail sluggishly and meowed every now and then. Shintarou smiled at the sight and pressed his cheek to Kazunari’s hair.

 

In no rush to move anywhere, he held Kazunari in his embrace and didn’t plan to let go anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a moment to say a collective **thank you** for all your kudos and comments! They make me so happy (///Σ///)


	58. Human Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, fag, you should have worn even tighter pants!”

**27 th OF FEBRUARY, 20XX  
**\- _first year of university_ -

 

Just like they had planned, Shintarou waited at the exact place at the exact time, but Kazunari was nowhere to be seen. He checked his phone to be sure that there were no messages, and wondered why he even bothered to be surprised that Kazunari didn’t stand in front of him already. A sigh escaped him, and he pushed his phone back to the pocket, settled the bag strap better over his shoulder and hugged his bento against his stomach. He moved his weight from one foot to another and glanced behind him at the tall building, but it didn’t emit Kazunari out, either. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and tried not to be annoyed, but it was difficult when something like this _always_ happened. If only he could make Kazunari somehow be on time at least once… He’d scold him for sure when he would have the decency to arrive, _late_ as always.

 

He checked the time once more and rolled his eyes. It wasn’t exactly pleasant to stand in the prickling cold, but at least the sun was out. Soon even that became annoying as it made it harder for him to see through the glasses. His annoyance levels rose more than they should have – how were they going to have a peaceful lunch together now? He did acknowledge the fact that Kazunari was coming from another campus, but he could have at least messaged him to tell that he was running late. Shintarou puckered his lips and tried to calm down his seething insides, but the damage had already happened, and his brows drew in together to a deep frown.

 

When he finally spotted a lone figure walking through the campus gates, Shintarou huffed sharply through his nose and took steps forward. Already he had chosen words for his boyfriend – something along the lines of _this is the last time I’m waiting for you, the next time you’re going to eat lunch alone_ –, but when he had a proper visual contact of Kazunari, the words dried in his mouth. Usually Kazunari would have bounced towards and apologize with his loudest voice and beg for forgiveness, but now his boyfriend dragged his feet and hung his head ever so slightly. Shintarou couldn’t remember the last time he had encountered a mere shadow of the man he was used to, and he stared at him with widened eyes. When Kazunari finally reached him and stopped in front of him, he looked up and smiled. The smile was small and sad, and Shintarou was completely at loss.

 

“Hey,” he breathed, his tone tattling his confusion. “Is everything alright?”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari frowned and looked at his toes, and didn’t lift his gaze back up to Shintarou anymore. “Yeah… Yeah, I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

 

Shintarou could have betted a whole year’s worth of lucky items that it wasn’t the case, but he didn’t know how to press the matter further. So he looked at Kazunari as he tried to come up with something reassuring to say, and spotted tight jeans on his lover’s legs. Faintly remembering that they must have been new, he cleared his throat and said, “I see you wore your new jeans. They look good on you.”

 

Kazunari glanced at him and made the effort to smile again. “Thanks.”

 

It was frustrating, not because Kazunari was like this but because Shintarou didn’t know what was wrong and what he could do to make it better. He thought of grabbing Kazunari’s hand to his own, but there were too many people around. He wished Kazunari had told him what was wrong, because he didn’t know how to ask it himself. Letting out a shivery breath, Shintarou hummed and glanced around. The silence felt odd, because usually it was the other filling it with his nonsense babbling that Shintarou actually _liked_ to listen, but now it was just a distant memory that he found actually missing. Kazunari’s brows seemed to be stuck in a frown, and the corner of his lips tugged down to a direction they never visited. Shintarou wished he was better at the whole boyfriend thing.

 

“So, lunch,” he said, felt a little awkward. “Did you bring your bento?”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “Shit,” he muttered and sighed heavy. “I forgot, Shin-chan, I’m sorry, I didn’t even…”

 

“You saw that I had made you one, right? I put it in the fridge.”

 

“Yeah,” whimpered Kazunari, “but I guess I forgot to grab it with me when I… I’ll just go and buy something from the cafeteria.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll share half of mine.”

 

“Shin-chan, I can’t—“

 

“You’ll share half of mine,” Shintarou repeated, this time his tone more sturdy. Yet he made sure to soften both his voice and expression when he leaned a little closer and asked, “Didn’t you get enough sleep last night? I thought you fell asleep before I did.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I was just… I don’t know, thinking things?”

 

“What kind of things?”

 

Finally Kazunari grinned, but in Shintarou’s eyes it didn’t look sincere at all. “It doesn’t really matter, it was just some stupid stuff! Come on, let’s just go to eat that lunch, okay?”

 

Shintarou didn’t know what else to say or do, and so he simply nodded and let Kazunari have his way. He hoped that when the time was ripe, Kazunari would tell him what was wrong, or so he thought; he knew that _their_ relationship was built on honesty and the fact that either of them could tell anything to the other without judgment. Shintarou only wished that Kazunari would remember it, too. He shadowed his boyfriend one step behind, and looked at the choice of jeans again. Now that the thought about it, he _did_ remember Kazunari buying them, and also how happy he had looked while fitting them. Right now Kazunari didn’t look confident at all, and Shintarou wanted nothing more but to compliment the appearance of his butt in those jeans. He couldn’t muster out of the words.

 

“Hey, fag, you should have worn even tighter pants!”

 

Kazunari was the first one to startle, but a second later Shintarou narrowed his eyes. He looked around them and spotted a guy walking past them – it wasn’t uncertain at all who he had shouted as he stared directly at Kazunari and gave a wicked grin. Shintarou’s lips parted enough for a sharp inhale, and his eyes widened enough to show a little too much whites. He pulled his fingers to tight fists, but Kazunari chuckled beside him. Even the sound itself sounded sad, but Kazunari glanced at him briefly over his shoulder and then looked away already. He rubbed his nape; his ears glowed bright red.

 

“I guess I shouldn’t have worn them after all, huh…” He curled his fingers to his nape and huffed under his breath. “They really look ridiculous after all.”

 

In any other day Shintarou would have left such a childish remark at that, but now that his lover was already under the weather, he wasn’t planning some brainless idiot insult him in the broad daylight. His eyes tightly fixed on the guy that walked away, and already he took a step forward. He came to an abrupt stop, however, and looked behind him to see Kazunari holding his arm tightly.

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“Let go,” Shintarou grumbled. “ _No one_ is going to shout such things to you.”

 

“But it’s _okay_ , I don’t mind—“

 

“I do!”

 

He yanked his hand free from Kazunari’s grasp and gave him a glare, before he started a march towards the stranger. It was clear he didn’t even notice him at first, and only turned to look at him when the one beside him nudged his arm. Stopping right in front of the insulter, Shintarou thanked puberty once more for his height – he was easily a head taller, and found great satisfaction in staring down at someone so idiotic.

 

“I believe you forgot to apologize.” Shintarou’s tone was as cold as the weather.

 

The guy chuckled. “The fuck are you talking about?” Once Shintarou nodded behind his back towards Kazunari, the guy burst into proper laughter. “What, you here to defend your little boyfriend’s glory?”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “In fact, I am. So why don’t you apologize?”

 

“That’s so gay, man.”

 

A small smile curled to Shintarou’s lips, yet his insides twitched from anger he wasn’t willing to let to pop to the surface. “I don’t think my sexuality has anything to do with this. Don’t you think it’s basic human interaction _not_ to shout insulting things to someone?”

 

“I… What the fuck?” The guy looked at his friend who merely shrugged. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

 

Shintarou let out a shallow sigh. “I wasn’t going to do this…” He put down his bag on the ground and removed his jacket, and rolled up his sleeves slowly. He made sure the most menacing look splattered to his face as he stared down at the guy. “But I think I have no other choice.”

 

The guy stumbled a step back, and his eyes widened.

 

“Shin-chan!” shouted Kazunari closer to him than he thought and rushed beside him, clung to his arm and squeezed. “Sorry, guys, he’s just… Come on, Shin-chan, we need to eat that lunch before the next lectures start.”

 

Kazunari grabbed the bag and the jacket from the ground and tugged Shintarou with him. Shintarou resisted none, but did turn to look behind him when he heard the guy mutter how he could have _kicked his ass if he really wanted to_ , and narrowed his eyes. He shot a glare to the fool who cowered, and he felt rather proud of himself. Taking a deep breath, he took the jacket from Kazunari and pulled it back on under his lover’s terror-filled gaze.

 

“What were you thinking!” Kazunari slapped his arm. “Why would you bother to start a fight with losers like those?”

 

Shintarou looked at him with his brows arched higher. “Have you _ever_ seen me fought with someone?”

 

“Well, no, but…”

 

“I was only trying to intimidate,” he explained with a gentler voice. “No one has the right to call you with such degrading terms.”

 

“But you know, it’s sort of the truth…”

 

“Your sexuality is _your_ business, and no one else should be bothered with it.” Shintarou let out a sharp huff through his nose. “Besides, the jeans look very good on you. I like the way your bottom looks in them.”

 

_There_ , said it.

 

Finally Kazunari gave him a genuine smile. “Thanks, Shin-chan,” he chirped and briefly squeezed Shintarou’s hand before he already let go. “I gotta admit, you looked like a knight in a shining armor there.”

 

“I’m simply not willing to tolerate such stupidity, especially if it’s towards you.”

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, you’re so sweet.”

 

“Anything for you, that’s a given.”

 

Shintarou looked at Kazunari and offered him a small smile. Although he knew that behind his lover’s smile there was something still hidden, he decided not to pester him about it and instead decided to give him all the time he needed to tell the things himself. He heaved out a soft sigh, and liked the fact that at least for now Kazunari was talking with his bubbly tone again. Yet every now and then between the smiles and words there was an empty look, something Shintarou had never seen before, and also something that made his heart skip irrational beats.

 

He led Kazunari inside, chose a quiet, secluded table and began the task of dividing the bento. Between his breaths he discreetly glanced at Kazunari, and came to the conclusion that whenever his lover thought he wasn’t looking, he allowed the smile down and his expression to turn blank. As much as Shintarou knew he should wait, he also couldn’t bare to see him look so _sad_ , really.

 

“What’s wrong?” he finally asked. Kazunari was about to open his mouth, but Shintarou added, “And don’t say _nothing_ , because I know it’s something. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

 

Kazunari sighed softly and snatched the chopsticks from Shintarou, and nudged some rice to his mouth. Still chewing, he muttered, “It’s just some stupid university stuff on my mind, that’s all.”

 

“What kind of stuff? Are you still thinking of changing your major?”

 

“Y-Yeah…” Kazunari averted his gaze and shoved another bit of rice in his mouth. This time he chewed more carefully, and swallowed hard.

 

Shintarou frowned. “Have you been to the office yet? I’m certain you can still change it, it’s only the first year.”

 

“Yeah…” Kazunari rubbed his nape with his fingertips and carefully glanced up a Shintarou.

 

“I can come with you if you want,” Shintarou tried.

 

“Can we stop talking about this?” A little pucker formed in Kazunari’s lips, and he brushed some hair behind his ear. “This is just… making me all depressed, so can we just switch the subject?”

 

“Um… Sure.” Shintarou took the chopsticks to himself and grabbed a bite. “What time will you be home tonight? Because I thought we could our laundry today.”

 

Kazunari fiddled his fingers. “Maybe in few hours? I might drop by a store to grab some milk, we have none.”

 

“Mm, sounds good.”

 

“Can we have a movie night tonight?” Kazunari arched his brows a little; his eyes seemed to turn one of a pup’s. “I mean, I understand if you need to do a lot of studying, but at least one movie?”

 

Shintarou hesitated few moments. “Sounds like a plan,” he eventually said. Although he knew that by the end of the day there would be countless chapters to read and notes to write, he figured that one evening of not doing any of _that_ wouldn’t harm him. He took a breath and offered Kazunari a smile. “I can’t wait,” he added, and managed to make his boyfriend smile. For the moment it was really all he wanted, and a gush of relief filled him.


	59. Renaissance Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazunari rolled his eyes. He took few seconds to prepare himself for the worst. “So my mom kind of… asked us to visit for some coffee. But I told her that only _I’m_ coming for sure, but you might not, so don’t feel pressured, okay?”

Listening his mother talk on the phone made Kazunari wonder if _this_ was how other people heard him; never-ending, babbling mess that didn’t give others the chance to speak. He rolled his eyes and tried to focus on her words, but when they turned into a stream of long sentences, he lost his concentration and merely hummed in appropriate spots. Idly he glanced around and was more than happy for once that Shintarou was nowhere to be seen, as his mother’s voice really echoed out of the phone – that would have only made his lover writhe in anguish. Of course Shintarou _liked_ his mother, but she was a handful every now and then. Wondering if he had inherited that from her, Kazunari snickered.

 

“ _What?_ ” his mother asked immediately.

 

“Nothing,” Kazunari was quick to say, but finally found his slot to speak properly. “I kinda need to get going, mom, but I… will ask Shin-chan if he wants to come along, and if not, I’ll see you soon.”

 

“ _You need to ask him nicely, I haven’t seen him in ages!_ ” she exclaimed.

 

“Mom, you saw him before Christmas. You haven’t seen _me_ after that, either!”

 

“ _And now it’s the end of February, that is a long time for an old woman_.”

 

Kazunari sighed. “Mom… You’re not even old.”

 

“ _It’s so easy for you to say, dear! Either way, please drive safely, the traffic seems like a chaos today_.”

 

“I will… Yes, mom… Yeah, I love you too. Yeah, yeah. Mm. Yeah, I will. Love you too.”

 

He felt a little bad for feeling _good_ about finally ending the call. From his phone’s screen he noted that the call had lasted over an hour, and took in a deep sigh. During the hour he had hardly gotten any chance to speak, which had felt rather unnatural, because Kazunari knew he usually dominated the conversations. Now that _that_ was done, there was another mountain to climb, and he wasn’t sure whether he looked forward to that or not. He swallowed in a sigh and threw the phone on the other side of the couch, got up, spent a precious minute of stroking Ao who circled around his feet, and together with her approached the bedroom.

 

He peeked inside and felt his heart sink to his knees when he saw that Shintarou wasn’t taking a nap as he had assumed. Instead, the man read a magazine in bed, and Kazunari rather spent the moment in awe with his lover’s long figure that always looked so wonderfully inviting. Shintarou’s hair was disheveled, his glasses not quite in their proper place, and yawns escaped him every other page. Softly Kazunari knocked on the door to attract his attention, and within a second Shintarou looked up. A frown drew the green brows in.

 

“Why are you knocking?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Don’t know, just thought you might want your privacy.”

 

“I haven’t had privacy ever since we got into a relationship together.” Shintarou looked strict and proper, but the moment Kazunari’s lips turned to a sulk, he let out a chuckle and closed whatever he was reading. “Just come here, idiot.”

 

Still feeling a little sullen, Kazunari took the invitation and climbed to the bed, and made his way with ease to Shintarou’s arms. He rested his forehead against his lover’s chest and enjoyed the sensation of having such strength wrapped around him without hesitation. It was one of the many reasons why he loved to spend time at home; Shintarou was comfortable and showed him affection without feeling too embarrassed. Kazunari swallowed in a sigh and looked up at him, and closed his eyes with a smile as he received a kiss on his forehead. Shintarou pushed his bangs farther back and kissed the spot again, and Kazunari couldn’t help but snicker.

 

“Are you finally done talking with your mother?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Yeah… She just kept going on and on and on,” whined Kazunari. He chewed his bottom lip and looked up at Shintarou again, hesitated, then looked elsewhere again. He wasn’t quite sure how to bring up the matter of wanting to drag his lover around _again_ on his precious day-off.

 

“What is it?”

 

He also knew he shouldn’t underestimate Shintarou’s ability to tell from a mere glance that he had something to say. Kazunari sighed. “It’s just that… Kind of… Um.”

 

Shintarou arched a brow. “Yes?”

 

“Well…” Kazunari wrapped his arm around Shintarou’s waist and squeezed, held him gently and inched himself closer until their bodies were properly pressed against each other. “You’re so going to hate me when I say this!”

 

“Hate is a strong word.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. He took few seconds to prepare himself for the worst. “So my mom kind of… asked us to visit for some coffee. But I told her that only _I’m_ coming for sure, but you might not, so don’t feel pressured, okay?”

 

Shintarou rubbed his cheek. “And why exactly would I hate you for this?”

 

“Because I always ask you to come out with me when it’s your day off?”

 

“…true, you do that.” However, Shintarou offered a smile. “But I do believe it’s rather mandatory I show my face to my mother-in-law, don’t you think? Otherwise she might start to hesitate whether to give her son to me or not.”

 

“Oh, _please_ , she couldn’t love you any more than she already does.” Kazunari worked his fingers over Shintarou’s side and stroked the spots gently. Carefully he looked at his lover and blinked. “But you really don’t have to come if you’d rather spend your day charging your batteries. She won’t mind.”

 

Shintarou spent a moment to clearly think. “I’ll come if you drive.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. “Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

He slapped Shintarou’s bottom. “Get changed in that case, we’re leaving now.”

 

At first he watched Shintarou grumble and roll of the bed, and only then got up himself and changed his sweatpants to jeans. As soon as Shintarou managed to pull on a clean shirt, Kazunari kissed him, and got an equally loving kiss back. Softly chuckling, he tiptoed for a moment more and gave sloppy smooches as Shintarou tried to pull pants on, and only stopped when he was told to be such a distraction. Yet he merely winked to his lover and got out of the bedroom to find his phone and wallet in the places he had thrown them most likely in a fit of frustration.

 

“Should we bring her something?” asked Shintarou once he, too, emerged to the living room.

 

“Nah, we’re fine.”

 

“Are you sure? No flowers or… something?”

 

Kazunari shoved his phone to the pocket and turned to look at him. “Babe… After a decade, I really don’t think she’s still expecting you to bring her flowers.”

 

“But if she does, I’ll be embarrassed,” Shintarou said with his matter-of-factly tone.

 

Kazunari sighed and worked his way to Shintarou, wrapped his arms around his waist and looked up at him with all the admiration in the world. “She’ll be happy just to see your face, trust me, hun.”

 

“If you say so,” Shintarou grumbled and accepted the kiss that Kazunari gave him once more. “But if she looks disappointed, I’ll blame _you_.”

 

“I’m ready to take all the blame, don’t worry!”

 

Kazunari let go of him, and let out a high-pitched squeal when Shintarou slapped his ass all of a sudden. The widest grin rose to his lips, and he glanced at him over his shoulder, poked his tongue out for him. The spot where his bottom had met with Shintarou’s palm stung a little, yet it was kind of _exciting_ – he tried not to think of those things as he skipped to the hallway and nudged his shoes on the feet. But Shintarou still looked so smug of himself when he rejoined him, that Kazunari had no other choice but to slap him back. Cleverer than his lover, he pressed his back against the wall to guard his rear and looked at him with a gleam in his eyes. “What are you going to do now, huh?” he teased.

 

“ _Not_ get into your childish game, that’s for sure,” Shintarou dryly said as he crouched over to get his shoes on.

 

“You started it! Now you need to take revenge.”

 

“Revenge, huh?” Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I’m too old for that.”

 

Kazunari pouted. He peeled himself off the wall, and then everything happened so fast. The first second he stood steady on the floor, the next Shintarou slung him over his shoulder without a forewarning. Kazunari let out a loud scream, and once he realized that he was really held by Shintarou with his whole body hanging upside down, he couldn’t stop giggling. “What are you doing?” he screamed in the midst of laughing so much it hurt his abdomen, and tangled upside down.

 

“Taking my revenge,” Shintarou said and sounded like he was smiling as he opened the front door and closed it behind his back.

 

Kazunari still laughed and rested his palms on the small of his lover’s back, and looked at the dirty stairs once Shintarou walked down with him still firmly in his grasp. “What did you do to _my_ Shin-chan?”

 

“I left him in the hallway. I’m terribly sorry to inform that you have just been kidnapped by another version of Midorima Shintarou, and you can no longer escape.”

 

“God, Shin-chan!” His giggling echoed loud in the staircase, and he was sure that if their neighbors didn’t already hate him, they would now. He swayed a little in the embrace, and as much as he wanted to wiggle his feet, he didn’t want to fall face down on the floor. Thus like a bag of potatoes he rested over the man’s shoulder and tried to get his laughing in control. He loved Shintarou like this, a little playful, sometimes matching his silliness. On the very last step of stairs Shintarou slapped his butt again, and Kazunari shrieked with the widest grin splattered to his lips.

 

He was carried over shoulder until they reached their car. By then he had the guts to start moving, yet only beside the car did Shintarou let him go. Kazunari’s nose wrinkled under the wide smirk, and he shook his head in amusement. “You’re crazy,” he stated as he climbed to the driver’s seat.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Shintarou said with his usual calm façade and took a seat beside Kazunari.

 

“Oh, you think you’re _so_ sneaky.” Kazunari started the car and turned the radio on. Deciding to be a good lover, he made sure the channel was on classical music, and only then drove.

 

“Either way, have we established the fact that I _don’t_ have to bring her anything?” Shintarou asked after the first traffic lights.

 

“Yeah, baby, don’t worry about it,” Kazunari reassured and tightened his grasp from the wheel. “Besides, we’re only staying there for a short while.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Yeah, maybe an hour or two. And not just for your sake, I don’t think I can handle her for too long today.” He pouted.

 

“But she’s your mother.”

 

“I know, but _fucking hell_ —“ Kazunari shut himself up as he glanced at Shintarou and saw his glance directed to his knees. A painful lump rose to his throat, and he couldn’t swallow it down no matter how hard he tried. He let out a shaky breath and knew he had gone too far. Quietly he said, “Shin-chan, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to—“

 

“It’s okay.” Shintarou looked at him and gave a small smile. “It’s not a subject we need to steer clear for ages. It didn’t make me upset.”

 

“If you say so.” Kazunari smiled to him, too, and squeezed his hand, as he had to stop in another set of traffic lights. It gained him a brief kiss, and at the moment he couldn’t have been happier.

 

It took forty minutes to clear the insane amount of traffic for such a short distance, but eventually they stood side by side behind the door of the house of Kazunari’s parents. Kazunari picked up his posture and rang the doorbell, and in that moment Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist. A cheeky smile illuminated his lips, and he looked at his lover.

 

“Look at you, being all affectionate with me,” he teased.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s only for this moment when I need to put up a good front,” Shintarou said.

 

Kazunari gasped softly. “You’re such a meanie.”

 

“Only for you.”

 

He rolled his eyes but didn’t get the chance to ponder more about his lover’s playfulness when the door already swung open. His mother held a smile on her lips, but once she spotted Shintarou, it seemed to grow even more delighted. Kazunari was the one to peel away from Shintarou’s embrace and found himself in his mother’s.

 

“Hey, bunny,” she said and squeezed him. “How was the drive?”

 

“Really hectic, you were right.” He hugged her back and took in the pleasant scent of cardamom. He heaved out a soft sigh and moved away for her to pay more attention to Shintarou, stepped inside and looked at the two.

 

“Oh, dear, come here,” she said and pulled Shintarou to a seemingly tight hug. It looked funny, mostly because Shintarou had to lean down so much – she was even shorter than her son –, but there was something about the fleetingly broken expression of his lover that made Kazunari’s eyes itch. Shintarou hugged her back, held the position a moment longer, and only when he looked up at Kazunari did he smile weakly. He pulled back, and she looked up at him. “How are you doing, dear?”

 

“I’m fine, thank you,” Shintarou said, his voice a little muffled.

 

Not wanting to intrude the conversation his mother had surely waited to have, Kazunari kicked his shoes off and ventured inside of his former childhood home. Everything still seemed so familiar, pleasantly so, but he didn’t really miss it, not when he had created such a beautiful life somewhere else. He peeked to the kitchen, and a wide smile overtook his lips. Cinnamon bread rested on the table, and as he heard the front door finally close, he snatched one and chewed with all his might. When his mother stepped to the kitchen with Shintarou behind her, he swallowed the rest hard down his throat and gave both of them a smile.

 

“It’s not polite to eat before offered, Kazu-chan,” she scolded.

 

“Sorry,” Kazunari said and ran his tongue over his teeth to get rid of whatever had made him the culprit in her eyes. “Where’s dad?”

 

“He’s still at work, I’m not sure if he can make it in time.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips. “Why is he still working full days at his age?”

 

“That you need to ask from him. I’ve told him the same thing, but of course he’s too stubborn to listen.” She sighed and shook her head. “Go take a seat in the living room, dears, I’ll just pour us some coffee.”

 

“If it’s not a bother, could I get tea instead?” asked Shintarou.

 

“Of course it’s not a bother, honey!”

 

Kazunari gave his lover a look of _I told you she’s so fond of you_ , and retreated to the living room, plopped down on the couch and soon got Shintarou beside him. He moved his hand to the man’s knee and squeezed, and soon his knuckles were stroked gently. For a moment he eyed the same old childhood photos of him hanging on the wall, but when he spotted the familiar picture taken on their third Winter Cup where he stood proudly beside Shintarou, his smile turned into a grin. There the younger him was, an arm slung around Shintarou’s waist with his other hand showing the golden medal to the camera, and even right now he wasn’t sure whether he was showing off their victory or his boyfriend.

 

“Look, they’re still keeping that picture up,” he said and pointed it.

 

Shintarou shook his head. “That must be the most embarrassing photo of us.”

 

“Why, because you’re finally smiling on camera?”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

“You know what? I think I’m going to ask her if she has another copy of that, I want it on our wall.”

 

Shintarou looked at him with his brows arched higher. “Why would you want that on our wall?”

 

“Because it’s… You’re such a wet blanket, Shin-chan, seriously.”

 

Shintarou didn’t exactly have the chance to counter, when she already joined them with two cups of black coffee and one with green tea. Kazunari uttered a ‘thank you’ and dropped the waiting sugar cube to his share, took a sip and remembered how strong his mother liked to make her coffee. He shuddered and wished he had taken tea as well. Shintarou’s hand slid to his knee, and it was enough to make him smile despite the taste of tar glued on his palate.

 

“How have you been doing?” Shintarou asked with a soft smile on his lips.

 

“Oh, it’s been so busy recently,” she said and stirred a spoon in her cup. “Kichirou has been so absorbed with his work, it feels like he’s trying to make the best of the years he still has left before he retires.”

 

Kazunari hid his chuckle behind a large gulp of the coffee.

 

“But dear, tell me all about your work, Kazu-chan mentioned about it.”

 

Briefly Shintarou glanced at Kazunari before he fixed his gaze back to her. “It has been pleasant, thank you for asking. Very busy, but at the end of a hard day it feels good to come back home to Kazunari.”

 

“Oh, but it must be so unfair since Kazu-chan _still_ doesn’t have job.”

 

“Mom,” Kazunari sighed.

 

“I’m simply saying,” she defended. “You can’t expect poor Shintarou to be satisfied with this.”

 

His throat tightened uncomfortably. “Mom,” he mustered out again. He felt his earlobes glow from heat. “Can we not… talk about—“

 

“It doesn’t bother me,” Shintarou hurried to say. “I know how hard he works to find himself a job, and that alone makes me proud.”

 

Feeling like a sad puppy, Kazunari looked at him and mouthed ‘thank you’ with a weak smile on his lips. As if he wasn’t embarrassed enough on his own that he was unemployed and such a _loser_ , now his own mother rubbed the fact against his face. On the other side of the coffee table she didn’t look too impressed.

 

“You must admit that it’s not acceptable for a man at his age to _not_ have a—“

 

“Mom.” Now Kazunari’s voice was harsh, yet it strained as he pushed himself up on his feet and ignored the gentle squeeze his fingers got from Shintarou. “Could you come to the kitchen with me?”

 

She looked puzzled but followed him nonetheless. Kazunari took deep breaths and tried to calm down, but the moment they were alone, he was ready to collapse. He wished his dad would be here, too, because with a mere glance he could have told her that this was not okay. Rubbing his temples, he writhed under her glance and tried to find the suitable words.

 

“What’s wrong, bunny?” she asked.

 

Kazunari felt at loss. “Could you please _not_ bring my unemployment up so casually? I’m already ashamed enough, so do you really need to badmouth me like that to Shin-chan?”

 

She frowned. “I’m not badmouthing you, honey, I would never—“

 

“But you are,” Kazunari interrupted and felt like a teenager again with his tone whining. “That’s what it sounds like to me. Why are you talking to him like you’re trying to make him change his mind about being with me?”

 

“Honey,” she hurried to say and took a step closer. “Please listen to me, I would _never_ try to do something like that. I know how much you and Shintarou mean to each other, and I can’t think of anyone who would take a better care of you. Kazu-chan…” She sighed softly and pulled him to her embrace. He didn’t resist. “I’m just worried about you, every mother is when it’s about their baby… I’m concerned for you, and I keep hoping that you’ll find your way in this world.”

 

“I’m not a kid anymore, mom,” he muttered. “I can manage, and if I don’t, I have Shin-chan with me. He already knows how embarrassed I am of this, so you don’t need to emphasize it some more.”

 

“I know, sweetheart, and I’m sorry.” She pulled him closer once more before she moved back and stroked some of his hair behind his ear. She then slid her fingers to his chin and squeezed the spot gently. “You’ve always been such a good boy, and I only want to see you do well.”

 

“I know.” Kazunari stared down at his toes. “But I’d love it if you could… transfer some of that motherly love to Shin-chan today, he’s… I think he needs it.”

 

“Of course.”

 

He looked at her and told a quiet ‘thank you’, snatched himself one piece more of the cinnamon bread and dragged his steps back to the living room. His safe spot was right beside Shintarou, and it was the place where he settled down, right underneath the worried gaze of the love of his life. Shintarou rubbed his knee and leaned closer.

 

“Is everything alright?” he whispered.

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari smiled and pressed a quick kiss on the man’s cheek. “It’s all fine now, don’t worry.”

 

Shintarou didn’t look all too convinced, but Kazunari made sure the matter wasn’t pressed any further when his mother returned with a sunny smile on her lips.

 

* * *

 

Kazunari sighed from relief as he collapsed on the soft, familiar couch and groaned against one of the cushions. Two and half hours was time plenty enough to spend time with his mother, and he had gone a little crazy, he had to admit it. Thankfully she had spent most of her energy on Shintarou – he had already known a decade ago that his parents _adored_ Shintarou –, but still Kazunari had recoiled and checked the time every half an hour. Now he wanted nothing more than peace and quiet, and maybe a nice back rub. Sure of the fact that the latter was too much to ask, he lifted his legs up when Shintarou patted them to give his lover space on the couch as well. Familiar hands travelled to the back of his thigh, and Kazunari shivered.

 

“Was it so bad now?” Shintarou asked, his voice as gentle as his hand that massaged the tense and highly sensitive muscles. It made Kazunari wiggle.

 

“Easy for you to say,” Kazunari huffed and pulled himself up, and settled to the crook of Shintarou’s arm that was offered to him. He looked up at him and pouted. “She talks so much, I can’t believe how it’s possible.”

 

“And yet I wonder exactly _who_ was the one who inherited that feature.” Shintarou gave a smile that looked almost _cheeky_.

 

Kazunari slapped his abdomen gently. “Shut it, Shin-chan, I _so_ don’t talk that much.”

 

“I’m sorry to break this information for you, but you do.”

 

“Excuse _me_ for having a lot to say in this life!”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “I suppose I only have to _shut you up_ , right?”

 

Kazunari blinked and broke into a wide smile. “You’re being so weird today, all lovey-dovey and teasing, it’s like you’re a different person.”

 

“Maybe I’m just in an especially good mood today.”

 

“In that case, please do continue to be in such a mood…” Kazunari reached himself up enough for his lips to meet Shintarou’s. His lover’s smile was the best flavor in the world, and once he got the taste of it, he couldn’t get enough. Against his mouth he hummed, and climbed on his lap, straddled him, kissed him so more and eventually hugged him tight. Yet the kisses weren’t over, not yet, not by far, it seemed, and after so many small smooches Kazunari felt pleasantly dizzy in the head and wondered what on earth had made Shintarou in such a happy mood. He didn’t have the chance to ask it when another tidal wave of gentle kisses took him over, and he merely chuckled as his chest tightened from bottomless love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so into making Shin-chan a little bit more playful than usual, and I was having so much fun with it (///Σ///)


	60. Candle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Candles – small ones, tall ones – filled the room, and they created a warm-colored, swaying hue. In the midst of the sea of them sat Kazunari in the bathtub, covered in bubbles, reading a magazine, his hair pulled to a tiny ponytail.

Walking to home that was silent felt extremely good after a long shift, Shintarou had to admit it. Not that there was anything wrong or something bad if he was greeted by Kazunari, but sometimes it was nice to simply take a deep breath and do things in peace, and at the end slip next to a peacefully sleeping lover. It felt especially good because his day at work had been _weird_ , to put it really simply. The receptionist had been oddly friendly, smiling even more than usual, and finally Shintarou felt like he had a reason enough to mention it to Kazunari. Yet he didn’t want to make his lover worry for nothing, thus, he was happy that he didn’t have to mention about it _right now_.

 

He nudged his shoes off and put his jacket neatly to a hangar, and dragged his bag all the way to the living room that was quiet, too. Considering the fact that it wasn’t even midnight yet, he was a little surprised that Kazunari was nowhere to be seen, but he deduced that the man had been tired and gone to bed ahead of him. Shintarou tiptoed around the apartment, worked himself to the kitchen and drank a glass of water. As he leaned against the counter, he couldn’t help but frown as he kept thinking about Haruki. Why exactly the receptionist had been so full of energy, he didn’t know. And how did they always happen to have the same shifts? Shintarou pursed his lips and filled the glass again until it was nearly overflowing, and gulped it down his dry throat. Maybe the man just had a good day and that’s why he had been smiling so widely… Convinced of the fact, he sluggishly thought that perhaps it wasn’t a thing worth mentioning, after all.

 

As he arrived to the conclusion, he felt a little better. He washed the glass and put it to dry on its own, rubbed his shoulder and dreamed of a burning hot shower that would help him unwind. Maybe tomorrow he’d ask for a massage from Kazunari – sometimes he got them even without asking. There was something magical about Kazunari’s hands when he rubbed him, something that helped sore muscles to relax. A tired smile twitched to Shintarou’s lips, and he shook his head a little as he dragged his steps towards the bathroom. He couldn’t wait to give his lover a goodnight kiss and get under the warm blankets beside a smaller body that he’d take tightly in his embrace.

 

He swung the door to the bathroom open, and his heart jumped to his throat. Candles – small ones, tall ones – filled the room, and they created a warm-colored, swaying hue. In the midst of the sea of them sat Kazunari in the bathtub, covered in bubbles, reading a magazine, his hair pulled to a tiny ponytail. Beside the tub rested a wine glass, already half-empty. The water looked like of a lagoon’s, vivid colors and so very inviting that he couldn’t help but stare. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and felt like he had stepped in on something very private, but as he tried to take a step back, Kazunari noticed him immediately. In his lover’s lips grew a gentle smile, and he closed the magazine with his finger between the pages.

 

“Welcome home, baby.”

 

“I’m… home,” Shintarou managed to muster out. The initial shock wearing out, he felt a little jealous; whatever Kazunari was doing, it looked so _relaxing_. “Uh… Should I…” He pointed behind his back.

 

“Oh, no, no, just stay. You can join me if you want, too.”

 

“Thank you.” More than willing to hold Kazunari for that offer, Shintarou stepped fully inside and closed the door behind his back. Despite the amount of candles that he didn’t even know they had, the room was still slightly dim, yet light enough to probably read as Kazunari continued to do. Truthfully a little amused by the whole situation, Shintarou stripped himself naked, took off his glasses and approached the shower beside the bathtub. He spent a moment to eye his lover once more. Kazunari’s knees stuck out of the thick bubbles, and the magazine that he read with a faint smile on his lips had a suspiciously pink cover. Shintarou frowned lightly as he settled under the shower and turned it on, let warm water attack his tired body.

 

“What exactly are you doing?” he asked as he turned around and faced away from the shower, and let the hot droplets lick the muscles on his back.

 

Kazunari looked at him over the magazine. “Pampering myself,” he said with a grin. “I mean, what’s better than to put a really nice bath bomb to the bath, grab a glass of wine, go crazy with candles and read a nice magazine?”

 

“And your idea of a nice magazine is… Cosmopolitan?” Shintarou’s frown deepened.

 

Kazunari closed the magazine and tangled it by the side of the tub as he fixed all of his concentration on Shintarou. His smile turned wicked. “I went to the store to grab some magazine for this moment, all right, and I happened to saw this… And on its cover it says it’ll teach me how to give the perfect blowjob for my man, so seriously, how could I’ve just walked past?”

 

Shintarou worked his fingers through his hair and shampooed it as fast as he could, and rinsed it through. “Was it educational?” he asked, his tone amused as he washed his body.

 

“Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong all the time. I should have nibbled you more.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “I was constantly under the impression that you were doing a rather good job.”

 

“Now we both know you’ve had a totally wrong impression all along.” Kazunari slid the magazine on the floor and wiggled his fingers at him. “Come here, babe, I want to relax with you.”

 

It was an offer Shintarou simply couldn’t refuse. Hastily he made sure that all the crooks in his body were clean before he turned off the shower and joined Kazunari in the tub. It wasn’t designed for two, but with a little bit of wiggling and a lot of familiarity he fit in like they were two jigsaw pieces shaped to each other. Sitting on the other end of it had its perks, like being able to look at Kazunari’s smile, and also getting foot rubs from his lover when Kazunari pulled his legs to his lap and worked his fingertips smoothly over the insteps. Shintarou shivered and groaned, and rested his arms on the sides of the bathtub.

 

“How was work?” Kazunari’s voice echoed so beautifully in the room.

 

“It was…” Shintarou paused. Now, here was the perfect opportunity for him to tell about the oddity also known as the receptionist. He thought it through more carefully – was there really even something to tell? What would he say, that another human being smiled to him? He knew in his bones that Kazunari wasn’t a jealous person, and truthfully, there was absolutely _nothing_ to be jealous about. The man kept merely smiling at him. Shintarou let out a shallow sigh and decided not to bother his lover with something so petty. “It was good,” he eventually concluded, “and I think I’m finally getting annoyed with the residents.”

 

Kazunari giggled and worked his hands up Shintarou’s shins. “What are they doing, still sucking up to you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Get used to it, Shin-chan, you’re _authority_ now, they need to obey you. In fact… Why don’t you back some of that authority right over here?” Kazunari pointed down on what was surely his lap.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but moved towards him nonetheless. The water trickled over the edges, and he had no other choice but to get up on his feet to sit down between Kazunari’s thighs. It felt weird to be in the position he hardly was, since usually he cradled Kazunari in the warmth of the water, but he now understood the lure when the man wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close. Shintarou sighed softly and buried his long torso better underwater until he could press the back of his head against Kazunari’s chest. He got a kiss on his forehead, and wet fingers worked their way through his hair. His muscles that had remained tense the whole day now started to loosen in the embrace.

 

“Did something happen with your day that you felt the need to pamper yourself?” He drew abstract shapes over Kazunari’s forearms.

 

“No,” Kazunari murmured near his ear and kissed his temple. “Sometimes you just feel the need to pamper yourself, you know? It’s all part of loving yourself and so forth.”

 

“While you read sex tips from a magazine.”

 

“While I read sex tips, yes,” Kazunari snorted.

 

Once the man leaned over the edge of the bath, Shintarou looked at him over his shoulder and licked his lips as he watched him take a sip of the wine. He couldn’t resist the temptation. “Mind if I get a mouthful, too?”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari passed the glass over to Shintarou. “It’s not as chilled anymore, though.”

 

“I don’t mind,” said Shintarou and took a careful sip. The fruity flavor danced on his tongue like it was meant to be there, and after another taste he gave the glass back to Kazunari and sank better in his arms. He quivered, stared at a thick candle standing on the counter right behind the bathtub, and closed his eyes. The blackness that covered his eyelids seemed to have a warmer hue, yet he wasn’t quite sure whether he made it up because the little strokes Kazunari gave his stomach felt so incredibly soothing.

 

After a blissful moment of silence, he murmured, “I could get used to this pampering.”

 

Right against his ear Kazunari chuckled softly. He brought his hands around Shintarou’s chest and hugged him, and gave several little kisses to his cheek. “The next time you have a day off, I’ll draw us another bath, and we can lull here the whole day.”

 

“Mm…” Shintarou lifted himself a little up but didn’t bother to open his eyes. “Where did you get all the candles, though?”

 

“I found some in our cupboards, but see the long, thing ones? I kind of bought them.”

 

Carefully Shintarou fluttered his eyes open and stared at the ones Kazunari pointed to him. He nodded, but puckered his lips. “And you needed so many of them because…?”

 

“You’re so not getting it, Shin-chan,” scolded Kazunari with a gentle tone. “Doesn’t it feel more special like this? I wanted it to be like it’s in the movies.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie with this setup.”

 

“You have! This is in about all the romantic movies I’ve made you watch.”

 

“Ah, all right, that explains it, because I always get sleepy within the first fifteen minutes…”

 

Kazunari huffed. “You are unbelievable, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou’s brows arched higher. “But?”

 

“ _But_ I really like it,” Kazunari confirmed and kissed the now wet spot that joined Shintarou’s shoulder to his neck. Against the skin he sighed so very gently, and it was enough to make his lover quiver and his skin to turn into goose bumps despite the warmth of the water. “I knew that this would feel so much better with you… I’m becoming a little pathetic,” he chuckled quietly.

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

“Because…” Kazunari rested his chin on Shintarou’s shoulder. “Everything that happens in my life or the things I’m experiencing, I just want to share them with you… Whether it’s having a kitten to look after or a simple bath, there’s no one else I’d rather do it with.”

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat. Then another, and another, until it set itself to a thicker pace that he almost couldn’t follow. His eyes widened ever so slightly, but when he looked at Kazunari over his shoulder again, his lips twitched to a smile. No matter how many times he heard such confessions without the explicit words of ‘I love you’, they still made his insides flutter like it was the first time. A soft exhale trickled out of his mouth, and he made the effort of flexing his muscles and turning around that he was able to hold Kazunari in his arms. Although it made the water overflow again, it didn’t matter. The only thing important right now was his loved one and nothing else. Kazunari looked at him and blinked, and then smiled sweetly.

 

“Was it really that good?” he asked and tilted his head. “Or was it even so good that it gained me a kiss?”

 

“You’ll get two,” promised Shintarou.

 

Indeed, two was the exact amount of kisses he gave to Kazunari. The first was gentle, like a soft flutter of butterfly’s wings across his own lips, and it made him close his eyes. The second was a deeper, more loving, one that made his insides shudder and then melt, and through his mouth without a single syllable he told Kazunari that he felt the same, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to March! We survived February that was surely a ride, and here we are, ready for the third month of this crazy challenge. If this is the first day you're tuning in - thank you so much, let's have a great time together! If you've been here for a goddamn long time - I know the feeling, it never ends. Thank you for all your support so far, and big thanks for all the kudos and comments, and just really reading this! Let's make March slightly better than February.


	61. In a Catalogue

Kazunari sat in the most uncomfortable position in the couch with a laptop over his thighs, but he didn’t really pay attention to it as all his concentration was on browsing houses online. His eyes were constantly narrowed, his tongue in the middle of his mouth, and he scrolled down, stopped to every single advertisement and examined the small thumbnail pictures. He only clicked the most promising ones, and often got disappointed. After five pages more, he rolled his tired eyes shut to take a well-deserved break and simply _listened_ what was going on. The soothing sounds of cooking echoed from the kitchen; something was bubbling on the stove, and he had no idea what. He craned his neck from left to right, massaged his left shoulder, and then returned back to browsing.

 

After a minute, he shouted, “How do you feel like living in Shibuya?”

 

“Too expensive,” came back immediately.

 

Kazunari huffed and forgot all about the dream house that would have been in the area – it was too expensive, anyway. He puckered his lips and rubbed his eyes. The evening was sneakily turning later and later, and he would have wanted nothing more than slump on the bed and fall asleep, but his stomach was still empty. He would have never thought that merely looking through possible future homes would be so _stressful_. It seemed that their preferences clashed, too; Shintarou wanted something simple while he had a fireplace in his mind; he really craved for two floors while Shintarou could have survived with one. He decided to go through one page more, and was happy that he did as at the very bottom he saw a promising one. With a slight smile on his lips he clicked it.

 

It seemed like a nice house. Two floors, big yard, newly renovated, and albeit it didn’t have a fireplace, it was located in the west and not too far from Shintarou’s work. Kazunari sucked in his lips and held in a breath until his lungs complained. He enlarged the pictures and smiled more softly. With its creamy color scheme, he could envision them grow old in it. It was a lot larger than this apartment, but maybe Shintarou wouldn’t mind some extra space… Already parting his lips to shout at his lover again, he didn’t have the chance to when Shintarou strolled to the living room, one set of fingers around a spoon and one underneath it.

 

“Taste this,” he said.

 

Kazunari opened his mouth wide and let Shintarou nudge the spoon inside. He wrapped his lips around the metal and twirled his tongue over it until he let go and smacked few times. It tasted a lot like tomatoes, a little fishy, and he secretly hoped that it was going to be fish in a sauce, or maybe a soup. He looked up at Shintarou and grinned brightly. “That’s really good,” he said and thought he saw a sliver of relief in his lover’s eyes. But before Shintarou could even think about going back, Kazunari patted the spot beside him, and Shintarou obeyed him, eased himself beside him and leaned towards him.

 

“How do you like this?” Kazunari clicked the pictures bigger again and went through them one by one. “I mean, it’s in west, close to your job… Big garden, plenty of space…”

 

“Do we really need two floors?” asked Shintarou with his brows twitched higher.

 

Kazunari fixed his concentration on him rather than the laptop. “I’m sure two floors would be useful in the future,” he said with a smile splattered on his lips. “Because if we get children, then there would be plenty of space for everyone… And if it’s just going to be the two of us, we’ll have space enough if I annoy you some day a _lot_.”

 

“I’ve managed to deal with that in this space, too,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari slapped his arm. “When have I ever annoyed you that much?”

 

“Do you want me to give the exact dates? Because I do remember.”

 

“Aw, forget about it.” Kazunari shook his head and pouted, and looked at the picture again. It could be their dream house. Or maybe it was somewhere else. “So is it a ‘no’ for this, then?”

 

Shintarou sucked in a breath as he pushed himself up. “Put it in the _maybe_ category.”

 

With a little glimmer of hope inside him, Kazunari nodded and bookmarked the page; he definitely didn’t want to lose such a babe of a house. He watched Shintarou, and mainly his glorious backside, as the man disappeared back to the kitchen, and then let out a soft sigh. As much as he knew that finding a suitable candidate wasn’t a job for today specifically, he would have loved to find something they would both deem perfect. It had taken some convincing and a _lot_ of serious talk at the dark hours of nights and mornings, but eventually they had both come to the conclusion that now seemed like a perfect time to stop living on rent and actually _own_ their home. Kazunari tried to push back the worries about money and rather concentrated on finding something lovely they could go and pay a visit soon.

 

He found none by the time Shintarou returned with two bowls. Kazunari’s stomach thanked him by grumbling, and he took a hold of the bowl and examined the soup that looked too good. Happily he nudged the first spoonful in his mouth and let out a content sigh, and continued to eat as well as browsing through the houses. He settled better beside Shintarou, and had the wild urge to simply whine like he was a little child not getting his will through straight away. Yet with a lot of energy he gulped down the soup, eager, so ridiculously hungry that it wasn’t funny anymore, and few times Shintarou had to tell him to slow down and digest. Kazunari grumbled and shuddered, and instead of their favorite show, he watched the house listings instead. So did Shintarou.

 

“What about that one?” Shintarou pointed a small picture.

 

“Mm…” Kazunari clicked it open and tilted his head, and removed his fingers from the keyboard once more to eat. He couldn’t resist the temptation of flicking through the other photos, however, and the more he did so, the better feeling he got. The house looked very _light_ , pleasantly spacious, and with a little touch of their own it could be perfect. “That really doesn’t look that bad… Although it doesn’t have two floors.”

 

Shintarou leaned closer. “But it has three bedrooms.”

 

“But we could have gotten more.”

 

“Why do we need more than three? One for us, and for now one would be a guest room, the third one an extra room, and when we get two children in the future, they can both get a room of their own, and we would fit just fine.”

 

Kazunari glanced at Shintarou. It was sexy, the way Shintarou sounded so _confident_ about getting children as if it was a given. A lopsided smile rose to his lips, and he gave the man a quick kiss on the cheek as he was so conveniently right beside him. “You’re right, Shin-chan, I’ve to give you that. But, um…” He went through the photos one by one. “It has a nice garden…”

 

“Good location and good price,” said Shintarou.

 

“And— _oh_ , okay, it has a fireplace, I’m sold. Count me in, this is the house I want.”

 

“It’s a little worrying how easy you are to please.” Shintarou shook his head and looked at Kazunari behind his glasses. “Besides, we’re not necessarily _getting_ it, but we can go and have a look.”

 

Kazunari perked. “Could we really?”

 

“Yes… and perhaps the two-floored one you fancied.” Shintarou offered a small smile and retreated farther away from him to eat. “Take the numbers and call the owners tomorrow, and ask for suitable days we can have a viewing.”

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, you’re the best!” Kazunari put the soup bowl down on the table and typed the phone numbers up in a word document, and then looked at them with giddiness twisting his stomach into pleasurable knots. Of course it didn’t mean anything yet – this wasn’t some tight commitment of actually buying a house –, but it felt nice to think about the future. With a wide smile on his lips he finally closed the laptop and grabbed the lukewarm bowl back to his hands, and settled himself right beside Shintarou with a quiet ‘thank you for the meal’.

 

Although the cooking show was well on its way, he still paid attention to it together with his lover. He muffled a yawn behind his palm and scooped up the final spoonsful. Afterwards his stomach stretched pleasantly, and he clung to Shintarou’s arm. The few ruffles of hair he received were wonderful, but sweeter was a kiss that tasted of tomatoes and fish. Against his lover’s lips Kazunari grinned sleepily and stole another kiss just because he could.

 

“I count on the fact that you’ll do the dishes before you head to bed,” said Shintarou.

 

Kazunari whined. “I’ll try my best…”

 

Shintarou stared at him. “I really don’t want to walk into a mess when I get back.”

 

“I know, I know!” As a sullen pout rose to his lips, he rubbed his forehead against Shintarou’s arm and sighed. “I really hate your night shifts… Who am I supposed to sleep with when you’re gone?”

 

“Ao,” Shintarou bluntly said. “Do trust me when I say that I don’t find the night shifts a pleasant treat, either, but that’s how it is now.”

 

Kazunari looked up at him and gently squeezed his freshly shaven chin. “Save at least one life to make it worth it.”

 

“It would be a lot better if no one had their life at danger.”

 

“Oh, Mr. I’m-a-good-person, I’m just kidding.” Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s chin once more and reached himself up enough to give him a kiss. Then, he patted his thigh and smiled. “Go on, then, you don’t want to be late.”

 

Shintarou worked himself up on his feet but leaned down enough to press a fleeting kiss on Kazunari’s forehead. “My shifts are on the fridge’s door, so try to figure out a suitable day for a viewing for the houses according to them.”

 

“Yes, yes, I know, babe. We’ll wait for you, but if we’re still sleeping by the time you get back, don’t wake us up.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows higher. “As long as you don’t wake _me_ up when you wake up.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I promise, not that _that_ ’s ever happened before.”

 

“Oh, _please_.”

 

“Just go and stop scolding your precious partner!” Kazunari shook his head in amusement, and as Shintarou finally walked towards the hallway, he shouted after him, “Love you!”

 

“I love you too,” was the answer he received back. It made him smile and feel a lot better once the front door closed and he only had a pillow and an energetic kitten to hug.


	62. Tie-dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shuddered, because he couldn’t think of a moment when Shintarou had last been such an _ass_ towards him, and now he craved nothing more than to set his lover straight.

Kazunari listened the drumming of the washing machine and prayed that it would work a little faster. Intensely he stared at its little screen and the digital numbers, and rubbed his fingertips against his forearm. He yawned loudly and made the effort to muffle it, but it didn’t quite work, not that Shintarou would hear him over the sound of their laundry being done. Behind his ear was an annoying tic that he couldn’t get rid of, not even when he massaged the spot and then his nape. Soon an ache settled right to the middle of his forehead, too, and made things that much worse. He could hardly stay still, and so he shifted weight from one foot to another as he bit his fingernails.

 

“Kazunari!” shouted Shintarou for the umpteenth time.

 

“Literally five minutes more!” he shouted back. He chewed his bottom lip and hopped up and down to keep his body occupied. Then, he crouched down to take a look at their laundry rolling round and round, and mostly saw the white coat Shintarou had wanted him to wash. His line of teeth he bore even harder against his innocent lip, and didn’t realize to let go until he tasted iron in his mouth. Sticking his tongue out, he wrapped his arms around his legs and stayed in the small curl for a moment longer.

 

After two minutes Shintarou shouted again, “Kazunari!”, this time his voice slightly louder and more menacing, and almost scary.

 

Kazunari pushed his feet upright again and huffed. He felt a glow on his cheeks. “If it was so fucking important, you should have washed it right after you came home!” he raised his voice and felt like punching a fist against the wall. He understood that Shintarou needed the coat _now_ , but why was _he_ getting all the blame? Shintarou had had hours after he had woken up to this moment, he could have washed the damn thing himself. Laying his arms across his chest, Kazunari narrowed his eyes to the machine and hoped the rest of the minutes would simply disappear in a snap of a finger.

 

“Seriously, Kazunari!”

 

“Can you stop shouting at me?! Two minutes, I can’t stop the damn machine in the middle!” Somehow, it felt rather comical as they screamed at each other through several walls. Kazunari had no idea where his _idiot_ of a lover was, and frankly, he couldn’t care less right now. He waited for the moment he could simply shove the laundry in Shintarou’s arms and give him a glare of death. Honestly, he wasn’t in the mood of this right now, not today, not when he had sent countless of job applications and gotten an equal amount of rejections back. He wasn’t happy about _another_ night shift in a row Shintarou would do, and he wasn’t looking forward to spending all night alone in bed. Thus, Shintarou could have been a bit nicer to him, but clearly that was too much to ask. Kazunari’s insides quivered, and he pulled his fingers to tights fists and squeezed.

 

When the machine finally emitted out high-pitched beeping noises, Kazunari latched himself towards it. The room smelled of detergent and so did his fingers, but he couldn’t care less as he stuck his arms inside and went for the quest of finding the coat. Everything else he found, and all of the useless stuff he threw on the floor. Eventually he thought he grasped a sleeve, and victoriously pulled the white coat out.

 

Correction. _Pink_ coat.

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened, and he could only stare. How…? _Why?_ His heart skipped a beat, and then it turned into a frantic mess that wouldn’t calm down no matter how hard he tried to repeat soothing mantras in his head. “Shit,” he whispered, “shit, shit, _shit_ , don’t do this to me now…” Knowing fully well that he would gain Shintarou’s endless fury, he dug the wet laundry once more, but came to the conclusion that this was indeed Shintarou’s coat for work, and it was bright pink and absolutely _ruined_. Breathing hard and irregular, hardly getting air in his lungs, he rummaged the laundry, and found one lone red sock. Holding it in his other hand, Kazunari stared at it with his eyes still wide open. It wasn’t difficult to add one to another.

 

“Are you kidding me?” he whispered to the sock. “Are you actually _fucking_ … kidding… He’s going to kill me. Why would you do this to me?” Panic soaking his insides, he threw the sock back to the machine, but it didn’t take away the fact that the coat in his arms was pink. He stared at it and feverishly tried to come up with a solution. Shintarou didn’t even have another one… The more he thought about it, the more frantic he became. Kazunari stumbled a step on the left, then to the right, and wondered how the hell he was going to pull himself out of this mess.

 

“Kazunari!” shouted Shintarou once more. “Is it done yet? I’m going to be late!”

 

“It’s…” Kazunari muttered to himself. He squeezed the coat and wished he could have turned it sparkling white with mere mental power. Too loud he heard Shintarou’s approaching footsteps, surely ready to slay him with no problem. He took a deep breath and braced himself for the worst, turned around to face the door and took a defensive stance. But as soon as Shintarou appeared on the doorway, Kazunari was ready to dig a hole with his bare hands and hop into it without a second thought.

 

At first, Shintarou stared at him with a blank face, then the coat. Then him again, then the coat. When he finally fixed his gaze on him, his face turned alarmingly red. He drew in a stiff breath. His nostrils flared.

 

“Is that… my coat?” It was clear he tried to keep his voice calm, but it trembled nonetheless.

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“Are you… actually kidding me?” Shintarou stepped closer and seemed taller than before. “Is this some sort of a joke of yours that I’m not getting? Because if it is, it’s not funny.”

 

“It’s not a joke—“ Kazunari tried.

 

“What, then, am I supposed to walk to work with a _pink_ coat? Is that what you’re saying?” Shintarou huffed through his nose and shook his head. “I give you _one_ simple task, and…”

 

Something inside Kazunari snapped. Blood boiled in his veins and wanted to overflow. He shuddered, because he couldn’t think of a moment when Shintarou had last been such an _ass_ towards him, and now he craved nothing more than to set his lover straight. “I was kind enough to actually wash your shit when you practically pulled me out of bed to do it for you!” he shouted and marched two steps forward. “I was half-asleep, idiot! If it was so important, why don’t you have two coats for the occasion of your stupid lover ruining one for you!”

 

“What the _hell_ are you going on about, I didn’t call you stupid,” Shintarou snarled.

 

“You might as well have! _Oh, look at poor Kazunari, he can’t even do the laundry right!_ ” Kazunari gritted his teeth together and bared them ever so slightly. “ _Oh, look at my idiotic lover who spends all his days at home, let’s make him do laundry and watch him fail, that’ll be so much fun!_ ”

 

Shintarou took a sharp inhale and let out a joyless laughter. “Oh, don’t play martyr with me right now, don’t you even begin.”

 

“Excuse me for not noticing a red sock in the stupid machine!” Kazunari shouted. He grasped the coat better and almost protectively pulled it against his chest. It might have created wet spots and stains on his shirt, but such a thing was irrelevant right now. He wasn’t sure whether it was the frustration of failing again in job hunting or the fact that he’d have to spend another night alone, but whatever the reason was, he had latched out on Shintarou harder than in ages. Although he knew too well that afterwards he’d regret everything, he couldn’t care less about it now that he stared up into Shintarou’s narrowed eyes.

 

“You do understand,” Shintarou began, his voice still trembling, “that you are making me walk to work with a pink coat, and I have no replacement for it? That your mistake is going to make a fool out of me?”

 

Tears brimming in his eyes, Kazunari finally moved right in front of his lover and shoved the coat against his chest. “Mr. Important Doctor can do his precious laundry all by himself from now on, I’m done.”

 

He didn’t bother to look at Shintarou properly as he already marched past him and slammed the door shut behind his back. With quick steps he retreated to the couch and grabbed a cushion to hug, and felt his heart go insane in his chest. He could barely breathe properly as he focused all his energy on listening the sounds of their home. The door to the bathroom opened, then closed, and without a single word Shintarou strutted away and out. The sound of the front door slammed shut echoed in the apartment, and Kazunari stared in front of him without seeing anything. It was the first time they had parted without a _have a good day_ , or _I’ll wait for you to come back_ , or _, remember to do the dishes_ , or _I’ll miss you_.

 

Defeated, he tried to ignore his trembling lower lip and closed his eyes, took calming breaths. He knew he wasn’t wrong – mistakes and accidents happened, and Shintarou had no right to explode to him like that –, but it still felt bad that they didn’t have the time to make up before Shintarou would be gone for hours again. Kazunari chewed the inside of his cheek, and as he heard soft meowing near his feet, he murmured a soft, “Come here,” and lifted Ao in his lap. After few strokes she already purred, and admittedly, Kazunari felt a bit better to know that at least she still loved him. He hugged her tight, and tried not to feel so miserable about himself and his stupid mistake. He didn’t bother to stay long on the couch as he knew Shintarou wasn’t getting back, and together with her he dragged himself to bed.

 

Slumping down on the softness surrounded by a lonely darkness, Kazunari wiggled himself free from clothes and buried himself under blankets. Ao pranced on the bed here and there until she settled herself to a soft curl right against his chest. Absentmindedly he stroked her under the chin and gathered a loud set of purrs that made him smile weakly. He shouldn’t have been so harsh to Shintarou. He should have just apologized and kiss him goodbye like he so often did. Miserable, Kazunari pulled his legs up against his stomach and curled himself around the purring kitten.

 

Five minutes later, his phone vibrated on the nightstand. A little sleepy, as much as he didn’t want to check it, he still reached for it and rubbed his swollen, tired eyes and opened the message.

 

_To:_ Kazunari  
 _From:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _Subject:_  
> I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. I’m really sorry, it wasn’t your fault. I was just frustrated and stressed and took it out on you. It won’t happen again. They have a spare coat for me. Please be safe. I will give you kisses once I’m back.  
> P.S. You will let me give you kisses as an apology, right?

 

Kazunari couldn’t help the smile that twitched on his lips. As he thought of a suitable reply, he rubbed Ao’s back and pursed his lips. Eventually, he typed.

 

_To:_ Midorima Shintarou  
 _From:_ Kazunari  
 _Subject:_ Re:  
> Apology accepted. Sorry about your coat, didn’t mean to. My lips are ready and waiting. I’ll keep the bed warm, so wake me up when you come back!

 

Feeling a little silly, he put the phone back to the nightstand and heaved out a soft sigh. He looked at the life-enjoying kitten with a faint smile on his lips and murmured to her, “We have a nice husband after all, don’t we?” As she mewled a soft agreement, Kazunari smiled a little wider and couldn’t stop the more he thought about Shintarou’s message. He knew that tomorrow they’d change better apologies and lots of kisses, and the thought was enough to turn him from a brooding mess to a giddy chaos that could hardly find sleep anymore.


	63. Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We shouldn’t be listening in the first place,” he whispered.

“Ah… Nn, Saeko, _ah_ … Fuck, yeah, _yeah_ , that feels good… Fucking… bitch, yeah… Ah, _yeah_ …”

 

Shintarou felt like he would choke on his own saliva as he watched Kazunari cover his mouth in a fit of laughter. He cleared his throat in a desperate attempt to _not_ laugh himself, but little snorts escaped him although he tried to remain adult-like and responsible. Although he slapped Kazunari’s arm to make him stop, his lover looked at him with tears in his eyes. But to ask Kazunari not to laugh at something was an impossible mission, and so Shintarou grabbed a pillow and shoved it against his lover’s mouth.

 

“We shouldn’t be listening in the first place,” he whispered.

 

Kazunari peeked behind the pillow and wiped his cheeks dry. “How can we _not_ listen to that when we’re practically forced to hear it?”

 

The thing was, their neighbor from behind the wall had never been loud. He had never let out any sounds of life, and there had been times when Shintarou had wondered whether they had a neighbor to begin with. But now, after years of living in harmony whilst separated by a wall, the man was… _loud_ , to be truthful. _Extremely_ loud, that was. Against the wall presumably a bedhead thudded, over and over again, and the bed itself creaked to the rhythm of the lavish moans that were mostly his; sometimes a female tune whimpered here and there, but definitely not as loud. As much as the lively noises had stirred Shintarou from his nap, once Kazunari had gotten into this – listening a neighbor to have sex, that was –, he found it mildly amusing himself.

 

Silence fell. Sure of the fact that the man had reached a release, Shintarou sighed from relief but too soon. The moans continued, and Kazunari burst into giggles. He couldn’t really hold back his laughter anymore, either, not when his airheaded lover bent his shaking body in half and buried his reddened face to a pillow to muffle his sounds. Shintarou felt like they were teenagers again, coy and embarrassed around all matters that dealt with sex, but it felt good to laugh and have his abdomen ache because of it. The shade of red in Kazunari’s face looked adorable, too.

 

Kazunari lifted his gaze enough to look at him. “I can’t believe he’s having such a good—“

 

“ _Ah_ , fuck… Yeah, that’s it, _yeah_ , take it in… Good girl, take it— _oh_ , yeah.”

 

Kazunari pinched his nose but couldn’t contain the laughs that burst from his mouth. He pressed his face back to the pillow, and it took him a solid minute to be able to take a deep breath and look at Shintarou again. He cleared his throat. “He’s having some wild sex, all right,” he whispered. “I can’t believe—have you ever even _seen_ him?”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “This feels wrong,” he murmured. “And it feels like you’re fifteen again, giggling about something so… _natural_.”

 

“Come on, don’t be so uptight, Shin-chan.” Kazunari patted his thigh. “You think it’s amusing too, don’t you? You can’t hide that smile from me.”

 

“It’s only on my face because _you_ are smiling,” Shintarou defended.

 

“Aw, baby, that’s so cute… and so not true.”

 

Kazunari stuck his tongue out, and Shintarou merely rolled his eyes. He huffed through his nose but scooped the man in his arms nonetheless. Like a little child Kazunari climbed to sit properly up his lap, and Shintarou didn’t necessarily mind; he wrapped his arms better around the torso and rocked him in his embrace. From the foot of the bed Ao glanced at them lazily, then let out a loud yawn and tried to lull back into her kitten sleep. Shintarou knew for sure she struggled, because the moans only kept growing noisier. He grabbed a pillow and settled it over his legs, and kneaded his fingertips to its softness.

 

“I just got the best idea ever,” whispered Kazunari.

 

Wary, Shintarou stared at his lover. “What are you planning to do?”

 

Kazunari winked at him, cleared his throat, and then shouted in a way that seemed to come from the top of his lungs, “Oh, Shin-chan! Yes, _yes_ , Shin-chan, please! Ah, baby, do it harder, harder, ba—Mmhm!”

 

Shintarou moved his palm harshly over his lover’s mouth and ignored the sensation of having laughter muffled against his skin. “What the hell are you doing?” he hissed. “Are you out of your mind?”

 

“Relax,” Kazunari mumbled behind his palm and took a sharp breath when Shintarou pulled his hand to himself. “See? It’s quiet now.”

 

Now that he listened, he realized that Kazunari was right. The silence was blissful, and Shintarou felt his lips twitch to a smile. A shout-off wasn’t necessarily what he wanted, although he knew such an idea would have greatly appealed Kazunari. Ready to move from the bed to brew some coffee to wake himself properly up, he swung his legs over the edge and froze to the position when their neighbor moaned again – this time more intensely. His heart jumped to his throat. He stared at the wall, and then at Kazunari who grinned brightly like a boy.

 

“The game’s so on!”

 

“A gentle reminder, Kazunari, that you are a grown up man who is about to fake sex noises to spite our neighbor who we have never seen and who has never bothered us,” Shintarou said, his tone dry.

 

“And a super gentle reminder, Shin-chan, that this is fun and you know it.” Kazunari grinned.

 

Shintarou sighed heavily, but couldn’t find the will to leave, not when the show was about to start. Idly trying to remind himself why exactly he wanted to marry an idiot like this, he rested his chin on his palm and watched Kazunari rise up to his knees. The man wiggled his bottom in obvious excitement and cleared his throat. He craned his neck and pressed his palms on the bed, and was suddenly on all fours in a position that made Shintarou’s core tense. He held in a breath and eyed Kazunari and felt an oddly lewd desire fill his veins. Trying to ignore such an emotion was hard when Kazunari began his counter-attack.

 

“Ah, Shin-chan…! Shin-chan! Yes, baby, _yes_ , please! I want your cock in me, baby, please, _please_ … I’m begging you, I’m begging, babe, give it to me… _Ah_ , nn, _oh_ , yes! Yes!” screamed Kazunari with a ridiculously wide smile on his lips.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and shook his head when Kazunari turned to look at him. A pout grew to the man’s lips, but he stole a silent kiss from him nonetheless.

 

Their neighbor grunted just a bit louder than before.

 

“Slap me,” Kazunari hurried to whisper.

 

“What?”

 

“Slap me,” Kazunari urged again and wiggled his ass. “Right on the cheek, come on. Give me a good slap, babe.”

 

Shintarou buried his face to his palm, and only a moment later lifted his gaze back up. He pressed his lips to a flat line and shook his head. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he whispered back, not exactly sure why he even bothered to quiet down his voice.

 

“Come _oooon_ , one teeny tiny nice slap.” Kazunari pushed his bottom out and swayed it from one side to another, and did it so _good_ that Shintarou could only stare. “I know you want to, give it to me. Give it to me, Shin-chan.”

 

Sure of the fact that Kazunari would whine until he’d get his will through, Shintarou held in a breath, sucked his lips in, and slapped his palm gently against Kazunari’s buttock. He boasted with pride, felt like he had done a good job, but the confidence shriveled as soon as his lover looked at him over his shoulder with a blank look.

 

“Was that it?” Kazunari arched his brows. “It needs to be hard and _loud_ so the guy can hear.”

 

“You are… absolutely unbelievable,” Shintarou huffed. But Kazunari _insisted_ , and he clearly wanted it, thus, who was he to deny his lover’s odd cravings? This time he didn’t think twice as he slapped Kazunari’s ass again, a lot harder this time, and as the lushness jiggled under his palm, the sound echoed heavy and dragged along. Kazunari threw his head back and let out a moan that actually sounded rather genuine.

 

“ _Yes_!” he screamed, and for a second Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it was for the act or not. “Oh, yes, baby, _yes_! Ah, punish me, I’ve been such a bad boy!”

 

For the sake of it, and because it brought a pleasant buzz in his abdomen, Shintarou slapped Kazunari again, more sluggishly this time. Yet Kazunari trembled from the head to toe and pulled his entire body to the most beautiful curve Shintarou had ever seen. His lungs sapped a breath in, and hastily he pulled his hand back as he felt a pulse travel all around his body and dangerously south of his navel. Eyes widening, mouth turning as dry as a desert under the scorching sun, he tried to pull himself together. He hardly could.

 

“Shut up!” shouted their neighbor finally through the wall.

 

Kazunari giggled and slumped himself on his back on the bed – Ao joined him quickly and pranced over him –, but Shintarou could only stare at his lover who had turned from childish to erotic to childish again within seconds. He stared down at his palm and flexed his fingers, wiggled them and then pulled them to a tight fist. It had felt so _good_ to give Kazunari a good slap on his jiggling bottom, and Shintarou couldn’t escape the thought. He didn’t get to jolt out of it until his lover poked him to the knee with his forefinger.

 

“You okay?” Kazunari asked, his voice suddenly laced with obvious worry.

 

“Yeah, I’m just…” What danced on the tip of his tongue was suddenly so hard to say in the obvious silence. Shintarou averted his gaze and squeezed his fingers tighter together. Although he knew there was nothing in the world he couldn’t have told Kazunari, he was still very certain that a blush invaded his cheeks right at the moment.

 

Kazunari tilted his head and pushed himself up on his elbows. “Just what?”

 

“I kind of…” He found no other way to say it without sounding like an idiotic, horny teenager. “I really want to grope you.”

 

For a second, Kazunari stared at him, dumbfounded. Then, he laughed gently and sat up properly, and with so much care in his hands placed Ao on the floor. “Grope me then,” he encouraged. He trailed his fingers on Shintarou’s arms and yanked him forward, and did so until Shintarou slumped down on the bed and Kazunari climbed on top of him. Looking up at his lover, Shintarou smiled weakly, embarrassed to the core, but either so he let his lover guide his hands to his round buttocks. A shivery sigh escaped Shintarou as he squeezed and rested the back of his head against the bed. It seemed that the little squishing brought an endearing smile on Kazunari’s lips. Kazunari eased himself lower but pressed his head beside Shintarou’s so that they could still look at each other.

 

“Was it the slapping that triggered this?” he guessed, and looked a little smug.

 

“Possibly,” Shintarou mouthed. He had never really had an urge like this, but Kazunari’s bottom was perfectly sculptured, tender, lavish, and a perfect fit to his palms. He let out another sigh and closed his eyes, and felt a lot ridiculous to simply lay there and _squeeze_ his lover’s ass like so. His cheeks glowed, burning, but as ashamed as he was, he couldn’t stop digging his fingers to the soft fabric of the sweatpants. Right against his ear Kazunari chuckled quietly and then gave him a peck on the cheek.

 

“Is it turning you on?” he asked.

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “Not… necessarily. It simply feels pleasant.”

 

“I’m happy anyway, because it feels really good,” purred Kazunari, and although he did rock his body gently against Shintarou’s, there was nothing overly sexual about it.

 

Shintarou rather liked the moment, because it felt oddly intimate. When Kazunari then got himself up on his elbows and looked into his eyes with such wonder and the whole universe in his own, Shintarou had to smile. In such a late afternoon Kazunari was so very beautiful, breathtakingly so, and once Shintarou looked at him, he couldn’t look anywhere else again. The mere thought that this was the face he had the privilege to see every day for the rest of his life brought sudden warmth and itching in his eyes, and he had to squeeze them shut to prevent shameful tears from trickling down. Perhaps it was the exhaustion that took him over, but either so, he slid his hands up from the man’s bottom to his torso and pulled him to a tight hug. It reminded him of an instance when he had been a mere boy and hugged his favorite teddy bear he had sworn to never let go, and although Kazunari was no toy, Shintarou still had no thoughts of shoving him to the attic when he would grow old.

 

With a kiss on the lips and mutual _you look very pretty_ exchanged, Shintarou abandoned the idea of making himself coffee, and instead of getting up rocked Kazunari in his embrace. Near his ear his lover let out quiet giggles, and they were the most wonderful sounds Shintarou had heard in his life.


	64. Cold Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly so proud of Shintarou, Kazunari held a smile on his lips and with his gaze searched for the reception, or rather his lover. It didn’t take more than one step forward that he found what he was looking for. He lifted his hand for a wave, but he stopped the motion mid-air as he found more than what he had bargained for.

With a huge smile splattered on his lips Kazunari watched the popcorn bag get bigger in the microwave. There were exactly two things to get him excited; it was a movie night, and it was also a night he was going to get Shintarou sleeping soundly right beside when it was actually bedtime. Nothing could have made him grin wider, and as he lulled in the excellent mood, he turned up the volume of the radio a notch higher and moved his body wildly to the fast beat. He was easily pulled along to the song, and soon he twirled around the kitchen like there was no tomorrow, sang from the top of his lungs and at the same time tried not to step on Ao who swirled around his legs and looked at him with big, wide eyes. Every now and then she meowed, and Kazunari only thought that she was singing along. Probably.

 

So quickly his mind swirled, his vision turned dizzy, and the world rolled round and round around him. He stopped after a set of intense pirouettes and had to hold on to the counter to keep himself steady. Yet he couldn’t stop smiling, although the motion already hurt his cheeks rather badly. He didn’t care whether he was going to end up watching the movie alone, as long as he had Shintarou beside him, awake or sleeping. He wasn’t sure whether he even remembered how his lover’s sleeping face looked like. Whoever had decided that _his_ man needed several night shifts in a row had been an idiot, but also very kind for finally making a shift end at a reasonable time in the evening. Of course he was proud of Shintarou, but he missed him. A lot.

 

As the song changed to a slower one and Kazunari settled himself back in front of the microwave to oversee the development of the popcorn – the bag had already swollen –, he faintly recognized his ringtone over the radio. His brows knitted together, yet his heart sank to his ankles when he saw it was Shintarou calling. Somehow, he had a hunch it wasn’t good news, not when the man was supposed to be at home within thirty minutes. Turning down the radio, Kazunari braced himself and tried to control his suddenly trembling as he answered.

 

“Hey, baby. Something wrong?”

 

“ _Kazu_ ,” Shintarou began, and from the simple nickname Kazunari knew to turn off the microwave and cancel the party. “ _I’m really sorry, but we need to move the movie night to another time, because I’m going to have to work through the night._ ”

 

Although he was prepared to hear it, it didn’t make the information any better. Kazunari sucked in his bottom lip and leaned the small of his back against the counter. He didn’t want to be disappointed, but he still felt a small twinge in his chest right beside his heart. Clearing his throat, he took few seconds for a deep breath and then pushed a small smile on his lips. “It’s okay, of course it’s okay.”

 

“ _I’m still sorry_.” Shintarou sounded so guilty.

 

“Shin-chan, _really_ , it’s okay,” Kazunari assured and stared at his wiggling toes. “Like you said, we’ll just have it some other time. Is… Is there something you’d like me to do?”

 

“ _Actually_ …” Shintarou paused. “ _Only if you’re not too tired, could you bring me a set of clean clothes? I’d like to have something not sweaty to wear_.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Kazunari pushed himself away from the counter and tiptoed around the kitchen in thought. His voice was annoyingly weak. “Should I also bring some dinner? I made pasta.”

 

Shintarou sighed softly. “ _That would be wonderful, thank you. Thank you for understanding_.”

 

Kazunari smiled to the empty kitchen. “It’s no problem, babe. Give me… hour and a half, okay?”

 

“ _Of course. I’ll meet you at the reception downstairs_.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” At least he’d get to _see_ his lover, even if it was for some few silly minutes. The thought was enough to make him smile weakly.

 

He kept the smile on his lips until they exchanged their byes, and right after he ended the call it simply dissolved. A dragging sigh escaped him, and he spent a minute standing still, looking down at Ao who meowed with such demand in her noises. He shook his head ever so slightly to himself and bit the inside of his cheek. The first thing he did after he snapped out of his trance was to give food for the kitten, and only then did he grab a box he filled with pasta for his hard-working lover. As much as he tried to be an adult and understand that situations changed, he couldn’t exorcise the disappointment. The bed was too big to sleep alone, even if he had a cat beside him. It was cold and depressing. But of course he couldn’t say such things to Shintarou, not when Shintarou worked so hard to support this family. Kazunari groaned, slapped himself on the cheek, told himself to get over it and rushed out of the kitchen to get himself ready.

 

He really, _really_ needed that job to keep himself busy, he thought as he pulled on a neater shirt. Too lazy to do anything to improve his looks – the evening had already grown long, after all –, he pulled his hair to a messy chignon right in the middle of his head and decided it was good enough; Shintarou would give him a smile nonetheless. He gave himself a stare through the mirror, then a nod, and told himself that all of this was necessary. If they wanted to buy a house together, if they wanted to get food on the table, this was necessary. Kazunari took a calming breath through his mouth and rubbed his chin. Embarrassed that he even bothered to whine within his mind about the situation when he was unemployed himself, he ignored the tic in his ears and gathered his belongings, and left home.

 

It took an hour sitting in the subways for him to reach the proper station, and the whole journey he hugged the big, soft bag of clothes and dinner. When he finally reached the hospital, he had to take a moment to stop and simply stare up at it. His eyes widened ever so slightly; it was his first time there, and he had never realized how _big_ it actually was. Of course he had seen it every now and then but only when he was passing – now it stood high and proud in front of him and made him chew his lower lip. At least he’d get to see Shintarou looking very professional with a white coat on. The thought was just enough to make Kazunari smile again, and he supposed such a sight was his reward for tonight. Feeling slightly better, he pranced forward and then through the double doors.

 

The ground floor wasn’t as crowded as he had expected to be, but even more spacious than he had ever imagined. Awe in his eyes, Kazunari looked around and felt his lips part from each other involuntarily. Thankfully, he had only paid visits to hospitals in general only twice in his life, and neither times had been too hard for his ego; but it also showed how little knowledge he had of anything other than small health centers around the corners. In here, the glow of the sunset pierced through the windows and painted the floor with hues of red, orange and pink. Suddenly so proud of Shintarou, Kazunari held a smile on his lips and with his gaze searched for the reception, or rather his lover. It didn’t take more than one step forward that he found what he was looking for. He lifted his hand for a wave, but he stopped the motion mid-air as he found more than what he had bargained for.

 

Shintarou. Smiling. Not that there was anything wrong with smiling – quite honestly, Shintarou looked _dazzling_ whenever he did smile –, but he was talking to a man behind the counter and looking almost happy and _pleased_. Kazunari fingers curled in the air, and hastily he pulled them back by his side and felt an odd sensation in his throat that made it difficult to breathe. The closer he approached the deeper his brows knitted together. The man behind the counter, presumably a receptionist Kazunari realized, leaned towards Shintarou and had the glossiest smile plastered to his lips that shone all the way to him. He moved closer, but Shintarou didn’t see him and thus paid no attention. Somehow, his chest felt hollow. He was used to seeing Shintarou smile like that to _him_ , and it created swirls of confusion in the pit of his belly as he saw the smile directed to someone else.

 

Once he was close enough, he realized that this wasn’t a receptionist; this was _the_ receptionist. Mentioned once fleetingly by Shintarou, the words now got stuck in Kazunari’s head. The man – or rather, a _boy_ ; he hardly looked over twenty – had a pretty, narrow face, gorgeous cheekbones that were clad with silky smooth skin, and jet-black hair that looked a lot more stylish than his right now. But did this guy really resemble him as much as Shintarou had claimed? Kazunari pressed his lips flat and took wary steps forward. Ready to keep his mind open, he cleared his throat once he was close enough, and finally Shintarou laid his eyes at him. Kazunari gave him a tense smile.

 

“Hey,” said Shintarou. It looked like his smile softened ever so slightly, but maybe it was all in Kazunari’s head. He wasn’t exactly sure anymore. “Glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding the place?”

 

“Not at all.” Casually Kazunari glanced at the younger man and felt a sting in his chest when the dark eyes didn’t look at him even once; instead, they were glued like two idiots on Shintarou and resembled the shapes of a heart. His own eyes widening ever so slightly, he tried to get rid of the thought and gave his lover the bag instead. “Here, everything you asked for. You owe me one.”

 

“I know.” Shintarou offered him a brief smile. “Thank you.”

 

No longer could Kazunari contain his curiosity. He nodded towards the receptionist. “Who is this?”

 

“Oh!” exclaimed the man and rose up to his feet. It gave Kazunari a good look of his lean body covered in a snug-fit jumper that flattered his shape. The man smiled and finally looked at him. “I’m the receptionist in this building, Yamaguchi Haruki. And you are…?”

 

Without another thought, Kazunari blurted out, “Midorima Kazunari,” and afterwards writhed under Shintarou’s odd look. Not exactly sure why such a thing had been the first to pop to his mind and then out of his mouth, he didn’t take it back as he saw Haruki’s neatly shaped brows pull to a frown that looked rather _cute_. From him to Shintarou Haruki looked at them, and then his expression brightened.

 

“Are you possibly Doctor Midorima’s brother?”

 

_Doctor Midorima_. Kazunari recognized the tone it was said in; teasing, _flirting_ , the one he always used when he was in the mood for riling Shintarou up in the best way possible. He narrowed his eyes and stared at the boy. “Does it look like that?” he asked, and suddenly his usual bubbliness and friendliness was gone from both his voice and expression.

 

“I’m… I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to insult or anything,” Haruki said with a sickly sweet voice and rubbed his earlobe.

 

If the ridiculous giggling and leaning towards Shintarou hadn’t given it up yet, now Kazunari was certain that this man flirted with _his_ lover. When Haruki had the guts to even give Shintarou a sneaky glance and brush some hair behind his ear, Kazunari’s blood gushed loud in his ears. He gave Shintarou a stare, but his lover didn’t seem to notice anything. He couldn’t figure out which was worse, the flirting or the fact that Shintarou seemed blatantly oblivious about it. It surely didn’t help at all that the younger man was _gorgeous_. In any situation Kazunari would have probably checked him out and then pointed him to Shintarou to share his discovery, but now the other’s beauty created nasty knots in his stomach that didn’t want to unravel no matter what he tried to think. He should have picked better clothes, and settle his hair nicer. Now, he didn’t feel gorgeous at all himself.

 

“Anyway,” said Shintarou and took a step closer. Kazunari was certain that he was getting a reassuring arm around his waist, but the hand seemed to stop mid-way and then retreat. “I’d give you a brief tour around, but I believe I’m expected back upstairs.”

 

“It’s really okay.” Kazunari smiled weakly. The back of his head ached, and as a pound settled right underneath his forehead, he would have loved to know what the gnawing, nasty feeling was. It made his chest feel so tight that his lungs had to work extra hard. His cheeks glowed, too, he felt it and hoped that he wouldn’t look like a mess compared to the younger man.

 

“I can show him around,” Haruki offered with a bubbly voice.

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “Are you sure it wouldn’t be a problem?”

 

“Oh, not at all, I need to stretch my legs anyway.”

 

“Then I do believe it’s settled.” Shintarou turned towards Kazunari and smiled in a way that seemed a bit more genuine. “Thank you again, I’ll see you tomorrow around noon.”

 

“I’ll wait for you,” Kazunari promised and rose to his tiptoes, stumbled a step forward to receive his usual kiss. However, he nearly fell as Shintarou took a discreet step backwards with his lips tensing to a flat line. Kazunari stared up at his lover and realized that his attempt of a kiss had been denied. _Denied_. Not able to remember when the last time had been, he casted his eyes down and felt his pulse thicken. Why wouldn’t Shintarou want a kiss? Was he ashamed of him or…? From the corner of his eye he glanced at the ridiculously smiling receptionist and sucked in his bottom lip. Because of _him_? Without a warning breathing became a harder task, but before he could say anything, Shintarou already walked away without another word. Kazunari eyed his lover’s back and felt his heart trickle down to his knees like it was nothing but a burned mess of goo.

 

“Shall we get going, then?” Haruki asked with dimples carved on his cheeks. As he properly got up, Kazunari noticed that the man was really all about legs; they were long and so beautiful, and Haruki’s entire figure was slim and inviting. Not sure how to feel, Kazunari pulled his sleeves over his palms and fiddled with them. Even Haruki’s smile was dazzling, although he wasn’t quite sure whether it was forced or not. “Obviously I can’t take you above the ground floor, but I’m sure there’s plenty to see here—“

 

“You know, it’s actually not necessary at all, I’m in a rush,” Kazunari uttered a white lie. If he’d spent a second longer in this man’s company, he was sure his ego would melt to the floor. “If you could just point out the toilets to me, that’s good enough.”

 

Haruki’s smile twitched higher. “They’re right behind your back, just turn around and keep walking, and you’ll find toilets for both sexes.”

 

“Thanks.” Once more Kazunari allowed himself to look at the stranger from head to toe, and then hastily twirled around. His heart pounded in what felt like right beside his spine, and he took stiff steps towards the toilets. He usually wasn’t one to be self-conscious about his looks, but _damn_ … His skin rose to goose bumps, and he took a careful glance over his shoulder and saw that Haruki settled back by the desk and kept smiling. His stomach feeling weak, Kazunari rushed the final steps, opened the first available door and slammed it shut behind his back, locked it and rolled his eyes shut.

 

What was going on? He couldn’t calm his heart down no matter how hard he tried, and he found himself oddly short of breath. At least he was already in the hospital, he dryly thought and hummed from bemusement. Slowly Kazunari creaked his eyes open and took hesitating steps in front of him. He stared himself in the eyes from the mirror, examined the fierce fluster smashed to his cheeks, and frowned deep. Was this… _jealousy_? He grabbed the edge of the sink and cringed. Was this how Shintarou felt whenever he got jealous over Tetsuya, oddly empty and inadequate from the inside? Kazunari looked at his bewildered eyes and tried to find some sense in them. He tried to convince himself that there was nothing be jealous of, but… He swallowed in a sigh.

 

The thing was, he and Shintarou flirted differently. He was all about flashiness and being open and loud and really _showing_ that he was flirting. Shintarou, on the other hand, was subtle. His lover flirted – when he felt like flirting once in five years – with small smiles, leaning closer, really paying _attention_ , and it was all so very finely different from his usual behavior that it took years of expertise to tell it apart. Hadn’t he known his lover so long? Hadn’t he witnessed exactly _that_ just now? The receptionist had flirted, and Shintarou hadn’t turned it down. Watching the fluster in his face turn into horror, Kazunari pressed his palm against his mouth as his stomach turned upside down.

 

After so many years of being together with the person he loved, he finally truly felt what it was like to be jealous. He felt bad for scolding Shintarou about it.

 

And what about Yamaguchi Haruki himself? The boy was a beauty. Was that what Shintarou wanted, or rather, was that what Shintarou _missed_? Kazunari took a step back and with a trembling hand lifted the hem of his shirt to reveal his torso to the critical mirror. There were still outlines of the defined muscles that had once been there, but he wasn’t seventeen anymore. He sucked in his stomach, which made his ribs poke out. Flaws that he had never seen before were now right _there_ , right under his eyes. His hips had grown rounder and fuller like a woman’s. He was no longer a stick figure, no longer an athlete, and surely in few years his skin would turn soft and there would be plenty of spots for Shintarou to grasp. Kazunari pulled the shirt back on its place and squeezed his eyes shut. Was a newer model of himself replacing him? Skinnier one, one whose eyes gleamed youth, one who wasn’t going to turn thirty in few years, one who—

 

He slapped himself on the cheek and let out a laugh. What was he thinking about? Shintarou, _replacing_ him? Hadn’t they exchanged thousands of ‘I love you’s and ‘I can’t live without you’s during all the years together? Kazunari swallowed hard and peeked towards himself again, rubbed his reddening cheek. Shintarou would never do that to him. If the spark would disappear, they would _talk_ it through, they would _work_ together for a better tomorrow. So he thought and at the same time felt the knots in his stomach stiffen even more as he thought of the smiles Shintarou had given the receptionist. He remembered the smiles, he remembered the times when they had been young and foolish and in love for the first time with each other. So why was Shintarou now giving them to someone else?

 

“You’re imagining it,” he whispered. His voice echoed in the small toilet. He looked down at the tips of his shoes and the sweatpants he hadn’t bothered to change. Maybe he should have worn jeans instead…  Maybe he should have spent a minute more with his hair. Kazunari tugged his jacket better over his body and felt nauseous. For so long he had managed to go on without a single fit of jealousy, and it seemed that now all the years’ worth poured inside him all at once. He wasn’t used to being insecure, so to suddenly have no faith at all inside was enough to make him want to sink on his knees. His legs trembled. All he could think about was Shintarou’s smile witnessed from afar, not meant for him, and refusing his kiss. _Refusing to kiss him_. Kazunari chewed his lower lip until it hurt, but even then he couldn’t let go. He breathed harder, more irregular. He couldn’t think of anything else.

 

Once more he looked at himself dead in the eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose and allowed it out from his mouth. He stood taller and rolled his shoulders back, sucked in his stomach and carried himself with grace. “You’re just imagining it,” he told himself again and smiled. His reflection didn’t look all too convinced about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. _Here we go._ Buckle up, because it's not going to be a smooth ride. It won't be over until I say so, and trust me - I'm not planning to let go too soon.


	65. Favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From his fortress he said, “I just have a bad day, it’s nothing. Don’t think about it.”

Shintarou couldn’t think of anything better than climbing up the stairs and seeing the front door of home in his sight when his legs were almost too tired to continue and his body exhausted from working almost too long. As much as he enjoyed what he was doing, nothing felt as good as slumping beside Kazunari, get a kiss on various parts of his face, and then fall asleep beside his loved one. He doubted whether he’d get to do the latter – it was already over noon –, but as long as he got few kisses, he would happily occupy the bed alone. The thought was enough to strengthen his body to continue the final steps that all felt like individual mountains, and when he finally conquered them and stood behind the door, he felt like a winner.

 

Hastily he worked himself inside and closed the door behind his back. “I’m home,” he announced like so many times before, crouched down to take off his shoes, and once he straightened his back again, his brows knitted to a frown. Where was his _welcome home_? Usually it waited him right in the hallway, or came shouting from the kitchen, but now only silence took him to a soothing embrace and patted him on the back for good work. Pressing his lips to flat line, he didn’t give up quite yet although he could feel the skin underneath his eyes droop and his brains scream for him to go to sleep already. He put down the bag and grabbed his empty bento box, and tiptoed to the kitchen. _Empty_.

 

His frown deepening, Shintarou settled the box to an empty sink, and wondered where the hell their dishes were. He couldn’t believe the miracle that Kazunari would have eaten breakfast and immediately do the dishes afterwards. Had the man then _not_ eaten anything yet? Was he not home? A little tic appeared right next to his heart, and his lungs sapped. Nothing… had happened, right? His movements turned just slightly more frantic as he marched out of the kitchen and into the living room that was as vacant as anything else. However, he heard little meowing right by his feet, and as he looked down, Ao rubbed herself against his shin and then circled around him several times.

 

“Hey,” he murmured and bent down just enough to rub her head briefly. She purred in return. “Where have you put Kazunari?”

 

She looked up at him and merely meowed. Not sure what else he had expected, Shintarou pushed himself properly back up and heaved out a sigh. The final stop was the bedroom, and he felt his insides turn cold when he thought about walking in and possibly not finding anyone. Or perhaps Kazunari still slept. Or had left to do some shopping—no, in that case he would have messaged him. Shintarou rubbed his nape and took careful steps forward, and eagerly the kitten followed. It felt soothing, to have at least _someone_ around, even if that someone mewled and tried to make him trip to his own feet. His pulse pounding on his palms and fingertips, unable to breathe, his nostrils flaring and his eyes widening, he carefully pushed the door open.

 

Such panic felt completely useless when he found Kazunari lying on the bed. Shintarou heaved out a long exhale and smiled faintly to himself. The lights were out, the man unmoving on the bed, and so Shintarou knocked on the door softly. “Kazunari,” he called with a quiet voice, didn’t want to wake him up, but he needed to know to be on the safe side. “Are you sleeping?”

 

There was a second’s silence. “No,” Kazunari then grumbled.

 

The smile on Shintarou’s lips softened and twitched a little higher. He creaked the door more open and stepped inside, then towards his lover, yet the closer he got the more knots formed in his stomach. Something didn’t feel quite right – Kazunari didn’t roll around in the bed, didn’t welcome him home, and wasn’t his usual bubbly self. Shintarou stopped in the middle of the bedroom, as if his soles were covered in tar and he simply couldn’t approach even if he tried. He pulled his fingers to loose fists by his sides. Swallowing as quietly as he could, he stared at the lump underneath the blanket and suddenly felt rather hot.

 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. His voice quivered.

 

Kazunari hummed. Almost too quietly he muttered, “My stomach just hurts.”

 

A mixture of relief and worry messed Shintarou’s intestines. He took careful steps forward, circled the bed, and sat on the edge right beside Kazunari. As he switched on the bedside lamp, he examined the dark circles around the eyes that looked a little swollen. He had seen the sight too many times to know that Kazunari had cried, but instead of bringing it up aloud, he brought his thumb carefully on the underside of one of the eyes and rubbed gently. Kazunari looked up at him, and not even a twitch of a smile rose to his lips. Not sure what exactly had happened, Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it was even his business to know. He brought his hand to Kazunari’s shoulder and massaged the spot.

 

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked and tried to keep his tone of a lover’s instead of a doctor’s.

 

Kazunari averted his gaze and then pulled the blanket better over his face. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

 

Shintarou leaned over and kept his hand gentle on the man’s body. “Could you tell me where exactly it hurts?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Somewhere in the middle.”

 

Shintarou’s expression softened. “Should I try to give you some belly rub? Maybe it would help.” When Kazunari answered nothing, Shintarou took it as a sign of agreement and sat himself better on the spot. He slipped his hand underneath the blanket, rolled up the shirt, and pressed his palm on the burning hot skin. Frowning, mentally going through diseases and their symptoms, he tried to usher the thoughts away as he stroked the skin and rubbed the mid-stomach as lovingly as he could. As a doctor he would have never done this to a patient, but as a lover he only wanted to soothe Kazunari’s mood and pain. “Is that any better?” he asked and looked at the upper half of Kazunari’s face that he could see.

 

“I guess,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“Do you know when it started?”

 

“Maybe… sometime in the morning. I don’t know…”

 

Shintarou didn’t know how to unravel the knots inside him that kept tightening every time he took a short glance at Kazunari. This wasn’t like his lover at all, and he wondered if he was in more pain than he let him know. Slowly he continued to rub the stomach to his best abilities, and tried to think of a suitable method. Kazunari didn’t explicitly tell him that it was hurting a lot… His lips puckered in thought. Maybe his lover’s stomach was just upset, maybe it was nothing more serious than that. Shintarou chewed his lower lip and tried to approach the problem rationally instead of through his love and worry.

 

“You don’t have to think so hard,” Kazunari suddenly said, rather dryly at that. He nudged Shintarou’s hand away from his stomach and pulled himself to a smaller curl, and disappeared fully under the blanket. From his fortress he said, “I just have a bad day, it’s nothing. Don’t think about it.”

 

A bad day seemed like a reasonably culprit for a stomach ache. Shintarou sat still and looked at the figure of his lover hiding under the blanket, and felt so hopeless. If Kazunari was having a bad day, there had to be something for him to make it better. He rubbed his forehead and thought with more intensity than trying to come up with possible diagnoses. It took him few intense seconds to realize that perhaps pampering would help. A small smile twitched to his lips. _Pamper him_ , he told himself and then nodded. He got up and didn’t mind that he felt dizzy from the lack of sleep, because he had something more important right now. He pressed his hand on what he assumed was Kazunari shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’ll be right back,” he announced and left the room with more hurry than he had come in.

 

He didn’t think twice or concentrate on the fact that every cell in his body wanted to force him to lie down and recharge his batteries. Like so often in life, he set the love of his life on the first place and grabbed his keys, phone and wallet, and practically flew down the stairs that had felt unconquerable only moments ago. Maybe it was heroic, but Shintarou didn’t consider it such; all he wanted was Kazunari to feel better if he was having a day of being under the weather, that was all. Once he reached the street, he took feverish steps that then turned into running without his permission. His lungs tired after few funny meters, with the strength of a former athlete he pushed himself forward and around two hellishly long blocks until he reached the nearby convenience store that they both frequented.

 

The little bell chimed over the door as he stepped to the shop that was busy but not crowded. Between the aisles he wandered and tried to come up with something that would bring a smile back to Kazunari’s lips. Aimlessly he paced in front of the candy selection until he found himself in front of the freezers. With narrowed eyes he stared at them, yet his expression brightened when he spotted a familiar tub of vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips in it. There was no question whether he was going to get it or not, and so he curled his fingers around the cold surface of it, and with a shadow of a smile toying with his lips he went to pay. Just for the sake of it, he took Kazunari’s favorite chocolate bar with him, too, and as soon as the money had changed its owner, he already rushed back to the street and back home.

 

He hopped over every other stair, and although his body complained, his mind was more than determined. Kicking his shoes off, Shintarou strutted to the bedroom so very proudly and saw that there was no change in Kazunari’s position; the man was still a mere lump under the thick blankets. Pride in his smile, he sat back on the edge of the bed and gently nudged his lover’s frame.

 

“Look,” he coaxed, “I brought the perfect cure for a tummy ache and bad day.”

 

It was enough to make Kazunari peek under the blanket. The man looked at him, then the ice cream, then at him again, and admittedly didn’t look too impressed. Not even a smile rose to his lips, and Shintarou frowned and double-checked the tub he held in his hand.

 

“This… is your favorite, right?” he asked, suddenly very uncertain and frightened.

 

Kazunari nodded but didn’t say a word.

 

Shintarou heaved out a shallow sigh. “Is there something you’d like to talk to me about? If I’ve done something wrong, I’d like to know about it,” he said, rather gently at that, and moved his hand on Kazunari’s forehead. His lover didn’t feel too feverish; maybe it really was just the disease of having an incredibly bad day. It was simply rare, because Kazunari’s bad days were normal days for someone else. Shintarou stroked some of the dark hair behind the reddened ear. “Talk to me about it, Kazunari. Have I—“

 

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Kazunari said almost too fast. He wiggled himself farther away and rolled on his side, turned his back at Shintarou.

 

Staring at his lover nape, Shintarou felt his stomach churn. He felt at loss and really didn’t know what to do to make the situation better. Had he really done something without noticing a thing? Usually when Kazunari sulked, he could tell what he was angry about, but now he couldn’t connect the sullen attitude to any of his behavior. He moved his hand on Kazunari’s shoulder and tried to massage the tension away. “Is it really just a bad day you’re having?” he asked, wary, uncertain.

 

Kazunari hummed a simple, “Yeah.”

 

“Well… Is there something else I could do to make it better?”

 

“No.” Kazunari pulled the blanket over his ears. “I just want to be alone… If you want to sleep here, I can move to the couch.”

 

“No, I… I’ll take the couch.” As the deep frown finally brought an ache to his forehead, Shintarou gave up with a deep exhale and forced himself up. Quite frankly, he was willing to do anything to make Kazunari feel even a little better, but it seemed that – oddly enough – Kazunari wanted none of his help. Up on his feet, he hesitated to simply walk away. He chewed the inside of his cheek and only released it when it began to hurt. “Should I leave the ice cream here?”

 

“Just take it away.”

 

Shintarou nodded and didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t force Kazunari to talk with him, although he would have loved to know what was going on in his lover’s mind right at the moment. Yet without another word he took the ice cream back to himself and retreated towards the door, where he once more looked at Kazunari who didn’t move a single inch under the blanket. His chest felt hollow knowing that his loved one was feeling like so, and seemingly there was nothing he could do to make him feel better.

 

Defeated and so very tired, Shintarou got out of the room and softly closed the door behind his back. He went to put the ice cream to the freezer (hoping that maybe Kazunari was in the mood of it later), and afterwards settled himself on the couch. He stretched his long frame to the furniture that had never felt as small as it did now, and watched Ao’s attempts to climb with him. Feeling bad for the kitten, he took her in his arms and lifted her up, but as soon as he let go, she gave out a hiss and jumped back down. Wondering what exactly was going on with the household today, Shintarou rubbed his eyes and opened the television to keep his mind occupied with something other than the hammering thought that he had done something wrong. He hoped that perhaps tomorrow Kazunari would cast light on the situation, and managed to watch the news recap for five minutes before he already fell to a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a good time reading your comments yesterday. Thank you so much for all of them, let's have fun now that the tables have turned (///Σ///) ~~Gentle reminder that if you in the next few days think it'll be over, think again...~~
> 
> In other news, today's the 65th day, which means that exactly 300 days to go! I can do this! You can do this! We can do this... right? Some days I'm slowly losing my hope (and my sanity), but I'm sure that no matter what, I'll somehow wiggle myself through this. Here's for the next 300 days!


	66. Tea Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn’t sulk so much, he knew. He shouldn’t have felt so bad, either, and he knew that.

As Kazunari measured enough food for the shiny green bowl for Ao, he felt empty inside out. He stared down but didn’t really see anything, couldn’t concentrate on anything but the pounding of his pulse on the veins in his throat. Wishing he could just smile like he normally did, he tried but failed miserably. He heaved out a sigh, and as the concerto of demanding meows only grew by his feet, he finally put down the bowl and watched her latch herself to it. It was supposed to be sight enough to actually make him smile, but although his lips twitched, it didn’t happen. He swallowed down a sigh and turned towards the counter, tiptoed to grasp two cups and began to make tea.

 

He shouldn’t sulk so much, he knew. He shouldn’t have felt so bad, either, and he knew that. Instead, he should have talked with Shintarou about the sudden insecurities that grasped his throat tightly and choked until he couldn’t breathe, but mustering the words out was so hard. It was embarrassing, too, and hypocritical for him to first scold his lover for getting jealous and then get jealous himself. Kazunari slid his hand on his nape and rubbed, and watched the water boil with glazed eyes. Of course he’d have to talk, and he already brewed suitable words in his mind, thought them carefully through, because he didn’t want to come across as attacking or blaming. If things were as he thought they were, he wanted to _fix_ the situation. He wanted to _stay_ with Shintarou, because he didn’t want to throw so many years to waste for a possible flimsy attraction.

 

The thought made him quiver, and he wrapped his arms around his torso, only to shudder more from a moment of disgust. Slowly he pulled his hands back and tangled them beside his body instead, and sucked in his stomach. Maybe _this_ was the reason Shintarou never initiated sex, because he wasn’t in the shape anymore he had been at seventeen, because he didn’t have those wonderful athlete’s muscles anymore… Slapping himself on the cheek, he told himself to stop. His only problem was a too vivid imagination, and in the course of the days he had come up with so many secret theories that were driving him absolutely insane. Kazunari chewed his bottom lip but couldn’t get rid of the fact that he didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin. He pressed his palm to his abdomen and stroked the chosen spot gently, and allowed his posture to collapse. If only he was still twenty, young and pretty…

 

Bothered, he poured the tea to the cups once it was done. For once the color of it made him nauseous, but he knew it would be enough to soothe his upset stomach. He took the cups in his hands and lifted them, and suddenly arms wrapped around his waist and another body pulled closer. Gasping for breath from surprise, he dropped the cups on the floor as his hands trembled. The burning hot liquid spread everywhere and soaked up his socks. His heart beating faster than ever, with widened eyes he looked over his shoulder and met with Shintarou’s puzzled gaze. Slowly, Shintarou let go of his waist and took a step back. Kazunari breathed hard and tried to recollect himself from the nasty surprise, and stared at his lover like he was the headlights and himself the dear.

 

Shintarou sighed. “I’ve been trying to be patient, but whatever is on your mind, we need to talk about it _now_ ,” he said.

 

Kazunari swallowed hard. Prepared for the moment, now he felt at loss. He parted his lips for a sharp breath. “I… need to clean up the mess—“

 

“ _Honey_ ,” Shintarou said, his voice strict. He grasped Kazunari’s arm and yanked him out of the puddle of tea. “Don’t worry about that, we’ll clean it together. I just want you to _talk_ to me, what the hell is going on?”

 

Kazunari pulled his arm to himself and fiddled with his fingers. He looked at Shintarou and knew that the man was right; this couldn’t continue like this. Their relationship was built on _honesty_ , and Shintarou wouldn’t laugh at him… He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to find the right words yet again. The raw worry in the green eyes staring at him only made him feel worse. He should have brought this up as soon as it had happened. He sighed. “Can you sit down?”

 

Shintarou nodded, yet with a deep frown creating wrinkles on his tired face he pulled out a chair and sat by the table. Hesitating at first, Kazunari took a seat as well and inched the chair close enough for their knees to touch each other. He shivered as Shintarou brought a hand to his knee and squeezed, but what absolutely killed his insides was the look of poor terror on his lover’s face. He had never wanted to make Shintarou look like that, his eyes little watery, his bottom lip trembling like he was ready to cry. Suddenly afraid, Kazunari stared down at the long fingers on his body and found the warm touch reassuring. He moved his hand over Shintarou’s and rubbed his knuckles.

 

“What’s wrong?” whispered Shintarou, his voice broken, straining.

 

“I want you…” Kazunari took a deep breath through his nose. “I want you to be honest with me, even if you’d think the truth would hurt me.”

 

Shintarou moved closer and grabbed Kazunari’s hand to his own, entangled their fingers tightly together and looked at him with so many emotions in his face that Kazunari couldn’t tell them apart anymore. “I’m always honest, you know that. I’d never lie to you.”

 

Kazunari nodded. Here it was, the big question. His heart went insane inside its bony cage, and he was worried of it stopping abruptly. His palms turned sweaty, but Shintarou didn’t let go of him. He looked up straight into the eyes he knew so well. His pulse ticked loud in his ears. Finally, he asked, “Do you have something going on with the receptionist at your work?”

 

At first, Shintarou stared at him blankly, as if he didn’t understand the question. Kazunari was already about to repeat, when Shintarou said, “No. No… Why… Why would you think that?”

 

“You were flirting with him.”

 

Shintarou tightened his grasp from Kazunari’s hand, so much in fact that his knuckles turned a little pale. “When have I flirted with him?”

 

A little frustrated, Kazunari mustered out,” Two days ago when I came to give you your stuff, you were giving him these smiles and looks…”

 

“I wasn’t flirting with him,” Shintarou said patiently. “I was trying to be friendly, because he’s someone I have to see every time I go to work.”

 

“But he was flirting with you.”

 

Shintarou looked bothered. “I… Admittedly, he has done that for a while now… And I think it might have been better if I had told you beforehand, but I didn’t want to worry you, because I had no plans whatsoever to acknowledge such attempts.”

 

Kazunari stared at him, his eyes still widened and now brimming with sneaky tears that wanted to escape. Yet he tried to hold them back for the sake of saving himself from embarrassment. At least one aspect of his worries was now soothed – oddly enough, he didn’t feel that much better yet. Maybe Shintarou noticed it, too, as he started to rub his fingers gently. Kazunari tried to smile but it was nothing but a sad attempt. He looked down at his toes and tried to collect his thoughts into a coherent unit. He failed miserably.

 

“You didn’t let me kiss you in front of him,” he whispered.

 

“It had nothing to do with him,” said Shintarou immediately. “I’m simply a person who keeps his personal businesses to himself, and it has nothing to do with flirting with someone else or being ashamed of you. All I wanted was to stay professional in my workplace.”

 

Kazunari had to admit that thinking it was a sign of something else now seemed like an idiotic thing. Shintarou wasn’t comfortable holding hands with him in public, so why would he have kissed him?

 

“You know I have no desires to be with anyone else but you.” Now, Shintarou’s tone was a lot gentler. Softer. “What is making you so worried?”

 

With an alarming speed heat rose to Kazunari’s cheeks. He averted his gaze and swallowed hard, then cleared his throat a little. Rubbing his nape with his free hand, he wasn’t sure how to put his words without sounding like a whining teenager. “He’s pretty,” he eventually whispered; now even his earlobes felt hotter than they should have. His shoulders slumped, and his posture disappeared. “He’s… beautiful, and young, and skinny and slim, and I’m… not any of those things anymore.”

 

He didn’t pick up his gaze until he heard Shintarou sigh. Shintarou held a small, gentle smile on his lips and pulled his hand to himself, then tapped his lap with the tips of his index and middle finger. “Come here,” he said.

 

Although Kazunari hesitated, he eventually picked himself up from the chair and sat on Shintarou’s lap instead. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders and looked at him, and shuddered as Shintarou took a hold around his torso and looked up at him with so much love in his eyes. Kazunari simply looked at him, looked into the eyes and wondered why he had ever bothered to second-guess. No one had ever looked at him like this before, so intensely, so _lovingly_ , and he wondered what the hell was wrong with himself. Why couldn’t he suddenly let go of the stupid insecurities that ruined his mind? Even now afraid that he was weighing too much for Shintarou to handle, Shintarou didn’t let go of him even when he wiggled. Instead, Shintarou held him tight and looked more than ready to never let go.

 

“Maybe it’s my fault for not saying it often enough, but you are the most… handsome man I know.” Although Shintarou’s cheeks got a shade of red in them, he still looked at Kazunari and rested his palms on the small of his back. “And you are very beautiful inside out—“

 

“But I’m not _firm_ anymore,” Kazunari muttered.

 

“What difference does that make?” Shintarou looked genuinely confused. “It doesn’t make me love you any less. You know fully well I’m not interested in looks. I didn’t fall for you because you were handsome or beautiful, but because you make me a better man. It’s all thanks to _you_ that I am now where I am, that I’m like this. Why would I bother with anyone else when you give me the feeling that life could not be any better than this?”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Hey…” Shintarou smiled and rubbed his thumb against the man’s cheek; only then did Kazunari understand that the tears had spilled and he was actually crying. “Would you love me any less if my outer appearance now changed?”

 

“Of course not,” Kazunari hurried to say.

 

“See?” Shintarou squeezed Kazunari’s chin gently. “The same counts for me. We aren’t with each other because of our looks but because of something much deeper and more complex. Besides…” He took a breath through his mouth. “I prefer your body the way it is now. I like the roundness of your hips and the softness of your bottom, and the overall fact that your body has matured together with you.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Shintarou reassured.

 

“So… Even if I don’t look like him… all long legs and slim and… And…”

 

“I wouldn’t change you to anyone in this world. No one can make as happy as you do.”

 

His lower lip trembling, Kazunari wrapped his arms properly around Shintarou and buried his face to his shoulder. In the safety of his lover’s warmth he sobbed and finally let loose of the terror that had twisted his insides to every direction as it had pleased. Now that it seeped out of his cells with the help of Shintarou’s embrace, Kazunari could finally breathe properly and slowly let go of the nagging thoughts that he wasn’t enough. It seemed that Shintarou had tried his best to convince that there was nothing wrong with him, and Kazunari believed it. He gave a small smile to Shintarou’s neck before he pulled back and looked at him.

 

Shintarou brushed his cheeks clean from the tears. “Is there something else still on your mind?”

 

“I’m just sorry,” Kazunari said and cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms. “I’m sorry for… being so harsh with you when you… for Tetsuya… I didn’t realize it feels like this, and now I feel like shit for… not acknowledging your jealousy earlier.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Shintarou promised. He leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss in the middle of Kazunari’s forehead, and then rested his own forehead against his. “You told me not to bottle things up, didn’t you? I don’t want you to suffer from these kinds of thoughts alone, either. You know we can be honest with each other no matter what. I simply don’t want you to go through these feelings alone when I’m ready and prepared to take care of you.”

 

“I know,” Kazunari muttered. A little hesitant, he pecked Shintarou’s lips nonetheless and smiled weakly afterwards. “I should have just… told you about it when you came home yesterday. Sorry for sulking like a kid.”

 

“Don’t think too harshly of it.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari, and the kiss lingered, turned softer, more loving, and Kazunari was ready to melt. When Shintarou eventually pulled back, he gave him a shorter kiss and pulled him against his chest. “Are you feeling better now?” he asked as he rubbed his back with big, calming movements.

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari admitted, and it was the truth. “Thanks, babe…”

 

Shintarou trailed his fingers against his lover’s spine. “There’s no reason to thank me. Will you now show me your gorgeous smile?”

 

A giggle escaped Kazunari, and he couldn’t hold back his smile, not that he even wanted to. To his lover he smiled and felt a little silly for doing so, but it made Shintarou smile, too. He gained a kiss to his lips, and they twitched even higher. He had no desire or rush to move away and plop back into reality, to clean the tea and start thinking about dinner, thus he rested his head back on Shintarou’s shoulder and closed his eyes, nuzzled his face to the soft skin and heaved out a trembling sigh.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, and felt like spilling few more tears.

 

“I love you too,” Shintarou murmured back and held him tight.

 

At the moment, Kazunari wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else but here.


	67. Royalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sit on my face,” Shintarou suddenly announced.

Buried to the best spot on the couch, Kazunari read his copy of Cosmopolitan that he still hadn’t managed to finish. Paying special attention to the quirky sex tips, he couldn’t help but chuckle all on his own to the things he should have apparently been doing but had never even thought of doing. Even so, he read every single one from the very first letter to the last. He was about to reach for the teacup on the table but hastily pulled back when he tried to remember the last time he had actually drank from it. Not fond of something lukewarm, he shuddered and settled himself back to the soft spot under the warm quilt.

 

Not exactly sure where his lover was, he made the brief effort to look around, but saw no trace of Shintarou. After the relief he had gotten from yesterday by the honest conversation, he craved to have Shintarou nearby and on his skin again, but the man was nowhere to be seen. Kazunari’s lips puckered to a pout, but he tried to get rid of it as he turned the page and discovered yet a new set of erotic tips. He perked up ever so slightly, but was lazier to glance over them. He couldn’t believe that someone would _actually_ do them – like trying to make a guy sneeze to enhance the orgasm. As a light frown knitted Kazunari’s brows together, he wasn’t exactly sure anymore whether the magazine was being serious or not.

 

All of a sudden, lips pressed against his cheek and made him jolt from surprise as well as his eyes to widen. Briefly Kazunari wondered how the hell he hadn’t seen or heard Shintarou approach, but nonetheless a wide smile splattered across his face. The moistness of the smooch lingered on his cheek and made the skin prickle pleasantly. He looked up at Shintarou, and although the man wasn’t smiling, it seemed that he was in a good mood. It only tugged the corners of Kazunari’s lips higher, and he patted the spot beside him.

 

“Come here, you want to hear this,” he coaxed and pulled his hand back to himself as he cleared his throat. “We just _have_ to try this, all right, ready? _Gently stick his penis through the hole of a doughnut then nibble around it, stopping to suck him_ —“

 

Shintarou captured his lips to a kiss. Kazunari hummed, and although his explanation was cut short, he didn’t mind. He rested the magazine on his lap as he rather concentrated on the kiss. Not sure what exactly was going on, he moved a palm over Shintarou’s cheek and finally closed his eyes as the kiss deepened, and he was completely swept by it. Sneakily his lover made him part his lips, and Kazunari felt a familiar tongue inviting his own to a dance. He didn’t refuse but allowed it, and confusion only swirled deeper in his stomach when Shintarou pushed his back tighter against the couch and looked more than ready to climb in with him. Against Shintarou’s soft lips Kazunari murmured, hummed a little more, and felt his abdomen stiffen and his insides heat up. Before he could demand for even a deeper kiss, Shintarou pulled back. A thin string of saliva attached the tips of their tongue together for a second, and then it snapped.

 

Kazunari’s mind spun around, and he felt rather dizzy. Yet a silly smile invaded his lips as he looked up at Shintarou through hooded eyes. “What was that for?” he asked, his voice quiet but purring.

 

Shintarou grasped Kazunari’s hand to his own, tangled their fingers together and then tugged. “Come,” he said.

 

“Where?”

 

Shintarou didn’t say a word more, and before he knew it, Kazunari was already up on his feet and guided towards the bedroom. Really having no clue what was going on, he still followed his lover, blindly, but trusting him. He wasn’t sure exactly what he thought he’d see, but it was a slight disappointment to realize that the room didn’t look any different than usual. He tightened his grasp from Shintarou’s hand that was surprisingly sweaty. The sensation made him frown. Was Shintarou nervous? If he was, why would he be? His imagination turning wild, Kazunari breathed heavily and tried to calm his heart that sank to his belly and pumped blood through his veins too fast. As they got to the bed and Shintarou yanked him in it, Kazunari let out a quiet squeal when he found himself over Shintarou on all fours. He tilted his head as he looked down at his lover, his hair framing his face as it trickled downwards.

 

“What are we doing?” he asked, amused, confused.

 

Shintarou moved his hand on Kazunari’s nape and pulled him down, and before Kazunari could sputter out another word, he already found himself in the midst of another kiss. There was something different about it, something more _erotic_ , and as their lips created loud wet noises together, the sensation traveled straight to his cock. Experiencing tightening inside his underwear, Kazunari groaned and lowered himself better over Shintarou and grinded his hips against his. It didn’t matter if he knew what was going on or not; he was getting a hell of a kiss, and that was all that mattered. Kazunari rested his forearms on both sides of Shintarou’s head and stuck his ass out, and as he pulled back for breath, Shintarou held his bottom lip in his teeth’s grasp and made him whine. When his lip was finally released, he looked at his lover, and gasped for breath when a broad, familiar hand grasped his buttocks underneath his pants.

 

There was no mistaking it – Shintarou was _groping_ him. Kazunari’s eyes flew wide open. “What are you doing?” he asked and poked the man’s chin.

 

“I want you,” Shintarou finally responded with a gruff. “I want you so bad…”

 

Kazunari let out a high-pitched whimper when the slightly overgrown nails buried into the soft flesh of his buttock. He quivered and for the time being ignored the tent on the front of his body. Not fully able to get his breathing in control when Shintarou was grasping him like so, he panted and pushed himself up enough to move a hand on Shintarou’s forehead. It didn’t feel that much hotter than usual… To be on the safe side, he pressed his palm tighter against the damp skin. Finally Shintarou’s collected façade cracked, and he smiled briefly.

 

“I’m not having a fever,” Shintarou reassured.

 

“Just wanted to be sure.” Although he pulled his hand back, Kazunari still looked at his lover with a frown. “I just can’t figure out why you’d do this all of a sudden… What’s the catch?”

 

“There’s no catch.” Shintarou squeezed Kazunari’s bottom so hard that Kazunari was convinced he’d have red marks all over. “I can feel lust towards my own lover, can’t I?”

 

“I suppose, but…”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Shintarou muttered and pulled Kazunari to another rough kiss.

 

Feeling a little lightheaded from the lack of oxygen that only grew the more he kissed Shintarou, Kazunari decided to stop thinking about it and allow the man to do whatever he wanted, no matter what the reason. He leaned better over Shintarou and parted his lips, and gasped for breath when Shintarou tugged the back of his pants and underwear down. His ass exposed, he quivered as his skin rose to goose bumps, but Shintarou covered him with both of his hands and squeezed. Kazunari gasped for breath and had to pull back. His front still covered, it created surprisingly intense friction over his hardening cock. He looked down at Shintarou, and saw raw passion in the eyes that intensely looked at him.

 

“Sit up,” Shintarou commanded.

 

“W-What?”

 

Shintarou slapped his ass that jiggled from the motion. “Sit up and straddle me.”

 

It was a demand Kazunari didn’t even want to refuse. He pressed his palms flat on Shintarou’s chest and pushed himself up, and like the good boy he was, sat over Shintarou’s hips, a little cautious. Wondering if he was too heavy, after all, Shintarou didn’t make any sign of discomfort and instead, brought his hands back to his bare flesh. Kazunari swallowed in a too early moan that was desperate to flee. Over Shintarou’s chest he curled his fingers and grasped some of the shirt to the loose fists.

 

“Take off your shirt,” came the next command.

 

Kazunari trembled and immediately obeyed. It was alluring when Shintarou turned demanding, and underneath the man’s gaze he writhed as he pulled his shirt over his head and settled it behind him.

 

“Your pants and underwear, too.”

 

He would have loved to know exactly what Shintarou was planning to do to him. Kazunari puckered his lips and lifted his hips up, wiggled out of the rest of his clothes and settled back over his lover. Feeling slightly self-conscious at first, he caught Shintarou’s gaze so intensely at his body and felt his cheeks heat up in the matter of seconds. He could tell exactly where Shintarou looked at him, the green eyes licking his nipples, dipping down to his abdomen, to the curves of his lush hips, to his crotch, then back again… Kazunari whined for breath, and his dick jerked. Even without clothes on, it still felt like Shintarou was undressing him with his mere gaze that looked so very heated, and made him feel so _wanted_. As Shintarou parted his lips and looked positively aroused, Kazunari felt _sexy_ and, most importantly, utterly _comfortable_ in his body again. It was a body that Shintarou looked with such fever in his eyes, and it was a body that he was suddenly so proud to show off. He moved his hand on his stomach and once again didn’t mind at all that it was no longer firm and tight. He offered a small smile.

 

“God…” muttered Shintarou. He moved his hands on Kazunari’s sides and stroked the skin, and then slid them down on his thighs. “I knew it…”

 

“Knew… what?” Kazunari looked down at his own figure, and then the long fingers that drew shapes on his thighs. Whenever the fingertips slipped towards the inner parts, he twitched and shuddered more.

 

Shintarou sucked in a breath. “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

 

A giggle got out of Kazunari’s mouth. He chewed his bottom lip and rolled his eyes shut, and basked in the compliment that made him bristle with pride. After a moment, he straightened his posture and fluttered his eyes open, fixed his gaze on Shintarou. “Keep going,” he coaxed with a breathless voice, “tell me more…”

 

Such a rare smirk flashed across Shintarou’s mouth, and then it was gone again. He didn’t say a word but instead, worked his palms up and down his lover’s thighs. Kazunari bit his lip to prevent himself from moaning because of simple touches, but it felt so _good_. From his thighs Shintarou moved his hands up his sides again, and although the touch was as gentle as a feather’s and it tickled, Kazunari threw his head back. Wherever Shintarou touched him, he quivered and the skin burned. For so long the attention was on his hips, on his matured curves, until it moved to his abdomen, fingers sinking through his growing – also itching – pubic hair and from there to his hard length. Kazunari clutched the front of Shintarou’s shirt and tried to control his trembling hips, tried not to roll them forward but failed to do so when Shintarou gave him the first loving strokes. His body bent, and his limbs clasped.

 

Kazunari didn’t need words anymore to know what Shintarou was doing. Shintarou was _loving_ his body, complimenting it through the gentle touches and fingertips dragging over his skin like it was the first time he touched him and had never seen anything better. In that moment, Kazunari felt incredibly pretty. He heard his own breath so loud in his ears, and although it made everything feel like a dream, he didn’t care. Dream or reality, Shintarou loved him nonetheless.

 

When he eyed down at Shintarou again, he gasped sharply and felt the heat in his face deepen. With such intensity in his eyes Shintarou looked at him, examined every crook, and once he lifted his gaze to his face and their eyes locked together, Kazunari couldn’t look elsewhere anymore. He sank to the greenness that had been intently watching over him ever since they were young; today, the color reminded him of grass under a tickling summer sun. He swallowed hard and moistened his dried lips, and tried not to close his eyes when Shintarou stroked his cock with lean fingers that wrapped so very tightly around the length. How could he have ever thought that Shintarou wouldn’t look at him like this anymore? Kazunari’s mind turned blank before he could answer himself. He worked his hips forward again, pushed them to Shintarou’s hand, and loved the tightening feeling in the very pit of his abdomen. In his chest his heart turned insane, and adrenaline hurried through his veins.

 

“Sit on my face,” Shintarou suddenly announced.

 

If Kazunari had been on a cloud castle before, he now came crashing down. He stared at his lover like he had turned insane. “What? W-Why?” he stuttered.

 

Shintarou removed his glasses and settled them neatly on the nightstand. “Just sit on my face.”

 

“I can’t!” Kazunari exclaimed, but couldn’t help the excitement that made his insides turn upside down. “I… You…  I don’t want to crush your face under my ass.”

 

“You won’t,” Shintarou reassured. He moved his hands to Kazunari’s bottom and pulled it up with ease.

 

Kazunari laughed nervously and tried to push his ass back down and fight Shintarou who kept yanking him upwards. “Have you been reading my Cosmopolitan?” he asked.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou growled, his voice low; it was enough to make Kazunari press his lips tightly together. “I don’t need sex tips from a magazine to know what makes my lover feel good, and neither do you. Get your fucking ass on my face, _now_.”

 

A moan rolled off Kazunari’s tongue. When Shintarou got a foul mouth, he knew he was either in trouble or in a bigger trouble. Swallowing hard, he finally nodded and stopped thinking about stupid things that didn’t even matter. With the help of the eager hands on his ass Kazunari lifted himself up and clumsily inched forward. In the search of support he grasped the end of the bed and clutched it hard enough for his knuckles to turn pale, and as hesitation pooled in his chest and created knots in his stomach, he spread his thighs wider apart. It felt so amazingly lewd, and he had to admit that he rather liked the image of Shintarou’s face between his legs. Before Kazunari had the chance to start second-guessing, Shintarou grasped his hips again and pulled him down, and so he finally sat over his lover’s face and quivered.

 

It was strange. Little odd. Something they hadn’t done before. Also, exciting once he felt Shintarou’s tongue flick over his hole. Kazunari mewled and tightened his grip from the bed, and moved his thighs even wider apart although it hurt. He tried to push his bottom out but Shintarou kept him in the position. It almost felt like a current of electricity shooting right through him when he felt a darted tip of a tongue nudge inside him. He hung his head, and his body moved into a curve of pure passion. Trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he was getting tongue-fucked by Shintarou, Kazunari worked his hips gently in a motion and didn’t bother to muffle his moans anymore. At first, without realizing it, he moved his ass tighter towards Shintarou’s face, but once he became aware of his movements, he began to do it deliberately. Whenever Shintarou gasped for breath or grumbled or moaned, the noises vibrated against his sensitive skin, and Kazunari moaned a little louder.

 

Already feeling like the king of the world, Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and let out an embarrassingly loud squeal when Shintarou fumbled his hand against his abdomen and eventually grasped his cock again. Although the hand was clumsy, it sent shivers through his veins and on every part of his body. Against the blankets his toes curled, and once Shintarou settled to a calm pace with his tongue, Kazunari was an outright mess. Through the few times they had actually done this, Shintarou had learned to become too good with this. The tongue moving in and out of him, over and over and _over_ again, then pulling back and lapping over the clenching hole, Kazunari felt his muscles tighten and his insides unravel.

 

“B-Babe…” he moaned under his breath. “ _Nn_ , Shin-chan, please…”

 

Not sure what exactly he was begging, as Shintarou gave his cock harder tugs than before, Kazunari felt like within any second he would explode. He rocked his body, gently at first, then more desperately, and looked down to see pre-cum on the tip of his cock, few drops over Shintarou’s fingertips. Such a sight made him even more excited, and he dipped his lead lower and leaned his body closer towards the end of the bed. The warmth inside him burned, licked his bones and made them want to snap in half. With such persistence Shintarou worked his tongue, and Kazunari would have told him how good it felt if his mouth wasn’t so full of constant waves of moans. Without a warning Shintarou thumbed the peak of his cock, and Kazunari couldn’t hold back anymore.

 

His noises jumped an octave higher when he came, and he sank his teeth tightly to his lower lip to be at least a bit more reasonable and not piss off their neighbors, but he couldn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed hard, and even when the initial feeling of satisfaction passed, he kept trembling like he had been thrown to too cold water for a moment too long. Kazunari couldn’t get his breath under control, and couldn’t even more a single bone once his body relaxed and rather collapsed over Shintarou. Pressing his forehead against the end of the bed, he wheezed and whined and felt like the world spun around him. In Shintarou’s loving embrace his cock twitched for the final times, pushing out the very final drops. He knew he had made a mess of his lover’s hand and the bed and _everything_ , but he couldn’t care less as the orgasm still shook him all the way to the core. It took him a minute to collect himself to the shape of crawling off Shintarou, but even then his heart thudded heavily in his chest and made him want to fall apart.

 

It was exactly the thing he did when Shintarou pulled him in his arms and against his chest. Kazunari resisted none and wrapped an arm around his precious lover’s waist and hugged him tight, buried his nose to his neck and took in his scent. When he finally looked up at Shintarou, he received countless kisses on his face; on his forehead, cheeks, the bridge of the nose and the tip of the nose, and at least five straight on the lips. Kazunari let out a chuckle and tried to capture the kisses, and only managed during the last one. He pressed his mouth tight against Shintarou, his nose flattening against his, and moved his hand on his lover’s nape, and made sure the kiss itself told everything there was to tell right now. _How lucky I am to have you_ and _how much I love_ , among other things. When he pulled back, breathless, he could still taste the faint outlines of a smile on his lips.

 

“Should I repay the favor?” he asked, his words long and dragging, but slowly he moved his palm to Shintarou’s crotch. But before he could do anything, Shintarou gently wrapped his fingers around his wrist and pulled it away.

 

“Another time,” Shintarou promised and stroked Kazunari’s hair behind his ear, and then rubbed his cheek. “I wanted this to be about you for once… About your pleasure.”

 

Kazunari could have taken it the wrong way, but somehow, he understood. He chuckled softly and felt his cheeks glow – in fact, his whole body did in his lover’s arms. “That’s awfully selfless of you, Shin-chan,” he cooed with a smile on his lips.

 

“It’s acceptable once in a while,” Shintarou murmured and pressed another kiss on Kazunari’s lips. When he separated their lips, he held a smile on his own; Kazunari had never seen anything more beautiful.

 

Tangling their feet together, Kazunari sought warmth from him. “I especially liked the little surprise attack, though,” he purred.

 

“It was my very own idea,” Shintarou said, and sounded rather proud.

 

“Very impressive… I’ll definitely try to come up with something equally imaginative.”

 

“I’ll look forward to that.”

 

Kazunari grinned. He grabbed Shintarou’s arm and pulled it around his body better. “Now, hug me a bit longer, okay? It’s getting cold being naked.”

 

So Shintarou did, hugged him, lulled him, shared his warmth and cocooned him in his love.


	68. Rumormongers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was safe to say that Atsushi _never_ called him, thus seeing his name flash on the screen repeatedly made his stomach turn upside down. Not sure if he really wanted to take the call, over him Kazunari stirred and seemed to be more than ready to leave.

Shintarou felt Kazunari tug the hem of his shirt upwards, but only when he spotted a wide grin on his lover’s lips did he discard the book he was reading and concentrated on him instead. From a prime seat he watched his shirt get lifted high enough to uncover one of his nipples, and immediately Kazunari flicked the bud with his fingertips. A quiver formed inside him, particularly strong around his hips, and Shintarou hummed an agreement to a question that was never asked aloud. The sound was enough to make Kazunari settle better beside him and work his finger more intensely over his nipple, pressing and scratching and rubbing. Shintarou groaned and dipped his head to the pillow, but kept his neck craned enough to examine Kazunari’s intensely concentrated look.

 

The scratching felt unbelievably good. His body spasmed, his hips rolling upwards when Kazunari stroked the spot and then tugged, and Shintarou let out a throaty noise of approval. Wondering if this was already a payback from yesterday, he didn’t think too much and rather submitted to his destiny if this was it. More than ready to let Kazunari do as he pleased, Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and relaxed. A second later his muscles tensed as Kazunari brought moist lips around his nipple and sucked, while he finally pulled the shirt up enough to reveal the other nipple, too, that he toyed with. His chest always so sensitive, Shintarou’s insides trembled from rather violent spasms whenever Kazunari grazed his teeth against the hardening bud or grazed the other so very gently that it made him crave for more.

 

As a long string of groans got out of him, Shintarou moved the length of his fingers through Kazunari’s hair and opened his eyes just enough to see his lover’s head resting on his chest. He whimpered quietly and felt his cheeks glow, but couldn’t deny the fact that Kazunari’s undivided attention was what he craved most of the times. When Kazunari trailed his hand from his chest to the abdomen and from there underneath his boxer, Shintarou parted his lips and allowed a moan out to let him know exactly how much he was approving the sudden change. He bucked his hips up under his lover’s gentle caress and through hooded eyes looked at him. The most adorable fluster had taken over Kazunari’s cheeks, and the sight made Shintarou smile. He slid his hand on the man’s chin and rubbed it gently, and managed to attract his concentration.

 

“Come here,” he murmured.

 

Kazunari lifted himself up enough, and Shintarou pressed a kiss on his lips that were slick with saliva. One of his nipples perked up underneath the sheer layer of coldness, and against Kazunari’s mouth Shintarou muffled a groan when his cock got a good squeeze and gentle tugs. Deep frown creating an ache right under his forehead, Shintarou moved his palm on Kazunari’s cheek and deepened the kiss, parted his lips and trailed a tongue against the other’s mouth. Kazunari got the hint in a fraction of a second, and Shintarou hummed when he dragged his tongue against the hotter one. Wanting to do something special now that Kazunari settled to a gentle pace of stroking his cock that strained against the fabric, Shintarou took the tip of his lover’s tongue in his teeth’s grasp and tugged gently. The most beautiful whimper fled Kazunari.

 

As much as he enjoyed the attention his body was receiving, it had never been in Shintarou’s nature to enjoy things all on his own and leave Kazunari without any. Going in for another kiss, Shintarou planted his palm on his lover’s abdomen and slid it down with ease, curled his fingers around the base of his cock and moved them downwards until he reached the length properly. He mimicked the pace of Kazunari’s hand but soon grew impatient. He brought both of his hands to the man’s waist and tugged his pants down mid-thigh, and now with less distraction he grasped the cock again and continued pumping it. Against his mouth Kazunari gasped, over and over again, and the sounds danced against Shintarou’s low grunts. There had been time when he was embarrassed of such noises, but now Shintarou allowed them out without a second thought to simply let Kazunari know how incredibly good he felt. The pad of Kazunari’s thumb rubbed the glans, and Shintarou was more than ready to melt to the bed and never get up.

 

Kazunari pulled his mouth back enough to whisper with a heated voice, “I want to suck you.”

 

“Is that… so?” Shintarou swallowed hard and took off his glasses.

 

“Yeah… I want your— _hn_ —big, fat cock in my mouth… I want to… want to suck the pounding veins and take you all the way to my throat—“

 

“Climb on top,” Shintarou interrupted with a husky voice. He needed no further coaxing.

 

Kazunari’s grin was illuminating as he let go of Shintarou’s cock and pushed himself up on his knees. Shintarou sat up only to tug his own pants lower and then immediately reclined again, settled to a comfortable position and watched Kazunari throw a leg to the other side of his body. He took a hold of his lover’s hips that moved right above his head and gave a kiss on the back of the delicious thigh once it was close enough. A little slap on the bare cheek, and Kazunari squealed and giggled straight afterwards. Shintarou couldn’t hold back his smile, but he buried it against the small strip of flesh that joined Kazunari’s thigh to his bottom. Already Kazunari wrapped his mouth around his cock, and Shintarou didn’t want to lose to him. He gave the hardening cock in front of him short tugs before he swirled his tongue around the tip and took him in.

 

Without a proper warning – maybe in the midst of feeling so good – Kazunari thrust his hips downwards, and Shintarou found himself nearly choking on his lover’s length. He tried to hold back the gag reflex but couldn’t, and immediately Kazunari pulled his cock back. Taking deep breaths through his nose, Shintarou sucked the very head and tried to calm his poor throat down from the sudden shock. It worked, and soon as he felt more comfortable, he took the shaft in deeper and rolled his eyes shut. On his cock Kazunari’s mouth felt so pleasantly warm and slick, and his moans he swallowed back in his stomach as he bobbed his head in a gentle, peaceful rhythm. Kazunari wiggled his body around, almost too much, and Shintarou had to slide a hand on the small of his lover’s back to relax his shivers. He caressed the soft skin, and as his abdomen stiffened and his hips buckled up towards Kazunari’s mouth, Shintarou worked his palm under the shirt and over the burning hot skin. His fingers reached to the man’s shoulder blades that he caressed with all the love in the world.

 

It was such a magical moment, only to be ruined by his phone suddenly starting to ring. Shintarou froze still, and his eyes snapped open, narrowed, and stared up at the ceiling. It felt like the universe was laughing at him, mocking him, and not letting him have a lovely time with his lover. He decided to ignore the imbecile who called him and continued to suck off Kazunari who turned little restless, but he kept him still by his hips. After a good minute the buzzing finally stopped, and Shintarou would have sighed if his mouth wasn’t so busy. Just to make Kazunari feel even better, he took in his cock as deep as he could and felt the tip press against his throat. This time he was prepared and didn’t gag, _luckily_.

 

The bliss lasted few minutes, and then his phone started the song all over again. His insides seething with frustration, Shintarou got a pat on his thigh from Kazunari and knew too well what it meant – _just answer the call_. Reluctantly he helped Kazunari’s hips away from his face and swallowed hard once the cock disappeared from his mouth. Finally able to sigh, he did exactly that, and even Kazunari pulled his perfect lips away from him. Shintarou grumbled under his breath and was ready to damn the caller to hell, but as he reached his hand for the phone on the nightstand and saw the name, his brows drew to a deep frown.

 

“Who is it?” asked Kazunari, obviously curious as he pushed himself on all fours and looked at him over his shoulder.

 

“Murasakibara,” Shintarou muttered, confused. It was safe to say that Atsushi _never_ called him, thus seeing his name flash on the screen repeatedly made his stomach turn upside down. Not sure if he really wanted to take the call, over him Kazunari stirred and seemed to be more than ready to leave. “Don’t go,” he hurried to plead and got a lopsided smile from his lover. But even when he rubbed the roundness of his bottom, it wasn’t enough to stop Kazunari who climbed up but settled straight afterwards in the crook of Shintarou’s arm. Shintarou pulled him closer and felt a little weird lying so calmly whilst both of them had such raging erections. Gently he rubbed Kazunari’s side and kept staring at the phone, unable to decide what to do.

 

Kazunari let out a throaty noise. “Oh, come on, just answer! It’s rude to keep people waiting, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful but decided to obey nonetheless and answered the call with all the intentions of getting it over as soon as possible so he could continue the fun with Kazunari.

 

“Why are you calling me?” he asked and let out a whine as Kazunari slapped him on the arm.

 

“ _Eh, Mido-chin?_ ” Atsushi’s voice sounded annoyingly lazy. “ _Did you hear that Mine-chin and Kise-chin broke up?_ ”

 

“Again?” escaped Shintarou before he could think twice. But quickly he cleared his throat and pressed his lips together to a flat line. “Listen, I’m not… Can you call me later? I’m rather busy right now.”

 

“ _But Mido-chin, don’t you want to hear what happened?_ ”

 

Shintarou sucked in his lips and glanced at Kazunari who rested his head on his shoulder and drew shapes on his abdomen. It tickled, and also made his cock jerk, but bravely Shintarou told himself to endure a little while longer and sighed. “Tell me,” he gave up.

 

“ _Apparently Mine-chin cheated on Kise-chin_ ,” Atsushi said.

 

“With who?”

 

“ _Mm… I don’t know_.”

 

Shintarou bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to say anything insensible. “That’s not very helpful,” he eventually let out.

 

“ _I just thought you could tell Taka-chin, he likes gossip, doesn’t he?_ ”

 

“Mm,” hummed Shintarou as he glanced at Kazunari from the corner of his eye. As Kazunari caught his glance, Shintarou worked his fingers through his hair and pushed the dark bangs away from his lover’s face. He pressed the phone against his chest and murmured, “Kise and Aomine broke up.”

 

Kazunari perked. “Are you serious?”

 

Shintarou nodded and brought the phone back against his ear. “Did you have something else?” he asked.

 

“ _Mm… I’m not sure, I don’t think so—_ “

 

“ _Atsushi,_ ” interrupted another voice in the background, “ _are you finally calling Shintarou? Let me._ ”

 

“ _But I’m busy, Muro-chin…_ ”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and patiently waited and listened the gentle banter on the phone. Even now he could have been busy with Kazunari and his seemingly softening cock, but there was nothing else he could do other than stroke his hip and get a small kiss on his chin. He waited to the point of wanting to end the call without another word, but eventually it seemed that the small argument was over when he heard short breaths right against his ear.

 

“ _Shintarou?_ ”

 

It took Shintarou few moments to connect all the dots. Even so, he asked to be on the safe side, “Himuro?”

 

“ _Yes_.” Tatsuya sounded like he was smiling. “ _I wanted to ask if the two of you were free tomorrow, so we could have possibly meet up. I’d wanted to catch up with Kazunari more, as we only had limited time the last time before some… dancing happened_.”

 

Shintarou cringed to the memory.

 

“ _And I’m sure that Atsushi wants to meet you properly even if he doesn’t say it aloud._ ”

 

“ _Muro-chin, what are you saying?_ ”

 

“Let me ask from Kazunari,” Shintarou hurried to say and gladly pressed the phone back to his chest so he wouldn’t have to listen to another playful argument. Already Kazunari’s gaze was glued on him, and Shintarou looked down at him as he slid his other hand on the curve of his back and stroked the chosen spot. “Would you want to go and visit Himuro and Murasakibara tomorrow?”

 

Kazunari’s lips twitched to a smile. “Sure, it could be fun.”

 

Shintarou nodded and lifted the phone again. “We would be delighted to come,” he answered.

 

“ _Great!_ ” exclaimed Tatsuya. “ _Is around noon all right? I’ll send our address in a message_.”

 

“Noon is good, as long as I can get Kazunari to wake up early enough.”

 

“Hey!”

 

Shintarou gave his lover a look but couldn’t help the smile that rose to his mouth. If he hadn’t been on phone, he would have given Kazunari a kiss, but didn’t dare to when there was someone listening.

 

At least Tatsuya let out a soft chuckle. “ _It sounds like a plan, then. We’re both looking forward to it_.”

 

“Likewise,” Shintarou promised.

 

As the call ended, his brows knitted to a light frown. He squeezed the phone in his grasp for a second before he finally shoved it out of his way and rolled on his side to pay more attention to Kazunari. “That was weird,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss on his lover’s forehead.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because,” was all that Shintarou said first, but as he saw Kazunari’s gaze, he continued, “I didn’t know we were that good friends with them.”

 

“Oh, Shin-chan…” Kazunari threw a leg over Shintarou’s waist and rested his palm on the man’s chest. He looked up at his lover with a cheeky smile on his lips. “If it was up to you, you wouldn’t call anyone your friend. We both get along with them and they’re nice company, plus it’s another couple thing we get to do.”

 

“I suppose,” Shintarou said dryly.

 

“Anyway…” Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s chest; it was enough to make a breath get stuck in Shintarou’s throat and his cock to give a lazy twitch. “Why don’t you tell me more about Kise and Aomine breaking up?”

 

Shintarou let out a grumble and rolled his eyes. “Or,” he said and grabbed Kazunari’s wrist, and pushed him on the bed underneath him. He trapped the smaller body underneath his own and looked into his lover’s eyes with the mindset of a predator readying its attack. “Why don’t we _not_ discuss about anyone else and rather finish what we started?”

 

The brightest, widest smirk rose to Kazunari’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and tugged him closer. “You can give me the scoop afterwards,” he purred.

 

“Or I might not shove my nose to someone else’s business,” Shintarou muttered and pressed a needy kiss on Kazunari’s neck. It made his lover first moan, and then giggle; he squirmed, and against his skin Shintarou smiled. Wanting to make absolutely sure that Kazunari wouldn’t remember some stupid gossip or even his own name afterwards, Shintarou went down on his lover with determination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I look back at my life and question the choices I make, like why I'm writing every single Miracle so gay. Who knows. ~~I should have made at least one of them straight for the sake of it.~~


	69. Gourmet Chef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsushi gave him a glance. “Muro-chin said he wanted a chocolate cake.” His tone was almost defensive. “Don’t you want Taka-chin to also eat something good?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, here's the request I've been wanting to write. Suggested by _**Guest**_ ~~can't find the exact comment right now in my hurry~~ , thank you so much!

Standing behind the Himuro-Murasakibara household with a grocery bag in the arms was certainly an experience of its own, Shintarou realized. One arm around the bag, one around Kazunari’s waist, he stared at the door and contemplated whether this really was a good idea or not. It had been weird, the way Tatsuya had sent him their address but also asked if they could bring few things from the store. A wine bottle he understood, but flour? Sugar and chocolate? If Shintarou didn’t know any better, it dangerously sounded like someone was baking something. He glanced at Kazunari by his side; his lover was like a grasshopper, so jumpy and twitchy and excited. It brought a smile on his lips, and so Shintarou reached over and finally rang the doorbell. They shared a look, and then the briefest kiss in the history of humankind.

 

It took mere seconds for the door to swing open, and just for Tatsuya Shintarou settled a better, friendlier smile on his lips. He didn’t have to even look to know that Kazunari was grinning widely.

 

“Welcome,” Tatsuya said; the slight accent was finally gone, and no one would have guessed that the man had stayed abroad for few years. He stepped aside. “Please, come inside.”

 

The first thing Shintarou noticed, for obvious reasons, was the lack of Atsushi, and it made him frown lightly. He had expected both of them by the doorway, but maybe this was better. He let go of Kazunari to go first and shadowed his steps, switched shoes to slippers and tightened his grasp from the bag in his arms. About to ask if he could put it down somewhere, Kazunari already took a step closer to Tatsuya and into his personal space.

 

“How are you doing?” Kazunari asked, his voice so very bubbly.

 

Tatsuya chuckled softly. “I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. We should probably settle to the living room, and also _not_ give you a drink again… It seems last time didn’t go too well.”

 

“Don’t even remind me!”

 

Leading Kazunari to the right way, Tatsuya looked at Shintarou, and his smile twitched close to a grin. “Atsushi is in the kitchen,” he said and pointed towards his side. “You should go in, he’s been waiting for you.”

 

“I… What?”

 

Shintarou never got a reply as the two men busied with catching up. Dumbfounded and abandoned, he stood still for a moment until awkwardness crawled over his skin and forced him to take a stiff step forward. His imagination started to race, and it brought heat on his nape that turned rather itchy. Suddenly, things seemed to make so much sense – why he was holding a grocery bag, why Atsushi the pastry chef was in the kitchen, why _he_ had to join him to the kitchen… His heart raced. Expecting the absolute worst, Shintarou braced himself and marched towards the unknown with a tic in his chest and fear in his bones. The open door brought light to the hallway, and the closer he got, the more he slowed down. He hugged the bag properly to his chest, as if it was going to save him from whatever was coming. Faintly he heard Kazunari laugh and Tatsuya join him. He rather wished he was there, too.

 

Peeking to the kitchen sapped his breath. Atsushi towered over a counter full of flour, a dozen sets of different bowls, and a faint, satisfied smile on his lips. Careful, Shintarou stepped in and cleared his throat. It took a moment for Atsushi to look at him rather than whatever he was doing, but when he did, he wiped his hands to his apron.

 

“Ah, Mido-chin,” Atsushi said and stepped away from the counter and towards Shintarou. During the years Shintarou had gotten used to being the tallest of the bunch, yet Atsushi with a little bit more height than his always made him feel so small. The years hadn’t grown him or shrunk his friend at all, thus he had to look up once Atsushi halted right in front of him. “I can take that,” said Atsushi and grabbed the bag, settled it to the counter and took out the things one by one. “Take an apron from behind the door, Mido-chin, and wash your hands.”

 

“W-What?” Shintarou stuttered. He swallowed hard. “I… really, uh… I don’t think I’m going to… to do whatever you’re doing.”

 

Atsushi gave him a glance. “Muro-chin said he wanted a chocolate cake.” His tone was almost defensive. “Don’t you want Taka-chin to also eat something good?”

 

“Of course, but…”

 

“No buts, Mido-chin.” Atsushi muffled a yawn to his shoulder and pointed behind Shintarou. “Take an apron, you don’t want your clothes dirty… Muro-chin told me to bake with you, so we’re going to bake together.”

 

There was no use arguing with Atsushi, Shintarou quickly realized and heaved out a sigh. He didn’t mind making food, but baking was a whole thing differently. Shaking his head from bemusement, he grabbed an apron and pulled it on, felt rather idiotic but made sure to wash his hands thoroughly nonetheless. He tried to think positively; if he really managed to make _something_ , Kazunari might be delighted. _Or laugh to his heart’s content_ , he dryly thought and pressed his lips to a tight line. He dried his hands to the apron and settled on the other side of the kitchen island, his hands on his hips and his look on Atsushi.

 

Like a parent to a child, Atsushi settled some bowls in front of Shintarou, and also slid a recipe across the table. “Here you go, Mido-chin,” he said and nudged the ingredients an inch closer, too. “Just follow the recipe and you should have a good cake.”

 

Shintarou didn’t argue and thus cracked three eggs to the bowl and began to whisk. The whole situation was absurd, and he was sure that once Kazunari would find out, there would be no way of stopping him from howling from laughter. Even so he concentrated with all his might to create something delicious, but from one look towards Atsushi he knew that he would be no match. The ever-lazy Atsushi worked with surprising precision and steady fingers, put the mixture in the oven and snapped the chocolate bar in smaller pieces to the kettle. His bangs were hoisted up with the help of several bobby pins, and Shintarou had to admit that he had never seen him look so incredibly professional. He stared down at the mixture of his own and added flours, got it all over his fingers and a bit on the floor, too, but decided not to mention anything about it.

 

After a while of working in silence that was here and there broken by laughter and chatter echoing from outside the kitchen, Shintarou cleared his throat and in the midst of mixing the batter looked up at Atsushi. “How’s work?” he asked casually.

 

“Eh… Alright.” Atsushi shrugged. “The owner keeps telling me to open my own store, but I don’t want to… Too much work.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “You shouldn’t waste your talent, either.”

 

“I don’t have a talent, I just like to make sweets.” Atsushi smiled a little silly to the chocolate and looked at Shintarou. “Muro-chin told me that Taka-chin told him that you work in a hospital now.”

 

“Yeah.” Shintarou glanced over the recipe and added three spoonsful of cacao powder, and continued to stir vigorously. “That’s right.”

 

“Congratulations,” Atsushi muttered and turned around to place the pot to the stove. “Is Taka-chin proud?”

 

“I think so, yes.” Shintarou’s smile softened.

 

“That’s good.” Atsushi swirled back towards him and tilted his head. “Everyone’s doing something with their life… Except Kise-chin.”

 

Shintarou hummed and couldn’t help his curiosity. “What exactly is going on with them?”

 

Atsushi leaned over the counter and rested his chin on his palm. “Kise-chin called me… He said he had tried to call everyone else, but because no one answered, I was his last choice… He sobbed on the phone and I couldn’t understand, and I told him that Muro-chin is next to me if he wants to talk, but he didn’t…” He heaved out a sigh and shrugged again. “He just told that Mine-chin cheated him.”

 

“With who?”

 

“Dunno.” Atsushi puckered his lips and pushed his posture back up, and moved his palms to the edge of the counter. “But Kise-chin said he broke up with Mine-chin, so I guess it’s over again.”

 

“Maybe this time they’ll actually stay apart and not get back together next week,” Shintarou dryly said and shook his head with disapprove. He had never understood the thought process behind going back and forth with someone; didn’t both of them get hurt in the process? His batter gave him no answers, thus he poured it to the tin and slid it across the table. “Is that good enough?” he asked and bit the inside of his cheek.

 

Atsushi stared at it, remained silent for few painful seconds, and then nodded. “That’s good, I’ll put it in the oven, too. Then we can work on decoration.”

 

Shintarou nodded and heaved out a sigh of relief. He couldn’t remember the last time he had made a cake – sometimes Kazunari craved for something less complex, like pancakes that were easy to make, but whenever he begged for a cake, Shintarou always refused. The mess he had made looked disgusting, and without asking for permission he circled around the island and grabbed a towel, wet it and wiped the counter as spotless as possible. In the midst of cleaning up while Atsushi created more mess by staining chocolate everywhere, a door by their side opened and Tatsuya stepped in with a curl of a smile still on his lips.

 

“How is it going?” he asked, and seemed to direct his words mostly for Atsushi.

 

“Good… What are you doing?” Atsushi’s voice pitched an octave higher when Tatsuya reached for the fridge and took a large bottle of soft drink. His brows drew in to a deep frown. “Muro-chin, you can’t drink that, that’s mine…”

 

“I’ll just take two glasses for me and Kazunari.”

 

“But Muro-chin…”

 

“I’ll buy a new one the first thing tomorrow, I promise.”

 

Shintarou watched Tatsuya stop right in front of Atsushi, and without a single heartbeat’s pause Atsushi leaned down, and with a grumble on his lips gave a kiss to Tatsuya. As much as polite as Shintarou wanted to be and turn to look around, it was over sooner than he could react. It was also a sight that rather made his heart warm; they had been longer together than he with Kazunari, gotten together on the first year of high school and been with each other ever since. Shintarou offered Tatsuya a smile when the man looked at him.

 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” asked Tatsuya.

 

“You could say so,” Shintarou said and tried to wipe the smile away from his mouth. He didn’t quite succeed. “Though I have to admit that this wasn’t what I thought I’d be doing.”

 

Tatsuya’s smile turned soft. “I’m sorry for that, Atsushi insisted.”

 

Atsushi poked him on the arm. “Shut up, Muro-chin…”

 

The fact made Shintarou a little bewildered, but warmth filled his chest after all. He guessed he should have spent more time with others, too. When Tatsuya was finally gone and Atsushi positively flustered, Shintarou offered him a tight-lipped smile and cleared his throat. The silence that filled the kitchen was rather clumsy, but he tried not to think of it as such. The two of them had always been a little awkward around each other, admittedly, but perhaps it was part of it. Shintarou glanced around and settled back to his side of the island.

 

“Are we going to put something on top?”

 

“Mm.” Atsushi peeked through the oven window and straightened himself back up. “Chocolate frosting… The cakes will be hot and gooey on the inside, so we need gooey frosting, too… Do you want to melt the chocolate or shave chips from it, Mido-chin?”

 

“Whichever is easiest,” he hoped.

 

Seemingly Atsushi thought for a moment before he grabbed an intact chocolate bar and gave it to Shintarou together with a grater. “Here, it doesn’t have to be too neat.”

 

Shintarou nodded, but even when he was given the permission to slack, he had no intention of doing so. He peeled the foil away from the chocolate and tried to create somewhat suitable chips from them. The first efforts looked rather sad, and he grumbled and started again. His fingertips hurt from squeezing the chocolate so hard, and his skin turned sticky as it grasped the sweetness over and over again. Once he managed to make the first reasonably good-looking chocolate chip, he couldn’t have been prouder of himself. Smiling like an idiot, he continued to work with steady hands that every now and then trembled from pure excitement.

 

“Mido-chin,” Atsushi called when he lifted both of the small cakes from the oven.

 

“Yes?”

 

“When are you going to propose Taka-chin?”

 

Shintarou’s face fell. With narrowed eyes he stared up at Atsushi and wasn’t afraid to show his annoyance on his face. “Did Akashi say something to you?”

 

Atsushi brought his shoulders closer to his ear but pressed his lips together to a sly line. “Aka-chin might have said something, but he told me not to tell you that he told me.”

 

Sighing deeply, Shintarou put down the chocolate and rubbed his forehead to the back of his palm. “Why exactly all the gossip somehow comes through you?”

 

“Dunno. It just gathers, maybe everyone just wants to tell me, I dunno.” Atsushi worked the cakes on two separate plates and poured the melted chocolate over both of them. It looked messy but at the same time rather good. “So when are you going to do it, Mido-chin?”

 

“It’s… none of anyone else’s business.” He threw the chocolate over the cakes and didn’t fear of ruining the looks anymore. “I don’t understand why everyone is suddenly obsessed about it, why don’t they bug you for getting married with Himuro?”

 

“Because Muro-chin doesn’t want to get married, so I don’t have to think about it,” Atsushi said and took in his large grasp a handful of the chocolate and sprinkled them around with slightly more precision. “I was just curious, you don’t have to get angry about it.”

 

“I’m not angry.” Shintarou sighed. “I just don’t like the fact how everyone’s pressuring me all of a sudden.”

 

“No one wants to pressure you, Mido-chin.” Atsushi wiped his hands clean to the apron and looked at him. “Maybe everyone just wants you to be happy and sees that you’re the happiest with Taka-chin… Or something. Don’t ask me, ask Aka-chin.”

 

Shintarou took a deep breath through his nose. He knew too well how many years in a row he had talked about finally getting married but had gotten cold feet about proposing. Perhaps no one was indeed pressuring him but trying to give him nudges of courage every now and then. He wasn’t lying when he said he was in the process of actually proposing; he already had vague ideas and vague days in his mind, and had decided one night before falling asleep that he’d do it within a month. He knew very fell how badly Kazunari wanted an autumn wedding, and he didn’t have the heart to make him wait for another year. This was _the_ relationship, after all, so there was no reason for him to stall anymore. He heaved out another, this time softer sigh and brushed his palms against the apron.

 

“Muro-chin!” called Atsushi and startled Shintarou out of his thoughts. “The cakes are ready!”

 

Shintarou wasn’t sure what kind of a posture take and what to expect, but when Kazunari strutted in behind Tatsuya and spotted him, his lover’s lips turned into the biggest grin he had seen in a while. Shintarou tried to remain calm and looking sensible, but it was hard when Kazunari let out bursts of chuckle as he approached him and eventually wrapped his arms around his waist. It was a weird sensation, but Shintarou actually felt at ease displaying some mild affection under Atsushi’s and Tatsuya’s gazes – they had also been together long enough for him to feel comfortable. He looked down at Kazunari who tiptoed in front of him but didn’t kiss him as the man clearly wanted him to.

 

“Look at you,” Kazunari said, “looking all cute with an apron on.”

 

“I’d rather get an apron than my clothes dirty.”

 

“Mm, good point.” Kazunari squeezed him once more before he turned his attention on the cakes on the table. “Which one is yours?”

 

“Have a really wild guess.”

 

It was easy to tell which one was done by a professional and which by an amateur; Shintarou’s creation didn’t look necessarily bad, just slightly messier and edgier when compared to Atsushi’s that looked attractive despite its simplicity. Feeling slightly inadequate and not too proud, he blamed it on the fact that this situation had completely appeared out of the blue and there was nothing he could have done to prepare himself properly to it. Even so, he really tried to pay no attention to Kazunari’s lopsided smirk right beside him, and quietly he cleared his throat.

 

“Kazunari,” Tatsuya called, “can you help me set the table up?”

 

“Sure!”

 

Kazunari circled the island and crouched over beside Tatsuya, and held out four plain white plates as he got back beside Shintarou and then out of the door. Shintarou looked behind him and finally pulled off the apron, set it back where it belonged and rolled his rather floury sleeves up near his elbows. It took him a few moments of mindlessly buzzing around before he got the hint and took one of the cakes, and followed in the footsteps of his lover’s shadow to a separate dining room. Kazunari gave him a cheeky grin, and eventually Shintarou allowed his lips to tug up to a brief smirk, too.

 

A moment later the other couple situated to the table, too. Kazunari was the first one to dig in to the cake. He was also the first one to exclaim with his mouth full of the said cake.

 

“This is so good,” he said between munches. “Good job, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou felt his ears glow. “I just followed the recipe,” he murmured.

 

Kazunari dismissed his protest completely and turned to look at Atsushi. “What’s in it?”

 

“Um… Chocolate, sugar… a bit more chocolate, cacao powder…” Atsushi listed lazily and shut his eyes for a second. “And more chocolate. It’s just a mud cake, Taka-chin.”

 

“It’s still good,” Kazunari defended with a grin splattered to his lips. “Nice work.”

 

Even with the table in between, Shintarou saw Tatsuya’s hand pat Atsushi’s thigh, and although the taller man looked rather indifferent, Shintarou could tell the smallest of difference in his expression when he rested his eyes on Tatsuya. It was enough to make him give a small smile, too, and he looked at his own lover destroying his share of the cake. Shintarou sighed softly and took a forkful himself, and had to admit that it wasn’t terribly lousy after all.

 

“So I was telling Himuro,” Kazunari began and attracted everyone’s attention; his words he directed mostly to Shintarou, however, “that someone should just gather all the Miracles together, put them in two teams and play some street basketball.”

 

“That honestly sounds like the worst idea in the history of humankind,” Shintarou said.

 

“Why? It could be fun!”

 

Shintarou didn’t feel like vocalizing the list of bullet points to tell exactly what an idiotic idea it was. Instead, he said, “If you want to make it happen, then do it.”

 

“I don’t think _I’m_ suitable for that.” Kazunari grinned. “But _you_ could ask Akashi to organize it.”

 

“Please.” Shintarou threw his lover a glance. “I’m not going to ask him.”

 

“I thought it was a rather good idea,” Tatsuya chipped in from the other side of the table and nudged Atsushi’s arm. “What do you think, Atsushi?”

 

“If Muro-chin says it’s a good idea, it’s a good idea.” Atsushi wrinkled his nose. “It would be nice to play basketball, though…”

 

“See? Told you,” Kazunari said and gently squeezed Shintarou’s thigh. “The Miracles would be there… I could be there… Himuro could be there, Kagami probably wants to do it, too… Just admit it, it could be nice. Better than meeting at a bar again.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a deep sigh. “I’ll see what I can do,” he eventually mustered out and let out a grumble. “I just don’t understand why you can’t ask Akashi yourself.”

 

“Because he likes you more than he likes me, babe,” Kazunari teased.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but did it more dramatically than was necessary, and managed to make his lover laugh. It was always a sound that made others laugh, too, and even now without a failure Tatsuya chuckled under his breath, and eventually Shintarou couldn’t hold back, either. He moved his hand discreetly on Kazunari’s knee and gave it a light squeeze. In return he received a kiss on the cheek, and although it happened in front of other people, it made his stomach flip and his heart do wild somersaults. Pleased, Shintarou listened Kazunari babble and dominate the conversation per usual, and smiled whenever he glanced towards him.


	70. Rigid Beliefs

Kazunari sat upright on the couch and felt like someone had shoved something long and sharp inside him to keep his body in the position. The clock ticked louder than normally, and he heard its echo too well, could count every single second, and actually didn’t want to. He swallowed hard, and scolded himself for being so damn noisy, although it hardly mattered when there was only him and Ao at home. _For now_. The thought made him shudder, and he squeezed a piece of paper in his sweaty hand a bit tighter. The paper rustled, and together with the thuds of the clock’s hands created the most ominous music. It didn’t matter that he held in his fingers the details of a job interview he had finally gotten, when anxiety bored in his skull as he waited the clock to strike two and Shintarou to finally come home.

 

He patted his foot on the floor over and over again, first chaotically, then to the rhythm of a song that had been stuck in his head forever. Breathing hard in through his nose and out of his mouth, Kazunari glanced around him and felt so itchy everywhere all of a sudden. For once, he didn’t want the front door to open, because it was yet another chance for Shintarou to tell him that the receptionist had been odd. He slapped himself on the cheek. _Stop thinking about such bullshit!_ he screamed at himself in his messy mind, _he’s going to want to be with you even when he steps inside and you welcome him home_.

 

Now he knew what dragging jealousy felt, and knew how it was to be so insecure and afraid. Promising to never mention anything about it to Shintarou, Kazunari lifted his chin up towards the ceiling and squeezed his eyes shut. The fears weren’t even rational – they had already talked about it, Shintarou had told him that he had nothing to worry about. Yet the closer the time came that his lover would return, the more nausea settled to the pit of his stomach. He tried to relax but couldn’t. He sucked his stomach in but it changed nothing. Never one to be this insecure about himself, Kazunari really didn’t know what to do. He squeezed the bit of paper tighter inside his fist and tried to remember to breathe. With all his body he knew he wasn’t being rational, but his mind hardly listened.

 

The front door creaked open. Kazunari jumped up on his feet, realized exactly how awkward he was, and sank down on the couch. He made the effort to relax, to pull up a shaky smile, and he thought he did a good job when Shintarou dragged himself to the living room with a weary look on his face. Knowing fully well that the man was going to head to bed even when it was only afternoon, Kazunari tried to keep a positive mind although he struggled.

 

“Welcome home,” he said, his voice quivering under his breath, but he betted on the fact that Shintarou wouldn’t notice.

 

Seemingly Shintarou didn’t, indeed, as he put down his bag and heaved out a sigh. “I’m home,” he announced and rubbed his shoulder as he moved closer with swaying steps. He held himself steady as he stopped behind the couch and leaned down to give Kazunari a kiss. “How was your day?”

 

“Good.” Kazunari hesitated a moment, but still waved the paper and said with a slight grin on his face, “I finally got myself a job interview.”

 

“Really?” When Kazunari nodded, Shintarou broke into a smile and lazily ruffled his lover’s dark hair. “I knew you would, good job. Should we celebrate tomorrow?”

 

“It’s just an interview,” Kazunari said, his voice soft. For a moment, he forgot all about his worries as he perked and looked up at Shintarou like a puppy. “But if you _insist_ , I’m not going to stop you.”

 

“I have a feeling you might make me insist.” A chuckle curled so beautifully on Shintarou’s lips as he leaned over the second time, and kissed Kazunari again. This time the kiss lingered, was more than just a quick peck, filled with emotions and love, and it took a moment for Shintarou to actually peel himself away. When he did, there was a smile on his lips. “I’m proud of you. I _could_ indulge you by going to that one store and get you the disgustingly sweet raspberry beer you love.”

 

“Mm, you don’t have to spoil me over a silly interview,” Kazunari chuckled and lifted his hand high enough to rub Shintarou’s cheek. Once more he received a kiss, and when Shintarou moved away for good, the worries sank in his stomach immediately. He _knew_ he had nothing to worry about, because Shintarou often wore his emotions on his face, and Kazunari was a master at telling them apart. Still his stomach turned into nasty knots and made him unable to really enjoy his own accomplishment. With his gaze he followed Shintarou strut around the living room, disappear to the kitchen, and then return back.

 

Shintarou stretched his arms as he stopped and muffled a yawn to his shoulder. “I think I’m going to take a—“

 

“How was work?” escaped Kazunari before he could think straight.

 

Shintarou arched his brows and looked at him. “Fine,” he said. “It was busy, I had two surgeries almost back to back, both lasted over five hours, and by the time I was finished, I really wanted to collapse to bed—“

 

“What about the receptionist?” Kazunari wasn’t sure what became to him, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he pressed his palm to his lips as if he could undo the momentary brain freeze. Warily he looked at Shintarou, and although his lover at first stared at him blankly as if he didn’t even understand what he was talking about, soon Shintarou’s expression softened and he made his way to the couch and sat down.

 

“Are you still worried about that?”

 

“I really didn’t mean to,” Kazunari hurried to say, “I just—I, I, uh, I don’t…”

 

Shintarou made him quiet down with a light squeeze to his knee. “You don’t have to worry about it,” he promised. “I have it under control.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“I mean…” Shintarou sighed softly. “I’m not acknowledging his attempts even if he tries something, but we’ve only said ‘good evening’ and ‘have a nice day’, there’s nothing else going on.”

 

Kazunari hated to be the whining kind of lover, but he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you promise?”

 

“I promise.” Shintarou trailed his fingers to Kazunari’s chin and squeezed gently. “You know what you mean to me. This isn’t like you at all, chin up.”

 

A smile did rise to Kazunari’s lips, and it twitched a little higher as he got a kiss on the forehead. The smile stuck on his mouth until Shintarou told he was taking a shower and walked to the bathroom; as soon as his lover was gone, Kazunari allowed a pout instead. He looked down at his thighs and squinted his eyes. Shintarou was right, though, this wasn’t like him at all – worrying about something so stupid, getting rather overly obsessed about it… He rubbed his chin on the spot where Shintarou had touched it and heaved out a sigh. Maybe it would have been so bad if the receptionist looked like the younger version of him. Kazunari bit his lip and pulled his legs up and hugged them against his chest, closed his eyes and wondered what the hell was wrong with him.

 

For fifteen minutes he stayed in the position, unmoved, listening his own breaths, until the bathroom door opened, and Kazunari looked up. Out walked Shintarou with a towel around his waist, water licking his lean, long muscles that seemed to look better every year that passed. Helplessly Kazunari questioned why Shintarou had managed to keep his athlete’s figure when he was growing soft around the hips, but the thoughts trailed as Shintarou offered his hand to him.

 

“Do you want to come to bed with me?”

 

“You going to sleep?” Kazunari asked but nonetheless got up and grabbed his lover’s hand.

 

Shintarou nodded and weaved their fingers tightly together. “You can take a nap if you haven’t yet, or maybe read a magazine. I just…”

 

“What?”

 

As Shintarou’s ears turned glowing red, he averted his gaze straight in front of them. “I just wouldn’t mind falling asleep beside you,” he muttered.

 

The brightest smile illuminated Kazunari’s lips. “You being adorable should be illegal, Shin-chan.”

 

“Oh, shut your mouth.” Shintarou hurried to add as Kazunari parted his lips, “And _no_ , I’m not going to make you.”

 

Kazunari huffed. “Meanie,” he mumbled, but when he was tugged closer, he couldn’t help the smile that had been right around the corner, anyway.

 

It was difficult to feel sad and bothered about something so meaningless when Shintarou pulled him to bed and held him in his arms without a word. Kazunari searched for the perfect position, and once he did, he snuggled closer and wrapped his arm around his lover’s damp body. He let out a satisfied little hum, but as he listened Shintarou’s heartbeat, he felt oddly ready to sniff few times and let out sneaky sobs. He couldn’t even begin to tell how much this relationship meant to him, how much he was depending on this man, and how much his own happiness bloomed in these moments. If they were to break up… Kazunari squeezed Shintarou closer. He didn’t even want to think about it, because it wasn’t going to happen. This year was _the_ year for them; they’d move to a house of their own, get married, and accomplish the things they had always dreamed of, together and on their own. No receptionist was going to ruin it, he knew it and still worried. Carefully he looked up, and as he saw that Shintarou had already fallen asleep, he pressed a gentle kiss on the man’s defined jawline and tried his best to relax.


	71. Absolute Discord

With a satisfied sigh on his lips Shintarou turned off the shower and stepped out, only to shudder from insane coldness straight afterwards. The pleasant warmth dissolved from his naked body, and wrapping a towel around his waist hardly helped. He pranced around the bathroom, and with the help of another towel dried his eyes and put on his glasses again.  He wiped the foggy mirror clean and ran his fingers over his chin, and although the skin felt positively scratchy, he decided to save shaving for tomorrow. The reflection he saw in the mirror seemed decent, thus he was pleased, and pulled away with a hum vibrating in his lungs.

 

He was a little surprised that Kazunari had already given up and gone to bed, but couldn’t really blame him; again it was over midnight, and they still weren’t getting any younger. Even his own eyelids weighed a ton over the irises, and he muffled a yawn behind his palm as he left behind a trail of wet footprints whilst walking to the kitchen. He grabbed a water bottle and leaned against the counter, sluggishly glanced around as he almost hungrily gulped down the water until there was none left in the bottle. Letting out a sharp exhale, Shintarou rubbed his shoulder and shivered. His skin rose to goose bumps, but for once he was in no actual hurry to bury himself under warm blankets. The sound of a quiet home was surprisingly pleasant; it wasn’t a thing he could have gotten used to, but it warmed his heart every now and then.

 

From the kitchen he returned back to the living room and slumped down on the couch. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, scratched his bare stomach and reached for the remote. Vaguely thinking about checking the news, Shintarou puckered his lips and turned to the right channel but put down the volume. He should really go to bed already, though, if he wanted to survive another long shift tomorrow… It might have taken few weeks, but he finally felt like he was getting used to the rhythm – maybe few weeks more, and Kazunari would be satisfied with it. Shintarou took a better position and ran his palm over his towel-clad thigh. If things would go well, Kazunari would get the job he would be interviewed to… He craned his neck and allowed his hand to work on his inner thigh. The terry felt nice scratching his skin.

 

What day was it, anyway? Thursday… The twelfth? Maybe he should propose in April. April sounded like a nice proposal month. Shintarou flexed his nape and bucked his hips a little up, and let out a quiet groan. They’d get engaged, have a wedding in autumn, and everything would go as planned… He slid his hand to his waist and toyed with the beginning of the towel. Not sure when he had last had his own little fun, a little coyly Shintarou grabbed the soft fabric and parted it, let it rest on his thighs but uncover his crotch. Dragging his tongue against his lower lip, he kneaded his fingers on his inner thigh. They’d have to go on a honeymoon to someplace nice… They’d make love for the whole week, wouldn’t they? Shintarou took a hold of his cock and grumbled, and inched a little lower to a more comfortable position.

 

Kazunari would look _breathtaking_ in whatever he would wear. Shintarou squeezed the very base and slid his palm gently over the whole length. Fitting trousers, showing off his figure… And in the dead of the night with vows and rings exchanged, he could make love to his husband’s body over and over again, seeing the skin glow in the darkness, listening Kazunari’s breathless moans as he would seek support in him in the midst of an orgasm. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and rested the back of his head against the couch. He worked his hand to a steady rhythm on his cock that was easily getting hard. Thumbing the head always did the trick, and so it did now; in the midst of neatened pubic hair and terrycloth his cock stood up and made the muscles in his thighs tighten. Warmth spread from the very tip of his toes and rushed all the way to his ears, and as he moved his hand in a lazy rhythm, red spots of arousal appeared all over his body.

 

Gently Shintarou dipped his head to the side and paid more attention to the swollen tip. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to be too loud but couldn’t help the heavy breaths or helpless gasps whenever he did something especially good. He thought of the shape of Kazunari’s bottom and tightened his grasp. One thing missing in his life was his lover riding him in a way he could see his round buttocks work up and down on his lap. The thought alone was able to make heat rise to his cheeks, and Shintarou whimpered as the very pit of his abdomen stiffened. If he could just see Kazunari bend over right now… His bottom would be right _there_ , squeezable; he would feel him up and press him against a kitchen counter and have his way with him. Shintarou slid his hand to the base and a little lower, fondled with his scrotum for a precious moment before he brought his fingers back around his erection.

 

Dear _lord_ , what about the smile? The one that competed with the sun, or the little smirk Kazunari gave him whenever he went down on him… Shintarou gasped more desperately for breath and moved his hand faster. Kazunari was so very good with his mouth, had learned all the tricks through the years and had grown a master in giving blowjobs. The mere thought of having the saliva-slickened mouth around his dick made Shintarou bend his body forward. In a curl of arousal, Shintarou took shallow breaths, and although it exhausted his lungs, he couldn’t stop as he frantically tugged his cock to draw out the passion dwelling inside him. He bucked his hips forward, and in the midst of squeezing the glans, he wondered what they should have for dinner tomorrow. Maybe meat… He grunted under his breath and knew very well that he was being too loud but couldn’t really care right now. If Kazunari would walk in on him, _good_.

 

Whilst going through a recipe of a beef stew in his head, Shintarou balanced in the delicate line of the recipe and imagining Kazunari in an apron with nothing else on. _Why_ was his lover so goddamn good-looking? He knew that lately Kazunari had felt down and self-conscious, but his body was… Shintarou swallowed hard and felt pre-cum wet his fingers. Any time, any day he would make that body rise up from the bed in an attempt of trying to bring his lover a mind-shattering orgasm. He turned his mind back to the smile, to the glittering, dazzling smile that always wiped him off his feet, dear _lord_ , Haruki’s smile was so…

 

Gasping for breath, Shintarou let go of his cock immediately when something unusual crossed his mind, and moved his hand on his mouth instead. _Haru…ki_. He had thought of that. His heart suddenly beat faster than a second ago. He had been thinking of Kazunari, and all of a sudden the foreign name had slipped to his mind. His eyes widening, Shintarou stared at his cock, bewildered, confused. His pulse thickened in his veins as blood gushed through together with adrenaline. How could he even _fleetingly_ think of another man when he was doing something so intimate? He breathed hard against his palm that was growing damp. Guilt riddled him, but he knew he couldn’t tell Kazunari – had it been any other name, his lover would have laughed and joked about it, but not this. Not this.

 

He felt like he was doing a cardinal sin, and hastily pushed himself up on his feet. His knees trembled and turned into jelly, and the towel nearly slipped on the floor, but he managed to grasp it just in time. Breathing so heavy that his lungs were overworking, he needed Kazunari. He needed Kazunari, right now, beside him, in his arms, so he could pull him close and make sure that a stranger wouldn’t pull them apart. In the back of his head Shintarou blamed Kazunari who had brought the receptionist up again yesterday, but such words he could never say aloud. He yanked the towel better around his waist and rushed to the bedroom, and even ignored the little paws that followed him keenly with a concerto of quiet meows.

 

There was not a cell in his body thinking when he stepped to the dark room, let go of the towel, and moved his naked body to the bed and under the blanket. Kazunari lied still on his side and looked like he was sleeping, but the panic dwelling inside Shintarou didn’t allow him to think rationally. He grasped his lover’s shoulder and nudged. “Kazu,” he whispered, frantic, feeling so very feverish. His lower body he pressed against Kazunari’s and tugged him closer. “Kazu,” he repeated, and finally the man stirred. Over shoulder Shintarou saw Kazunari frown at first, but soon he chuckled and smiled sleepily.

 

“Is that…” Kazunari yawned and threw his arm behind himself to pat Shintarou’s hip, “your cock so happy… to see me?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou pressed his mouth tight against Kazunari’s nape and squeezed his eyes shut, and tried everything in his power to not feel like the worst lover in the whole universe. It had been an _accident_ after all, and he hadn’t gotten aroused because of it. Still, what was supposed to be a precious time alone now turned into a messy attempt of seduction.

 

Under his breath Kazunari chuckled a little more and turned to look at him as he rubbed his eyes. Shintarou hurried to give a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth.

 

“Do you want me to something about it?” murmured Kazunari.

 

“Yes!”

 

“You don’t have to be so frantic about it, babe…” Kazunari wiggled his bottom and with clear purpose rubbed it against Shintarou’s excited front. “Mm, what do you want… a handjob, or borrow my ass?”

 

Shintarou whispered with a trembling voice, “Anything’s fine.”

 

“In that case…” Kazunari could barely move as Shintarou had his arm tightly around his waist, but it was still enough for him to reach towards the nightstand and open the drawer. Once he retreated back, he gave Shintarou their bottle of lube about to run empty. “Here… All yours to use, I’ll just rest my eyes while you borrow me…”

 

Shintarou hesitated. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

 

Kazunari gave him a brief kiss. “Come on, I trust you enough to take good care of me in any situation… Just go for it, if I happen to fall asleep, just nudge me awake.”

 

Inhaling sharply, Shintarou found no reason to decline, not when Kazunari was okay with it; not when he was keen to prove that he was a _good_ and loving and caring lover who didn’t think about strangers when he was trying to masturbate. He held in a breath as he popped open the cap, and poured some lubricant to his fingers that he immediately brought between the man’s buttocks once he yanked down his sleeping shorts. A hiss escaped Kazunari, but it turned into a soft murmur as Shintarou rubbed the length of his fingers against the quivering hole in an attempt to get its surroundings as slick as possible. His heart still beat fast, and he could feel his pulse down his stomach. How could he be so _stupid_? He had never wanted to have sex with anyone other than his own lover; for him, sex was something intimate, something that had intimidated him for the whole first year they had been together, yet now he felt so _comfortable_ lining his body against Kazunari’s and show him the side of him no one else ever saw.

 

A little hasty, he nudged a finger inside Kazunari, curled it, and once no rejection was given, he pushed in another. He could have been more thorough with the preparation, he knew, but his cock was aching and his body absolutely treacherous. Shintarou gritted his teeth and dragged his fingers along the inner walls that made his fingers want to melt. For few minutes in the midst of a silence he kept going until he replaced his digits with his cock instead. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Kazunari’s shoulder, and wondered what he had done so wrong to get a stranger’s name in his mind like it was not a big deal. He moved his hand on his lover’s hip and moved his body better to the other’s immediate intimacy, and once Shintarou felt comfortable, he rolled his hips ever so slightly. Against him Kazunari heaved out a long sigh.

 

Breathing irregularly through his nose against Kazunari’s skin, Shintarou thrust slowly, and whenever he brought his cock deep inside his lover, he tightened his buttocks. Somehow, he wanted to cry, and he hardly ever did. He felt like he had betrayed Kazunari, and the guilt that crawled its slimy fingers around his heart wouldn’t let go no matter what. He might have felt physically good, his body aroused, his cock straining inside the tight flesh, but his mind was nothing but a mess. He scratched the soft skin on Kazunari’s hip and grunted, wanted to entwine his body fully to the man’s and never let go. Afraid that somehow the two of them would simply cease to exist the way they were, Shintarou rutted his hips harder to his lover’s and lured out a moan from himself. His insides trembled from terror, his intestines turned into tight knots and his heart did the most painful somersaults.

 

It took five minutes of desperate thrusting for his body to tell him that it was near finished. His mind still a swirl of blackness and all the possible _what if_ situations, Shintarou pulled out and handled the rest in the safety of his own palm, allowing himself to release on the small of Kazunari’s back. It was an orgasm, all right, but it left him hollow and question his sanity. How could he even _do_ such a thing as thinking about someone else? He rubbed his forehead against Kazunari’s shoulder, and at the same time knew that nothing good would come if he told about it. Being on the horns of a dilemma, Shintarou ended up pressing another tight kiss on Kazunari’s nape and rubbed his stomach.

 

“Was it good?” Kazunari murmured, his voice so very sleepy.

 

“Yeah…” Shintarou tried to calm down his insides. “Pass me the tissues and I’ll clean you up.”

 

Kazunari did, and Shintarou wiped his lover’s back and his now flaccid cock clean. Scrunching the tissues, he settled them on the nightstand on his side and decided to move them to a garbage bin in the morning, because now there were more important things to do. He wrapped his arm around Kazunari, and a second after Kazunari moved around in his embrace until they were face to face. To his lover’s smile Shintarou smiled weakly and tried to convey all his love by giving a kiss on the smooth forehead. Not sure whether it was a success or not, he enclosed his arms around Kazunari and promised to himself never to let go. All he needed was right here in his embrace, after all.

 

“I love you so much,” he whispered, distressed. Luckily the dark of the night covered it for him.

 

“I love you too, Shin-chan,” murmured Kazunari against his neck. “Goodnight… Wake me up in the morning before you leave.”

 

“I will,” Shintarou promised with a muffled voice. As he worked his fingers up and down Kazunari’s spine and still felt nauseous, he listened his lover’s breath turn into light snores. For the first time, he found no soothing in it.


	72. It Occurred To Me...

“It occurred to me…”

 

Kazunari huffed out a breath he had been holding and pressed his feet back on the floor, and after giving the jar of jam on the top shelf a sullen look, he glanced at Shintarou behind the shopping cart. “What is it?” he asked and blinked.

 

“You haven’t really been in contact with Kuroko lately, have you?”

 

His insides turned a little chilly. He puckered his lips and shrugged, said a simple, “Not really,” and rose back to his tiptoes in a desperate attempt to reach what he wanted. Who was the idiot who designed supermarket shelves so damn _high_?

 

With a gentle sigh Shintarou took a step closer, and so very easily lifted his hand slightly above his head and took a hold of the raspberry flavor that Kazunari’s fingers had been trying to reach. He set the jar over the bag of rice and took his usual position from behind the cart again, and pushed it in motion. His eyes he kept on Kazunari. “Is there any specific reason for that?” he asked.

 

Again Kazunari shrugged. “Not really,” he muttered and paid more attention to the wrinkled shopping list in his hand. If he could really decide, he would forget other people for good, and not bother about stupid things like gripping jealousy that made him unable to breathe whenever he thought of the goddamn receptionist that had so shamelessly flirted with his lover and made him look absolutely ridiculous. About to heat up again, Kazunari inhaled sharply through his nose and turned around an aisle. Like an obedient puppy Shintarou followed. “He’s just been busy with Kagami, I guess,” he continued after a pause and with his gaze searched for the right brand of coffee that he wasn’t quite fond of but which Shintarou adored. He found it and threw it to the cart, and blatantly ignored Shintarou’s gaze.

 

Shintarou persisted, however. “Do you _want_ to spend time with him?”

 

Kazunari stopped mid-aisle and had to step aside once an elder lady demanded a way through. He frowned lightly but didn’t move away from the cereals. “Why are you so keen to know?”

 

Shintarou remained silent for a moment. “I’m just worried,” he eventually said.

 

“About what?”

 

“You somehow… restricting yourself because of me.”

 

Looking at his lover for a moment, Kazunari soon averted his gaze and pressed his lips to a thin flat. He wasn’t restricting himself… Not that he knew of, anyway. He brought his hand to his nape and rubbed the smooth spot, and wondered if that was the reason why he hadn’t messaged Tetsuya even when had slightly wanted to. It was just… Now that he knew what jealousy felt like, he didn’t want to give Shintarou any reason to feel bad about himself. It was enough to have one person in the household feeling down because of stupid emotion like that, and if Kazunari could decide it, he would never put Shintarou to the situation anymore. Shivers crawled down his spine, and again he shrugged and mostly concentrated his gaze on the tips of his worn-out sneakers.

 

For days he hadn’t felt like himself, but rather a shadow-like version of himself. It was unnatural, irrational, and whenever he lied alone in bed waiting for Shintarou to come home, nausea dripped down his veins one drop at a time. He wanted to get over it, wanted to stop thinking about it, because Shintarou had reassured and promised nothing would ever happen. They had still exchanged their usual ‘I love you’s, and Kazunari _knew_ he wasn’t going to be replaced by a pretty boy sitting behind a counter. _Still…_ He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes shut, and walked blind for few steps. Only at the end of the aisle did he open them again and turned towards the one with a wide selection of laundry tablets.

 

Before Kazunari could _really_ focus on choosing the one that looked like it had the nicest smell, Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist and made him squeal from surprise. His heart jumped to his throat, but a smile rose to his lips nonetheless as he looked up to the man who was so _close_ to him all of a sudden. The arm on his waist tightened its grip and pulled him closer, and Kazunari couldn’t hold back the little chuckle that rolled out of his mouth with ease.

 

“We’re in public,” he gently reminded.

 

Shintarou only looked at him instead of their surroundings. “I know.”

 

“Living on the edge now, are we?”

 

“Possibly.” The smile on Shintarou’s face was a little timid. “Can I get a kiss?”

 

Was this really _his_ lover, _his_ lover that never wanted to participate in public displays of affection? Kazunari stared at him with widened eyes and tried to understand what the hell Shintarou was thinking. Feeling slightly feverish all of a sudden, he glanced around to buy time; he had a hunch Shintarou was doing this only to make him feel better, and he certainly didn’t want to make his lover uncomfortable. “That granny over there is staring at us,” he finally said and brought his gaze back to Shintarou.

 

“I don’t care,” Shintarou insisted.

 

Kazunari heaved out a gentle sigh. “Okay,” he murmured, “but only if you feel comfortable.”

 

He was in the process of tiptoeing when Shintarou leaned down and stole a kiss from him. Such a simple gesture was enough to bring butterflies in his stomach, and the same insects fluttered around so carelessly when Shintarou eventually pulled back and looked flushed. Kazunari gasped for breath, and managed to slip in a kiss on the man’s chin before he retreated to his full length again. A more genuine smile overtook his lips as Shintarou rubbed his cheek before letting go of him.

 

“Just call him,” Shintarou encouraged. “I know you want to.”

 

The problem was, Kazunari couldn’t tell whether Shintarou _really_ meant it or said such a thing just to make him feel better; sometimes the man could mask his emotions too well. “I don’t know,” he said and couldn’t believe that they were having a conversation like this in the middle of their usual supermarket. “Wouldn’t you feel—“ He cut himself short.

 

Shintarou frowned. “Feel what?”

 

_Jealous_ , was what Kazunari wanted to say but didn’t want the word in his vocabulary anymore. He tilted his head and tried to find suitable replacements. “Would you be okay with that?”

 

“Of course,” Shintarou said without missing a beat. “I know you’re a social… being, and I don’t want you to sit around at home doing nothing when you could do what you do best.”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened. So very briefly he rubbed Shintarou’s side before he pulled his hand to himself and twirled a step forward. “I’ll call him,” he promised, “or a send a text and ask if he wants to grab a coffee with me or something… Yeah, I’ll do that.” His mouth tugged to a happy grin. “It should be fun, thanks, babe.”

 

“As long as it makes you happy,” Shintarou softly said and returned back behind the cart. So effortlessly he switched the subject, “Should we get some strawberries, and maybe chocolate and do the thing you like?”

 

“ _Oh_ , yes, please!” Kazunari squeezed the shopping list inside his curled fingers and smiled brightly to his quick-witted lover. “I’ll go get the strawberries, you grab the chocolate, um… both dark and white, okay?”

 

“All right.”

 

So occupied with thinking about feeding coated strawberries to Shintarou, Kazunari whistled a cheery tune as he disappeared behind another aisle and simply forgot why he had felt so down a moment earlier.


	73. Childless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ _Please_ , as if I’d drop a baby!” Kazunari turned to look at Shintarou. “Come on, Shin-chan, tell him I’m responsible!”

So much pride filled Kazunari’s chest as he walked on a relatively quiet street _hand in hand_ with Shintarou. He wasn’t sure why exactly Shintarou had suggested it when they were outside, having a walk in _public_ , but there was no way he would have refused. Smiling like the sun that was now hiding behind the clouds, he felt so incredibly lucky, and whenever someone walked by, he made sure to tighten his grasp from Shintarou’s hand and let the whole world know that they were together, that this was a thing, that he was the happiest when he was with this man. Some that passed them gave him a smile, some frowned, but no one was enough to make Shintarou pull his hand to himself. When Kazunari glanced at him, he smiled, and Shintarou returned the gesture.

 

He sighed gently. Over their heads the cherry trees looked like they were ready to burst into full bloom any day now, and it was a sight that made him giddy like a child. “Look,” he said and aimlessly pointed towards the general direction of the trees. “I’d love to have one on our backyard. Do you think we could grow one ourselves?”

 

“We should probably have a house before that,” Shintarou pointed out, his tone of voice rather amused.

 

Kazunari gave him a grin that was enough to make his nose wrinkle. “Right, right, Mr. I’m-Always-Too-Realistic.”

 

“Hey.” Shintarou pulled his hand to himself, and terror rushed through Kazunari’s system. He wanted to take back the words and wanted the hand to himself, but his insides turned heated within a second when Shintarou wrapped his arm around his waist instead and pulled him close. The man continued, “One of us has to be, because not all of us can have their heads in the clouds practically all the time.”

 

Kazunari gasped. “So mean!”

 

But there was a smile on Shintarou’s lips, and within a second Kazunari giggled. So much joy inside him that it was almost hard to control, he snuggled closer to Shintarou and _enjoyed_ that the world, too, would see a gentler side of his dear love. Shintarou never held him like this or touched him like this when there was a risk to be seen, and Kazunari couldn’t help but wonder what was really going on. He didn’t complain, though, of course he didn’t, and thus he didn’t spend a second’s time more to actually think about it. Whatever was going on in Shintarou’s mind, it was enough for him when he was pulled closer and given a kiss to the forehead.

 

It felt like they were teenagers again (although back then Shintarou would have been even more stingy with signs of affection). Or maybe newlyweds. The latter made Kazunari grin so that his cheeks hurt, and with ease he slung his own arm around Shintarou’s waist and hung to him. _Newlyweds_. Soon it would be reality. Shintarou would propose to him any day now. He wouldn’t pressure him or make him hurry – he rather had his lover do it when he felt fully comfortable with the idea that once the rings were on their fingers, the rest of their lives began. So he thought, and at the same time dreamed of an autumn wedding. Not that he was exactly _sure_ whether he even wanted a proper wedding at all, but once or twice they had briefly talked about it, and Shintarou had told him that he didn’t care, as long as he was happy at the day itself. Kazunari smiled to the thought and rested his head against the side of Shintarou’s arm.

 

“Takao!”

 

Jolting out of his thoughts, Kazunari came to a full stop when Shintarou did. The hand from his waist disappeared, but he rather thanked it as it was easier for him to swing around to see whoever had shouted his name. At first, he found no one familiar in his sight. Then, he spotted a man behind strollers, and his lips twitched to another smile. Even under a thick beanie and a scarf wrapped around hundred times around his neck, Kazunari would have recognized him.

 

“Miyaji!” he called back and rushed few steps forward, and heard more sluggish ones behind him. Curiosity won him over, and with hasty steps and he circled around the strollers and paid more attention to its content than his former teammate. “Don’t tell me, is this now your girl?”

 

“Yes.” It was easy to distinguish the fatherly pride in Kiyoshi’s voice. With so much gentleness in his fingers he moved aside the cloth that was covering the insides and said, “I think she finally fell asleep, though… But look at her, isn’t she a beauty?”

 

It took a simple look towards the baby for Kazunari to agree wholeheartedly. She was indeed asleep, but looking so very _adorable_ with a light green jacket that made her look like a soft cotton ball. Her little eyes were squeezed closed, and he couldn’t quite tell her hair color apart as it was buried underneath a beanie shaped as a bunny’s head. Kazunari’s smile turned softer as he leaned a little closer; had she been awake, he would have talked to her with his most suitable tone for babies. But now he pulled back and tilted his head as he eyed her puffy cheeks. “She has your nose, though, and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing…” he pondered aloud as he looked up to Kiyoshi.

 

“Oh, shut up, will you? She takes after her mother, let me tell you, you’ll see that once she gets older.” Kiyoshi actually grinned, although the gesture turned slightly more lopsided as he looked behind Kazunari. “Hi, Midorima.”

 

“Hello,” said Shintarou, and Kazunari glanced at his lover over his shoulder. Shintarou brought a hand shortly to Kazunari’s hip. “Are you taking an afternoon stroll, too?”

 

“Oh, yeah. It’s just me and her for the day, and I tried to make her fall asleep back home but she just kept screaming, so I called my wife—“

 

“Where’s your wife?” Kazunari asked.

 

Kiyoshi’s smile twitched. “She’s having some… girls’ afternoon or whatever with her friends, they insisted, and she was freaking out about leaving our baby with me, _as if_ something would happen… So, anyway, I called her and asked what I should do, and she told me that a walk outside might help. You know, it’s a brisk weather and all that.”

 

“Sounds far-fetched,” Shintarou dryly said, and afterwards winced when Kazunari slapped him on the arm.

 

“But what are _you_ doing here?” Kiyoshi’s brows arched higher. “I thought you lived across the city.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Sometimes when we’re bored, we just go out for walks like any proper couple.” He grinned to the look Shintarou gave him.

 

“In that case, do you want to drop by for tea?” Kiyoshi enwrapped his palms back around the handle of the stroller. “Our place is just around the corner, five-minute walk.”

 

Pursing his lips, Kazunari looked up at Shintarou and tried to search for signs of refusal. Once he found none, his stomach flipped around pleasantly, and he announced, “Would love to.”

 

“Great, let’s go.”

 

As promised, it really was a mere five-minute walk. Now that Kazunari thought about it, it was weird that he had actually never been to Kiyoshi’s place; yet in return, Kiyoshi had never visited their place, either. Promising to make a difference when – or _if_ – they’d move to a new home, Kazunari pulled off his shoes and in the lack of extra slippers walked with his socks after Kiyoshi and keenly watched the man take his daughter so very carefully out of the strollers. Under his breath Kiyoshi kept muttering _don’t wake up, don’t wake up_ , but it was futile – she opened her eyes, and they were so big and innocent that the mere sight made Kazunari melt. Once she locked her gaze to him and Shintarou, she began to cry. Kiyoshi heaved out a sigh and rested her against his chest.

 

“Come on, honey, not in front of guests…” he hushed her, and bounced her a little. “Shh… They’re nice guys, at least the smaller one is…”

 

Kazunari snickered, and in return Shintarou rolled his eyes. He grabbed his lover’s hand to his own and squeezed briefly, and as much as he craved for a kiss on the cheek, Shintarou didn’t get the hint. Not feeling too discouraged about it, Kazunari pulled his hand back to himself and tangled it beside his body as he watched Kiyoshi twirl around in a clear attempt to decide what to do.

 

“Just go take a seat in the living room, I’ll try to somehow make tea with this little lady,” he said, a little desperate.

 

“You know, I can take her,” Kazunari suggested.

 

Kiyoshi gave him a long look.

 

“What?” Kazunari narrowed his eyes. “I can handle a baby in my arms as long as I’m sitting down!”

 

“You sure?” Kiyoshi asked as he led the both of them to the living room and guided them to the couch.

 

“Yeah, yeah, positive.”

 

The man pursed his lips and looked down at Kazunari who plopped down on the couch and wiggled his fingers. “Promise not to drop her? Because if you do, my wife is going to kill me.”

 

“ _Please_ , as if I’d drop a baby!” Kazunari turned to look at Shintarou. “Come on, Shin-chan, tell him I’m responsible!”

 

Shintarou sighed softly and picked his gaze up at Kiyoshi. “He won’t drop her,” he bluntly told.

 

“Alright, alright!” Kiyoshi gave in. He rubbed her little back now that she had stopped both screaming and crying and gave her puffy cheek a kiss. “Do you want to go in uncle Takao’s lap? Go on, he won’t bite… Shh, it’s okay…”

 

She let out little sounds of sobs once Kiyoshi extended his arms and passed her to Kazunari. With teary eyes she looked at Kazunari, and he was immediately sold. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had had a baby in his arms; she felt so _soft_ and lightweight, and apparently got quickly over the shock of being in someone else’s hands. Smiling at her, Kazunari felt giddy like a child himself.

 

“If you need anything, I’m going to be in the kitchen,” Kiyoshi said, his voice a little wary, “just shout.”

 

“Got it,” Kazunari muttered but no longer paid attention to the man who, after clear hesitation, retreated to the kitchen. He parted his lips and smiled a little wider at her, yet she already closed her eyes and let out little baby noises. His chest filling with unexplainable warmth, Kazunari held her better against his chest and lulled her. Slowly he inched closer to Shintarou until he pressed the side of his thigh against his and looked up at him. “Look how cute she is,” he whispered and made sure his embrace on her was firm but kind.

 

Shintarou puckered his lips. “She looks like every other baby,” he muttered.

 

Kazunari threw him a look. “If this was _our_ baby, you’d think she was the most beautiful thing in the world.”

 

“But it’s not ours, thus, she looks like everyone else.”

 

“Where’s your imagination?” Kazunari rolled his eyes and then attached his gaze back to her sleeping face. Her cheeks had a shade of red them, her tiny body clad in a romper that had white bunnies frolicking on a field. The shade of her hair was the same golden as her father’s, and the locks curled slightly, unruly. Kazunari heaved out a silent sigh and with the pad of his thumb stroked her forehead. “We could have one of our own, though…” he softly said.

 

“We could,” Shintarou agreed.

 

It had left the man’s mouth so easily, so _naturally_ , and with widened eyes Kazunari looked up at him. His heart skipped a joyful beat and then turned his pulse erratic. “Are you… Are you serious?” he asked. Of course they had talked about getting a baby or two, but it had always been in theory – now he held an actual baby in his arms, and Shintarou didn’t seem opposed to the idea that had been mere words earlier. Kazunari swallowed and tried to get his heart in control. “I mean, one of these would be amazing, don’t you think?”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “I thought we had already agreed of getting a child.”

 

“Yeah, but…”

 

“You don’t have to be so amazed every time I say yes to your discreet suggestions.”

 

Kazunari smiled, feeling a bit guilty. “Can’t help it, Shin-chan.” He smirked. “It feels weird to have a tsun-tsun like you actually agree on something like that.”

 

Shintarou huffed and rolled his eyes. “Have a bit more faith in me, would you?”

 

“Yes, sir.” Kazunari leaned closer, mindful for not squishing her between their bodies, and gave a quick smooch on Shintarou’s cheek. “One day, you’ll be the one holding a bundle like this, and then you _will_ tell it’s the cutest thing in this world.”

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

Just for the sake of it, Kazunari gave him another kiss on the same spot before he pulled back, just in time as Kiyoshi marched back with a tray of three cups in it. “How is it going?” the man asked as he set the tray down on the table.

 

“Good, see? Not dropping her and everything,” Kazunari chirped. “Makes me want to get one of our own.”

 

“Better start planning, then,” Kiyoshi said and gave Shintarou a wink.

 

“Or simply get in bed and hope for the best,” Shintarou countered.

 

Kazunari couldn’t hold back his chuckle. It was endearing how the two of them always made sure that everyone knew that they did _not_ get along, but the truth was the absolute opposite. Grudgingly he gave her back to her father. His arms now unoccupied, he moved one of his hands on Shintarou’s knee. Once Kiyoshi looked elsewhere, Kazunari stole a kiss from his lover and grinned with guilt on his lips when Kiyoshi did turn his gaze at them. But the man said nothing, simply settled to an armchair beside the couch and held the small one in his arms. His gaze softening, Kazunari looked at the sight and knew that one day, he wished to see the same with Shintarou holding their baby. The thought made his insides unravel for good, and as he shared another look with his lover, he smiled and kissed him again despite Kiyoshi’s groan of how _annoyingly sweet_ they were.


	74. Goodness

His head thrown against the pillow, toes curling to the damp blankets, his body arching to a curve, feverishly, hastily, Kazunari rode the momentum of burning heat in the safety of his lover’s arms. His cock curling against his abdomen, it gave a final lazy twitch to the rhythm of his breathless moans. He tried to get a good grip on himself, attempted not to shake so much, but his body had none of that and kept quivering in the warmth he had known for almost half of his life. Moans filled his mouth and then rolled out without a real effort made. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and gasped for breath when Shintarou gave few more thrusts laced with low grunts. Inside him he felt ropes of cum in the matter of few seconds. His flesh already sore and sensitive, Kazunari wept and once the body above his tightened, he moved his arms around his lover and tugged him closer.

 

He couldn’t help but wonder if there would sometime be a day when the orgasms wouldn’t feel so good, or a day when the end result wouldn’t be as satisfying as this for both of them. Breathing hard right against Shintarou’s ear, Kazunari kissed his corded neck several times, every now and then gaping for breath when Shintarou settled himself better between his legs. Too soon Shintarou pulled away, but even needy whines didn’t bring him back anymore. Beside him his lover collapsed, and Kazunari gave a tired smile. He knew he wasn’t young anymore from the exhaustion that rippled his muscles now. For once it didn’t matter, because Shintarou didn’t look any more energetic than he did.

 

Groaning and grunting, Kazunari rolled on his side and stretched his neck enough to give Shintarou a kiss. It was responded to, and against his lover’s lips he grinned lazily. He pulled back and showed off the smile, which in return seemed to make Shintarou smile as well, and it was the smile Kazunari tasted as he leaned in and kissed him again. His hips still twitching as the memory of having his insides so _full_ invaded his muscle memory, he rested on his elbows and watched Shintarou roll his eyes shut and relax on the bed. His lover was such a beauty, even when there was stubble on his chin that scratched whenever they kissed. It was the primary reason why Kazunari always asked him to shave it off. Once Shintarou had tried to grow a beard – there was a reason why it had only happened once.

 

His heart fluttering a love song, Kazunari yanked his tired body upwards, climbed over Shintarou and straddled him, not because he was ready for another round (maybe in two, three hours) but because once he fixed his gaze on Shintarou’s relaxing figure, he couldn’t really look elsewhere. An absentminded smile on his lips, Kazunari planted his palm on the firm chest and rubbed gently. There was no hair in sight, and he knew that Shintarou regularly shaved it off – maybe it still had something to do with the summer when they had been twenty-one and he had slipped from his mouth how disgusting hair on chest were. He drew his gaze up once Shintarou rather lazily opened his eyes and simply stared into the eyes with the most vibrant summer color.

 

From the sun-kissed grass he allowed his eyes to roam around his lover’s face. Years had done their duty by crafting wrinkles to the corners, few to the forehead; the skin underneath the eyes seemed to have darkened for good, and now Kazunari leaned down and gave the spots a kiss, and the stubble tickled his neck. Underneath him Shintarou grumbled but didn’t necessarily tell him off, instead, hands were moved on his hips and they stroked his flesh gently. Kazunari trembled and swallowed down a pleasant whine back to his stomach, and straightened his body to take a look of the full picture again. Lazily he rubbed Shintarou’s left nipple that had always been a bit more sensitive, and even now Shintarou’s sculptured abdomen tightened and then flexed. The smile on Kazunari’s lips twitched higher. Like rippled waves the muscles moved wherever he touched him, smoothly, easily.

 

His lungs captured a breath of awe, _as if_ he had never seen his lover like this. Gently he worked his fingers over the chest, massaged the chosen spots with his fingertips and smiled silly to himself. Right above Shintarou’s rib cage was a small, perfectly round mole that he sometimes kissed when he felt like it. On the left side of his hips was a constellation of them, and now Kazunari drew invisible lines between them, made them into stars on the sky. Years had taken a good care of his loved one. Perhaps it was the difference in their physique or metabolism, but Shintarou looked even _better_ than he had done when they were seventeen and so in love with each other for the first time. He dipped his fingers to his belly and poked the spots where his cum had tainted the skin. Lips tugging higher, Kazunari scooped the translucent white against the side of his forefinger and dragged it towards Shintarou’s navel.

 

Shintarou grunted. “Don’t gather it there, please.”

 

Kazunari’s gaze shot higher, and he smirked. “I’ll clean it up afterwards,” he promised.

 

“Even so, it’s disgusting.” Shintarou worked his hands up and down Kazunari’s sides and tried to pull him closer. “What are you doing, anyway? It’s chilling when you stare at me with that stupid smile on your lips.”

 

“It’s called _admiring_ your boyfriend, Shin-chan.” Kazunari poked his tongue out, and once his gathering was complete, he leaned down and circled the navel with his lips. He kissed the spot, and trailed his tongue inside the shallow curve, but only received a harsh squeeze near his ribcage. He winced and pulled up. “What was that for?” he whined.

 

“For you being so… so…”

 

“Lovable?” Kazunari helped.

 

“Not having any sense of personal space,” Shintarou grumbled.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Oh, Shin-chan… Do we really still have personal spaces around each other?”

 

“My line is you sticking your tongue inside my navel whilst you lap your own semen.”

 

A pout puckered Kazunari’s lips. “You’re no fun,” he muttered but pressed his palms on Shintarou’s chest nonetheless and sat upright again. A little sigh escaping him, perhaps slightly overdramatized, he continued the tour of a body he was well accustomed to. From his lover’s chest he dragged his hands back to his stomach and from there to his abdomen. There had once been a distinct v, like an arrow pointing towards the treasure now relaxing against Shintarou’s thigh, but the letter was no longer there and it pleased Kazunari; it had always been a little gross. But there were traces and shadows left, ones he didn’t mind at all, and so very gently he moved his fingers against the skin and wanted to press butterfly kisses all over. Yet he was too lazy to bend down and settled with his mere hand instead, and Shintarou didn’t complain. In fact, the body under his touch quivered, barely noticeably, but it did and it brought a tingling down Kazunari’s own navel.

 

The fine hair of the trail leading from Shintarou’s bellybutton and emerging to his ever-neat pubic hair felt pleasantly soft under the pad of Kazunari’s thumb. Shintarou had always been the one from the two of them to groom himself when it came to hair – not one place grew wild like his sometimes did because of his laziness. He stroked the happy trail and rested his eyes on the slight curve of his lover’s hips. Yet his gaze slipped down to the man’s cock, now soft and resting. He had always been fond of the shape, of the thickness, of the length, and how good it felt when he gave his lover a stroke or two. Eyeing it now, Kazunari resisted the urge to touch. But it was _beautiful_ – he wondered if penises were generally beautiful or if he was only making it up –, the balls in a perfectly round shape on either side, albeit one a little smaller than the other, hanging lower.

 

He was not sure how exactly it was possible, but Shintarou was handsome and beautiful at the same time. He was lean but muscular; chiseled in a way that Adonis would have seethed with jealousy but slim when fabric clad him; and so very breathtaking when the clothes came off and the body made love to him. Kazunari stroked the tight stomach, counted the muscles underneath his soft palm but got lost. Once he tore his gaze away from the torso and looked at Shintarou’s face again, the most endearing fluster had invaded the cheeks.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou asked again, his voice muffled.

 

“I told you,” Kazunari reminded, “I’m admiring my boyfriend.”

 

Shintarou swallowed and let out a grunt at the same time, resulting in a choking noise. “I don’t think I can be called a _boy_ friend anymore,” he dryly said. Nonetheless, he kept his hands gentle on Kazunari’s torso. “And there’s not much to admire about me.”

 

Kazunari hummed and straddled Shintarou properly, only to slide down and lean down and rest his head on his lover’s chest. He listened his heartbeat and slipped his eyes clothes. “I’ll get you a mirror for your birthday,” he murmured and gave a smooch on Shintarou’s collarbone. “You’re the prettiest.”

 

“No, _you_ are the prettiest.”

 

He peeked up and saw a dead-serious look on the man’s face. A soft chuckle escaped him, and he kept his gaze fixed on him. “You love it when I compliment you, though,” he teased.

 

“I do not,” Shintarou hastily said, but the red on his cheeks tattled the truth.

 

Happy of the fact that he was the one who made his lover bloom like so, Kazunari pressed his ear back to Shintarou’s chest and allowed the rhythm of the slightly more erratic pulse lull him to the calm of a perfect afterglow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter like this is what I like to call a 'study in details'. As much as I'm doing this project for fun ~~/"fun"~~ , I also really want to improve my writing skills throughout the year. I actually like the way this chapter turned out; I'm quite proud of myself, too!


	75. Direct Opposites

At the staircase right behind the door to the ground floor Shintarou pressed his bento against his hip and messaged Kazunari a _good morning_ (though it was hardly a morning anymore, the time already over noon, but he supposed Kazunari hadn’t woken up yet since no message had come to him). He waited for few seconds for a miraculous mail back, but when there was nothing, he heaved out a sigh and shoved the phone back to his pocket. Now that he thought about it, the staircase was wonderfully peaceful – he could finally catch up with his thoughts. He pressed his back against the wall and closed his eyes, and let his body relax in the midst of all the rush surrounding him. There were echoes of shouting all around him, but they never quite reached the spot where he was. He took deep breaths one by one, through the nose and out from the mouth. The muscles that had been tense now unraveled. He fluttered his eyes open and examined his toes.

 

Only when he received weird glances from two nurses that passed him on their way upstairs did Shintarou clear his throat and push himself away from the wall. Without giving another thought, he pushed the door to the ground floor open and marched forward with determination in his eyes. Yesterday he hadn’t had a chance to eat anything properly because of the insane rush they had had, but now he planned to have a nice, peaceful lunch—

 

“Doctor Midorima!”

 

Shintarou froze to the spot, as if frost had taken over his comfortable shoes and now forced him to stay when he really wanted to go. The sad thing was that he _recognized_ the voice, and it was the voice that he had been trying to avoid for days now. He had only given Haruki hurried good mornings and evenings without even looking at his direction, because he wanted to leave nothing in the embrace of chance; he wanted to give no ideas that would make Kazunari suffer more at the end of the day. But right now, he couldn’t ignore. A knot in his throat too hard to swallow, so very mechanically Shintarou turned his body around and took steps towards the reception. For him the sound of them were louder than anything else, as if he was talking on a death row ready to be shot right through the forehead. His palms dampened as he even glanced at Haruki’s wide smile. _Why_ did it have to be so similar to Kazunari’s?

 

Grudgingly he stopped near the counter and attempted to ignore the heavy thudding of his heart when Haruki leaned closer and brushed a dark lock behind his ear. The man tilted his head and chewed his bottom lip before letting it go.

 

“Are you eating lunch?” Haruki’s voice was sweet, and Shintarou felt like he was an insect accidentally dropping to honey and drowning and meeting a painful end.

 

“Yes,” he said, muffled.

 

A delighted smile enlightened Haruki’s face. “Do you mind if I join you? I know a really good place within the premise that’s nice and calm for eating lunch in peace.”

 

Shintarou parted his lips to a refusal, but nothing came out. _Decline_ , he harshly told himself, _you need to decline, decline, decline!_ He tried but couldn’t muster out a word. His mother hadn’t raised him to be an impolite. At the same time, his mother also hadn’t raised him to be a lying, cheating husband; not that he was doing any of those, but he wanted to take no risks. _Decline, idiot, just decline, do you want Kazunari to cry again this badly?_ He felt heat take over his cheeks and ears. _Decline, decline, decline, decline—_

 

“Great!” Haruki exclaimed and popped up on his feet. “Follow me.”

 

Apparently the man had taken his silence as an agreement. Horrified, Shintarou stared at the other with wide eyes and felt like he was in very deep trouble if Kazunari would ever find out. He knew it was only a lunch, but he also knew that the idea alone would have made his lover pout, and in his life he _never_ wanted to cause his loved one to feel sad. But his feet weren’t listening, his feet were stepping behind Haruki with tremble in them, because he thought that was what he was supposed to _do_ , be polite and not decline. Cursing himself to the lowest spot in hell, Shintarou bit the inside of his cheek and tightened his grip from the bento, and felt rather claustrophobic when he stepped in an elevator with Haruki.

 

The corners of his eyes blackened. The world swayed round and round, and nausea rumbled deep in his belly. His spine tightened when Haruki took a discreet step closer, and their arms pressed against each other. Shintarou inhaled sharply and looked up to the ceiling of the elevator. He knew that Kazunari liked to call him oblivious, but _this_ even he could tell was suspicious. Crossing his personal space for sure. But words got stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t step back or say that he had a lover, because what if he was misreading the situation? What if Haruki was genuinely trying to be nice, and he would embarrass him by telling him to stop the weird advances? Stuck in his options, Shintarou looked at the digital board announcing the floors higher and higher and hoped from the bottom of his heart that the doors would open and he could escape. From the corner of his eye he noticed Haruki’s gaze on him, and it made him writhe. The elevator felt so small, so tiny, so _hot_ , and his forehead sweat. His stomach twisted and he could no longer breathe.

 

With a ‘ding’ the doors finally parted, and Shintarou rushed forward, only to stop exactly two steps later. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but a large space with nothing but the glass ceiling above was certainly _not_ what he had thought. Awe and worry in his eyes, he glanced around, but jolted when his arm was tapped. Shivers ran down his veins with the speed of thunder, and to his gaze Haruki’s smile looked like one of a siren’s.

 

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Haruki tangled his fingers behind his back and took swinging steps forward, then looked at Shintarou over his shoulder and grinned so bright that the bridge of his nose wrinkled. “People don’t bother to come because it’s so high above, no one has the time for that. Also, because there are no benches, but you don’t mind, do you?”

 

“No,” Shintarou finally managed to get out. He wasn’t quite sure whether it was the answer for the current question or the invitation before.

 

Haruki hummed and took running steps near the wall and plopped down and leaned his back to the sand-colored wall. He patted the spot beside him. “Come here, come on!”

 

Thinking of cutting his treacherous legs off once this ordeal was done, Shintarou stiffly walked to the man and sat down. Although he made sure there was plenty of space between them, Haruki inched it close within seconds and was right on his skin. Shintarou swallowed hard and heard his pulse gushing in his ears. If only Kazunari would wake up and message him, then he could get busy… His phone didn’t beep, didn’t buzz, didn’t vibrate, and he knew he was left on his own devices in the one situation where he wanted to know what the _hell_ to do. Kazunari would believe him if he said he didn’t mean something like this to happen… Letting out a shivery sigh, Shintarou looked above to the sky that had turned grey. The clouds gathered over one another, dark, menacing, and he had a feeling it would rain.

 

“So beautiful,” Haruki breathed.

 

Something about it gave Shintarou chills, as he looked at the man and realized how obvious it was that he hadn’t been looking at the ceiling at all. His insides turned ice-cold, and he wanted nothing more than to flee. With care he opened the bento and quickly shoved rice in his mouth to create another excuse to not say a thing. If he didn’t say anything, surely Haruki wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

 

“How’s your day been?” Haruki leaned closer.

 

“Okay,” Shintarou said. Short and sweet – he patted himself on the back for managing to be polite and indifferent at the same.

 

“Aw, is that really all I’m getting?” Haruki poked him in the arm and then pulled back, but only did it slightly. He let out a gentle laughter. “My day’s been real good, although I woke up really, _really_ early this morning and I thought to myself, damn, do I really need to drag myself here so early? But, you know, just doing the important job, seeing the colleagues, it’s really nice.”

 

“Mm,” was all that Shintarou allowed from his mouth.

 

The silence that followed was clumsy and made him more nauseous than before. Despite the fact that his stomach kept churning and turning upside down, he ate the rice that Kazunari had gone to great lengths to prepare to him. Thinking of him, Shintarou kept praying that he would message him and give him an excuse to be busy, but he received nothing. Sucking in his lips in between eating, he decided an extremely belated New Year’s resolution of learning how to say a strict and harsh ‘no’ to people that he didn’t want to have in his life. Haruki’s presence hadn’t exactly bothered him before, but now he wanted to run to the very opposite direction and never look back.

 

“Shintarou,” Haruki called out of the blue.

 

Shintarou nearly dropped the bento on the floor. Since _when_ had they been on first name basis? He gritted his teeth tightly together and tried to remember to breathe. A tremor took a hold of his core and didn’t let go.

 

“What do you think of me?” Haruki continued and leaned closer – _too_ close.

 

Very slowly Shintarou turned his gaze at the man and tried to look as uninviting and unfriendly as possible, but wasn’t quite sure whether it worked because Haruki was still smiling. He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he muttered and averted his gaze, defeated. He didn’t want to be impolite but… how the hell was this man going to take the hint?

 

Haruki chuckled softly under his breath. “Silly…” he whispered and brought his hand to Shintarou’s cheek; Shintarou froze. “You have some rice here, let me take care of it…”

 

Shintarou’s body stiffened. He turned to look at Haruki again, and the moment he did that, he felt a pair of soft lips against his own.

 

A kiss, _a kiss_ , it was a kiss, and now all his alarm bells rang a second too late. Shintarou’s eyes flew wide open as Haruki hummed against his mouth and kissed him, and it seemed that this kiss didn’t need his involvement at all. His heart stopped beating, he couldn’t breathe, his head hurt, and he realized he was in the midst of a kiss with someone other than his lover. Even when he didn’t respond to it – he couldn’t do a _thing_ , not when he was thoroughly paralyzed –, Haruki still deepened it, tilted his head and grumbled a little. Shintarou’s nostrils flared. It didn’t taste good, it was _disgusting_ , it was everything he didn’t want to have, but he was benumbed, stupefied, and he thought of everything and nothing at the same time. Haruki’s lips were soft but invading, tender but betraying, and they took him as captive and never intended to go.

 

When Haruki slipped a hand under his shirt and to his stomach in the midst of the kiss, Shintarou could finally move his muscles. He grunted and harshly shoved Haruki away, and stared at him with a deep frown and narrowing eyes. The sensation was weird, having someone else’s than Kazunari’s saliva coating his lips, and as much as he wanted to wipe his mouth clean to the back of his palm, he didn’t. _Couldn’t_.

 

Quickly Haruki’s smile dissolved into a light frown. “Shintarou?” he asked carefully and leaned closer.

 

There were many things Shintarou wanted to say but decided to let the silence speak for him. He pressed his palms flat on the floor and got himself up, and felt fully numb from the inside. Kissed… He forgot his bento as he turned around as stiffly as a mere robot and took dragging steps forward, nearly stumbled over. His heart found its fast rhythm again and wanted to kill him with its deadly beat. Yet lack of oxygen riddled him, because he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t _think_. The only thing left was the instinct of survival, of run-and-hide, of wanting away as far as possible as he could. His eyes widened again, his vision turned hazy, and he couldn’t see a thing. His ears rang, played the tune of betrayal. He felt like walking underwater, or in a dream world, because nothing around him seemed rational anymore.

 

“Doctor Midorima!” called Haruki.

 

Afraid that the man was going to come after him, Shintarou abandoned the idea of the elevator and yanked open the door to the staircase instead. Feeling like he was walking down to his death, he stumbled the stairs, and squeezed the cold rail whenever he could. He picked up his pace, then ran, then slowed down again and tried to concentrate on the thudding in his chest to understand that he was still alive, that he was still breathing.

 

Five floors after his legs no longer carried him. He pressed his body against the wall in the silence and stared at the cracking paintwork. Only now it fully hit him – he had been _kissed_. Never before had he gotten a kiss from anyone but Kazunari; this was his first. Shintarou brought a hand to his mouth and felt like vomiting. Sure of the fact that he was going to do so, he retched but nothing came out. He hung his head and stared at his trembling knees. He had been kissed, _kissed_ , there had been a foreign pair of his lips on his own and they had felt disgusting, slimy, strange, weird, odd, unpleasant, uncomfortable, _maddening_. Working his fingers through his hair, Shintarou yanked the greenness. His lungs captured every breath that wanted to work out of his system and made them their captives.

 

He had been kissed. He had been kissed, he had been kissed, he had been kissed, _he had been kissed_.

 

The thought took him in its harsh embrace, curled its nasty hands around his neck and choked. Shintarou gasped for breath, and a trail of drool dripped from the corner of his mouth. Violent shudders invaded him. How could he… Kazunari would hate him. The realization hit him like a sledgehammer to the perfect middle of his head. Kazunari would break up with him, he would be alone for the rest of his life, there would be no proposal, no wedding, no new house, no children, _no future_. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut. Kazunari would… He couldn’t live without him. He tightened his grasp from his hair and swallowed down a whine that wanted to escape. What the hell was he going to do without Kazunari?

 

Unable to pull himself into a coherent unit, he stayed still for fifteen minutes until the beeping pager forced him to move again. It wasn’t enough to make him function as a full human being.

 

* * *

 

Shintarou had never run the stairs up to home as fast as he did now. The kiss still devilishly lingered on his lips although it had been hours ago, and guilt tore his gut in half. He had to tell Kazunari – he _wanted_ to tell Kazunari. He wanted to let him know that it was an accident, that he hadn’t reciprocated the kiss, that he hadn’t planned it, that he loved him so much, that he wanted to still have the rest of his life together with him even if it didn’t mean an exact fairytale ending. Frantic, outright panicking, his breaths short and his lungs rasping, Shintarou swung the front door open and slammed it shut behind his back, kicked his shoes off, threw his bag on the floor and ran straight to the bedroom.

 

The room was dark, Kazunari so peacefully sleeping, but not even once did Shintarou think that he shouldn’t wake him up. This was urgent, and he needed the words out of his mouth before they would drown him. He kneeled on the bed and shook Kazunari rather violently from his shoulder. “Kazunari,” he whispered and nudged him more. His voice trembled, and he was close to tears. He hadn’t meant it to happen, he didn’t want someone else to kiss him! Breathing shallower, he called, “Kazunari. Kazunari! Kazu, wake up!”

 

Kazunari jolted and pushed himself to sit up within a second. “I’m awake… I’m awake,” he muttered and rubbed his eyes, and tangled his body in an upright position. He yawned loudly to the darkness and turned to look towards Shintarou with a smile curling his lips. “Mm, babe… Welcome home…”

 

The words felt so big and swollen on Shintarou’s tongue. Looking at his lover smiling, he wasn’t ready after all even when he had come up with the right words and sentences one by one throughout the entire day. His brows drew in to an aching frown, and his bottom lip trembled. Maybe Kazunari noticed it, too, because he shifted closer and moved a hand on his leg.

 

“Shin-chan?” whispered Kazunari, his voice so painfully gentle. “Babe… What’s wrong? Why are you breathing like that, are you hurt? Shin-ch—“

 

“He kissed me,” Shintarou blurted out without another thought and knew he didn’t have to specify.

 

Silence between them had never felt as cold as it did right now. Now breathing hard, near hyperventilation, Shintarou prepared for the things he had thought would come; shouting, slapping, maybe a hit or two somewhere in his body. He would accept everything, all of it, if it meant that at the end of the night Kazunari would take him in his arms and that they would still be together and nothing was ruined. Patiently he waited, first a second, then another, then thirty, until it rolled into one minute and Kazunari simply stared at him. Shintarou pressed his lips flat until he parted them to a shivery breath and maybe a word or two.

 

He didn’t get the chance to say anything when Kazunari looked elsewhere and then tugged the blanket away from himself. Too easily he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and got up.

 

“K-Kazunari,” Shintarou called, but his lover didn’t hear. Like a ghost Kazunari walked towards the door. “Kazu.” His voice turned more frantic, and his heart dropped to his stomach. This wasn’t like Kazunari at all; usually he was full of emotions straight away, but now, _nothing_. Shintarou pushed himself up on his trembling feet when his lover opened the door and disappeared from the bedroom. “Kazunari!” His voice rose an octave higher, and he didn’t have to ask twice to follow.

 

It took another time to call his name out for his lover to stop. In the midst of the living room Shintarou stood and was more than ready to cry, because he knew he had fucked up. He knew that because of one little sentence their whole relationship was suddenly on an edge it had never been before. He pulled his fingers to loose fists and hoped that Kazunari would have even looked at him. Now he stared at the back of the messy hair and wanted nothing more than run his fingers through the chaos and pull Kazunari to his lap and cradle him in his embrace. A lone sniffle echoed in the room, and it was enough for Shintarou to want to sink on his knees.

 

With a quivering voice he tried, “It was an accident—“

 

“ _How_ can it be an accident?!” Kazunari finally screamed and turned around. His eyes were red and full of tears, but he kept his distance. “How can someone accidentally kiss you, tell me! Tell me!”

 

The high pitch and volume in his lover’s voice made Shintarou startle. Feeling like a helpless child lost in the aisle of the city’s biggest supermarket, he stared at Kazunari with widened eyes. “He just… kissed me without permission.” Compared to Kazunari’s, his voice was tiny. “I… I didn’t… I… He just… H-He… kissed me, just… I-I didn’t…”

 

“What’s the matter with you?” shouted Kazunari. “I knew this was going to happen from the beginning, I knew you’d choose him! How the fuck do you even _dare_ to stand there and stutter when you’ve kissed someone else?!”

 

Shintarou huffed and stumbled a step forward. “ _He_ kissed _me_!” He tried to stay calm, but it was difficult when Kazunari was getting the wrong idea. All he wanted was for everything to be okay; he wanted no fighting, no tears, just calm and collected discussion. Yet he knew that it wasn’t going to happen, not when Kazunari broke into hopeless sobs and hurt twisted his face into a cringe. Shintarou inhaled sharply. “I didn’t kiss him, I swear! He was the one kissing me, I didn’t even answer the kiss! It was an accident, can you just listen to me?”

 

“Those things don’t happen by accident!” Kazunari sobbed harder than before and made the distance between them disappear for another step’s worth. “How did he kiss you by accident, huh? In what situation where you two in that it happened _by accident_?!”

 

“I… was having lunch with him,” Shintarou muttered.

 

Kazunari let out an ugly laughter and shook his head, and breathed in the snot that wanted to trickle from his nose. “Having lunch with him,” he repeated and chuckled again, bit his bottom lip and shook his head again. But the amusement was soon gone and replaced by a frown. “I can’t believe… He’s been flirting with you, and you decided to have _lunch_ together with him? You’re fucking… unbelievable,” he muttered and rubbed his forehead.

 

“Kazunari, can you please listen to me?” Shintarou grabbed his lover’s arm but Kazunari yanked it free immediately. There was fire in the dark eyes, fire he had never seen before, and under the gaze he burned in the pyre. “Listen,” he pleaded. “I told you this as soon as I could, because I trusted on the fact that you would understand—“

 

“Don’t you fucking lecture me about trust,” Kazunari snarled. “You know what trust is, Shintarou? It’s me being able to go to bed at night and not having to worry that my lover is having fun with some receptionist behind my back.”

 

“We talked about this, and you _know_ I want no one else but you.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about it anymore. Because look at me, so dumb, no job, no education, getting fat one year at a time, just sitting on my ass on the couch while you’re bringing money to this household, and still I dare to dream about living in a house of our own!”

 

Shintarou seethed. “Shut up,” he said between his gritted teeth. “That’s what _you_ think of yourself, I have never in this relationship told you any of those things.”

 

“But why do you think that I think about those things, huh?” Kazunari crossed his arms across his chest. “ _Huh?_ Could it be because no one ever tells me what a valuable human being I am?”

 

“So now you need it verbally every single day? I thought it was enough that I was here with you every goddamn day, that I soothed you whenever you cried or felt bad, that I never even thought that you were a burden or all those things.”

 

“But now you just went and kissed some other guy!”

 

“For the hundredth time, I didn’t kiss him!” Shintarou shouted. His voice echoed around their apartment but wasn’t enough to startle Kazunari who stared at him dead in the eye. “I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t cheat on you, I don’t even consider him attractive! I want nothing to do with a person like that, and you can stop pretending that you don’t know it. You’re fully aware how madly in love with you I still am, and doesn’t that tell you something? A decade together, Kazunari, and I’m still _in love_ with you!”

 

“You just don’t get kissed by accident,” Kazunari insisted and rubbed his red-rimmed eyes to the back of his palm, but it didn’t stop the sniffles. “You could have pushed him away before he had the chance to do any of that, you could have told him no, you could have not go to a stupid lunch with him!”

 

“He was right there and kissed me before I could do a single thing,” Shintarou sighed. Every time Kazunari sniffed, Shintarou’s heart broke to smaller pieces, and he wanted nothing more than to pull his lover against his chest and soothe him. He sucked in his lips and looked at the broken expression he had never wanted to cause. He rubbed his mouth to his palm and tried to understand what would be the magic words to salvage the situation, but even his own eyes itched and he didn’t know what to do. Right in front of him Kazunari started to take hyperventilating breaths and yanked his hair.

 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” Kazunari whispered, his voice almost inaudible through the tears. “I can’t believe you… I knew this, I suspected it all along…”

 

Something inside Shintarou snapped for good without his permission. “If you want to talk about suspicion, why don’t we bring your dear Kuroko to this conversation as well?”

 

Kazunari looked up at him, and his features sharpened. “Don’t you _dare_ ,” he warned with a trembling voice.

 

“Oh, I’m going to.” Shintarou’s eyes widened. “Who the _hell_ keeps being so close to their little ex, hm? You’re being all buddies with him, but who really knows what happens when the two of you get alone.”

 

Kazunari stepped closer. “Don’t you dare to bring him in this conversation,” he seethed and pulled his fingers to fists. “Don’t you _dare_ to be a fucking coward and start accusing _me_ when it’s you who’s done something wrong. Tetsuya has nothing to do with this, you shithead, and you know that I would never cheat you!”

 

“Are you sure?” Shintarou’s lips twitched to a broken smile. The things that escaped him, he had pushed them deep in his mind for a reason – they were private thoughts that were never meant to surface, suspicions that were never meant to come to daylight because he knew the impact of such words. They had never meant to come out of his mouth because he knew they would hurt Kazunari and their relationship, but the filter between his mind and lips had disappeared. His core trembled, from guilt and anger and sadness and everything in between, and he didn’t know what to feel, didn’t know how to behave, either. “Are you absolutely sure? Because I wouldn’t be surprised at all if a slip or two has happened during the ye—“

 

A sharp slap across his cheek cut off his words. At first Shintarou didn’t realize what happened, but when the ache settled on his face and he looked at Kazunari with widened eyes, he snapped out of the whatever trance that had been over him. He swallowed hard but couldn’t get rid of the choking feeling as he watched Kazunari press his mouth to his palm and break to tears. His own eyes brimmed with tears, and Shintarou felt his bottom lip tremble. _Why_ had he said such things? _Why_ had he allowed his emotions to get the best of him?  He worked his fingertips over the sore spot and knew that he had deserved it.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. He felt nauseous and wanted to beat himself up for saying such idiotic things. “Kazu, I’m so—“

 

“H-How can you do this to me…?” With loud sobs Kazunari collapsed on his knees on the floor and pulled himself to a tiny trembling curl. Against the floor he cried, “How… H-How… can you d-d-do this to me…? How…” He hiccupped and pulled his hair enough to make himself whimper. “ _How_ … c-can you…”

 

Shintarou couldn’t breathe. “Kazunari…” he tried and crouched down, and brought his hand to his lover’s shoulder.

 

Immediately Kazunari lifted his gaze to him, and it was a gaze that Shintarou had never wanted to receive. Kazunari’s eyes were bright red, full of tears, and the snot from his nose attached to the drool of his mouth and dripped down on his chin. Never before had he seen the ever-cheerful Kazunari so angry, looking so ready to punch him. His lover rubbed his face to his forearm, but the snot kept dripping and he kept drooling.

 

“Don’t touch me,” Kazunari said with a quiet, trembling tone. “Don’t you… dare to touch me.”

 

Finally Shintarou felt the first tears escape. “Kazun—“

 

“Get the fuck out of my sight! Get out, get out, get out, you fucking—Get out of my sight!”

 

Shintarou wasn’t willing to move but was driven up by the lousy thuds of a fist against his legs. Bewilderment in his bones he looked down at Kazunari who pressed his forehead back against the floor and kept crying so loud, so helplessly, the screams and sobs coming from the top of his lungs. Shintarou breathed hard and looked at him, looked at him properly, and felt his heart want to kill him in the chest. Swallowing hard once, then twice, he stumbled a step back and nearly fell over. He felt so empty, like nothing really mattered anymore. He had made Kazunari cry like so – the wails bounced from the walls and attacked him even when he turned around and dragged his body slowly towards the bedroom. All of this… _My fault_. Once the thud pierced his mind, he couldn’t get rid of it anymore. Behind his back his lover cried, and he wasn’t allowed to soothe him. He had ruined _everything_.

 

His mind still rather blank, carefully Shintarou opened the bedroom door and stepped in, closed it behind his back and listened the tears. He rolled his eyes shut and pressed his palm harder to the cheek to feel the pain more. It was all he deserved right now, he knew. _If only_ that receptionist hadn’t kissed him. _If only_ he hadn’t brought Tetsuya to the conversation like a mindless coward.

 

All of the thoughts suddenly latching onto him all at once, Shintarou gritted his teeth and kicked the wardrobe. Pain spread to his foot but he kicked the wardrobe again, again, and _again_ , until he shouted and was sure that all of his toes were broken. He punched the wooden surface, shouted, punched until his knuckles were raw, and only once he saw blood trickle down his fingers and to the floor one drop at a time did he sank on his knees to the floor. He cried, openly, loudly, pressed his forehead against the wardrobe and didn’t feel anything and at the same time felt _everything_. The pain inside him was greater than in any of his limbs, and there was no way to calm it. He thudded his forehead against the wardrobe until his mind spun, but it didn’t help. The ache in his chest was still there, and the scariest thing was that he didn’t know when it would disappear.

 

He prayed for every deity he knew for the two of them to survive this but wasn’t sure whether it was enough anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.


	76. Rooster

As a cheesy love story ran on the television to mock him, Kazunari rubbed his runny nose to his forearm but was just as full of snot than previously. He didn’t even bother with his eyes that he had scrubbed for hours because the tears wouldn’t stop, and his eyes were now hurting and swollen and stinging. A headache settled right to the middle of his forehead, and it was reason enough for him to cry a bit more. On the floor Ao twirled around, and when she expected it the least, Kazunari leaned towards her and lifted her in his lap. She hissed as a response at first but quickly settled to a meow and a curl on his lap, and it brought a strong sense of soothing in his body. Sniffing loud yet trying not to scare her away, he tried to put all of his concentration on stroking her soft fur, but he hardly succeed.

 

Whenever he thought of Shintarou, he cried a bit more. Automatically thinking about Shintarou made his thoughts trail to a kiss he hadn’t witnessed but could imagine more vividly than he actually wanted to. Kazunari’s bottom lip trembled, and again he burst to another set of tears. He didn’t necessarily care that it had been an accident or _whatever_ , because a kiss had happened, and it was exactly that made him wail an octave louder now. What he couldn’t understand was the amount of tears in his body – he had cried the entire day, and he would have assumed that there wasn’t a drop of water in his body anymore, but biology surprised him after every new sniff and sob. He yanked the sleeve of his shirt over his palm and violently brushed his nose clean again, but it didn’t help when tears kept rolling down his cheeks and drool covered his chin.

 

What hurt him equally much was the fact that Shintarou had actually brought Tetsuya to the fight, even when his friend no place in it. Feeling like _he_ was accused of cheating, Kazunari bit his bottom lip hard enough to make it stop trembling but also drew out an irony taste that rolled on his tongue and made him retch. He would have never thought… He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to exorcise the stinging away from him. Always, _always_ he had thought that Shintarou would have been the very last person to do this. Life was unfair. He couldn’t even understand what he had done wrong. For years and years he had been a good lover, he had taken care of Shintarou, had tried his best to craft a beautiful future for them… Kazunari’s expression cringed, and he hung his head, pressed his palms over his eyes and pushed hard. He might have seen stars, but at least it stopped a new set of tears that wanted to spill out.

 

He didn’t know what was going to happen, and the idea of something unknown made his stomach twist into knots and turn around and make him so sick that he wanted to vomit. They’d get through this, they would, _we will, we will_. The only problem was, he didn’t want to talk to Shintarou, he didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to breathe the same air with him. Not yet. Not when he was hurt to the core by the things that had happened, of their sum, of their impact of terror that had shaken his insides. He had known it since the beginning – he just wasn’t good enough. His mind, his thoughts, his personality, his body, none of it was good enough. Kazunari pressed his lips together but couldn’t stop the new wave of plump tears and drool that dripped from the corner of his mouth. He lifted Ao against his chest and cuddled her to find something positive, and although she at first let out a confused mewl, she eventually purred against him like it was always meant to be.

 

The sound of the front door opening almost made him drop her. He inhaled a sharp breath and forgot to breathe afterwards, and only when his lungs slammed against his chest and begged, did he take another inhale. He let down the kitten and wildly looked around, and ended up rubbing his eyes against the unpleasant fabric after all. It hurt but right now, he couldn’t care. He didn’t want to let Shintarou know that instead of doing something useful in life, he had sat here crying for the whole day. Last night Shintarou had cried, too, though, whilst Kazunari had sobbed himself to sleep at the same time on the other side of the large bed. He ran the pads of his fingertips on his cheeks over and over again, and when his lover’s steps echoed so loudly, his breath hitched and his pulse thickened. Not sure what the hell to do with himself, he grabbed a magazine from the table and opened it on a random page, looked down at it and allowed his hair form a dark curtain over his face.

 

From the corner of his eye he noticed Shintarou to arrive, to hesitate, and then to stop. “I’m home,” the man announced with a strained, muffled tone. It sounded like he was underwater, and any unknowledgeable person would have merely assumed that he was tired instead of the culprit being a night spent crying.

 

A hard knot appeared in the middle of Kazunari’s esophagus, and he couldn’t swallow it down, not that he even tried. He pretended to be so very interested in the magazine and its article about some actor he had never seen in a single movie. As much as he would have loved to look up at Shintarou and then cry a bit more and get pulled into his arms, whenever a sliver of thought about the pretty receptionist kissing Shintarou impaled his mind, Kazunari had to hold back his tears again. He bowed his head deeper to let his hair do the work, and it did. It couldn’t take away the fact that he sniffled every other gasp of a breath.

 

Shintarou’s steps were soft as he moved closer but kept a distance. “Kazunari,” he called, begged, _pleaded_. “Please… Talk to me. Say something, really, anything, I don’t care if you want to scream, just talk to me… Kazu, please.”

 

The last time Kazunari had strained his vocal chords had been in the midst of the fight. He wasn’t sure if he still had a voice or not, but he wasn’t keen on testing. Pulling himself to an even smaller package, he shuddered and wished he were buried in bed under warmth that would never make him feel like this. His head felt so full of useless things like thoughts and mucus, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep the feeling away and in the morning wake up to the bliss he was used to. The sound of his inhale was disgusting, and although snot wanted to escape his nose, he didn’t move a muscle to wipe the nostrils clean.

 

“Kazunari.” Shintarou stepped closer. “Please, talk to me, even if it’s just shouting, just say _something_.”

 

Kazunari pressed his wet lips together to a flat line and attempted to breathe through his nose but couldn’t. He craned his neck but didn’t look towards his lover who towered dangerously close. “We…” His voice so tiny, he cleared his throat in an effort to speak up. “We have a house viewing tomorrow.”

 

Shintarou breathed sharply. “I’m not… _not_ going to a single viewing unless we talk things through,” he said and sounded certain, firm.

 

Finally Kazunari lifted his gaze up to him and felt a little manic. He threw the magazine to the floor and reached for his phone on the table. “Fine,” he muttered and opened the lock screen. “ _Fine_ , I’ll call the house owner and tell that we won’t be coming to a viewing, do what you want.”

 

“Kazu—Come on.” Shintarou sighed and moved closer again but froze on the spot where Kazunari pinned him with his gaze. He held out his hand, as if a peace offer. “Please… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, all right? I don’t… care how many times I need to repeat it for you to accept it, but I’m going to say it as many times as I need to make you come around. I’m so, _so_ sorry, Kazunari, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to fight, and I certainly didn’t wish the argument to became what it did and linger over the night.”

 

His eyes itching and his lip trembling again, Kazunari looked elsewhere. He _knew_ Shintarou was sorry, and the words had been the only thing he had heard in the breakfast table and during two messages in the afternoon. His heart sank to his stomach, and he squeezed his eyes shut but the tears spilled out nonetheless. Whenever he tried to think about things rationally – he didn’t want to continue a fight just for the sake of it, either –, he heard Shintarou’s words cutting through his ears once more and he couldn’t think straight. He moved his palm tightly over his mouth and wondered what the _fuck_ was wrong with his mind for wanting to torment both of them like this.

 

“Kazuna—“

 

“I have nothing to say,” he cut Shintarou off and sniffled. “Just go.”

 

“Honey,” Shintarou sounded so desperate and probably looked like it, too, “you know that the longer we don’t talk about things through the harder it becomes to make things all right again. Please, just… I’m sorry. I didn’t kiss him, I _promise_ , and if only you’d give me the chance to calmly explain—“

 

“I don’t want to hear!” Kazunari felt forced to look at his lover again, upwards, eyes brimming with tears that he didn’t want to be there. His nostrils flared for a moment until he covered them with the back of his palm, and then buried his whole face in his hands. “Can you just… J-Just leave me alone…”

 

“Kazunari…” Shintarou’s lone step echoed in their apartment. There was a pause and silence harsh enough to cut through even the strongest of bonds. “…what’s with the pillow and blanket?”

 

Startle rushed through Kazunari’s body, and he peeked out ever so slightly to look at the things Shintarou stared at that he had hastily thrown on the other side of the couch. Underneath the man’s gaze he squirmed and didn’t dare to say a thing. It seemed that even without words, Shintarou picked up the silent message.

 

“No,” his lover breathed. “You’re not sleeping here, don’t be absurd. You know fully well that in this relationship no one sleeps on the couch because of fights.”

 

Kazunari craned his neck and looked elsewhere as much as he could, but jolted when Shintarou grabbed his hand. His eyes widening, he let out a little squeal once he saw the man sitting beside him. The long fingers grasped him tight, desperately, pulled them towards the other body and worked the pads over his bumpy knuckles.

 

“You’ll sleep on the bed with me,” Shintarou whispered. It wasn’t a command but a plea, one that made Kazunari sniff a little harder. So quickly Shintarou pulled himself up on his feet and let go of Kazunari, only to lift the pillow and the blanket in his arms and hugged them against his chest. “Come on… Come on, come sleep to the bed with me. I’ll just… I’ll just take a shower first and then we can sleep in the bed like we always do. This isn’t the end of the world, I know, this, we’ll get through this, we just need to sleep in the bed together like always.”

 

Shintarou’s words turned maniac, and Kazunari had a feeling that the man was mostly talking to himself in the end. He stared down at his knees and then his wiggling toes. _God_ , how he wanted to just… get up and drag himself to the bedroom, bury his body against Shintarou’s warm breath and cry out the frustration and sadness. But it was the same frustration and sadness that kept him intact, that paralyzed his muscles and didn’t allow him to move a single bone. He closed the television, and as he listened Shintarou’s coaxing as his background music, he pulled his legs on the couch with him and dropped on the side. To the smallest curl possible he worked his figure in and hoped that the world around him would disappear.

 

He fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the middle of the night, and found himself in the bed beside Shintarou. Unaware of how he had transported from the couch to the soft, familiar spot, through the darkness he examined his lover’s sleeping figure and inched closer, buried his face to Shintarou’s arm and tried to search dreams again.


	77. Essence

Shintarou tried to steal glances towards Kazunari and every time masked them as attempts to judge whether the front yard of the house was good enough or not. It had taken one look towards the well-tended front garden to know that things were more than all right with it, but now he was more worried about his lover who hadn’t said a single thing. At least they had slept together during the night in the end (albeit it had taken the effort of him picking Kazunari up from the couch and setting him to the bed), but Shintarou craved to simply _talk_ things through. The long silences between them had grown uncomfortable, which they had never been before, and whenever he made the mistake of thinking that they would simply break up, his stomach turned upside down and made him want to vomit. Also, every time he felt like sinking on his knees and begging Kazunari’s forgiveness. He didn’t know what else to do anymore.

 

Realizing that his gaze wasn’t going to be reciprocated, he looked at Kazunari’s tightly crossed arms once more and then sighed, and rang the doorbell for the second time. At least the façade of the house looked nice; the light grey color was very attractive to the eye. He could see ‘Midorima’ on the nameplate if he thought hard enough, and it almost made him smile. Behind the wooden door he heard steps and nearly scooped Kazunari in his arms, but stopped his hand wanting to wrap around his lover’s waist mid-air. They really weren’t at that stage yet, and it made his heart thud harsh in his chest. The only good thing was that Kazunari hadn’t cried today. Instead, _he_ felt like crying, because he was certain he was the lousiest, worst lover there was. What would happen to his proposal now? He had planned to make it happen _soon_ , but he really didn’t want to do it in the midst of a silent treatment; he didn’t want Kazunari to think he would propose just to make the situation better. The hair on his nape rose and made him quiver.

 

The door swung open, and behind it stood a man with a small smile on his face. His gaze first went to Shintarou, but when he spotted Kazunari by his side, the twitch of a smile turned into twitch of the brows. Feeling like it was taking too long a time, Shintarou cleared his throat and made the man startle.

 

“Sorry, hi,” the man said. “Come on in, uh, Midorima, right?”

 

Shintarou nodded and held his head in a small bow. “Midorima Shintarou. Thank you for this opportunity.”

 

“Takao Kazunari,” muttered his lover, his usual energy far gone. For Shintarou, he felt like an empty shell, dead eyes and dead gaze, body just following because it had to.

 

“Pleasure to meet the both of you,” the man hurried to say and gave a bow back. “Akiyama Kenta… Please, really, just step in properly.”

 

Under his breath Shintarou thanked him and did as told, and with actual curiosity looked around. Once or twice he had stood in an actual open hallway, and this particular one had to be one of the most beautiful ones. The furniture was gone, but the wooden floor underneath his feet was absolutely impeccable. The walls held the color of milk with some tea mixed in them, and he found them surprisingly calming. Narrowing his eyes, Shintarou pictured a small table against the wall, maybe mahogany, someplace where they could drop mail and keys and everything necessary, and hummed from satisfaction. As far as hallways went, this one was suitable.

 

Beside him Kazunari disappeared as he took the first steps forward. Shintarou’s brows knitted together, and Kenta stumbled a quick step backwards. “Just go ahead, please,” the man said, “the kitchen is right there, and then you see the dining room and living room and the bedrooms.”

 

Instead of moving after his lover, Shintarou stayed still and decided to give him some time. Worried that it looked odd that they had come together but didn’t speak a word or even communicate, Shintarou bit the inside of his cheek and felt chills on his skin. But when Kenta turned to look at him, he brought a tense, polite smile on his lips and tried to concentrate on the house business rather than thinking how the hell he was going to get through this with Kazunari.

 

“I’m sorry for the lack of furniture, really,” the man apologized with a small smile. “We’ve… already moved, and now we’re trying to quickly find someone who wants to buy this.”

 

“No need to apologize. I’m sure we can grasp a better concept this way.”

 

“That’s true.” Kenta rubbed the back of his nape and pushed back his dark bangs. “I have to say… The neighborhood is very friendly, uh, very, very tolerant and, and liberal, so…”

 

Shintarou’s gaze already fixed deeper in the house where the sunshine hit the floor rather beautifully, he turned it back to the man in front of him and arched a brow up. “Why is that any of importance?”

 

“Oh, I just thought… you know. Um.” The man took a sharp inhale and turned around his heels, and hurried to say, “Should I show you the kitchen?”

 

Not bothering to press the matter any further, Shintarou knew without a question exactly what the other was talking about and attempted not to think twice about it. Maybe it was obvious that the two of them were, well, _homosexual_ , but he had always had a mentality that it was no one else’s business, and his sexuality should never stop him from doing something. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he shadowed Kenta’s steps towards the kitchen and spotted Kazunari standing in front of a large window with an arm around his waist and a hand on his chin. Shintarou’s expression softened ever so slightly. The gentle sunshine shone through the window and brought beautiful light on his lover’s cheekbones that popped out so wonderfully. About to further marvel Kazunari’s beauty, his stomach filled with nausea when a thought of _what if we’ll never make up and he’ll break up with me_ penetrated his head and made him twitch.

 

In the middle of the kitchen he stopped and looked around. Their current kitchen wasn’t the smallest, but this was… Luxurious was perhaps the word he searched. He rested his palm on the white-countered kitchen island and glanced around to the open space. The kitchen opened wide straight to the dining room, and more light created sunspots on the floor. Taking a deep breath, Shintarou didn’t even want to start thinking the money that would go to a house like this even when it was in their price range. He eyed two of the metallic-colored fridges beside on another and then the countless counters, all dark wood. The white marble underneath his fingers felt pleasantly cold, and he rubbed the pads of his fingertips against it before he pulled them back.

 

“It’s very spacious,” Shintarou thought aloud. He had envisioned having a house viewing like this, and every time he had pictured Kazunari beside him whispering him how he loved this and that and how they could change things here and there. Now only silence held an arm around his waist, and he felt painfully lonely. “Very… modern.”

 

Kenta stood on the other side of the island and sighed as he looked around. “It is, my wife really insisted when we moved in… But of course it’s nothing that a renovation can’t change if it doesn’t suit your style.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’m quite fond of it,” Shintarou admitted. He had a feeling that a kitchen like this was also in the heart of Kazunari’s soft spot. Pressing his lips to a tight line, he took a step towards the dining room. “Could I see the bedrooms?”

 

“Yeah, of course. This way.” The man nodded behind his back and twirled around, and took hasty steps from the dining room to the living room. It seemed – for Shintarou at least – that the house was definitely supporting open living; maybe it was the lack of furniture playing part as well, but either way he could imagine a child or two to run around. Kazunari stood by the fireplace in the corner of the room, and Shintarou perked ever so slightly and realized that this was his chance to reconcile a little.

 

“Kazunari,” he called softly and made his lover startle. Over his shoulder Kazunari looked at him with a frown, but Shintarou offered him a smile and crooked his finger. “Come here, let’s look at the bedrooms.”

 

Kazunari said nothing but at least he tiptoed by his side, and Shintarou thought it was already an improvement. Carefully, wondering if he really could, he moved his arm around Kazunari’s torso, but as the body beside him turned rigid, he pulled his hand back to himself immediately. At least he had tried. He ignored the glance Kenta gave them and rather examined Kazunari’s expression instead, tried to figure out whether he liked the place or not. Knowing fully well how keen his lover had been on having two floors, the dark eyes didn’t look too disappointed. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and wished that Kazunari would have just _talked_ , that they could have chatted even was about the fireplace or the wide windows. The silence felt odd and with every passing hour it killed him a bit more.

 

“So here’s the master bedroom,” Kenta announced and opened the door.

 

The room was twice the size as their current bedroom, Shintarou noticed immediately, and wasn’t sure what they would do with so much space. There were two wardrobes on the side, tall and grand, but what really caught his eyes was the wall on his left; unlike the other three clad in delicate cream, it was light blue or purple, he couldn’t decide which one. He hummed and let his brows pull to a frown, and tilted his head as he stared at the wall. Beside him Kazunari twitched and hugged his own body.

 

“That was something my wife wanted,” Kenta said. “I think the color was pale lavender or something alike… It’s, um… can’t remember the design term for it, but it’s surprisingly nice if you put a bed end to it so you don’t really have to stare it when you’re lying down.” He cleared his throat, and the sound was enough for both Shintarou and Kazunari turn to look at him. The man smiled and took steps back until he reached two slender doors. “These lead to a private balcony that’s separate from the backyard, really don’t ask me why because I have no idea. But this room is on the side where the sunset hits directly, and it’s just real pretty when it colors the room.”

 

Shintarou let out a satisfied hum and turned towards Kazunari, and gently squeezed his hand. “What do you think?”

 

Kazunari remained silent and stared at the balcony doors.

 

Not willing to let a sigh from his mouth, Shintarou turned towards Kenta and asked, “Could you give us a minute?”

 

“Sure, I’ll be at the living room.”

 

Seconds later the man walked out and closed the door softly behind his back. Shintarou turned fully towards Kazunari and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Could you please talk? Just about this house, that’s all I need. Do you like it or not?”

 

Kazunari licked his lips and turned around to Shintarou, and clearly hesitated. Their eyes met, and once they did, surprisingly enough Kazunari didn’t look elsewhere. He tightened his fingers’ grasp on the opposite arms and let out a shivery exhale. “I really like it,” he said, his voice soft, almost _foreign_ after two days of near-complete silence. “I really… It’s perfect. I would want to move here, it’s… spacious, it’s… It’s a place where I’d want to spend my future with you,” he muttered and averted his gaze.

 

A rush of relief washed over Shintarou for two reasons; Kazunari was talking to him, and he still spoke of a shared future. “Did you see the kitchen?” he asked.

 

Kazunari nodded. “It was amazing.”

 

Shintarou smiled and decided to press his luck further. “Listen… I’m going to say it again, but I’m really sorry for what happened, I didn’t mean to—“

 

“Excuse me!” called Kazunari and blatantly interrupted him as he marched to the other end of the bedroom and swung the door open. “How quickly should we decide whether we want to buy this house or not?”

 

Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut. It had been a nice try and a good effort, but it seemed that Kazunari wasn’t ready to talk yet. His steps heavier, he traced them behind Kazunari and stopped by his side but kept a respectable distance.

 

“Well… There are few people interested and they’ve given offers, so in case you really are interested, I’d like to get your offer by the end of the week,” Kenta said and rubbed his nape.

 

“Has the price gone up?” asked Shintarou, his voice slightly wary.

 

The man looked uncomfortable. “Right now, about a million up… But the thing is, all of the plumbing has been checked and repaired last year, um, you know, basic renovation has been done here and there, so it’s really only a matter of moving your stuff in without having to worry about the place to fall apart.”

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a second. “I think we’ll get back to you by the end of the week after some discussion.”

 

“Great.” The man smiled. “Hopefully I’ll see you again.”

 

“Let’s hope so,” Shintarou replied and together with Kazunari navigated back to the hallway and through the front door to the weather that showed all signs of spring.

 

Not sure what to say or if he should say anything at all, Shintarou walked to their car and slipped inside once Kazunari took a seat from the shotgun. Letting out a sigh, he shoved the key to the lock and was about to start the engine when he decided otherwise. He let go of the key and turned to look at Kazunari who sat motionless beside him.

 

“You know,” he said, a little hesitant whether to go on or not, “I thought the house was perfectly suitable, but I’m not discussing whether we’re buying or not unless we talk things through.”

 

Kazunari looked at him but said nothing.

 

Frustrated, Shintarou huffed. “Kazunari,” he said, a bit too harshly than he had intended. “You can’t give me a silent treatment for the rest of your life, can you? We’re buying a house together, we’re soon getting _married_ , and this is incredibly childish of you. I’m trying my best for the sake of making up and making us both feel better about what happened, but you’re not helping at all.”

 

His words were followed by mere silence.

 

“Fine,” Shintarou muttered and started the car. “Whatever… Let’s just… Let’s just continue this, then. Just know that I know you’re suffering, and when you feel like talking, I’ll be there to listen.”

 

Knowing fully well he wasn’t going to get an answer, Shintarou pressed his foot hard against the pedal and stared directly in front of him with his stomach churning from guilt that wanted to slay him without mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I have it tough when I'm starting to get actual nightmares from writing this fic.


	78. A Collection

Only once he sat in the midst of several cardboard boxes did Shintarou understand how many lucky items he had collected through the years. For two years straight Kazunari had begged him to clean them up and throw the ones that didn’t matter or mattered the least. Shintarou had a large garbage bag by his side, but whenever he lifted a thing from the box, it took him several minutes to decide whether it was rubbish or something usable. There was no real organization within the boxes, either, although from one he did pick five rubber ducks, each in different color.  Not sure whether he was going to need all of them, he still didn’t have the heart to throw them away – what if their future children would _love_ rubber ducks? Hesitant, he moved all five to a ‘maybe’ pile that was larger than the actual content of the garbage bag.

 

Possibly the only reason why he bothered was to show Kazunari that he was more than willing to work on things to make their future a bit better. He _wanted_ to finally clean his lucky items, just as much as he _wanted_ to work on their relationship. Still riddled by the silent treatment, Shintarou felt like things were slowly but steadily turning more terrible than they had ever been. It brought chills to his nape. If he had never said a thing… He breathed sharply. _Of course_ he had to say something, he wouldn’t have been able to lie. He only wished that Kazunari would have understood that he hadn’t kissed anyone himself, that he was kissed without his permission or consent, and that he was just as much of a victim, too.

 

But he wasn’t ready to give up, not yet, not when there was still a chance and hope. They had slept together in their bed, beside each other, and last night Kazunari had even crawled in his arms and settled himself tightly there. Shintarou stared down at a small teddy bear and settled it with care to the garbage bag. That was a good sign, he figured, and he felt like every day they were taking small steps towards actually talking things through. He wanted nothing more – they were adults, after all, both of them, so they should have been able to talk. At the same time he knew exactly how stubborn his lover could be if he really got to the mood, and it worried Shintarou. He pressed his lips to a tight line and closed his eyes. They would figure things out. They would, and he had the strongest faith for it. This wasn’t the end, it wasn’t, _it wasn’t_.

 

Still slightly uncertain, he lifted the familiar frog statue and fondly placed it on the pile of _definitely keeping_. About to pick a kettle, he was startled from his thoughts by a light knock right behind his back. His eyes went wide, and he glanced over his shoulder and forgot to breathe when he saw Kazunari stand by the door frame with boxers and too big of a shirt on. What made his heart thud in his chest more irregularly were the thick tears in his lover’s eyes that were then followed by a cringe that twisted the man’s face. Shintarou took short inhales and forgot all about his lucky items within a second.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

His bottom lip trembling, Kazunari didn’t say a word when he burst into helpless sobs and rushed into the room. Before Shintarou could even think about telling him to calm down, he already got his lover’s figure in his lap and arms around his neck. A gush of relief filled his insides – this had to be the most intimate they had been in the daylight for days –, and Shintarou wrapped Kazunari tightly in his arms and pulled him closer. Right against his ear echoed the sniffles and wails, and they were enough to bring a strong ache in his chest right beside his heart. Feeling like a failure of a lover, Shintarou pressed his cheek against Kazunari’s and rocked him gently.

 

“It’s okay,” he whispered and pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s hair. He brought his hand on the back of his head and stroked the hair. “Shh, it’s okay… What’s wrong?” he murmured.

 

The whole of Kazunari’s body trembled. He pulled himself to a smaller curl and pressed his forehead tight to Shintarou’s chest. “L-Let’s just… make up,” he cried softly, “I-I can’t… c-can’t handle this anymore… Nn… t-talk…”

 

“We can talk,” Shintarou hurried to say and kept rocking the smaller body in his arms.

 

As much as he wanted to start a discussion straight away, he remained silent instead and let Kazunari cry against him. The sobs broke his heart one piece at a time, and he squeezed his eyes shut to prevent them from turning hot and itchy as well. He had never wanted something like this to happen. Never in his life had he wanted to hurt Kazunari as much as he had done without a proper realization, and he was so incredibly sorry and feeling guilty for that. He should have simply said no to Haruki’s invitation for lunch; he should have never brought Tetsuya up to an argument like that. His chest felt hollow, his heart giving out empty thumps, and he hoped that today was the day when they’d make everything okay again. He was tired of having to second-guess his future plans, afraid to rethink them completely, and now that Kazunari cried in his arms like a little boy, it felt better than it should have been.

 

It took close to five minutes for Kazunari’s sobs to turn into quiet hiccups, and finally he looked up. His eyes were round and red, dark rims around them, still a little wet, and Shintarou had the guts to lean down and kiss a tear away from his cheek. Kazunari hummed and moved his arms around Shintarou’s waist and squeezed.

 

“Please tell me… w-what really happened,” he pleaded with a broken voice.

 

_Finally_ , Shintarou thought and cupped Kazunari’s face to his palms. He pressed a kiss on his lover’s forehead and pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. “I was trying to go for a lunch when he called me as I passed the reception,” he began. His stomach bubbled from nervousness but he continued nonetheless. “And then he asked me to have lunch with him, and I didn’t really have the chance to refuse… I should have, I know I should have, but I thought that maybe he doesn’t mean anything bad with it. I just wanted to be polite, you know me.” He brushed his thumbs on Kazunari’s cheeks and knew he had his undivided attention. “He just kissed me, Kazu, he kissed me without my permission. I found it very off-putting and not at all pleasant.”

 

“So…” Kazunari took in a deep breath and puckered his brows, but kept his gaze fixed on Shintarou. “You didn’t… kiss him?”

 

“No, not at all. I don’t have the reason to kiss someone else. I didn’t want to,” Shintarou said, his voice as soft and gentle as he could possibly make it. He worked his fingers through Kazunari’s bangs and brushed them behind his ear.

 

“Do you promise?” Kazunari whispered.

 

“I promise.” Shintarou added, “You know I never lie.”

 

“I know… I know, yeah, I know,” muttered Kazunari and sounded absent-minded. Seemingly he hesitated at first but pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s chin nonetheless. He sighed. “But you need to tell him explicitly that you’re not available, and that you don’t want his flirting attempts…”

 

“I will, honey, I will. This time I will.”

 

“Also…” Kazunari sucked in his bottom lip. “Why… did you have to bring Tetsuya up?”

 

Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut. “I really don’t know,” he admitted. “I just… I don’t know.”

 

“Are you really so… so worried that something’s going to happen between me and him?”

 

Unable to answer, Shintarou shrugged.

 

“Shin-chan…” murmured Kazunari and moved his arms around the man’s shoulders. “You don’t want to cheat, but neither do I. I… He’s just a friend. I want to… want to say that you shouldn’t feel jealous, b-but I know how it feels now… when that’s all you can think about, when you start creating these things in your mind and you can’t stop—“

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou gently interrupted when it seemed that his lover was going one gear faster than normally. He lifted Kazunari’s chin ever so slightly, and the corners of his eyes softened. “We need to start talking to each other more about these things. I wish we could have talked this through sooner.”

 

“I just felt hurt.”

 

“I know, and I felt really guilty. But don’t… It’s not good for either of us to bottle things up when they would be resolved within minutes of honest talking.”

 

“I know.” Kazunari smiled weakly and looked down at his lap. “I just… I was just scared, I think…”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Why?”

 

“Because… I thought maybe, you know… that maybe you realized I’m not who you want.”

 

“But… we just went to a house viewing together, didn’t that tell you that I really, really want to be with you?”

 

Kazunari chuckled and buried his face to his palm. “I’m so stupid, aren’t I?” he whispered.

 

“You’re not,” Shintarou protested. “You’ve never been. I’m very sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like that, or that you wouldn’t be enough.” He trailed his fingers back under Kazunari’s chin and lifted it up to get the dark-eyed gaze back to him. “You’ve been the most important to me ever since we were just kids. It’s _you_ that I want, no one else, no one else matters. You’ve made me the man I am right _now_ , and if I would let you go… I wouldn’t be able to function.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari’s lower lip trembled, and he sniffed. Tears tiptoed out of his eyes again, but he rubbed his face to Shintarou’s shoulder. “You’re so important to me, too,” he sniffled. “God, Shin-chan, if I wouldn’t… if we’d… I don’t know what I’d do with my life.”

 

“Shh,” Shintarou murmured in his ear and took him into a tighter embrace. “I know… I really know, but we’re not breaking up… Right?”

 

“Of course not!” exclaimed Kazunari immediately and looked at Shintarou with his teary eyes. “Of course… not. Why would we? Even if… you had kissed him, we would have… just worked things out. We’ve been together too long to throw this out just like that.”

 

“I would do anything to make things work no matter what.” Shintarou pulled Kazunari’s head to his chest and held him there, and worked his hand up and down his spine. “Are we now… Do you still have something on your mind?”

 

“I guess… not.”

 

“In that case…” Shintarou took a deep breath. “I want to admit something else, too.”

 

In his embrace Kazunari froze. Warily his lover looked at him but didn’t say anything. Shintarou took is a sign to continue.

 

“Few days before… this whole thing happened, I was… God,” he breathed. Nausea gripped his insides. Finally, _finally_ he wanted to admit the whole masturbation incident, to be fully honest with the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with, but at the same time he was so very scared that afterwards Kazunari would look at him differently, that afterwards Kazunari would decide that he wasn’t a man worth to love, after all. He felt color run down his cheeks, but decided to go for it. Kazunari had all the rights to know. “I was masturbating,” he mustered out, his voice muffled. “And I was… I thought of you, and then suddenly… his… the receptionist’s… _name_ popped to my head. I’ve felt _so_ guilty, it’s… It’s killing me.”

 

This time, Kazunari didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t shout or cried, but cupped Shintarou’s face to his hands and looked at him. “Did you think of him because you were fantasizing about him?” he asked, perfectly calm, and looked like he wanted to _understand_.

 

“No!” Shintarou hurried to say. “No… It just slipped in my mind, probably because the whole subject was on my mind for days before that… I didn’t find it a turn-on at all, I felt so bad and sick in my stomach, I… I just wanted you to know. I wanted to be honest with you.”

 

“If…” Kazunari paused and frowned lightly. “I believe you. I really believe you.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I can’t even find the words to say how sorry I am.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize!” Kazunari smiled weakly. “It’s only masturbation… People think stupid things when they do that, hell, I remember jerking off to the thought of a teacher when I was in middle school. It’s… not a big deal, Shin-chan. If you say you didn’t do it on purpose, I believe you. Can I just… ask something?”

 

“Anything,” Shintarou said and tightened his grasp from his lover.

 

Kazunari took a moment’s pause and then asked, “Am I still good-looking to you?”

 

“You are,” Shintarou reassured and kissed Kazunari’s forehead. “I should say it more often.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Kazunari whispered and settled himself better to Shintarou’s laps. “And… what about the house?”

 

“What about it?”

 

“Are we going to get it?”

 

Shintarou pulled his head back enough to look at Kazunari. “I thought we would, yes,” he eventually said.

 

“Really?” Kazunari perked.

 

“Really.”

 

“Aw, Shin-chan…” Kazunari pressed his forehead against Shintarou’s and nuzzled his nose to his. “It would be a pretty home… We need to be the ones offering the most.”

 

“We’ll try our best, alright?”

 

“Yeah.” A smile twitched to Kazunari’s lips, and it only grew when Shintarou rubbed his cheek. He sniffed and chuckled a little, and rubbed his eyes to the back of his palm. “I feel so silly, just crying like this.”

 

“It’s not silly.” Shintarou moved his hands to Kazunari’s waist and squeezed. “If you still keep having similar thoughts, will you promise to come and tell me?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“Good, because I’m not a mind reader.”

 

“And you, too. I want you to tell me these things if they happen, and I promise I’ll try to act more reasonable.”

 

“It won’t happen again,” Shintarou said firmly.

 

“Yeah, but _if_ something would happen.”

 

“It won’t.”

 

Humming, Kazunari asked after a moment of silence, “I know you were cleaning and everything, but can I stay here a bit longer?”

 

“Of course,” Shintarou said immediately. “You can also help me clean, if you want.”

 

“No thanks, I don’t want to sort out boxes of junk.”

 

“ _Hey_ , it’s not junk, alright? Some of them are your lucky items, too.”

 

“Lucky items that _you_ ’ve bough to me,” Kazunari pointed out and rubbed his eyes to the hem of the shirt.

 

“Fine,” Shintarou sighed. “After you’re done with cuddling, you can sit silently and watch me clean up.”

 

“Sounds like a better plan.”

 

They looked at each other, and Kazunari was the first to chuckle. He shook his head in clear amusement and pressed his forehead back against Shintarou’s shoulder. Sighing softly, Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and held close the body that still quivered slightly under his touch. Maybe this was really it; maybe they had actually managed to settle things without another fight or argument. Hoping that it really was the case, he lulled to the familiar feeling of unconditional security and kissed Kazunari’s nape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was certainly fun while it lasted! I feel so sorry for my bby Haruki, I grew _so_ attached to him. Maybe I'll have the chance to write him again during the year, he was super fun to write... Poor thing.
> 
> As always, thank you so so much for reading and leaving kudos and comments, it really warms my heart!


	79. Rapid Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I do remember correctly, this was requested by few people (I'll try to find you when I'm back from uni, I'm sorry about my rush!), and, well... Of course I had to write it.

**20 th OF MARCH, 20XX  
**\- _third year of high school_ -

 

“So I said to him, ha, I said, like, dude, I know you think you’re good at basketball, okay, but you should _see_ the things my boyfriend does,” Kazunari snickered at the very corner of a classroom with an open bento in front of him. “And he was like, you gay? And I was, like… Shin-chan, are you even listening?”

 

He watched his silly boyfriend startle out of his thoughts and nod, but he guessed the truth and sighed heavily. “It was a really good story,” he whined and didn’t listen the quick apology that escaped got swallowed by the chatter and laughter of the rest of the room. Kazunari pressed his chin to his palm and looked outside the classroom’s window instead of the green eyes that hadn’t been fully fixed on him for the entire day. Not sure what kind of thoughts were nagging in the back of his boyfriend’s head today, he swallowed in a new sigh and examined the spring that was already in full bloom behind the window. The cherry trees had been, admittedly, a little early this year, but they didn’t make them any less beautiful. Too bad he wasn’t going to get a kiss underneath one, or maybe he would if he really whined and coaxed long enough. He pursed his lips to a thoughtful pout and brewed an idea in his head. It hardly seemed worth it.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called as he moved his focus on his lunch and boyfriend instead. He grabbed the chopsticks and shoved rice in his mouth. “You’ve been so quiet today, something wrong?”

 

“No,” Shintarou said. His voice was oddly gruff and low. “I just don’t feel like talking.”

 

“Aw, okay… I mean, I could make it better by inviting you over my place after school and give you something to talk about in bed.”

 

Shintarou didn’t scold him like he usually did, just looked away. Kazunari frowned deep and now knew there was something severely wrong. Otherwise he would have gotten a bit of shouting and _shut up_ thrown at his way, but now there wasn’t even a blush dancing on Shintarou’s face. Not sure what he had done wrong – because usually if this happened, he had done something so terribly wrong that something close to a silent treatment was given to him –, Kazunari puckered his lips and felt his stomach churn from nausea. He had known Shintarou few years now, dated him for one, so he liked to think he was a pretty good judge when it came to telling apart what the other boy was often thinking and feeling. But now he felt at loss, and whenever he was at loss and feeling nervous, he liked to babble.

 

“I really can’t wait to graduate,” he began and held the chopsticks in a constant upright position. “I mean, it’s gonna be _so_ good when we can finally, you know, just go to university together, maybe move in together—“

 

“Takao,” Shintarou called and got up. He didn’t look at him when he said, “Come with me.”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari blinked and looked up at his boyfriend like a lost puppy. Soon a sideway smirk rose to his lips, though. “Are we gonna do something dirty together in the bathroom stalls or something? Oh, Shin-chan, I didn’t know you could be such a perv!”

 

Shintarou said nothing, and Kazunari could feel both his spirit and heart sink to his ankles. He chewed his bottom lip and hastily got up, and diligently traced Shintarou’s steps as he walked out of the classroom and down the corridors. Not sure what was happening and where he was being taken to, he fiddled with his fingers and felt like an inmate on a death row. It wasn’t a very pleasant feeling, he had to admit, and as the back of his neck rose to nasty goose bumps, Kazunari looked around. No one really paid attention to them, not even when Shintarou rose two meters above the ground and he was stuck in the length he was ever since the first year.

 

Maybe Shintarou just wanted to surprise him with a kiss in a secluded place. The thought made the corners of Kazunari’s lips twitch a little higher but didn’t quite form a full smile. He sighed but felt his brows scrunch to a frown when they turned around a final corner and headed outside. Maybe it really _was_ going to be a kiss under a cherry tree and Shintarou had somehow read his mind. Giddiness bubbled in his stomach, and his heart thudded irregular beats in the chest pumping blood and adrenaline through his veins. His steps turned merrier, bouncing, and Kazunari eyed his boyfriend’s broad back and wondered what the surprise was going to be like. Knowing Shintarou, not something amazingly imaginative but surely something special.

 

They stopped near a bench that had been planted under one of the trees. “Sit,” Shintarou commanded, his tone resembling a groan.

 

Excitement in his veins and bones, Kazunari plopped down and worked the pads of his fingers over his knees. He watched Shintarou take a seat beside him and glanced around. There weren’t that many people outside, as it was a little chilly and the uniform could hardly tackle the weather quite yet. He pushed back his bangs and turned to look at Shintarou and knew that his eyes gleamed – they always did when he was with him. “What’s up, babe?”

 

“Please…” Shintarou worked his face to his palm and then rubbed his forehead with his index and middle fingers. “Don’t call me that.”

 

“Aw, you don’t have to be so sour…”

 

Silence filled the space between them, and it was the first in ages that Kazunari thought sounded clumsy. He cast his eyes up the sky, to the sunshine that was nearly being covered by fluffy white clouds. It took him a while to get his head down. “No but seriously, Shin-chan, what’s going on? I mean, I thought you’d bring me here to make out but apparently that’s not going to be happening because I’m not feeling your lips on mine—“

 

“Takao,” Shintarou interrupted and nearly choked on the single word. He took a deep breath through his mouth and looked down, and mustered out, “I can’t do this anymore.”

 

Kazunari’s brows drew in together. “Oh? I mean, we can just go back inside, it’s a bit chilly in here—“

 

“I didn’t mean that.” Shintarou looked up at him. His expression was absolutely heartbreaking, broken, eyes properly not focusing and his lips tugged more downwards than usually. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes to rub them under the glasses. “I meant you and me. I can’t… do this anymore.”

 

At first Kazunari wasn’t sure whether he still had a heart in chest because he didn’t feel a thing. He stared at Shintarou, not able to comprehend whether he heard correctly it or not, but Shintarou didn’t make a single gesture that this was a badly timed, bad-taste joke of his (not that he ever made jokes to begin with). Kazunari felt his skin quiver, and the tremor took a hold of his insides and twisted the intestines to tight knots that he suddenly felt would never open. When his heart began to beat rapidly, the realization hit him. This was a _breakup_. His nostrils flared, and his brows pulled to an ugly frown as he kept his eyes fixed on Shintarou and wanted to shake him and make him tell that this was just a dream.

 

“What do you mean?” he whispered and felt an odd itch in the back of his eyes.

 

“I meant what I said,” Shintarou said so very bluntly and looked towards the doors of their school. “I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“But why?” Kazunari heard the whine in his own voice and wanted to slap himself across the cheek. He wasn’t planning to be a begging idiot, but… “At least tell me _why_!”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and rubbed his palm to his thigh. “Frankly, I don’t see any point in—“

 

“At least talk properly!” Kazunari punched him to the arm and made him wince. His lip trembled, and he couldn’t control it. “I know what you’re trying to do, talking all posh so you don’t have to show how stupidly heartbroken you are for doing this, so at least talk like you always do to me if you’re really breaking up with me.”

 

“I…” Shintarou’s eyes widened.

 

Kazunari shuffled closer and grasped Shintarou’s hand to his own, and couldn’t care less that they were in school and Shintarou always forbade PDAs. “Did I do something wrong?” Within a second his tone turned more frantic. He squeezed Shintarou’s fingers harder to his grasp. “Did I… Just tell me, Shin-chan.”

 

“You didn’t—“

 

“I mean, I thought—We’re going to the same university just like we planned,” Kazunari blurted out, “we were… W-We were supposed to move in together, we… We are happy together, aren’t we, Shin-chan?”

 

“Takao—“

 

“Whatever it is that I did wrong, I can make it better, I promise, Shin-chan, I promise, we don’t, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“Takao!” Shintarou growled and made Kazunari startle. He pulled his hand to himself and rubbed his knuckles. If Kazunari looked carefully enough, he thought he saw tears behind the reflection of the glasses. Maybe he just imagined it. “I can’t… I don’t _want_ to do this anymore. I… I don’t know what I want anymore, and it’s not fair for you if I keep giving you false hope.”

 

“But Shin-chan…” Kazunari tried to move his hand back to Shintarou’s but the gesture was refused. His heart sank to his stomach and didn’t return back to its place anymore. He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from crying, and he only wished Shintarou would have done this somewhere other than school so he could have worn his emotions on the face. Now his boyfriend looked annoyingly stoic, and he really didn’t know how to bring life to him. “We’re just about to graduate,” he quietly tried.

 

“The future frightens me, alright?” Shintarou pushed himself up on his feet. “And I don’t want to be tied to the same person all my youth. I don’t want that, Takao.”

 

“How long…” Kazunari’s voice broke in the middle, and he had to clear his throat. He looked up at Shintarou and felt his eyes burn. “How long have you thought of this?”

 

“Few weeks.” Shintarou’s expression softened ever so slightly. “I’m really sorry it had to end like this. It was nice while it lasted, but… no more.”

 

Kazunari tried to muster out something, _anything_ really to make Shintarou stop from walking away from his life, because this was what it was, right? They had dated a year now, there was no way they could simply revert to being friends again. He _loved_ Shintarou, he loved him with all the love he harbored in his body, and he couldn’t believe this was it. _The end_. Just a bad breakup, cheesy lines – now he half-expected Shintarou to say ‘it wasn’t you, it was me’, although that was actually the gist of it. Shintarou’s _I’m really sorry_ sounded at the moment, truthfully, like the biggest bullshit he had ever heard. Sure, once or twice he had imagined how they would break up, but it had never, ever been this… casual. He had always pictured them crying, even Shintarou, but now there wasn’t a proper expression on his boyfriend’s – _ex_ -boyfriend’s – face.

 

“Don’t go,” whimpered Kazunari.

 

But Shintarou didn’t listen – he hardly did, and it now proved almost dysfunctional. Kazunari wasn’t able to rush behind him as his body froze to the bench and refused to get up. Feeling so helpless, breathing too hasty for his own good and health, he watched Shintarou slip back inside, and here he was alone, in the chilly weather that spared no mercy to him. Still unable to imagine that they had just broken up, Kazunari looked down at his knees and squeezed his eyes shut. They were never going to have sleepovers again… He would never giggle at three am to Shintarou’s ear again and tell him how pretty he looked and pepper him with kisses until Shintarou blew a fuse and gave him a French one straight on the lips. They would never… laze on the couch, and Shintarou would never scold him for not finishing his homework in time.

 

Kazunari hung his head and clutched his hair, yanked hard and felt an ache in his scalp but didn’t give a single fuck about it. All he could think were the rare occasions when Shintarou would give him his brightest smile, and how he would look so breathtaking and vulnerable when he was over him and making love to him. His stomach pooled with ugly nausea, and he curled his tummy in to help with the pain. He could hardly breathe, and whenever he did manage to take in inhale, it created hiccups in his chest. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to stick together through the bad and worse – they had whispered countless _I don’t think life would be that good without you_ ’s in the dead of the night. Did it not mean a thing, after all? He grinded his teeth together and decided to count to hundred to keep himself sane and not crying – he didn’t think ten would be enough.

 

After ten minutes he got himself up on his shaky feet that wanted to bring him back down. Yet bravely he took the steps back inside, and by the time he reached their classroom, all traces of Shintarou were gone. The world spun around him, and without a word he slipped back to his desk and continued to eat his lunch like nothing had happened. When the bells rang and Shintarou took a seat in front of him, Kazunari stared at the blackboard instead of the usual green hair.


	80. Silence

Kazunari lifted his chin up and allowed the water to brush over his face that exhaustion made droop. Spitting out the excess drops from his mouth, he rubbed his palm over his features and turned around rather quickly as his eyes began to sting. Usually he would have sang under the shower, but today he didn’t felt like it – it was a shame, because today would have been a perfectly suitable day for it as Shintarou wasn’t home yet. He cleared his throat, and gave out a shaky whistle to test it out. Liking the way it sounded and how it echoed in the bathroom, he whistled some more, and five minutes later in the midst of shampooing hair he was singing after all. Of course, singing meant shaking his bottom to the rhythm, and so he did, hoping to not fall down and crack his skull.

 

Maybe soon they’d have a bigger, more spacious shower. There was nothing wrong with this one, either, but he wanted luxurious space and a big bathtub where two grown men could fit without a problem. Switching the song to another, he continued it only in his mind as he dipped his head down and rinsed his hair. He should probably cut it at some point… It was growing dangerously long. At least he could it put it on a tiny chignon on the very top of his head; it was such a cool hairstyle, he idly thought and grinned. He made thorough job with his hair, and only after he was absolutely confident that there were no shampoo traces left, he grabbed the shower gel that smelled of cherry blossoms and rubbed it all over his body. For the moment he stopped singing, and the absence of his own voice sounded rather soothing.

 

“Hey!”

 

Kazunari squealed and nearly slipped face first on the floor when a voice bounced off the walls. His heart thudding just few beats faster, he abandoned the soap and peeked behind the shower wall, only to sigh to the sight of his lover. “Jesus,” he muttered, “you scared me, Shin-chan!”

 

Only Shintarou’s head poked in; the rest of him stayed behind the door. “I did knock,” he defended.

 

“I bet you did,” Kazunari grumbled. He took a deep breath and finally settled the smile on his lips that his lover deserved. “Welcome home.”

 

“I’m home,” Shintarou announced, a little late. He lingered on the doorframe. “Are you going to take a bath?”

 

“Nah, just the shower… Why?”

 

“I just thought… um, I have some good news, but I can tell them after you’re done with the shower.”

 

“Oh, that’s not fair!” whined Kazunari. Quickly he stepped back under the shower to get himself wet again and then moved back to the corner. “You can tell it now, I don’t mind.”

 

“Okay. Um.” Shintarou puckered his lips in a way that looked thoroughly adorable. He squeezed the edge of the door tighter and cleared his throat. “Well, two things. First, I… In the morning, I took Haruki aside and told him that I’m taken and I don’t approve his attempts and neither does my lover, and it would only be appropriate if he would stop.”

 

Kazunari’s heart raced. “What did he say?”

 

“He apologized.”

 

Narrowing his eyes, Kazunari asked, “Did he sound genuine?”

 

Shintarou paused for a second or two. “I’d like to think so, yes. So that’s an issue now that we don’t have to worry about, but if you feel insecure, please just tell me.”

 

“I will, I will!” Kazunari allowed the smile back on his lips. He couldn’t even start with words, that was how proud he was of his lover right now; he knew that Shintarou did his best to avoid any kind of conflict, so for him to actually step up and tell someone off made Kazunari’s smile turn into a sheepish grin. “What’s the other one?”

 

Now Shintarou smiled, gently. “When I was done with my shift, I went to give our offer to the home owner.”

 

Kazunari gasped for breath. “How did it go?” His stomach nipped pleasantly.

 

“He’ll call us in few days.”

 

“Man, I’m so excited,” Kazunari chirped. “You think we’re getting it?”

 

“Possibly,” Shintarou said coyly. “But please… I know how excited you can get, so don’t get your hopes up too much in case it’s not ours. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

 

“I promise I’ll control myself.”

 

“Good.” Now Shintarou smiled a little wider and let out a quick sigh from his mouth. He didn’t really look as tired as usually after a long shift. “Is there dinner?”

 

“On the stove!” Kazunari heard a ‘thank you’ and retreated back under the shower, only to rush back to the corner of the shower space. “Shin-chan!” he called. Uncertain whether he had caught his lover in time or not, a second later Shintarou returned back to the creak of the door.

 

“What is it?”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips. “On a scale from one to ten, how tired are you?”

 

“Oh…” Shintarou’s brows moved to a scrunch between the eyes, and he rubbed his chin. For Kazunari, it was cute as hell how the man took it so seriously. “Maybe a six?”

 

“In that case, once I’m out of here, want to help me prepare for the interview tomorrow?”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Shintarou agreed immediately. “Can I now go and eat?”

 

“Yes, yes!”

 

Kazunari watched Shintarou close the door and heaved out a little sigh as he took a backward step under the warm gush of water. He rolled his eyes shut and dipped his head back down just because it felt so nice, and felt nips in his stomach. Admittedly, he had tried his best _not_ to think about the job interview he had tomorrow, but it had hit him all of a sudden and the words gotten out of his mouth without permission. At least he’d have Shintarou to help him out for now… Of course he had been in interviews before, but that had been some time ago, and never before had he been this desperate to actually secure the job. He was done being the dead weight in this household – he wanted to bring money to the table, too, because the current situation was unfair for Shintarou. Like always, Shintarou didn’t utter a single complaint, but it still made Kazunari feel bad.

 

Five sweet minutes longer he remained in the shower and then stepped out. Chills invaded his skin quicker than he wanted them to, and wrapping a towel around his waist didn’t really make him any warmer. Shivering, Kazunari didn’t bother with the wet footsteps that he left behind him like a little trail, and strutted to the kitchen. Water licked his belly, and once Shintarou lifted his gaze from the newspaper and his dinner, Kazunari had to admit he felt a little sexy. Shintarou cocked an eyebrow and held a lopsided smile on his lips.

 

“Were you planning to walk to the interview like that?”

 

Kazunari’s face fell. “Of course not!” he huffed and crossed his arms over his bare chest. The towel twitched in a clear attempt to fall on the floor, but he didn’t allow it. “I just wanted to give you a chance to look at my half-naked body.”

 

“It is now seen, acknowledged, and thought it looks very alluring. Why don’t you go and put something on so we can start?”

 

Below his breath Kazunari muttered insults like _meanie_ and _you’re no fun_ , and with a huff of a breath turned around to his heels and marched to the bedroom. He grabbed the towel and ruffled his hair damp, stepped into clean pair of boxers and pulled on one of Shintarou’s tank tops that was a size or two too big for him; they were the most comfortable, though, and he didn’t care if the man was going to give him the _are you really using my clothes again_ look. Taking a deep breath, Kazunari rubbed his eyelids that were starting to droop from the time of the day and waded back to the kitchen. Shintarou had finished eating and clearly cleaning the plate, too, as he rubbed it dry to a small kitchen towel.

 

“That looks better, but I would suggest putting a bit more on tomorrow,” Shintarou said.

 

“You have the weirdest sense of humor,” Kazunari retorted and plopped down on a chair. Wiggling to find a good position, he eventually lifted one of his legs up and hugged it against his chest. “I think you should leave the joking for me.”

 

“Point taken.” Shintarou rubbed his palms to his waist and settled down on a chair across the table. “So, how do you want to do this?”

 

“Um…” Kazunari brushed the damp bangs out of the way. “You could, like, sort of ask me questions and then tell me whether my answers are good enough?”

 

“Alright.” Shintarou pulled his posture upright and rolled his shoulders back, and looked like every bit of a successful man that he was; Kazunari couldn’t help but stare at him dreamily. “Introduce yourself,” came a command with a strict voice, followed by a mutter, “And put the leg down.”

 

Kazunari hurried to press his sole back on the floor, cleared his throat and allowed a curve of a smile on his lips. “I’m Takao Kazunari, nice to meet you. I used to study economics in university—“

 

“Why did you drop out?”

 

A pout puckered Kazunari’s lips. “Baby, they’re not going to ask that.”

 

“They might as well,” Shintarou pointed out and folded his hands over the table.

 

“It’s just a job at a supermarket, you know it’s nothing fancy.”

 

“Supermarket or not, they’ll want the best candidate. So tell me, Takao, why did you drop out of the university?”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and let out a sharp sigh. “I wanted to pursue other options in my life,” he said the first thing that spit brought back to his mouth. “I’m more of a person that likes to do things with my hands instead of sitting in a lecture hall. Happy now, Mr. Interviewer?”

 

“Clever answer.” Shintarou nodded and closed his eyes in clear thought. “Why do you think you’d be a suitable worker in our supermarket?”

 

Biting his bottom lip, Kazunari stared down at the table in an attempt to gather his thoughts together. His stomach grumbled.

 

“You’re taking too long.”

 

“Let me think!” he growled and gave his lover a glare. “Hm… Um.”

 

Shintarou leaned a little over the table. “Tell about your previous work experience,” he muttered from the corner of his mouth.

 

“Oh, right! I’ve been working at a convenience store before, for two years, and I really enjoyed the job. I like to think that it was meaningful, because I really enjoy being around people.” Kazunari grinned.

 

“Good.” Shintarou reclined back to the chair and remained silent.

 

Kazunari waited for a moment but turned impatient before he could control it. “Come on, ask me more!”

 

“I’m trying to think,” Shintarou pointed out, “because I’m fairly certain that they’re not going to ask things they asked me in my previous interview.”

 

“I guess I should have applied to be a doctor in that case.” Kazunari pressed his palms on the table and helped himself up on his feet. Knowing fully well that Shintarou’s gaze followed his movements, he circled the table and planted himself to his lover’s lap. Shintarou might have grumbled, but at least he wrapped his arms around his waist, and from that Kazunari knew that this was his place now. He pressed a quick smooch on the man’s lips. “Do you think I’ll qualify for the job?”

 

“What, for a doctor?”

 

“No! At the till of the supermarket.”

 

“The chances are high that you are getting it, judging from your record of previous jobs.” Shintarou worked his fingers under the shirt and over Kazunari’s sides. “Though I’m sure they’re curious why you haven’t done that much in the previous years.”

 

“I’ll just explain something really good to them… Like I was too busy curing the world hunger or something.” Kazunari sighed and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

Total silence filled the question, but unlike in the previous days, it wasn’t awkward at all; this was a silence that even he sometimes preferred. Droplets of love squeezed to the space between them, and they made him feel giddy in the stomach. Kazunari couldn’t be more grateful that in the end everything had worked out, that they had settled things together, that they were still _together_ together, not that he had honestly doubted that even for a second. He pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s neck and felt the man tighten his grasp from him.

 

“You’re wearing my top again,” Shintarou muttered to his ear.

 

Kazunari smiled against his skin. “Can’t help it, they’re all soft and comfy.”

 

“I’ll buy a set of your own the next time we’re going somewhere.”

 

Grumbling, Kazunari glanced up at Shintarou. “It won’t be the same,” he complained. “They’re not going to smell like you.”

 

“They’re not smelling like me even now, they’re smelling of washing powder.”

 

“Oh, you’re no fun. I was trying to be romantic.”

  
“I fail to see any romance in that.” Shintarou pressed his lips to a line and gently patted Kazunari’s bottom. “Get up now, you need to sleep for the big day tomorrow.”

 

“You gonna join me?”

 

“In a bit, I need to brush my teeth first.”

 

“Okay.” Kazunari forced himself back on his feet and kissed Shintarou’s forehead. “Don’t take too long, though, I’ll get lonely otherwise.”

 

“I’m sure you can handle two or three minutes.”

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

Kazunari gave Shintarou a smirk and tiptoed to the bedroom like a good boy. It took exactly three minutes for the man to join him – he checked from the clock on the nightstand –, and when he did, Kazunari abandoned his side of the bed and wiggled to Shintarou’s instead. He burrowed his way to Shintarou’s arms, and as Shintarou stroked his hair, he hummed and tried not to fear the fateful day of tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, from now on for a while it'll be a smooth sail! ~~I think.~~


	81. Take a Chance

Waking up to his nine am alarm, Kazunari decided to give himself five minutes more because somehow he felt like he had deserved it. He did make the effort of slowly waking up, though, rubbing the sleep off his eyes and yawning sweetly to the safety of his palm. He licked his dried lips, which wasn’t a very successful effort as his mouth had the texture of sandpaper, but at least he tried. Nine am wasn’t a natural waking up time for him – he was more used to getting up around noon –, but he knew that if he would secure this job, he had to start getting ready a lot earlier. He grumbled from the thought and rolled around, lifted his arm high up and then planted it on the other side of the bed over Shintarou’s stomach. Too bad there wasn’t any stomach to touch.

 

He fluttered his eyes open and then squeezed them shut when the morning attacked through the curtains. With a second try he shielded his vision with a hand, and indeed, there was no Shintarou to be seen. Kazunari idly wondered what the man was up doing so early (he slept longer if he had had a shift the previous day), and let out a loud groan now that he was alone. He would have loved to snuggle in his lover’s arms just for a moment, to get reassured that it was going to be fine, but now that he moved on his back and lied alone in the middle of the bed, he felt ill. The ceiling looked so high and unreachable, and he attempted to focus on that instead of the raging terror that swirled around his bowels and created a lump up his throat. He breathed through his nose several times, long deep breaths, and he felt a little better, until he thought of the interview properly again and wanted to vomit all over again.

 

Knowing fully well that merely lulling in the thoughts of _what if I say something stupid_ or _they’re probably not going to want me_ , Kazunari forced himself up and swayed out of the room. It would be a real miracle if he’d get properly prepped and looking good within an hour, and he wanted to give up before he even started. He scratched his stomach over the loose fabric and waded to the kitchen, where Shintarou was looking more than energetic while reading the morning’s paper. An annoyed grumble wiggled out of Kazunari’s shaken system.

 

“What are you doing up so early?” he whined.

 

Shintarou lifted his gaze from the paper. “There’s porridge on the stove,” he stated instead, and only once Kazunari grabbed himself a bowl did he answer, “I thought I’d drive you to your interview.”

 

“You don’t have to…” Kazunari allowed a loud yawn as he filled the bowl with porridge and wondered whether Shintarou had made it for himself or him. Feeling like a zombie, he took the seat beside Shintarou and leaned his face to his palm. He muttered, “I can drive myself there.”

 

“I’d really want to do it,” Shintarou insisted.

 

Kazunari pulled his face up and dipped the spoon to the breakfast, and pulled it out, only to shove it in his mouth. Smacking the porridge, he asked, “Why?”

 

Shintarou remained silent for a second. “I’d just like to part of this whole thing, that’s all.”

 

A sleepy smile rose to Kazunari’s lips, and his heart skipped a joyful beat. Didn’t he just have the sweetest lover on Earth? “You didn’t need to wake up so early,” he said, his voice gentle yet still a little croaky. “But I guess I have to accept now that you’re looking so… energetic and everything.”

 

Shintarou offered a small smile. “What are you going to wear?”

 

Mid-eating, Kazunari swallowed the burning hot porridge quicker than he wanted to and felt like his throat was on fire. Close to choking, he cleared his throat and felt his face get a shade of red in it. He hung his head, and only when was he was certain he’d be able to talk instead of doing weird noises, he answered, “I wanted to… that expensive sweater you got me for Christmas?”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. Soon his face relaxed. “That sounds good. And clean pants, _not_ your favorite jeans.”

 

“I know, I know! It’s not my first interview, why are you acting like my mom?”

 

“I simply want you to do good.”

 

Kazunari gleamed. “Will you be proud of me if I do?”

 

“Oh, I will be very proud of you.”

 

It was really the only thing Kazunari needed for reassurance for the whole day. He nodded and bristled when he got a quick kiss on his cheek, and instead of starting any kind of a kissing game, he concentrated on finishing his porridge instead. He had to be at the supermarket’s office at ten thirty, after all, and if he would now get himself hot and bothered, there was no way they’d make it. It took few minutes to scoop the last spoonful in his mouth, but when he did, he exclaimed a hurried ‘thanks for the meal’ and got up to brush his teeth.

 

From his reflection stared back a tired man, but at the same time Kazunari thought the man was full of hope. He had a shade too dark bags under his eyes, but even when he pressed them and poked them, they didn’t disappear. Practicing his best smile was quick and effortless, and it brought a bit of light in his face. He grinned to his image whilst brushing his teeth, which resulted in toothpaste on his chin and his sleeping clothes, but at least he got the muscles around his mouth in control. From the mirror he spotted Shintarou staring at him with a frown from the doorway, and Kazunari burst into laughter.

 

“I kind of want to ask what you’re doing,” Shintarou said, “but I’m not sure if I really want to know.”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari gargled and spat the water out. “You might not want to know, Shin-chan.”

 

“Thought so.” Shintarou hummed and opened the door wider. “Get moving, we need to leave within fifteen minutes, the morning traffic will take a long time to clear.”

 

“Right, right.” Kazunari stared at his reflection with narrowed eyes and ruffled his hair. It looked like a bit of a mess, but nothing he couldn’t fix in the car. He nodded to himself and turned around to his heels, and rushed past Shintarou to the bedroom.

 

He wasn’t fond of rushing, because it was guaranteed that he’d forget something important. At least now he had Shintarou with him to tell if he was fucking things up, but he still felt slightly hesitant. He jumped into a neat pair of dark jeans and grabbed the sinfully soft burgundy sweater that he kept saving for special occasions. One look through the full-body mirror, and he thought he looked representable, like an adult, or rather, like a _responsible_ adult that he liked to think he was. He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes shut, and remained still for a moment. He _needed_ the silly few minutes to go well; he needed this job, needed to take the burden out of Shintarou’s shoulders, because if they’d get the house, he’d run out of savings and would officially be a freeloader. The bottom of his belly nipped. Afraid that the porridge would come right up if he didn’t stop the thoughts, he turned his back to the mirror and walked away.

 

“Okay,” he stated to Shintarou who stood in the middle of the living room, and spread his arms, twirled around. “How do I look like?”

 

“Professional,” Shintarou said without missing a beat.

 

“Yeah? Not too overdressed?”

 

“Just perfect.”

 

“Great.” Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair in an attempt to start the process of neatening it up. “Are we going now, then?”

 

Shintarou nodded. “Do you have everything you need? Necessary papers?”

 

“I had to attach all of them to the application.”

 

“Good.”

 

From across the room Kazunari stared at his lover, and finally the nerves overwhelmed him. He took hasty steps forward and buried himself to Shintarou’s chest, squeezed the long torso tight and rubbed his forehead to the clothing. “I’m so nervous,” he muttered and concentrated on breathing again. Shintarou stroked his back with soothing movements and even pressed a kiss on his hair, and it brought warmth to Kazunari’s chest. He hugged Shintarou a little better.

 

“It will be fine,” Shintarou reassured and pulled back, and rubbed Kazunari’s cheek. “Just be your own annoyingly sunny and bubbly self, and you’ll do fine.”

 

“But I shouldn’t be _annoyingly_ myself, should I now?”

 

“Just be who you are… You’re not that annoying,” Shintarou murmured.

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and then let the breath out as laughter. “Ha, I can’t believe I got you to say that I’m not annoying!” he chirped and skipped to the hallway. “Oh, Shin-chan, you’re _so_ having a crush on me!”

 

“Well, yes, we are in a relationship after all,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

The pout on Kazunari’s lips got an unexpected kiss, and his mouth then curled to a grin. It seemed like the perfectly reasonable ‘good luck’ kiss, thus he didn’t demand for another as they left their home and hurried to the car. There were many things he wanted to say, only to get rid of the nervousness, but he decided not to make himself actually annoying in Shintarou’s eyes and turned on the radio instead. Slowly but steadily the soft classical music was starting to grow on him, and as he listened a concerto of violin in the shotgun, he pressed the back of his head properly to the seat and closed his eyes. They hardly make any progress in the traffic, and had he been driving, he would have certainty cursed; but Shintarou remained quiet and calm, and Kazunari glanced at him every now and then to give him a smile.

 

It took an hour for them to reach the correct place, and even then he still had ten minutes to spare. But he knew he should be on time, thus he yanked the seatbelt off and opened the door, but pulled it back close when Shintarou grabbed him by his arm.

 

“Wait.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly and sat properly on the seat, and fixed his gaze on his lover. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou reassured. From Kazunari’s arm he moved his hand to his and squeezed his fingers gently. “Good luck.”

 

Kazunari smiled. “Thanks, baby.”

 

“Here.” Shintarou buried his hand to the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a key ring. “Your lucky item for today.”

 

“Um…” Kazunari took it, and within a second’s examination realized it was shaped as a frog (although it was a very _weird_ looking frog no doubt). His smile spread wider. “You really didn’t have to,” he softly said and squeezed it in his palm where it fit properly.

 

“I wanted to.” Softly Shintarou cleared his throat and leaned a little closer. “And… a good luck kiss, too.”

 

“Oh, you’re spoiling me rotten, Shin-chan,” chirped Kazunari and couldn’t help the smile when he got a lovely kiss from his lover. A little grudgingly he pulled back and heaved out a sigh, and nudged the key ring safely to his jeans’ pocket. “Am I good to go now?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou pulled back to his seat and took the key off the lock. “I will wait for you here, though I might have to park to the parking lot over there.”

 

“I’ll come there in that case.”

 

A moment longer Kazunari lingered on the spot before he finally pushed himself out of the car and into the sunny spring morning. He inhaled deeply and found his legs nearly frozen to the spot when he tried to move forward. Knowing fully well that Shintarou was keenly watching him from the car, he forced himself to take a step, then another, and another until he was comfortable walking towards the building rising high in front of him. He would have preferred to do the interview in the actual supermarket rather than at an intimidating office, but he tried to stay positive like he so often did in any aspect of life. The problem was that he had to succeed, that he _had_ to do good, and that made his nerves more oversensitive than they had ever been before.

 

He stepped inside to the lobby and hurried to the reception. “Excuse me,” he said to attract the woman’s attention. She wasn’t smiling at all, but he did his best nonetheless. “I’m here for a, um, interview.”

 

“Take a seat, someone will be with you shortly,” she said and turned her gaze back to the computer screen.

 

Feeling rather awkward, Kazunari nodded to her profile and traced back his steps and spotted a set of couches. He merely managed to press his bottom down when he already heard someone call him by his name. Immediately he shot up and allowed a friendly smile rest on his lips when he spotted a man in a suit.

 

“Takao?” the man repeated.

 

“Yes, that’s me.” Kazunari hastily bowed.

 

“Great. If you could follow me…”

 

He hurried behind the man a head taller than him. What was it with these tall men absolutely everywhere? Standing beside them made him feel like such a child pretending to be an adult, and he even knew that a man his height wasn’t the shortest, either. He rolled his shoulders back and straightened his posture to appear more confident, and the closer they got to an opened door, the more adrenaline drenched through his veins. He could do this. He could make this man like him and want to hire him, he would just have to remember to smile and the things he had practiced yesterday. When he thought of the previous night, he suddenly remembered absolutely nothing. His eyes widening, he found himself suddenly mentally unprepared as he was told to take a seat on the other side of the desk and faced the man.

 

“So,” the man began and pulled out a bundle of papers that he settled neatly in front of him; the gesture reminded Kazunari of Shintarou. “You have applied to the cash register at our supermarket, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself?”

 

Kazunari’s smile turned confident. They had practiced this; he got this. “I’m Takao Kazunari, I’m a graduate from Shutoku High, I live here, in Tokyo I mean, and… currently I’m a stay-at-home dad for a little kitten. I think that’s the basics of me.” He flashed another smile.

 

The man’s expression didn’t twitch at all as he looked down at the papers. “I couldn’t help but notice a certain… _gap_ in your records.”

 

Kazunari felt his insides turn cold within a second. He shuddered.

 

“Would you mind explaining?” The man picked his gaze back to him.

 

Nodding, Kazunari thought his veins had frozen. His fingers twitched, and he folded them to each other over his lap to prevent himself from fiddling his sweater like a nervous kid. “I studied economics at university for a little over a year,” he said and made sure his tone was calm and collected. As much as he hated to explain this to people, he had to thank Shintarou for being right that they’d ask about it. “Then I understood it wasn’t really my thing, because I’m really more of a person who likes to do things with his hands rather than do stuff theoretically, so I thought dropping out was the best decision. As you can see from my resume, I worked in a convenience store for three years before I decided to take a break to… recharge my batteries, really.”

 

“And do you feel like you are now ready to get back to work?”

 

“Definitely,” Kazunari said. “I’m really… really eager to start working again. I have a fondness for working in stores, it seems.”

 

The man gave him a flat smile but it told nothing. “Why do you think you’d be a suitable worker for us?”

 

“Well…” Kazunari’s brows scrunched and he spent few seconds to think, but made sure that the silence wasn’t too long. “I know that working in stores is often independent work but it also emphasizes teamwork, right, and I’m a good team player. I know all about working in a team, because I have been part of a basketball club nearly all my school career, and on the last year of high school I even made it as a captain, so, I’m just a really good team player.” He let out a small chuckle and felt his chest tighten. “I’m just, I’m also quick to learn, and I’ve done, I’ve worked in a store before so I have experience and I know how to take care of a customer.”

 

“What would you do if a particularly difficult customer would come at your register?”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened ever so slightly, but he tried his best to settle a peaceful look on his face straight afterwards. “I would try to resolve the problem by myself first,” he hurried to say. “I’d try to take the customer’s needs in consideration and help them the best way I can, and if it’s still not resolved, I would ask my supervisor to help.”

 

The silence that followed was thick and choking. Kazunari wasn’t sure whether he had done a good job or not, and he would have hoped that the man was a person who would wear his emotions on his face; but he was nearly a stone-faced, and there was nothing on his expression that would tell him whether his answer was good or absolute shit. He breathed a little harder and felt a tickle on his nape, and tried his best to keep holding his posture straight.

 

“Well,” the man finally said and scribbled something on the paper. “I do believe that I have everything I need.”

 

_Already_ , thought Kazunari and was absolutely certain that he had fucked up. A sheer layer of sweat broke to his forehead

 

“Thank you for coming here. We will let out know within few weeks what the result is.”

 

“T-Thank you very much for having me.” Kazunari got up and dipped his head down to a bow. “I’m looking forward to your call.”

 

Fully stiff from head to toe, he walked out of the office and out of the building, and even in the fresh air couldn’t really breathe. Feeling disorientated but most importantly like absolute _shit_ about himself, he took few running steps towards the parking lot. His cheeks glowed, and his lungs didn’t want to cooperate with him. Had he said something wrong? Was that the reason why the interview had been so short? He saw their car and hurried. Or was it the fact that he was a university dropout, or that he hadn’t worked in the last two years? _Why_ had he ever decided that staying home was a good idea? He yanked the door to their car open and sat down, short of breath.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou said and sounded surprised – he looked exactly that, too. “You’re back early.”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari swallowed and pulled the seatbelt on.

 

“How was it?”

 

“It was… I don’t know,” Kazunari breathed and rested his palm on his forehead. “I really don’t know, I thought I did good but I don’t know. They’re letting me know in few weeks.”

 

Shintarou sighed softly and squeezed his knee, which made Kazunari look up at him with a sullen pout on his lips. “You did your best, I’m sure of it,” Shintarou said, his voice rather gentle. “Now we only need to wait, and if you don’t get in, we try again.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m so _frustrated_ with this situation!” Kazunari exclaimed, and straight afterwards let out a sad whimper. “This was the only interview I’ve gotten so far, and what if I’m not gonna get this, Shin-chan? I don’t want to live like this, because it’s so fucking unfair.”

 

“Hey.” Shintarou tightened his grasp from his knee. “I’ll support us a bit longer, then, it’s not a problem and you know it.”

 

Kazunari looked at him, and then stared down at the gears. “I hate this,” he muttered.

 

“It’s only temporary.”

 

“But still.”

 

“We can step by a store and get ingredients for whatever lunch and dinner you’d like to have,” Shintarou tried.

 

Kazunari thought for a moment. “Can we cook together?”

 

“Yes,” promised Shintarou.

 

“Okay… Sounds good. Thanks.”

 

Shintarou gave him a small smile and started the car. A sigh rumbling in his lungs, Kazunari buried himself better to the seat and looked outside the window. If he was lucky enough, he’d get the job… He had had a lucky item with him, after all. The thought finally twitched his lips to a smile, and he closed his eyes. For now, he’d stop thinking about the whole thing altogether, because it would be no use to stress over it. Listening the purr of the motor and another concerto of a classical music, he knew he had done his best and couldn’t ask for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 000 hits! _Wow_ , I feel so honored. Thank you everyone for reading, I never thought this would happen - I thought no one would bother to read, because this is a really ~~fucking~~ odd idea, and I thought I was going to be alone for the full year. Thank you so so much, I'm getting really embarrassed (///Σ///)


	82. Stubborn Old Mule

Holding a book in his hands, Shintarou tried to find the best sitting position from the bed and wouldn’t have thought beforehand of what an amazingly difficult task it was. He settled down for a minute or two, then shifted his muscles; managed to sit in peace for another minute and then had to move again. Not sure why his bones were restless today, he slipped lower to lie down on his side and told himself to stay put for at least five minutes. He heaved out a sigh and fixed his concentration back on the book, but his focus kept slipping on the fact that the apartment seemed so awfully quiet. He rubbed his eyes behind his glasses and decided to stop trying, closed the book and rolled his eyes shut. Listening the silence wasn’t quite soothing, either. He knew that Kazunari was there somewhere, but it was unusual for him to be _this_ quiet. Usually, anyway, they’d spend an afternoon together in bed now that he didn’t have to go anywhere, not necessarily _together_ together, but did things of their own side by side.

 

Right now, what was missing in the perfect reading experience was Kazunari in his arms. Shintarou had to admit that he quite liked reading like that. Sometimes Kazunari would read a magazine like that, or simply rest his head on his chest and peek towards the words he was reading (which was, admittedly, infuriating). Another sigh escaped him when he opened his eyes and stared at the curtains he had drawn slightly over the windows to prevent himself from getting blind because of the sunshine. He pressed his lips to a thin line. The older he had gotten, the more of these _thoughts_ took space in his mind – thoughts like having Kazunari in his arms, stroking his hair, kissing his forehead, simply little things that actually meant more than he wanted to admit. And the older he had gotten, the more accepting he was of the same thoughts; the younger version of him would have shuddered. A faint smile rose to his lips.

 

Shintarou decided to act on the thoughts for once, decided to take the _initiative_ that Kazunari always wanted him to have, and rolled off the bed, not gracefully at all. Glad that Kazunari hadn’t witnessed it, Shintarou fixed his clothes and pulled the sports shorts better in place – the weather was slowly getting warmer inside out, and he finally felt comfortable wearing something other than thick sweatpants. He cracked his neck and rubbed his shoulder, and stepped out of the bedroom with every intentions of searching the apartment thoroughly to find Kazunari. He didn’t have to look far when he spotted a messy bush of black hair on the couch. A step closer, and he realized that Kazunari was reading.

 

Still, he asked, “What are you doing?”

 

Kazunari jolted but didn’t look at him. “Wait just a second.”

 

Shintarou did exactly that, and midst waiting he eyed his lover with obvious interest shivering over his skin. Kazunari’s hair pointed everywhere, unruly, unwashed; he wore a slightly baggy Shutoku-jersey (it took Shintarou a second to realize that it was _his_ jersey instead of Kazunari’s, and questioned where the hell he had found it) together with his usual sweatpants; legs pulled to the couch, body in a small curl; eyes fixed on the book so very intensely, slightly narrowed, concentrated. There was something about Kazunari looking so casual and relaxed, and that very thing traveled straight to Shintarou’s navel and lower, too. He found it slightly ridiculous himself, but _this_ was how he perceived Kazunari the sexiest – of course the man looked good when he did effort and wore some tiny lingerie that left nothing for imagination, but _this_ … Shintarou felt his abdomen tighten. Perhaps it was the fault of all the years spent together. He scratched the thought. If anything, all the years should have made him find this the _least_ sexiest because this was a sight he saw every single day in his life.

 

Somehow, though, Kazunari appeared so very alluring to him right now, and he couldn’t help but drag a tongue along his lower lip in perverted thoughts.

 

It took Kazunari a minute to finally pick his gaze up from the book and to Shintarou who certainly tried to look normal. “I’m just reading,” he said with a grin.

 

Shintarou took the chance to circle the couch and take a seat right beside Kazunari, leaving no space in between. “What book is it?” He tried to see it himself but the jacket was gone.

 

“Can’t remember its name ‘cause someone thought it was a real good idea not to print on the actual cover, but it’s the second part of that thriller you like.” Kazunari closed the book and looked at Shintarou with more focus now.

 

“Hm. It’s a good book.” Shintarou couldn’t care less about it anymore now that he had Kazunari’s undivided attention. Truthfully, he wasn’t a master of seduction – Kazunari proudly held that title –, but he thought he knew how to invite his lover to something like this. A little clumsily he moved his hand on Kazunari’s knee and squeezed gently, and brought his fingertips up towards his inner thigh. At first Kazunari froze but relaxed under his touch quickly, and even let out a giggle that surely was close to the sound of angels. Shintarou took a sharp breath through his nose and moved himself closer, and without a thought of hesitation dipped his head and pressed his lips on Kazunari’s neck.

 

He tasted every breath under his mouth, and he made sure to lightly bite and suck, not enough to leave a mark – they were not teenagers anymore, after all – but enough to make Kazunari squirm and mutter quiet mewls. Rather proud of himself, Shintarou pushed his body closer, more demanding now, and tightened the grasp he had from his lover’s thigh. His fingers trailed upwards, and by the time his kiss reached Kazunari’s jawline, he cupped his groin and fondled with enthusiasm. Surely Kazunari would be nothing but melted wax in his arms after an effort like this. Shintarou wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was horny as _hell_ , and that he wanted Kazunari right now. Admittedly, he often was aroused and often wanted his lover more than anything, but usually Kazunari managed to beat him to it before he had the chance to move a muscle. Right now, he was the master of the situation, and right now, he was making his lover squirm and turning him on.

 

He was a little pent-up, too, as they hadn’t had any proper intimacy after _the_ fight, but he was more than determined to fix that today.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari moaned, breathless. The book thudded on the floor but it didn’t stop Shintarou.

 

Shintarou did lift his head, though, and looked up at Kazunari’s face as he sneaked a hand under the warm fabric and over his boxers. “Do you like that?” His voice was hoarse and laced with heat.

 

“Nn…”

 

Taking it as an agreement, Shintarou captured the man’s lips to his own and kissed him deep, kissed him rough, and felt like a man who had been reborn because he felt hotter and more bothered than in ages. Through the boxers Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s length, eagerly, and tried to put as much experience as he could to his touch. The noises Kazunari made were the most delicious, and Shintarou’s cock twitched and responded. Today, he would finally make love to his lover; he’d take him slow, gentle, convey how much he loved him and that _no one_ could come between them. More than determined to make Kazunari forget all the bad things and all the insecurities, Shintarou lowered his head and peppered kisses to his lover’s clothed chest.

 

“Ah, Shin-chan… D-Don’t… _hm_ , don’t…”

 

Shintarou froze. His hand stopped worked on Kazunari’s shaft, and his lips forgot how to function. His pulse thudded right behind his left ear and made it difficult to concentrate anything but it for the first few seconds. He swallowed hard and peeked upwards, and saw mild discomfort in Kazunari’s features. His heart dropped to his stomach, his breath got locked down in the lungs, and he wondered why he hadn’t picked this up sooner.

 

“Oh, no, Shin-chan, you don’t have to look so panicked!” Kazunari hurried to say and cupped Shintarou’s face to his hands. He gave him a sweet kiss and smiled gently. “I’m just not in the mood today… I’m tired and everything, there’s no reason for you to look so damn scared, baby…”

 

“Are you really just not in the mood?” Shintarou managed to say as he pulled his hand back to himself and sat up properly. Before he even gave Kazunari a chance to say anything he already continued, “Because if there’s something on your mind or you’re feeling insecure or _anything_ , we can talk it through, I promise, I just want you to feel—“

 

“Slow down, you’re talking too fast.”

 

Shintarou forced himself to take a deep sigh. He knew that Kazunari never lied, but he still couldn’t get rid of the nausea from the pit of his stomach.

 

Kazunari pressed his forehead to Shintarou’s and hugged him. “Can we take a rain check?” he whispered.

 

Of course Shintarou nodded. Kazunari’s smile soothed his stomach ever so slightly. Perhaps the problem was that he couldn’t remember the last time Kazunari had turned him down – usually in the rare occasions of him initiating things, Kazunari was always more than ready to do it. Maybe the effects of the fight were still lingering. Whatever it was, it made Shintarou squeeze his eyes shut in an attempt to not look as distressed as he felt. Not sure whether it was working or not, he tried not to beat himself over it. If Kazunari wasn’t in the mood, he simply wasn’t in the mood; it probably had nothing to do with anything else. He got a sudden kiss to his mouth that made his lips twitch to a weak smile.

 

“Want to cuddle?” Kazunari suggested.

 

It certainly sounded like a good option, too. “Yeah,” Shintarou said. “Yes, I would like that.”

 

Scooped in his lover’s arms, Shintarou felt better. He helped Kazunari to get the book from the floor and then wrapped an arm around his waist, and rested his head in the crook of his arm. The couch was too small for his long legs, but he didn’t mind the discomfort now that he at least got to be close to Kazunari. It might have not been exactly what he had planned, but it was still good enough. He told his dick to calm down and closed his eyes, and enjoyed the little affection that he was getting; fingers through his hair, stroking of his shoulder, a kiss or two on his forehead whenever Kazunari bent down. Shintarou looked up at Kazunari and felt his features soften. They didn’t need to have sex right now, he realized and accepted it without another question in his mind. Touches like these also told him that they were all right, that they had fought but it was now behind their backs for good. They’d have sex again someday when they’d both be in the mood, he told himself and felt better.

 

Shintarou closed his eyes again and slipped his head to Kazunari’s lap instead, and let the warmth of his lover’s body cradle him.


	83. Eyes of Blue

Kazunari held his phone in one hand and a squeaky mouse toy in another, and looked at Ao through the screen of his phone. “Come here, honey…” he muttered and squeezed the little grey toy that immediately attracted the kitten’s attention. She was growing so fast, he realized, but right now it wasn’t about that – instead, he wanted to take a good picture to send to his mother, and he wanted the picture to feature the most beautiful kitty eyes he had ever seen. “Look here,” he coaxed and looked at her over the phone to see whether she was willing to take the bait or not. Intensely she stared at the toy, and a grin splattered to his lips. He wiggled the mouse around, and she pressed herself closer to the floor and looked ready to jump.

 

He leaned his torso back a bit and tried to take a picture, but realized a crucial flaw in his plan – he didn’t have any free hands anymore. Tilting his head, squeezing the phone better, he said, “Just stay still for a moment, sweetie, I’ll just… Mm…” He bent his thumb enough to be able to press his phone’s screen, but the moment he did so, Ao already attacked his palm where the toy was enclosed. Kazunari let out an initial whine, and then realized a second later that it didn’t really hurt even when Ao tried her best to chew his knuckles. A chuckle escaped him, and he offered the toy to her. “There you go, silly… You’d look like a super model with those eyes if you’d just stay still.”

 

It seemed she wasn’t really listening as she took the mouse in her mouth and rolled on her back, paws up in the air, sharp little teeth around the squeakiness. As much as Kazunari wanted to intervene, he also didn’t want to get injured by the claws that were growing in size and sharpness. He heaved out a sigh and took a picture of her like this. It certainly showed her pretty blue eyes, but it wasn’t exactly what he had had in mind. He puckered his lips to a small pout and listened the meows and mewls she made while struggling right beside his leg. A minute later she already tired herself and rolled up, abandoned the mouse and rubbed her head to the side of his thigh.

 

“You want cuddles?” Kazunari asked and put down the phone. “Come here then, you little rascal, come on…” Gently he lifter her up, and although she protested at first with a fleeting hiss, she settled comfortably as soon as he pressed her against his chest. With the pad of his thumb Kazunari stroked her head and gave a kiss on the spot. “We’re not going to be able to take a good picture of you, are we now?” he asked. She merely purred and closed her eyes, and he couldn’t help but think that she was really on the road of becoming a pampered little lady. The thought made his chest vibrate from chuckles. He rolled his eyes shut and listened the purrs that were the only noises in the otherwise empty apartment.

 

The silence was broken by his ringtone. Lazily Kazunari fluttered his eyes open and glanced at the phone beside him, and once he saw Shintarou’s name flashing, his heart jumped to his throat. He let Ao down – although she kept circling him even when she was back on the floor – and grasped the phone tight, felt his fingertips tremble. He took a sharp inhale, hoped that it wasn’t anything bad, then decided to stop thinking about stuff like that, and answered the call.

 

“Hey, honey.” A smile sneakily rose to his lips.

 

“ _Guess what_ ,” were the first words that Shintarou uttered.

 

Kazunari frowned. “What?”

 

“ _We got it_.” It sounded like Shintarou smiled.

 

“Got… what? Shin-chan, what are you talking about?”

 

“ _We got it_ ,” he repeated. “ _We got the house. I just got a call from the house owner, and we got it, honey. It’s ours._ ”

 

From the little sweet nickname Kazunari realized that Shintarou wasn’t joking (not that he ever even joked, really). He gasped for breath and felt his mouth fall agape. It took him few seconds to process the words as he listened the sound of traffic and Shintarou’s slightly labored breath. “Are you…” His eyes widened, but quickly another smile splattered to his lips, and a short giggle escaped his mouth. “Are you serious?! We actually got it?”

 

“ _Yes!_ ” Now, definitely, Shintarou was smiling. “ _It’s ours. It’s really ours_.”

 

“What the— _Shit!_ ” Kazunari pushed himself on his feet and circled around the living room. “Baby, we gotta celebrate! When are you getting back, are you already in the car?”

 

“ _Already in the car, but the traffic is jammed, so at least twenty minutes more_.”

 

“I’m gonna run by the store and get us a bottle of something in that case, okay?”

 

“ _Sounds perfect_ ,” Shintarou said. Just when Kazunari was ready to end the call, Shintarou hurried to continue, “ _I love you_.”

 

Kazunari’s cheeks hurt from all the smiling and grinning. “Love you too!”

 

When the call ended, Kazunari stood still in the middle of the living room and felt his hands tremble. He took a look around. Soon, someone else would take this place over. It was filled with wonderful memories as well as not the best ones, but they’d craft new ones in a new home. He felt a little silly smiling so damn widely all alone. Laughter bubbled under his tongue and burst out from time to time. It was so strange, but he figured that life had its way of settling things down after a storm. He squeezed the phone in his grasp and shook his head in amusement. As Ao circled around his feet and demanded attention by mewls, Kazunari stroked her head briefly.

 

“We’re going to a new home, missy,” he said. It still felt surreal, but maybe it would hit him soon right in the middle of his head. Excitement filling him from head to toe, he didn’t waste any more time as he grabbed his keys and wallet and rushed out of their home and down to the street. He didn’t really care what he’d get, as long as it was something they could celebrate over. Ideally he’d get a bottle of champagne, but he knew that the store close by didn’t sell any. He was prepared to settle for anything as long as they’d be able to enjoy it with each other. Like a wind he rushed on the streets and saw that the traffic was, indeed, ridiculously packed. He still had some time, thus he slowed his running steps to walking and tried not to look so suspicious whilst grinning from ear to ear.

 

He came back from the store with a bottle of sparkling wine and a small cake that had seemed like an appropriate purchase for the occasion. In the hallway were Shintarou’s shoes neatly at their place, and Kazunari felt pleasant shivers down his spine. He tightened his grasp from the plastic bag and kicked his shoes off, and stomped towards the living room. As soon as he spotted Shintarou standing in the middle and even turning to look at him with a smile, he wasn’t really thinking anymore. He threw the bag on the couch (it sounded like nothing broke), shouted, “Congratulations!” and ran to Shintarou. Without a second thought, without a single insecurity that maybe he weighed too much, he jumped and latched himself onto his lover, legs wrapped around his waist, and Shintarou complied as if they had done this several times before. Familiar hands supported him from his bottom, and when Shintarou said his own smile-filled, “Congratulations”, back, Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair and kissed him hard.

 

It felt like the first proper kiss ever since _that_ had happened, and maybe it was – he was losing track of days and actions. His chest tingled from joy when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, took in Shintarou’s taste and scent and never wanted to let go. It seemed that neither did Shintarou, really, as he fastened his grasp from his torso and hoisted him up. Kazunari laughed, yet the sound turned into somewhat maniac giggles when Shintarou spun around without a warning. Sure that they were going to fall and get their skulls broken, Kazunari tried to scream ‘stop’ in the middle, but couldn’t when his mouth was full of choking sounds. It was in moments like these that he knew that no matter what Shintarou would do, he’d always forgive him. Maybe it would be his downfall a decade later but right now, he was blindly in love. He had a feeling that right now, neither of them was explicitly thinking just about the house, and he preferred it that way.

 

When Shintarou finally stopped, the whole world twisted around Kazunari. He squeezed his eyes to regain his balance, happy that he wasn’t the one on feet, and grumbled as Shintarou put him down. He touched the floor with his toes and remained on the height to give another kiss to the man. As he pulled back, he felt heat on his earlobes gathering from all the laughing. It took him a second to calm down. “When can we move in?” was his first question.

 

Shintarou still held his hands around Kazunari’s waist. “We’ll get the keys on the first weekend of next month, and we can move in starting on the thirteenth.” He leaned down to press a kiss on Kazunari’s forehead. “I already called our landlord, and we need to pay the full rent for April, but other than that, it’s all clear.”

 

Like a child Kazunari wanted to jump up and down but tried to remain relatively calm. He did wiggle his way out of Shintarou’s arms, though, but only to grab the bag from the couch. He pulled up the bottle and smirked. “Go get some glasses,” he chirped and fished out the cake, too, “because we’re celebrating right now.”

 

He didn’t have to ask Shintarou twice, and by the time the man got back with a set of glasses, plates and forks, Kazunari had already plopped down on the floor with a pillow under his bottom. Too frightened to do it himself, he gave the bottle-opening responsibility to Shintarou, and after he had taken the first sip of the incredibly dry alcohol, he inched closer to Shintarou and straight to the warm crook of his arm. He nuzzled the spot he had chosen. “We’re going to be able to decorate so much stuff,” he said and looked up at Shintarou, grabbed a preserved strawberry from the top of the cake and nudged it in the man’s mouth.

 

Shintarou first finished the berry and only then said, “I might want to leave that to you.”

 

“Come on, it’ll be fun! Though I really want that weird lavender wall to stay, I thought it was pretty.”

 

“Before you get the idea, though, we are _not_ buying new furniture for the time being, all right?” Shintarou looked down at Kazunari and ruffled his hair.

 

Kazunari pouted. “I wasn’t going to even suggest that. We’ll just take our stuff from here, it’s all in good shape… We could save a bit by asking if the Miracles could help—”

 

“Absolutely not,” Shintarou interrupted with a gruff and took a sip from the glass. “Try to picture all of _them_ trying to load our belongings to a truck.”

 

“I’m picturing that, and it’s exactly why I thought it was such a good idea.” Kazunari smirked.

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “Interesting,” he said, then paused for a moment. “Actually, it _could_ be a good idea. We’ll consider.”

 

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.” Kazunari grazed a small piece of the cake to a fork and shoved it in his mouth, and ate with good appetite. Only once he was done with the slice did he press his head on Shintarou’s lap and relax. Nearby Ao meowed, and soon the little miss arrived beside them and began to purr when Shintarou stroked her. One set of the man’s fingers disappeared through Kazunari’s hair; Kazunari felt like purring himself, but he would have never sounded as beautiful as their girl did. It was incredible soothing, nonetheless. “Shin-chan?” he asked with a quiet voice.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Tell me honestly… With all the things that has happened lately in mind, are we going to stay together for the rest of our lives?” He wasn’t exactly questioning it – he had always considered it to be the ultimate truth –, but he only craved to hear it aloud. When Shintarou’s lean fingers moved over his forehead, he looked up at him and saw the most beautiful smile tugging the corners of his beloved’s lips.

 

“We are,” Shintarou reassured and dipped down to press another lingering kiss right in the middle of Kazunari’s forehead. “A thing like the one that happened… It won’t ever happen again. And I will do my very best to gain your trust back—“

 

“You didn’t lose it,” Kazunari said. He reached his hand up and stroked Shintarou’s bangs behind his ear. The smile from the lips above was gone, and he made it his goal to make a difference. “I still trust you, Shin-chan. I believe every word you said because you were honest, and I’m more than ready to throw the whole thing behind us. I just wanted to hear you be all romantic and tell me that we’ll spend our future together.”

 

“Oh.” A light blush spread to Shintarou’s cheeks. “I’m… stupid, aren’t I?”

 

“Just a little silly from time to time.” Kazunari lifted himself up and pecked Shintarou’s lips. “We’re going to check out the house as soon as we get the keys, right?”

 

“I was thinking we could.”

 

“I really can’t wait,” he sighed softly and smiled in a way that surely felt peaceful. He leaned down and rested his weight on his elbows, and looked up at the ceiling. Soon it would be different, and he was more than ready for another adventure. In a second the ceiling view changed to Shintarou’s face, and from surprise Kazunari collapsed on the floor. He chuckled. “What?”

 

“Nothing.” So Shintarou said but looked like something was burning on the tip of his tongue. It took two seconds for him to continue, “I want to kiss you.”

 

“Go for it.”

 

It was exactly what Shintarou did. Kazunari wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck and pulled him to lie down over him. The man’s lips tasted of sparkling wine and strawberry cake, and the combination was so lovely that Kazunari didn’t want to stop at all. He was forced to when Shintarou suddenly got up and scooped him in his arms, and carried him like this was already their wedding night. His feet tangling, near their bedroom door he tugged Shintarou to another kiss and felt his heart sing the happiest song of all time.


	84. Picking Oneself Up

From the corner of his eye Shintarou spotted Kazunari rubbing his nape and shoulder. He would have paid no attention to it otherwise, but he had already lost count of how many times it had happened ever since they had taken their own places from the bed doing their own things. Finally worry gnawed his spine. Not sure how exactly to bring the matter up, not that it was anything necessarily serious, he decided to give one more chance when Kazunari pulled his hand back and continued to read a magazine. Shintarou’s gaze slipped back to the book he read, but it lifted up with the speed of light when he saw Kazunari do the same thing again. This time the fingertips bore deeper to the shoulder and drew out a whine from his lover. Shintarou closed the book and settled it over his stomach.

 

“Is your neck sore?” he asked.

 

Kazunari jolted but look at him over his shoulder and gave a small yet guilty smile. “I guess? It just hurts.”

 

Hearing the words, Shintarou knew there was nothing to get him interested in the book anymore. “I can give you a massage,” he suggested and set the book on the nightstand, and moved on his side to face Kazunari. “It might help.”

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“I know, but I want to.”

 

Kazunari remained quiet for a second, and then let out a small sigh. “Yeah,” he said as his smile turned sunnier. “Yeah, I’d love that, that would be good.”

 

“I’ll go get the massage oil in that case, take off your shirt,” instructed Shintarou and rolled out of the bed. He hurried to the bathroom in the search of the small bottle of oil that they used too rarely; he actually liked giving Kazunari massages, because it was intimate but not too much if they weren’t in _the_ mood. Also he liked to relax the tensed muscles, and if he could achieve that by taking fifteen minutes off from his schedule and give them to Kazunari, it was worth it. He grabbed the bottle and felt odd nipping in his abdomen when he returned and walked in on Kazunari yanking his shirt off. Technically, he figured, there was supposed to be nothing alluring about it, not after this many years, but Shintarou found himself staring at him with a knot forming in his throat.

 

Hastily he stared down at his toes and felt like he didn’t have any right to feel the things he did. He had been the one causing disruption in their relationship, thus he still felt the need to repent, felt the need to let Kazunari approach him in those kinds of situations (albeit he had tried two days ago). Shintarou cleared his throat and climbed to the bed, and felt that Kazunari’s eyes were at him. They indeed were, and once he was close enough, he got a kiss on his lips. It made his heart skip a joyful beat, and an actual smile rose to his lips. Kazunari’s was more beautiful, however.

 

“How do you want me on the bed?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Any position is fine as long as you’re comfortable,” Shintarou promised.

 

“So I can lay down on my stomach?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

A lopsided grin illuminated Kazunari’s lips as he slumped down on the bed belly first and relaxed. Shintarou remained still for a second longer, looked at his lover’s figure and then ushered those thoughts immediately out of his head. Right now, he was only going to give massage, that was all, and he refused to think with the mind of a horny teenager. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt and sat over Kazunari’s bottom, and asked, “It’s not uncomfortable, right?”

 

“Just perfect.”

 

“In that case, relax your arms… Just bring them by your sides, alright?” Once he managed to coax him to do so – Kazunari grumbled quite a lot –, Shintarou opened the cap of the bottle and poured the oil on his palm. His heart still pounding more than it honestly should have, he took a deep inhale when he brought his sticky hands on Kazunari’s shoulders and pulled them a little down to create the best position. Underneath him his lover whined, but Shintarou dismissed the noises as he buried his fingertips properly to the flesh and began to knead.

 

He should have thought twice about the whole massage thing, he now realized as Kazunari made delicious sounds that resembled very much of moans. His earlobes glowing burning hot, Shintarou tried to ignore them and continued with the attempt to unravel the incredibly tense muscles. Surely, he was still feeling pent-up and didn’t quite have the courage to handle the problem himself, either – who knew what his mind would throw at him this time –, so he was in a stalemate and didn’t dare to ask the thing he wanted. Maybe Kazunari still wasn’t comfortable with a thing like that. Surely they had slept together, cuddled together, _made out_ together, but gone no further than having their hands wandering last night for celebration. Shintarou swallowed hard and moved his fingers closer to his lover’s nape. In the end, he didn’t care how long he’d have to wait, as long as Kazunari was comfortable. It was all he wanted in life, after all. He smiled faintly.

 

“Your muscles are really stiff,” he pointed out and slid his hands to Kazunari’s shoulder blades. Gently he continued, “You should pay more attention to your posture and not sit in those slumping positions that you’re so fond of.”

 

Kazunari pressed the side of his face against the pillow and glanced at Shintarou from the corner of his eye. His lips tugged higher. “Are those doctor’s orders?”

 

“Your partner’s orders.” Shintarou paused. “And possibly your doctor’s, too.”

 

“Right, right… Or maybe I just continue doing what I’ve been doing so I can get these massages from you.” Kazunari moved his forehead back against the pillow and mumbled, “That feels so good…”

 

Shivers invaded Shintarou’s spine. The lump in his throat felt to grow in size and he couldn’t swallow it down even when he wanted to. Heat swirled in the most inconvenient places, and he had to squeeze his eyes to distract himself from things that were hardly appropriate. But in the midst of massaging Kazunari’s shoulders, he couldn’t help but wonder where the man’s sudden insecurity about his body had come from; as far as he was concerned, Kazunari’s figure still looked as good as it had been years ago. Not sure whether it was a subject he should so casually bring up, Shintarou slid his fingertips over the shoulder blades again and dug a little deeper.

 

“Nn… _ah_ ,” whimpered Kazunari and wiggled his body. “Mm, yeah… Right there.”

 

“Here?” Shintarou confirmed and traced his fingers back over the same spot.

 

Underneath him Kazunari jerked. “Yeah, there… _ow_.”

 

“Endure it for a moment, it’ll feel better afterwards.”

 

So he said, but still made sure that his hands remained gentle over his lover’s muscles. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and enjoyed the moment. Never in his teenage years would he have thought that intimacy like this would one day become important to him; he even felt like he could abandon sex as long as they’d still have intimacy left in their relationship. He puckered his lips in concentration and looked down at Kazunari’s sculpted muscles that were still visible through the sheer skin no matter what the man said himself. If only Kazunari could see him the way he did… Beautiful and gorgeous from head to toe, that was.

 

“A little lower,” muttered Kazunari.

 

Shintarou nodded although the other couldn’t even see it and dropped his hands back to blades of his shoulders and made sure he did a thorough but gentle job.

 

“No… Lower, hun…”

 

“Where exactly is it hurting?” Shintarou questioned.

 

“Lower,” Kazunari insisted.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and heaved out a sigh, but did as was told as the good lover he was aiming to be. With his fingertips he rubbed Kazunari’s sides and tried his best not to go too much towards his stomach. A tickle fight was the last thing he wanted, really, mostly because he knew that Kazunari was a master of them, and he’d get suffocated if a thing like that happened. The thought made his lips twitch to a smile nonetheless. He dragged both of his thumbs along the milky skin and couldn’t wait for it to get tanned already; Kazunari loved his share of sunbathing, and the sunshine always kissed his skin to a pancake-colored.

 

Kazunari wiggled his legs. “Lower, Shin-chan,” came the command.

 

“I can’t go much lower,” Shintarou retorted but moved his hands to the small of Kazunari’s back anyway. His hands were getting dangerously close to an area he didn’t necessarily want to touch, and he even had to shift himself to sit over the man’s legs to hold an ergonomic position. He swore he heard a muffled chuckle against the pillow but there was no proper evidence of it.

 

“Lower,” said Kazunari with a singsong-y voice.

 

Not able to hold back his itching fingers after all, Shintarou placed them on the roundness of the bottom right underneath him and kneaded. Kazunari let out a clear moan, and Shintarou swallowed hard. The flesh under his palms was soft and squeezable, and he was starting to question the amount of fondness he actually had for this particular ass. Feeling a little heated all of a sudden, he cleared his throat and tried to stay professional, but it was difficult when Kazunari pressed his knees on the bed and pushed his lower half up in the air. Plopping down on the bed, Shintarou stared at the gorgeous curve with widened eyes and wasn’t sure what the hell to make out of it.

 

“W-What are you doing?” His voice was muffled.

 

Kazunari looked at him over his shoulder and showcased a small smirk. “What do you think I’m doing?”

 

“I…” Shintarou pulled his hands to himself. They hovered over his chest, as he didn’t really know what to do with them. He suddenly felt like it was their first time all over again. “I… Do you _want_ to… You know?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“But… the day before yesterday, you didn’t…?”

 

“I can want it now, right?” Kazunari rolled on his back and looked up at Shintarou, lifted his arms and wiggled his fingers. “Come here, Shin-chan. I’m starting to get all frustrated with this lack of your dick.”

 

“You can’t say that,” Shintarou scolded but moved on all fours over Kazunari nonetheless.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because it’s vulgar.”

 

“I have other vulgar things on the tip of my tongue if you’re interested in hearing,” Kazunari purred and locked his arms around Shintarou’s nape and yanked him closer. Once the man properly lowered himself, Kazunari hooked his legs around his waist and buckled his hips up. “Come _on_ , let’s do it… You want to as well, right?”

 

Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s. It took him a moment to admit, “Possibly,” and scooped his lover’s upper body in his arms. He murmured, “Do you feel comfortable?”

 

“Of course I do,” Kazunari said without a single second’s pause. He trailed his finger under Shintarou’s chin and lifted it little, made him look at him. With a smile on his lips he whispered, “So stop asking silly questions and make love to me.”

 

It was a request that Shintarou couldn’t refuse. He sealed Kazunari’s lips with his own and tried to justify it as simply shutting him up, but he honestly craved to kiss him more badly than he wanted to admit. Against his mouth Kazunari whimpered so sweetly, and Shintarou squeezed their lips tighter together, so much in fact that their noses pressed against each other and created a slight ache. But he didn’t care, couldn’t even care, not when he could properly feel his lover’s warmth that he had thought he was never going to hold in his arms again. The arms around his shoulders tightened their grasp, and Shintarou felt thoroughly loved. No one else would have ever been able to make him feel like this no matter how hard they tried. That was the thought he tried to convey when he pulled his mouth back and planted it straight to Kazunari’s neck.

 

He tasted an erratic pulse on his lips, grazed it with his teeth and lured out the sweetest noises that he wanted to hear for the rest of his life. Shintarou settled himself better between Kazunari’s legs, his back hunched, his body in a smaller curl than usual, but he only wished to be so close to this man, so close that their skins could melt together and he could no longer tell where he started and his beloved began. Along the side of Kazunari’s neck he trailed a path of moist kisses and once he reached the poking collarbone he got off his glasses and moved them safely to the nightstand. There were odd butterflies right in the pit of his stomach, circling around in a way they hadn’t been able to do in days. Now they were set free, largely without permission, and they flew havoc, round and round, and soon his heart took the same erratic rhythm. About to lean back in and return what he was doing, Shintarou was stopped by Kazunari cupping his face.

 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

 

“Let me just look at you for a second,” Kazunari murmured. He did that, eyes tightly fixed on Shintarou’s face, so intensely in fact that Shintarou felt his cheeks heat up. The same cheeks Kazunari rubbed with his thumbs and looked so sincere. “I love how pretty you are,” he said, his voice quiet, fragile, like a flower trying to survive the horrors of a frost.

 

“You need to shut your mouth,” Shintarou grunted.

 

Kazunari snorted. “And there’s my tsun-tsun, all right… Sorry I love to compliment you.”

 

“Once a year is plenty enough.”

 

“Maybe for you, but I want to tell you what a beauty you are every single day.” Kazunari slipped his hands to Shintarou’s sides, but they weren’t long there when he already tugged his pants lower from behind. “Let’s get you out of these, alright?”

 

Shintarou complied and found himself soon naked. Kazunari merely had to look towards his crotch for his cock to already twitch and itch to grow in full length. Trying to dismiss it for the time being, Shintarou yanked Kazunari’s pants off and rather spent the moment to look at his lover’s bare figure. He felt his gaze soften, and he leaned down to kiss a beauty mark near Kazunari’s ribs. The body underneath squirmed, and the palms stroking his chest turned hotter. He moved even lower and peppered Kazunari’s side with several kisses, small ones, long ones, ones that told affection and ones that tattled lust. Every now and then he looked at Kazunari from the corner of his eye and gasped every time; Kazunari had thrown his head back, eyes closed, a steady rhythm of groans escaping from him. Suddenly so very powered and energetic and ready to make the gentlest love to this man, Shintarou trailed kisses all the way to Kazunari’s hipbone and only then pushed himself back on his palms and grabbed the lube from the bedside table.

 

He poured the lubricant over his fingers and smeared it, warmed it, and watched Kazunari part his thighs wider. “How are you feeling?” he asked. His pulse thudded in the root of his ear, his body flushed, his shaft now in erection like a teenager boy’s.

 

Kazunari fluttered his eyes open and looked at him through hooded lids. “Really good,” he murmured. “Really, really good… The way it always feels.” He let out a breathy moan and slipped his eyes close, and moved his hand lazily over his own hard-on. “Why do you feel the need to ask these things, Shin-chan? There’s no one between us.”

 

Not sure what to say, Shintarou remained quiet.

 

It made Kazunari open his eyes again. He looked up at Shintarou and moved his palms back on both sides of his face. “Are you still feeling guilty?”

 

Shintarou’s stomach flipped upside down. The lube dripped between his fingers but he didn’t care as he looked into the softness of Kazunari’s dark eyes. He nodded. “I can’t get rid of the feeling.”

 

“But I’ve forgiven… There wasn’t even anything to forgive,” Kazunari said and tugged Shintarou close enough to kiss him. The kiss lingered and turned so very sweet, and when Kazunari pulled back, their lips made a wet noise. “I know you, Shin-chan, okay? I know you, but I’m not lying. I’m comfortable with you, I’ve always been, and I’ll always be. So… will you now please make love to me and remind me what an amazing lover you are?”

 

Shintarou hesitated a moment but nodded in the end. He even smiled when he pressed his fingertips on the cleft of Kazunari’s ass and rubbed as gently as he could, made his lover moan and dig his toes to the sheets. Encouraged, he nudged his forefinger in and received a breathy gasp in return. His gaze darted immediately to Kazunari to look for signs of unease or anything negative, but once he found none, he added his middle finger and moved them in wavy motion until the burning walls around turned soft and quivering and sucked his digits deeper. Over his lover he trembled, his knees buckled, and his cock pleaded to replace the fingers already. But Shintarou took his sweet time, didn’t want to hurry although need burned his insides with every passing second and every passing whine that worked past Kazunari’s lips.

 

Drowning Kazunari under kisses, Shintarou made love to him for the first time in what seemed like a small eternity.

 

Healthy forty-five minutes later Shintarou rolled on his back and tugged Kazunari closer, and worked his fingers through his messy hair once the man rested his head on his chest. He drew vague drawings on Kazunari’s damp skin near his spine and sucked in his lips to stop himself from smiling, but allowed a single twitch when Kazunari looked up at him with a silly grin on his lips. Shintarou kissed his forehead and continued the drawing.

 

“We should take a shower,” he pointed out but his bones weren’t interesting in moving.

 

“Nn, not yet…” whined Kazunari as well. “Let’s just… Where’s the romance, Shin-chan?”

 

“I’m not sure how much romance it screams that I finished inside you and now you’re dirty,” Shintarou murmured and pressed his lips for good on Kazunari’s temple.

 

Kazunari’s laughter made his body vibrate. “That’s _so_ romantic, yeah…” He pushed himself up on his elbows and stroked the side of Shintarou’s cheek. For a moment he looked at him in silence before he asked, “How are you feeling?”

 

“I couldn’t be better.” Shintarou scooped Kazunari in his arms and squeezed. “It’s all good now.”

 

Kazunari buried his face to Shintarou’s neck and kissed a seemingly random spot. “It’s all good now,” he confirmed, gave Shintarou one of those deep, lingering, weak-on-the-knees kisses and didn’t pull back until neither of them could no longer breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of whining below. ~~P.S. I'm so worried someone will take this the wrong way, so I just want to say that I'm not looking for attention or sympathy or whatever - I just want to be able to look back to this work years from now and see that there were days when I really struggled. Please don't feel obligated to comment or anything; if you want to, come chat with me on tumblr.~~
> 
> I have to admit that this is really starting to take toll on me. Not because it wouldn't be fun or anything anymore, it is (most of the days; I really wouldn't be able to do this with any other pairing right now), but because I'm creating these unrealistic expectations for myself. I feel really bad and really low, because the word count of the chapters has dropped significantly. It's no wonder, of course, I've been writing for 84 days straight now, and let me tell you... I have never done that before. This is a bigger challenge than I ever expected, yet still I feel _so_ bad for not being able to write as long and detailed as I did during the very first days. It stresses me out more than it should. I feel physically nauseous when I have to publish some short chapter. I'm too much of a perfectionist. I should have expected the amount of words and the quality to drop the longer I go on.
> 
> Obviously I'm not going to give up - I'm too invested in this verse, too in love with these boys, etc. I don't want to discourage anyone, but if you ever think of doing this, please spend a good moment to think whether you're able to do this. My personal life is a mess, and although this gives me strength, it's at the same time very stressful. Maybe next year I'll just write one month straight instead of twelve (///Σ///)
> 
> Thanks for continuing to read this fic, you're the MVP.


	85. An Artist

Kazunari bounced up the stairs two at a time, small grocery bag in one hand and a black, discreet sex shop’s in another. The latter was the cause of the wide grin on his lips. He hadn’t planned to pay a visit to a shop like that – he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been in one –, but it had been so conveniently _there_ when he was out for a walk and _had_ to go in. The bottom of his stomach tickled. He tried to envision Shintarou’s face when he’d pull out a bundle of rope and watch him try to figure it out. Not that he had exactly thought it would be something overly sexual; he just really wanted to give _shibari_ a go now that they were both at home with nothing better to do. Besides, hadn’t it been Shintarou a month ago telling that their sex was boring? His cheeks hurt from too much smiling, but it didn’t move any lower when he got home and closed the door behind his back.

 

Not sure whether Shintarou was still napping or not, he only said ‘I’m home’ within his head and tiptoed forward. But his lover was up and awake on the couch, and as soon as he was spotted in Shintarou’s gaze, the man’s frown smoothened.

 

“Where did you go?” Shintarou asked, his voice a little weary. “I woke up and you were nowhere to be seen, you didn’t even leave a note.”

 

“Did you get worried?” Kazunari asked and went to put the carton of milk to the kitchen before he returned to the living room and squeezed the black bag against his hip. He was sure there was a twinkle in his eyes – it felt like so. “Did you think I’d escape now that I had my chance and would never return?”

 

Shintarou threw him a glare. “That’s not funny.”

 

“It’s pretty funny,” Kazunari countered and straightened his back. He cleared his throat and stood proudly, and swung the bag still in his hands. “Do you want to see what I bought?”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed, the news on the television now forgotten as he turned his entire body towards Kazunari. “I don’t know, do I?”

 

“Yes, you do.” Kazunari inched closer to the couch and put the bag down, and with another huge smile splattered on his lips he yanked out the bright-red rope that was neatly twisted to a bundle. “Tada!” he announced and looked up at Shintarou.

 

His lover’s face was priceless enough. Shintarou stared at the rope, then at Kazunari, then at the rope again, and it seemed that the longer he stared the deeper his frown turned. He tilted his head and moistened his lips, and looked so confused that Kazunari felt bad for him. Kazunari looked at the rope himself and smiled more fondly. There had been several colors on display, but he thought the red looked good, and would look amazing against a milky white skin. He waited to hear something, possibly an exclamation of understanding, but Shintarou just stared. Finally a pucker of a pout rose to Kazunari’s lips.

 

“What do you think?” he asked.

 

“Did you… go to a hardware store?”

 

“No!” Kazunari threw the rope beside Shintarou and fished out a thick book. “It’s for shibari, look!” He climbed on the couch beside his lover, settled snuggly in the crook of his arm and opened the book at a random page. On that specific one a woman tangled upside down, her figure lush and restrained by a brown rope in a breathtaking pattern. Kazunari smiled silly and looked up at Shintarou, and saw the cutest blush on his cheeks. The color quickly spread to his neck and earlobes. Kazunari gave him a break by turning to look at the book again and flipped through the pages to examine different patterns that were explained very thoroughly. “I thought we could give it a go, you know,” he said and in awe looked at another woman who was beautiful.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat and shifted beside him, wrapped his arm better around Kazunari’s shoulder and tugged him closer. “So, you want to…” He was clearly searching for right words. “I didn’t know you were into… something like _that_ during sex.”

 

“I’m not,” Kazunari said, his eyes wide and smiling as he fixed them back to Shintarou. “I just thought it would be fun to try, not even, like, sex-wise. To just have fun with it, you know, learn to tie knots and everything.”

 

“Learn to tie knots,” Shintarou repeated dryly.

 

“Yeah! Doesn’t it sound fun?”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and pursed his lips. He took the book from Kazunari and browsed through the pages himself, and from that Kazunari knew he had gotten him genuinely interested. Perking beside his lover, Kazunari keenly watched him, eyed the fluster deepen and saw the gaze turn sharper from curiosity. He sucked in his lips to stop himself from smiling too wide and arched his brows higher.

 

“Do you want to give it a go?” he asked and leaned closer.

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a moment. “Yes,” he finally let out, his voice stifled. “We could… give it a go, yes.”

 

“Great!” Kazunari jumped up on his feet and grabbed Shintarou’s hand in an attempt to pull him up, too. “Let’s go, then!”

 

“Wait, you want to try it _now_?” Shintarou’s eyes went wide when he was successfully yanked up on his feet.

 

“Nah, in two years… Of course _now_ , why else would I have bothered to buy them?” To his free hand Kazunari took the rope and tangled his other set of fingers tighter to Shintarou’s as he led him to the bedroom with all the intentions of looking like the women in the picture afterwards.

 

He threw himself to the bed and pulled to sit up, and looked at Shintarou’s nervous fidgeting. It was adorable, yet at the same time it made him frown lightly. “If you’re really feeling uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it,” he gently said. “I just thought it would be fun, you know, a moment for bonding or whatever.”

 

“I want to do it.” Shintarou climbed in the bed in front of Kazunari and squeezed the book in his grasp. “I just…”

 

“Feeling embarrassed?”

 

Shintarou shrugged.

 

Kazunari’s smile softened. “Let’s look for a good one together,” he said and crawled back to Shintarou’s arms, and took a hold of the other side of the book. “Something simple and everything, and then we can give it a go… I can tie you up if that would be better?”

 

“No, I’ll do it to you.”

 

Looking up, Kazunari grinned. He lowered his gaze back to the book and flipped the pages in the search of something simple but sexy, not that he was planning to get an orgasm out of this; he was more interested in having fun and good time with his lover than get physical satisfaction. He rested his head against Shintarou’s side and stayed a bit longer on a page with a woman’s hands tied to her back and then lifted up, but gave up on it as he imagined the pain on his shoulder. Pleasant shivers ran down his skin when Shintarou stroked his arm with his thumb, and Kazunari couldn’t help but steal a look at him. Their eyes locked for a moment, and despite his fluster Shintarou gave him a small smile and a kiss on the forehead.

 

Few silent minutes later they stopped on a page with the model’s hands tied to his front with a simple yet effective patterns, some of the rope circling around his muscular thighs, too. “Should we try this?” Shintarou asked quietly.

 

Kazunari nodded. “That looks so good, and I get to see your face when you do it, too.”

 

“There’s nothing to see about my face.”

 

“You know there is.” Kazunari pecked Shintarou’s lips and rose to sit on his knees, and yanked his shirt off without another thought spared. The same he did with his pants and underwear, too, and sat nicely on his naked bottom with his legs straightened. He brought his wrists together and pressed them against one another. “Alright, I’m ready!”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “You’re too excited about this.”

 

Kazunari huffed and pulled his arms to loose curl over his chest. “You’re excited about this, too, don’t try to deny it.”

 

“Whatever you say,” Shintarou said but the smile on his lips tattled the truth. He shook his head in clear amusement and turned the page to the detailed description that he began to read, whilst Kazunari wiggled on the bed. Shintarou took a hold of the rope and muttered the words incoherently to himself, and a minute later looked up at Kazunari. “Alright, put your wrists back together.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Kazunari purred and did as was told. He shuddered when the rope circled around his wrists and then tightened around them to a knot.

 

“Tell me if it’s too tight at any point,” Shintarou murmured.

 

Kazunari nodded and settled himself to a better position. From so close he witnessed his lover’s concentration that he had always admired. He wasn’t much of a focused person himself, so watching him like this was both educational and a treat to his eyes. There were small wrinkles between Shintarou’s eyes from a frown as he worked efficiently, hooked the rope underneath Kazunari’s arms and then brought them back up to another tight knot. A small, pleased whimper trickled out of Kazunari’s mouth. The rope felt silky against his skin, and although it was snug, it actually felt better than he had ever imagined; and just like he had thought, the red was a pretty contrast against his pale skin. He breathed a little harder simply because Shintarou worked so close to him, and as a rope pattern began to form around his arms, he couldn’t deny the arousal. It was partly because of the rope, and partly because Shintarou was _so_ close to him without a clear sexual intention. Kazunari licked his lips and made sure to smile when Shintarou looked at him.

 

Although near Kazunari’s elbows Shintarou had to trace back few knots and kept intensely glaring at the book every other movement, Shintarou looked like he was enjoying himself. It was all Kazunari could have asked for. His skin shivered from the mild cold that took him over, but the same coldness made his cock twitch right beside his fists. Kazunari rolled his eyes shut and wondered if Shintarou would notice or not. Probably not, he figured, not when his lover was so engrossed on making a good job. He was heated, though. The rope felt good, and being restricted like this brought a tickle down his belly and blood to his dick. He bit his bottom lip and realized that he could have gotten off from this if it only continued long enough. Maybe he _was_ actually into this but had never realized it before. More than willing to explore his sexuality, he shifted a little and felt the urge to stroke his length.

 

“It feels good,” he murmured below his breath.

 

“Yeah?” Shintarou looked at him once he reached the knots near his shoulder. “It looks messy and hardly anything like from the picture, ridiculous…”

 

“I think it looks good,” Kazunari encouraged and told the truth. Once he glanced down, he saw his cock in full parade costume and let out a huff of a breath. _Of course_. There was no denying it anymore – he was aroused. Grinning, he said, “Look down.”

 

So Shintarou did and let out a breathy laughter immediately. “I shouldn’t have even bothered to be concerned whether you liked it or not.”

 

“So perverted,” Kazunari snorted. “No, but it really feels good… Sorry about that.”

 

Shintarou stopped his hands once the rope was around Kazunari’s shoulders. “Do you want me to take care of it?”

 

“Depends. Are you in the mood?”

 

“I’m in the mood of taking care of you but not aroused myself.”

 

“You don’t have to bother in that case,” Kazunari said, his voice cheerful. “I can take care of it myself afterwards, I don’t want to ruin your masterpiece, after all.”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips, tied a tight knot around the man’s shoulders and crawled on the other side of the bed. Kazunari followed his movements with his gaze, his arms a little sore but pleasantly so, and tried to ignore his now raging erection that demanded attention. His cock jerked violently when Shintarou rummaged through the nightstand and pulled back with lube and a small egg-shaped vibrator with him. Kazunari swallowed hard and couldn’t remember the last time he had seen the pink toy.

 

“Really?” he breathed.

 

“Really,” Shintarou said and cleared his throat. “If you want, of course. You can… feel pleasured while I finish the rope.”

 

“Yes,” Kazunari whined quicker than he should have but didn’t care. He wiggled his body in excitement. “ _Yes_ , Shin-chan, please.”

 

As coy as Shintarou looked (he always did whenever they brought toys with them to bed, which was rarely), he opened the cap and gathered a generous amount of lube to his fingers. “You should lie down,” he said, brows arched higher. Kazunari obeyed immediately, although he rather plopped down on his back with his arms still restricted. He pulled up his legs and pressed the soles on the bed, pushed his bottom up and looked at Shintarou with his insides heating. Dear _lord_ , was he lucky to have a man who knew his appetite, who always took such good care of him—

 

His thoughts turned into pleasurable haze when a finger and then another nudged inside. He let out a long breath and relaxed on the bed, and worked his needy hips against the digits. Moans trickled out of his mouth, and through hooded eyes he saw a smile on Shintarou’s lips. Although this wasn’t how he had planned their first shibari experience to go, he surely wasn’t complaining. The fingers crawling deeper inside him and spreading his tight flesh apart felt heavenly, and Kazunari didn’t mind at all to make such loud noises. He got a kiss on his lips, then another, and another, until he felt dizzy in the head and soft and gooey from the inside.

 

“Should I put the toy in so I can continue with the tying?” Shintarou asked, his lips still brushing against Kazunari’s.

 

“Yeah… Please do…”

 

Kazunari let out a small yelp when the warm fingers disappeared and were replaced by a cold toy. But his body heat quickly warmed up the coldness, and the small shape felt comfortable. Bracing himself for the best part, he pressed the back of his head hard against a pillow when Shintarou turned the vibration on, only at the lowest however. Kazunari trashed his head from side to side and didn’t bother to muffle his moans. He dug his toes to the sheets and wished the vibration would be faster; now it was dull, though pleasantly so, sending small jolts down his spine and made his cock leak. Whining, he crooked his legs closer to his chest but Shintarou pulled them back down. Kazunari grumbled and stared at him, but turned the glare quickly into puppy eyes.

 

“Touch my— _ah_ —cock,” he pleaded, his tone nothing but a whine. “Shin-chan… Touch me… Shin-ch _—nn_!”

 

“No, I’m going to finish what I started.” Shintarou sounded flat but Kazunari knew that he was being teased.

 

As Shintarou concentrated back on the ropes, Kazunari tried to remain still but found it hard when his lover’s hands roamed on his back and chest, moved over the arms again, slowly trailed towards his abdomen and crotch. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug his toes deeper to the sheets, curled them, and felt like he was on the road of turning insane because the rope bore to his skin so good, and the little egg inside him trembled and kissed the smooth inner walls over and over again. Kazunari lifted his chin and looked down at his body, Shintarou’s hands so close to his cock that wept pre-cum but not even once touched him. Impatient and frustrated, he wiggled and moaned.

 

“Stay still,” commanded Shintarou but sighed straight afterwards. “I suppose I can’t do your thighs like it is in the picture, can I now?”

 

“I don’t care,” Kazunari moaned. “I don’t care, just… _just_ … touch me and turn the vibration harder, _please!_ ”

 

Again Shintarou sighed, but this time it had an element of being overdramatized. Keenly Kazunari followed his movements and let out a whine when Shintarou settled partially over him and kissed him deep. His lips captured to the sudden kiss, he pushed his upper body up from the bed and wanted nothing more than wrap his arms around Shintarou and pull him closer. A little frustrated that he couldn’t, he tilted his head and deepened the kiss.

 

He moaned against Shintarou’s lips and forgot all about kissing when his lover took a tight grasp of his cock and gave him tugs. Endless strings of moans filled Kazunari’s mouth, and as much as he wanted to form coherent words like _that feels so good_ or _give me more_ , he couldn’t at all, not when he was touched like so, not when Shintarou thumbed his head and spread around his early spillage. Kisses kept raining on his parted mouth, over and over again, and Kazunari felt his muscles tighten from head to toe. It was so warm everywhere Shintarou touched him, and when the man spend a sweet minute fondling his balls, Kazunari was certain that he’d dip over the edge before he could even remember how ‘orgasm’ was spelled. But Shintarou grasped the base of his cock tight, squeezed, and made Kazunari grumble.

 

“Let me come!” he ruffed.

 

Shintarou pressed a line of kisses on his jaw. “I thought you wanted me to turn the vibrator up,” he murmured against his skin.

 

Kazunari shuddered and whispered a quiet, “Please.”

 

The good thing about Shintarou was that although he did his fair share of teasing, he never took it as far as Kazunari did, and even now with a simple plea he grabbed the remote and turned the toy to its full speed. Kazunari grimaced and felt like crying from how good it felt. There had been nothing vibrating inside him in a really long time, and he had already forgotten the sensation, but now that it hit him with all it had, he couldn’t stop shaking and trembling.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Shintarou muttered against his skin. “You’re so… breath-taking, Kazu, look at you…  What did I ever do to deserve such a beauty in my bed…?”

 

The words trickled to Kazunari’s ear and made him cry out softly. Once more Shintarou squeezed the very hilt and then slid his fingers to gentle strokes, and within those movements Kazunari stumbled over the peak and spilled as his lover so very skillfully pulled a tender orgasm from him. His back curled, the ropes strained against his skin, and he kept quivering to the rhythm of the toy inside him until Shintarou turned it off.

 

Already collapsed on the bed, Kazunari melted against the softness and closed his eyes, and took a moment to gather his breath. Shintarou tugged the toy out and gave him several kisses, short and sweet, the ones that Kazunari loved in the afterglow, and then kissed him properly. Kazunari murmured softly and really wanted to snuggle in Shintarou’s arms, but there was still one thing left to do. His voice strained, he said with a smile, “Go grab my phone and take a picture.”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted. “Why?”

 

“I want to see how the ropes look like.”

 

Albeit seemingly hesitating, Shintarou still got up and hurried out of the bedroom, and got back within a heartbeat. On his knees on the foot of the bed, he pursed his lips and took a picture, climbed beside Kazunari and settled to lie on his back. “How do you like it?” he asked and showed the phone’s screen to his still tied-up lover.

 

Kazunari looked at the picture with a smile. He looked _beautiful_ , he realized and felt his heart leap. He looked _stunning_ , and for once he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. “Pretty,” he said and gained another kiss from his lover. His smile turning silly afterwards, he asked, “Do you like it?”

 

“I love it,” Shintarou admitted. He moved the phone aside and took a hold of the ends of the ropes that nestled on Kazunari’s hipbones. “Should I let you free?”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “That would be nice.”

 

The roped left gentle markings on his body, yet Shintarou trailed kisses over the pathway and made Kazunari giggle whenever his lips roamed on his stomach. Five minutes later Shintarou finally pulled back and Kazunari crawled in his arms, settled to a nice spot and closed his eyes. He knew he had to take a shower and maybe craft something for dinner, too, but he gave himself ten minutes more and pressed a gentle kiss on Shintarou’s chin as a thank you. Immediately he got a kiss back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely words, sweethearts, they made him feel a lot better (///Σ///)
> 
> Also, tomorrow is going to be a **double update** because I'm not sure whether I can access internet on Saturday or not.


	86. Listen to the Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in love with [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpyfrixXBqU) song for quite some time now. Of course I had to write about it. Perfect for these idiots.

It took all in his power for Shintarou to drag himself up the staircase towards the right floor back to home. Certainly it was one of the things he wasn’t going to miss as soon as all their belongings would be at their own house and there was no longer a need to struggle with the stairs. It might have been a good exercise especially when it seemed that the elevator was constantly not functioning, but it wasn’t a treat after a long day at work when all he wanted was to slump down at the bed and fall asleep instantly. Shintarou loved his job, he did, and felt like he was for once doing something important in society, but he was still in the process of getting used to an irregular rhythm. Of course there was a sting in his chest that things couldn’t be how they used to be – being at home together with Kazunari all the time – , but maybe it took only a little while more for things to properly settle in place.

 

He fumbled with the keys, and once he opened the front door, an unusual darkness welcomed him home. His brows scrunched. Shintarou placed the keys gently on the nearby table and flicked the light on, and stared at the empty hallway. It wasn’t strange that Kazunari was nowhere to be seen, but at least there were always lights when he got back. He crouched over to untie his shoes and settled them neatly beside the pair of muddy, untidy ones, and didn’t bother with the slippers as he left his bag to the hallway as well and approached the door to the living room. It was too early for Kazunari to sleep, too. Shivers invaded his body without a second thought. He tried to stay rational, as he was a rational man, but when it came to Kazunari, his imagination always flew too wide. What if something had happened? The thought gripped his chest and fastened his steps. Ever since his mother had… His throat tightened, and he bit hard his trembling lower lip.

 

_Stop painting devils on the walls_ , he told himself and took few calming breaths. It still didn’t quite take away the jittery feeling he had in the tips of his fingers when he yanked the door to the living room open. He gasped for breath.

 

Candles that took over every possible flat surface and colored the space with a warm orange hue lighted the room. Shintarou’s frown deepened as he examined a plush white candle closest to him. He itched to turn on the proper lights but didn’t dare to, not when this was clearly done on purpose. Faintly he thought of Kazunari in bath, but there was no good reason why something like that would have spread out all the way here. He took the first step forward. The first tunes of a guitar made him freeze and pinned him to the spot. A male voice began to sing. Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat to the unknown English song, and his eyes went wide when he finally spotted Kazunari on the other side of the room.

 

“Surprise,” Kazunari announced with a soft coo.

 

Shintarou approached him. “What are you doing?”

 

“I heard this song on radio earlier today… _And darling, I’ll be loving you ‘til we’re seventy_ ,” Kazunari sang along with a broken language that actually made Shintarou smile.

 

“Sounds like someone didn’t pay too much attention in English classes in high school,” Shintarou retorted.

 

“Hey! I’m trying to be romantic here.” Kazunari looked sullen for a second before he walked towards him and offered his hand. With a whisper he said, “Dance with me.”

 

His body weary and his mind exhausted, Shintarou still couldn’t find a proper reason to decline, not when Kazunari had gone to such lengths as these. He sighed and took his lover’s hand in his own, spun him gently around once and then settled him to the position of dancing. There was a smile on his lips and heat on his face that he wished the candles wouldn’t show too much. He swayed his body, took small steps, held one hand in Kazunari’s waist and another tangled to his, and led. It took mere notes for Kazunari to inch right against him, and Shintarou didn’t mind at all. He rested his cheek on the side of his lover’s face and rolled his eyes closed, and listened the soothing, romantic tune.

 

“… _take me into your loving arms_ ,” Kazunari murmured along, “ _kiss me under the light of a thousand starts…_ ”

 

“I will,” Shintarou muttered and took Kazunari better in his arms and intended to never let go. He sighed softly and pressed a kiss on the man’s temple. In his ear he mumbled, “What is this for?”

 

Kazunari looked up at him, his eyes gleaming, and the most beautiful small smile on his lips. “You did this to me a while ago, remember?” he asked and moved his body to the slow rhythm of their dancing. “I wanted to give back the favor… because it’s just so romantic. Plus I just really loved this song.”

 

“It’s lovely,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Right? I wouldn’t mind dancing to this on our wedding day.”

 

Shintarou put those words firmly in a safe place within his mind and twirled Kazunari around again. Below his breath Kazunari giggled, and once the spin was complete, he glued himself back to Shintarou’s chest. Shintarou smiled and moved his palm better against the small of Kazunari’s back and held him close like he always did. They had conquered everything, and he knew for sure that a moment like this would be engraved to his mind forever. Fleetingly he thought of proposing right now but dismissed it – he already had better plans, and spontaneous actions weren’t his forte. He’d end up stuttering and ruining the carefully memorized words, too. Although he knew that Kazunari wouldn’t have minded, he did. For him, it had to be perfect enough to make their grandchildren either sigh from awe or cringe from the too romantic gesture.

 

With a faint smile on his lips, he took a step back and stretched the arm in Kazunari’s, and ushered his lover to twirl underneath. Kazunari did and looked so very happy with laughter playing with his lips. The song rolled to its end and then began again, and only once it hit the chorus again did Shintarou take Kazunari back in his arms and swayed him clumsily.

 

For the sake of making the situation a little better, he said, “Soon we’ll dance like this in front of people.”

 

Kazunari looked up at him like a little boy who had been told that Christmas came early this year. But it seemed like an attempt to play it cool when he asked with a twinkle in his eye, “Getting nervous yet?”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips to a thoughtful line. “I might consider taking dance classes, because I’m not planning to embarrass myself in front of everyone I know by having two left feet.”

 

“You’re doing great already, though.” Kazunari nuzzled his forehead against Shintarou’s chest and wrapped both of his arms around the man’s torso and squeezed him tight. He asked, “How was your day?”

 

Shintarou felt a small spark of tension inside him but decided that Kazunari was genuinely curious instead of other reasons. He kissed his forehead and hummed. “Busy,” he murmured and rocked the body in his embrace. “I didn’t even have the time for lunch, I had three surgeries and they were all exhausting… What did you do?”

 

“Hm…” Kazunari’s little frown looked _adorable_. “I went for a walk… Played with Ao until she got sick of me… Thought about cleaning the kitchen but I didn’t…”

 

A huff escaped Shintarou. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“The thought counts,” Kazunari chirped and took small steps to the rhythm of Shintarou’s. “I’ll clean it someday, don’t worry…”

 

“Is that someday next week or next month?”

 

“You’re _so_ mean, Shin-chan,” whined Kazunari and squeezed Shintarou’s waist. “So mean…”

 

Shintarou dipped his head down enough to press a quick kiss on Kazunari’s lips. “You do like it, don’t you?” he murmured, the smile still on. In his ear Kazunari whispered a ‘yes’, and Shintarou felt his heart flutter to the beat of the song. He pulled back, and although his muscles still ached and his body wanted to throw itself to bed, he didn’t quite want to go yet. Not yet. Just a moment longer. So he promised himself and kept dancing.

 

With a soft voice Kazunari began to sing again. “ _I’m thinking out loud, that maybe we found love right where we are…_ ”

 

Shintarou smiled.

 

“ _Oh, baby, we found love right where we are…_ ”


	87. Simple Thoughts

With gentleness in the tips of his fingers Shintarou worked them repeatedly through Kazunari’s hair whilst watching television in its lowest volume. He wasn’t too keen on knowing what the actors said when his lover slept peacefully with his head on his lap. Every now and then he looked down at Kazunari and found himself smiling. Not exactly sure what Kazunari had done to exhaust himself like this already in afternoon, Shintarou didn’t see any reason to not let him have a nap, especially when it happened so close to him. It always felt good when his lover dozed on him, because it made him think that he was a safe place, that he was trusted, and that he was also loved. He looked at the sleeping features he had seen for years and still found something new in them.

 

Kazunari stirred a little and then continued to snore lightly. Shintarou’s smile twitched higher. He could have argued to the end of his life that there was not a sight more beautiful than this. A bit of drool trickled from Kazunari’s mouth to the chin and then to his pants; his hair resembled a crow’s nest; and he was clad in one of _his_ shirts again, as if they would be any more comfortable than his own. Shintarou heaved out a gentle sigh and rubbed the pads of his fingers to the spot that Kazunari liked to be stroked, one right behind his ear. The body over his lap pulled to a smaller curl but didn’t wake up. Kazunari resembled a cat to him, yet their actual cat was asleep on the corner of the carpet. Shintarou glanced at her and then brought his gaze back to Kazunari. It really was in moments like these when his chest filled with warmth and strange pride, too. He had managed to somehow craft himself a near perfect life, and he adored it.

 

The safety of their little bubble and world was punctured by the sound of a doorbell. Shintarou’s core tightened, and he threw a glare towards the hallway although it didn’t solve anything. He didn’t want to get up, not when Kazunari rested his head on his thighs like so, and he figured that whoever it was would give up and soon go. Yet his secret nightmares came true when the doorbell rang again, and again, and _again_ , and sounded highly annoying and loud. Sure of the fact that it would wake his lover up (it was the last thing he honestly wanted), Shintarou huffed and tried to be as gentle as possible as he moved Kazunari’s head to the couch as he got up. It seemed that for now he was still sleeping, and that made Shintarou stomp harshly to the front door.

 

He swung it open with more force than he had intended to and was greeted by a blond bush of hair together with a distressed face. Shintarou stared Ryouta dead in the eyes and clicked his tongue.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, blunt, with a hushed voice.

 

Ryouta tried to step inside without an invitation. “Where’s Takaocchi? I need to talk with him!”

 

Shintarou blocked the man’s entrance with his body. “He’s sleeping,” he said, “so come back later… Or in fact, don’t come back at all, call him.”

 

“Takaocchi!” Ryouta shouted over Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“I said he’s sleeping!” slithered through Shintarou’s gritted teeth. “So keep it down—“

 

“Mm…” came behind his back, sleepy, groaning.

 

Shintarou glanced over his shoulder, and his eyes went wide. Kazunari stumbled closer one step at a time, rubbed his eyes and yawned sweetly without bothering to cover it. Blood gushing through his veins, Shintarou glared at Ryouta again, and this time it made the other man whimper. What annoyed him the most about his _friend_ was that he had come uninvited and even had the nerves to wake his loved one so rudely. He startled out of his thoughts as Kazunari pressed his cheek against his shoulder, and protectively Shintarou wrapped an arm around his torso and pulled him close. His glare never left Ryouta who cowered ever so slightly.

 

“What’s going on…?” Kazunari yawned again. “I just heard… my name…”

 

“Takaocchi!” Ryouta hurried to say. “I need to talk to you, no one else will understand!”

 

“Go home,” grunted Shintarou.

 

“But it’s _important_ —“

 

“I said, go home.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Kazunari softly scolded and patted Shintarou’s hip. His eyes finally fully open but still looking very sleepy, he offered a lopsided grin to Ryouta. “Come in, don’t worry about Shin-chan, he’s so grumpy today.”

 

Shintarou took a sharp inhale through his nose and stared at Ryouta skipping inside without a second thought and then after Kazunari. Now keen on knowing what exactly was so _important_ that he had to bother his lover like this, Shintarou was quick to trace the men’s steps to the living room. Ryouta got immediately comfortable in the armchair and suddenly exclaimed with his eyes gleaming.

 

“You got yourself a cat!”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Pretty, isn’t she? I’d get her in my lap but she seems to be sleeping, so…”

 

Shintarou took a tight seat right beside Kazunari and laced his arm over his thighs, tugged him a little closer, and Kazunari complied without a word. He moved his arm around his lover’s shoulders and nearly had him lying in his lap, and blatantly ignored Ryouta’s wide-eyed stare. After all, this was _his_ home, and he wasn’t holding back for the sake of an annoying guest that wasn’t even supposed to be there to disrupt their peace.

 

“What’s up?” Kazunari asked.

 

Ryouta let out a theatrical sigh and pursed his lips to a pout. “I don’t even know how to say it.”

 

“Just say it,” Shintarou grunted and gained a harsh look from his lover. He pressed his lips to a tight line and supposed that he didn’t have any part in this conversation.

 

“Say it somehow,” Kazunari encouraged.

 

“Well…” Ryouta’s nose wrinkled to a cringe. He let out a small puff of air. “Daikicchi cheated on me.”

 

Shintarou tried his best to settle a neutral look on his face, as if he hadn’t heard such information before. It was the exact same look on Kazunari’s features, too.

 

Kazunari asked, “With who?”

 

“Some… Some big-breasted blonde slut,” Ryouta spitted out and crossed his arms over his chest. “I always knew he was into that, he always kept looking at women wherever we were, but he kept saying that he was only looking, not touching! Then he just… just…”

 

Shintarou had many comments circling in his mind, most of them around the words of _is this really so surprising_ and _he has done this before_ , but he didn’t dare to say them, not when Kazunari was next to him and would probably scold him for being too insensitive or something other along the lines. He swallowed in a sigh that wanted to escape and rubbed Kazunari’s side, but didn’t manage to attract his lover’s attention; Kazunari stared intensely at Ryouta, as if this was something he had never heard before. It was one of the things that Shintarou loved about him – he was a compassionate person with concern reserved for everyone.

 

“Did he tell it to you himself?” Kazunari snuggled his way better in Shintarou’s arms as he rubbed his eyes.

 

Ryouta huffed. “Yeah. He came home drunk and just started going on how he… _fucked_ this woman and that… that… h-he just…”

 

Tears glimmered in the man’s eyes. Shintarou didn’t know what to do – he felt positively petrified to the spot –, but immediately Kazunari peeled away from him and went to sit on the arm of the chair Ryouta sat in and slung an arm around his body. Ryouta let out a little whine, then a loud sob, and pressed his head against Kazunari’s knee and wailed. Although Kazunari looked slightly amused, his fingers still seemed gentle when he brushed them over the man’s forehead over and over again. Shintarou looked at them with a blank expression. He wasn’t even sure when exactly through the years the two had become friends, but they were. Sometimes he thought that Ryouta was bad influence, but other times he thought that maybe Kazunari was an upbeat one to Ryouta instead. Amongst everyone there was a silent worry over Ryouta who hadn’t secured a job but made a living from modeling jobs from time to time. He dreamed big but was stuck in the limbo of a bad relationship.

 

“Why don’t you just take this as an opportunity to break up with Aomine for good?” Kazunari said, and put the words Shintarou had rolled in his mind in a softer shape.

 

Ryouta looked up at him. “But… I don’t want to be without Daikicchi.”

 

Shintarou sighed and attracted their attention. “He’s not going to change, either,” he said. “He’s done this before, he did it now, and he’s going to keep doing this as long as you give him new chances.”

 

“What would you know about anything, Midorimacchi!” wailed Ryouta and pressed his forehead to Kazunari’s knee. “It’s so easy for you to say!”

 

“I’m just trying to… be…” Shintarou trailed off when he got a warning glance from Kazunari. He shrugged and decided to keep quiet, after all. If Ryouta didn’t want his advice, then he was going to get none. Kazunari settled better beside Ryouta and nudged him on the shoulder.

 

“Shin-chan’s sort of right,” he said, softly, his voice gentler than before. “You should find someone who wouldn’t do these things to you, don’t you think? You deserve so much better, Kise.”

 

There was a moment of silence. Then, Ryouta murmured, “You think so?”

 

“I know so. Come on, if Aomine wants to be an asshole, let him be, but let him do this to someone else for change.”

 

“Yeah, but…” Ryouta puckered his lips and looked sullen. “The sex is good.”

 

“I was under the impression that it was _boring_ ,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Midorimacchi!” Ryouta whined. “When have I said that?”

 

“The time we gathered at the pub, you explicitly told everyone how dull it was and then got into an argument about it—“

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari interrupted and offered him a stern smile that told all the necessary – _be so kind and don’t say another word_. Once Shintarou complied, Kazunari turned his concentration back to Ryouta. “You know, why don’t we just… go and grab some coffee together? Shin-chan can stay here.”

 

Ryouta said, “But I don’t feel like moving anywhere anymore, this is a comfy spot.”

 

“I’ll buy the coffee for you if you leave,” Shintarou coaxed.

 

“Why do you have to be so mean to me?” Ryouta asked. “I came here to get advice from my friends, is it really so wrong?”

 

“I would have appreciated if you had given a call beforehand.”

 

Ryouta’s pout grew darker. “Excuse _me_ for thinking you’d be happy to see me.”

 

“Now, now,” Kazunari said and got up on his feet, and pulled Ryouta along. “You and me, we’ll go get that coffee to some nice shop, Shin-chan even promised to pay. Doesn’t that sound like a good plan? We can just talk and not bother about the grumpy one.”

 

Ryouta spent a clear moment of thinking. “Fine!” he eventually exclaimed. “It’s not like I wanted to tell Midorimacchi anything in the first place.”

 

Shintarou’s brows arched higher, and an actual amused twitch overtook his lips. “Yet I will end up hearing all about it after you are gone and Kazunari comes back.”

 

“Shut up!”

 

For the sake of it, Shintarou pushed himself up. He was glad that Ryouta would be gone but disheartened that Kazunari would leave together with him. As Ryouta took off back towards the hallway, Shintarou grabbed his lover by the arm and pulled him closer. He leaned low enough for his voice to not carry too much and said with a quiet tone, “Try to make him understand that he shouldn’t be with Aomine, okay?”

 

“Aw, you do care after all,” Kazunari murmured back with a smirk on his lips. Before Shintarou could retort a single thing, Kazunari rose to his toes and pressed a quick kiss on the man’s lips. “Don’t worry, Shin-chan, that was what I wanted to do in the first place. Just relax, okay? I’ll be back in, mm… maybe few hours, so wait for me, yeah?”

 

“I’ll wait,” Shintarou promised. He hesitated a moment but said, “We can… you know. You could stop by a store and buy pizzas, and we could spend the evening watching a movie or two. In case you’re interested, of course.”

 

Kazunari’s smirk turned softer. “Sounds like a plan, babe, can’t wait. Now let me take care of this and you just spend the afternoon chilling with Ao.”

 

Shintarou nodded and let Kazunari go after one shared kiss more. He heaved out a sigh and watched the man take bouncy steps towards the hallway, and within a second heard muffled chatter. Not interested at all what was going on, he fell back on the couch and grabbed a pillow to squeeze against his chest. He couldn’t believe how easy it had been for Ryouta to simply steal Kazunari like that. A little jealous that he wasn’t going to be able to spend the afternoon with his loved one like he had originally planned to, he tried to coax Ao with him instead. She only stirred awake once the front door slammed shut, and as she stretched her limbs, she ran straight to the kitchen. Irritated, Shintarou grumbled and buried himself better to the couch. He did like the fact that Kazunari had blended in their ridiculous little group so well – sometimes he simply felt that the same group was more fond of Kazunari than him.

 

Without another noise escaping from his mouth, he turned up the volume of the television and idly wondered if he was going to simply sit here for the few hours watching something utterly pointless. He gave up after ten minutes and got up, only to return with research articles he had meant to read for work for days now. He didn’t lift his gaze from the papers until three hours later when Kazunari slumped beside him with two pizzas in his arms and a bright smile on his lips. Instead of the gossips, Shintarou grabbed a kiss instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconvenience this double update might have brought you! Hopefully we'll see on Sunday - if not, I'll make sure to notify ~~it's just a really busy weekend for me~~. Nonetheless, have a lovely weekend ( ˘ ³˘)♥


	88. Rebellion

Kazunari felt like an eel, or a snake, or any boneless long reptile, as the bottom half of his body had slipped on the floor whilst the upper one still remained on the couch. Not exactly sure how he had ended up in the position, he didn’t necessarily want to be in it, either – it was quite hurting his back that really wasn’t turning any younger. However, he was too lazy to do anything to make it better. That, and Ao kept twirling under his dipping, arching back, as if testing her luck whether she was going to get crushed under his weight or not. So Kazunari settled himself there to a weird curl, feeling sluggish, actually feeling like not doing anything at all. Technically he _was_ doing something, watching television that was, but that wasn’t too special, either, when Shintarou was doing who knew what somewhere else.

 

His laziness had even climbed so high that he didn’t bother to shout for Shintarou to come with him to keep him company and make him amused. It was a serious case, and he had no means to cure it.

 

He rolled his eyes shut and relaxed, but fluttered them open already after few seconds. He tried to push himself back on the couch but failed miserably. His arms already shook from the weight he had to carry. A loud groan escaped him, followed by a grumble, then followed by a whine, and now he kind of wanted to attract Shintarou’s attention. The man seemingly didn’t get to clue wherever he was, and Kazunari pouted. _This_ was the downside of still being unemployed; the days were long and dull, not much to do, not when Shintarou had gotten to the rhythm of napping to recharge his energy. He liked napping, too, but not every single day. Kazunari sucked in his lips and looked around. Pretty sure that Shintarou wasn’t sleeping this time – there was the sound of gush of water coming from the kitchen, after all –, he heaved out a sigh and pressed the back of his head against the couch and relaxed.

 

Just when he was certain that he had reached nirvana, came an echo of, “Kazunari!”

 

Kazunari startled from his thoughts and crashed ass-first on the floor. Luckily the growing kitten had been out of the way long before it happened. “Ow, ow…” he muttered and rubbed the small of his back and his buttocks, and with a more sullen pout on his lips looked up at Shintarou who stood beside the couch with his hands tightly crossed over his chest. “Nn, you don’t have to shout so loud… What is it?”

 

“You promised to clean the kitchen, did you not?” Shintarou’s eyes narrowed.

 

Another groan trickled from Kazunari’s mouth. “Well, yeah.” He shrugged and pushed himself to sit on the couch. “Why?”

 

“I just finished the dishes, so go clean the kitchen now.”

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, you gotta be kidding me… Look, I just got so comfortable here, okay, I’m _so_ comfy here, don’t do this to me… It’s Sunday,” he tried.

 

Shintarou’s expression didn’t falter. “Could you please be so kind and clean it now? It’s starting to look disgusting.”

 

“It’s not even dirty!” Kazunari huffed and picked his legs up on the couch, and hugged them against his chest. “You just _think_ it’s dirty, but anyone else would say it’s still clean… I mean, not sparkling clean, obviously, but it’s still clean!”

 

“Kazunari,” growled Shintarou.

 

“Shintarou,” Kazunari mimicked him from the voice to the expression. He pushed up his hands like claws and wiggled his fingers in the air. “I’m not doing it. I’ll clean it tomorrow when you’re gone, so just come and sit here and cuddle with me ‘cause I’m getting lonely.”

 

“You’ll get your cuddles as soon as the kitchen is clean.”

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes and stared at Shintarou, the becoming smile gone from his lips within a fraction of a second. “Are you serious?” he asked flatly. “It’s Sunday evening, there’s no way I’m going to start cleaning some stupid kitchen now!”

 

“You promised.”

 

“I didn’t promise it to do on a Sunday.”

 

“What does the weekday have anything to do with it?” Shintarou arched a brow higher.

 

Kazunari puffed air out of his cheeks. “ _Well_ , for starters, I’d just like to enjoy the company of my lover before he starts another week at work. Can’t you just come here and cuddle me and kiss me and other fun stuff?”

 

The corners of Shintarou’s lips tensed. He buried his face to his palm, and once he retreated his fingers, he worked them over his forehead. His cheeks were getting a healthy bright glow, and Kazunari knew what it was – Shintarou was ready to explode. “I’m going to ask you once more, and I’m going to do it kindly,” he said, yet his tone trembled below his breath. “Would you please be so kind enough and get up and go and clean the kitchen like you promised to me?”

 

“Fine,” Kazunari muttered and pushed up on his feet, and gave Shintarou the harshest glare of the week. “ _Fine_ , let’s just do what the master wants me to do. Sometimes I really hate you.”

 

He brushed past Shintarou but had to stop when his lover grabbed his arm. Grumbling, he stared up into the green eyes.

 

“What did you say?” asked Shintarou.

 

Kazunari tried to yank himself free but didn’t succeed. “I said I totally hate you sometimes,” he repeated. “So bossy all the time, _oh look at me, I’m Midorima Shintarou, I’m amazing, I can do whatever I want, I want the kitchen clean now_ —Can you just let go of my arm already?”

 

Without a second’s pause Shintarou did exactly that but didn’t look too happy. “Well,” rolled off his tongue. The single word sounded poisonous enough. “Mister _I never bother to do anything as I promised because I’m Takao Kazunari, look at me, I’m all chirpy and happy all the damn time, let me just make my lover do all the work_.”

 

Kazunari gasped. “Oh, fuck you.”

 

He shook his head in bemusement and didn’t bother to listen whether Shintarou would give him a sequel or not as he marched to the kitchen. There still wasn’t an ounce of wanting to clean the stupid kitchen, but now he felt like he had no other choice. He crouched to the cupboard below the sink and yanked a pile of sponges to the counter together with soap. Under his breath he muttered countless insults, none too harsh, and felt irritation gnaw in the back of his head that pounded with an ache. Sometimes Shintarou could be a real asshole if he was in the mood of it, but it was really nothing new. He had grown used to useless banter like this when they had grown up, yet sometimes their equally childish sides resurfaced and he felt like they were nineteen all over again with so much to prove. Gritting his teeth, Kazunari stared at the counter that did look a little dirty, admittedly, and began to scrub it clean to his best abilities.

 

Not sure exactly why Shintarou had allowed himself to be pulled to his childishness (he had no trouble admitting that he was the most foolish of them), Kazunari inhaled his cheeks full of air and huffed it all out at once. Hadn’t Shintarou said he had some long surgery tomorrow…? Maybe it was the nerves talking in that case. The more he scrubbed the counter, the less annoyed he was getting. He’d have to learn to clean the kitchen more often, anyway – their new one was going to be _huge_ , and he didn’t want all the cleaning to fall on Shintarou. Kazunari craned his neck and smiled to his fingers. _Oh_ , look at him, being such a thoughtful lover. A small snort escaped him.

  
“Kazu,” Shintarou called with a soft voice.

 

Kazunari squeezed the sponge tighter in his fist and felt a shudder of surprise down his spine. With brows arched higher he looked at his lover over his shoulder. “What is it?”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say such a stupid thing.” Shintarou stepped closer, stopped mid-way, and then took in the rest of the distance and wrapped his arms to Kazunari’s waist from behind. He gave a kiss to the midst of his hair and squeezed him closer, then worked his hands over Kazunari’s arms and stroked the skin tenderly. “You don’t have to clean if you don’t want to, you can do it tomorrow or some other day or… Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” Kazunari chuckled and let go of the sponge, only to turn around in Shintarou’s embrace and look him in the eyes. “It was kind of cute, I guess. You nervous about tomorrow? You got that surgery, right?”

 

Shintarou nodded. “It’s not just me, but doctors from different departments, too… I can’t fail.”

 

“You won’t!” Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and pressed a sloppy kiss on Shintarou’s chin. “You’re going to be awesome like always, Shin-chan, so no need to be all grumpy with me, okay?”

 

“I’m still sorry,” Shintarou tried.

 

“Just hush already, yeah? I’m going to clean the kitchen now _as I promised_ , so can we cuddle afterwards?”

 

“That’s what _I_ promised.”

 

Kazunari grinned and nodded towards the living room. “Now go and relax, you deserve it. I’ll be right there as soon as I’m done with this.”

 

“If you’re taking more than fifteen minutes, I’ll come and help.”

 

“Just go, put some trust in me!”

 

Shintarou grumbled something Kazunari didn’t quite catch but kissed his cheek nonetheless. Such a small gesture was enough to make Kazunari bristle, and once Shintarou turned around to move to the living room, Kazunari slapped his bottom. Shintarou groaned and threw him a look, but Kazunari merely grinned and turned towards the counter again. He managed to give it one good scrub when his ass was slapped as well, and his buttock jiggled from the impact. He spun around and looked at the smirk on Shintarou’s face. There was nothing more he wanted than to start a competition of slapping each other’s bottoms, but he decided to be a good boy for once and give Shintarou his victory. Kazunari did stick his tongue out for the man, and rather clumsily Shintarou reciprocated the gesture. It was enough to make Kazunari laughter echo around the house.


	89. Candy Apple Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're asking why there's another prompt with this name, I'm with you. I struggled to come up with something good to this the first place, so doing it the second time wasn't a treat.

Anger boiled within Shintarou. It took control of his entire body, turned his stomach upside down, yanked his intestines, and created an irregular rhythm for his poor heart. He narrowed his eyes and stared down at another pot that was as good as ruined. Harshly he clicked his tongue and grabbed the pot by its handle and tried to ignore the burnt sugar at the bottom of it as he moved it to the sink with another pot. They didn’t have enough pots for him to ruin like this, either. Shintarou crouched down to grab another, settled it on the stove, and squeezed his eyes shut. _You can do this_. The apples on the other counter were all ready, sticks shoved in them, rolled in burning hot water, and all he needed was the damn sugar-syrup mixture. Even thinking about the word made a painful vein pound on the side of his head. He gritted his teeth tightly together and fluttered his eyes open.

 

He grabbed the bag of sugar and measured the exact amount told in the recipe, not a gram over, not a gram too little. In the pan he poured all of it and a bit of water, shoved a wooden spatula in, and began to stir. There was tension in his shoulders, but this time he was confident he could make it. How _hard_ could it really be to melt some sugar? Apparently too hard, Shintarou bitterly thought as he looked at the mess he had made. All that for the sake of candy apples – he couldn’t even remember anymore why he had decided to start making them. Most likely it was one of those Kazunari’s stupid ideas, or rather his lover whining how he wanted them _so_ badly. Shintarou shook his head and stirred the mixture. This was the _final_ time he’d make anything for the idiot. The next time, he’d march to the store and buy something instead of going through all the hassle. The kitchen was in the midst of chaos, and he was not looking forward to clean it up.

 

Waiting exactly five minutes, Shintarou kept working the spatula in the pot. In the first batch he had burned the sugar by not stirring enough, and he wasn’t quite sure what had gone wrong with the second. He added the syrup and craned his neck, let out a puff of air from his cheeks and stared at the mixture. If it _dared_ to burn down now, he would break something. He glanced at the apples that looked good on their own and wondered why Kazunari couldn’t just crave for them without anything extra added. Attaching his eyes on the recipe, he rubbed his cheek. Candy apples were really the last thing on his agenda he wanted to make after a long day of work, but Kazunari had asked rather nicely (and showered him under kisses), and it had been difficult to refuse. Shintarou heaved out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes close, gravity making his eyelids too heavy.

 

He snapped out of his thoughts a moment later, gasped for breath and looked down at the pot. The mixture had turned from a beautiful golden brown color to black goo, all because he had dozed off for a moment. Not able to contain his frustration anymore, Shintarou shouted, “Fuck!”

 

Two seconds later Kazunari’s voice asked, “Do you need help?”

 

“No,” Shintarou grumbled. He switched the stove off and knew he had to clean at least one of the pots to do another effort. The vein on his temple throbbed hard, and he knew it was more than visible as he ran his newest creation under water. He grinded his teeth together and wondered what he had done in his life to deserve such failures in row now. “I can’t believe I’m bothering to make this _shit_ , this is just, _fucking hell_ …”

 

His voice trailed off to annoyed mumbles when Kazunari wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and squeezed him to a hug. Shintarou sighed and stopped all of his movements for a while to at least enjoy the embrace he got. He moved his fingertips briefly over Kazunari’s knuckles and felt his lover rub his cheek against his back. Another sigh escaped him as he began to clean the bottom of the pot. It was easier said than done, the goo stuck to the surface, but whenever he wanted to explode again, the hands around his waist squeezed him a little tighter. Kazunari rubbed his sides gently, as if he knew the amount of frustration inside him, and Shintarou found himself calming down an ounce at a time. He slipped his eyes closed and didn’t say another word until the pot was somewhat clean from the burnt mess.

 

“I can’t do this,” he whispered as he set it back to the stove and looked at Kazunari who pressed his head against his side to peek at him under his arm. He worked his fingers through the dark hair. “I’m going to burn another batch, and soon we won’t have sugar or any pots because I ruin them all.”

 

“We can do it together,” Kazunari promised. He let go of Shintarou and settled beside him in front of the stove, and eyed the recipe. “Come on, babe, one more try. If it doesn’t work, then we just eat apples as they were meant to be eaten.”

 

“I don’t know,” Shintarou muttered. He didn’t want to expose himself to yet _another_ failure.

 

Kazunari tiptoed and kissed his cheek several times, trailed kisses to his jawline, too, and smiled against his skin, hugged him again. “Pretty please?” he murmured. “I can take the blame this time if it doesn’t work… I can do it and you can just hug me from behind.”

 

_That_ was an agreement that Shintarou was willing to settle into. Without a word he moved to his new spot behind Kazunari and slid his arms around his waist and tugged him closer to his body. His lover smelled good, clean and of the cherry blossom soap that he loved to use. Shintarou rested his chin on Kazunari’s head and watched him measure the sugar – definitely not according to the recipe – and throw it in the pot. Not sure what this would become like, Shintarou rocked the man in his arms and made him chuckle. The sound was enough to tug the corners of his lips higher. He pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s ear and allowed a hum out of his mouth once his lover began to mix the sugar just like he had done before. He hugged Kazunari better as if he was his personal teddy bear and slipped his eyes close. No matter how many times they did this, be close that was, Shintarou never got enough. It was strange yet so natural at the same time, as if it was always meant to be like this, his body glued to Kazunari’s. Maybe it was.

 

“Um… I just need to add the syrup now, right?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Yeah,” Shintarou muttered. “You should probably keep stirring it, too… Otherwise it’s going to end up being the same as mine.”

 

“Got it.” With surprising precision Kazunari poured the syrup in the mixture and stirred vigorously.

 

Shintarou’s lips twitched to an involuntary smile, simply because it was a rather amusing sight. As a gentle sigh rolled out from the tip of his tongue, he kissed Kazunari’s shoulder and made him hum.

 

“Aren’t you being all affectionate today.”

 

“I can’t help it,” Shintarou groaned. “I can stop if you so desperately want that.”

 

“No, no, I wasn’t complaining!” Kazunari hurried to say and settled himself better in Shintarou’s arms. “It just feels really nice, is all I’m saying.” After a brief moment Kazunari said, “Go grab the apples, let’s see if this is going to work or not.”

 

Reluctantly Shintarou peeled away from his lover and brought the tray of apples on the counter beside the stove. He read through the recipe again, grabbed an apple by its wooden stick and dipped it to the boiling mixture. Hardly able to breathe, Shintarou lifted it up, allowed the excess to drain back to the pot and settled it back to the baking tray. “It seems alright,” he finally announced and looked at Kazunari. “Do you want to give it a go?”

 

“Oh, totally.” Kazunari was all smirks as they switched places. He grabbed an apple and nudged it in the pot, and when he lifted it up, only a stick got along as the apple remained. A burst of laughter got out of him. “Fuck, what are we going to do now?” he asked, snorting, chuckling. “It’s going to ruin it, Shin-chan, do something!”

 

“What am I supposed to do?”

 

“I don’t know, anything!”

 

Shintarou sighed and grabbed a spoon, and tried to fish the apple out of the pot. “Sometimes you’re being too spoiled,” he noted.

 

Kazunari huffed. “It’s only because you’ve been spoiling me too much, so the blame’s on you.”

 

“I hardly spoil you.”

 

“You spoil me _so_ much, you keep pampering me and indulging me.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look as he managed to get the apple out and onto the tray. “Maybe I should stop in that case.”

 

Kazunari attached himself to his arm. “Please don’t,” he whined softly. “I like it, no, I _love_ it.”

 

“Thought so.”

 

They exchanged a brief kiss and continued with the apples, together this time. Eventually on the tray rested six lush apples, all covered in homemade toffee. Shintarou’s chest twinged with pride, and he scooped Kazunari in his arms just for the sake of it. After a dozed on small smooches that he was showered under did he manage to start cleaning up; this time, again, Kazunari hugged him from behind and tried to rock him back and forth (but his body hardly budged). Only once he was satisfied with the amount of shine the pot looked at him with, did he abandon doing the dishes and turned to Kazunari instead.

 

Again they kissed, gently, lovingly, lips softly touching each other like neither of them had the desire to deepen it or make it anything more than what it already was. Shintarou hugged Kazunari against his chest and closed his eyes, enjoyed the moment. These were the seconds and minutes in life he appreciated the most; these were the moments that he was willing to work hard to provide enough for both of them. This was something he wouldn’t change to a single thing, something he would never regret. Soon, he’d push a ring on one of the fingers that now trailed shapes on his back. With the thought on his mind and a smile on his lips, he kissed Kazunari again.

 

Ten minutes later they tried the apples. They were discarded to the garbage bag immediately and the burnt taste covered by another set of kisses.


	90. Chatter

“Shin-chan.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do you mind if Tetsuya stops by for a quick coffee?”

 

A tremor pierced Shintarou, but he made sure not to show any signs of actual shivering when he lifted his gaze from the book and attached it to Kazunari instead. The man swayed in the doorway to the kitchen, phone against his chest, brows arched higher. Shintarou licked his suddenly dried lips and puckered them, and felt a thud in the back of his head. Of course there was only one right answer to that question. He wasn’t going to start playing a jealous lover now, not after everything that had happened, not anymore. And even if he _was_ jealous – which he wasn’t, he made sure to note to himself –, he wasn’t going to let it out. Thus, he settled a soft smile on his lips.

 

“I don’t mind at all,” he said, his voice calm and gentle. “Of course he can come, he’s your friend, after all. You don’t have to ask.”

 

Kazunari’s expression brightened visibly. Still he asked, “You sure?”

 

“Positive.”

 

Kazunari smiled wide and brought the phone to his ear, and chirped to it,” Just come on in once you’re close by… Yeah, yeah. No, did he really? You seriously need to tell…”

 

Shintarou heaved out a sigh as Kazunari’s voice became a mere echo once he walked back to the kitchen. He hung his head, his gaze back towards the book, and felt a nasty twirl in the pit of his stomach. There was no reason for him to feel like so, he told himself and wanted to slap himself across the face. There was also no way he would start acting like an overly possessive, jealous husband-to-be, not after such an argument where he had pulled Tetsuya in without a good reason. He swallowed hard and craned his neck, and tried his best to fully concentrate back on the book. Few deep breaths later he found himself relaxed again and melted better against the couch. He could endure it – rather, he would even _like_ for Tetsuya to come, because it was good for Kazunari. Kazunari was a social person, after all, and he hadn’t been in contact with anyone recently. Pleased with his thought process, Shintarou smiled to the book and continued reading it.

 

Even so, when fifteen minutes passed and the doorbell finally rang, his heart jumped to his throat. He tightened his grasp from the book and stared strictly in front of him. His knuckles turned white, and his breath hitched. He waited, but nothing seemingly happened. The doorbell rang again.

  
“Could you go get that, babe?” Kazunari shouted.

 

It felt like cold water poured from the collar of his shirt to his bare skin. Shintarou counted to five, replied, “Yes!” and pushed up on his feet, abandoned the book. With slow steps he approached the hallway and felt his palms sweat. He’d like to think that he had never fully gotten along with Tetsuya in middle school, anyway, but those few silly weeks he had spent with Kazunari… _Stop thinking about it_ , he commanded as he stared at the door and stopped still to gather his thoughts. _There’s no reason for you to feel jealous, idiot. They’re friends, and that’s all they’re going to be, Kuroko’s with Kagami, anyway, calm down_. Shintarou took a deep breath and settled a smile on his lips. It hurt the corners a little, but at least it made him cheer him up.

 

Yet it took some effort to keep the smile up when he swung the door open and looked down at the shorter man. Tetsuya startled, and his eyes widened ever so slightly, yet the expression quickly smoothened, so fast in fact that Shintarou wasn’t sure whether he had simply imagined the bewilderment. For a second he could only stand still like a statue. Then, he startled from his thoughts and cleared his throat.

 

“Hi,” he said, his voice strained, not really sounding like himself.

 

“Midorima-kun,” greeted Tetsuya and lowered his head to a small bow. Silence followed his words, until he spoke, “How are you?”

 

“I’m fine,” Shintarou managed to muster out. He cleared his throat again and moistened his lips, and took a trembling step backwards. “Just… come on in. Kazunari’s in the kitchen.”

 

Tetsuya smiled briefly. “Thank you, Midorima-kun.”

 

Shintarou found no function to stay, thus he didn’t. He escaped to the living room quicker than he had gotten to the hallway and slumped back down on the couch, his insides trembling. The good thing was that he had done it, been polite, been friendly, and now he felt like he had made Kazunari proud. Tetsuya was a man that would be a guest in their future wedding, after all – maybe it really was the time to let go of whatever harsh feelings he harbored inside him and appreciate the fact that his lover had such a good friend. He glanced towards the kitchen, and as a small chatter began, he hummed from satisfaction. It felt good to hear Kazunari so lively, even when he couldn’t tell the individual words apart. He promised not to pry, and so he blocked all the noises from his head and instead focused on the book.

 

“Babe!” Kazunari exclaimed.

 

So much for the plan. “Yeah?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Do you want something to drink?”

 

“I’m good, thank you,” he said without thinking.

 

“You sure?” Kazunari’s voice was loud echoed.

 

“Yes, thank you.”

 

As soon as his lover stopped shouting, Shintarou felt his tongue turn as dry as a desert. He craned his neck and decided not to intervene for the sake of a glass of water. He didn’t want to walk in on them, not when they were having a seemingly good conversation judging by the constant sound of chatter. It wasn’t only dominated by Kazunari, either, which made Shintarou frown. Tetsuya wasn’t really the chatty type as far as he knew, so it was strange to hear his voice entwining in a steady stream to Kazunari’s. Shintarou shook the thoughts off and looked down at his book, and once he turned to another page, he realized that he remembered nothing of what he had just read. His eyes went wide, and he rolled them, returned to the previous page and began from the top of the page again.

 

He pulled his legs with him on the couch, something he never did but something he thought he’d try since it was the position that Kazunari was most often in. It was hardly comfortable. Maybe it had something to do with his height and long legs, but he gave up fairly quickly and pushed his feet back on the floor, then swung one leg over the other and tried to search for a comfortable spot. The chatter coming from the kitchen worked as his background music, and it was surprisingly soothing, albeit a little weird. Idly wondering if he should retreat to the bedroom to give them more privacy, Shintarou shifted his weight on his other buttock and sat for a while in a highly uncomfortable position. His mouth turned even drier than before, and he wasn’t sure what the hell to do with himself anymore. There was nothing more that he wanted than go to the kitchen and get himself a glass of water, but he didn’t want to bother. That was the last thing he wanted, yet his tongue felt swollen and so _there_ in his mouth.

 

Five minutes later he gave up, closed the book and got up again. He walked towards the kitchen, apologetic words already on his lips, ready to burst out.

 

“—Midorima-kun wouldn’t do that.”

 

Shintarou froze in the spot as if the floor had turned awfully possessive all of a sudden.

 

“He kind of did,” Kazunari replied with a soft, quiet voice. “Or, rather, it just… sort of happened, he didn’t really… _do_ anything.”

 

Tetsuya sighed. “You should have talked to him in the first place.” He sounded scolding.

 

Shintarou’s heart thudded wild in his chest. There was no question what they were talking about, and it made his breath get lost in his lungs. He couldn’t believe Kazunari told about it to Tetsuya – it’s not like he had bothered to mention anything to Seijuurou (he liked to think that Seijuurou was to him what Tetsuya was to Kazunari). He chewed his bottom lip and tried to get realistic, tried to still his frantic heart, but the treacherous organ didn’t listen. Curling his fingers to tight fists, he squeezed his eyes shut and knew that he deserved this. It was strange, because he felt ashamed but at the same time oddly glad that Kazunari could talk of such things to someone rather than bottle them up.

 

“I know,” Kazunari grumbled. “It just happened all of a sudden and, I don’t know. It was so weird.”

 

“But you’d stay with Midorima-kun no matter what, wouldn’t you?”

 

“Of course I would!” exclaimed Kazunari. He continued with a quieter voice, “I mean, even if something _had_ happened… I would have still wanted to be with him. If I wouldn’t be enough anymore sex-wise… I don’t know.”§

 

“Kazunari-kun…”

 

Shintarou stared at the floor with widened eyes and pressed a palm over his mouth to prevent himself from breathing too hard, to avoid being heard and eavesdropping. A new gush of guilt took him over, not that it had ever even left him properly, but now it gained rebirth and made him nauseous. At least… A small smile twitched to his lips. At least he’d propose tomorrow. Everything was planned, everything was settled, and tomorrow they’d be engaged, and nothing could stop him, nothing would tear them apart now. He rubbed his forehead and felt slightly silly. He was overthinking again, he knew, and he didn’t want to be. Swallowing down another sigh, he waited until the conversation turned to lighter tracks, and only then walked to the kitchen as if he hadn’t been standing outside it for solid minutes already.

 

“I’m only getting a glass of water,” he announced, his tone apologetic, “I won’t be bothering, I’m terribly sorry.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, Shin-chan, just stay here for a bit and chat with us.”

 

Shintarou was pinned in front of the sink, and he carefully glanced at Kazunari. “I really don’t… I don’t want to bother.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a bother, Midorima-kun,” Tetsuya said and offered a smile.

 

Forced to stay on the spot by two smiling men, Shintarou allowed a sigh. He took the glass of water he had wanted and took a seat beside Kazunari. His lover squeezed his knee, and briefly Shintarou looked at him, gave him a weak smile. He assumed that Kazunari would pull his hand back but he didn’t, not that it surprised him at all – Kazunari _was_ the kind of person to express his love in front of anyone and everyone. Taking a sip from the water, Shintarou looked elsewhere and felt his cheeks slightly glow.

 

“Midorima-kun,” Tetsuya called and attracted his attention. “How has it been in the hospital?”

 

“Good,” Shintarou managed to muster out. He eyed Tetsuya, his mind hesitant, his insides pooling and grumbling. He cleared his throat and decided to try his very best for the sake of Kazunari and to show him that he was no longer jealous, that he was _happy_ about this friendship. “How is your… your puppy doing?”

 

Tetsuya looked rather delighted. “Nigou is doing fine, thank you for asking. He’s growing so fast, but I think Kagami-kun still doesn’t like him…”

 

“He’ll learn to like him,” Kazunari said with a snort. “He’s the cutest pup ever.”

 

“Is Kagami doing alright, too?” Shintarou enquired.

 

Tetsuya nodded. “He’s doing good, yes. He might go to America for a week or two soon.”

 

“Oh, right, I forgot to tell you,” Kazunari said and pulled his hand away from Shintarou’s knee. “I got this really good idea few weeks ago, okay, hear me out. Why don’t we… We should get all the Miracles together and play some street basketball.” The brightest grin tugged his lips higher. “Doesn’t that sound like the greatest thing ever? I could come along, Kagami could, I spoke to Himuro and he’d love to do it… It’d be like this _huge_ thing we could do to catch up again.”

 

“That sounds like a good idea, Kazunari-kun.”

 

“Right? So I told Shin-chan that he should ask Akashi to organize it—“

 

“I still don’t understand why _I_ need to be the one to do that,” Shintarou interrupted with a swirl of complain in his tone.

 

Kazunari glanced at him. “Because you’re BFFs together, hun, that’s why. I _would_ organize it myself but let’s be real, no one would bother to show up because I wouldn’t threaten to harm everything they consider important and so on.”

 

“You know Akashi is not like that anymore,” Shintarou defended.

 

“It was just a joke, silly.” Kazunari pressed a quick kiss to Shintarou’s cheek and concentrated back on Tetsuya. “So, what do you think? It’s a good idea, so would you and Kagami be up to it?”

 

“Definitely.” Tetsuya smiled and took a quick sip from the tea he had in front of him. “It should be fun. We haven’t played basketball together in years.”

 

“Right?” Kazunari grinned, a little victorious as he looked at Shintarou again. “What were you doing in the living room just now, babe?”

 

“Oh, um…” Shintarou rubbed his nape. “I was just reading?”

 

“What did you read, Midorima-kun?” Tetsuya asked.

 

Shintarou looked at the man. “Last month’s bestseller.”

 

“The one with the woman and the dog?” Tetsuya looked rather delighted all of a sudden. “I have read it, too. Have you liked it so far?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou’s brows knitted to a frown. He had completely forgotten that the two of them had one passion beside basketball that they shared. “I’ve found it very thrilling so hard, it’s difficult to put it down.”

 

“Alright, if you’re going to start talking about books, I’m taking a toilet break,” Kazunari announced and got up.

 

As the chair screeched, the blood in Shintarou’s veins chilled. He looked up at Kazunari with widened eyes, silently pleading him not to go, but Kazunari either didn’t see his distress or didn’t care as he skipped out of the kitchen without a second thought. Finding himself alone with the one man that made him thoroughly uncomfortable, Shintarou intensely stared at the surface of the table. He rubbed the pads of his fingers against the wood and hoped that Kazunari would come back soon, because the air in the kitchen hung heavy and made him truly unable to breathe.

 

“Midorima-kun,” Tetsuya suddenly called and leaned a little closer. He paused but continued, “I think we should talk.”

 

Shintarou took in a sharp breath through his nose. “About what?” He nearly choked on the words.

 

“Do you resent me?” Tetsuya asked bluntly.

 

“No,” Shintarou answered and realized that he did it suspiciously fast.

 

Tetsuya smiled, yet it was a mere small twitch of his lips. “Kazunari-kun has… Please don’t feel angry, Midorima-kun, but Kazunari-kun has told me about… you possibly being jealous about… something that I can’t quite understand.”

 

“We don’t have to talk about this,” Shintarou said and swallowed down a sigh.

 

“I only wanted to say that you have nothing to worry about.” Tetsuya nodded a bit and now smiled properly. “I’m not… I wouldn’t want to be with Kazunari-kun in a relationship. We might have been together when we were younger, but I have no desires to be with Kazunari-kun anymore. And… I would like to be friends with Midorima-kun, too.”

 

Shintarou stared at Tetsuya and felt his pulse tick right in the root of his ear. “I… am glad to know that,” he mustered out. He let out a breath that he had been unconsciously holding in. “I believe I… have to issue an apology in that case, for… doubting your intentions. I’m sorry.” It felt odd to say it, but at the same time rather liberating. He risked a small smile.

 

Tetsuya responded to the smile. “I’m glad we are finally on the same page. I also apologize if I have given wrong impressions.”

 

Shintarou was about to answer when he heard steps close in on the kitchen again. He pressed his lips flat and glanced at Kazunari over his shoulder once the man made his appearance again.

 

“Please tell me you’re done talking about books,” Kazunari whined.

 

“No book-talking anymore, Kazunari-kun.”

 

“Great.” Instead of sitting down on the chair where he had gotten up, Kazunari stood beside Shintarou and tried to move his hands away, but the man didn’t get the hint. “Shin-chan, hands out of the way.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Why?”

 

“So I can come and sit on your lap, obviously.”

 

“Oh, no, please don’t—“ He didn’t bother to continue when Kazunari yanked his arms away and like a stubborn child sat down on his lap. A sigh might have escaped from his mouth, but nonetheless Shintarou found himself wrapping his arms around his lover’s torso and holding him securely on the spot that had been chosen. Not too pleased with it, he still didn’t make any effort to get Kazunari out of the place, and merely gave him a glare when he looked at him with a lopsided grin.

 

“So, about that basketball thing…” Kazunari began with a bubbly tone.

 

Shintarou tuned out with ease and pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s spine. Now that he thought about it, he was actually _glad_ that Tetsuya had brought the matter up. Maybe from now on, the jealousy would ease and he could try and enjoy the man’s company instead. Shintarou squeezed Kazunari better in his arms and hid a smile to his shirt.


	91. New Beginnings

An annoying beeping right beside him stirred Kazunari awake from his sweet dreams. Not sure if he was only imagining the sound or if it really existed, he grumbled below his breath and yanked the blanket better over his head, rolled around to his other side and wished that the sound would disappear. It resembled a lot like an alarm, but there wasn’t supposed to be an alarm in the first place – Shintarou had a day off today, and he would have never forgotten to put it off. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to block the sound out of his head, out of his mind, out of this world, because he wanted to sleep and his body told it was too early to wake up. But the ringing continued, annoyance growing and gnawing the back of his head, and he was ready to explode. He gave it another minute’s chance, but when there was no change in its behavior, he had enough.

 

He yanked the blanket away from him and rolled back on his other side, refused to open his eyes, and blindly searched for the clock beside him. He smashed the top of it with his hand, but the moment he did that, something rustled underneath his skin. Frowning lightly at first, then deeply, Kazunari squeezed his eyes tighter shut before he cracked them open ever so slightly. It took him seconds to focus his gaze on anything, but when he did, he saw a piece of white paper taped to the clock with a black arrow pointing down on it. He peeked under the paper; only ten am. Not sure what the hell was going on, he brought his hand back to rub his tired eyes and stared at the arrow. Why the hell was it pointing down?

 

“Shin-ch…” He trailed off when the man was nowhere to be seen from his side. His brows knitted even tighter together, and he lifted himself to sit up. The room was still dark enough for him not to see any further than his arm, thus he turned on the bedside lamp and looked down just like the arrow wanted him to.

 

His heart jumped to his throat, and his breath hitched. On the floor was an obvious trail of similar papers, each obviously saying something that he couldn’t quite see. They were all of equal length and width, identical, pure white with black letters in the middle. He peeked over the edge of the bed to the first note. _Kazunari_ , it simply said. “What the hell?” he muttered and threw his legs over the edge, and rubbed his eyes some more to get the sleep out of them. _The first time I met you_ , stated the second paper, and it piqued Kazunari’s curiosity. He pushed himself on his feet and stopped beside the third one. _I thought you were_ , it said. The next three ones summed the sentence; _annoying, too loud, and always too upbeat_.

 

These were like straight from Shintarou’s mouth, weren’t they?

 

A smile on his lips, Kazunari approached the door with the help of the papers. _But the fact is_ , said the next one, and the other followed, _you were always there_. His smile twitched higher. Not sure at all what was going on, he yanked the door open and expected to see something glorious behind. Only the empty living room greeted him. He switched on the light and gave a small gasp. The paper trail continued on the floor, circling around the coffee table, creating twists and turns. He was certain that they wanted him to follow, and that was exactly what he did.

 

_You always listened_ , said the one closest to the bedroom door. Kazunari’s smile no longer turned down as he took slow steps forward and read the papers as he walked. _And you were always there for me no matter what. I quickly got used to it_ , Kazunari’s smile turned into a grin as he hugged his torso, _and I could no longer_ not _imagine you there beside me_. He came to a full stop as he took a deep breath to spend a moment of thinking. He still couldn’t understand what this was and why it was happening, but he had always been too curious, and there was no way he would simply walk to the kitchen where the paper trail clearly wanted him to go. He had started this journey, and he had every intentions of finishing it.

 

He took a small step forward and dipped his head down for the next note. _We started to grow together_. “We did,” he murmured to it and let his gaze move on to the next. _And it became natural that you were always there_. Kazunari brought his hand to his nape to rub the aching muscles. _No matter what_ , he stepped closer, _even if the world threw us bad instead of the good_ , he moved his hand to his mouth, _I never thought we should be apart_. To the corner of the coffee table Kazunari stopped. Something like this should have been illegal first thing in the morning; he started to feel emotional, and his eyes burned. Of course he had heard such words before, but now they came out of the blue, and now he didn’t have the chance to prepare himself for them. He circled around the table together with five notes that together said, _When we first moved in together when we were twenty, I knew that you were the one who I wanted to settle down for the rest of my life. When you dropped out of university a year later, I was mad but wanted to always be there for you. You became so important to me without permission._

 

A small chuckle escaped him. Without permission… He dragged his fingers along his cheeks that were burning. There had to be an extremely good reason for this, right? He stood at the beginning of the final line of papers. They were settled perfectly to point towards the kitchen, but he didn’t quite see into the kitchen itself. Excitement bubbled in his stomach. Surely he’d find the pot of gold at the end of this funny rainbow. He chewed his bottom lip to prevent himself from smiling so damn widely, but decided to let it loose. He had a feeling in the back of his mind that he wanted to smile right now.

 

He lowered his gaze back on the floor. _Kazunari_ , stated the first paper again. His skin prickled. _We have been together for so many years. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life_. The gush of emotions filled him again and made his eyes brim with possible tears. He moistened his dried lips. _Your smile is the smile I want to look at for the rest of my life. Your laughter (although sometimes annoying)_ —Kazunari giggled— _is the one I want to hear until the end of my days._ _Your arms are the ones I want to be in until I can no longer move a muscle in my body_. He took a sharp breath and sucked in his lips, and really felt that tears started to gather. Now, he had a hunch what was going on, but he refused to believe it. Surely Shintarou wouldn’t do it, not in a day like this. His bottom lip trembled. Three more papers to go.

 

_I want to spend the rest of my life with you_.

 

His step forward trembled.

 

_So there’s a question I need to ask from you_.

 

He couldn’t breathe. His heart thudded wildly in his chest and made him shudder.

 

_Look up_ , said the final paper, and he did.

 

On the kitchen floor Shintarou was down on one knee. Against his chest he held a paper. _Will you marry me?_ it said. On his face was a clear expression of nervousness, and his fingers trembled on both sides of the little sign.

 

Kazunari stumbled a step back and pressed his palm against his mouth, and tried to remember to keep breathing. He would have lied if he said he hadn’t dreamed of a moment like this for so long – he had, so many times that he was getting lost in the count, too. Every single time he had also thought of the perfect response to the perfect proposal, but what escaped out of his mouth when he moved his hand out of the way was hardly any of the practiced things. “If this is your idea of an April’s fool’s joke, I’m gonna cut your balls off.”

 

“It’s not a joke!” Shintarou hurried to say and nearly pushed up on his feet but remained on his knee in the end. There was light blush across his face. “It’s not a joke, I promise from the bottom of my heart… So will you marry me?”

 

It was a question Kazunari would never have to think about twice. “Yes!” he exclaimed and could no longer contain his excitement. Like an overly eager bunny he jumped to Shintarou and wrapped his arms around his neck, hugged him, tangled on him, both knees pressed on the floor, and found himself both laughing and sniffling at the same time. “Yes, Shin-chan, _yes_!” he reassured, although he was certain that it wasn’t needed. There had been no reason for his silly lover to look so anxious – his answer had been crystal clear ever since the beginning. Kazunari pulled back enough to look at Shintarou and let out a small chuckle before he kissed him. It was certainly going to be the kiss he would tell to people when they’d ask about their engagement – long and sweet, full of warmth and love of all the years spent together and all the years that would be spend together.

 

When he pulled back, his hands were shaking. It caused him to laugh a bit more, but Shintarou didn’t look any calmer.

 

“Did you guess it straight away?” Shintarou asked, his voice shivering as he reached for the kitchen table and took a small box with him.

 

Kazunari shook his head. “I was, just, just before I looked up, really,” he managed to muster out. To the back of his palm he rubbed his eyes but captured the individual tears to the tips of fingers as he sat down properly on the floor. “It’s like I can’t stop shaking now that it’s happening.”

 

“I know the feeling,” Shintarou murmured. He pressed his knee down on the floor and sat over his feet as he popped the box’s lid open.

 

A gasp of breath got out of Kazunari, and then it was followed by a sigh of awe. The golden shimmer of the ring was beautiful, the shape so delicate and beautiful, and as Kazunari looked at it, he realized that it was all he had ever needed. He lifted his hand and offered a bright grin to his lover, and wiggled his fingers. “Ready to do it?” he asked.

 

Shintarou nodded and took the ring out of its soft pillow.

 

“No turning back now,” Kazunari warned.

 

Shintarou gave him a brief glare and shook his head in clear bemusement. “Right, because I would start hesitating the second I proposed. Stop being an idiot and bring the hand closer.”

 

So Kazunari did, and the moment the ring slipped so easily to his finger, he let out teary hiccups. It was securely around the finger, it was _his_ , and it made his heart flutter and the butterflies in his stomach experience a rebirth. He moved his arms back around Shintarou’s shoulders and tugged him closer, hugged him tight, pressed a kiss on his neck and swore to never let go of this man. Over Shintarou’s shoulder he looked at the ring and smiled silly. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered in his new fiancé’s ear.

 

“Beautiful ring for a beautiful man.” Shintarou moved his arms to Kazunari’s waist and squeezed him close. He kissed Kazunari’s cheek and rubbed his nose against the spot. “You deserve it, in fact, you deserve all the good that the world has to give you.”

 

“Aw, I never knew you could be such a sappy romanticist.” Kazunari chuckled and loosened his grip ever so slightly to look at Shintarou again. What felt like the softest, gentlest smile rose to his lips, and he kissed him again, quickly, and then remembered that he, too, had a ring for Shintarou. Kazunari’s eyes went wide as he wiggled out of his grip. “Wait just a second, don’t move a muscle!” he commanded and rushed towards the cupboards over the sink.

 

“What are you doing?” asked Shintarou.

 

“Patience, Shin-chan!” Kazunari tiptoed towards the cookie jar on the highest shelf. It had been the perfect hiding place; Shintarou didn’t really eat any cookies unless it was a special occasion, thus he had no reason to reach for this particular shelf. Bright smile splattered to his face, Kazunari grabbed a small jewelry box from behind the jar and then rushed back on the floor, as it had now become the spot for their undying love. “Okay, now give me your hand.”

 

The look on Shintarou’s face was worth seeing; his mouth fell slightly agape as his brows arched considerably higher above the glasses. “When did you get that?”

 

“Few months ago, but that doesn’t matter. Come on, gimme your hand!”

 

It took actual seconds for Shintarou to lift his arm and push his hand towards him. Kazunari smirked and discarded the box itself quickly on the floor as he grabbed the ring. He felt giddy putting it in Shintarou’s finger, but at the same time it was so intimate that he couldn’t really believe that it was actually happening. The morning sunshine created spots and splatters of light on the floor, and once it hit Shintarou’s face and he looked at him, Kazunari was more than ready to cry from happiness. How beautifully marvelous fiancé he had, he realized. Instead of tears, his lips twitched to another smile once the white gold ring was in its rightful place. He linked their hands together and shuffled closer until he was against Shintarou’s chest again. If he listened closely enough, he was certain that Shintarou sniffled a little, too.

 

No words were needed, thus no words were exchanged when they embraced each other on the kitchen floor that made his skin prickle. Kazunari felt like the luckiest man in the world, as if he had been given the rest of his life’s worth of lucky items all at once. And how _romantic_ the proposal had been, really! He couldn’t wait to call his mother and tell every single detail; she would squeal from joy for certain and hug Shintarou tight the next time they would visit. His father would probably only grunt but a smile would still dance its way to his lips. Kazunari hugged Shintarou closer and let out a shivery breath. The rest of their life together for sure – it sounded like a goal he wanted to have without disruption.

 

Out of the blue, Shintarou cleared his throat and got up on his feet. There was a hint of a smile on his mouth. “I do believe I am required to do this,” he said, and without giving Kazunari a chance to process the words he lifted him up in his arms to a bridal style.

 

Kazunari laughed and dipped his head behind, and wiggled his feet. “You’re too early for this!” he said in the midst of the chuckles but moved an arm behind Shintarou’s nape nonetheless. “This is what you do after you get _married_ , not when you get engaged. Haven’t you watched any of those wedding shows at all?”

 

“Are you complaining?”

 

“Not one bit.”

 

Shintarou held an actual, rather smug, smirk as he took the first steps out of the kitchen, and they seemed for once quite effortless. Not sure where they were heading, Kazunari looked around and down at the papers which orders now were messed as Shintarou stepped over them without a second thought. His abdomen tightened and his heart fluttered like a butterfly on the first warm day of summer, joyful, enjoying the weather. In his lover’s arms Kazunari relaxed and looked up his profile, and smiled to the sight. He was going to marry his high school sweetheart. The thought suddenly hit him, and although he had thought he was mentally prepared for it because he had talked about it so often, the preparation was hardly enough. He buried his face to Shintarou’s shoulder to hide his stupidly victorious smirk.

 

He was thrown down on the most comfortable spot on the couch and didn’t have to wait for long for Shintarou crawl with him. The smirk still lingering on him, Kazunari tugged Shintarou closer and kissed him tenderly, then more deeply. Against his mouth Shintarou sighed and then groaned, and they were sounds that Kazunari wanted to lure out even more. He slid his hands on Shintarou’s shoulder blades and embraced the man, and in return got pleasantly big and warm hands under his shirt stroking his abdomen. His body curled to a curve of happy thoughts and desire. Feeling wanton, Kazunari pressed his frame better against Shintarou’s and dragged his tongue over his fiancé’s lower lip.

 

Celebratory sex was already a rarity of its own, but when it was _we-just-got-engaged_ sex, it was surely only going to happen once in a lifetime. More than ready to make the best of it, Kazunari hummed softly below his breath and moved his hand on the back of Shintarou’s pants and felt the beautifully sculptured bottom of his. At the same time the hand under his shirt reached for his chest and rubbed all of his good spots, and made him moan a little harder than before. As intimate as the moment was, he couldn’t help but say with a breathless chuckle, “You know what you need to do after this? Call all the Miracles to tell them that this thing happened.”

 

Shintarou groaned, rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t even mention them right now, I’d rather concentrate on you.”

 

“You know it’s the truth, though, they’re going to slay you if you don’t.”

 

“Shut up,” Shintarou murmured.

 

Kazunari’s cheeks ached from the wider grin. “Make me,” he dared.

 

Shintarou responded with a mind-blowing kiss full of tongue and desire. It was reason enough for Kazunari to stay quiet for as long as the man wanted, and eagerly he worked his lips against Shintarou’s to however he wanted him to do it. He tilted his head for a more comfortable position, and his body was driven to a smaller curl against the softness of the couch. Ready to do whatever, he gently scratched the small of Shintarou’s back and drew out delicious moans, ones that made his stomach turn upside down and his cock to give an eager twitch in his pants. He shuddered in Shintarou’s embrace and forgot all about kissing for a blissful second as Shintarou moved a hand in his pants and took a tight grip of him. Kazunari moaned, not ashamed of one bit, and found the sensation of Shintarou’s engagement ring pressing against his shaft such a turn on.

 

Eager to reciprocate, Kazunari shoved his hand down Shintarou’s pants and mimicked his slow movements. He looked into the green eyes that keenly watched him and made sure to smile gently to the beautiful, gorgeous, _glorious_ man that was going to be by his side for the rest of his life. He let out short gasps to the rhythm of the gentle tugs he received, but they were smothered by a new set of kisses that made his knees turn jelly and his heart into a beating mush of a mess. Clinging to Shintarou, Kazunari found the whole situation even more of a turn on now that he knew for certainty that nothing would come between them, that they would be bound together by law, that he would sign himself to the Midorima family register. He would get to start to officially plan a wedding, and he would get to hear Shintarou grumble how it didn’t matter at all what kind of wedding it would be and if they’d have flowers or not (but Kazunari was still certain that in the end Shintarou would be the more demanding of them). Although he had never believed in a perfect life, right now, right at the moment, right in the loving arms, he felt like nothing was wrong.

 

He cried a bit from happiness, but so did Shintarou. Together they kissed each other’s tears away, just like it was always meant to be. He got lost in the maddening pleasure that took over his entire body and made his skin flush, but it was the exact place where he wanted to be as long as he had Shintarou’s hand in his, because with Shintarou, he had nothing to fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I would have loved to make a really good April's fool's joke, I'm going to invite you to an autumn wedding instead.


	92. So Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains **TAKAMIDO** (sexy times with Kazunari topping). If it's not your thing, I'll see you tomorrow!

Shintarou laced his arm over Kazunari’s waist and pressed his forehead tighter against his lover’s back. Not sure why the day had turned out to be so cold although it was April already, he squeezed Kazunari closer as if he was his personal heater – he kind of was at the moment, admittedly. Because Kazunari didn’t complain at all, either, Shintarou did exactly as he wanted and tangled their feet together, nudged his knee between the man’s legs and pulled them to the closest possible unit together. His core trembled. If he could somehow make it a reality, he would melt himself against Kazunari and become something coherent. Surely that would have been warmer than it currently was. It didn’t matter if they had a throw over them, or if he had a closetful of clothes on him, his toes were still freezing, and Kazunari’s warmth was starting to fade away.

 

There were days when he felt like a child, and today was definitely one of those. However, the difference between him and Kazunari was that he never wanted to show such a side. The attitude vibrated in his chest but Shintarou kept pushing it down to his stomach over and over again. He yanked Kazunari closer, and finally his lover yelped. Grumbling below his breath, Shintarou forced his eyes to open and looked over Kazunari’s shoulder to see what he was doing. Kazunari had flexed his fingers near his face and kept his gaze tightly on the golden ring on his ring finger. A smile twitched to Shintarou’s lips, and he was glad Kazunari didn’t witness it.

 

“What is the point to keep looking at it?” he asked, a little amused. Nonetheless, the sight of the ring made the bottom of his stomach nip pleasantly.

 

“I just want to,” Kazunari defended, glanced at him over his shoulder and then turned to look at the ring again, and wiggled his fingers.

 

“It’s not like it’ll disappear all of a sudden.”

 

“Oh, hush.”

 

Shintarou rested his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder and rested his gaze on the ring as well. He liked to think that it was a good one; maybe he would have chosen a different one had he bought it recently, but considering the fact how long it had been hiding in the house, he still considered it a suitable purchase. It looked good on Kazunari’s finger. Shintarou slid his hand from Kazunari’s waist to his stomach, and from there to his hand and tangled their fingers together. Their rings might have not been matching, but he was very fond of the one he had gotten. It was delicate, albeit a little thicker than Kazunari’s, but beautiful nonetheless. Shintarou looked at their fingers and hummed softly when a pad of a thumb rubbed his knuckles so very gentle. His insides warmed throughout and made his toes tingle. Quiet afternoons like these had always been Shintarou’s favorites for a reason. He pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s shoulder and managed to make him hum.

 

“Do you like it?” he asked, his voice quiet, a mere whisper against Kazunari’s ear.

 

“I love it,” Kazunari murmured, and as he wiggled around in the embrace and settled face to face, Shintarou saw the most illuminating smile tugging his lips higher. Eyed by such a sight, it was difficult not to smile himself. Kazunari looked even happier, and pressed his nose against his for a short touch. “It was a really good choice, _hubby_.”

 

Shintarou groaned. “Please don’t ever call me that again.”

 

“Why not? Doesn’t it sound so wonderfully domestic?”

 

“It sounds absolutely ridiculous.” Shintarou moved his palm to the small of Kazunari’s back and slipped his fingers under the fabric, and stroked the spot gently. He felt fine hair under his skin, ones that probably wouldn’t be even visible if he would take a look, but they made the sensation nonetheless better. It even made Kazunari shiver against him, thus Shintarou knew he had found a good spot. “I’m serious, if you call me that again, you can consider the wedding canceled.”

 

“You really have no sense of humor.” Kazunari puffed his cheeks full of air and let it out; afterwards his mouth curled into a pout. It was the exact same pout that kissed Shintarou so lovingly that it made the man’s mind dizzy. When Kazunari pulled back, he settled his head to the pillow, his forehead nearly pressed against Shintarou’s. He moved his hand on the small curve of Shintarou’s waist and trailed his fingertips around to shapes that hardly resembled anything. “We should think of a wedding date. I mean,” he said, “if you want a wedding, that is. ‘Cause I would, but if it’s not for you, then we can just skip it.”

 

“You know that if you want a wedding, you can get it.” Shintarou kissed him, and allowed his lips to linger a moment longer before he pulled back. His cheeks ached from the small smile that refused to disappear. It had been so cold a moment ago, but now his insides felt like pleasant flames tickled them. “It won’t be a matter of _if_ the wedding is held, it will be a discussion about the date.”

 

Kazunari looked delighted. “Best fiancé ever,” he murmured and kissed Shintarou in return. It wasn’t merely a single kiss but a set of them; each of them were small smooches, and in between them Kazunari let out breathy chuckles. “I’d still want that autumn wedding.”

 

“Which is why I proposed to you now so we still have a suitable amount of time to organize it for autumn.”

 

“Wow, look at you, being all thoughtful.”

 

“Isn’t that what a good husband does?” Shintarou allowed a two-second smirk on his lips before he flattened them again. “I’m sure your mother would be delighted to help with the organizing part.”

 

“Oh, tell me about it. You should have heard her yesterday, all screaming to the phone, and then she started to cry,” Kazunari snickered. He burrowed himself better against Shintarou’s chest and slipped his hand under his shirt. Shivers invaded Shintarou once Kazunari started to stroke his tight, chiseled abdomen. “Which reminds me, you didn’t call the Miracles yesterday, did you?”

 

“I’m not going to call them as soon as I get engaged, don’t be ridiculous,” Shintarou huffed. He rolled his eyes shut and spent a moment enjoying the soft fingers on his abdomen. They threatened to drop lower every now and then, and it was enough to make his cock give an interested jerk. Although he tried to keep himself in control, he found his hand moving lower until he cupped one of Kazunari’s buttocks to his palm under the fabric. It made Kazunari push his bottom out deliciously, and it turned Shintarou’s hand more groping. “They’re going to find out whenever I talk to them again, I’m not going to call them just to break the news.”

 

“Are you getting all shy now?”

 

“No, it’s simply not a subject that you blurt out when you call.”

 

“At least your dad sounded happy when you called him.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “I believe he’s happy to know that I’m not going to spend the rest of my life alone.”

 

“Or he’s happy that he’s going to get an _amazing_ son-in-law to the family,” Kazunari suggested. With a smirk on his lips he rolled over him, straddled him, and grinded his hips against his. Shintarou allowed a breathless gasp from his mouth, yet it was soon muffled when Kazunari kissed him hard. Once Kazunari pulled back, his smirk widened. “You have to give me some credit, baby, I’m the _best_ son-in-law there can be.”

 

Shintarou stayed a moment in silence. “Admittedly, you are good with what you’re doing.”

 

“I knew it.”

 

Now Shintarou smiled, too. He moved a palm against the back of Kazunari’s head and pulled him closer, and kissed him again. Although he wasn’t still quite used to the sensation of having a ring around his finger – he had never been a jewelry person in the first place –, it felt quite pleasant once he dipped the whole length of his fingers through the dark hair that today didn’t seem as messy as usually. He tilted his chin and deepened the kiss, and groaned lowly when Kazunari palmed his groin. Sure of the fact that it was an invitation most extraordinaire, Shintarou dipped his hand from the nape to the curve of a back and squeezed Kazunari’s bottom. On the lips he tasted a smile and groped again just for the sake of it.

 

It took merely seconds of Kazunari lazily stroking his length through the fabric of the trousers for Shintarou to lose the rhythm of his breaths. Deep within his muscles were sore, but he decided there was not a single thing wrong about doing this, not when he didn’t have to get to work today. He let loose and moved his hand back under the fabric of Kazunari’s clothing and rubbed the cleft of his ass. Over him Kazunari rutted his hips tighter against his, and soon messy dry humping followed a moment of equally hectic kissing. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and pressed his back on the pillow, and enjoyed Kazunari’s breath brush over his mouth over and over again. Steadily he was growing hard as Kazunari rolled his hips forward, and he wondered if they had turned teenagers again. The room turned too hot, the clothes clinging to the skin, and Shintarou wanted nothing more than get rid of everything unnecessary. That thought was on his mind as he shoved Kazunari on his back on the bed and took his usual position between his legs.

 

Kazunari laughed, probably to his impatience, but Shintarou said nothing as he yanked his shirt off and wiggled out of his pants. Only left with boxers that front was stained by pre-cum, he helped Kazunari out of his clothes as well and dove straight into another kiss. His lips so pleasantly busy, Shintarou tugged Kazunari’s legs around his waist and continued the ridiculous dry humping that his lover had started. His erection straining against the seam of the boxers, he felt a similar reaction against it, and knew that they were now both under the same spell. His limbs turned desperate, twitching; his heart raced and his abdomen stiffened from the sensation. The kisses lingered, dragged, and they exchanged such an extensive amount of saliva that in any other situation Shintarou would have found disgusting. Right now, he wanted nothing more than have Kazunari on his taste buds.

 

“Hn, Shin-chan… Shin-chan, Shin-chan,” Kazunari reined in out of the blue and pulled his head back. Lust brought color to his dark eyes as he looked up at Shintarou and cupped his face to his palms. He breathed hard and took a moment to continue, his lips so beautifully parted. “I’d really want to try fucking you again.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes went wide. His heart jumped to his throat and thudded rapidly as he stared down at Kazunari and tried to figure out whether it was a joke or not. He resulted that it was the latter and swallowed hard, a knot forming to his throat. His pulse thickened. There had been nothing wrong about the last time they had switched, but… Kazunari wore a beamish smile, and to such a smile Shintarou always found it hard to refuse. He shifted his position ever so slightly, and although the thought was still foreign and almost adventurous, his cock throbbed with need. He took a moment to go through what he really wanted.

 

Then, he said with a thick tone, “We can do that.”

 

“Yeah?” Kazunari ghosted his fingertips on Shintarou’s sides and made him shiver. “It’s just a suggestion, so if you feel even a tiny bit hesitant…”

 

“I want to try again,” Shintarou assured. His skin flushed, he felt it too vividly, and his hair drooped over his eyes as he kept his chin tucked down towards Kazunari. He looked into his lover’s eyes that seemed to strip him naked although there was hardly any clothing left, and knew for sure that no harm could happen if they tried the second time. He nodded. “Let’s do it.”

 

Moving his arms around Shintarou’s neck, Kazunari pulled him down and peppered his face with countless kisses. “I love you so much,” he said in between the smooches.

 

Shintarou laughed dryly. “Tell me that after we’re done.”

 

“I’ll tell it to you as much as you want.” The last kiss Kazunari pressed on his forehead and pulled down. “Which position is the best for you?”

 

“I really… don’t know. I don’t think missionary would work.”

 

Kazunari puffed. “I’m not _that_ short!”

 

“And I really don’t want to ride you again.”

 

“But you looked so sexy when you did that…” Kazunari tilted his head, his lips overtaken by a short pout, yet he moved his hand back to Shintarou’s boxers and rubbed and squeezed gently. “What about doggy style in that case?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “That’ll work.”

 

“Great. Get your ass away from me, then.”

 

Shintarou did as commanded and moved away from Kazunari, and awkwardly sat still as he watched Kazunari push up on his knees and towards the nightstand. He let out a shaky sigh from his mouth and rolled on his stomach to the bed, and wondered what the hell he agreed to do. It had been a slight pain the last time, a mere sting in the tissues but it had been enough to make him unable to sit properly for the next day. He sucked in a sharp breath and buried his face to the pillow, and listened Kazunari rustle something. That something sounded unmistakably like the foil of condoms that they still kept in the drawer, and it was enough to make Shintarou lift his chin. Beside Kazunari’s bare thigh was the familiar tube, and his hands were busy trying to rip one foil square away from the rest.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou frowned lightly.

 

Kazunari jumped and looked at him with a lopsided smile. “Thought I’d use one of these so I won’t finish inside you.”

 

“Don’t bother with the damn things, just get in here before I change my mind.”

 

Without a moment of pause Kazunari dropped the condoms back in the nightstand and crawled closer. Shintarou assumed that he was going straight for his ass, but found it rather pleasant that Kazunari settled beside him and kissed the tip of his nose. A weak smile spread to his lips, and he crossed his arms under his head to prop himself a little up. Kazunari rubbed his nose against his and stroked the small of his back, his hand sliding a bit towards his bottom and then lifting up again.

 

“Are you nervous?” Kazunari asked with his sweetest, most caring tone.

 

“A little,” Shintarou admitted with a murmur and took another kiss from Kazunari’s lips. “It wasn’t unpleasant the last time, it’s just…”

 

“Scary?”

 

“Odd,” Shintarou corrected. He moved his hips an inch upwards and felt a pleasant friction crawl on his shaft. Still hard and ready to go.

 

Kazunari’s smile softened, and his fingers under the band of the boxers turned soothing. “I’ll go slow and gentle, okay? You don’t have to be nervous, it’s supposed to feel good.”

 

“I know.” Shintarou lifted his chest from the bed and kissed him once more before he plopped back down and curled his back. “Alright, let’s get to this, then, enough with the sweet talk.”

 

“That’s the spirit,” Kazunari said and gave his ass a slap.

 

A quiet whine escaped Shintarou, but he was certain he managed to muffle it well enough to the pillow for Kazunari to not hear it. As Kazunari crawled to the end of the bed on all fours, Shintarou pressed the top of his head against the pillow and lifted his hips up until he rested his weight on his knees. He took deep breaths and closed his eyes. There was nothing wrong with this position; he was simply fonder of missionary when he could look into Kazunari’s eyes, but he wasn’t quite sure how it would work with his overgrown limbs. He jolted and gasped for breath when Kazunari pulled his boxers down to his knees, and felt his insides quiver. It was position flexible enough for him to take a glance towards his cock that desperately wanted to curve towards his abdomen but didn’t quite reach. He gave it a tug and drew out a moan from himself. Behind him Kazunari chuckled and massaged his buttocks.

 

“Starting to get all hot and bothered?”

 

“Yeah— _ah_ ,” he sighed as Kazunari spread the cheeks apart. Such a small motion was enough to make his legs tremble and his body want to collapse on the bed; it was a strange sensation for his hole to be so exposed. All the sounds suddenly felt louder than before; the cap of the bottle opened, and the squeeze of the lube sounded almost disgusting. Shintarou clenched his insides when he fully knew he should have done the opposite, and tried his best to relax. Kazunari rubbed his back with soothing movements and even pressed his tailbone a kiss.

 

“Are you still feeling okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“Can I move my finger inside in that case?”

 

“Please, don’t… start _asking_ again, just do it.”

 

Kazunari laughed softly but agreed to it anyway. Shintarou concentrated on deep breaths, but a whine escaped when a cold, lube-slicked fingertip first rubbed his hole and spread the cool liquid around. Not exactly sure what to do with his body, Shintarou pushed his bottom out more and spread his thighs apart. There was no way he could have done something like this with anyone but Kazunari, and even now embarrassment made his chest tighten to the point of almost unable to breathe. His knees trembled as Kazunari moved the whole length of his finger to the puckered skin before he gently pressed the tip against the flesh that slowly gave in. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut but told himself to relax, because he wanted to enjoy. Thankfully the hand on his back kept rubbing his heated skin as a reassurance.

 

“You look so beautiful,” Kazunari murmured.

 

Such a sentence made the heat on Shintarou’s cheeks deepen. “Shut up,” he muttered against the pillow but made the effort of pushing his bottom out and up more. He hissed once he felt the finger properly invade him, but the initial ache was over sooner than he thought. Kazunari pulled his finger outwards, then moved it fully in again, and curled it. The latter motion made Shintarou’s cock jerk and his body twitch. “That’s good,” he told.

 

“You like this?” Kazunari curled his finger again, and Shintarou moaned a positive reply. “Do you think I could reach for your prostate like this?”

 

“Probably.” Shintarou rested his forehead on the pillow and looked at its white surface through hooded eyes. “You need to… curl your finger a bit more, and then… dig it deeper, somewhere against the wall of muscle.”

 

“It’s so sexy when you talk all medical to me.”

 

“Are you mocking me?”

 

“I’d never mock you, babe,” Kazunari reassured, but his voice sounded playful. Shintarou wished he could have seen his face properly.

 

The finger inside him followed his instructions, but even so Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it was going to reach the correct spot or not. With the help of more lubricant Kazunari moved a second finger in, and Shintarou’s muscles gave in, even sucked the digits deeper. His hips stirred. It was still a weird sensation to have something inside him, even if it was his lover’s fingers – even they felt foreign to him, and he wondered if they should experiment more like this. He let out a trembling sigh and brought his hand back to his cock, and stroked properly to keep the member still interested. Kazunari’s digits searched and spread him a part, but Shintarou didn’t quite feel the way Kazunari always looked when he hit his good spot. The position was slowly growing shameful, too, and his legs turned tired and trembling.

 

It took him a moment to muster out, “Can I move on my back after all?”

 

“Is it not comfortable?” Kazunari asked, clear worry in his voice.

 

“It’s embarrassing,” Shintarou admitted to the pillow, his skin glowing.

 

“We can try missionary in that case, it’s no problem.”

 

Shintarou huffed for breath as he rolled his body around and rested on his back. Carefully he looked up at Kazunari and felt quite vulnerable, but at the same time thoroughly safe under the gentle and worrying glance of his lover. He crooked his forefinger at him and got exactly what he wanted, a soothing kiss on the mouth that was. He sighed against Kazunari’s lips and slid his hand on his cock this time, gave it short tugs and made Kazunari writhe. It took a moment for both of them to pull away from the kiss, but when they did, neither turned to look away from each other’s eyes.

 

“Do you still want to do this?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou nodded. He grabbed a pillow beside him and lifted his hips, and moved the softness under his lower back to prop his bottom higher to a comfortable position. “If you’d only prepare me a moment longer, then we can do it.”

 

With a smile on his face Kazunari leaned back down and kissed him deep, and in the midst the fingers returned back inside him. Shintarou hummed, and although they still felt weird invading his tight flesh, it wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, he quite understood the attraction, and it made him trail his tongue inside Kazunari’s mouth. His skin tingled from sudden excitement, and although he knew this would never become a routine, maybe it was worthwhile of some exploration every now and then. For blissful moments he lied underneath his lover and moved his hand on Kazunari’s cock and made it twitch in his palm. The whole room felt calm, somewhat still, as if the world wasn’t revolving around them anymore, as if it had stopped to give them this moment together. Then, Kazunari moved away from the kiss and looked down at him with all the love in his eyes.

 

“Do you feel like you’re ready?”

 

Without hesitation Shintarou nodded. This man right here wouldn’t hurt him no matter what. “Let’s do it,” he said with his newfound bravery.

 

He lifted his legs up, a little too coy to pull them against his chest like Kazunari often did, but Kazunari rescued him by tugging them around his waist. Shintarou stared down at his lean, long torso and felt his heart rate jump above the clouds again. Once he picked his gaze up to Kazunari, he realized once again what a sight the man was; he might have looked out of place, but the muscles he still had hiding now flexed as he settled properly on his knees and took a hold of his hips. Shintarou’s mouth twitched to a smile. Seeing Kazunari like this was really enough to make him relax, and so he did. Maybe Kazunari noticed it, too, as his eyes widened and he looked at him. They shared a glance and a smile, then a kiss as well.

 

No longer did Kazunari say anything, just indulged Shintarou to another deep kiss as he positioned the head of his cock against his hole and gently pushed in. Shintarou could pinpoint the exact moment when the dick entered him, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It made his flesh tingle and tighten, but he made sure to keep breathing and kissing Kazunari to get his mind off the odd sensation of something thick and hard entering him. Admittedly, he felt like this time went a lot better than the last ones; his nerves didn’t kick in quite as hard, and it felt _pleasurable_ almost instantly (if he ignored the slight irritation, that was). Once settled fully in, Kazunari lifted his torso and looked down at Shintarou with such admiration that it made Shintarou writhe.

 

“Come on, don’t look at me like that,” he complained.

 

Kazunari smiled sweetly. “Like what?”

 

“You know fully well.”

 

“I’m just admiring you, because this is a rare treat, so let me enjoy my time, okay?” Kazunari dipped his head lower and looked at the spot where they joined, and let out a low whistle. “Looking damn good, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou felt like kicking him. “Shut up, be so kind.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes but brought up the adorable smile back to his lips nonetheless. “Is it okay if I move?”

 

“Yes, yes!”

 

The first thrust drew out a moan from Shintarou. Unable to decide what to do with his hands, he gathered some of the blanket in his fists and arched his back. It took few long moments for Kazunari to set to a comfortable pace, but once he did, Shintarou found himself groaning and grunting below his breath. As much as he wanted to close his eyes, he kept them open and fixed on Kazunari who was truly a sight on his own. The hands on his hips squeezed his skin harder; Kazunari’s head dipped an inch or two behind, his eyes closed, his torso tight and his thrusts in a perfect pace. Shintarou parted his lips and let out the moans that wanted freedom, and although they sounded embarrassing, through them he wanted to encourage Kazunari. Their eyes locked together, and Shintarou knew without a mirror that he had to be fully red. Still he didn’t avert his gaze.

 

It felt rather intimate like this, almost more so than usually. He pinned it down to the oddity of the situation and pulled Kazunari’s chest closer to him. Kazunari rutted his hips harder against his, and Shintarou’s body thrashed underneath, his skin heated, glowing. When Kazunari rested his forehead against his, Shintarou heard every single gasping breath and kissed few of them, too. He could almost reach his orgasm like this, he thought – _almost_ , that was. It felt like Kazunari read his mind as he worked a hand on his cock and began to stroke to the rhythm of his hips.

 

“W-What are you doing?” breathed Shintarou.

 

Kazunari looked at him with arousal pooling in his irises. “I’m gonna… make you come this time… I want you to come with me inside you.”

 

Shintarou groaned. It sounded too sexy, too alluring, and it was something he was suddenly ready to work towards. It became his goal, to get pleasured like this, to allow Kazunari to do whatever he wanted to do as long as there was an orgasm waiting for him at the end. He felt a little selfish as he relaxed his muscles and then tightened them around Kazunari, and managed to tug out a breathless set of moans. His own noises turned hoarser as if to correspond with the ones that filled the room. In the safety of his lover’s fingers his cock trickled pre-cum, and it was a sight lewd enough to turn Shintarou even more embarrassed. Promising himself to wait at least another month before he would even think about letting Kazunari do anything remotely like this, his mind turned into a haze of white once the proud tip of Kazunari’s cock finally hit his prostate.

 

It took mere two thrusts against the sensitive, never-before explored spot for Shintarou to release. He whined, and almost sounded like he was crying when Kazunari tore the orgasm out of him. In his lover’s hand he spilled, and afterwards his body quivered like it had never done before. It felt like a different kind of orgasm from the usual, almost coming from a different place, and Shintarou had no idea what was going but at the moment he didn’t even want to know. He moaned, his voice strained and tired. Kazunari brought his hands back to his hips, dug his fingers deep in his skin, and with every thrust managed to pull another moan from him.

 

“J-Just a… a little while…” Kazunari promised. He hung his head down, his bangs blocking the view to his eyes, but his movements turned more frantic and desperate. He breathed hard, and underneath his body Shintarou wiggled. “Babe, just a bit more… Just… Ah, _fuck_ …”

 

The ring against his hip along with the other fingers felt surprisingly pleasant. Shintarou tried to still get in control of his own breathing and twitching limbs when Kazunari suddenly stopped. Kazunari’s hips spasmed forward, jerked once and then another time, and suddenly the sensation of having his lover’s orgasm inside him was too vivid. Shintarou rested his head back to the pillow and moved his forearm over his eyes, felt his face flush even harder, and somehow felt so full that he hardly believed it. It was a little gross, admittedly, especially when Kazunari eventually pulled out and the traces of cum followed.

 

It didn’t take a full second for Kazunari to crawl in his arms. Shintarou wrapped his arms immediately around the body that shuddered as much as his did, enclosed him against his bare chest and made sure to not let go before Kazunari would want to move. It didn’t seem to be the case, not yet or anytime soon, when Kazunari glanced up at him and gave a sheepish grin.

 

“So?” Kazunari asked and pushed himself up enough to kiss Shintarou’s chin. “Any better than the first time?”

 

Shintarou took a moment to answer. “Surprisingly pleasant,” he said. His voice was tired but he smiled nonetheless. “You did a good job.”

 

“So I’m guaranteed to have another go?”

 

“If you behave.”

 

“I always behave!” Kazunari exclaimed but chuckled afterwards and shook his head. He rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and trailed a fingertip around the slightly perked nipple. “I have to say that it was fun.”

 

“It was,” Shintarou agreed and continued, “but now I’m not going to be able to sit at work tomorrow without pain.”

 

“Oh, that’s just going to be a proof that you got fucked _so_ good by your future hubby.”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue. “I told you to not use that word, didn’t I?”

 

Kazunari feigned innocence. “I don’t remember you saying anything about that.”

 

“Oh, come here, you little…”

 

Not sure what kind of an insult to use after all, Shintarou pressed his lips flatly together and rolled over Kazunari. He brought his hands on the man’s stomach, and like a little child tickled him. Immediately Kazunari screamed and wiggled around, but he was tightly trapped between Shintarou’s thighs and couldn’t escape.

 

“Mercy!” Kazunari screamed in the midst of his breathless giggles. “M-Mercy, Shin-chan, I b-beg you, stop! Stop, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou didn’t until his fingers grew sore. He leaned down to give Kazunari a kiss and got a deep one, one that tattled all about how they felt towards each other. His heart leapt in his chest. He pulled Kazunari in his arms and nearly suffocated him under his body, but not a word of discontent got out of Kazunari’s mouth as they kissed again.


	93. Punk Rocker

Music thudded in their living room, and to the tune of it Kazunari shook his ass from side to side to his best abilities. It was one of the good moments to not have a bony bottom – he could shake it properly right under Shintarou’s nose and make his lover roll his eyes and avert his gaze (but Shintarou always looked back, Kazunari knew). The only good thing about cleaning days was the fact that he could blast bad music as loud as he wanted, as long as he was cleaning. He was doing that, sort of, at least, but often got more interested in dancing than wiping dust off the shelves. Unlike him, Shintarou approached the task of cleaning a lot more systematically than he did. Maybe it told something about their natures, Kazunari wondered fleetingly and soon discarded the thought as the song rolled into an upbeat chorus and he swayed his bottom a bit more than before.

 

“Concentrate,” came the command from the other side of the room immediately.

 

“I am concentrating!” he said with a smirk on his lips and spent two seconds of simply dancing. “Or what, should I stop so _you_ can concentrate, am I that great of a sight?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shintarou said over the music and shook his head. His earlobes still glowed a gentle hue of red. “What you call _dancing_ is vulgar and hardly sexual, and I would rather dust these shelves than watch you a second longer.”

 

Kazunari huffed. “Sometimes you’re too sour, Shin-chan. I can’t help it that my body automatically moves to the music.”

 

“It doesn’t move automatically, you make it move like so. Now please, dear, would you concentrate for my sake? We need to clean so we can start packing our belongings at some point.”

 

“I just don’t understand,” Kazunari began and grabbed the rag in his fist, and moved towards Shintarou, “why we need to clean now and then pack, when we could have packed first and _then_ clean.”

 

Shintarou looked at him over his shoulder. His eyes went wide, and hastily he looked elsewhere. “We’re supposed to move out in ten days.”

 

“That didn’t answer my question, did it now?”

 

Shintarou took a sharp breath and fixed his gaze back on him. “You do know that if you would stop complaining and would actually dust the shelf like I asked you to, it would be done already.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” grumbled Kazunari. He retreated back to the shelf above the television and moved the small stool on the right spot so he could step on it. Why did _he_ have to reach for the higher shelves when Shintarou could have gotten to them without a single tool? He could have concentrated on vacuuming or other things that happened on the ground. Groaning to the shelf as if it was its fault, Kazunari wiped the dust off the wooden surface and whistled the new song that the radio spat out.

 

It was an exciting thought, nonetheless, moving out in ten days. Although it was a short notice, he knew they could do it; they didn’t have _that_ much stuff. Or maybe they did, after all, they had been settled here for years… Kazunari frowned lightly. How many boxes would their life fit in? They’d have to somehow have to drag their bed and couch out of the place… How were they going to fit from the door? He threw a glance towards the hallway but didn’t quite have a visual of the front door. They had somehow managed to drag them in, so surely they’d get out. He rubbed the shelf although it was sparkling clean already. Shintarou could protest as much as he wanted, but Kazunari was sure that if they only asked the Miracles to help, they would come. They were muscular guys, after all – he mainly thought of Daiki and Atsushi, but Ryouta was strong, too, and if Taiga joined as well, they were as good as settled. If he was lucky, he could possibly see Shintarou in a sleeveless shirt flexing his muscles whilst carrying boxes after boxes to a truck. Kazunari let out a dreamy sigh.

 

“Are you working?” Shintarou asked, his tone suspicious.

 

“Yes, baby,” Kazunari said and gave a smile to his lover. “The shelf is getting rid of the dust, don’t worry—Oh, I love this song!”

 

A new song had switched without him properly registering it. It was a totally different genre from the first easygoing ones, and it made his toes twitch from excitement. He hopped off the stool, and even when he attracted Shintarou’s glare of _don’t you dare to do it_ , Kazunari wasn’t bothering himself with him anymore. The guitar solo was amazing, and it might have not been a song to shake his ass to, but it was almost even better. Completely absorbed to it, he jumped on the coffee table and stretched an arm above his head, and luckily didn’t hit the lamp hanging from the ceiling. He closed his eyes and imagined a crowd below his feet. “Good evening, Tokyo!” he shouted with a grin plastered on his lips.

 

“Kazunari,” sighed Shintarou.

 

Kazunari peeked at his lover that was finally shorter than him and laughed. “Hello, my number one fan! This song is for _you_ , beauty.”

 

“Kazu…”

 

From the top of his lungs he sang along and made sure to put all of his emotions to it. He pulled his fingers to a fist and pointed it towards the ceiling, and felt like a rock star in their own living room. Admittedly, putting on a show like this was much more amusing than doing some actual cleaning. His lungs vibrated from joy, and his whole body felt electric. Maybe he should abandon the hopes of getting a steady job and becoming a musician instead. When the singer screamed, so did he. It was enough to stir Shintarou from cleaning again. He got a harsh look towards him, but the green eyes soon slipped towards his feet. Shintarou’s expression tightened and turned sullen.

 

“Could you not stand up there with dirty socks? I just cleaned the table.”

 

“You can’t tell a rock star what to do!”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “You’re hardly a rock start, honey. Now please come down.”

 

Kazunari crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Sometimes I’m not sure whether you’re my lover or mother.”

 

“And sometimes I’m not sure whether I’m living with my lover or my child.”

 

It was enough to make his chest sting. “Fine,” he muttered and jumped off the table, landed safely on the floor and grabbed the rag again. “Sorry I’m so embarrassingly childish for you.”

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou sighed and moved beside him. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer to a rather warm embrace. “I’d just want you to concentrate on this right now, it’s not about you being childish or not.”

 

Kazunari looked up at him and felt a pout forming on his lips. Before it fully happened, he stared in front of him at the top of the television. He shrugged. “I’m sorry I want to enjoy life now that I still can before I grow old and can’t get out of the chair.”

 

“Come on…” After a moment of clear hesitation, Shintarou pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s temple and gently rubbed his side with his fingertips. “Time and place for everything, alright?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“So will you stop pouting now?”

 

Kazunari casted his eyes back up at Shintarou. He thought for a moment and shrugged. “If you’ll give me a kiss, I’ll stop.”

 

With a gentle sigh escaping him, Shintarou shook his head and softly murmured, “You’re impossible.”

 

It was hardly an insult when given with such a sweet voice, then followed by a kiss that was enough to make Kazunari’s chest flutter and his stomach churn from pleasure and satisfaction. He tiptoed to reach the kiss better and wrapped an arm around Shintarou’s nape, deepened the kiss and turned it lengthier than he had planned it to be. By the time he pulled away, he was breathless but wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. His lips a little slick with saliva, he wiped them clean and allowed a grin on them.

 

“For that, you’ll get an autograph,” he teased.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and, out of the blue, slapped Kazunari’s bottom. “Get back to work and we’ll consider.”

 

Kazunari grinned and slapped Shintarou’s ass as a returned favor. He swore he saw a smirk on his lover’s lips.


	94. First Love

**4 th OF APRIL, 20XX  
**\- _third year of high school / first year of university_ –

 

“I’m home,” Shintarou sighed as he managed to open the front door and get the shoes out of his feet. At first, only silence answered them.

 

Then came his mother’s cheerful voice saying, “Welcome home, dear!” from the general direction of the kitchen.

 

Another sigh escaped him, this time quieter, but it also dragged along together with his tired bones as he tried to move as slowly as possible. He didn’t want to attract his mother’s attention, not today, not when he wanted nothing more than simply collapse on the bed and stop thinking. His mind was an absolute mess, and no matter what he did, all he could think about was Kazunari. Shintarou froze to the spot, pinned down by the mere name. _Kazunari_. He clutched the front of his shirt and gritted his teeth. If only his stupid, childish heart would stop hurting his chest so much! He could barely breathe. He tried to take inhales to gather oxygen in his lungs but his body refused to work. There had been no feelings inside him on the first days after their breakup, but _now_ … He gathered more fabric within his white-knuckled fist. Somehow, he felt like crying as he stood alone in the dark hallway and hung his head down. His eyes already itched and burned, but he forced his lungs to work and looked ahead of him.

 

There was no use crying over spilled milk. _He_ had wanted to break up – he couldn’t take it back anymore. Shintarou took a quiet step forward. Would Kazunari still cry? His heart gave out a hollow thud but he ignored it. _It’s none of your concern anymore_ , he told himself and at the same time wanted to call Kazunari and ask him over and give him an awkward but tight hug and tell that everything would be okay. His heart dropped to his knees and turned them into jelly; he nearly fell over. Already he stumbled but managed to keep his balance somehow.

 

Quickly he walked past the kitchen, because he didn’t want his mother to see him – she would know _exactly_ what was going on in his head. It had already been embarrassing enough to come home from school, be questioned by her why Kazunari wasn’t with him, and tell her that they had broken up. She had looked devastated. Shintarou stared down at his toes covered in socks and tiptoed forward, then past the kitchen door. _Safe_.

 

“Shintarou,” she called, and he cringed. “Where are you going? The dinner is ready in a minute.”

 

He took a sharp inhale and didn’t talk until he was sure his voice didn’t shudder. “I’m going upstairs, I’ll get back when the dinner is done.”

 

“Don’t be silly, dear, come here and tell me all about your day.”

 

Sometimes he wished he was as rebellious as others of his age were, but he couldn’t disobey his mother, or rather, he didn’t want to, not when she had done her everything to provide him and his sister all that they ever needed. At least his father wasn’t still home – he wasn’t looking forward to breaking down in front of _him_. Shintarou cleared his throat and turned around, stepped into the kitchen and remained in the doorway, and made sure to settle an indifferent look on his face. He wasn’t thinking about Kazunari, or his smile, or his laughter, or him crying because they could no longer spend nights over at each other’s place and have a little hand play going on under the blanket that he said he hated but actually liked… Mentally Shintarou slapped himself. That wasn’t _not_ thinking about him.

 

His mother dried her hands to her apron after stirring whatever she was making once more and turned to look at him. Her hair was in a long braid, probably made by his sister from the looks of it, and her smile reminded Shintarou of Kazunari. His heart thudded even more painfully.

 

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to look so sullen, you can go upstairs in a second,” she said. “But tell me, how was the university? Did you get to take a look around the campus?”

 

Shintarou nodded and didn’t quite trust his voice at the moment. Under her gaze he felt like a five-year old all over again and didn’t enjoy the sensation. He tightened his grasp from the bag that he had slung over his shoulder and cleared his throat. “It was nice,” he managed to muster out, but below his breath his tone shivered. He hoped that she wouldn’t notice it. “It was… nice. It was as good as an introduction around the campus can be.”

  
She angled her head in a small tilt. “Did you meet your fellow students?”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “Not really. May I go upstairs now?”

 

“Oh, dear…” She stepped closer, and somehow her expression seemed a little sadder than before. Shintarou averted his gaze and felt his lip tremble. _God_ , even one look from her, and he knew that his façade was not working, not in front of her. She sighed softly and without another word pulled her son to her arms and hugged him tight. “What’s wrong?” she murmured in his ear.

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou mumbled.

 

“That might fool your father but not me.” She pulled back enough to cup his face to her hands and had to look up at him; already years ago he had shot over her. “It’s better to talk openly and not bottle up.”

 

He refused to look at her. Why was he treated like a child when he was a year away from being an adult? He chewed his lip. “I have nothing to say.”

 

“Is this about Kazunari?”

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat and then dropped straight to his stomach. He didn’t want to hear that name ever again, not from anyone’s mouth, not in his own thoughts, _nowhere_. He wiggled out of her embrace and suddenly felt so cold; her arms had been warm and made him feel safe, after all, but right now he wanted to be alone, wanted to brood, wanted to sulk all on his own and _not_ think about the boy he had broken up with and that he now was missing so terribly that he couldn’t breathe or concentrate on anything else. He shook his head. His brows scrunched to a deep frown and crafted an ache under his forehead.

 

“I’m going upstairs,” he announced with a flat voice and didn’t stay to listen to her as he turned around and hurried out of the kitchen. There was a sting in his chest for being too rude to his own mother, but right now he didn’t want to hear a thing, didn’t want to feel a thing; all he wanted was to lie down in his bed in a dark room and nullify his thoughts and move on and pretend that he had never had a relationship to begin with. He didn’t even know why he had bothered with a relationship in the first place – he wasn’t boyfriend-material, he wouldn’t be a good husband, and the last thing he wanted was to be like _this_. He would have been perfectly satisfied to stay alone for the rest of his life, but then that _idiot_ had pranced in his life like he had always belonged to it and…

 

Shintarou didn’t breathe as he stumbled up the stairs and disappeared in his room, closed the door and locked it just in case. Only in the midst of the darkness did he manage to take deep breaths, although they came out more jittery than he wanted. He let the bag down on the floor and leaned his tall back against the door and rolled his eyes shut. This was getting ridiculous… _Move on already. He’ll move on, you don’t want to stay being a mess all by yourself._ Shintarou removed his glasses and rubbed the whole length of his face to his palm. He couldn’t get rid of the nausea in his stomach or the trembling of his hands. Had this been a normal day, he would have spent the day around the campus with Kazunari, they would have come here, lock themselves in his room, Kazunari would have gotten too wild with his kisses, and they would have had to take five extra minutes to go downstairs for dinner. Now… Shintarou cringed and slapped himself across the head.

 

“Stop,” he whispered to the room. Not a single noise answered.

 

It took him a moment longer to collect himself, but once he did, he turned on the light. He popped open the buttons of his shirt one by one, folded it neatly on the back of the chair tugged partly under the desk and strutted to the wardrobe. He pulled the first shirt out, and whilst he did so, another piece of fabric fell down on the floor. Not bothering with it at first, he yanked the shirt on and then crouched down, only to freeze mid-way.

 

No matter how he looked at it, it was Kazunari’s shirt. Not just any shirt, either, but the one he always wore at night when he stayed over. It took all in Shintarou’s power to crouch down on the floor and grasp its navy blue shape, and around it his fingers trembled. Not sure why it was still here, he felt like the higher powers were laughing at him. His eyes went wide. The shirt was soft against his skin, and once he brought it against his nose, he could smell Kazunari in it. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against the wardrobe’s door. _Why_ was the primary question circling around his mind. He tightened his grasp from the shirt and buried his face against it. It didn’t matter how much he sniffed it, it still smelled of Kazunari, faintly of sweat, of all the countless nights spent together with their bodies entangled to each other in his bed.

 

For the first time ever since he had said the words to Kazunari, Shintarou broke down.

 

He hiccupped and allowed small sobs from his mouth. His whole torso trembled as he pulled himself to a small curl and hugged the shirt against his chest. It was stupid, all of this was ridiculous and childish and he wanted nothing more than to stop, but once the tears came out, they soaked his face and took him as their captive. The cries were gross, snot dripping down his chin, but Shintarou rubbed his face clean to his own sleeve instead of Kazunari’s shirt. How could it feel like this? He would have loved to know the answer because his chest hurt so much that he was afraid of getting a cardiac arrest. How could he just… His chest jerked to the rhythm of his desperate cries. He never cried, he wasn’t the crying type at all, but now that he had began, it was too difficult to stop. Trying to muffle his sounds so that his sister couldn’t hear on the other side of the wall, Shintarou pressed his forehead tighter against the wardrobe and attempted to get his rasping breath in control. He knew what would have calmed him down instantly – Kazunari wrapping his arms around him and hugging him from behind, whispering with his sweet voice in his ear how it was okay to cry and how it didn’t make him any weaker.

 

In the midst of his wailing his eyes widened. He could call Kazunari. His hands turned shakier as he fished his phone out of his pocket and went through the contact list until he found Kazunari’s number. The phone in his grasp trembled. He could call him right now… Shintarou could barely see a thing through the veil of tears, but he could press the button and hear Kazunari’s voice. The pitch of his breaths turned higher as he stared at his ex-boyfriend’s name. His chest still jerked in violent hiccups. Usually so rational, thinking everything through at least twice, there was no room for that in Shintarou’s mind as he pressed Kazunari’s name and brought the phone to his ear. He waited patiently, snot still gathering in his nostrils but he wiped it away to the back of his palm.

 

From the fourth dial tone Shintarou frowned. What was he doing? He had no reason to call Kazunari. His eyes went wider than before. What _was_ he doing? He forgot to breathe. Why would he call him, why now, they hadn’t even talked to each other ever since _that_ day, they had graduated without a single look towards each other and that had been that, their relationship destroyed, their friendship ruined. Shintarou panicked. What if Kazunari would actually answer, what would he say? There was nothing in his mind at the moment except tears and mucus and other slimy things that he didn’t want to let out. He let out a whimper. What if Kazunari would answer and cry, or shout at him for being the shittiest human being on the entire—

 

“ _Shin-chan_ ,” Kazunari suddenly said right beside his ear, his voice breathless.

 

Shintarou’s breath quickened. It was so strange to hear Kazunari’s voice after so many days; it was a voice he had grown accustomed to hear in the early hours of mornings and late evenings when the boy would cuddle in his arms. His nickname was enough to make his lip tremble again and a new set of tears appear in his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

 

Without saying a single word he ended the call, closed his phone, and threw it as far away from himself as possible. He rocked his body back and forth and stared in front of him. He had no permission to plead Kazunari back, not when he had been the one to break things off; he couldn’t be the one to crawl back and beg for forgiveness when he had hurt the only one he had ever loved like this. A disgusting sob escaped Shintarou, and finally he buried his face to Kazunari’s shirt that was surely going to be the only memento he’d have for the year spent together as a couple. The inevitable truth, after all, was that he missed Kazunari. He missed the things they had shared, the conversations they had exchanged, the fact that Kazunari _understood_ him, never mocked, never made fun of him, and had always been there for him. In return, he had tried his best to do the same, to be the best possible boyfriend, had listened his mother’s advice whenever they had had an argument and had managed to solve things.

 

Only now – too late – Shintarou realized what a mistake he had made by thinking even for an idiotic second that he was better off alone. He loved Kazunari, but the things would surely never become the same. Against Kazunari’s shirt he muffled his cries and cursed the decisions he had made in life.


	95. Swing Set

A seatbelt was hardly enough to tie down Kazunari’s excitement as he sat on the shotgun and felt like jumping up and down. In his lap rested a chubby backpack full of essentials for a romantic evening; two quilts, bottle of lube, a bit of snacks, toothbrushes, all the lot. He glanced towards Shintarou who had had a ghost of a smile on his lips for the whole day. Truthfully, it had been _Shintarou’s_ initial idea that they should spent the night over at their new house, and of course Kazunari had agreed. It was exciting, and he was fully looking forward to pop the house’s cherry by having sex there for the first time. Possibly in front of the fireplace, if it were possible.

 

He examined the blooming cherry blossom trees through the window and felt rather light from the inside. No longer was there any weariness inside him about stuff that hardly mattered (he liked to think that he had forgotten all about Haruki), not when a ring hugged the hilt of his finger and made him grin every other second. _Engaged_ had never sounded as sweet as it did now. It was a wonderful state to be in, and he found himself stealing glances at the golden shimmer every now and then. Kazunari smiled silly to the trees they passed as they turned to their new home street. It was considerably quieter than their current one, and he could envision that some day their kids would run around the asphalt and return back home only when they were out of breath and in the need of hugs.

 

Their speed slowed down, and Kazunari jumped when a hand suddenly squeezed his knee. He turned to look at Shintarou and gave him a grin, then a kiss on the cheek. It was enough to make Shintarou’s smile twinge even higher, and Kazunari felt like his mission had been accomplished. He only returned to his seat properly when Shintarou pulled over, and he already spotted on the pavement the man that had been showing them around in the first place. Fingers trembling, he let himself loose from the shackles and was the first one to step to the fresh air. He grinned to the man and got a smile back.

 

“Good evening,” he said, and Shintarou repeated once he got out of the car as well.

 

“Evening,” said the man. “Such a nice one, too… Anyway, I’m here to just drop the keys to you and then continue my way, so, uh, you know.”

 

Kazunari traced Shintarou’s steps forward and squeezed the backpack better against his chest. He didn’t bother to eye the man as Shintarou was on it, and instead he tiptoed to see their new front yard. It was tiny, but he knew there was more space in the back. Even so, at the very edge of it grew a small tree, still nothing but a sapling but it clearly tried its best to look just as pretty as the rest of them on the street. His smile softened as he picked his gaze up to their house. This was their _home_ – it still seemed like an absurd idea. No more rent, no more asking permission if they wanted to renovate something. They’d be masters of it on their own and nothing would stop them from doing exactly what they wanted.

 

He only jolted out of his thoughts when the man gave his best regards and was gone. Dazed, he blinked and looked up at Shintarou. “Is he leaving already?”

 

Shintarou cocked a brow up. “Didn’t you listen?”

 

“Nope.”

 

A soft sigh escaped him. “Yes, he’s leaving. We have three sets of keys, which I believe is enough for the time being.”

 

“Great.” Kazunari’s legs trembled. “Can we now get inside?”

 

Shintarou didn’t say anything but gave him a key. Taking a sharp breath through his nose, Kazunari circled his fingers tightly around it to the safety of his slightly sweaty palm and dashed forward. Right behind the front door, however, he felt like it wasn’t right for him to enter without his lover, thus he waited until Shintarou caught up with him. An arm was moved around his waist and his body pulled closer, and it was all that he really needed. He looked at Shintarou with a soft smile curling his lips. It was exciting, the first time they would enter the house as the owners.

 

“Are you ready?” Kazunari whispered.

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

Briefly Kazunari thought how utterly funny it would be if the key didn’t fit the lock, but without a problem he opened the door. His hand fumbled on the wall inside and quickly found the light switch. Under the warmth of the hallway light the house looked exactly as it had done the previous time. Awe in his bones, Kazunari stepped forward, discarded his shoes and glanced over his shoulder once Shintarou closed the door. He couldn’t help but smirk and twirl around on the wooden floor like a ballerina in the making.

 

“I still can’t believe it.” He fixed his eyes to the high ceiling and took a slow step forward. “It’s so weird to think that this house is actually— _Oh!_ ”

 

The small squeal escaped him when Shintarou wrapped his arms around him from behind and took him to an embrace. Kazunari’s surprise quickly melted to laughter as he rocked in the safety of arms that had always taken such a good care of him. He put down the bag to turn around, and once he did, he tiptoed and kissed Shintarou. The kiss made his chest vibrate pleasantly and his stomach do celebratory somersaults without missing a single one. He slid his hand on Shintarou’s nape and scratched gently with his fingertips, and managed to lure out a full, breathy moan that trickled against his lips. Kazunari pulled back but stole another kiss nonetheless.

 

“You’re actually just as excited as I am, aren’t you?” he asked and felt his eyes gleam.

 

Shintarou’s lips were still curled to a smile. “I thought it was a given.”

 

“Oh, but you know, it’s so hard to tell from you… Of course _I’m_ an expert now,” Kazunari explained as he pulled back and grabbed the bag again, and trailed slow steps towards the living room. “And I can tell that you’re actually eager as hell.”

 

“Possibly.” Shintarou shadowed his steps.

 

Kazunari spared him a look and stopped in the middle of the empty living room. It was wider than he remembered, somewhat bigger, but he was sure that once they’d have their furniture in place, it would look amazing. As much as he twitched to suggest a new couch, he didn’t; there was practically nothing wrong with their old one. He tiptoed towards the fireplace and crouched in front of it. His lips pulled to a small pout as he opened its hatch and peeked inside. “Do you know how we can turn it on? It’s electric and everything, but I really don’t know…”

 

“Let me,” Shintarou said and sank down on his knees beside Kazunari.

 

“You figure that out and I’ll take a look around, yeah?”

 

His lover was already too absorbed to give him an answer. He snickered and shook his head in amusement, and lifted up on his knees. More than eager to explore although he had seen all the essentials already, he approached the glass doors on one of the walls of the living room. He drew away the curtains that covered the balcony doors and pressed his forehead and nose against the glass to look into the darkening yard. It was just as spacious as he remembered, and the sight was enough to make him smile. He had never had a yard like that; there had been a small one in his childhood home, but never in this size. Somehow, oddly enough, he felt like he had achieved something in life. Maybe he should start gardening. He chuckled under his breath.

 

“You know what would look good in the yard?” As he pulled his face back, a circle of fog from his breath appeared to the window. There was already a replica of fire in the fireplace when Shintarou looked at him.

 

“What?”

 

“A swing set.” Kazunari eyed the yard again and felt warmly fuzzy from the inside.

 

Shintarou huffed. “What would we do with a swing set?”

 

“Get it for our kids, obviously.”

 

“That’s a purchase we’ll consider once we have the children, not a moment sooner… Why did you bring two quilts?” Shintarou questioned, and his brows drew in to a cute frown.

 

Kazunari gave him a wicked grin and pulled the curtains back in front of the doors, and turned fully to his lover. “We’ll sit and sleep on one and when it gets cold, we can put the other one over us.”

 

“…clever.”

 

“Please, as if you chose me just for my looks.” Once near Shintarou, Kazunari sank on his knees on the colorful quilt that the man had spread on the parquet and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He hugged him and rested his chin against his shoulder, and felt Shintarou stroke his fingers that absentmindedly rubbed his chest. Kazunari kissed the soft nape and held the position although his knees complained. “The fireplace looks nice,” he murmured with a gentle tone in Shintarou’s ear.

 

“It does,” Shintarou admitted with equal quietness.

 

Kazunari hummed. “This feels like everything we ever dreamed of. It feels like we were just in high school and thinking of all the things that we wanted to do, but look at us now, Shin-chan… Sitting on the floor of our own house, you’re a doctor, I got a pretty ring around my finger…”

 

Shintarou twisted around, sat properly on the floor and tugged Kazunari in his arms. Kazunari complained none but rather moved beside Shintarou and rested his head on his lap. Through hooded eyes he looked at the crackling fire and felt like purring once his lover began to stroke his hair with all the gentleness in the tips of his fingers. “It’s rather unbelievable,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“It is… kind of. I always knew we’d make it, though.”

 

“Did you now?”

 

“I did!” Kazunari looked up at Shintarou and allowed a lopsided grin on his lips. “I mean, it’s not like I’m the best basketball player in the world as I assumed in middle school, but this is pretty damn good. Stay-at-home husband and everything, feels like I got myself a sugar daddy or something.”

 

A soft sigh escaped Shintarou. He moved to stroke the side of Kazunari’s face. “Don’t give up just because they haven’t called yet.”

 

“It’d be a next to miracle if I’m going to get the job,” Kazunari chuckled.

 

“Then you try again. Or start reading for an entrance exam for next autumn.”

 

“Yeah…” Kazunari rolled his eyes shut and listened the wonderful noises that the house made, little cracking here and there. The wind howled outside, gently, as if a lullaby. He spent a moment in personal silence and then said, “I really love the house.”

 

Shintarou leaned down and kissed his forehead. “It’s a good investment.”

 

“And pretty.”

 

“And… pretty, yes,” Shintarou agreed. He brought his hand to Kazunari’s side and stroked the skin beneath the fabric, fingers dipping towards his abdomen here and there. “It’s a suitable place to grow old together.”

 

“Oh, you’re so romantic… I’m loving it.” Kazunari moved his hand on top of Shintarou’s and tangled their fingers together. Not quite enough, he rolled around and faced the man’s abdomen before he tugged his chin upwards. “So, I was kind of thinking that we could have some romantic make out slash love making in front of the fire tonight.”

 

Shintarou huffed but couldn’t quite mask his smile. “I happened to notice the lubricant in the bag, yes.”

 

“You up for it?”

 

“I believe I am.”

 

“Good boy,” Kazunari purred. As he rose to sit on his knees, he tackled Shintarou on the floor and straddled him with ease. Nearly pressing his chest against his, he brushed his bangs out of the way and gave him a brief kiss. “I think this house is going to see a _lot_ of love-making…”

 

Shintarou moved his hands on Kazunari’s hips and squeezed. “How do you still have the energy for this? The longer we are together the less you should want me.”

 

“Mm, but we just recently got engaged, I’m feeling like I really want to show my fiancé what he’s committing to…” Kazunari kissed Shintarou again, this time longer, lingering on the spot before he pulled his head back enough to look at him. “Not that you wouldn’t have known that before or anything.”

 

Shintarou trailed his tongue against his lower lip that curled upwards in clear amusement. “Sometimes you’re absolutely impossible.”

 

“But you like it.”

 

“I like it,” Shintarou mouthed. One hand he moved on the small of Kazunari’s back and rubbed the spot, and the other on the man’s nape and pulled him down to a kiss deeper than previously. Against his mouth Kazunari moaned and trailed his tongue inside. He had always been a fan of kisses made in France, because the tip of Shintarou’s tongue was silky soft and felt good against his own. He could still remember the first time they had tried it; it had been a total disaster from the very beginning, but at least they had ended up laughing (and Shintarou fiercely blushing). Now, with ease and experience Kazunari let his tongue to a gentle tango with his loved one’s, swirled it around, then kissed him deeper and pulled out a breathless moan that traveled straight to his cock.

 

In the warm light of the fireplace Shintarou took his breath away. Kazunari rested his torso in the weight of his forearms and looked down at him, his lips raw and slick. “If you’d only stop being so beautiful,” he murmured.

 

Even in the dimness Shintarou’s blush was obvious. “I should say the same to you, idiot,” he mustered out with clear difficulties. “You’re… I don’t know. I don’t even have the words.”

 

“That’s why I’m the one complimenting in this relationship.” Kazunari smirked and lowered down to a new kiss. This time he grinded his hips against Shintarou’s, did it harshly, and although it brought an ache near the area around his tailbone, he didn’t stop but rather continued to dry hump his lover like his life depended on it. It was a little hard to concentrate on kissing when his pulse thickened and his breaths hitched whenever his cock gave a violent jerk in his pants against Shintarou’s, but somehow he managed. Although the house itself was rather chilly without heating on, his skin grew hot within seconds, and Kazunari felt his cheeks glow to match the shade of Shintarou’s. He didn’t pull back for air, and would have gladly passed out for the lack of oxygen if it meant that he could keep kissing Shintarou just as he pleased. The hands on his hips tightened, turned more possessive, started to tug down his pants, and it was just what Kazunari needed to grow harder.

 

When he pulled back, he only did it for a second and then attacked Shintarou’s lips again, and kissed him until he wasn’t sure where he ended and Shintarou began. A curl of a smirk on his lips, Kazunari sat up to get rid of his shirt. Under Shintarou’s gaze he felt sexy, _sensual_ , so desired and at the same time so loved that he could barely handle it. He grabbed the hem of Shintarou’s shirt and yanked it upwards, spent a moment admiring and rubbing the toned muscles before he grew more impatient and pulled the fabric off. Now that he had started, he didn’t know how to slow down and take his time, but Shintarou paced him down by drawing his forefinger over his chin and lifting it up ever so slightly. Feeling like a stupid teenager in heat, Kazunari bit his bottom lip and looked at him, and rocked his crotch against his.

 

“We’re in no rush,” Shintarou reminded.

 

“I know.” Kazunari nearly choked on the simple words.

 

“I would…” Shintarou paused for a moment and then continued with a quieter voice. “I would like to suck you.”

 

Warmth gushed inside Kazunari like a tall wave. “Really?” he asked, and once Shintarou nodded, he breathed, “How do you want me?”

 

“Sit somewhere on my chest… maybe.”

 

Kazunari wasn’t spending any moment of thinking as he got up on his feet, pulled down his pants and underwear, and moved carefully over Shintarou’s chest. Making sure that he wasn’t applying too much weight or pressure, he pressed his knees tightly against the quilt-clad floor that felt hard despite the attempt of softness. He ruffled Shintarou’s hair and leaned down enough to kiss his forehead. Shintarou pulled him closer by his hips, and Kazunari forgot to breathe once he saw the proudly purple cockhead of his against the man’s cheek. It was a sight of his own, and it made him clamp his ass down on the bare chest. There was a hint of a smirk on the lips that first kissed the swollen tip and then took it in. Having the prime seat, Kazunari straightened his back and felt his muscles flex pleasantly, and rolled his eyes back in their sockets.

 

One of the many perks of being in a long-lasting relationship was that Shintarou knew _exactly_ what felt good and wasn’t afraid to use the information. Kazunari mewled when the hot, slick tip of a tongue made a slow twirl right above the peak, and his thighs trembled uncontrollably. His fingers he curled to loose fists over Shintarou’s chest, scraped the tight skin ever so slightly and felt dizzy in the head. Somehow, however, he managed to reach his arm behind his back and took a tight grasp of Shintarou’s dick, and pumped it hard until he felt moans against his cock. He looked down at the eyes that keenly examined him and offered a grin laced with pure pleasure.

 

“That feels good,” he quietly coached and hung his head down. Shintarou was illegally good with his mouth although he didn’t want to admit it, and in his caress Kazunari squirmed and whimpered and pushed harder down. His fingers around his lover’s cock turned more desperate, and what had meant to be loving strokes now molded into short tugs and pulls that made Shintarou buckle his hips up every other second. The noises that fled from his mouth echoed in the empty living room, bounced on the walls and crafted them louder than they truly were. Not exactly sure how long he could handle it without feeling unnecessarily good, Kazunari reached over Shintarou’s head and rummaged through the backpack until he found the bottle of lube.

 

“Baby…” he whined and tried to show the bottle, but Shintarou had fluttered his eyes close and looked, admittedly, like a hamster stuffing his cock in his cheek. Kazunari chuckled softly and attempted to lift his hips up, and only then attracted his lover’s attention again. “You prep my ass and I’ll prep your cock, okay?”

 

Shintarou pulled his mouth back with a loud pop and rubbed his chin clean from saliva to the back of his palm. “Was it good?”

 

“Didn’t you hear me moaning like I was about to lose my mind?”

 

“I just wanted to be sure,” Shintarou defended and moved his palm flat for Kazunari to pour the sticky liquid on it. He rubbed his fingers together and brought them between Kazunari’s buttocks. “There would be no point if I would—”, he paused for a moment to rub the pucker before he pushed a fingertip inside, “—do that and you wouldn’t feel good.”

 

“ _Mm_ , trust me… It always feels good.” Kazunari felt his insides suck Shintarou’s long digits deeper. His muscles clamped around the familiar shape, but this time he was in control of his noises as he got lube in his hand and continued to stroke Shintarou’s cock. He did it more lovingly and patiently now, and even leaned down to kiss his lover. Faintly he tasted the tangy flavor of himself but dismissed it quickly. “I love you so much,” he mumbled against the mouth that was ever so slightly parted.

 

Shintarou nodded. “Love you… too,” he pushed out of his mouth, short of breath. Inside Kazunari’s flesh he moved his fingers in a scissoring motion and spread him wider apart.

 

Now that the initial rush had disappeared, Kazunari felt like there was something wonderfully intimate and magical about the moment. Resting his body over Shintarou’s, he rocked his figure back and forth to the gentle rhythm of the fingers and pressed several kisses all around his lover’s gorgeous face. Shintarou turned more attractive the more years passed by, and Kazunari wasn’t lying at all when he thought he could have sit still and admire the matured features for an hour straight. His body moved in a soft curve, like a wave hitting a familiar shore, and had they kept going on like this, he could easily come if only he was given enough time. It wasn’t what he was looking for, however, but he lingered still for a moment, his arm sore but his fingers working on the thick girth of Shintarou’s cock. He reached down and kissed him, and his heart fluttered in his chest, turned into a maniac like it so often did whenever he pressed his lips against his. He was so in love with this man that Kazunari didn’t even think it was possible.

 

In the gentle shadow of the flickering light behind their backs Kazunari straightened his back and let go of the throbbing erection. “I’m ready,” he murmured, his voice soft and gentle, like a mere touch of a feather against the air. He looked down at Shintarou and nodded to the silent question that was apparent on his face, and let out a satisfied hum when the fingers from inside disappeared. He lifted his weight to his knees and grabbed the perfect middle of Shintarou’s cock, settled the head between his buttocks and lowered himself down one pleasurable inch at a time. An involuntary whimper escaped him when the size stretched him out so good, and rather quickly he pushed his hips fully down and remained still. Shintarou brought his hands to his hips and then around his torso once he sank down and pressed his chest against his.

 

“Is it comfortable?” Shintarou whispered to his ear.

 

Kazunari nodded but brought a hand to his back to settle the cock to a better angle. “Feels good,” he assured verbally and nudged his hips forward, then immediately back and buried his face to Shintarou’s neck. Little mewls escaped him every time he gyrated his bottom around his lover, and every single time Shintarou pulled him tighter in his embrace as if worried. Kazunari wanted to murmur in his ear that there was nothing to be conscious about, that it felt thoroughly good, that they had done this often enough for years that there wasn’t any pain left anymore, hadn’t been in years. But he didn’t manage to muster out a single sound from his mouth as Shintarou pushed his hips upwards to help him with the movements. Kazunari gave out luscious moans straight to his lover’s ear and managed to make him shudder below him.

 

It took fifteen, maybe twenty minutes of gentle movements and lots of sweet kisses for him to reach an orgasm that shattered his insides and crafted him into a whimpering mess. A moment later Shintarou finished but pulled out before, and for once Kazunari was glad – he could have taken a shower, surely, but he had no towels and didn’t want to move now that he had comfortably settled on the floor. A mess on his lower back he could wipe away with ease, but right now didn’t bother as he caught his breath and looked at Shintarou who looked content like a cat growing old, still purring under his breath though. Sure of the fact that this was his favorite scene in the whole wide world, Kazunari kissed his chin gently and got arms around his shoulders.

 

“I could really… really use that extra quilt now,” Shintarou muttered.

 

The smile on Kazunari’s lips reached from one ear to another. “See? It was clever planning, let me tell you.” His bones ached as he reached for the bag again, and he merely managed to tug the quilt out when he was tackled on the floor. Giggles escaped him when Shintarou rolled him on his side and hooked a leg over him, and pulled the quilt snugly over them. Feeling like a part of a burrito, Kazunari shivered gently and yanked Shintarou’s arm better over his body and pressed his back against his chest. “This feels nice,” he admitted, his voice singing.

 

“Why else would I have bothered?” whispered Shintarou in his ear and pressed a kiss on the spot.

 

Kazunari shuddered and stretched his toes, then curled them and felt the pleasant buzz of an orgasm still in his body. In no rush to do anything or move anywhere, he closed his eyes and nuzzled better to the arms. “When we officially move in here… we should probably call our families for dinner or something.”

 

“We should.” Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s abdomen with his thumb. “When was the last time yours and mine were together, anyway?”

 

“Mm… Before the Christmas party we had.”

 

“Oh… right. In that case we should, indeed.” Shintarou paused. “And… maybe have a housewarming _thing_ for my idiotic middle school friends.”

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, you do love them after all.”

 

“Hush, you,” Shintarou mumbled in his ear. “If we’re going to make them help us with the moving, that is the least we can do.”

 

Kazunari bristled. He wasn’t sure why, but whenever Shintarou talked so fondly of the Miracles he couldn’t help but showcase his brightest smile. There was really nothing more in the world that he wanted than have his lone wolf of a lover to be surrounded with his friends that had been there for so long now. “That sounds like a brilliant plan,” he said and glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder, and got a fleeting butterfly kiss on the tip of his nose. It turned his smile gentler. “But just imagine the moment when all the cardboard boxes are here, and we can lie down on the bed after a long night… Maybe have a bubble bath together and then just relax under warm blankets.”

 

Behind him Shintarou shivered. “I can’t wait,” he admitted quietly.

 

“It’s going to be amazing… Though I’m really not looking forward to getting my muscles sore.”

 

“Knowing you, you won’t probably even carry anything.”

 

“Hey! That’s not fair, I’m going to do my share of things.”

 

“Which is…?”

 

“Mostly looking at you guys lift the heavy things, all right? I’m not ashamed to admit that,” he said but snickered nonetheless. “No, I’m just kidding, Shin-chan, I’m a man with strength and everything.”

 

Shintarou sounded like he snorted. “Just a bit lazy, no doubt.”

 

“Tell me again why I’m marrying you, because you’re so goddamn mean.”

 

“You are fond of it.”

 

Kazunari puffed air from his cheeks. “Oh, shut up.”

 

In his ear Shintarou gently whispered, “My line.”

 

A violent shudder captured Kazunari from head to toe, and gently he slapped Shintarou’s ass. “You can’t whisper in my ear with that voice, makes me want to have a second round.”

 

“Then we’ll have a second round.”

 

Kazunari smirked and wiggled around in the embrace, and looked at Shintarou. “Great bargain, count me in, in… fifteen minutes or so.”

 

Shintarou didn’t say a word anymore, merely looked smugger than usual. It made Kazunari roll his eyes from amusement. He moved his arms around his lover’s nape and pulled him over him, initiated a gentle kissing session, and it was exactly what they did under the soft lighting that the fireplace cast upon them.


	96. Haunted

A loud thud stirred Kazunari awake. He let out a groan and really didn’t want to open his eyes, but somehow his body decided that it was what he had to do, and he creaked them open just a little. Staring at the darkness in front of him, he glanced towards the clock. Only three am… He whined and squeezed his eyes shut. A heavy ache settled to his temples and refused to go away even when he gently rubbed them. The sheets felt damp, clinging to his skin, taking him as captive and not letting go anymore. He tried to find a suitable position but really couldn’t, not when he had woken up. If only it had been morning already… It was probably Shintarou making such a noise; Kazunari tried to press in his mind to scold his lover either when he would roll on the bed with him or the first thing in the morning. He yanked the blanket better over his body and hummed, tried to relax. Rain drummed against the windows and sounded like the perfect lullaby to sleep to.

 

Another thud echoed in the house, and this time it was accompanied by Ao’s wild hissing. Not sure when the cat had managed to sneak in to the bedroom, Kazunari pushed to sit up and remained still for few seconds without opening his eyes. Somewhere nearby Ao kept hissing and meowing, and judging from the weight he felt beside his leg, he supposed the little girl was there. “Baby…” he tried to coax with a croaky, sleepy voice and rubbed his eyes. He fell on his side over Shintarou’s side of the bed and cracked his eyes open. He wiggled his fingers at her. “Shh, come here… It’s just Shin-chan getting home, come on…”

 

Her back was curled, her tail completely straight, and she stared at the door and hissed with her most dangerous tone. Kazunari watched her with a frown on his face and peeked towards the door himself. She never did this, no matter what the time when Shintarou got home. His heart jumped to his throat, and suddenly his eyes went wide, and he felt fully awake. Was it Shintarou? He grasped the blanket and tried not to breathe too loudly. A steady stream of the thuds continued, the sound resembling steps. It _had_ to be Shintarou. Kazunari peeled his back off the bed and sat in the middle. Ao’s stance didn’t waver at all, and neither did her hisses. His skin rose to goose bumps. The rain beating against the window now sounded louder. His breath quickened and turned more audible.

 

It was just his mind playing tricks, surely. He mustered his courage. “Shin-chan?” he called. At first, he got no answer. Then, the step-like thuds continued, this time towards the bedroom, towards him, and Kazunari wanted to slap himself across the cheek for being such an idiot. It would be a serial killer, and Shintarou would have to come back and find him in the midst of a bloody mess on the bed. Kazunari couldn’t breathe anymore. His pulse thickened. His body shivered. The steps were loud, heavy, and they definitely didn’t belong to Shintarou. Not thinking, he reached his arms forward and grabbed Ao against his chest, and although she still hissed at the door, she didn’t struggle. Kazunari squeezed her closer and hoped that at least she would be spared; he wanted no harm to her. His insides turned cold. Why him, why their home? He had just gotten engaged, had just bought a house, and was the happiest he had ever been in life. Shintarou would cry, _god_ , he would cry and cry and probably never move on. Kazunari’s bottom lip trembled. He was too young to be slaughtered like this.

 

The steps stopped right behind the bedroom door. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and waited. Even Ao turned completely silent and rather languid in his arms. He pulled her closer and expected some sort of an impact. Nothing happened.

 

Slowly he creaked his eyes open and looked around at the dim bedroom. A small chuckle escaped him. Maybe this was some weird joke that Shintarou had decided to play on him and he didn’t just get it. He laughed again and tried to put the cat down, but she refused and clung to the front of his shirt. “It’s okay,” he reassured. His heart dropped back to its own place, and his pulse started to slow down. He stroked the top of her head. “It’s okay, silly, see… Shin-chan! Shin-chan, it’s not funny anymore, come here already!”

 

Not a word came as an answer.

 

Kazunari’s eyes went wide. It was Shintarou… It was, it was, he reassured himself but couldn’t get rid of the shaking that returned to his core. Shintarou was just playing a joke on him, there was no stranger in the house. How could they even get in? Suddenly getting a boost of courage, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rose up to them, took Ao better in his arms and approached the door. The closer they got, the more the cat began to struggle, but Kazunari stroked her head and murmured soothing words.

 

Carefully he opened the door and half-expected something to jump on him from the darkness. Because of that he closed his eyes and fumbled with a light switch on the wall. Only once he was sure that the room was filled with light did he open his eyes, and his heart jumped and nearly gave him a cardiac arrest. Nothing. He took a step forward and looked around. Nothing. _No one_. His pulse thudded right on the root of his ears. _You’re an idiot_ , he told himself and risked a small laughter. _It was probably the wind banging some branch against the window, there’s no one in here._ He took a small tour around the apartment, his steps wary, the cat against his chest fully rigid. Not sure whether it was a good thing or not that Ao had stopped hissing, he peeked to the dark kitchen. Empty.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called again. His voice trembled as he backed to the living room and looked around so fast that his neck ached. He allowed a nervous laughter from his mouth. “Shin-chan, this isn’t funny anymore… J-Just come out, I’m getting honestly scared… Shin-chan?”

 

The same menacing thudding continued right beside him, and it was enough for Kazunari to abandon his courage for good. He ran back to the bedroom, made sure that the door was securely locked, let Ao down on the bed and latched himself towards his phone. His fingers trembled, almost too much for him to select Shintarou’s number, but somehow he managed. He crawled under the blanket and pulled himself to a small curl. There was only one realistic reason for all of this – the place was haunted. No doubt about that. Maybe his snoring had annoyed a ghost and now it was revenging him. Under the blanket his breaths sounded even harder and lagging. “Pick up,” he pleaded and felt Ao trample around the bed. His heart pounded faster and caused an ache to his chest. “Pick up, pick up, pick up…”

 

“ _Kazunari?_ ” Shintarou suddenly asked with a slightly hushed voice.

 

“Babe!” exclaimed Kazunari, too loud, and wanted to muffle his sounds to the pillow.

 

It seemed that one word was enough to worry Shintarou. “ _What’s wrong? You should be sleeping already, it’s three in the morning_.”

 

“Shin-chan, just listen to me,” he whispered hastily, his words coated by his heavy breaths that made him unable to function properly. “Listen… I-I  swear from the bottom of my heart, there’s a ghost in here.”

 

There was an excruciating silence. Kazunari felt ready to spill tears.

 

“Shin-chan?” he asked.

 

“ _Let me… get this correct_ ,” Shintarou eventually said and sounded like he was smiling. “ _You think there is a ghost in our home?_ ”

 

“Yes,” Kazunari whispered.

 

“ _A ghost_.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“ _A ghost, Kazunari._ ”

 

Kazunari gritted his teeth together. “Are you mocking me?”

 

“ _I’m not_ ,” Shintarou hurried to say but didn’t sound all too convincing. “ _What makes you think there’s a… a ghost there?_ ”

 

“Because,” Kazunari began and felt like a child. Ao scratched his back and meowed loudly, and he let her under the blanket as well. “I heard steps, and Ao’s going crazy, she’s all, all hissing and everything… Just believe me for once, okay? I’m shit scared, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat and held a moment’s pause. “ _My shift ends in an hour, and the traffic should not be too bad, so could you possibly try to calm down for me and wait nicely for me to come home?_ ”

 

Kazunari nodded but realized that there was no way for his lover to see that. “Yeah,” he let out, his voice a small, sad whimper. “But hurry, okay? I don’t want to get murdered in our bed.”

 

“ _You won’t get murdered in the bed, honey_ ,” Shintarou reassured. The light tone of amusement never fully left his voice. “ _Just try to relax and maybe fall asleep, it’s your mind doing tricks to you_.”

 

“But Ao heard it, too!”

 

“ _I’m sure she did. I have to go now, I’ll come back as soon as I can._ ”

 

Once Kazunari ended the call, he carefully peeked under the blanket. There were no ghosts in the room, not yet that was, and he set the phone carefully on the bedside table. Of course there was the sensible part of him telling the same that Shintarou had done, that he was merely making things up with his exhausted mind (it _was_ three am, after all), but at the same time he didn’t appreciate too much of Shintarou’s dismissive amusement – the guy had been into superstition for all his life, so he should have believed him! Grumbling below his breath, Kazunari had to move his head permanently above the blanket to avoid suffocation, and held Ao beside him. Usually she wouldn’t have complied so easily, but now she settled her delicate bones tightly beside him. He swore the cat shivered, probably from fear, and it didn’t soothe him at all.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to fall asleep, and hoped that the next time he’d open them, Shintarou would be beside him. His body stirred, his toes losing their feeling, but he didn’t dare to move them. No matter how hard he tried, sleep didn’t find him, and he ended up staring at the clock on the nightstand and watched like a hawk its red digital numbers. Just a little bit more… His eyelids turned heavier but he forced them to stay open. Forty minutes more… Thirty, twenty. Kazunari hugged Ao and kissed the top of her soft head. He yawned. Just a bit longer… A bit more, and he could crawl in Shintarou’s arms… His mind spun around from tired swirls. He allowed his eyes to close and decided to rest them for a minute.

 

Even louder thud than before jolted him awake. He gasped for breath and stared at the ceiling, and then turned his gaze towards the bedroom door. A sliver of light shone underneath the crack between the door and the floor, but this time Ao purred softly against his chest. Sure of the fact that now it was Shintarou, Kazunari jumped out of the bed and stumbled to the door. If a murderer would greet him, it would be fully his fault for being too gullible. His pulse throbbing hard beside his spine, he swung the door open and saw Shintarou in the middle of the living room. His heart might have dropped back to its rightful place, but it didn’t make him able to breathe more properly.

 

“Shin-chan,” he murmured, stumbled closer, ran the last steps separating them and threw himself against his lover’s chest. If he listened closely enough, he could hear Shintarou chuckle. He looked up at him with a pout on his lips and slapped his arm. “Don’t laugh at me, idiot! You would have been just as scared if you had been here.”

 

“I’m sure I would have,” Shintarou said, but the curl of a smile didn’t disappear from his lips. “Go back to bed now, I’ll be there in few minutes.”

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted to a deep frown. “I want you to take a look around all the rooms first, _then_ I can sleep.”

 

“Why do _I_ have to do it?”

 

“Because you’re taller and look more menacing so maybe the ghost doesn’t attack you.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but obeyed nonetheless, peeled Kazunari away from him and with a deep sigh began a tour around their apartment. Kazunari remained in the middle of the room, hugged his torso with tired arms and blinked slowly. A great yawn escaped him, and he really wanted nothing more than fall down on the bed and in Shintarou’s arms. Unpleasant shivers traveled down his spine, which was no wonder; the apartment was chilly, and he wore nothing but boxers and one of Shintarou’s old t-shirts. He refused to move from the spot until Shintarou returned and shrugged.

 

“No ghosts in this place,” the man announced.

 

“Good,” Kazunari murmured and tiptoed enough to press a kiss on Shintarou’s slightly scratchy chin. “Come to bed with me now.”

 

“Come on, then.” Shintarou tangled their fingers together and tugged Kazunari in motion. He still shook his head in clear amusement. “I can’t believe you keep calling _me_ superstitious…”

 

“Hey, I heard stuff,” Kazunari defended and shadowed Shintarou’s steps. He switched the lights off from the living room and closed the bedroom door, and crawled to the bed. He shooed Ao out of the bed (she jumped to the foot as soon as she touched the floor) and lied down, and watched Shintarou sit on his side taking a shirt off. The bare back looked lovely and, most importantly, incredibly soothing, and he reached his hand to draw shapes on the skin. He managed to make Shintarou quiver and gained a look. A silly smile rose to his lips. “Welcome home, though…”

 

“It’s good to be back,” Shintarou murmured. He got up but only to change into a clean pair of boxers before he eased himself on the bed. “Even if I have to investigate every single room for ghosts the first thing.”

 

“You just keep mocking me…” whined Kazunari and crawled in his lover’s open arms. The spot was his favorite, so warm and safe, and when Shintarou tightened his grasp from around his body, all the ghosts could gather in their home and he wouldn’t feel a bit scared anymore. He kissed Shintarou’s cheek and settled his head cozily to the crook of his neck. “So—“, he yawned loudly, “s-so mean…”

 

“Just sleep now,” Shintarou muttered, his lips pressed against Kazunari’s forehead. “Sometimes you’re such an airhead, Kazu…”

 

Kazunari had a feeling that Shintarou said something more but he no longer registered the words as he dozed off the in the warmth that cradled him and kept him safe from every haunting creature.


	97. Odd Jobs

“I announce the planning session for the Midorima-Takao wedding to commence,” said Seijuurou with a matter-of-factly tone and stopped knocking his knuckles against the coffee table once the lot around it quieted down.

 

“Let’s just call it the Midorima wedding,” Kazunari chirped, his lips drawing to a bright grin.

 

Seijuurou’s brows arched higher, but a smile tugged his lips higher nonetheless. “What a pleasant surprise.” With the tip of his fountain pen he crossed over something from the top of the first paper of the many and cast his eyes at Shintarou. “You didn’t mention your lovely fiancé was going to be adopted into your family register, Shintarou.”

 

Writhing underneath all his former teammates’ gazes, Shintarou finally wondered whether it had been a mistake to tell Seijuurou a thing about this. Before he had had a chance to say anything, he already found himself sitting on the floor of his own living room, around the coffee table, with everyone else seated wherever they had found a place. On the floor on the other side of the table Kazunari sat crossed-leg, Daiki had slouched on the couch beside Tetsuya, and on Kazunari’s other side Atsushi sat and looked just as disinterested as Daiki did. The only one missing was Ryouta, and Shintarou didn’t even want to begin to wonder where he had disappeared. His cheeks glowed as he cleared his throat and stared at his half-empty glass of soda before he had the courage to look into his friend’s eyes.

 

“I do believe it’s a personal business between Kazunari and I,” he said but hurried to continue, “but yes, we should call it simply the Midorima wedding.”

 

“Marvelous.” Seijuurou scribbled something to the paper and looked satisfied.

 

Although Shintarou sat beside him, he didn’t dare to look what exactly the neat letters told. Instead, he glanced over at Kazunari and caught a cheeky grin from his lover’s lips, and felt his own mouth tug upwards. It didn’t really matter that their living room was full of his annoying friends, or that his closest one had decided to become their wedding’s official planner, he was marrying this gorgeous man sitting across the floor, and nothing else mattered. Shintarou felt his gaze soften. He had to admit that the first round of congratulations had been fully heartfelt as well. Maybe he had simply imagined it, but there seemed to have been relief in his friends’ eyes. He stole a glance towards Kazunari again, and his lover giggled but soon quieted down under Seijuurou’s gaze.

 

Shintarou hid his own smile behind the glass that he took a sip from, the soda already lukewarm, but it didn’t seem to stop Atsushi at all. On the couch Daiki had a wider stance than probably should have been allowed, and on Seijuurou’s other side Tetsuya sat quietly. Idly Shintarou wondered whether Kazunari had already asked him to be his best man. They had had a short conversation about it, and he wasn’t bothered – if Tetsuya truly was the one his fiancé wanted as a best man, then Tetsuya it would be. From the corner of his eye he glanced at Seijuurou and tried to think of a suitable way to pop the question to him. He couldn’t think of any, and wasn’t quite fond of doing it in front of everyone else, either. Daiki clicked his tongue and received a sharp glare from Seijuurou.

 

“Does someone want a refill before we really begin?” Kazunari asked, his position ready to rise from the floor.

 

“Yes, please,” Atsushi said and offered his empty glass to the man.

 

Shintarou watched Kazunari disappear to the kitchen and then come back with a glass that was full to the very edge, few droplets swinging to the floor as well (it was still the safest bet with Atsushi who could have gulped it down in one go if he so wished). Kazunari plopped down on the floor, stayed still for a second, and then crawled on the other side of the table and straight into Shintarou’s arms. For once, Shintarou didn’t mind it happen in front of other people, and with a small smile on his lips he spread his legs wider apart and tugged Kazunari to sit in between and moved his arms around his waist. It gained a soft look from Seijuurou, but the man’s features sharpened once he overlooked the group again and tapped the end of his fountain pen against the pile of paper.

 

“Daiki,” he called, his tone rather patient. “Do you have an idea when Ryouta might be bothered to show up? I told everyone to be here six pm, sharp.”

 

Daiki shrugged and grumbled, “I don’t think that bitch is going to show up, I don’t fucking care.”

 

“Why don’t you do me a favor and call him to remind him that we have a very important meeting here, and it would be a shame if a crucial part of the plan would not be present.”

 

“I’m not calling him.”

 

“Daiki,” Seijuurou called again. This time, his voice turned cold, chilling, menacing, and although he still held a smile on his lips, it was empty as he stared at Daiki with widened pupils. “It was not a suggestion. Get up and call him, _now_.”

 

Although Daiki grumbled and muttered curses below his breath, he forced himself up and took sluggish steps towards the hallway. With a light frown Shintarou followed the tall man’s steps with his gaze and then rested his chin on Kazunari’s shoulders. Only few minutes in of this _planning meeting_ , and he could already tell that Seijuurou had things in control and would not hand over the same control to anyone no matter what. He straightened his back once Seijuurou looked at them again, expected to be scolded, but instead a genuinely pleasant smile rose to the man’s lips as he eyed them, his gaze lingering a moment longer on Kazunari who gave him a small grin.

 

“Important things first,” Seijuurou announced and took off the cap of his pen, and hovered its tip near the paper. “Do we have the date in our minds yet?”

 

Shintarou looked at Kazunari who glanced at him over his shoulder. He spent a moment in silence. “I… don’t think we have a specific date in mind, no. But it must be an autumn wedding.”

 

“Autumn wedding sounds wonderful,” Tetsuya chipped in from the couch and rubbed his palms against his knees.

 

“Maybe the cherry trees will blossom again, who knows…” murmured Atsushi in return.

 

Kazunari perked. “That’s why I want it in autumn, it’ll look _so_ amazing in pictures, right, Shin-chan?”

 

“I’m happy as long as you are,” Shintarou quietly said, mostly in Kazunari’s ear. He gained a kiss on the cheek and small smiles from others in the room.

 

Seijuurou straightened his posture. “So, autumn wedding for certain…” he murmured and wrote something short down on the paper. “But we are sure that there will be a wedding ceremony, even if it’s only for symbolical purposes?”

 

Over his shoulder Kazunari looked at Shintarou again. Shintarou nodded, and Kazunari turned back towards Seijuurou. “Yeah, a wedding’s gonna happen.”

 

“A traditionally Japanese, or a Western one?”

 

“Um… What do you think, babe?”

 

Rather disliking the way he was suddenly pinned on the spot, Shintarou felt his eyes widen. His breath turned labored as he feverishly tried to think of a suitable answer that would bring the most satisfaction to Kazunari. He didn’t care what others would think – the only man in this room he was planning to make happy sat in his arms. Slowly he rubbed Kazunari’s sides and made him hum from clear satisfaction. He pursed his lips and rested his palms on his lover’s stomach. “I haven’t formed an opinion yet,” he said.

 

“I’d really like sort of a Western-influenced, though,” Kazunari thought aloud. “No churches or anything, but something nice and intimate, some place pretty, and then we could just have the party afterwards… Would you like that, Shin-chan?”

 

“That sounds perfectly satisfactory,” Shintarou said.

 

Seijuurou looked satisfied. “We’ll stick with something Western-influenced for now, and if you change your opinion, let me know.”

 

For some reason, Shintarou found Seijuurou’s behavior both amusing and at the same very soothing. It made him smile because his friend was taking full control of his wedding, not that he necessarily minded, but he was also glad that there was someone to do it. His mother would have love to, but… And Kazunari’s mother, _well_ , she was a sweetheart but her mind went to just as many places at the same time as her son’s did. A smile lingering on his lips, Shintarou pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s nape.

 

“Now,” Seijuurou continued after a brief silence and turned over to the second page. “If we would go through—“

 

“He’s on his way,” Daiki interrupted as he dragged himself back to the living room and slumped down to the couch. “He said, quote, that he’s fucking furious having to see me but he’ll show up for the sake of the happy couple, unquote.”

 

“See? The things you can achieve when you put your mind into it, Daiki,” Seijuurou said, his words having an edge of sharpness. He settled the papers perfectly in front of him and folded his hands neatly. “Now… It’s difficult to craft any sort of concrete plan since we have no date or a venue in mind. Would your mother want to be part of the planning process, Kazunari?”

 

Kazunari perked. “Oh, she’d love to.”

 

“Great, just leave me her phone number, and I’ll work things out with her. What about your father, Shintarou, would he be keen on participating?”

 

Shintarou rubbed his chin. “Possibly? He won’t be interested in picking the food or other wedding-like things, but I’m… sure he would like to have the feeling of participating since… Since my mother cannot.”

 

Seijuurou offered a smile. “I will make things happen and contact your families respectively,” he assured, and it was enough to make Shintarou smile as well. Seijuurou put another paper face down on the table and squinted his eyes to the one now in front of him. It took him a moment to lift his gaze back up. “Have you thought of the amount of guests?”

 

“I think we haven’t really thought anything through, to be honest,” Shintarou admitted.

 

A frown appeared on Seijuurou’s face. “Considering how long this marriage has been the topic of discussion, I would have assumed the two of you had started planning things.”

 

“We’ve just been throwing ideas around, really,” Kazunari helped with a lopsided smile illuminating his lips. “But we’re both open to ideas, aren’t we, Shin-chan? As long as it’s going to be nice and look like us… If it’s like that, I guess we need to have, like, an array of lucky items?”

 

Atsushi was the first one to snort out laughter.

 

Seijuurou looked mildly amused. “If that’s what the groom wants, then that is what the groom gets.”

 

“Please, no,” Shintarou mustered out. “I really… We can scrap out any ideas of lucky items, _please_.”

 

“Aw, it would have been so cute, though, just imagine how many lucky items we’d have to buy the day before,” Kazunari said.

 

“Horoscopes aren’t things to play at,” Shintarou scolded, but did it rather gently. He wanted to squeeze Kazunari better in his arms, but the doorbell rang and his lover shot up on his feet. Feeling a little disoriented when there wasn’t warmth against his chest, he hastily turned to Seijuurou and muttered under his breath, “Please, don’t include any lucky items for the day, I don’t want any of them.”

 

Seijuurou gave him a rare wink and a small smirk. “Rest easy, Shintarou.”

 

Kazunari quickly skipped back to his spot whilst Ryouta trailed behind his steps. The tension that suddenly rose to the room made Shintarou shiver, and he didn’t have to guess twice why exactly it happened. Not even once did Ryouta give a single acknowledgement to Daiki as he brushed past the couch and plopped down on the floor beside Atsushi instead. His first gaze’s target was Seijuurou. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Akashicchi,” he breathed out and tugged off his scarf. “But you’ll understand, right?”

 

“Of course. I’m glad you could finally join us.”

 

“Thanks.” Ryouta looked at Shintarou and smiled brightly. “Congrats again, Midorimacchi, you’re so lucky to get a man like Takaocchi who doesn’t blindly cheat you with some big-breasted cow who—“

 

“Oi, idiot, I’m right here,” Daiki growled.

 

Ryouta continued with a smile, “You’re so lucky, Midorimacchi.”

 

Shintarou wasn’t sure what to do, thus he gave a small nod. “Thank you… I suppose. I’m indeed… _lucky_ to have what I have right now, certainly.”

 

“You’re so adorable,” murmured Kazunari.

 

Shintarou’s cheeks glowed.

 

“Now that we are all finally present,” Seijuurou said and clearly interrupted whatever Daiki had on the tip of his tongue. “I would like to introduce the tasks I have deemed proper for us all to carry to make the Midorima wedding the most suitable there is for our couple.” He moved to the next set of paper. “Shintarou, Kazunari, you merely need to give your visions and opinions about everything, every decision and the finest of details will come down on you.”

 

“You’re the best,” Kazunari said, smirking.

 

Seijuurou smiled. “Consider it as my wedding gift to the happy couple.” He looked past them. “Atsushi, I want you to utilize the connections you have made through your work, and I wish for you to look into options for catering.”

 

Atsushi’s face fell. “That sounds bothersome,” he stated and drank the last drop of the soda that had last longer this time. “Don’t want to…”

 

“I’m asking very nicely, Atsushi.”

 

There was a brief silence in which Shintarou found himself unable to breathe. Eventually Atsushi shrugged and stared into the bottom of the glass. “I suppose I can do it…”

 

“Thank you very much. Ryouta, I trust your sense in fashion, so during the upcoming months I would want you to find the perfect suits for Shintarou and Kazunari.”

 

“Leave it to me,” Ryouta promised and leaned against the floor behind Atsushi’s back to look at Kazunari and Shintarou properly. “We’re going to find the _perfect_ ones, really, trust me. We can either go with something traditional like black suit to the other and white to the other, or, _oh_ , we could have white suits for both of you!”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply. “Oh, I’d love that!” He tugged Shintarou’s sleeve. “Doesn’t that sound good? You’d look sexy in all whites.”

 

“As long as I have clothes on,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Have this conversation in a more suitable time,” Seijuurou interrupted and turned towards the other side of his body. “Since you’re more accustomed to both of their tastes, I want you to help them discover the perfect venue, Tetsuya.” Once Tetsuya nodded without a word, Seijuurou continued, “And Daiki…”

 

“Just spit it out, what do I have to do?” Daiki grumbled.

 

Seijuurou reclined properly on his seat. “I haven’t figured out a job for you yet, but I will in the near future.”

 

Daiki huffed. “What, so even _you_ are now saying what a shitty, useless person I am? As if that fucking idiot on the other side of the table wasn’t enough.”

 

“Daiki,” Seijuurou warned.

 

“I’m just sayin’.”

 

“What’s your job, Seijuurou?” asked Shintarou to prevent a fight from breaking out.

 

Seijuurou’s smile turned lopsided. “I’m the wedding coordinator, of course. I thought it was obvious, Shintarou.”

 

“It is now.” Shintarou’s brows arched higher. He heaved out a gentle sigh and then pushed a friendly smile on his lips, directed to everyone. “I thought to myself… Now that you are all here, we might as well… order takeout or something similar.”

 

He wasn’t surprised at all that his suggestion wasn’t met by any resistance.

 

Kazunari turned fully towards him and gave him a gentle kiss. “You’re being such a good host,” he murmured against his lips.

 

Shintarou grunted and stole another kiss before he pulled his head back for good. “I only thought it was suitable.”

 

Half an hour later the coffee table was full of pizza boxes, cans of soda, and chatter that wasn’t about the wedding. Shintarou wasn’t particularly stressed about the event, he just considered such intense planning unfruitful when he had decided on nothing concrete together with Kazunari. Looking around at his surely odd group of friends, Shintarou thought that maybe, _possibly_ , he was happy to share his life with these people. Not that he would have ever admitted aloud, but it brought security in his life to know that there were still these people that had been there since he was nothing but a foolish child, and continued to stay. The life he had gotten and the people in it made him feel lucky, and he finally felt able to say that.

 

It took an hour more of meaningless conversations about this and that in which Shintarou actually engaged himself in before limbs started to twitch towards the door. Daiki was the first one to disappear after giving harsh glares towards Ryouta; Ryouta soon followed, then left Atsushi with the same opening of a door than Tetsuya, and finally Seijuurou peeled himself up on his feet. Shintarou hurried to do the same.

 

“I really can’t thank you enough,” he said and looked at his friend. “You’ll be a tremendous help in this mess of a celebration.”

 

“Don’t thank me.” Seijuurou settled the pile of papers better in the map he had and smiled briefly. “I want all the best for you and your lovely fiancé, and I’m happy to be allowed to do this. Either way, goodnight.” He moved enough to look behind Shintarou. “Thank you for allowing us in your home, Kazunari, it is such a messy bunch of men. I’m truly sorry for the terrible state we left your living room in.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, at least we have some leftovers. Drive safe back home, thanks for coming!”

 

With a small nod of a head, Seijuurou was gone. Shintarou looked around and had to admit that his friend had been right – the state of the living room was interesting, to say the least. Pondering how they should tackle the cleaning, he didn’t get too far in his thoughts when Kazunari already tugged the sleeve of his pants. He looked down at his lover.

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

“Go ask him now!” said Kazunari with a full-fledged grin on his lips.

 

Shintarou frowned. “Ask what?”

 

“What do you think? For him to be your best man, go on, now’s the perfect time.”

 

He felt his cheeks heat up. In the spot he squirmed from the mere thought of having to muster out the words. “I don’t know…”

 

“Come on!” Kazunari encouraged. “He’ll love it if you ask him now, so go on, you can still catch him if you hurry.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Shintarou had to admit that once again Kazunari was right. He nodded and decided that this was _the_ moment, and dashed out of the apartment and into the staircase. Not sure whether Seijuurou had already managed to slip away, his heart thudded in his chest as he rushed down the stairs and spotted a bush of red from below. “Seijuurou!” he called and managed to make the man stop few floors down. Hurry in his long legs, Shintarou rushed the rest of the way and only caught his breath in front of Seijuurou.

 

Seijuurou’s frown was light. “Is something the matter?”

 

Shintarou swallowed hard and straightened his posture. “I need to ask you something,” he pushed out of his mouth although the words sounded embarrassing to his own ears. After that, nothing else came out of his mouth.

 

Patiently Seijuurou waited but then said, “Ask me away.”

 

“Would you…” Shintarou sucked in his lips and hesitated. Surely Seijuurou would say yes… It had always been a natural choice for him, because he was closest to him from the group, and because he always went so such great lengths for him. Shintarou took a deep breath and calmed his demeanor. Only then did he finally ask, “For the wedding… Would you be my best man?”

 

Seijuurou blinked once, then twice, and looked genuinely dumbfounded. Soon, however, he smiled, widely at that. “That would be an honor,” he said without a second thought and looked up at Shintarou. “How truly wonderful thought, Shintarou. I would love to, thank you for asking me.”

 

“Don’t thank me,” Shintarou hurried to say. “I have simply felt that it should be you.”

 

The smile on Seijuurou only widened. “I won’t let you down, you have my word on that. Please give my regards once more for Kazunari, I believe you could not have chosen for a better and more suitable partner to yourself than you have.”

 

“Thank you,” Shintarou said and added, “I believe so, too.”

 

They parted with smiles that tattled all the goodness of their friendship. Shintarou didn’t move from the spot until he was certain that Seijuurou was gone, and only then did he begin the climb upstairs. Excitement bubbled in his stomach. He couldn’t wait to tell Kazunari about the positive outcome – his lover had encouraged him to ask the question from Seijuurou for a couple of times already, and surely he, too, would be pleased. With a smile on his lips Shintarou finally pressed the door to their home shut behind his back and went to search for his fiancé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I absolutely love writing chapters that have all the Miracles in them. It's difficult as hell when there's a handful of them running around, but I hope I'm doing them justice!
> 
> Also, I'm really a sucker for MidoAka friendship.


	98. Cooking

Kazunari tried to concentrate on reading a magazine by the kitchen table, but it was unnecessarily difficult as a steady stream of colorful curses escaped Shintarou who worked by the counter. As a frown settled to his face, he looked up at his lover’s back and chewed his bottom lip. He wasn’t sure what exactly was bubbling on the stove in a pot already, but it smelled good – he couldn’t really understand what Shintarou was cursing about so wildly. Abandoning his magazine for the moment for the sake of it, he looked at his lover instead and eventually heaved out a sigh when Shintarou looked more than ready to throw the large knife to the nearby wall.

 

“Baby,” he gently said and wasn’t surprised at all that he didn’t manage to gather his attention. He tried again. “Babe, what are you doing? I’m sure there’s no reason to be so aggressive…”

 

“Shut up,” grumbled Shintarou. “Just shut up and let me concentrate.”

 

“Shin-chan!” Kazunari scolded. “At least tell me what the hell is making you that grumpy.”

 

There was a moment of silence, and then Shintarou turned around to look at him. Somehow, he looked both angry and at the same time incredibly sad. He huffed out the air from his lungs and rubbed his forehead to his arm. “I’m trying to cut this _fucking_ steak,” slithered through his gritted teeth. He turned back to the counter, and his shoulders slumped. “So let me just do this in peace and don’t say a word.”

 

Kazunari blinked. It was hardly like Shintarou to get so worked up over something so silly, and he couldn’t help but wonder if there was possibly something else behind it. “I’m sure it’s good already,” he tried to encourage, “you don’t need to make it fancy or anything.”

 

Shintarou said nothing anymore.

 

As another sigh escaped his mouth, Kazunari pushed himself up – something he had actually wanted to avoid because he had had such a comfortable position – and took the steps separating them. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s torso from behind and made his lover grumble, but at least Shintarou didn’t tell him to _fuck off_ or something alike. Feeling like it was already a progress on its own to Shintarou’s mood, Kazunari snuggled him tight and rocked him little. Although the body in his embrace hardly budged, he still had a good time despite the attitude he could feel emit out of the man’s skin. Kazunari pressed his forehead against Shintarou’s upper back and tightened his grasp.

 

“It’s alright,” he reassured.

 

“No,” Shintarou finally said. “It needs to be exactly as I saw it, and that’s the end of it. Go sit down, you’re bothering me.”

 

“Oh, am I bothering you?” Kazunari teased with a smile on his lips. “Am I bothering you, Shin-chan, am I? Is it _so_ bothering that I’m hugging my lovely but very grumpy but at the same time really adorable fiancé?”

 

“Yes,” ruffed Shintarou.

 

Kazunari threw his hands up, overdramatically. “Fine, fine! I’ll stop bothering and go back to read my silly magazines while my stomach grumbles because I can’t get any food because my fiancé is a perfectionist!”

 

Before he could take a single step, Shintarou enclosed him in his arms and pinned him to the spot. Giggles escaped Kazunari, and he gave Shintarou a one-armed hug now that he was at it. He rose to his tiptoes and pressed a sweet kiss to the man who accepted and even answered the kiss, and for a moment he was certain that everything was fine. Once he returned to his soles, he let out a silly sigh and glanced at the cutting board with pieces of steaks in them. Truthfully, he couldn’t find anything wrong with them as they seemed like the perfect shape and size, but he knew that it was easy for Shintarou to find flaws here and there. He moved his hand on Shintarou’s chest and rubbed gently.

 

“It really looks good already,” he murmured softly and kept rubbing the spot he had chosen. He looked up at Shintarou and made sure to smile. “What else are you making?”

 

Shintarou took a clear moment to take deep breaths and calm down. He moistened his lips and brought a hand to Kazunari’s lower back. “Steaming vegetables that are proven to be good for your heart,” he announced, an edge of pride in his tone.

 

Kazunari’s smile tugged back to his lips. “Spoken like a true doctor,” he pointed out and gently scratched Shintarou’s chest with the fingertips in the way he knew his lover liked. Indeed, even now Shintarou quivered and surely didn’t do it from coldness. Maybe he had managed to calm him down at least. He kissed his collarbone. “It really smells good already,” he complimented and finally let go. “The steak doesn’t have to be exactly how you saw it, all right? As long as it tastes good, that’s already an achievement, right?”

 

“I suppose,” Shintarou muttered. Although Kazunari was already inching to get out of the embrace, Shintarou refused to let him move. His hand stubbornly stayed on the spot on Kazunari’s waist and kept him close. “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

Kazunari blinked. “Back to read my magazine, yeah?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re staying now that you got here.”

 

“Why, you in the need for some mental support?”

 

“Are you making fun of me?”

 

“No, not at all!” Kazunari hurried to say but couldn’t really fight the amusement that was easily heard from his voice. He snickered softly and kissed Shintarou’s cheek before he wiggled fully away from his arms and settled nicely beside him, leaning his hipbones against the counter. “Alright, then, do your magic whilst I’m watching.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips to a thin line. “You don’t have to _stare_ ,” he pointed out.

 

“I’m not staring, though, I’m just gracefully looking at what you’re doing.”

 

Shintarou shook his head but didn’t say a word anymore as he grabbed the knife and concentrated on cutting the steak again. Slightly mesmerized and in awe, Kazunari watched his lover’s knife skills (they were a lot more superior to his, truly) with a smile constantly flirting with his lips. It was a sight of his own to see Shintarou so wonderfully concentrated; it made him look even sexier, not that there was any lack of it in the first place. A soft sigh rolling away from his lips, Kazunari pressed his elbows to the counter and his chin to his palms, and slowly blinked. The water in the pot boiling the vegetables made such a soothing noise, and after a moment he gently slipped his eyes closed. Simply being home like this together with Shintarou surely made him the happiest.

 

His happy bubble was broken by the sound of his ringtone. He grumbled, swore that if it was his mother he would not answer it – she had spent an hour yesterday of telling all gossips about her group of friends –, and reached out to his phone that was beside the fridge. Kazunari’s brows drew in immediately. The number flashing on the screen was unknown, and he wasn’t sure whether to answer or not. He decided to do it for the sake of it, and pressed the phone against his ear.

 

“Hello?” he asked, his voice rather curious.

 

“ _Good evening_ ,” wished a male voice, somehow distinctively familiar. “ _Am I speaking to Takao Kazunari?_ ”

 

“Yes, that’s me,” said Kazunari and leaned the curve of his back against the counter. “How can I help you?”

 

“ _I am calling about the recent job interview you had for a position in our supermarket_.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes went wide. He grasped Shintarou by his sleeve and tugged hard, but stared in front of him. His heart beat so fast he couldn’t quite grasp his pulse anymore, not when it was thickening by the second and ready to give him a heart attack. His breath jumped higher, but somehow he managed to muster out, “Yes?” It came out squeaky, but he didn’t quite mind.

 

“ _We have taken your interview and your previous working record in consideration—_ “

 

Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s arm even harder and by now realized that his lover wasn’t concentrating on the cooking anymore.

 

“ _—and we would you like to offer you the place._ ”

 

Wanting to squeal, Kazunari pressed his mouth against his shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut. He had gotten it. He was going to _work_. Tears of relief brimmed in his eyes, and he heaved out a shivery sigh. He would stop being a stone on Shintarou’s shoulders; he could start earning money, and he would no longer have to rely on his lover to do everything. Almost unable to breathe, Kazunari let his body bend in half and finally gasped for breath. A smile rose to his lips, wide, happy, and it only twitched higher when Shintarou began to rub his back along his spine. Sure of the fact that Shintarou was worried, Kazunari didn’t manage to tell the great news when he straightened his spine and took in a deep breath.

 

“Thank you,” he said to the phone and glanced at Shintarou. “Thank you very much, that’s absolutely great news. Wow… Thank you, really.”

 

“ _If you would come in to sign the contract the day after tomorrow, that would be advisable. We were thinking of a starting date of the twenty-first of this month, but that is, of course, negotiable._ ”

 

“I’m really—I-I’m fine with everything.” Kazunari offered his lover a sheepish, toothy grin.

 

“ _In that case, I’m welcoming you to our working community, and we’ll meet in few days_.”

 

“Thank you so much,” were the final words Kazunari mustered out before he ended the call. It took him few seconds to collect himself and his thoughts, but once he did, he finally let out the squeal he had wanted to emit. He pressed the phone back to the counter and jumped up and down, and bounced into the arms of a very confused-looking Shintarou. “I got it!” he screamed. “I got it, I got it, I got the job, Shin-chan, I got it!”

 

“What?” asked Shintarou and held Kazunari, although the position was hardly ergonomic for neither of them. “You… Y-You got it? Really?”

 

“Yes!” shouted Kazunari and smooched Shintarou on his lips. Once he pulled back, he babbled, “I got it, that was literally the call, I’m gonna start near the end of the month and sign the contract in few days, I get to work, babe, I can finally do something and—“

 

“Slow down,” Shintarou said with a hint of a chuckle in his tone. “That’s… amazing, truly,” he breathed. “I’m so proud of you, Kazunari, _so_ proud.”

 

“Thank you.” It came out as a whisper and out of the blue was laced by small sobs. Before he fully realized it, he was crying with a smile on his lips, and hastily began to rub the tears away to the back of his palm. He hiccupped. “S-Sorry, I just… I-I can’t… I’m finally… Sorry.”

 

Shintarou worked his hands under Kazunari’s bottom and lifted him properly in his arms, and looked at him with a small smile on his lips. “It’s okay,” he promised and kissed Kazunari’s chin. “I know. It’s going to be fine now. It’s all good now, dear.”

 

The little nickname made Kazunari hiccup some more, but the smile never left his face. He wiped his tears to the shoulder of Shintarou’s shirt, wrapped his legs tighter around his waist and squeezed him closer. Somehow, life seemed to have its own, wonderful way of settling things to place lately, and he could hardly believe that few weeks ago they had been in such a crisis. No traces left of it, Kazunari kissed Shintarou and knew that this opportunity was turning things around for good. He was moving houses, getting married, and now got himself a job – it all seemed too perfect, like he was dropped in the middle of a dream. Maybe he had done something right in life after all to deserve all of this. With a smile on his lips he kissed Shintarou gently, then again and again, until he felt dizzy in the head and moved down on his feet. Long forgotten was the steak when Shintarou pulled him to a tight embrace, and Kazunari wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shin-chan cursing is my aesthetic.


	99. A Promise

“Kazunari.”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari tilted his head and stuck the tip of his tongue out. He popped off the cap of a thick black marker and wrote to the side of the very first cardboard box ‘WINTER CLOTHES’. It made him smile silly for some reason, and with soft eyes he looked at it and moved the first thick coat to the bottom. This was the first box out of the many they would fit their life in, and it made his chest vibrate with joy. A soft chuckle escaped under his breath as he stayed on the clouds that his mind had swirled in and settled two pairs of mittens in the box as well. When he had moved in with Shintarou in the first place, he hadn’t had a lot of things at all, but somehow during the years, they had acquired quite a collection of _everything_.

 

If it were up to him, he wouldn’t sort out the box of lucky items for the hundredth time.

 

“Did you listen to me?” Shintarou demanded on the other side of the guest room’s floor.

 

“I did!” Finally Kazunari looked up at his lover. He hoped that Shintarou would have been a bit more cheerful about moving their lives in boxes, but ever since they had decided that today was the day they’d start (they had reached the decision the previous night in bed), the man had been clearly stressed to the core.

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “What did I say, then?”

 

“You said…” Kazunari took a deep breath and closed his eyes in an attempt to remember. He shrugged and glanced back at him with eyes of a pup. “You said something really important and I totally don’t remember because I was too busy thinking how happy this makes me, _pleaseforgivemeShin-chanIloveyousomuch_ ,” he breathed all at once.

 

For a brief second Shintarou stared at him blankly, and then heaved out a sigh. He rubbed his forehead. “I told you to promise me to continue packing our belongings when I’m at work, otherwise we won’t be able to finish by the time we wanted to move in.” He tugged a winter coat closer and folded it nicely, then moved it to the box with more precision than Kazunari had. “This is the one thing you shouldn’t be lazy with.”

 

“I won’t, I won’t, I promise!” Kazunari put down the pile of beanies he had hugged against his chest. “I promise, Shin-chan, I’m not as easily distracted as you think I am.”

 

“Are you really, now?”

 

“You’re always totally doubting me— _Ooh_ , I love this jacket!” Gaining his lover’s expression of cocked eyebrows, Kazunari snickered. “I’m just kidding! I promise to do my best and get our stuff in boxes when you’re gone, but in return you gotta give me nice back rubs whenever I want to.”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips and then pressed them to a thin line. “Deal.”

 

“Knew I could trust you, bunny.” Kazunari shoved another jacket in the box and then grabbed another cardboard, pulled it in the correct shape and named it as ‘WINTER CLOTHES 2’ _._ He nudged the old one out of the way and settled it between them, and then straightened his legs. They had been doing this for a mere moment and, truthfully, it was already getting tiring. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t consider himself a person with a short attention spam – maybe it was a way Shintarou would describe him, but it wasn’t that. He was just interested in everything, or so he liked to think, and he rather devoted his time to many things than settle on just one.

 

He rose to his knees to yank another jacket, and then burst to laughter when he spotted a horrendous bright green one peeking from the pile in the wardrobe. “Oh, do you remember this?” He pulled it to the floor and could hardly contain his laughter. There was a shade of red in Shintarou’s face, and he clearly refused to look when Kazunari picked the lush jacket up and stared at it. “You wore this like, once or something. What the hell were you thinking when you bought this?”

 

“You made me do it,” Shintarou murmured.

 

“So didn’t. Here,” Kazunari threw the jacket to his lover, “put it on, I want to see.”

 

“No.”

 

“Come _on_ , put it on. Pretty please, you can’t refuse!”

 

With a heavy sigh on his lips Shintarou opened the zipper and pulled it on. The jacket’s color matched his hair and made Kazunari howl from laughter. It made Shintarou look so _big_ , which he normally wasn’t, and Kazunari thought of rotten snowmen. His abdomen hurt as he covered his mouth with the back of his palm. From the deepening blush on Shintarou’s cheeks he knew he shouldn’t have laugh, but it was too much. Simply too much.

 

“God,” he managed to muster out and wiped his tears away to the tips of his fingers. “I don’t think we’re keeping it, are we?”

 

“No,” Shintarou said without a pause and peeled away from the hideous green. “Give me another box, and we’ll gather the things suitable for charity.”

 

Kazunari nodded but couldn’t get rid of the grin, not anymore. It tugged the corners of his lips higher, and with the same expression he handed over a box to Shintarou and shook his head in amusement. This was one of the reasons why he preferred to do this with the two of them – memories would surely surface, and he wanted to share them with Shintarou instead of keeping them in his mind and then most likely forgetting them. A soft, fond sigh rolled out of his mouth. He knew he was luckier than ever to have such memories attached to silly things like a ridiculous jacket that he had actually made Shintarou buy.

 

In silence they continued, but such silences hadn’t been clumsy in years, unless he counted a certain mishap that he rather not thought about. But soon Kazunari broke the silence by whistling his favorite tune of a song that had been stuck in his head for quite a while now. Once Shintarou began to hum along, Kazunari jolted and his eyes widened, but he grinned widely when he looked at him. He began to whistle again, and it was hardly done in perfect harmony, but it made the familiar little butterflies in his stomach race like they were competing from the championship. As much as he wanted to concentrate on making silly music and staring into Shintarou’s eyes again like they were seventeen and everything had seemed so wonderful, he focused on folding things as nicely as he could to make his fiancé at least a bit proud of him.

 

“Oh,” breathed Shintarou out of the blue. “Look what I found.”

 

When Kazunari did look, his grin turned into a smirk. In Shintarou’s hands were a set of bright orange jerseys, six in total, and Kazunari didn’t have to think twice what they were. He wiggled his fingers and told, “Gimme one, come on.” The one that was thrown to him had a lovely black lucky seven in the chest and ‘Shutoku’ written to the back. On the other side Shintarou lifted another jersey up, a size smaller, this one marked as four, and Kazunari gave it a sheepish smile. It had to be the jersey he was the most proud of – his captain’s orange, the one he had been terrified of wearing at first but the one that had brought him most confidence during the final year. He stroked the seven near his hand and smiled gently at it. These were their third year jerseys, and they brought such warm memories to mind.

 

“I knew we had them somewhere,” he murmured. He pulled off his shirt and put Shintarou’s game jersey on instead, and spread his arms to the sides. Even after all the years, Shintarou’s was still way too big for him – if he had gotten up on his feet, it would have surely reached longer than it was meant to. He looked at his lover and arched an eyebrow, and with a low, seductive voice said, “Look at me, I’m wearing the jersey of Shutoku’s ace… You know what that means?”

 

Shintarou’s lips threatened to tug to a smile. “What does it mean?”

 

“I got to bang the ace,” Kazunari purred. He nudged the boxes to the side and pushed on all fours, and slowly crawled towards Shintarou. The cleavage of the shirt was too big, but it was hardly the first time he had worn it like this. He brought his hands to Shintarou’s shoulders and straddled him with ease, and tilted his head. “Oh, I remember one certain time after a certain final match in a certain third year when the Shutoku’s ace made love to me in the name of celebration the whole night…”

 

Shintarou swallowed and brought his hands on Kazunari’s sides, and lifted the jersey up by few inches. “It still suits you,” he murmured.

 

“Doesn’t it?” Kazunari smirked and traced his lips over Shintarou’s jawline and made him quiver. He darted out his tongue and trailed it over the shell of the man’s ear and softly murmured, “I might be interested in seeing whether the ace can still thrust those strong hips like he used to do…”

 

A grumble rolled off Shintarou’s mouth. He squeezed Kazunari’s hips at first, but then loosened his grasp. Behind his glasses he looked at him and seemingly tried to look stern but hardly succeeded. It was an adorable sight, after all, and he cleared his throat with his cheeks glowing. “T-This… This sort of a thing is exactly… what we should avoid when we’re packing our belongings. Go back to your own place.”

 

Kazunari pouted, but hooked his arms better around Shintarou’s nape. He grinded his hips against his lover’s and gave a lopsided smirk. “Should I really remind you about how fun it is to give the poor point guard a good and long fuck?” He dragged his tongue against his lower lip and breathed harder ever so slightly. “Remember that one photo we took… Whose polaroid camera were we borrowing again?”

 

“I don’t know.” Shintarou sounded like he’d choke on his words.

 

“You know that picture, though… Me spread on your bed, I’m wearing just this jersey, cum on my thighs…”

 

“Shut up,” groaned Shintarou. He brought his hands back to Kazunari’s hips and squeezed rather hard. “You… really need to get back where you came from, otherwise we… w-we can’t sort all of this out.”

 

Kazunari let a breath trail from his mouth and into Shintarou’s ear. “Don’t you want to fuck Shutoku’s captain after so long? I’m totally aching for you.”

 

“Get back on your spot,” Shintarou said, this time more sternly.

 

Not taking it to the heart, Kazunari shrugged and climbed off Shintarou’s lap, and crawled back on the other side of the room. “Oh, well, maybe you’ll have a chance to do it some other time…” He curled his fingers around the hem of the jersey and was in the process of pulling it off when Shintarou exclaimed.

 

“Wait.”

 

Kazunari blinked. “What?”

 

“Don’t… Don’t put it anywhere too far away.” Shintarou took a sharp inhale through his nose. His face got such a healthy glow on them, and intensely he stared at his knees. “Put it on tonight, I’ll… I’ll take your offer then.”

 

Snickering, Kazunari retorted, “I knew you couldn’t resist.”

 

“But only after we’re done with the winter clothing.”

 

Kazunari’s breath quickened. “Promise?”

 

When Shintarou looked at him, there was fire mixed to the green heath. “Promise. I’m going to… going to bang Shutoku’s captain.”

 

It was the best kind of motivation there was, and with a slightly quicker pace he worked on folding the clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's barely past midnight here, so I'm sorry for the early morning/whatever time of the day it is at your time zone! I'm flying home today to enjoy my spring break, and my flight is leaving before the sun even comes up. So have a good day today, and we'll see tomorrow for the 100th(!!!!) chapter!


	100. Culture Shock

Surrounded by several cardboard boxes, Kazunari felt a little desperate. At first they had only been gathered to the guest room, but slowly they had began to spread like an unwanted fungus that he couldn’t get rid off anymore. In the midst of the living room he stood and had his arms loosely crossed over his chest, and looked around to the sight. At least he had done as promised and made all of this happen on his own whilst Shintarou was out making money for them. It had been boring, nonetheless, especially stacking books after books in boxes (they had taken two full ones, and he didn’t even want to know how much it would weigh if someone were to pick it up).

 

He chewed his bottom lip and tried to figure out what to pack next. He lifted his fingers and counted the days, messed up and began again. “Three,” he murmured to himself below the breath. Three days… They had started this way too late. Now understanding that they should have started as soon as possible, the desperation inside him grew as he twirled around and feverishly tried to think. Maybe the kitchen stuff… But they needed most of them, right? Kazunari’s brows drew in together and created deep wrinkles that caused an ache in his head. He grabbed a box and marched to the kitchen nonetheless, and decided that it was the place where he should be.

 

His insides trembling, he really wished Shintarou would be here. Shintarou would have told him exactly what to do and how to be and would be so organized, but he had left him in his own devices by simply saying in the morning how he counted on him. Kazunari took in a shivering breath that refused to calm down even when he huffed it out of his mouth. _Calm down_ , he demanded nonetheless and opened the first cupboard that held dozens of bowls. One by one he stacked them to the box and trailed his tongue over his bottom lip. _Calm down, he’ll be proud of you_ _in every way_. So he thought but wasn’t really convinced. Most likely Shintarou was going to scold him for being so disorganized, and if he had done this, this and this, it would have been a lot better. Kazunari stopped his movements and stared in front of him.

 

As much fun as it was to move houses, this part wasn’t his favorite.

 

Once he began to move and pack again, the doorbell disturbed his progress. His eyes went wide. When had been the last time that Shintarou had forgotten his keys? He could hardly remember. More than happy to get out of the task for now, Kazunari abandoned everything right where he was and skipped towards the hallway, and nearly stumbled on the floor as he rushed against a box. Somehow he managed to keep his balance, however, and straightened his back. He settled a grin to his lips – it was better than looking grumpy and annoyed and sulking – and swung the door open. A small gasp escaped him.

 

“Mom?” The surprise soon turned into confusion, and Kazunari frowned. No matter how he looked at it, his mother stood in front of him, smiling, uninvited. He tilted his head and felt a jolt inside once he even spotted his father. “Dad? What… What are you doing here? Did I forget something?”

 

She smiled. “No, honey, but we decided to pay a visit since we were nearby. Don’t you want to invite us in?”

 

“Right! Sorry, yeah, come… come on in.” He stepped out of the way and offered a smile to his father who smiled back. His smile he had definitely inherited from him, although they weren’t quite identical. Kazunari pulled the door shut and felt his heart skip joyful beats as he watched his parents take off their jackets and shoes and take few steps forward with only socks. “Oh, it’s going to be a mess around here, okay, because we finally started packing for the new house.”

 

“It was about time,” she said and sailed forward, leaving her husband behind.

 

Kazunari stepped beside his father. “How are you doing, dad?”

 

His father looked at him, their heights as good as identical. “I’m fine. Listen, I told her we probably shouldn’t come here, but she insisted…”

 

A snicker rolled out of his mouth. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nice that you came. Mom, do you want me to make some tea for you?”

 

“I’m fine, thank you,” came back from the general direction of the living room. She continued with a bit of a shout to be heard, “Where’s Shintarou, dear?”

 

Together with his father Kazunari approached her voice. “He’s still at work, but he should be here soon.” He stopped to the doorway and finally looked at her with a small pout on his lips. “What, you came here to see _him_ after all?”

 

“Of course not, dear, I just wondered, because it would have been lovely to see him while we’re here. Two birds in one stone, right?”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and looked at his father. “Just sit down, dad, I feel like she’s going to want to do another tour around. Should I bring you something?”

 

“I’m fine, thank you.”

 

His father sat on the couch, but not without few grunts and holding his knees. It made Kazunari look at him a moment longer with a small frown on his face, but he dismissed the thoughts that wanted to invade his mind and turned to look at his mother – only he couldn’t see her anywhere. The bedroom door was creaked slightly open, and his eyes widened. “Mom!” he called and hurried after her. “Let’s not go there, okay, it’s a mess, there are all these things just lying around…” He said _things_ and meant their hardly used toys; he hadn’t expected visitors, thus he had merely put them on the floor and decided to decide later together with Shintarou whether they should be packed already or not. He nudged the bedroom door aside and felt like burying his face to his palm immediately.

 

There was not a doubt at all that she had indeed found them, because she stared at the floor towards the collection of dildos and vibrators and few cock rings with a slightly weird frown. “You probably shouldn’t… on the floor…” She cleared her throat and looked at him over her shoulder. “What are you doing with such things in the first place?”

 

“Is it really so surprising that I’m having sex with my partner? Come on, let’s not pay any attention to those,” he said and grabbed a cushion from the bed, and threw it over the toys. He moved beside her and offered a lopsided smile. “You don’t have to be so shocked.”

 

“I’m not shocked,” she insisted and gave him a small smile in return. “But I hardly think a floor is a suitable place for them… Anyway, it’s such a mess around here, too! How were you planning to sleep in a bed full of things?”

 

“I’ll clear them up when Shin-chan gets back home. Plus he’s gonna help me to get these things more organized.”

 

“You shouldn’t strain him too much,” she scolded gently.

 

“I won’t, I won’t.”

 

She took slow steps towards the bedroom door. “How were you planning to move all of these things to the new house?”

 

“Shin-chan’s friends are going to help.” He hurried to continue when it looked like she would say something more, “Mom, please, I’m almost thirty, you don’t have to baby me anymore.”

 

“I’m not babying you, dear.” So she said and rubbed his cheek. “It’s simply a mother’s duty to be worried about her off-springs.”

 

“Right.”

 

“But you’re in good hands nonetheless, Shintarou is such a respectable man.”

 

He smiled at first, and then exclaimed. “So are you saying _I’m_ not a respectable man?”

 

It made her laugh softly. “Of course not, bunny, I know you are.”

 

Not sure whether to fully believe that or not, Kazunari heaved out a sigh and made sure to tug the bedroom door close when they stepped out of it. Wondering if he should make some tea to keep her busy with something else after all, he jumped as the front door opened and closed. His heart ticked pleasantly in his chest, yet he thought it was fair to give Shintarou a forewarning before he would step in their home full of boxes and surprise-visiting in-laws. He rushed to the hallway and blocked his lover’s way. A weak smile rose to Shintarou’s lips.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou sighed and nudged his shoes off, and pushed his feet into slippers. “God, I cannot even begin to tell what a day it was…”

 

From the small expressions Kazunari knew that it hadn’t been a good one. He hurried to rise to his tiptoes and kissed Shintarou gently, and then rested his palm against his chest. “Don’t freak out now,” he began and felt Shintarou’s core tighten, “but my parents came here just now, I didn’t invite them or anything, so if you could endure them a bit longer, Shin-chan, that would be so good.”

 

The sigh that escaped Shintarou’s lips was now longer and heavier. He rubbed his eyes behind the glasses and then nodded, kissed Kazunari and then settled a smile on his lips. Kazunari watched him and didn’t move until he was certain that Shintarou wasn’t too bothered. Only then did he let him go but slapped his bottom first, mostly for good luck. Immediately he shadowed his lover’s steps to the living room.

 

“Oh, dear! Welcome home,” she exclaimed as soon as she laid her eyes on Shintarou. “I’m sorry we came uninvited all of a sudden, you must be tired after a day of work.”

 

“Please, it’s not a problem, it’s always good to see the both of you.” Shintarou put his bag on the floor. His smile was more charming than before, and he even wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s waist. “Has my lovely fiancé already made you tea?”

 

“Oh, no, we’re only stopping by, there’s no need for tea.” Her smile twitched a little higher. “Just look at the two of you, you’ll make the most wonderful wedding pictures. Speaking of it, Shintarou, I do believe your friend called me yesterday, I cannot remember his name…”

 

“Akashi?”

 

“Yes!” Her face illuminated again. “Such a lovely man, very polite, but is he in charge of the planning?”

 

Shintarou’s smile tugged wider. “He is, yes. He’s also my best man, and he did tell us that he wants to include our families for the planning. My father is participating, I believe, I…” He squeezed Kazunari’s hip tighter, his smile a little sadder. “My mother would have… But now my father will do it, and I’m sure he’s…”

 

“It’s okay,” Kazunari murmured and stroked Shintarou’s side, and rose up enough to press his lips briefly to his lover’s cheek. Again he whispered, “It’s okay.”

 

“It’ll be a lovely wedding no doubt,” she offered and smiled more gently to Shintarou. “I’d be lying if I’d say I wasn’t expecting this to happen sooner or later, but I simply thought you would get married a little sooner—“

 

“It’s none of our business,” Kazunari’s father grumbled beside her and gave her a look. “They’ll do what they want to do, they’re adults.”

 

She turned towards him. “ _Yes_ , but I was merely saying that surely everyone expected them—“

 

“Mom,” Kazunari hurried to say. “The bottom line is that there’s a ring on my finger now, yeah? Let’s just talk about something else.”

 

“It’s okay,” Shintarou suddenly reassured, his gaze mostly at his in-laws. “I’m sure it’s not a surprise to anyone that I took my time trying to find the suitable moment. But at least now we’re engaged and… things couldn’t be better.” He looked at Kazunari, and his gaze softened considerably.

 

Kazunari couldn’t help but think how easily Shintarou had always handled his parents. He had never really had the same effect on his in-laws, but Shintarou’s family had always been supportive ever since they were teenagers; it was easy to spend time in such a company. Once more he gave Shintarou a one-armed hug and then let go. “By the way, sorry for the mess, Shin-chan,” he chirped and took a step forward. “I did as promised and began to pack things up.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Shintarou,” called she and offered a warm smile. “Do come here and tell me where you got the idea for such a wonderful proposal. I could hardly believe it when Kazu-chan told me about it.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. “I’ll go and make that tea after all.”

 

No one really protested, thus he took steps towards the kitchen, but slowed them down to look at the sight of his parents and Shintarou all squeezed in one couch. His smile tugged wider and turned gentler. There was something about Shintarou getting along with his parents that made him feel warm inside, and even now his heart fluttered happily. Shaking his head in amusement, he let his mother catch up with Shintarou and didn’t return until he had four cups of tea prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100th chapter!!! I would have never thought this day would come, I'm _so_ happy and proud of myself for managing as far as I already have. Whether you've been here with me since day one or just started today, thank you for reading, it means the world to me!


	101. Don't Waste Your Time

A sheer layer of sweat broke onto Shintarou’s forehead as he grasped Kazunari’s waist in an attempt to thrust even deeper into the tightness that had embraced him ever since they were younger. His hips hardly grew slacking, but whenever he looked down at his lover, his speed dropped significantly. There was only one reason for it, and it was the absolute beauty of Kazunari writhing in pleasure; his eyes were rolled shut, his lips slightly parted, and arousal colored his chest with flushed spots. Again, like so many times before in the course of the last twenty minutes, Shintarou thrust slower inside Kazunari as he made sure to examine even the smallest of details that made his own heart flutter. Kazunari had thrown his hands above his head, fingers clasping desperately the white sheets, and between the fabric Shintarou spotted the shimmer of the engagement ring. The sight was enough to make his lips twitch to a smile.

 

Kazunari opened his eyes, slowly, and was still panting as he looked up at him with a frown. “W-What’s… wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou quickly reassured and rutted his hips harder against Kazunari’s to make him unable to talk. He watched his lover unwind yet again and let out a shivery breath himself. The sight underneath wasn’t the sharpest, not when his glasses safely rested on the nightstand, but it was good enough to make his cock jerk inside Kazunari. The eager twitching made lush moans roll out of Kazunari’s mouth over and over again, and Shintarou gasped for breath. Unable to concentrate on anything other than this, Shintarou brought his hands to Kazunari’s thighs and lifted them up better, moved the legs around his waist to a more secure grip, and pushed forward until the body underneath him was nothing but a small curl.

 

He buried his face to Kazunari’s neck and continued to move his hips that were hardly as flexible as they had been when they were younger. Now he cursed his own coyness for not trying new positions when he still had the body for it. Admittedly he wasn’t old quite yet, nearing thirty with threatening speed, but sometimes his bones ached like he had lived a decade more. Yet the older he had grown the more keen he became of spicing things up (although no matter what, missionary was always his favorite position for specific reasons), and he wished he would have been more adventurous back in the days. With a bit of difficulties Shintarou lined his body better against Kazunari’s and rolled his hips forward in a suitable angle. The lube inside Kazunari made wet, squishing sounds every time he nudged his cock deeper, and the sound was enough to make his breath quicken and his abdomen tighten.

 

“Shin-chan…” moaned Kazunari and finally moved his hands around his shoulders, and pulled him closer. He pressed a line of sloppy kisses on Shintarou’s ear and murmured, “That feels so good…”

 

Such a compliment brought more energy to Shintarou’s hips that he moved harder than before. With every nudge inside Kazunari gasped for breath, and then moaned with such a wanton trembling voice when Shintarou pulled back until only the cockhead remained inside. For few times Shintarou repeated it, and every single time it felt like Kazunari’s insides were desperately trying to suck him in. Never wanting to solve the lock their bodies had formed together by entangling to each other, Shintarou pressed his damp skin to Kazunari’s and embraced him tighter.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled and gave Kazunari a hasty, hurried kiss, then another, and another, until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He had taken as his life goal to start complimenting Kazunari more – he wanted to shower him under sweet words that would make him feel more secure about himself. Shintarou had never considered his lover insecure, had always thought that he felt good in his skin, but _the_ incident had proven him otherwise and made him realize how few compliments he gave to his gorgeous fiancé. Thus, he kept whispering in Kazunari’s ear with his sweetest voice he could possibly muster out, “You are so gorgeous… _God_ , you’re going to look, nn… Nh, breathtaking in your w-wedding suit…”

 

“Y-You too,” Kazunari breathed and then let out a series of breathless gasps. “I’m going to… clothes on… honeymoon…”

 

Shintarou moved his lips to Kazunari’s neck and kissed him hard, then bared his teeth and nibbled a reddening spot like he was a horny teenager (to his defense, however, only once had he created such marks to Kazunari’s neck that his boyfriend had looked like someone had eaten him). Right against his mouth he felt the moans vibrate in the delicate throat, and he could taste every single desperate breath. His cock gave a violent jerk and made him unable to form any coherent thoughts. Right now, he was only thinking with his penis, something he rarely did but something that had happened because Kazunari had constantly teased him and rubbed his crotch and bent over knowing exactly what it would do to him. Still his waist remained gently as he thrust it to Kazunari’s. His fiancé’s body thrashed and trembled, and Shintarou swore to take good care of it.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari called, his voice strained and choked and tattled easily the fact how ready he was to come.

 

Shintarou lifted his gaze enough to look into the dark eyes. “Yeah?” He, too, was out of breath.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes shut and pressed the back of his head tight against the pillow. “You need to… mm, call Akashi.”

 

Within a second Shintarou stopped moving. Dumbfounded, he stared down at Kazunari and tried to figure out whether he had correctly it or not. A small beginning of a smirk tugged the corners of his lover’s mouth higher, and it caused him to shake his head in bemusement. He worked his fingers to Kazunari’s and yanked the arm above his head, and attracted his lover’s attention. Now Kazunari smiled wider, a little guilty, and tilted his head. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip until he released it from the tight grasp of his teeth.

 

“Don’t bring up other men when I’m making love to you,” he growled.

 

“At least I got your attention.” Kazunari let out an exhausted chuckle and settled his upwards hips better. “Just call him now, baby…”

 

“I’m not calling him _now_! At least let me finish what we started.”

 

“But you’re going to forget afterwards.”

 

“I won’t.” As if to emphasize his words, Shintarou rutted his hips hard to Kazunari’s. He managed to lure out a moan but didn’t wipe away the sheepish smile. “Come on,” he let out another growl, this time lower and more menacing. “Forget about it, I’ll do it afterwards.”

 

“I want you to do it now,” whined Kazunari.

 

“Right now I’m going to bring you to your orgasm, do you have a problem with that?”

 

The most sullen pout rose to Kazunari’s lips, and he wiggled his hips. “Yeah, I do have a problem with that,” he said, sounded childishly stubborn, and reached for Shintarou’s phone on the nightstand. He grabbed it and fixed his gaze on its screen. “You’re gonna call him now, ask nicely if we can do the street basketball thing, and _then_ we can continue.”

 

Shintarou shook his head and knew he had no other choice but to subdue. “Don’t you dare to whine afterwards,” he grumbled and pulled his hips backwards, and groaned once he saw the hilt of his cock move out.

 

Kazunari clasped him to the spot by his legs. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

A frown rose to Shintarou’s face. “Pulling out so I can make the _important_ phone call.”

 

“You don’t have to pull out for that, just stay inside—Here, it’s already ringing.”

 

Below his breath Shintarou mumbled curses and couldn’t help but think how mean Kazunari was being. How could he honestly talk to Seijuurou like he wasn’t buried dick-deep inside his fiancé when the said fiancé’s muscles twitched and sucked him in better? He gave Kazunari a glare and murmured, “I’m never fucking you again.”

 

“As if I believe that,” Kazunari snickered.

 

“You little—“

 

“ _Akashi_ ,” suddenly came from the phone.

 

Shintarou straightened his back and had to swallow in a moan that threatened to escape. “It’s me,” he said and couldn’t stop his voice from trembling. He tried, nonetheless. “I hope I didn’t… didn’t bother.”

 

“ _No, I was merely working at home_.” Seijuurou surely sounded like he was smiling. “ _If you’re enquiring about the wedding plans, they are proceeding just as planned. I have been in contact—_ “

 

“No, no, I… not the wedding plans.” Shintarou cleared his throat and looked down at Kazunari who looked too smug for his own good. He threw him another glare. “It’s about something that Kazunari came up with a while ago… He wanted to ask whether you’d organize some basketball sort of thing with our little group.”

 

“ _But Kazunari has my number, does he not? Surely he could have called me himself_.”

 

“For some reason he wanted me to ask you about it. Something about you wanting to do it more if I’m the one asking.”

 

“ _Ah, I see_.” Seijuurou paused. “ _It sounds like a good idea, shall I inform everyone about it? What date would be suitable for you?_ ”

 

Shintarou thought for a moment in silence. “Maybe the fifteenth or sixteenth.”

 

“ _Perfect, I’ll make it happen. Anything else?_ ”

 

“No, I don’t—“ Shintarou swallowed the rest of the words when Kazunari shook his arm.

 

“Ask about the moving thing,” Kazunari whispered.

 

“Oh, right,” Shintarou murmured and cleared his throat. “Well, I did have one inquiry.”

 

“ _Enquire away_.”

 

“As you know, we’re moving houses in few days—“

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Seijuurou said.

 

“—and we were wondering if you could possibly ask if the others are interested in helping us move our belongings.”

 

“ _I’ll make it happen_ ,” said Seijuurou, and after a short pause asked, “ _Do I really hold such a power over everyone like this?_ ”

 

“I’d… rather not answer that.”

 

“ _Sounds good enough for me. Do enjoy the rest of the evening, and don’t worry about a thing, I’ll make everything happen_.”

 

“Thank you,” breathed Shintarou.

 

He was more than happy to end the call, and when he did, he threw the phone on the foot of the bed and locked gazes with the smirking Kazunari. He puckered his lips and shook his head. “That was immature of you,” he scolded.

 

“Was it really now?” Kazunari arched his brows higher.

 

“ _Yes_ , and you’ll get punished for it.”

 

Before his fiancé could utter out a single word, Shintarou pulled fully out, grasped Kazunari by his hips and forced him around on his stomach. His movements and grasps might have been harder before, but not once did his lover complain, not even when he lifted his bottom up and gave one of the buttocks a harsh slap. Kazunari moaned, and the skin underneath Shintarou’s palm turned redder. The round ass trembled as he slapped him again and a third time, until he spread apart the flesh and pushed himself back inside. Not sure when it had been the last time they had done anything properly in this position, Shintarou slid his hands on the length of Kazunari’s back, and eventually clutched his fingers to the full hips.

 

This time with a lot more ruthlessness in his movements, Shintarou thrust harder inside Kazunari, now having a better range. He angled himself as deep as he could, attempted to reach the prostate, and seemingly found it judging from Kazunari’s loud moans that turned more high-pitched the more he moved against the particular spot. Although he saw Kazunari sneak a hand to his cock and stroke furiously, he didn’t forbid it. It became obvious that Kazunari pulled an orgasm from himself as the muscles around Shintarou’s cock clamped around it harder, making it impossible for him to properly pull out anymore. Shintarou didn’t complain, not when Kazunari whimpered and cried out, collapsed on the bed with his hips shivering, not when he layered his body against his fiancé’s and released ropes of cum inside him. Originally he had thought of saving the hassle once more, but now he didn’t bother – he’d rather call it an extension of a small punishment and help him clean up in bath a moment later.

 

Breathing hard, Shintarou stayed still for a moment until his knees complained. Gently he moved back and spent a moment massaging Kazunari’s hips and the small of his back until he helped him fully lie down on the bed and joined him. He lined his body beside his and then pulled him in his arms, cradled him and examined the silly smirk that brought so much light in Kazunari’s face. He gained a kiss on his chin and reciprocated it to the smooth forehead.

 

“See,” Kazunari began lazily, “it was a good thing that I made you do it, now we got everything we needed all at once.”

 

“Right. Because the thing that was missing in my life was precisely a moment of chatting with my best man while I’m buried deep inside my fiancé.”

 

“Come on, you liked it.”

 

“I did not.”

 

“Mm, whatever you say…” Kazunari flashed a smug smile and wiggled out of Shintarou’s embrace. He moved his legs over the edge of the bed and rose up, and trembled ever so slightly. However, he needed no support as he glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder and gave him a wink. “Come clean me to the shower, big boy.”

 

“Draw a bath instead,” said Shintarou.

 

“Ooh, a bit of romance, I like that.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and watched Kazunari go from the bedroom. Occupying most of the bed by himself, he took deep breaths and looked at the ceiling. Soon, he’d stare a different one – thinking about it made him surprisingly giddy. He could hardly wait for it, or starting their lives as proper newlyweds. Absentmindedly he worked his fingertips up and down his abdomen and wished he’d have a tissue nearby to clean his now-flaccid cock. He listened the water drain on the tub nearby and closed his eyes, and enjoyed the moment. As nice as it was every now and then to bask in the afterglow by himself, it never quite beat the sensation of doing it with Kazunari. It was thought enough to make him push himself out of the bed and orient to the bathroom.

 

Already in the full bathtub Kazunari had sank, the water having a hue of pink. Immediately Shintarou knew that there was one of those smelly bath bombs he wasn’t quite fond of, but decided not to complain now that they had the chance to enjoy each other’s company in all peace and quiet. He offered a brief smile and stepped to the tub as well, thanked his luck for having a bigger on in the matter of days, and settled comfortably right behind Kazunari. He kissed his nape and the line reaching to his shoulder, and then hugged his torso.

 

“You smell good,” he murmured and rubbed his nose against the back of his ear.

 

“It’s the bomb,” Kazunari chuckled softly and rubbed his thighs.

 

“Mm… If you say so.”

 

“Yeah, I’m saying so.” Kazunari relaxed the back of his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and let out a hum that echoed in the bathroom. The lights were dim, and Shintarou couldn’t have hoped for a more perfect environment for the moment. Kazunari continued, “This feels so good, my muscles are so sore from all the packing and everything.”

 

“Just few more days,” Shintarou promised.

 

“As soon as we get our boxes to the house, I’m not going to even bother unpacking them, I’m taking a bath straight away.”

 

“I’m sure you will.” A soft, small chuckle escaped Shintarou. He cupped water in his hand and wet Kazunari’s chest, then rubbed the slick skin as gently as he could. “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari took a sweet moment for thinking. “Something good if you’re cooking. Are you gonna cook?”

 

“Possibly. Or you could cook with me.”

 

“Nah… I’d rather have you cook for me so I can just walk straight into a ready table.”

 

In Kazunari’s ear Shintarou muttered, “You’re impossible.”

 

“And that’s why you’re marrying me.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Don’t try to deny it, Shin-chan… You love it when I’m all impossible.”

 

“Possibly,” said Shintarou and flashed a grin that Kazunari kissed without reservations.


	102. Game Console

With a sigh toying his lips Shintarou grabbed a handful of cutleries from the drawer, moved them securely around bubble wrap, and placed them in the bottom of a box along with many others. There were multiple reasons why he wanted to make a thorough job; most importantly he wanted to protect the bowls he intended to place in the same box from scratches that the forks and knives would surely cause. A specific spot on his lower back ached whenever he bent down towards the floor, and he knew there was something non-ergonomic about the position but didn’t have the means to fix it. Another sigh escaped him, louder than before, and he turned to look towards the kitchen floor and then the clock. How many minutes ago had he called Kazunari to help him? He wasn’t surprised at all that his lover’s frame hadn’t come here yet. As necessary as packing their belongings was – they were moving _tomorrow_ , for god’s sake –, Kazunari didn’t seem too bothered. Shintarou gritted his teeth.

 

“Kazunari,” he called again, for the third time already. If he wanted the kitchen to be perfectly empty, he needed Kazunari’s help. Shintarou stopped his movements and simply waited, stared at the doorframe, but his lover didn’t appear. He shook his head and turned his concentration back on the nearly empty cutlery drawer. Its emptiness was all thanks to _him_. He didn’t want to know what exactly Kazunari was doing with his time. Shintarou would have lied had he said he was surprised that most of the workload fell on him, but it still didn’t feel pleasant.

 

Still grinding his teeth together, so hard in fact that it created an ache to the back of his head, he continued to wrap the forks and knives and spoons. Knowing his lover as well as he did, Shintarou also knew that when all the boxes would be at the new house, it surely wasn’t going to be Kazunari unpacking them. He rubbed his sore nape and stared down at his clothed toes. If there was one thing he disliked about Kazunari, it was exactly this; he got so easily excited about things but forgot all about responsibilities. In a way it was good that they were different in some things, but this made Shintarou’s chest tighten in the most unpleasant way. He shook his head and wondered what he had done to deserve all this work to himself.

 

“Kazunari!” He shouted this time, his voice straining like a cord ready to snap in half. He felt a glow on his cheeks, and not the good kind, either. Expecting the man to finally strut in, or even spout some sort of an answer, Shintarou was ready to explode when nothing happened. If he listened closely, he could hear the echoes of the television, and it made him throw the remnants of the bubble wrap he had on the floor. His steps were heavy as he marched out of the kitchen, ready to give Kazunari the scolding of his lifetime because he was _not_ tolerating this even from his own lover. A vein on Shintarou’s forehead pulsed hard, crafted pain underneath the sheer layer of skin, and made him want to forget all about moving.

 

He sucked in a sharp breath once he found Kazunari in front of the television, _playing a game_. His eyes went wide ever so slightly, but quickly they narrowed. Shintarou took a defensive stance, arms laced across his chest, legs hip-wide, and he stared at the unruly black hair from behind. Kazunari didn’t even notice him, didn’t acknowledge his presence but instead, held the controller and swayed from side to side to the rhythm of the cartoon car on screen.

 

Shintarou couldn’t contain his anger anymore. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?”

 

It was enough to make Kazunari jump. The game was paused within a fraction of a second, but when Kazunari looked at Shintarou over shoulder, he flashed a guilty little smirk. As endearing as it was, it didn’t take Shintarou’s unwanted feelings away. He stared at his lover with a harsh glare and felt several curses rolling on his tongue. Usually he wasn’t one to curse in the first place, but Kazunari had the ability of drawing them out.

 

Maybe Kazunari finally realized that he was furious, too, as he hurried to say, “I’m continuing in a second, Shin-chan, I promise! But look, I was cleaning and clearing things and I found our old game console, and I thought I’d give it a go, and look, it’s still working and everything, I’m going to continue in a minute, Shin-chan, it’s a promise, all right.” He was flustered, babbling so fast it was difficult to keep up with it.

 

It took Shintarou a minute to analyze the things said to him and put them in a coherent unit. When he managed, he still wasn’t impressed. “I asked you something very simple,” he began, his voice trembling under his breath, “and that was for you to concentrate on one thing once in your life, which was to put things in the cardboard boxes because we are moving _tomorrow_ , Kazunari. Was I somehow unclear with my words?”

 

Kazunari looked at him with wide puppy eyes, or rather, eyes of a child being scolded. His mouth had fallen slightly agape, but he pressed his lips shut quickly. The lower one still trembled. “Shin-chan, you don’t have to be mad at me,” he tried quietly and rubbed his nape. He glanced towards the television and then back at Shintarou. “I’m sorry, okay, but you know difficult it is for me to concentrate on one thing for too long… I didn’t mean to or anything.”

 

Pressing his lips to a thin line, Shintarou allowed a sigh out. He felt like the criminal here, especially when Kazunari looked more than ready to accept the scolding without a single complaint. Was he too harsh, after all? His heart skipped an ugly beat and made him almost unable to breathe. His insides turned around and caused nausea to pool in his stomach. Wasn’t he always being too harsh and too demanding? Shintarou glanced down at this toes and then at the ring on his finger. He should learn how to relax and not demand so much from Kazunari all the time… The swallow he did was louder than he wanted to. He wasn’t being very fair at all, was he now? From the beginning he had known that Kazunari was energetic and that it was difficult for him to focus on something for a long period of time, yet still he asked things like this.

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat. He was always demanding this and that – what if Kazunari would finally grow tired of it? He moistened his lips and tried to muster up the courage to ask about it.

 

Kazunari beat him to it. “What are you thinking so hard?”

 

“Nothing,” got out of Shintarou’s mouth. Slowly he lifted his gaze to Kazunari and offered a weak smile. He nodded towards the television. “What game is it?”

 

For a second Kazunari looked dumbfounded. Then, he gave a small smile. “Some silly car game that I happened to find together with the console… Do you want to give it a go with me?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “Yes,” he said and circled the couch, grabbed a cushion and sat over it on the floor. “A little break from the packing would surely do both of us good.”

 

“I agree,” Kazunari said, grabbed another controller and gave it to Shintarou. “You know how to use it?”

 

“I’m sure I’ll start remembering once we start playing.”

 

Kazunari’s smile turned just a bit cheekier as he browsed through the game menu. With nausea still swirling inside his stomach, Shintarou watched the screen until he felt a shoulder pressing against his own. He glanced to the side to Kazunari and rubbed his knee gently as he saw a pout on his fiancé’s lips. More gently he worked the pads of his fingers over the roundness and trailed them upwards to his thigh.

 

“Hey,” he called quietly and managed to attract Kazunari’s gaze to him. “I’m sorry for scolding you, I didn’t mean to come across so harshly.”

 

Kazunari arched his brows and then shrugged, but rested better against Shintarou. “You’re right, though, I’m just slacking off all the time… We’ll just play one round and then I’ll come help you in the kitchen, all right?”

 

“All right.”

 

They shared a brief kiss on the lips, and then both of them turned towards the television again. Shintarou felt slightly better, admittedly, and he even made the effort to wrap an arm around Kazunari’s waist to tug him closer. He knew fully well that sometimes he could be a harsh lover, and he only wished that gentle gestures like these would make Kazunari come around. Not fond of losing, he even gave Kazunari a head start in the game, and although he had no idea how to work with the buttons, he pressed some of them and managed to move forward, albeit with an infuriatingly slow speed. Instead of exploding yet again and blaming the game for everything, Shintarou concentrated on taking deep breaths.

 

Sometimes his perfectionism clashed hard with Kazunari’s sluggishness, and in the aftermath he always held the desire to make Kazunari feel like he was still loved. Thus, when it was inevitable that he was losing, he abandoned the controller for good and pulled Kazunari in his lap, kissed his nape and made sure to give him the cuddles he always whined about. His lover let out quiet chuckles that sounded cheerful again, and Shintarou knew that he was off the hook once more. He worked his fingertips underneath the soft sweater and gained fluttering kisses on his throat in return.

 

“You should scold me more if it means you’re gonna act all sweet afterwards,” Kazunari murmured against his skin.

 

“I’m only trying to remind you why you’re bothering to marry me,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“Mm, a little scolding won’t make me change my mind, though…” Kazunari closed the television and climbed properly in Shintarou’s lap, and kissed him sweetly. “Didn’t I tell you it’s no turning back now? Or are you getting cold feet already?”

 

“I’m not,” Shintarou hurried to say and squeezed Kazunari’s lavish hips. “Sometimes I just wonder why you put up with me.”

 

Kazunari arched a brow higher. “We’re officially, seriously getting married and you’re _still_ worried about that?”

 

“I can’t help it.”

 

“Shin-chan, you don’t have to worry about stuff like that. You can scold me for all you want, it’s not going to make me want to throw the ring out of the window or anything.” Kazunari smiled lopsidedly and gave Shintarou a brief kiss, then ushered up on his feet. He offered his hands to Shintarou still sitting on the floor. “Let’s go finish the kitchen together, yeah?”

 

“Says the one who couldn’t care less about it a minute ago,” Shintarou said, or rather _teased_.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. “Come on, I’m feeling like dropping forks in a box now, better ride this momentum now that I have it.”

 

“Right.” With the help of Kazunari, Shintarou rose up on his feet but before he made a single move towards the kitchen, he pulled his lover in a hug and kept him close. He pressed a kiss in the midst of his messy hair. “I’m still sorry,” he murmured below his breath. “This just stresses me, and I want to finish everything now that I took a day off for this.”

 

“I know, I know.” Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and kissed the tip of Shintarou’s nose. “We’ll finish it today so we can move to our new home tomorrow without a problem.”

 

“Hopefully this time you’ll concentrate.”

 

“I will, I will, I promise!”

 

Shintarou gave him one more kiss as an encouragement and watched him skip to the kitchen with bouncy steps. Heaving out a sigh, he shook his head in amusement and traced Kazunari’s steps to the mess that once had been a clean kitchen.


	103. A Stack of Boxes

“Atsushi, you need to lift the television… No, I said _lift_ … Lift… Shintarou, go help him if you don’t want to buy a new television.”

 

In the midst of the chaos in the front yard Kazunari stood, blinked, and looked around in awe. Stacks of boxes were being loaded to the vans they had rented, and familiar men in sleeveless shirts were carrying various things. He spent a moment longer looking at Shintarou and his guns (no matter what Shintarou himself said, Kazunari considered his arms nicely muscular), grinned, and then looked at Seijuurou. Possibly him and Seijuurou were the only ones not doing anything physical, but at least Seijuurou had a reason for it – he held a paper and pen with him, murmured something to himself, and whenever a box got settled to the back of a van, he crossed something off and seemed pleased. Kazunari was slightly jealous of his organizing skills and wished he’d have them, too.

 

Out of the blue Seijuurou caught his gaze, and hastily Kazunari looked elsewhere. His face heated, and he knew he had walked straight into a trap where he couldn’t claw his way back anymore. Steps echoed towards him, and eventually a bush of red hair stopped right beside him.

 

“Kazunari,” called the man with a smile on his lips, yet it seemed tensed. “If you want to find yourself at your new house by the end of this day, I suggest that you take the nearest available box you can find and load it in the van.”

 

“But look at Tetsuya, he’s just sitting behind the wheel.” Kazunari nodded towards the car but didn’t manage to make Seijuurou look.

 

“Was I stuttering?”

 

“Akashi,” interrupted Shintarou all of a sudden and wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s waist, tugged him closer almost protectively. “We’re handling this, there’s no need for you to explode at him.”

 

Seijuurou fixed his gaze up to Shintarou. The corners of his mouth tightened. “You asked me to come and make this move as efficient as possible, and I spent good amount of time of calculating everyone’s input, and if he doesn’t do—“

 

“I’m going to get myself a box, no worries,” Kazunari hurried to say. The last thing he wanted was Seijuurou’s fury for multiple reasons; he was scary and also planning their wedding, thus he didn’t want to get to the bad side of his fiancé’s best man and their wedding coordinator. He flashed a small grin for both of them and stumbled forward, his legs a little sore from all the standing around.

 

At least the weather was nice and favorable, he had to admit as he looked up and shielded his gaze from the bright sunshine. It was no wonder that the guys wore so little, too. They were probably sweaty as hell, he imagined, and aching from carrying as many boxes as they had already done. Kazunari circled around the maze of their belongings in the hopes of finding something light, and settled himself in front of one containing their winter clothes. Surely it wasn’t too heavy if it was only filled with their lightweight jackets… He brought his hands around two corners and lifted, and smirked victoriously. His arms might have not been as defined as Shintarou’s were, but he still got power, all right. He swirled around and took the first steps towards the van. A moment later Shintarou rushed by his side with a frown on his face.

 

“I can carry it,” Shintarou promised.

 

“I got this, babe.” Kazunari gave him a look and then a smile. “You just go get something else, and preserve your energy if we still need to drag the bed out of there.”

 

“But don’t feel forced because of something Akashi said. You know he gets sometimes like that—“

 

“A little eager about this,” Kazunari concluded with a snicker.

 

“…well, yes,” confirmed Shintarou and offered a small smile as they approached the back of the car. “But this is _our_ belongings, this is _us_ moving, so if you don’t want to do a thing, then you won’t do a thing.”

 

Kazunari cocked his brows higher. Finally he got to put down the box, and with a great sigh he nudged it towards the others to the darkness. He rubbed his palms to his thighs and looked at Shintarou. “And you’d be okay with that?”

 

“Whatever makes you comfortable.”

 

“Oh, you’re too softie towards me sometimes.” A smile twitched to Kazunari’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s waist and looked up, puckered his lips ever so slightly, and got exactly what he wanted when Shintarou leaned down and gave him a kiss. It was a good place for kissing, remote, everyone else busy with boxes, and Kazunari gave himself a moment of pampering now that he had actually done some work. He rose to his tiptoes and grinned, and got to kiss Shintarou’s smile that tasted the best. In his fiancé’s arms he cradled and swayed from side to side as the sun caressed his cheeks and brought heat to his body.

 

Steps thudded closer but he didn’t care. All he saw right now was Shintarou and the small smile dancing on his lips. He looked breathtaking. Kazunari’s breath did quicken indeed.

 

“Oh, _dude_ , please get your kissing somewhere else,” Daiki suddenly blurted out and separated them by walking right between them. With a loud thud he placed the box to the van and looked at them with a cringe on his face. “’Cause not everyone here is all lovey-dovey anymore, so keep it hidden behind curtains or something, seriously. Why did I even bother to come?”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue. “In that case, I’m going to make sure the wedding invitations do not include you.”

 

“Fine—Wait, what? That’s not fucking fair.”

 

Kazunari snickered and slapped Daiki’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll get cold beer after we’re at our house with all the stuff.”

 

Daiki’s eyes widened ever so slightly, yet they narrowed as he looked at Shintarou again. He pointed towards Kazunari. “See, _this_ is how you’re supposed to be. Fucking hell…”

 

Kazunari couldn’t help the smile that twitched wider on his lips when Daiki dragged himself away and occupied himself with another set of boxes. A sigh escaped Shintarou beside him, and he looked at him with a slightly softer gaze. Shintarou’s lips pulled to something that almost looked like a pout, but the cringe on his face ruined it.

 

“Did you really have to promise them beer?”

 

“What else, then? We gotta reward them somehow.” Kazunari smirked. “Let’s get going, otherwise Akashi’s going to skin us alive.”

 

They agreed on it and went to separate ways, Shintarou helping Atsushi to tear apart their shelf, and Kazunari bounced towards another set of light boxes, hopefully at least. Before he could grab the top one labeled as ‘LUCKY ITEMS’, a shadow loomed over him, and with a frown he looked up. His insides chilled as Seijuurou looked down at him, and as he blocked the sun, the light around him looked like a halo. A deadly one, though, hardly angelic. Kazunari swallowed hard and straightened his back.

 

“I’m working, all right,” he tried.

 

“It’s not that.” Seijuurou puckered his lips and glanced around. “Has Ryouta informed you why he isn’t there? I have tried to call him but it goes to the voicemail, and I know you and him associate together.”

 

Kazunari thought it was a funny way to put it that he was friends with Ryouta but didn’t mention about it. He rubbed his nape. “He kind of called this morning and said he couldn’t make it, and he apologized so much that I told him it’s okay.”

 

“And what exactly is he doing that he cannot participate?”

 

Chewing his bottom lip, Kazunari wasn’t sure how to say it. “He’s… busy with someone.” He made sure that his voice didn’t echo too much. “I mean, he didn’t tell me who it was or anything, but it’s most likely something romantic.”

 

“…huh.” Seijuurou stayed quiet for a moment and then rolled his eyes. “I apologize, do continue working.”

 

Kazunari did exactly that and lifted another box and into the van that was getting fuller by the second. He rested his hands on his hips and looked into it, and could hardly believe that he and Shintarou had pulled it off; all of their belongings were stacked in boxes after boxes, and they’d leave behind an empty apartment. A soft sigh heaved out, and he glanced at the second van, bigger than this, but which would be filled with larger and heavier. He worked his fingers through his hair and from afar watched Shintarou, Daiki, and Atsushi carry pieces of their bed. A small smile twitched to his lips.

 

The noon wind was warm as it brushed against his face and peppered him under kisses. He moved a hand above his eyes to shield his vision and looked up at the tall building. It made his brows knit together. He had thought he wasn’t attached to it, but now that they were leaving… There had been so many good memories, laced with occasional fights, but that was the place where they had grown together in their adulthood, had dreamed big together, and had felt fully at home. Kazunari wrapped his arms around his torso and let out a quiet sniffle. It was hard to let go, even when he knew that they would craft even more wonderful memories in their new house. It still wasn’t enough to stop his bottom lip from trembling.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Kazunari jumped and didn’t even hear Shintarou coming until the warm, bare arms were already wrapped around him. He rocked gently in the embrace and didn’t look elsewhere from the building. “Just feeling sentimental, you know. It was our home for so long.”

 

“I know the feeling.” Shintarou set his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder. “But you’re not regretting this, are you?”

 

“Of course not! I’m gonna forget all about it in the evening when we get to spend a night on the floor again.”

 

“Good.” Shintarou squeezed him once more, gave a kiss on his nape and then let go. “I think we’re ready to go. We can always come back if we forgot something, but all the boxes are loaded.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“So you’re going to hop in to this van with Kuroko and help him find the way, right?”

 

“Right,” confirmed Kazunari.

 

“And I’m going to the other, and we’ll meet at the house.”

 

“Yup.” Kazunari tiptoed and kissed Shintarou’s nose. “Make them drive carefully, okay, because our TV is there, and I really don’t want to buy another one.”

 

Shintarou promised, kissed him once more and then walked away. Kazunari heaved out a sigh, spared one more look towards the building, and only then climbed on the shotgun beside Tetsuya.

 

“Are you all right?” asked Tetsuya, his voice laced with obvious worry as he turned the key in the car’s lock and made the vehicle purr.

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari looked through the windshield and allowed a smile on his lips. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go, you just need to drive straight from here and keep on the road until I tell you to turn.”

 

The ride was smooth, and most of it he spent looking the view from the window. Only once he told Tetsuya to stop, and that was solely for the purpose of buying enough ice-cold beer for everyone. Not sure how long the colorful group of friends was going to linger at their new home, Kazunari didn’t particularly mind; it was a lively group, full of strong personalities that always made him laugh until he was ready to relief himself in his pants. Shintarou would surely grumble after an hour or two, but maybe if he promised him a little reward in the evening… Kazunari’s lips tugged to a smirk. That was exactly what he’d do no doubt.

 

Once he peeled out of the car in front of the right house, Seijuurou was already standing up and ready with papers in hand. He waited until everyone was out and then announced, “Everyone needs to carry something inside so we can get this over as quickly as possible. No buts, no whining, and I’m especially saying his to you, Daiki, Atsushi.”

 

“Yes, yes…” Atsushi sluggishly agreed and hid a yawn. “Let’s do this fast, Muro-chin’s waiting for me at home…”

 

“Get moving, then.”

 

It took two full hours for the floors of the hallway and living room to be filled by boxes. Kazunari heaved out a long sigh, his arms aching from all the carrying he had had to do under the keen eyes of Seijuurou. He slumped down on top of the first box that didn’t hold anything fragile and squeezed his eyes shut. The world spun around him. Once he opened his eyes, no one else seemed any more energetic than he did. Smiling tiredly, he glanced at Shintarou who smiled back at him. Honestly, he couldn’t wait to collapse on the floor on top of a mattress and snuggle with his lover. He wasn’t quite sure whether he had the energy to do anything more physical than that.

 

“Alright, where’s the beer?” asked Daiki.

 

Kazunari nodded towards the front door. “In the smaller van.”

 

Daiki left and came back with the bottles clinking against one another. The sound of popping off the cap was rather soothing, and Kazunari would have lied had he told that the first swig didn’t taste heavenly. He took another sip before he lifted the bottle with a smirk. “We should toast,” he announced.

 

“For what?” grumbled Daiki.

 

“For…” Kazunari looked around the small circle they had automatically settled in and ended up fixing his gaze to Shintarou. “For new beginnings. And friends who work hard.”

 

“Damn right,” Daiki said and took a swig before anyone could utter out ‘cheers’. Once the single word echoed in the box-filled room, there was a moment of silence from drinking. Kazunari heaved out a pleased sigh afterwards and rubbed his eyes to the sleeve of his shirt. Small chatter overtook the room, and now he felt at home. Pleased that Shintarou had such friends that so openly had welcomed him to their group, with softness in his eyes he looked around and felt somewhat privileged. He might have not been in contact with people from his middle school, but he was fond of these men, and so was Shintarou even if he never admitted it aloud. These were the men he willingly shared his life with, asked for their help, and invited them to his wedding.

 

After a moment, he got up and settled himself to the crook of Shintarou’s arm. This time no one complained.

 

Atsushi was the first one to leave once he got a call from Tatsuya. Afterwards left Tetsuya who was the driver for both Seijuurou and Daiki, and suddenly it was quiet in their home. Kazunari remained still for a moment and then looked up at Shintarou. He brought a hand up and stroked his lover’s freshly shaven chin, kissed him, and shifted better in his arms. Sitting on a cardboard box wasn’t as uncomfortable as he had thought. Or maybe it was the gentle embrace around him playing a part, too. He bottomed his share of beer, and with a pleasant buzz insid rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and hummed once the long fingers stroked his hair.

 

“Here we are now,” muttered Shintarou. “I think we should only worry about unpacking everything starting tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah… I’m exhausted.” Kazunari rubbed his eyes and entangled his fingers to Shintarou’s. “I think… there was an extra futon in some of these boxes, right on the top, so we can try to find that and get some sleep.”

 

“Sounds good.” Shintarou got up and pressed his lips in the midst of Kazunari’s hair. “You do that, I’ll go lock the door.”

 

Kazunari smiled faintly and forced himself up even when his knees wanted to buckle. Grudgingly he had to admit that he was no longer in great shape, and although he wanted to change that, he was too lazy most of the days to do it. He whistled quietly and worked open the first few boxes, and found what he was looking for. He yanked the futon out and on the floor, and from one of its corners dragged it towards the master bedroom. To the spot where their bed was supposed to go he moved the futon and threw himself on top. Once he hit the softness, he didn’t want to get up anymore. He wasn’t sure in which boxes his clothes were, either way, thus he saw no reason to move a limb.

 

It took a small moment for Shintarou to follow, and he remained inside the safety of clothing as well. Kazunari shuffled closer until he pressed his back against his lover’s chest and yanked an arm over his waist. _Now_ it felt a bit more like home, he admitted and smiled silly to the darkness of the bedroom.

 

“I have a feeling,” Shintarou began with a quiet murmur right beside Kazunari’s ear, “that my muscles are going to be sore tomorrow.”

 

“You have a day off tomorrow again, right?” Kazunari worked his fingertips over Shintarou’s knuckles and stroked. “We’ll take a long bubble bath in the morning, then I can give you a massage, and then we can start unpacking things…”

 

“It’s going to be such a mess for days,” sighed Shintarou.

 

“We’ll make it, Shin-chan, don’t worry about it.” Kazunari rolled on his other side and faced Shintarou, and gave his nose a butterfly kiss. “I’ll work extra hard, too.”

 

“You better,” Shintarou grumbled. “I’m not going to drag all of our belongings to their places all by myself.”

 

“Hey, I made a promise, when was the last time I broke a promise?”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips clearly in thought, and then allowed another sigh. “True,” he agreed and stroked Kazunari’s hair behind his ear. “In that way you are reliable.”

 

“Yes, thank you very—Wait, does that mean you think I’m unreliable in some other way?”

 

“Of course not.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari briefly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“Mm, that’s what I thought,” Kazunari mumbled and narrowed his eyes, but couldn’t keep the expression on for too long when smile already rose to his lips. He slipped his eyes shut and simply listened. “It’s so quiet in here,” he whispered and burrowed better in Shintarou’s arms. “No neighbors listening music or having sex too loud… I like it.”

 

“I agree.” Finally Shintarou peeled away and moved on the other side of the futon. “Now get some sleep, will you? It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow as well.”

 

Kazunari pouted. “You could have cuddled me a bit longer.”

 

“We’ll do that tomorrow if you behave.”

 

“I’m no five year old, Shin-chan. I always behave.”

 

Shintarou snickered.

 

“What?” whined Kazunari. He shuffled closer. “C’mon, arms open, I’m gonna sleep next to you.”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful. “Do you mean next to me or on top of me?”

 

“A bit of both, all right, but it’s not like you’ve complained before.”

 

Although he sighed, Shintarou still spread his arms wide and allowed Kazunari in. To the safe, warm and extremely familiar spot Kazunari moved his bones and took a deep breath, slipped his eyes close and listened Shintarou’s slowing breath and pulse. Tomorrow he’d work hard, he promised to himself when he realized that Shintarou had already fallen asleep. In the room that was still strange to him he lied in silence and eventually cradled in sleep as well.


	104. Those Words... Changed Everything

**14 th of APRIL, 20XX  
**\- _third year of high school / first year of university_ –

 

Eating his second cheeseburger, Kazunari felt a little odd occupying one whole table at the burger place all by himself. He wasn’t particularly self-conscious about the fact that he was alone, more worried that someone really needed the table and he was here stealing it. Not wanting to think about it too much, he stretched his mouth as wide as he could and took a large bite, felt something on the corner of his mouth and wiped it to his shirtsleeve. It took him a moment to stop looking at the kids’ playing zone and cast his eyes back on the book he had brought with him. He had never been a book person, but it happened to be the only one Shintarou had left behind after they had… Kazunari rather not thought about the word. He didn’t want to crash open the dam he had built with care to deal with the disappointment.

 

He flipped the page and continued reading. Although he wasn’t quite sure why exactly he bothered to read it, he still did, and found it actually enjoyable. He wasn’t probably going to finish the thing – his concentration most likely wasn’t going to allow it –, but at least he tried for the sake of… something, really. Yet the more he read of the book the tighter his chest became, and once he had let Shintarou’s name to slip in his mind once, he couldn’t get rid of it anymore. His heart thudded in a regular rhythm, and instead of the usual badump-badump-badump, it went _Shin-chan-Shin-chan-Shin-chan_. Kazunari narrowed his eyes and stared at the page, and took a long slurp from the soda beside his hand. He had told himself to get over it, to stop thinking about it, to realize that there was no going back now, but it was difficult when Shintarou was all these things. His first love, to mention one. A really, really good boyfriend, too, although others probably didn’t see him that way. Soon, someone else would discover that quality.

 

It was thought enough for Kazunari to put down the book and stare at the rainy weather through the large window.

 

The problem was, he had lost his boyfriend _and_ his best friend all at once. He didn’t know how to recover. They had grown together, had learned all these things together, Shintarou had finally started to open up to him, about his emotions and stuff, and it had been… Kazunari buried his mouth back to the burger and took too large of a bite. It made him feel a little better. Maybe he’d get himself a third one, too. He stared down at the book’s cover and felt everything and nothing all at once. His mother had started to worry, too, and that was the last thing he wanted. Her worry was obvious, too, as she gave longer glances and came to talk with him in the evenings about this and that whilst stroking his spine with soothing movements. He had somehow become The Heartbroken One, and he really didn’t want to be.

 

What worried him the most, probably, was the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled so widely it hurt in the cheeks. All he thought was Shintarou and wasn’t sure whether he’d ever get over it. Kazunari craned his neck and finished the burger, and attacked the fries next. Had Shintarou been sitting in front of him, he would have told him to slow down. He wanted to but couldn’t. He stuffed his mouth with the fries and tried to forget the aching thud in his chest that made him nauseous. Something had to be so wrong about him. Sure of the fact that Shintarou had stopped caring the moment the last words had fallen out of his mouth, Kazunari grabbed more fries and munched them until he felt sick in his stomach.

 

“Takao-kun.”

 

Kazunari jumped, and for a second his silly mind thought it was Shintarou although Shintarou never called him like that. Feverishly he looked around, and felt a sting of disappointment once he fixed his gaze on Tetsuya who now sat on the seat before him. He made sure to give an effort of smiling, and although his lips twitched higher, it was hardly genuine.

 

“Hey, how long have you been there?”

 

“I just got here.” Tetsuya offered him a smile, and then glanced around with his brows arched higher. “Where’s Midorima-kun?”

 

The little polite smile that had decorated Kazunari’s lips now disappeared for good. His heart sank to his knees. _Right_ , he had to get used to this – people who didn’t know would keep asking the same question over and over again. There was no use to sulk every single time. No use crying over spilt milk, as Shintarou once said to him— _Fuck._ Kazunari cleared his throat and decided to give the truth instead of a bad lie. “We’re not really… together anymore, you know.”

 

“Oh.” Tetsuya’s brows knitted together. He put down the cup he held – Kazunari had a funny feeling it was milkshake – and leaned a little closer. “I’m sorry to hear, Takao-kun. May I ask what happened?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Just drifted apart, I guess… Doesn’t matter, it’s over now and everything, there’s… I’m over it.” It was the worst lie he’d ever told, but maybe Tetsuya bought it. He hoped so, and kind of thought so as well when Tetsuya leaned back into the chair and gave him another small smile.

 

“I’m still sorry.” Tetsuya’s voice was soft and kind.

 

The thing was, they were friends. Sort of, at least, or so Kazunari thought. During the years they had hung out few times together, though often Shintarou had tagged along. He really didn’t mind Tetsuya’s presence – Tetsuya was a good listener, and actually rather funny when you got to know him. The only problem was that Kazunari didn’t really feel like spending time with someone at the moment, but he didn’t have the heart to shoo the guy away. He never did. Thus he grabbed a handful of fries again and put them in his mouth one by one until none could fit anymore, and only then chewed. He attracted Tetsuya’s gaze and gave him an apologetic look. Maybe he’d understand.

 

“What is Takao-kun doing now after high school?” asked Tetsuya after a small sip from his drink.

 

“Uh…” Kazunari hurried to chew his mouth empty. “Got into a university. I don’t know what I’m doing there exactly, but at least it’s better than just staying at home with nothing else to do.”

 

“That’s true.”

 

“And you?”

 

A small smile rose to Tetsuya’s lips. “I got into a university as well.”

 

“Oh, cool.” Kazunari fixed his gaze to the fries and intensely stared at them. “What are you gonna study?”

 

“Japanese literature.”

 

“Good luck with that, I’d never be able to do that.”

 

He fished two fries between his index and middle fingers and nudged them in his mouth without thinking twice. The silence that filled the table was a little nerve-wracking, but he tried not to think too deeply about it. Obviously he wouldn’t feel as comfortable with every person than he had been with Shintarou; with Shintarou he could be himself and nothing less, make stupid jokes, lie half-naked on the bed whilst tangling upside down, be stupid about things, fart and make Shintarou give him the harshest glare… His heart skipped a beat. He knew he was in too deep with his sorrow when he missed _farting_ in the company of someone else. He cringed.

 

“Takao-kun,” called Tetsuya.

 

“Mm?” Kazunari wiped his fingers clean to the hem of his shirt and looked up at him.

 

“May I be blunt with you?”

 

“Sure.”

 

If he didn’t know better, Tetsuya actually looked like he was nervous. The other boy fiddled with his fingers that were visibly trembling as he picked up the cup again, brought the straw to his lips and took a quick sip. Kazunari frowned as he looked at him, and couldn’t figure out what was going on. Patiently he waited, although patience really wasn’t his virtue.

 

“I like Takao-kun,” Tetsuya finally said with a small voice and looked straight into Kazunari’s eyes. “I have… liked Takao-kun for a while now.”

 

Kazunari’s mouth fell agape. Not sure whether this was Tetsuya’s attempt of a well-timed joke, he didn’t risk it by laughing. He simply stared at him, nearly unable to process the words given to him. If that really was the case, he had been completely blind. Or perhaps not blind but fully in love with Shintarou to see anyone else around him. He blinked, his eyes a little wide, and eventually he frowned. The small smile on Tetsuya’s lips remained, however. Kazunari felt like he just had to ask, after all.

 

“Uh. You’re not joking, right?”

 

“No.” Tetsuya paused. “What does Takao-kun think of me?”

 

Kazunari stared at him, his mind completely blank. He didn’t how to answer the question, because he didn’t know how exactly he felt about Tetsuya. One thing he did understood, however, was that here he had a chance to possibly get over Shintarou. The only way to do it was to get together with someone else instead, right? He chewed his bottom lip and stared at the few remaining fries. There was nothing wrong with Tetsuya at all – he was a nice guy, and Kazunari liked him. It might have not been the _like_ like he had felt and still did for Shintarou, but maybe… He caught a careful glimpse towards Tetsuya. His stomach turned upside down. Honestly, he was ready to do anything to simply forget all about Shintarou and the fact that they had once been a thing. He swallowed hard and then pushed a smile on his lips. It still wasn’t fully genuine.

 

“We can date each other,” he finally said and tried to look as convincing as possible. “Yeah, I like you, we can date. Be boyfriends, you know.”

 

The frown that rose to Tetsuya’s face was deep and carved wrinkles to his forehead. “Is that… really how Takao-kun feels?”

 

“Yeah, of course!” Kazunari sounded a bit too cheery for his own good. He made sure to grin. “It’ll be fun, I really like you and everything. I mean, I’m over Shin-ch—Midorima and everything, it’s really not a problem, promise.”

 

A rosy blush rose to Tetsuya’s cheeks, and his smile turned ever so gentler as he looked down at the table. When he lifted his gaze, Kazunari’s heart skipped a beat, and not in the kind of _I really like this guy_ way; it was more of a _I’m going to use this guy to get over my ex and I’m not proud of it at all_. His stomach did nasty somersaults and nearly made him vomit all the junk he had been stuffing in his mouth. He had started this now, and there was no way he would take it back after a second. In that way, he was a gentleman. Who knew, maybe he’d really end up liking Tetsuya in that way, and he could end up being happier with him than he had ever been with Shintarou. Knowing that it was total bullshit, Kazunari still made the effort to think so. He drank the rest of his soda and cleared his throat.

 

“Anyway, you want to come over now?” He arched his brows higher and looked at Tetsuya’s smile. It was cute but didn’t make his heart pound like Shintarou’s rare twitches of lips had done. “We can chill and watch TV or something, if you want to.”

 

Tetsuya nodded. “I would like to.”

 

“Great, let me just…” Kazunari ate the rest of the fries and rubbed his hands clean to his thighs, then got up and offered his arm towards Tetsuya. He wiggled his fingers. “Here, you can hold it if you want to. You know, nothing better than walking hand in hand like lovebirds.”

 

It was clear that at first Tetsuya hesitated, but soon Kazunari got a set of small, soft fingers in his. They felt hardly the same as Shintarou’s; they were tinier, and they didn’t quite squeeze him as hard as Shintarou had often done. _Stop thinking about it_ , he told himself and tried to ignore the sweatiness of his own palm. He tugged Tetsuya closer and tried to smirk. _You now agreed to be this guy’s boyfriend, so you better do it well_. Yet, had this been Shintarou, he would have tiptoed and stole a sneaky kiss, but now he didn’t. He only held hands with Tetsuya as he led him out of the burger place and towards home, and hoped dearly that they wouldn’t bump into Shintarou on their way.

 

If it meant that he had to do this to get over Shintarou, then he would do it. He wasn’t planning to hurt Tetsuya, because he was a nice guy, and Kazunari liked him as a friend. If he did this long enough, he’d probably end up liking him in a romantic way, too. He squeezed Tetsuya’s hand better in his own and pulled him along, but couldn’t say a word, not when his mouth was full of regrets and his mind nothing but a mush.


	105. Temptations

With an open cardboard box beside him, Kazunari crouched down and then pushed up with cutleries in his hands and settled them nicely in the drawer to their own places. It was something they probably should have done yesterday already when they had started, but he had kind of forgotten, and they had eaten from paper plates with plastic forks (Shintarou hadn’t been too fond of it). He whistled a tune to keep himself entertained and wished that Shintarou would have helped him here instead of finding the perfect display spots for his most beloved lucky items. The damn frog was going to stare at him again… Shivers ran down Kazunari’s spine. There was nothing necessarily wrong with the frog, but its eyes made him a little freaked out whenever they exchanged glances. As long as it wasn’t in the bedroom in some prime spot watching them sleep and have sex, he didn’t care where the hell it would be.

 

A good reason why Kazunari wanted Shintarou to be here was the fact that he had made an _effort_. Not with this packing stuff but with himself. He wore nothing but the orange Shutoku jersey, not his own, and the hem reached his mid-thighs. He had shaved himself, too, _everywhere_. Not a hair in place. He bent over and felt a lovely breeze tickling his bottom. The puckered skin clenched, and he shuddered with a smile on his lips. Now all that was missing was Shintarou to see him like this. Kazunari was aiming for another experience of the newly wed – or maybe newly engaged in their case – sex, and surely a sight like this would get Shintarou going. If only he’d come to the kitchen, that was.

 

But it was an open kitchen, and he hoped that as soon as Shintarou would stop settling the frog to its rightful place – he started to get nervous that it was actually situated in the bedroom –, he’d get a bit of fun. A bit of distraction from unpacking things, too. Not sure why, but he had thought that unpacking would have been more fun than packing, and now he realized how utterly wrong he had been. It was just as boring. It kind of made him hungry, too. He heaved out a sigh and told himself to concentrate, because he’d rather have Shintarou really go with this sneaky little plan feeling nothing but lust, instead of being frustrated with him because again he was being too lazy. Puckering his lips, Kazunari crouched down again, and this time grabbed as many of the items as he could. He set them on the counter beside him and started to load them to the drawer one by one.

 

“Kazunari?” suddenly echoed in the house.

 

He pushed his posture up and bristled. A wide smirk rose to his lips. Within moments Shintarou would walk in and see him and fuck him against the counter. _Exactly as planned_. Giddiness in the bottom of his stomach, Kazunari cleared his throat and brushed some of his hair behind the ear, and responded with a singsong-y voice, “In the kitchen!”

 

The echoes of steps had never sounded as good as they did now. He tried to act nonchalant and continued with his task as casually as he could. Luckily he stood back to the doorway, because when Shintarou suddenly gasped for breath, he grinned so damn widely. He made sure to settle a small smile on his lips as he looked at his lover over his shoulder and even frowned lightly at him. Everything was going perfectly. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a little hint of worry in his voice as a cherry on the top.

 

“You’re wearing my jersey,” Shintarou bluntly said. He cleared his throat but still had a tint of red on his face. “Why?”

 

“Oh, I just couldn’t find the box with our clothes this morning and this happened to be conveniently nearby so I thought, why not.”

 

“Happened to be conveniently nearby, huh?” Shintarou arched a brow. “Whilst I told you last night that I’m putting the clothes box to the foot of our bed.”

 

Kazunari stuck his tongue out. “Might have forgotten about it. Look, you can either stand there or help me with this.”

 

So he said, bent down towards the box again, and made sure that the jersey rode up to his hips. Shintarou gasped quietly. He knew exactly what he was doing, putting his ass on display like this, and it would be a miracle if Shintarou didn’t get any urges from that. Pleased with himself, Kazunari moistened his lips and pulled back up, and as soon as he did that, Shintarou glued on his backside. Sometimes it was pleasurably easy to rile his lover up, but at times like these Kazunari wanted to make it a bit more fun than usual. He allowed a low hum from his lips and peeked over his shoulder. Shintarou worked his hands under the orange fabric and to his naked hips, and pressed his body closer.

 

“You like it?” Kazunari murmured.

 

“You’re doing it on purpose,” Shintarou whispered back, voice heated, almost menacing.

 

“Maybe… How do you like me in orange?”

 

“You look infuriatingly good.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes shut and leaned his back better against Shintarou’s chest. “Maybe you need to give me a wild ride, Midorima.”

 

“Is that what you want, Takao?”

 

It was such a ridiculous thing, but Kazunari still shivered to the version of his name that Shintarou hadn’t used in ages. It made him think of their first years together and the struggle he had gone through to get Shintarou comfortable enough to use his first name. But, admittedly, it was nice to hear this one every now and then; it ignited his insides and made him roll his bottom against Shintarou’s front. Straight in Kazunari’s ear Shintarou grumbled, and Kazunari gave a victorious little grin to him over shoulder. “That’s exactly what I want,” he softly murmured and continued with a more heated tone, “Give it to me.”

 

“I probably will.” Shintarou kneaded Kazunari’s ass to his palms and squeezed.

 

A pout curled Kazunari’s lips. “What do you mean, _probably_?”

 

“I still need to unpack one box—“

 

“This offer will expire if you step out of this kitchen, idiot.” Kazunari huffed and pressed his palms flat on the countertop, and pushed his bottom out even more in an attempt to really get Shintarou in the mood. Apparently it hadn’t been quite the success yet. He let out a needy whine. “I shaved for this,” he whispered.

 

“You… did?” Shintarou wrapped his hands around Kazunari’s torso and tugged him closer, and rocked his hips forward. “Where did you—“, he cleared his throat, “—do that?”

 

“Everywhere. No pubic hair, no hair in my ass…”

 

Shintarou inhaled sharply. “And… what would you like me to do with that knowledge?”

 

Kazunari looked at him over shoulder again, eyes narrowed at first, and then lust overtook them. He gave out a shivery breath. “Eat me,” he mouthed.

 

It was obvious that Shintarou held a moment of hesitation. But he leaned closer and gave Kazunari a kiss, deep, spit-slicked one before he nudged the box out of the way and sank on his knees on the floor. His chest tightening pleasantly, Kazunari held in a breath as he turned to look at the cupboards in front of him again and clutched the edge of the counter. Shintarou spread his buttocks apart, and already Kazunari moaned, quietly below his breath. Truthfully, he felt a little selfish, but maybe this was okay – of course Shintarou would have told him if he didn’t feel like it. But once the thought settled to his mind, he couldn’t think of anything anymore, and even when gentle smooches rained on the small of his back and the slender fingers kneaded the flesh of his ass, Kazunari turned to look at him.

 

“Babe.”

 

Shintarou glanced up at him, his lips nearing the bottom.

 

Kazunari cringed from pleasure and worked his hand hastily through the green bush of hair. “Am I too selfish?”

 

Now, Shintarou retreated his mouth back with a wet pop and began to stroke his sides. “What makes you think that?”

 

“’Cause. I don’t know, maybe you, or, you know, maybe I’m, I don’t know.”

 

“Relax.” Shintarou offered a small smile and lowered his head to kiss the spot joining his back to his bottom. “I’ll prepare you like this, it’s not a problem.”

 

Even if Kazunari had objections rolling in his mouth, all of them were forgotten when Shintarou trailed the tip of his tongue along the strip of skin on the cleft of his ass. There had been a specific reason why he had bothered to take a morning shower when he normally didn’t, and this was it. He let out a shivery breath and closed his eyes, squeezed the counter and spread his thighs apart even more. He gained gentle strokes to his sides underneath the jersey that felt nice and cool against his heated skin, but he could hardly keep down his noises when Shintarou kissed the pucker. Realizing that there was no reason to be stay quiet anymore, not when they didn’t have next-door neighbors, Kazunari let loud moans from his mouth, mostly to encourage Shintarou and give him feedback when he couldn’t form a single word.

 

The thing was, Shintarou was so, _so_ good with his mouth that Kazunari soon became a trembling mess, his forehead breaking a thin layer of sweat, too. He grasped the counter so hard that his knuckles turned white. Once Shintarou trailed the tip of his tongue around the softer part of the flesh and darted his tongue inside, Kazunari hung his head and tried to relax his muscles to allow the moist tongue even deeper. They were gentle licks, then harsher nibbles on the outside, helped by a thumb and then another, and Kazunari was a goner when Shintarou’s line of teeth grazed him. His lover bit his buttock, slapped gently, and then brought his mouth back to his hole. Kazunari begged for it by whimpers and wails.

 

“Inside,” he coached, his voice quiet, resembling soft mewls. He dipped his head lower again. “Inside, Shin-chan… Your tongue…”

 

Shintarou didn’t say anything but obeyed, moved his tongue against the flesh and then within, and nearly fucked him with it. It wasn’t a deep touch but pleasantly shallow, and Kazunari quivered even more, his legs ready to give in. He fluttered his eyes open and stared down at his chest, at the orange hue, at the number that never belonged to him but _damn_ , he had worn the jersey more than he cares to admit. It was a good sleeping shirt. Good tool to get fucked silly. And now, years later, he still wore it. Maybe tonight, he could sleep in it again. Kazunari craned his neck, and his breath hitched. Shintarou nudged his tongue inside him, in and out, in, out, licked, bit, in, and then back out again, and Kazunari’s knees trembled. He couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Stop,” he pleaded. As much as he liked to come like this, _that_ would have been awfully selfish, and he’d rather tip over the edge with Shintarou buried deep inside him. Shintarou gave his bottom one more kiss and then lifted up, gave him a fleeting kiss and then rushed out. Kazunari knew he’d be back soon, probably gone for lube, and indeed, Shintarou hurried back with a familiar small bottle enclosed in his fingers, because _that_ wasn’t buried to the bottom of some box.

 

Kazunari let out a pleased hum when Shintarou was attached back to him. Whilst Shintarou gave Kazunari a trail of kisses on his neck, he also popped open the cap and spread the stickiness to the exact spot that he had worked open with his mouth a minute ago. Kazunari kept thinking how lucky he was to have such an amazing husband-to-be; even years after, their appetite matched – sort of, at least, and if it didn’t, often Shintarou was ready to adjust, and so was he. He pushed his bangs out of the way but they fell back on his face immediately, stuck to his sweaty forehead and made him grumble. However, Shintarou soothed his annoyance by little kisses on the shoulder and the gentle movements of his fingers scissoring inside him, spreading him apart. It was difficult to have a bad mood.

 

“You really do look good in my jersey,” Shintarou muttered in his ear.

 

Kazunari broke into quiet chuckles. “Maybe we should wear them when we go and play that street basketball…”

 

Shintarou, too, let out a chuckle. He shook his head and kissed the roundness of Kazunari’s shoulder. “How do you expect me to concentrate on the game?”

 

“That’s the fun part of it…”

 

No longer did Shintarou say anything, and Kazunari knew he had won. A constant smile toyed with his lips as his lover spent a moment longer preparing him. Kazunari brought his hand behind his back and palmed Shintarou’s front, petted him, made sure that a hard bulge grew under his fingers, and only once Shintarou made grunts of impatience did he let go. There were sounds of shuffling, and when Kazunari glanced behind, there was his fiancé with his pants around his ankles and his cock looking as good as ever. He smirked. He pushed his bottom out, his body in a curve, and Shintarou’s hands wandered around, on his chest, on his back, tugged him to a deeper curl and then pulled him to a kiss. Drool dripped on Kazunari’s chin but he didn’t care at all, not when Shintarou kissed him like they hadn’t seen each other in months, nearly fucked his mouth with his tongue. It was always a pleasure to see that there was still the raw passion remaining in the relationship. He wanted to point it out, but knew exactly what Shintarou would say – would refer to the statistics and then move on and do it anyway. Kazunari chuckled.

 

“What’s so funny?” grunted Shintarou as he grasped the base of his cock and guided the head against Kazunari’s ass.

 

“Nothing,” Kazunari promised. He moved his arm to an uncomfortable position and yanked Shintarou to another kiss the moment he felt the swollen cockhead sinking in. There was a small ache in his flesh, sometimes resurfacing, and he made the effort to relax himself a bit more. It took a moment, but when Shintarou moved fully in, Kazunari adjusted his hips and leaned slightly towards the counter to create a proper angle for this.

 

Somehow, he ended up with his chest fully on the counter when Shintarou grasped his hips and began to thrust. At first they were shallow and tore him apart even more. Kazunari shook his head because his abdomen was on fire and his mouth so full of praises that never managed to get out. He tugged his cock that stood proudly right beneath the hem of the jersey, and moved his hand to Shintarou’s rhythm. Without a warning Shintarou rutted his hips harder against his, almost violently, his dick reaching as far as it could with its length, and Kazunari cried out. It was certainly a good way to pop the cherry of their new kitchen.

 

It felt so animalistic, full of passion and things hardly said aloud but conveyed through moments like these. Kazunari thumbed the head and milked out the fine droplets of pre-cum, and listened Shintarou’s grunts and irregular breaths. The sound of them made his stomach turn upside down and blood push through his veins harder. He formed a partial ring with his fingers and squeezed the base, and let out a dry moan that caused his lungs to rasp. Shintarou didn’t stop, didn’t slow down, but rather picked up the pace and pushed him harder against the counter. Kazunari’s hipbones pushed against the marble over and over again, and although he was sure it would cause bruises, it was a surprisingly good kind of pain; it wasn’t enough for him to make Shintarou stop and beg for a change of positions. He’d rather kept going, especially when Shintarou hit his depths over and over again and clearly gyrated his hips to press his prostate.

 

When he did, Kazunari cried out, and again, and again, and _again_ , until Shintarou was fucking him raw and making him break his voice from being too vocal. It was almost embarrassing how loud he was being, and although his face was colored with red, it wasn’t from shame. He knew that below the jersey there would be the familiar spots of arousal but he didn’t take a look. He rather concentrated on tugging an orgasm out of him one movement of a hand at the time. His hipbones ached as he rattled against the counter, and as much as he wanted to tell Shintarou how he loved him and how insanely, mind-blowingly good it felt, he forgot how to talk. All he could let out were moans, and for now they were just good enough.

 

He spilled as an orgasm was drawn from him, and when he did, he made a mental note to himself to clean up the counter. Such a notion made him snort breathlessly. Shintarou’s thrusts turned gentler and slower. Kazunari trembled and hurried to say, “Keep going… Just keep going, please…” He might have gotten his own release but _damn_ , he wanted Shintarou to feel just as good. He achieved exactly what he wanted few minutes later when Shintarou picked up his pace and came to the safety of his lower back. Finally able to breathe properly, Kazunari rested his chest on the counter and slipped his eyes close, caught with his breath. Shintarou layered his body on top of his and kissed his hair. A small smile twitched to Kazunari’s lips.

 

“Was it okay?” Shintarou stroked some of the dark hair behind the ear and kissed the spot.

 

“Mm… I think I’m having bruises, though,” Kazunari admitted. His voice rasped and lagged; it was easy to tell he had been near screaming.

 

“Show me.”

 

It took a lot of effort for Kazunari to push up but when he did, he turned around and lifted the hem. The area around his hipbones surely was deep red. Maybe tomorrow the red would change to purple and then from that to yellow. Gently with his fingertips Shintarou stroked the spots and then looked at him with a slightly harsher expression.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

 

Kazunari pouted. “Because it felt good and I didn’t want you to change the position.”

 

Shintarou sighed and shook his head. “Should I get some lotion to them? They look really red, but I don’t think the skin has torn.”

 

“It’s fine, Shin-chan, relax! It’s just some bruises, it’s not like it’s the first time or anything.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look.

 

“I’m serious!” Kazunari insisted. “Come on, let’s take a quick shower and then continue. Did you find a spot for your frog yet?”

 

“Yes,” said Shintarou, a hint of pride in his tone as he wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s waist and led him towards the bathroom.

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me he’s in our bedroom.”

 

It seemed that cat got Shintarou’s tongue.

 

“You gotta be kidding me. That thing isn’t going to be in there.”

 

“He has a name,” Shintarou said.

 

“What?”

 

“He has a name.”

 

“Oh, _please_ , I’m not going to—It’s a frog, Shin-chan, no, it’s just _pretending_ to be a frog, and I’m not going to call it Kerosuke just because you fancy him so much.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “Then he’s staying in the bedroom.”

 

“Where exactly is he there, then?” Kazunari looked down at Ao who twirled around their feet and mewled softly. He stopped dead in his tracks and lifted the little girl (she wasn’t that little anymore, truthfully, fattening up and growing bigger, but she had been brave and gotten used to their new home) against his chest. With brows arched higher he glanced at Shintarou. “Come on, spit it out. Where is he?”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips flat. “Possibly in my nightstand.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. “That frog’s giving me a headache.”

 

“You can’t speak about my lucky items like—“

 

“He can stay, alright, but I don’t want him staring at me.” At the door to the bathroom he let Ao down, but she pressed herself against his shin and purred. “He’s got these… freaky eyes. Like, they’re really big and scary.”

 

“It’s just a statue.” Shintarou paused. “I could get you a similar one. They could be a pair.”

 

Kazunari sighed softly and took the steps separating them, kissed his lover and ruffled his hair. “Whatever you want,” he murmured and kissed him again, and this time lingered the kiss, made it softer, loving, and didn’t care that there was a breeze on his ass because he was in no rush anywhere. “But you gotta come and help me with putting the cutleries in place, okay? It’s driving me nuts.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Great, knew I could count on my babe.” Kazunari tiptoed, pressed one more kiss on Shintarou’s lips and then disappeared to the shower. Within a second Shintarou followed, then Ao as well, but the cat rushed out as soon as the shower was turned on. Although Kazunari knew the shower should have been quick so they could concentrate on what was actually important – unpacking stuff they still had laying around, that was –, he still tangled his naked body to Shintarou’s and pulled him into a make-out session under the warmth of the gushing water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I've started to work on something very exciting ~~it's another multi-chaptered midotaka fic, all right~~ , because I'm crazy like that. Honestly, I don't know where I'm pulling out all this energy and concentration for writing, but right now it's working - who knows about tomorrow. Obviously this massive baby is taking priority and nothing will be different so business as usual, but hopefully I'll get another fic out in the matter of few weeks (///Σ///)


	106. Suburban Sprawl

With Shintarou by his side Kazunari stepped out of the train station into the warm and sunny day. There were butterflies in his stomach, the same ones that had always been there whenever they had travelled to basketball games when they were in high school, and it caused a huge smile to splatter on his lips. He hugged a rather worn out basketball to the crook of his arm, his other hand tangling free from worries. Every now and then his fingers brushed against Shintarou’s, and whenever they did, he looked up at his fiancé and offered a lot gentler smile. His spine tingled pleasantly. Had they been alone, he would have kissed Shintarou already. Not that he minded to do that in the broad daylight under the gaze of hundreds of people, but he knew that Shintarou wouldn’t have been too fond of it. Thus, happily Kazunari settled to small brushes of fingers and knuckles as they made their way to the address Seijuurou had told them to come.

 

Kazunari had all the intentions to bring victory back home today. He’d show the Miracles that he could do some nice things as a non-Miracle; and, truthfully, being a partner of the greatest shooter of all time had its perks. Few years ago Shintarou had attempted to teach him to shoot from mid-court, although that had ended more to a groping time than actual basketball lessons. Either way, Kazunari was feeling pumped, the grin never wavering, and he was more than ready to do this.

 

Also, he had tried to wear Shutoku-orange, but Shintarou had blushed too fiercely and forbade him. The only reason he had said was _it would distract me too much_.

 

They turned around a corner, walked through a peaceful park, out of people’s reach and gazes, but Kazunari still didn’t hook his fingers to Shintarou’s. He was given smiles, though, and that was more than enough for him. Behind another corner, finally, opened up a sight of nicely preserved basketball court, and it was full of familiar faces. Kazunari bristled ever so slightly and rolled his shoulders back. _Bring it on_ , said his mind, and his body followed. He pulled the strap of the bag better over his shoulder and ghosted Shintarou’s steps to the court. It seemed like they were the last ones to arrive. If someone would ask something about it, he’d tell the tragedy of trying to find the perfect lucky item for today (it was a mask, and the problem had been just what _kind_ of a mask was good enough for Shintarou’s picky mind).

 

“Shintarou, Kazunari!”

 

Kazunari came to a halt and made sure to offer the biggest grin to Seijuurou who took hasty steps towards them. Even Shintarou smiled. Thinking that maybe it was finally okay with familiar people, Kazunari hooked an arm to Shintarou’s, only briefly, though, as he let go when Seijuurou stopped few steps in front of them.

 

“I’m glad you could make it, albeit a little late.” Seijuurou cocked his brows.

 

“This guy’s fault,” Kazunari said and nodded towards Shintarou.

 

“Shut up,” grunted Shintarou.

 

Seijuurou chuckled. “Now, now. We’re ready to start whenever you are, also… Don’t disappear anywhere afterwards, I have some issues to go through about the wedding with you, don’t worry, nothing major at all, but now… I’d like to introduce you to someone.”

 

Kazunari arched his brows and puckered his lips. “Who is it?”

 

A much softer smile rose to Seijuurou’s lips, one that Kazunari had never seen before. The man turned around his heels and called, “Kouki!”

 

Kazunari followed Seijuurou’s line of sight and spotted a brown-haired man talking with Tetsuya; the same man jumped and turned to look at them, but Kazunari couldn’t tell apart his details. Seijuurou still held a smile as he crooked his fingers to the stranger who quickly turned towards Tetsuya, spouted out a word or two and then hurried to them. Seijuurou hesitated none as he wrapped an arm around the man he had called Kouki and looked more than pleased with himself. Kazunari’s brows twitched even higher, and he briefly glanced at Shintarou who held an interested look on his face.

 

“This is Furihata Kouki,” introduced Seijuurou, pride glimmering in his voice as he squeezed Kouki closer. He added, “My partner.”

 

A gasp escaped Kazunari, and he really didn’t mean it to. He covered it up with a grin and, curiosity bubbling in his chest, eyed Kouki. The man seemed a little nervous, trembling, fingers quivering, but at least he held a small smile on his lips every time he glanced at Seijuurou. He seemed like a very ordinary man, and although Kazunari had always thought that Akashi Seijuurou’s partner would be extraordinary, suddenly it seemed more than obvious that a man like Kouki would catch his eye. Wanting to wrap an arm around Shintarou, too, he resisted the urge and dipped his head in a small bow.

 

“Takao Kazunari, nice to meet you!”

 

Beside him Shintarou reciprocated. “Midorima Shintarou, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

 

“I-I know,” Kouki stuttered and then startled. Within a second he turned deep red from the face and began to stutter, “I-I mean, I know who you are, I mean, I-I, Sei-chan’s, I, I mean. Shit.” The final word was nothing but a whimper.

 

Kazunari blinked and had to struggle not to laugh. This poor guy seemed nervous as hell, and he wasn’t sure why. Was Shintarou really that intimidating, or was it only the general situation? He guessed on the latter – _sure_ , Shintarou was tall and sometimes looked menacing, but no one could craft him seriously as intimidating. There was a brief silence, rather clumsy, and the blush on Kouki’s face didn’t leave. Kazunari made sure to smile him gently, and he could see a beginning of a smile back. It was more than good enough for him. He actually found himself interested in Kouki, but he didn’t have the chance to pry anything when Seijuurou pulled back from him and whistled for attention.

 

“Who has the slips? Let’s divide into teams.”

 

Hastily Kazunari did a headcount and was pleasantly surprised. There were ten of them; they could actually play a proper game. He waded forward with Shintarou by his side, looked up at him, and saw the tension in his shoulders and in the corners of his mouth. A snicker escaped him. Shintarou probably had been looking forward to this although he hadn’t admitted it even once, but now it seemed rather obvious. Kazunari gave a quick rub on the small of his lover’s back and gained a look. He puckered his lips to a kiss-like motion and then glanced around. There was no surprise at all in seeing Daiki and Ryouta approach the rest of them throwing harsh looks at each other, actually arguing. It made Kazunari heave out softly, but he tore his gaze away from them and to Tatsuya who held ten slips of identical papers in his hand.

 

“Everyone takes one,” he instructed as Atsushi hovered right behind him on his skin. “There’s red and blue, and we’ll divide according to them.”

 

Kazunari was one of the first ones to pull one and stared at the blue end of it, then looked around. The first blue one he spotted was in Kouki’s hand, and he rushed beside him, gave him a reassuring grin and waited. They were joined by Tetsuya at first, then followed by Daiki and Ryouta, and Kazunari pressed his lips flat. He really didn’t mind, but as soon as the five of them were gathered a little farther away from the rest, Daiki exclaimed.

 

“Fucking hell, why am I stuck with this side?” He shoved the paper slip deep in his pocket. “There’s no fucking way I’m playing with this bunch, look at you! This is unfair as hell, why do you have Midorima and Akashi and Murasakibara and Kagami? I want to switch!”

 

“Daiki,” sighed Seijuurou, like a mother who was too worn out to properly fight.

 

“No, I’m serious. There’s no way I’m playing with _this_ ,” Daiki said and pointed at Ryouta.

 

Ryouta huffed. “Well, I’m not playing with you, either!”

 

“Come on…” Kazunari tried in return but only got two sets of glares towards him. He let out a low whistle and turned to look in front of him.

 

“So, y’know,” said Daiki and crossed his arms over his chest. “Change this bitch—“

 

“I’m not a bitch!” Ryouta shouted, voice sharp, menacing.

 

“—to Murasakibara, and then I’m happy.”

 

There was a brief silence. Then, Seijuurou turned towards Atsushi. “Please be so kind, Atsushi, and change spots with Ryouta.”

 

“Don’t want to…” Atsushi looked at Tatsuya and yanked him closer by his arm. “I’m staying here with Muro-chin.”

 

“Atsushi,” sighed Tatsuya.

 

For a moment Tatsuya and Atsushi exchanged a private conversation and then, looking like he had eaten a bucketful of lemons, Atsushi dragged himself across the court and grumbled the whole way. He looked like death itself, and Kazunari felt a chill inside his core. Watching Ryouta skip on the other side, he glanced at Shintarou and shrugged a bit. His lover seemed just as nonchalant as he felt, and maybe that was for the best. Kazunari wanted to lift the mood at least a little, and he began by lifting his own posture.

 

“Alright, then, who’s playing which position?” he asked.

 

“It’s obvious,” Daiki said and arched his brow. “I’m power forward, Murasakibara’s a center, and the rest of you can do whatever you want.”

 

Kazunari heaved out a sigh. If only Daiki and Ryouta had dealt with their breakup like normal people did… He turned to Tetsuya and Kouki. “Forget about them, then, how are we going to play? Kouki, what position did you play?”

 

Kouki chewed his bottom lip before he answered. “Point guard.”

 

“Oh, me too. In that case, mm… I can just be a small forward and Tetsuya can do whatever he wants as usual.”

 

“Oh, no, no you should be a point guard in that case!” Kouki hurried to say and turned flustered within a second. “I-I’m really fine with everything, you’re better at it than me, so, s-so you should do it.”

 

“Are you sure? Because I really don’t mind doing something else for the change.”

 

“I’m absolutely sure!”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips in thought. “How about we switch mid-way? I’ll start as a point guard and then you’ll continue once we probably take a break.”

 

Kouki nodded, and Kazunari considered it a deal. Their opposing team seemed more than ready to go, too, and so he skipped towards the center. He gave a wink to Shintarou who looked smug for the change, and darted his tongue out briefly. Engaged or not, he wasn’t going to hold back, not when he knew that Shintarou wouldn’t, either. Seijuurou crouched down for the ball and set himself near the circle in the middle, and as if from a cue Daiki and Taiga moved face-to-face. Kazunari looked up to the sky and the cloud that drifted away from the sun that shone brightly on their court. Despite the banter, he was sure it would be a good day. He hoped so, at least.

 

The game started, and after few funny minutes Kazunari realized how horribly out of shape he was. He breathed hard, his lungs rasping, gasping for breath, and his knees buckled. Most of the others seemed just fine – he didn’t even want to look at Shintarou who seemed all right running back and forth around the court –, and he wished he had continued being athletic himself, too. Life got better of him, he thought, and he started to appreciate quiet nights in front of the television with his loved one more than going out and playing the sport he also loved. He stayed behind together with Tetsuya once the ball was out of their side and caught up with his breath. Tetsuya gave him a pat on the back, and it was enough to make Kazunari lift his posture back up. If he could only score few points… Show at least a glimpse of the days when he was the captain of Shutoku. He took a deep breath through his nose, and the ball ended up in his hands. It was his chance for sure.

 

He dribbled the ball forward, his steps slow, and he lifted his forefinger up towards the sky like he sometimes did. It was easy to tell that Seijuurou marked him, and he would have honestly preferred anyone else. He knew what Seijuurou could do, and he was _not_ looking forward to getting down on his tailbone like he had so often done. Kazunari’s eyes went wide, and his mind turned feverish. Atsushi and Daiki stayed behind, Kouki a bit on his right, and Tetsuya… Tetsuya on the same side as well with hardly any presence. In front of him Seijuurou, approaching, Taiga running forward, Shintarou closer to the basket, so was Tatsuya… Should he go forward? Kazunari took a step, and so did Seijuurou. _No…_ _He’s going to make me fall._ Passing to Tetsuya, then? A fake? Passing? He took a calming breath and moved from instinct when Seijuurou stopped right in front. Not looking forward to an ache in the ass, he moved forward but passed the ball behind him, then ran and trusted on the fact that the ball would find its way back to his hands. Past Taiga, past Tatsuya… He could do this. Not remembering the last time he had actually made a basket, he was ready to laugh.

 

Like he had anticipated, the ball returned to his hands within a moment, and in his head he thanked Tetsuya for it. Clear path to the basket, shouting behind him. Kazunari grinned.

 

Then, a tall figure blocked his path. Shintarou. He gasped for breath and came to a full halt. His lover smiled, no, _grinned_ like a little boy who was in the midst of his favorite sport.

 

Kazunari breathed harder and bounced the ball by his side. He only had few seconds, he knew; he knew that from behind Seijuurou was approaching, so was Taiga, and from his side Tatsuya closed in. But at the moment he fixed his concentration on Shintarou and stared. It didn’t matter that they held rings in fingers that would bind them together. He couldn’t even remember the last time they had went head-to-head like this, not on the same side, opponents, completely ready for sudden death. His pulse thudded in the root of his ear. Luckily, he knew Shintarou. He knew his patterns, knew the movements that were the most comfortable for him. He had played in the shadow of this man for years, he had supported him, and he was damned if he wouldn’t remember a single thing now.

 

He faked, but Shintarou caught up with his movements. Faked again and this time his lover faltered. Kazunari held a clear view on the basket and readied his body. The gentle wind kissed his cheeks, and although the sun nearly blinded him, he felt oddly free when he bent his legs and then jumped, stretched his arms and let the ball separate from his fingertips. Maybe it was strange, but he smiled brightly, even when Shintarou managed to jump in just in time and blocked the ball’s route to its home. Even afterwards, Kazunari grinned when the game turned fast-paced again and the opposing team rushed towards their basket.

 

Not sure whether he had just forgotten it, he now remembered just how much he loved this sport.

 

Ten minutes later Kazunari plopped down on the side of the court with a deep sigh and rested his forehead against his knees that he pulled up. How had he forgotten what a tough job basketball was? He felt ready to vomit his guts out. A taste of blood swirled in his mouth, and he spat it out, and had to take a moment to collect himself before he lifted his gaze up. Again, there was a couple thing going on in the court during their pause; Atsushi glued himself tightly on Tatsuya’s side, Daiki and Ryouta fought again, Tetsuya was busy with Taiga, and Shintarou remained on his feet talking with Seijuurou. Kazunari sighed again and rested his head on the metal lattice behind him. He slipped his eyes close and enjoyed the sun on his face, until he heard a quiet clearing of a throat close by and jolted from his thoughts. Kouki stood in front of him, looked hesitant but smiled nonetheless as he pointed beside him.

 

“Do you mind if I sit?”

 

“No, go ahead.” Kazunari hurried to pull his bag out of the way and eyed Kouki as he moved down on his bottom beside him. A smile overtook his exhausted features. Admittedly, he was a little pleased that Kouki seemed slightly out of breath, too. “Tired?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Kouki admitted and rubbed his forehead to the sleeve of his jacket he held against his chest. “They’re really… out of my league.”

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

“But you did so good.” Kouki’s eyes went wide as he looked at him. “You’re really good and everything, I mean, you even went head to head with Midorima.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “It’s really easy to think you’re bad and everything when you compare to those guys, but you’re actually good. They’re just insane.”

 

“Huh…” Kouki glanced down and then parted his lips as if to say something, but pressed them quickly flat when something blocked the sun from them.

 

That something, Kazunari discovered once he looked up, was Shintarou. The green eyes were plastered on him, and although there wasn’t a smile on his lover’s lips, he still looked rather pleased with himself. Kazunari grinned and shielded his vision with his hand to look at Shintarou better.

 

“Are you okay?” asked Shintarou.

 

“Yeah, never better. Did Seijuurou want something? Saw you talking with him.”

 

“He wanted to ask whether we were opposed to having the ceremony in a botanic garden.” Finally a small smile curled its way to Shintarou’s lips. “Apparently there are nice ones that we could rent for an hour or two. Everything would bloom by the time it’s autumn.”

 

Kazunari gasped for breath. “That sounds awesome, what did you say?”

 

“I told him that knowing you, you probably want to, so he’s going to look into it even better now.”

 

“I knew I could trust you.”

 

Shintarou hummed and briefly glanced at Kouki before he fixed his gaze back on Kazunari. “Where did you put our water bottle?”

 

“Here.” Kazunari pulled it out from the bag and threw it upwards. Shintarou caught it at the first try and thanked him, and waded back towards the direction where he had came from. It lured a soft sigh from Kazunari’s mouth, and he watched Shintarou’s back that looked absolutely wonderful in the sleeveless shirt and shorts he hadn’t seen him in ages. More than pleased that this was the man he was marrying, he smirked to himself and couldn’t wait to yank the sweaty clothes away from Shintarou once they’d reach home.

 

“Um,” hummed Kouki beside him, his cheeks glowing ever so slightly. “Are you… I don’t mean to pry or anything, but are you and… Midorima, you’re getting married, right? I-It’s just that Sei-chan—I mean Akashi’s been talking about a wedding he’s planning and, and… Yeah.”

 

Kazunari patted him on the shoulder. “Just relax, okay, I’m not as intimidating as those guys, I promise.” He grinned. “It’s our wedding he’s planning, yeah.”

 

“Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks.” Kazunari fixed his gaze on Shintarou and Seijuurou a little farther back before he looked at Kouki again. “Do you mind if I ask how the two of you got together? I’m just curious.”

 

“Oh, um…” Kouki rubbed his nape. “I’m working in a store, and he happened to come and buy stuff, and he came to my till, and we just… He recognized me from high school, and… Then he just kept coming back again and again, and then he gave me his number and we sort of… sort of started to date.”

 

“That sounds really nice. You enjoy being with him?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” The smile on Kouki’s lips was a little silly. “He’s already talking about moving in together, and I’m just… just waiting for the right moment, and I really don’t know why I’m talking about stuff like this, I’m sorry.”

 

“No, no, don’t apologize, it’s fine! Talk all you want.”

 

“Oi, let’s start again!” shouted Daiki across the court.

 

Kazunari sighed and corrected himself to Kouki, “Talk all you want afterwards, okay? Man, I don’t know how I’m going to survive another ten, fifteen minutes of running…” He pushed himself up on his feet, and as Shintarou came back to return the water bottle, he got a surprise kiss. Pleased, Kazunari grinned and tiptoed enough to give Shintarou a second one just for good luck, pressed his soles back on the ground and glanced at Kouki. “You coming?”

 

“Yeah.” Kouki hurried on his feet.

 

Somewhat ready to get his ass kicked by the Dream Team – or so Daiki called their opponents, grudgingly at that –, Kazunari dragged himself back towards the center. Maybe if he’d put on his best puppy eyes later in the afternoon, Shintarou would give him a reward for at least trying. Dreaming of a dinner he didn’t have to cook or a nice foot massage, he was a lot more energized as the ball was back in the play. He ran, and although his lungs soon ached, he ran a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having too much fun to write chapters with the Miracles to stop now that I started and got in a roll.
> 
> ~~A bit of self-indulgent advertisement here, but I'm kind of in the need of a beta for my newest project, so if _you_ would be interested in reading through my shit, hit me up on my tumblr and we'll make magic happen together.~~


	107. A Portrait

A smile plastered on his lips, Kazunari pulled out the roasted beef from the oven and set it over the stove, marveled it for a moment and then yanked some herbs from the pots they were growing in. He had never made this food, and honestly had never even had fresh herbs in hand to speak of, but he had tried, and the dinner looked delicious. Once more he glanced at the recipe from the book, and once he was happy with the result, he took a small step back. Had he been alone or in a closed kitchen, he would have whistled a tune like he so often did, but a little farther away both his and Shintarou’s families sat around the dining table and talked, and he didn’t want to be the guy to ruin such a nice conversation. His stomach growled, however, but he was happy it didn’t echo too far.

 

It had really been a good idea, he thought, to invite their families together. It was the first get-together since Christmas time, and it was about time they did something like this again. Not sure why he had offered so generously to cook, but at least Shintarou had made dessert (chocolate mousse cake that kept inviting him to have a taste every time he opened the fridge door). Kazunari took a short breath through his mouth, examined at the roast and the potatoes, and then looked over his shoulder. “Shintarou,” he called. “Could you come and help me a bit?”

 

He heard Shintarou excuse himself, and soon his lover was by his side. Shintarou gave a quick kiss to his shoulder. “What do you need?”

 

“Just bring the potatoes with you to the table, please.” Kazunari grabbed two pairs of oven mittens and gave the other to Shintarou. “How was it going back there?”

 

“Really good,” Shintarou assured. They shared a brief look, before Shintarou grabbed the potatoes with him and traced back his steps.

 

His hands trembling ever so slightly, Kazunari took the roast in his grasp and only now realized how heavy it was. He still made sure that there was a smile on his lips as he set out for the journey to the table. Thankfully it was a quick one, and between his mother and Shintarou’s father he managed to move the dish on the table. “Here we go,” he announced and placed the mittens on the extra chair, and glanced at his own empty seat between Shintarou and Youko on the other side of the table. “It’s not Sunday, but it’s still a roast time.”

 

“Oh, it looks good, honey,” his mother said.

 

“Just wait until you taste it, it might be absolutely horrible.” Kazunari offered Youko a smirk, but she glanced down at her phone she held in her lap. Not discouraged, he circled around the table and took his seat, and looked at Shintarou when he squeezed his knee. His smile twitched even higher. He brushed his knuckles quickly over Shintarou’s thigh before he pulled his hand back for good. “But dig in when it’s still hot. Does anyone need something, water or anything?”

 

When no one gave him a reason to get up from the chair, he settled better on the seat and watched his mother cut the first piece from the meat. Gaze soft, he glanced around a little and felt his chest vibrate. This was how he didn’t mind to spend his Friday evenings at all, surrounded by the immediate family. He felt like they had been social a lot lately, and Shintarou was handling it well; usually he could have done nights after nights of meeting people, but at some points Shintarou put an end to it to recharge. But so far so good, Kazunari thought and made a mental note to himself to spend few moments simply lazing on the couch together with his lover afterwards.

 

“Youko,” called Shintarou’s father across her with a slightly hushed voice. “Please put the phone away, at least while we eat.”

 

She gave him a look and turned her skillfully lined eyes down to the dimmed screen of her phone.

 

“Youko,” he called again, his tone a little desperate now.

 

“I don’t mind,” Kazunari chipped in and shrugged. “This is probably boring as hell, anyway.”

 

This time, Shintarou gave it a shot. “Sister, please. Kazunari made the effort to prepare a meal, so can’t you put the phone away for ten minutes?”

 

She gave a glare to her brother but nudged the phone to the pocket of her jeans anyway. Her face looked sullen, and Kazunari really felt sorry for her; she probably didn’t even want to be here, and he understood. They were just bunch of adults sitting and chatting around a table, and had he been fifteen again, he would be bored to his gut, too. When their parents engaged to a conversation between the mouthfuls of dinner, he shuffled a little closer to her. “How’s school going?”

 

“Good.” She pressed her lips tight and stared harshly at the potatoes on her plate, but her expression softened ever so slightly when she looked at him. “Can I see your ring?”

 

“Of course.” Pleased that she was at least a little bit interested, he offered his hand to her. Her fingers were warm as she grasped his hand and looked at the ring with narrowed eyes. There was a bit of glow on her cheeks, but Kazunari didn’t mind. If she still had a little crush on him, he didn’t see it as a problem, as long as they were both on the same page. They probably were, he thought, as she let go of his hand after a moment and gave him a small smile.

 

“It’s pretty,” she said. “Big brother chose a good one. Suits you…”

 

“I thought so, too. Did your dad tell how he proposed?”

 

She nodded. “I wouldn’t… Wouldn’t have had that he could propose someone like that.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Tell me about it!”

 

There was a nudge on his shoulder, followed by Shintarou’s voice. “What’s so funny?”

 

Kazunari turned to look at his lover. “Nothing at all,” he reassured, and although there was still a clear question on Shintarou’s expression, he kissed the seemingly confused lips and bristled from happiness. He turned his gaze on the rest of the table. “How’s the food tasting, okay?”

 

“Very delicious,” complimented Shintarou’s father and gave him a flat smile, the ones Shintarou often offered to people. It looked so familiar that it twitched Kazunari’s own lips wider. The man continued, “And I was just telling what a… a beautiful house it is. My wife would have loved it, all the decorations and everything.”

 

It was almost an automatic response when Kazunari’s hand found its way to Shintarou’s knee. He squeezed the spot reassuringly, stroked it, and received a little squeeze to his fingers back. Still he kept his eyes fixed on his future father-in-law. “It’s still a bit messy here and there, but at least almost all of the boxes are finally gone. It’s starting to look a lot like home, don’t you think, Shin-chan?”

 

“Mm.” Shintarou sounded a little choked, which finally attracted Kazunari’s attention. Not sure whether he was imagining it or there were actual tears glistening behind the glasses, Kazunari still brushed his fingertips gently up and down Shintarou’s thigh and kissed his cheek. Confident of the fact that small displays of affection were fine in front of their family, he knew he was right when Shintarou kissed his cheek back.

 

Shintarou’s father cleared his throat. “Shintarou also told that you got yourself a job.”

 

“Oh, yes, I did, _finally_.” Kazunari perked up, and although he looked at the man again, his hand didn’t leave Shintarou’s thigh where it rested gently. “I’m just so happy to finally get out of the house and actually work, it’s been a really long wait.”

 

“We’re proud of you as well, honey,” his mother said.

 

“When are you starting?” Shintarou’s father asked further.

 

“In… No, on the twenty-first. I’m really excited, I think it’ll be great. I mean, it’s only working at a till on a supermarket, but at least I’ll get to do something.”

 

His mother looked at him. “What about school? You mentioned something about it earlier.”

 

“Oh, mom, please, let’s just, I don’t want this conversation be about me.” Kazunari fidgeted on the spot until he smirked. “Shin-chan had a really big surgery a week ago, really major, and all of his colleagues were really impressed, tell them about that, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou jolted. “There’s… not really much to tell about it.”

 

“I’m interested,” said Shintarou’s father across the table.

 

At first Shintarou remained quiet, but then heaved out a sigh. “I’m not really supposed to disclose confidential patient information, but I was part of a bigger operation that included doctors from different departments, and I might have gained some mild recognition from others.”

 

“Aw, he was rocking it, and they were all in awe with him,” Kazunari translated.

 

“Shut it,” grunted Shintarou.

 

“What? I’m just telling the truth!”

 

“It seems like you have really enjoyed it there, haven’t you, dear?” asked Kazunari’s mother with a warm smile.

 

Shintarou nodded. “It’s really a dream come true, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have such a work place where I can still learn new things on a daily basis.”

 

“That sounds like a fruitful job,” said Kazunari’s father.

 

Again Shintarou nodded.

 

“But how’s the wedding planning going?” Kazunari’s mother arched her brows higher. “Your friend is working very hard on it… What was his name again, dear?”

 

“Akashi,” Shintarou helped.

 

“Oh, that’s right. The last time I talked with him, he had such wonderful ideas. Who is entering whose family register?”

 

Kazunari pressed his lips together as his eyes widened. “I did… Didn’t I mention you about it?”

 

“You didn’t.”

 

“Oh,” Kazunari breathed. He glanced at Shintarou and chewed his bottom lip. Not sure how well she would take the information, he still decided to try. “Well, I was… _We_ were thinking that I’d be the one getting to the, um, Midorima family. If that’s okay with you,” he hastily added, directing his words to Shintarou’s father.

 

“I have no problems with it,” the man said.

 

Brows scrunched to a light frown, Kazunari looked at his mother. He wasn’t sure if it was sensitive topic or not. He was the only child, after all, and if he would move himself to the Midorima registry, there would be none left after him in the Takao one. Why hadn’t he thought of this sooner? Maybe it wouldn’t ruin the dinner, maybe she would understand—dear _lord_ , he should have talked with her about this sooner, should have asked if it was okay and not just blurt out that he had already decided on it—

 

“That sounds wonderful, dear,” she said and interrupted Kazunari’s line of thoughts.

 

“Huh?” was the first thing that escaped his mouth.

 

“I said it sounds wonderful. We’re happy with everything, aren’t we, dear?” She turned towards her husband who nodded. “Your happiness is the most important thing, sweetheart.”

 

Kazunari sighed from relief and gave Shintarou a quick look before he nodded to his parents. It was a silent _thank you_ , and he was sure they understood. After a moment of thought, he said, “You gotta keep some room in your stomachs, because Shin-chan made dessert all by himself. A chocolate mousse cake, it honestly looks amazing.” He snickered. “We were visiting our friend couple a while ago, oh, and one of them is a pastry chef, and he made Shin-chan bake that cake with him, and aw, your cake looked so cute back then, didn’t it, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I simply thought I’d give it another go now that the dessert was given to my responsibility. Usually Kazunari makes them.”

 

“And when I make them, it’s just chocolate-coated strawberries or something… But they’re pretty good, yeah?”

 

Shintarou nodded an agreement.

 

“So I thought… What?” Kazunari asked when he saw and heard his mother snicker. “What’s so funny?”

 

Her smile widened ever so slightly. “It’s just very… _adorable_ to listen to the two of you explain such things, it’s like you’re in your own little world, and everyone else is struggling to catch the main point, but you two know exactly what you’re talking about.”

 

“Mom, come on.”

 

“But it’s true!”

 

“As if, I’m a great storyteller!”

 

The table filled with light snickers that then dissolved in another wave of discussion. Kazunari couldn’t stop smiling and grinning like an idiot.

 

* * *

 

Soaked to his elbows with soap water, Kazunari scrubbed the plates clean with a sponge. The kiss his mother had left him on his cheek as a goodbye still lingered on the spot, and it made him smile silly. He lifted another plate from the sink and set it to dry, then tackled another and briefly glanced around. There weren’t that many dishes… Although Shintarou had promised to deal with them, Kazunari rather gave his lover a proper moment to say goodbye to his dad than worry about dishes. He heard quiet chattering behind his back but didn’t turn to look for the sake of privacy, but perked ever so slightly when the chairs screeched against the wooden floor. The talking was gone, replaced by steps that stopped right on the other side of the kitchen wall beside him. He tried not to listen but couldn’t help it when they were so close to him.

 

“Thank you for inviting us,” said Shintarou’s father.

 

“It’s no problem.” Shintarou sounded choked, like he so often did when he talked to his father after his mother had passed away. It wasn’t awkward but rather endearing. Truthfully, he sounded almost teary. “You know you can… always come and visit, you don’t need an invitation.”

 

“I know.” There was a brief silence. “Come and visit us soon, would you? And bring Kazunari with you. You could visit her grave.”

 

“I’ll… I’ll do that. We’ll do that, as soon as I have a day-off again, I promise.”

 

“Take care of yourself, all right?”

 

“I will, dad. You, too.” Shintarou paused. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” said Shintarou’s father. His words were followed by the soft click of the front door opening and then closing, and Kazunari assumed they were gone.

 

His assumption was correct when Shintarou walked to the kitchen, looked a little shaken, but Kazunari decided not to mention anything about it. He knew that the whole Midorima family was still in the process of mourning, and he didn’t care how many months it would take for Shintarou to feel better about it, he’d give him all the time he needed. But now, he settled a gentle smile on his lips, and it was exactly that smile that Shintarou kissed when he stopped beside him.

 

“I told you I’d do the dishes,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“Yeah, but I just thought I’d start with them, didn’t want them laying around for too long, you know. Now we’ll finish faster, and maybe we could watch the cooking show from our recordings.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a sigh and wrapped his arms around Kazunari’s waist, pulled him closer. Definitely not one to complain, Kazunari burrowed himself better to the embrace, snuggled against him, and continued with the dishes. Now that he had started them, there was no reason for him to stop. He got a kiss on his shoulder, and it brought a wide smile on his lips.

 

“The dinner was excellent,” Shintarou said.

 

“It turned out surprisingly good… But we’re not doing anything that complicated for the housewarming party.”

 

“Oh, yeah, we still have that…”

 

Kazunari glanced at him over shoulder. “If you’re not feeling like it, we can always cancel it.”

 

“It’s all right, we already told everyone to come.”

 

“At least we’ll have tomorrow to spend together without anyone else.”

 

“Mm…” Shintarou pressed his nose against Kazunari’s nose and nuzzled the spot. After a moment of silence, he asked, “Do you mind if I stay here and watch you do the dishes?”

 

Kazunari snickered. “Be my guest, Shin-chan, though I’m probably not as interesting as the TV.”

 

“You’re the most interesting.”

 

A light blush spread on Kazunari’s cheeks, and it only made him smile wider. He kissed the tip of Shintarou’s nose and, safely enclosed in his lover’s arms, continued with the dishes. This time he whistled a tune, a cheerful one, and grinned.


	108. Science

In the staircase right behind the door leading to the ground floor Shintarou hesitated and checked the time once more from his phone. Afterwards he shoved his hands to the pockets of his white coat and chewed the inside of his cheek. Few more minutes until Kazunari was supposed to come… He didn’t want to leave the safety of the staircase and find himself at the reception too early because, admittedly, after he had told Haruki off, things had been awkward. The _good mornings_ and _good evenings_ were clumsy, enough to make Shintarou trip over his words. At the same time, he didn’t want to be too late in the reception, either; he knew they were over the incident, but he still rather not give Kazunari a single bad thought about anything. Not sure whether his timing would be perfect if he’d leave now, Shintarou took a sigh and decided to shed the coward-like feeling in his bones. It was easier said than done, but after counting to ten he finally pushed the door open and with confidence in his steps walked towards the reception where he had agreed to meet his lover.

 

From the corner of his eye he glanced at Haruki who was, once again, in the same shift with him. It seemed that he attracted Haruki’s gaze as well, but it was quickly averted. Shintarou’s stomach turned upside down and flushed finely with nausea. He leaned his arm against the counter and kept his gaze tightly fixed on the front doors. This time, he didn’t want to be caught laughing or smiling or talking, just to be on the safe side. He was sure that Kazunari wouldn’t misunderstand, though. Still, his palms felt awfully sweaty, and he pulled his fingers to fists to soothe the sensation. It hardly worked. He took in a deep breath through the nose and allowed it out from his mouth. Soon, he could continue working. Staying overnight at the hospital wasn’t exactly a treat when he knew that a warm bed and a fiancé would wait for him at home, but there was nothing he could do about it. Shintarou rubbed his nape and then his forehead. Underneath it an ache had sneaked an hour ago, but only now did it pound against his veins like its mission was to get him down on his knees.

 

“Doctor,” a careful voice called out of the blue.

 

Shintarou recognized it immediately and turned towards Haruki. A light frown knitted his brows together and surely didn’t bring the pain down at all. “Yes?” he asked, reserved, wary.

 

The lone word seemed to take Haruki back. The man blinked and then looked down at his papers, frowned deep, and only after fleeting seconds brought his gaze back to Shintarou. “I was just wondering what you were doing here.”

 

“I’m waiting for someone.” Shintarou felt ready to choke on such a simple statement. After everything that had happened, he was still a private person, unable to conclude that the _someone_ simply happened to be his partner although he knew Haruki was now aware of Kazunari’s existence. When he only got a nod as a reply, Shintarou pressed his lips to a tighter line and fixed his gaze in front of him again. This was the kind of communication he preferred with Haruki for the time being. He had no intentions or desires to become something akin to friends with the receptionist, but polite he would always be. That’s how his mother raised him, and that’s how his mother would have wanted him to act. He straightened his posture more upright and checked the time from his phone again. Few minutes over from the time they had agreed to meet. Kazunari was running _late_.

 

After five minutes of anxious waiting, Shintarou finally spotted a figure running on the lamp-framed pavement. A small smile rose to his lips, and he let a sigh escape his lips that he had bitten raw. The glass doors opened, and there was Kazunari with clear hurry in his toes. Shintarou made sure to smile even better at him.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kazunari said as soon as he stopped in front of him. He bent over ever so slightly to clearly catch his breath, and once he straightened his posture, he hugged a lush bag against his chest. The corners of his lips twitched higher, but he still looked rather serious. “There had been some accident and the trains were running late and everything… Anyway, here I am, really late and everything, but maybe you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t,” Shintarou reassured and took a step closer. It felt so good to see him after a half a day of working like a maniac without a break.

 

“Here.” Kazunari gave the bag to him and offered a smile, although a clearly exhausted one. “There’s a bit of food in there as well, just leftovers of what I had today.”

 

“And what did you have today?”

 

“Well… I sort of had pasta again.”

 

Shintarou picked his gaze from the bag to Kazunari and arched his brows higher. “You know you shouldn’t eat too unhealthy when I’m not around to scold you.”

 

“I just like to live on the edge.” Kazunari smirked. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, then equally distributed it to both and rocked from his heels to the toes. For a very quick second he glanced around, and it was enough to tense the corners of his mouth. “Anyway,” he began again and let out a small sigh. “I think I’ll get going back, I might visit some shops since I got this far.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “I’m sorry I can’t spend more time here.”

 

“It’s fine, it’s fine! Just have a good day, okay? And drive safe in the morning!”

 

Kazunari turned around in his heels, just like that, and took the first step. Shintarou’s heart sank to his knees. Was this really how he’d let his lover go again? He stumbled a step forward but words dried in his throat. He should… should do something. Maybe give him a kiss. His cheeks glowed from the thought. He wasn’t a kissing-in-public sort of person, but a small peck wouldn’t hurt anyone, surely. The pulse in his chest climbed higher to his neck and pounded hard, made it ache. He cleared his throat and made up his mind. For once, he’d do something wild, something out of his comfort zone. That was healthy.

 

“Kazunari,” he called and managed to make his lover stop. Kazunari twirled around with a light frown on his face.

 

“What is it?”

 

Shintarou was painfully obvious of his fluster. Afraid of failing over his words, he cleared his throat before he even gave it an attempt. “You forgot something. Come here.”

 

A snicker rolled from Kazunari’s mouth. “What did I possibly forgot in ten seconds? You’re so silly.” So he said but took the steps separating them nonetheless.

 

Taking a quick breath to calm his mind, Shintarou smiled, albeit shakily, wrapped an arm briefly around Kazunari’s waist and tugged him closer. The kiss he gave him was short but sweet, their lips bumping against each other like they so often did in hurry, and Shintarou was certain it was enough to get the point across. When he pulled back, he muttered, “Have a good night.”

 

Such a small kiss, but still Kazunari looked dazed. It took him few seconds to jolt, and only then did his eyes widen when he looked at Shintarou. His whole expression lightened up, and the smile now on his mouth was something very special. Kazunari moved an arm to Shintarou’s waist and squeezed, and then let go. Certain of the fact that a small gesture like that had been enough to make his fiancé happy, Shintarou let go of him. Adrenaline thudded in his veins, weirdly afterwards, his fingers felt damp, but he was _damn_ happy he had had the courage to do something like that. Now, the world knew where he stood. Or, at least, the atrium of the hospital. It was a good beginning, a good first step. He rather liked it.

 

“I’ll see you when you come back,” said Kazunari with his sweetest voice, lingered on the spot for a moment, and then turned around again.

 

“Midorima-san!”

 

From the corner of his eye Shintarou spotted how Haruki jumped up on his feet like a spring, his eyes now tightly fixed on Kazunari. His own gaze went wide from the gesture, and Kazunari looked just as dumbfounded. But Haruki looked certain, determined, and his gaze didn’t falter away from Kazunari. It wasn’t a harsh look by any means, but almost a little cowering, and it was enough to make Shintarou unable to breathe.

 

“May I speak with you for a moment? Privately,” Haruki added.

 

“Um.” Kazunari’s eyes were still wide, like a little bunny’s standing in front of its predator. He blinked but it didn’t take the illusion away. When he parted his lips but nothing got out, he resembled very much a goldfish. It took few moments for him to succeed. “Okay.”

 

Haruki nodded and leaned over to his co-receptionist to say something, then circled around the table and gestured towards the other end of the atrium. Before he took a single step towards the direction, he said, “Doctor, if you could please join us.”

 

Not sure whether this was a conversation he wanted to be tightly part of, Shintarou nodded. His steps trembled, and although he felt cold inside, he was sure it was nothing compared to Kazunari who looked on the edge of being anxious. Shintarou brushed his fingers against his, and although he attracted his lover’s gaze, Kazunari was no longer smiling. Instead, the corners of his eyes were tensed, causing some wrinkles to his aging face. Side by side they walked, to the calmer corner of the atrium, and there Haruki stopped. The younger man turned around his heels towards them, took a deep breath, and if Shintarou watched him closely enough, he, too, was quivering. Haruki flexed his fingers and then cleared his throat, fidgeted. Shintarou didn’t know what to expect but in the back of his mind he prepared for the worst.

 

Suddenly, Haruki tugged himself down on a deep bow. “I’m terribly sorry,” he said, hung his head down for few more prolonged moments, and when he got up, he looked at Kazunari. “I am so very sorry, Midorima-san. I didn’t mean to cause any disruption to your relationship, I simply wasn’t aware that Doctor Midorima isn’t available.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened, and it was the exact same look he found on Kazunari’s face. His heart throbbed wild, and he quickly diagnosed it as simple nervousness.

 

“If I had known that Doctor Midorima isn’t available, I would have never tried anything. I don’t want to be a person breaking apart people’s relationships! I’m very sorry.” Again, Haruki bowed deep.

 

Finally Kazunari twitched, and it was towards the man in front of him. “You don’t have to keep bowing,” he said, almost desperate. “It’s okay, I’m glad you apologized! It’s good, it’s, we’re all in the same page now, I’m glad you made yourself clear.”

 

Haruki pushed his posture up fully and gave a small smile. “Thank you,” he said, glanced at Shintarou for a moment, and then back at Kazunari. “And… I must say, congratulations for your engagement.”

 

“How did you…?” Shintarou didn’t know how to muster out the rest of the words.

 

“The employees here like to gossip. You should know that, Doctor.” Haruki gave another smile, perhaps a little sad, and then took a step on the side. “I really… really only wanted to apologize to Midorima-san. I need to return to work, but thank you for taking the time to listen to me. I’m still deeply sorry.”

 

With that, he hurried across the atrium and returned back behind the counter.

 

Still feeling slightly bewildered, Shintarou looked at Kazunari. His heart didn’t calm down. “That was… unexpected,” he muttered.

 

Kazunari’s gaze lingered on the steps that Haruki had taken, and only after a moment did he look at Shintarou. “He’s not as bad of a kid than I thought.” He heaved out a sigh and then smiled. “Though we can talk about it when you get back home, yeah?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“Have a good day at work, I’ll be waiting for you in the morning.” Kazunari looked like he’d get on his tiptoes and kiss him, but he didn’t. He merely stayed where he was, swayed a little, then offered him a wider smile. “Gonna miss you.”

 

“You make it sound like I’ll be gone for a long time.” Shintarou rolled his eyes and nodded towards the front doors. “Get going, then.”

 

With ease they parted. Shintarou watched after Kazunari until his figure was gone, spared a look towards the reception, and then without a word disappeared back where he had come from and hugged the bag against his stomach.


	109. It Is Elegant

There was a whirl of annoyance in Shintarou as he pushed inside the fridge yet another pair of sodas he had just gotten from the nearby convenience store. Knowing fully well that it could not be quite enough considering the fact that Atsushi would come, Shintarou heaved out a deep sigh and wondered why he had bothered with all of this in the first place. Of course Kazunari had wanted a proper housewarming party, and usually whatever Kazunari wanted, Shintarou really wanted to give to him. When they had moved in together for the first time, there had been no such party as the apartment had never officially been theirs. Still the idea that yet _again_ he was meant to be social and a good host for god knows how many days’ worth in a row caused nausea to swirl wildly inside him. He bit his lower lip and, in order to soothe his nerves, went to search for Kazunari.

 

It wasn’t a long journey, not when music already blasted in the living room. In the midst was Kazunari, swaying his hips from one side to another, rolling his body to the rhythm like he so often did, and this time – like so often before – actually looked good doing it. A smile twitched to Shintarou’s lips as he leaned against the nearest wall and simply looked at the love of his life. His core didn’t shiver quite as much anymore, admittedly, yet he took a sharp breath when in the middle of the dancing Kazunari twirled around and spotted his gaze. Caught right in the action, Shintarou felt his face heat up. He cleared his throat, which echoed rather well as soon as Kazunari turned down the music to a mere whisper. The shirt Shintarou had decided to wear for the evening’s silliness was tight around his neck, choking him ever so slightly.

 

“Enjoying the view?” Kazunari asked with a wicked smirk on his lips.

 

Shintarou decided not to lie. “Possibly,” he said and brought up a small smile. There really was no denying it – his husband-to-be often looks mesmerizing, sometimes on purpose, sometimes unintentionally. He wasn’t convinced that this was the latter case, not when Kazunari began to move his hips round and round again, and this time didn’t break the eye contact. Shintarou’s heart jumped to his throat, and his pulse thickened. He allowed a hum from his mouth. “Shouldn’t you be tidying things up instead of getting in the mood already?”

 

“Oh, come on,” said Kazunari. He moved towards him, brought hands on Shintarou’s hips and attempted to make them move. They didn’t budge. “It’s supposed to be a housewarming _party_ , isn’t it? Live a little, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou cocked his brows higher but said nothing to that. Instead he asked, “Do I want to know how drunk you were planning to get tonight?”

 

“Drunk enough to feel tomorrow morning like I had a good time today.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari stopped moving. He popped up into his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders, hugged him, and gave his chin a kiss. “How nervous are you?”

 

With a small grunt Shintarou pressed his lips on Kazunari’s forehead and rested them in the spot. “Somewhat,” he said. The reminder of the nerves brought an uneasy sensation right back into his stomach. The reason mostly was that when their group of friends gathered, anything could happen, really. That was how diverse their personalities were, and although most of the time it was great fun, when the lot got under the influence of alcohol… Shintarou felt his throat tighten. He, on the other hand, would play the part of a suitable host and give Kazunari the chance to let loose. It was only fair, he thought. He wasn’t the drinking, getting drunk kind of person in the first place. Finally he peeled his lips away from Kazunari’s skin and looked at him. He sighed. “At least they’ll all come at once, so that’s… one positive if you really think of it.”

 

“That’s the spirit.” Kazunari grinned and kept his hands on Shintarou’s waist. “I promise that I’ll clean up tomorrow, okay? No matter how hung over I am.”

 

“That’s quite some promise.”

 

“Don’t you think? I’m being all responsible and everything.”

 

They shared smiles together, although Kazunari’s was a lot brighter than his was. Seeing such a smile was already a small happiness on its own, and Shintarou felt his lips twitch even higher. He moved his hands properly around Kazunari and rocked him to the quiet tune of the music that still remained in the background. Honestly, he wouldn’t have minded to have a party like this with just the two of them, but he had promised already, and he was a man who followed his promises if he made them. His skin tingling, he worked his fingers gently underneath Kazunari’s shirt – carefully selected, nonetheless; he had spent ages in front of the mirror just an hour ago – and stroked the soft skin. In his embrace Kazunari quivered but looked even more pleased than before.

 

For Shintarou, it was such a perfect moment, little one, but they were these ones that he truly treasured. Unluckily the doorbell rang, echoed in their house and made him drop from the carefully built castle cloud. He sighed heavy, attracted Kazunari’s chuckle that he tried to ignore, and moved a hand to his hip. “Come on, then,” he said and guided him towards the front door. “Let’s get this ordeal over with.”

 

“You’re being all grumpy now but just wait until they’ve been here for a while, you’re going to enjoy yourself,” predicted Kazunari.

 

“We’ll see about that.” Shintarou pressed his lips in a tight line and then pursed them to something that felt unmistakably like a pout. He didn’t want to check whether it was actually the case from the hallway’s mirror. Also he didn’t give himself any time to prepare for the upcoming event as he, holding Kazunari still close to him, tugged the door open.

 

Just like he had assumed, everyone arrived at once. Fleetingly wondering whether Seijuurou had made them meet up somewhere beforehand, Shintarou actually gave the group a genuine smile. Naturally it was nothing compared to Kazunari’s that was as dazzling like the sun in the brightest and warmest summer day, but he at least tried. At the front of the bunch stood Seijuurou, so much shorter per usual, but the smile on his mouth was pleasant. Behind him stood Ryouta, oddly grinning wider than he had in the last few weeks; it brought a light frown on Shintarou’s face. At the behind were Tetsuya and Atsushi, together with Taiga and Tatsuya, but only one person was missing. Not wanting to dampen the mood immediately by asking where Daiki was, Shintarou finally cleared his throat. “Welcome,” he said, the role of a host obviously given to him judging from Kazunari’s silence. “Come on in, please.”

 

“Thank you,” said Seijuurou as soon as he stepped inside and crouched down to get rid of his shoes. “And thank you for inviting us.”

 

Similar words echoed from everyone else’s mouth, too. Shintarou let go of Kazunari and let him lead the group towards the living room, and had all the intentions of falling back, which was exactly what he did. He stopped dead on his tracks, however, when he found that Seijuurou had done the same. He looked at his friend with arched brows.

 

“Daiki couldn’t make it.” Seijuurou’s lips pressed to a line. “Or, rather, he made sure he couldn’t make it.”

 

“Is he still…” Shintarou nodded towards the general direction of the living room. “You know,” he added just in case.

 

Seijuurou nodded. His expression darkened. “It seems neither of them are willing to listen anyone’s advice. I have tried, and I have heard that you and Kazunari have also tried, but alas.”

 

“Just let them be, I suppose.”

 

“Something along the lines.” Seijuurou brought a smile back on his lips. “But tonight, I want to simply enjoy this gathering and this beautiful house of yours.”

 

Shintarou smiled briefly. “That sounds like a plan.” He took steps towards the rest of them. “How has your work been?”

 

“Hectic, but manageable. Also, I must inform that Kouki might join us later as the evening progresses. He was caught up with another meeting of friends but promised to stop by if he got the chance.”

 

“The more the merrier!” exclaimed Kazunari all of a sudden and made Shintarou jolt. He smirked brightly and held a bottle of red wine in one hand and a glass in another. “Would you care for a drink, Akashi?”

 

“I would, indeed.”

 

“We also got some hard booze in the kitchen if you get thirsty.” Kazunari poured the glass half full and gave it to Seijuurou. “So whenever you feel like it, just help yourself—Oh, Shin-chan, you gotta see what Himuro brought us as a gift!”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed. “Do I want to know?”

 

“Yeah, you’re gonna love it.”

 

Kazunari tugged him along by the hand and stopped to the middle of the living room. It took Shintarou a while, but eventually he spotted an unopened box of Monopoly in the coffee table. He had to admit that Kazunari was right – he immediately liked it. Board games were something he had always enjoyed as they provided such a good stimulation, and now to the sight of the game he smiled. He made to direct it towards Tatsuya as well. “Thank you,” he said, “it’s absolutely wonderful, I couldn’t have hoped for a better one.”

 

“And,” said Kazunari once he put down the wine bottle, “I thought we could play it now, divide into teams of two and go crazy with it.”

 

Shintarou spent moment thinking. “I see why not, if everyone’s interested in it.”

 

No one gave any resistance. Whilst they set the board ready, Shintarou slipped to the kitchen to get himself a glass of white wine. He had thought that alcohol probably belonged to a successful housewarming party, thus he had made sure to include a bit of everything to the selection that proudly stood on the counter. There was red wine, white one, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of cognac, and he was surprised if at least one of his friends wouldn’t be absolutely drunk. Or maybe it would be Kazunari. He gave a snide smile to the kitchen behind the glass as he took the first taste. Sometimes Kazunari liked to let loose – usually when it happened, he was there to take care of him no matter what. The memories of Kazunari’s first bar experiences were still fresh in memory although they had been years ago. Shintarou stood still and listened the melodic chatter come from the living room, and had to admit that _now_ this felt like home. It seemed that the requirement for that was to have his friends turn everything into a mess.

 

Once he returned, the game had been fully set, the men seated around the table, each holding glasses of wine or stronger spirits. With his own he maneuvered to his rightful place beside Kazunari and gained a look from his lover.

 

“We thought we’d mix things up,” Kazunari said. “No one’s going to play with their own partner because that’s what we’ve done so many times already.”

 

“How were you planning to divide us, then?”

 

“This!” Proudly Ryouta held paper slips up in his hand and set them down on the table. Shintarou didn’t know just how the blond had managed to craft them in such a small amount of time. “Each has one of our names in it, and the name you’ll get will be your gaming partner, yeah?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“The host goes first,” Ryouta then announced, scooped all the papers in his palms and offered them towards Kazunari. “Go on, Takaocchi, take one.”

 

He didn’t have to ask twice as Kazunari already reached his hand towards the small pile of paper and pulled one. His eyes lit up, and a grin rose to his face. “Akashi, you’re mine.”

 

“I couldn’t have hoped for better.” Seijuurou shuffled enough to give Kazunari space to sit beside him. Shintarou looked at them until he moved his focus back on Ryouta.

 

“Your turn, Midorimacchi!”

 

Shintarou drew one, and his face fell. He was quick to turn it into a neutral expression, however. “Kise,” he read aloud and gave Ryouta an eyeful. Maybe the man didn’t see it or then chose to ignore it, but whichever the case was, he was given no answer, and Ryouta focused on the remaining pairs. Tetsuya got coupled with Tatsuya, and Atsushi with Taiga, and everyone seemed rather pleased. Shintarou let his gaze rest on the sight around the table that had seen many of such gatherings and took a sip from the drink. It gave him a genuinely pleasant buzz in the head, not too strong, but enough to numb down his nerves.

 

“Basically we don’t even have to play, because I have Mr. Absolute in my team.” Kazunari snickered and didn’t seem phased at all by the sideway glare that Seijuurou gave him whilst dealing the colorful money to every team. “We’re gonna win for sure.”

 

“Aw, Takaocchi, that’s mean! Everyone else is gonna have an equal chance.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“No!” wailed Ryouta and rubbed his forehead. “I want to be in the same team as Akashicchi, too!”

 

“Tough luck, babe,” Kazunari said.

 

“Why don’t we simply play and see what happens?” asked Tetsuya.

 

“I agree.” Shintarou grabbed the dices and began the game.

 

The thing about Monopoly was, Shintarou now discovered, that it was a painfully long game, especially if there were four teams of foul-mouthed men that liked to scream at each other over the table (or, rather, who was he kidding – it was mostly Kazunari and Ryouta screaming and shouting with unnecessary loud voices). The first half an hour went fine, no one moved an inch, but after an hour little by little people stretched their legs, got more to drink, and somehow most of the alcohol bottles ended up in the living room. Living on the edge, Shintarou filled another glass with wine for himself, and then poured another shot for Kazunari whose cheeks were really getting redder by the minute. Shintarou had lost count of how many glasses and shots Kazunari’s mouth had already seen during the night. Kazunari was the kind of person who didn’t drink often but when he did, he seemingly liked to go all the way. It was Kazunari’s turn, and as he rolled the dices and ended up on a square with Tetsuya-Tatsuya hotel in it, he let out a cry loud enough to make Shintarou’s heart jump to his throat.

 

“This isn’t fair!” Kazunari whined and slid the money on the other side of the table. His lips curled in a pout when he looked at the man beside him and tugged his sleeve. “C’mon, Akashi, do something, we’re losing.”

 

Seijuurou smiled. “I’m flattered by the amount of power you think I hold, but I can’t change how the dices decide to roll.”

 

“You should be able to…” Kazunari slipped his eyes close and grumbled, and rested his head on Seijuurou’s shoulder as if it was something he always did.

 

Shintarou felt a funny kick in his chest but it didn’t quite bloom into jealousy. Sure, it felt strange to watch his future husband being so close to someone other than him, but a the same time he knew that Kazunari liked to be touchy with everyone. The fact that it was Seijuurou to whom Kazunari leaned onto brought even more peace in Shintarou’s mind, and he gave his friend a small nod of approval when he looked at him over Kazunari’s head. If Kazunari’s tipsy mind had decided that it was the most comfortable place to be, then be it. He wasn’t going to interfere, but he did take another gulp from the wine and washed it down with a shot of something that burned his throat nastily.

 

The game moved forward in a sluggish pace, and Shintarou wasn’t sure whether anyone was really concentrating on it anymore. Kazunari surely wasn’t, as he snored lightly and drooled against Seijuurou’s shoulder. Shintarou spent a moment longer looking at the sight, maybe feeling a small sting near his chest. He was distracted, though, as the doorbell rang. It piqued only few’s curiosity. Seijuurou was one of them.

 

“It’s probably Kouki.”

 

Shintarou pushed himself up and decided to give the responsibility of their hotel empire to Ryouta’s hands. Most likely a mistake and a crisis waiting to happen. “I’ll go open it,” he said but none paid attention to him anymore. He simply shrugged and waded towards the hallway. At least they weren’t teenagers anymore – he wouldn’t have to pick empty beer cans here and there, scrub vomit from the floor and wake up idiots who had passed out on their couch. He had done that once at twenty. Never again. Feeling warm all the way to the core, Shintarou hummed from the throat and opened the door. It was Kouki, indeed, cowering, seemingly not having much courage in his bones. Behind his glasses Shintarou rubbed his eyes and fixed them on the shorter man in front of him.

 

“Um.” For a while it was the only thing that Kouki said. “I-I… Did Sei-chan—I mean Akashi say anything that I might… come here… The party?”

 

Sluggishly Shintarou nodded. “Come in, we’re all in the living room.”

 

He got a quiet ‘thank you’ as a result, said nothing to it anymore, and led Kouki to the right place to the slouching men on the floor. Seeing it like this after stepping out, it was an amusing sight. It seemed that the fully sober one was Atsushi – there was a glow even on Tetsuya’s cheeks. Kazunari still rested himself mostly over Seijuurou, and as curiosity filled his veins, Shintarou turned to look at Kouki and wished he hadn’t. The poor man’s eyes went wide as they glanced down on the duo, and if Shintarou watched him hard enough, it looked like his bottom lip was trembling. _Of course_ – they were a recent thing, weren’t they? He wasn’t too fazed seeing it for two reasons (it was his best friend and fiancé, and neither of them were each other’s types), but his reaction would have surely been the same as Kouki’s had he been in his shoes. Deciding to be the good man here, he stepped beside the two and nudged Kazunari from his shoulder.

 

“Come on, then,” he said, “time to get up.”

 

“No…” whined Kazunari and pressed his head tighter against Seijuurou’s shoulder. “Gonna sleep on Shin-chan a bit longer…”

 

Shintarou eyed Seijuurou and nodded behind him, watched his friend’s eyes turn bewildered, and then Seijuurou was nudging Kazunari as well. “Alright, sleep time’s over, your Shin-chan isn’t this one.” It took a moment for Kazunari to stir, his eyes red one he opened them, and as soon as he shifted, Seijuurou bolted up on his feet. “Kouki,” he said, his voice rather sweet. “Why don’t we go and talk in the kitchen? I’m sure there’s still an unopened bottle of wine there we could handle on our own.”

 

A thud of weird guilty in his chest Shintarou watched the two disappear and sank beside Kazunari on the floor. At least he had managed to claim his proper place if anything. His lover moved his head on his shoulder and chuckled under his breath. “Shin-chan…” he murmured. “Are we winning?”

 

Shintarou hummed and felt a twitch in the corners of his mouth. He didn’t have the heart to tell otherwise, thus he mustered out, “Yeah, we’re winning.”

 

* * *

 

Their friends gone and their living room having a stench of alcohol all around, Shintarou finally scooped Kazunari in his arms and pulled him up from the floor. Truthfully, he wasn’t quite sober himself, but Kazunari was fast asleep in his arms. He was heavy as well, and Shintarou realized that he should probably work out if he wanted to one day carry his new husband over the step of the front door. In his arms Kazunari was slipping, and Shintarou turned more desperate to get over the final steps to their bedroom. Just in time he threw Kazunari on the bed, thought for a moment and then dropped beside him. He could change clothes in the morning like a damn teenager; it was all right once in a while. He did make the effort to throw some blanket over them, but it was hardly successful. Giving up for good, he lied in the bed and stared up at the ceiling. As much as he hated to admit it, Kazunari had been right. He _had_ enjoyed himself, after all. A shadow of a smile rose to his lips.

 

More than ready to sleep the night away, he couldn’t even dream of it when out of the blue Kazunari threw an arm over his chest, a little bit too hard as it took the breath away from Shintarou’s lungs. He coughed miserably and glanced over at Kazunari through the darkness, and somehow managed to tell apart a huge grin.

 

“Mm.” Kazunari moved a leg over Shintarou’s waist and hugged him tight. It felt more like suffocation than embrace, truthfully. “Shin-chan… Shin… Mm, love you so… _Soooo_ much.”

 

“Just sleep,” Shintarou retorted. It was most likely the alcohol bringing a smirk on his mouth. “Just sleep, you… drunk.”

 

Kazunari giggled, loud at that. “Am not drunk! Just… love you lots. Lots and lots and lots and… lots, and lots, and _lots_ …”

 

“Got it. I love you too, but I might strangle you if you don’t stop talking about now.”

 

“So mean.” Kazunari huffed in Shintarou’s ear. “Stingy.”

 

“In what way am I stingy now?” Despite the fact that Kazunari’s breath smelled of nauseating, toxic mixture of alcohol, Shintarou still pulled him properly in his arms and actually snuggled him. “Also, if I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who nearly destroyed a relationship.”

 

“Did not, shut up…” slurred Kazunari.

 

Shintarou shook his head and really couldn’t hold back his smile. Wasn’t he simply the luckiest man in the planet, even when his lover was drunk as hell? He couldn’t wait the adventures they’d end up in for the rest of their live, even if those adventures meant playing Monopoly on the living room floor with friends. For once ready to tease his lover a bit more, he didn’t manage to say a single word more when he heard loud snores coming from near his throat. Carefully he glanced down, and the smile on his mouth softened. He pressed a kiss on the sleeping Kazunari’s forehead and closed his own eyes as well. Whatever had been on the tip of his tongue could wait for tomorrow. If he’d remember it, that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I've enjoyed writing all of the Miracles (and trust me, these are the funniest chapters to write), this is the last one with all of them in a while ~~sadly enough~~. Gonna miss all these boys. Maybe there's some room for all of them next month...
> 
> //Seems like I just crossed the 300 000-word mark with this chapter. What the _fuck_.


	110. A House in the Country

Through the car’s window Shintarou watched the scenery change from that of a city’s to something more rural and felt oddly serene from within. He considered himself slightly unlucky – his childhood home had been in Tokyo, in fact, only a walk’s away from Kazunari’s, but it had been only after he had moved on his own that his parents had decided to sell their house and move away from the noise of the city. He wouldn’t have minded to live farther away from the flashing light and to commute to school every day, and he felt a little jealous. However, he was sure of the fact that his younger sister hardly considered it such a joy, but the older he got the more attached he got of such ideas. Of course, now he would have never moved someplace like this for two reasons – one, they just got themselves a house and two, Kazunari would have disliked it.

 

The serenity inside him felt strange, however. He had dreaded to go back to his parents’ place because the last time hadn’t been pleasant. The house still reminded him of his mother, and for the longest of times he wasn’t sure whether he could ever step there again. Then his father had called in the morning and asked them to come. Shintarou didn’t want to refuse. Now that he only had his father left, he wanted to make the most of it. He didn’t want to regret things when he would grow older and his father would be gone, too.

 

From the corner of his eye he glanced at Kazunari who had taken the driving job for himself. His fiancé looked relaxed behind the wheel, his expression calm, and when he was caught looking, Kazunari smiled in a reassuring way. It made him smile, too, although his mouth remained tense in the edges. No traffic lights around to give him a chance to give a kiss on Kazunari’s cheek, Shintarou settled on squeezing his knee briefly. He had said that Kazunari didn’t have to come along, but his lover had insisted, had said that he _wanted_ to come, and Shintarou had found no reason to decline. He was happy the man was here right beside him, because he made him even calmer, abled him to take deep breaths one by one and not think about anything stupid. His heart fluttered in a gentle pulse, and had he been alone, adrenaline would have surely gushed through his veins and made him want to turn the car around.

 

They spoke of nothing but listened the radio (for once, Shintarou had given Kazunari permission to decide on the channel). The song that filled their car was foreign to him, but Kazunari tapped his fingers to the wheel and seemingly enjoyed it. Fascinated by the changing expressions and hums along to the rhythm, Shintarou eyed his lover and felt a wave of warmth inside him. Underneath the car the street felt smooth from time to time, some bumps here and there, but he thought it belonged to scenery like this. Maybe he’d volunteer for driving them back.

 

The lack of traffic allowed them to get in town faster than he had thought. He straightened his posture. “Could you stop by the flower shop?”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari peeked through the window and stopped in front of the correct place. It looked abandoned but it most certainly wasn’t. Kazunari turned to him with a mischievous smile. “Would you need some money as well?”

 

“I think I can handle a bouquet of flower with my own earnings.” Shintarou got out from the car and told he’d be back in a moment. It took exactly a moment for him to return with a small yet pretty bunch of lily-in-the valleys. Pleased with the purchase, he eased back to the seat, and as Kazunari drove towards the house, Shintarou eyed the flowers and made sure they looked at their best. They had been her favorite flowers, and he only deemed it suitable that he would bring them to her when he visited for the first time. The thought of going to the graveyard turned his insides cold and his heart weaker, but he told himself to calm down. There were no changing the undeniable facts, and he’d be a fool and a child had he think that ignoring her current state would bring her back how she had been.

 

They reached his parents’ house quick. Shintarou took in the sight, rested his gaze on it once he was back on his feet, and didn’t look elsewhere until Kazunari moved an arm around his waist and squeezed gently. He turned to look at him and kissed him, just a small peck on the lips, but it made Kazunari smile nonetheless. Shintarou held him with one arm for a moment before he let go and approached the front door. The closer he got the heavier his steps turned, and a lump rose to his throat. He knew his father would be delighted to see them, but he was riddled by nerves that turned him into a quivering mess. Breathing quick and hard, behind the door he grabbed Kazunari’s hand tightly to his. His lover said nothing, simply tightened the grasp back and rang the doorbell.

 

It took a moment for his father to appear on the door. There was a smile on his lips.

 

“Good to see you,” he said and stepped aside. “Come on in, I just started to brew some tea. I even got cookies from the store… I certainly was not blessed with baking skills.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “You should give it a go sometimes, though, it’s surprisingly relaxing.”

 

“Also unsurprisingly messy,” Shintarou dryly said and stepped in behind his lover and closed the door behind him. Gently he put the flowers down on the small table in the hallway and got rid of his shoes, and didn’t bother with the slippers. “It’s good to see you, dad,” he said, his voice a little choked. Whenever he expressed his care and love for people, it was always clumsy, or so he felt. He had probably grown better at it when it was towards Kazunari, but otherwise he felt like a nervous teenager all over again.

 

“It’s good to see you, too. Both of you, in fact.” His father gave Kazunari a warm smile and guided them to the living room. He paused for a moment. “What’s on your agenda today, are you planning to stay the night?”

 

“At least I can’t.” Kazunari plopped down on the couch and seemed immediately at home. “I’m starting work tomorrow, but I can always take the train back and let Shin-chan stay here for the night—“

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. We got here together, we’re leaving here together.” Shintarou gave him a look before he fixed his eyes on his father again. “I’m going to… visit mom at some point. So I planned.”

 

His father hummed an approval. “She’ll be delighted.” He took a seat from the armchair beside the couch and rubbed his chin. “You both look rather tired.”

 

Kazunari smiled guilty. “We sorta had a, a housewarming party yesterday, it turned out to be a little longer than I expected… A lot more alcohol, too.”

 

Shintarou nudged his elbow to Kazunari’s side. “Don’t brag about it,” slithered through his teeth.

 

“I’m not bragging! I’m not _proud_ of it or anything, but I was just saying how things were and that’s that.”

 

At least it made Shintarou’s father laugh. “When we moved to this house, our party was hardly a party but something more sophisticated.”

 

Maybe Shintarou simply imagined it, but his father seemed livelier than he had done a month ago. Somehow smiling more and being gentler, as if slowly getting over the tragedy. Or, perhaps, _getting over_ was a wrong way to express it, and he should have rather thought of it as accepting things as they were now. He was still in the process of it himself, but it did help to have a lover who did not pressure him to feel better immediately. Kazunari embraced him with all his flaws and behavior, and it did make things a little easier. Certain that his father wouldn’t catch the action, Shintarou entangled his fingers back to Kazunari’s. Kazunari gave him a grin, and he merely shook his head.

 

To change the subject all together, Shintarou asked, “Where’s Youko?”

 

“Still in school.” His father glanced around and folded his fingers together, and remained quiet for a moment, as if he was in no hurry to talk at all, as if he had all the time in the world. But he pressed his lips in a tight line and got up, his knees buckling ever so slightly. “I’ll go get that tea for us.”

 

Once he was gone to the kitchen, Kazunari nudged Shintarou’s shoulder. “You okay?” he murmured.

 

Shintarou nodded. “It’ll be better once I get to visit her.” Not sure how the visit would end up being, he tried not to think of it too thoroughly.

 

His father returned with the tea, and as Shintarou took sips of it, he looked around. The photos on the walls and the mantelpiece were intact (in fact, not a single thing was out of the place but rather looked exactly as his mother had left them). Most of them were of their entire family; some were from his childhood, some from his teenage years, but the most recent was from last Christmas. The four of them sat at his and Kazunari’s dinner table, because Kazunari had insisted of taking a photo. He looked clumsy in it, but she smiled so gently that now it made his chest sting. Had she been happy in her last months? Had she known she was going to die so suddenly – or had she known for a longer time already? Shintarou sucked in his lower lip and felt heat pool to the back of his eyes. He thought he had gone through the emotions already, but it didn’t seem to be the case. This was childish, annoying, and surely bothersome to everyone around him, but he couldn’t get rid of the feelings. Maybe today he’d find some kind of a closure.

 

He poured the rest of the tea down his throat and got up. He couldn’t sit still anymore. “I think I’m going to visit her now.”

 

“Should I come along?” asked Kazunari, his fingers hovering near his.

 

“I’d rather go alone.” Shintarou turned to him, leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

 

“Drive safe.”

 

“It’s only a five-minute drive, how unsafe could I possibly be?”

 

“You never know,” Kazunari murmured softly and tugged Shintarou to a new kiss from the front of his shirt. Once he pulled back, he held a small smile. “Get going, then. Tell her I said hi.”

 

Shintarou nodded, then nodded at his father, and walked to the hallway. Some light chatter filled the living room but he tuned out of the conversation, although he was more than pleased that Kazunari was in such good terms with his father. Then again, Kazunari was natural with people, always outgoing, always knowing what to say, whilst Shintarou still felt that he wasn’t fully, completely comfortable with his in-laws; he still harbored the need to prove that he was a good partner for their son. Shaking the thoughts off, he made sure to have the flowers and car keys, and stepped out of the house.

 

The drive to the graveyard was in fact a five minute one. It was a crowded place, not in terms of living people but the stones were scattered here and there. He should have asked his father about her whereabouts. Shintarou swallowed hard and squeezed the flowers in his hands. The sun shone through clouds, shredded away the gloom that had taken over the spring ground, and tickled his cheeks with warmth. He walked along the narrow pathways and read the stones one by one in a rather desperate attempt to find the right one. In some of them flowers rested, some fresh, some already withered. His pulse pounded in his ears. She was here somewhere, he knew, but he would have rather found her sooner than later. He chewed his bottom lip and felt his fingers quiver. Maybe he should have taken Kazunari along, after all. Kazunari would have held his hand, stroked his knuckles and told him how everything would be okay.

 

Then he saw it, a stone that said ‘Midorima’, and only held her name. Suddenly it was right there in front of his eyes, and Shintarou was ready to collapse on his knees. Perhaps he had thought that if he’d never stand in this spot, it was all a bad dream. But bad dreams couldn’t go on forever, he supposed, and took a deep breath, straightened his posture, and made sure to have his softest smile displayed. Carefully he crouched down and offered her the flowers.

 

“Hey, mom,” he whispered. At first he hesitated but pressed his palm flat on the stone. It felt cold, but at the same time he could imagine her warmth. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and curled the tips of his fingers ever so slightly. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited sooner,” he muttered and opened his eyes, looked at her name carved to the stone forever. One day, he’d be right below her. It made his heart ache. “I should have, I know… And I’m sorry I didn’t bring Kazunari with me, he wanted to come. Maybe the next time we’ll come together.”

 

He felt a little silly, talking aloud like this, but there was no one around to witness it. It made him feel genuinely better. “But guess what,” he said and looked at the ring on his finger. “I finally proposed to Kazunari. Few weeks ago. We’re finally getting married, and I…” His brows drew in to a harsh scrunch. He looked down at the ground that was a little soft. Rain had left its trail. “I really wish you could be there to see it,” he mumbled. Finally Shintarou pulled his hand to himself but didn’t straighten his legs. “It’s good, isn’t it? Kazunari’s… Kazunari’s getting into our family registry. That’s nice, isn’t it? We’ll have one Midorima more.”

 

The truth was that there were things he really wanted to say. _I miss you_ being the most important one. _I love you_ coming right behind. But such things he didn’t know how to articulate properly, thus he didn’t even try. In silence Shintarou stayed and looked at the stone that basked in the sunlight. He spent a moment all by himself, gathering his thoughts, gathering his emotions, putting them back to a neat package and moved them somewhere else than the immediate control center. She understood his silence, he was sure of it. Taking a deep breath, he finally rose up to his feet and rested his hand over the edge of the stone. The urge to still say something more was extremely tough, but he remained quiet, and knew that it would be the silence speaking more to her than any of his words.

 

As a parting gift, he gave her his best smile.


	111. A Law Student

“Takao!”

 

Kazunari finished attaching a small tag containing his name to the front of the white-and-yellow striped shirt and twirled around to look at his manager. Beside the mustached man stood another, someone who looked somewhat familiar to Kazunari with his brown hair and sort of an apologetic face. He frowned lightly but fixed his gaze on the older man instead. “Yes?”

 

“I assume you still know how the till works so I won’t have someone breathing on your neck, but Sakurai here,” the man nodded towards the other beside him, “will be working on the till behind your back, so ask him if you need something.”

 

Kazunari nodded. “Got it.”

 

Honestly, he wasn’t feeling as nervous as he thought he would. Of course there had been some terror in his body when he had kissed Shintarou goodbye for the day and hopped to a subway, but once he had reached the building, all of it had simply dissolved. He was merely excited to finally get to work, even if it meant sitting on his ass for the whole day beeping people’s groceries. He could have had it worse and, also, he wouldn’t whine at all. This was an opportunity he had gotten, a golden chance, and he was going to make the more of it. The work shirt seemed kind of funky, too, with its colors. He liked everything so far.

 

The manager left and only the two of them remained. Kazunari dipped his head lower. “Takao Kazunari, nice to meet you.”

 

“Sakurai Ryou,” said the man and nodded in return.

 

Kazunari’s brows scrunched to a new frown. Now that he had a name attached to the face, he was absolutely certain he had seen him before. It took a moment for his memory to start properly working. “Sakurai… from Touou?”

 

Ryou startled. “Y-Yes.” He took in a seemingly deep breath and fidgeted. “I’m really… t-terribly sorry, but I don’t… remember you, I’m sorry!”

 

“It’s okay!” Kazunari hurried to say. “Takao, from Shutoku. I played with Midorima through high school.”

 

Ryou stopped moving and stared at him blankly. Then, after a second, his expression brightened. “Yes! Yes, I remember, I’m really sorry, I just, it’s been so long, I’m really sorry.”

 

A chuckle escaped Kazunari. “It’s okay, I wouldn’t expect anyone to remember people from a decade ago.”

 

“We could… could catch up during a break?” Ryou smiled hesitantly. “If you want, of course, I won’t force you or anything, I’m sorry if it sounded like that.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Great. Um… We should probably get going.”

 

Kazunari nodded and followed him out of the changing room and into a small corridor with dirty grey walls. He looked around as curiosity borrowed through his bones and couldn’t stop smiling. At the same time he tried to take in as much details as he possibly could, because at the end of the day he wanted to give a full report to Shintarou. Surely his lover wasn’t expecting it, but Kazunari always felt the need to tell him every single thing that happened to him, just so Shintarou would feel like he had been there with him.

 

Without a word exchanged they went through a door, and the supermarket opened in front of them. Kazunari looked at in awe and saw it in a completely different light than he had before. It was the place where they shopped the most if they wanted to have a week’s groceries, and he honestly couldn’t wait to show off his knowledge of the whereabouts of certain stuff to Shintarou. His chest vibrated pleasantly, and there was a bounce in his steps as he followed Ryou towards the tills. There weren’t many people around, considering it was only nine am, but he supposed it would get busier towards the end of his shift. Right now few people was good, Kazunari deduced, so he’d have the proper chance to bring back in mind how the till would work.

 

The chair he settled in front of the screen was surprisingly comfortable; when he had worked at a convenience store, he had been standing the entire day. It was a nice change, and Kazunari felt like he could definitely have a good working career judging from the mere chair alone. He cleared his throat, and felt a shiver down his spine when his shoulder was carefully nudged.

 

“Are you feeling nervous?” asked Ryou with a surprisingly weak voice.

 

“I’m actually pretty pumped.” Kazunari grinned and eyed the screen in front of him. “It feels sort of familiar, but I’ll give you a nudge if I suddenly forget everything.”

 

Ryou nodded and looked like he wanted to say something else but didn’t have the chance to when he got a customer. Kazunari rolled his shoulders back and looked in front of him, fiddled with his fingers whilst waiting. In the morning he had done everything possible to make himself look professional enough, but in the end he had opted with pushing his bangs out of the way with a hairband. It hadn’t look too bad, and even Shintarou had smiled to the choice, so he was sure it was good. If it wasn’t, Shintarou would have definitely told him. There was a light grumble at the bottom of his stomach, and he soothed it by taking a small sip from a water bottle.

 

Patiently he waited, but his till was abandoned. He chewed his bottom lip, and the serenity he had held in his body before now disappeared. All he needed was one customer to get the jitters out of his body, just one customer who he could practice his skills on, and then he’d be fine for the rest of the day. But it seemed that no one wanted to come to his till, but Kazunari did his best not to get discouraged. There were just few people around in the store, after all. Inside his head he sang a song he had been listening in the morning in the subway and brought a smile on his lips.

 

Five anxious minutes later an elder woman approached him with a basket in her hands. He made sure to have his best customer smile on his lips as he straightened his back. “Good morning,” he wished with a singsong-y voice and beeped the first item. He totally got this. “How are you this morning?”

 

“Just fine, dear.” She took slow steps forward and gave him a smile. “Although my hip is acting up, very bothersome… Are you a new one? I haven’t seen you around before.”

 

“My first day today.” Kazunari’s lips twitched to a bigger smile. “That’d be two thousand and eight hundred yens, ma’am.” She handed him the money, and as he gave the change back, he chirped, “Have a good day!”

 

“You too, and good luck.” With a smile left behind, she was gone.

 

Kazunari shuddered from mere happiness. His first customer, and so nice on top of that – it would definitely be a good story to tell Shintarou later. He moistened his lips and didn’t have the time to ponder the interaction any longer when a new customer walked towards him. With a sunny smile and voice he wished a good morning and got the same back, and although the interactions were quick, they still served as a huge booster of confidence. He remembered the things to press (luckily the till was exactly the same system as it had been in the convenience store few years ago) and didn’t have to bother Ryou who had turned rather busy. Once the customer was gone, Kazunari took a better seat and shifted his bottom properly in it, and as he was idle for the time being, looked through the menus of the machine to make sure everything was as it was supposed to be.

 

Right before noon the stream of customers turned steadier and he didn’t have the time for a breather, but it was definitely not something he would complain. It beat lying on the couch back home every time, although he was slightly worried that Ao would have to keep herself busy all by herself. Promising to give her a big cuddle once he’d reach home, he jolted from his thoughts when a young man cut through the entire line in front of him and made the other customers grumble.

 

“Sir,” Kazunari said and kept his voice kind, “if you could please go to the end of the line, that would be the most fair for everyone—“

 

“I won’t,” said the man, his voice stubborn. He seemed younger than him by few years, but Kazunari wasn’t exactly sure. The man continued, “I have an inquiry.”

 

“You could make this inquiry when it’s your turn, so if you could please—“

 

“I’m not going, all right, just listen to me. I bought a tub of yoghurt in here, I found out it was out of date and it tasted absolutely foul.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly and apologized to the customers next in line before he turned to him again. “So… did you notice it was out of date before you ate it?”

 

“Of course.” The man cringed. “Of course I did, I always check the dates.”

 

“But you still chose to eat it.”

 

“I’m not wasting food.”

 

Kazunari wasn’t sure at all where this guy was coming from, and he wasn’t sure whether he really wanted to even find out. Confusion swirled in his head. “What would you like me to do about it, then, sir?”

 

“I want a refund,” the guy said as if it was the most natural thing.

 

“Well… Do you have the receipt with you?”

 

“No.”

 

Kazunari stared at him and tried to decide whether he was actually serious or just pulling the leg. There was a glow of red in the guy’s face, from which he deduced that it wasn’t the latter, after all. He cleared his throat. “I’m terribly sorry, but if you don’t have the receipt, there’s no way I can refund anything to you.”

 

“I’m a goddamn law student, I _know_ I’m eligible for a refund.”

 

“Sir—“

 

“I want to talk to your manager,” the guy said with certainty in his voice.

 

Chewing his bottom lip, Kazunari nodded and turned towards Ryou. Gently he nudged his shoulder and muttered, “Could you please call the manager for me? I have a customer demanding a refund whilst he’s already consumed the product and doesn’t have a receipt with him.”

 

Ryou nodded, made the call, and their managed appeared a minute later.

 

“What’s the problem?”

 

“This customer here,” Kazunari nodded towards Mr. Law Student, “would like a refund but he doesn’t have a receipt of the purchased item with him.”

 

“Can you just understand that I’m a law student, okay, and I know how this works, and I know you’re keeping me from my refund that I’m legally allowed to have.”

 

The manager heaved out a sigh and rolled his eyes, and didn’t bother to smile as he gestured towards the direction behind the tills. “Would you please follow me, and we’ll go and deal with this issue to the office instead of keeping the other customers?”

 

Mr. Law Student said yes and disappeared together with the manager. Kazunari still bit his lip and wondered what the hell had just happened. A sigh escaped him involuntarily as he greeted the next customer who, fortunately, didn’t seem to want to jump around his throat.

 

“Don’t mind such a person,” an elder lady said. “All they want is free things.”

 

Kazunari felt a little bit better.

 

* * *

 

“I’m home!” Kazunari shouted as he stepped inside and shut the door behind his back. He pulled his shoes off and heard a muffled response in the general direction of the living room. Rubbing his stiff neck, he abandoned everything unnecessary to the hallway and oriented towards the sounds. What he found from the living room brought a gentle smile on his lips. His little family sat on the couch with all the harmony, Ao on Shintarou’s lap, Shintarou stroking her, both watching television together. Ao’s tail swished from one side to another, and she purred so loudly that Kazunari could hear it even when he wasn’t really close to her. When Shintarou glanced at him over his shoulder, he smiled.

 

Shintarou patted the spot beside him. “Come here and tell me all about it, then.”

 

“Oh, you should have seen how busy it was,” Kazunari sighed and slumped beside Shintarou. He rubbed his forehead and yawned. “In the morning it was all nice and quiet, and then there was this… Ugh, this guy who was a law student, like, maybe five or six years younger than us, and he just kept saying how he wants a refund, but the idiot didn’t even have a receipt with him, so how am I supposed to give him any refund?”

 

“What did you do, then?”

 

“Called the manager and stuff… Oh, you know who’s my new senpai?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Sakurai, from Touou, remember him? Apologizes a lot.”

 

Shintarou puckered his lips in thought and closed his eyes, but looked at him again quickly enough. “I do remember. What a coincidence.”

 

“I know, right.” Kazunari picked himself up and gave Ao a gentle rub, then pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s lips. “I’m gonna take a shower, and afterwards I want to hear all about your day, okay?”

 

“It wasn’t a very eventful one, though.”

 

“Don’t care, still want to hear about it.”

 

Kazunari strutted to the shower, got rid of his clothes and spent a sweet minute standing beneath the pour of warm water. Only now did he realize how much his muscles were actually aching, and it didn’t really help when he rubbed his sore shoulders. It had been a rewarding day, but at the same time it made him tired as hell even when it was only six pm. He felt more than ready to collapse on the bed. It would definitely take a week or two to get used to the fast-paced rhythm. Maybe it wasn’t even that fast-paced for someone else, but after he had spent an unnecessary amount at home doing absolutely nothing… He rinsed the shampoo from his hair, spent a moment longer lingering in the pleasantly hot spot, and only then stepped out of the warmth and into the prickling coldness.

 

Towel wrapped around his waist, Kazunari moved back beside Shintarou and rested his head on his shoulder. He got gentle rubs on his knee.

 

“Do you want me to warm you some dinner?”

 

“In a bit,” Kazunari murmured and slipped his eyes close. “So tired…”

 

“Already?” Shintarou sounded mildly amused.

 

“Hey, you’d be tired too if you hadn’t worked in ages and then you do an eight hour shift on your first day.”

 

“I’m certain that would be the case.”

 

Kazunari looked up at Shintarou and puckered his lips. “How many lives did you save today?”

 

The corners of his lover’s lips tugged higher. “None, because there was no one to be saved today. I simply had few surgeries in which no one’s life was in danger.”

 

“So it _was_ an uneventful day, huh.”

 

“I told you.”

 

Kazunari’s stomach grumbled loudly and made him chuckle. “On a second thought,” he said and nuzzled his nose to Shintarou’s shoulder, “I might want that dinner, after all.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a soft sigh. “I’ll go heat it up.” He got up but didn’t manage to leave before Kazunari tugged him down to a kiss.

 

A silly smile splattered to Kazunari’s lips as he slumped down on the couch with all of his length and pulled Ao in his embrace. She gave few loud meows and then settled nicely on the crook of his arm, to her own spot where she often lied down when she was with him. Kazunari gave her soft head a kiss and closed his eyes, told himself that he’d only rest them for few minutes. But his eyelids grew tired and weary, and he no longer had the means to open them. In the background he heard the familiar humming of the microwave, but he didn’t quite catch when the food was done when he already slipped asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that my goal is to squeeze as many of the canon characters to this fic as possible.


	112. Sick in Bed

“Shin-chan. Shin- _chaaaan_ , wakey wakey, you’re gonna be late otherwise!”

 

It was a sweet voice to wake up to, but the fact that the same voice even woke him up told Shintarou immediately that something was seriously wrong. He was always the one to stir up before Kazunari even thought of getting out of the bed— _shit_ , didn’t he have an early shift today? What the hell was he still doing in bed? He attempted to open his eyes but they were masoned shut. His heart jumped to his throat. What was going on? Shintarou tried to move his body, wiggle his toes, lift his fingers, but nothing. There was no energy rushing through his veins, none at all. Below his breath he let out a quiet whimper and wished that Kazunari would be right beside him, but judging from the steps echoing he deduced he wasn’t. He breathed harder, heavier—no, he stopped breathing all of a sudden, couldn’t take any inhales through his nose, was he going to die?

 

“Kazu—“ His voice broke off and was replaced by a harsh cough that shook his lungs. Then another, and another, until his throat hurt so much that he couldn’t even swallow properly.

 

Shintarou forced his eyes open, and they went wide. Frightened, he looked at the ceiling above full of sunspots. The sun had gotten up already… What was he still doing here? He tried to glance around but could hardly see a thing without his glasses and sleep nestling in his eyes. His throat felt dry, irritated, and he still couldn’t swallow down a lump that rasped the sensitive skin from within. He concentrated all his energy on his arm and lifted it up with difficulties. Both his bones and muscles ached as he fumbled towards his glasses. He managed to touch them but only pushed them down to the floor. _Shit_. There was a heavy ache in his head, and only now did he realize that his nose was stuffed, full of mucus that had slipped to his mouth as well. The phlegm blocked him from swallowing and made him cough even harder.

 

Was he _sick_?

 

“K-Kazu…nari,” he rasped and tilted his head towards the open door. A Kazunari-shaped shadow danced on the living room’s floor. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and didn’t feel like opening them anymore, thus he didn’t. He worked his fingertips carefully over his aching forehead, but the skin didn’t feel hotter than normally. However, he had all the signs of flu; his throat tickled and felt sore, his nose had turned runny overnight, and he felt tired although he had timed his sleeping perfectly. Had he been forced to diagnose a person like this, he would have pinned the symptoms down to flu. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Ka—“ He coughed hard. It made his lungs feel displaced. He tried another approach, because the syllables didn’t seem to fit in his mouth properly this morning. “H-Honey, please…”

 

It took a moment for Kazunari to peek into the room. A smile was on his lips, a bit too bright for a morning. “You should really get up, Shin-chan, this isn’t like you at all.”

 

Shintarou gestured him over.

 

“Babe, I really should get going, what’s wrong? You need something?”

 

“Just—“, he coughed again, “—come h-here…”

 

Kazunari frowned and walked closer, and by the bedside his brows scrunched even deeper and caused wrinkles. “Your face is really red, babe,” he muttered below his breath and moved his palm to Shintarou’s forehead. He gasped. “You definitely got the fever! Are you feeling all right?”

 

“No,” Shintarou managed to muster out.

 

“Shit. Just hold still, I’ll go get your phone!”

 

“Why would I… phone?”

 

Kazunari stared at him with wide eyes. “So you can call work to tell that you’re not going today.”

 

“I’m not…” Shintarou gritted his teeth together and attempted to get out of the bed. “Not staying… Fuck…”

 

“Take it easy, I’m telling you!” Kazunari grabbed Shintarou by his shoulders and pushed him back down on the bed. His gaze was almost harsh in the first seconds, but it softened as he stroked his forehead and brushed some hair behind his back. “Stay still, okay? I’ll get you your phone, would you need anything else?”

 

Shintarou’s lower lip trembled. He couldn’t even remember the last time he was sick, and now guilt gripped his chest. He couldn’t just… _not_ go to work. That wasn’t how it worked. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with his palms. Absolutely ridiculous… What were his colleagues going to think of him when he went down with a simple cold? They’d laugh at him. Wouldn’t think of him as a proper doctor anymore. He couldn’t say anything to Kazunari, not anymore, not when the flu snatched his will to speak. Sweat broke beneath his fingers, and his skin turned damp, annoyingly so. The more he thought the more his head hurt.

 

Without a word Kazunari left and then came back. A phone in his hand he sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked Shintarou’s cheek so softly that it only made Shintarou’s bottom lip quiver even more. Kazunari looked so painfully gentle like this, the sunshine lightening up his face as he looked down at him.

 

“Shin-chan,” he said and rubbed his temples. It helped to soothe the ache ever so slightly. “It’s okay… This is so human, isn’t it? I know you must feel really bad, but it’s better to take one day off now than having to stay home for a week because you didn’t listen to your body.”

 

“But—“

 

“Shh, no buts.” Kazunari set the phone on Shintarou’s stomach and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Should I ask if I could stay, too?”

 

Shintarou shook his head immediately. “It’s… only your…” He let out a whine as the words cut his throat in the most unpleasant way possible. Squeezing his eyes shut, he continued anyway. “Your second day… Go. Need to.”

 

“Oh, honey…” Kazunari pressed his lips again on Shintarou’s forehead and this time let them stay on the spot a lot longer. It created a sloppy mark on his skin, but it felt cool and actually managed to lift a smile on Shintarou’s lips. Kazunari reciprocated. “Not gonna lecture you what you should do to get better ‘cause you probably know it better than me but just… Just call the hospital, okay? I’ll come back in the evening and pamper you and make you soup to make you feel better.”

 

“Shut… up…”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “At least you’ll still have the energy to be grumpy and all. Just stay in bed and hydrated, okay, Shin-chan? Love you.”

 

Shintarou nodded, mouthed the same two words to Kazunari, and like a little child looked behind him as he left him alone in bed. It was most likely the mucus filling his head that suddenly made him so emotional, but he wished that Kazunari could have stayed and taken care of him. He wasn’t a person who got sick often – the last time had to be in November if he remembered correctly –, but when he did, it seemed to hit him overnight. The front door got shut rather loudly, and under the muggy covers he writhed. If only he hadn’t gotten whatever had infected him…

 

With a frown on his face he looked at the phone and tightened his fingers around it. He feared the call, didn’t really want to make it. The head of the department… She’d most likely scold him. It was the last thing he wanted, and he also didn’t want the residents gossiping or thinking he wasn’t a good doctor. He _was_ , although it was shameful he was now full of thick phlegm that didn’t belong in his body. He inhaled sharply to pull in the mucus deep within and pondered a moment. If he tried hard enough, he could get up… He made an attempt but he didn’t even manage to lift his upper body from the bed. Soon he gave up and decided to listen Kazunari’s advice after all, and dialed the correct number.

 

The seconds he had to wait were the longest in his life.

 

“ _Hayashi Kasumi_.”

 

“Midorima… Shintarou, morning…” He sounded so annoyingly weak, didn’t he? Shintarou muffled a cough to his fist and squeezed his eyes shut. If he’d get through this phone call, he’d make absolutely certain that tomorrow he’d be fit for work. “I’m… t-terribly sorry to… to announce this so late, but it seems I’ve… caught a flu overnight.”

 

“ _Huh_.” Judging from the sound, she rustled papers.

 

“I can c-come if I’m needed!” he hurried to say, so rushed in fact that it brought a new fit of coughs to his mouth.

 

“ _Symptoms_.”

 

“E-Excuse me?” Shintarou asked once he got his vocal chords in control again.

 

“ _What are your symptoms?_ ”

 

“Hm… Likely fever, I haven’t… gotten up yet, fatigue… Um.” He closed his eyes shut and tried to remember everything. “Runny nose… sore throat, coughing, uh…”

 

“ _Stay home_ ,” she said like it was an easy solution. “ _Get rest, and come to work more energized tomorrow. I’ll reschedule your surgeries, and that’s that_.”

 

“I—“ Shintarou didn’t manage to say whatever had played with the tip of his tongue when she already cut the call. His pulse thudded hard in his neck as he stared at the blackened phone screen. Had it been a mistake, after all? Maybe he should call back and tell that he wasn’t feeling that sick after all. He breathed heavy through his nose and tried not to get too worked up. But she _did_ sound like she wasn’t pleased with him at all. Perhaps they’d fire him. His eyes widened, and his heart dropped to his upset stomach. They’d fire him for sure. How could they survive, then? Sure, Kazunari now had his job, but his salary was over half of their income – how could he replace that? By searching a new job at some other hospital? Shintarou clutched the phone against his chest. His lip trembled even harder. He couldn’t let Kazunari down, no, not Kazunari, anyone _but_ his fiancé. How could he tell him that he was going to get fired? Shintarou’s mind turned heavy and his nose even runnier. He would have to—

 

The train wreckage of thoughts got cut off by a needy meow somewhere close by. Shintarou startled and lifted his chest up enough to spot Ao who had jumped to the foot of the bed. She looked at him with narrowed eyes, and somehow she made him realize how ridiculous he was being. It was _fine_. He was only sick, only for one day, and tomorrow he’d get up and go to work like he always did. Shintarou forced himself to take a deep breath and put away the phone, rubbed the spot between his eyes that throbbed. A breath escaped his lungs when Ao jumped over his chest. She wasn’t a lightweight anymore, in fact, the girl had grown over the weeks and no longer looked like the tiny kitten she had been. It didn’t make him love her any less, only made occasions like these slightly harder. He worked his fingers over her spine and calmed down little by little. Against his chest she purred, and together they remained on the spot a moment longer.

 

A mere moment dragged onto an hour when Shintarou suddenly jolted awake. He felt even drowsier than before but realized that he had spent too much time in bed. Ao still rested on his chest, and he gently shooed her away. “Medicine,” he muttered to himself and did another attempt of leaving the warm embrace of the bed. Somehow he succeeded but it wasn’t a feast, not when his knees buckled and wanted to make him fall. Shintarou grabbed his glasses from the floor on the way and groaned, held his head and really missed Kazunari now as he walked through the quiet house.

 

From the bathroom he gathered the necessities, painkillers, tablets for flu, and cough syrup that he bottomed down with a generous glass of water. Looking at himself through the mirror, he realized what a mess he was. He couldn’t have gone to a patient with such a pale face and dark circles around his eyes. Shintarou splashed water on his skin but it didn’t really help, and neither did sneezing to a piece of soft toilet paper. Bringing himself back in front of the mirror, just looking at his own misery, he clicked his tongue. It was rather weak to catch a cold like this. He wasn’t sure where he had gotten it in the first place. He knew that it surely wasn’t Kazunari, because he _knew_ Kazunari’s early symptoms if he developed a sickness, and none of them had been visible. He coughed, and it sounded broken, hurt him, too. Just in case he took another painkiller.

 

He was thoroughly lost once he reached the living room with his trembling legs. It was cold, but a closer inspection of the heaters revealed that they were all on. Shintarou wrapped his arms around his torso and glanced around. He wasn’t quite hungry yet… Then he got it. Research papers. He should read them now that he had the whole day ahead of him, should study and become a better doctor if he couldn’t do actually doctoring because of his slime-filled state. Determined, he stumbled to get the papers and his notes and dropped down on the couch. Ao followed diligently and curled on his lap, and Shintarou didn’t have the heart to move her away another time. He cleared his throat, the ache in his head still noisy. He rolled his shoulders and moved a throw over them to keep his body heat intact.

 

Everything on the paper was simply a mush. He tried to fix his gaze on the words, and although he managed to read them in order, none of them made sense to him. A groan escaped him, and he rubbed his nape. _Just focus_. He craned his neck, made it click, and felt a little better in the shoulder area. He brought one hand over Ao and stroked her fur whilst trying to make sense of the newest discoveries in the world of cardiovascular diseases. Something about… Shintarou’s eyes slipped closed and his head dipped, but he jolted immediately and drew in a sharp breath. _Shit_. He was _not_ going to sleep, not going to sleep, not going to sleep…

 

“Come on, girl… Off you go,” he mumbled and gently nudged her to the floor. He wasn’t going to sleep, no, he’d just stretch his body on the couch and read whilst doing that… It was a couch where Shintarou barely managed to lie down with all of his length, and he did pull his legs to a curl, which didn’t make it any less pleasant. He heaved out a deep sigh and shifted his hurting muscles to a better position, and brought the pile of paper in front of his eyes. If he’d just stay like this and read, things were surely going to be just fine. The painkillers hadn’t started to work yet, but he hoped for it to happen soon. He’d read a bit, then eat something, maybe fruits and other things easy to the stomach, packed with vitamins, too, so he could get over this sickness as soon as possible.

 

He had great plans in mind but fell asleep before he could execute any of them.

 

* * *

 

“…chan. Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou jumped awake. A paper had glued itself to his cheek, and he peeled it carefully off and rubbed his eyes. Kazunari was definitely nearby, stroking his hair and back, and he wondered if he had managed to do everything he had wanted. When he carefully opened his eyes, he realized it wasn’t the case. He was still on the couch in his sleeping clothes, his stomach grumbling, his mind a mess albeit not thudding as much as it had before. All of it made him groan. He had just wasted an entire day _sleeping_. Great.

 

At least Kazunari still looked energized. And rather beautiful, too.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said with his gentle tone as he spotted Shintarou looking at him. He pushed the green bangs out of the way and rubbed the forehead with his thumb. “How are you doing?”

 

“Starving,” Shintarou told the truth, his vocal chords straining and hurting.

 

Kazunari let out a chuckle. “I got ingredients for a soup, gonna make it to us, with chicken… Can you hold up for that, or should I bring you something else to eat meanwhile?”

 

“I can… wait.” With care Shintarou lifted his upper body and was caught in a coughing fit immediately. As he coughed, Kazunari stroked his back with big movements, and in that moment Shintarou realized that he didn’t mind suffering as long as he had someone beside him. He made an attempt of a smile, but it wasn’t that great. “How was… your day?”

 

“Very ordinary.” Kazunari leaned in and kissed his forehead, and then patted his thigh. “But you need to go to bed now. If you fall asleep again, that’s fine, but not here on the couch. I’ll bring you the soup when it’s done.”

 

Shintarou grumbled and groaned but obeyed in the end. He pushed his body up and swayed to the bedroom, slumped down on the bed and felt absolutely horrible. It wasn’t mainly because of the sickness but because he had done absolutely _nothing_. How could he face his colleagues tomorrow morning when he had achieved nothing today? Shintarou buried his face to a pillow and felt miserable, and felt like wallowing in his sorrow now that he had started it. Against the pillow he coughed, nearly had his lungs switch places, but he didn’t care. Such a thing wasn’t relevant, not when his position as a doctor was in danger. He was just the worst, wasn’t he? He yanked his legs properly in bed with him and rolled on his side, squeezed his eyes shut. This was just his luck. He had already used his day offs for the moving, and now he was gone again. They would think ill of him. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip and stared at the colorful spots that appeared on his closed eyelids.

 

He didn’t get out of his thoughts until his bottom was slapped. With a quiet whine he rolled on his back, but his expression softened as he looked at Kazunari holding a tray with two small bowls in it. He made the effort to sit up, and once his lover settled to the same position beside him, he took his share of the chicken soup. It was another reminder what an angel he was marrying, and his opinion didn’t change as he took the first spoonful of the broth.

 

“Tasty,” he muttered under his breath.

 

“Yeah? I tried my best.” Kazunari stretched his toes and took a slurp. “So what did you do today?”

 

“Just slept.” Shintarou cringed.

 

“What’s with that look?”

 

He shrugged. “It’s not important.”

 

Kazunari leaned closer. “If it’s bothering you, of course it’s important. Tell me.”

 

“I’m simply worried,” Shintarou sighed. He rested the warm bowl over his thighs and looked at Kazunari. It felt so silly, all of it, but he couldn’t help it. “Worried that they’ll… fire me or something.”

 

“Why would they fire you?”

 

“Because I stayed at home.”

 

“Did you call them?” When Shintarou nodded, Kazunari continued, “What did they say?”

 

“That I should stay at home.”

 

“See? There’s no problem in that case, they’re not going to fire you because of this, honey.”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze. “I know, but I can’t help it.”

 

“I know, Shin-chan.” Kazunari brought his hand on Shintarou’s thigh and gently squeezed before he began to stroke the spot. “I know, you’re such a worrywart. But trust me, if they’d fire you, they’d lose one of their best doctors, and I don’t think they want that.”

 

“Now you’re just flattering me.”

 

“I’m telling the absolute, unbiased truth.” Kazunari grinned and kissed Shintarou’s cheek. “If you’ll feel more energized tomorrow, then you go there and that’s that.”

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a moment. “Thanks,” he eventually said.

 

“Any time, honey, and you know it.”

 

Admittedly, he felt a lot better. Kazunari often had that effect on him, because his lover had never laughed at him, had never belittled him or the things he felt or the things he did, and he harbored the utmost trust towards this man. Shintarou risked another smile, small one, and luckily didn’t cough his lungs out again although he certainly felt like it. He took in another spoonful and then rested his head on Kazunari’s shoulder, and quite enjoyed the silence, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the early morning again ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


	113. Garden Spirit

There was dirt under Kazunari’s fingernails, but he kind of liked it. He had never really been into gardening – they hadn’t had the space for it in the old apartment –, but he found himself slowly growing excited. In the morning he had gotten a dozen of colorful pots that simply screamed spring, together with some seeds and a big bag of dirt, and now he busied himself with them. Filling the pots with the dirt and then nudging a seed to the soil might have been an easy job, but it got Kazunari’s mind completely wrapped around it, and for once it was the sole thing he was concentrating on. Already he had big plans for their backyard. To one of the corners he’d craft his personal garden. He had seen someone have a small greenhouse, and maybe he could get one, too. Shintarou would surely like it. Kazunari narrowed his eyes and settled the pale pink and sky-blue pots to the edge of the balcony and looked at them with a smile. _Perfect_. He picked himself up and walked to the designated corner he had claimed as his own and poured soil on it, and focused on getting some carrots growing.

 

The sun was bright above his head, and he could tell summer was right around the corner. Perhaps they could get some chairs for sunbathing once the temperature would really rise. His head was bursting with ideas, one after another. He had never had this chance, he had never had a backyard of his own, and he was looking forward of making most of it. Shintarou probably wouldn’t care what would happen to it as long as it didn’t look hideous. With a sheepish grin on his face Kazunari rubbed the sweat off his forehead to his forearm and let out a sigh. No one had told him how exhausting gardening was – his lower back was on fire, his spine ready to snap, and there were probably welts coming to his fingers from gabbing the tools too hard. At the same time, it was rewarding as hell.

 

“Hey.”

 

Kazunari jolted out of his thoughts and, still crouching, looked towards the balcony door. A wider smile spread to his lips as he looked at Shintarou’s swaying, obviously tired figure. “Hey, you,” he chirped. “Welcome home.”

 

Shintarou leaned against the frame of the sliding doors. “What are you still doing here? I thought you were working today.”

 

“Evening shift, starts at two. So I, you know.” Kazunari nodded towards the ground.

 

“Making… a mess of the yard?”

 

“Gardening, stupid!” His lips puckered to a pout, and finally he got up. His feet trembled ever so slightly, but his pout quickly turned into a proud smirk when he returned back to the porch and pointed at the pots. “See, I went and bought those in the morning, and I’m growing stuff.”

 

“What kind of _stuff_?” Shintarou sounded almost painfully suspicious.

 

Kazunari ignored the tone of voice. “In these pots there’s thyme, basil, um, rocket, ‘cause I thought it would be nice to have fresh things for cooking. And I didn’t get anything to those pots yet, but over there,” he gestured towards the back of the yard, “I’m growing carrots, some strawberries, and—oh, I really want to buy, like, this baby apple tree and let it grow for years and then we can have apples when we’re older.”

 

Shintarou moved an arm around him and pulled him close, gave him a one-armed hug and made him grin even wider. “You’re getting really into this, aren’t you?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss on his lover’s cheek. “And the next time we happen to go to a bookstore, I really want to buy some gardening books and everything.”

 

“We’ll get you as many as you want.”

 

“Yeah? I just kind of really like it. It makes me really keep my focus on one thing.” Kazunari’s smile turned slightly coyer. “You don’t mind if I do some gardening here, right?”

 

Shintarou leaned down enough to give his forehead a brief kiss. “Of course not, you can do what you want with the yard. But you should probably get a shower, it’s over twelve already.”

 

Kazunari nodded and left the rubber boots he had gotten to the porch, and stepped inside behind Shintarou. “How was your day, though?” He arched his brows higher.

 

“Decent, nothing out of ordinary. I had two surgeries, simple ones or, well, as simple as a heart surgery can get.”

 

“Mm.” Kazunari hummed, stripped his pants off and pulled off his shirt that had turned sweatier than he thought. Glancing down at his torso, he gently patted his stomach (one day it would be perfectly flat again, he decided; maybe for their wedding he’d work out enough) and left the clothes as a pile to the edge of the couch. “Should I heat you up some dinner or something, or are you going to bed?”

 

“I…” Shintarou paused. “I think I’m going to head to bed, I just had something to snack at the hospital. You’ll go take that shower, and have a good day at work.”

 

“Thanks, I’ll see you in the evening.”

 

Happiness in his bones, Kazunari strutted to the shower and let out a moan under his breath when the warm water hit his muscles. His tissues had grown rather sore from the constant crouching, he now realized, and decided not to strain his body too much before a day at work ever again. He tilted his head to the side and rubbed the spot joining his nape to his shoulder, and felt even sorer afterwards. Wanting nothing more than whine to Shintarou, he knew he couldn’t anymore and ended up grumbling to the slick walls surrounding him.

 

He was prepared to stay in the shower forever, but his stomach grumbled and decided otherwise what felt like fifteen minutes later. Kazunari’s lips were in constant pout as he dragged his bones out of the warmth and into the chilly air, wrapped a towel around his waist and then threw another over his shoulders to keep him warm. As quietly as possible he tiptoed to the living room, didn’t want to wake Shintarou up when he had probably just fallen asleep. It was one of the downsides of having such different work schedules. If they were lucky, they’d catch a glimpse of each other like they did now, but Kazunari already feared the days when they wouldn’t see each other at all despite living under the same roof. The thought made him shudder, and as he grabbed his clothes with him, he oriented to the kitchen. “Lunch, lunch…” he muttered under his breath to himself and dropped the clothes on a chair, and was in the process of reaching towards the fridge when something on the table caught his gaze.

 

There was a small stack of magazines on it, and they had definitely not been there when he had last strutted in the kitchen. Kazunari frowned lightly and grabbed the post-it attached to the upper one. _For better gardening experience_ , it said with Shintarou’s handwriting. Kazunari’s eyes widened, and he looked down at the magazines, quickly went through all of the covers. A smile spread to his lips. Gardening magazines, all of them. When had Shintarou… His smile softened. Had the silly one really rushed to the nearby store to get them while he had been in the shower? With his fingertips he gently stroked the cover of the first on the top and shook his head in amusement. Sometimes Shintarou was too good to be true. His chest felt warmer, and his stomach did happy somersaults. His pulse thickened ever so slightly, and his heart was very much alive when he thought of the gesture.

 

Underneath Shintarou’s message he left a note as well – _with the help of these our garden will look amazing_ –, grabbed one of the magazines and read it here and there whilst heating up his share of lunch for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing that I've been fearing since the beginning of the year is starting - exam season. It's gonna be interesting to see how I'll manage to fit reading and writing to the same schedule... ( p_q)


	114. Privacy

“Good afternoon, Takao.”

 

The greeting came in perfect harmony from two mouths, and it brought tension to the corners of Kazunari’s lips. Nonetheless he kept smiling to the girls he had seen perhaps a bit too many times as he scanned their items and rolled his shoulders back. He was pretty convinced by now that it wasn’t just an accident that he had seen the same girls during his every shift and that they were probably (most likely) really flirting with him. Both of them. At once. It brought terror to Kazunari’s core although it shouldn’t have, not when the girls barely looked fifteen or sixteen. He was rather flattered, but at the same time he really just wanted to do his job and nothing more.

 

“Afternoon, ladies,” he greeted back, laced with a small smile.

 

“How’s your day been?”

 

They had heavy layers of makeup, too, not that Kazunari thought of himself as a qualifying judge of that in any way. There was just everything wrong in the attempts – they were customers, young and _females_ , though everything he was not attracted even one bit.

 

“Just ordinary, thanks for asking.” He kept scanning the items. “And your days?”

 

“Really good.”

 

“Yeah, really good,” the other one echoed.

 

“That’s always nice to… hear…” He trailed off when one of the girls leaned against the till and batted her eyelashes. Had he been not taken and would be interested in that sort of a thing, then _yes_ , maybe he would have thought differently about it, but now he found himself amused. Also, his core kept tensing from unease. He couldn’t really be mean to them, either, not when they were customers and he was supposed to put up his best behavior for them. Kazunari squirmed in his seat and stared at the screen in front of him. Although he had gotten his share of flirting attempts in life, this somehow brought his skin to goose bumps. He quivered and debated whether to get a cardigan during the next break.

 

“Takao.” She had a singsong-y voice, and she twirled her blonde locks around her forefinger. Her lips were lush, and the way she trailed her tongue across them made Kazunari’s heart skip a sinful beat. “What time are you getting off today?”

 

Kazunari tried to ignore his trembling fingers and the pack of condoms he scanned. He cleared his throat. “Ladies, please… I’m taken and you know it, I have told you that, haven’t I?”

 

“We don’t care.” They were all sparkling smiles and tilted heads, shirts popped open enough to reveal the soft shape of their chest. “We can have fun behind your lover’s back… It’s no shame to go to guests every now and then.”

 

Inhaling sharply, Kazunari hurried with the last items. Had teenagers always been this vicious towards people they flirted with? His eyes went wide, and he nearly sighed from relief when he pulled the last item with him. “That’s two thousand,” he was quick to say.

 

One of the girls turned towards the other. “C’mon, give him that.”

 

“What?” The other frowned.

 

“ _That_.”

 

“Oh… Oh, right.” She pulled notes out of her wallet and then handed them with a big smile.

 

Kazunari felt a lump in his throat and really attempted to ignore the mail addresses scribbled to the front of the note. He merely smiled at the girls, tight-lipped, and shoved the money with the rest. “Have a good day,” he said, and had a feeling that they’d be back even today, maybe right before the store would close. It already made shivers race down his spine, but the sensation eased once they were gone out of his sight.

 

Truthfully, he felt rather flattered despite being uncomfortable. Flirting attempts only meant that he was still looking good, right? He was still sight enough to be flirted with, and that made him pull his posture to a more upright position. His smile didn’t twitch any wider, but there was warmth right underneath his skin. Shintarou was probably going to freak out when he’d mention it to him, but he made a mental note to make it all into a big joke, which it actually was. He greeted the next customer and looked towards the line gathered to his till, then averted his gaze. _Huh_. One of the tall guys had really looked like Shintarou now that he thought about it. But it was just because he was thinking of him just now. Kazunari glanced towards the line again, and then his eyes widened.

 

It wasn’t just a guy looking like Shintarou, it _was_ Shintarou. His smile turned immediately into a grin, and he gave him a small nod, to which Shintarou answered the same way. There was a small moment when his mind turned into a mess and he had no idea what he was doing, but quickly he pulled himself back from his thoughts and continued to scan the items. His heart thudded loud in his chest, his pulse singing a song in perfect harmony. After a long day already, Shintarou was the last person he had expected to see, and the sight was enough to make him want to bounce up and down. Had he planned this, or was it just a coincidence? His grin was so wide it hurt in the cheeks. He really shouldn’t be like this when he saw his lover literally every day, but it was the change of environment that made him act like _he_ was fifteen all over again.

 

It took quite some patience to be professional for the customers right before Shintarou. When Shintarou stopped in front of the till, Kazunari sucked in his lower lip to stop loud exclaims from escaping his mouth. He took a breath through his nose and gave a good look of the items that he began to scan.

 

“What’s with all the luxury food?” He arched his brows higher.

 

“I thought… we’d celebrate your first week at work during the weekend.” Shintarou’s smile was suspiciously small and tense. He shrugged. “It took quite some time to find your till from here.”

 

“It’s almost full crew today, you know, Friday and everything.”

 

“Mm.” Shintarou paused. “Who were those girls?”

 

Kazunari’s lips melted to a small chuckle. He should have known, should have guessed that Shintarou would spot everything. Not sure whether _he_ was the one here with eyes of a hawk, he brushed his fingers hastily over Shintarou’s and scanned the last items. “It’s really nothing,” he assured but knew it wasn’t quite enough, not when his lover looked so adorably sullen. “Hold that thought, okay? We’ll talk about it as soon as I’m back home, promise. That would be seventeen thousand and three hundred… You really went overboard with this stuff, didn’t you?”

 

Shintarou said nothing at first, simply handed his credit card and remained silent. For a moment, that was. “Was it really nothing?” he eventually asked, voice quiet and quivering.

 

Kazunari made sure to smile gentler. “It really, really was nothing. You don’t have to doubt me, okay?”

 

“I’m not doubting you, it just looked… funny.”

 

“I know, but we’ll talk later. Have a good day.”

 

Shintarou nodded and grabbed the bags. “You, too.”

 

Even when Kazunari already greeted the next customer and scanned his purchases, he looked over his shoulder and puckered his lips to the sight of Shintarou. He was certain that Shintarou didn’t actually doubt him; it was simply that his lover sometimes couldn’t articulate his thoughts properly. Not wanting to craft this into another fight about jealousy, he took a deep breath and gave the customer a sunny smile. Once he’d get home, he’d simply explain Shintarou exactly what had happened, and that would be that. No blaming, no shouting, just him understanding that Shintarou might look tough but was rather fragile when it came down to things like this. He knew how it felt like – he briefly thought of Haruki and felt a sting in his chest –, so he could make it into a fruitful conversation for certain.

 

So he thought, at least.

 

* * *

 

“Were those girls really flirting with you?”

 

Elbows deep in soap water, Kazunari turned to look at Shintarou who still sat by the dinner table. He had patiently waited for the topic to come up ever since he had gotten back home, but Shintarou had really taken his time; dinner was gone and he was in the process of cleaning the aftermath. Sighing gently, Kazunari pulled his arms out of the sink and wiped them dry to a cloth, then approached Shintarou and wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind. He pressed a kiss on his shoulder.

 

“I suppose they were,” he said and gave him another kiss. “Wasn’t the first time, either, they’ve been coming back almost every day, probably not a coincidence.”

 

Shintarou grumbled like a bear that had been woken up from its slumber a moment too early.

 

“Jealous?” Kazunari asked.

 

“No,” Shintarou gruffed. “It just looked…”

 

“Odd?”

 

“Well, yes.”

 

“So… Did you see me flirting with them, then?” Kazunari pulled back and took a seat beside Shintarou.

 

His lover pursed his lips, and then pressed them to a tight line. “No.”

 

“And I’d have no reason to. See, I’m engaged to you—“, he held Shintarou’s hand that had the ring and stroked his knuckles, “—they were girls and you know that I’ve been gay all my life, and teenagers… Nah, not really my thing.”

 

“I know, I just… I don’t know.” Shintarou heaved out a sigh. “I’m not jealous, and I don’t want this to become another… one of _those_ incidents. We’re over the whole, being jealous and everything. I was just curious. Promise.”

 

Kazunari nodded. “It’s okay to be curious.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“Hey, at least you got yourself a confirmation that your fiancé is still hot stuff.”

 

“Hot stuff according to… teenage girls.” Finally Shintarou cracked a smile and shook his head in clear amusement. He looked at Kazunari with his gaze slightly softening. “Did it at least make you feel better?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Did you feel more confident?”

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted together. “Where is this coming from?”

 

Shintarou inched his chair closer and then tangled his fingers properly to Kazunari. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, his voice quieter, somehow _softer_. “No, I’ve been _worried_ about you lately. Your self-esteem. You seem…” He took in a shivery sigh. “After the whole incident, it’s been looking like you don’t feel comfortable anymore in your own skin.”

 

Kazunari startled. His eyes turned wide. Somehow, such a statement coming from his lover’s mouth made his bottom lip tremble, but he sucked it in as quickly as possible to prevent accidents from happening. He stared into Shintarou’s eyes. He thought he had hid it pretty well, and had actually slowly started to forgot about it, but there had still been moments when he’d stop dead in his tracks and feel unattractive. Felt the need to get rid of his small love handles and get perfectly in shape again. A lot of their friends weren’t as athletic as they were anymore, hell, even the ever-pretty Ryouta’s body was maturing, but he had felt so alone with the thoughts. Kazunari parted his lips but couldn’t muster out a sound. He sighed and stared down at the table.

 

“You aren’t… Are you?” asked Shintarou.

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

“You’re still very attractive to me.”

 

“I know.” Kazunari’s lips brought a smile back on his lips. “I know, babe. Don’t worry about it, it’s all fine now.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Positive.” Kazunari pressed his chin against his palm and looked at Shintarou. He felt his gaze turn gentler the longer he looked at his lover. “Do you want to finish the dishes?”

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

“Mm, I wouldn’t mind since I already did over half of them.”

 

“I’ll finish the other half in that case.” Shintarou got up but didn’t leave, instead gave Kazunari a kiss. It was sweet, somehow sensitive and almost fragile, and Kazunari had to admit that he liked kisses like that the best. A silly smile was left behind on his lips when Shintarou worked his way in front of the sink, and with a tilted head Kazunari looked at him. A sigh toyed with his mouth and managed to escape as he rested his gaze on his fiancé and scratched his cheek. Not exactly sure what to think or feel, Kazunari decided not to do any of that and simply kept looking at Shintarou’s back and the way it moved in motion when the man did the chore.


	115. Cantankerous Old...

Monotonous ringing tugged Kazunari awake, but he flatly ignored it straight away and rolled on his other side. Soon it would stop, or perhaps it was all in his head. Although the sound echoed in the bedroom loudly, bounced from one wall to another, he pretended not to even hear it, and actually fell asleep again. Too bad he woke up a second later to Shintarou violently nudging his shoulder.

 

“It’s your phone,” Shintarou groaned, his tone of voice annoyed, like a small growl.

 

Kazunari grumbled. “’s not mine… No one calls me at night…”

 

“It’s on your nightstand, make it stop.”

 

Kazunari’s body already went languid.

 

“Kazu, come on!”

 

He knew that if he just waited a moment or two, it would stop on its own. He didn’t want to move, not when he had the most perfect position in the world that he would never achieve again. A loud groan escaped him when Shintarou glued to him, then reached over him, and Kazunari felt like suffocating right beside the bigger body. Below his breath he kept making noises of annoyance until Shintarou pulled back and brought his beeping phone right beside his ear. His eyelids heavy and wanting to pull him back to sleep, Kazunari tried to nudge Shintarou away. His lover didn’t budge at all.

 

“It’s Kise.”

 

“Mm…” He couldn’t think of a single good reason why Ryouta would call him in the middle of the night. A little curious after all, he snatched the phone away from Shintarou and let out a series of snarls when Shintarou even had the guts to yank him to be the small spoon. In the warm arms Kazunari stared at the phone’s screen and was ready to go blind, and ignored the possessiveness of Shintarou’s embrace as the man kept tugging him closer although there was no space left between them. Kazunari pressed his cheek against the pillow and felt like slipping to sleep immediately, but answered anyway. It had to be important if Ryouta bothered at the time of the day.

 

“Mm,” he muttered.

 

“ _Takaocchi!_ ” Ryouta shouted straight in his ear. His voice was oddly high-pitched. “ _Takaocchi, please, you need to… need to… please… Aominecchi’s… Takaocchi, please!_ ”

 

Kazunari groaned. His body ached. He rubbed his tired eyes and wondered if he could soon get back to sleep. “Kise, Kise… Slow down, what’s wrong…?”

 

“ _Aominecchi’s here!_ ” Ryouta exclaimed, and breathed hard and irregular straight afterwards. “ _Drunk, behind my d-door… Takaocchi, please, you have to—_ “ He let out a small scream. “ _Please! Please, Takaocchi, please!_ ”

 

Finally Kazunari sat up as his blood chilled. Something was definitely wrong. He squeezed Shintarou’s knee hard to prevent him from falling asleep. “Kise,” he called and tried to aim his words to a suitable gap when Ryouta didn’t sound like he was panicking. He kept nudging and squeezing Shintarou until the man grumbled that he was awake. “Kise, is he there? What is he doing?”

 

“ _B-B-Behind my door, he’s… s-shouting and_ …” Ryouta gasped for breath and then sniffled. “ _Please, I’m scared… no one… else answered, please…_ ”

 

“What’s wrong?” asked Shintarou who finally sat up beside Kazunari.

 

“Kise’s in trouble,” Kazunari muttered from the corner of his mouth. “Kise, can you hold on for ten minutes? We’ll come there, just… deep breaths and try to ignore him, and don’t let him in.” As soon as he ended the call, he jumped out of the bed and pulled the first clothes on that he found.

 

“What’s going on?” Shintarou asked again.

 

Kazunari yanked a shirt on. “Get dressed. We’re going there, he said that Aomine’s drunk and shouting behind his door and he’s scared, and he really sounded like he was hyperventilating.”

 

“Shit,” Shintarou breathed and got out of the bed as well.

 

The next minutes were messy, clothes thrown here and there, a lot of stumbling because of tired legs, but somehow they managed out of the house and to their car. Kazunari took harder inhales, his lungs rasping, and tried to call Ryouta several times but he no longer answered. _Shit_ was the word he kept mumbling the whole way, and only once or twice he looked at Shintarou who drove and kept rubbing his eyes. His words of ‘please go faster’ and ‘can’t you drive any faster’ were met with silence, but still Shintarou obeyed although the streets weren’t empty. Three am and people were finally returning back home from their night out; they got stuck in traffic lights few times. At least Ryouta didn’t live too far away. It still didn’t soothe Kazunari’s nerves, and he ended up chewing his bottom lip.

 

Of course he had known – _everyone_ had known – that Daiki really wasn’t over the breakup, but Kazunari would have never thought that something like this would happen. He stared outside the window and thought feverishly. Daiki was a big guy, tall and strong, and there was no way he could keep him away. That would be Shintarou’s job. He would have to sneak in to Ryouta’s place to calm him down. Adrenaline thrummed in his veins. He drummed his fingertips to his knees and felt jittery all over. He then worked his fingers over and over again against his forehead in an attempt to think things logically through. Inside him mixed both worry and anger. Who the hell did something like this to their ex? He squeezed his eyes shut and felt almost nauseous, but he only focused on saving Ryouta.

 

“We’re here,” Shintarou announced, tensed.

 

Neither of them wasted time to get out of the car and into the staircase of the building. Even to the tiny atrium already the shouts from above echoed.

 

“You fucking bitch!” Slurred. A kick or bang to the door, and the sounds echoed. “Open the fucking door, you hear me? You slut, open it!”

 

Kazunari was about to take the first steps when Shintarou yanked him beside him. Shintarou’s brows frowned and his hold tightened. “Stay behind me,” he said, hushed, “he’s probably violent, and if it becomes a fight, I don’t want you to have any part of it.”

 

Now slightly terrified, Kazunari nodded and shadowed Shintarou’s steps one at a time upstairs.

 

“I said open the damn door!” Daiki raised his voice and banged the door even more. “You cock-sucking whore, open it! Open the door and come out like a man, you pussy!”

 

The closer they got, the more chilled Kazunari’s blood became. He had the urge to grasp Shintarou’s shirt from behind but fought against it. He glued his fingers into tight fists instead.

 

“Whore! You think you’re already over me, but you’re so fucking wrong! Show your face! You’re a fucking slut, already with some other asshole, you’re a slut!”

 

One more floor.

 

“Kise, you hear me? You’re a fucking slut!”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened when they finally reached the right floor and he had a direct visual on the slurring Daiki. The man slammed the door with his fists, shoulders slightly hunched, so obviously drunk that it wasn’t funny anymore. It was no wonder none of the neighbors wanted to come to rescue – Daiki was scary as hell, and even Kazunari felt like stumbling few steps back to keep their distance. But his initial reaction was to move forward and yank him away from the door, because his friend was panicking and scared behind the violated door. Shintarou stopped his steps immediately. They shared a look, and Kazunari nodded.

 

“Aomine,” Shintarou called above the shouts that quieted down within a second. Daiki looked at them, and although Kazunari cowered, Shintarou remained stoic. “Be an adult now and step away from that door, you don’t want to do this.”

 

Daiki burst in laughter and kicked the door. “You fucking bitch, you called those assholes here? Come talk to me like a fucking man yourself!”

 

“Aomine!” Now, Shintarou was sterner, his voice harsher, and he took the first steps towards his friend whilst keeping both of his hands in sight. “Come downstairs with me now, and I’ll talk this through with you. You don’t want to do this, not to yourself or Kise.”

 

“The fuck you know!” Daiki stumbled forward straight towards Kazunari, but Shintarou stepped in front of him like a shield and kept him behind his back. It made Daiki laugh. “C’mon, man, what the fuck do you know? Perfect life with a perfect job and perfect house together with some _fucking_ cock-sucking slut—“

 

“Don’t,” slithered through Shintarou’s gritted teeth. Kazunari forgot to breathe.

 

“—because that’s what your little whore’s doing, just sucking your fucking important cock all day long. You don’t know a fucking _thing_ , so stop fucking lecturing me!”

 

Daiki swung his fist towards Shintarou. Kazunari cried out as he was shoved out of the way; he slammed towards the wall and nearly hugged it. Over his shoulder he looked at Daiki who seemed to really go at Shintarou, and all the color rushed from his cheeks. He itched to go in between them and make them stop, but as soon as he stepped closer, Shintarou wildly pointed towards the door. Feeling so small and somehow not helpful at all, Kazunari was quick to crawl to Ryouta’s door. Afraid that someone was going to get his nose broken, he did all in his power not to look behind him as he rapidly knocked the door in front of him.

 

“Kise!” he called. “Kise, it’s me, open the door. Kise!”

 

Before he could even realize what happened, the door gave in against his body and he fell on the floor. Immediately the door was slummed shut behind his back, then fortified with locks. Breathing hard, his chest aching, and the noises of fighting as the background music, Kazunari glanced up and shuddered immediately.

 

He had never seen Ryouta like this before. His friend’s delicate fingers were squeezed around a large kitchen knife, his knuckles pale; tears streamed down his cheeks, and his eyes were swollen and puffy; his entire body trembled. Ryouta took few sharp breaths and then collapsed on the floor on his knees, and sobbed loudly. He never let go of the knife, not even when Kazunari crawled to him and pulled him in his arms. Admittedly Kazunari felt like crying himself but he didn’t, simply stroked Ryouta’s messy hair and pulled him better against his chest. It didn’t matter that it was three am and he was tired as hell, he was only happy they had gotten here because Ryouta was clearly panicking. Kazunari pressed several kisses to the blond hair.

 

“It’s okay now,” he whispered, but it was hardly the truth when Daiki still shouted and screamed right outside the door. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that Shintarou would be all right. He rubbed Ryouta’s back but didn’t manage to make him calm down. “It’s okay now, shh… You don’t have to be scared anymore, it’s okay now, we’re here now. You’re safe now…”

 

It was clear Ryouta wanted to say something, but instead of words, only pitched hiccups escaped his mouth. Kazunari pulled him tighter in his arms, embraced him, and stroked his hair and back in movements he knew were meant to be soothing for everyone. Finally his friend let go of the knife that thudded on the floor, and Kazunari heaved out a relieved sigh. Ryouta wheezed for breaths against his chest, and Kazunari felt like he wasn’t helpful at all; no matter what he did, he couldn’t calm the man down. Maybe Shintarou would know once he’d finish whatever he had started with Daiki. Kazunari rested his cheek against Ryouta’s and concentrated on hugging him and giving him good and gentle kind of touches to get rid of the fear.

 

He waited patiently for the sounds and noises to stop. The blood in his veins pounded loudly, his pulse thudding harsh in his neck, and he took deep breaths in an attempt to coax Ryouta to do the same. Ryouta kept trembling in his arms, like a small leaf in the worst wind of the century, but Kazunari had all the intentions of keeping him intact no matter what. Little by little the shouts from behind the door shifted farther and farther away, until it was dead silent. Kazunari dragged his tongue across his lips and felt his mouth turn dry. What had happened? Sniffling, Ryouta looked up, careful in his movements. Kazunari made sure to give him a smile, although it was tense around the edges.

 

The door was banged again, and as he noise echoed, they both startled. Ryouta started sobbing all over again.

 

“It’s me.” The door muffled Shintarou’s voice.

 

Kazunari breathed from relief. “It’s okay, it’s just Shin-chan!” He stroked Ryouta’s back. “It’s just Shin-chan, see, Aomine’s gone now. I’ll open the door for him, it’s Shin-chan.”

 

It took a bit of coaxing but he managed to get out of Ryouta’s grasp in the end. He swung the door open and inhaled sharply. Blood. There was blood on Shintarou’s nose, dripping slowly down towards his lips, but it was like his lover didn’t even notice it. Kazunari stumbled a step back and felt a tall wall of rage inside him. Pulling his fingers up to fists, he kept his gaze fixed on Shintarou. “You’re bleeding.” His voice trembled.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Shintarou wiped his nose clean to the sleeve of his shirt and closed the door behind his back. He looked over Kazunari’s shoulder. “Kise? Aomine’s gone now, I called the police and they took him away, he’s not going to come back here anymore. I’ll borrow your bathroom for a moment.”

 

Kazunari rushed behind him. “What happened?”

 

In front of the bathroom’s sink Shintarou removed his glasses and systemically went through the drawers. He shrugged. “It wasn’t exactly a civilized conversation, if that is what you’re asking.”

 

“So he punched you.”

 

“I tried to avoid getting violent, gave an attempt for talking, but he wasn’t listening. God…” Shintarou shook his head and pressed neatly folded toilet paper against his nose. He hissed, but when he looked at Kazunari, his gaze softened. He nodded towards the door. “How is he doing?”

 

“Panicking.” Kazunari grasped the hem of his shirt. “I don’t know what to do to make it better.”

 

“Bring him to the couch or something, make some tea, I’ll be there in a moment. Was that a knife on the floor?”

 

“Don’t ask.”

 

Kazunari took the steps back to Ryouta and looked at him with a trembling bottom lip. They had been friends for so many years now, and if there was something he wanted to do, then it was to protect those who were close to him. His heart sinking down his stomach, he crouched down and stroked Ryouta’s sloppy, damp cheek where tears hadn’t dried yet. “Hey,” he called gently, although his voice trembled ever so slightly. “Hey… Would you like some tea? No? Let’s go to the couch at least…”

 

It took him a lot of effort to pick up a man who was a head taller than him and unwilling to move to a single direction. Somehow he managed to drag Ryouta to the couch but didn’t get to move anywhere himself when the long arms already draped around him and held him on the spot. With the pads of his fingers Kazunari rubbed Ryouta’s forearm, back and forth over the smooth skin, and listened the water splattering in the bathroom. His eyelids turned heavier, and the couch was just soft enough that he could have easily fallen asleep. He closed his eyes but forced them open straight away, cleared his throat and gave gentle strokes to the blond hair.

 

When Shintarou seemed to take forever, Kazunari finally had the courage to murmur, “What happened?”

 

Ryouta looked up at him and looked like a small puppy, eyes still soaked and red and swollen. He wiped them to his forearm but didn’t make them any prettier. Sniffling hard, then letting out a small sob, Ryouta bit his trembling lower lip. “H-He… found out.”

 

“About what?”

 

“That I’m… d-d-dating someone.”

 

Kazunari frowned.

 

“It still doesn’t give him the right to do something like that,” Shintarou said all of a sudden. He walked to the living room with a small bit of paper shoved in his nostril and sat down on the armchair near the couch. “All of us told you so many times to break things up with him before it would turn out something like this.”

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

“H-He’s right.” Ryouta took a deep breath and lifted himself away from Kazunari. His eyes were tightly fixed on Shintarou. “I’m not a whore,” he said.

 

“You’re not,” Kazunari agreed and rubbed his knee. “You’re not something like that because you’ve chosen to move on.”

 

“I’m not a whore,” Ryouta whispered again, mostly to himself.

 

“You need to forget about him,” Shintarou said. “If you want, I can tell Akashi about this, and I’m sure that he’d be more than happy to let Aomine know how to treat others.”

 

“It’s… okay.” Ryouta smiled, but it was broken, hardly a smile in the end. He turned to Kazunari and took his hand in his own, squeezed tight. “Thank you. R-Really, thank… you, I was… s-scared—“

 

“It wasn’t a problem at all,” Kazunari hurried to say and gently patted Ryouta’s knuckles. “You know what we can do?” He flashed a smile and lowered his voice. “We can _not_ invite him to our wedding.”

 

Now Ryouta laughed, and even wiped the tears from his eyes. His shoulders shook, and his smile was beautiful. “That would be really cruel,” he chuckled and sounded still a bit teary.

 

“I’m willing to go that far,” Kazunari promised.

 

“That’s sweet of you.” Ryouta sighed and hung his head down, the smile and laughter gone as he worked his fingers through his hair and then pushed the bangs away from his forehead. He looked at Kazunari, then at Shintarou, and carefully parted his lips. “Would you… please stay the night? Please?”

 

Kazunari glanced at Shintarou who nodded with a sigh, and then rubbed Ryouta’s shoulder. “Yeah, we’ll stay.”

 

A small smile tugged the corners of Ryouta’s lips up again. He pushed up to his shaky legs. “I’ll go… go get blankets and pillow for the couch, I’m sorry I don’t have a… a guest room or anything.”

 

“We’ll be just fine on the couch, don’t worry.” He watched Ryouta go, and then arched his brows higher when Shintarou slipped on the couch beside him. With a sigh he rested his head on his lover’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

 

“I’m seriously reconsidering whether I want to invite Aomine to our wedding or not,” Shintarou murmured below his breath.

 

Kazunari gave a tired chuckle. “He gave you a bloody nose, after all.”

 

“Not just because of that.”

 

“I know.” Kazunari paused and then whispered, “You should probably tell about this to Akashi the next time you see him.”

 

“I will.” Shintarou moved his arm around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him close. “I can’t believe that idiot would pull a stunt like this.”

 

“He’s an idiot, all right.”

 

“This is just a whole new level of stupidity. I hope Kise’s not taking him back anymore.”

 

Kazunari sighed. “He said he has someone new, so maybe he’s really moved on now.”

 

“I hope so, he deserves better than this.”

 

They both agreed on it and ended their hushed conversation as soon as Ryouta came back to the living room with blankets and pillows piled in his arms. Shintarou got up to help him, and Kazunari remained on the spot. Although there was still a smile on his friend’s lips, it hardly looked genuine, and he wondered the extent of damage an incident like this would do. He made sure to give Ryouta a reassuring smile when their eyes met.


	116. Jewelry

“Kazu… I need to tell you something.”

 

“Mm,” Kazunari hummed and flipped the page of the travel magazine, and dreamed of all the places they could go on a honeymoon. Definitely someplace warm, maybe a bit of beach, perhaps somewhere even exotic. He couldn’t quite pinpoint his thoughts to a certain location, but maybe Seijuurou could help – he’d probably come up with something in the snap of a finger, and Kazunari wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. A quiet, private laughter escaped his mouth, and he smiled silly to the glossy pages right underneath his nose. A beach _would_ be nice, maybe a private strip of it, too. They could go skinny-dipping, have some sex in the water, and roll around in the hot sand without bothering with swimming trunks. He could already feel the scorching sun kissing his cheeks tanned, and it brought a gentle quiver in his body.

 

“Kazu.”

 

“What?” Kazunari glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder and pursed his lips to a small pout. For the last ten, fifteen minutes Shintarou had been stroking his stomach gently with his fingertips, and Kazunari had grown used to the sensation. Now he looked at his lover and thought he saw a hint of worry-wrinkles on his forehead. “What is it?” He moved a hand over Shintarou’s and stroked his knuckles in return.

 

“You weren’t listening at all, were you?”

 

“I was!” huffed Kazunari. He held a pause and then brought a guilty smile on his lips. “Sorry, I kind of wasn’t… What were you saying?”

 

Shintarou sighed and slipped his eyes close. Even just like this, the man was so very beautiful, and Kazunari couldn’t resist the temptation to twist his upper body enough to brush his fingers through Shintarou’s hair. His smile twitched and turned gentler, and when Shintarou looked at him again, he made sure to tug his lips even closer to his ears. He worked his hand over his forehead that was pleasantly smooth.

 

“I only want you to know how much I’m in love with you,” Shintarou finally said, his voice quiet and his cheeks glowing.

 

Kazunari blinked, dumbfounded. Then, he grinned. “Where is this coming from?”

 

“Nowhere. I—I just wanted you to know. So there wouldn’t be any confusion about that.”

 

“There’s never been any confusion about that, silly.” Kazunari shuffled close enough to kiss Shintarou on his lips. The contact lingered and brought a warm tickling down his belly, but they parted nonetheless. Smiling sheepishly, he pecked a kiss on Shintarou’s mouth once more before he turned back to the magazine. Such a cutie… He turned the page and smirked at it. Shintarou was indeed so very adorable when he suddenly got these expulsions of wanting to convey his feelings. Of course Kazunari knew all about it, knew that they were still just as much in love with each other as they had been when they had started the journey together, but it was still nice to hear it aloud every now and then.

 

He moved his hand over the arm laced around his waist and drew shapes on Shintarou’s skin that made no sense whatsoever. Narrowing his eyes to the picture of a beach on the magazine, he wondered whether such perfect ones really excited. The sea looked so blue, almost turquoise, but maybe someone had manipulated the colors ever so slightly to craft it more appealing. He had been occupied with beaches, but they could always go to some European city, too. It would probably be more of Shintarou’s forte, to see a bit of history instead of lying on sand for a week straight turning their skins golden brown.

 

“Kazu,” called Shintarou again and inched closer until he was glued right on his skin.

 

“Mm?”

 

There was a pause, in which Shintarou pressed his lips on Kazunari’s shoulder and kissed it tenderly. In Kazunari’s ear Shintarou murmured, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

 

Kazunari couldn’t contain his chuckle. “Baby! Have you done something wrong, or what’s up?” He discarded the magazine for good and rolled on his side to face Shintarou, and pinched his nose. “Because if you have, I’d rather have you let me know right now.”

 

“I haven’t done anything,” Shintarou was quick to say. He captured Kazunari’s lips to a brief kiss and pulled back, the blush still deep on his face. “I can say what I feel… can’t I?”

 

“Of course you can.” Kazunari moved an arm around him and hugged him tight. “It’s just coming so out of the bushes that it freaks me out a bit.”

 

“Sorry.” Shintarou averted his gaze, but when he fixed his eyes back at Kazunari, he looked almost fragile and vulnerable. “I only… wanted you to have some appreciation.”

 

Kazunari felt heat overtake his cheeks. He was good at giving compliments himself, but because they were so rare coming from Shintarou’s mouth, he did feel bashful. Almost annoyingly so, but he didn’t think it too much as he kissed his lover again, sweetly this time, made sure to take his time and simply taste him like he had done so many times before. When he pulled back, he swept his tongue across Shintarou’s lower lip and offered a smile.

 

“If we’re really doing this, I want you to know that your eyes are the most beautiful ones I’ve ever seen,” he murmured.

 

“Stop it.”

 

“It’s true! They remind me of summer, plus when you’re looking at me with them all intensely, my heart totally skips a beat.”

 

“Well, if you must know, I’m very fond of your eyes as well.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Kazunari arched his brows. “I like the shape of your lips.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his gaze. “I like the dimples that sometimes get on your cheeks when you smile.”

 

“I like the wrinkles on your forehead when you concentrate.”

 

“I like the sound of your laughter.”

 

“I like it when you blush.”

 

“I like _your_ blush,” Shintarou retorted.

 

“Well, I like it when you smile.”

 

“I got you something.”

 

“What?” Kazunari jolted.

 

Shintarou’s smile was snide as he reached towards his nightstand and pulled open the drawer. When he retreated back to his position, he held a small box in his hand – box that scarily looked like one hiding jewelry inside it.

 

Kazunari shot him a glare. “You didn’t have to.”

 

“I wanted to.” Shintarou shrugged a bit and popped open the box. Inside a cushion lied a simple, delicate necklace. Nothing extra tangled on it, it was merely the chain, but it was small and so very beautiful that it made Kazunari gasp for breath. Shintarou’s smile softened. “As you know, it was my payday today,” he muttered gently. He took the necklace in the careful grasp of his fingers and opened the small lock, and moved it around Kazunari’s neck.

 

The metal felt cold against his skin, and made Kazunari shiver.

 

“I wanted to get you something small,” Shintarou continued still with a quiet voice. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t too expensive.”

 

Awestruck, Kazunari attempted to glance down at the necklace when Shintarou retreated his fingers but could hardly see a thing. He grabbed his phone and with the help of its front camera looked at the jewelry hanging gently around his neck. His eyes shimmered, and he couldn’t stop the smile that made an ache settle to his cheeks. Throwing the phone away, he shifted closer until he managed to hug Shintarou.

 

“You didn’t have to,” he said again.

 

“I know. But I saw it and thought of you, and I… If you don’t like it, we can always return it.”

 

“No, I love it. I love it, Shin-chan.” Kazunari peeked up and was well aware of the fluster plastered on his face, but it didn’t make him stop from kissing his lover. “You should be illegal.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “How come?”

 

“You’re almost _too_ kind.”

 

“I’m not sure if I can even be that, when you’re my fiancé and soon to be my husband—“

 

“Mm, just shut up and kiss me.”

 

It didn’t take any coaxing at all when Shintarou complied. Against his lover’s lips Kazunari grinned brightly, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed him deep. A giggle escaped him when Shintarou lifted him up just enough for him to roll over him. He tasted a smile in Shintarou’s beautiful lips, but he decided not to mention it and rather focused on kissing it.


	117. More Than Expected

Idly wondering if he had made a terrible mistake by letting Seijuurou in, Kazunari knew he didn’t have the time to be thinking about things. Already clad in his work shirt, he was on the verge of running late but couldn’t exactly leave now, either. He rose to his tiptoes to reach their finest china from the upper shelf and hastily moved three teacups in their rightful plates. Chewing his bottom lip, he checked the water once more but it wasn’t boiling quite yet. Had he had all the time in the world, he would have brewed some nice tea, but now he chucked in bags to the cups and hoped it would be enough. He knew Seijuurou had an expensive and particular taste, but he was being a guest, so maybe… Kazunari drummed his fingers against the counter and tried to prevent himself from bouncing up and down. He checked the time once more and wanted the water to boil faster. If this would continue, he’d be so _late_.

 

It hadn’t been a blessing that Seijuurou had marched in with several maps full of papers in his hand and declared that they’d have another wedding meeting. Of course Shintarou didn’t mind, because Shintarou had a day off, but he didn’t. He couldn’t be late from his shift, either. His teeth found his bottom lip again, and he continued to bite until it hurt. As long as the meeting was fast and efficient, he’d be okay with it. Still, the collar of his shirt felt like a hand trying to choke him. Kazunari slipped his eyes closed in an attempt to calm down and relax. He couldn’t ignore the shivers on his skin and jittery fingers.

 

“Kazunari?” called Shintarou.

 

“In a second!” he shouted. His voice trembled. “The water hasn’t boiled yet, just give me a fucking second!”

 

There was a silence, which then was broken by steps. He knew that Shintarou was right in the kitchen’s doorway, he could _feel_ it, but he didn’t do anything to turn around and look at him. Too busy for that. He kept tapping his fingers to the counter.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou tried to attract his attention. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” Finally Kazunari glanced at him over shoulder. “Why should anything be wrong?”

 

“Because you sound grumpy.”

 

“I can sound grumpy if I want to.” Kazunari turned back to the kettle boiling the water so damn slow. Maybe it was punishing him for something. He couldn’t get rid of the tension in his shoulders. “Just go and, and sit back with him, alright? I got this.”

 

“Listen, if you want to postpone this meeting—“

 

“I already said it’s fine, can you just _go?_ ”

 

He felt bad, snapping at Shintarou like so when the man had done nothing, but he couldn’t help it. His grumpy days were really few and far between, and it was only unfortunate that one of them happened right now. Shintarou got back, and to the sounds of the steps Kazunari heaved out a sigh and buried his face to his palm. He was really being a shitty fiancé, he fleetingly thought and tried to shake it off. Ghosting his fingers over his puffy cheeks and the dark circles around his eyes, he counted to ten and took deep breaths to the numbers. He could do this. They’d now have a brief meeting, and then he’d go to work with a smile on his face, and that was that.

 

Hoping things would really be that simple, Kazunari finally poured the boiling water to the cups, and then attempted to bring all three to the living room at once. It worked somehow, some water splattering near his toes. Both men got up on their feet, but Kazunari wanted no help and made sure of it with a glare that pierced both of them. There was plenty of space beside Shintarou on the couch, probably saved just for him, but he plopped down on the floor instead to a soothing solitude. Seijuurou gave him a brief look from the armchair, then looked at Shintarou, but didn’t say anything about that and merely cleared his throat.

 

“Shall we go straight to business, then?” Seijuurou didn’t even wait for an answer as he opened the clearly organized map of his and pulled out a pen. “Important things first, we _really_ need a date for this wedding. We already established that it will be in August, but now we’d need the exact date for it.”

 

“What do you think?” Shintarou asked, eyes glued at him.

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I’m fine with whatever.”

 

“Kazunari…”

 

“I’m really fine with whatever. The date doesn’t matter, let’s just pick something.”

 

“Well…” Shintarou inhaled sharply and rubbed his eyes behind the glasses. “I don’t know. Say some date, I’m going to take the whole week off from work from the wedding to the honeymoon, so it’s all the same with me.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips to a tight line and gave Shintarou a stare before he turned to Seijuurou. “Fine. Twenty-first.”

 

Seijuurou nodded slowly. “Twenty-first of August it is, then. Are we all satisfied with it?”

 

Shintarou nodded and offered Kazunari a smile. Kazunari didn’t reciprocate.

 

“Alright…” Seijuurou paused. The silence strained. “I have some examples of invitations here. An acquaintance of mine works at a wedding shop, so I asked him if he could lend me this for the time being.” He moved a soft-covered book in the middle of the table and opened it. On each page were different designs of invitations, and beside them a full and detailed explanation of _something_. Kazunari didn’t quite see what it was upside down. “Now, it’s not a matter of deciding right now, but I’d prefer if you could make a decision within a week.”

 

Shintarou flipped through the pages and hummed. “They all seem decent.”

 

“And expensive,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“Are we having some sort of a disagreement with the budget?” Seijuurou attached his slightly widened (and slightly scary) gaze to him.

 

Kazunari pressed his lips tighter together.

 

“Of course not,” Shintarou hurried to say. “The budget doesn’t matter. Kazu, let’s just… look at this through now, okay?”

 

“The budget doesn’t matter?” Kazunari repeated. That was the first he heard about it. He got up on his feet and nodded towards the kitchen. “Come with me for a sec to over there, Shin-chan.”

 

Already he marched to the kitchen, seething. He really wanted nothing more than be happy and bubbly and excited about all of this, but he couldn’t help that he was busy and stressed about making it in time to work. Loosely crossing his arms over his chest, he looked up at Shintarou once the man settled in front of him.

 

“What’s wrong?” Shintarou moved his arms to Kazunari’s waist and tugged him closer. “I thought you’d be happy to get to plan the wedding further.”

 

“I’m just… What do you mean that the budget doesn’t matter? You planning to pin down a lot of money on this or what?”

 

Shintarou frowned. “I was under the impression,” he began with clenched teeth but relaxed his jaw and turned his voice gentler. “I thought that money wasn’t an issue. It’s _not_ an issue, anyway, we have it, and this is going to be the only wedding we’re both going to do, so we might as well have it just right, right?”

 

Kazunari closed his eyes. “Yeah, but what if?”

 

“What if, what?”

 

He really didn’t want to say it aloud; he felt like it would be bad luck somehow. He held in his breath and then sighed. “It’s nothing,” he whispered and looked back up at Shintarou. “It’s nothing, I’m sorry, I’m just feeling so tense today.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Shintarou wrapped his arms properly around Kazunari and pulled him against his chest to a tight hug. “Should I tell him that we’ll postpone the meeting?”

 

“No… No, he’s already here, there’s no way I’m telling him to fuck off now.”

 

“I wouldn’t have worded it like that,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“You know what I mean,” whined Kazunari. He tiptoed and pressed his nose against Shintarou’s for a moment, and then pecked his lips. “So… We’re not having a budget, then?”

 

“I only want you to be satisfied with this wedding. If it means spending a bit more money, then that’s what we’ll do.”

 

Kazunari shook his head in slight amusement and peeled himself away from Shintarou. “You spoil me rotten,” he muttered and, to lift his own mood, slapped Shintarou on his ass and returned back to the living room. This time, he sat down on the couch where he should have been from the very first moment. Shintarou settled beside him and even rested a hand on his lap. The tension in Seijuurou’s forehead disappeared.

 

“So?” asked Seijuurou.

 

Kazunari licked his lips and sighed softly. “There’s no disagreement with the budget.”

 

“Good.” With the pads of his fingers Seijuurou tapped the thick book with the invitation models. “Do look into that with a better time and let me know, of course we can make some modifications and whatnot, as long as both of you are satisfied.” From his bag he pulled a pile of what looked like brochures. “Now, the wedding location. I mentioned Shintarou the option of a botanic garden once Tetsuya had alarmed me of the possibility.”

 

“I thought it sounded like a nice idea,” Kazunari said in an attempt to participate a bit more. He didn’t want Seijuurou to think that he wasn’t happy or grateful that he was here. Just slightly he moved to the edge of the couch and leaned towards the coffee table. “How exactly would it work?”

 

“Well, here are the possible candidates.” In every cover of the brochures were autumn colors and people with happy smiles walking in the midst of the big trees and flowers in full bloom. “We can rent whichever you want for the day. Some of them would even have a building suitable for the reception, so do consider those.”

 

“How quickly do we need to decide?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Again, within a week would be good, because some of them _might_ be booked… Not that it would stop me from getting exactly what the couple wants.” Seijuurou flashed a lovely smile. “But if you could let me know within a week, then we can rest assured that everything will go smoothly.”

 

Shintarou looked at Kazunari. “Do you like the idea of having it in a botanic garden?”

 

“I do.” Finally Kazunari smiled and even gave a kiss on Shintarou’s cheek. In the back of his mind he kept thinking how incredibly late he would be, but he tried to ignore the thought for a second. The more he struggled the longer this would last, he thought. Next time, though, he’d make sure he would have all the time in the world to really look into these things.

 

“Has Ryouta contacted you about the suits?” Seijuurou asked.

 

“Oh. Um.” Kazunari glanced at Shintarou. “He’s… a bit busy right now, I don’t think we’ll be thinking about the suits in a while.”

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

“I’ll tell you later,” Shintarou said.

 

The men shared a look, and the topic wasn’t pressed further.

 

Kazunari rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and allowed his mind some time to catch up. They now had the date, a general idea of the venue… They’d have to think through the invitations, and also _who_ to invite. He rubbed his closed eyelids and felt an ache settle in his forehead. If he would have to do all of this on his own, organize everything without help, he’d go crazy. His mother would have loved to help, but she was a bit… forgetful sometimes. He heaved out a sigh and felt fingers through his hair. It made a smile twitch on his lips, and he looked up at Shintarou, then at Seijuurou. Even the latter man smiled, softer than before, then cleared his throat softly.

 

“I suppose I should be on my way,” Seijuurou said and got up. “Do let me know of the decisions you have reached… The beginning is always hectic when there’s all these things to be decided all at once, but it should slow down by the time we’re just thinking of small details.”

 

“Thank you.” Kazunari smiled.

 

“Completely my pleasure. Shintarou, call me later about this Ryouta case, I’m most intrigued.”

 

“I will. Thank you.”

 

Kazunari didn’t bother to get up, not when he still had few minutes before he would really need to go. Grumbling below his breath, he pressed his cheek even tighter against Shintarou’s shoulder and let out a set of whines. He would have hoped to get a kiss or dozen of them, but Shintarou merely pulled him closer and kept him so. It was a good option, although his lips tingled. He was too tired and groaning to bother to reach his neck high enough to kiss Shintarou instead.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou murmured in his ear. “Are you really okay?”

 

“I am, I am!” Kazunari pushed himself away from him and rubbed his eyes that were almost too sluggish to even bother to open up. “I can have a bad day one in a while, can’t I?”

 

“Of course you can, that’s not what—Kazunari.” It sounded like a scold when Kazunari got up. Maybe it was. Shintarou grabbed his lover by the hand and pulled him to sit back again. There was a brief pause. “What time are you getting out of work?”

 

“At ten.”

 

“When you get back, I’ll—I’ll make sure there’s a bubble bath ready, I can even use those… bombs if you want.”

 

“Shin-chan… You don’t have to.”

 

“But I want to.”

 

Kazunari grumbled.

 

“Come on.” Shintarou smiled, although the gesture was small. “One smile before you leave.”

 

“No, Shin-chan…”

 

“Just one smile. One of those gorgeous smiles. Please.”

 

Why did he have to have such an attentive lover sometimes? Kazunari stuck his tongue out for him, but settled a smile on his lips nonetheless. It might have started as a mocking one, but when Shintarou smiled back, the curve on his mouth turned more natural and softer. He sighed and shook his head, and leaned in just enough to kiss Shintarou. Sometimes the man was a real bastard, but in a strangely good way. It was difficult to stay grumpy with him.

 

“Are you going to take the car?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Yeah. Unless you need it to something.”

 

“No, all yours.” Shintarou stole one more kiss from him before he let go. “Go on, then, you shouldn’t be late. Drive safe.”

 

“No, I’ll crash the car against some other just because.”

 

“Kazunari.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll drive safe! I’m not a stupid teenager.” Kazunari worked his fingers through Shintarou’s hair and messed it up. Looked pretty sexy. He smirked to the sight and smooched the man’s forehead. “Have fun, play with Ao a bit, will you?”

 

Shintarou nodded. Finally Kazunari removed himself fully from the personal space of his fiancé and strutted towards the hallway. With haste he nudged shoes in his feet and searched for his keys.

 

“I’m going!” he called once he found the car keys.

 

“Hey,” came from the living room in return. “Be safe.”

 

“You, too!” Kazunari smiled a little silly to the hallway and left before he would find himself in a _really_ good mood (he rather preferred to be grumpy a moment longer to get a nice bubble bath once he’d return).


	118. At the Top

**28 th of APRIL, 20XX  
** _\- third year of high school / first year of university -_

 

Kazunari sat on the couch, listened the silence, stared in front of him, and tried not to think about anything. It was easier said than done, especially when a clock ticked loud right near him, told him that soon he would have to continue the lie that would end up hurting so many. He rubbed his damp palms together and hung his head down. At least his parents were gone for a while longer; his mother would have noticed immediately. He let out a breath that shivered more than it should have, grabbed a pillow and hugged it against his chest as he fixed his gaze on the clock.

 

The thing was, he had tried his best. He had tried to really connect with Tetsuya, to really start to like him in the most romantic way possible. He had invited him over multiple times – he was even waiting for him to come now –, had kissed him, held him close, slept beside him, but… It hardly felt the same. In fact, he felt _nothing_. There weren’t the familiar sparks he had gotten when he had laid his bones next to Shintarou and buried himself to the warmth of the arms that had promised to take care of him for the rest of their lives. Maybe they had been naïve, just nineteen and thinking they knew it all, but _fuck_. Kazunari clenched his teeth and threw the pillow across the room, then inhaled sharply. It was enough to simply think of Shintarou to bring such complex emotions inside him. He was angry, so _fucking_ much, but at the same time his eyes began to itch, and there was a tingling on the bridge of his nose. That idiot.

 

He grabbed another cushion and brought it to his chest, then buried his face to its scratchy surface. Never in his life had he thought he’d end up becoming one of _these_ persons, bitter about a break-up, not getting over the former lover. But just the _way_ Shintarou had done it… Kazunari took a deep breath and tried to exorcise his ex-lover and ex-best friend out of his mind. Tetsuya, Tetsuya, _Tetsuya_ , he was the guy he should be thinking about. They’d have a nice afternoon together, they’d cuddle, snuggle, kiss lots and lots, and he would enjoy it. He would like it, and he would learn to love it. He squeezed the pillow better in his grasp. It wasn’t fair for Tetsuya, either, not when he was hung up on some other guy whilst Tetsuya always smiled to him so sincerely. But he didn’t know how to stop, not when he had already started this and had already mustered out how he liked Tetsuya, too.

 

If only Shintarou would _talk_ to him. Just a word or two, or a nice small conversation, anything, really. Tying the loose threads together, hell, maybe they could become friends again. He loved that idiot, he loved him so much, and doubted whether he’d ever get rid of the feeling. It brought nausea in his belly, bubbling, making him want to vomit although he had eaten nothing but breakfast yet. Kazunari shuddered and got up to get himself a cardigan for his shivering skin.

 

_Tetsuya, Tetsuya, Tetsuya_ , he chanted to himself as he strutted around the house to get rid of the nerves and thoughts that didn’t belong there. Yet in the midst of the mantra some occasional _Shin-chan_ s slipped and made him feel absolutely horrible. He stopped to the hallway and stared at the wall. Was this the kind of person he had now become, leading others on in order to get rid of his own heartache? Maybe today he’d end this relationship and apologize to Tetsuya, and hope that at least he’d remain as his friend.

 

Just when he reached the conclusion, the doorbell rang. He rushed to open the door, and once he saw his new boyfriend, the idea disappeared, because Tetsuya smiled like a small ray of sunshine peeking through the dark storm clouds.

 

Too bad Kazunari had really liked the rain.

 

“Hey,” he said and pushed a smile on his lips. He’d try once more, for the sake of Tetsuya. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt him. He stepped forward and pressed a quick peck on the other boy’s lips and made him smile even wider. His heart sank to his knees. “C’mon in, you hungry?”

 

“I ate before I got here, thank you.” Tetsuya stepped in and hung his jacket. He turned to look at Kazunari, and his brows furrowed. “Takao-kun looks a little pale, is he alright?”

 

“How many times do I need to tell you to start calling me Kazunari?” Kazunari grinned and hooked an arm around Tetsuya’s waist, kissed his cheek and led him out of the hallway. Already he had forgotten to stop underestimating his boyfriend’s gaze that was as sharp as ever. “I’m fine, though, just a little tired.”

 

Silence followed, and it was clumsy per usual. Kazunari curled his fingers ever so slightly on Tetsuya’s hip and looked around. Underneath his clothing he quivered, chewed his bottom lip and tried to decide what they’d do. The living room might have been an option, but if his parents would come home sooner than he expected… He wasn’t sure why he felt bashful doing _stuff_ with Tetsuya if his parents would see, because it had never been a problem to him with Shintarou. With Shintarou he had been caught with his pants mid-thighs and ankles so many times, hands exploring and going to places, but not once had he felt guilty.

 

To repair some of the silence, he hummed from the throat. “You, uh… Want to go upstairs? We can watch some movie, just lie on the bed and stuff.”

 

“Aren’t Takao-kun’s—“ Tetsuya cut himself off and snickered softly under his breath. He turned the smile into a serious expression within seconds. “ _Kazunari_ -kun’s parents home?”

 

“Nah, but you know, they’ll probably come back any second, so I’d rather just… you know. Upstairs.”

 

Tetsuya nodded and said nothing further. Had he been with Shintarou, the house would have been full of laughter and banter that always left Shintarou sulking and him giving an ear-splitting grin. Now, Kazunari listened the squeaks the stairs made, and the noises echoed like they had never done before. Tetsuya walked silent behind him, his presence barely there, and Kazunari attempted not to sink in too deep with his thoughts, because he really wasn’t alone. Right now he’d have to be alert, active, a good boyfriend that he had promised to be, because he wasn’t like certain someone who made promises and then broke them whenever it was convenient for him. Gluing his fingers to fists, he relaxed his jaw that had clenched, but still without properly realizing it until afterwards he yanked the door to his room open more violently than he should have.

 

He was more than glad to sink on his knees in front of the small television. “What do you feel like watching?” He looked at Tetsuya over his shoulder and watched him sit down on the edge of the bed. “Um… Should we do some romantic comedy or something? I’m kind of in the mood for something like that.”

 

“I’m fine with whatever what Kazunari-kun likes.”

 

Holding the urge to roll his eyes, Kazunari cleared his throat and picked a suitable movie. If it was Shintarou sitting on his bed, he would have surely told him _never_ to put something so stupid to the DVD player… He craned his neck and moistened his lips, put the movie on and crawled on the bed. He plopped down in a comfortable position and leaned his back to the wall, lifted his legs up and hugged them against his chest. The back of his eyes still stung as he fixed his concentration on the movie and tried to focus. There was a gap between him and Tetsuya, a small distance that probably told everything necessary. He should probably move an arm around him or something. His skin rose to goose bumps. If Tetsuya really wanted to, he could also just crawl in his arms…

 

The first fifteen minutes of the movie went by in a blur as he attempted to get rid of all the unpleasant thoughts. Too bad there were still things peeking out from here and there that reminded him of Shintarou, like the oversized shirt that he liked to use when he slept, or the stupid miniature sized porcelain pig he had gotten as a lucky item last year. The pig stared at him from the shelf right above the television and messed up his mind more than a pig should have. Kazunari sucked in his lower lip and breathed harsh through his nose. Fuck this. He would move on, right now.

 

“Hey,” he whispered to Tetsuya and opened up his arm. “Come here, it’s getting cold and lonely.”

 

Tetsuya broke the distance between them and settled to the crook of his arm. A small sigh escaped Kazunari. He brought his arm tight around the other boy, hugged him and held him close, and ended up resting his head against his. Just like this… He could get used to this. Tetsuya was small and had a nice scent, and was silent and didn’t talk all the time, and didn’t get mad at him for little things that hardly even mattered. Kazunari pressed a kiss on Tetsuya’s forehead and gained a small one back on his lips. His mouth tingled afterwards, but he wasn’t sure whether the sensation was good or unpleasant. Just a little while longer like this, and he’d forget all about his Shin-chan and start a wonderful new life with Tetsuya.

 

The longer the movie lasted the more slumped his position became, until he found himself fully lying on the bed with Tetsuya over his chest. He ghosted his fingers against the small of his boyfriend’s back, drew vague shapes and pretended to be interested in the movie that didn’t even make him laugh. In his embrace Tetsuya shuddered, and with a frown Kazunari turned his chin towards him.

 

“You okay?” He pulled his hand back over the shirt and rested it on the little dip of the back. “Should I go get a throw from downstairs or something, you cold?”

 

“No.” A faint blush spread to Tetsuya’s cheeks. He looked at Kazunari, his blue eyes so bright and sincere, his expression thoroughly flushed. “It just… the thing that Kazunari-kun did with his fingers just now… It felt good.”

 

Kazunari startled. His eyes widened ever so slightly. “Should I…” He cleared his throat. “Should I continue?”

 

Tetsuya looked bashful as he nodded.

 

With a moment of hesitation Kazunari slipped his fingers back underneath the shirt and continued to stroke the same spot he had discovered. It wasn’t the most intimate thing they had done, but it brought a tremor in his stomach. He couldn’t concentrate on the movie, not anymore when Tetsuya kept looking at him, and quickly he fixed his gaze permanently on his boyfriend. In a way like this, Tetsuya looked beautiful, his eyes like a clear summer sky, no chance of clouds, keenly watching him. Kazunari swallowed hard and slid his hand up along the boy’s spine, and lured out a breathless gasp. He forgot to breathe.

 

Before he could get in an inhale, Tetsuya kissed him. Against his mouth Kazunari hummed but didn’t deny it, didn’t push him away, but kissed him back like he had done so many times before already. The kiss began as a small peck, innocent, a mere flutter of lips against each other, but Kazunari tightened his grasp from Tetsuya. The kiss deepened. It turned heated, more frantic, their bodies clashing against each other. Tetsuya moved better over him and pinned him down on the bed. Kazunari let out a long groan that echoed and was more than grateful that no one else was here to listen, because it was embarrassing. Their kisses were wet, and loud as hell, wet pops appearing between them whenever they pulled back to catch some breath.

 

Once Kazunari started, he couldn’t exactly stop anymore. He parted his lips and trailed his tongue in Tetsuya’s mouth, made him moan quietly. Tetsuya was close to straddling him, not quite, and it was a side of the boy that Kazunari would have never thought that even existed. But Tetsuya’s cheeks glowed, just like his did. He dragged his fingertips against his boyfriend’s back, wary of not leaving visible marks, but raking just enough to make Tetsuya feel good. The whole bed turned heated, their bones bumping against each other, their skins melting when their movements made the shirts climb up on their bodies. Unable to control his wildly pounding heart, Kazunari slipped his eyes close and relaxed. He had deserved it after all the anguish, after all.

 

His eyes fluttered wide open, however, when he felt a hand on his stomach. It lowered to his abdomen, and for the first time ever since they had started this relationship, Tetsuya palmed his groin. Small fingers enclosed around the shape of his cock, soft over the tight boxer fabric, held him gently and didn’t move much. Kazunari breathed heavy through his nose and focused on the kissing, but it turned sloppier the longer Tetsuya’s hand remained on the spot. So daringly the fingertips nudged his sack, squeezed carefully, and by now Kazunari was certain it wasn’t an accident anymore. Tetsuya’s movements were like shadows of Shintarou’s, not quite identical, not quite perfect. Underneath the slightly smaller body Kazunari writhed and moaned into the boy’s mouth.

 

When Tetsuya took a firmer hold of his sex and gave a tug, Kazunari couldn’t handle it anymore. He broke the kiss and brought his hand over Tetsuya’s knuckles in an attempt to get it away. “I can’t,” he said, breath hitched. He tugged the other’s hand until it was away and blue eyes attached on his face again. He felt heat on his cheeks. “I’m—I can’t, I’m sorry.”

 

Tetsuya, breathless, moved his hands on Kazunari’s shoulders. His gaze didn’t waver elsewhere. “Is… Kazunari-kun still thinking of Midorima-kun?”

 

“No,” Kazunari denied immediately. “No, no, it’s not—not about him, it’s just, it’s a bit too soon, don’t you think?”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“No, listen, no, it felt good, it felt really good, but… I though we’d only kiss for now.” Kazunari, so afraid of disappointing Tetsuya, hurried to roll the other on his back on the bed and climbed over him. He forced a grin on his face and kissed him quickly. “We can make out, yeah? A bit of kissing, hands above waist and everything.”

 

Slowly, as if hesitating, Tetsuya circled his arms around Kazunari’s shoulders. “I would like that,” he admitted quietly and gave a small smile. “Only if Kazunari-kun is comfortable with that.”

 

“Of course I am! We’ve kissed loads of times before, that’s no problem.”

 

Feeling like he had done a good job on repairing the situation, Kazunari leaned properly down and captured Tetsuya’s lips in a deep kiss. His insides still shuddered from pure shock. He would have never thought Tetsuya to be the one to initiate something like that. Part of him had a feeling that now Tetsuya somehow knew he wasn’t quite ready for this relationship, but neither said anything and kissed each other instead. Tetsuya’s lips were soft, slick, too, warm and surely very loving, but it wasn’t quite what Kazunari desired at the moment. Right now, he’d settle for these. At least it felt good and made him dizzy in the head to kiss someone so much that his jaw began to slack.

 

The movie was long forgotten as they kissed each other, hands remaining in their designated places until Kazunari moved his to Tetsuya’s and clutched his fingers. Maybe… Somehow, it felt like a goodbye. Oddly so. Like the last time they’d ever properly kiss. Or maybe it was just all in his head. Even so, Kazunari made sure that his kisses were gentle and warm and conveying all the feelings he did harbor towards Tetsuya, because that was what Tetsuya deserved.

 

Too bad it still didn’t take away the feeling from within of being a total, utter shitty person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever ago when I last scribbled something here at the bottom. I just want to have another moment of thanking you. It feels so wonderful to know that someone's actually reading these things that I write every day. It's nice to have some company on this crazy ride that I chose to do, but hey - 118th day already. Soon I'll be at half-way. It feels like yesterday when it was only the 100th day. For the sake of proving myself right, there's no way I'll give up now.
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful day. I'll see you tomorrow ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


	119. Child of Mine

Shintarou fluttered his eyes open, but they weighed down immediately. He let out a loud yawn and buried his face to the pillow that was too hot, and simply lied down for a moment. In no real rush to get up, he slowly rolled on his side and peeked at the empty bedside through hooded eyes. He stroked Kazunari’s spot with his fingertips whilst rubbing his eyes clean from the sleep with the other. Seeing the time, he cursed. What was supposed to originally be a forty-five minute nap seemed to have stretched for two hours. _Fuck_. How was he going to sleep at night now? He moved on his back and forced his eyes open again, and stared up at the ceiling. If he really paid attention to listening, he heard Kazunari’s cheerful chattering in the living room. Shintarou clenched his jaw. If there were guests out there… He squeezed his eyes shut once more and forced himself up.

 

He pulled on a pair of pants just in case, scratched his stomach over the shirt, and took careful and stumbling steps towards the door. His mouth was dry but still he dreamed of getting a cup of coffee to properly wake himself up. He sniffled quietly, his nose a little stuffed, but it was nothing that a good inhale didn’t fix. So very carefully he opened the door and peeked out, but he only saw Kazunari on the couch curled up in a position that looked so very comfortable. Shintarou narrowed his eyes, and as much as he wanted to slump down beside him and get his hair petted, he didn’t move a muscle. Kazunari sounded stupidly happy as he talked on the phone and all of a sudden spotted him. Part of Shintarou wanted to retreat back to the bedroom.

 

“Hey, he just woke up,” Kazunari told to the phone and flailed his hand for Shintarou to come closer. “Should I give it to him? Yeah, yeah… Yeah, it was really nice chatting with you, no… I’ll talk to you later, yup.” With too wide a smirk on his lips Kazunari offered the phone towards Shintarou once he dragged himself close enough. “It’s your dad, he wants to talk to you.”

 

Shintarou heaved out an inaudible sigh and nodded, grabbed the phone to himself and sat down beside Kazunari. Immediately he got his fiancé snuggling in the crook of his arm. Things could have been so much worse. He brought the phone to his ear. “Hey, dad,” he croaked, and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I was sleeping… I assumed you talked with Kazunari for a while?”

 

“ _Maybe an hour_ ,” his father said. “ _He talked about gardening that he has apparently gotten fond of… He said something about it lowering stress_.”

 

“Well… Technically it could because it’s a thing you can focus on and put your mind to it, and it gives you visible results if you’re patient enough. Um.” Shintarou cleared his throat again. “Did you have something to tell me or…?”

 

“ _Oh, no. I only… wanted to catch up_.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Silence filled the line, which was often so typical of them. Shintarou licked his dry lips and rested his head on Kazunari’s whilst he waited for something to be said. Not much about catching up, truthfully. He slipped his eyes back close and suffocated a yawn on his palm. The silence was heavy, dragging, and he really didn’t know what to say. His father had become more like _this_ , calling him and paying more attention to him, after _she_ had passed away, but… Shintarou’s stomach turned upside down and then grumbled. Kazunari chuckled softly beside him and smooched his cheek.

 

“I’ll go make some coffee,” he murmured and got up a moment too soon.

 

Shintarou watched behind him and decided to attempt a conversation. “So.” It was a bad beginning, but at least he tried. “It seems we’re having our wedding in a botanic garden.”

 

“ _Are you?_ ”

 

“Yes. Akashi showed these brochures for us, we’re still trying to decide the exact one, but Kazunari’s really fond of the idea.”

 

“ _It sounds like a very good one, admittedly_.”

 

“It does.” Shintarou pressed his lips flat and listened the silence answer him again. He rubbed his fingertips to his knee and in waiting counted his father’s breath. It sounded healthy through the phone. He pushed his bangs back and only then realized that he had left his glasses to the bedroom. It felt odd, but he wasn’t in the mood of getting up. A little nervous and slightly uncomfortable by the lack of words, he asked, “How are things going there?”

 

“ _Good. Good._ ” His father remained silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat. “ _And… In there? Is it going… good in there?_ ”

 

“Yeah, it’s good. Same as always.” Shintarou glanced over his shoulder towards the kitchen and every now and then caught a glimpse of Kazunari. It brought a tired smile on his lips. He worked his fingertip right underneath his eye and took a sharp inhale. “Dad—“

 

“ _Dad!_ ” echoed on the other side, high-pitched at that. “ _Is it him? Let me talk to him!_ ”

 

“ _Youko wants to talk with you_ ,” his father said.

 

Shintarou listened some shuffling, few groans, and frowned rather deep. He nudged the aching spot between his brows and felt his spine perk more upright. As terrible as it sounded, he couldn’t understand why Youko out of all people wanted to talk to him. They weren’t as close as they had been when they were younger. Maybe it was because he had moved farther away and Youko had grown into a teenager. They had never had anything in common and now even less. He sucked in his bottom lip in thought and a moment later released it. “Sister?” he asked.

 

“ _Brother_ ,” Youko breathed. “ _I really need your advice, and I can’t ask from dad_.”

 

Immediately the blood in Shintarou’s veins chilled. Something that could be asked from him but now from their father… Something medical for sure. His eyes widened. “Listen.” His voice quivered from slight shock. “If—I-If you’re pregnant, you need to find a good doctor to—“

 

“ _What? No, no, why would you think that? I’m not pregnant, god, just chill. Why would you assume that that’s the first thing I’d talk to you about? God._ ”

 

Shintarou let out a breath he had been holding in without realizing it, hung his head down, and rubbed his forehead.

 

“ _Anyway,_ ” Youko continued and, judging from the sounds, chewed a bubblegum. “ _I wouldn’t ask, but I don’t want to ask from dad, and my friends don’t know any better, so… There’s this guy in school_ —“

 

“What guy?” Shintarou perked up immediately.

 

“ _Just this one guy—_ “

 

“Does dad know about him?”

 

“ _Can you just shut up for a moment? There’s this guy, he’s an upperclassman—I know what you’re gonna say but he’s cool, okay, he’s not like others—_ “

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes.

 

“— _and I really, really like him, and now I need to get him. How do I do it?_ ”

 

Dumbfounded, Shintarou narrowed his gaze to the television. He breathed deeply and tried to gather his thoughts. Always he had been certain that _he_ ’d be the last person to hear things like that, but maybe he was her next go-to person after mom had… Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and feverishly thought. “First of all, you’re fifteen.”

 

“ _So? You were, like, seventeen when you started dating._ ”

 

“That’s different.” Before Youko could exclaim, he continued, “Anyway, I’m not the person who you should ask a thing like this, because I don’t know.”

 

“ _I asked you for a reason, brother, because whatever you did seemed to work just fine. You wouldn’t get married otherwise_.”

 

“But I—I really didn’t do anything.”

 

“ _Can you just help me?_ ” she whined.

 

Shintarou sighed, thought it through a moment, and pressed the phone against his chest. “Hey,” he called for Kazunari. “Come here for a bit!”

 

Kazunari did. “What’s up?”

 

“If you’d be into some boy, how would you approach him and get him to like you?”

 

Kazunari’s lips curled into an oddly snide smirk. “Who are you trying to woo, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou threw him a glare. “Shut up and answer the question.”

 

“Well, definitely not by talking like that.” Kazunari moved his weight to the balls of his feet and rubbed his chin. His hip he leaned against the doorframe, and to Shintarou’s eyes looked like one of the ancient gods with his perfectly sculptured round hips. “You know, I’d just try to be friends with the boy at first, and then _sloooowly_ ease into his life and become his best friends and make him know that I’m an amazing and awesome guy and he should totally date me.”

 

“Is that how you got me, then?”

 

“Oh, it was my greatest plan that I won’t be able to execute ever again.” Kazunari winked and made Shintarou smile. “Why are you asking—Oh, is it Youko?”

 

“Unfortunately,” Shintarou sighed.

 

“It’s normal, though, she’s fifteen, she’s starting to get interested in stuff like that.”

 

“Yeah, but _I_ wasn’t interested in such a thing when _I_ was fifteen.”

 

“But you’re a guy, Shin-chan. Girls are, like, two years ahead of boys, didn’t you listen anything in those classes when they told us about puberty?” Kazunari crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Besides, you were mostly just going along with me when we were seventeen and didn’t really get interested in it until we had been together, like, two years.”

 

“That’s not true.” Shintarou felt heat on his cheeks. “That’s not true, I was very… very interested and curious, and I wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with you if I wasn’t.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Just tell her to get to a sort of friend-level first with the guy and then slowly start flirting with him.”

 

“As _if_ I would tell my fifteen year old sister to start _flirting_.” Shintarou huffed, shook his head as Kazunari disappeared back in the kitchen, and brought the phone to his ear. “Youko? Sorry, I asked for Kazunari’s opinion, which wasn’t very helpful…”

 

“ _What did he say?_ ”

 

“That you need to try to become friends with him first.”

 

Youko huffed. “ _Can’t I just wear some really open shirt or something?_ ”

 

“You certainly can’t, what are you thinking?” Shintarou scolded. “No boy is going to think how easy you might be, you hear me? You need to close the buttons all the way, and that’s a final.”

 

“ _God, you’re even worse than dad. I should have just called Kazu-nii in the first place, he would have understood_.”

 

“He would have agreed with me.”

 

“ _No, he wouldn’t, he’s not lame like you._ ”

 

Shintarou puffed the air out of his cheeks. “I’m not—“ He cut himself off, unable to understand why he was getting into an argument like this with his teenaged sister. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his shoulders and rubbed his forehead. “Listen… I don’t want you to do anything stupid, all right? No boy is worth it.”

 

“ _Whatever._ ”

 

“Can you give back to dad?”

 

“ _Sure. Dad!_ ”

 

Shintarou waited a moment, and when he was certain that his father was back on the other side of the phone, he clicked his tongue. “Have you heard about this boy business before?”

 

“ _She has mentioned it, yes_.”

 

“Have you seen this boy? She said he’s an upperclassman, and those boys are always trouble.”

 

“ _Mm… I really don’t know about that sort of thing anymore, isn’t it good that she’s willing to talk about it with you?_ ”

 

“But now I’m _worried_ , dad.” Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and looked up once he heard clinking nearby. Kazunari approached with two cups in his hands, and the sight was enough to make him smile. “You know, I can just let Kazunari handle this, he knows more about this stuff than you and me combined. Besides, he’s more of the fem—“

 

“Midorima Shintarou!” exclaimed Kazunari with a scold in his tone and made Shintarou jump. “Don’t even _think_ about calling me the more feminine one of this relationship or you’re getting a dick in your ass the next time you lie down somewhere, and we’ll see how you like that.”

 

“Dad can hear you,” slithered through Shintarou’s teeth.

 

“You brought it to yourself, Shin-chan. You hate stereotypes so better not stereotype your own lover.” Despite his words Kazunari pressed his lips near Shintarou’s available ear and whispered with a lewd voice, “Though you’d like to have my dick inside you, wouldn’t you now?”

 

Shintarou grumbled and nudged him away. “Shut up.” He shook his head in bemusement and offered Kazunari a glare before he cleared his throat. “Sorry about that, dad, Kazunari’s being an annoying prick as usual.”

 

“Oh, shut up!”

 

“ _That’s alright_ ,” his father assured with a slightly softer tone. “ _But would you please be so kind and help me out with this whole… I don’t know anything about kids these days, it’s… hardly the same as it was when you got involved with Kazunari._ ”

 

“I know, because you could hardly call Kazunari a bad boy.”

 

“Oi!” Kazunari slapped Shintarou’s arm. “I’m totally a bad boy, what are you saying?”

 

Shintarou gave him a side-eyed look colored by a hint of a smirk before he tapped his cheek with his fingertips. Kazunari caught the hint fast and smooched a kiss on the spot. Pleased with himself, Shintarou rubbed the man’s knee and tried to remember the fact that he was still on the phone with his father. “But I’ll try my best to help. I can talk to her the next time we’ll see each other face to face. Though I don’t know how helpful that might be.”

 

“ _Most likely more helpful than me trying to say something about it her_.” His father sighed. “ _How is your work going, son?_ ”

 

A frown light enough to not cause aching wrinkles rose to Shintarou’s face. “It’s fine,” he said, his voice quieter now. He sighed. “Dad… Why did you call? Please don’t get me wrong, I find it pleasant, but it’s odd. You never did this before.”

 

There was silence, first only of seconds, but it prolonged close to a minute. Shintarou’s stomach churned and flipped upside down, and his heart settled to an uncomfortable rhythm.

 

“ _I only want to be part of your life_ ,” his father finally said and sounded choked. Something in the back of Shintarou’s eyes brimmed. “ _I… I only want… Now that she’s no longer here, I…_ ”

 

“I know, dad,” Shintarou whispered. Why was it that every time they had a conversation like this he felt like crying? “I know. And thank you, I couldn’t… Couldn’t wish for more. It means a lot to me.”

 

“ _Mm_ ,” grunted his father and said nothing more.

 

Shintarou took a deep sigh and closed his eyes. A smile climbed to his lips. “I’ll try and visit as soon as I can. Work’s a bit swamped right now, so…”

 

“ _Come whenever you want. And bring Kazunari with you as always, I suppose I could use some gardening tips._ ”

 

“I will, you know I will. Take care.”

 

“ _You too_.”

 

Shintarou nodded although he knew his father couldn’t see it. “Bye.”

 

He ended the call and let out a long sigh.

 

“I just love it when grown men get emotional,” Kazunari teased gently and nudged his shoulder.

 

“I’m not emotional.”

 

“You so are, though.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and got up. “I really need to take a shower now if I want to make it to work in time.”

 

Kazunari pouted. “I hate your night shifts. Makes me lonely.”

 

“Deal with it.”

 

“Ah! So mean, _so_ mean.”

 

“Deal with it,” Shintarou murmured it this time, leaned down, and pressed his lips rather gently against Kazunari’s. He didn’t want to necessarily pull back but had to. “I’ll be back in the morning, won’t I?”

 

“But I’ll be gone in the morning for work.”

 

“Then you’ll see me tomorrow evening.”

 

“Now that just sucks.” Kazunari’s pout grew in size. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and tugged him closer. “Five minutes on the couch, okay? Then you can go.”

 

Shintarou pondered. “Five minutes,” he agreed and settled back beside Kazunari. He didn’t even have the chance to ask how the man planned to utilize the five minutes when his lips were already occupied by another pair of eager, desperate ones. He responded to the kisses one by one and tried not to think about time.


	120. Rapid Dog

Kazunari watched two birds tweet nearby with the power of a hundred, as if having a battle of their own. The sight made him smile silly. He had thought he was a daredevil to leave home with nothing but a long-sleeved shirt and loose pants on, but the weather was cuddling him more than Shintarou had in the morning. The sun felt burning on his cheekbones, and it was more than obvious that summer was taking its first steps towards the present time. Sluggishly he watched the dog park right in front of his eyes, eyed the dogs go crazy on their own or with someone else, and heaved out a gentle sigh. The nape of his neck prickled pleasantly in the sunshine. He shuddered from the warmth and checked the time. Tetsuya was a little late. Puckering his lips together, he lazily thought that it wasn’t like his friend at all.

 

Patiently he waited, albeit patience was hardly his virtue. He swung a leg over the other and rubbed the rest of the nap away from his eyes. It sucked that Shintarou did another twelve-hour shift. Maybe he was just imagining it, but it seemed like little by little Shintarou’s days were getting longer. They still had the chance to talk and cuddle, but not as excessively as before. When was even the last time they had had sex? _Too long_ , he thought and felt an ache in his loins. They were in the prime age for that, yet he wasn’t getting any. Kazunari grumbled below his breath and ruffled his hair into a mess. If he really admitted it to himself, maybe he was a _little_ frustrated with the lack of sex. He happened to be a sexual person, and he knew Shintarou was, too. His legs twitched to the thought. If only their schedules wouldn’t clash so damn much… He dragged the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek and pouted.

 

His thoughts were cut off as he spotted a rather grown Husky running towards him. Kazunari grinned brightly and got up on the bench, and turned properly towards the puppy that really no longer looked like one. He crouched down and opened his arms.

 

“Hey, boy!” Immediately he got sloppy kisses and nearly fell over as the dog climbed over him. It only made Kazunari laugh. “It’s good to see you too, yes, yes it is, it’s good to see you, it is, trust me—no need to lick my face so much!”

 

“Nigou, down,” came the gentle command. The Husky complied immediately and got his paws on the ground, but didn’t stop drooling and swaying his tail at Kazunari.

 

Kazunari picked his gaze up, and then smiled even better to the sight of Tetsuya. His friend seemed slightly out of breath but still gave him a small smile.

 

Tetsuya said, “I’m sorry I’m late, Kazunari-kun, we tried to hurry.”

 

“It’s okay, I didn’t wait for that long anyway.” Kazunari opened the gate to the dog park, and Nigou dashed inside immediately. That was definitely a dog with a lot of energy, he thought as he watched him get friendly with the others already playing with each other. What then seemed like a fight had to be nothing but play because Tetsuya didn’t call him back. Kazunari glanced at his friend, noticed dark and dragging bags under his eyes, but decided to say nothing about it. Maybe he was just tired, or had had a long night. “How are you doing?”

 

Tetsuya pressed his lips flat and shrugged, averted his gaze and suddenly looked uncomfortable. His fingers clutched the loose leash to his fist tighter and caused his knuckles to whiten.

 

Kazunari stopped immediately, moved in front of him and grasped him from the shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Tetsuya was quick to murmur.

 

“Hey—Come on. I know you.” Kazunari arched his brows and looked into his friend’s eyes. They had been close for years, he knew for sure when something was wrong. The look in Tetsuya’s eyes didn’t seem right at all. “What’s the matter?”

 

Tetsuya took a careful glance around and led him towards a quieter corner of the enclosed area. When he sighed, it was enough to make his shoulders drop significantly. “It’s just… There are some difficulties at home. It’s nothing serious.” Tetsuya attempted a smile and brushed some hair behind his ear.

 

“What do you mean, difficulties?” Kazunari crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “With Kagami? No, probably not with—“ He cut off when Tetsuya nodded. “What, seriously? I thought things were going good with you… Oh, no, do I need to go and beat him up now?”

 

“Please don’t.” Tetsuya looked down at his toes. “It is only… a little bump. Kagami-kun and I seem to have differences in opinions, that is all. He…” His gaze trailed to Nigou who seemed to have a perfectly good time on his own with a stick he had found. “He doesn’t like Nigou to begin with,” Tetsuya continued with a murmur.

 

“Oh,” Kazunari breathed. His brows knitted together.

 

“We also seem to have different opinions of romance in a relationship.” Tetsuya sounded slightly bitter with his clenched jaw. However, he took a deep breath and relaxed his demeanor. “But I suppose that’s how Kagami-kun is, and as his lover I should embrace all of his sides.”

 

“What do you mean, is he not… I don’t know, are you not having enough sex?”

 

A light blush spread to Tetsuya’s cheeks. Quietly he cleared his throat. “We are… We have enough, but afterwards he doesn’t… _remain_. He likes to get up and… go.”

 

“Have you talked with him about it?” Kazunari wasn’t sure whether this qualified as a crisis, but he took it as seriously as it should be taken, because Tetsuya still looked oddly shaken. He knew his friend good enough to know that Tetsuya liked consistency, liked to be cuddled and snuggled (maybe it was better if he _didn’t_ know that, though), and that things like these were clearly enough to throw him off balance. He arched his brows.

 

Tetsuya nodded. “I have, but Kagami-kun doesn’t deem it as a problem.”

 

“I’d say talk to him again or so, he’s not gonna get it otherwise. I mean, if you’re upset about it, he should know.”

 

“I should… Thank you.” Tetsuya offered him a weak smile, but a sigh still escaped his mouth. He rubbed his chin with his fingertips and pursed his lips. Carefully he looked up at Kazunari and shook his head. “There’s still… Aomine-kun came to talk to me the other day.”

 

Kazunari’s sigh was heavy and dragging. “Oh, boy.” He rubbed his eyes. “He’s really done it now, he’s gone insane or something.”

 

“He really misses Kise-kun. He tried to ask if there’s something he could do to win Kise-kun back. He was crying,” Tetsuya revealed with a quiet voice.

 

“But Kise’s dating someone else already.”

 

Tetsuya’s eyes widened. “Is he?”

 

“Yeah, I thought you knew.” Kazunari’s stomach tickled. He felt like a desperate housewife for liking gossiping this much, but he couldn’t help it. It was his duty to keep Tetsuya up to date after all, although his gossip knowledge would never reach the level of Atsushi. Somehow the dirt just always got to Atsushi without him even trying. “Did Aomine tell about the little incident he had with Kise?”

 

“No… What happened?”

 

“I mean, Kise had to call us in the middle of the night to go and save him, but Aomine was drunk as hell and was banging Kise’s door and calling him whore and everything.”

 

Tetsuya gasped. “Really?”

 

“Really.” Kazunari nodded furiously.

 

“I—I-I didn’t know. That’s horrible.”

 

“So I don’t think Kise really wants to be with Aomine anymore even if he wasn’t dating someone.” Kazunari sighed. “I mean… We all knew that was a shitty relationship, yeah?”

 

“It… had its ups and downs,” Tetsuya admitted.

 

“I just personally think it’s better that they’re apart, even if it’s not really my call or anything.”

 

“Mm.” Tetsuya paused. “How is it going with Kazunari-kun and Midorima-kun?”

 

“Good,” slipped from Kazunari’s mouth before he could even think about it. Just an automatic reflex, he thought. It wasn’t a lie, though. “It’s good, good, we’re just a bit busy. Not much proper time for each other, you know, but it’s understandable. He’s a doctor and everything.”

 

“I’m certain there will soon be time for you to be together.” Tetsuya smiled reassuringly. “Kazunari-kun?” he then called.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“May I hug you?”

 

Kazunari burst into a small fit of laughter. “Of course you can! You don’t have to ask that.”

 

“I know, but I thought that Midorima-kun might not like it…”

 

“It’s just me hugging a friend, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

That being said, Kazunari opened his arms, and Tetsuya shuffled against his chest. He took a good hold of his friend’s torso and hugged him tight, slipped his eyes close and rested his cheek against Tetsuya’s. Admittedly, it felt weird to hug someone other than Shintarou, but he had a hunch that Tetsuya needed this – he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. Kazunari rocked him gently in the embrace and rubbed his back. Over Tetsuya’s shoulder he watched Nigou playing with another Husky this time, fighting over a thick stick. It brought a smile on his face. The arms around his waist were careful, but they squeezed him a little closer.

 

“Kazunari-kun,” Tetsuya said, voice muffled against his shoulder. “Does Kazunari-kun sometimes think of the past?”

 

“Sometimes,” Kazunari admitted with a small sigh. “But we both know it wouldn’t have worked out. I’ve always been too much in love with Shin-chan.”

 

“I know.” Tetsuya moved closer. “I don’t mean that I would _miss_ it, please don’t get me wrong, Kazunari-kun, I just wondered.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I know.” Kazunari swayed the man gently from side to side. “But you know, if that thing had never happened, we probably wouldn’t be friends like this now.”

 

“I’m happy we are.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

Slowly he peeled himself away from Tetsuya and gave him a sheepish smile. His skin still burned pleasantly from the hug, but he knew (no matter how much Shintarou had suspected) that their friendship would never evolve into something dangerous. He was still, after all these years, so much in love with Shintarou that he simply saw no one else. Maybe Shintarou had finally learned to see that, too. Kazunari stole a glimpse of his ring and grinned brightly.

 

“Oh, wait,” Tetsuya breathed suddenly. “Nigou! Nigou, don’t, it’s not yours. Nigou!”

 

Kazunari shook his head in amusement and took the steps shadowing Tetsuya towards the pup of a Husky who played tug of war with another dog’s toy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really have a _thing_ for Kazunari/Tetsuya friendship. Powers me up.


	121. Sanity

When Shintarou had been in the medical school, they had told everyone to get prepared for long shifts and weary days when they’d graduate. Standing under the beat of warm water of his own shower, rubbing his shoulders, he felt like no amount of preparation had been quite good enough for this. He dipped his head down and let out a groan loud enough to bounce from the walls. His muscles were sore, and he wondered if there would ever be a day when his body would catch up with the rhythm he now had. The problem, most likely, was the irregular shifts, but he didn’t complain. Kazunari most often did, but maybe even then he wasn’t being quite serious. Hopefully, at least.

 

It took all of his energy to lift his head back up to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. The water gathered to his mouth, and he spit it out, resulting only in a bad taste over the tongue. It took a bit more spitting and gargling, but eventually he grabbed the shower gel and rubbed it all over his body.

 

Although it wasn’t even midnight yet, there had been no sight of Kazunari anywhere. Certain that his fiancé had already gone to bed, Shintarou made an effort to finish the shower a little faster. All he wanted was to lie down next to another warm body, pull him in his arms and—His cock gave an odd, interested twitch, and he looked down at himself. A frown settled on his face, and he took a shivery sigh as he made sure that his sex was clean. Wrong move, he thought, as it only excited his body even more. He couldn’t exactly blame it – there had been a severe decrease in sex lately. He knew it was because of their clashing schedules, but it didn’t feel necessarily nice. As a teenager he had been convinced that he had no libido and could survive without sex, but after having a steady sex life for so long… Shintarou turned the shower a little colder and let go of his cock, although he itched to give a tug. Maybe if Kazunari wasn’t asleep yet, he’d try to get him in the mood. A bit of fun before sleeping wouldn’t harm anyone…

 

He couldn’t bring his thoughts further when he heard intense scratching. He peeked behind the shower wall and hummed, stared at the closed door and listened the silence. The latter only lasted a moment when the scratching continued, this time accompanied by wild meows and mewls. Worried that Kazunari might be bothered, Shintarou marched to the door dripping wet and making the floor slick, and opened the door ever so slightly. Most of the steam from the room disappeared. He looked down at Ao who stared up at him with big eyes shining bright blue. Her tail wished, but she let out hisses whenever a droplet of water got to her fur.

 

With a roll on his eyes he whispered, “Come on in, then.” He waited. She didn’t move an inch, just looked at him keenly. Heaving out a sigh, he continued, “Forget it.”

 

As soon as he closed the door and approached the shower, the scratching continued. He had no other choice but to open the door again. On his skin rose goose bumps, and with such coldness gnawing his bones, there was no way he’d get hard anymore.

 

“Are you coming or not?” he asked from the cat. She meowed as a response. “No? You have to decide, otherwise I’m going to close the door, and you’re not getting in.”

 

Not sure why he was having a discussion with a cat, Shintarou shook his head when she made clear that she wasn’t coming. This time round he ignored the scratches and nearly ran to the shower to finish, because for sure the noises she made echoed around the apartment. He turned the water warm again, stood underneath it and pressed his palms flat against the wall, let the warmth cradle his shoulders. After a moment even she stopped. Shintarou heaved out a sigh and gave himself a moment longer in the comfortable spot. He curled his toes around the tiles and slipped his eyes close. Admittedly, he craved to be close to Kazunari. Not simply sex-wise, either, but have those long evenings on the couch when they’d talk about this and that, because he was lucky to have someone in his life who wasn’t afraid to chat about everything with him.

 

He craned his neck and pushed himself farther away from the wall. He hadn’t even seen a glimpse of Kazunari this morning; the man had already probably gone to work before he woke up. Part of him had hoped that Kazunari would be awake by the time he’d get back, but maybe it was wishing too much. He’d have a day off in few days, but it was a different story whether his lover had it, too. They’d have to sit down to think about the wedding plans, too… Seijuurou would be furious if they had decided nothing. Not keen on getting his friend’s rage on him – he knew the damage Seijuurou could do when he was _really_ angry –, Shintarou heaved out a sigh heavier than it should have been. He’d be happy when the wedding was over. Aside from that, he wanted nothing but to enjoy this newly-engaged life of his, but it seemed that the higher powers didn’t want to allow that. Not yet, at least.

 

It took a moment and a lot of determination for him to finally turn off the shower. Whenever he thought of Kazunari, there was a stir in his hips, but he ignored it for few moments longer and wrapped a towel around his waist. The journey to the bedroom wasn’t a long one, but it was fully dark when he entered. Not sure whether Kazunari was already sleeping or merely trying to, Shintarou tiptoed towards the wardrobe, hit his shin to the edge of the bed and smothered curses to his palm. He wasn’t an expert in dressing in the dark, thus he took a risk and switched on his bedside’s lamp. It brought a warm glow in the dark, and for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours he laid his eyes on Kazunari. A small smile twitched on his lips. The man looked just as beautiful in his near-comatose state than any other. Shaking his head in amusement of his own thoughts, Shintarou approached the wardrobe and found a clean pair of boxers.

 

“Nn…” Kazunari stirred in bed and rolled on his other side. “Can you turn off the light? I’m trying to sleep…” His voice was nothing but a groan, barely coherent.

 

Shintarou hurried to yank a sleeveless shirt on his damp torso. “Sorry,” he quietly apologized and hurried to slip his shivering body underneath the warm blankets. He turned off the light, adjusted his vision to the darkness, and only then inched closer. Like every night he moved an arm over Kazunari’s waist and tugged him closer. He had always thought he hadn’t been interested in the whole spooning business, but Kazunari had illuminated him few years ago telling that spooning was all they did at nights. Shintarou pressed a kiss on the burning hot shoulder right in front of him and held him tight.

 

As much as he knew he should keep quiet, he couldn’t. “Guess what happened at work today,” he murmured softly, testing the ice whether Kazunari was in the mood for a little chat.

 

It took a bit of silence for Kazunari to sigh softly. “What… happened?”

 

“A woman came to ER today,” Shintarou began and rubbed Kazunari’s hip. “I had a lunch break so I happened to walk nearby and it appeared that she had a, um… A sexual device stuck inside her.”

 

The groaning, dragging giggles that got out of Kazunari were adorable. He shifted in Shintarou’s embrace ever so slightly. “You mean she had a sex toy stuck?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“God… I thought that only happened… I don’t know…” Kazunari yawned loudly. It was followed by little mewls and them some weight to the foot of the bed.

 

More than pleased that his whole family was gather in the bed all at once, Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s shoulder. “It was indeed amusing,” he whispered and kissed a line over the roundness. Once he started, it was very difficult to stop. He scooped Kazunari better in his embrace and lifted a little up to plant his lips on the man’s neck. “I missed you,” he breathed, almost desperate at that.

 

Kazunari hummed and moved his hand over his. “I missed you too, Shin-chan…”

 

“Hmm…” His hand resting safely near Kazunari’s stomach at first, Shintarou slipped it to the small of the back and stroked the chosen spot gently. He had always considered himself bad at _this_ , seducing that was, but his touches made Kazunari shudder, and he guessed he was doing at least something right. Feeling rather daring, he brought his fingers to the apple-shaped bottom and squeezed one of the buttocks, dug his fingertips to the flesh and kneaded gently. “I’ve really missed you,” he muttered in Kazunari’s ear and nipped the softly curving shell.

 

“Mm…”

 

“You like that?” Shintarou asked to be on the safe side and kept groping and squeezing.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Good.”

 

Blood thrummed his veins and traveled straight to his cock, and the tight boxers now restricted its desire to grow in full length. It pressed pleasantly against the seam of the fabric and made Shintarou jolt his hips forward. He pressed his lips tighter against the clean skin that faintly smelled of the bath bombs that Kazunari was fond of, and kissed it with the energy he should have had at seventeen. He moved a finger to the cleft of the sculptured ass, pressed it down near the hole, and the fabric underneath bent to his will. It prompted a barely-there moan from Kazunari, and Shintarou knew he was on the right tracks. He teased the spot, rubbed, bobbed his finger up and pushed it back down, and held a small lust-filled smile on his lips. Tonight they’d break their dry spell that neither had surely anticipated, and it would feel _amazing_.

 

Through the boxers Shintarou cupped Kazunari’s sack, enclosed it safely to the care of his fingers and squeezed. The body in front of him thrashed ever so slightly and tightened from the core once he began to fondle. The weight was on the heavier side, and from it he knew that Kazunari had held back as well. His mouth hungrier, he attacked his fiancé’s nape again and kissed hard, nibbled but was conscious of not leaving marks behind. He suckled an especially succulent spot that held Kazunari’s own scent, and felt all of the gathered pining he held in his abdomen burst. From the balls he slid his hand on Kazunari’s cock and attempted to stroke it over the fabric. It was hardly working. With a rare grin on his lips Shintarou nudged his fingers under the boxers and took a tight hold of the base.

 

“Hnn, Shin-chan… Don’t…”

 

Shintarou froze. “Huh?” was the only thing escaping him.

 

Obvious gentleness in his movements Kazunari took a hold of Shintarou’s wrist and moved his hand away from his crotch. “I’m really tired, hun, let’s do this another time…”

 

“What—What do you mean?” Dumbfounded, Shintarou felt a like a child who didn’t understand the meaning of ‘no’. He swallowed hard and startled when through the darkness he was kissed. He felt a warm breath against his face and only now realized that Kazunari had rolled on his other side.

 

“I’m just… not in the mood, so could we do this some other evening?” Kazunari sounded soft. Still very sexual to Shintarou’s ears, too.

 

Shintarou made a desperate attempt to inch a little farther away to ignore the pounding in his cock. “Of course,” he hurried to say and cleared his throat. “Of course, yeah—of course. I’m sorry I woke you up, please sleep.” To reinforce his words, he kissed the middle of Kazunari’s forehead and moved to his side of the bed. Feeling awfully, annoyingly aroused, Shintarou rolled on his other side to face away from his lover and pressed his palms tightly flat against his twitching cock. He felt an odd sense of déjà vu and squeezed his eyes shut. This had happened once before, but he didn’t quite feel rejected. Simply odd.

 

Before he could even think about sleeping, Kazunari glued on his back. Shintarou took a deep breath, counted to ten to stop himself from thinking about things that were dirty, and moved his hand carefully over Kazunari’s arm. He stroked the skin and the hair that stuck out from the spot because of the goose bumps.

 

“Sorry,” Kazunari muttered near his nape.

 

“It’s okay,” Shintarou promised. “Now that I think about it, I’m really tired, too.”

 

“But I feel kinda bad.” Kazunari let out a loud yawn and muffled the rest of it to Shintarou’s back. “The last… last time you did this, I also didn’t want to… Mm, I don’t want you to feel discouraged or anything…”

 

“I’m not discouraged.” Shintarou took a deep breath and pressed his head better against the pillow, and finally closed his eyes. His eyelids felt a little heavy, now that he really thought it through. It probably wouldn’t have been great sex, not when they were both weary. “We’ll just do it some other time, right? It’s okay, so let’s just sleep.”

 

“Look here for a bit.”

 

Shintarou moved his chin slightly over his shoulder and got a kiss on his lips. It was enough to bring a smile back on his lips.

 

“I love you.” Kazunari rubbed his cheek.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Movie on the couch tomorrow evening?”

 

“Sounds good.” The corners of Shintarou’s lips tugged a little higher. “Don’t fall asleep before that.”

 

Kazunari snorted. “I won’t, I won’t… G’night, Shin-chan.”

 

“See you tomorrow.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s forehead once more before he turned back in front of him. Kazunari remained hugging him from behind, and it was enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, it's May! I've officially completed _one third_ of this challenge, how crazy is that? April was a relatively smooth ride, engaged for a month... Let's see what May brings us.


	122. Walk in the Park

Summer was right around the corner, Shintarou could smell it in the air. The cherry trees they walked under held a rather pleasant scent, although it wasn’t the first time he caught a whiff of that – it was part of Kazunari’s favorite bath bomb to begin with. The sun shone its final brightness through the cotton-like clouds, and he knew that days like these were ones when nothing would simply go wrong. Sturdily he believed in it as he held hand in Kazunari’s, something he had agreed to do simply because the late afternoon had been surprisingly abandoned in the park near their house. Finally they had time together, even if it only meant half a day, but it was half that Shintarou would cling as much as he could.

 

He glanced towards Kazunari and squeezed his fingers ever so slightly, but didn’t manage to attract his attention. Kazunari’s eyes were tightly fixed above them, to the branches that built bridged with each other over their heads forming light-pink canopies that were beautiful even in Shintarou’s standards. He felt his fingers annoyingly damp, but it didn’t seem to bother Kazunari who entangled their hands even better together. Sluggishly Shintarou wondered why he was so against these public displays of affection. Holding hands was far from nudging his tongue in Kazunari’s throat. Then again, his parents had never been like that, either. He had seen them once or twice exchange brief kisses, and that was it. Never had he suspected that they didn’t love each other any longer.

 

Still, he made sure that once a person passed by them he didn’t let go of Kazunari. It brought a painfully hot fluster on his cheeks when the person gave him an eyeful. It also made the corners of Kazunari’s lips twitch higher, so Shintarou considered it a success. Finally his lover laid his eyes at him and offered a toothy grin, the one that he had fallen in love in the first place and kept doing so over and over again.

 

“I seriously can’t believe that we can start wearing t-shirts soon,” Kazunari sighed. He swayed their linked hands in a gentle motion. The beauty of his smile competed those with the blossoms above them. “I’m just trying to decide where the hell all the time went, it was New Year’s just now.”

 

“Our perception of time changes the older we get,” Shintarou said, rather dryly at that.

 

“Oh, shit, I didn’t know that I came to a walk with a doctor.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “It’s common sense.”

 

“Mm, if you say so.” It wasn’t enough to waver Kazunari’s mood (though Shintarou had grown under the impression that hardly anything was enough to achieve that). “You know what we should get once the summer starts? A grill.”

 

“A grill,” repeated Shintarou.

 

“Yeah! Doesn’t it sound good? We can have, like, barbeque nights for our old teammates or the Miracles and everything. Come on, you’d love it.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips in a funny curve. “But do you know how to grill?”

 

Kazunari’s smile was wicked. “Well, _no_ , but we could learn together. That’d be fun, yeah?”

 

“I really don’t know…”

 

“Just think about it, okay? It’d be cool.”

 

A hum escaped Shintarou. He didn’t utter out a word about it but made a mental note to himself to give it some thought. Often he was the more responsible one with money, though he had to admit that Kazunari hardly spent anything although he had constant cravings about this and that. Shintarou heaved out a sigh, small and soft, and kept walking by his fiancé’s side with slow and thoughtful steps. With their house right around the corner, he didn’t feel the need to rush anywhere when they could reach home within minutes. Truthfully, even the silence sounded comfortable in his ear. He knew he had found _the_ one everyone always raved about when he could feel this calm around someone. Then again, he had known he would be with Kazunari for the rest of his life when they have moved in together for the first time. A bond like this was difficult to break, he thought.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You didn’t get to see it yesterday, but this new cooking show started. Amateur cooks again, pretty much the same as the previous one.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows slightly up. “What did you think of it?”

 

“I kinda didn’t watch it beyond the first five, ten minutes because I wanted to watch it with you.”

 

“You could have watched it, and I could have caught up with it by watching the recording. You recorded it, didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah, but it doesn’t feel the same if I’m not watching it with you.”

 

Shintarou inhaled sharply and eyed Kazunari’s grin. He felt his cheeks heat even more than before. Huffing, he averted his gaze but tightened his grasp from his lover’s hand. “Ridiculous sentimentality,” he murmured.

 

“What was that again, Shin-chan?”

 

“Nothing at all.”

 

Kazunari snorted. “Thought so. _Sooo_ … We could watch that show instead of choosing some movie.”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. A smile wanted to twitch on his lips so bad, but he stopped it from advancing right in the last moment. “That sounds good,” he said and tried to sound nonchalant, although his chest was ready to burst with unexplainable happiness.

 

“Also, we really, really need to decide on those invitations, Seijuurou’s gonna slaughter us otherwise.”

 

A tick appeared on Shintarou’s forehead. “You’re right,” he sighed. “We should most likely also do a brief outline of the guests, I’m certain that’s what he’s going to ask the next time.”

 

“I don’t even know I wanna invite, though.” Kazunari pursed his lips to a pout. “I mean… I don’t know. You should have proposed to me sooner!”

 

“Sorry I didn’t.” Hardly meaning it, Shintarou shot his lover a look.

 

“Yeah, but I said you _should_ have. Thank god for Seijuurou or what.”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “We really need to repay somehow.”

  
“I know right…”

 

“We can always take him along to our honeymoon.”

 

“What? Shin-chan, come on!” Kazunari whined, and then exclaimed upon seeing the smirk on Shintarou’s lips. With his free hand he slapped the man’s arms. “Fuck you for joking, I never know when you’re serious.”

 

“Did you honestly think I’d take a friend with us to our honeymoon?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Kazunari puffed air out of his cheeks and shook his head. He suddenly came to a halt, right in the midst of the lane framed by trees. Shintarou stumbled a step and two but managed to stop just in time for Kazunari to grab both of his hands and stand in front of him. His brows knitted together as he looked down at the man. The wind wished gently, made the cherry blossoms fly through the hair, and ruffled Kazunari’s hair. It knocked the air out of Shintarou’s lungs, because there could possibly not be a sight more wonderful than this. The smaller fingers tightened their grasp from his, and the man himself rose to his tiptoes.

 

“What’s wrong?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Nothing.” The smile tugging up on Kazunari’s lips was gorgeous. “Just felt like stopping and admiring your beauty.”

 

Shintarou inhaled sharply. “Shut up,” he told. After a pause he continued, “You’re the beautiful one here, so shut it.”

 

“Aw, you think I’m pretty.”

 

“That’s a given.” Shintarou yanked him closer until they were near hugging each other. Rather unusual of him, but at least there wasn’t a soul around to witness it. “How many years have I now told you that there’s not a person more beautiful than you?”

 

Kazunari grinned, boyishly so. “You’re just so sappy, Shin-chan, so sappy.”

 

“You’re worse.”

 

“So am not.”

 

“You are.”

 

“Mm, just keep your pretty lil’ mouth shut for a moment and let me look at you.”

 

Shintarou writhed underneath Kazunari’s gaze and didn’t know what to do at all. As much as he wanted to look elsewhere, he couldn’t, not when the light darkness of his fiancé’s eyes made him unable to do anything other than keep his own fixed to them. The heat on his cheeks was almost bothering, but he didn’t have the means to attempt to brush it away, not when both of his hands were locked to Kazunari’s. As much as he would have liked to deny it, moments like these were the reasons why he was wiling to work so hard day and night. One day they’d be old, their hair gray, and they could enjoy life with each other.

 

He still couldn’t keep his tongue in place and ended up asking, “Are you done yet?”

 

“Shh,” Kazunari hushed. “Just a bit more.”

 

“What exactly are you looking at?”

 

“You know… Your pretty eyes, and your pretty lips, and those nice eyelashes that curve so pretty behind those dirty glasses—“

 

“Do all of that at home.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “You embarrassed?”

 

“Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“No problem whatsoever.”

 

Kazunari pressed a kiss on the underside of his chin, and Shintarou took it as a sign enough to move again. He tugged the man in motion and really couldn’t hold back his smile although he tried desperately. Before Kazunari had popped in his life like a firecracker, he had never heard someone call him beautiful, but years later the man kept repeating it like a broken record. Shintarou would have blatantly lied had he told it wasn’t pleasant. The only problem was that he didn’t know how to handle compliments as open as these.

 

Just for the sake of it, on their way home he moved his arm around Kazunari’s waist and kept him close for the last hundred meters although there were people around.

 

“I’m gonna heat up some dinner if you search the show from the recordings,” Kazunari bargained as soon as they closed the front door behind their backs.

 

“I’ll do that.” First to get rid of the shoes, Shintarou walked towards the living room but stopped mid-way. “Give me the wok leftovers, all right? You can eat the soup.”

 

“You sure?” Kazunari called, already on his way to the kitchen.

 

“Positive.” Shintarou slumped down on the couch and let out a small sigh of relief. He hadn’t even realized how aching his legs had gotten during the walk. What had supposed to be a fifteen-minute stroll had turned into an hour-long exploration around the park, he now realized upon glancing at the clock. He dipped his head backwards and listened the clattering coming from the kitchen. It brought a smile on his lips, faint but surely visible had there been someone looking at it.

 

With the bottom of his stomach already nipping from hunger, Shintarou searched the program and pulled the coffee table close enough for them to eat on it. He couldn’t remember the last time they had had dinner together just the two of them by the dinner table. It was almost a routine, albeit a foul one, to eat and watch television at the same time, but it was also a routine that he enjoyed.

 

“Shin-chan!” called Kazunari. “You want extra soy on it?”

 

“No, it’s fine, thank you.”

 

A moment later Kazunari appeared with mix-matched plates that he set down on the table. More than looking forward to have his fiancé finally beside him, Shintarou had a disappointment when Kazunari hurried back to the kitchen. Within few seconds, however, he returned with tall glasses of water and finally took a seemingly comfortable position beside him. Although Shintarou held a crave to scoop Kazunari in his arms and _snuggle_ him – snuggling was more of Kazunari’s specialty for sure –, at the same time he knew that eating would have been out of question. His stomach wasn’t too pleased with the choice. Thus he turned on the show and grabbed his share of food and, unlike his lover, kept his soles tightly on the floor.

 

It was mildly weird and somewhat disturbing to watch a cooking show without the usual tune at the beginning. To the grasp of his chopsticks he took some of the previous day’s noodles and shoved them in his mouth, munched with good appetite, and sneaked peeks towards Kazunari every now and then. There seemed to be a permanent smile on the man’s lips, one that admittedly made him smile as well, but the gesture he hid behind another take from the food. As the mild spices rolled on his tongue, he chewed his mouth clean and nodded towards the television.

 

“They’re basically starting a restaurant of their own in a team, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, I suppose.”

 

“It’s an interesting concept, to say the least.”

 

“I thought so, too.” Kazunari rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and took too loud a slurp from the soup. “Had a hunch you’d appreciate it.”

 

“Hm. I think we’re going to start it regularly, don’t you think?”

 

“For sure.” Kazunari hummed, some soup on his chin, but he was quick to wipe it away to the sleeve of his shirt. “Wait a sec, I’ll go grab the invitation folder and we’ll decide on that.”

 

“Whilst watching this?”

 

Kazunari grinned as he stood up. “We can just open it from a random page and decide that it’s going to be our invitation, it’s just a piece of paper.”

 

“If you say,” Shintarou said to Kazunari’s back and with his gaze followed him go to the bedroom and back. The mere sight of the folder was enough to make him quiver, but he cleared his throat and was quick to finish his dinner. Just like Kazunari, he wasn’t particular about the invitation; it didn’t necessarily even matter as long as it had their names in it. At the same time he knew that Seijuurou had an eye for details, which made him want to do at least a half-decent job. He flicked his tongue across his lips and grabbed the folder from Kazunari, opened it over his thighs, and puckered his lips. “I’m seriously letting you decide, I couldn’t care less.”

 

Kazunari gave him a stare. “Couldn’t care less? You’re so mean, it’s _our_ wedding.”

 

“Y-You know what I meant.” Shintarou’s pulse shot up.

 

Rising to sit on his knees, Kazunari ruffled his hair. “Just messing with you, hun. Let’s pick something quick, um… No, okay, how about some pastel-colored one, like green or— _Oh_ , check if there’s something with orange!”

 

Shintarou flipped through the pages one at a time. His senses tingled pleasantly as the cards were color-coordinated, something about it being extremely satisfying to him. He moved through the greens and blues, hopped over the reds and yellows, and ended up by the ones with an orange hue in them. His gaze flicked immediately to Kazunari who held a thoughtful pout. Deducing that the first neon-bright wasn’t good enough, he turned the pages slowly, giving his lover enough time to absorb everything.

 

All of a sudden Kazunari exclaimed. “That one!” He pressed the pads of his fingers against the page. “This is good, yeah? It’s orange but not _too_ much orange—“

 

“Why are we getting orange in the first place?”

 

“Because orange is totally our color. Look at it good and tell me if you like it.”

 

Shintarou lowered his gaze on it. It was just like Kazunari had described it, orange but not too much, elegantly so. He squinted his eyes and looked at the wrinkled pattern it held, and found himself rather fond of it. A moment longer he thought about it, for the sake of appearing that he was thinking more deeply about it, and nodded. “It’s good,” was his judgment. “It looks very… _us_.”

 

“We can get some light-green one if you really want, though.”

 

“No, it’s good. I like it.” Shintarou turned to him. “Should we have it?”

 

“Let’s go for it.” Kazunari’s grin was incredibly toothy. “One problem less, great. We need to think about the guests, though…”

 

“Not now,” Shintarou immediately said. “We need to tackle _that_ issue with more precision, each of us writing a list of potential guests, then cross-check to see all of whom we both have, and then look through the guests the other one doesn’t have.”

 

“You sound so sexy when you get like that.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Like what?”

 

“You know, all… _bossy_.” Kazunari’s grin grew in size. He grabbed the invitation folder away from Shintarou, tossed it on the other side of the couch, and settled to the crook of his arm. A yawn escaped him, but the other half of it he muffled against the side of Shintarou’s chest. “I really, really like it…”

 

“You’re weird,” Shintarou concluded.

 

“Am not.”

 

“Most of the time you are. Sorry to break the bubble.”

 

“So damn mean, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou looked downwards towards Kazunari. His lips tingled and he could no longer resist the temptation, thus he pressed a kiss on his forehead and felt great satisfaction from it. Humming, he did it again, and was about to go for the third time when Kazunari captured his mouth to a proper kiss. Shintarou startled but relaxed within a second, wrapped an arm around his lover and took him better in his embrace. He reciprocated the kiss, as gently as he could at that, as lovingly as he could, wanted to convey all that he felt because sometimes words just weren’t enough.

 

Maybe Kazunari understood what he meant, because he smiled into the kiss, leaned closer, and looked at him in the eyes when he pulled back. Warmth tickling in the pit of his stomach and making his heart throb so very pleasantly, Shintarou pressed a quick peck on his lips. He moved his gaze back to the television, but his concentration never really left Kazunari.


	123. Money

Kazunari tiptoed together with the vacuum cleaner around the house and tried not to think of the song that had been stuck in his head for most of the day. He had heard it at work on Friday, and ever since it had kept playing over and over in his head. It was difficult to ignore it, especially when he did something as boring as cleaning, and in the end he couldn’t stop his ass from swaying from one side to another to the rhythm. Certain that the vacuum’s noises would hide, he sang a bit along as well. It didn’t make Shintarou shout at him, so he knew he was good to go. Thus he danced and sang (which started to sound more of screaming, truthfully) and cleaned the underside of the couch. It wasn’t his favorite jobs to do, but he had promised and didn’t want to let his cute fiancé down.

 

In the midst of cleaning and making sure that no dust remained, he wildly danced towards the kitchen and stopped dead on his tracks upon seeing Shintarou by the table. The look on his face was one he hardly saw; brows frowned deeper than should have, distinct wrinkles on his forehead, a hand going through his hair multiple times. Kazunari forgot vacuuming as he spent a moment staring at his lover and the way he looked at some papers, and felt his heart sank to his throat. Something was wrong for sure, and it made him nauseous.

 

He pressed his lips flat and turned off the vacuum, remained still for a moment longer and then approached the open kitchen. “Hey,” he called and startled Shintarou. It was enough to knit his own brows together. “What’s up?”

 

“Nothing.” Shintarou fixed his gaze on the papers.

 

Kazunari circled the table behind him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “What are you looking at?”

 

“Just some…” A sigh escaped Shintarou as he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Bills,” he muttered like it was the most insulting curse there could be.

 

“But… there shouldn’t be any bills, right?”

 

“Yes, but I just found these in the middle of Friday’s mail that no one bothered to look through.”

 

“Hey, no need to be grumpy at me!” Kazunari huffed through his nose and kissed Shintarou’s shoulder. It was easy to tell that man wasn’t in a good mood. “What do they say, then?”

 

“They’re from our previous landlord. He wants us to pay for some… goddamn repairs in the flat before the new tenants move in.”

 

Slowly Kazunari let go of Shintarou and took a seat beside him. He leaned his chin to his hand and looked at his lover’s profile instead. As pretty as it remained even in a clear moment of distress, it made his pulse tick irregularly. He swallowed quietly. “How much is it, then?”

 

“Too much.” Shintarou moved the glasses back to frame his eyes and looked at him. His jaw clenched. “We shouldn’t even be paying in the first place, so I don’t know why he’s now demanding something like this. With everything else we need to pay _plus_ the wedding on top, I don’t think we can afford.”

 

Kazunari was taken aback by the words. Maybe he had been too naïve to think that they had enough money for everything, after all, Shintarou had said that they didn’t even have a budget for their wedding. He trusted on his lover’s judgment and let him handle things like this, but now he felt unease on his skin. He rubbed his nape and attempted to get rid of the sudden tension that appeared right between his shoulder blades. “We can move the wedding,” he murmured quietly. It seemed like the only good option. “We can… get married next year, it doesn’t matter—“

 

“It matters to me!” Shintarou’s raised voice made Kazunari startle. “We are having this _fucking_ wedding this year—“

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“—and I’m going to call this idiot and tell him that we’re _not_ paying for any repairs because we don’t even live there anymore! He’s absurd to think that he could trample over us like this.”

 

Kazunari looked down at the table. “I can ask for more shifts at work if it helps.”

 

“Honey,” began Shintarou, and Kazunari knew it wasn’t good, “I don’t think a problem like this is fixed with _your_ salary—“

 

Shintarou cut himself off. Shaking his head, Kazunari didn’t bother to look at him and felt a sullen look on his face. Yet another thing for him to feel insecure about, he thought and puffed air out of his cheeks. He wasn’t some Great Doctor like Shintarou was, and apparently it didn’t make him a reliable provider of money. Unable to come up with anything, feeling painful thuds in his chest, he considered simply getting up and continue cleaning when Shintarou laced his hand over his. The man squeezed his knuckles and attracted his attention. The harsh look was gone.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou said, his voice soft and gentle. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just stressed—“

 

“You always talk like you’re the only one allowed to have stress in this house.” Kazunari felt like he probably shouldn’t have been as annoyed as he felt, but he couldn’t help it. His insides were seething, and there was little he could do about it.

 

“Kazunari…”

 

Kazunari got up. “Sorry, I need to continue vacuuming the house that apparently I can’t even afford.”

 

“Kazunari.” Shintarou rose up as well, yanked him closer by his arm and held him steady. “Calm down, would you be so kind? I didn’t mean to make you feel like you’re anything less, I was just stating a fact in a way that got out of me in a very wrong way.”

 

“No, you were stating and making it very clear that I’m not Mr. Important Doctor, so I shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion on the matter. I’m sorry I make so much less money than you.”

 

“Hey.” Now Shintarou sounded stricter, like he was about to loose it. He probably was.

 

“ _Hey_ ,” mimicked Kazunari and yanked his arm free. “I need to vacuum, not fight over some shitty money with you.” He turned around to his heels and approached the machine he had abandoned to its own devices. “Asshole,” he murmured under his breath.

 

“I heard that!”

 

“Good! I wanted you to.” Fire in his eyes Kazunari turned to look at Shintarou. “While you’re at it, go marry some hunk of a doctor—“

 

“Alright, that’s it.”

 

With long steps Shintarou approached, too fast for Kazunari to react or escape anywhere. The man looked menacing, eyes dark, expression tight, and for a moment Kazunari was certain he’d get the scolding of his lifetime. When Shintarou wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight instead, he startled. His eyes widened in the warm embrace, and he inhaled sharply through his nose. This wasn’t the usual style how their little arguments reached their peaks, and it confused the hell of out him. But in Shintarou’s tight hug Kazunari understood what a child he was being and let out a sigh. He looked up towards at his lover and felt his cheeks glow from shame.

 

“Calm down,” Shintarou told him. His voice turned pleasant again. “Calm down and take a deep breath. No one is telling you that you’re not important, and no matter what you say, I’m marrying you. I don’t need anything else.”

 

“Sorry,” muttered Kazunari and buried his face to Shintarou’s chest. “Sorry, that was stupid.”

 

“I’m sorry, too, for hurting your feelings.” Shintarou kissed his forehead and lifted his chin up ever so slightly. “I’ll call the landlord and settle this. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

 

“But I want to worry about it with you.” Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and pressed a sloppy kiss on his lover’s chin. “So let me, okay?”

 

A ghost of a smile appeared on Shintarou’s lips. He nodded. “In that case I’ll call him tomorrow when we’re both at home again.”

 

“Sounds good.” Kazunari swayed on his tiptoes. “Really, I’m sorry, Shin-chan.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Shintarou gave his bottom a gentle and rather coy slap before he peeled away. “Go finish the vacuuming, then we can make some dinner together.”

 

Finally Kazunari allowed a grin to settle on his mouth. He nodded, eagerly at that. He still felt like an idiot for giving a small explosion like that and told himself not to do that again. Although it might have been easier said than done, he promised to try and looked at Shintarou go back by the kitchen table. For a moment longer he watched his fiancé, felt a smile on his lips, and with a shake of a head turned to the vacuum cleaner again and continued what he had been doing.


	124. Child's Play

With an ache in his groin Kazunari watched the romantic comedy he had chosen and now regretted picking. He hugged a bundle of a blanket against his chest and nuzzled its softness every time the couple on screen shared an intimate moment together, be it a kiss or gazing into each other’s eyes for an annoyingly long time. A shivery sigh got out of his mouth, and he slipped his eyes close just for a moment. He really shouldn’t have chosen something like this, not when he hadn’t had that kind of closeness with _his_ lover in so many days that he didn’t even want to think about it. Sure, they had exchanged fleeting kisses, cuddled a bit on the couch, slept side by side like they always did, but he was still craving to have some skin-on-skin contact. He shuddered to the thought. The ache that settled near his cock didn’t disappear. He wasn’t sure whether this officially counted as living in unwanted celibacy, but it wasn’t fun.

 

He opened his eyes and groaned straight away upon seeing the couple half-naked. It wasn’t fair – he wanted that, too! Stupid Shintarou with his _stupid_ work schedule, Kazunari thought and felt a grumble in his abdomen. They had just gotten engaged, so they were supposed to be so much in love without managing to keep hands off each other, but here he was, spending time with his cat watching a ridiculous movie at ten pm. Ao meowed near his feet, and Kazunari was sure that even she missed her occasional head rubs from Shintarou.

 

As he sighed another time, it made his chest sting. He rubbed his eyes and pulled the blanket better against his chest to mimic the familiar warmth that hadn’t laced over him in weeks. _Weeks_ , that was how long he had been without any sex. He was a sexual person, he _wanted_ sex, he _craved_ for it, but he wasn’t an asshole who’d start looking somewhere else. It was Shintarou or no one, and it seemed that the latter had become his life. Huffing through his nose, Kazunari moved a hand over his abdomen to soothe the flames inside him. He was ready to burst, too much built in over the long days, and he was certain he had the most painful case of blue balls ever.

 

The kiss on screen turned heated, and the man cupped the woman’s breasts and massaged. Kazunari whined and slid his hand dangerously close to the tight band of his boxers. He should have gone with some action stuff, or maybe thriller, anything other than his favorite genre with his newly found non-favorite actions. They looked so good together as their skins melted. She gasped softly, and the man hummed from pleasure. Feeling a little guilty, Kazunari petted his already slightly stiffening cock over the thin fabric confiding it. It brought jolts to his spine, tightened the muscles on his thighs, and made him muffle a moan against the blanket. The cockhead already felt swollen through the boxers, nearly dripping, and Kazunari wanted nothing more than give himself a good rub and move on with it.

 

A loud meow from the other side of the couch made him turn towards her. He cringed.

 

“This isn’t wrong,” he told the cat.

 

She meowed again.

 

“It’s not! It’s healthy human action, and I’m not gonna tease myself more by not touching myself.” Not sure why he was discussing about this with his cat, he couldn’t stop now that he had started and she kept meowing back. “What? I’ll feel good and still crave for Shin-chan, and once he gets back we can totally do it and I won’t come in a second.” He huffed and turned his gaze away from her. _Hopeless_. “You’d understand if you’d have a cock, miss.”

 

She said nothing more, and he knew he had won the argument. Pleased with himself, he settled to a slightly better position and watched the near humping on the television. _Oh_ , if only Shintarou would rub his dick against his… Finally Kazunari slipped his fingers below the waistband and felt a pleasant twinge in the very bottom of his belly. His tongue in the middle of his mouth in concentration, Kazunari hummed softly and slipped his eyes close. Just like this he could imagine his hand being Shintarou’s. He bucked his hips forward and moaned softly. Ao let out a hiss and jumped off the couch, but Kazunari didn’t open his eyes to see where she went. She’d come around eventually, he deduced and pressed his back better against the couch.

 

It sounded like the movie’s couple was done with whatever they were doing, but Kazunari wasn’t even close to properly starting. He took his time, like he almost always did when he had some time to himself like this, ghosted his fingers over his skin that tensed beneath. Gently he brushed over his pubic hair that was starting to grow a little wild again, and made a mental note to himself to neaten it up just in case he’d get busy with his fiancé anytime soon. He tugged the curly hair ever so slightly and drew out another breathy moan from himself. _God_ , Shintarou would tease him so good, would take his time… Or maybe, more realistically speaking, he’d bounce on him and have his way with him straight away. Shintarou _had_ to feel this frustration too, right? Kazunari’s brows knitted together ever so slightly.

 

He roamed his fingers on the spot right above the hilt of his cock that throbbed painfully. The movie continued but it was only background music for him now. Kazunari let out a shivery breath and slid the pads of his fingers lower, and then hungrily moved them around the base and squeezed. His body jolted forward. Already so sensitive, there was no way he’d survive longer than few minutes. His balls tightened, and he brushed the knuckle of his little finger against the sack. The throbbing inside him was insane, crafting his mind into a mush, a mess that he couldn’t really untangle on his own although he tried his best. A breath got stuck in his throat when he tried his best to solve the tight knots right underneath his navel, but it was difficult.

 

Already seeing stars on the dark backs of his eyelids, Kazunari fingered the sensitive bundle of nerves on the head. He whimpered and wanted nothing more than bury his face safe on Shintarou’s chest and feel the warmth. Catch the familiar scent that always reminded him of home. He rutted his ass against the couch. Although he wanted something inside him, he was too occupied to get up and find the lube and maybe one of their toys. Stuck with whatever he had, Kazunari enclosed his weeping cock in a tight fist and gave it the first bump.

 

He moaned a little louder than was necessary.

 

Crying out softly, he knew that Shintarou would have loved him like this, squirming and writhing and having the time of his life. His fingers felt so much different from Shintarou’s – his lover’s were long, lean and skillful although Shintarou loved to disagree with it, and they would have made him come in the matter of seconds under circumstances like these. His mouth suddenly so full with saliva and moans, Kazunari thumbed the sensitive slit. Pre-cum leaked out, made a slight mess, but he considered it kind of hot. He’d come in his pants, _yes_ , he wanted that, and afterwards he’d chuck them in laundry and pretended not to be a teenager all over again. The image of Shintarou drew on the star-filled darkness, and Kazunari moistened his lips. He thought of Shintarou’s smirk, the smug one, the one that tugged his lips up barely noticeably but looked so goddamn sexy. With that smirk on his lover’s lips Kazunari always knew he’d have a good time, and it was exactly that image that made him tug his cock in a fastening pace.

 

Shintarou would whisper dirty things in his ear. He’d do it coyly, and perhaps the things wouldn’t be as dirty to someone else, but Kazunari would love it. He could hear all the _good boy_ s and _I’m sure you like that_ s and breathed heavily through his nose. He fisted his dick even harder, his rhythm maddening. The way Shintarou’s muscles would flex when he’d shove inside him again and again and _again_ … His hole puckered and demanded attention, but he gave none to it. If only Shintarou would be here to thrust into him with his fat cock, everything would be so much better. Kazunari’s torso jolted forward, and he struggled to keep intact on the narrow couch. His dick jerked in his embrace. Oh, _god_ , if he could fuck Shintarou’s mouth… It had been _months_ since he had last gotten the chance to do that, but he wanted it so bad. He wanted to push Shintarou down on his knees and take a good hold of his head, slip his stiff sex in his mouth and fuck his jaw sore. Dragging groans escaped Kazunari one by one. He was going crazy, he knew it, he felt it, but he had no means to stop it.

 

He moved his free hand over his balls. It took a bit of wiggling and he ended up on his back on the couch, but it was worth it as he squeezed the heavy scrotum. His noises echoed in the house void from anyone but him and the cat, and he wasn’t ashamed one bit. No neighbors close by was actually a good thing, although there had been something wonderfully kinky in the fear of someone hearing.

 

His chest heaved irregularly, his breaths thick and laced with mucus, but he didn’t even bother to control them as he felt so close. He’d come any second, _fuck_ , if only Shintarou would be here to capture the mess in his burning palm that he’d enclose around him like he always did. Kazunari felt his expression mold into a cringe, surely the most unattractive thing there was, but Shintarou would kiss him all over, would tell him what a beauty he was, and other sweet nothings that would linger in his mind for days. Kazunari puffed out air from his cheeks and picked up the rhythm. His forearm grew tired, the muscle tensing and wanting to give up, but he forced it to continue just few moments more. Silly little seconds more, and he’d be finished…

 

“Shin-chan,” he murmured to the man that was nowhere to be seen. He squeezed his eyes tighter shut and imagined possessive hands all over his heated skin. “Shin…chan,” he moaned, and then turned it into a chant. “Shin-chan, Shin-chan, S-Shin- _chan_ …”

 

Arousal thrummed in his veins and finally shoved him over the edge. Sticky ropes of cum made a mess from his fingers, but it was exactly how he wanted it to be. Kazunari milked the finest of drops out of him, and only once his cock stopped twitching like a maniac did he open his eyes and stared at the high ceiling. Somehow he felt rather empty, although he should have been enjoying the afterglow that gave a pleasant bliss inside him. He pulled his hand away from his pants and stared at the fingers and the glue between them. His lungs rasped and his eyes turned sluggish, but he forced them to keep open. It had been good, but not excellent. Just a normal kind of masturbation, nothing special, not what he had really wanted and craved. With his cum-free hand Kazunari rubbed his eyelids and hid a yawn to his forearm.

 

With the slight unease snarling inside him he lifted his trembling body up. His knees buckled and wanted to throw him down on the floor over Ao, but he remained upright and dragged himself towards the bathroom. He really missed Shintarou if jacking off didn’t take away the flames inside him. Easily he could have taken sweet lovemaking or fucking straight afterwards. Although he felt sensitive whenever he brushed his fingers against his now softening cock, it didn’t quite feel enough. He wanted _more_. He wanted Shintarou, wanted the dampening foreheads and desperate hips and the gentle cuddling afterwards. Now he stepped under a gush of water, and it didn’t feel quite the same.

 

Kazunari sighed heavily and lifted his face up to rub his face clean. He really wanted to bring the issue up, but Shintarou was always so tired when he got back from work. Biting his lower lip, he wondered if they’d have a day off at the same time soon. If they did, _then_ he’d talk about it. Shintarou couldn’t be oblivious to the problem, either. Debating whether it really was a problem or not, Kazunari scrubbed himself clean, made sure there was no semen on his skin and glanced down at his chest. Red spots of lust covered the area and made his nipples appear even darker color than they actually were. He smiled silly to the sight and shook his head. His skin wasn’t as flushed as it was with Shintarou, but it didn’t seem too bad.

 

It took him a long moment before he even considered stepping out, and even then he allowed himself ten minutes more before he turned the shower off. He wrapped a towel around his waist and sluggishly moved back to the living room, looked around and puckered his lips. The couch didn’t seem inviting enough anymore; it was getting late, and there was no way he’d finish that movie. With a sigh toying on his lips Kazunari turned off the television and found a little cat circling his feet. He smiled at her and lifted her in his arms. She wasn’t a fan of the droplets of water licking his skin, but she didn’t struggle.

 

“What do you say if we go to bed, baby?”

 

She purred.

 

Taking it as a good sign of agreement, Kazunari booped his nose against hers before he let her down. She led the way, scratched the closed bedroom door furiously, and slipped inside with her tail proudly up as he opened the door. He ghosted her steps, left the door slightly open, hopped into a clean pair of boxers and one of Shintarou’s old shirts, and slipped under the warm covers. As shivers kissed his skin here and there, he rolled on his usual side and watched through the dimness how Ao took her new favorite spot over Shintarou’s pillow. Just like this they had spent too many nights alone without their loved one. The thought pulled the corners of Kazunari’s lips downwards. He reached his hand for her and gave her nape gentle rubs until she was purring deep from the lungs again.

 

He decided to stay up until Shintarou would come back, if only for the sake of welcoming back home.

 

To the sound of the front door being closed Kazunari stirred awake and gasped for breath. _Shit_ —he had really fallen asleep. At least he woke up in the right time. Rubbing his eyes with his fingertips, irritating them, he looked at the clock on the nightstand. Two am. He yawned loudly and forced his eyes to stay open. It would be no good if he would _now_ fall asleep again when there was only a few feet’s distance between them. He pressed his elbow to the mattress and leaned his cheek to his palm. The moment Shintarou stepped through the door was the moment a tired smile rose to Kazunari’s lips.

 

“Hey,” he called.

 

Shintarou jumped. “Fuck,” he cursed softly under his breath and clutched the front of his shirt. “You scared me. I thought you were sleeping.”

 

“I was. Kind of.” Kazunari bit his lower lip and rolled on his back on the bed. Shintarou’s steps were soft and soothing around the room. They made him smile even wider. He was quick to roll on his side to watch Shintarou’s figure dance in the darkness of the room. “How was your day?”

 

“Nothing special.”

 

“It feels like none of the days are very special…”

 

The bed creaked, and weight got distributed on the other side. Shintarou pressed a quick kiss on Kazunari’s forehead. “That’s just because they aren’t very special. People aren’t dying every day.”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari’s muscles tensed in anticipation. He waited to be scooped in arms that always held him close, but it didn’t happen. Instead, Shintarou moved fully on his side of the bed and turned on the lamp, brought a pile of papers over his chest and began to read. Dumbfounded, Kazunari stared at him. Then, slowly, he eased himself right next to the man and moved an arm over his chest. In his embrace Shintarou shifted and hummed. Kazunari pouted and took a peek towards the papers. Something medical. He cringed, but rubbed his lover’s chest gently. “You should be sleeping, hun,” he gently scolded.

 

“I need to finish this quickly, it’s only few pages.”

 

“Come on, Shin-chan, live a little… You should be sleeping.”

 

“I’ll be finished in ten, fifteen minutes, I promise.”

 

“You damn workaholic,” muttered Kazunari under his breath and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder. They were close, and Shintarou even moved an arm around his torso and pulled him closer, but it didn’t feel fully satisfying. Kazunari looked up at him again and examined his sharp profile. He felt a thud in his chest. “Gimme a kiss,” he said.

 

Shintarou sighed softly and looked at him behind the glasses. He looked more than ready to actually smile, but he didn’t as he leaned down and kissed him. It wasn’t the greatest kiss in the book of world’s greatest kisses, but it was sufficient. It left a nice tingle on his mouth and made him smile. Satisfied with what he got, Kazunari buried his face back near Shintarou’s neck and slipped his eyes close. He could tell apart Shintarou’s pulse, and it was lullaby enough for him. He didn’t fall asleep to it yet, though.

 

“…hey?” he asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Kazunari paused. He wasn’t sure whether this was the perfect moment to bring up the things that gnawed in his mind. He hesitated and swallowed quietly. In the end he decided to give up and said after a pause instead, “I missed you today.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

Shintarou sounded annoyingly absentminded, his gaze surely on his papers, but Kazunari didn’t look up to confirm. Grumbling and with a bad mood eating away his mind, he moved away from Shintarou and even turned his back at him. It took ten long minutes before Shintarou even realized it but when he did, he closed the light and spooned him. At least he was good at _something_ , thought Kazunari but couldn’t get rid of the pout on his face. He got a kiss on his shoulder and ‘goodnight’ murmured in his ear, and he supposed it was enough for now.


	125. Small Town

“ _I’m sorry, Kazunari-kun, today is not a good day_.”

 

Kazunari heaved out a heavy sigh and buried his face to the nearest cushion he had available. Like a little child he wanted to wiggle around and kick his legs here and there because seemingly no one wanted to play with him. It took him few seconds to collect himself back to a package more suitable to an adult. He pushed his posture back up and looked at the muted television, clenched the phone better in his hand.

  
“It’s okay,” he said and felt a hollow thud in his chest. “It’s okay, I’ll just call Kise or something.”

 

“ _Isn’t Midorima-kun at home?_ ”

 

“Nah, he’s out, and I got nothing to do… Thanks anyway, let’s meet up some other day.”

 

With a heavy heart he closed the call and threw the phone across the couch. He wasn’t sure who to curse, or whether he should curse anyone at all. It was finally Shintarou’s day off – in fact, it was day off for _both_ of them, but Shintarou was gone. Off to have dinner with his father, not even in the same city anymore. Kazunari knew he shouldn’t have felt the way he did, but he was annoyed. Not that we would have wanted to go to the dinner because he knew it was more of a father-son time than anything else, but he couldn’t get rid of the boredom inside him. It nagged his bones, made him want to do _something_ , but now even Tetsuya was busy.

 

He shook his head and unmuted the television, watched the cooking show that didn’t bring that much satisfaction in him. From the corner of his eye he followed Ao’s movements on the floor, and when she hopped on the couch with such grace in her bones, he pulled her in his lap. At least _she_ still wanted to be with him. She began to purr softly, her eyes slipping close, her tail gently swaying from one side to another. Kazunari swallowed in a sigh that wanted to escape him and focused on making the cat feel good over his thighs.

 

When he had bought this house, he hadn’t imagined all the time he was forced to spend here alone. It was too big for one person. He itched to call Shintarou but didn’t want to bother. Admittedly he wouldn’t have minded if _he_ was sometimes his fiancé’s first choice, that for once Shintarou would refuse some invitation because _they_ hadn’t spent proper quality time together. His loins still ached, nothing changing in _that_ department, and it made him grumble below his breath. It was slowly but steadily getting unbearable, and then he didn’t even have the chance to talk about it with Mr. Constantly Busy.

 

Kazunari grabbed his phone after all. His jaw clenched, he searched for Ryouta’s number instead of the one he _really_ wanted to call. Ryouta was a really good choice for hanging out, he thought, and a smile tugged on his lips.

 

After several beeps came a breathless, “ _Kise_.”

 

“Hey, hi, it’s, it’s me.” Kazunari muted the television again and smiled widely to the screen. “I was just wondering if you—“

 

“ _Kasamatsu-san, please!_ ” Ryouta giggled loud and cried out. “ _Please, I’m on the phone—just continue the cooking!_ ”

 

“—you’d like… to…” Kazunari cleared his throat and squeezed his eyes shut. “Sorry, is this a bad time?”

 

“ _What? Takaocchi, what did you say? I didn’t hear_.”

 

Kazunari craned his neck. “It’s nothing, sorry for interrupting.”

 

“ _Aw, you’re not interrupting!_ ” Again Ryouta giggled, in a way that made Kazunari question whether he really was concentrated on the call or the ‘Kasamatsu-san’ who sounded remotely familiar. “ _Sorry, what did you want to say?_ ”

 

“I was just, it’s nothing, really. You’re busy so it’s nothing special, it’s nothing that can’t wait for a day or two.”

 

Ryouta let out the sound of a pout. “ _Are you sure? Because I have time to listen!_ ”

 

“No, no, it’s okay.” Kazunari inhaled sharply and brought a smile on his lips although he knew his friend had no means to see it. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You’re coming with Akashi, right?”

 

“ _Right! I can’t wait, see you!_ ”

 

Kazunari held the phone against his ear even when he heard the annoying beeping sounds. It took him a moment to chuck the phone away but when he did, he promised not to pick it up again. He briefly thought of calling Tatsuya, but knowing him, if he was at home with Atsushi, he wouldn’t leave. He had been like that with Shintarou, too, always together, always enjoying each other’s companies… He slapped himself across the cheek and told himself to grow up. Who was he to complain when Shintarou was doing his work? Technically right now he wasn’t working, but by the time he’d come back he would fall on the bed and sleep, and that was that. He was supposed to be the happiest man in the world, engaged to the love of his life, but it seemed like everything else in the city were enjoying their lovers more than he had the chance to.

 

Grumpy and annoyed and feeling childish, he shoved the cushion out of his lap and got up on his feet. He closed the television and grabbed Ao with him, had all the intentions of going to the bedroom to nap with her, but she began to struggle in his arms. For few seconds he managed, but the cat turned stubborn and Kazunari had no other choice but to let her down. He gave her a stare.

 

“Traitor,” he muttered under his breath and marched to the bedroom, slammed the door shut behind his back and fell on Shintarou’s side of the bed. It didn’t smell or feel any different from his side, but it brought a sense of soothing in his chest. He yanked Shintarou’s pillow and hugged it against his chest, buried his nose to it, and if he took a careful enough sniff, it had a scent of their shampoo. Grumbling, Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and pulled himself to a small curl. If only the idiot would have a minute or two for him so he could just _talk_ how he felt, so they could somehow reach a solution. He moaned.

 

When he peeked up, his gaze went for Shintarou’s nightstand where he held a picture of the two of them in a frame. It was few years ago when the summer had been boiling and the cicadas making too many sounds. In the picture he held a sunny smile on his lips, wrapped safely in Shintarou’s arms, and although the man looked as sullen as ever, Kazunari knew there was a reason why it was his lover’s favorite picture. His bottom lip trembled, and he buried his face back to the pillow, felt more than ready to cry from frustration. He _missed_ the man on the picture, not that there had been anything fundamentally changing, but he wanted Shintarou to squeeze him so tight in his embrace again that he would be certain that nothing would ever be wrong.

 

Hoping that things would be different in the matter of few days, Kazunari rubbed his eyes to the edge of the pillow and didn’t move an inch anywhere anymore.


	126. Authority Figure

So much hurry in his feet, Shintarou speed-walked the distance from the car to home. He was quick to kick his shoes off and didn’t even stop to settle them neatly to their rightful places. His bag he threw on the floor and didn’t bother with the usual ‘I’m home’, not when he knew he was absolutely late from the schedule he had so carefully crafted in the morning before he had left for work. Emerging from the hallway to the living room, he gave a small nod to Kazunari to acknowledge his presence on the couch before he disappeared to the bedroom to get rid of his clothes.

 

From the bedroom door Kazunari peeked in and remained by the frame. “Hey.”

 

“Hey—I know I’m late, I’m sorry, a surgery dragged, how much do I have, ten minutes?” Naked, Shintarou wrapped a towel around his damp-from-sweat waist and tried to ignore the distinct scent oozing from him.

 

“About ten minutes, yeah… Hey.” Kazunari stopped Shintarou’s advance to the bathroom by blocking the way from him. There was a light frown on Kazunari’s face as he wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s waist and looked up. “Could we talk? I really think we should.”

 

Shintarou pressed a hasty kiss on Kazunari’s forehead and wiggled out of his embrace. “After Akashi and Kise are gone, okay? I really need to take this shower, I’m sweaty and dirty and I want to look at least a bit representable when they’re coming.”

 

“But Shin-chan—“

 

“Did you get something to snack from the store?” Shintarou marched to the bathroom door. “You know how Kise likes that.”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I got cookies if that makes a difference.” Kazunari shrugged.

 

Shintarou stopped on his tracks and looked at Kazunari. Somehow, his fiancé looked odd today. Somehow a lot less about the smile than usual, a little weary around the eyes. He puckered his lips in thought and felt his brows scrunch together. Maybe he was simply tired. Certain that he was only imagining it in the first place, he shook the thought off and rushed under the shower after chucking the towel on the floor.

 

Shivers invaded his skin as the warm gush of water burst over him from above. He moved his arms around his lengthy torso and hugged himself briefly, grabbed the shampoo bottle and began to work immediately. As much as he liked Seijuurou for being into the whole wedding planning thing, he would have preferred the meetings in days when he wasn’t busy. At least he’d be shower fresh if nothing more. He worked his fingers through the knots in his hair and tried to get shampoo to every strand whilst staring at the slick wall beside him. If Ryouta was also coming, he guessed the meeting to be something about their clothing. Not sure what the big deal of _that_ was, Shintarou rinsed his hair thoroughly and moved to scrub his body clean inch by inch.

 

He craned his neck and rubbed his shoulder, let out a yawn and got soap water in his mouth. If only he could slump down on the bed and relax, and eventually fall asleep… His stomach grumbled. Those cookies started to sound really attractive all of a sudden. He’d have a taste or two, and once their guests would be gone, he’d have dinner. Then go to bed and gather as much sleep as possible for another day at work. Approving his new plan, Shintarou hummed and scratched his nape clean. Certain that he still had plenty of time left, he stood still and let the water caress his body. His muscles clenched right beneath the skin and nearly made his knees buckle. It probably wasn’t a good thought to have, that he felt older than he was, but at least he was getting used to the rhythm and schedules of being a doctor. He moved his head from one side to another and cracked a bone, and let out a lengthy moan.

 

The door opened behind the steam. “They’re here,” Kazunari announced and was gone the same second.

 

_Shit_ —was that already ten minutes? Shintarou hurried to make sure that his skin was sparkling clean and closed the stream, wrapped a towel tightly around his waist and regretted the fact that he hadn’t brought clothes with him. He’d have to walk past them, not that it would have been the first time either of them saw him half-naked. Powered by the thought, he shook his head to get rid of the excess water from his hair and stepped out.

 

On the couch sat Seijuurou and Ryouta side by side, and he attracted both of their attentions as he closed the bathroom door behind his back.

 

“Looking good, Midorimacchi.” Ryouta grinned.

 

“Shut up.” Shintarou fixed his gaze on Seijuurou. “I’m sorry this is going to be delayed, I got stuck in work.”

 

“That’s quite all right. At least we’re not disappointed by the view.” Seijuurou flashed a wicked smile.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and made the point of walking faster to the safety of bedroom. Few minutes later he emerged back, damp skin buried under sweatpants and the first shirt he had found in their wardrobe. He settled to the armchair and let out a sigh, could hardly believe that he had made it in time, and rubbed his nape where water dripped down drop by drop. For few seconds he waited before he understood that Kazunari wasn’t seemingly coming yet.

 

“Kazunari?” he called.

 

“In a second,” echoed the muffled answer from the kitchen.

 

Shintarou nodded to himself and turned to the duo. He laced his gaze on Ryouta. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you since… You know.”

 

Ryouta smiled. “I’m fine, thanks. It’s going good, Aominecchi hasn’t…” His voice cracked ever so slightly. He cleared his throat. “Hasn’t come to bother anymore, really.”

 

“That’s because I let him know his place,” Seijuurou said dryly.

 

“I really don’t even want to know what you said to him.” Ryouta chuckled, although it was a little tense around the corners.

 

There was nothing Shintarou managed to say when Kazunari joined their company by balancing a tray in his hands. He let it down, remained on his feet for few seconds, and then seated on the arm of the chair where Shintarou sat. While their guests busied themselves with the tea and cookies, Shintarou rubbed his lover’s knee gently. He gained a look from Kazunari but nothing more. Frowning, he tried to attract his attention but didn’t succeed in it anymore. He wasn’t sure at all if there was something wrong. Kazunari didn’t exactly look pleased, his shoulders drawn tighter than usual, a smile on his lips but tension in his jaw. As much as Shintarou was curious, he didn’t know how to bring up the topic with their friends watching. He averted his gaze from Kazunari.

 

“We should get started, then,” Seijuurou announced after a sip from the tea. “I brought Ryouta with me so we can discuss about the suits.”

  
“Isn’t it a bit too early for that?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Oh, Midorimacchi, they’re going to be tailor-made, they’re not going to get it done in a blink of an eye.”

 

“But our figures can still change during the summer, can’t they?” Kazunari’s voice was strangely hollow.

 

Shintarou looked at him but didn’t get a glance back.

 

“You gotta make sure they won’t, Takaocchi, as simple as that.”

 

“More pressing things first, however,” Seijuurou interrupted. “I hope you have reached a decision on the invitations?”

 

Shintarou nodded and nudged Kazunari’s side as gently as he could. “Can you go and get the folder?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kazunari’s steps dragged, his shoulders slumping, his gaze almost glazed. Shintarou took a sharp inhale through his nose. Maybe they _should_ talk once Seijuurou and Ryouta were gone, because to him it looked like something weighed his fiancé’s mind. He cracked his fingers and kept his gaze keenly on the bedroom door, and attempted a smile when Kazunari walked back. A smile tugged up Kazunari’s mouth, but it was hardly the same as the sunny ones in most of the days. Afraid that he had done something wrong, Shintarou held in his breath but moved an arm around Kazunari’s waist when he returned beside him. He gained a kiss on the cheek and figured that things weren’t horribly wrong after all. It lifted the weight from his chest.

 

“There’s a bookmark on the right page, it’s the pastel orange-ish one.” Kazunari dragged his tongue across his lower lip. “And we’re working on the guest lists which Shin-chan should send to you by the end of this week.”

 

Seijuurou’s smile was pleasant. “Excellent, thank you. Very efficient, I’m fond of that. I think I’ll give the stage to Ryouta in that case.”

 

Shintarou relaxed on the chair and rested his hand on Kazunari’s hip.

 

“So, I’ve been thinking,” began Ryouta with a bubbly tone and moved to the edge of the couch. “I mean, there are countless of options. First I thought of the whole basic black suit slash white suit, but that’s dull.”

 

“Is it?” Shintarou asked.

 

“It is,” Kazunari admitted.

 

“Huh.”

 

“And then I thought, black and black suit, but we’re not going to a funeral,” Ryouta continued the babble. “And as I mentioned earlier already, I think we should do white and white, you know, to make it all… _wow_. ‘Cause it’d be stupid to only make one of you as the bride, so we might as well have you both in that.”

 

Shintarou blinked. It took him a moment to absorb everything, but eventually he nodded. “I’m… fine with whatever, really. Kazunari?”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and straightened his back. “White and white sounds good.”

 

“And we don’t have to make it pure white, either, we can play with the tones, one could have a bit of cream-colored suit, it’ll look super good in pictures. Midorimacchi could have a three-piece one because I’m sure he’d look super good in a vest, and Takaocchi wearing something simpler but still really pretty.”

 

“I’m really fine with whatever, as long as I have clothes,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Aw, come on, Midorimacchi, be a bit more enthusiastic!”

 

“I _am_ enthusiastic.”

 

“Your enthusiasm sucks in that case.” Ryouta took a bite from a corner of a cookie and munched it in all peace before he continued. “Then I was thinking, are we going to have any bridesmaids?”

 

Kazunari turned to Shintarou. “Do you think Youko wants to do it?”

 

“Probably,” Shintarou murmured.

 

“We’ll likely have one,” Kazunari said.

 

“Good.” Ryouta nodded. “Since we’re gonna have more groomsmen, their ties could somehow match her dress… The bestmen could have something different, to make them a bit more distinct from the rest, to make it special and everything.”

 

“That sounds good. I really like that.”

 

The sound of a familiar ringtone echoed in the house. Shintarou frowned lightly. It took him a moment to realize it was _his_ phone. “Yeah, I like that… too, excuse me for a second.”

 

Under Kazunari’s gaze he got up and hurried to his phone. His frown deepened upon seeing the hospital’s number on the screen. The chatter between the men continued, and Shintarou found it a good time to slip to the peace of the bedroom.

 

“Midorima,” he answered.

 

“ _Hayashi. We need you here_.” Straight to point, like she always did.

 

Shintarou pressed his back to the wardrobe. “Is something the matter?”

 

“ _Your patient from one-oh-four needs an immediate surgery, her heart is failing, so drag your ass back here right this second_.”

 

He didn’t get further explanation when she already ended the call. Taking a deep breath through his nose, Shintarou released it through his mouth and hung his head. Tiredness already gnawed in the back of his head, but he knew he couldn’t refuse, not when his patient’s life was at stake. He worked his fingers over his forehead and massaged the spot for a second before he brought hurry back in his bones. He shoved a clean pair of work clothing to the nearest bag he found and rushed out of the room. The patient’s heart shouldn’t have been failing, not after such a recent surgery… Maybe there had been a complication of some sort, or something he had missed, hopefully not the latter—

 

“Shin-chan, what do you think of… Where are you going?” Kazunari asked. Something about his expression was broken.

 

“I’m sorry.” His first words he directed to Seijuurou and Ryouta, and then stopped right beside Kazunari. He gave him a brief kiss on the temple. “I need to go back to the hospital, my patient needs surgery right now.”

 

Kazunari frowned and grabbed Shintarou by his sleeve. “But… can’t some other doctor take care of that? Why do you need to go back after a long shift?”

 

“I’m really sorry, but I’m going to be back in a bit. Don’t worry about it.”

 

“But—“

 

“I trust on your judgment, all right? Choose whatever these two make you choose, I’ll back your decision hundred percent, you know I’m fine with everything.” Shintarou ruffled Kazunari’s hair and waved his hand to the duo on the couch together with a new ‘sorry’ slipping from his mouth.

 

He didn’t get farther than the hallway when Kazunari yanked him to full stop by his arm.

 

“Shin-chan.” Kazunari’s voice strained. “Are you being serious right now? You _really_ need to go?”

 

Shintarou sighed and pushed his shoes on. “Listen, I’m not too happy to go back there after being there for the whole day, but I need to be there right now. The situation seems serious.”

 

“But you’re going to be gone for hours again.”

 

“So?”

 

Kazunari let go of Shintarou’s arm and shrugged. He averted his gaze and licked his lips, then shrugged again. “Whatever.” He bit his lower lip for a small pause. “Come back safe, I guess.”

 

“Hey…” Shintarou closed the distance between them and lifted Kazunari’s chin up ever so slightly. He knew when his lover was moody, and this was exactly the moody state of his. His own attempt of a smile wasn’t amazing. “I’ll be back in a bit, I promise. It shouldn’t be too long of a surgery, you won’t even notice that I’m gone.”

 

“Right.”

 

“I’ll see you later.” Shintarou gave him a quick kiss on the lips and was gone before he could hear whether Kazunari had something to say or not. There was an unpleasant churn at the very bottom of his stomach, but it disappeared as soon as he reached the hospital and was ready to be a doctor once more.


	127. I Saw It In the Sky

**7 th OF MAY  
**\- _third year of high school / first year of university_ -

 

He shouldn’t have listened to his mother. Shintarou clutched his fingers around the small bouquet of flowers and, upon looking at them for the hundredth time, he came again to the conclusion that he shouldn’t have listened to his mother. Giving flowers was something forty year olds did when they cheated their wives in their midlife crisis, not something he was supposed to do when he tried to crawl back to the safety of a lost relationship. He clenched his teeth and battled the urge to throw the bouquet away every time he passed a garbage bin. Then again… If there was one person that would appreciate the gesture, it would be Kazunari for sure. All he needed was to see a smile on the lips of the person he loved the most.

 

_I love him_. He took a deep breath through his nose and hastened his steps. _I love him, I love him, I love him._ He had been so stupid, so idiotic to let something so precious slip away from him. Maybe he was still nothing but a child, but he _knew_ that he wanted to be with Kazunari. No one else would be good enough. No one else would bring his heart rate up like this like Kazunari did. His pulse pounded hard in his chest, his fingers damp around the flowers. Thankfully it was a beautiful day for making up disagreements – the sun had climbed high on the sky, the birds tweeted, cuddled together on branches of cherry blossom trees, and made everything seem a bit more summery.

 

Few more minutes’ walk, Shintarou realized and picked up the pace. He wanted to run the rest of the distance because he couldn’t wait anymore, couldn’t handle another second without being in the presence of Kazunari, but he refused to run. It would make him sweat and his face red (as if the fluster wouldn’t be enough redness already), and he wanted to look presentable. He wanted to look like he would still be a good boyfriend despite the horrible way he had ended their relationship in the fit of stupidity and naivety.

 

Despite that, he practically ran around the corner to the familiar street where the Takao household was located in. Nearing the correct gate, he came to a full halt. His eyes widened, and his heart leapt to his throat.

 

By the gate stood Kazunari but not alone. His ex-boyfriend’s fingers were tangled in sky-blue hair and they tugged the other boy closer. _Tetsuya_. Shintarou’s hand clenched to a tight fist. They kissed. Kazunari smiled and said something in between, and they kissed again. Shintarou breathed hard, and then couldn’t breathe at all. Why were… Kazunari and Tetsuya? _Tetsuya?_ His ex-boyfriend and his sort-of-friend? How _could_ they? Shintarou stumbled a step back. If he’d be quiet enough, he could flee the scene… The image of the kiss was glued in his mind, though, made him tremble, made him gasp for breath. It wasn’t happening. It wasn’t happening, it wasn’t happening, it _wasn’t_ happening.

 

He squeezed the flowers in his grasp and wanted to chuck them away. He was stupid, _so stupid_ for thinking that Kazunari wouldn’t move on. Kazunari was… kind and gentle and appealed to people. Of course someone would see him in the same light. Shintarou hiccupped, his chest jolting violently. The corners of his eyes itched, turned somehow hotter, turned wetter. He had come to talk, not get his… heart broken again. Shintarou inhaled sharply and wanted to escape. Fleeing was the only thing solid in his mind as he stumbled another step back and decided to leave quietly. Kazunari had moved on. Kazunari wouldn’t take him back again.

  
His plans of leaving without noticing misfired because of a step to the wrong direction. Shintarou bumped against a garbage bin that fell down with a loud crash, and he froze to place. He squeezed his eyes shut and shielded his face with the bouquet, naively thinking that it would change anything. When he did have the guts to open his eyes and peek towards the new couple, he saw Kazunari’s eyes wide. Kazunari grabbed Tetsuya by his shoulders and yanked him away. He stared at him like he had seen a ghost, and Shintarou felt like one for the first time in his life. Just like a ghost, unwanted, and really shouldn’t have been here.

 

“Shin…chan?” Kazunari’s voice broke in the middle of the call.

 

Shintarou pulled himself together. He cleared his throat and straightened his posture. “I was on my way… This way. Um. Have fun.” He turned to his heels.

 

“Wait, Shin-chan!” Kazunari ran and caught up with him in ease. He looked up at him and made Shintarou’s pulse thicken even more than before. The frown on Kazunari’s face was deep but he didn’t move away to create at least a bit of distance. Just like this Shintarou could have easily wrapped his arms around him and hug him like they were still in love with each other… Kazunari swallowed hard but brought a small smile on his lips. “You brought flowers,” he said.

 

Shintarou glanced at the bouquet and shrugged. “Yeah.”

 

“Pretty.”

 

The silence that followed was heavy. Shintarou’s palm dampened, and he was somewhat afraid of somehow ruining the flowers by holding them in his hands. He wanted to offer them to Kazunari but didn’t in the fear of rejection. Writhing under Kazunari’s gaze, Shintarou couldn’t bring himself to look at him in return. His chest tightened and hurt unbelievably so, and somehow he was more than ready to cry. He wanted to get down on his knees and start begging, but couldn’t, not in public. The wind wished and brought a gentle tune in his ears, and finally he looked up from his toes. The smile on Kazunari’s lips was somehow broken but so painfully beautiful. It was a smile Shintarou wanted to kiss to make it better, but couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t, not when… His insides trembled.

 

Steps echoed. He tensed, and his eyes went wide when Tetsuya took his seemingly rightful place beside Kazunari. They really looked together. Well-balanced, like a beautiful couple. Shintarou averted his gaze.

 

Tetsuya murmured, “I should get going, Kazunari-kun.”

 

“You just got here,” Kazunari whispered in return.

 

“I think I’m still going. I’ll see Kazunari-kun some other time.” A small kiss on the cheek, and Tetsuya was gone, but not really _gone_. The weight of his presence remained.

 

Intensely Shintarou stared at the hood of the nearby car and frowned deep. He should go, too. He had already ruined a lovers’ meeting, thus he didn’t have any right to even be in the neighborhood that had felt like a second home to him. Breathing heavily through his nose, he felt prickling everywhere on his skin. His cheeks glowed with heat. He _had_ expected to get his heart broken, but not before even stepping through the door.

 

“Do you want to come in?” Kazunari’s voice shivered slightly under the breath. “To, um… To talk, I guess.”

 

It took some effort to collect himself again. “Sure.”

 

Every single cell and muscle in his body screamed for him to turn around and ran fast when Shintarou shadowed Kazunari’s steps to the house that he had grown so accustomed to. He knew where things were, where cookies and candy were hidden in the kitchen, where extra towels were stored, where Kazunari hid his stash of condoms in his room. The latter made Shintarou’s heart pound fiercely upon a thought he didn’t want to have. Did Tetsuya know about the stash, too? He wanted to sink down on his knees. Or punch himself. He did neither as he obediently followed Kazunari to the kitchen and took a seat. Kazunari remained on his feet, back turned to him. When he turned around, he still held a smile on his face. The smile was friendly but oddly distant.

 

“We should put the flowers in water,” Kazunari murmured and took them from Shintarou.

 

Their fingers brushed against each other, and both of them jolted. For a moment they stared into each other’s eyes, and then both averted his gaze. The spot where Kazunari’s finger had touched now burned. Shintarou stared at the surface of the table intensely and felt a tension around his shoulders. Kazunari placed a vase in the middle of the table, and carefully Shintarou glanced up. The flowers looked pretty. He still regretted listening his mother, however.

 

“Tea?” asked Kazunari, his voice weak.

 

“Sure.”

 

In silence Shintarou listened the water boil and watched Kazunari putting tea leaves to two cups. He laced his fingers together and pulled them ever so slightly in an attempt to collect his thoughts in something at least remotely coherent. He had prepared a grand speech in his bedroom before he had even thought of coming here, but all the words now disappeared. The harder he tried to grasp them the farther they ran away, mocking him.

 

He startled when a cup was nudged in front of him. Politely he nodded and took a careful sip, and felt his heart sank to his belly. His favorite tea. The chair by the other side of the table screeched, and Kazunari took a seat.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat, and in an attempt to get rid of the embarrassing silence he asked, “Aren’t your parents at home?”

 

“No,” Kazunari breathed. “No, they’re… They went out, they’re not coming back in a while.”

 

“Mm.” Shintarou’s fingers trembled, so bad that the cup quivered in his grasp. He had to put it down on the table to conceal his nervousness, but he wasn’t sure whether he really managed.

 

“You don’t look so good,” Kazunari said softly.

 

Shintarou shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“I really—really shouldn’t be here.” Shintarou wanted to push up but couldn’t. His limbs refused to move. He cringed. “I interrupted your time with your lover, and I apologize.”

 

“Shin-chan, it’s not like that.” Kazunari moved a hand over his and squeezed his knuckles. “It’s not like that—“

 

“I saw you two kissing.” Shintarou took a deep breath and pulled his hand to himself although the touch felt good. He rubbed his eyes behind his glasses and let out a joyless laughter. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… You’re free to do whatever you want with other people, I shouldn’t feel this jealous.”

 

“I’m telling you, Shin-chan, it’s _not_ like that.” Kazunari whined under his breath and buried his face to his palms. “I’m a terrible person…”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. Seeing Kazunari like this, shoulders slumped and hiding his face, made him want to take him in his arms and soothe him the little he knew how to. He wanted to move to the empty seat beside him but didn’t dare to. Quietly he cleared his throat. “What do you mean?”

 

Kazunari looked up at him and offered a broken smile. “I’m just leading him on.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m just… I have to do something so bad to someone else because I can’t get over your sorry ass.”

 

“I…” Shintarou stumbled over his syllables. He was still quick to continue, “I want to get back together with you.”

 

Kazunari’s stare was wide-eyed. “What?” he whimpered.

 

“I want… I w-want to be with you.” Shintarou pushed his bangs out of the way. “I don’t—I can’t be without you, Takao. That’s… That’s it, I guess.”

 

“But you broke up with me.”

 

“I know, but—“

 

“And now you want me back.”

 

Chewing his bottom lip, Shintarou nodded.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Kazunari breathed.

 

Shintarou nodded again.

 

“Wait, wait, let me just… Let me remember how to breathe again.” Kazunari took deep breaths through his mouth and looked ready to hyperventilate, but he seemingly got it in control. He patted the chair beside them. “Firstly, drag your ass over here.”

 

Shintarou obeyed without hesitation and sat down beside Kazunari. Their knees pressed together. It brought electricity inside Shintarou, and he shuddered.

 

“Secondly…” With an open palm Kazunari slapped Shintarou on the cheek.

 

Gasping, Shintarou moved his fingers immediately to the spot. If he pressed hard enough it hurt, but he was certain that it wouldn’t cause a swelling. Maybe a bit of bruising at the end of the day, but Kazunari hadn’t hit him hard. Given the circumstances, Kazunari probably should have punched him with all his might.

 

“You deserved that,” Kazunari said.

 

“I did.”

 

“I’m hurt by the things you said.”

 

Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat. He stared down at his lap. “I know.”

 

“You hurt me, Shin-chan.”

 

“I—I know.”

 

“But I guess I’ll take the fucking express train to hell, because _yes_.”

 

“Yes… what?” Frowning, Shintarou had the courage to look up at Kazunari and jumped. Tears prickled in Kazunari’s eyes, but he was smiling. It was the smile he knew the best.

 

“If you want to get back together, then I’m good with that.” Kazunari’s lips tugged higher. He let out a teary sob and rubbed his eyes to the sleeve of his shirt. “If you’ll take me back, I’ll do it.”

 

“No—No, it should be _you_ taking _me_ back.” Shintarou brought his fingers to Kazunari’s knees and pulled them back to himself immediately. Too soon. He clutched them in fists. “I was the one who—Takao, don’t cry.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. His shoulders trembled. “I can’t help it, Shin-chan, you idiot…”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m really, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry, Takao— _Kazunari_.”

 

“Are you going to do it again?”

 

“Never.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kazunari took few sharp breaths and hiccupped. “Are you _certain_ that you won’t get cold feet again?”

 

“I won’t,” Shintarou promised. His pulse pounded hard, echoed in his chest. This was it—he was so close to achieve what he had come here to do, and now he only needed to give the right answers. Afraid that he would mess up, he felt his eyes burn and itch again. His bottom lip trembled, but he refused to cry. “I won’t. I won’t do that to you again, I… never. Never again.”

 

Kazunari’s smile softened around the edges. He took Shintarou’s hands to his own and tangled their fingers together. “You were always a shitty liar,” he murmured.

 

“I still am,” Shintarou whispered.

 

“I can tell you’re not lying right now.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

Kazunari looked straight in his eyes. “Am I good enough for you?”

 

Shintarou nodded feverishly.

 

“Even when you’ll become that great doctor you always wanted to be… Will I still be good enough for you?”

 

“Always.” Shintarou couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. They dripped down on his cheeks, but at least his glasses were slightly covering for him. “Always. We might—might not be even adults yet, but I’m going to marry you someday, all right? I’m going to buy you a house and I’m never going to leave you again.”

 

Kazunari chuckled and sniffled. “It better be a good house.”

 

“It will be the best house you have ever seen.”

 

Without another word Kazunari got up on his feet and leaned close enough to hug him. Shintarou let out a gross sob and moved his arms around the other boy’s torso, hugged him tight against his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. This warmth embracing him, he would never let it go anymore. He never wanted to hurt Kazunari like this again, never wanted to let thoughtless words escape from his mouth and create a mess that had been nearly too hard to untangle. He worked his fingers through the dark hair and tugged Kazunari closer, squeezed him in his arms, and didn’t want to let go.

 

However, he let loose just enough to kiss Kazunari’s temple. He slipped his lips to his cheek and kissed the spot, and when Kazunari pulled back enough, he went for his mouth. He didn’t reach the target when Kazunari moved his fingers gently against his lips.

 

“I can’t,” Kazunari whispered.

 

“What?” whimpered Shintarou.

 

Kazunari kissed his fingers. The warmth reached just enough to Shintarou’s lips. “I’ve already hurt Tetsuya too much, I’m not gonna two-time now.” He smiled and pulled back, and brushed Shintarou’s hair behind his ear with a tender smile on his lips. “I’m going to have to break up with him first.”

 

Shintarou nodded. With a weak voice he muttered, “Understandable.”

 

“Give me few days.” Kazunari pressed his lips on Shintarou’s forehead and rested them there for few long seconds. When he pulled back, he moved his forehead against Shintarou’s. “I love you,” he whispered below his breath.

 

A lump rose to Shintarou’s throat. He was ready for another wave of tears. “I love you too,” he admitted with a choked voice.

 

He moved his arms back around Kazunari and hoped that he was allowed to do that. It seemed he was when Kazunari took a grasp of him. Relieved, he hugged Kazunari and buried his face to his neck. He let out few more sobs again, ashamed to be crying, but Kazunari was the only person who he would be willing to cry in front of. Hiccupping and allowing low cries from his mouth, Shintarou felt his heart beat normally again after agonizing weeks. He smiled silly against Kazunari’s skin.


	128. Busy People

Whenever commercials started in the show he was watching, Kazunari gave little glances to Shintarou who sat on the other end of the couch. There was a small smile toying with his lips, and he hoped it was enough to get his fiancé’s attention to him. It seemed like the impossible mission as Shintarou had his eyes tightly nailed at the research papers he had started to read. For the full duration of four, five minutes Kazunari did his best, but the show continued before he got a single reaction from the man. Puffing his cheeks, then pouting, he grabbed a cushion and hugged it against his chest, and turned to the television again.

 

He couldn’t understand. He tried but he just couldn’t. They had a day off tomorrow, and for once they were home together at a reasonable time. It was perfect timing, and Shintarou had insisted on reading stupid medical papers. Kazunari squeezed the pillow better to his chest but still felt his heart do a lousy job. They had the perfect chance to be intimate and snuggle and cuddle and _maybe_ have a bit of sex, but Shintarou didn’t seem interested in any of that. It seemed like they were seventeen all over again when Kazunari had been confused whether they were even together or not because Shintarou hadn’t initiated anything, but this was different. They were getting _married_. Weren’t they supposed to be all lovey-dovey? Kazunari grumbled and pressed his chin to the cushion. There was an ache in his hips and it traveled with the speed of light to his cock.

 

If Shintarou wasn’t going to initiate it, _hell_ , he was.

 

Confident about his seduction skills, Kazunari discarded the pillow and the television show. He pulled his legs to the couch with him and crawled on the other side, settled beside Shintarou and rested his cheek on his shoulder. The man said nothing. Kazunari still pushed a smile on his lips and kissed Shintarou’s cheek.

 

“Hey, baby,” he whispered. He moved a hand on Shintarou’s knee and squeezed gently, then drew circles with his fingertips. Shintarou quivered, but it was the only reaction he got. Not one to be discouraged, Kazunari straightened his posture and trailed a line of kisses on the man’s jaw. “Mm… Why don’t you forget those papers for a bit and play with me?”

 

“In a moment,” muttered Shintarou and turned the page.

 

Another set of grumbles escaped Kazunari, but he tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest. He worked his hand closer to the groin. He had to admit that Shintarou was a sight wearing nothing but boxers and a shirt. The fine hair covering his thighs felt good underneath his fingers, the legs long and the muscles tensing under the sheer layer of skin. Purring, Kazunari brought his mouth to Shintarou’s ear and nipped the shell of it gently. “Come on…” His voice was heated and breathless. “I’m super needy for you, Shin-chan…”

 

“In a moment,” was all he managed to lure out of Shintarou.

 

Kazunari huffed and sat back on his heels. He stared at the man’s profile that didn’t twitch at all, all of the concentration purely on the papers. Not sure what the hell he had to do to get a bit of attention, his insides were seething. Was this what his life had become? He felt like the wives in the annoying dramas that he didn’t like to watch. Maybe he should have so he’d know what to do. Chewing his bottom lip, he eyed the bulge on Shintarou’s front. The tight fabric left practically nothing for imagination, and the way Shintarou’s cock curved lazily towards his thigh made Kazunari’s breath hitched. He just wanted that inside him – was it really too much to ask? His dick throbbed.

 

Maybe approaching Shintarou by words had been the wrong tactic. Kazunari took in a deep breath and inched closer again. He planted his lips on the man’s shoulder and gave it a gentle kiss. It didn’t stir a reaction. Grinning to his own master plan, Kazunari was quick to lower himself down and kiss Shintarou’s knee. With slow kisses he approached the thigh, his own ass high in the air, his cock giving jerks and twitches under his pants. He dragged his tongue along and spent several moments kissing and sucking Shintarou’s inner thigh. Finally Shintarou groaned, and Kazunari grinned against the skin.

 

His hopes crumbled when Shintarou merely petted his hair and brought the papers away from him to continue reading.

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes. Not enough, _huh_? He rubbed his fingers to the band of the boxers and trailed kisses to the same spot. Shintarou’s dick was so close, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been so near of it. His mouth watered, and without a second thought he hungrily brought his lips over the shape. He kissed the sex, made the fabric wet, and rubbed and fondled the balls. He worked his hips against the couch, his muscles tightening. Victory was his for sure.

 

He gasped for breath when Shintarou nudged him away. Shintarou stared at him.

 

“What are you doing? I told you, I’m trying to read this thing.”

 

Kazunari glared at him, then brought himself back up. _Fuck this. Fuck that guy_. He crossed his arms tight over his chest and muttered below his breath, mostly to himself, “I’m sorry I need to beg for my own fiancé to have sex with me.”

 

“What are you mumbling about?” There was an edge of sharpness around Shintarou’s tone.

 

“I’m not _mumbling_ about anything.” Kazunari gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. It wasn’t enough to stop the words bursting from his mouth. “I’m saying that apparently in this house I need to start _begging_ for you to have sex with me.”

 

Shintarou shook his head, the corners of his lips tensing. He didn’t say a word but brought his gaze back on the text.

 

It was the final drop in Kazunari’s bucket. He grabbed the neat pile of papers, yanked it to himself from the surprised fingers of his lover and threw it across the floor. Shintarou huffed and gave him a glare.

 

“Why did you do that now?”

 

“Because you won’t pay any attention to me.”

 

A joyless chuckle escaped Shintarou as he got up on his feet and approached the scattered mess. “What are you, five? You’re an adult man, for god’s sake.”

 

Kazunari took the nearest cushion and threw it to Shintarou who froze in the middle of the room. “You don’t even get it, do you? How much of an idiot do you have to be for not even paying a single drop of attention to your stupid fiancé? My balls are practically blue, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou straightened his posture and looked menacing with his length towering before him. He crossed his arms. “What is your problem?”

 

For the sake of it Kazunari got up as well. He crossed his arms, too. “We don’t have _any_ sex anymore,” slithered from his mouth.

 

“Yes, we do.”

 

“Yeah? When was the last time we fucked?”

 

There was a silence.

 

 “See? You can’t even remember!”

 

“It was—“ Shintarou started very energetic, but it dropped to his feet immediately. “It was…”

  
“Don’t bother, because even I can’t remember.” Kazunari puckered his lips. “And I’ve _tried_ , all right, I’ve _tried_ to get you in the mood, but it’s never good enough for you.”

 

“I’ve tried as well!” Now, Shintarou shouted. He took a step closer. “I tried as well, but you were too tired, so don’t blame me.”

 

“You tried _once_!” Kazunari spread his arms apart. He really itched to grab another cushion and throw it against Shintarou’s face. The mere idea gave him more satisfaction than it should have. “But I’ve tried multiple times, but Mr. Doctor here is too busy with reading some shitty papers to even _look_ at his fiancé. See this ring? You see this ring?” Kazunari lifted his hand and pointed at his finger. “You’re stuck with me now. You’re so stuck with me—“

 

“I’m not _stuck_ with you, I _chose_ to be with you.”

 

“Then why won’t you give me any affection?” Kazunari huffed. He rubbed his eyes and hung his head a little down. “I _need_ that affection. Am I asking for the moon? Am I asking for the stupid moon, Shintarou? All I needed was ten, fifteen minutes of your time. The sex wouldn’t have been a problem if you at least touched me, held me close, and made me feel like I’m still important to you in that way!”

 

Shintarou frowned deep. “You could have talked to me about this.” His tone scolded, blamed.

 

“I tried!” Kazunari nearly bounced on his two feet. “I tried, but Mr. Important Doctor is so busy all the time that I can’t muster a word out when you’re running off again!”

 

“That’s called doing my job, Kazunari.” Shintarou’s jaw clenched. “You’ve _known_ ever since med school that it would be like this. I’ve _warned_ you that being a doctor means sometimes doing sacrifices—“

 

“But I’m your fiancé!” He hadn’t wanted to cry, but now Kazunari felt his eyes itch. Why did Shintarou had to have such a thick head? The first tears spilled but he didn’t care. He stared up at Shintarou with all of his might. “I’m your _fiancé_ , Shintarou. You can’t sacrifice _me_ for the sake of your stupid work.”

 

Shintarou sighed shortly. “What do you want me to do, then? Not work so we can have a bit more sex?”

 

“You just… You just don’t get it…”

 

“I get it! I get it, all right. I. Get. It. I’m affected by this situation, too, do you think I’m not feeling the lack of sex? I do, but I’m also adult enough to bear with the current situation so afterwards I can solely concentrate on you—“

 

“You’re just talking so much bullshit,” Kazunari said. “You know me. You _know_ me, Shintarou, and you _know_ that I’m a person who likes to have that physical intimacy. You know that I like it, you know that I’m craving for it, or are you still trying to figure that out after ten years?”

 

“I’ve also figured out that sometimes you lack the functions of an adult.”

 

Kazunari felt his bottom lip tremble. His breath quickened as he stared at Shintarou. Maybe Shintarou realized what he had said, too, because the man attempted to move closer but Kazunari put his hand up. He really didn’t want him in his personal space at the moment, not when he was trying to catch up with his words. Although he knew that fighting didn’t solve anything, his mind was too in a haze to try and talk it calmly though. His insides trembled. “I’m so mad at you right now,” he began, “that I could just grab this stupid ring and throw it to your face.”

 

Shintarou let out a huff. It sounded almost amused. “Do it, then. If that makes you feel better, do it. As long as we’re engaged afterwards, do whatever you want.”

 

Lifting his gaze up at Shintarou, he stared at him dead in the eyes. He grabbed his finger and pulled the ring out, knew that he was being childish, but Shintarou had clearly dared him. He wasn’t backing out from a dare. Inhaling sharply, he threw the ring at his fiancé. It hardly reached its target. More than done with the conversation, Kazunari marched towards the bedroom but turned around on his heels a second later. He quickly shuffled to Shintarou and crouched to pick the ring back to himself. “You’re such an asshole,” he spat out.

 

Shintarou sighed when he walked off again. “Where are you going now?”

 

“To bed! Have fun with your stupid papers, see if they kiss you when you’re lonely!”

 

He could have handled it so much better, without shouting, with a more adult-like grip on things. Kazunari knew it so painfully well but still slammed the bedroom door shut behind him. In the silence of the room he took quick breaths and didn’t bother with anything else as he stripped down on his underwear and slipped beneath the blankets. In the warmth he finally broke down. He cried softly and sniffled, didn’t really feel like an adult to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. He tugged the extra pillow he always had to his chest and curled around it, buried his face to it and didn’t care that he couldn’t properly breathe.

 

Although he sobbed and felt thoroughly ridiculous, he knew he needed the moment to be like this. His insides ached from loneliness, a faint throb still in his groin. It wasn’t his fault that he was a person who liked to be close with the one he loved. He broke into further tears and muffled the sounds to the pillow.

 

The door opened carefully behind his back. He tensed and stared at the balcony with widened eyes. Shintarou breathed heavy, a little broken. The bed creaked when weight was distributed on the other side. Shintarou touched his shoulder, and Kazunari whined.

 

“Don’t touch me,” he grumbled and shoved Shintarou’s hand away.

 

“Kazunari…”

 

“Don’t.” He pulled the blanket better over him, only leaving his face uncovered.

 

From the way the bed kept creaking and the mattress shifting it was easy to judge that Shintarou lied down beside him. “I’m sorry,” Shintarou tried. He continued after a small moment, “I’m done with the papers now.”

 

“I don’t care,” Kazunari muttered to the pillow.

 

“Kazunari…” Shintarou rested his hand on Kazunari’s waist and tried to pull him closer. “I’m really done with the papers now. I’m—I’m done reading. Won’t you turn around?”

 

“No.”

 

“Kazu…”

 

“Just get off of me, okay?” Kazunari sniffled and wiggled in an attempt to get Shintarou’s hands away from him.

 

“Are you crying?”

 

“…no.”

 

Shintarou breathed hard. “Kazu, please—“

 

“No! You’re gonna sleep on your own side of the bed tonight, so don’t touch me, be so kind.”

 

Eventually Shintarou gave up and rolled away, but not out of the bed. Kazunari hugged the pillow against his chest a little tighter. He would have loved nothing more than to bury himself in his lover’s arms and get the long fingers stroking his hair, but his ego didn’t work that way. His ego was too stubborn for that right now. Right now he wanted nothing more than to sulk, and he knew that Shintarou had seen enough of him to know when to give up. Once more Kazunari sniffled and then squeezed his eyes shut.

 

He couldn’t tell anymore if he was right or wrong about the issue. He felt stupid for craving sex like this, like he was nothing but a horny teenager. But it _was_ important to him, had always been an important aspect of their relationship, and they had never had problems like this before. Sure, they had had their dry spells like any couple did, but right now it was more straining than ever before. He buried his face better to the pillow. Shintarou shifted on the other side uncomfortably several times and made him even more annoyed. Sleep didn’t find him until an hour later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy do I love drama.


	129. Waterfall

Shintarou woke up a moment too soon. As much as he still wanted to sleep because his eyes were heavy and painted together, once he regained consciousness he couldn’t anymore. He let out a quiet grunt of annoyance and tried to decide what time it was without opening his eyes yet. Not able to reach a satisfactory guess, he had no other choice but to rub his eyelids enough for them to open.

 

Sunshine danced on the room through the curtains. Speckles of dust twirled around in the air, and behind the window birds chirped. It would have been a perfectly lovely morning to spend together with his fiancé, but the said fiancé was gone. The only thing remaining of him were wrinkles on the other side of the bed together with a line of pillows in the perfect middle of the bed. Kazunari must have crafted such a fortified wall at some point during the night, and the sight of it made Shintarou’s heart skip a beat in the worst way possible. He pressed his cheek against the damp pillow and simply looked at Kazunari’s side. Feeling like it was all his fault, he rubbed the cold sheets with the pads of his fingers.

 

He didn’t like to go to sleep with a fight simply because of this. Waking up was the worst part, because there was the blissfully ignorant moment when he couldn’t remember a thing, and then everything came back, dropping down like a waterfall ready to suffocate him. Thoughts gnawed in the back of Shintarou’s mind, and he forced himself to sit up. No use in lying in the bed longer than usual, he supposed. He reached over to grab his glasses and saw the room in a whole new high definition. It still looked lonely. The house sounded empty, and he only hoped that beyond the door he still even had a fiancé to begin with. It hadn’t seemed like the worst fight ever (they had been through worse), but Kazunari was stubborn. Kazunari was one of the most stubborn persons he had met, and it was dangerous because Kazunari hid his stubbornness. Shintarou hung his head and rubbed his aching nape. It hadn’t been a good night’s sleep without hugging his lover to his chest.

 

Feeling like he had already spent too much time in bed, Shintarou got up. He pulled a shirt from the wardrobe and didn’t bother with pants as he opened the door and got greeted by a brighter sunshine. He squeezed his eyes shut and then shielded his vision with his forearm. The living room was eerily empty, the television not on like it usually was in the mornings that they managed to spend together. Certain that Kazunari had come around because it was a day that they were home together at the same time, Shintarou took a deep inhale and tiptoed towards the kitchen. He peeked behind the doorway and let out a sigh of relief once he spotted his fiancé. Kazunari sat on his usual seat, breakfast on the table, the morning’s paper spread wide open.

 

Shintarou had a good feeling in his gut when he stepped to the kitchen. The feeling burned as soon as Kazunari looked up at him and didn’t smile. So he was still in the danger zone. _Huh_. Shintarou approached him.

 

“Morning,” he said and attempted a cheery tone (it sounded weird in his mouth) as he moved close enough and pressed a kiss in Kazunari’s hair.

 

“There’s coffee in the pot,” was all that Kazunari said.

 

Shintarou refused to be discouraged. He thanked him and went for a cup, gathered the necessities for a sandwich and began to make it. The silence in the kitchen made him uneasy. His skin prickled. This was something he had wanted to avoid so badly. The real problem was that as much as he wanted to talk things through, they wouldn’t be talking before Kazunari felt like it. That was one of the sides that he didn’t appreciate in his lover that much, but he had learned to live with it. In moments like these, however, he wished things were different. He glanced at him over the shoulder.

 

“How did you sleep?”

 

Kazunari flatly ignored him and continued to read the magazine.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou tried as he finished the sandwich. No reaction. “Kazunari.”

 

“I’m trying to read.”

 

“You never read in the morning.”

 

“Well, now I felt like it, so let me.”

 

Shintarou put down the coffee and the plate of sandwich harder on the table than he wanted to. The echoing sound startled both him and Kazunari, but even so his lover didn’t look up at him. With a heavy sigh he eased to the seat opposite Kazunari and looked at him. He was simply air to Kazunari.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Shintarou asked.

 

Kazunari arched his brows but kept his gaze in the magazine. “I’m not doing anything.”

 

“You’re punishing me.”

 

“I’m not punishing anyone.”

 

“Then look at me.”

 

Slowly Kazunari did. Shintarou felt his heart skip a beat. There were few instances when he had seen Kazunari stare at him dead in the eye like so, in an almost mean way, and it made his core tremble. He cleared his throat but refused to be the first one to look away.

 

“You’re mad at me,” he said.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I’m not.”

 

“Then could we talk about it?”

 

Kazunari pressed his lips in a tight line and looked down at the magazine.

 

“Hey.” Shintarou yanked the magazine away from him. “I said could we talk about like adults?”

 

“It’s very adult-like for you to steal my magazine.”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue and shoved the paper back across the table. “Have it your way, then.” He focused on his sandwich, munched it in silence, and as much as he wanted to say that he didn’t care, it was a blatant lie. Every now and then he glanced towards Kazunari and felt hollow thudding in his chest. This was his fault after all, wasn’t it? He felt nauseous, somehow ready to throw up the bread that he just finished and was licking his fingers clean. It always made him uncomfortable to be fighting with Kazunari (though sometimes Kazunari took this passive-aggressive attitude and confused him even more). Because of that he allowed a crack in his collected façade and said, “Kazunari, please. Let’s talk about this. I don’t want to have another silent treatment for days again. I’m trying here.”

 

“But there’s nothing to talk about, babe.” Kazunari offered a smile as he got up. He circled around the table, hooked his arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “It’s all cool, Shin-chan. Enjoy your breakfast.”

 

A pat on his chest, and Kazunari was gone. Shintarou blinked and then narrowed his eyes. It couldn’t have been that easy, not after all the things that had been said yesterday. He admitted, there was truth behind Kazunari’s words – perhaps he had neglected their relationship because of his work, but he was genuinely trying to make something happen here. He was _trying_ to make it better, but it almost seemed that Kazunari wasn’t allowing him to. Annoyed, Shintarou got up and prepared another sandwich despite his stomach rumbling from the feelings.

 

*

 

Finished with the dishes and rubbing his hands and arms clean to a cloth, Shintarou stood in the middle of the kitchen and listened the sounds of television coming from the living room. Truthfully, it had been an exhausting day because he still couldn’t tell what exactly Kazunari was thinking. They had shared kisses on the cheeks but that was it, nothing else. He had tried to scoop Kazunari in his arms when they had watched television together, but Kazunari had excused himself to the bathroom and upon coming back had sat alone in the armchair. He had tried to settle in a spoon with him during naptime, but Kazunari had told that he wasn’t feeling so tired after all.

 

Shintarou sighed heavy. This was his final chance, he supposed, now that Kazunari was watching a movie. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that things weren’t all right now matter how hard Kazunari tried to shove that mentality down his throat. Maybe Kazunari didn’t want to talk but he could if he just got him to listen. Confident all of a sudden, he took a deep breath through his nose and let it out from the mouth. Ready for a battle, Shintarou slipped from the kitchen to the living room.

 

The way Kazunari had stretched on the couch with all of his length looked comfortable. Shintarou settled a smile on his lips and made it his goal to get Kazunari snuggled up in his arms. He approached and stopped behind the couch. He rubbed Kazunari’s shoulder gently and leaned down to give the spot a kiss. Kazunari rumbled.

 

“What are you watching?” he asked.

 

“Just a movie.”

 

Shintarou kissed his shoulder again. “May I join with you?”

 

“It’s your house as well, you can do whatever you like.”

 

He resisted the urge to sigh heavily. Instead of giving up, he circled around the couch and crouched on the floor in front of Kazunari’s face. The first few seconds Kazunari tried to reach over him to see the screen but seemingly gave up and stared at him. Now hesitation swell inside him, but with a set of trembling fingers Shintarou stroked the dark hair behind the ear and rubbed Kazunari’s forehead with a thumb.

 

“I’m really trying here,” he murmured and thought he saw Kazunari’s expression soften. He slid his hand to his lover’s shoulder and from there to his side and stroked as gently as he possibly could. “If you don’t want to talk, fine, but at least listen to me.”

 

Kazunari didn’t forbid him.

 

“You know, if I’ve somehow… made you feel unimportant, I’m sorry. But you knew… We _both_ knew that taking this job was going to be hectic and it would change things. I’m really trying,” Shintarou said. “I’m trying to balance things. I know there’s been that lack of intimacy because we’ve both been busy, but don’t push me out now that I’m trying to make it better again.”

 

Although Kazunari didn’t say anything, Shintarou took it as a good sign. He rested his hand on his hip and gently slipped it below the shirt. He worked his thumb over Kazunari’s hipbone and managed to make him quiver. A weak smile twitched on his lips. He felt like he had walked through a minefield and somehow with sheer luck come out alive.

 

“Let’s make it better together again, all right?”

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari called.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I need the bathroom.”

 

Shintarou sighed and moved back enough to let Kazunari out of the couch. He sat down on his feet and remained on the floor, hung his head down. _Well_ , that was it. He had given it his best attempt, and it was now just a matter of waiting for Kazunari to come around and have the urge to talk. There was nothing more he could do about it knowing his fiancé. His chest tightened, and he felt thoroughly awful. It took him a moment of lulling in the misery before he picked himself up and took a seat on the couch. Kazunari returned but settled on the other side of the couch. Not exactly sure just what he was supposed to think about it, Shintarou said nothing anymore.


	130. Under the Tree

It was the closest day of a summer that a day could be. Shintarou reclined better on the plastic chair he had set under the big tree that grew in the corner of their backyard and enjoyed the shadow. The degrees outside had to be close to mid-summer, and although he wasn’t an outdoor-y type, he had felt the compulsion to come and read on this particular spot. It was mostly to give Kazunari the space he clearly needed. They had woken up on different sides of the bed, exchanged good mornings, kisses on the cheeks, and that was it. Nothing extra. Just that. It was already lunchtime and Shintarou felt a dull ache in his head. It should have been a blessing to have two day offs in a row, but Kazunari didn’t seem to think of it as such. Or maybe he did but didn’t just care.

 

Whatever the case was, Shintarou didn’t ponder it any longer as he properly focused back on the book. He flipped the page to the next one and followed the lines with his gaze. The sun was scarily shifting towards him, and he figured that soon the tree wouldn’t give enough coverage. His toes already got some of the warmth, his legs stretched long over the grass.

 

He still felt mortified by the whole situation. He stopped reading again and rested the book on his lap, stared at the green below his feet. Inside him he held the urge to make things better, to do all the things he hadn’t done in weeks, but Kazunari had shut him out. _Again_. Scared that this was a rematch of the previous big fight, Shintarou felt his stomach churn. He couldn’t do another fight like that, not when they were engaged, not when they had a wedding to plan. This was serious now. Of course it had been serious before, but this was something even bigger. He felt his knees tremble. Kazunari wasn’t thinking of breaking up with him, right? Shintarou swallowed hard. Of course not. Now he was overthinking things that didn’t make sense. But exactly because of that he wished that they could just _talk_ like the adults they were.

 

Opening the book again, Shintarou still couldn’t concentrate although he kept reading. He tried to focus on the positive things, the sun, the fact that he could recharge his batteries and be ready for another day at work tomorrow… He held in a sigh that wanted to escape. It didn’t quite feel as satisfying as he thought it would, another day off that was. He had even made the point to _not_ read any research or anything related to work, but Kazunari didn’t see that. Kazunari was probably sulking on the couch because that seemed to be his favorite thing to do. His jaw clenched, and he nailed his eyes back on the page of the book.

 

Sometimes he felt like he was marrying a child, and he didn’t know what to think about that.

 

“Hey.”

 

He startled. The book nearly fell from his hands as he looked up and saw Kazunari’s figure close to him. It was the closest they had really been if not counting sleeping in the same bed (and they had probably even done that because Shintarou was insistent that a couch wasn’t a bed for anyone in a relationship), and it made his eyes widen. He swallowed hard but settled a neutral look on his face. Even attempted a small smile. Kazunari did the latter, too, although his smile was weak and barely lifting his lips.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou breathed in return.

 

Kazunari nodded towards him. “What are you reading?” He balanced on his tiptoes and then brought the weight to the balls of his feet.

 

“Just… a book I haven’t finished.” Shintarou looked up into the dark eyes that somehow seemed ready to cry. Maybe this was his chance. It had to be, because Kazunari hadn’t approached him on his own before this. Shintarou discarded the book and straighten his posture. Quietly he cleared his throat and tried to ignore the tremor inside him and the violent thudding of his heart. “Are you done being grumpy?” he asked carefully.

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“Can we talk in that case?”

 

“Can I come and sit on your lap?” countered Kazunari.

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in to a frown. “Sure,” he said and set himself properly on the chair. Kazunari barely weighed a thing in his eyes when he sat down, and Shintarou was quick to move his hands securely around his waist to keep him steady. He arched his brows higher as Kazunari looked down at him. A sigh escaped him when he was kissed on the forehead. The spot tingling, Shintarou rubbed his fiancé’s sides and buried his face to his chest. It felt good to be so close again.

 

Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

 

“It’s okay,” Shintarou reassured.

 

“I just needed a day to think things through.”

 

Shintarou’s blood chilled. “You’re… not going to break up with me, right?”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“You’re just going to keep being worried about even when we’ve been married for ten years or so, aren’t you?”

 

Shintarou smiled guilty. “I’ve been thinking,” he began. “I acknowledge that I have been neglecting this side of our relationship. It’s important, and I have taken it for granted.”

 

Kazunari’s shoulders slumped. “I know that it happened because we were both busy and everything, but at some point I just start thinking that maybe it’s somehow my fault, that maybe I’m just not that attractive anymore, or maybe you just don’t consider it as important.”

 

“It’s important,” Shintarou hurried to say. “It’s very… _very_ important. I have been craving to be intimate with you, but some days it slips from my mind because I’m thinking about work or other things.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“It has nothing to do with _you_. You still look good.”

 

Kazunari risked a smile. “You, too.” He paused. “Can we kiss?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Shintarou slipped his eyes close before the impact came and was pleasantly surprised by the softness of Kazunari’s lips. He reached his neck slightly upwards and hummed into the kiss, tightened the grasp he held from his lover and pulled him better on his lap, didn’t want him to fall down now. Carefully he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, and felt his heart flutter like it hadn’t done in days. They had kissed each other, sure, but the current one almost held a promise of something bigger behind it. He couldn’t help the twitch his cock made beneath his pants and Kazunari’s lush bottom. Maybe his lover caught it, too, because he snickered and pulled back with laughter still curling his lips higher.

 

“Sorry,” Shintarou attempted.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m the same.” Kazunari took a gentle hold of Shintarou’s hand and guided it to his crotch.

 

The bulge was obvious. Kind of sexy, too. Shintarou gasped for breath and looked up at his lover with bewilderment around the corners of his eyes. Kazunari grinned.

 

“We’re like teenagers, getting hard over kisses.”

 

“It’s difficult not to,” Shintarou muttered. He moved his fingers gently over Kazunari’s shape and made him quiver. “Before we… _you know_ , I want to say that I’ll do my best to not let the situation come to this end anymore.”

 

“Me too.”

 

They exchanged a sloppy kiss full of saliva and heat that hadn’t been properly conveyed in so many days. Shintarou panted against Kazunari’s lips and even let out a dragging groan when the man rubbed his bottom against his sex. Squeezing his eyes shut, Shintarou took a tight grasp of Kazunari’s cock over the fabric and squeezed. He managed to draw out a squeal adorable enough to make his mouth twitch into a smile. He finished the kiss and gave another, and another, and _another_ , until he was breathing too irregular to continue. He was most certainly hard, embarrassingly so, but Kazunari was the same and it took the edge out of the shame. Shintarou cleared his throat and weighed his opinions. They hardly had tall enough fences to cover what he had in mind.

 

Kazunari decided for him and hopped on his feet, tangled their fingers together. He squeezed gently and attempted to tug him up.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Shintarou didn’t have to think twice, not with a raging erection in his pants and the lust in Kazunari’s eyes. He knew it would be amazing before he even took a simple step forward. He let Kazunari lead him, was in no rush, his steps slow and deliberate, clear purpose behind them, and with the tip of his thumb he stroked his lover’s knuckles. It gained him a look, and they stopped in the middle of the living room to kiss. Shintarou’s hips ached, his mind now fully aboard on the idea that he would have sex again, and he couldn’t wait anymore.

 

He grabbed Kazunari in his arms and carried him away. Kazunari giggled and laughed, and the sound was pure music to his ears. With a ghost of a smile on his lips he threw the man on the bed and crawled in himself, pinned him down on the mattress by his wrists and looked down. He had to let go for a second to remove his glasses but brought his fingers quickly back around the thin wrists squirming.

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

Without a reason to really hold back, Shintarou leaned down and laced his lips neatly over Kazunari’s neck. He kissed the chosen spot, and then began to suck.

 

Kazunari’s body thrashed. “ _Ah_ , babe… _Nn_ …”

 

Shintarou made sure to leave a mark behind. He didn’t care if the man’s work uniform wouldn’t cover it, at least the customers would know that he was taken and that was that. Powered by the thought, Shintarou trailed a line of kisses on the other side of the neck and sucked hard near the root of the ear. He thrust his hips sluggishly downwards and rubbed his cock to Kazunari’s. The lengthy moan that escaped his lover was enough to stir his dick even more.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari wiggled his hands enough to set them free and cupped Shintarou’s face with them. They settled and shifted better, Kazunari’s legs eventually around Shintarou’s waist as if they were more than ready to get rid of their clothes. But Kazunari held his face gently and looked him in the eyes with a small smile on his lips. They gave each other short kisses. Afterwards Kazunari’s smile widened. “I really love you.”

 

“I love you too.” A simple sentence was enough to make Shintarou emotional. To hide his own reaction he pressed his nose flat against Kazunari’s and kissed him again, more desperately this time. He squeezed his lips to his lover’s, kissed him long, kissed him hard, and didn’t want to pull back anymore. He did just enough to catch a breath and dived straight back in. In the midst he rutted his hips to Kazunari’s, gave thrusting a go and managed to make both of them breathless against each other’s mouths. He worked his hips forward again and again, until heat pooled in the pit of his stomach and made his cock strain painfully against the seam of his boxers.

 

Now that he was at it, he couldn’t understand how he hadn’t been in the mood for it at least few times during the long dry spell.

 

Shintarou tilted his head to a suitable angle and dragged his tongue against Kazunari’s, and fumbled his hand between their bodies. It took a bit of testing and trying, but he figured it out and slid his fingers underneath all the fabric and took a tight hold of the base of the cock curving upwards. Kazunari gasped and even winced. Shintarou, with a smug smile on his lips, gave the first stroke. His lover thrashed straight away beneath him.

 

They proceeded in silence sometimes cut off by gentle gasps or low grumbles. The latter mostly came out of Shintarou as Kazunari took a hold of him and began to tug in a suitable place. Few strokes like so were enough to make him want to unravel, but Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath and endured. The last thing he wanted was to burst all over Kazunari’s fingers before they could get down to what both of them wanted. It was odd, somewhat silly, too, how a moment like this was enough to make Shintarou’s heart skip sinful beats. He looked down at Kazunari and saw raw passion in the way his lips were curved and his eyes slightly parted, and he had never in his life seen anything better. It made him breathless. His heart throbbed even faster.

 

He lifted himself up enough to start yanking Kazunari’s pants off. He required a bit of assistance, but at least he managed to tug off the shirt on his own without casualties. Getting rid of his own clothing and then lowering himself back on his lover, Shintarou let out throaty hums and brought his fingers on Kazunari’s swollen, purple-hued cockhead. Kazunari whispered his name below his breath, and every time it escaped it traveled straight to his dick. Shintarou held in his breath and looked down at the flushed features, examined the spots of arousal spread around Kazunari’s chest redder than he remembered them to be. He lowered down to give a kiss and another to his nipples. Kazunari yanked his cock harder, tugged desperately, and thumbed the tip.

 

“God,” Kazunari swallowed in the single word. He parted his lips and let out a quiet snicker. “ _Fuck…_ ”

 

“I will, patience.”

 

Kazunari slapped him in the arm. “You think you’re so cheeky!” He held a smile on his lips as he reached towards the nightstand to grab the lubricant. “Are you proud of yourself now?”

 

“Admittedly, yes.” Shintarou snatched the small bottle from his lover and poured some of its content over his fingers. He spread it apart and gave Kazunari a look. “I thought it was very… _cheeky_ as you put it.”

 

“You still need to work on your humor, though. It’s getting there, but a bit more pract— _ah_ …”

 

It was satisfactory to shut Kazunari up by rubbing two of his fingers against the cleft of his ass. Now Shintarou smiled even wider, mostly to himself and his talent to still make the man eat up his words so quickly. He settled to a better position and worked his fingertips against the puckered skin, nudged one gently in and then pulled it away. He repeated the movement enough to make the skin slick, and only once Kazunari started to beg did he push a finger gently and carefully inside him. Shoved in all the way to the knuckle, Shintarou twisted it. Kazunari curved his back.

 

“More,” Kazunari pleaded with a moan.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“ _Yes_.”

 

Shintarou saw no reason to disobey, not when the sight made blood thrum through his veins and stir his cock even further. It took all he had to keep his movements gentle when all he wanted was to thrust inside him already, but for the sake of making it feel good for both of them he continued with a sluggish pace. He pushed a second finger in and dragged them against the tight walls that quivered in his embrace. He took a quick look towards Kazunari’s face that was gathering more red in it than before, and let out a short breath. So far so good.

 

He kept at it for solid minutes, wanted Kazunari to loosen up and relax all the way to the bones. Personally feeling like he was only mid-way, he startled when he was yanked in a heated kiss. He forgot to move his hand when Kazunari trailed his tongue inside and nearly fucked his mouth with it. Dumbfounded, Shintarou pulled back and felt positively drenched around the mouth area. He blinked.

 

“You can put it in,” Kazunari whispered, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Locked him in place and didn’t let go anymore. “Shin-chan… Put it in, I can take it.”

 

Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and nodded. Once pulling his fingers out, he hastily slickened his cock with a generous amount of lube, really wanted everything to go smoothly. He wasn’t sure whether Kazunari had had his own fun during the weeks, but even if he had, he wanted noting to hurt. It took a bit of time to line his body perfectly between the opened thighs but when he managed, he took a hold of Kazunari’s hips and squeezed gently. He leaned down and kissed him, just a brief peck.

 

“Ready?” he murmured.

 

Kazunari nodded feverishly.

 

His other hand Shintarou brought to the tip of his sex and guided it against the clenching hole that seemed more than ready to suck him in whole. He forgot to breathe when he got in the head and sucked in his abdomen, felt flushed from head to toe. Inch by inch he eased in, listened carefully of the noises Kazunari made, but nothing seemed out of ordinary by the time he was buried inside his lover all the way to the hilt. Shintarou took a second to readjust his hips. He didn’t manage to make a single thrust when Kazunari already yanked him close to another kiss.

 

More than satisfied with the amount of kissing, Shintarou curved his back and gave out the first rut. Kazunari whimpered against his lips and buried his fingers to his back. Confident that he could go on, Shintarou set to a gentle pace, not too hard but enough to make pleasure really pool within him and tighten his abdomen. He forgot everything around him, ignored absolutely everything, didn’t mind the soft steps of their cat echoing from the living room, and only concentrated on the beauty that was spread out underneath him. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at Kazunari, in his eyes for a moment and then slipped his own shut. Every time he thrust in, his buttocks tightened and only relaxed upon pulling slightly away.

 

He was quick to pick up the pace. He worked his hips harder against Kazunari’s, and for the time being the only sounds in the room were the slaps as his sack hit Kazunari’s bare skin. It was enough to leave him thoroughly breathless, and Shintarou could hardly handle it. After few more he was more than ready to come. There was a gorgeous cringe on Kazunari’s face (although the man himself would have probably disagreed with him), and Shintarou looked at him. Their eyes met, and a smile rose to Kazunari’s lips. Shintarou soon found himself smiling, too, and found no reason not to.

 

Kazunari scooped him better in his arms, and it was enough. It was absolutely, utterly enough for him, and Shintarou came with a grunt. A little embarrassed of his haste, he rolled his hips forward few times more until his pace died down. Kazunari rubbed his shoulders and gave him the most beautiful smile there was.

 

After catching his breath, Shintarou finished him with the collaboration of his mouth and hand.

 

Once he wiped his mouth clean from Kazunari’s release and tasted it on his mouth, he reclined down on the bed. Resting up with the help of his elbow, he watched his lover’s profile and stroked his chest. Shintarou attempted a weak smile as he worked his fingers in vague shapes over the smooth skin and wondered if there would be any moment better in the world than this. His bones were exhausted and his breath still sapped, but he was tired in the most satisfying way and felt good about everything. Kazunari curled his toes to the sheets and looked up at the ceiling.

 

“Come here,” Shintarou murmured under his breath and pulled Kazunari to a spoon with him. He made sure his arms were properly around the damp torso and curled behind him like a puzzle piece made to fit. The corner of the blanket he moved over them and kissed Kazunari’s shoulder several times. “Are you feeling good?” he whispered, his nose pressed against the back of the ear.

 

“Couldn’t be possibly better.” Kazunari moved a hand over his arm and stroked the fine hair. “That was definitely… top five of our sex.”

 

“We have a top five?”

 

“Of course,” Kazunari chuckled. He snuggled his back better to Shintarou’s chest.

 

“Do elaborate,” Shintarou muttered against his skin.

 

Kazunari yawned. “Our first time is definitely on the list.”

 

“Why? It was horrible and embarrassing.”

 

“It’s exactly _because_ of that, it was cute.” Kazunari looked at him over shoulder and then rolled around in the embrace. He booped Shintarou’s nose with the tip of his finger and grinned. “Plus it was special, you know, first time for both, it was all new and exciting and adventurous.”

 

“I remember it in a very different way,” Shintarou dryly said. His image of their first time wasn’t rosy but full of red cheeks and lube absolutely _everywhere_ , with so much pressure inside him that he hadn’t nearly gotten his cock up because of it. He shook his head. “What else?”

 

“Mm… That one time you ate me out few months ago.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. Kazunari kissed him.

 

“And then… Say what you want, but I’m still really liking that one time when I dropped out of university.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “What’s number one, then?”

 

“I’m saving it,” Kazunari revealed with a sheepish smile.

 

“For what?”

 

“For our wedding night.”

 

“Great. The pressures I feel right now…”

 

Kazunari kissed him sweetly. “I just know it’ll be amazing, that’s all.”

 

Shintarou grumbled but stole another kiss from his lover just _because_. “Let’s take a shower.”

 

“Nn… You gotta carry me, though, Shin-chan, you ravaged me and I can’t get up.”

 

Shaking his head in bemusement, Shintarou rolled out of the bed and pulled Kazunari closer to the edge. “Just this once,” he promised. The smile on Kazunari’s lips was nearly child-like, and he honestly wouldn’t have even wanted it in any other way. He took the man in his arms, carried him bridal style, struggled a little but managed to get them both safely to the bathroom. Under the warmth of the shower they spent more time kissing than actually scrubbing each other clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During this chapter I reached 1000 pages in Word, and I just _can't_ begin to understand the sheer size of this fic. Never in my life have I written something this long, and it's just getting bigger!
> 
> Insane.


	131. New Furniture

Kazunari couldn’t remember the last time he had had a tender moment with his cat, thus he gladly abandoned the book he tried to read when Ao hopped to the bed with him. The widest smile spread to his lips as he tugged the furball against his chest and stroked her gently. She let out the most adorable mewls and purrs, the latter especially when he scratched her below the chin. He leaned down to give her head a kiss and remained down, tiredness irking in his bones, but he had promised himself to stay up until Shintarou would be home. Ao proved to be a good distraction for wanting to sleep.

 

“You’re the cutest little kitty out there,” he murmured against her dark fur and rubbed her back. She meowed. He was certain that they were conversing. “You’re not exactly _little_ anymore, though, but you’re still cute… Mm, you are, you are… And tonight we’re not going to freak out before Shintarou comes back, okay?”

 

She meowed in a more demanding manner.

 

“I’m stroking you all the time, can’t you see?” Kazunari huffed and laughed afterwards. He sank better under the blankets and pulled her along, and she gladly followed. To his fist he muffled a yawn and rubbed his eyes, took a peek towards the clock. Already over midnight… He should really try to sleep, long day tomorrow again and everything. But he had made it his goal that he would remain awake to greet his fiancé back home, and he was sticking with the decision. Shintarou finished twenty minutes ago, anyway, so he should get home soon. It was the thought that powered him to get through the loud and prolonged yawns.

 

Ao hopped away from him and then bounced back on the bed, and took a comfy position in the foot. Kazunari gave her a narrowed stare and heaved out a sigh. Grabbing the book back in hand, he continued to read. It was one of Shintarou’s favorites that he was slowly getting through. He might have not been the quickest reader or have the most time for reading, but he actually enjoyed the little amount that he did every now and then. If he was someone like Tetsuya, he could have long intellectual conversations with Shintarou about books, but he wasn’t. He wrinkled his nose and flipped the page. The more he read the more difficult it became to concentrate because his eyelids turned heavier. At the end of the page he closed his eyes and promised to rest them for few minutes. Just few.

 

“Not gonna sleep,” he mumbled to himself. In his head he played over a song to keep his mind active and occupied. He shifted beneath the blankets and tugged them better over his body. It didn’t take the shudders away, but he comforted himself with the thought that soon he’d have his personal heater with him. Kazunari smiled silly and buried it against the pillow.

 

When he finally heard the front door open and close, his heart jumped to his throat. He lifted his upper body slightly up in an attempt to look more awake (Shintarou was going to scold him anyway, he felt it in his bones), worked his fingers through his hair, and by the time Shintarou peeked inside, he offered him a big grin.

 

“Welcome home, thanks for all the hard work,” he chirped.

 

“Hey… What are you still doing up?” Shintarou dragged his body in the room. He moved slowly around and to the wardrobe, his muscles flexing when he took off his clothes.

 

Kazunari, enjoying the view, let the blankets swallow him better again. “I just got caught up with a book, that’s all.”

 

“You have an early morning tomorrow, don’t you?”

 

“Mm, maybe…”

 

Shintarou gave him a look, brows arched a little higher and lips puckered together, but he said nothing more and approached him. He kissed him on the forehead and rubbed his shoulder, and worked his way towards the bedroom’s door again.

 

“You gonna brush your teeth?”

 

“Yeah, I’m only taking a shower in the morning,” Shintarou called, already a good way to the bathroom.

 

Kazunari bristled. Soon, they’d snuggle. It was such a simple thing but still made him excited. “How was your day?” he called, his voice a bit on the shout’s side.

 

Shintarou appeared by the door with a toothbrush in hand and toothpaste foaming in his mouth. “Nothing special, a little hectic. A child got a heart transplant today, nothing much.”

 

“Only for you a kid getting a new heart is _nothing much_ ,” snickered Kazunari. He moved the book for good on the nightstand and wiggled his fingers at Shintarou. “You gonna cuddle me good soon?”

 

“Soon.” The corners of Shintarou’s lips twitched higher, but before it could evolve into a proper smile he was gone.

 

Huffing, Kazunari made sure that he was in the prime state for being cuddled. He yawned loud enough to make Ao jump, and when she hissed at him, he made sure to give a heartfelt apology. Maybe she ran with it as she settled her bones down to her favorite corner and looked content. Smiling, Kazunari reached over to close the bedside lamp and let the darkness embrace him for the moment. It made his belly tighten and heat up in a pleasant way. The memory of yesterday’s sex still tickled him and was enough to make him grin in a similar way that he had done after they had had their first time years ago.

 

The bed creaked and the springs complained when weight shifted more on the other side. Kazunari held in his breath and chewed his bottom lip.

 

“All right, come here,” Shintarou whispered.

 

Kazunari expected to be nicely spooned, but he let out a squeal when all of a sudden Shintarou climbed over him and laced him with his long limbs. Laughter escaped him when Shintarou pinned him down on his side and kept climbing over him like a monkey.

 

“Is this what you call cuddling?” he asked, giggles toying with his lips.

 

“Yes. Is something the matter?” Shintarou gave several kisses on Kazunari’s shoulder.

 

“Good thing to know that at least _some_ of my silliness has rubbed on you, Shin-chan.” Kazunari gave a toothy grin and twisted his head enough to capture the man’s lips on his own. The bed beneath them kept squeaking and moaning more than usual. It brought Kazunari a fit of laughter in the mouth. “See? Even the bed doesn’t like it, come on.” He swatted Shintarou’s ass. “Move your butt away, we’re gonna break this thing otherwise.”

 

“We’re not going to break it,” Shintarou murmured in his ear and nipped the lobe. He rested his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder for good it seemed. “How was your day?”

 

“Good, good… There was this granny who totally has a thing for me.” Kazunari stretched his arm behind his back and slipped his fingers below Shintarou’s shirt to stroke his skin. “But she’s cute and really old and has really, really weird jokes, so I was, like, I pulled the marriage card. You know, _if I wasn’t already married I’d totally go for you_.”

 

“Would you now?”

 

“Mm… Who knows.” Kazunari reached to kiss Shintarou again, tenderly this time. Every time he moved, the springs beneath whined and squeaked. “Seriously, Shin-chan, we’re gonna break the bed…”

 

Shintarou kissed him. “If it wanted to break, it would have done it yesterday when we had sex.”

 

“But maybe it wanted to be polite and let us have sex without interruption.”

 

“It’s a _bed_. It doesn’t have a consciousness.”

 

“Boo, someone doesn’t have any imagination.”

 

Shintarou grumbled and pinned Kazunari better down below him. “Shut up…”

 

“I totally am not going to.” Kazunari snickered softly when Shintarou tightened his grasp from him and shook him ever so slightly. Every movement made the springs moan and squeal and make the weirdest noises, but only after they started to make noises loud enough to exceed his giggling did he force Shintarou to stop. His brows knitted together. Even when they were still, the bed kept going on. “Do you hear that?” he whispered. His eyes widened as he turned to Shintarou. “Is it really going to break?”

 

“No,” breathed Shintarou. “Of course it’s not, you’re just imag—“

 

The bed broke.

 

It wasn’t a gentle breakage, either. The springs below gave in, and the whole front of the bed simply sank down. Kazunari yelped and found himself tumbling to the weirdest curl that made his neck ache. Shintarou slammed against him and suffocated him. Ao was the only one who managed to save her skin by jumping out of the sinking boat right on time. The foot of the bed pointed towards the ceiling whilst they lied near the floor on the remnants of what had been an amazing bed for several years. Kazunari, suffocating beneath his lover’s body, grasped Shintarou and tried to yank him away. He was too heavy.

 

“My neck hurts!”

 

“Just wait a _goddamn_ —I’m in the weirdest twist,” Shintarou grumbled.

 

Kazunari slapped his arm. “You _said_ it’s not gonna break! I told you otherwise, didn’t I? I _told_ you.”

 

“Shut _up_.” Shintarou finally climbed away and made the effort to tug Kazunari upright. The blankets had fallen with them. Shintarou looked around the mess and shook his head. “Great.”

 

Kazunari stared at the sheets that were almost right in front of his eyes and then looked down. He frowned, but upon seeing Shintarou’s look really had to hold in his laughter (he didn’t think Shintarou would appreciate it very much at the moment, not when the corners of his mouth were so tensed). He shuffled closer which was easier said than done, and rubbed the spot between his shoulder blades. “What are we gonna do now?”

 

“Buy a new bed, I suppose,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari smooched his cheek. “Why don’t we start by sleeping on the couch tonight?”

 

With a grumble Shintarou agreed and lifted up, and helped Kazunari out of the ruins of the bed they’d had ever since they had moved in together for the first time. A little emotional in the weirdest way possible, Kazunari glanced down and took the pillows, gave them to Shintarou and made the effort to yank the blanket off. By the time he managed, the man was already gone. He tiptoed in the shadow of his steps and shuddered. Outside the bedroom it felt ridiculously cold, but part of him knew he was only making it up. He threw the blanket over the couch.

 

“How do you want to sleep?” he asked. His brows knitted together as he circled around the furniture. “I can sleep on the smaller part here, and if you sleep there and sort of, curl your legs so you can fit—“

 

“Just come here,” Shintarou simply said and tugged Kazunari down on the couch.

 

Kazunari didn’t complain, not when Shintarou held him in his arms. The couch was narrow and the position really the only way they could sleep side-by-side, and even so it was crowded. A gentler smile rose to his lips. He kissed Shintarou briefly and then shuffled a little closer and yanked the blanket over them. “I can really sleep on that other side,” he offered.

 

“It’s good enough here.”

 

“You’re not gonna kick me on the floor during the night, are you?”

 

Shintarou puffed air from his mouth. “As I recall, _you_ are the kicker in this house. There’s no way you will end up on the floor, I’ll hold you.”

 

“So romantic, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou let out incoherent noises of grumbling.

 

“Yes, yes, I’ll sleep now. We’ll think about the bed tomorrow, yeah?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, silly, stuff like this happens.” Kazunari pinched Shintarou’s nose gently. “It was getting old, it just wanted to go to the bed heaven already. It was its time, and I’m sure it doesn’t want us to mourn.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Kazunari couldn’t help the snicker. He reached up enough to kiss Shintarou’s chin and then buried his face back to his chest. As much as he wanted to say this and that, he remained quiet and burrowed better to the spot. Shintarou tightened his grasp from him, and he was certain that he wouldn’t fall no matter what. Dreaming of even a bigger bed, imagining a proper king-sized one that would make their life a luxury, he closed his eyes and smiled silly against Shintarou’s chest.


	132. A Cat Walks Past

Shintarou woke up to an aching back and obnoxiously loud and demanding meowing. Grunting under his breath, he forced his eyes open and was in confusion first of why he was sleeping in the couch whilst Kazunari was on the floor. The memories came back flooding, and he gritted his teeth. _Shit_. He had kicked Kazunari out of the couch, after all. Or maybe Kazunari had kicked himself out of their little sleeping place. Feeling like he’d never have an answer to the question, he stretched his legs as straight as possible and muffled a small yawn to his knuckles. The meowing close by continued. It made a vein on his forehead pound, because he knew he had no other choice than to get up.

 

He moved carefully out of the trap that had made his muscles sore and bones aching. For the sake of it and knowing that Kazunari was a heavy sleeper, he picked the man up and nudged him back on the couch. Kazunari merely mumbled incoherent words and rolled on his side, faced the back of the couch and continued with his snoring. For a moment Shintarou stared at the sight but could no longer ignore the mewling.

 

Stumbling forward, eyes still full of sleep, he immediately got cats by his legs. They meowed in a choir, tails swishing against his bare calves, and followed him keenly as he moved to the kitchen. _Pampered little beasts_ , Shintarou vaguely thought and stopped by the counter to catch up with his dizzy vision. He didn’t really have time for it as two furballs rubbed themselves against his shins and began to purr loudly. Heaving out a sigh, he crouched over to get the cat food and poured it to a bowl.

 

“Happy now?” he whispered. The black cat darted straight to the bowl and began to munch. The white-with-brown-spots sat still by his feet and looked up at him with big dark eyes, tail swishing, meows getting out of the small mouth. Shintarou didn’t bother to muffle another yawn. Drool on his chin, he wiped it off and murmured, “Where’s your bowl? Wait, Kazunari probably… Wait.”

 

He turned around and opened the cupboards in the search for the second bowl. Where the hell had it disappeared? Kazunari had probably moved it to some other place because it wasn’t where they kept the bowls in the first place. Annoyance in his bones, Shintarou yanked the cupboards open one by one. There was gentle meowing behind his back, and he worried that he would get injuries soon. Where the hell—

 

_Wait._

 

They didn’t have two cats.

 

His eyes widened as he turned around his heels and stared down at the strange cat now sharing a bowl with Ao. He rubbed his eyes to make sure it wasn’t a continuation of a dream, but there was a cat he had never seen before. In their house, in their kitchen floor cleaning Ao’s fur whilst she ate in all peace. White coat with dark brown dots, the cat’s own fur was messy and tangled but it still spent the moment dragging its tongue over Ao’s spine and licking the spot. Ao meowed gently and began to purr.

 

Shintarou was frozen to the spot. Why was there a cat like that in their house? He breathed a little heavier. He took a step closer and waved his hands. “Shoo,” he attempted. The cat lazily looked up at him and continued to groom Ao. Shintarou moved a little closer and tried again. “Go on, shoo. Shoo!”

 

The cat really couldn’t care less as it stuck its head to the bowl beside Ao’s and began to eat with a seemingly good appetite.

 

A _stray_. It had to be. It had no collar and looked like it had spent too many moments outside, fur in horrible shape, too skinny and eating with such hurry. Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat. If it was a stray cat, it was _dirty_. Probably carried diseases, too. His legs twitched. The corners of his mouth tightened and his stomach turned upside down.

 

“Kazunari!” he shouted. His voice echoed in the house and startled the cats. “Kazunari!”

 

He heard a loud thud and guessed that Kazunari fell back on the floor. Quiet mumbling came from the living room’s direction.

 

Pulling his fingers to tight fists and squeezing, Shintarou felt a hue of heat on his cheeks. When Kazunari didn’t answer soon enough, or rather, didn’t do _anything_ , Shintarou shouted, “Drag your ass to the kitchen right at this second!” He automatically assumed that this was Kazunari’s fault, or that Kazunari knew something about it. Taking in a stray sounded like his lover. Taking one in without consulting him would probably be like him, too.

 

It took an excruciating long moment for Kazunari to drag his half-naked body closer. He leaned against the doorframe and rubbed his eyes. Below his breath he whispered, “What’s wrong, Shin-chan…?”

 

“Look.” Voice stern and harsh, Shintarou pointed to the floor.

 

Kazunari looked, and after enough rubbing of his eyes he gasped softly. A smile spread on his lips. “Oh, Shin-chan, you’re so sweet, you really didn’t have to—“

 

“It’s not ours,” Shintarou was quick to say. “It’s a _stray_. Did you let it in?”

 

“What? No… I’ve never seen that cat before.”

 

“Then how the hell did it get here?”

 

Kazunari wasn’t listening anymore as he crouched down the floor and reached his arms towards the foreign cat. Shintarou wanted to tell him not to pick it up, but before he could utter out a word Kazunari already held the cat in his arms. Worried that it would scratch his lover and transmit a weird disease, he stumbled a step forward but Kazunari held a wide grin and rubbed the cat’s head. The cat began to purr instantly.

 

“Don’t you look pretty,” Kazunari muttered. Ao moved closer and rubbed her cheek to the side of the man’s thigh. Kazunari stroked the cat’s spine. “Where did you come from? _Oh_ , you’re a boy. Hello, mister, are you our little girl’s secret boyfriend?”

 

Shintarou froze. “It needs to go,” he said immediately.

 

Kazunari looked up at him. So did the cats. “Why?”

 

“Because it’s a _stray_. You don’t know what it has, it probably hasn’t been vaccinated, just look at it. It’s male, and I’m not planning to have small kittens running around here.”

 

“But Ao likes him.” She surely did as she reached her front paws on Kazunari’s thigh to reach to lick the cat’s fur.

 

“I don’t care. It doesn’t belong here, and I don’t even know how the hell it got in.”

 

“Shin-chan, please… Look how good he behaves,” Kazunari retorted and held out the cat. The cat meowed and looked so _adorable_ it was revolting. “He doesn’t have a collar and he looks like he’s been through a lot… We could vaccinate him and—“

 

“I agreed to _one_ cat,” Shintarou interrupted. He crossed his arms over his chest. “And one cat is what we’re having. Get the stray out of this house, _now_.”

 

Kazunari got up on his feet with the cat in his arms and child-like defiance in his eyes. “We could have taken care of him,” he said, stubbornness in his tone.

 

“We’re not an animal shelter. Now please, be so kind.”

 

Kazunari gave him a glare and marched out of the kitchen. Ao followed him intently, and even Shintarou took few steps forward enough to see his lover open the balcony door. He let the cat down on the other side and spent a clear moment of hesitation, but shut the door and took a step back with a tremble. Ao rushed forward and sat in front of the door. The stray didn’t disappear but took a seat on the other side. Staring at each other, they both meowed.

 

“See?” Kazunari swayed his hand towards them and stared at Shintarou. “That could have been the greatest love story of the century, and you ruined it. You’re so cruel, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m realistic,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly. “We would have ended up having dozen kittens, what would you do with them?”

 

Kazunari huffed and crossed his arms. “We could have neutered him. No kittens running around.”

 

“No means no.”

 

“Yeah, I got that already.” Kazunari gave him an eyeful more and then strutted past him to the kitchen.

 

Shintarou spent a moment longer on the spot looking at the cats. They sat still, now utterly quiet, and he felt a small sting in his chest. He was quick to brush the thoughts off. A stray was a stray, and they shouldn’t have one. She’d forget all about him in few days, too. Convinced that he had made the right decision, he returned to the kitchen to do an appropriate damage control. He hugged Kazunari from behind and held him in his embrace.

 

Kazunari grumbled but didn’t move.

 

“You understand where I’m coming from, right?” Shintarou asked quietly. “We can’t save all of the cats.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose…” Kazunari turned around and looked him in the eyes. He shrugged ever so slightly. “Let’s just forget about it, then. It’s fine.”

 

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

 

“No, of course not. I get it, I get where you’re coming from. It’s fine.” Kazunari offered a smile and a kiss.

 

“Good.” Shintarou sighed from relief and thought for a moment. “We can… think about another cat in few years, all right? If you really want another.”

 

Kazunari nodded. “That would be nice.”

 

“And we’ll go and have a look at beds tomorrow after your work, all right?”

 

“All right.”

 

“Okay.” Shintarou squeezed Kazunari’s hips gently before he moved back and vaguely thought of starting to make breakfast.

 

He still felt his chest tightening, wondering if he had been too harsh after all. He took a quick peek towards the balcony door and saw their cat sitting in front of it sturdily, not moving an inch. Swallowing a little, Shintarou was quick to avert his gaze and pretend that there wasn’t a situation going on outside the kitchen. It took a bit of time to breathe calmly and convince himself that he wasn’t a horrible human being for not wanting a stray cat in their house, but somehow he managed. It still didn’t necessarily take the stinging away from his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon on my tumblr (thank you once more!) was kind enough to inform me of _the_ most embarrassing mistake I made last chapter... I made them sleep on the couch and forgot all about the guest room they have. Yeah. That happened. It's still going to be a small thing in this chapter, so please look the other way and pretend it's not the most awful mistake I've written!! I'm so sorry (╯︵╰,) ~~Also rest assured that after this mishap I _will_ remember that they have the guest room...~~


	133. Expenses

With jitters in his fingertips Kazunari popped open the buttons of his work shirt and was quick to shove it to the locker in front of him. He took his own shirt in return and yanked it on, and jumped into his pair of jeans. He couldn’t help the smile on his face. The corners of his mouth kept tugging higher and higher without permission but he wasn’t going to tell it not to, either. His heart pounded from excitement, and his thoughts raced with the speed he was most accustomed to.

 

“Good work today.”

 

Kazunari glanced over his shoulder and grinned to the sight of Ryou. “Good work today,” he echoed with a pleasant chirp and watched the man settle few lockers away from him. He crouched down for shoes. “Was it busy at your side of the store?”

 

Ryou nodded and attempted to take off his shirt. “I think… The girls you’ve mentioned, I think they’re harassing me now,” he muttered.

 

“Jeez… Have fun with that.”

 

Heaving out the heaviest sigh Kazunari had heard in a while, Ryou nudged his hands through the sleeves of the shirt and stood still for a moment. “I’m just glad the day is over, I think…”

 

“Yeah, me too.” Kazunari grinned to the locker as he closed it. “You got any plans for tonight?”

 

“No… I think I’m just going to slump down on the couch and eat and watch a movie or something, I have an early shift tomorrow again… Are you doing something?”

 

“We’re actually going to buy a bed now,” Kazunari announced.

 

Ryou’s eyes widened. “Really? What happened to it?”

 

“It just kinda broke all of a sudden, we weren’t really doing anything, so…” Kazunari shrugged. The pocket of his jeans vibrated, and as he fished the phone out, he saw Shintarou calling him. His nostrils flared. “And it seems my ride is here, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Oh, um, Takao!” Ryou called when Kazunari had managed to the doorway. “We could… If you want, we don’t have to, but we could—could go for drinks some evening?”

 

A little dumbfounded by the suggestion, Kazunari paused for a second or two.

 

“It was a bad idea, I’m sorry!” Ryou turned red around the ears. “It was a really bad idea, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry!”

 

“No, it’s a good idea!” Kazunari hurried to say. “It’s good, that’d be nice. We can try to find a good day for the both of us, wait… We better change mail addresses.”

 

They did, and afterwards Kazunari dashed through the corridors towards the entrance of the store. His phone kept vibrating as Shintarou kept calling, but he didn’t bother to pick up, not when he was seconds away from his fiancé. He knew he was running a little late to begin with (he had been dreamy before changing his clothes, to tell the truth), but it was only by minutes. Still he knew that even minutes would drive Shintarou to the edge, which was the exact reason why he stumbled over his steps so badly as ran forward.

 

He spotted the familiar car by the entrance and circled around it, yanked the door open and slumped down on the shotgun. Behind the wheel Shintarou looked at him with his lips pressed in a tight line and the corners of his eyes twitching.

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Kazunari put the seatbelt on and shifted to a better position. He was hardly done when they already moved. “I got stuck in the dressing room, but it’s not like I’m late for ten minutes or something.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“How was your day?”

 

Shintarou squeezed the wheel. His knuckles turned pale. “It was all right. I had one long surgery that took pretty much the whole day.” He let out a sigh and by the traffic lights turned to Kazunari. “And yours?”

 

“It was good, less annoying customers today, and you know, the stuff you can expect working in a supermarket.” Kazunari pulled open the mirror from above and worked through his hair with his fingers. “Where are we trying first?”

 

“The shop by the large shopping center complex. And I really hope we _don’t_ have to search somewhere else,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, you’re so grumpy.”

 

“I’m tired, not grumpy. I don’t want to sleep another night on the bad bed in the guest room.”

 

Kazunari patted his knee. The guest room’s bed had been definitely better than the couch, but it was still far from luxury. “We’ll find ourselves a good one and make them deliver it to us tonight.”

 

It had been rather cozy to sleep someplace else, sort of like an adventure. Shintarou had complained about aching muscles, and he figured that it was more of his fiancé’s problem because of his height, because he had fitted there just fine. What he hadn’t enjoyed was waking up an hour earlier in the morning to drag their old bed out, but he couldn’t wait to get a better one to replace it. He brushed his tongue across his lower lip and gave himself one more look through the mirror.

 

“What’s our budget?” he asked.

 

“Something reasonable,” grunted Shintarou. He stared in front of him. “But flexible. I want a good bed, and I’m not getting a cheap one.”

 

“You sure we have the money for it?”

 

Shintarou gave him a brief look. It seemed less annoyed than a second ago. “If we need to, we’ll get some from my savings. But it shouldn’t be a problem, beds aren’t _that_ expensive.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“I say so.”

 

“Alrighty, grumpy.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “You’d be _grumpy_ as well if you had just been standing on your feet for fourteen hours.”

 

“I’m just teasing, sorry.” As a sign of truce, Kazunari rubbed the man’s knee again. It seemed that his suggestion of the truce was accepted as Shintarou briefly brushed over his knuckles and squeezed.

 

The whole complex for the shopping center was full. Kazunari chewed his bottom lip and searched for a free parking space through the windshield. He could feel Shintarou seething beside him, and he had to admit that even he wasn’t fond of this many people all shoved in same little stores. Keeping his words and thoughts to himself, he bounced once he spotted an empty spot in which Shintarou parked.

 

Outside the car, he itched to grab Shintarou’s hand after a long day but didn’t. He nudged him near the shoulder with his own and decided that it was good enough.

 

Unlike the stores they passed on their way, the one with furniture didn’t seem crowded. It was eerily quiet with some murmuring here and there, and Kazunari smiled. In the safety of some privacy he tested the waters and entangled his fingers to Shintarou’s. He got a look but their hands remained linked together as Shintarou tugged him past the dinner tables and sofas and towards the bedroom section. Beds after beds lined up, all very seductive. Kazunari pouted. He stared at the first king-sized and hoped that it would be absolutely perfect.

 

Letting go of Shintarou’s hand, he sat down on the edge of it. _Soft_. A grin splattered on his lips. He bounced a bit, and the bed gave him the way to do it. The springs didn’t squeal beneath. “I like this,” was his verdict.

 

Shintarou sat down beside him and got up immediately. “Too soft.”

 

“Eh? You sure?”

 

“I don’t want to feel like I’m lying in quicksand.”

 

“Alright…” Kazunari gave a wistful look to the bed as he shadowed Shintarou’s steps forward. Looking around to spot the perfect individual, he bumped against the man’s back. He winced and rubbed his nose, and tiptoed enough to see what he was looking. From outside, the beds hardly looked different from each other.

 

Shintarou sat down and made few considerable, adult-like bounces and nodded. “This is better.”

 

Kazunari wiggled beside him and cringed. “It’s too hard.” It bounced close to none as he tested. He pressed his fingertips against the mattress and pushed down. Nothing really happened. He heaved out a sigh and crossed a leg over another, brought his elbow to his knee and rested his chin on his palm. “Let’s think this through, okay? You don’t want a soft bed and I don’t want a hard bed. It gotta be something in the middle, like, not too soft but not like we’re sleeping on stones, either.”

 

Shintarou sighed and rubbed his temples. “We can get a soft bed if you insist.”

 

“No! It needs to be perfect for both of us, you don’t want to sleep in a shitty bed for the next decade.”

 

“True.” Shintarou got up and yanked Kazunari up on his feet too. “Let’s look around. There’s bound to be a suitable one—and _no_ , we’re _not_ asking for help.”

 

“I didn’t say anything.”

 

“But you had that look.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and followed behind Shintarou between the lines of bed. After testing the first five they thought were good he lost count on the beds they tested. Tiredness began to ache in the back of his head, his eyes turning heavier, and he could tell that Shintarou wasn’t pleased, either. The man’s lips were losing their color as he kept pressing them tightly together, and behind the glasses his eyes stared like a dead fish’s. Afraid that this trip would prolong and make them grumpy at each other and then escalate into a fight of the century, Kazunari rubbed his nape and dragged his feet.

 

“Let’s try few more,” he suggested. Shintarou stopped. Kazunari looked around and pointed at the first king-sized bed. “ _That_. I’m sure that’s our bed.”

 

They tried and sat on the edge. Kazunari sighed. “Way too soft,” he muttered.

 

Shintarou no longer said anything, simply got up and moved along. Sighing again, Kazunari remained seated for a moment longer and watched his lover’s steps. They had turned shorter, tenser, and he knew that if they wouldn’t find a bed soon, he’d be fucked. Not in the good way, either, but in a way that he’d have to deal with a grumpy, whining, cursing fiancé in the evening. He pushed himself up and wanted to ask advice from the idle sellers, but Shintarou had forbid it. _Fuck_.

 

Rushing behind his lover, Kazunari stopped dead on his tracks as Shintarou did. The man looked to his side and without a word sat down on the bed. Not a single complaint escaped from him. His face relaxed. Kazunari gasped for breath and stared at the sight with widened eyes. _No way_. Was this _finally_ their bed? He was quick to sit by Shintarou’s side and bounced. Not too soft, but it gave away. Sort of _firm_ but not too much so.

 

“I like this,” Shintarou finally mustered out.

 

Kazunari felt like the heavens parted and the crisis was avoided. “Wait, let me…” He crawled on the other side of the bed and lied down on his bed.

 

“What are you doing?” slithered from Shintarou’s mouth.

 

He gave him a look and smirk. “Testing it, of course. Come on, I saved a spot for you.” He patted the side beside him.

 

There was clear hesitation in Shintarou’s eyes, but he sighed and with a shook his head reclined on the bed beside him. Kazunari felt a little silly, staring at the ceiling in a comfortable bed in a furniture store. No one else around, he took a hold of Shintarou’s hand. The man didn’t refuse the gesture.

  
“You think you could see this bed at home?” Kazunari asked.

 

“It’s comfortable,” Shintarou said. “As good as the previous one if not even better.”

 

“I really like it. Wide and suitable and probably really good for fucking.”

 

“We’re in _public_.”

 

“So?”

 

“You can’t say things like that.”

 

Kazunari turned his head to an angle and looked at Shintarou with a grin. “No one’s around to listen.”

 

“Still,” Shintarou grumbled and turned to him. “Do you think we should take this?”

 

“It feels good… Did you check the price tag?”

 

“No, and I’m not planning to. This is the only good bed in this store, I don’t care what it costs.”

 

“Mm… I gotta say that I love the metal headboard, you can totally tie me up on it.”

 

“ _Kazunari_ ,” scolded Shintarou.

 

“Excuse me… May I help you somehow?” a male voice asked from above.

 

Shintarou was quick to let go of his hand, but he didn’t move. Neither did Kazunari as he looked up and eyed a man clad in a blue shirt with a nametag in the chest. He didn’t quite see what it said. He smiled wide to him nonetheless. “We’re just testing the bed out, don’t mind us.”

 

“I’m terribly sorry, but our policy is to not let customers to do this on the beds if they aren’t planning to buy.”

 

Shintarou shot up to sit. “We _are_ planning to buy it, that’s why we were testing it. Is there a problem with that?”

 

The sharp tone in his voice made the man startle. He was quick to clear his throat and pull up a customer smile. “Of course not, sir. So you have planned to purchase this one?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari helped before Shintarou would explode (he had the feeling he would) and pulled up to sit as well. “I know it’s quite late already, but we were wondering if it’s possible to deliver it to our place tonight. We’d really need it.”

 

“Certainly, but it does cost a little bit extra from the usual delivery.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kazunari said and got a nod of confirmation from Shintarou. “I think… we’re taking it. We’re taking it, right?”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou said through gritted teeth.

 

“Excellent.” The man put forth a flashy smile once more. “If we could move towards the counter and complete the purchase…”

 

They were done fifteen minutes later with the promise that the bed would arrive within two hours. Confident that it had been a successful trip, Kazunari was all smiles in the car despite being tired. Shintarou, on the other hand, seemed to be unable to get rid of his grumpy features.

 

“Come on, Shin-chan, cheer up,” Kazunari tried and nudged his shoulder gently. “We got ourselves a bed now, that’s awesome.”

 

“If only they live up to their promise and _actually_ deliver the bed when they said they would.”

 

“I’m sure they will, honey. We gotta go home now and eat some dinner and snuggle on the couch and when it comes, we can just sleep straight away.” Kazunari smiled gently and tilted his head. “Alright? Does that sound good?”

 

Shintarou heaved out a sigh and nodded. “That sounds good,” he agreed.

 

“And who knows, maybe tomorrow we can _really_ test it out by having a bit of fun in it…”

 

“Don’t push your luck too much,” said Shintarou, but Kazunari swore there was a smile on his lover’s lips.

 

He didn’t mention it, though, as he wanted to be on the safe side and not cause a silly argument right in the last minutes. More than pleased that they wouldn’t have to do another bed shopping trip in a decade, he heaved out a sigh. He was more than happy to eventually slump down in Shintarou’s embrace on the couch whilst waiting for the dinner to get warm in the microwave.


	134. I Never Expected... to Come Back Here

**14 th of MAY, 20XX  
** _\- third year of high school / first year of university –_

“Tetsuya…”

 

When he had been dumped, Kazunari had promised to himself to never inflict such a pain to anyone. Horrified, he now stared into Tetsuya’s reddening eyes that gathered tears little by little as they sat side by side on his bed. He couldn’t really breathe, his lungs not properly working, and his pulse shot off the roof. Although he knew that this was necessary, that he had to do this in order to reunite with Shintarou, he now held all the regret in the world for starting this in the first place. Tetsuya didn’t deserve this – he was a wonderful guy, and now he had made him cry. Kazunari took a hold of his ex-boyfriend’s hand and rubbed his knuckles gently. He felt like crying himself. He had thought that this wouldn’t hurt because he didn’t have _those_ feelings towards Tetsuya, but his chest still ached.

 

“Tetsuya,” he tried again, his voice gentler.

 

Tetsuya let out a sobby chuckle. “It’s okay, Kazunari-kun,” he said and sniffled. He worked his free hand over his eyes and gave a smile. “I’m happy for Kazunari-kun. I hoped that Kazunari-kun and Midorima-kun would get back together.”

 

“No—Don’t say that. Don’t say that,” Kazunari pleaded. He inched closer until the sides of their thighs were touching. Wrapping his arms around Tetsuya, he pulled him against his chest and made him have another wave of crying. He squeezed his eyes shut and stroked his back. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered in his ear and rubbed his back. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”

 

Tetsuya sniffled and looked up. There was still a smile on his lips. “Kazunari-kun doesn’t have to apologize,” he murmured. “I had a feeling Kazunari-kun still loved Midorima-kun. I’m sorry for crying.”

 

“Don’t apologize for that!” Kazunari was quick to say. “Don’t… I didn’t mean this to happen.”

 

Pulling away from Kazunari, Tetsuya sat beside him again, shoulders a little slumped. He worked his hand to Kazunari’s, tangled their fingers together and squeezed. His gaze lowered on his lap. “These were wonderful weeks, Kazunari-kun. I’m happy it happened.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kazunari whispered. He brushed Tetsuya’s cheeks to get rid of the tears. It hardly helped when new ones rolled down. His heart thudded painfully. He sniffed. “But I can’t help it. Shin-chan’s—I’m so sorry. I just want you to be happy.”

 

“I want Kazunari-kun to be happy, too.” Tetsuya looked into Kazunari’s eyes. “And Kazunari-kun will be the happiest with Midorima-kun.”

 

Now Kazunari cried, too. He hadn’t loved Tetsuya, he hadn’t _liked_ liked him, but he had had a wonderful time with him. He had always liked Tetsuya but only as a friend. He wished things had been different, because this guy deserved to be happy. Tetsuya had done nothing wrong. Kazunari sniffed and felt a tremor in his stomach, nausea welling towards his esophagus. He was being unfair, but he couldn’t get rid of the love he held inside him.

 

“Is Kazunari-kun going to Midorima-kun afterwards?”

 

Kazunari startled. With widened eyes he stared at Tetsuya and couldn’t answer because Tetsuya had reached the jackpot.

 

Maybe Tetsuya knew it, too, as his smile softened. “I’m happy,” he whispered and let go of Kazunari’s hand. “I’m happy Kazunari-kun has found someone important…”

 

“Tetsuya…”

 

“I think I should go, so Kazunari-kun can go to meet Midorima-kun.” Tetsuya rubbed his eyes to the sleeve of his shirt and offered another small smile. It was enough to completely crush Kazunari’s heart. “Can I ask one thing, Kazunari-kun?”

 

“Anything,” Kazunari promised.

 

“May I hug Kazunari-kun for the last time?”

 

Kazunari let out a shivery sigh. “Silly,” he muttered and pulled Tetsuya tight in his embrace and against his chest. He pressed a kiss to his ear and murmured, “It won’t be our last hug.”

 

He held Tetsuya close to him and squeezed his eyes shut when arms wrapped around him, too. Part of him didn’t want to let go because it would make the decision so final. He had been an absolute idiot for thinking that he could get away with something like this. The nausea and guilt riddled him, and didn’t exit even when he hugged Tetsuya tighter. He should have never hurt Tetsuya, should have never give him hope that there never was. He squeezed his ex-boyfriend tighter and kissed his ear, and gave himself a moment to cry. Just like Tetsuya said, he’d go to Shintarou afterwards. The plan now sounded awful.

 

Eventually Tetsuya peeled back. They looked into each other’s eyes, and Tetsuya brushed his fingers over Kazunari’s cheeks to rub the tears away. Kazunari’s stomach turned upside down.

 

“I want to stay friends with you,” he pleaded.

 

Tetsuya nodded. “We’ll be friends, I promise. This won’t change anything.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kazunari whispered.

 

“Don’t be. Kazunari-kun will be happier with Midorima-kun.”

 

They were Tetsuya’s final words. He gave him a kiss on the cheek and left, and Kazunari wasn’t sure whether he would ever see him again.

 

Alone in the room, the sound of the clock torturing him, he buried his face to his knees and yanked his hair. He was an _idiot_. He was an idiot, a loser, a horrible human being and he shouldn’t be together with anyone. Curling his fingers tighter around his dark locks, he pulled harder and cried out. His shoulders shook as he spent the moment sobbing. The worst part was that he had all the intentions of rushing to Shintarou’s place as soon as he’d calm down. _He_ was the worst. He spat self-insults left and right as quick as he could and made his chest tighten, made his heart drop to his knees. He was certain that none of his feelings compared to Tetsuya’s, because he knew how it felt to be dumped. He knew the thoughts would linger no matter what Tetsuya had now said.

 

Kazunari slumped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a long while. After a while he squeezed his eyes shut, pulled himself to a curl and contemplated his life choices. They didn’t seem that great right now.

 

It took him a full hour to collect himself to some extent. There were still red circles around his eyes although he washed his face several times, but he decided it was good enough. Shintarou wouldn’t comment on them – he had a feeling that Shintarou would know. His steps dragged as he got outside and turned around the corner towards a direction he had thought he would never take again. The sun shone bright and the birds twittered, but he thought of Tetsuya and wondered if he should send him a message in the evening. Probably not. His stomach churned and did somersaults. He was the worst. Around another corner and to a familiar street, Kazunari took a deep breath in an attempt to get himself together. It was somewhat successful.

 

He stopped beside the Midorima household’s door and stared at the doorbell. His fingers shivered as he reached towards it, his index finger inches away from it. It was odd. Something he had done so many times in his life now freaked him out. Unable to get rid of his thoughts, he rang the ball nonetheless.

 

A moment later Shintarou’s mother opened the door. Her eyes widened, somehow lit up, and her lips parted in something inaudible. Kazunari offered a weak smile and laced his fingers together behind his back. He cleared his throat.

 

“Is Shin-chan home?” he asked quietly.

 

She was quick to nod. “Yes,” she breathed, and it sounded like relief. “Come on in, dear.”

 

He stepped inside and nudged his shoes off. Her gaze was intently at him although she stepped to the beginning of the stairs. He writhed.

 

“Shintarou!” she gently called. “Come downstairs, you have a visitor!”

 

She smiled now. Kazunari smiled back, a little embarrassed at that, and stared down at his toes. He really liked her, because she was gentle and sweet and had always been supportive of their relationship from the very beginning. His breath hitched and all the thoughts from his mind disappeared when he heard a door click open upstairs. She gave him one final smile and walked to the kitchen. Kazunari stared upstairs with eyes wide and bewildered and felt his pulse throb. He knew he had said he’d take few days the last time they had seen, but it had been a week. Would Shintarou still want him?

 

“Who is it?” Shintarou’s voice echoed. Then came his sock-clad feet to the stairs. His shins. His knees. His waist. His chest. Eventually, he stopped mid-stairs and stared.

 

Kazunari smiled. He couldn’t help it when in the stairs stood the love of his life. He waved his hand a little and attempted a grin. It remained as an attempt. “It’s just me, Shin-chan,” he said.

 

Shintarou stumbled the final steps, ran, and before Kazunari could fully register it, he was pulled in strong arms. He let out a breath of relief and buried his face to Shintarou’s chest, moved his arms around his torso and hugged him. He was nearly crushed in the embrace but he didn’t complain even when his bones ached, because this was why he had chosen to hurt another person. This was what he had missed so much that he couldn’t sleep properly at nights. He tiptoed and rubbed his cheek to Shintarou’s chest and felt his heart dislocated and pounding fiercely. Shintarou smelled like himself, and it was Kazunari’s favorite scent in the entire world.

 

They didn’t exchange words when they pulled back an inch. They looked in each other’s eyes instead, and then Shintarou kissed him. It was a kiss enough to tell about all of the things that hadn’t been said in the last two months, and Kazunari understood. He tiptoed more proper and cupped Shintarou’s face in his palms, kissed him deeper and felt tears prickle in his eyes. He didn’t stop them from advancing to his cheeks as he gathered breath enough through his nose to keep the kiss intact. Moving his hands better to his waist, Shintarou squeezed him closer.

 

It was sinful, but Kazunari was happy. A little over hour later of his breakup he already felt so happy that his chest was ready to burst.

 

When they broke the kiss and peeled away from each other again, Kazunari saw tears behind the glasses. With a smile and a small chuckle on his lips, he moved them out of the way and gently stroked the underside of Shintarou’s eyes. They were the eyes he wanted to stare into when they’d turn thirty, forty, sixty, eighty, the age didn’t matter. He put the glasses back and kissed Shintarou tenderly. He felt like no words were needed, and Shintarou understood it, too.

 

“Mama!” Youko shrieked close by and made Kazunari startle. He buried himself back to the other boy’s chest and looked to the side towards the kitchen. The little girl stood by the doorframe and stared at them. “Shintarou kisses Kazu-nii!”

 

“Let the boys be, dear,” said Shintarou’s mother gently from the kitchen.

 

Shintarou kissed his ear and muttered, “Let’s go upstairs.”

 

Kazunari had even missed his voice, the way it sounded a little deeper and raw. With a nod he followed Shintarou, stumbled in the stairs because his knees felt like jelly, but didn’t let go of the hand he held in his own. They got in Shintarou’s room, and Kazunari marveled the sight he had thought he’d never get to see again. His heart pleasantly thudding and the nausea almost fully gone from inside him, he didn’t spend a lot of time on his feet when Shintarou pulled him in bed. Kazunari crawled closer and settled his head to the boy’s chest. Arms wrapped around him, securely, like they’d never let him go anymore. Fingers drew shapes to his back, vague but so very soothing. Kazunari nuzzled Shintarou’s neck and closed his eyes.

 

He was back at home.

 

They remained quiet for a long time. Shintarou kept stroking his back, and Kazunari rubbed the pads of his fingers over Shintarou’s chest right beside his own face. He let out a gentle sigh, dragged his nose against Shintarou’s throat and pressed a kiss on a random spot. It made Shintarou quiver and tighten his hold. Kazunari tangled his leg to Shintarou’s and shivered.

 

“Are we boyfriends again?” Shintarou murmured. There was odd uncertainty in his voice that trembled.

 

Kazunari nodded. “Yeah… We are.”

 

“So you broke up with…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How did it go?”

 

Kazunari got up enough to look at Shintarou. “Don’t wanna talk about it,” he muttered. He leaned close enough to kiss his boyfriend, and they indulged themselves to it. The kiss dragged on, deep and gentle with a bit of tongue, and it made Kazunari’s chest tingle with joy riddled with a slight amount of guilt. It was terrifyingly easy to get rid of the bad feelings when he angled his head and kissed Shintarou better.

 

Pulling back, he still remained on the spot. He spent a moment looking into Shintarou’s eyes and brushed back his bangs. They had grown a little since the last time they had been this close. A smile twitched on Kazunari’s lips and he couldn’t help it. The moment was beautiful and awful at the same time. He guessed it would take few days to properly sort out his feelings, but he knew that this was what he wanted. This was what he needed, and this was something he would crave even a decade later.

 

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back here,” Shintarou said quietly.

 

“I never thought I’d come back,” countered Kazunari. He chuckled gently and pressed a quick kiss on Shintarou’s lips, and lowered himself back on his chest. Just like this, feet tangled, hands locked together, listening Shintarou’s heartbeat, Kazunari felt like nothing was wrong, like this was his home and he had returned. He pulled himself better to the warmth of his boyfriend and slipped his eyes close. They still stung from the earlier crying, felt heavy, and he felt a little sleepy, but he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to enjoy.

 

“I’m never breaking up with you again,” Shintarou promised.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Silly,” he whispered with a soft tone.

 

“I mean it. I can’t be without you, Takao. I need you.”

 

“I better stay with you in that case…”

 

Shintarou buried his lips to his hair and muttered, “Please do.”

 

Kazunari’s chest tingled. Everything had gone so smoothly that he worried that there would be an obstacle of some sort. It was hard for him to trust that this was it, that he was now back together with the love of his life without further complications. The thought made his throat tighten. He took a deep breath and looked up again.

 

“I love you,” he said. His voice quivered below his breath. When he looked at Shintarou, he somehow felt ready to cry all over again from the mere relief that he was back in the arms that he craved the most.

 

Shintarou actually smiled. It was small but it was a smile. “I love you too,” he said.

 

They kissed, and afterwards Kazunari settled himself back on his chest. He closed his eyes and now felt more than ready to lull in a nice afternoon nap in Shintarou’s arms. Humming, he settled better to a position and shuddered whenever Shintarou rubbed his fingertips over his spine. It was wonderfully perfect.

 

There was a soft knock on the door. “Boys?” asked Shintarou’s mother. Kazunari didn’t pull away. Even Shintarou tightened his grasp from him before he gave the permission to come in.

 

Shintarou’s mother peeked in, and Kazunari lifted his head enough to see the tender smile on her lips curving upwards. “Would you like some tea?”

 

“Do you want some?” Shintarou muttered to him.

 

Kazunari took a deep inhale. “In a bit,” he mumbled back.

 

“We’ll be downstairs in a moment, mom,” Shintarou told her.

 

“Take your time, dears,” she said and closed the door.

 

The thing about her was that she always understood. Kazunari hid his smile to Shintarou’s collarbone and kissed the spot. He snuggled better to the warmth that cradled him and muffled a yawn that escaped him without permission.

 

“Are you going to stay the night?” asked Shintarou.

 

Kazunari lifted his chin. “Yeah.” A smile lifted to his lips as he kissed Shintarou’s jaw. “If you’ll have me of course.”

 

“Of course.” Shintarou kissed him, so sweetly that it felt almost odd. Wonderfully so, though. “I wouldn’t have asked otherwise, would I?”

 

“Maybe you just thought it was the polite thing to ask.”

 

“Right.” Shintarou rolled his eyes but cleared his throat. When a small flush took over his features, he leaned towards Kazunari’s ear and breathed slightly more irregular. “We need to step by the store, though,” he murmured, cheeks glowing ever so slightly, “because I don’t have any, um, condoms left.”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply. His eyes went wide as he stared at Shintarou but soon laughter melted on his lips. He shook his head and grinned. “Yeah, we’ll step by a store, all right,” he snickered and laced his lips briefly over Shintarou’s. “Very considerate of you.”

 

“If you don’t want to—“

 

“I want to. Badly.”

 

The red on Shintarou’s face deepened. Kazunari smirked.

 

Shintarou huffed. “Wipe that smirk off.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.”

 

“Is it making you embarrassed?” When Shintarou said nothing, Kazunari retorted, “You were the one who suggested it, though.”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

Certain that things would remain the same after all (he had been slightly worried about that but such thoughts now melted away), Kazunari exchanged one more kiss with Shintarou before he settled back to the crook of his arm. Knowing that they’d need to get up in a minute to grab some tea, he basked in the moment a while longer. It brought a gentle tickle to his belly. He wouldn’t have wanted to be in any other place at the moment. He slipped his eyes close and enclosed himself to the warmth of his boyfriend.


	135. Aroma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I just fainted. 1000 kudos. _1000 kudos?!_ You're all crazy.

With a yawn rolling in his mouth Shintarou turned the key in the lock of the front door and pushed himself inside. It wasn’t hardly an evening, yet he was more than ready to slump down on the bed and spend a good amount of time sleeping; he had woken up before the sunrise today and now his body was protesting. He threw down his bag on the floor, kicked his shoes off and nearly left them in chaos but straightened them up anyway. Hanging his coat beside Kazunari’s, he gave the sight a small smile. At least Kazunari was already home. Maybe he wouldn’t go to bed quite yet.

 

“I’m home,” he finally announced.

 

He got no answer, but it only made his brows knit lightly together. Puckering his lips in thought, he managed to take few steps and stopped beside the couch. Kazunari froze to the other side of the living room, wearing absolutely _nothing_ , hugging a magazine against his chest. His gaze exploring, Shintarou spent a rather amused moment looking at the lush figure of his lover (it really was easily sight enough to make his tired sex stir in his pants). Another smile twitched on his lips. Then, Kazunari grinned.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou eventually asked the obvious.

 

“I was going to the bath.” Kazunari nodded towards the slightly open door. “And I got myself a magazine to read while I’m just lying there, but I’m more than willing to discard this thing if you’re joining me.”

 

“A bath, huh…”

 

Kazunari wore a beamish smile. “You game? I even put a bath bomb in it, one of the good ones too.”

 

Shintarou spent a fleeting second thinking. He nodded. “I’ll be there in few moments.”

 

“Awesome.”

 

He watched his lover disappear to the bathroom and was quick to rush to the bedroom himself. Getting rid of his clothes, he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist (unlike Kazunari, he wasn’t too keen on being an exhibitionist even in their own home). He curled his toes and took deep breaths, realized that this was the perfect way to relax his tense muscles after a hard day at work, and rushed to the bathroom.

 

The whole room smelled good, for certain of that bath bomb Kazunari had used to give the water in the tub an oddly bright pink hue. Shintarou dropped the towel on the floor beside his lover’s and closed in the distance. He had to admit that the scent was good albeit overpowering. Perhaps it was cherry. It was most likely cherry judging from the color, but he couldn’t be absolutely sure, and it brought slight annoyance in him. In the water Kazunari already relaxed, his bangs tied to a small ponytail above his forehead. It was a comical sight, but also one that for him simply screamed ‘home’. Beside the tub Shintarou stood and examined his fiancé’s smile directed to him and only to him. It always made him feel a little special. Even now his heart skipped a beat.

 

He took a shower first. Dripping wet two minutes later, he regained his spot beside the tub.

 

“Scoot over,” he said once he felt a flush on his cheeks.

 

Without a word Kazunari did exactly that, grabbed the sides of the tub and pushed himself forward enough. Shintarou settled behind him and spread his legs apart for Kazunari to move between them, and when he did, Shintarou wrapped his arms around his torso. The water was warm and already massaging his muscles. He shuddered gently. He relaxed and dipped his head slightly backwards, slipped his eyes close, and spent a moment just like that before he straightened his posture back up. He rubbed Kazunari’s chest. In his palms he scooped some of the scented and bubbly water and brought it to the man’s skin and made sure it was thoroughly clean. He gained a chuckle from Kazunari.

 

Kazunari moved better in his embrace. “How was your day?”

 

“Busy,” grunted Shintarou. He rested his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder and held him like a child would its favorite teddy bear. “Nothing special to mention, it was just busy.”

 

“That sucks…” Kazunari worked his fingertips over the fine hair on Shintarou’s arms. “Good thing we’re getting a bath in that case, yeah?”

 

“Indeed, although it smells obnoxious.”

 

“It so does not!” Kazunari gave him a look over shoulder and pouted. “It’s one of my favorites, apple and raspberry.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “I thought it was cherry.”

 

“I don’t know how you manage to smell _cherry_ in it.”

 

Shintarou shrugged and slid his palms over Kazunari’s hips. They were just full enough for him to grasp them, and although he knew that Kazunari was not fond of his love handles, Shintarou adored them.

 

“How was your day?” he asked in return.

 

“Nah, just all right…” Kazunari glanced at him over shoulder again and puckered his lips to a small pout. The gesture was ruined by the smile that twitched on his lips. He stretched his arm behind his back and tussled Shintarou’s hair. “Gimme a kiss,” he demanded.

 

There was no reason for him to decline. Although the position made it difficult, Shintarou still leaned closer and pressed his lips softly against Kazunari’s. A kiss like that was enough to send pleasant sparks through his body, and although he was hardly in the mood to get aroused, it still made the bottom of his stomach tingle and tighten pleasantly. He tightened his grasp from Kazunari’s hips and tilted his head enough to deepen the kiss. The water splashed ever so slightly as Kazunari adjusted his position here and there. They caught a breath. Kazunari was all about a wide grin.

 

“Thank you very much,” Kazunari announced and reclined back in Shintarou’s arms. The back of his head he pressed to Shintarou’s chest, his head just barely above water, and pushed his legs up to the sides of the tub.

 

Shintarou quite enjoyed the silence and the occasional tender splashing of the water whenever one of them moved the slightest bit. He rolled his eyes shut and heaved out a sigh, rested his mouth against Kazunari’s hair and stroked his stomach up and down. Underneath his fingers he felt a beginning of a trail of hair below the navel, and it made a smile twitch on his lips. Usually Kazunari was keen on shaving _everything_ off south of his navel, but it seemed that he had either forgotten and was growing it out. He rubbed the length of the line, stroked gently, found the sensation amusing like he was nothing but a little boy and discovering a thing like that for the first time in his life.

 

In his arms Kazunari tensed and gasped for breath. “Shin-chan…” he whined. “If you’re not planning to do stuff, don’t do that… Makes me super aroused.”

 

“Does it?” Shintarou arched his brows higher. Upon seeing his lover nod, he flashed a private smile and kept his fingers over the trail of hair. It was suitable to indulge his fiancé once in a while, wasn’t it? He might have not been in the mood himself, but he wasn’t born a selfish person. He moved his hand lower until he rushed his fingers through clearly overgrown curls of pubic hair. Pressing a kiss to the top of Kazunari’s ear, he curled his fingers around the base of his lover’s sex.

 

Kazunari straightened up and dipped his legs back in water, although the knees stuck out once he pressed his soles to the bottom of the tub. “Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou fisted the cock safely in his palm and didn’t say a word. He enjoyed the way Kazunari writhed in his arms immediately; it brought satisfaction to his core and made his lips curl even higher. He kissed the same spot of the ear again and pumped his hand gently. A breathless moan that got out of Kazunari echoed in the entire bathroom, bounced off the walls and then filled Shintarou’s ears. He moved his soles to the bottom of the bathtub and lifted his knees enough to provide Kazunari the needed support and watched his lover melt to the position.

 

Once Kazunari bucked his hips up, the thin layer of water wasn’t enough to cover Shintarou’s hand’s movements. His hand bobbed below and above the colored surface, and whenever he spent a moment fondling the base and the scrotum, he eyed the swollen cockhead. Pearls of pre-cum glistened on it, but they were gone as soon as the touched the water. Shintarou moistened his lips and picked up the pace, stroked Kazunari harder, moved his fingers to an almost-perfect circle around the tip and squeezed. Kazunari’s body curved, the front of his body out of the water, and he looked gorgeous. Shintarou only hoped he could have seen his face, but he didn’t want to suggest a change in the position, not when Kazunari squirmed like this. Breathing a little harder after all, Shintarou was quick to settle to a comfortable pace. He gave kiss after a kiss to the smooth roundness of Kazunari’s shoulder and listened his moans.

 

“Shin-ch— _ah_ …” Kazunari dipped his head down and pushed his hips into Shintarou’s hand. “You… Should I… you…”

 

“I’m good, thank you,” Shintarou assured, and it was the truth. He was more than settled like this, which he blamed to the tiredness gnawing in his bones; surely without of it he would have gotten hard from this. Now it served as a good enough reason to focus on Kazunari, and he knew his lover deserved it.

 

It sparked an idea in his mind. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and he gasped for breath. He let go of Kazunari’s cock and brought his hands on his hips instead. It made Kazunari whine and complain, but Shintarou knew that it wouldn’t happen within moments.

 

“Get up on your knees,” he said.

 

“H-Huh?” Trembling, Kazunari gave him a look over the shoulder. “What are you—“

 

“And lean against the wall, will you?”

 

Kazunari looked positively puzzled but nodded anyway, pushed himself mostly out of the water and shuffled on the other side of the tub. He pressed his palms flat on the wall and stood on his knees. Shintarou remained still a moment and patted himself on the back for the idea. Not only would it bring Kazunari pleasure, it looked absolutely _gorgeous_. The roundness of the ass cheeks pushed out just right and watered his mouth. Shintarou moved closer and grabbed Kazunari by his waist, made it so that his bottom was pushed out even more.

 

He sank his teeth into the tender flesh of one of the buttocks. Kazunari gasped for breath. Shintarou supposed he realized what was to happen as he parted his legs and dipped his back in a deeper curve. Leaving behind a gentle teeth mark, Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s front again and brought the tip of his thumb to the cleft of the ass. The puckered asshole was clenching, the most vulnerable pink he had ever seen hiding underneath swirls and curls of grown dark hair. He nudged the rippled skin with his finger but was quick to bring his mouth to the spot. With the enthusiasm of a teenager he kissed the hole and began to suck and nip.

 

Working his mouth with ferocity whilst tugging Kazunari’s cock, Shintarou dragged his tongue over the entire length of the strip of the flesh. It tasted of the bath bomb, clean, _perhaps_ a bit of raspberry now that he thought about it. He nuzzled his nose to the spot where the cleft smoothened and molded the top of the buttocks, darted his tongue and nudged it inside. Kazunari moaned, louder than he had heard in a while, and rattled his body to the rhythm. Shintarou was in no hurry, thus he squeezed Kazunari’s balls to his palm and toyed with them, a small smile splattering to his lips.

 

He made sure to eat Kazunari out. It was something he rarely did but something, admittedly, that he enjoyed doing whenever he had the chance to. He worked his mouth in and over and around the wildly twitching hole and would have brought a finger in but wasn’t sure how slick it was with his saliva alone. Thus Shintarou focused on nibbling and sucking and fucking the sensitive skin with his tongue and mouth. He kept his hand’s motion steady on Kazunari’s cock and felt the veins throb below his palm. He could have spent an eternity just like this, eating his lover out like it was something he was made to do. Maybe it was. Maybe he _had_ been created to stroke a dick and eat an ass. It was the first he thought about it, but now that he did, it was probably the truth.

 

Shintarou snapped out of his thoughts and looked up between the fleshy mounds, eyed the spine curve so very beautifully and brought his free hand over it. Gently he stroked the nubs of vertebra and lured out even louder moans. They were music to his ear.

 

“Shin-chan, _please_ ,” pleaded Kazunari with dragging breaths and sinful moans. “Shin-chan— _Shin-chan,_ fuck… Please…”

 

Shintarou pulled his mouth back enough to talk. “What do you want?”

 

“I’m gonna—gonna come, Shin—please, gonna come…”

 

He was quick to bring his lips back to the fleshy spot. He worked his fingers exclusively around the cockhead, thumbed the delicate slit, and without seeing he knew from the wild trembling and extensive amount of breathless gasps that Kazunari climaxed. Closing his eyes, Shintarou nibbled and brushed his tongue over the clenching and throbbing hole, and didn’t move his mouth back until he had milked out the finest of droplets from the sex.

 

Kazunari was quick to collapse down, but Shintarou caught him in his arms. His lover’s body was nearly languid, his breaths quick and his chest heaving with intensity. A genuine smile on his lips, Shintarou kissed his cheek several times. Soon a smile spread on Kazunari’s lips as well, and he melted into the embrace.

 

“Shin-chan…” he muttered and closed his eyes. A soft chuckle escaped him. “You really surprised me…”

 

“Did I?” There was a hint of pride in Shintarou’s voice as he reclined back and pulled Kazunari along.

 

“Totally… Loved it.” Kazunari worked his fingers back over Shintarou’s arms. “You’re not feeling like you’d want something to yourself, too?”

 

“I’m fine, thank you.”

 

Kazunari let out a gentle sigh. “Guess I just need to repay you some other time…”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shintarou promised.

 

They cocooned themselves into a comfortable silence. It wrapped its arms around them and cradled them, and Shintarou knew that he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way at the moment. He hummed gently from the throat and nuzzled his nose to Kazunari’s shoulder, kissed the spot and relaxed thoroughly. Kazunari shifted in his arms, and even in the new position Shintarou made sure to wrap his arms securely around him and not let go.


	136. An Obstacle

“Kazunari…”

 

“Mm?”

 

Absentminded, not really wanting to miss a second of the cooking show, Kazunari tugged his chin downwards to Shintarou who rested his head on his lap. He worked his fingers gently through the green hair and arched his brows up enough but didn’t look elsewhere from the television. Rubbing the pads of his fingers against Shintarou’s forehead and then brushing back the bangs, he repeated the hum.

 

“The stray is back again,” said Shintarou dryly.

 

Kazunari perked up. He forgot all about the television as he fixed his gaze on the balcony door and indeed, the cow-colored cat sat right behind the glass. On their side of the door Ao was quick to get up on her feet and circled behind the door before she rose up and clawed it. It didn’t budge open. Kazunari felt a smile melt on his lips and his heart skip joyful beats. He rubbed Shintarou’s scalp.

 

“Go open the door for him,” he coaxed and looked down at him.

 

Shintarou’s lips pressed to a thin line. His jaw clenched. “I won’t.”

 

“Aw, why not? Look at our girl, she’s totally in love.”

 

“It’s a _stray_.”

 

Kazunari huffed. “So? You can’t stop love from happening.”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful. “I’m pretty sure it’s not _love_ the stray has in mind.”

 

“Come on, Shin-chan.” Kazunari moved his thighs up and gently nudged his lover’s head upwards with them. “Would you please let him in? Pretty, pretty please?”

 

Shintarou grumbled.

 

“Please?” Kazunari made sure he had puppy eyes on him as he looked at Shintarou. “We’ll take good care of him, just look at him… His fur is all tangled and he’s totally starving, we can _save_ that kitty. We can bring him to vet and make sure he’s okay and without any diseases and get him vaccinated and everything.”

 

“ _Fine_ ,” snarled Shintarou and got up on his feet. “But I’m _only_ opening the door, you hear me? This doesn’t mean I’ve approved your stupid plan.”

 

Kazunari smiled with the energy of the sun. “Thanks, Shin-chan.”

 

Still grumbling the whole way to the door, Shintarou opened it. The cat slipped in immediately and went to Ao, stared at her and circled around her. Kazunari’s smile twitched higher as Shintarou returned to the couch and into the crook of his arm. He made sure to keep a tight hold of his lover (who seemingly was in a cuddly mood today although he would have never said it aloud) and rub his shoulder as he laid his eyes on the cats.

 

Ao stood still for a moment and then collapsed on the floor on her back, rolled on her side and swished her tail. The other cat followed her immediately and settled right beside her, and began to lick her fur. Kazunari chuckled, but Shintarou didn’t seem too amused upon watching the same scenery. He kissed the man’s hair and nuzzled it with the tip of his nose. The cats licked each other a good while and then lied down beside one another, tails swaying gently.

 

“Our girl has a boyfriend,” Kazunari muttered and ghosted his fingers below the sleeve of the shirt Shintarou wore.

 

“And before you know it, we’ll have ten kittens and no place to put them.”

 

“Come on.” He nudged Shintarou. “I don’t think she can even get pregnant yet, she’s just a young kitty.”

 

“I’m sure the stray won’t hesitate to try.”

 

Kazunari heaved out a sigh. “Alright, how opposed are you of getting a second cat? Imagine it’s not a stray, would you _then_ have another cat?”

 

Shintarou straightened his posture and looked at him. He thought for a while, brows scrunched ever so slightly, and then nodded. “Yes.”

 

“So the only problem is that he’s a stray, correct?” When Kazunari got a confirmation, he continued, “We’ll bring him to the vet, we’ll make sure he’s vaccinated and sprayed and we can even get him neutered if you’re so scared of Ao getting knocked up, and that’s that. Then he won’t be any worse than a non-stray. Just look at them.”

 

When Shintarou didn’t obey immediately, Kazunari grabbed his chin and forced him to look to the direction of the cats. They had begun to lick each other again, the stray spending a lot of time with his tongue around Ao’s ear. Her eyes were closed, and she purred so loud that it was audible all the way to the couch. After a moment she rolled over him and groomed him clearly to her best abilities. His purrs were quieter, but he still looked satisfied.

 

Kazunari gave a gentle squeeze to his lover’s chin. “See? They love each other already. They get along _so_ well.”

 

Shintarou sighed. “I don’t know…”

 

“Come on, babe. I know you want to.”

 

There was a brief silence. Afterwards Shintarou sighed even heavier. “Fine, all right. We can take him in, but _only_ if you go to the vet and do all those things you said you would.”

 

Kazunari wore an ear-splitting grin. Excited, he bounced a little. “Yes! I’ll do all of it, promise. Hey, Ao, Shin-chan said your boyfriend can stay!”

 

Ao lifted her head lazily and meowed.

 

Sinking back and proper to the couch, Kazunari was hardly surprised when Shintarou reclined his head back on his lap with a grumble. He worked his fingers through his hair once more and made sure they were free of tangles. There was a pleasant thudding in his chest, and he felt warm all over from the inside. Now that the smile had reached his lips, he couldn’t get rid of it anymore.

 

“We need to come up with a name,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“Oh, I already have one.”

 

Shintarou gave him a narrowed look. “Just how sure were you that I’d agree to this plan of yours?”

 

Kazunari offered a guilty smile. “Pretty sure, but yeah. He should be Ushi.”

 

“…Ushi.”

 

“’Cause he has that kind of cow-colored fur.”

 

“I gathered that, yes.” Shintarou turned his head sluggishly back towards the television. “You’re not very imaginative with the names, are you?”

 

“Hey!”

 

Shintarou rubbed his knees. “I’m simply saying that whenever we have a child, I don’t think I’m letting you name it.”

 

Kazunari moaned. “Now you’re just being mean!”

 

He thought he saw a grin on Shintarou’s lips, but even if it was there, it was quickly gone. Rolling his eyes, he honestly thought that Ushi was a great name. Ushi and Ao. It worked well in his mind. Now completely lost track of the show, he spent a sweet moment longer looking at the cats. There was something extremely heartwarming to see them cuddled up together. They lied side by side on the floor straight in the sunshine in all harmony. The dimples on his cheeks ached ever so slightly. He leaned down to Shintarou and gave his temple a gentle kiss.

 

“What was that for?” asked Shintarou.

 

“For being the best lover out there,” Kazunari said sweetly.

 

Shintarou huffed. “No need to sweet-talk me anymore, I already said yes.”

 

“Oh, baby…” Laughter on his lips, Kazunari pressed another smooch on the spot. It was enough to make Shintarou turn his head towards him, which was just enough for Kazunari to lace his lips on his. Captured in a sweet-like-honey kiss, he hummed quietly against Shintarou’s lips and could hardly believe that just like that their family had grown in size.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very invested in these cats.


	137. Red Lines

Kazunari whistled a happy tune as he neatened the house here and there, settled the cushions on the couch better, made sure that the kitchen wasn’t too dirty, and checked the fridge one more time to see that they had everything necessary. A constant smile was spread on his lips, and it was honestly no wonder – something as simple as Ryouta coming over to hang out with him made him so happy. He couldn’t remember when he had last had one-on-one time with anyone other than Shintarou. Still all smiles, his insides fluttered when Shintarou stopped beside him in the kitchen and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

 

“What’s the plan for tonight?” asked the man.

 

“Hmm… He should be here any minute, and we’re gonna cook a bit. If you’re hungry with all of your studying, you can come and get some too.” Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders, and looked him in the eyes. His smile softened. “And we’ll try not to be too loud so you can concentrate on your silly research.”

 

Briefly Shintarou moved his hands on Kazunari’s waist. “I don’t care how loud you are, I can always wear earplugs. Just don’t make a huge mess of everything.”

 

“I promise to try.” Kazunari tilted his head. “Are you really okay with having to study in the bedroom when he’s here?”

 

“It’s not a problem and I have told you that at least a handful of times.”

 

“Just wanted to make sure. Wouldn’t want my hubby to get mad at me,” teased Kazunari and rose back to his toes. He smiled to the way Shintarou rolled his eyes and kissed his mouth tenderly, hummed afterwards. Against the man’s lips he murmured, “Is my hubby mad at me?”

 

Shintarou huffed and peeled off. “I don’t know who this _hubby_ of yours is.”

 

“So grumpy, Shin-chan.” About to exploit the teasing even further, Kazunari didn’t have the chance to when the doorbell rang. His smile twitched higher around the corners. Nearly bouncing and skipping, he swatted Shintarou’s ass on his way to the door. “Have fun with studying!”

 

He swung the door open as soon as he reached it. His smile got brand new energy upon seeing Ryouta’s grin that always managed to look gorgeous no matter how wide it was. All of the man was truthfully gorgeous, blond hair a little tousled, clothes looking comfortable but still fashionable. It also seemed that the same man couldn’t contain his excitement as he rushed the silly step separating them and pulled Kazunari in his hug.

 

“So good to see you, Takaocchi!”

 

Kazunari chuckled and wrapped his arms around Ryouta for a moment before they pulled apart. “You make it sound like we haven’t seen each other in ages or something.”

 

“Aw, but you know, not just the two of us in a while,” Ryouta pointed out and stepped in. From the bag he had in his grasp he pulled out a bottle of wine and grinned. “I got us this, too.”

 

“Oh, great, thanks. You’re not driving?”

 

“No, Kasamatsu-san dropped me and said he would pick me up.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes lit up, he felt it himself. “Hold that thought, okay, ‘cause you’re gonna tell me all about him as soon as you’re properly inside. Just shove your shoes somewhere there, doesn’t really matter.”

 

He led Ryouta straight to the kitchen and thought Shintarou would be gone, but the man made himself a sandwich and looked up guiltily upon their arrival.

  
“Hey, Midorimacchi,” greeted Ryouta, tone bubbly. “Takaocchi told me you’d be studying, we’ll be real quiet in here.”

 

Shintarou hummed and picked up the plate and a glass of water. “Be as noisy as you want, really. You boys have fun,” he added, and Kazunari couldn’t deduce whether the tone was ironic or not.

 

He didn’t dwell too much on it as he went through the drawers to find something to open the bottle with, and a moment later he poured the red wine to two glasses. Taking a seat beside Ryouta by the kitchen island (they had gotten small stools that Shintarou loathed because in his opinion they always got in the way, but Kazunari liked them), he clinked his glass to the man’s and shared an ear-splitting smirk before he took a sip. He leaned his cheek to his palm and crossed a leg over another.

 

“Okay, first you tell me all about your boyfriend and then we’ll start cooking.”

 

Ryouta perked. “What are we cooking, though?”

 

“I thought pasta would be nice, it’s quick and easy and Shin-chan told me not to make a mess, so you can’t really go wrong with that.” Kazunari rubbed his fingertips against the cool surface of the island. “But now, _tell me_ about this Kasamatsu-san.”

 

Ryouta pursed his lips. “But you know him, Takaocchi.”

 

“Do I?”

 

“Yeah! He’s the same Kasamatsu-san who was in Kaijo. You know, the one who liked to kick me around.”

 

Kazunari grimaced. “Really?”

 

Ryouta nodded eagerly, then exclaimed. “But he’s not like that anymore! He’s grown up, he doesn’t do stuff like that anymore! I totally saw the terror in your eyes, so cute.”

 

“I was just worried for, like, a split second, is all. At least Aomine didn’t beat you up if anything.”

 

Ryouta’s lips puckered. He took a taste from the wine.

 

Kazunari moistened his lips. “So, how is it going with him?” he pried.

 

“Really good.” A softer smile melted on Ryouta’s lips. “It’s really—really good. And just between you and me, Takaocchi… The sex is amazing.” The smile turned devilish.

 

Kazunari gasped for breath quietly and leaned closer. If there was one thing the two of them knew how to do well, it was to gossip about their partners. They had always done it and would most likely always do it as if they were young and in early twenties again. “Gimme details.”

 

“You know—He’s really gentle, and he doesn’t look like it but he always makes sure that I’m feeling good and okay with everything, and then he gets embarrassed afterwards.” Ryouta let out a dreamy sigh. “One day when he was staying over I talked about Aominecchi with him, and in the evening when we were in bed he just held me in his arms and kissed my shoulder and whispered with this cutest voice that he’ll never hurt me like that and he’ll take good care of me.”

 

Kazunari’s heart skipped a beat of silly jealousy. His mouth fell just a tiny bit agape. “That sounds amazing,” he admitted. “That sounds like an improvement.”

 

Ryouta chuckled. “It is. I’m really happy with him, but we’re not really _dating_ yet. We’re just seeing each other, you know? But I hope it’ll get to the point that we start going out for real.”

 

“As long as you’re not taking Aomine back.”

 

“ _Please_.” Ryouta filled his cheeks with air. “As _if_ I’d take _his_ stupid ass back. He called me once when Kasamatsu-san was staying over and I got really upset about it, but Kasamatsu-san snatched the phone away from me and kissed me really deep.”

 

Kazunari shivered. “Fuck, now I kinda want to have that honeymoon stage as well.”

 

“But you’re soon gonna be in an actually honeymoon, though.”

 

“Aw, true. I guess that’s better.”

 

Ryouta rested his chin on his palm. “Don’t you have excitement anymore with Midorimacchi?”

 

“Our excitement means a new TV show that we can watch together.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“But Shin-chan _did_ surprise me few days ago.” Kazunari grinned and then revealed, “He jacked me off in the shower _and_ rimmed me.”

 

Ryouta gasped. “Rimmed you?” he repeated. The corners of his eyes widened ever so slightly. “No one’s ever eaten _me_ out!”

 

“It’s amazing,” Kazunari promised. “I mean, we don’t do it often… Now that I think about it, I don’t think _I_ ’ve ever rimmed him, but the few times we’ve done it, it’s good. Really hot.”

 

“But isn’t it…” Ryouta cringed.

 

“What?”

 

“Dirty?”

 

Kazunari snorted. “You just gotta clean up well before you do it!”

 

“Mm, that makes sense…”

 

“Ask from your Kasamatsu-san one time.” With a wink he got up and maneuvered to the fridge. “Let’s make food, I’m starving.”

 

He took the necessities from the fridge, which simply meant a ready-made sauce that only needed heating up and a bag of grated cheese, grabbed pasta from the cupboard and gave Ryouta the honors of boiling the water. They didn’t blow up the house, which Kazunari considered a rather good sign.

 

“Oh!” exclaimed Ryouta by the time the water was boiling and Kazunari got the whole bag of pasta in the pot. “Let me show you what they gave me when I had a gig earlier today.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “You still do that modeling stuff?”

 

“Yeah.” Ryouta rummaged through his bag he had thrown on the floor. “I’m not going to be young and looking pretty forever, so I might as well take advantage of it now that— _Hah_ , here!”

 

Taking a step closer, curious at that, Kazunari examined the small golden-colored tube that was no bigger than his finger. His brows knitted even tighter together. “What is it?” he asked.

 

“Lipstick.” Ryouta popped open the cap and revealed the bright red pointed tip of it. “They made me wear it in the photo shoot, but it would look _so_ cute on you, Takaocchi. Want to give it a go?”

 

“Uh, sure.” Kazunari smirked. “Though I really don’t know how to hell to put it on, so you gotta do it for me.”

 

“Okay… Just pucker your lips like… just pucker them real good.” Ryouta’s frown wrinkled his forehead as he bent down ever so slightly and got to Kazunari’s eye level. The position he curved himself into looked comical, and Kazunari had troubles keeping his mouth puckered when his abdomen hurt from the laughter he wanted to hold back. Ryouta huffed. “Takaocchi! If you don’t want to look like a clown, you need to focus!”

 

“I’m focusing, I swear!”

 

Ryouta pursed his lips as well as he brought the lipstick close to Kazunari’s mouth. Wanting to burst in laughter, Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to look at Ryouta who was sight enough for him to want to roll on the floor and howl. It was a weird sensation, to have the red smeared over his lips, but he endured. A whole minute later Ryouta pulled back and held a glimmer in his eyes.

 

“Done!” he announced.

 

Kazunari fluttered his eyes open and smacked the lips together. _Sticky_. “How does it look?”

 

“Mm… Really good.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Ryouta nodded.

 

Kazunari took a breath. “Shin-chan!” he called, although he had promised not to bother. This was too good to not let Shintarou see. “Come here for a bit!”

 

Shintarou did and stopped by the kitchen’s doorframe. His eyes widened upon looking at Kazunari. Kazunari made sure to pull up his widest smile and pursed his lips to a kiss-like motion. It lured out a deep frown from Shintarou.

 

“What on earth have you done?”

 

“It’s Kise’s lipstick.” Kazunari bounced the few steps between them and stood in front of Shintarou, looked up at him. “You like it?”

 

Shintarou remained silent.

 

Gently Kazunari jabbed him in the arm. “Come on, don’t I look really sexy with it?”

 

“I wouldn’t… call it sexy, but if that’s a look you’re fond of, then I’m happy for you.”

 

“Oh,” breathed Kazunari. “It must be hideous if you’re saying that.”

 

“Come on, Midorimacchi, it doesn’t look that bad!” Ryouta chipped in.

 

Shintarou merely shrugged.

 

Kazunari patted his fiancé in the hip. “You want to eat with us? Dinner’s almost ready.”

 

“I don’t want to interrupt,” Shintarou said.

 

“You’re not interrupting. Is he interrupting, Kise?”

 

“Nope.” The p in Kise’s mouth popped.

 

“So take a seat and tell me how much pasta you want,” said Kazunari and moved by the stove.

 

All three of them settled by the dinner table. Near them were their two cats, cuddled and bundled up to each other. It had been a mere day, and within that day Ushi had gotten quickly used to the luxury (although he had gotten his claws out when Kazunari had brought him to the vet earlier in the day). Ao’s tail swished gently back and forth, and she buried her face better to the crook of Ushi’s neck and let out quiet purrs.

 

“Midorimacchi,” said Ryouta. “Can you help me with something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kazunari perked.

 

Ryouta gave him a grin and a small wink before he straightened his posture and turned to Shintarou. “How can I get a man to eat me out? Takaocchi said you do it all the time.”

 

Shintarou choked on the water he had just sipped. It took a bit of coughing before he regained his ability to speak. “I don’t… really…”

 

“No need to be shy, Midorimacchi! How did you start doing it?”

  
“I just… felt like it, I guess—“

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, that’s total bullshit,” chirped Kazunari. “You saw it in porn and totally wanted to test it out, didn’t you?”

 

“ _Kazunari_ ,” Shintarou hissed. “Can we not talk about our sex life?”

 

Kazunari’s smile softened. He brought his palm between Shintarou’s shoulder blades and rubbed the spot gently, then pressed a kiss on the man’s cheek. “We’re just teasing you, babe, relax. And you know I love to brag about our sex life to everyone, don’t you?”

 

Shintarou said nothing, merely threw him an icy stare.

 

“The thing is,” Ryouta said and sucked in the tail of spaghetti that hung from his mouth. “I have a new boyfriend, so I kind of want to try something like that. I’ve never done it.”

 

“ _Please_ ,” whined Shintarou, “could we… not talk about sexual encounters whilst eating?”

 

“Still so coy, Midorimacchi.”

 

Kazunari nuzzled his lover’s ear and kissed the shell. He left behind a bright red lipstick mark but didn’t mention about it. “Whatever you want, hun. How was your research going?”

 

“I can’t believe you’re still actually studying,” Ryouta butted in before Shintarou could even part his lips. “I thought you’d be done by now.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips in a line and held in a moment’s pause. “Being a doctor is a constant learning process. You’re not simply _done_ when you graduate.”

 

“Huh.”

 

“Besides, what have you planned to do with your life?” The words sounded sharper, clearly more so than Shintarou wanted judging from the apologetic look that rose to his face immediately.

 

Ryouta fidgeted and then shrugged. “You’re going to laugh.”

 

“We won’t,” Kazunari assured.

 

“Aominecchi laughed.”

 

“Aomine is an idiot,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Ryouta hesitated, chewed his lower lip and intensely stared down at his plate. He shrugged again and puckered his lips. “I’d want to be a pilot.” Before either of them could say anything, he hurried to exclaim, “I know! Dumb blond Kise being a pilot, it’s so stupid.”

 

Kazunari leaned better towards him. “It’s not stupid,” he said with a gentle tone. “If that’s what you really want to do, then that’s what you should do. Right, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou hummed and nodded. “It’s healthy to have goals in life.”

 

Ryouta’s eyes glimmered. “Do you really think I could do it?”

 

“If you study,” Shintarou said.

 

“You just need to work hard,” Kazunari echoed.

 

“Thanks, guys…” A weak smile rose to Ryouta’s lips. “Maybe I’ll try. I’m—I’m not just a dumb blond.” He took a deep breath and lifted his shoulders up. “I’m _not_ a dumb blond. I’m a—a valuable person and just because my stupid ex always made me feel otherwise—“

 

“You’re not dumb at all,” Kazunari offered before Ryouta could reach his full vocal range and flashed a smile. “And you can seriously forget all about Aomine and concentrate on making the best out of what you’re gonna have with Kasamatsu.”

 

“Kasamatsu?” Shintarou repeated. His brows arched. “You mean _that_ Kasamatsu?”

 

Ryouta nodded.

 

“Hm.” Shintarou held a genuine smile on his lips. “He’s a lot better for you, I’m sure,” was what he concluded before he got up on his feet. “Thanks for dinner, both of you. I’ll get back to reading my papers, so have a good rest of the evening.”

 

Both Kazunari and Ryouta gave him his brief goodbyes and remained by the table. Ryouta puckered his lips and pressed his elbows against the table.

 

“You really think I could be a pilot if I tried?”

 

Kazunari smirked. “You’d be the best pilot out there. Probably the sexiest, too.”

 

Ryouta giggled. It was music to Kazunari’s ears especially when he knew about everything his friend had gone through lately. He wanted nothing more than his friends to be happy, and it finally seemed like Ryouta was. Although he was done and his plate empty and now matching Ryouta’s, he didn’t bother to get up but lifted his legs to the chair and remained on the seat chatting about sex and boys like teenagers.


	138. Hopelessly Romantic

“I’m home!”

 

“Don’t come in here yet!” called Shintarou immediately.

 

With a frown on his face Kazunari chucked the bag containing his work clothes to its appropriate spot in the hallway and crouched down to yank his shoes off. “Is everything okay?” he asked in return. He felt light nausea in his gut, one that was hardly there, but worry still took him over immediately. This wasn’t like Shintarou. His frown deepened and made his forehead ache. He rubbed the spot between his eyes to try and smoothen it out but didn’t succeed. “Babe?” he called, his voice an octave higher from normal. He took a careful step forward.

 

“Just stay there for a minute, will you?”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and felt an unpleasant tick as his pulse. Not wanting to piss Shintarou off by doing something he was specifically told not to, he pressed his back against the wall and rubbed his heavy eyelids. Work had been _so_ hectic today, and he wished he could have just walked straight in the couch and cuddle up with his lover. Apparently not. Wanting to whine and grumble and act like a five year old who didn’t get what he wanted, he pressed his lips in a tight line and hung his head down. He was definitely standing there longer for a minute.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called. “I’m really tired, what the hell are you doing?”

 

“Just…” The voice echoed far at first, then reaching forward until Shintarou walked from the kitchen wiping his hands to his hips.

 

Kazunari let out a quiet whistle as he pushed away from the wall. The dark straight trousers on the man looked good but made him suspicious – they were the ones Shintarou wore only when _he_ forced him to in special occasions. Now that he thought about it, the dark cherry-colored shirt looked a bit too neat, too. He narrowed his eyes upon his fiancé walking towards him. He got a kiss on his cheek and arms around his waist, sweetly at that.

 

“Okay, spill it out,” he said. “What have you done?”

 

“I haven’t done anything, I promise.” Shintarou slipped from his front to his back and covered his eyes with his palms. “But now I need you not to cheat and peek while I guide you forward, all right?”

 

Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat. _A surprise_. His breath quickened. He smiled ridiculously wide. “You got me curious now,” he let from his mouth as he took the first stumbling step forward. Shintarou followed intently with fingers over his eyes. “Give me at least some hint what is happening.” His imagination was already running too wild.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat in a way that sounded oddly embarrassed. “Well,” he began, “I got home early today from work.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“And while trying to nap, I realized that we haven’t gotten out in a long time. You know, _out_ out. Like a date.”

 

Kazunari nodded an agreement. They turned to right. Something ridiculously good smelled in the kitchen, and he took another sniff before he was guided towards the dining table for sure. After few more steps they stopped. Shintarou didn’t move his hands from his face, thus Kazunari didn’t cheat and kept his eyes tightly shut. His skin tingled. He curled his toes against the wooden floor and felt giddy in the bones. Shintarou glued tighter against him, muscular chest against his back.

 

“And I thought that you might be tired after a day of work, so I scratched off the idea of making a reservation in a restaurant.” Shintarou took a sharp breath and pulled his slightly damp fingers away. He sounded nervous when he said, “You can look.”

 

For a second longer Kazunari basked in the element of surprise and then fluttered his eyes open. A gasp got out of his mouth that then turned into a wide smile. The lights were dimmed, and the dining table had been set up with their finest china. A tall candle’s flame flickered in the middle of the table crafting it definitely into a romantic dinner. His dimples hurt from the smile but he didn’t care. His heart pounded fast in his chest as he turned to Shintarou. Now even the clothes made sense.

 

Shintarou’s expression was tense. “Do you like it?” he asked with a muffled tone.

 

“I love it.” Kazunari wrapped his arms around his lover’s nape and kissed him tenderly. It left a pleasant tingle on his lips. It took him a while before he even thought of pressing his soles back on the floor.

 

He didn’t manage to say anything further when Shintarou hooked his arm around his waist and guided him towards one of the chairs. The man let go of him but only to move the chair aside for him to sit. Feeling like he was in a movie, Kazunari snickered and took a seat. He looked up and behind and got a squeeze on his shoulder and a kiss on his forehead. He worked his fingers to Shintarou’s.

 

“We’ll have a three course meal tonight,” Shintarou said. Although there was still a hint of nervousness in his voice, it was starting to dissolve and become more confident. “So if you’ll excuse me for just few minutes, I’ll go prepare our appetizers.”

 

“Hey,” called Kazunari and stopped Shintarou from going to the kitchen by grapping his arm. He looked up at him, certain that his eyes were glimmering. The faint blush on his lover’s cheeks looked wonderful, and he tugged him down enough to give him another kiss. “Should I go and dress up? I feel pretty misplaced with my shitty clothes.”

 

“You look lovely just the way you are,” Shintarou assured and went to the kitchen.

 

Kazunari let out a soft sigh and laid his gaze on the table that had been perfectly set up just for the two of them. Watching the candle burn with a slow speed, he rubbed his eyes and tried to get rid of the tiredness from them. He couldn’t believe that Shintarou had _actually_ done something like this. It wasn’t the biggest secret in the world that sometimes his future husband was a thickheaded man who didn’t understand the necessity of romance, but _boy_ , was this proving him wrong. Kazunari picked up his posture and ran his fingertips over the napkins that he didn’t even know they had. The smile on his lips was permanent. He listened the gentle clanks and clinking coming from the kitchen. Three course meal, _huh_? Shintarou had really gone his way tonight.

 

Few minutes later Shintarou returned as promised with two small bowls. Kazunari stretched his neck and let out a breath of awe when the food was set in front of him. It was soup, looking thick and rich and colored with a hue of orange and pink, topped with a swirl of white. He attempted to look at Shintarou who was gone again but returned moments later with tall champagne flutes. Once he curled his fingers around his share, Kazunari couldn’t hold back his smile.

 

“This looks incredible,” he said. His tone was soft. “Did you make it yourself?”

 

Shintarou nodded. The area around his ears turned redder. “It was a simple recipe, and you shouldn’t compliment before you try. It’s shrimp soup.”

 

“I’m sure it’s amazing.” Kazunari flashed a grin and lifted the glass ever so slightly. “We should probably toast, yeah?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou moved his chair closer to the table and reached his hand towards his. It looked like the corners of his eyes glistened in the candlelight. “For the most wonderful man who I’ve had the privilege of knowing for a decade now and who has loved me unconditionally from the beginning. You really make me into a better man, Kazunari.”

 

Kazunari let out a quiet chuckle and shook his head. “Don’t make me cry now, Shin-chan,” he warned and clinked his glass to Shintarou’s. He took a careful sip and adored the taste that remained on his tongue. A warm smile melted on his lips. “Thank you for this, honey… I couldn’t have hoped for a better thing to come home to.”

 

Shintarou fidgeted and nodded. “Let’s eat before it gets cold, shall we?”

  
It was adorable how the man got embarrassed all on his own, but Kazunari didn’t tease him further and picked up the spoon instead. The soup was amazing in his standards, creamy, very lovely, and he knew how much work Shintarou had had to done in order to achieve it. He made sure to shower him under compliments even when the cheeks turned apple-colored. Once the plates were empty, Kazunari moved his hand over the table and took a hold of Shintarou’s. With his thumb he stroked the man’s knuckles and gazed into his eyes.

 

“You really mean a lot to me,” Shintarou murmured and rubbed Kazunari’s fingers in return. “And I know we’ve been busy lately, and I just wanted to give you time when we wouldn’t have to think about work.”

 

“It’s very romantic. It’s just perfect,” Kazunari assured and tilted his head ever so slightly. He entangled their fingers properly together. “Feels so funny to think how far we’ve come… If you’d have your eighteen year old version right next to you, he’d glare at you _so_ hard.”

 

“We all mature in the end.” Shintarou let out a gentle sigh. “And you also need something to brag to your friends, don’t you?”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips to hide his smirk. “You’re still so grumpy that I spilled the beans about our sex life to Kise yesterday, aren’t you?”

 

“No, no. You love to gossip, so…”

 

“Mm. Just so you know, I only tell because I’m taking pride in our sex life. That thing you did in bath few days ago… _Man_.”

 

Shintarou flushed. “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” he muttered.

 

“I’m still trying to figure out a way to pay you back fully,” Kazunari whispered and winked. “But boy, you totally went out your way again, Shin-chan. This is amazing, so much better than sitting in a restaurant.”

 

“Do you think so?”

 

“Of course.”

 

They remained quiet for a moment, looked in each other’s eyes and stroked their fingers. Kazunari couldn’t have come up with a more perfect and intimate moment than this. Words weren’t really needed, not when he could look at Shintarou like this and know exactly what he felt from his expression alone. He felt warm from the inside, the corners of his mouth constantly itching higher. After a blissful moment Shintarou separated their hands and got up.

 

“Are you ready for the main course?”

 

Kazunari nodded. “What are we having, chef?”

 

“Lamb,” Shintarou simply said whilst collecting the plates and spoons and got back to the kitchen. A moment later he returned with the bottle of champagne and filled their glasses. “Give me few more minutes, all right?”

 

“I’m not going anywhere if that’s what you’re worried,” teased Kazunari.

 

A sigh escaped from his lips when his fiancé disappeared back to the kitchen. He rested his chin on his palm and slipped his eyes close. What a wonderful man he was marrying… Spontaneous wasn’t a word that usually described Shintarou, but maybe the stars had been perfectly aligned tonight. Or maybe he still felt guilty for being too busy. Kazunari opened his eyes and looked at the empty seat in front of him. He’d have to make sure that there was no reason to be guilty, not when that argument was long settled. Lacing his fingers together, he held them gently and took a sniff. It smelled good, of garlic and parsley.

 

Few more minutes turned into fifteen, but Kazunari wasn’t complaining when he got another plate in front of him. Strips of meat filled it, framed by vegetables and a sauce that resembled very much a red wine one. He straightened himself once Shintarou sat down.

 

“It’s hardly looking like they do in restaurants,” Shintarou pointed out.

 

“Aw, it’s just perfect, babe. Wouldn’t want that restaurant stuff right now anyway.” Kazunari offered a tender smile and took a taste. Not sure when exactly Shintarou had learned to cook like that, he let out a hum. The meat melted in his mouth, was perfectly soft, medium rare, just the way he liked it. He glanced at the man. “You’re in charge of cooking from now on.”

 

Shintarou looked bewildered around the eyes. “It’s only because Cancer was in the first place today. Any other place, and this would have failed.”

 

“You should give yourself more credit, though. I bet dessert’s gonna be amazing.”

 

“About that…” Shintarou moistened his lips. “I might have simply picked something up from the store where Murasakibara works.”

 

A bright grin illuminated Kazunari’s lips. He scooped some of the sauce to the fork and licked it clean, and then said, “It’s totally all right, I don’t think anyone can compete with what Murasakibara does.”

 

The sigh that Shintarou let out sounded one of relief. He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly beneath the glasses. “I also thought… that we could perhaps postpone the dessert for a moment and enjoy ourselves in the couch with more champagne.”

 

“ _Ooh_ , you’re confident that you’ll get lucky tonight, aren’t you?”

 

Shintarou pressed his mouth in a tight line.

 

Kazunari snickered. “Don’t worry, you’ll get _so_ lucky in any way you want,” he promised.

 

There was definitely a hint of a smile on Shintarou’s lips.

 

Once they were finished, they left the dishes on the table and headed to the living room with hands linked to each other’s. Kazunari set the half-full glass of champagne on the table and swung his legs to Shintarou’s lap, moved an arm around his shoulder and pulled him to a kiss. Against his lover’s mouth he murmured softly and then groaned, gently at that, tugged him even closer and deepened the kiss. It tasted of lamb and wine and champagne, which had to be his new favorite flavor especially served on Shintarou’s mouth. Kazunari shifted closer and with his free hand rubbed the man’s chest with a gentle motion.

 

He pulled for a breather and rested his forehead on Shintarou’s. “You’re absolutely amazing,” he murmured under his breath and stole a quick smooch from the lips right in front of him. “You’re so amazing… I’m so lucky to have you.”

 

“ _I’m_ lucky to have you,” Shintarou countered.

 

“I said it first,” Kazunari pointed out and dived straight into another kiss. It was slightly sloppy, a lot of messy, but it was exactly how he loved it. He squeezed Shintarou’s shoulder and popped open the tight shirt’s buttons one by one until he got most of the chest uncovered. Working his fingers in vague shapes, he felt the heavy thudding of Shintarou’s heart. It made him chuckle. He looked in the eyes of his favorite color. “You’re so pretty tonight,” he whispered.

 

Shintarou turned flustered around the cheeks. “Shut up,” he groaned and laced his lips back over Kazunari’s.

 

Not one to complain about his method of actually shutting him up, Kazunari let a giggle transfer from his mouth to Shintarou’s. He slipped his tongue with care inside and brushed the tip against Shintarou’s, closed his eyes and felt his belly tighten. _God_ , he just really had gotten so lucky in life. He worked his fingers through the green locks and tousled them gently, then let out another giggle when he was pushed down on the couch. Shintarou above him, Kazunari hooked his arms around his nape and looked at him. He didn’t manage to say anything when he was kissed several times. Their bodies pressed against each other, the champagne long forgotten.

 

“I love you so much,” he whispered in Shintarou’s ear and kissed the lobe. “I love you… _so_ much…”

 

“I love you too,” murmured Shintarou in return and stole a deep kiss from him that left him breathless.

 

Some nights were simply perfect, Kazunari deduced and drew a conclusion that this was one of those nights. He bucked his hips slightly up for his front to meet Shintarou’s and felt his sex stir from the contact. Most likely so did Shintarou’s judging from the gentle rutting he directed against him. Gasping for breath, Kazunari rested his head fully on the couch and shifted his legs around his lover’s waist. Up and down Shintarou’s uncovered chest Kazunari worked his fingers and arched his back upon feeling long, bony ones over his groin. His lips melted to a grin and laughter.

 

Kisses rained on his jawline to the rhythm of the fingers. Kazunari squirmed ever so slightly but settled down and moved a hand over the bulge on Shintarou’s front. He kneaded and made sure his movements mimicked the gentleness of the ones he received. Pulling Shintarou to another kiss, Kazunari didn’t let go too soon this time but deepened it again, pressed his nose nearly flat against his and rolled his hips to the touches. It made his loins ache with desire that had built up in him through the dinner. He moved one hand to Shintarou’s nape and rubbed the fine hair on the spot, and gasped for breath against his lips when he slipped his hand below his underwear.

 

Shintarou held a tight grasp on him. Kazunari was quick to pop the button of the trousers open and pull down the zipper, and he nudged his hand to the tight boxers. With his fingertips he teased the cockhead and lured out the most delicious and adorable whimpers from Shintarou. Confident and feeling pleasantly lightheaded, Kazunari pulled the fabric out of the way, uncovered the man’s groin, and took a proper hold of his cock.

 

They stroked each other lazily without a real hurry, exchanged constant kisses to the lips, cheeks, tips of noses and over closed eyelids. It was exactly how Kazunari preferred it on most of the nights, gentle, thoroughly loving, and made him feel like he was safe and protected for the rest of his life. His dick throbbed in Shintarou’s damp palm, and he curved his back. He worked his fingers around the thicker girth of the cock, pumped and milked, and listened his own breaths turn heavy against Shintarou’s ear. He panted, moaned, begged for it with quiet mewls, and eventually came to the safety of the warm palm that attempted to capture every drop that he let out. A moment later Shintarou finished, and Kazunari wiped his hand clean on the couch.

 

Kazunari took a deep breath and moved his arms around his shoulders, scooped him in his arms and hugged him tight. He hooked his legs around the sturdy waist and lulled in the moment, listened Shintarou’s hitched breaths and was surely in heaven. A smile splattered on his lips. He kissed Shintarou’s ear and buried his nose to his hair, inhaled and exhaled and wondered if he wasn’t just dreaming after all.

 

“Do you want to move to bed?” Shintarou murmured and lifted his torso up on his elbows.

 

Kazunari rubbed the man’s cheek and grinned. “Let’s go.”

 

He tangled his fingers back to Shintarou’s and was pulled up on his feet, then led to the bedroom. Shintarou switched on the bedside lamp, and Kazunari closed the door behind his back to prevent the cats from thinking it was sleeping time and jumping on the bed with them. He kicked off his pants and pulled off his shirt, stood naked by the bed and breathed heavy. Shintarou got out of his clothing one piece at a time, and only afterwards did he tug Kazunari to the bed with him. In the warmth of the small lamp Shintarou looked wonderful, beautifully sculptured from head to toe, and Kazunari couldn’t stop smiling. Shintarou rolled him on his back to the bed and kissed him, and he forgot all about dessert when Shintarou pinned his wrists above his head and deepened the contact of their lips.


	139. Cinnamon

While the morning news blasted from the television, Kazunari stuck his hand to a bowl of batter and began to mix. He squeezed the dough that overflowed through his fingers and smiled to the sight. Although there was still sleep in his eyes, he was in a good mood (he often was to tell the truth). He muffled a yawn to his shoulder and glanced over to the recipe he had open in his phone, then kneaded the batter some more. Nothing really screamed _good husband_ better than fresh cinnamon bread in the morning, he had figured and set out to make it. He had had to run to the convenience store to get the cinnamon to begin with, but it was starting to smell good and it wasn’t even in the oven yet.

 

He loved lazy mornings, loved how they seeped into his bones and made him just a bit more energetic to try new things. He _could_ have stayed in bed with Shintarou who had still been deep asleep by the time he got up but had decided against it. After all, he had a day off whilst Shintarou’s shift started in late afternoon, and Kazunari wanted to give him all the sleep there was. Smile twitching on his lips as he listened the news, he grinned a bit wider upon discovering that the men’s basketball team hadn’t played too bad. Sometimes he still watched the sport, mostly out of nostalgia because his days of basketball were long over. Sure, sometimes they’d all gather and shoot some hoops, but none of them really _played_ anymore. They had become doctors and firefighters and kindergarten teachers, or just regular cashiers at the local supermarket. Sometimes he missed the feeling he had gotten when playing and connecting with Shintarou in a whole different level than normal stuff could achieve.

 

A gentle sigh escaped his mouth. If nothing else, he could gaze into pictures taken from tournaments like an old geezer. He lifted his foot and rubbed it against his bare knee, and with his dough-free hand settled his boxers better to cover his ass. Maybe he had watched too many romantic movies in his life, but he _liked_ to do the whole wear-your-boyfriend’s-shirt thing. Shintarou’s shirts were always too big, the sleeves hanging, but just for the occasion Kazunari had rolled them up.

 

The batter was starting to look nice, or so he figured and poured it to the tin mold. Hoping that it would taste like one hell of bread, he put it in the oven and set the timer. He had never been a kitchen fairy slash cooking person, but he liked to surprise Shintarou every now and then. Fresh bread had to be the ultimate surprise. It surely wasn’t a romantic dinner, but it was something and he knew that Shintarou would appreciate it. The thought tugged Kazunari’s lips higher as he washed his hands clean from the batter and grease.

 

He still thought of last night’s dinner when he closed the tab and wiped his hands clean to a cloth. Maybe he’d steal the idea and do something similar someday, also with gentle sex as a cherry on the top. He smirked wider than was wiser. He could still remember the feeling of Shintarou’s fingers ghosting his skin afterwards, the lips kissing him here and there, the slightly coarse voice painted with afterglow whispering him how he meant the world and how he would be cherished for the rest of his life. Kazunari shuddered and slipped his eyes close, hugged his torso. He really was lucky. Maybe the years’ worth of lucky items that Shintarou had bought him actually did work.

 

For the sake of it he checked Oha Asa, got it memorized (for once Scorpio was in a higher rank than Cancer), and leaned to the counter in thought.

 

“Coffee?”

 

Kazunari startled out of his thoughts. He arched his brows but a smile melted on his lips to the sight of the still sleepy Shintarou by the doorway. There was something about the ruffled hair and beginning of stubble that made the man irresistible, especially clad in nothing but tight boxers that hugged his privates in all the right places.

 

“In the pot,” he helped and watched Shintarou stagger towards it. He shook his head out of amusement and turned his attention back to the day’s horoscope forecast.

 

The pot clattered, and Shintarou took a sip. “How long ago did you make this?”

 

“An hour or so.”

 

“And you couldn’t tell me?”

 

Kazunari shrugged and looked back up. “Sorry, babe. Come here to collect your free kiss and I just might make you a fresh pot.”

 

There was a grumble on Shintarou’s lips as he approached, but he still played it good and nice and wrapped his arms to Kazunari’s waist and kissed him. Against the murmuring mouth Kazunari smiled, smooched the man another time and then wiggled free from his grasp. Quick kisses like that were definitely enough to earn some coffee that wasn’t stale and lukewarm. He tiptoed to reach the pot of the coffee mixture.

 

“What’s the smell?” asked Shintarou as he took a seat by the island and grabbed the morning paper under his nose.

 

Kazunari pressed his soles back to the floor. “I’m baking cinnamon bread. You don’t like it?”

 

“It’s good,” Shintarou muttered, now more absentminded as he directed his focus on the headlines.

 

Approaching, Kazunari stopped behind his lover and hooked his arms around his shoulders, and kissed his ear. “Thanks for last night,” he murmured and nuzzled the spot.

 

Shintarou actually looked up from the magazine (which seemed rather unheard of for Kazunari) and worked his fingers over Kazunari’s arm. He even attempted a smile. “You don’t have to thank me for it.”

 

“But it’s kind of nice, like two people hooking up and then waking up together and then doing a bit of thanking…” Kazunari smooched Shintarou’s cheek and peeled off.

 

He didn’t get the chance to move back by the stove when Shintarou took a hold of his arm and tugged him to sit on his lap. The widest smile pushed Kazunari’s mouth up. He didn’t struggle and rather obediently sat on the spot he was directed in. Shintarou wrapped his arms around his waist and turned the page of the paper. More than content with this, Kazunari shifted to a slightly more comfortable position and didn’t feel too conscious about maybe weighing too much. Shintarou could handle him just fine, and the man had proven it last night once more by having him ride his cock for twenty minutes straight.

 

“I checked Oha Asa,” Kazunari said.

 

“Mm.”

 

“And I’m above you.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “That’s unfortunate.”

 

“That’s not what you said last night.”

 

Shintarou gave him a jab to the side and made him howl from giggles. The man shook his head and turned the page of the paper. “How are the items?”

 

“Cornflakes for me and a pharmacy for you. I think you actually _could_ swing by the pharmacy and stock up on lube, yeah?”

 

“Sure.” Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s side and then patted the spot. “I need breakfast so get up.”

 

Kazunari sat tighter on the man’s lap. “You can’t have breakfast now, we’re going to have warm bread.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a sigh and stopped trying to get up on his feet. “How long is it going to take?”

  
“Maybe thirty minutes more or something.”

 

“ _Thirty_? I’m going to starve.”

 

“You’re a big boy, you can wait for thirty minutes.”

 

Shintarou groaned. “It better be damn good bread,” he muttered beneath his breath.

 

Kazunari twisted just enough to kiss the man’s forehead. He worked his fingers through the messy locks and attempted to smoothen out the knots. “Just read your paper and keep quiet like a good hubby, all right?”

 

“I _swear_ , if you’re going to call me _hubby_ one more time—“

 

“Then what?” Kazunari flashed a smile.

 

“I’m—I’m not going to be happy.”

 

“ _Oooh_ , Shin-chan, I’m so scared. How am I going to be able to sleep at night?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and pressed his lips together. His mouth turned a little pale around the corners, and seeing it Kazunari got up.

 

“I’ll make you a sandwich while we wait,” he promised after all.

 

“I can wait the thirty minutes.”

 

“One sandwich isn’t going to make you full, you know. Just tell me what you want on top.”

 

“The usual,” Shintarou admitted with a sigh.

 

“Usual sandwich coming right up,” Kazunari promised and began to work. Slowly but surely the kitchen started to smell of fresh bread and cinnamon, and it made him giddy as he swiped a thin layer of butter over two slices of whole-wheat toast and filled them with vegetables.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou called.

 

Kazunari arched his brows and looked at him over his shoulder. “Hm?”

 

Shintarou held a moment’s pause and then nodded towards him. “You look good in that outfit.”

 

A grin wide enough to reach his ears illuminated Kazunari’s lips. “Aw, thanks,” he said and turned back to the sandwich. “I thought you wouldn’t notice.”

 

“Well… To be fair, you keep using my shirts _all_ the time.”

 

“And I keep saying that they’re the most comfortable to sleep in.” Kazunari nudged the toast to a plate and set it over the paper. “Eat up, then. I’m really feeling like a housewife this morning.”

 

“You know you’re no such thing.” Shintarou rubbed his hip and took the first bite from the sandwich. He wiped the corner of his mouth clean. “You’re very much equal to me—“

 

“Oh, shut it, you know what I mean.”

 

Kazunari smirked and received a gesture akin to his. They spent a moment fighting over the paper, and he ended up with the economy section (not first choice but would do). Thirty minutes later he bounced up on his feet like a spring and got the bread out. It smelled burnt and was hardly a success, and with a loud and theatrical sigh Kazunari helped themselves with some regular sandwiches.


	140. Over the Hill

“Maybe I shouldn’t do this.”

 

It escaped by accident from Shintarou’s mouth as the car slowed down and eventually stopped right at the beginning of the pathway leading to the manor-like Akashi household. He pulled his fingers and then laced them together, and felt a nervous tick in his chest. Vaguely he felt like he had done when he was five and his mother dragged him to play dates (he had been terribly shy to tell the truth), but this was supposed to be far from it. He let out a sharp sigh and turned to Kazunari sitting behind the wheel.

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t,” he said another time.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes but did it gently and squeezed his knee. “It’ll be just fine, come on. He asked you to come over, why wouldn’t you want to go now? You’ve never hesitated before.”

 

“I—I could have spent the evening with you instead,” Shintarou admitted, a little guilty. Now that he thought about it, he was feeling a _lot_ guilty about this whole thing, discarding his fiancé and leaving him alone for another night. “We could have done things together.”

 

Kazunari tilted his head and brought a smile on his lips. With the tips of his fingers he kneaded the tight flesh right above Shintarou’s knee. “We can do things some other evening,” he said. “So go have fun with him, have few drinks, talk about life, and I’ll come and get your tipsy ass later.”

 

“But—“

 

“Have fun.”

 

With a sigh Shintarou unbuckled and got out of the car. Through the window he gave Kazunari a look but only received a smile and thumbs up in return, which soothed him ever so slightly. The man’s smile didn’t seem forced, so maybe he _was_ all right with this, him utterly neglecting him yet again. His first steps trembled as he walked towards the house, and he heard Kazunari drive off. He took a deep breath and with more determination marched the path.

 

Truthfully, Seijuurou was the oldest friend he had. If he really thought about it, Seijuurou was also the first proper friend he had had. He hadn’t attracted that many in elementary school, being horribly self-conscious and _weird_ as the other boys in the class had mocked, but something had clicked with him and Seijuurou in middle school. Maybe their wealthier-than-average backgrounds had pulled them towards each other like magnets at first, but it had quickly stopped being about that and started to be more about their shared interests. He had always felt at ease with Seijuurou, albeit things had gone horrible wrong towards the end of middle school. It had taken few years but they had found their friendship again, and Shintarou wouldn’t change it for anything.

 

The thing that also made him nervous, he realized as he reached the front door, was that they hardly had their get-togethers in each other’s homes just the two of them. Usually they met up in classy bars or restaurants and enjoyed the evening like so, but he couldn’t remember the last time he had come here to just _chill_ like Kazunari had put it.

  
Letting out a breath, hoping that he wasn’t horribly underdressed (although Kazunari had reassured that there was nothing wrong with jeans and a cardigan), Shintarou rang the doorbell.

 

It took few moments for Seijuurou to open the door. There was a smile on the man’s lips, and Shintarou was quick to mimic the gesture. They weren’t the hugging type, so they merely nodded to each other.

 

“It’s good to see you,” Seijuurou assured and stepped aside. “Come on in. I thought we could grill in the backyard, an acquaintance of mine gifted me with a case of beer, so grilling would seem suitable.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t hold the small chuckle. “It sounds good. And the weather is nice,” he added upon stepping in. The sun was slowly starting to set, and the hues of orange filtered through the windows to the spacious hallway’s floor.

 

He had been over at Seijuurou’s multiple times, but the sheer size of his home never ceased to amaze him. Seijuurou was successful, most likely soon taking over his father’s company, and it showed. But when he looked at the man himself, Shintarou knew that there was not a single snobby bone in him – he was dressed in similar attire, no designer clothes, and he actually recognized Seijuurou’s jumper that also happened to reside in Kazunari’s side of the wardrobe in three different colors. He took off his shoes and changed them into slippers.

 

Seijuurou walked down the hall and Shintarou followed. “How is Kazunari doing?” He glanced at him over shoulder.

 

“He’s good, thank you. And how is… Um.” Shintarou had already forgotten Seijuurou’s lover’s name. He felt hot around the ears.

 

“Furihata Kouki,” helped Seijuurou with a tone softer than a second before. His smile twitched. “We can discuss about that later.”

 

Shintarou arched his brow. “Is it that bad?”

 

“A mere bumps on the road, nothing fatal.”

 

“So I’ll become your love advisor again.”

 

Seijuurou laughed, the sound genuine and bubbly, which everyone always commented on had they not heard it before. “Yes, you can be my love advisor. What a wonderful job description you’ll have.”

 

“Though I’m certain that if you would want proper advice on love matters, you should contact Kazunari. He knows these things better than I do.”

 

“I’ll give it a thought, but tonight you’ll be just fine. This way.”

 

Shintarou was about to turn around the corner to the kitchen but stopped right by the doorframe. The large living room, and not necessarily the room itself but the most gorgeous piano he had ever seen caught his attention. It was situated in the corner, its wooden case dark and well suited in the rest of the room’s design. His fingers itched. He had been an avid pianist a decade ago, had gained some knowledge and enjoyed playing. Then he had moved to a shabby small place and had grabbed Kazunari along, and there was no room for a piano. There still wasn’t despite the size of their house.

 

Seijuurou backtracked beside him. “Have you played lately?”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “It must be five, six years since I last touched one.”

 

“Do you want to give it a go?”

 

A breath rolling in his mouth, he looked slightly downwards to his friend. He gave it a thought and nodded. He’d be horribly rusty and it would sound absolutely dreadful, but he missed the sensation. Seijuurou led him across the living room and sat down on the bench. Shintarou situated himself beside him and brushed his fingers over the keys. They were cool beneath his skin, smooth, tempting, and he pressed one down. The sound echoed and brought a tickle down his stomach.

 

“Let’s play something together, shall we?” encouraged Seijuurou.

 

“Oh,” Shintarou breathed, “I really can’t remember a single piece, and if I would, it would sound awful.”

 

“Hm.” Seijuurou held a pause. “How about Tom the Piper’s Son? That’s fairly easy. Do you remember?”

 

Shintarou nodded and sat more upright.

 

“I’ll get us started.”

 

In awe he watched Seijuurou’s fingers glide so very smoothly over the keys producing a familiar nursery song. He held a faint smile on his lips, and when Seijuurou paused, he moved his hands over the places he thought were the correct ones. In the back of his head he thought of the rhythm and pressed down the keys. It sounded rather wonky to begin with, but Seijuurou was quick to come to the help by playing himself. Shintarou felt hot in the cheeks but tried to ignore the embarrassment. His fingers trembled and produced horrible things.

 

He moved his mouth to the words he could remember from the song. What had began as mere breaths then turned into mutters only barely audible. “… _learnt to play when he was young_ —”, Shintarou chewed his bottom lip and moved his fingers, nodded to the rhythm, “— _and all the tune that… he could play_ —“

 

“ _Was over the hills and far away_ ,” Seijuurou concluded with a smile.

 

Shintarou shook his head and pulled his hands back to himself. “Ridiculous,” was his final judgment.

 

“It didn’t sound as bad you were advertising.”

 

“ _Please_ ,” Shintarou huffed. He worked his palm over the dark wood. “It’s a gorgeous piano nonetheless. It makes me want to have one of my own.”

 

“You have a spare room, don’t you?”

 

“It’s going to be the children’s room, so I can’t really fit a piano there without having to move it out of there one day, and there’s no other space for it.”

 

Seijuurou closed the lid over the keys and gently rested his elbow over it. He looked at Shintarou and still held a smile. “Have you already talked about children?”

 

“Vaguely,” Shintarou admitted. “We’ve had a discussion or two about it, but I’m certain it won’t happen at least in a year or two.”

 

“You know…” Seijuurou pushed his posture up again. There was something different about his smile now, something cheeky, something _mischievous_ (so Shintarou concluded as he witnessed similar gestures on Kazunari almost daily). “I have to admit you something.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “What?”

 

“I used to have a crush on you. Back in middle school.”

 

“A crush,” Shintarou repeated.

 

Seijuurou nodded. “Call it puppy love, even. It was last year of middle school and although I was not… doing quite well, I was convinced that I needed to have you.”

 

“Huh.” Shintarou wasn’t quite sure what to think.

 

“And then first year of high school, I saw you with Kazunari for the first time and I thought, there’s a boy that is making Shintarou open up and that I couldn’t do the same.” Seijuurou rubbed his chin. “Second year, I saw how in love the two of you were and I just gave up because I wasn’t going to start competing with a gorgeous guy who had his eyes constantly on you.”

 

“And… Why are you telling me this?”

 

“I was doing a bit of remembering earlier this afternoon.” Seijuurou’s eyes widened around the corners. “ _Oh_ , don’t get me wrong, Shintarou. You’re a gorgeous man yourself but not my type at all, no offense. I have no feelings whatsoever towards you, other than friendly love.”

 

Shintarou let out a deep breath and a chuckle afterwards. “You had me worried for a moment there.”

 

“I would not throw away years of friendship.” Seijuurou patted him in the back and got up. “Let’s get something to drink. Were you driving?”

 

Shintarou hurried on his feet. “Kazunari brought me here and will drive me back, so that beer sounds like a tempting offer.”

 

“Like I said, I have a full case so knock yourself out with it.” Seijuurou stepped to the kitchen and opened the fridge that was twice the size that Shintarou had at home. From its clean depths the man fished out two darkened glass bottles and opened them. He gave one to Shintarou and lifted his share. “To friendship, I suppose.”

 

“To friendship,” Shintarou agreed and took the first swig. The taste was familiar, light, _raspberry_ -like, and once he checked the label, he gave a private chuckle. Of course. Kazunari’s favorite. “So, what is the deal with this Furihata Kouki?” he asked and took a seat by the kitchen island whilst watching Seijuurou gather ingredients for grilling from the fridge. The whole situation was very unlike them. They never drank beer or grilled, so it surely was a whole new territory.

 

Seijuurou closed the fridge and turned to him after a rather large swig from the beer. He cleared his throat and sat beside Shintarou on a stool. “We have been together for… for three months now, and I acknowledge it’s not that long of a time, but we haven’t…” Seijuurou narrowed his eyes. His knuckles turned pale around the bottle. “We haven’t been _intimate_ together, if you understand.”

 

“Oh.” Shintarou stared intensely at the mouth of his bottle and tried to think of suitable words. “So you haven’t…”

 

“Sealed the deal,” Seijuurou dryly concluded.

 

“Right. Um.” Shintarou cleared his throat and took a sip from the beer. “Right. Well… Right. Uh. So you _want_ to…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But he doesn’t…”

 

“We _have_ had our hands in private areas, and we have…” Seijuurou held in a breath. “ _Masturbated_ each other, but I thought we were at the stage where we could take the final step.”

 

Shintarou rubbed his cheek and then worked his fingers through his hair. “Have you talked about this with him?”

 

“I have tried, but he turns terribly flustered and stuttering which makes me nervous in return, and then we can’t advance the conversation.”

 

“You do know that the only way around this is to talk with him, right?”

 

“Yes, but…” Seijuurou held in a clear sigh and huffed through his nose. “Sometimes he’s overbearingly shy, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “You’re asking from the wrong person, because I suppose I’m _that_ person in my relationship. You simply have to… be forward about it. Don’t push him into anything, because that will ruin the relationship for you. Maybe he’s just not ready for it.”

 

“Could be.” Seijuurou held a thoughtful look on his face that only dissolved when he took another gulp from the drink. “I’m definitely not planning to push him into anything, because I want to see where this is goes.”

 

“Has your father mentioned anything about it?”

 

Seijuurou rolled his eyes. “If you can call sliding arranged marriage forms to the mailbox, then _yes_ , he has mentioned about it.”

 

“Is it that bad?”

 

“God forbid for me for having a meaningful relationship with a man.” Seijuurou shook his head in clear bemusement and brought the bottle to his lips. He put it down before he could take a swig. “He makes it sound like it would be alright if this would be a mere sexually natured affair, but as soon as I tell him that here is a man that I have genuine feelings for…”

 

“It must be tough,” Shintarou offered.

 

“It makes me reconsider whether or not I want to take over the company. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to move out from here, find a nice small flat, and… do something else entirely. Have a simpler life.”

 

“He would kill you.”

 

“He would kill me, yes.” Seijuurou sighed and rubbed his eyelids. “Maybe he worries about his son turning gay, but I’m not _gay_. I don’t—I just have feelings for Kouki, that is all. I don’t need to label myself as something because I have feelings for a wonderful person that would make me a better man.”

 

Shintarou leaned his chin to his palm. “Just go with what your gut says.”

 

“My gut is a _mess_ right now.” Seijuurou chuckled.

 

“Simply talk with Furihata about this whole sex issue and ignore your father for the time being. Maybe that is a bad advice, but you’re almost thirty, Akashi. You can’t listen to him forever.”

 

“Good point.” Seijuurou pressed his lips flat and then released. “Now that we’re in the topic… I know you have met each other a couple of times, but since it’s been brief, I wanted to do a double date. I could get us a table from one of the better restaurants in the city, and we could go and have good dinner, maybe go for drinks afterwards. I’d want the two of you to meet properly.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “That sounds like something that Kazunari is going to be ridiculously excited about, so consider it me accepting your offer.”

 

Seijuurou’s face brightened. “I can’t wait. We’ll find a suitable day to fit everyone’s schedules. But we should probably get some food to our systems right now, so are you ready to head outside to the grill?”

 

“Let’s do it.” Shintarou bottomed the last droplets of beer that remained in the bottle and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two things that the third season of KnB has given me - even deeper love for MidoTaka and a very deep fondness for Midorima&Akashi friendship. It's an important friendship, I'm telling ya.


	141. Something Breaks

Having one cat disturbing the cleaning process had been hard enough, but now that there were two circling around his feet with great intensity, Kazunari realized how difficult his task had become. He held a feather duster and tried to get rid of the dust in their bedroom, but every time he took one step, the cats followed. Not sure whether they were toying with each other or also trying to reel him in to their play, he tried to remain as patient as possible. Ushi was enjoying his life for sure; he stopped every now and then to rub his cheek against Kazunari’s shin. Ao on the other hand had turned into an even more energetic little beast, constantly tackling the other kitty and grooming him and fixing his fur.

 

It was sweet love, but for once Kazunari hoped that they would take it somewhere else. He heaved out a sigh, listened the vacuum cleaner make sounds in the living room, and lifted the photo Shintarou had in his nightstand to clean underneath it. The cats started a new fun game by butting their heads against his legs.

 

“Alright, that’s enough,” he announced and grabbed Ushi in his arms. He protested by meows but quieted down when Kazunari put him down on the bed. “You stay there and Ao can come with you if she wants to, but no disturbing, alright?”

 

He rubbed his head to be on his good side. He merely had to turn around when Ao already jumped on the bed with him. For a moment he forgot all about cleaning as he kept his eyes fixed on them, watched them wrestle at first and then tire themselves out. They ended up in calm little curls beside each other, and Kazunari was pleased. If he was quick, he’d manage to clean the whole room before they even thought of starting the whole round all over again.

 

Under his breath he whistled a tune, confident that the vacuum cleaner would muffle the sound. Cleaning day wasn’t his favorite, not that there was anything wrong with places being clean, but sometimes matching Shintarou’s standards was hard. Shintarou wasn’t _extreme_ or anything, it was just that Kazunari didn’t find a good enough reason for every single surface to be absolutely hundred percent dust-free. He swished the dust cleaner here and there, rose to his tiptoes and attempted to clean the top of the wardrobe but was too short for it. Shrugging, he moved the cleaner over the smaller dresser and whistled.

 

Loud meows and hisses occurred, and he startled upon getting the cats right around his feet again. This time they weren’t moving but sat perfectly still, tails swishing just a bit, eyes tightly locked on the dust cleaner’s every single movement. Kazunari sighed and shook it a little. They both perked up. Shaking his head in amusement, he kept dusting.

 

He got peace for cleaning for a minute or two, and then the cats began a joint attack. They rose up and clutched his pants legs with their claws, tried to pull themselves up, and Kazunari groaned. “Settle down!” he attempted, but every single movement he (and the dust cleaner) made only brought more energy in them. They meowed with such intensity and attempted to get higher. Kazunari stumbled and tried his best to keep his balance but could hardly manage. On his right leg Ushi reached higher being a bigger cat overall, hissed and then meowed. Ao tried the same but it was hardly as intimidating.

 

Kazunari’s elbow hit something in an attempt to keep up on his two feet. That something he swiped off the drawer’s surface and it came down with a loud crash. Both of the cats jumped and hissed, and together were quick to disappear from the room.

 

He looked down. His heart bounced to his throat and then sank down to the very pit of his stomach. There were green shards all over the floor, and one held a big black eye staring at him and making him feel guilty. _Kerosuke_. Kazunari sank down on his knees and took a hold of few of the broken pieces, examined them, then looked up at the drawer and had to face the inevitable. He had broken Shintarou’s dear frog statue. The fact sapped his breath and made his eyes prickle.

 

“Shit,” he whispered to himself and started to collect all the shards in one place.

 

“What broke?” echoed Shintarou’s voice from the living room. The vacuum cleaner was off.

 

Kazunari felt like a hand clutched his neck and squeezed. “Nothing!” he answered and with widened eyes stared down at the mess. He didn’t dare to move until the vacuum was turned on again and swallowed the sounds of his desperation.

 

Shintarou would kill him. He brought a hand to his mouth and squeezed. Oh, Shintarou would kill him. The man had had the frog ever since he was _sixteen_ , had taken such a good care of the thing like it was his baby, and now it was broken. Kazunari’s breath quickened and he feared of having a panic attack of some sort. He felt rather lightheaded as he tried to fit the pieces together, but there was nothing he could do. Kerosuke was irrevocably dead. Kazunari hiccupped and sniffled, and was quick to wipe the first tears to his sleeve. No use crying over spilt milk, he presumed, but at the same time knew that Shintarou would be devastated. He couldn’t really put the blame on the cats, either. Chewing his bottom lip, he trembled from head to toe.

 

Eventually he scooped the shards to both of his palms and pushed himself up. He cried and wasn’t ashamed to admit it. If he’d survive with a bit of shouting and scolding, he’d be happy. Sniffling, he took the first steps out of the bedroom. The whole world spun. His chest tightened and his breaths got out funny. He parted his lips and attempted to breathe through his mouth, which was somewhat a success. Emerging from the room and then approaching Shintarou, he realized that he should have come up with words beforehand. He clutched the shards against his chest.

 

Kazunari stopped few feet away from his lover. His shoulders quivered, and he couldn’t get rid of the hiccups. Shintarou saw him, looked at him, and immediately turned off the vacuum cleaner. The brows above the glasses knitted together.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Kazunari’s face twisted to a cringe that had to be ugly. He offered his full palms towards his lover. “I b-broke him,” he whispered, then sniffled. “I—I broke him, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Hey… Hey, calm down. Remember to breathe.” Shintarou stepped in front of him and squeezed his shoulder. “What did you break?”

 

Kazunari didn’t want to say it. He sucked in his bottom lip and stared down at the green shards, then shook his head. He was an idiot and knew fully well how childish it was to cry about something like this, but he couldn’t help it. Knowing how much Shintarou had cared about the frog, he couldn’t help but feel emotional.

 

It took him few moments to be finally able to wail, “I broke Kerosuke!”

 

Silence followed. Kazunari flinched, certain that he would get shouted at. He didn’t even dare to look up at Shintarou to see his reaction. Squeezing his eyes shut, his hands shaking, he hung his head down and was ready for everything.

 

He startled when Shintarou gently enclosed his fingers around the remnants of the dear frog. Frowning, Kazunari peeked up. Shintarou didn’t look mad or that sad to begin with.

 

“You don’t have to cry because of it,” Shintarou quietly said.

 

“But…” Kazunari felt drool drip on his chin and felt disgusting. He stared into Shintarou’s eyes and waited for the scolding to commence. It didn’t. “But… Kerosuke…”

 

“It was just a cheap lucky item.”

 

“What?” Kazunari’s hands trembled. His knees wanted to give in. “But… but… It was… It…”

 

Shintarou said nothing as he pulled him in his arms and against his chest. He stroked his hair and kissed the spot right above his ear. “Please don’t cry. I’m sure it was an accident.”

 

“Y-Yeah… The cats were… my feet… and I… tried…”

 

“Why are you crying so much?” Shintarou sounded mildly amused.

 

“’Cause…” Kazunari mumbled and looked up from the safety of the warm chest. “Thought you’d… be mad at me…”

 

“I’m not mad at you for an accident.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kazunari huffed through his nose that was stuffed with snot. “Are you _sure_? Because if—if you are, say it to me now.”

 

“I’m not mad,” Shintarou repeated patiently. “Come on, go throw the shards away.”

 

“What? No!” Kazunari forgot to breathe for a moment. “No! I’ll try to fix him, use super glue or something, he’ll be as good as new.”

 

“Kazunari…”

 

“No! You took care of him over ten years, he’s not going to be thrown to the trash like that!” Not exactly sure himself why he was so insistent all of a sudden, he pulled away from Shintarou. “I’m gonna fix him up and then he’s getting back on top of the drawer, because I know you’ll miss him if I don’t.”

 

Shintarou offered a small smile. “You do that, all right.”

 

So Kazunari did. He sat by the kitchen table the whole afternoon with hot glue beside him and fitted the pieces together like it was a puzzle. By the time he was finished four hours later and the tears were nothing but dusty streaks down his cheek, Kerosuke didn’t exactly look like he had done before, but his shape was there. The eyes were still glaring at him, now blaming him. Kazunari put down the glue and hung his head, but got a kiss on his sloppy lips and a ‘thank you’ in his ear. To Shintarou’s chest he rested his head and rubbed his thigh, and knew that even when his lover tried to act it cool, he still would have missed the frog dearly. He stared at the fixed frog and promised never to make fun of it again.


	142. Green

Shintarou eyed the morning newspaper that he had been too busy reading in the actual morning. The sports section he merely skimmed through, not really interested in anything other than basketball and there was none today, so there definitely was not a sting of guilt in his chest. Even the economics side he practically hopped over and spent a good time reading the local news and checking the weather. Below the table he stretched his legs, a dull ache appearing on his left instep, and decided to ask from Kazunari if he’d be willing to massage it after they were done with this _ordeal_.

 

The ordeal was simply cutting his hair. It had grown too long, was hardly looking professional anymore, and growing hair out was Kazunari’s forte, definitely not his. Kazunari looked amazing with his dark locks already reaching the smallest of ponytails, but his was hideous. Puckering his lips to the newspaper, Shintarou worked his fingers through the green strands. He had no time to go for a barber or the will to actually pay for the job to be done, so as usual he counted on his fiancé. Few times before Kazunari had held the scissors and nothing disastrous had happened yet. Still Shintarou felt his stomach churn and hoped that his head wouldn’t look horrible at the end of the day.

 

He muffled a yawn to his palm and then rubbed the underside of his eyes with his fingers. The dark bags felt annoyingly obvious but he had no cure for it. Tomorrow he would have to wake up early for a shift… He put down the paper and hung his head down enough to massage his temples. He’d have to remember to pay more attention to Kazunari, give little touches and as soon as he would be energetic enough, he would initiate some intimate time. No one had told him before how difficult it sometimes was to fit a fiancé and a high-demanding job together, and he wished that someone had been so kind to give tips. _Mom, if you could just…_ Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and tried to exorcise the thoughts. The bottom line was, he didn’t want to cause such emotional turmoil for either of them anymore.

 

Hell. Maybe he’d try to get something going tonight.

 

Kazunari peeked from the doorframe and gave a toothy grin. “You ready?”

 

“Yeah.” Tired and weary, Shintarou pushed up. “Let’s do it.”

 

“Bring a chair with you!”

 

Sighing softly below his breath, Shintarou grabbed one of the chairs by the dinner table and lifted it up, and with ease carried it to the bathroom. He planted it right in front of the mirror and sat down, gave his reflection a nervous look and then glued his eyes on Kazunari. His lover smiled silly, messed his hair and then combed through it. Shintarou took a deep breath and stared at the scissors balancing by the sink. The first time they had done this, the scissors had been mere kitchen ones, but Kazunari had invested in a pair of good ones when Shintarou had announced that he would do all of his haircutting from now on.

 

Kazunari rested his hands on Shintarou’s shoulders and massaged gently. “Okay, what do you want?”

 

“Just shorter,” Shintarou mustered out. “Nothing fancy, just… the way it always is.”

 

“Mm… You sure you don’t want an undercut or something? You’d look hot.”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful through the mirror. “Just shorter,” he repeated.

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes. “All right, let’s give you shorter then,” he still chirped and grabbed the scissors.

 

Taking a shivery breath, Shintarou closed his eyes and attempted to relax, which didn’t quite work out. At first Kazunari worked in silence but soon began to whistle. As much as Shintarou wanted to tell him to knock it off, he held in his tongue and squeezed his fingers in tight pale-knuckled fists. The sound of the scissors cutting was nearly enough to give him heart palpitations, but he reminded himself to calm down and take deep breaths. If this had been a real situation with a real hairdresser, he knew he would have been even more nervous. He itched to run his fingers through the hair to see how short it would be, but he resisted. Kazunari would scold him again if he did that.

 

“Turn the chair around,” Kazunari said after a moment.

 

Shintarou fluttered his eyes open and obeyed. Kazunari took his glasses off and ran his fingers through the bangs, puckered his lips and tilted his head in clear thought.

 

“Not too short,” Shintarou said weakly.

 

Kazunari arched his brows up. “How much do you want me to take?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “Enough. So I can see without it getting to the way, but not too short.”

 

“You’re a real demanding customer,” snickered Kazunari and bent his knees ever so slightly. Maybe the terror Shintarou felt inside him shone on his face, because Kazunari kissed him sweetly and rubbed his shoulder. “It’s going to be just fine, Shin-chan,” he reassured after another kiss. “I’m not gonna fuck it up if that’s what you’re worried. I’m hurt that you’d even think that!”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou mumbled from the corner of his mouth.

 

“You better be! This is the best haircut you’ll find in the entire city.”

 

Shintarou hung his head down ever so slightly but Kazunari lifted his chin up and told him to stay put. Squeezing his fingers together again, Shintarou closed his eyes to prevent from the hair getting in them. He took deep breaths and calmed down rather quickly, knowing fully well that if there was someone he could trust with all his heart in this world, then it was Kazunari. He’d give him a suitable ‘thank you’ afterwards. The thought made the corners of his lips tug higher.

 

“Fuck,” Kazunari suddenly whispered.

 

Shintarou’s eyes flew open. “What?” His pulse thickened. He attempted to look at his bangs but instead saw a horrified look on his fiancé’s face. He gasped for breath. “What? What did you do?”

 

The man said nothing.

 

“Kazunari!” Shintarou growled. “What did you do? What did you _do_ —“

 

Kazunari burst in laughter. It took Shintarou few moments of seeing the man nearly wet himself because of the excessive amount of laughing, but then he got it. Seething and furious, he clicked his tongue and shook his head in bemusement.

 

“That’s not _funny_ ,” he scolded. His tone turned tense and strained. He got up on his feet. “Do you think that’s funny? We’re done.”

 

“No—Come on, babe, just sit down!” Kazunari hurried to push Shintarou back on the chair and kept him still by his shoulders. “I just couldn’t resist when you were starting to get a little pale.”

 

Shintarou grumbled. “But do you have to do that _every_ single time?”

 

Kazunari giggled but masked the sound as a cough. The smile on his lips refused to disappear. “Sorry, Shin-chan, I’m gonna try and behave. I’m such a bad boy sometimes.”

 

“You ought to be punished.”

 

The dark brows arched higher, and Kazunari took a sharp inhale upon looking at him. He held the green bangs in his grasp but didn’t cut yet, not when his eyes narrowed and sudden heat swirled in them. “Is that a threat or promise?”

 

“Do a good job and I’ll let you know.” Shintarou’s ears glowed but he ignored the sensation. He could do a bit of dirty talking, too, even if it meant embarrassment taking him over a second later.

 

However, he no longer let out a word from his mouth when Kazunari continued to cut the hair in a seemingly better mood than before (Shintarou didn’t understand how it was even possible). The little banter had been enough to calm Shintarou down for good, and he even relaxed in the chair as he listened the scissors cutting the excess hair off. Maybe afterwards they could get intimate on the couch, or perhaps he would be even wilder and give Kazunari an oral… He shuddered to the thought. Although he tiredness irked in his bones, he supposed he could do exactly that if Kazunari would be in the mood.

  
Few long minutes later Kazunari stepped back and pursed his lips. Then he nodded and gave him back the glasses. “It’s done, I think. Take a look and tell me what you think.”

 

Shintarou fumbled to push the glasses to the bridge of his nose, got up and turned around. With a critical eye he watched the creation through the mirror and brushed his fingers through the much shorter hair. It didn’t look half-bad, the same as usual to be honest. Content with the result, he turned to Kazunari. “Thank you.”

 

“You like it?”

 

Shintarou nodded. “What would you like in return?”

 

“In return, huh…” Kazunari pursed his lips in a small pout and rose to his tiptoes. “Mm, I think a kiss will be enough of a reward.”

 

Without a beat of hesitation Shintarou took in the distance between them, yanked Kazunari in his arms and planted his lips on his. He rather liked to kiss his lover deeply although they hardly did that anymore unless it was a situation of sexual nature. Tilting his head in a suitable angle, he slipped his hands on Kazunari’s waist and pulled him close. He dragged his tongue inside Kazunari’s mouth and felt hot around the cheekbones but ignored the sensation and focused purely on giving as much pleasure to his lover as he could.

 

When he pulled back, for the first moments Kazunari looked dazed. Then a lopsided smile rose to his lips. “That was definitely more than I bargained for.” Kazunari cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms and rubbed the bones with his thumbs. “Thanks, Shin-chan.”

 

“I want to blow you,” Shintarou choked the words out before he could think twice. When they were out there, he didn’t pull them back.

 

Kazunari startled. His eyes turned wide and bewildered. “Where’s that coming from?”

 

Shintarou shrugged.

 

A wicked grin illuminated Kazunari’s face. He moved his hands to the front of Shintarou’s chest and rubbed the sensitive spots through the fabric. “I’m definitely not gonna say no if you insist…”

 

“I insist.”

 

“Let’s do it, then.”

 

They exchanged a quick kiss, and then Shintarou found his hand tangled to Kazunari’s. Certain that the couch was their goal, he was surprised to see that they went to the bedroom instead. His brows knitted in a light frown but he didn’t protest, simply ghosted the man’s steps and took a seat from the edge of the bed when he was told to. He was quick to move fully to the bed together with his legs, though, when Kazunari climbed in and then over him.

 

“You really want to blow me, huh?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat quietly. “That was… what I had in mind, yes.”

 

“Hmm…” Kazunari tugged the hem of Shintarou’s shirt up and uncovered his chest. Lazily he circled his fingers around the left nipple and lowered himself. “So if I ask really nicely, can I blow you while you blow me?”

 

Shintarou attempted an answer but the words dried in his mouth when Kazunari kissed his nipple. A breath got out of him, shivering, shuddering, and he pushed the back of his head hard to the pillow. “Yes,” he finally mustered out, although the syllables were hardly coherent. Sometimes he hated the fact that Kazunari knew all his weak spots. Other times he was fond of the fact. Today it was definitely the latter.

 

Tugging his chin up, he watched Kazunari flick his tongue over the sensitive nub that hardened quickly in the sloppy mouth. Shintarou breathed a little harder, moistened his lips and swallowed. Kazunari teased the other nipple with his fingers, tugged and twisted and then tickled. The motions stirred his cock with ease, and Shintarou buckled his hips upwards. Kazunari was quick to catch the movement and rutted his crotch against his, then sucked his nipple intensely. A muffled groan escaped Shintarou, and he couldn’t even bother to be embarrassed by the fact, not when it felt so _damn_ good.

 

The moment lingered and turned sweeter, and only when his chest was fully tormented and peppered with red marks did Kazunari pull up. A confident smirk splattered on his mouth that he used to kiss Shintarou square on the lips.

 

“I’m gonna turn around now,” Kazunari murmured, voice heated, “and we’re gonna have the best sixty-nine out there, yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” whimpered Shintarou.

 

Kazunari’s smirk was the last thing he saw before the lush uncovered bottom was practically shoved to his face. Eager like a teenager, he kneaded the soft cheeks, squished them ever so slightly and spent a moment kissing the trail that led to the puckered skin. Before he could reach the vulnerably pink skin, Kazunari lifted his hips up and positioned his cockhead right against his lips. Feeling the hasty fingers tugging his own pants down, Shintarou parted his mouth and allowed the tip of the cock to sink in.

 

There was something perversely pleasant in the way his lover’s sex stretched the corners of his mouth whenever they did this. Kazunari was quick to lick his cock in return and took it in his mouth before Shintarou could even fully register it, then stuffed it against his cheek and bobbed his head. Not wanting to lose to the efforts, Shintarou took a tight grasp from the full hips and kept them somewhat steady as he worked his mouth around the dick. He took deep breaths through his nose and pushed Kazunari lower from the small of his back, wanted to gag but managed to hold off the reflect right on the last second.

 

The television echoed from the living room together with occasional meows and purrs, but Shintarou had no reason to get up anymore, not when his lover squirmed and writhed above him and took his cock in all the way to the throat. Muffling his moans to the sex in his mouth, he wrapped his lips tighter around it and flicked his tongue the little he could. He dragged it against the length as he pulled his mouth back and then sucked in the very head. His cheeks hollowed, and he managed to lure out a loud moan from Kazunari. He kneaded the buttocks better in his palms.

 

With a loud pop Kazunari pulled back his mouth and worked his hips in a lazy thrust. “That feels good,” he whispered.

 

Encouraged, Shintarou continued further, took in the cock with its near full length again and moved his head as best as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut and saw genuine stars in the back of his eyelids when Kazunari worked his mouth back on his member.

 

It was lazy, almost sluggish, but so very perfect at the same time. Maybe they didn’t hold the same intensity anymore in which they had done similar things when they were seventeen and discovering all the crooks of each other’s bodies, but it was wonderful. Shintarou knew _why_ it was wonderful, too – neither of them had to think where it felt good for the other, because they had years of experience. He enclosed his fingers around Kazunari’s tight scrotum and fondled whilst Kazunari flicked the thick vein on the underside, and they were both moaning. Shintarou felt _safe_ with Kazunari and all the years behind him, and it was reason enough for him to never even think about checking whether the grass was greener on the other side. It wouldn’t be. This was the best grass of his entire life.

 

Sweet delirious moments later Kazunari pushed his hips up and came on Shintarou’s chest. Smiling with satisfaction Shintarou rubbed the buttocks gently and finished in his lover mouth. He didn’t want to out of politeness (it felt a bit unfair for him to be able to do that whilst he was not fond of getting semen in his mouth), but Kazunari refused to move and instead swallowed down everything given to him. They both breathed hard. It took couple of seconds for Kazunari to lift up and slump down beside him and then to the crook of his arm.

 

“I should cut your hair more often.” Kazunari nuzzled his nose to Shintarou’s collarbone.

 

“Don’t get used to it.”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s chest and pushed up. He passed the tissues from the nightstand and ruffled his hair. “You better get cleaned up, though, the cooking show’s about to start.”

 

Shintarou pushed up and wiped himself relatively tidy with the help of the tissues. “We should take a shower afterwards.”

 

“We should take a _bath_ afterwards,” countered Kazunari and yanked his pants back up. “Put in one of the good bath bombs and just soak in there.”

 

“Your fixation of the bombs is getting worrying.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, mister, you still love it when your skin smells of good stuff afterwards.”

 

“…No comment.”

 

“You’re adorable in your denial,” Kazunari concluded and with newfound energy hurried to the living room.

 

Shintarou followed him, took him in his arms and curled up on the couch with him as the show began together with their arguments of who of the contestants was the best cook.


	143. Unexpected Entry

Classical music blasted in the car, and to its difficult rhythm Shintarou tapped his fingers against the wheel. These were the moments he actually did enjoy, moments that he was able to take fully to himself and listen the radio channel _he_ wanted to listen whilst trying not to curse because of the early evening’s traffic. In that way he much preferred to come back home in the very early hours of morning when there were others only few and far between. Sitting in a car at six pm while half of Tokyo wanted to get in or out was his idea of a total nightmare. He glanced at his phone, pondered whether to give Kazunari a call and tell him that he’d be late but decided against it. If he was lucky, he’d be home in fifteen minutes away.

 

He thrummed his fingertips and stopped by another set of three-colored lights. Dragging his tongue against his bottom lip, he hoped that there would be dinner at the table. His stomach grumbled and he was easily starving although he had made sure that not a grain of rice was left behind from the bento Kazunari had made the previous night. Kazunari was getting better at it, Shintarou idly thought and smiled to the windshield. The boxes had been good to begin with, but now there was some skill behind, and he liked them. All of what he needed was in them, saturated by the nutrition that was necessary, and he couldn’t have been happier to have such a man by his side. He’d snuggle Kazunari in the bed later. So he decided and curled his fingers tight around the wheel. His knuckles turned pale, and he fixed it by loosening his grip.

 

Sometimes life seemed too good to be true. They didn’t argue anymore as much as they had done when they were younger. They also kept up the intimacy of being lovers whilst maintaining their friendship. Work was going good, their house had no flaws and – admittedly – even both of the cats were delight to his eyes. Shintarou felt a hard lump settle to his throat. Wasn’t it all _too_ good? Wasn’t he living a dream like this? Worried that something bad was looming in the horizon, he hooked his finger to the collar of his shirt and pulled it slightly away from his throat. As long as both of them were alive, things would be all right. As long as he kept following the horoscopes, nothing harmful would fall over them. He eyed the miniature boat that was his lucky item for the day and that sat in the nearest cup holder. He felt a bit more confident.

 

But what if something would go wrong with the wedding plans? What if someone forgot to purchase their honeymoon and they’d be stuck in Tokyo? Kazunari would hate it and sulk. They still needed to buy the wedding rings. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and stared strictly in front of him. They had been lazy with trying to decide on the guests – Seijuurou would be furious the moment he heard about it. What if Kazunari would get sick? Shintarou inhaled sharply and tried not to think about it. That resulted him to focus his thoughts even _more_ about it, which on the other hand created his knuckles even whiter. Everything could go wrong. He was scared that it was exactly the case.

 

His thoughts didn’t stop running until he parked the car and saw a figure in their porch. Frowning lightly, Shintarou attempted to recognize it, but it definitely wasn’t Kazunari. Too tall for that. It was certainly a man, and that man paced behind the door, stopped beside the doorbell, and then continued with the circle. Shintarou’s heart thudded. He had honestly thought this was a decent neighborhood, and now he had a stranger peeking in from the windows. Judging by the amount of lights shining through the kitchen and living room windows, Kazunari was home. _Fuck_. He was more worried about his fiancé’s safety than his own

 

He was quick to grab his belongings from the car and took few cautious steps over the short bits of lawn decorating the front yard. He took a deep breath and was ready to combat.

 

“Do I need to call the police to pick up a person trespassing my property?” he shouted and attempted to keep his tone neutral.

 

The man startled. Shintarou had the courage to move even closer. His eyes widened as he saw the face of the stranger. _Daiki_. The dark eyes looked bewildered around the corners, the length of the man cowering ever so slightly as Shintarou stepped beside him. They looked at each other in the eye, and Shintarou felt his jaw clench. It had surely been a while since they had last met, and the last time hadn’t been pleasant. He was certain that even Daiki remembered as he rubbed his nape in a way that seemed awkward.

 

“How long have you been standing here?” Shintarou finally asked after a straining silence.

 

“‘Bout ten minutes,” Daiki admitted and shrugged.

 

“You do know that we have a fully functioning doorbell.”

 

“Yeah, but… I don’t know. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to get in after all.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look and fished the key out, opened the door and stepped aside. “Depends on the business you have with us. If it’s reasonable you can come in.”

  
Daiki sucked in his bottom lip and released it a moment after. “I just wanted to talk. Everyone knows the two of you are the wisest with these things.”

 

“What things?”

 

The man remained quiet.

 

Shintarou sighed. Whether he liked it or not, Daiki was still his friend, had been for half his life despite punching him in the face the last time, and that was the thought that made him invite the idiot inside. Softly he closed the door behind their backs and took off his shoes, put down his bag and gestured Daiki to follow.

 

“I’m home!” he called out, testing.

 

“Welcome back!” echoed from the living room. Judging by the chirpy tone Kazunari seemed to be in a good mood. Shintarou rather preferred that and kept it that way.

 

He approached the living room. “I have a guest with me.”

 

“Oh?” Having a direct visual to his lover, Shintarou watched Kazunari perk up in the couch and look at him with a light frown. When Daiki followed him and then stopped beside him, Kazunari’s face fell ever so slightly. “Oh.”

 

“I found him behind our door. I thought we’ll see what he has to say.”

 

“Sure—Sure.” Kazunari scurried up to his feet and lowered the volume of the television. Shintarou had expected to see tension in his lover’s face, but there was surprisingly enough none. Instead of looking mad, Kazunari gestured the couch. “Sit down. You want some tea?”

 

Daiki cleared his throat and took a seat. “I—“

 

“He doesn’t want any,” Shintarou decided. “He’s just going to say what he has to say and he’ll go.”

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari gently scolded. He gave him an eyeful and then turned to Daiki. “If you want some tea, I can make it.”

 

Daiki looked up at him. His fingers were glued to fists but there was clear hesitation in his eyes, something that Shintarou hadn’t witnessed too often. After a moment he nodded. “Yeah… Yeah, tea’s good.”

 

Kazunari offered a small smile and went to the kitchen.

 

Not sure whether he was happy about the development or not, Shintarou took a seat in the armchair and crossed a leg over another. He had wanted to come home and have some dinner and watch silly shows from the television before giving in and going to sleep, but it seemed that his plans were ruined. He eyed Daiki. The man didn’t seem to be in the greatest shape, hair somewhat disheveled, bags under his eyes, but Shintarou refused to draw any conclusions. Their eyes met, and the corners of Daiki’s lips tightened.

 

“Listen,” Daiki began and laced his fingers together. “Uh, about last time… Didn’t mean to hit you or anything, but I was just… pissing drunk to be honest—“

 

“I don’t mind if you decide to hit me,” Shintarou interrupted, his voice icy. “But the moment you call _my_ fiancé with names like slut and whore, then I can’t forgive you.”

 

“C’mon, I was drunk, okay? I wouldn’t—He’s none of those things, yeah? I was pissed and drunk and fucking messed up, I didn’t mean to.”

 

Shintarou pressed the small of his back even better against the chair. “Why are you here?” he asked.

 

Daiki shrugged.

 

A sigh escaped Shintarou. He didn’t pry further, didn’t even want to if he was honest with himself, and merely waited for Kazunari to come back. Kazunari was the more sensible of them, so Shintarou decided to leave the talking to him no matter what the topic was. The silence was heavy, broken here and there by the quiet exclaims coming from the television. He moved his hands together and laid his eyes on the show Kazunari had been watching.

 

A long moment later Kazunari came back with three cups of tea. Shintarou got up and guided Kazunari to sit on the armchair, and set to stand beside him. Kazunari hooked an arm around his waist and stroked his side gently. It was somewhat enough to calm down the seething inside Shintarou.

 

“This is about Kise, isn’t it?” Kazunari asked.

 

Daiki nodded. “I would have gone to Murasakibara and his guy, but you know Kise the best.”

 

“If you want to talk about Kise, you should probably talk to Kise himself,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“But that’s the fucking point, he won’t answer my calls or messages, and he’s never at home when I go there.” Daiki let out a frustrated huff and took a large gulp from the tea. The way he put the cup down on the table was rather violent, and Shintarou was happy that Kazunari had saved their better china for another occasion. “Listen, I just want him back, okay? I fucked up, I really fucked up, but now I’m a changed man and everything.”

 

Shintarou cocked a brow up. Such a statement was difficult to believe in.

 

“I am!” Daiki insisted. “I treated him wrong, should have—should have paid more attention to him and buy flowers and all that shit, but the point is, I want him back.”

 

“Do you think—“ Shintarou began but pressed his mouth shut when Kazunari patted his waist gently. He took a deep breath and calmed down.

 

“Listen…” Kazunari softened his voice and leaned closer. Careful with his words, he continued, “Kise’s moved on. He has a new boyfriend, and you shouldn’t interfere with that.”

 

“Yeah, but I _love_ him,” Daiki insisted.

 

Kazunari let out a soft exhale. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough.”

 

Daiki huffed and leaned his back to the couch, and buried his face to his palms. For a long time he remained still, breathing heavy, and then peeled his hands off his features. “You don’t get it,” he said, teeth clenched, a bit of red around his ears. “I _need_ that guy. He’s my fucking _everything_ , and even if he has some new guy, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause we’re made for each other.”

 

Kazunari looked up at Shintarou. Shintarou moved a hand on his lover’s shoulder and squeezed it for a good attempt.

 

“Do you want to hear the truth?” he asked.

 

Daiki nodded furiously.

 

“Your relationship with Kise was unhealthy,” Shintarou said it without putting his words in a nicer package. “You kept going back and forth all the time, and everyone could tell from a mile that it wasn’t going to work out in the lung run.”

 

Daiki sprung to his feet. “That’s not fucking _true_ ,” he spat.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said and rose up himself. He stared at Daiki with widened eyes. “If you come to _our_ home and want _our_ advice, you sit your ass down on that couch and listen.”

 

Although Daiki looked like he had something rolling on the tip of his tongue, he sank back on the couch without a single grumble. Kazunari, however, remained standing. He looked more bewildered around his features than before.

 

“You _hurt_ my friend, all right? I _love_ Kise, and you kept hurting him and he was dumb enough to keep taking you back. He’s much happier without you, so there’s no reason for you start saying how you love him—If you really love him, you’re going to let him _fucking_ do what he wants—“

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou murmured and took a hold of his fiancé’s waist. Kazunari huffed, and Shintarou pulled him closer. “I think he got the point.”

 

“You tell me,” Daiki said to Kazunari and pointed at Shintarou, “if this guy started dating someone else and you’d still love him, wouldn’t you at least try to be with him again?”

 

“I love Shintarou enough to be happy for him if he’s happy with someone else.”

 

Daiki shook his head with a grin. “You’re so fucking prude.”

 

“It’s not being _prude_ ,” Kazunari countered, “it’s knowing when to give up.”

 

“But I love him!”

 

Kazunari plopped back on the chair and looked more than done with the whole situation.

 

Shintarou hesitated a moment and then spoke. “Maybe it’s better that you leave, Aomine. Whatever answer you wanted, it’s clear that we can give it to you.”

 

“I just wanted to know how I could get him back.” There was something raw in Daiki’s eyes as he got back up. His bottom lip trembled, and his whole face hell. His skin held a hue of red near the cheekbones and the ears when he looked at them with his brows drawn together. “I _love_ him, man. We’ve been together as long as I fucking remember, I can’t… Fuck! I know I’ve made fucking dumb mistakes, but I _love_ him. I wanted to show him that I can change.”

 

Shintarou looked at Kazunari and sighed. He took a step closer and patted Daiki’s shoulder rather awkwardly. “It’s not the end of the world,” he attempted.

 

“Oh, just fuck you. Fuck both of you.”

 

With anger in his steps Daiki marched straight back to the front door and slammed it shut.

 

It turned eerily quiet, although the man’s curses still echoed in Shintarou’s ears. He heaved out a sigh heavier than necessary and turned to Kazunari. The eyes he knew the best were darkened, staring in front of him as if not seeing anything. Shintarou crouched beside him and rubbed his cheek.

 

“He’ll come to his senses,” he promised.

 

“This is _Aomine_ we’re talking about.” Kazunari attempted a small smile as he looked at Shintarou properly. He let out a weak laugh and then a sigh. “I’m just worried for Kise’s sake, you _saw_ how he was glowing when he told us about Kasamatsu.”

 

“At the end of the day it’s not our business to get involved in.”

 

“I know, I know,” Kazunari grumbled. He shook his head and then planted a kiss on Shintarou’s lips. “There’s dinner in the fridge, just heat it up if you’re hungry.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “Did you eat already?”

 

“Yeah… Now I’m so pissed!” Kazunari groaned and got up, and threw himself back on the couch. He grabbed the remote and yanked the volume up. “Come eat here and cuddle me, I don’t wanna be grumpy the whole evening.”

 

Briefly Shintarou rubbed his lover’s shoulder. “I’m sure everything will be all right in the end,” he reassured. “Aomine might be thickheaded but he’ll come to his senses one day. Who knows, maybe he’ll even meet someone and stops this nonsense.”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips but didn’t say anything, just took a hold of a cushion and hugged it against his chest. Smiling weakly to the sight, Shintarou leaned down and kissed the man’s forehead before he peeled off and went to get himself the dinner’s leftovers. When he returned and took a seat on the couch, Kazunari glued to him immediately, and Shintarou wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He ate in peace and watched the television, not really sure what the show was about but Kazunari seemed interested in it.

 

He realized how wrong he had been when he moved the plate to the table for good and his lover threw himself across his lap.

 

“Baby,” Kazunari whined and looked up at him. “Should I call Kise? Like warn him or something.”

 

“I’m telling you not to get more involved to it than you already are. It’s not our problem,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly and risked working his fingers through the man’s hair. They were slightly greasy and felt oddly crisp against his skin.

 

“But Kise’s our _friend_.” Kazunari huffed.

 

“Even so it’s not our business to get into.”

 

“You’re stupid,” Kazunari muttered below his breath and rolled on his side to face the television.

 

Shintarou sucked in his lower lip and rubbed the shell of the man’s ear gently. It was enough to make Kazunari squirm but not quite enough to lure out words from him. To be on the safe side, Shintarou leaned lower and kissed the spot he had been toying with.

 

“No need to be grumpy with me,” he muttered.

 

“Am not grumpy.”

 

“Yes, you are.” Shintarou rubbed his side and slipped his fingers under the shirt. “Tell me, how was your day?”

 

“Boring.” Kazunari breathed sharply. “But I got back home and played with the cats, so it’s all good.”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips. “And our new cat is causing no trouble, I assume?”

 

Finally Kazunari gave him a look. “Ushi’s a good boy. He’s more into grooming Ao than anything else, so he’s a happy kitty. They’re so in _love_ with each other.”

 

“I’m sure they are,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Hey!” Kazunari jabbed him in the ribs and made him wince. “They are, and you can’t deny it, okay? They’re made for each other.”

 

“I wasn’t denying it.”

 

“Sure you weren’t.” With a pout on his mouth Kazunari kissed Shintarou and turned the channel just in time for their favorite show to begin. They said nothing more as Kazunari burrowed himself to the crook of Shintarou’s arm and remained still. Shintarou buried his nose to the dark hair and slipped his eyes close. He was happy, yet still terrified that something was bound to happen. He moved his arm around Kazunari’s torso and hugged him closer. In secret he thought that he would be the same as Daiki would something break their relationship, but didn’t voice it aloud. He merely held Kazunari close and didn’t ever want to let go.


	144. Bearing Fruit

In front of the bathroom mirror Kazunari’s fingers trembled ever so slightly as he attempted to make something presentable out of the only tie he owned. He had never bothered to learn how to do it, not when he only used it once a year if even that, because he had always trusted that Shintarou would be there for him to tie it. Now he wanted to try out his own wings and make it himself but grumbled from frustration for the umpteenth time when it simply refused to do the thing he wanted it to do. It was a nice tie, one he had gotten from Shintarou, dark blue and complimented his eyes, but at the moment he wanted to rip it apart and make it history.

 

He wouldn’t have bothered with the thing otherwise, but they were going on a date. Not just any date, either, but a _double_ date with Mr. Absolute and his boyfriend. Seijuurou had sent the address of the restaurant to Shintarou, and after a brief Googling Kazunari had decided that it was definitely a place where he should wear a tie. Fine dining had to mean fine clothing after all. He couldn’t understand how Seijuurou had gotten a table in the place in the first place; some reviews had raved it to be the best Italian in town, and with it just recently opened it was full all the time. Kazunari glanced at himself through the mirror and then asked why he even bothered to question. There was nothing Seijuurou couldn’t do. He smirked a bit and then gave up with the tie for good.

 

A little desperate, he wandered out of the bathroom in the search of Shintarou. He found his fiancé standing in the living room, eyes fixed on the television, and let out a low whistle. Suits and Shintarou had always gone together especially well, and Kazunari simply _loved_ the sight of his sweetheart clad in tight-fitting trousers that hugged his ass so good. Shintarou turned around and arched his brows up.

 

Kazunari strutted right in front of him. “Do me,” he said.

 

Shintarou looked at him and then said, “I thought we would have the dinner first.”

 

Giving a short gasp, Kazunari nudged the man’s arm gently. He tried to look like he was in shock but his lips kept curling to a smirk and ruined it. “Look at you, having a sense of humor. What happened to my Shin-chan while I was in the bathroom?”

 

“I don’t know.” Shintarou hummed and slipped his fingers around the tie and did his magic. There was a hint of a smile on his lips. “I suppose I’m trying to expand my humor.”

 

“Works really well so far,” Kazunari encouraged with a grin and tucked his chin up enough for his lover to work at ease. A moment later Shintarou was done and looked mighty proud with himself. As an exchange for the help Kazunari straightened the man’s collar and the light grey tie that always managed to make Shintarou look amazing. He patted his chest. “For that you’ll get an after-dinner special when we get back.”

 

“And what might that be?”

 

“A second dessert.” Kazunari winked and pulled his hand back. “You ready to go?”

 

“I—I think so.” Something flashed across Shintarou’s eyes. The corners of his lips tensed, too, the line of his mouth firmer.

 

Kazunari offered a gentler smile. “You nervous?” he asked and brought his hand back to his chest to rub it soothingly.

 

“No,” was the initial verdict, but after a pause Shintarou corrected himself, “Perhaps a little.”

 

“It’s so cute for you to get nervous when you’re about to meet with your boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Whatever you say, babe.” Kazunari patted his chest again and then peeled off for good. “Do you think we should take wallets or is he going to pay?”

 

“Take the wallet just in case.”

 

“Roger that.”

 

Kazunari slipped the money pouch to one pocket of his suit and his phone to the other. He discarded the idea of having an outer jacket as well – the weather was really getting warmer by the day, and despite it being evening he was certain he’d moan at some point how unnecessarily hot it was. Behind him Shintarou closed the television and the lights, although they left the one in the hallway on. With a look to each other they left and went to the car.

 

The traffic wasn’t necessarily jammed, but Kazunari was happy they left ten minutes earlier than they were supposed to. He relaxed his fingers around the wheel and, when stuck behind a line of other cars again, turned to Shintarou. There was definitely something about men in suits, and he loved the sight of Shintarou in one. Maybe it was because they never went to places that required suits and ties in the matter of fact. He grinned sheepishly and fixed his gaze back on the road.

 

“I bet Akashi’s going to have some designer suit,” he chatted just for the sake of it.

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Shintarou echoed.

 

“I just love it when he throws his money around.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “You mean you love it when he throws his money around when _we_ get part of it, too.”

 

“Ooh, got me there, Shin-chan.” Kazunari’s laughter bubbled. “But if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be able to go to some fancy restaurants. We’d never be able to book a table from this place.”

 

“True… But I’m not friends with him because of his money.”

 

“I know, babe.” Kazunari smiled reassuringly. “He’s just a real good boyfriend of yours, always there for you and all.”

 

This time Shintarou said nothing to the teasing and remained quiet. Kazunari gave him a look and concentrated on driving them safely to the address given.

 

He didn’t quite get to the address itself as the streets were full of parked cars. Instead he opted with the nearby parking hall, paid the ticket and signaled Shintarou out of the car. The evening was a little brisk but he didn’t quite regret yet of not taking another jacket. He startled when Shintarou laced his fingers to his, squeezed tight and didn’t let go. Frowning, he looked at his lover. The man shrugged.

 

“It’s date night,” was all he said. They got out of the hall and to the street, and Shintarou still didn’t let go. Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat and then thrummed gently. A grin spread to his mouth.

 

It wasn’t difficult to spot Seijuurou, not because of his flaming hair but because he always carried himself with such grace that Kazunari had never witnessed on anyone else. The man had his arm around Kouki’s waist, and they truly looked like an oddly balanced couple despite Seijuurou holding a serene smile and Kouki looking nervous as hell. Seijuurou’s smile only tugged higher upon seeing them.

 

“Evening,” he said and pulled Kouki closer ever so slightly. “Glad you could make it.”

 

“You serious? I’d jump off my deathbed to be able to eat _here_ ,” Kazunari snickered. He gave a small nod to Kouki who reciprocated, and finally he let go of Shintarou’s hand as pleasant as it had been.

 

“I think it’s best of us to catch up inside, the breeze is awful. Shall we?” Seijuurou swayed a hand towards the beautifully lit entrance of the restaurant.

 

The façade of the place had already looked awesome, but the moment Kazunari stepped in he felt his mouth drop open in awe. The décor was delicate, not at all like the Italian places where he had eaten before in his life. He moved right beside Shintarou and gave him a look together with a smile, and when the butler was engrossed with a quick exchange of words with Seijuurou, Kazunari rose to his toes and stole a kiss from his lover’s lips. It left Shintarou dumbfounded, but Kazunari rubbed his knuckles and followed the other couple to a nicely secluded booth of their own.

 

“Should we start the night with drinks?” Seijuurou asked when all of them were comfortably seated by the table.

 

“Make it just water for me, though, I’m the one driving tonight,” Kazunari said.

 

“I’ll have water, too,” Shintarou hurried to say.

 

Kazunari nudged his shoulder. “Live a little, Shin-chan, have drinks just for my sake, yeah?” He leaned ever so slightly over the table. “Shin-chan’s having the drinks.”

 

“Kazunari.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive your drunken ass back home.” He got a look from his lover and flatly ignored it as he turned to Kouki. The man had looked timid the moment they had set their foot in the restaurant, and his shoulders still remained tense. Kazunari gave him a gentler smile. “How are you?”

 

Kouki flinched. In the flickering candlelight his eyes widened. “I’m—I’m fine, thank you. And you?”

 

“Totally out of my element here!” Kazunari let out laughter and pointed towards their dates. “These two frequent these places every time they go out, but me, I’m just stunned I actually managed to smuggle myself in a high-class place like this.”

 

A small smile appeared on Kouki’s lips.

 

“We rarely come to places like these,” Seijuurou retorted with a glimmer on his eyes.

 

“Yeah? Shin-chan’s always raving about these wonderful bars and restaurants, and I’m so jealous.”

 

“The next time I’ll take only you out, Kazunari, and we’ll have a pleasant night.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Deal.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “Why are you planning a date with _my_ fiancé, Akashi?”

 

Kazunari tuned out of the two of them having a surprisingly playful banter and turned back to Kouki. He parted his mouth to a question but had to wait a moment when the waitress brought three martini glasses and a jug of water to the table. After she had left he finally directed his words to Kouki. “I don’t think I’ve asked before, but where are you working again?”

 

“Um.” Kouki held a pause and took a sip from the drink, and briefly smiled to Seijuurou who stroked his shoulder. “I’m actually… part-timing in two stores, one’s a convenience store and the other is a flower shop…” He took a deep breath. “It’s not as amazing as what Sei does, I don’t really know how we even—We’re not in the same league.”

 

“Indeed not, as you are above mine,” Seijuurou sweetly said and brought his lips to Kouki’s mouth for a kiss. The man turned flustered, and Kazunari couldn’t help his smile. He nudged Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“See, that’s super cute. We were never like that when we were first in love.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips flat and gave him an eyeful. “I’m compensating,” he eventually let out.

 

Kazunari winked at him and turned back to the couple on the other side of the table. It was an adorable sight for him, to witness the bliss of a new happy pair. He grabbed Shintarou’s hand to his own and held it gently as he gazed down on the menu. Everything seemed awfully expensive, but their life wouldn’t fall over one night of eating well. Lulling between oysters and red prawns for a starter, he eventually chose the latter and decided to steal a bite of the oysters from Shintarou’s plate when they would arrive.

 

“How is it working in a flower shop, though?” he asked, curiosity coloring his voice. “Does it get dull?”

 

Kouki rubbed the pads of his fingers against the white tablecloth and then curled the digits around the thin foot of the glass. “It’s nice,” he said with a warm smile on his lips. “It’s a bit quiet sometimes, but it’s really lovely. I’m thinking of going full-time there.”

 

“That sounds cool,” Kazunari agreed. “I gotta admit that sometimes it’s get a boring sitting at the till of the supermarket.”

 

“That’s why it would be good for you to attempt to get back to university next fall,” Shintarou said, a mere fleeting comment but enough to make Kazunari turn his gaze at him.

 

Seijuurou arched his brows an inch higher. “What were you thinking of studying?”

 

“Uh, you know, elementary school teacher stuff or something,” Kazunari admitted.

 

“I’m certain Tetsuya would give valid advice. He is a kindergarten teacher, is he not?”

 

“Yup. But it’s a long way there, I’d need to study for the exams and actually manage to get _in_ before I could start studying… And there’s the wedding coming and everything, so it might be next year’s thing.” Kazunari’s smile twitched when Shintarou rubbed his thigh. For the sake of it he leaned closer and smooched his lover’s cheek. He knew without asking that Shintarou had his back no matter what he decided to do, and it made him a lot calmer about the future. They were nearing thirty and he knew that he was supposed to have it all figured out, but sometimes he felt just as lost as he did at eighteen.

 

They steered away from the topic of work, none too ecstatic to discuss about it, and they chatted this and that before the starters arrived. Kazunari felt happy with his choice until he saw Shintarou’s plate. The oysters were the most beautiful ones he had ever seen, and jealousy made his heart drop to his knees. Shintarou frowned lightly and then offered a fork to him.

 

“Do you want to taste?”

 

“Nah, I’ll taste if you happen to have something left behind,” Kazunari said and pierced a piece of prawn to the fork. He chewed gently, tasted dried tomatoes, but even years of watching cooking shows and competitions hadn’t given him a special palate to tell apart different components. With a good appetite he scooped some sauce to the edge of the fork. The background music was gentle, a female voice cooing in Italian, and the sounds of cutleries around the restaurant were soothing. Too quick he emptied his plate and was just about to sip from the water when Shintarou nudged his plate towards him.

 

“I can’t finish,” Shintarou flatly said and offered the plate even further.

 

Kazunari blinked, a little baffled, but stared down at the two oysters remaining and smiled softly. _What a goof_ , he idly thought and ate both of them, then kissed Shintarou’s ear and murmured a ‘thank you’ in it. He swore there was a light blush on the man’s cheeks, or maybe it was simply the slightly dim lighting causing the effect.

 

Waiting for the entrée – after a long deliberation he had ended up with sea bass –, Kazunari flexed his fingers and looked at Seijuurou. “Do you take your sweetheart out often?”

 

Seijuurou hummed softly and brought a hand in Kouki’s lap. “Kouki has taught me the beauty of staying the evenings at home, haven’t you?”

 

Kouki let out a laugh that still borderlined with slight nervousness. He took a hold of Seijuurou’s hand nonetheless. “Last week—was it last week?—we made homemade pizza at my place and watched movies—Sei’s never made pizza himself, I thought that was a bit funny.” A smile curled the corners of Kouki’s mouth higher. “But it turned out to taste good, didn’t it?”

 

“Much better than the ones you can order online,” Seijuurou agreed.

 

“Hmm, when was the last time we made pizza?” Kazunari looked at Shintarou.

 

Shintarou gave a small shrug. “I honestly can’t remember.”

 

“What did you put in the pizza?”

 

“Um, ham… What was it called again?” Kouki frowned.

 

“Prosciutto,” helped Seijuurou.

 

“Yeah, that, and… basil, I think, tomato sauce at the bottom, and then pineapples on the top for me.”

 

Seijuurou shook his head in clear amusement. “I still cannot understand who wants to have fruit in their savory food.”

 

Kouki’s pout was adorable. “Just because you don’t like it, Sei, doesn’t mean that others can’t.”

 

“True,” murmured Seijuurou and kissed Kouki square on the lips.

 

Kazunari let out a small sigh of awe and smiled tenderly. Being in a long-lasting relationship himself, he wanted everyone to feel the same joy, and now there were cute lovebirds right in front of them. Even Shintarou smiled. It was fairly odd to see Seijuurou so obviously head over heels for someone, but Kazunari was certain that the blooming relationship was one that would last. He hoped so, at least.

 

He was getting slightly hungry again by the time the waitress put down the main courses on the tables. Kazunari forced himself to eat civilized despite his stomach growling, because the last thing he needed was to embarrass Shintarou. In company Shintarou was always keen on following etiquette, after all, and purely because of that Kazunari chewed his mouth fully empty before he even attempted to start another track in the conversation.

 

“Have you been watching that one cooking competition with the amateur cooks?” He simply had to ask.

 

Kouki puckered his lips in thought as he swirled some pasta around his fork. “The one that comes in the evenings?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh! Yeah, I watch it. Sometimes we watch it together if we’re staying at each other’s place, don’t we, Sei?”

 

Seijuurou smiled crudely. “I have been put to the second place because of that wretched show so many times that I don’t even care to count.”

 

“You’re not interested in it?” Kazunari tilted his head.

 

“I’m much more intrigued by my sweetheart, but it’s difficult to get anything going when he’s glued to the television.”

 

Kouki flashed an actual smirk. “Sorry,” he said but didn’t sound like he was.

 

Letting out an amused hum, Kazunari shook his head slightly and turned to Shintarou. “Babe, how is your… whatever you ordered?”

 

“Lamb,” Shintarou helped and cut a small piece, pierced it with the fork and offered it towards him. “Have a taste.”

 

“Thank you very much,” chirped Kazunari and leaned closer. He scraped his teeth against the metal ever so slightly and munched the piece of meat, then gave thumbs up. “That’s super tender, wow. You wanna bite from my fish?”

 

“No, thank you.”

 

Kazunari hummed. “You’re gonna be sorry for that when we get back home and I’ll just keep going on and on about how good it was.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and reached his fork over his plate, took a small scrape from the fish and ate it. Kazunari grinned and looked across the table, saw Kouki offer some of the pasta to Seijuurou who ate it and kissed him afterwards. _Too adorable_. It was almost so sweet it gave him a cavity.

 

After the mains the three men ordered another round of drinks and Kazunari settled with a non-alcoholic variant. It rolled sweet on his tongue, hardly clenched his thirst, but it was nice nonetheless. Sluggishly he eyed the dessert menu, and although he felt like he couldn’t eat another bite of anything, he was certain that there was just enough space for some sweetness. Out of the two of them he definitely had a bigger sweet tooth, but still Shintarou spent a good while looking through the same list.

 

“What do I want?” murmured Shintarou below his breath.

 

Kazunari leaned closer and rested his head on his lover’s shoulder. There might have been no drop of alcohol in his system, but the food had made him sleepy. “You take the cheesecake and I’ll take the panna cotta, and we can eat half and half.”

 

“But I’m not in the mood for cheesecake.”

 

“Mm… Then you take the panna cotta and I’ll take the sorbet and then we can, you know.”

 

“Sounds better.” Shintarou brought his fingertips to his knee and stroked gently. He even pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, his voice quieter.

 

Kazunari nodded and peeled his head away from him. “Just a bit tired, I feel like I could totally take a nap now.”

 

“I thought we would have an after dinner special at home,” Shintarou murmured right under his breath.

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and smirked. “Remind me when we get back,” he concluded and kissed the sweet taste of liquor from Shintarou’s lips. “’Cause I’m totally up for that,” he mumbled against the man’s lips and, feeling eyes glued on them, pulled back. He offered a cheeky grin to the other couple on the other side.

 

“I was just about to suggest that after the dessert we would catch few drinks someplace else, but it seems that Kouki and I will be doing that ourselves,” Seijuurou said, his tone actually _teasing_.

  
“We can join you,” Shintarou offered.

 

“Oh, we wouldn’t want to bother your after dinner special.” Seijuurou winked and slid a hand around Kouki’s shoulder. “We can grab few drinks ourselves and head home to watch a movie or two on the couch, yes?”

 

Kouki nodded, a little flustered at that.

 

Kazunari grinned, and by the time the dessert arrived he was in high moods (although his mood had reached for the clouds the entire evening). He liked dining out, be it with Shintarou or another couple or a bigger group of people. It brought a gentle tickle down his stomach and made the twitch of his lips ridiculously large. They toasted for the successful night, drank the glasses empty and ordered another round, non-alcoholic again for him. Just like they had planned, he ate half of his own dessert and half of Shintarou’s and pressed a cold kiss tasting of the mixture of sorbet and panna cotta to his lover’s lips.


	145. Ridiculous Statement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a warning beforehand - there's a _hint_ of TakaMido in the chapter! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

With a yellow highlighter in his hand Shintarou read an article about the new methods that could be used in cardiovascular surgeries and tried to keep his focus on it. As interesting as it was and as genuinely interested as he was, he wasn’t in the mood for studying. He felt strangely fidgety and didn’t even bother to figure out why it was. No position on the couch felt good or suitable no matter how hard he tried. It didn’t help that the cats were meowing loud close to the kitchen and distracted him. Shintarou huffed and glanced at the two furballs, told them that he had given them food already, and then glued his gaze back to the papers. The print was small and turned wonky the longer he stared at it, and after a moment he simply gave up.

 

He opened the television and absentmindedly held a cushion in his lap, stroked it like he would if it was Kazunari’s hair and sluggishly watched the news. It was getting late, he only now realized, and at the same time knew that Kazunari should have been home already. Maybe there were a lot of people in the store. Maybe the traffic was jammed. Shintarou toyed with the remote control and took a look of the clock. Already seven. He took a deep breath and massaged the aching area around his left shoulder. Behind his back the cats began a new loud concerto of meows, and he had no other choice but to go break up the small fit they had over a toy mouse. Ushi butted his head to his calf and stared up at him as if blaming him. Shintarou narrowed his eyes. Certain that the stray would still give them some sort of trouble, he retreated back to the couch. A moment later he had to hold two needy cats in his lap and stroke both of them to not make the other too jealous.

 

It wasn’t a bad life, he had to admit. All that was missing was his fiancé, and then it would be simply perfect.

 

When the news were done and changed into weather forecast, he heard the front door click open and slam shut with a bit more force than usually. Shintarou perked on the couch and brought his arm over it, took a look over shoulder but couldn’t see Kazunari. He surely heard him, steps heavy, then dropping something hard on the kitchen island. A moment later Kazunari strutted to the living room through the dining room and looked at him with reddened cheeks.

 

“Hey,” said Shintarou, his brows furrowing ever so slightly.

 

“You can’t even _believe_ ,” Kazunari began and peeled the hoodie off his body, hooked a finger under the collar of his shirt and pulled it farther from his neck. “I desperately need a shower, the air condition had broken down in the entire store, do you know how fucking hot it gets there? Ugh, my back is all damp and icky, I just—I just can’t.” He threw his hands in the air and walked to the bedroom, and got out a couple of seconds later naked and hugging the towel against his chest.

 

Shintarou took a better seat. “Did you bring the grocery?”

 

“Yeah, it’s there in the kitchen.” Kazunari nodded towards the direction and then mumbled to himself, “I don’t even want to think about going to that furnace again tomorrow, ugh…”

 

Watching his lover disappear to the bathroom, Shintarou heaved out a soft sigh. He sat still a moment longer and then shooed the cats out of his lap, got protests of mewls but it surely didn’t stop them from following him to the kitchen like he was their upcoming prey. He rubbed his eyes and muffled a yawn to his shoulder, and then unloaded the plastic bag one item at a time. When Kazunari had called him during his break and told him that he could do the shopping once his shift ended, Shintarou had told him to surprise him when he had enquired about dinner wishes. Now it seemed like a stir-fry day, which he didn’t oppose too much. He yanked the fridge open and set everything in their rightful places, and was about to discard the bag when he realized that it wasn’t empty yet.

 

He pulled out the last item. Wrapped in thin plastic was a magazine together with DVD. No matter how he looked at it, Shintarou saw naked men on both the cover of the DVD and the behind of the magazine. His frown deepened as he put it down on the island and felt his heart pound louder in his chest. Why had Kazunari bought outright _porn_? Was it for his private collection? They had few movies like this, but this—this ‘Wild Night with Horny Straight A Students’ would hardly fit the previous ones. Shintarou dragged his tongue against his lower lip and tapped his fingertips against the cool surface.

 

Did he even want to know why Kazunari had gotten it? He tried to forget even seeing it but couldn’t. Thus he picked it up to his hands again and examined the small pictures splattered on the DVD’s jacket showcasing what surely were actual scenes from the movie. Heat took over his ears. He wasn’t opposed to porn, didn’t care if Kazunari would masturbate to it, _hell_ , sometimes they watched them together, but usually the movies appeared to the drawer under the television without him actually seeing them still wrapped in plastic.

 

Curiosity won him over. He grasped the plastic-wrapped combo better and strutted behind the bathroom’s door. He knocked once and wasn’t sure whether the shower buried the noise underneath. Probably, he thought as he heard no answer, and knocked again.

 

“Yeah?” echoed Kazunari’s voice.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Sure!”

 

Shintarou opened the door and was hit by the warm and moist steam of the shower. Kazunari hadn’t bothered to yank the shower curtains in front of him and now stood under the water with shampoo in his hair and a light frown on his face. It soon turned into a smile, though.

 

“You want to join me?” he asked with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

 

“No, I…” Shintarou cleared his throat. Not exactly sure how to fully explain, he skipped most of the talking and put up the porn instead. “I found this in the bag,” he said, a little guilty at that.

 

Kazunari snickered, rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and turned off the shower. He stepped out and then began to dry his hair. Water gleamed on his naked body and made Shintarou want to forget why he had come there in the first place. Eventually Kazunari wrapped a towel around his waist and took the steps right in front of him, hooked his arms around his waist and looked up at him.

 

“I saw it in the store, it was advertised as a new series and it was on sale, so I thought we could both have a bit of fun with it.” Kazunari tiptoed and gave a wet kiss on Shintarou’s chin. “Why do you ask?”

 

“I—I simply… I…” Shintarou choked on his words. Feverishly he searched for the right ones whilst he felt the front of his shirt getting soaked by Kazunari’s bare chest. “I thought that maybe you had… purchased it to yourself and it wasn’t for my eyes to see.”

 

“Why would I buy it just for myself? If I get porn, I want us to watch it together.” Kazunari pinched Shintarou’s nose gently. “And _maybe_ I was hoping we could do that before we make dinner, you know… Have a bit of fun together.”

 

Shintarou held in a breath in his lungs as he stared down at Kazunari with widened eyes and felt the teasing fingers circling around one of his nipples. The nub perked under the shirt when Kazunari flicked his fingers over it and then looked up at him with eyes of a pup. Shintarou’s knees trembled and turned softer, wanted to make him collapse but somehow he managed to stay up and balanced. He finally allowed the breath out of his system, and it turned out shivery. He swallowed hard and got a kiss on his lips.

 

“Want to watch it?” Kazunari asked sweetly.

 

“Sure,” Shintarou mustered out. Kazunari had built a convincing case and he had no reason to not accept it.

 

Kazunari kissed him. “I’ll go put something on, and you’ll put the movie on, right?”

 

Shintarou nodded and felt slightly dazed. He stood still for a second after Kazunari walked past him and slapped his bottom. Breathing heavier than a moment before, Shintarou forgot all about his blooming hunger in the pit of his belly as he rushed to the living room. He ripped the plastic apart, discarded the magazine and popped the DVD to the player. The cheesiest porn music he had ever heard filled the living room and, a little flustered, he put the volume down by a notch. It seemed to be a long movie, he concluded as he took a seat on the couch and went through the scene selector. Heat pooled on his neck and rose up towards his hairline with an alarming speed. He stopped thinking, chose the very first scene and pressed pause.

 

Anxiously he waited and soon got beside him Kazunari who wore a baggy shirt and boxers. The thighs naked and looking very irresistible, Shintarou stared at them and then looked up at his lover. Kazunari smirked and climbed closer, indulged him in a deep kiss and pressed play from the remote. Shintarou fluttered his eyes open when the man peeled his lips off, and reluctantly moved his attention to the screen.

 

It took few moments for the first man to appear. He was surely a handful of years younger than they were, a bit of roundness still on his cheeks, jet-black hair a little overgrown and an innocent gleam in his dark eyes. Maybe that was the lure of him, Shintarou deduced and tried to relax on the couch.

 

“He’s cute,” Kazunari commented.

 

“I don’t know about that,” Shintarou mumbled. There were hardly any men he found _cute_ , but if there was such one, it would have to be Kazunari. Realistically he knew that his opinions were biased, of course they were when he had spent a small lifetime with the man by his side, but he hadn’t been interested in people’s looks to begin with. He watched the man on screen recline on the bed and wiggle out of his few clothing. His body was smooth, utterly hairless, and Kazunari gasped beside him. Shintarou gave him a tentative look and grudgingly watched another man – buffer and wearing sunglasses, _typical_ – climb on the bed as well.

 

They engaged in a passionate make out, hands wandering, both tugging each other’s cocks. Shintarou felt his mouth dry and cleared his throat as quietly as possible. He had never really understood the greatness of porn. It was clearly staged and there was no love between the actors when the other man began to finger the other. Shintarou heaved out a sigh. Certain that he’d have to sit through the entire movie, he jolted and let out an impromptu moan when Kazunari suddenly kissed his ear. It wasn’t a single kiss, followed by many others, and Shintarou shivered, relaxed and slipped his eyes close. The man in their television began to moan with intensity, but it wasn’t as nearly as erotic as the way Kazunari blew air gently in his ear and began to pet his cock over the fabric.

 

“Do you like the movie?” Kazunari purred, lips ghosting the shell of the ear.

 

“I don’t… know,” Shintarou sighed. His lover’s fingers felt incredible over his sex, stroking it lazily. He bucked his hips up and blindly searched for Kazunari’s underwear. Wasting no time, he slipped his hand below the tight band around the waist and circled his fist over the dick that throbbed in the contact.

 

“He sounds sexy, though, doesn’t he?” Kazunari licked a strip of flesh beginning from the root of Shintarou’s ear and ending to his collarbone. He nudged a hand below the pants and underwear and stroked the cock. “Shin-chan…”

 

“You sound sexier,” Shintarou admitted and opened his eyes. He looked at Kazunari and panted, embarrassingly so, but there was no way he’d stop now that they had started. His vision turned blurrier when the malicious little fingers cupped his scrotum and tugged hard. With a lengthy groan he reciprocated the movement and made a high-pitch moan escape from Kazunari. It made him smile lazily.

 

He glanced towards the television, just briefly enough to see the men fucking, and then fixed his gaze back to his lover. Kazunari planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth and then tugged him in a proper kiss. Not protesting, Shintarou moaned into the man’s mouth and slipped his eyes back close. From his mouth Kazunari moved his lips to his chin, to his jawline, to his collarbone, and then pulled up the hem of his shirt and flicked his tongue over his nipple.

 

Gasping for breath, Shintarou tensed the muscles on his thighs. Kazunari took a tight grip from the base of his cock and enclosed the nipple in his mouth, kissed and sucked and made it wet. Again and again Shintarou gasped, winced when the teeth grazed over the sensitive spot. Part of him hated how well Kazunari had managed to map out all of his sensitive places during the years, but the other part was in clear ecstasy because of it at the precise moment. His nipple perked in the hot mouth, and Kazunari knew exactly what to do to make him moan; he tugged, bit harder, twisted the other with his free hand and tormented him fully. Shintarou couldn’t help the sluggish thrusts he made with his hips to meet with Kazunari’s hand. It took him a moment to remember that he still had a hand shoved down his lover’s underwear and pumped his cock gently.

 

Kazunari spent a long moment in his chest area. Shintarou dipped his head back and listened the luscious moans echo in the television, and couldn’t care less about them when Kazunari hummed softly against his chest, the thrumming air making his nipples so hard that it nearly hurt. Shintarou kicked his pants off, yanked his underwear down his ankles and did the same to the annoying piece of fabric hiding Kazunari beneath. Saliva dripped down his nipples towards his stomach, and the sensation of the wet spit meeting the chilly air made Shintarou’s blush on his face deepen. Kazunari held him fully in his power, and Shintarou wouldn’t have wanted it any other way at the moment.

 

They kissed, long and deep, exchanged a bit of saliva and neither wanted to pull back. They stroked each other, Shintarou a little faster from Kazunari’s sluggish pace. Shintarou shoved his tongue in from the parted lips, but his original plan failed when Kazunari fucked his mouth with his tongue instead. His balls tightened right underneath Kazunari’s fist, and his abdomen was more than ready to burst with confided heat.

 

When they did pull out of the kiss, Kazunari brought his tongue to his ear and licked, blew a bit more air and then whispered with a heated voice, “I want to finger you…”

 

Shintarou let out a gasp that then melted into a moan. Not thinking straight and not even wanting to anymore, he nodded feverishly. _Hell_ , he _wanted_ Kazunari’s fingers inside him even thought they hadn’t properly done that before. Kazunari swallowed hard against his ear and pulled his hand back without a warning. He kissed him desperately.

 

“Don’t move,” Kazunari commanded, got up but kissed him again. “Don’t move an inch, Shin-chan.”

 

“I won’t,” huffed Shintarou, a little frustrated at that. The men on the television had changed their position into cowgirl, and lazily he stroked his cock curving towards his abdomen. He was rock hard, a bit of pre-cum glistening in the tip, but it wasn’t exactly the porn that he was jerking off to. Soon Kazunari would come back, and that was thought enough to make him want to spill out before a single thing could happen.

 

Kazunari practically ran back with a bottle of lube in his hands. Shintarou let go of his cock and let the man guide him to a better position, still sitting but soles pressed against the edge of the couch. A breath got stuck in his throat when Kazunari moved on the floor in front of him and gave the swollen cockhead a kiss. Shintarou grumbled and worked his fingers through the hair that was still damp from the shower.

 

“I’m gonna make you feel so good,” Kazunari promised as he poured a generous – almost wasting – amount of lube on his fingers. He brushed the length of the two digits against the flesh in the cleft and made the puckered skin clench. Just like this Shintarou was embarrassed, definitely examined by his lover’s gaze, but he didn’t move. He simply brought his hand back to his dick and continued to stroke.

 

It wasn’t as odd of a sensation as it had been in the first time when Kazunari nudged a finger inside him. Shintarou adjusted his hips and got used to it quickly, nodded, and Kazunari added another. Sure of the fact at first that it wouldn’t feel insanely amazing, when Kazunari started to pump the two digits in and out with a speed faster than he had expected, Shintarou let out a moan loud enough to make the cats hiss somewhere nearby. He hung his head down, the muscles on his abdomen flexing and crippling, and his breath turned heavy and dragging as Kazunari spread his fingers apart and then plunged them in deeper.

 

“Fuck,” Shintarou whispered below his breath.

 

“Is it okay?” Kazunari made sure.

 

Shintarou could only nod.

 

He was certain that he never felt the bliss of having something touch his prostate properly, but the very tips of the fingers inside him now brushed against something that sent a jolt down his spine and made him forget everything else for the moment. He winced and caught a glimpse of Kazunari’s surprised look that then turned mischievous. Over and over again Kazunari pressed against the specific spot, and again and again Shintarou felt like he’d melt or lose his mind or both at the same time. It felt insanely good, burned his skin, made him flushed and flustered throughout, and made him fist his cock even faster and harder.

 

Kazunari climbed back on the couch, arm bent ever so slightly to still keep the fingers inside. Almost hungrily Shintarou grasped his lover’s cock and pumped it with his free hand, wanted him to feel this good as well. Soon they both moaned, louder than the ones on the television. Their sounds mingled together, and then muffled when Kazunari leaned down and kissed him. It was hard and clumsy and full of teeth, which hadn’t happened beyond their first few kisses, but it made Shintarou’s cock throb even harder.

 

“…close…” he mumbled against Kazunari’s mouth.

 

“Me too,” Kazunari gasped and fucked Shintarou even harder with his fingers.

 

The sudden ringtone broke the little bubble they had crafted together.

 

Shintarou didn’t recognize it at first, thought it was something he merely imagined because he was getting dizzy in the head because of the pleasure, but it was indeed a phone ringing. Both of their movements stopped. They caught up with their breaths and shared a look. The longer it continued the more annoying it became. Shintarou recognized it as Kazunari’s and slipped his eyes close.

 

“Ignore it,” Kazunari eventually whispered and pushed his fingers fully back in.

 

“Answer it,” Shintarou countered with a grumble.

 

“No, babe, ignore it…”

 

Shintarou threw him a look that made Kazunari let out a heavy sigh and get up. A little exhausted, Shintarou kept his hands away from his cock and watched Kazunari pace around the living room in the search of the device. Just like this Kazunari looked good, naked, a little sweaty in places where it mattered the most. Finally the man found the phone, and Shintarou put the movie on pause.

 

“Hello.” Kazunari sounded a bit strained and frustrated. He turned around and arched his brows up, his cock hard and reaching upwards. “Yeah… No, I’m fine, just fine… Mm. Yeah, yeah. Mm, that’d be nice, let me ask… Shin-chan, you want to go and have dinner at Murasakibara and Himuro’s place the day after tomorrow?”

 

Shintarou huffed. “Sure,” he was quick to say, simply eager to continue what so crudely had been cut off. “Sure, let’s do that.”

 

Kazunari pushed a smile on his lips. “Yeah, we’ll come… Yeah. Mm, yeah, I can’t wait. Great. Yeah. Yeah, see you.”

 

The man heaved out a heavy sigh and discarded the phone immediately, jumped back on the couch and brought his hand immediately to Shintarou’s cock.

 

“Was it— _ah_ … Himuro?” Shintarou breathed.

 

“Forget it for now,” Kazunari pleaded and kissed his chest, dragged his tongue across the skin and suckled his nipple. He pulled his mouth back with a wet pop. “Just touch me, I was _so_ close to coming…”

 

Shintarou took a tight grasp of Kazunari immediately. Both of their movements turned harder, more jerking, and in the midst of another heated kiss Kazunari was the first one to climax. His face turned into a bit of a cringe, but it was the most breathtaking sight Shintarou had ever seen. It also worked as a nudge over the edge, and he soiled his lover’s fingers that kept going until the last droplets were safely out.

 

Feeling like _he_ could use a shower right at the moment, Shintarou relaxed fully and didn’t complain when Kazunari rested his head on his lap. He ran his fingers through the dark locks and leaned down to kiss his forehead, let his lips remain on the spot a while longer and pulled back. Still breathing hard and a bit irregular, he didn’t manage to catch it when Kazunari tugged him down to another kiss. It was sweeter than before, calmer, and Shintarou was in no hurry to end it. He tasted the heat and arousal that was subduing. It was an alluring taste for sure.

 

“How would you rate the movie?” Kazunari asked with a sparkle in his eyes. “Ten out of ten?”

 

“I missed all of it,” Shintarou dryly said and worked his fingertips over Kazunari’s ribs that poked out ever so slightly. He stroked the smooth skin all the way around the navel and made the body beneath quiver. “But I very much preferred this over it.”

 

“A shitty purchase in that case,” Kazunari concluded with a smirk. “And now I gotta take another shower, too!”

 

“You can take it with me so we’ll save water.”

 

“Right, saving water.” Kazunari pushed up and pecked Shintarou’s lips. “Because that’s the only reason why we’d shower together.”

 

A smile wanted to twitch on Shintarou’s lips but he remained stoic a moment longer.

 

Kazunari patted his thigh. “You know what? I’m gonna draw a bath, and I’m gonna drop a Sex Bomb there.”

 

“A… what?” Shintarou frowned.

 

“A Sex Bomb,” Kazunari repeated and kissed him again. “It’s one of those bath bombs, smells amazing and gives that sort of ‘just fucked’ feeling… Thought it’d be suitable for now.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Go on, then,” he said and swatted Kazunari’s bottom when he got up. “Go put a _Sex Bomb_ to the tub. I cannot wait to have another ridiculously overpowering scent lingering on my skin for days again.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll love this one.”

 

Few minutes later Shintarou had to admit that he actually really did like it.


	146. It's All a Sham

The whole world had gone dark. Shintarou felt a pounding ache on his forehead, as if someone had smacked him hard to the spot and left him to rot. It took him a moment to regain the fact that this was his body, albeit shaking and swaying. He held his head and groaned under his breath, squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again. It was still dark, suspiciously so. Where was he? He moistened his lips and took a careful step forward, kept his arms stretched in front of his body in the fear of bumping into something.

 

Walking forward was difficult, as if the whole world had been suddenly crafted from tar that climbed up his shins and wanted to keep him intact in his original place. Stubbornly he walked forward without seeing a thing. His heart thudded harder. If he was here, then where was Kazunari? They had gone to bed together, hadn’t they? Not sure why he was _here_ instead of safely in their bed, Shintarou stopped dead to his tracks to collect his thoughts. He couldn’t, not when they were jumbled and incoherent, as if someone was trying to make him _not_ think straight at the moment. The ache inside his skull turned fiercer, burning. He gasped for breath. He wanted to panic but told himself to calm down, and kept walking forward.

 

He rubbed his eyes behind the glasses and then squinted them. He wasn’t sure whether he was simply imagining it or not, but in the faraway horizon it looked like there was a dash of light. The attempt to run forward was horrible, thus Shintarou continued walking with an excruciatingly slow pace. Something definitely curled around his legs, but he didn’t want to look down to confirm what that something was. Pulse shooting off the roof, Shintarou stared strictly in front of himself, nostrils flared, fingers glued to tight fists. He wasn’t much of a fighting kind, but he’d punch someone if he had to. His brows furrowed. Why would he have to punch someone? He didn’t stop to wonder it.

 

The journey towards the light seemed to take forever, and by the time he was close enough he was exhausted. But he still lifted his feet up from the tar-like consistency again and again, and saw silhouettes in the light. _Thank god_. A small, relieved smile rose to his lips that had been tugging downwards the entire time. Certain that he was saved from whatever ordeal he was thrown into, he hurried the final steps.

 

When he saw the area under the bright light, however, he froze dead on the tracks.

 

Shintarou wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but a bed was the last thing on that list. On the bed lied a man and over him another bouncing with a clear rhythm. Shintarou felt heat on his cheeks, felt like invading something so very private. He was about to turn around and get out of sight when his eyes went wide. Was that… Kazunari? He took a careful step forward and then gasped for breath. That _was_ Kazunari and, most importantly, the man clearly riding his cock held a familiar sky-blue tint in his hair. Shintarou moved a hand over his mouth. Kazunari and _Tetsuya_. Together. Having sex. Having _good_ sex it seemed, judging from the moans that were suddenly audible to him.

 

He wanted to move, turn around, go away, simply not be here, but he couldn’t move. Tight vines curled around his legs and didn’t allow him to move.

 

With the intensity he had never heard before Kazunari moaned, utterly breathless. Tetsuya moved his bottom up and down, bounced, had his fingers around Kazunari’s wrists that he had pushed above his head. Kazunari’s body curved, so painfully beautiful and mesmerizing as he accepted everything that Tetsuya did to him with a grin on his face. Shintarou’s heart dropped to his stomach. How… That was his fiancé. And that was his fiancé’s ex-boyfriend riding his fiancé’s dick. _How?_ The ring around his finger burned, so much that Shintarou tried to yank it off, but it melted to his skin.

 

He tried to call for Kazunari but not a sound escaped his mouth. His pulse ticking even faster, Shintarou parted his mouth wide open in a shout, a scream, but nothing happened, as if someone had snapped his vocal chords off. He breathed hard through his nose and felt tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. Why was this happening, and _why_ did he have to watch? Why did he have to listen? His stomach clenched, and he retched. He had thought that things were fine between them, but now Kazunari enjoyed more than he had ever done with him. Shintarou inhaled sharply.

 

The bed squeaked and moaned under the pair of lovers. Shintarou tried to move again, but this time Kazunari’s gaze snapped on him. He startled and gasped for breath. They stared at each other for a good while, and then Kazunari giggled.

 

“Oh, Shintarou,” he called with the giggles, and then let out a moan when Tetsuya buried his mouth to the side of his neck. His voice was colder than ever before as he continued, “Did you _really_ think a man like you could satisfy me? You’re a loser, Shintarou. Did you think I’d actually marry _you_ out of all the people? You’re good for nothing, just work, work, work. Get a life, freak.”

 

Shintarou’s bottom lip trembled.

 

Kazunari parted his lips for a new set of words but didn’t manage to spell them aloud when Tetsuya grabbed him from his chin and forced him to look at him.

 

“Kazunari-kun,” called Tetsuya with voice dripping honey and seduction. “Kazunari-kun is _mine_ , so Kazunari-kun needs to pay attention to _me_.”

 

They continued the fiercely passionate action. Shintarou shook his head and tried to call for Kazunari, tried to scream his name, but he was mute. His ring finger burned, and under his very eyes the ring simply dissolved. He hung his head and couldn’t properly see with his vision clouded by tears. Sniffing, he cried, sobbed like a little boy. Whoever had brought him here and done this was a sadist. He took a sharp breath and let out a gross, silent sob. Snot dripped from his nose and coated his lips but he didn’t care. He’d have to try to make Kazunari come around. He’d _have_ to.

 

He lifted his head up and gasped. Tetsuya was gone, replaced by Daiki who flipped Kazunari on his stomach and fucked him hard. Kazunari pushed his back against the man’s front and held some sheets in his fists, and screamed and moaned so loud that it echoed everywhere. Shintarou’s heart sank to his knees. He cried and wanted to collapse, but he was forced to stay up. He squeezed his eyes shut and refused to watch, but something made him flutter them back open.

 

Daiki slapped Kazunari’s buttock hard. Then another time and another until the skin was pink and raw and Kazunari was screaming.

 

Shintarou couldn’t feel his body anymore. Part of him wanted to drop dead right on the spot.

 

“C’mon, baby,” Daiki grunted and slapped Kazunari again. “C’mon, show me what you got. C’mon, you little slut.”

 

“Harder!” screamed Kazunari. “Harder, fuck me, please, harder! Har—what are you still doing there?”

 

Shintarou jolted. He looked into the eyes he had known and loved the longest, but now they looked foreign. They were narrowed, angry, and he couldn’t recognize them as Kazunari’s. But Kazunari’s they were, bolted to the face that had never looked at him like this before.

 

“I said, what are you still doing there?” Kazunari spouted. “Are you some kind of a pervert now, too?”

 

Shintarou shook his head.

 

“Seriously, what is your problem? I bet you just love to watch—“

 

“— _chan_.”

 

“—how my ass swallows a dick, but can you _not?_ You’re a weirdo, Shintarou. You always were and you’ll never be anything better. Just look at you—“

 

“— _Shin-chan._ ”

 

Shintarou couldn’t breathe.

 

“—you sick fuck. Go jack off somewhere else, will you? God, what did I ever see in that sorry ass of yours?”

 

“ _Shin-chan!_ ”

 

Shintarou jolted awake with tears in his eyes.

 

He breathed hard, gaping for air, and stared up towards the dimness. That was his ceiling. That was definitely his ceiling. He swallowed hard and tried to think. This was his bed, it was soft and he was lying down, this was definitely his bed. The hot, warm substance coming out of his eyes were tears, he figured and was quick to wipe them off to his forearm. _Fuck_. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

 

On the other side of the bed the small lamp was lit. Kazunari inched closer and rubbed his chest with gentle fingertips.

 

“Hey… Shin-chan, shh. Shin-chan, it’s okay…” he murmured.

 

Shintarou couldn’t understand why Kazunari talked like that until he realized that he had began to cry like a baby. He sniffed hard and let out an awful sob, shook his head and covered his face to his palms. Ever since his childhood had ended, he couldn’t remember the last time he had had such a tantalizing nightmare. Now it was simply embarrassing, being an adult and so old. He was worried that Kazunari would laugh and say something with that cold voice from his dream, but instead Kazunari kept rubbing his chest that hiccupped to the rhythms of his panicked breaths.

 

Eventually Kazunari lifted himself up to his elbows. “Come here, baby,” he whispered and pulled Shintarou in his arms.

 

In the familiar warmth and scent Shintarou buried himself, pressed his face to Kazunari’s chest and tried to calm down. He was ashamed, thoroughly embarrassed, flustered everywhere. He hooked his arms around his lover and refused to let go anymore. But it seemed that Kazunari wasn’t even planning to let go as he stroked his back with big, gentle movements. Shintarou sniffled. It had just been a nightmare, and he was a sobbing mess. He bit his lower lip as hard as he could. Why had he even thought for a second that such a thing would be true? He buried his face harder to the crook of Kazunari’s collarbone. He kissed the spot several times to make sure that this wasn’t a dream, that he really was being hugged and loved, but Kazunari didn’t disappear.

 

“It’s okay,” Kazunari whispered in his ear and kissed it. “It was just a bad dream… It’s okay now, shh… You’re safe now…”

 

Worried that Kazunari would let go of him, Shintarou tightened his grasp. His hair glued to his forehead but he didn’t care as he nuzzled his nose to the safe spot that smelled just like his lover. He took deep breaths and attempted to calm down, told himself several times that he was now here and such a thing had never happened. He tried to think the nightmare logically through. Tetsuya would most likely be an eternal thorn inside him; Daiki had probably been there because of the latest things. Shintarou closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

 

“That’s good,” Kazunari praised and rubbed his back. “That’s good, baby… It’s okay now, see, you’re here now. I’ll cuddle you until the morning, I promise…”

 

Shintarou tugged his chin up ever so slightly. His eyes were stinging. “What time is it?” His voice was husky and raw, and he could barely recognize it as his own.

 

Kazunari peeled just a bit off and then returned. “Three. Just try to fall back asleep, okay?” He kissed Shintarou’s forehead. “Should I go and get a glass of water and some tissues?”

 

“No.” Shintarou buried himself back to the man’s chest. “Don’t go,” he pleaded, afraid that if Kazunari would now disappear his dream would only continue.

 

Kazunari chuckled gently and kissed his forehead a second time. “I won’t go anywhere, all right? Just close your eyes and try to sleep, Shin-chan…”

 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Shintarou tried his best. He knew that if he wouldn’t fall asleep in the matter of seconds, Kazunari would and he’d be left all alone with his thoughts. But the harder he tried to fall asleep the more difficult it became, and panic swell in his chest. _Sleep, sleep, sleep_ , he told himself and held Kazunari tight in his embrace like his favorite toy when he had been six and had had troubles sleeping. His bottom lip began to tremble in the fear of being left all alone, and once the thoughts started, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

 

The dream version of Kazunari had been right. He _was_ a freak and weirdo. Why was Kazunari still with him? Shintarou tried to settle to a more comfortable position but such a thing didn’t exist. It felt like he had lied wide awake for a full hour, but Kazunari still kissed his hair. Maybe… Maybe Kazunari would wait for him to sleep before he’d try to sleep himself. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheeks. Maybe if he took his time, Kazunari would still make sure that he was asleep. The thought calmed him down and made his pulse come down from the skies.

 

“Do you still love me?” he asked quietly.

 

He heard a gentle huff above his head. Kazunari worked his fingers through his damp hair and stroked gently. “I’ll always love you, silly,” he promised.

 

“You—You’re not having cold feet about marrying me, right?” Shintarou felt so stupid but he couldn’t help it.

 

“I’m not. And if I did, I would tell you immediately.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“And don’t feel embarrassed, alright? There’s nothing embarrassing about this.” Kazunari smooched Shintarou’s temple. “I bet you’re just telling yourself right now how horrible you are because of this, but this is okay. Remember how I cried last year when I had that nightmare?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“So try to calm down, baby, and try to get some more sleep, I know you have a long shift coming today.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Kazunari captured his lips for a quick kiss. It left a pleasant tingling to Shintarou’s mouth, and with the power of that he reclined back against his lover’s chest. He closed his eyes, more gently now, and settled for a better position. Eventually he found one right in the tight embrace of Kazunari’s arms and sighed from relief. He stopped thinking about the nightmare and rather concentrated on the familiar things he loved, the warmth, the scent, and with such thoughts he eventually fell back to sleep without nightmares.


	147. Sugar Coated

“Atsushi! You know you shouldn’t eat snacks before dinner.”

 

Atsushi’s face fell as Tatsuya snatched the bag of chips from his hands. “Muro-chin,” he complained, “I’m going to be hungry again by the time it’s dinner.”

 

“You won’t.” Tatsuya smiled gently and pressed a kiss on Atsushi’s forehead.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Years of experience, love.”

 

Kazunari held back a snicker that wanted to burst as he watched Atsushi’s expression turn that of a small boy’s who was told that Santa Claus wasn’t real. He spared a look to Shintarou sitting by his side, patted his thigh and received a small squeeze to the knee. The thing was, he always loved to visit the other couple. They were among the most hospitable people he knew, always up for a chat, would probably try to give them boxes of dinner leftovers when the time would come, and Kazunari really enjoyed spending time with them. When Tatsuya sat down on the couch beside him with the bag of snacks securely beside him, Kazunari inched closer.

 

“I showed Murasakibara a picture of our new cat, you gotta see him.” He took a quick glance of their lovers who both had their eyes nailed on the television – it was the cooking show time, after all – and then turned all of his attention to his phone. He searched for the best picture of both of their little babies and proudly showed it to Tatsuya. “Here, aren’t they just the most adorable thing together?”

 

“Oh, how cute!” Tatsuya took the phone and leaned closer to it. “They indeed _are_ very adorable. They seem to be very fond of each other.”

 

“They so are. He’s actually a stray that popped by our place, I don’t know how or when, but they so fell in love with each other.”

 

Tatsuya arched his brows. “A stray? That’s very—“

 

“Muro-chin,” interrupted Atsushi from the armchair he lounged in. “Can I at least go get some soda?”

 

“One glass, and not the biggest one we have,” Tatsuya said without missing a beat and without looking at his lover. Atsushi got up on his feet and immediately disappeared to the kitchen. A hum escaped Tatsuya as he gave back the phone. “As I wanted to say, that’s very considerate of you to take in a stray. I’m sure he’ll have a good life.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought myself.” Kazunari nodded. “But Shin-chan didn’t want to take him in, so I had to coax him a bit.”

 

Tatsuya nodded. “I’ve actually thought of perhaps getting a dog in the household. I’ve always wanted one, and Atsushi isn’t too opposed to getting one.”

 

“Opposed to what?” Atsushi asked as he strutted back to his place with a large glass in his hand.

 

Tatsuya sighed. “I told you not to get the biggest glass we have,” he gently scolded.

 

“But this isn’t the biggest one we have, Muro-chin.”

 

Shaking his head, he turned back to Kazunari. “If I could somehow get him out of the constant sugar overload, I’d be thrilled.”

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted lightly together. “Just don’t buy that stuff anymore?”

 

“He’ll get it himself. Trust me, I have tried _everything_. He might look like he’s fit from the outside, but I’m certain that his insides are a mess from all the sweets and soda and… and other things that you can’t even imagine eating.”

 

“Muro-chin, what are you saying?”

 

“Nothing, honey.” Tatsuya smiled. Whenever he did, it was gentle, kind, like it was the only right way for him to smile in the first place. It was beautiful, too, and brought something similar on Kazunari’s lips. “How’s work going for you?”

 

Kazunari huffed. “You know, like you can expect things to go in a supermarket. Pretty dull, but it’s what I have right now. I’m happy I got it, but… You know.”

 

“Mm.” Tatsuya nodded. “Shintarou? How is your work?”

 

Shintarou perked beside Kazunari but took a moment to peel his gaze off from the television situated above the small electric fireplace. “It’s fine, thank you for asking. Very busy, but I’m finally learning how to settle my schedules so that I have time for everything important in my life.” He squeezed Kazunari’s knee and turned back to the television.

 

Kazunari, not able to resist, leaned closer and smooched a kiss on Shintarou’s cheek. He knew that he didn’t mind, not when they were here. For a second he spent looking at his lover’s profile that turned more gorgeous every passing year, and then turned back to Tatsuya. “It smells _amazing_ , what are you making?”

 

“Stuffed chicken breasts.” Tatsuya’s smile widened. “It’s very good, it’s actually Atsushi’s mother’s recipe that she was kind enough to share with me.”

 

“Oh, family recipe, that’s nice. You’re still in charge of cooking?”

 

“If I wasn’t, we’d only have pastries for dinner.” Tatsuya turned to Atsushi. His smile softened around the edges. “Atsushi, you should tell them the good news.”

 

Kazunari’s brows arched. “What news?”

 

“Mm…” Atsushi took the last gulp of the soda, put the glass down on the coffee table and wiped his mouth clean to the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m getting my own shop. The boss told me to, and then Muro-chin said it was a good idea, so I have to open a store myself.”

 

“Congratulations,” Shintarou said. “That’s great news.”

 

Atsushi shrugged. “Just means I gotta do more work…” He pushed his long bangs out of the way from his face. “But Aka-chin already told me to make the cake to the wedding, so I guess it’s fine…”

 

“What, _our_ wedding?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Mm.”

 

“That’s awesome, isn’t it, Shin-chan?”

 

“It is,” Shintarou agreed. “When are you opening the store?”

 

Atsushi frowned. “Muro-chin, when am I opening the store?”

 

“14th of July, dear,” Tatsuya helped.

 

“Yeah. 14th of July,” Atsushi echoed. “It’s a small shop uptown, I don’t know… Don’t feel like thinking about it.”

 

Kazunari’s lips twitched to a grin, and even more so when he spotted the proud glimmer in Tatsuya’s eyes. Their gazes met, and Tatsuya smiled a hint wider than before.

 

“I should check the chicken,” he said and got up. “The last thing I want is it to be dry… Last Christmas I got scolded by Atsushi’s mother because it wasn’t moist enough and dear… It wasn’t my finest moment.”

 

“Your chicken is better than my mother’s,” Atsushi said.

 

“Sure is, but never tell that to her.” Tatsuya pecked his lover’s temple and disappeared to the kitchen.

 

With the other two still engrossed with the television show, Kazunari spent a moment in silence and looked around. He liked what Tatsuya had done to the place (he was sure as hell that Atsushi hadn’t been that big of a part of the design influences). What he was especially fond of were the several pictures put up in the bookshelf between the cookbooks and books about desserts. They were more about their friends than themselves as a couple, although there were few of just the two of them. He loved photos like that, and even now he smiled. At the very corner was a photo of Atsushi and Tatsuya in what had to be still high school, standing beside one another, Atsushi looking very bored. What then had to be the most recent one with them by a Christmas tree, they both smiled, Tatsuya wrapped in the long-limbed embrace.

 

Kazunari heaved out a gentle sigh and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder, slipped his eyes close and relaxed. There was nothing he was fonder of than spending time with friends, and it was easier if the said friends were a couple as well. He brought a hand back to Shintarou’s thigh and stroked gently, and got a pat to his own thigh. Slipping his eyes open, he watched Atsushi eating the chips after all, munching quieter than before. He hid his grin to Shintarou’s shoulder and remained still for a moment longer.

 

“Dinner’s ready!” Tatsuya announced from the kitchen, and one by one they peeled off from their seats.

 

Just like Kazunari had expected, the chicken tasted amazing, tender and moist on his tongue, and he wished he could make something similar, too. _Maybe I’ll ask for the recipe and cook it for Shin-chan_ , he idly thought and happily helped himself with seconds. It was funny to see the dynamic between the other couple that anyone could have mistaken for a mother-son one at first, but there was certain gentleness beneath that was unmistakably that of long established lovers. They had only been together a year longer than he with Shintarou, but there was still a gap in between. It was a gap that Kazunari looked forward to crossing together with Shintarou. Some day someone would look at them and think that they were the epitome of a perfect couple. Or perhaps not, Kazunari thought and took back his words.

 

A full hour later of eating dinner and then dessert (banoffee pie that tasted _amazing_ and which Kazunari could have kept eating until there was none left), they chose a movie and settled to the couch. Kazunari buried himself to the crook of Shintarou’s arm, his stomach pleasantly stretching, and sluggishly glanced towards Tatsuya who settled to Atsushi’s lap. He smiled a bit to the sight. They were adorable, he thought as he watched Atsushi rub Tatsuya’s thighs and then tighten his grasp from the torso. He settled better to the warm embrace but couldn’t turn his gaze away even when the psychological thriller they had agreed on was interesting.

 

“How do you guys do it?” he asked out of the blue. He startled himself and then grinned guilty. “I mean, how do you keep the flame on?”

 

“Are you struggling with it?” Tatsuya asked with a gentle frown.

 

“No, no! Or are we struggling, Shin-chan?”

 

“I was under the impression that we are not,” Shintarou said.

 

Kazunari nodded. “But it’s just, just amazes me, ‘cause you guys have been together for so long and you’re still… You know. Like that.”

 

Tatsuya turned to Atsushi. “How do we do it?”

 

“Eh…” Atsushi grimaced. “Dunno… I just look at Muro-chin and want to kiss him, I don’t need to think about it…”

 

“We’ve fought a lot, don’t get the wrong impression.” Tatsuya smiled and patted Atsushi’s knee. “In fact, what was the last thing we were really fighting about?”

 

“Mm… Maybe when I said that I don’t want to open the shop.” Atsushi shuddered. “Muro-chin is scary when he’s really angry.”

 

“It’s always easy to think that the grass is greener somewhere else,” concluded Tatsuya. “But you don’t seem to be having any problems with keeping up the flame.”

 

“Oh, we’re not, we’re not, I just thought I’d get some advice for the long haul,” Kazunari snickered. He looked up at Shintarou, spotted a tight-lipped smile, and knew he was thoroughly fucked as soon as they’d get out of this house. A small sigh rolled on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t let it pass. _Shit_. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

 

To be on the safe side, he decided to remain quiet for the rest of the movie. He thought it was a somewhat success, and even Shintarou started to relax by the end of it as he scooped him better in his arms and seemingly didn’t want to let go. In the spot Kazunari felt good and safe, which was everything he really needed in the first place. His eyelids grew heavier second by second, and the moment he heard the movie play loud music of the ending credits he jolted. He took a sharp inhale and rubbed his eyes.

 

Tatsuya got up to stretch his legs. “Would you like to stay the night? We could get the bed ready in the spare room.”

 

Shintarou nudged Kazunari to sit more upright and not lean at him. “Unfortunately I have an early shift tomorrow, and my sister is coming to spend time with us.”

 

“But that sounds wonderful. Is she excited?”

 

“I don’t know about that, it’s just that my father has some conference to attend to and he asked us if we could host her overnight.”

 

“It’ll be fun,” Kazunari reassured and, upon getting up, stretched his arms. He flexed his fingers and let out a loud yawn. Tears prickled in his eyes. “This was a lot of fun, though, thanks for everything. The next time we’ll invite you over at our place!”

 

Tatsuya smiled. “We’re looking forward to that. Step by the kitchen, and I’ll give you some of the chicken to go.”

 

“Aw, you really don’t have to…”

 

“I insist. It makes the best sandwiches if you shred the chicken into smaller pieces and put it in bread together with the stuffing. I guarantee it’s amazing.”

 

Kazunari didn’t have the heart to decline, and when he eventually stepped out of the house with Shintarou, he had one box of chicken and another of the banoffee pie. The stars were already out, although only few were visible because of the clouds and the dirt in the sky. The air smelled fresh, nearly identical to after-rain, and Kazunari grinned.

 

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” he asked as he climbed in to their car’s shotgun.

 

“It was.” Shintarou paused for a moment and then turned at him without starting the engine. “I simply don’t understand why you need to talk to others giving them the idea that we’re having some sort of problems in our relationship.”

 

Kazunari sighed. _Knew it_. “Shin-chan…” He put on the seatbelt and rubbed Shintarou’s shoulder. “That’s not how I meant it and you know it. Come on, no need for you to get mad at me.”

 

“I’m not mad at you,” insisted Shintarou. “I just don’t like it when you say something without thinking at all how it’s going to sound like to other people.”

 

“Shin-chan—“

 

“Aren’t we the happiest we’ve ever been right now?”

 

“Of course we are!” Kazunari huffed. “We’re not having problems, all right? God, you just have to find some flaw in everything, don’t you?” He turned to the window and stared at it, then mumbled to it, “Sorry that I have a big mouth.”

 

Shintarou said nothing as he started the car and drove off. Such a short conversation wasn’t quite enough to dampen Kazunari’s mood for good, but it was slightly annoying. He hadn’t implied that they had problems, had he? Shaking the thoughts off, he fixed his focus on the following days. Shintarou would have a long day tomorrow whilst he’d get early, so he’d need to fix up the guest room for Youko… What should they eat? He puckered his lips and frowned deep in thought, drummed his fingers against his knee. If they’d only watch movies in the evening, would she be bored? He should make something quick and easy for dinner, then pay more attention to the following morning’s breakfast because she had school. Maybe he should make a bento for her, too.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou gently called.

 

Kazunari jolted out of his thoughts and didn’t even realize that they were back home until he turned to Shintarou and saw their house in the background.

 

“I didn’t mean to make you upset,” the man said quietly.

 

With a smile spreading on his lips, Kazunari took off the seatbelt and gave Shintarou a sweet kiss. He rubbed his cheek and kissed him again. “I’m not upset, promise,” he said. “I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore.”

 

Shintarou took a short inhale. “You know how I worry about people’s opinions.”

 

“A bit too much, hun.” Kazunari pecked his cheek and opened the car’s door. “I’m sorry if the thing I said made you upset.”

 

“Being _upset_ might be an overstatement,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly and walked right behind Kazunari on the small path leading to their front door. “But I can see your intentions behind asking such a thing, so I’m sorry for overreacting.”

 

“It’s all fine now. You got the keys?”

 

Shintarou opened the door and switched on the light, and immediately loud meows echoed in the house. The noises came closer by the second, and right after Kazunari had managed to kick his shoes off whilst hugging the boxes of food against his chest, the two cats came to greet them. Ao was the first one to rub her bones against Shintarou’s calf, and Ushi was quick to follow. They looked up at the man with big eyes and rubbed his legs with great intensity. Shintarou looked confused.

 

Kazunari huffed. “You’d think they’d be after me because I got the food!” He grinned bright and walked past the three of them. “Play with them for a bit, will you?”

 

“Can’t you do that? I really don’t know how to,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Just grab one of the toy mice and keep them busy.” Kazunari backtracked back to the doorframe of the kitchen and looked at his lover in the hallway still surrounded by two very energetic furballs. He pressed the side of his head to the wooden frame. “They’re your babies, Shin-chan, they’ll be happy as long as you pay them attention.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look and took a step forward. The cats followed him immediately, still meowing loudly, as if competing with each other who could make the loudest sound. Kazunari shook his head in amusement and retreated back to the kitchen. A moment later he heard louder meows and hisses from the living room and peeked to see Ushi jump towards the small toy that resembled a mouse. Warmth in his chest, Kazunari shoved the boxes to fridge and joined Shintarou on the couch to play with their kitty couple.


	148. Wonder Woman

Kazunari leaned against the car, arms loosely crossed over his chest, and felt like some kind of a creep standing outside a high school’s gate. He was ten years too old to be here, but at least the kids walking lazily out while the bells rang didn’t really pay any attention to him. Part of him was sort of excited, after all, it was _Shutoku_ he was staring at. Memories bubbled back and a constant smile kept glued on his lips (maybe it contributed to the image of a creep, he wasn’t sure). Shintarou’s parents have given Youko a free choice in which high school she wanted to go, and she had chosen Shutoku for a reason or another. Maybe she was keen on following his big brother’s steps. Kazunari grinned. Those two could pretend for the rest of the world that they didn’t like each other, but he knew there was some real love and care and worry going on behind the scenes.

 

“Kazu-nii!”

 

He perked and with his gaze looked for familiar green hair. He spotted her with a group of friends and stayed back, merely waved his hand and smiled a bit more. She said something to her friends and then ran forward with a familiar uniform that Kazunari was sure they still had the matching ones somewhere at home. When she stopped in front of him, he pushed himself away from the car.

 

“Hey,” he said and opened the door for her. “How was school?”

 

Youko rolled her eyes. “Don’t even ask.”

 

“That bad?”

 

“Just _boring_.”

 

Kazunari hummed and closed the door, circled around the car and slumped down on the driver’s seat. He turned on the radio just to be on the safe side, chose a popular channel with the latest hits (something that Shintarou would never want to listen), and drove off.

 

“Where’s big brother?” Youko asked and turned around in the seat.

 

“He’s still in work, so he’s gonna come a bit later.” Kazunari drummed his fingers to the beat of the song and stopped by the lights. “And he said that we don’t have to wait him for dinner, so how do enchiladas sound for you?”

 

She nodded slowly. “They’re good.”

 

“Yeah? You got no allergies, right? Nothing you don’t want to eat?”

 

“If I get to choose, I’d rather _not_ eat red meat, but if you have it, I’m not going to say no.” She shrugged. “Dad always says it’s impolite to turn down food if you’re a guest.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “I’ve got chicken, so we’re good to go.”

 

The thing was, he really liked Youko, had always played with her when she been little and had indulged with doll plays with all his might. The over ten-year gap had never bothered him, but it made a little difficult for him to now strike a conversation. To begin with, he had never really bothered with girls, because by the age he should have been interested in them, he already had his eyes set on Shintarou. He hummed, then whistled a bit, and took a short breath.

 

“You know,” he began after a brief silence between them, “we got ourselves a second cat.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Mm-hmm. It was a stray but I told Shin-chan that we need to take him, so he’s now our Ao’s boyfriend and loving life. His name’s Ushi.”

 

“Huh.” She frowned lightly. “Who named the cat as cow?”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He gave a lopsided grin after the initial shock. “Shin-chan,” he lied with clear eyes but wasn’t sure whether she believed him or not. Hopefully.

 

The drive wasn’t too long, but he knew they were just lucky; soon the big traffic would have hit and there would have been no way they’d reach the destination in silly twenty minutes. He got off and carried her backpack that clearly had all the necessities judging from the weight, and let both of them in. The cats came to greet, and on Youko’s face was the familiar child-like marvel that Kazunari had seen a lot when he had been a teenager himself. He smiled to the sight and stroked Ushi’s hair, then stroked Ao’s cheek and straightened his posture again.

 

“You want me to drop this to the guestroom?” he asked.

 

“Sure.”

 

He did and went to the kitchen to start preparing for the feast. “If you want,” he began, “you can go to the living room and watch TV or whatever you want to do, I’ll just get dinner started!”

 

Expecting her to do exactly that, he startled when she took a seat by the kitchen island instead and leaned her chin to her palm. He tossed her a smile and turned back to the tomatoes he began to chop into smaller pieces. Behind his back she said nothing, and it was a little nerving. Hadn’t she had a thing for him at the beginning of the year? He took a deep breath. It was surely over if she was getting interested in boys of her age already. Kazunari’s lips twitched into a smile as he took a clove from the garlic.

 

“Do you mind if I use lots of this?” he asked.

 

“No, go ahead,” she reassured.

 

“Great. You want something to drink?”

 

“Beer.”

 

Kazunari burst into laughter. “You’re too young for that, miss, ask me again in five years! I’ve got soda if that’s okay.”

 

She gave a hum of approval, and moments later he gave her a glass of the fizzy drink, still chuckling although he wasn’t sure whether she had been joking or not. Shaking his head in amusement, he turned back to the stove and grabbed a vibrantly yellow sweet pepper. He might have not been amazing in the kitchen, but he knew for fact that he’d manage to craft a simple dinner like this and get her approval of it.

 

“Kazu-nii,” she said.

 

“Mm?”

 

“I want to tell you something… But I don’t know if you should tell big brother.”

 

Kazunari’s brows tightened to a frown. He looked at her over shoulder, his pulse ticking rather badly. “What is it?” he still had the courage to ask.

 

She fidgeted on the stool. “You know about the boy I like, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“I… I kind of want to have sex with him.”

 

Kazunari took in a sharp inhale through his nose. His eyes widened and his nostrils flared, and feeling a little bewildered he dismissed the cooking and turned his attention fully to her. “You’re right, we definitely shouldn’t tell Shin-chan.” _God_ , Shintarou would put up the show of the century if he knew what his little sister wanted to do. He thought a moment and then took a seat beside her, somewhat hesitant. “You know… I don’t know if I’m the right person to even talk about this with you—“

 

“Who else am I going to talk about it?” she asked. Her neatly plucked eyebrows knitted to a frown. “Mom’s not here anymore, I can’t tell dad, big brother will just get mad…”

 

“No, it’s really okay, if you want me to listen and talk, of course I will.” He offered her a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

 

“I want to.”

 

“Okay. Okay, tell me about this boy.” Kazunari rested his chin to his palm and looked at her. “How is he like?”

 

A smile twitched on Youko’s lips. “He’s the most amazing guy I’ve ever met,” she said. “He’s… He’s so hot, Kazu-nii. He might be an upperclassman but I _know_ he’d care for me for who am I. We’ve even talked!”

 

“And now you want to have sex with him,” he concluded.

 

“Well… Yeah.”

 

“You know… Shin-chan would probably tell you to wait until you’re married or something, but I…” Kazunari puckered his lips. He didn’t know what to say, or rather, didn’t want to say something stupid that would make Shintarou rage to him later on. Taking a deep breath, he massaged his temples and thought his words carefully through. “I’m not saying that you need to wait for a long time before you… you know, but just don’t do anything you might regret later.”

 

She pursed her lips and remained silent for a moment. “Did you regret it?”

 

He shook his head. “But by the time we had already dated for a while, and we had been friends before that, so I knew Shin-chan and I knew I wouldn’t regret it.” He smiled. “Just get to know this guy, all right? Become his friend, you still have a year before he graduates, right? As long as you don’t do anything stupid, all right?”

 

She nodded without a word.

 

“And you know, if you need that… kind of womanly advice, I can give your number to my mom. She’d love to talk with you, she’s a lot to handle but she’s real nice and gives amazing advice, and she doesn’t judge.”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, that would be nice.” She stared at the marble of the kitchen island. “Kazu-nii?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How do you know it’s love?”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened. “You just get a feeling that’s unlike anything you’ve ever had before. You stare at this guy and in the back of your head you know that he’s the one, that… that you might want to marry that idiot and get few cats with him and… stuff, really.”

 

She hid her smile behind the glass of soda.

 

“Anyway.” He got up and rubbed his chin. “I won’t say a word to Shin-chan, okay? This is totally our secret, and Shin-chan won’t find out, because even _I_ would get in horrible trouble and that’s the last thing I want.”

 

“I agree, big brother would be _so_ mad at you.”

 

“Hey!” Kazunari gave her an eyeful and returned back in front of the stove to cook the chicken and the vegetables. “He’s just worried about you, you know. He cares about you.”

 

“As _if_ ,” Youko huffed. “He’s always, like, don’t do this and don’t do that, that’s not appropriate.”

 

“That’s just because you’re his baby sister. And you know him, he likes to act all tsun-tsun but he actually has a big heart and everything.”

 

“I don’t know about that.”

 

“Trust me on this,” Kazunari said with a wink. “He just acts all strict ‘cause he wants you to be happy and not make mistakes.”

 

“He should chill sometimes.”

 

“Yeah, he should.” He heaved out a gentle sigh and chucked the wraps to oven. “We gotta wait a bit now, so we might as well watch some TV. You know that new romantic comedy that just got on DVD few weeks ago? I think I have it here somewhere.”

 

Youko hopped to the floor. “Let’s watch it, Kazu-nii.”

 

They did but only managed to watch the first thirty minutes before dinner was ready. They sat by the kitchen island to eat, chatted a bit about this and that (Kazunari felt it was his duty to give _great_ tips for high school, albeit he knew that Shintarou wouldn’t have approved any of them), and by the time Kazunari sank his teeth down to the third roll, the front door opened. He perked up ever so slightly, and with his mouth full called, “Welcome home, dinner’s on the table!”

 

“Thanks,” Shintarou sighed from the hallway. It took a full minute before he stumbled to the doorframe and puffed out a long breath. He fixed his gaze on Youko and nodded. “Hey.”

 

“Hey, big brother.” She wiped her mouth clean to the back of her palm and smiled at him.

 

Shintarou smiled back as he took the steps closer and pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s forehead. “How’s your day been?”

 

“Just fine,” she said and nodded. “Kazu-nii made really good food.”

 

“Is that so?” Shintarou hooked an arm around Kazunari’s waist and patted gently before he let go. “And how was your day, Kazu?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “You know, dull, short shift and everything. Also, Shutoku looks exactly as it did when we were there, nothing’s changed.”

 

“Huh.” Shintarou filled a glass with water and stood by Kazunari’s side because of the lack of stools around the island. He nodded towards the tray in the middle. “What did you make?”

 

“Enchiladas. She wasn’t lying, they’re actually pretty good.”

 

“A cook who praises his own food, huh.”

 

“Oh, shut up!” Kazunari ruffled Shintarou’s hair and crafted them into a mess. “Eat fast, though, ‘cause we were in the middle of a movie and we’re so not waiting for you, are we?”

 

“Nope,” Youko chimed in.

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “You can go and watch the movie without me,” he said whilst putting one wrap on the plate. “I’ll join you when it’s done, I won’t understand any of it anyway since you’ve already started.”

 

“We can choose another one so you can watch with us,” Youko tried.

 

It turned oddly quiet after her words. Kazunari grinned brightly and nodded, whilst Shintarou stared at his sister with eyes widening.

 

“Sure,” Shintarou eventually mustered out. “Yeah, sure, if you don’t mind.”

 

“You can go and choose one,” Kazunari encouraged and then watched her go to the living room. He glanced up at his lover and pressed a kiss on the corner of the man’s cheek stained with a bit of tomato sauce. He patted his back. “I’m sure this’ll do the both of you good, you know, a bit of bonding and admitting that you love each other so much.”

 

Shintarou grunted and took another bite of the wrap he basically devoured. “That’s definitely going to happen.”

 

“You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?”

 

“Possibly.”

 

“Oh, come on.” Kazunari nudged him in the arm. “He’s your sister, not some raging teenage nightmare. She’s got stuff on her mind and she’d want a bit of her brother’s support.”

 

“What kind of stuff?”

 

_Shit_. Kazunari did his best to keep a poker face on and shrugged. “You know, just stuff that teenagers have, you’ve been one, haven’t you? Or did you turn straight into a grumpy old man?”

 

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

 

“Come on, where’s your little sense of humor?” Kazunari slipped his hand to the small of Shintarou’s back and stroked gently. “Just spend today and tomorrow with an open mind, all right? She’s a lovely girl and you know it. She’s your little sister, and I know that deep down you’re really worried about her.”

 

Shintarou sighed. He shook his head in clear bemusement, but pressed a kiss square on Kazunari’s lips and peeled off from the island. “I guess we need to begin by watching a movie, yes?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “That’s the spirit.”

 

He gave Shintarou a kiss and swatted his ass and pulled him along to join Youko on the couch that was perfectly big enough for the three of them. As much as he wanted to play it nice, he couldn’t help it when Shintarou tugged him to the crook of his arm. Youko gave him a sheepish smile, and Kazunari answered it with a grin and a bit of a shrug. Maybe, if he was lucky, the two of them would have a deep, meaningful conversation with each other. Or maybe it was too much to ask, but he sure as hell would be willing to try to make it a reality. He knew that at some point of life the two of them would only have each other left.

 

With the thought in mind he excused himself back to the kitchen and remained put until he heard a casual chatter between the siblings. In the end neither of them noticed that he had stayed in the kitchen for half an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, I've kind of missed writing her.


	149. Baseball

Waking up next to Kazunari had to be one of Shintarou’s favorite things in the entire world. His lover was such an energetic soul, always doing something, always chatting with a bubbly voice, so seeing him lie down with a bit of drool on his chin always tugged Shintarou’s heartstrings in the best way possible. He rubbed his eyes and rested his elbow on the mattress, and simply spent a moment looking at him. Kazunari was still beautiful, wrinkles here and there, but for him he was simply the most amazing being that had ever walked on the grounds of earth. Maybe he was biased, but it didn’t matter.

 

He took a glance of the clock and rolled his eyes. What had supposed to be a thirty-minute afternoon nap seemed to have turned into two hours. He moved closer and pressed his lips tenderly on Kazunari’s chin and kissed. It made the man stir and hum but not say a word. For once Shintarou wanted to wake him up gently, thus he traced his mouth on his and gave him a proper kiss. Kazunari tasted faintly of the asparagus they had had as part of their dinner, and it made a smile twitch on Shintarou’s lips.

 

The kiss seemingly didn’t please Kazunari who pressed his palm flat on Shintarou’s face, pushed a little, and with a loud grunt rolled on the other side and hugged himself. Shintarou knew what the gesture meant – _leave me alone, I’m still sleeping, just because you’re awake doesn’t mean you have to wake me up too._ He found it mildly amusing judging the fact that whenever Kazunari was the first one to wake up he would nudge him awake as well, but Shintarou respected his fiancé’s wish and peeled off from the bed on his own.

 

It took few seconds for him to regain his senses and balance, but when he did, he stumbled out of the bedroom and softly closed the door behind his back. He took a deep breath and felt his spine tense upon seeing his sister on the couch. Kazunari had tried his best to advertise how they should bond, but Shintarou wasn’t sure whether it was possible to begin with. He and Youko were from different mindsets, and he didn’t know how to act around a teenager. It had been easy when she had been the size of a fire extinguisher and they didn’t have to talk but play with puppets instead, but now Shintarou deemed everything awkward.

 

He decided to try nonetheless. He muffled a yawn to his fist and approached the couch, attracted her attention and attempted a smile. It was nothing but an attempt, but at least he tried.

 

“Hi,” he said and sat down on the other side, plenty of space between them. “When did you get back?”

 

She shrugged. “Half an hour ago,” she said and didn’t peel her gaze from the television.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat and glanced towards the screen. He pulled his legs with him on the couch like Kazunari so often did. “What are you watching?”

 

“Baseball.”

 

“Do you like it?”

 

She gave him a look. “It was the only good thing I could find. The players are hot.”

 

“Huh.” Shintarou worked his fingers through his hair and tried to detangle them. A moment later he realized he had forgotten his glasses to the bedroom and wished he hadn’t. He didn’t want to get up now that he had set down and attempted a conversation. He craned his neck, held in the wordless void between them, and then asked, “How is school going on?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Have you had any exams?”

 

Youko turned to look at him with her brows arched higher. “School started a month ago,” she said dryly.

 

“Yes. Right. Sorry.” Shintarou stared strictly in front of him. This wasn’t going well. They had chatted for few minutes last night, casual things, mostly about the movie they had been watching, but this was like pulling a tooth. He rubbed his damp fingers against the thighs of the sweatpants that felt icky against his skin after the nap, but he still couldn’t get rid of the uncomfortable feeling. He cared for Youko, of course he did, she was his little sister and would always be, but this was difficult. This made him uneasy because it wasn’t like it was with Kazunari. He could bare minutes’ worth of silence with Kazunari, but this… He heaved out a sigh.

 

“Where’s Kazu-nii?” Youko asked.

 

“He’s still sleeping.”

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

Silence fell heavy back between them. Shintarou fidgeted and watched the baseball match going on. He didn’t know the rules of the game, had never really been interested in it, and he sure as hell wouldn’t start a commentary about the players’ looks with his younger sister. Taking a deep breath, he feverishly tried to come up with something to say.

 

“I was thinking,” he finally began in the lack of anything better to say. “If you want to, we’d like you to be a bridesmaid at the wedding.”

 

Youko perked up. Her eyes widened, and there was something innocent in her look. “Really?” she breathed.

 

Shintarou nodded with a tense smile. “Really.”

 

“I’d love to! What kind of a dress will I wear?”

 

“We… haven’t really planned, but I’m sure that if you have any ideas of what you’d want, I can forward them to Kise whose probably going to take them into consideration. He’ll probably want to make you look pretty since… since most of them are groomsmen.”

 

“That’s cool.” She actually gave him a grin and sank better to the couch.

 

Shintarou thought he’d take a step even further now that they had began. “And if you want… You can bring that boy you fancy as your avec.”

 

“You serious?”

 

“Yes.” Though Shintarou had a slight feeling he might regret the decision by the time August would roll in. “Just let me know.”

 

“I will. Thanks, brother.”

 

He was pleased how it had turned out, so pleased in fact that he almost wanted to go and wake Kazunari up just to let him know that he could hold a successful conversation with Youko and even enjoy it. The corners of his mouth twitched but didn’t quite reach into a smile. He relaxed on the couch, and the nerves melted from his body as he followed the game.

 

“Brother,” she said after a while.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “Of course.”

 

“Do you…” Youko stopped and took a deep breath. When she continued, her voice trembled, “Do you miss mom?”

 

The good mood he had harbored inside him crumbled down in an instant. His frown deepened and created an ache in his forehead. They were simple words but enough to rip open the wound he had tried to heal inside himself. In his mind he was back in the funeral staring in front of him, trying not to think about it as if it would change a thing. His nostrils flared. The back of his eyes itched. Slowly he turned to her and saw the same distress in her face. Just like this she looked like every bit of the little sister he had known half of his life.

 

It took him a moment to collect his thoughts. Eventually he nodded. “I miss her every day,” he admitted and felt tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.

 

She hung her head down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. The back of her palm she swept over her eyes and sniffed. “I wasn’t sure if… if you still thought of her.”

 

“I think about her all the time,” he reassured. His heart beat madly and his stomach turned upside down in nausea. He laced his fingers together to hide their trembling. As much as he didn’t want to talk about the subject, he knew it was good. They hadn’t had a conversation about it after their mother had passed away, and he had a feeling that both of them needed it. “I really want her to be here, to give advice and just… be here.”

 

Youko nodded. The tears on her eyes were obvious. “I miss her so much,” she mumbled.

 

To the sleeve of his shirt Shintarou wiped his own tears. He took a sharp breath through his nose and set himself to a better position. “Come here,” he said, and she did. She crawled closer, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, hugged her, and swore to himself to protect her from all the harm the world would try to throw at her.

 

“I miss her so much.” She sobbed quietly and buried her face to Shintarou’s shoulder. “Why did she… W-Why her? I don’t—don’t understand, I don’t…”

 

“Me neither,” Shintarou mumbled. It was so cruel. He was sure that no matter how many years passed, they’d keep asking that question from themselves. Youko broke down to even louder cries against his shoulder, and he rubbed her back, rather awkward at that but tried not to think about it. “But we still got dad,” he tried with a quiet voice. “And you have me, and I have you.”

 

“And—And we have Kazu-nii,” she said.

 

Shintarou smiled weakly. “We have him too,” he agreed. As possessive as he could sometimes be, in this matter he’d happily share Kazunari. Kazunari had always gotten well with his family, had always been a little spark of sunshine no matter what, and he was _part_ of the family now. Shintarou took a deep breath through the nose and patted her back. “It’s going to be all right,” he muttered. “She’ll be watching us and making sure we do all right in life.”

 

“Mm.” She nodded and peeled off just a little. She looked up at him and gave a teary smile, and although they stopped hugging, she still remained right by his side.

 

It was all Shintarou really needed at the moment. He took a more relaxed position again and laid his gaze back on the television. They sat with silence in between them but it wasn’t as bad anymore; it was rather soothing, and he no longer felt the need to fill it with something meaningless. A moment later Kazunari emerged from the bedroom, sleepy but still with keen eyes. When he asked what was wrong, Shintarou told him without censoring himself. Kazunari’s features softened, and he pulled both of them in a tight hug. Shintarou had a feeling that it was exactly what he and Youko needed at the moment.


	150. Far From Home

**30 th of MAY, 20XX  
**\- _second year of university_ -

 

There was a pleasant burn in Shintarou’s calves as he got up the stairs towards the right floor. Sweat had drenched his shirt, and the fabric clinging to his armpits was rather disgusting. He took a deep breath and wished he had saved some of the water from his bottle to this moment, but he knew he was home after few more stairs. Albeit studying medicine took most of his time, he popped in to their university’s basketball practice whenever he had the chance to. He had never taken basketball as seriously as his former teammates back in middle school, but it hadn’t been _fun_ anymore until he had gotten into high school. Now Shintarou saw it as a purely hobby – he even refused to join the tournaments although the team regularly begged him to. It was actually a relief. There were plenty of talented people in the team, and at the end of the day he rather concentrated on his studies.

 

He still couldn’t deny the fact that after a long day he sometimes liked to come back home absolutely covered with sweat. He stopped behind the right door, caught up with his breath and got inside. A familiar pair of shoes had been clearly kicked off and then left wherever they had landed, and with a disapproving huff Shintarou fixed their position together with Kazunari’s bag that was in the middle of the hallway.

 

“Hey,” he called and expected an answer but got none.

 

A little cautious, as he was used to getting Kazunari right on his skin whenever he returned (he was almost always the one of them coming back later), Shintarou strutted around the small apartment and located his boyfriend by the kitchen table. Piles of books surrounded Kazunari, his gaze fixed tightly on his laptop screen, and it took him few seconds to seemingly realize that Shintarou had gotten back. Kazunari’s hair hung over his forehead, and there wasn’t a single trace of smile on his lips. Instead he stared at Shintarou with a neutral look.

 

Shintarou would have figured from less that something was wrong.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked and reached for a glass to fill it with water.

 

“Writing this _fucking_ essay,” Kazunari huffed, leaned back into the chair and threw his arms in the air. “I don’t understand anything, and I need to turn this in tomorrow morning.”

 

Shintarou leaned the small of his back against the counter and looked at the back of his boyfriend’s hair. “Didn’t I told you several times to start it earlier than the night before?”

 

Over shoulder Kazunari gave him an icy stare. “Just shut up, will you?”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. He had never seen Kazunari like this over schoolwork, clearly stressed and definitely _not_ in a good mood. It brought a weird sensation down his stomach. He was used to Kazunari being happy and chirping and simply _out there_ , so this side of him was foreign and a little scary to him. Taking a deep breath, Shintarou discarded the glass of water and moved right behind Kazunari, brought his hands to his shoulders and massaged the tension. He knew that he wasn’t a great boyfriend-material most of the days, but he did know about the stress of deadlines. He also loved Kazunari, so he figured this was the least he could do.

 

“Do you need help with it?” he asked and kept rubbing Kazunari’s shoulders.

 

Kazunari leaned forward and worked his fingers through his hair. “Do I prance in on you writing an essay and tell you how to write your stupid medical stuffs? I’m not a med student and you don’t do economics so I don’t need your stupid Mr. I Know It All act right now.”

 

Shintarou’s fingers froze over the shoulders. “You don’t have to get mad at me because you’re struggling, it’s not my fault.”

 

“I’m not mad at you!”

 

Shintarou huffed from amusement. “You are and it’s ridiculous. You’re acting like a twelve year old, so please calm down and don’t blame this on me.”

 

“Whatever.” Kazunari huffed and grabbed a book from the top of the pile and opened it. “Take a shower, will you? You smell bad.”

 

Shintarou let out a heavy sigh and gave up. It seemed that when Kazunari got into this mood, there was nothing he could do to get him out of it. In fact, it almost seemed that he made it worse. He rolled his eyes and tousled Kazunari’s hair gently before he did as was told and disappeared to the bathroom. Peeling off the sweaty, dirty clothes, he stood naked for few seconds and tried to calm down his beating heart. Kazunari was mad at his essay, not at him. They had been together… How long? He counted with his fingers. _Three years_. Kazunari was stressed about the essay and wouldn’t break up with him. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip. Maybe he still shouldn’t have offered for help.

 

Worried about the things he normally was when Kazunari wasn’t in the greatest mood, he stepped under the shower and hoped for a bit of soothing to his aching muscles. He stared at the tile wall in front of him and argued his case to it. To be fair, he _had_ told Kazunari to start the essay over a week ago, but it was very much like his boyfriend to leave it to the final evening. But Kazunari had never struggled with his essays this much, had never took so much pressure from it. Shintarou dipped his head down and scrubbed his nape clean. Maybe Kazunari’s day just had been bad to begin with. He personally didn’t mind writing essays and assignments for the subject he adored. A thought appeared in his head but it slipped off before he could properly reach it.

 

For a long time he stood under the shower before he even considered getting out. He washed his hair quickly, made sure that he was clean of odors that might possibly upset both of them, and then stepped out. He ruffled his hair and wrapped a towel around his waist. Glancing down at his torso, he rubbed the muscles still intact on his abdomen. He wasn’t too fussy about them – he knew that Kazunari would love him regardless, just like his love was unconditional as well. A small smile twitched on his lips as he got out of the bathroom and froze immediately.

 

Sobs echoed from the kitchen, loud and clear. Shintarou’s heart jumped to his throat, and something began to burn behind his eyes. Every single time when he even thought of Kazunari crying, his chest tightened and his fingers glued into fists. The last thing in the entire world what he wanted was his boyfriend to cry, and now it seemed to be exactly the case. Panicking ever so slightly, he rushed to the kitchen’s doorframe. By the table Kazunari indeed sobbed, head hanging between his palms, the hair crafting a veil in front of his eyes, but tears were starting to stroke the kitchen table’s surface. Shintarou gasped for breath. It made Kazunari look up, his eyes red and swollen and full of tears.

 

“I don’t understand any of this!” Kazunari wailed and pressed his forehead against the table with a loud thud. “I don’t—Shin-chan, I-I don’t understand!”

 

“I’ll go get dressed,” Shintarou said and hurried faster than ever to the bedroom. He yanked the first clothes on he could find, not caring how he looked like, and nearly fell over the pant leg of his sweatpants as he rushed back to the kitchen. He grabbed a chair and pulled it right beside Kazunari, wasn’t thinking anymore as he brought a hand on his boyfriend’s back and stroked.

 

It made Kazunari cry even louder. “I don’t understand this!” he cried, although it reminded a scream.

 

“It’s okay,” Shintarou tried.

 

Kazunari glared at him. “It’s not okay!” He broke into another set of hopeless sobs and clenched his teeth. From the pile of books he grabbed one and threw it on the floor. “I’m _stupid_ , Shin-chan, I’m so fucking stupid! I can’t—I can’t even write this stupid essay!”

 

“You’re not stupid.”

 

“I am!”

 

“You’re not,” Shintarou insisted. He sat right on the edge of the chair and wrapped his arms around Kazunari, and even with his boyfriend struggling he pulled him in his arms. At first Kazunari resisted but then turned languid in his embrace and cried hopelessly. Shintarou let out a small sigh and stroked Kazunari’s arm, and for the sake of it pressed a kiss on his forehead. It was what his mother had always done, so it had to work because he had always calmed down. “Take it easy,” he whispered. “You’re not stupid if you don’t understand it.”

 

Against Shintarou’s chest Kazunari cried. The cries quickly turned into hiccups. His whole body quivered. “I hate this stupid… stupid subject…”

 

“Shh… Kazunari…”

 

“I hate this, I hate this, I hate this—“

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou gently called as his final resort. It was a nickname he rarely used, perhaps once a month if even that, and it had the power to make Kazunari look up at him. He rubbed his thumb against his boyfriend’s cheek and smiled weakly. “You need to calm down. Crying like this isn’t going to get the essay done, so please calm down.”

 

Kazunari’s bottom lip trembled. He jabbed Shintarou’s arm and sobbed. “Easy for you to say!” he cried and buried his head back to his chest. “I don’t want to do this anymore! I hate economics, I’m going to—going to… Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou heaved out a heavy sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to get annoyed himself, because it wouldn’t solve everything. Relationships were all about patience, but sometimes the patient side of him wanted to walk out and craft him into a frustrated mess. _Take it easy yourself, Shintarou_ , he told himself. _There’s no reason for you to get annoyed_. Feverishly he thought of all the ways that his mother had used during his childhood to get him to calm down and think rationally. Maybe that was Kazunari’s problem right now, not thinking straight and clear. Shintarou bit the inside of his cheek and took deep breaths. In his arms trembled the love of his life, and it made the corners of his lips tug downwards. Tears were already brimming in his eyes. He wasn’t generally speaking a sympathetic person, but seeing Kazunari in this state always made him want to drop few tears.

 

He got a stupid idea but decided to go with it.

 

“ _Twinkle, twinkle, little star_ …” he murmured in Kazunari’s ear and stroked his back to the rhythm of the tune. He felt his cheeks glow. “… _how I wonder what you are… Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky_ …”

 

Kazunari lifted his head up and looked at him with a frown. Some of the tears had tried to his cheeks. “What the hell are you doing?” he whispered.

 

Shintarou startled. He took in a breath and forgot to let it out in the first few seconds. He felt himself growing flustered. “I thought it might help,” he was quick to explain, nearly tripping over the simple words. “Mom used to, you know, lullabies, when I’d get upset over something or, or something, so I thought—I’ll stop. You know, I’ll just stop. That was stupid of me, I’m sorry.”

 

“No.” Kazunari gave a small smile and hugged Shintarou, buried himself back to his chest. “Please continue…”

 

A deep frown overtook Shintarou’s features. He took a moment to process the words, then cleared his throat and nodded. He wasn’t the greatest singer but he could certainly continue a simple lullaby from his childhood. “ _When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon… Then you show your little light_ —“

 

“ _Twinkle, twinkle, all the night_ ,” Kazunari concluded with a teary chuckle. He took a mucus-filled breath through his nose and pushed back up. To the sleeve of his shirt he rubbed his eyes and let out a small laughter. It was music to Shintarou’s ears. Kazunari looked at him with a smile and gave him a kiss. “Thanks, Shin-chan…”

 

“Do you feel a little better now?” Shintarou asked and stroked some of the dark hair behind the ear.

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“Would you need anything? Have you eaten dinner? I could make you something if you haven’t.”

 

“I already ate, thanks…” Kazunari pushed his bangs out of the way and leaned closer to give Shintarou another kiss.

 

Shintarou accepted it and returned the kiss, brought his hand to Kazunari’s nape and let the contact of their lips linger a moment longer.

 

“But could you stay and help?” Kazunari asked quietly when he eventually pulled back. He rubbed his fingers against Shintarou’s knee and looked down with a hue of red in his cheeks. “I really… You’re smarter than me, so maybe you could help me after all…”

 

“I’ll help you,” Shintarou promised. He worked his fingers gently against Kazunari’s cheek and kissed his forehead. “But I’m not smarter than you. You just need to work hard, I’m sure we can get this done in few hours.”

 

Kazunari nodded. He looked into Shintarou’s eyes and then stole another kiss from him, hugged him briefly and eventually peeled off with a more determined look on his face. “Okay, let’s do this. We can do this, Shin-chan! But could you make some coffee just in case?”

 

“I’m on it.” Shintarou patted his boyfriend’s shoulder, got up, ruffled Kazunari’s hair and only then moved across the small kitchen to start making the coffee. In the midst of it he took a sneaky peek towards Kazunari and felt a small smile on his lips upon seeing his lover wipe off his tears for good and read a book. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad boyfriend after all. With the thought in mind Shintarou shook his head in amusement and made sure the pot of coffee was as strong as it could be before he returned back to Kazunari’s side.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kazunari said when Shintarou seated himself comfortably beside him. Peeling his gaze off from the book, he looked up at him. “I’m sorry, Shin-chan, I didn’t mean to… I’m just super frustrated with this stupid thing.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Kazunari sighed and averted his gaze. “Sometimes I think whether I even want to continue this at all…” he mumbled below his breath.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” Kazunari quickly said. He cleared his throat and straightened his posture. “So, uh… I’ve got nothing so far. I’ve sat here for, like, an hour.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “What’s the topic?”

 

“Um…” Kazunari grabbed a piece of paper from between the books and squinted his eyes at it. “Explain why… why Keynesian compared to Classical views about money demand might play a role in determining the effectiveness of monetary policy. I don’t even know what that _means_ , Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. He took the paper to himself and stared at the question. It certainly rang no bells for him. He cleared his throat and puckered his lips in thought. “Let’s… What part you don’t understand?”

 

“ _Any_ of it,” Kazunari huffed. “I don’t know what the hell is Keynesian.”

 

“Why don’t you start by searching the definition of that?”

 

Kazunari gave him a narrowed look but nodded and went through the pile of books.

 

“And—And once we know that, it’s easier to actually start from it. This question does sound hard,” Shintarou agreed. “But you have the brains for it, Kazu, you just need to be patient. That’s your downfall.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I love it when you call me Kazu.”

 

Shintarou startled. His ears felt hot. “You do?” he asked.

 

“Mm-hmm. Super intimate and everything, I love it how you’ve just finally completely dropped off Takao.”

 

“Well… I can’t call my boyfriend by his family name forever.”

 

Kazunari tossed him a cheeky grin.

 

“Anyway, search for that term now and stop grinning.”

 

“Aye, aye, sir.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t contain his smile albeit he did his best to try. He shook his head and pretended to go over the question another time, though in reality he glanced towards Kazunari whenever he could to make sure that frustration wouldn’t take him over again. Eventually when half of the essay was done, he kissed Kazunari deeply and promised a nice rest of the evening on the couch if they’d get the paper done by time. He thought he saw Kazunari work just a bit faster than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there happens to be fellow Finnish people/anyone else with a very special day today - congratulations for graduating!! You've done an amazing job, I hope you'll have an amazing day today ( ˘ ³˘)♥


	151. A Joke

Tired and a bit groggy, Kazunari yanked the front door to home open and closed it with a too loud of a slam behind his back. He cringed and spent the first moment in darkness, and then switched on the light to the hallway.

 

“Hey,” greeted Shintarou, his voice coming down the living room.

 

“Hey!” Kazunari took a deep breath through his nose and attempted to forget all about whining customers. He didn’t understand how all of them had come to _his_ till today, but one time too many he had listened complaining about this and that, people demanding free products, and too many times he had called in the manager. Certain that if he’d try hard enough he’d get rid of the thoughts, he slung his bag down on the floor and kicked his shoes off, and with a light frown stared down at the floor. The day’s mail still lied by his feet, few white envelopes and a couple of advertisement. He picked them up. “You haven’t gotten today’s mail!” he called.

 

“I didn’t hear it coming, sorry.”

 

“No problem,” Kazunari muttered to himself as he curved to the kitchen. To the island he discarded the advertisement immediately, went by the envelopes one by one, spotted two bills and shuddered, and then held the last one in hand. It was addressed to Shintarou. The back of it revealed the sender to be Seijuurou. He hummed. “You’ve got something from Akashi!”

 

“You can open it,” Shintarou said.

 

Happy that for once he could use his opening skills to something other than bills that never made him pleased, Kazunari strutted towards the living room whilst ripping the envelope open. He stopped behind the couch and patted Shintarou’s hair absentmindedly upon eyeing what he discovered inside. It was clearly an invitation, the paper thick and ombre-colored, the handwriting neat and somewhat on the curly side. Kazunari worked his fingers through the green locks and got a rub on his hip. He cleared his throat.

 

“ _Dear friend_ ,” he read aloud, “ _you are warmly welcomed to a barbecue party_ —Wait. Dear friend? Is this a joke?” He looked at the envelope again with only Shintarou’s name in it. He huffed. “What does he mean, dear friend? What am I, then, someone just tagging along with you?”

 

Shintarou looked up at him with his brows arched. “What does the invitation say?”

 

Kazunari skimmed through it quickly. “Some stupid party in which I’m clearly not invited.”

 

“That can’t be so.”

 

“Yeah! Listen. _Bring an avec with you_. An avec, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “To me it sounds like you are invited.”

 

Kazunari nudged the man’s head forward. “It says an avec, anyone could be your avec. Hell, you could bring that damn receptionist with you and Akashi would be pleased ‘cause you brought an avec with you.”

 

“Why would I bring the receptionist with me?”

 

“I don’t know!” Kazunari whined, circled around the couch and slumped down beside Shintarou. He narrowed his eyes at the invitation. “If he really wanted to invite me as well, he would have put my name down on the envelope. I’m not invited to his fancy barbecue party, face it.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a sigh and inched closer, discarded the television show completely and brought a hand on Kazunari’s stomach. He stroked the spot and looked at him. “Of course you’re invited, don’t be a child now. If it says bring an avec and he invites me, who else would he think I’d bring along?”

 

Kazunari’s lips puckered. He stared at Shintarou and shrugged. A nasty feeling gnawed his insides. He threw the invitation on the table, and upon feeling his brows knitting tight together he knew he was pouting. It wasn’t a big deal, he tried to tell himself, and then reminded that there had been no nod towards him in the invitation and felt bad again. It was another reminder and a slap against his face that this wasn’t _his_ friend group after all. This was Shintarou’s, and the only reason why he was included was because he happened to be Shintarou’s lover. If it weren’t the case, no one would care. Kazunari puffed air out of his cheeks and dipped his head down upon feeling the strokes over his stomach become gentler. Leaning his head to the couch, he turned to Shintarou and felt his pout grow in size.

 

“Do you want me to call Akashi and confirm that it’s you he wants there?” Shintarou tried.

 

Kazunari groaned. “Don’t do that, he’ll think I’m such a baby.”

 

Shintarou dipped his hand down and rubbed Kazunari’s thigh instead. “When was this occasion?”

 

“Thursday the 4th.”

 

“Next week?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari grumbled. He was an adult, he told himself, and he shouldn’t sink to the level of a child. At least in his childhood he had been personally invited to parties. He huffed. When Shintarou said nothing, Kazunari moved closer and looked him in the eyes. He brought a small smile on his lips and dragged his fingertips against Shintarou’s cheek. “Hey,” he murmured again.

 

Even Shintarou attempted a smile. “Hey. How was work?”

 

“Let’s not talk about it, so bad.” A groan still on his lips, Kazunari kissed him. He frowned lightly and caught a whiff of something good, something faintly with mint or coconut. With a hum he pulled back. “Did you shower already? You smell good.”

 

“I took a shower, yes,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Mm, I love what you’ve done…” Kazunari got his legs up on the couch with him and kissed Shintarou again. This time he deepened the kiss, tilted his head and let the frustration trickle out of his body. The day had been awful enough already and he didn’t want to bring the mood back home, not when Shintarou had been enjoying a day off. He hummed against his lover’s lips and pushed his mouth tighter against his, felt his nose squish against Shintarou’s but didn’t care. The glasses were slightly on the way, but Kazunari had become a master of avoiding them. He nudged his tongue gently inside Shintarou’s mouth and dragged it against its burning hot replica.

 

He had to pull back for a breath. He fluttered his eyes open and saw the green in front of him utterly lust-blown. A gasp got stuck in his throat. He weighed his opinions very quickly, then stole another kiss and got up. He grasped Shintarou’s hands and yanked him up on his feet.

 

“Let’s go,” he announced and tugged the man in motion.

 

“The bedroom?” Shintarou guessed.

 

“You got it.”

 

Some days Shintarou kissed him with hunger behind it, and it seemed that today was one of those days. Kazunari pushed him down on the bed and crawled over him, straddled him and brought their mouths back in contact. A bit thirsty for it after a long day, he kissed Shintarou hard and bit his bottom lip, tugged, and lured out a beautifully messy moan. Grinning victoriously, he brushed his fingers in the midst of the messy locks. A whine escaped him as Shintarou brought his hands to his buttocks and squeezed tight. Kazunari let out a groggy giggle and lifted up. He was quick to yank the shirt off of himself, and Shintarou was quick to follow his example. It took few seconds, but they were soon naked and Kazunari admiring the body beneath him as if he wasn’t used to it yet.

 

He rutted his hips down and pressed their cocks together, rubbed them against each other a good while before he leaned towards the nightstand and grabbed the lube. Not a word was exchanged and for once Kazunari preferred it so as Shintarou prepared him with two of his fingers. Kazunari straightened his posture and tugged his chin upwards, caught a glimpse of the ceiling and then fluttered his eyes close. His dick throbbed between their bellies and against the other sex that was quick to swell with the rushing blood. When the fingers hit the spot, Kazunari mewled and hung his head, looked at Shintarou and parted his lips.

 

The bottom of his stomach tightened and made him jerk forward. Already panting, he lifted his hips up and positioned the lush cockhead against the entrance. He took his time sinking back down, looked at Shintarou’s face twist with utmost pleasure, and it was expression enough to make his cock stir even more. Halfway in, he got tired of waiting and sat down in one go, moaning. Riding his lover’s dick like this had always been one of Kazunari’s absolute favorites, and he had rediscovered the joy of it only few days ago. Now he was hungry for it and lifted his hips up tentatively. When he was certain once more that Shintarou could take it, he began bouncing.

 

Moans after moans trickled from his mouth, and they hitched an octave higher when Shintarou grasped him by his hips and squeezed tight. In moments like these Kazunari actually _liked_ his love handles as they made it easier for Shintarou to hold him. The thought made him smile. He worked his hips hard, up and down the cock that moved in him effortlessly. He straightened his posture and looked down at Shintarou, watched him writhe and brought his hands to his chest, teased and twisted his nipples and gained the most erotic look from his lover.

 

Shintarou’s hands roamed around his body, here and there, on every possible crook, and Kazunari felt heat pooling inside himself. His hips turned exhausted fairly quickly but he tried his best until he couldn’t anymore. Shintarou pushed his hips upwards, steadied him, and after a moment of simply enjoying Kazunari continued with the work.

 

He wanted nothing more than to concentrate on this, but in the back of his mind the image of the invitation burned. Was Seijuurou really serious of not directly inviting him? Shintarou could invite anyone in the world. Kazunari curled his fingers to loose fists over the man’s pectorals and bounced in a slower rhythm. What if all the years had been a lie and no one really even considered him a friend? He stopped dead on his tracks and breathed hard, stared at the lavender-colored wall with widened eyes. _Fuck_. What if he was just an outsider, always known as ‘Shintarou’s lover’ and nothing more?

 

“What’s wrong?” Shintarou asked, a bit breathless.

 

Kazunari dipped his head down and felt nausea inside him. Although he knew he should have been concentrating on the amazing cock buried deep within him with all of its length, his mind was somewhere else. He breathed hard and shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he said and forced himself to move on the dick again. He could only do it for few seconds when Shintarou stopped him.

 

“Spill it out,” the man said. “We’re not continuing before you tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kazunari assured and offered a smile.

 

“You don’t even believe that yourself. Come on.”

 

“Hey—Let’s just finish this first, okay? I was just about to come.”

 

Shintarou said nothing but looked dubious. He nodded anyway and brought his hands firmly back on Kazunari’s hips. It still felt good, but Kazunari turned absentminded and it wasn’t as mind-blowing anymore. He felt bad for it, thus he made sure to work his hips as vigorously as he could. Shintarou took a hold of his cock and pumped, and for a split second it was the only thing Kazunari could focus on. Grateful for it, he bounced faster until he felt Shintarou’s sex throb violently in him and listened the string of moans escaping his lover. He slowed down his pace, and few minutes later came over Shintarou’s fingers.

 

Part of him hoped that Shintarou would forget all about the disruption, but he knew it wasn’t the case when he was pulled in the warm arms as soon as he rolled to the bed beside him. Kazunari grumbled when Shintarou kissed his shoulder so tenderly that it made his insides ache. Another kiss he received on his nape, and then Shintarou simply held him.

 

“What’s wrong?” the man murmured.

 

Kazunari spent a moment thinking how to put his words without sounding like a child. Not able to think of a suitable way, he rolled around in Shintarou’s arms to face him and said, “I don’t have any friends.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

“I meant what I said. I don’t have any friends.”

 

“But… you do.”

 

“I don’t.” Kazunari pushed his face against Shintarou’s chest. In the safety of it he muttered, “Sure, there’s Kuroko and Kise and maybe Himuro, but I’ve gotten to know all of them because of you. No one’s friends with me because I’m an amazing person or anything.”

 

“That’s not true,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly and patted his back. “I’m certain that they don’t care that you’re with me, they are friends with you because you are you. You’ve been friends with them for ten years, why would you worry about this now?”

 

“But why didn’t Akashi invite _me_ , then?”

 

“It’s really bothering you, isn’t it?”

 

Kazunari sat up and pulled his legs against his chest. There was an unpleasant tick inside him, and it didn’t calm down even when Shintarou sat beside him and he leaned to the crook of his arm. “It just feels like I’m being told off. Like I’m not anyone important on my own, that I’ll always just be your avec and that’s it.”

 

Shintarou rested his head against his. “You know that’s not true,” he tried.

 

“Yeah, but that’s how I feel! God, you don’t even want to understand.” Kazunari was about to crawl off the bed when Shintarou stopped him by pulling him in his arms. He grumbled a lot but didn’t move. Shintarou’s skin felt nicely burning after all. “Let go,” he still tried for the sake of a façade.

 

“No. I’ll call Akashi, all right? I will call and ask about this.”

 

“Don’t—babe, come on, don’t do that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because.” Kazunari heard a loud choir of meows by the door and watched the cats push themselves through the small crack one by one. They hopped on the bed, trampled around, and once Ao settled to her own spot in a curl, Ushi strutted forward and sat down beside him. With a faint smile Kazunari stroked his cheek. The cat fell down and purred. “I’ve got you three, anyway.”

 

“But if it bothers you this much, I’m going to call him.”

 

“Shin-chan, _please_.” Kazunari turned to him. “It doesn’t matter, okay? I’ll just be your avec or whatever.”

 

“No.” Shintarou stared at him stubbornly. “May I call him?”

 

Kazunari stared back at him and tried not to budge, but there were moments when Shintarou knew exactly what he wanted and there was really nothing he could do. With a loud sigh he slumped down on the bed and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“Fine, whatever,” he eventually said.

 

“Thank you.” Shintarou gave a brief kiss on his nose. “I’ll be right back.”

 

The pit of Kazunari’s stomach pooled, upset. He rolled on his side and scooped Ushi in his arms, and soon Ao followed. The two cats were quick to start grooming his face, and it brought a wider smile on his lips. At least the cats loved him for who he was and not whom he was marrying. He buried his face to Ao’s soft fur and stroked her gently, and gave an equal amount of attention to their new kitty. They purred loudly, as if competing, and he hoped that he could be busy with them for the rest of the day.

 

He couldn’t, not when Shintarou marched to the doorframe and offered a phone to him. “He wants to talk to you,” he announced.

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. “No, no, _no_ , I don’t want to talk to him, tell him it’s fine.”

 

“He insisted.” Shintarou arched his brows and took enough steps to give the phone to Kazunari. “Talk to him, otherwise he’ll be mad at me.”

 

Kazunari threw him a look and, upon seeing that Shintarou tried to shoo the cats away, pulled the furballs tighter against his chest. He took a deep breath, collected his thoughts, felt thoroughly embarrassed, and brought the phone to his ear. “Hello?” he asked.

 

“ _It’s me_ ,” Seijuurou said the obvious. Shintarou sat to the edge of the bed and looked at him keenly. Kazunari tried to ignore it. “ _I heard about this certain situation from Shintarou_.”

 

“It’s really… nothing, really, just forget it. Shin-chan’s exaggerating.”

 

“I am not,” Shintarou said with a loud enough voice.

 

Kazunari glared at him.

 

“ _Exaggerating or not, I still want to address the issue_.” Seijuurou held a second’s pause. “ _Please do know that I, and every single one of us, consider you a friend. If it were only one of my friends getting married, I would not work this hard for the wedding. But it is two of my friends, Kazunari. You’re a friend of mine, and I’m certain I talk in the behalf of everyone when I say that you are our friend because of your own merits, not because you are with Shintarou_.”

 

Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and felt like a stupid child. “Thanks,” he murmured and felt Shintarou’s fingers go through his hair. “Thanks,” he repeated in the lack of something else to say.

 

“ _And what comes to the invitation, it was a mistake from my side to word it like so. I very much expected Shintarou to bring you along_ ,” Seijuurou said. His tone sounded somewhat gentler. “ _Either way, I would still very much like to take you for a friendly dinner as soon as my schedule is clear._ ”

 

“Oh, you really—really don’t have to do that, it’s fine.”

 

“ _I insist_.”

 

Kazunari chewed his bottom lip. Eventually he said, “Sure. Yeah, why not.”

 

“ _Thank you. I dearly hope I’ll see you next week_.”

 

“Yeah, of course. Bye.”

 

Kazunari ended the call and felt a little confused. The weight from his shoulders, nonetheless, was fully lifted, and his lips twitched to a small smile. He gave the phone back to Shintarou and got up, and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lover’s mouth.

 

“See? I told you,” Shintarou said.

 

“Thanks,” Kazunari murmured.

 

Shintarou rubbed the side of his body. “So don’t worry about a thing, all right? And you’ll come to the party with me, right? Because I don’t want to go alone.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I’ll come with you, yeah.”

 

“Good.” Shintarou leaned in and kissed him quickly before he got up on his feet and finally shooed the cats out of the bed. “How about you take a shower with me in that case? I’ll make something to eat afterwards.”

 

“Now you’re just totally pampering me, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m only treating you with the respect you deserve.”

 

“Right, right. Would that respect include you carrying me to the shower?”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “I’m sure you can walk the few meters there yourself.”

 

“Worth a shot.” Kazunari shrugged and climbed out of the bed, then wrapped his arms around Shintarou and hugged him. He didn’t say a word but was sure that Shintarou understood the _thank you_ even from that.


	152. Missed Opportunity

Kazunari buried himself better to the comfortable crook of Shintarou’s arm and didn’t care that he was squished ever so slightly whenever Shintarou wanted to turn the page of the book he read. He nuzzled his nose near the man’s armpit and slipped his eyes close in all peace. Afternoons spent like this were definitely his favorites although he wasn’t doing much at all. Sometimes it was simply nice to lie down next to Shintarou and listen the quiet hums that escaped the man or the sounds the pages made when they were turned.

 

He slung his arm over Shintarou’s torso and hugged him tight, almost identical with the intensity that he had hugged his dearest toy when he had been four. He kissed a random spot that his lips reached and gained rubs to his scalp. Slowly he looked up and gave a tired grin, and spotted something similar curving on Shintarou’s lips as well. With a gentle sigh Kazunari brought his head back near the chest. He attempted to keep his thoughts running to prevent himself from falling asleep, but it was somewhat hard when the setting was perfect for a small afternoon nap.

 

It was quiet for a while, and then the cats realized that they were spending time in bed. One by one they hopped to the foot of the mattress, swirled around and wrestled until Ao gave up and lied down with her tail sluggishly swaying. Ushi didn’t give up, probably too much energy pent up in his body that was finally getting some meat around the bones. He strutted in circles until he approached, and pulled himself to a small curl over Shintarou’s abdomen. Shintarou hummed but didn’t shoo the cat away. Kazunari’s lips twitched to a smile. He reached his hand to Ushi, stroked him and made him purr loudly. Their little miss was quick to get up and butt her head to Kazunari’s back. He made sure to shower the girl under attention as well.

 

“Look,” he whispered to Shintarou. “Our whole family is in the same bed.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“You’re not even looking, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou turned the page. “I’ve already seen our cats.”

 

“Aren’t you being sour today.”

 

“I was only trying to enjoy a book now that I have the time for it, and suddenly I have a whole _family_ here with me,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari huffed. “I can get my ass up and get our babies and go to the living room if you insist.”

 

“No,” Shintarou breathed instantly and turned to him. He even moved a hand around Kazunari’s body and squeezed. “Don’t move.”

 

“I thought you weren’t appreciating our family time,” Kazunari teased.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I liked it better when you weren’t talking,” he concluded and brought his gaze to the book.

 

Kazunari shook his head in amusement but said nothing more even when words were burning on the tip of his tongue. He knew that he had come here without a proper permission, and he also knew how Shintarou liked to have some time to himself. Pondering whether he really should watch some TV or play with the cats outside the bedroom, he got pulled out of his thoughts by his ringtone. He frowned lightly and twisted his body to watch the trembling phone on his side’s nightstand, and shooed Ao out of the way to grab the phone. On its screen read ‘Tetsuya’, and after a second’s thought he answered the call.

 

“Hiya.”

 

“ _Hello, Kazunari-kun_ ,” said Tetsuya and sounded like he was in a good mood. “ _How are you doing?_ ”

 

“Just good, thanks, trying not to take a nap and all. You?”

 

“ _I’m good, thank you_.”

 

“What’s up?”

 

“ _I wanted to ask Kazunari-kun if he is interested in an opportunity_.” Tetsuya held a pause. “ _Next week one of our employees will be away, and we would need someone to be a helping hand. I thought, §since Kazunari-kun wants to possibly pursue a career as an elementary school teacher, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get some experience with children although it’s not exactly the same_.”

 

“Oh, wow, uh, yeah, that’d be great. What day is it again?”

 

By the sound of it Tetsuya went through papers. “ _Monday the 8 th of June_.”

 

“Mm… Wait.” Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and thought feverishly. It was a great opportunity to tell the truth, would give him a peek of whether working with kids was something he really wanted to do before he’d actually go for it. His eyes widened. Next week’s Monday. His face fell. He had an evening shift that day. Inside his head he cursed. “I actually got a shift then, in the evening and all.”

 

“ _We would need someone in the morning and noon_ ,” Tetsuya tried.

 

“Fuck,” Kazunari murmured. He took deep breaths and tried to think things rationally through. He ended up in only one conclusion, and it didn’t make him happy. “Sorry, I don’t think I can do it… I really, really want to, but I’d be too tired for my actual job.”

 

“ _It’s not a problem, Kazunari-kun, I thought I’d ask before we try to find a substitute teacher. Thank you for considering_.”

 

“No problem. Hey, let’s catch up some day, okay?”

 

“ _All right_.”

 

When the call ended, nausea pooled in Kazunari’s belly. He felt uncomfortable and tightened his grasp from the phone before he placed it back on the nightstand and rolled in the crook of Shintarou’s arm again. Absentmindedly he worked his fingers over the man’s chest and felt his expression turn into a pout. It had been the most perfect opportunity to get to know the business a bit better and get some experience, but he turned it down just like that. His chest tightened. He looked up at Shintarou.

 

“Do you think I made a mistake?”

 

Shintarou frowned and turned his gaze to him. “What do you mean?”

 

“Tetsuya just called me and asked me if I’d want to do one morning shift at their daycare and I turned it down.”

 

“Why did you do that?”

 

“’Cause! I thought, I mean, I got an evening shift at the supermarket then, I thought I’d be too tired for it if I went to the kindergarten in the morning…” Kazunari bit his bottom lip as he saw the look Shintarou gave him behind the glasses. He groaned loudly. “I made a mistake, didn’t I?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I don’t want to criticize the decisions you make, but you have been thinking about getting a degree for that sort of thing, haven’t you?”

 

“Yeah, but… What would you have done?”

 

“I would have probably taken the chance even if I’d be tired later.”

 

“Shit.” Kazunari buried his face to Shintarou’s shoulder and rubbed his nose to the spot. He inhaled sharply and pushed up. “You think if I call him back he could still give me the shift?”

 

Shintarou shrugged and turned back to the book. “You can always try.”

 

With hurry Kazunari slumped on his stomach to the bed and grabbed the phone. His fingers trembled ever so slightly as he searched for Tetsuya’s number and called. Worried that Tetsuya had already found someone else, he fiddled his fingers whilst his body quivered. Now that he thought about it, he had been stupid. If he didn’t get the opportunity, he didn’t know what he’d do.

 

“ _Kazunari-kun?_ ” Tetsuya asked out of the blue. “ _Is everything all right?_ ”

 

“Yeah, you know, can you just forget everything I said earlier? I’d really, really love to do a shift at your kindergarten.”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Tetsuya breathed. He went through papers again.

 

Kazunari’s stomach nipped. “Please don’t tell me you already found someone,” he whined.

 

“ _No, not at all. If Kazunari-kun wants to do it, he can do it. Should I phone my manager to tell that you would help us?_ ”

 

“Yes, please!”

 

“ _Great_ ,” Tetsuya said and sounded like he smiled. “ _I’m looking forward to it, Kazunari-kun, I will message you the details later_.”

 

“Awesome, thanks a lot.”

 

Kazunari was all smiles as he ended the call. He rolled around and hugged Shintarou tight.

 

“I got it,” he announced and smooched the man on the lips.

 

“Congratulations,” said Shintarou and closed the book. He arched his brows up and moved an arm around Kazunari’s waist. “It will be a good chance for you.”

 

“I know, right.” Kazunari nuzzled the side of Shintarou’s face and peppered kisses to the spot. He sighed and rested his head to the comfortable spot joining Shintarou’s neck and shoulder. “It’s next week’s Monday, I hope it’ll be good… I mean, I’ve been thinking of maybe… I know we’ll have the wedding and everything, but _maybe_ I could try out the entrance exams after all.”

 

Shintarou slipped his fingers underneath the shirt to the small of Kazunari’s back and stroked the spot. “It would do you good,” he said with a nod. “And whatever you decide to do, I will support your decision.”

 

“Would it be weird for me to be at a university, though? I’m nearly thirty and then there’s gonna be these nineteen year olds there probably laughing at me.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Shintarou reassured. “As long as you’re happy, no one should care what you do. I’m certain you’d make a good teacher.”

 

Kazunari lifted his chin up and kissed Shintarou’s jaw. “I just wish I had known earlier what I want to be and not only now.”

 

“Better late than never.”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Shin-chan.” Once more Kazunari kissed him and then pulled back. “Should I let you to read your book now?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “I think I’ll enjoy the family time now that we’re all here.”

 

A wide smirk twitched to Kazunari’s lips. He attacked Shintarou immediately, buried him under cuddles and snuggles, and soon even the cats climbed over both of them. He managed to peck several kisses around his fiancé’s lips and face before Shintarou calmed the situation down by pulling him into a cuddle. More than happy and comfortable, Kazunari burrowed his body better to Shintarou’s and snuggled him together with the cats that meowed and purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, June!
> 
> Hands up, who thought I'd given up already? Because I surely did. For _five months_ I have written every single day. Five months! That's insane. This is insane. _I'm_ insane. But the craziest thing is that I'm still loving this. Sure, there's been days when I've sobbed and told that I'm done with this and that I don't want to do this, but right now I'm enjoying this more than before (despite the sacrifices I've sometimes made).
> 
> Anyway, welcome to June!! Thank you so much for reading this, whether you do it daily with me ~~you crazy bastard~~ or read it whenever you have the chance to/feel like it. It's the first summer month, the cherry blossoms are gone, and it's time for barbecue and enjoying the heat with your loved one. We also have a wedding to plan...


	153. A Challenge

Kazunari grabbed a chunk of tofu from the fridge and began to dice it whilst balancing his phone in between his ear and shoulder. Listening the monotonous beeping, he worked as quickly and efficiently as possible. The previous attempt of a dinner, an utterly failed pasta bake, stared at him from the sink that he hadn’t had the time to clean. In an insane hurry he had decided to do miso soup instead, because he knew that he could make it good without too much effort. Patiently he waited for Shintarou to answer his call and finished the tofu. He turned to chop a handful of spring onions next.

 

“ _Hey_ ,” Shintarou finally answered. The drone in the background was definitely one of traffic’s. _Shit_.

 

“It’s me, hey. Just asking what time do you think you’ll be back,” Kazunari said and squeezed his shoulder tighter against his ear to drop both the tofu and onions in the midst of the broth.

 

“ _I’m already on my way, but the traffic is jammed, so maybe thirty minutes_.”

 

“That’s perfect, don’t worry. See you in a bit.”

 

He ended the call and discarded the phone instantly.

 

The thing was, he had been fond of the surprise dinner Shintarou had given him few days backwards and now attempted to do something similar. A romantic little surprise had to melt his lover’s heart for sure. He had searched recipes for a romantic dinner, but the result of _that_ he still had to clean. At least he had run around the corner to the closest bakery and snatched two heart-shaped cupcakes. Maybe he wasn’t skillful enough to craft a three-course meal out of thin air, but he decided to invest in the general mood instead.

 

Thus, once he was certain that he could leave the miso soup simmer without having to stare at it every other second, Kazunari rushed to the living room. From the wardrobe he had fished the most comfortable fuzzy throw they had, and now set it in front of the fireplace. The cats were instantly in love with the fabric, settled to the corner of it together in one big cuddle and didn’t bother to move even when Kazunari asked nicely. He shrugged the thought off, really didn’t have time for it, and merely petted both of their heads before he grabbed few candles and set them to places he figured the cats wouldn’t bother to go in. The evening wasn’t quite dark enough for a little extra light, but he hoped he could get away with it.

 

To top it all of, he lit up the fireplace and settled a bottle of lube safely to its corner. Just in case, Kazunari told himself and grinned to the sight. Would they get busy with each other, there was no way he’d want to move out of this comfortable corner. He puckered his lips in thought and threw few cushions on the floor as well. Only then did Ushi hiss and jump on his feet. The boy stared at him with narrowed eyes, and then turned around his heels and went on the couch. Ao followed few seconds after.

 

Kazunari stood still and watched his idea of a little dinner. Part of him knew that Shintarou would like it, but at the same time nervousness bubbled inside him. He couldn’t figure out why, not when they had been together forever, but butterflies still pranced around his stomach like they had when he had given Shintarou the very first surprise of their relationship (he had gotten naked on the bed whilst Shintarou had gotten some drinks; he had also nearly been caught by his little sister who had been too young to see such things). He rubbed his chin and brought his hands to his waist, looked at the sight a moment more and nodded to himself. It was as good as it would get, he figured and smiled.

 

Thirty minutes was hardly enough to finish everything, he soon discovered as he hurried to pour the soup in two bowls and moved plates on them to keep them warm. He took a quick shower, got himself a change of clothes that didn’t smell like a day spent in work, and sat down on the floor in front of the crackling fireplace. Kazunari pulled his legs up and hugged them against his chest, and held a constant faint smile on his lips. Once more he had to acknowledge that he was lucky to have someone to come to him and call it home. There were so many ‘what if’s that could have changed his entire life. What if he hadn’t chosen Shutoku? What if they had never become friends, and what if he had never had the guts to tell Shintarou exactly how he felt? He worked his fingers over his shoulder blades and stroked gently, then pulled his hand back and spent a good while staring at the ring.

 

He took a deep inhale and felt a little teary around the corners of his eyes. When he really stopped to think about it, he was damn lucky. He rubbed his palms against his eyes and chuckled softly. Maybe in few years they’d have one or two little ones running around the house, possibly teasing the cats more than they should have. Thinking about it, he decided to start simply dreaming about the upcoming wedding instead of the whole rest of their lives. He drew vague shapes on his back and patiently waited.

 

After a while the front door clicked open and then shut. Kazunari perked but didn’t move, and attempted to keep his voice as normal as possible as he called, “Welcome back!”

 

“Thanks,” Shintarou replied and grunted for few moments before his steps echoed forward. Seconds later he stopped by the wall leading to the living room and looked at Kazunari with a frown decorating his expression. “What are you doing?”

 

“Come here.” Kazunari patted the floor beside him. When Shintarou didn’t move an inch, he chuckled and said, “Come here, you’re gonna ruin this otherwise.”

 

“Ruin what?” Shintarou sounded awfully suspicious but moved closer nonetheless, and sank down on the floor beside him. “What’s going on?”

 

Kazunari smooched him quickly. “I want you to sit tight, all right, don’t move anymore or anything, just sit right on this spot.”

 

“Why are there candles on the windowsill?”

 

“Just sit tight!” Kazunari scurried up on his feet and rushed to the kitchen, and dearly hoped that Shintarou wouldn’t start wandering. He grabbed the bottle of champagne he had bought and chilled in the freezer, popped it open and poured it into two glasses. With a grin on his face he brought them to the living room and got down on his knees beside Shintarou. “Here,” he said and offered the glass.

 

Shintarou accepted it with a deepening frown. “I’m confused,” he admitted. “What is this?”

 

“ _That_ is champagne, and this is a surprise dinner for you. How thickheaded can you be, Shin-chan?”

 

“But why?”

 

Kazunari snickered and leaned in to kiss the man tenderly. His kiss was responded, and he deepened it for few silly seconds before he pulled back. “Because you gave me one, I wanted to repay the favor,” he said and patted Shintarou’s thigh. “Also because you’re the best fiancé out there.”

 

“But… I haven’t done anything special lately.”

 

“Someone could argue that just standing me is enough specialty.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “True,” he complied with a hint of a smile on his lips.

 

Kazunari couldn’t help but kiss the slightly puckered mouth again. “So just sit tight, all right? I’ve got the dinner ready, so we’ll eat right now.”

 

“What did you make?”

 

“You’ll see!” Kazunari rushed to the kitchen like a whirlwind and came back with two deep bowls of still warm soup. He balanced them on his hands and refused to let go before he sat down cross-legged beside Shintarou. “Okay, it’s nothing fancy, it’s no lamb or anything, it’s just miso soup.”

 

The corners of Shintarou’s lips twitched higher.

 

“What?” Kazunari asked upon seeing the look.

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou reassured and took his share of the food. “I suppose I’m just fond of the fact that you made homey food.”

 

“Yeah, well, you know me, you couldn’t win a single competition with my skills.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

“Right, right. Give it a go, Shin-chan, tell me what you think!”

 

Complying, Shintarou dipped a spoon to the broth and swallowed it. He remained quiet for a moment and then nodded. “It tastes good.”

 

“Better than my mother’s?”

 

Shintarou twitched. “Do you… Do I really need to answer that?”

 

Kazunari groaned. “So close.” He shook his head and took a sip from the soup himself. It was good, but the flavor wasn’t as rich as the one in the soup his mother made (he had tried forever for her to tell him the recipe, but she seemingly was guarding it until she’d be buried six feet under). At least it was edible, and that’s all he cared. He shuffled closer and pressed his shoulder against Shintarou’s, gave him a smile and then kissed the spot uncovered by fabric near his neck. “How was your day?” he asked.

 

Shintarou hurried to swallow down the spoonful he just nudged in his mouth. “It was all right,” he said and wiped his mouth to the back of his palm. “It was… a day, nothing special. My neck’s gotten sore, though.”

 

“Oh?” Kazunari put down the bowl and rubbed the beginning of Shintarou’s nape. It made the man groan. Kazunari frowned lightly, and he dipped his hand around the shoulders. The muscles and tissue beneath his fingers were tense. “Should I give you a massage when we’re done eating?”

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“You know I’d love to, babe, you’re super tense around here anyway.”

 

Shintarou sighed. “If you insist.”

 

“You know I do,” Kazunari teased with a gentle voice and gave a peck to Shintarou’s cheek. He pulled back beside him and grabbed the bowl in his hands again. “We had the most annoying customer today at work today, all right. She was… I can’t even—She made really inappropriate jokes, and she came back at least five times, every time on a different till.”

 

“That sounds bothersome.”

 

“It was _annoying_.” Kazunari shook his head and fished the last piece of tofu on the spoon. He munched it happily. “Also, I think I should cut my hair shorter.”

 

Shintarou turned to him. “Why?”

 

“’Cause, you know. It’s getting _hot_ out there.”

 

“The weather’s getting summery, all right.”

 

“Plus there’s no way I’m getting married with a hair this sloppy, I’d have to stare at this hairdo for the rest of my life from the pictures!” Kazunari huffed and put down the bowl for good. He got up on his knees and shuffled behind Shintarou, placed his hands on his shoulders and began to massage gently. “I don’t want to be embarrassed every time I look at the pictures.”

 

Shintarou groaned when Kazunari hit a tenser spot. He dipped his head down and remained silent for a moment. “We need to find a photographer, don’t we?”

 

“Yeah, I want to have amazing pictures.”

 

“And we need to decide on that— _ah_ —guest list.”

 

Kazunari grinned ever so slightly and kneaded the muscles the way he always did when Shintarou wanted a massage. The flesh was tight beneath his skin, but he hoped to relief some of the tension by the end of the small session. “We should just do it and then bring it to Akashi when we go to the barbecue party.”

 

“Right, we have that.”

 

“How did you forget already? The invitation came the day before yesterday.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look over the shoulder and shook his head. “Do you think we should bring something?”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari puckered his lips and lured out a barely-there moan from his lover. It made his abdomen tighten but he ushered such thoughts out of his mind. “Maybe a bottle of wine or something, I don’t think he’s expecting anything more.”

 

“All right… God, that feels good.”

 

“Does it?” He perked up and massaged the shoulder slightly better.

 

“ _Ah_ —yes, it feels good…”

 

Kazunari snickered. “You’re starting to sound really sexual.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “I can’t help it.”

 

“You should go to a real massage place, though, I don’t think I’m qualified for this.”

 

“You’re good enough.”

 

“Mm-hmm, if you say so.” Just for the sake of it Kazunari tried a bit harder. He had always liked massaging Shintarou, because there was something inherently intimate about it. In the beginning he had thought there was nothing sexual about it, but then moans trickled from Shintarou’s mouth like they were in the middle of love-making, and Kazunari had had to change his mind. Even now it was difficult to control himself upon listening his fiancé moan like he was buried dick-deep inside him.

 

After few minutes longer Kazunari wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulder and glued his chest to his back. He kissed the side of his neck and trailed his nose against the back of his ear. “You know I really love you, right?” he murmured and kissed the shell.

 

“Where is this coming from?”

 

“Hey, you made such a nice little speech when you made dinner for me, so give me a chance as well, okay?”

 

Shintarou hummed.

 

“I just love you lots, Shin-chan.”

 

“I love you too,” Shintarou said, a little choked.

 

Kazunari smiled gently and kissed the roundness of the man’s shoulder.

 

“Is…” Shintarou began. “Is that a bottle of lube on the fireplace?”

 

Kazunari’s smile turned into a grin against Shintarou’s skin. “Maybe,” he muttered. “A man can always hope.”

 

“…Come here, then.”

 

He hurried to get properly back down on the blanket and beside Shintarou. About to smirk, he didn’t have the time for it when Shintarou captured him in a kiss that made him pleasantly lightheaded. Kazunari parted his lips and sighed, dragged his tongue against Shintarou’s when the man nudged it inside and tasted the broth he had fought to get right in the making. The mellow flavor of tofu swirled around as well, and it made laughter bubble in his chest. He gained a look from Shintarou but didn’t break the kiss. Instead he tilted his head and angled the kiss better to make it even deeper.

 

Whenever he kissed Shintarou like this, even after all the years the pit of his belly nipped in the most pleasant way possible. He quivered despite the fact that it was hot right in front of the fireplace. Vaguely he thought of getting rid of his shirt but didn’t want to break the kiss, thus he clung to Shintarou even tighter. When they pulled back for a breath, Kazunari rested the tip of his nose against the side of Shintarou’s and slipped his eyes close. His heart beat insane in his chest, his pulse pounding on his fingertips that he stroked the man’s nape with. He kissed the corner of his mouth.

 

“Can I do something nice for you?” he murmured below his breath.

 

“What is that?”

 

He peeled his face back enough to give Shintarou a look when he popped open the button of the man’s trousers and pulled down the zipper.

 

Immediately Shintarou’s eyes widened, and he held in a breath.

 

Kazunari took it as a sign of agreement and placed a tender kiss on his lover’s lips. He worked his hand over Shintarou’s crotch and squeezed gently, then slightly harder and drew out a breathy moan. It was one of the beautiful sounds in the world, he figured as he slipped his hand even deeper to the pants and fondled with the scrotum through the fabric. Shintarou hooked an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, then yanked him into a kiss that Kazunari answered with the same intensity. They kissed deep and hard, and although the kiss still tasted of miso soup, there was something wonderfully cozy about it.

 

“Kazu…” Shintarou murmured against his lips.

 

Kazunari hooked his fingers around the tight waistband of the boxers and pulled down. After a bit of shuffling he managed to get the fabric down to Shintarou’s mid-thighs and glanced down at the half-hard cock in display. He nipped the man’s bottom lip and then moistened his lips. Suddenly craving for the dick in his mouth, he kissed Shintarou once more and then lowered himself over his crotch. He licked a strip of flesh on the abdomen that tightened beneath his tongue. Quick to work his mouth lower, he gave Shintarou a glance as he felt the long fingers curl in the midst of his hair. With a grin he moved his fingers around the base of the dick and pumped gently. Shintarou hung his head backwards and made a noise from the back of his throat.

 

Encouraged by the sounds, Kazunari took in the crown of the cock and suckled a long while. He stroked Shintarou’s abdomen gently with the very ends of his fingertips and took him in deeper, too fast in fact as he choked to the size and was quick to take calming breaths through his nose. One thing he liked about his lover’s size was the fact that it was lengthy but not necessarily any thicker than average; it always hit the spot and often made him work whenever he blew him. It took a bit of adjustment, but Kazunari was quick to start bobbing his head.

 

He slipped his eyes close and enjoyed the sensation of having the swollen cockhead hit his throat every now and then. With his hungry fingers he tugged and fondled Shintarou’s balls and made his moans echo throughout the house. Somewhere slightly farther behind the cats meowed in choir and then quieted down. Kazunari felt the small of his back break a sweat and rather regretted turning on the fireplace. Nonetheless, he took Shintarou deeper. His dick tasted slightly sweaty, a day’s hard work, tangy, and Kazunari actually liked it. There was something nicely perverse about it, and it tugged his lips towards his ears around his fiancé’s sex.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou whispered again. “Kazu, please…”

 

Arching his brows, Kazunari glanced up and kept going with a steady rhythm around cock. His own dick throbbed, but it wasn’t burning. For once, he figured, he’d be fully satisfied with this alone as long as he’d see Shintarou enjoy himself. The green eyes were filled with swirls of heat and lust and pure sex as Shintarou hung his head slightly down. He rubbed Kazunari’s cheek, and even in the midst of something like this his expression was soft and loving.

 

Pleased with himself, Kazunari swallowed the heavy outline of the cock for good again and decided not to pull back until the salt of his lover’s cum would fill his mouth.

 

Moments later the sack in the embrace of his fingers tightened, and Shintarou shot his load in Kazunari’s throat.

 

Kazunari coughed at first and was quick to pull back, but made sure that most of the cum remained in his mouth. Some dripped on his chin, and that some Shintarou wiped off with his fingers. Kazunari smiled and gained an exhausted one back from his lover. He pushed himself up enough and laced his mouth over Shintarou’s, kissed him gently and hugged him. In return Shintarou wrapped his arms tightly around his torso and pulled him closer.

 

Once more Kazunari kissed Shintarou and then pulled back enough. He entangled their fingers together and squeezed gently. “Should we shower?”

 

Shintarou nodded but held a frown. “Don’t you want…”

 

Kazunari’s lips twitched into a grin. “We can have some fun in the shower,” he said with a wink and got up.

 

It took some effort but he managed to pull Shintarou on his feet as well and led him to the bathroom. His knees buckled as he watched Shintarou take off his clothes, and Kazunari himself was quick to throw his own clothing on the floor. He tangled himself to his lover and pulled him to the shower, turned it on, and let the warm water pour down. In the midst of the rain he hooked his arms around Shintarou’s bare waist and looked up at him, fluttered his eyes and rose to his toes. As a smile splattered on his lips, he pressed his lips gently on Shintarou’s and kissed him, and then gave him a reminder of all the fun things they could do under the gush of water.


	154. Phone Rings

Engrossed to the current research papers he was meant to finish by the evening, Shintarou nudged his glasses better to the bridge of nose and rubbed a sore spot near his ankle. His eyelids grew heavier after every line, and after every page he took a pause that grew longer and longer the more he read. He glanced over towards the television he kept open and in low volume, and then through the large window showing their backyard. The sun was still up and Kazunari in the small spot he had told he was making his garden. The man had his legs straight but his bottom high up as he leaned towards the soil, and Shintarou couldn’t help but stare. When he caught himself doing it, a small smile twitched on his lips.

 

He shook his head in amusement and reluctantly turned back to the pile of papers in his lap. Several times Kazunari had told him to save the planet and _not_ print the pages out, but he couldn’t concentrate reading a thing from a laptop’s screen. His eyes would ache, and he frankly wasn’t too interested in becoming the planet’s savior when he had his work to do. He craned his neck and rubbed his shoulder, felt it ache like almost every other spot in his body, and huffed. Truthfully, he wanted another massage session with Kazunari. The way Kazunari knew his body like the back of his own palm was amazing, and his fingers felt heavenly pressing against his muscles… Beneath his breath he groaned and took another break from reading.

 

Before he could get back to it, his phone rang. He discarded the papers and reached for it, wasn’t sure what he expected but arched his brows higher upon seeing Kazunari’s mother’s name flash on the screen. Not sure why exactly she called him (usually she phoned Kazunari and _then_ chatted with him for another hour), he cleared his throat to be on the safe side and answered the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“ _Oh, thank heavens_ ,” she breathed and sounded relieved. Somehow her words glued together in a faster pace than normally. “ _Shintarou, dear, is Kazunari with you? I tried to call him but it seems his phone is turned off_.”

 

“Yeah, he’s—he’s in the garden. Is everything all right?”

 

“ _Yes, yes, but there’s been a slight emergency. Could you please bring the phone to him, sweetheart?_ ”

 

Shintarou’s heart dropped to his stomach. A ‘slight emergency’ didn’t sound too good. “Of course,” he said, getting up. He hurried across the living room and to the frame of the balcony door. The cats found him immediately and came to meow by his feet, but he ignored them. He pressed the phone flat against his chest and called out for Kazunari. “Kazunari! Your mother’s calling, come here.”

 

Kazunari perked up and then came closer with a sunny smile on his lips. Worried that the smile would disappear soon for whatever reason the man’s mother was calling, Shintarou felt a hard lump in his throat and passed the phone to the fingers dirty with soil. His heart ticked unpleasantly as he watched his lover’s face. Somehow, he thought of his own mother and felt his intestines wrap up in tight knots. Nausea pooled in his stomach.

 

“Wait, what do you mean, don’t panic?” Kazunari asked out of the blue. His brows knitted together as he looked up towards Shintarou but not really at him. “What happened? Seriously? Fucking hell… Jeez, sorry, mom. Yeah. I’ll come there. No, I want to be there, I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Shintarou mustered out as soon as Kazunari ended the call.

 

Kazunari shook his head and rubbed his forehead to his forearm. “Dad’s in hospital.”

 

“What?” Shintarou’s eyes went wide. He stared at his lover and expected him to freak out, but he was surprisingly calm. Not sure if this was a defense mechanism he had never seen before in a decade, Shintarou attempted to control his thoughts but felt the shivers on his skin that he had gotten when his mother had passed away. “What happened?”

 

“It’s just his leg broken.” Kazunari walked past him to the living room. “Mom said that he was trying to do something in the garden, fixing some stuff, and then fell off the ladder and broke his leg. I’m gonna go to the hospital.”

 

“I’ll come with you,” Shintarou hurried to say as soon as he managed to lure the cats back in and locked the door behind his back. “I’ll drive.”

 

Kazunari peeked from the bathroom door, hands soaked. There was a small smile on his lips. “You really don’t have to, Shin-chan, it’s just a broken leg. I’ve told him so many times to be damn careful, but no…”

 

“I’ll come with you,” Shintarou insisted. “I have nothing else to do, so I might as well drive you there and make sure everything’s okay.”

 

“It’s not his heart failing, babe.” Kazunari snickered and came close, then rubbed Shintarou’s chest.

 

“You’re surprisingly calm.”

 

“Mom started it so damn dramatic, she was all ‘baby, don’t panic now, but something terrible has happened’. He’s not gonna die or anything.” He worked his fingers along Shintarou’s jawline. “But I still wanna go see him to make sure he’s okay, so you ready?”

 

Shintarou nodded. He grabbed the car keys and got out of the house after Kazunari and, like promised, drove them to the hospital.

 

Along the long and pale-colored corridors he nodded and greeted his colleagues, partially itched to put a white coat on himself now that he was already here, but without a fail he followed Kazunari’s steps. No matter what his lover said, his steps were longer and faster than normally, and Shintarou had a hunch that he was worried despite his calm demeanor. Part of him was glad that he had never seen his mother in bad shape in a hospital – he probably wouldn’t have wanted to work in the place after that. His heart pounded as he turned around familiar corners and let Kazunari search for the right room in peace.

 

When they did find it, Kazunari didn’t bother knocking as he barged right in. Hunching ever so slightly, Shintarou followed his shadow keenly.

 

He had always liked Kazunari’s father. The man was often quiet, talking when necessary, and maybe it was the attitude that also made his own father be fond of the elder Takao. Now the man held a sour look on his face that began to wrinkle around the edges, and didn’t look that much happier when Kazunari plopped down on the other available chair beside his mother.

 

“You boys didn’t have to come here,” the man said and directed his narrowed look to his wife. “Did you tell them to come?”

 

“No,” she insisted and held her husband’s hand. Despite grumbling, he didn’t let go.

 

“Ridiculous,” he huffed and shook his head. Several pillows helped his posture upwards. His eyes met with Shintarou’s, and then he looked at Kazunari. “You didn’t have to bother Shintarou with this, son, it’s just a broken leg.”

 

“I asked myself if I could come,” Shintarou hurried to say and offered a smile.

 

Kazunari’s mother got up her feet. “It’s good that you’re here, dear, maybe now they’ll give us better service, they tell he’s not a priority because this isn’t life-threatening…” She hurried to the corridor. “Excuse me, my doctor son-in-law is here, could you please…”

 

Her voice became a mere echo. Shintarou stood still a moment longer and then moved behind Kazunari, didn’t dare to take her seat if she would return soon. He rested his hands on his lover’s shoulders and squeezed.

 

“What did you do, dad?” asked Kazunari. His voice strained after all. “Mom said you were fixing something in the garden and you fell off the ladders.”

 

“That’s all I did, and she makes it sound like it’s the end of the world. She’s so damn fussy sometimes, it’s only my leg, there’s nothing wrong with me yet she bothers the doctors by asking about all of these tests.”

 

“Dad,” Kazunari sighed. “You’d be just as worried if mom broke her leg.”

 

Kazunari’s father grunted and shook his head.

 

“And you need to start being careful, okay? You’re not young anymore.”

 

“I’m not even sixty, son. You’re starting to sound just like her. Shintarou, please, put some wisdom in his head and tell him that I’m not too old.”

 

Shintarou took in a sharp inhale and forgot to let it out of his lungs when Kazunari turned around in the chair and looked up at him. Not wanting to start a massive fight with a wrong comment, he stumbled a step back. “I think I’ll go get something to drink for me and Kazunari. Would you like coffee? Hot chocolate, tea?”

 

Kazunari sighed, but his lips twitched to a smile nonetheless. “Coffee. Thanks, Shin-chan.”

 

With a nod Shintarou escaped from the room and was happy he did as the duo began to argue as soon as he stepped through the door. He let out a small sigh and rubbed his temples, took a second to remember where the coffee machine was at this floor and proceeded towards it. In front of the machine he shoved a hand to his pocket and fished for little coins, found enough and got a coffee with milk and tea. He took a sip from the latter and swallowed down the burning liquid, and was about to return when he heard a quiet sniff.

 

His brows knitted lightly together, but he jolted as he saw Kazunari’s mother hunching on the nearby seat. She had buried her face to her palms, her body in a smaller curl than normally, and her shoulders shook. Hesitating, Shintarou took a step forward, then another and a third, and sat down beside her. He knew that he was bad when it came to consolation, could really only soothe Kazunari and no one else in the world, but he decided to try nonetheless.

 

“Are you alright?” he quietly asked.

 

She looked up and, seeing him, smiled tenderly and was quick to rub her fingertips against the underside of her eyes. “I’m sorry that you had to see this, dear,” she said and let out a small chuckle afterwards. It reminded him of the ones Kazunari sometimes mustered out when he was thoroughly embarrassed. “I didn’t want to… want to cry at all, it’s really silly, it’s only a broken leg.”

 

“It’s okay,” he reassured. “I see a lot family members in an emotional state whenever I’m working, and I can assure you that this is a normal reaction.” He gave his tea to her and attempted a smile. “I’m sure you’re worried, but it’s merely a broken leg. He seems to be healthy otherwise.”

 

She looked down at the tea and took a careful sip. Some tears still dripped to her cheeks, but she was quick to brush them away. “Would you be so kind and not tell them?” she asked quietly. “My husband already thinks I’m… overreacting, and he told me not to call Kazu-chan when it wasn’t a serious issue.”

 

“I’m certain that Kazunari appreciates that you called him. You’re both very important to him.”

 

Tears still brimmed in her eyes. This time she didn’t wipe them away as she looked at Shintarou and patted his knee carefully. “Thank you, you’re such a sweetheart. It’s always good to see you, dear, please continue looking after my Kazu-chan.”

 

“I will,” Shintarou promised. He held a moment’s pause whilst thinking, but decided to say nonetheless, “We’re actually going to my friend’s place tomorrow, he’s hosting a barbecue party. I’m pretty sure that Kazunari is quite excited.” He hoped that a moment’s chat would keep her busy and out of her thoughts that probably raced too much at the moment. Shintarou knew that would it be Kazunari lying on a hospital bed with a mere broken leg, he’d still freak out.

 

“That sounds lovely. How are the plans for the wedding going?”

 

“Good, good.”

 

“Have you done your guest list yet? Because if not, you definitely should not invite Kazunari’s aunt, he’ll know whom I’m talking about. She’s rather conservative and wouldn’t like at all that first Kazunari is marrying a man and then getting out of the family register.” She huffed and shook her head. “She’s from the Takao side, so you’ll be pleased not to associate with her.”

 

The corners of Shintarou’s mouth tightened to a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

 

“And do think twice if you want to invite his cousins, they are a very… interesting lot to say the least, they like to fight—“

 

“Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou jolted out of the one-sided conversation and turned towards the other end of the corridor. Walking closer, Kazunari held a smile on his lips and stopped right beside him. He worked his fingers through Shintarou’s hair and then rubbed his shoulder.

 

“I was thinking where the hell you went,” he snickered.

 

“Here,” Shintarou said and gave the cup of coffee to his lover.

 

“I’m sorry, Kazu-chan, I think I babbled too much to Shintarou here,” she said and got up on her feet. “How is your father doing?”

 

“He’s just fine, mom, don’t worry, okay? You know he gets grumpy when you do that because he doesn’t want you to worry.”

 

“Yes, yes… I’ll go check on him.” She gave brief smiles to both of them and then hurried down the corridor.

 

With a small sigh Kazunari sat beside Shintarou. Shintarou brought his hand to the man’s thigh and stroked gently, and felt his pulse return to normal as he saw the familiar smile on Kazunari’s lips that he was most used to.

 

Still, to be on the safe side, he asked, “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, of course. _Maybe_ I was a bit worried before we got here, but dad’s full of life and there’s no way that one broken leg is going to stop him.”

 

“It’s good to know everything’s good.”

 

Kazunari drank some of the coffee and hummed afterwards. “We can leave soon, too, because I’m pretty sure that mom is not gonna leave his side no matter what.”

 

“Whatever makes you the most comfortable.”

 

Flashing a smile, Kazunari leaned closer and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Shintarou flustered ever so slightly as a familiar nurse walked past them in the precise moment and gave them a knowing smile. He cleared his throat quietly but kept his gaze on Kazunari when the man pulled back. Kazunari searched for his hand and, when finding it, tangled their fingers together.

 

“Thanks for coming with me anyway.”

 

“You know it’s not a problem,” Shintarou said.

 

“Yeah, but I knew you were doing some reading.”

 

“It’s nothing I can’t continue when we go home.”

 

Kazunari sighed, finished the coffee and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder. “Honestly, though, I’d probably freak out if you’d get in hospital.”

 

Shintarou closed his eyes and didn’t even want to think of a situation where Kazunari might end up lying half-dead at his workplace. Taking deep breaths through his nose, he rested his hand on the roundness of his fiancé’s knee and didn’t bother to move away even when steps echoed past them. “I don’t even want to think about it,” he muttered.

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Don’t ever end up in hospital as a patient.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “You know I can’t promise that, you never know what life gives you.”

 

“Yeah, but still.”

 

A sigh escaped Shintarou. “I’ll try my best to avoid it,” he eventually promised.

 

“Always carry your lucky item and everything,” Kazunari said and looked up. His eyes glimmered.

 

Shintarou’s narrowed. “Are you teasing me now?”

 

“Mm… Maybe a little.”

 

He shook his head. “What the hell am I going to do with you…”

 

Kazunari huffed a laugh but didn’t say anything anymore. Below his breath he still snickered and rested his head back to Shintarou’s shoulder. Shintarou held in a sigh and squeezed Kazunari’s hand to his own, and listened the familiar sounds of the hospital echoing to his ears. Most of the days the noises were soothing and helped him focus, but right now it didn’t bring much comfort in him.


	155. Twelve Babies

Kazunari buttoned close the odd Hawaiian shirt he had found at the very bottom of their wardrobe and looked at his reflection proudly from the mirror. Although he had chosen the shirt as a joke it didn’t look too bad with tight jeans, he concluded, tilted his head and puckered his lips. He worked his fingers through his hair and, despite looking damn good to his own eyes, wondered if it was an appropriate outfit for Seijuurou’s barbecue party after all. Had to be, since there had been no sign of a dress code. He looked summery. Still a bit uncertain but feeling mischievous, he nodded to his image and strutted out of the bedroom.

 

“Hey,” he called to Shintarou who sat on the couch and had been ready for the last fifteen minutes. “What do you think?”

 

Sluggishly Shintarou picked up his gaze from the magazine he was reading, and the moment he saw him his mouth fell agape. He quickly pressed his lips in a line and took a sharp inhale through his nose. “May I ask what the hell you’re wearing?”

 

“Hey, this shirt was on _your_ side of the wardrobe,” Kazunari defended and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “So technically it’s _your_ shirt and I’m just borrowing it. But it doesn’t look awful with these jeans, does it?” He hopped properly to Shintarou’s sight and stood still beside the coffee table.

 

Shintarou puckered his mouth. He, of course, looked impeccable even with sand-colored shorts, and Kazunari was a bit jealous. But he didn’t want to appear to the party looking too polished if it really was just going to be a night of having fun and catching up with friends. He arched his brows at his lover and expected an answer. Color rose high in Shintarou’s cheeks.

 

“It’s—It’s good,” was eventually Shintarou’s conclusion.

 

“Tell me the truth, Shin-chan, will you? I’m not planning to embarrass myself.”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze. “It’s awful,” he said.

 

“Aw, fuck. Give me five more minutes in that case, okay?”

 

“We’re going to be late.”

 

“I’m pretty sure we won’t, it’s really already, so just relax.”

 

Kazunari took the five minutes he had promised, changed the jeans into thinner chinos and the Hawaiian shirt to a simpler one, and emerged from the bedroom. “Do I now look like I’m not going to embarrass both of us?”

 

Shintarou discarded the magazine and got up. “You wouldn’t have embarrassed me in the previous outfit either.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Kazunari.”

 

“I’m just joking,” Kazunari snickered. He tiptoed and gave Shintarou a quick smooch, swatted his bottom and gave a wink when he gathered the man’s gaze to himself. A squeal escaped him when Shintarou reciprocated and slapped his bottom in return, but quickly a grin melted to his lips and refused to leave when he grabbed the bottle of wine along and left the house in Shintarou’s shadow.

 

The traffic was bad and Shintarou not appreciating his effort of making the journey shorter by singing, thus Kazunari looked at the changing scenery through the window and tousled his hair. He muffled a yawn to his shoulder and took a deep breath. Even with the entire mishap with the invitation he was still excited, always was when he had the privilege of sneaking into such a secluded group. _Maybe_ he had gotten into the group through Shintarou in the first place, but he was now convinced that they were friends with him because they wanted to, not because they had to be nice to him.

 

“See,” Shintarou said as he stopped the car in front of Seijuurou’s house in the midst of few others, “we’re late.”

 

“We’re not, those are probably all Seijuurou’s.”

 

Shintarou threw him a look but said nothing as he got out of theirs and slammed the door shut. Kazunari was quick to circle the car and stopped by his lover’s side, took a hold of his hand and offered a kiss to his shoulder. It made Shintarou’s expression mellower, and together they took the steps to reach the luxurious porch. Hugging the wine to his chest, Kazunari let go of the man’s hand and knocked on the door. Somewhere nearby he heard laughter and faint echoes of chatting.

 

The door swung open, and behind it stood Seijuurou with possibly the widest smile Kazunari had ever seen on him.

 

“Welcome,” the man said, his tone almost cheerful.

 

“I hope we’re not late,” Shintarou said immediately.

 

“Not at all, come on in.”

 

Kazunari gave Shintarou a knowing smug look and stepped in, kicked his shoes off and offered the bottle to Seijuurou. It brightened the man’s look ever so slightly, and he accepted it with a nod.

 

“You can go to the backyard, almost everyone is here already. Though Kazunari, could you stay behind for two seconds?”

 

With a light frown Kazunari stopped dead on his tracks and so did Shintarou. Smiling, however, Kazunari ushered his lover to go and once the man reluctantly did it and disappeared through the huge balcony doors, Kazunari turned to Seijuurou curiously.

 

“I still want to apologize for the impression I might have given you,” Seijuurou said. His voice turned an octave more serious this time as he looked Kazunari in the eyes. “It certainly wasn’t my intention. I consider you a good friend of mine, and I do hope the feeling is mutual.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Kazunari said. A smile splattered on his lips. “Of course, I think everyone here as my friends, but I just got a bit confused for a second or so. But I’m really happy you invited us, Shin-chan loves these but he’s too coy to actually admit it.”

 

“That’s good to know.” Behind their backs the door was knocked, and Seijuurou took an inhale. “Excuse me for a moment.”

 

Kazunari nodded and took a step back, and made a mental note to himself to tell Shintarou that they really weren’t the last ones arriving. Curious to see who was later than they were, he perked when Seijuurou opened the door. His brows knitted together upon seeing Daiki, but in the first few seconds he couldn’t recognize the woman beside him. When he eventually added one fact to another and realized it was Satsuki, his eyes widened around the corners.

 

Her looks had matured like all of theirs, but she still retained her beauty. Her hair was in a long lazy ponytail, and when Seijuurou stepped out of the way, Kazunari realized why. Satsuki’s belly had grown in size, a perfectly round bump that was draped underneath a summer dress, and it was the bump that she stroked gently when she exchanged few words with Seijuurou with a smile on her lips. Her posture was a little off and the stomach looked heavy. Beside her Daiki hovered and held a hand around her waist and not an inch lower, a little protective at that.

 

She spotted him and gasped for breath and wiggled her fingers to a wave. “Hi,” she said and took steps closer with a slower pace from normal, but still fast enough to leave Daiki behind. “Good to see you, and congratulations for the engagement! Dai-chan told me.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Forget about me getting married, look at you! You’re pregnant,” he said the obvious.

 

Satsuki giggled. “Eight months in.” She rubbed the bump with a glimmer in her eyes. “She likes to kick a lot, though, so I’m happy to get her out of the belly soon.”

 

“Aww, you know it’s a girl? Congratulations, I’m sure she’ll look breathtakingly beautiful just like her mother.”

 

“Thank you! Dai-chan,” she called and waved her hand to the man. Reluctantly Daiki took the steps closer and stopped beside her, and didn’t really meet Kazunari’s eyes. Satsuki huffed and jabbed him in the arm. “Come on, apologize! I’m so sorry, Takao, the moment I move out of Tokyo and try to start a peaceful family life, Dai-chan ruins everything in his own. Come on, apologize to him.”

 

Daiki grumbled but took a deep breath nonetheless and bowed his head ever so slightly. “I’m sorry for our previous meeting.”

 

Dumbfounded, Kazunari hurried to say, “It’s really okay, don’t worry about it!”

 

Satsuki bristled beside Daiki, seemingly happy. She patted the man’s arm and smiled gentler than before. “Now my feet hurt, I have to sit down.”

 

“Come on, then,” Daiki said and hooked an arm back around her waist.

 

Kazunari walked behind them and caught a whiff of grilled meat and vegetables the moment he stepped to the backyard of the size of their entire house. There was a big circle of chairs, almost all of them occupied already. He was quick to spot Shintarou sitting alone with a cup in his hand looking a little sullen but chatting with Tatsuya anyway.

 

“Ki-chan!” Satsuki suddenly exclaimed.

 

“Momocchi!” Ryouta jumped up on his feet from his seat and rushed forward, hugged her tight but clearly conscious about her stomach. “You’ve grown so big! She’s getting out real soon, isn’t she?”

 

Satsuki nodded happily.

 

Ryouta was still all smiles as he pulled from the hug, but was quick to straighten his back when he saw Daiki. Both of the men stared at each other, and Kazunari felt the cracking in the air that suddenly turned quiet. Neither of them looked exactly comfortable, but they remained still. Eventually Ryouta inhaled sharply and stumbled a step back.

 

“Um,” was all he said at first and then swayed his hand towards Yukio who slowly got up on his feet as well beside him. “Aominecchi—Aomine, this is… This is Kasamatsu. Kasamatsu, this is… Aomine.”

 

Daiki glanced at Satsuki and then took a step forward. He offered his hand to Yukio. “Good to meet you,” he said.

 

“Likewise,” Yukio said but didn’t sound too happy.

 

Daiki nodded for a couple of seconds and, upon letting go of the man’s hand, turned to Ryouta. “Could I talk with you for few moments? I promise it won’t take long.”

 

Ryouta’s eyes widened. “Sure,” he still said. “Sure… Um, I’ll be right back.”

 

The two of them disappeared inside.

 

Kazunari shared a look with Satsuki. Not sure what exactly would come out of those two’s discussion, and noting the fact that Yukio looked slightly distressed as he squeezed the glass of drink in his fist, Kazunari finally sat down on the empty chair beside Shintarou and patted his knee.

 

“That was unexpected,” Shintarou dryly said when the chatter around continued again. “I was sure we’d see a fist fight.”

 

“Maybe he’s learning.” Kazunari hummed and turned to Atsushi and Tatsuya on Shintarou’s other side. “How are you doing?”

 

“Good,” Tatsuya said with a smile and rubbed Atsushi’s thigh. “And incredibly busy.”

 

Atsushi rolled his eyes lazily. “It’s my future shop… So much work to do, don’t really want to, but Muro-chin makes me do it.”

 

“But at the end of the day you want to do it, don’t you, dear?”

 

“Mm… I guess.” With a grumble on his lips Atsushi accepted the kiss Tatsuya gave to him. He looked a bit happier afterwards.

 

Kazunari startled out of the brief conversation with someone squeezing his shoulder. He glanced up. Seijuurou stood beside him.

 

“Would you like something to drink?” the man asked.

 

“Oh, uh… Do you have anything non-alcoholic?” Kazunari’s brows arched higher.

 

“Of course. There’s punch made out of soda, would that be okay?”

 

“Yeah, thank you.”

 

A moment later he got a cup in his hand and thanked Seijuurou once more. The drink tasted of summer, fruits and berries, and rolled sweetly on his tongue. The scent of the barbecue already on the grill made his stomach grumble, and a big part of him was happy he hadn’t eaten anything big before leaving as he saw the massive amount of food. The meat looked amazing and so did the vegetables, and all of that would surely be enough for the twelve of them. His stomach grumbled just loud enough for Shintarou cast his eyes at him. Kazunari smirked widely, and the gesture made the bridge of his nose wrinkle. He gained a roll of an eye from his fiancé but also the man’s hand to his lap.

 

When Daiki and Ryouta eventually came back, the chatter didn’t die off but all eyes were at them. Ryouta was quick to take a seat beside Yukio and said something to him, nodded, and then shared a brief kiss. Curious, Kazunari turned towards Daiki sitting down beside Satsuki on the other side of the small ring. He didn’t look too bad, Kazunari thought and frowned lightly. He was quick to continue the chat he shared with Tetsuya and Taiga, their words mostly consisting of pet-related things.

 

Seijuurou cleared his throat noisily by the grill and gathered everyone’s attention in a heartbeat. His smile was pleasant on his lips. “Now that we’re all finally here, welcome. Thank you for coming, and special thank you to my dear Kouki here who has helped me tremendously with today’s preparations.”

 

Kouki flushed bright red and fidgeted under everyone’s gazes.

 

“I’d want to spend just few seconds before we start eating for a toast.” Seijuurou looked around the circle. “When I started middle school and joined the basketball club, the last thing on my agenda was to create friendships that would last for life, but somehow… Looking at the six of you now, I wouldn’t want to change a single thing. Whether you want it or not, you’re all important to me. Not only are you in my life, but you have also introduced me to your wonderful partners.” He took a breath and smiled. “I’m the luckiest man there is. So, I want to toast for friendships.”

 

They all raised their glasses and incoherently repeated ‘for friendships’.

  
Kazunari took a sip from the drink and then bristled. “Group hug!” he shouted. “Miracles’ group hug, group hug, group hug, group hug—“

 

Shintarou glared at him. “What are you trying to do?” slithered between his clenched teeth.

 

“Group hug, group hug!” echoed Ryouta and jumped up on his feet.

 

Ryouta was the first one to dash towards Seijuurou. Tatsuya gave a kiss to Atsushi and ushered him up, Satsuki pulled Daiki along, Tetsuya got up on his feet with a smile on his lips, and finally Kazunari nudged Shintarou up on his feet. A bright smile illuminated Kazunari’s mouth as he watched the seven of them look at each other for a moment and eventually gather to a massive hug. He whooped and shouted, clapped his hands, and was absolutely certain that he saw tears bristling in the corners of Seijuurou’s eyes when they all pulled back.

 

When Shintarou returned hastily beside him, his cheeks were glowing bright red. “Ridiculous,” he muttered below his breath. “ _You_ are ridiculous.”

 

Kazunari snickered and rubbed his back. “You loved it, Shin-chan, a bit of Miracles action is always good for you.”

 

“I did not love it.”

 

“Alright then, Mr. Grumpy.”

 

There were smiles all around the circle. Kazunari spared a look around. Seijuurou seated himself beside Kouki and gave him a seemingly breathtaking kiss; Tetsuya talked with Taiga, a smile on his lips; Ryouta rested his head on Yukio’s shoulder and Yukio ghosted his fingers over the man’s knuckles; Shintarou got up to talk with Seijuurou; Atsushi and Tatsuya sank in a world of their own, talked and looked each other in the eyes like they were still new lovebirds; and Satsuki excused herself to the bathroom and left Daiki alone. Kazunari looked at Daiki and hesitated. After few seconds he got up and walked across the circle to him.

 

He pointed at the empty seat beside him. “You mind if I sit?”

 

Daiki frowned. “Sure,” he said.

 

“Thanks.” Kazunari plopped down and sighed. The garden chairs felt surprisingly comfortable for garden chairs, and in the back of his mind he debated whether to ask from Seijuurou where he had gotten them (they’d look good in their small backyard too). He looked around a moment longer and then fixed his gaze on Daiki for good. “You okay?”

 

“Huh? Yeah, yeah…” Daiki rubbed his nape. “Listen, I’m still sorry about before, yeah? Satsuki got fucking mad at me for that, so, you know. Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kazunari promised and leaned back into the chair. “To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have been any calmer myself.”

 

“Mm.”

 

He held a moment’s pause. “What did you talk about with Kise?”

 

“Oh, uh…” Daiki turned to look at Ryouta across the circle. He shrugged. “Just told him I’m sorry and that his new guy seems like a decent one and that the guy better take care of him, and then I told him that as long as he’s happy, then it’s cool. I mean… Look at him. I haven’t seen him smile like that in months.”

 

Kazunari indeed looked at Ryouta and the gentle smile on his lips as he talked with Yukio. Every now and then Ryouta looked into the man’s eyes and snickered, shook his head and kept talking.

 

“Maybe it’s the best like this after all,” Daiki said. “I mean, I love him so damn much that looking at that fucking hurts, but at least he’s smiling. That’s good. Is good, I’m good.”

 

There was something heartbreaking in the man’s expression, something so raw and vulnerable, and Kazunari had never seen him like this. Kazunari looked down at his toes and remained quiet, tried to search for right words. He couldn’t find them and wasn’t sure what else to say. Eventually he decided on something a bit more positive.

 

“Hey, you remember Sakurai?”

 

“From Touou? Yeah.”

 

Kazunari’s lips twitched to a smile. “He’s working at the same store as me.”

 

“Huh.” Daiki peeled his gaze finally away from Ryouta and turned to him. “I didn’t know that guy’s still in town.”

 

“Yeah, and sometimes he’s telling me that he doesn’t really have anything to do after shifts, so you could catch up with him over a drink or something.”

 

“Huh…” Daiki pursed his lips and then relaxed his shoulders. “I don’t know about that.”

 

“Give it a thought, will you?”

 

“Sure. But I ain’t going along with your matchmaking.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “I’m not doing any matchmaking!” he assured. “But just hit him up for a friendly chat or whatever, would probably do you good as well.”

 

Sluggishly Daiki looked at him. “Yeah, maybe,” he agreed. “Yeah, you know what? Fuck it, just give me the idiot’s number and I’ll give him a call.”

 

Kazunari did exactly that, and the moment he managed to press the final digit a shadow loomed over him. Looking up, he smiled a bit as Shintarou’s figure stood in front of him.

 

“What are you doing?” asked Shintarou.

 

“Gave him Sakurai’s number so he can hook up with him,” Kazunari said, giving Daiki’s phone back to him. “Did you miss me already?”

 

“No,” Shintarou huffed and rolled his eyes. “I just came to ask if you want me to bring you a plate of food now that you have abandoned me.”

 

“Oh, baby, I’ll come with you so you don’t have to feel abandoned,” Kazunari teased and got up on his feet. “So you indeed missed me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Right, right, I almost believe you.” Kazunari hooked his arm around Shintarou’s waist and pulled himself closer to the man. Tiptoeing, he smooched his chin. “But let’s seriously grab some food, my stomach’s grumbling so bad.”

 

“I’ve heard.”

 

“You so haven’t!”

 

Shintarou gave him a look, and Kazunari grinned.


	156. Curious Animal

Shintarou reclined on the couch with his full length and felt particularly lazy. Such a position wasn’t normal for him, but he was tired and somehow too sluggish to move to the bed. It wasn’t that late, either, and he also knew that Kazunari had enclosed himself to the bedroom to read something. Wanting to give his fiancé some alone time for once, he opened the television and rubbed his eyes. After enough zapping between the channels he settled to one showing a movie and muffled a yawn to his palm.

 

If he really thought about it, he wasn’t even sure _why_ he was so tired. The shift today hadn’t been that bad, rather short in fact, but it had still managed to drain out all of his energy and now he hated it. He curled his toes and stretched his legs as long as possible, and looked at the television. Maybe he’d give the movie half an hour and then give up and go curl up in Kazunari’s arms. It sounded like a particularly good plan, and he nodded to himself, ready to execute it as soon as the thirty minutes would be up. At the same time he wouldn’t want to be too early, because Kazunari had disappeared to the bedroom and hadn’t invited him along, so Shintarou knew that some time alone was probably needed.

 

He rested his eyes close. As soon as he did so, he heard loud meows behind his back. He inhaled sharply and let his nostrils flare, but he let the cats do whatever they did and didn’t bother to get up. The meows soon turned more intense, though, and it became difficult to ignore them. Shintarou grumbled and still refused to turn his gaze from the television. Suddenly instead a meow the most high-pitched hiss echoed in the entire house, and Shintarou pushed himself up like a spring and searched for the cats with his gaze. Once he saw them, his eyes widened.

 

The cats were near the dining room, Ushi behind and on top of Ao. Ao meowed and screeched and seemingly attempted to get away, but Ushi held her tight between his legs and kneaded them to her sides. Shintarou’s pulse thickened. Ao kept hissing and meowing, and eventually Ushi sank his teeth to her soft neck and held her down.

 

No matter how Shintarou looked at it, the ex-stray had mounted their little girl. _That_ was an attempt of impregnating, and _that_ was something Shintarou couldn’t tolerate.

 

With the power of a thunderstorm he pushed up and marched to them. He clenched his teeth and grabbed Ushi away from Ao who got up on all fours and strutted to the living room. In his arms Ushi struggled and meowed, but Shintarou stared at him like he was the most dangerous beast in the world. Maybe he was. At least the cat had tried to do the _one_ thing he hadn’t wanted it to do. Not even sure why it had happened, he knew there was only one person who knew. His heart thudded madly as he kept the cat in his grasp and marched to the bedroom. He forgot all about giving Kazunari time for himself as he pushed the door open and placed the struggling cat on the foot of the bed.

 

“Keep your damn cat,” Shintarou snarled.

 

Kazunari blinked behind the book and put it down on his lap. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Do you know what your cat did?”

 

“ _Our_ cat,” Kazunari corrected.

 

“No, your stupid cat that you simply _had_ to have because you consider us a damn animal shelter.” Shintarou crossed his arms tight over his chest and narrowed his eyes upon seeing Ushi crawl towards Kazunari. When Kazunari took the cat in his arms and stroked him and made him purr, Shintarou saw pure red in his eyes. “That damn cat _mounted_ Ao. That damn cat was trying to _impregnate_ our well-behaving cat.”

 

Kazunari snickered, rubbed Ushi’s head and kissed the same spot. “You silly boy,” he muttered to the cat and smiled. “You shouldn’t do that to your baby sister.”

 

“No, Kazunari, this is _serious_. You told me you got him neutered. Did you lie to me?”

 

“No! Shin-chan, calm down, will you?”

 

Shintarou glared at his lover. “You said you got him neutered, so why is he still doing that?”

 

“So he still has his sex drive, big deal. We won’t have little kittens running around, so calm down.”

 

“You’re not taking this seriously enough.”

 

“And you’re taking this way too seriously!” Kazunari laughed and watched Ushi settle to a comfortable curl beside him. With a smile on his lips he stroked the cat and looked up at Shintarou. “Come here, baby, and calm down. So he mounted Ao, big deal. He might not have his balls but the sex drive is programmed in his mind, yeah? I’m hundred percent sure that there won’t be any kittens anywhere.”

 

Shintarou grumbled and stared at him. “I’m not coming there as long as that _stray_ is there with you.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. “He’s not a _stray_ , he’s our cat!”

 

“I told you he’d be nothing but trouble, didn’t I? I told you and still you insisted on having him.”

 

“You know what? If you don’t want to come here, why don’t you sleep in the couch then?” Kazunari shook his head in clear bemusement and took Ushi almost protectively in his arms. He discarded his book for good and sank better under the blankets together with the cat. “Goodnight, close the door when you go.”

 

Shintarou stared at him for a moment and then felt his expression relax and soften. “Kazunari…” he tried.

 

“I said goodnight.”

 

He really couldn’t win against the fit of stubbornness, could he? With a heavy sigh he stripped down to his boxers and carefully slipped under the covers. He looked at the cat, cautious, and then inched slightly closer. He worked his fingers over the silhouette of Kazunari’s body but got no reaction.

 

“I just don’t like it if he does that,” he quietly said.

 

Kazunari stirred but didn’t look at him. “Uh huh.”

 

“Kazunari, please.”

 

The man turned around ever so slightly. In his arms Ushi struggled just a bit and reached over to drag his tongue against Shintarou’s nose. Not sure if he liked it or not, Shintarou still didn’t move an inch and let the cat do what it wanted. His pulse thudded loudly and made his chest ache. Wondering if he’d have a premature cardiac arrest, Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut when Ushi concentrated his licks all around his face.

 

“Kazunari,” he said, muffled beneath Ushi’s fur.

 

“I just don’t like that you referred him as my cat,” Kazunari finally said. “It’s equally your cat. What if in the future our kid does something you don’t like and you immediately proclaim that it’s not yours at all?”

 

Nausea pooled in Shintarou’s stomach. “I wouldn’t do that—“

 

“You just did that. These cats are our babies, Shin-chan. Just because Ushi is excited and a bit curious in nature doesn’t make him a bad cat.”

 

Finally Ushi stopped licking him. The cat hopped out of Kazunari’s embrace and stood in the foot of the bed, meowed loudly and settled down to a curl. A moment later Ao strutted to the room and jumped to the bed as well, spent a moment grooming the spots around Ushi’s ears and then settled comfortably beside him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou eventually said. “I think I freaked out.”

 

“You sure as hell did.” Even when Kazunari told it with a grumble, he still inched closer and buried himself to Shintarou’s arm. He snuggled closer and then looked up at him. “You need to relax, Shin-chan. It’s not the end of the world if Ushi mounts Ao a bit.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“Just loosen up, it’s okay. And I promise you, he got fully neutered and there’s _no_ way we’ll get kittens.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “If you say so.”

 

“I say so. Now stop doubting me so damn much, will you? Makes me grumpy.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou hurried to say.

 

Although Kazunari didn’t answer anymore, he still smooched Shintarou’s chin and buried himself better in his arms. As much as Shintarou wanted to slip his eyes close, he first lifted his head up enough to look at the cats. They seemed to be best friends again, grooming and licking each other’s furs like there was no tomorrow, and eventually Ao snuggled right beside Ushi. Maybe it was okay. Maybe he really needed to relax and take it easy. He huffed air through his nose and set his head comfortably to the pillow. He didn’t quite feel like sleeping yet, thus he stroked Kazunari’s hip gently with the very tips of his fingers and listened his breaths turn into light snores.


	157. Blogging

“Shin-chan?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Should I start blogging?”

 

Admittedly mildly amused by the suggestion, Shintarou lifted his gaze from the paper he was reading and looked at Kazunari beside him on the couch. The man had been clicking the keyboard quite vigorously for a long time and now that he thought about it, the sounds had quieted down a while ago. He arched his brows and rested the paper over his thighs.

 

“What would you write about?” he asked, curious.

 

Kazunari shrugged. “About stuff, I guess. How I became a lover of a top surgeon or something.”

 

“Then you’d be lying, because I’m not a top surgeon,” Shintarou dryly said and picked up the paper again. He merely managed to glance again the headlines when Kazunari shifted closer in the corner of his eyes.

 

“Are you against it?”

 

“Not at all.” Shintarou spared another look at him. “If you want to start blogging, by all means do that. But isn’t that more for young people?”

 

“Hey, we’re still young!”

 

“We’re almost thirty.”

 

“That’s still young,” Kazunari grumbled.

 

Shintarou said nothing, rolled his eyes and took in the local news of the paper. Although he technically knew they were still _young_ , he didn’t exactly feel like it. He had been young when he was eighteen – he’d be forty in ten years and probably in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Shaking his head to the thought, even shuddering, he still felt curiosity burn his soul. It took him a moment, but eventually he discarded the paper completely and turned to Kazunari, fingers twitching.

 

“What made you think you’d want to do that?” he asked.

 

Seemingly Kazunari was deep in thoughts as he jolted. Afterwards he displayed a bright grin and said, “Because I think I found Kise’s blog.”

 

“Kise’s? _Our_ Kise’s?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “How can you be sure?”

 

“Well, in the bio it says that the writer is a… ‘successful model dreaming of flying one day’,” Kazunari cited and snickered. “And that really sounds like Kise.”

 

“It does,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Plus he’s got tons of pictures, you can’t see his face or anything but I can recognize him anyway… See, here, look.” Kazunari moved even closer until the side of his thigh was pressed against Shintarou’s. He turned the laptop in a way that Shintarou could see and scrolled down the pictures. After the first few he pointed one of them. “See that necklace? We gave it to him for Christmas few years ago.”

 

Shintarou stared at the familiar design of a necklace with squinted eyes. They _had_ given an exact replica for Ryouta few Christmases ago. He huffed and pulled away. “That doesn’t prove anything, though.”

 

“Yeah? Look at this, here’s his hair, and it’s totally Kise.”

 

After a while of staring at the blond bush of a hair, Shintarou gave up. “All right, you’re right.”

 

Kazunari smirked. “Most of the time I am.”

 

“That’s not a conversation I’m willing to start.”

 

“Mean!” Kazunari huffed through his nose, closed the laptop and snuggled to the crook of Shintarou’s arm. He worked his fingertips over the man’s abdomen and made him quiver. A hum on his lips, he stretched his neck and kissed Shintarou.

 

It was a kiss Shintarou was happy to accept, his lips already tingling from slight loneliness that he had gotten into in the last few hours. If someone had asked him ten years ago if he was the kissing kind, he would have denied it immediately. The eighteen year-old him wouldn’t have understood the beauty of it. The short, sweet kisses were his favorite, anyway, although there was time and place for the deep tongue-filled ones that left him dizzy. Now he peeled from the kiss and then pecked Kazunari’s lips again, and received a dazzling smile in return.

 

“How did you come across his blog in the first place?” he asked by the time they both settled comfortably in the wait of their favorite show.

 

“Mm… I was searching information about the university and kind of, sort of got distracted by other things,” Kazunari admitted and burrowed his head better to the crook.

 

Shintarou was careful to work his fingers over Kazunari’s knee. “Are you seriously thinking about starting studying next year again?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I mean, I’m not getting any younger.” Kazunari sighed. “Sure, we have the wedding and everything, but if I just start slowly studying in a month or two, I guess it’s doable and I can take a week off for getting married with you and then lying on a beach.”

 

“Are we going to the beach?”

 

“Yeah, aren’t we?”

 

“That’s the first time I’m hearing that,” Shintarou pointed out. He moved his arm better around Kazunari’s torso. “But I suppose that if you insist on the beach then we will go to the beach.”

 

“You’re such a softie, Shin-chan.”

 

“Watch it, or I’ll make you come along to a week-long city trip.”

 

Kazunari let out a throaty noise.

 

“But I do think that educating yourself would be wise,” Shintarou steered back to the more serious topic. “You’d do well.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Yes, of course. You’re hard-working as long as you’re interested in what you’re doing.”

 

Kazunari gave him a look. “But what if I don’t like it again? Are you gonna get mad at me again?”

 

Shintarou moistened his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. “First of all, I was never mad at you for dropping out—“

 

“Yeah, right.”

 

“—and secondly, if you end up not liking it, you’ll simply pick something else that interests you. Education is always good.”

 

“Mm. You’re so wise, babe.”

 

Shintarou threw him a glare but couldn’t deepen it when he was kissed square on the lips. A gentler sigh escaped his mouth, and he worked his hand to the small of Kazunari’s back that he began to stroke. It made his fiancé shudder and brought a flicker of flame to his own abdomen. The corners of his lips wanted to twitch higher but he didn’t give permission to that. Instead he scooped Kazunari better in his arms and tried to concentrate on the cooking show instead of the man attempting to find a suitable position every two seconds.

 

Eventually he asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

 

“Trying to find a good position,” Kazunari huffed.

 

“Yes, I can see and feel that. Do you think you would find one soon?”

 

“It’s not my fault your body’s annoyingly hard today.” Kazunari leaned towards the other side of the couch and, upon grabbing a cushion to himself, stirred the cats awake from their slumber. They meowed for a moment and then fell back into snuggling. Kazunari moved the small pillow on Shintarou’s lap and rested his head on it. “Is this good for mister now?”

 

“Better.” Shintarou worked his fingers through the dark hair and untangled the knots. “Now please stay still, I’m going to miss half of the show because you’re squirming and making noises.”

 

Kazunari looked up at him with a hint of a grin dancing on his lips. “I’ll be like a statue, promise.”

 

He hardly was, but Shintarou didn’t have the heart to scold him any further. Thus he swallowed in the words that wanted to escape his system and took deep breaths instead whenever he really wanted to explode for Kazunari moving the pillow around too much. Because of it he missed the judges telling the name of the contestant having to go home, but he could figure it out from the way the woman on screen was openly crying. He shook his head but forgot all about his annoyance when Kazunari pulled him to a gentle kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's time for my monthly apology for writing too short chapters, so... I'm sorry!! (╯︵╰,) I'm really trying my best, but sometimes I'm not either feeling like sitting down and writing for a long time (one chapter is always written in one go without breaks, which can mean anything from one to three/four hours of sitting and doing nothing but writing; after over 150 days it can get a bit tiring...), or the prompts aren't inspiring enough to write more than a bit over 1k. But I'm trying! So thank you for still tagging along, it means the world to me. This would be a hell of a journey to do alone, so I'm happy you're there ( ˘ ³˘)♥ Slowly but steadily we're reaching the halfway mark, which is insane, so thank you for everything!! I'm so honored and so very happy.


	158. In a Garden

Shintarou worked up a sweat in the kitchen as he marinated some meat in the skewers and nudged them to the oven. The sun was shining bright through the windows and making the already warm kitchen even hotter, and he spent a moment wiping his forehead sweat-free to the sleeve of his shirt. As a small sigh rolled on his lips, he took out two plates and got some salad on them, poured a bit of the spicy dressing to his and none to Kazunari’s, then set the nicely cool small potatoes to another corner.

 

As he waited for the meat and vegetables to cook, he did the dishes and saw no sign of Kazunari. It brought a bit of tension to the corners of his lips but he couldn’t really blame him, not when the weather was so summery and the cats played outside. He finished the dishes just in time for his stomach to grumble. The meat looked tender enough, he thought, the vegetables gotten a bit of healthy dark color, and he got the skewers out of the oven. He set two for each plate and smiled peacefully to the sight. The plates didn’t look _amazing_ or anything, but the dinner look all right. Proud of himself, Shintarou grabbed the plates and advanced towards the balcony whilst trying to evade and avoid the cat toys spread all around the floor.

 

In one of the two plastic garden chairs (certain someone had demanded that they’d get them) Kazunari sat and faced their backyard. Shintarou cleared his throat quietly and offered the plate to the man.

 

“I know I told you that you can take it easy today, but I didn’t mean ‘slack off’.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I got distracted.”

 

“Distracted by what?”

 

“The view.”

 

As he took a seat beside Kazunari, Shintarou stared at their backyard. The cats were energetic on the grass, playing with each other with such intensity, then stopping dead on their tracks upon spotting a butterfly. Some of the noises of the city echoed but created rather peaceful background music. The sun was starting to set, the sky painted with hues of orange and red and pink. Shintarou relaxed on the seat.

 

“All right, I give you that,” he eventually said. “But the next time I’m not making dinner from a scratch without your help.”

 

“You know I would have just been in the way there, Shin-chan.” Kazunari leaned towards the balcony’s wooden floor and then straightened his posture with two bottles of beer in his hand. They were still cold, Shintarou assumed from the odd droplets of water that licked the glass neck. He confirmed it when he wrapped his fingers around it. About to take the first swig, he didn’t have the chance to when Kazunari clinked his bottle to his.

 

Shintarou hummed. “What was that for?”

 

“Toasting, silly.” Kazunari gave a wide grin that wrinkled his nose. “It’s a nice day and you got the most perfect company right here beside you.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “You think so?”

 

“Wow, way to be mean to your fiancé.”

 

“You know I don’t even mean it.”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari gave him a look full of smirking and took a sip from the beer, then set it down and dug in to the food. “What did you make?” he asked with his mouth full of potato.

 

“It’s just skewers made in the oven.” Shintarou shrugged and took a swig from the drink. The disgustingly sweet taste of raspberries remained on his tongue, but it wasn’t half-bad after the third sip. He cut one of the smaller potatoes in half and took a bite. A bit too tender. He pouted.

 

Kazunari munched his mouth empty and said, “You know, we really should get that grill. Then we can also do barbecue parties.”

 

“You know it wouldn’t be the same as Akashi’s, neither of us has the skill for it.”

 

“Yeah, but we could learn together, then invite Miyaji and everyone along.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look and ripped a piece of meat out of the wooden stick. “We’ll think about it.”

 

“I really hope that’s your way of saying _yes honey, we’ll get a grill and start grilling all the time_.”

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

Kazunari huffed and shook his head. With a seemingly good appetite he ate the food, and then reached his fork to Shintarou’s plate. He stole a piece of red pepper and tossed a grin.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou asked. “You’ve got your own plate.”

 

“But yours looks better!”

 

“They’re identical.”

 

“They so aren’t.” Kazunari reached over again, but this time Shintarou moved his plate farther away. The man gave him a pout and retreated properly to his chair. “Stingy,” he muttered under his breath.

 

Shintarou said nothing and concentrated on eating for the next few minutes. Just like this, sitting side by side whilst gazing to their backyard, made it feel like they were already married. In reality, he idly thought, they _were_ already married, just hadn’t signed the papers yet. They had lived under the same roof for ten odd years, and he really didn’t think they could get any more married than they already were. It was somewhat pleasant idea to have an actual wedding, to make it properly official, but part of him had considered himself married already for the last few years. He turned to Kazunari and eyed his profile, watched the stuffed cheeks and the way his jaw moved in the motion of munching, and smiled privately to the sight. No matter how he looked at it, this was his partner for life. He couldn’t imagine sitting beside anyone else in the serenity of a sunset.

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

He startled and felt his eyes widen upon being caught with staring and smiling by Kazunari who looked mildly amused. Clearing his throat, Shintarou averted his gaze. “Nothing,” he was quick to say but wasn’t sure whether Kazunari actually believed that.

 

“If you say so.” Kazunari shoved an entire potato in his mouth and chewed it in all peace. Afterwards he said, “This is kind of nice, don’t you think?”

 

“It is.”

 

“I’m so happy to have you, Shin-chan.”

 

Blush raced to Shintarou’s neck with a record speed. “Why are you getting sentimental now?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “It’s just the truth. I’m so happy.”

 

“I got it already, thank you.”

 

“Are you getting embarrassed now?” Kazunari snickered.

 

“No.”

 

“Alright, babe, whatever you say.” Smile toying on his lips, Kazunari put down the empty plate and inched a little closer with the chair although it was nearly impossible. He smooched Shintarou’s cheek and stroked his arm below the sleeve of the shirt with the pads of his fingers. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, “and realized that we still don’t have a song to have as our first dance.”

 

Shintarou swallowed the last piece of meat rather hard and washed it down with a gulp from the beer. He put down the plate and, feeling rather sappy to tell the truth, gently moved Kazunari’s head to rest on his shoulder. “We can dance to whatever song you’d prefer,” he said and stroked his fiancé’s knee. “As long as you’re happy with it and I can see you smile, then I’m fine with it.”

 

“Aww, Shin-chan…” Kazunari sighed gently and nuzzled his nose to Shintarou’s shoulder. “We’ll find a good one that we both like.”

 

“I honestly don’t mind.”

 

“But it’s _our_ wedding. It’s cute how you try to be all knight-like and everything, but it’s okay to have opinions about stuff.” Kazunari peeled off enough to look at him and pressed a kiss to the edge of his mouth. “So you gotta tell if you don’t like some flowers or the china we’re gonna end up choosing or you think the music is bad or just _anything_. Your opinion is important to me, Shin-chan, and I want the wedding to look like _us_.”

 

Somewhat dumbfounded, Shintarou blinked and looked at Kazunari who seemed stubborn in a gentle way. A sigh escaped his mouth. “All right,” he said. “I’ll try to get myself more involved to the decision making.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “That’s the spirit,” he muttered and kissed Shintarou on the lips, then pulled back and kissed again.

 

Shintarou had a hard time battling with the smile that twitched on his lips.

 

Entangling their fingers together, Kazunari tugged Shintarou up on his feet. “Come on,” he said.

 

“Where?”

 

“I wanna show you that small garden spot that I’ve made.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I can see it just fine from here.”

 

Kazunari gave him a look over the shoulder and kept pulling him along. “Come on now, you won’t see the best parts from here.”

 

Shintarou was easy to coax and too tired to argue about something so silly. He took a better hold of Kazunari’s hand albeit his fingers were damp and didn’t mention aloud that he could have walked without handholding and guiding. On their short way he glanced at the cats that snuggled with each other on the grass basking in the sunshine. His eyes narrowed as he stared at Ushi, but the boy had behaved well after the incident. Right beside Kazunari he stopped out of the blue just in time to not walk over some soil that had been spread around with clear intentions.

 

“So here we’re gonna get carrots,” Kazunari said. He let go of Shintarou’s hand and moved behind him, wrapped arms around his waist and cradled him. From under Shintarou’s arm he peeked in front. As much as Shintarou wanted to say that the position didn’t quite work with the taller one in front, he rather enjoyed the arms that held him securely. Kazunari continued, “And see that little bit over there? There’s some strawberries.”

 

Shintarou rubbed his fingers over Kazunari’s arms and glanced at him. The man looked comical with his head tugged to the crook of his arm, but Shintarou resisted laughing. “And when exactly are we going to see the results?”

 

“I really don’t know because I chucked out all the papers before I reached that part.”

 

“Why am I not surprised?”

 

“Hey!” Kazunari shifted in front of Shintarou and tiptoed to reach near his height. He still kept his arms around the man’s waist. “I think I read from one of the magazines that it shouldn’t be too long, maybe few weeks to a month or something? It’s surprisingly hard work, so don’t diss it.”

 

“I’m not… _dissing_ it,” Shintarou dryly said and looked into the eyes that shone several wonderful colors in the setting sunlight. “It’s a good and valid hobby, and I’m happy you have taken this much interest in it.”

 

Kazunari gave a boyish smile and turned Shintarou to another direction. He pointed towards the big tree right in the corner of the yard. “I’d like to plant some flowers there if I actually manage to make this part grow, you know, make the yard a bit more summery. Would you like that?”

 

Seeing the suitable opportunity, Shintarou tugged Kazunari in front of him and hooked his arms around him from the behind. More comfortable in the position, he rubbed his fiancé’s sides gently and stared at the spot around the tree. “I’m sure it would look good,” he eventually agreed.

 

“Yeah, if I can only make it like that… _Oh_ , do you think Furihata would know about that sort of stuff since he works at the flower shop?” Kazunari didn’t give Shintarou the chance to reply as he continued, “Maybe I’ll call Akashi and ask for Furihata’s number and _then_ I call Furihata and ask what sort of stuff I should do.”

 

Shintarou smiled in the privacy of Kazunari’s hair that was unruly today. It was always good to see Kazunari bubble, and he didn’t care what his lover would do as long as he was happy with what he was doing.

 

“You know what else would be great?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“If he’d have a kid or two running around here.”

 

Shintarou’s expression softened. “Indeed.”

 

Kazunari turned around in the embrace once more and looked at Shintarou. The sunset pooled in his eyes and made him look stunning. “We could have a swing hanging from the tree,” he said, voice gentler than before. “And—And they’d run around screaming and the cats would probably be annoyed.”

 

“Most likely.”

 

Kazunari looked Shintarou in the eyes. The darkness of his own brimmed around the corners. “We’re going to have kids, right? You want them, right? It’s not just me saying it and you going along with it?”

 

“Of course not,” Shintarou assured. “I want children with you, maybe in a year or two. No matter how we decide to approach it, it’s going to be a privilege for me to raise children with you.”

 

“Now you’re just being overly sappy,” Kazunari snickered. He rose to his toes and kissed Shintarou tenderly, tilted his head to an angle and deepened the kiss ever so slightly. It was over quicker than expected, and afterwards Kazunari smiled silly. “I just wanted to know that we’re still on the same page about it.”

 

“My opinions haven’t changed. If they do, I will let you know.”

 

“Deal.” Kazunari swatted Shintarou’s bottom. “Now I’m kinda in the mood for dessert, so how about I’ll go grab the cake slices from the fridge and you get comfortable in the chairs?”

 

Shintarou nodded and watched Kazunari skip back to the house. For a moment he stood still and eyed the house, their _home_ , and smiled to the sight. It was frightening how everything he had vaguely dreamed of was right here in his hands. He had the job he had always wanted, had bought the house he had promised to get Kazunari when they had been young and foolish, and although two cats had never been part of the image, he was even pleased to have them. The façade of their home basked in the golden light, and it took all he had to tear himself away from the spot and sit down on the garden chair.

 

When Kazunari eventually came back with the slices of cake bought from the shop where Atsushi still worked, without a word or warning Shintarou pulled his lover to a kiss and knew for fact that it tattled all the love he felt for him. He was absolutely certain of that when Kazunari pulled back and smiled with the intensity of the star up in the sky.


	159. Gratitude

Kazunari’s insides trembled. He wasn’t really a nervous person to begin with, had always loved a bit of a challenge, but now that he stared at the kindergarten through the car’s window, he couldn’t stop toying with his fingers. Taking a sharp inhale, he examined the building a good while. There weren’t children in the yard but instead they were inside judging from the mass of short ones he spotted through the colorful windows. He laced his fingers together and squeezed them into fists. He didn’t like to put too much value on certain events, but this was important. This could determine whether he really wanted to pursue a career with children. He tried not to get his hopes up, but he was a little hopeful nonetheless.

 

He turned to Shintarou and offered a shaky smile.

 

“It will go well,” Shintarou reassured. “You’re a natural with children.”

 

“I really hope so.” Kazunari took deep calming breaths the way Shintarou had once taught him years ago to combat moments of panic, and then displayed another smile. He leaned closer and kissed the man’s cheek. “I’ll see you in the evening, I’ll just take the train to work afterwards.”

 

“Wait.” With a light frown Shintarou reached for the bag on the backseat and rummaged through it. Eventually he pulled out a miniature statue in the shape of a waterfall and offered it to Kazunari. “Your lucky item for today,” Shintarou explained, “please carry it with you, Scorpio wasn’t in too good of a placing today.”

 

Kazunari curled his fingers around his own personal little waterfall and settled it gently to his bag. “Thanks, Shin-chan, I’ll make sure to keep it nearby. Love you,” he said and kissed Shintarou on the lips.

 

“Love you too, have fun.”

 

Promising to do so, Kazunari got out of the car and took a breath of fresh air. After one more look towards his fiancé who intently looked at him, he waved his hand at him and took steps forward. He really liked the area, he had to admit, not too many tall buildings around, the yard well kept, some colorful drawings on the street beneath his feet. Truthfully, he thought, he wouldn’t have expected anything less from a place where Tetsuya worked – if someone he knew had children’s well being in mind, it was Tetsuya. His heart pounding wildly, Kazunari stepped through the gate and securely closed it behind his back, and marched to the entrance door.

 

The moment he opened it, the loudest noises slammed against his face. Screaming, laughing, crying, the noises were overwhelming, and he stood still with his eyes widened and tried not to be shocked. Little shoes after shoes were scattered on the floor like a maze, some neatly placed, some thrown here and there without a pair. Kazunari tried his best not to step over them and eventually took his own off and revealed his sun-decorated socks to absolutely no one. A hesitant smile curled on his lips. He clutched his bag tighter in his grasp and walked through a corridor. Drawings were hung from both sides right above the wooden lockers shoved full of clothes and various stuffed toys. Although the level of noises was insane the further he walked, somehow he felt at home even when his ears ached.

 

Through the first open door he peeked inside. There were a handful of children, some coloring or drawing, some screaming, one crying with her mouth wide open and reddened face in Tetsuya’s soothing embrace. Once the man saw him, Kazunari grinned widely and wiggled his fingers for a wave. Tetsuya got up with the little girl still in his arms and bounced her gently, but she kept crying.

 

“Kazunari-kun,” Tetsuya said with a bit of a sigh. “Welcome. It is a bit loud right now, we haven’t eaten breakfast yet.”

 

“That’s fine, you know, I didn’t think it’d be any quieter than this.” Kazunari’s grin turned a little brighter.

 

Tetsuya let out a small chuckle and reached for a teddy bear in the nearby locker. He offered it to the girl who threw it on the floor and then began to cry even harder. Not sure what was wrong with her, Kazunari still crouched for the toy and gave it back to her. This time she wrapped her small arms protectively around it and buried her face to Tetsuya’s shoulder.

 

“It’s okay,” Tetsuya murmured to her with a smile ghosting on his lips. He turned to Kazunari and nodded towards the room. “I’ll introduce Kazunari-kun to the children, and then we can go through the things Kazunari-kun should do this morning.”

 

“Sounds good.” Kazunari shadowed his friend’s steps.

 

“Everyone!” called Tetsuya gently and attracted some of the children’s attentions whilst some of them continued to play with cars or dolls or various animals. “We have a new teacher this morning. His name is Kazunari-kun, please say hello to him.”

 

An incoherent choir of ‘hello’s and ‘hi’s echoed in the room. Kazunari couldn’t hold back his smile. The children were adorable, only reaching to his knees, and few of them looked at him with marvel in their eyes. He took the steps towards Tetsuya’s desk and hung his bag to the hanger located above his head.

 

“I’ll go ask how quick we can get our breakfast, and then I’ll come back and explain Kazunari-kun everything,” Tetsuya promised.

 

“Sounds good.”

 

When his friend was gone, Kazunari twirled around and examined the large room. There were even more drawings and paintings on the walls; in a nearby shelf were things made out of clay; crayons were spread all over one small table with a little boy intensely coloring a page from a book. Kazunari rested his eyes on the sight and felt pleasant warmth tickle his belly. Despite the decibels of the occasional screams and giggles were hurting his ears, he had a feeling that he would love to teach such a bunch later in life.

 

He jolted out of his thoughts to a tug of his sleeve. Frowning, he looked down and saw a boy looking up at him with puppy eyes. Kazunari made sure to smile gently as he crouched down to his level.

 

“Hi,” he said.

 

“I need to pee,” the boy mumbled.

 

“S-Sorry? I didn’t quite hear.”

 

Tears brimmed in the boy’s eyes. “I need to pee,” he repeated with a mutter.

 

“You need to— _Oh_. Uh, okay. Do you know where the bathroom is?”

 

The boy’s bottom lip trembled, and he shook his head wildly. He murmured something so quietly that Kazunari didn’t catch it at all.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear.” When the boy seemed more than ready to cry, Kazunari felt panic swell inside him. Frantically he searched for Tetsuya in his vision but didn’t spot him. Not sure what to do at all when quiet sobs came right beside him, he hurried to say, “Why don’t you whisper it in my ear?”

 

Sniffling, the boy nodded. He reached closer, pressed his mouth to Kazunari’s ear and enclosed it by placing both of his palms around it. “I’m scared to go alone,” he whispered.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Kazunari breathed and pulled back. He smiled gently and got up. Surely he could take one scared boy to the bathroom without Tetsuya’s permission… He offered his hand to him. “Why don’t we go together in that case?”

 

The boy was eager to grasp his hand. The small fingers were damp and slimy from tears and mucus, but Kazunari made sure to tighten his grasp as they walked towards the door. Before he could step out of the room, Tetsuya appeared. Kazunari’s pulse thudded.

 

“Can I take this lil’ one to the bathroom?” he asked and arched his brows. “He said he has to go but he doesn’t want to go alone.”

 

“Of course.” Tetsuya smiled softly to the boy. “Good job, Naoki, very well done. Kazunari-kun will take good care of you.”

 

Quite proud of himself, Kazunari led the boy out of the room and into the corridor. He stopped dead on his tracks and puckered his lips in thought. His hand was squeezed, and he turned his attention to Naoki. The tears had dried on the boy’s cheeks, and he pointed silently towards a door across the corridor. Gently Kazunari tugged him in motion again, and together they approached the door. He pushed it open and found a toilet inside.

 

“I’ll wait here,” he promised and let go of Naoki’s hand.

 

The boy immediately grasped it back in his own and squeezed.

 

“You… You don’t want to go alone in there?”

 

The boy shook his head.

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted together. “Should I—You want me to come there with you?”

 

“Yes, please,” Naoki finally said, his words articulate and precise.

 

Kazunari inhaled through his nose. “Okay, um, all right. Of course, that’s no problem. Let’s go, then, we don’t want to pee in our pants.”

 

This surely was a way to start the day, he thought and closed the door behind them, made sure that the boy managed to climb on the toilet without a problem, and then politely looked elsewhere. He examined the tiles on the wall and thought about his friend. Tetsuya was simply amazing with kids, had always been; he had started as a regular teacher at this exact kindergarten, had climbed the ladder with hard work, and as far as Kazunari knew, was now right below the boss of the place in the hierarchy. Hell, maybe in few years Tetsuya would be the manager of the whole place.

 

“E-E-Excuse me?” Naoki asked quietly.

 

Kazunari twirled around. “Yeah?”

 

“I don’t know what to do,” the boy mumbled.

 

“Mm, okay… Did you pee?” When the boy nodded, Kazunari took a careful step forward. “In that case you can come down and just pull your pants up.”

 

Naoki shook his head.

 

It took Kazunari few seconds to realize what might be wrong. “Can you get down yourself?”

 

Another shake of a head.

 

“I’ll help you, wait…” Kazunari grasped the boy gently from the underside of his arms. “Ready? One, two—oop, there were go!”

 

Just to be on the safe side, he pulled the boy’s pants back up and flushed the toilet. “We should wash our hands,” he said.

 

Naoki ran to the sink that had been clearly purposefully set to a lot lower level. Bravely the boy completed the task and then brought his wet hand to Kazunari’s and squeezed. Kazunari smiled at him and even got a shaky smile back. His heart fluttered. Without another word (it seemed that words weren’t needed with this little guy) he led him back to the room and watched him dash off to his friends to play with dolls. For a moment Kazunari stood still and then approached Tetsuya sitting by the small table with few children.

 

“How did it go?” Tetsuya’s voice was soft and gentle, surely enough to soothe anyone and make them feel calm.

 

“It went well. Yeah, it was okay, no problem whatsoever.”

 

“That’s good to know.” Tetsuya offered the boy in his lap a red crayon and then turned to Kazunari for good. “We’ll have breakfast in few moments, and afterwards we always play a little with the children. We might go outside today since the weather is nice, but we’ll come back by lunch. After lunch some of them will take a nap.”

 

Kazunari nodded along. “Sounds good.”

 

“So Kazunari-kun should—“

 

“Teacher,” a boy interrupted out of the blue and pulled Kazunari by his sleeve. “Can I sit in your lap?”

 

Momentarily taken aback by the question, Kazunari was quick to grin. “Hop in,” he said and moved the chair back enough to fit a boy in his lap. The boy climbed on his lap without hesitation and then plopped down with a smile on his lips. He grabbed the nearest crayon and some paper and began to draw. Watching a dog appear on the paper over the small shoulder, Kazunari hummed and turned to Tetsuya. “What were you about to say?”

 

“Kazunari-kun should simply play with the children before he has to go, I’m sure that will be an experience enough.” Tetsuya smiled and then nudged the shoulder of the boy who sat in his lap. “Does Yuuto want to come and get the breakfast with me today?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Kazunari’s chest tingled pleasantly as Tetsuya excused himself and got back fairly quickly with a cart full of plastic bowls and cups. Kazunari got up despite the boy grumbling in his lap, set him down on the chair, and helped Tetsuya distribute the bowls of porridge around the round tables to the children. Afterwards he sat down between a boy and a girl and got curious looks. He smiled but startled as Tetsuya placed a bowl in front of him, too.

 

“What, I get one too?” Kazunari looked up at him.

 

“Yeah!” said the girl beside him, grabbed his spoon and offered it to him. “Your belly’s gonna go _raaaawr_ if you don’t eat!”

 

Kazunari snickered and took the spoon. “Is that what your belly does if you don’t eat breakfast?”

 

“Yeah! It goes _raaawr_ and _grrrr_ , and then I cry.”

 

“In that case we both better eat in that case.”

 

Kazunari scooped some of the porridge and ate it with good appetite despite having a heavy breakfast at home. In the midst of eating he looked around and spotted several happy faces here and there. Somehow he felt at ease here. He had always liked children, really wanted to get one or two in the future together with Shintarou, and if he then could on top of everything teach them the basics of some subjects in school… A smile melted on his lips. His pulse bounced happily below the ribcage.

 

“Kazunari-kun,” Tetsuya called from another table. “Could you please help him eat?”

 

Kazunari turned to the boy beside him and gave thumbs up to Tetsuya. He grabbed the colorful spoon and gathered some porridge to it, then offered it towards the boy.

 

“Why don’t we eat a bit of this?” he asked.

 

“No!” the boy shrieked.

 

“Come on, just a bit of this yummy porridge. Just a teeny tiny bit.”

 

“No! Don’t want to, no!”

 

Kazunari thought a moment. “Hey, just few spoonsful, and then we can go and play with some building blocks. Would you like to play with the building blocks?”

 

“Play with building blocks with me!” the girl on his other side shouted and got up on her knees to the chair.

 

“See? She wants to play with them with you, so just two or three spoons, okay?”

 

The boy’s bottom lip trembled and he stared at Kazunari stubbornly, but he opened his mouth nonetheless and let the spoon in his mouth. Kazunari was all smiles afterwards as he got a bit more porridge on the spoon.

 

“That’s super good,” he praised. “It’s yummy, isn’t it? Why don’t we eat two more, and then you can go and play with the blocks?”

 

Five minutes later Kazunari wiped the boy’s mouth clean from the porridge (he had ended up giving the spoon to the boy and watched him eat over half of the bowl empty) and eyed him dash off near the blocks with the girl. He gave a look and a grin to Tetsuya, and had a hunch that the rest of the day would simply fly by.

 

* * *

 

Tired to the very core of his bones, Kazunari didn’t bother to muffle a yawn as he walked on the familiar street back home and dragged his feet. As much fun as the day had been, his eyes kept slipping close and he dreamed of slumping down on the bed and never get up anymore. The bag on his shoulder seemed to weigh a ton, and as he yawned another time, tears brimmed in his eyes. Although the shift at the supermarket had been easy and without disruptions, he still very much preferred the morning in the daycare.

 

He turned around the street corner and spotted Shintarou by the front door.

 

“Hold the door!” he shouted and mustered the energy to run across their front yard. Shintarou kept the door open, and Kazunari gave him an exhausted grin. “Hi babe,” he said once he stepped inside and pulled the door shut behind his back.

 

“Hey.” Shintarou pressed a brief kiss on Kazunari’s cheek, put down his own bag and took off his shoes. He leaned against the hallway’s wall. “So, how was it?”

 

“It was _amazing_.” Kazunari let out a tired huff and kicked the shoes off, and pretended to ignore Shintarou’s look. He was too tired to neaten them to their rightful places and he’d make Shintarou understand that later. Walking towards the living room, he continued, “It was so much fun and super tiring, Tetsuya’s incredible for being able to do that every day. I played with the kids, we ate breakfast and lunch, they made me read gazillion books to them…”

 

With a small sigh he slumped down on the couch. He looked up and wiggled his fingers at Shintarou who took the hint and sat down beside him.

 

“Now I need cuddles,” Kazunari chirped.

 

Shintarou pressed his lips flat and rolled his eyes, but complied with the request nonetheless. “Did you get the feeling like that would be something you’d like to do as a profession?” he asked and worked his fingers through the knots of Kazunari’s hair.

 

“You know… I think I’m really going to try and get back into university.” Kazunari, only now deciding it, felt pretty proud of himself. He peeled himself away from Shintarou and looked at the darkening bags under the green eyes. “I think I’m really gonna go for it. I want to do that, and I’ve got no plans sitting in supermarket for the rest of my life.”

 

Shintarou smiled. “Whatever you decide, I will support you.”

 

“Hopefully we’ll have a student in the house soon.” Kazunari snickered and patted the man’s thigh before he got up. “I’m gonna take a shower now, though, I smell so bad.”

 

“I didn’t smell anything.”

 

“Shin-chan, please, I’m pretty sure that sweat is dripping from my armpits.” Kazunari shuddered. “Could you heat up the leftovers in the meanwhile? I’m starving.”

 

“I’ll do that.” Shintarou got up. “Hey, Kazu.”

 

“Mm?” Kazunari stopped by the bedroom’s doorframe. “What?”

 

Shintarou looked at him with a softer expression. “I’m really proud of you,” he said. “I just—just wanted you to know that. I’m proud of you.”

 

Kazunari’s lips melted to a smile. “You’re such a sappy hubby, Shin-chan.”

 

“Oh, shut up and go to the shower then.” Shintarou’s ears and cheeks glowed red as he disappeared to the kitchen.

 

Kazunari grinned to his lover’s shadow and with an even better mood skipped to the bedroom to grab his towel, and forgot all about being tired.


	160. Stopped in the Road

Shintarou dragged the tips of his fingers on the undersides of his eyes and stared in front of him at the endless line of cars stopped in the middle of the main road. On the radio blasted a news report about an accident right here where he sat in the car that was getting unbearably hot (the air conditioner hardly fixed the problem). He worked his fingers through his hair and tousled, then pressed his forehead against the wheel and squeezed his eyes shut. It would have been all right had the traffic been quiet, but it was the prime time for people – just like him – to return home from work. Like so many others around him he had given up and turned off the car good fifteen minutes ago.

 

In the choir of frustrated hunks he felt like he’d turn insane any moment. Some idiots were out of their cars, either stretching their legs or shouting such nonsense towards the front that no one would even bother to listen. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip and pulled the seat a little farther from the wheel. He wished he had brought something to read and study on to make the time worthwhile, but he only had dirty, sweaty scrubs on the backseat and nothing else. The radio wasn’t much of help, either.

 

Five minutes more he endured the annoying tick near his ears and the thrumming of his heart before he fished his phone from his bag and called home.

 

One the fourth ring Kazunari answered. “ _Hey_.”

 

“Hey.” Shintarou sighed and rubbed his aching, dampening forehead. “Listen, I’m not sure if you’ve heard the news, but there’s been some major accident and I’m stuck in the traffic. Haven’t moved in twenty minutes now.”

 

“ _Yeah, I heard of it, they showed footage from above and everything, you really stuck in_ that _line?_ ”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“ _Oh, Shin-chan, try to endure, yeah?_ ”

 

“Mm. So I just thought… Would you keep me company?” Shintarou felt his ears glow but was happy that Kazunari couldn’t see and tease him about it. Quietly he cleared his throat and continued, “Because I… really don’t have anything with me here in the car and I’m about to lose my mind.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “ _Sure, I didn’t really have anything else to do_.”

 

“What were you doing?”

 

“ _Just watching TV with the cats, you know, waiting you to get back and all._ ” Kazunari held a moment’s pause. “ _I could really use some cuddles right now, y’know_.”

 

Shintarou shook his head in amusement and pressed the back of his head comfortably against the seat. He tightened the phone in his fingers’ grasp. “If I ever make it out alive from this mess, I will cuddle you as soon as I step in through the front door.”

 

“ _Ooh, that’s a pretty bold statement. You think you can handle that?_ ”

 

“Please,” Shintarou huffed. A faint smile tugged up on his lips. He rubbed his fingers against the wheel’s smooth surface. “You always make it sound like I’m a bad partner who never pays any attention to you.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “ _As if! You’re the best, Shin-chan, you just need a little push to the right direction every now and then._ ”

 

“Good thing I have you to push me, then.”

 

“ _You’re being so sappy again_.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes to the traffic. “I can stop if it bothers,” he countered.

 

“ _Oh, please don’t!_ ” Kazunari hardly sounded serious. Judging from the sounds he closed the television and slumped down on the couch. The cats must have come nearby as Shintarou heard meows and then purrs. “ _I’m really not gonna stop if you’re planning to declare your undying love to me and tell me sweet nothings right now_.”

 

“Sweet nothings, huh…” Shintarou slipped his eyes close and scratched his nape. “What exactly counts as a sweet nothing?”

 

“ _You know, you whispering how you’ll never let me go and how we’re always going to be together and how I’m so very beautiful and so on_.”

 

“That hardly sounds like _nothing_.” Shintarou felt heat crawl on his cheeks as he even thought of his next words. He said them despite his fluster. “But we _are_ going to be together no matter what.”

 

“ _Shin-chan…_ ” Kazunari sighed gently. “ _You really can be romantic if you want to_.”

 

“Shut up,” Shintarou grumbled.

 

Kazunari’s laugh was whole-hearted and very wonderful. “ _But I kind of missed you today._ ”

 

“You’re just saying that in the hopes of cuddles, aren’t you?”

 

“ _Come on! You’ll cuddle me nonetheless because I’m awesome and you like to cuddle with me._ ”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“ _Just admit it!_ ”

 

Shintarou smiled coyly but wiped it off in the fear of looking ridiculous to someone walking past the car. “Perhaps,” he finally said with a tone just a bit softer than before.

 

“ _I knew it. You’re seriously so cute_.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“ _Nope. You know what else I’d like?_ ”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “Tell me.”

 

“ _You to give me a foot rub. And I could massage yours in return too_.”

 

An involuntary groan escaped Shintarou.

 

“ _You’d like that, wouldn’t you?_ ”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou breathed and imagined Kazunari’s skilled fingers working on his insteps. It made his insides tingle. “That would be wonderful, yes. And I really might give you a foot rub if you behave.”

 

Kazunari puffed. “ _I always behave! When have I not behaved?_ ”

 

“I have about a handful of instances that I can rem—“

 

“ _You so don’t!_ ”

 

There was a brief silence.

 

“Kazu.”

 

“ _Yeah?_ ”

 

“I would… I would really like to kiss you right now,” Shintarou admitted, partially embarrassed of his own boldness. He waited to get thoroughly teased because of the words.

 

“ _You know I’d let you kiss me as much as you want_ ,” Kazunari said instead.

 

Feeling a little braver, Shintarou continued, “I would—would want to sit with you on the couch and simply spend a moment kissing you. On the lips and—and maybe somewhere else too. And be close to you. Just… be close to you.”

 

Kazunari sighed. “ _That sounds so good, babe._ ”

 

“Would you… like that?”

 

“ _That’d be_ so _amazing. I’d kiss you back and we could just snuggle and kiss._ ”

 

“Yes.”

 

“ _You’re actually really missing me too, aren’t you?_ ”

 

“Possibly,” Shintarou admitted.

 

Kazunari snorted. “ _Anyway, how was your day at the hospital?_ ”

 

“Full of rounds, no surgeries today.”

 

“ _You must have been bored_.”

 

“Not really. Surgeries aren’t the primary reason why I attended medical school, thus I also do like making rounds although the residents were annoying.”

 

“ _So they’re not kissing your ass anymore?_ ”

 

“They haven’t… kissed my ass to begin with,” Shintarou said, a bit amused by his lover’s choice of words. “They’re growing simply bolder, trying to see where their boundaries are.”

 

“ _I bet you won’t let them wander too far ‘cause you’re the boss_.”

 

“If you wish to put it that way.”

 

“ _You could boss me around anytime you want, though…_ ”

 

Shintarou felt his throat tighten. His heart fluttered. “You make it sound very sexual when you put it like that,” he managed to muster out.

 

Kazunari hummed. “ _You can decide if I meant it like that or not._ ”

 

“Knowing you, you probably did.”

 

“ _What is that supposed to mean?_ ”

 

Shintarou held a genuine smile on his lips and stared down at his lap. If he really imagined it, he could feel Kazunari’s warmth on his thighs. It made his abdomen ache. “I’m simply saying that you happen to be a sexual person, and I do happen to like it.”

 

“ _You just happen to like it, huh? I’m pretty sure you love it, Shin-chan_.”

 

“Do I?”

 

“ _Mm… Yes, you do._ ”

 

“In that case it’s very fortunate that I’m going to have a husband who knows me thoroughly.”

 

It made Kazunari snicker. “ _Can you believe it_ ,” he began, “ _few months more, and then we can take the ‘Takao’ nameplate out of the door_.”

 

Shintarou’s expression softened. “Indeed.”

 

“ _I’m pretty sure you’re secretly over the moon to have me as Midorima as well_.”

 

“I would be lying if I told you otherwise.”

 

“ _You’re so cute_.”

 

Shintarou’s chest tingled. “Shut up.”

 

“ _Mm… Don’t feel like it, to be honest. Are you going to proudly present me as Midorima wherever we go after the wedding?_ ”

 

Shintarou shook his head in amusement. “You know I will,” he admitted.

 

“ _Midorima Shintarou and Midorima Kazunari, sounds nice._ ”

 

“You’re impossible.”

 

Kazunari gasped for breath. “ _Am not! You like it like this_.”

 

“I do.”

 

“ _Wow, you actually admitted it. I’m so proud of you, hun_.”

 

“You know what.”

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

“I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

 

“ _I love you too_.”

 

Shintarou moistened his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue and looked ahead. The first cars nudged in motion. His fingers trembled as he finally got to turn the key and start the car. “Listen, it looks like the line is finally moving. Give me twenty minutes.”

 

“ _Super. Should I fix you something to eat? You’re probably starving_.”

 

“If you don’t mind, that would be great. Even a stir-fry would be helpful.”

 

“ _Stir-fry it is then, aye aye sir. In return I demand cuddles._ ”

 

“Demand accepted, listen, I really need to go, I don’t want to be caught talking on the phone while I’m driving, there are polices around here. I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

“ _See you!_ ”

 

With a smile on his lips Shintarou ended the call and began the proper journey back home.


	161. Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy MidoTaka day!!

“Why do I have to do this again?” Shintarou asked.

 

Kazunari gave him a look behind a locker’s door. “You already paid yourself in so just get naked.”

 

Once Kazunari got an idea and remained stubborn about it, Shintarou knew there was nothing he could do, and so with a sigh he yanked his shirt over his head. He didn’t mind swimming, but swimming in a public hall was a different thing and something he hadn’t done in ages. Holding his shirt against his chest to cover his flesh, he took a careful peek around. The locker room didn’t seem too occupied, few other men here and there. He was quick to turn his gaze back beside him to Kazunari who seemingly didn’t think at all as he yanked off his clothes and wrapped a towel around his waist. Maybe he was just imagining it, but Shintarou thought that his fiancé had gotten a lot more self-confidence lately.

 

Powered by the thought, he set the shirt nicely to the locker to avoid wrinkles and was about to get off his trousers when he spotted a man across the room looking at him. His heart jumped on his throat upon seeing the friendly smile and a rather invading gaze. Heart pounding fiercely and heat gathering to his cheeks, Shintarou averted his gaze and peeled off his pants slower than normally. Kazunari rummaged through the locker with a whistle on his lips. Now that he thought about it, was the stranger looking at him or Kazunari? Carefully Shintarou looked to the other side of the room and couldn’t decide.

 

Just to be on the safe side, feeling a tiny bit possessive, he grabbed Kazunari’s chin and gave him a brief kiss on the lips.

 

When he pulled back, Kazunari chuckled. “What was that for?”

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou muttered and rubbed the band of his underwear with his fingertips. At least the man wasn’t looking anymore. Comforted by the fact, he wrapped a towel around his waist and in the safety of it got off his underwear. He grabbed a pair of swimming trunks he hadn’t used in ages and that were a bit too colorful for his personal taste (Kazunari had bought them for him for some strange reason a year or two ago), took off his glasses, locked the locker and wrapped the key’s plastic band around his ankle.

 

“Ready,” he announced and made Kazunari smirk.

 

Right behind his lover’s shadow Shintarou made his way to the showers. He glanced around multiple times, made sure that no one looked, and only then got his towel off and rushed under the shower. He felt his cheeks glow bright and deep and wasn’t sure which was worse, that or being utterly naked in public. Under the shower he stood a moment, then already yanked on the trunks and was happy that the fabric didn’t hug him in embarrassing places. Covered, he was fully able to relax under the warm gush of water and glanced at the shower next to him. Kazunari looked like a sight with the dark fabric hanging from his waist, not tight but not too loose either. The man caught his look and smirked. Shintarou averted his gaze.

 

“I still don’t understand why _I_ had to come along,” he said, spent a second longer in the warmth and then turned the shower off. Immediately his skin rose to goose bumps. “You could have called Kuroko or Kise or even Himuro.”

 

Kazunari cut off the water and shook his hair free from the excess droplets. “But you’re my best friend, and it’s good to do some friendship stuff once in a while, right? So no kissing today.”

 

Shintarou shook his head in bemusement. “What’s the point of such a rule? I thought you would be happy if I had the urge to kiss you.”

 

Walking towards the door separating the showers from the pool, Kazunari smirked and said, “Right, okay, no kissing in this premise then?”

 

“Sure.” Before Kazunari could step through the door, Shintarou stopped him by grabbing his arm. He inhaled sharply through his nose and feverishly thought his words through. They escaped him eventually in an incoherent cluster. “I want—want you to know that you’re my best friend too, I mean, I only wanted to make that clear in case—in case there was some confusion about it.”

 

Kazunari smiled like the sunshine they had abandoned outside. “I know, Shin-chan,” he said and yanked the door open.

 

A little cautious and somewhat horribly flustered, Shintarou stepped behind him and was reminded immediately why he wasn’t fond of public swimming halls. Many children ran around screaming, some slipped and began to cry so loudly that it echoed and brought an ache in Shintarou’s ears. He cringed but endured, set as his personal goal to not complain about anything because Kazunari was excited about their small trip and eyed the ladder closest to them leading to the water. He startled when Kazunari walked right past it.

 

“Hey,” he called, “where are you going?”

 

“To the deep end!”

 

Shintarou’s heart jumped up to his throat. He was quick to regain himself and hurried behind Kazunari. The tiles underneath his feet were slippery and he nearly fell over a couple of times but managed to keep his balance and kept following Kazunari. He peeked towards the pool and swallowed hard, didn’t really like the way the water looked so deep and merciless. Apparently it wasn’t Kazunari’s concern as he hurried to the end of the pool and stood on the slightly elevated surface seemingly ready to dive. Shintarou stumbled a step closer.

 

“Kazu,” he called and eyed the water. It looked incredibly dark, the bottom of the pool way taller than his lover. Shintarou turned his gaze to Kazunari. “Can’t you use the ladders?”

 

“Where’s the fun in that?”

 

“At least don’t dive head first, what if you hit it to the bottom—Kazunari, please.”

 

Kazunari merely grinned and prepared himself.

 

“Kazun—“

 

Shintarou couldn’t finish the sentence when a great splash came and tickled his toes. In went his lover and within few seconds came to the surface. Shintarou shook his head and watched him swim a little farther away and then set on his back to float. Not willing to take a risk, he approached the ladders like any sensible person would have done (so he figured). Before he could properly reach it, a small boy stopped beside him and stared at him with widened eyes.

 

“What?” Shintarou asked.

 

“You’re tall, uncle,” the boy said and then smiled from one ear to another. “And you have funny hair!”

 

“Yes, my hair is very funny, I’m aware of that.”

 

Shintarou offered him a small and tight smile and ascended to the water. It engulfed around his thighs and felt slightly cold, but the minute he got his body under the surface all the way to the neck, he was rather fond of the temperature. Not sure if he could still swim since the last time had been ages ago, he tested it out and discovered that he indeed still remembered how to do it. He approached Kazunari and then treaded the water to remain by his side.

 

“I hope you know that this lane was meant for actual swimming,” he pointed out.

 

Kazunari dipped underwater for a second and got up with a beamish smile on his lips. “I was just testing it out, Shin-chan, just checking out if I can still float.”

 

“You did great,” Shintarou dryly said. “We can go now.”

 

“Oh, come on, you wet towel! We just got here, just swim around a bit and have fun.”

  
“I don’t—“ Shintarou didn’t manage to finish the simple sentence as Kazunari already took off and began to swim on the other side of the pool. Limited in his options, Shintarou sighed and followed him, and due to his long limbs was quick to catch him. Without a word he swam beside his lover, and despite the noises echoing in the hall it was quite peaceful. They really should do more _friends_ things, he realized and enjoyed the sensation of the water embracing him. They might have been husbands-to-be but at the same time they _were_ best friends. Maybe they had ignored the latter part from time to time, but this was healthy.

 

“You like it?” Kazunari asked once they reached the end that was shallow enough for both of them to stand without a problem.

 

“It’s all right.”

 

“Next time I want to go to a spa so we can just lie still in a hot tub or something and get a bit dirty with each other.”

 

“I’m not going to be _dirty_ with you in a public place as such.”

 

Kazunari huffed. “But there would be bubbles in the way!”

 

Shintarou shook his head and walked as far towards the deep end as he could before his toes no longer reached the bottom. “Just swim,” he said and did so himself.

 

It didn’t take a long time for Kazunari to catch up with him, and together again they swam side by side.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari called and spat some of the water out of his mouth. “Remember in third year when we went to a swimming pool to swim instead of practicing at the gym?”

 

“How can I forget,” Shintarou muttered. It was one of the rather _innovative_ ideas that Kazunari had gotten as a captain of the basketball team, and the first years had loved to swim instead of shoot hoops for the odd afternoon.

 

“And then—“ Kazunari laughed. “And then afterwards when we were done and we thought that all of them were gone and we got a bit frisky—“

 

“Just a bit?”

 

“Well, all right, a _lot_ frisky, and I basically had my hand shoved down your pants, and then that first year walked in with this super horrified look on his face.”

 

“I don’t remember,” Shintarou gave a white lie as they reached the deep end again and turned around for another lap.

 

“Oh, come on! The first years just kept catching us having fun in places, in there and then at the locker room at the gym…”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “And all of these events are unified by the fact that _you_ always became too horny to wait for us to go at one of our homes.”

 

“Guilty as charged.” Kazunari grinned, but the motion was quick to tug down. “I actually kind of miss it.”

 

“What, getting caught when doing such indecent things?”

 

“No! Being in a team, you know. Play basketball in an actual team and feel like you’re part of something bigger.”

 

Shintarou thought a second. “Me too. To some extent,” he added.

 

“It was a lot of fun… As long as certain someones didn’t take it too seriously.”

 

“You know fully well that I wasn’t as victory-crazed as others,” Shintarou pointed out.

 

Kazunari gave him a look. “I know, and that’s what made you awesome.”

 

It turned Shintarou flustered and made him forget how to swim a moment. When Kazunari stopped in the middle of the lane, Shintarou rushed after him. He breathed heavily through his nose. “I’m hardly _awesome_ ,” he then protested.

 

“You might be a tsun-tsun, but you’re still amazing,” Kazunari chirped.

 

“You’re biased.”

 

“Maybe, but everyone still knows you’re a great friend to everyone no matter what.”

 

Certain that everyone could see his sudden blush, Shintarou huffed. “Just swim,” he said in the lack of other words. He got a knowing grin-filled look from Kazunari and flatly ignored it, remained quiet but somewhere deep inside felt rather pleased by the words.


	162. Dropped Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've waited so long to be able to say this again. Today's chapter includes sex that is a little rougher from the usual, something akin to 'punishment sex' again, so if that's not your thing, I'll see you tomorrow in a more romantic setting ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> Boy, have I wanted to write this chapter for so long, ever since I first hinted about it on day 22 (day 22! 140 days later here we are, _140!!_ \- never thought I'd make it this far). It might have not turned out exactly as I wanted, but this year I'm all about embracing flaws and mistakes. Every fic, no matter how good or bad, means progress so I'm happy!

**11 th of JUNE, 20XX  
**\- _second year of university_ -

 

Shintarou struggled to free his newly bought shaver from its packaging. His cheeks already glowed from heat, and frustration bubbled inside him as he attempted for the umpteenth time to rip apart the plastic wrapped around his salvation for the growing stubble. Part of him was quite proud of the fact that he was _finally_ growing proper bodily hair somewhere other than his hair and groin, but if _only_ the damn thing would have opened thing would be better. With a loud huff Shintarou put it down and glared at it for few seconds before he tried again. No luck. His forearms hurt and his fingers were full of dints from the sharp edges. He took a deep breath and glanced at the kitchen counters in hopes of spotting their only pair of scissors. They seemed to be gone.

 

“Kazunari!” he shouted.

 

“Yeah?” echoed somewhere in the living room.

 

“Where are our scissors?”

 

There was a brief silence, and afterwards Kazunari shouted, “They gotta be in some of the drawers!”

 

Shintarou didn’t bother to mutter thanks as he set out for the job and yanked open the drawers one by one. One of the downsides of living with Kazunari was the inevitable fact that things were deemed to be messy from time to time. Kazunari wasn’t the messiest person he knew, but rather the person who took something and then misplaced it. The corners of Shintarou’s lips were tight as he pulled open another drawer and rummaged through it in the attempt to find the scissors. He was quick to start grumbling below his breath.

 

Standing in front of the last drawer still unopened, he wished for every known deity that the tool would be there; if it wasn’t, it meant that he would actually have to start searching for it properly instead of relaxing and reading the shaver’s manual. He held in his breath and slid the drawer open, and examined its insides with a light frown. It was full of papers, paid bills and other useless stuff, and mercilessly Shintarou pulled them out and set them on the counter. At the very bottom he spotted the scissors and felt his expression brighten. He shoved the papers back to the drawer and was about to close it when the topmost one caught his attention.

 

He opened the drawer fully again and took a hold of the paper. ‘WITHDRAWAL FORM’ it said at its very corner right above their university’s crest. Discarding the scissors, he pressed the small of his back against the counter. His brows knitted deeper together as he eyed the already filled form. It had all of Kazunari’s details and even his signature at the very bottom. It looked very much like a form ready to be brought to the office, and it pulled all the color out of Shintarou’s face. He squeezed the paper in his grasp and shuddered. No matter how he looked at it, it seemed that Kazunari was planning to do something that hadn’t been mentioned to him even once.

 

His blood boiled.

 

He grasped the paper tighter and crafted his knuckles pale as he forgot all about his new shaver upon marching to the living room. On the couch Kazunari sat and relaxed and watched the television like the piece of paper didn’t even exist. Shintarou’s nostrils flared. He inhaled sharply and tried to come up with suitable words. It couldn’t be a mistake, because no one filled such a thing by _mistake_. Powered by the thought, he stomped around the couch and stopped right beside his boyfriend.

 

“When were you planning to tell me?” he demanded.

 

“Huh?” Kazunari perked up and looked almost adorable for a moment with his confused look, but he saw the paper on Shintarou’s hands and turned pale. He averted his gaze back to the television. His cheeks began to glow.

 

“Look at me. When were you planning to tell me that you’re doing this?”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari sighed and sat up properly. He looked towards Shintarou but not at him. “I’m trying to watch this show.”

 

 _Wrong answer_. Shintarou grabbed the remote control and turned off the television without another thought. He nearly shoved the paper to his boyfriend’s face. “Look at me,” he demanded again.

 

Kazunari didn’t.

 

“I said look at me, Takao.”

 

Jolting, Kazunari looked at him. His face was decorated by a frown, but it quickly melted behind a tense laugh. “What does it matter, Shin-chan? It’s not a big deal.”

 

“Not a big deal? You’re dropping out, aren’t you?”

 

Kazunari huffed. “And what if I am?” He sounded defensive.

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you doing this in all secrecy when you could have talked about it with me?”

 

“Why would I need to do that? It’s my decision.”

 

“It’s not. I’m your _damn_ boyfriend, you need to tell me these things.”

  
Kazunari pushed up on his feet. His fingers flexed in tight knuckles as he stared at Shintarou dead in the eyes and then glanced at the paper. He yanked the form out of Shintarou’s hand and didn’t give it back anymore. “This is _my_ decision, Shin-chan, and if I had told you before, you would have given me exactly this attitude.”

 

“I’m not giving you any attitude.”

 

“You are, and it’s annoying.”

 

“No, you know what is annoying? You _dropping out_ without a word and a valid reason—“

 

“I have a valid reason!”

 

Shintarou crossed his arms. “Let’s hear it, then.”

 

Kazunari stared at him like he was a stranger and then shook his head. His lips curled up in a crude smile. “I hate my major, Shin-chan. I’m not planning to torture myself by studying it for god knows how many years more.”

 

For a second Shintarou stared at him blankly. “Is this really about you not _liking_ your major? We’re not six years old anymore, you need to go through it since you’ve already started and not get fixated on the fact that you don’t happen to _like_ something.”

 

“What am I supposed to do, then, cry over all the future essays I need to write? I can’t do that to myself, Shin-chan, you don’t even know how long I’ve been ready to just drop out.”

 

“How… long have you known about this, then?”

 

Kazunari swallowed thickly. “From the beginning of the year,” he admitted with a calmer voice.

 

Shintarou stared at him, his eyes widening. For a moment he wasn’t sure whether this person really was his lover or not, but eventually he let out a joyless laughter. “You’re unbelievable,” he told. “Did you even think for once that you could tell me? I’m not your flat mate, I am your _boyfriend_. I am the one you share your life with.”

 

“Why would I have told you when I knew it’d get like this?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“You’re judging me.”

 

“I’m not judging you,” Shintarou insisted.

 

Kazunari laughed. “You are!”

 

“It’s not judging if I think that you’re making the worst mistake of your life by doing this.”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“You are! You’re going to be uneducated, and what will you do then, work at some convenience store for the rest of your life?”

 

Kazunari blinked. He took a step back. “Is this about that?”

 

“About what?” grumbled Shintarou.

 

“You not being able to handle the fact that you’re boyfriend is seemingly so uneducated while you’re doing great in med school and gonna be a great and important doctor.”

 

Stunned, Shintarou remained silent.

 

“It is, isn’t it? If I don’t have a degree you’re just gonna think that I’m somehow stupid.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shintarou said. “I wouldn’t think like that.”

 

“No, that’s exactly what you’d think.” Kazunari glanced at the form in his hand and waved it up. “I don’t care what you say, I’m going to turn this in the next time I go by the office.”

 

“Don’t you dare to do that.”

 

“But this is _my_ life!” Kazunari shouted. “This is _my_ decision and you have no influence over it! If you can’t handle the fact that you now think your boyfriend is stupid, then walk away, Shintarou.”

 

Shintarou’s heart dropped to his stomach. He knew it was serious when Kazunari used his proper name, and now the effect of it made his pulse weaken. Still, he couldn’t get over the harsh fact that Kazunari was wasting his life like this. He gritted his teeth together and took a step closer, grabbed Kazunari by his arm and squeezed tight.

 

“You’re going to listen to me very carefully now,” slithered between his teeth. “I’m not letting you ruin your life like this.”

 

“I’m not ruining my _fucking_ life,” Kazunari insisted.

 

“Yes, you are, and you’re not thinking clearly now. You’re clouded by useless emotions. It doesn’t matter whether you _like_ your major or not, you’ll complete the degree and then you’re free to do whatever you want.”

 

“You’re such an asshole.”

 

“No, I’m realistic. Do you know what happens in five years? You’re going to expect me to pay everything for you. Do you even have a concrete plan for your life?”

 

Kazunari tried to yank his arm away. “Let me go.”

 

“Do you have a plan?”

 

“What does it matter?” Kazunari shouted.

 

“It matters because I’m not planning my boyfriend to become a leech living off on my money.”

 

“How little do you know me?” Kazunari managed to wiggle out of Shintarou’s grasp and slapped him on the cheek. “You’re unbelievable! You think I’d do that? You asshole.”

 

The spot on his cheek tingled. Shintarou breathed hard and pressed his fingers against it and swallowed down a whine that wanted to escape. Certain that he was in the right here, he turned to glare at Kazunari behind the glasses. Kazunari held his stance and seemed unwilling to change his opinion. Shintarou grabbed the paper back to himself.

 

“You’re going to think this through, and until then you won’t get this back,” he said.

 

Kazunari took a hold of the form and pulled it to himself, and took a step back. “This is my decision, Shintarou. I’ve thought it through for months. If you can’t handle it, there’s the door.”

 

 _Let’s do it his way then_ , Shintarou thought crudely. He kept his eyes tightly fixed on Kazunari as he calmly took a step out of the living room and towards the front door. For a split moment he thought he saw panic in Kazunari’s eyes but it was quickly hardened back into stubbornness. In the middle of the living room Kazunari stood with his arms tightly crossed against his chest and didn’t budge. They both knew that stepping through the front door hardly meant breaking up, not after everything they had already been through. But to Shintarou’s mind fresh air started to sound incredibly good, something he suddenly desperately needed to be able to function. Feeling like an animal confined in a small glass cage, he grabbed his wallet and jacket.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Out,” was all Shintarou said before he stepped out and slammed the door shut behind his back.

 

* * *

 

By the time the sun set and the café where he had sat for the last three hours closed, Shintarou was forced to make his way back home.

 

Even after four cappuccinos later he wasn’t any calmer than leaving from home. Whenever he thought of the filled form and the fact that soon Kazunari would do _nothing_ in his life, his fingers automatically pulled into fists and his jaw hurt from clenching his teeth so hard. Shintarou stomped on the streets full of people and didn’t bother to think how strangers must have seen him at the moment. Right now the only thing he could focus on was the terrible mistake Kazunari was making, but he didn’t know how to make his idiotic boyfriend see that.

 

He breathed hard and heavy the entire way home and ruthlessly yanked the door open, and again slammed it shut behind his back. It had been cruel of him to not take his phone with him, but he suspected that Kazunari wouldn’t have bothered to call anyway. He dropped the keys on the small table by the small corridor’s wall, took off his shoes and strutted forward. As if nothing had changed Kazunari still loitered on the couch. Shintarou figured it was a scene he had to get used to and felt his insides pound with rage. Kazunari, upon acknowledging his presence, got up on his feet.

 

“You’re back,” he said the obvious.

 

“Are you disappointed?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Depends if you’ve come to your senses.” Kazunari shifted his weight from one foot to another and arched his brows. “So? Have you realized you’re wrong?”

 

The words made something inside Shintarou snap. Maybe they were meant as a joke, maybe they were what Kazunari really felt, but he couldn’t tolerate such an attitude. His mind clouded with anger and other feelings branched from it, he closed the distance between them, grabbed Kazunari by his shoulders, slammed him against the nearest wall and kissed him. Usually his kisses were tentative and loving because he wasn’t that great with words, but now he kissed his boyfriend rough and hard like he had never done before. Between his body and the wall he trapped Kazunari and gave no means of escape. He tilted his head and forced his tongue inside his lover’s mouth, dragged it against Kazunari’s, and when he pulled back, he enclosed the plump lower lip in his teeth’s grasp. He bit down on it hard and gained a jab to the arm.

 

“That hurt!” Kazunari glared at him with fire in his eyes, pressed his palms flat against his chest and tried to push him away. “Get off, Shin-chan.”

 

“No,” Shintarou grumbled. He worked his knee between Kazunari’s legs, pushed it hard against his groin and lured out a whimper. At the moment it was pure music to him, and with a smug smirk on his face he kissed Kazunari again. His chest tightened but he couldn’t pinpoint the feeling it was related to. Not thinking too much about it, Shintarou curled his fingers around Kazunari’s wrists and forced his hands above his head. Against his heating body Kazunari wiggled and thrashed and hummed and murmured against his mouth, but nothing gave away that he should actually stop, so Shintarou didn’t.

 

He only pulled back once his lips were slick and swollen. Kazunari’s gaze had mellowed, turned hazy, almost clouded, but it wasn’t enough to sate Shintarou’s fury. He grabbed his boyfriend by the hand and yanked him in motion and eventually pushed him on the squeaky bed. Whenever he even glanced at Kazunari, he thought of the way he was throwing away his studies and a good educated life _just like that_. Powered by the thought he crawled closer, grabbed the legs and yanked them around his waist.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari tried.

 

“Shut up,” Shintarou growled but didn’t trust his lover’s ability to remain quiet and shut him up by kissing him again.

 

His kisses continued rough, and every now and then he bit the lower lip, nipped hard and made cries roll on Kazunari’s mouth. He took a hold of the legs draped on hips and pulled them tighter in place. What was Kazunari even _thinking_ when he had made such an idiotic decision? Shintarou had thought of that over and over again over the cups of cappuccinos but was still yet to reach a proper conclusion. He looked down at Kazunari, and his fingers itched. He buried them to the firm flesh of his boyfriend’s waist and squeezed. Kazunari’s eyes rolled shut, and his body curved in a wanton shape.

 

 _What an idiot_.

 

Shintarou thrust his hips forward. His pants turned tight around the groin area and made him work his hips harder. Hanging his head down, bangs shielding his vision, he gave jerking movements that caused frustration to travel up his spine. Kazunari even dared to _smirk_. The little tug of lips that was so familiar to him made Shintarou unable to breathe for a moment. How did Kazunari _dare_? His pulse thudded right on the roots of his ears, and his heart turned inside.

 

Grabbing Kazunari by his hips, he forcefully turned him around. The body he had loved so thoroughly for multiple years now made his palms tingle. He didn’t know what came to him as he pulled down Kazunari’s pants and underwear and uncovered the pale buttocks that always so willingly spread apart for him. Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder, but Shintarou gave his face no attention. With widened eyes he stared at the round bottom that would surely become more beautiful during all their years together. He worked his fingers over the smooth surface. Kazunari let out a gentle sigh.

 

Without a warning to either of them, Shintarou slapped one of the cheeks. Kazunari winced, and the sound was enough to make Shintarou do it again. It brought an odd sense of power in him along with heat that settled to his stomach and made his cock stir in the pants. He settled his palm to a suitable spot and slapped him again. The flesh beneath jiggled ever so slightly and turned redder by the second. Breathing harder, feeling somehow superior, Shintarou swatted Kazunari again and again and _again_ , until Kazunari was crying out and moaning so loud it echoed.

 

“You’re an idiot,” he muttered and turned Kazunari on his back again.

 

“Shin-chan— _oh_ …”

 

He stared down at his lover, looked into the familiar dark eyes that always watched over him, and felt something swell in his stomach. Shaking his head in bemusement, he reached for the lube on their makeshift nightstand and poured the substance all over his fingers. Shintarou didn’t think twice as he brought them to the cleft of Kazunari’s ass and nudged two of his fingers in just like that. The ring of muscle wept around his digits, tightened and then sucked deeper. He pumped his fingers hard, in and out, in, deeper, out again. Kazunari thrashed wildly beneath him and winced.

 

“Ah— _ow_ , hurts… That hurts…”

 

Although still under the spell, Shintarou stopped moving his fingers but kept them in the clamping warmth. He glanced at Kazunari, and for a moment they simply looked at each without a word. Eventually Kazunari nodded.

 

For once the small whines and cries made Shintarou’s cock throb harder. He could hardly control his breath as he worked his fingers roughly inside Kazunari, quite ruthlessly at that but saw no reason to slow down. He left the preparation as quick as possible, greased his jerking erection with so much lubricant that some of it dripped to the sheets he had just changed a day ago, and positioned the swollen cockhead against the puckered flesh. Taking a hold of Kazunari’s legs, Shintarou pushed the tip in and stretched the legs against Kazunari’s chest. He forced his boyfriend to a small curl beneath him and settled himself in all the way to the hilt. With a groan he closed his eyes and enjoyed the fleeting moment. Right now, he was _right_. Whatever argument they had had, he was _winning_. He was on top. He was right.

 

He was right. He was right, he was right, he was right.

 

The thought circled around his mind over and over again as he rutted his hips against Kazunari’s for the first time. He was quick to set a suitable pace, fast and enough to make him lightheaded. Straightening his posture, he dipped his head slightly back and spent the moment enjoying what he could. Despite a regular sex life Kazunari was still wonderfully tight, sucked him in from all the right places, and it was warmth Shintarou was most used to and didn’t want anything else.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari moaned.

 

“Shut _up_ ,” Shintarou grunted. He grabbed Kazunari’s wrists and brought them above his head, pinned him to the spot and moved his hips like a young rabbit in heat. The outline of Kazunari’s hardened cock curving against his belly was heavy and irresistible, but Shintarou didn’t touch him, figured that it would be punishment enough. “Say you’re sorry,” he demanded, his mouth moving before his mind could register the words. He drove himself deeper inside his boyfriend and tightened his grasp from the delicate wrists. “Say you’re sorry!”

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Kazunari was quick to breathe out. “I’m— _ah_ —sorry, I’m sorry—sorry, Shin-chan, Shin-chan, please… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… Sorry…”

 

Not pleased, Shintarou held the fast pace and stretched out the muscles. The first droplets of cum got out of Kazunari’s cock, and then thick gobs of it followed.

 

“Sorry…” Kazunari whispered. Tears brimmed in his eyes, and some rolled on his cheeks. He turned into a breathless, crying mess. “I’m… sorry… Shin-chan… sorry…”

 

Kazunari cried. He actually cried. Shintarou jolted and was quick to let go of the wrists. His cock, still buried deep within, turned softer, and suddenly the arousal was gone. He gasped for breath, stared at the tears on his boyfriend’s cheeks and felt bewildered. Swallowing hard, he pulled back for good and came down from the high throne of pure anger. Regret hit him and nausea pooled inside him. He moved a hand over his palm and felt his own eyes heat up. He had made Kazunari _cry_. He sat back on his feet and buried his face to his palms.

 

He was such an _idiot_.

 

“Shin-chan?” Kazunari murmured. He sat up and crawled a little closer, and reached his hand forward. “Shin-chan…”

 

“Don’t touch me,” Shintarou said, his voice muffled. He looked up from the safety of his palms and frowned, couldn’t understand the gentleness in Kazunari’s expression. He had made him _cry_. Declaring himself as the worst possible boyfriend, he already planned how he should tell his mother the reason why they had broken up.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari repeated and even smiled. He cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms and kissed him tenderly. “It’s okay,” he continued softly.

 

Shintarou shook his head. “Don’t touch me…” The words trembled.

 

“Why?”

 

“I made you cry. I’m—I’m a monster. I made you _cry_.”

 

“No—Shin-chan. I didn’t cry because I didn’t like it or didn’t want it, I just got really into it.” Kazunari shuffled closer, sat down on his bottom and moved his legs around Shintarou’s waist. He hugged him and kissed his ear. “It felt good, and I bet you’re not frustrated anymore.”

 

Shintarou thought about it.

 

“Am I right? Do you still feel as frustrated as you did when you got back home?”

 

“I… guess I don’t,” Shintarou admitted quietly.

 

Kazunari pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. His face was still soft and gentle (more than Shintarou deserved, he thought himself), and he kissed Shintarou’s lips again. Afterwards he rested his forehead against Shintarou’s. “Could we now talk about this like adults?”

 

A bit miserable, Shintarou nodded. “I’m sorry,” he still said.

 

“I enjoyed it, it was _so_ good.” Kazunari smooched his mouth again and murmured, “But I don’t think I want to make you too mad all the time…”

 

“I shouldn’t have… It’s your decision. It’s—It’s your decision.”

 

“And I should have told you, you’re right. I should have talked about it with you to get some perspective for it.”

 

Shintarou looked at him carefully. “Are you still going to…”

 

Kazunari remained quiet for a moment and then nodded. “I just have to do this, I’ll go insane if I gotta continue studying a week longer. I just don’t want it to change your opinion about me.”

 

“I shouldn’t have hinted that you’d become a leech.” Shintarou felt his cheeks glow. He cleared his throat and had the guts to move his hands to Kazunari’s waist. Stroking the skin gently, he still held regret inside him, but Kazunari never lied to him. If Kazunari said it had been good, then it had been good. “I was simply frustrated. If matters go bad and I need to support the both of us for a matter of time, I will do that. The things I said before… I was frustrated.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I simply consider you a smart person, but if economics is not what you want to do in your future…” Shintarou took a deep breath. “I’ll support you.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kazunari rubbed his thumbs on Shintarou’s cheek. “Because I want you to be honest with me right now.”

 

“I’m certain.” Shintarou nodded. “There’s no doubt in my mind that we wouldn’t… spend the rest of our lives together, and this is a mere bump on the road. I’ll support you in your decisions. Maybe one day you’ll find something you’re more interested in, but if you don’t, that’s all right.”

 

“You’re okay even if your boyfriend is an uneducated fool?”

 

Shintarou smiled dryly. “I’m okay with that,” he promised. “And I’m… very sorry about this incident. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

 

“You know… I wouldn’t mind if we’d have rougher sex every now and then.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Really?”

 

“Really.” Kazunari grinned. “It’s pretty hot when you get all possessive and dominant and everything.”

 

“I’ll… We can try that again sometime in that case.”

 

“Good.” Kazunari kissed him sweetly and hooked his arms around his shoulders. “I’m especially fond of the fact that now my ass tingles because you slapped me so hard.”

 

Shintarou turned flustered.

 

“But tell me now…” Kazunari leaned closer and pressed his lips against Shintarou’s ear. “Should I make you feel good now that we’ve made up?”

 

His spine straightening, Shintarou didn’t know what to say. His cheeks still glowed red as he nodded carefully, bashfully, a little coy, but he still gained a deep loving kiss from his boyfriend. Things were all right, he deduced as Kazunari shoved him on his back on the bed and watched his lover climb over him. Although he knew that today’s events would linger in his mind for a while longer, right now things were all right again. It was the thought he concentrated on as he pulled Kazunari to a kiss that was once again tentative and soft.


	163. It Surrounds You

Engulfed to the new romance novel he had gotten few days ago but only now had the chance to read, Kazunari’s eyes were nailed on the pages as he turned to another one and held in his breath. As much as he liked the psychological thrillers that Shintarou read, sometimes he wanted to use his reading time for something simple, something he didn’t have to think about too hard, and a novel like this was perfect for it.

 

He curled up better to the comfortably crook of the couch and pulled his legs up against his chest. His arms ached ever so slightly for holding up the book but he didn’t focus on the pain as he read about the couple who had been mad at each other but were now stuck in the same room with no way out. His pulse thudded heavy in his ears. He held in a breath, and warmth trickled down to his abdomen. _They’re going to fuck_ , he deduced and read fast, turned the page and then gasped for breath. _Knew it_.

 

It was different to _read_ someone have sex instead of watching it from the television, and Kazunari wasn’t sure exactly which he preferred. The action on paper was steamy though, and he felt a little hot around the neck and ears. He grabbed Ao beside him and worked his fingertips gently through her fur, needed _someone_ nearby now that Shintarou was still at work. Holding in his breath, Kazunari read about the tender lovemaking line after line and felt his cock stir. If only Shintarou was at home… His breath turned labored, and as much as he wanted to pet his cock over the pants, he kept his hands to himself. It was getting pretty late, so he was certain that Shintarou would return soon. His cheeks still glowed as he got to the part where the couple on page had their gentle afterglow. Kazunari winced from jealousy.

 

By the time the couple reached another argument, the front door opened. Kazunari’s eyes widened, and he was quick to discard the book. A bit aroused but rather needy for any kind of closeness and intimacy be it sex or cuddling, he hurried up on his feet and to the hallway. By the door stood the beautifully oblivious Shintarou with his bangs glued to his forehead and a shade of bags underneath his eyes.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said and could hardly stay still. His toes curled. The mere sight of his fiancé made his cock jerk.

 

“Hey,” sighed Shintarou in return. He discarded his shoes and bag and offered a look to Kazunari. “How was your d—“

 

Kazunari interrupted him by latching onto him and kissing him tight. Against his lips Shintarou hummed, probably from surprise. Kazunari didn’t peel off but pushed the man against the hallway’s wall and deepened the kiss. Heat took over his bones, coated them deliberately, and made him push his hips against Shintarou’s. He tilted his head and slipped his tongue between the nicely thin lips. Finally Shintarou hooked his arms around Kazunari’s torso and responded to the kiss although he still hummed.

 

When Kazunari eventually did pull back, his vision was blurry and his lips slick and swollen. He took in a sharp breath and looked up at Shintarou. Unable to properly contain himself, he curled his fingers around the hem of the man’s shirt and tugged up.

 

“What’s going on?” Shintarou asked, his voice a little strained.

 

“I read a book,” Kazunari began and pressed a kiss on one of the creamy nipples. He held the nub in his mouth and suckled, nipped gently, rolled it in his mouth and pulled back with a loud and wet pop. The other one he rubbed in his fingers’ grasp. “And I just _really_ started to crave for you… And we haven’t really done anything lately, so _please_ …” Not sure if his words alone were enough, he glued his mouth back on Shintarou’s chest and kissed several spots before he worked his mouth over the saliva-slick nipple again.

 

Shintarou pressed his back harder against the wall and let out a wince. Briefly Kazunari glanced at him, smugly, and brought a hand to Shintarou’s crotch. With his eager and hungry fingers he kneaded the package. Convinced that he had made an offer that was difficult to refuse, he rose to his toes and stole another kiss him Shintarou.

 

Against Kazunari’s mouth Shintarou grumbled and peeled off an inch. “Wait,” he mustered out.

 

Kazunari shook his head and smooched the corner of Shintarou’s mouth. “Don’t want to,” he murmured and shoved a hand down the trousers. He grasped the base of the cock and held it tight. “I want you _now_ , Shin-chan… Come on.” To Shintarou’s jaw he pressed a line of kisses. “Come _on_ … We haven’t done anything in so many days, I want you so bad… I’m already hard for you.”

 

Shintarou took a hold of Kazunari’s shoulders and pulled him back. He looked him in the eyes, his own gleaming. “Give me few minutes, will you? I want to take a shower first before I touch you, I’m sweaty and smell awful.”

 

With a grin Kazunari glued himself back to him and rubbed his hips. “You don’t need a shower, we can shower together afterwards. I don’t mind if you’re a bit dirty.”

 

“But I do.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s forehead and wiggled out of his embrace. “Give me five minutes, you can wait in bed.”

 

“You better be there in five minutes!” Kazunari huffed and crossed his arms, watched Shintarou practically run to the bathroom, and then hurried to the bedroom himself.

 

He spun around a moment, wondered whether he should already get rid of his clothes or not, but slumped down on the bed still covered in fabric. Tonight felt like the day when he wanted to have slow sex, long foreplay, lots of kissing and tender looks. He smiled silly to the ceiling and rubbed his lower stomach. Maybe this was a good approach to banish small dry spells, to simply _ask_ for it. He closed his eyes and listened the gush of shower echo in the house. His skin prickle. He could hardly stay still, felt the need to move even if it meant only curling his toes. When the shower was turned off, he rolled on his side and faced the room’s door.

 

Shintarou barged in with a towel around his waist and water licking his bare skin. He seemed a little out of breath, and merely stood still a good while and looked at Kazunari. Eventually his lips twitched into a small smile that anyone else might have not even recognize as a smile (Kazunari knew better).

 

“Hey,” Kazunari purred.

 

“Hey,” murmured Shintarou in return and closed the door behind his back. He didn’t take a single moment more to crawl in bed and inch right beside Kazunari. Seemingly he hesitated and then brought a hand over Kazunari’s stomach, stroked the chosen spot gently and rubbed his nose against his. His cheeks glowed bright. “You look very handsome tonight,” he said, his voice cracking in the middle.

 

Kazunari snickered. “You too. And you smell good.” He rubbed Shintarou’s cheek and kissed him gently. He forgot all about the whiff of the familiar shower gel when Shintarou dipped him on his back to the bed and deepened the kiss. Humming, arousal already pooling inside him, Kazunari bucked his hips up and let out an almost-there moan to Shintarou’s mouth.

 

He pulled back for a breath and smiled to the sight of his lover slightly flustered. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s waist and guided him closer until he was comfortably on his back with Shintarou between his legs. The terry of the towel nearly fell apart, and Kazunari spent a moment looking at the fair treasure trail coming down from Shintarou’s navel. Kind of wanting to lick the strip of flesh, his cock throbbed harder than before but he ignored it and cupped Shintarou’s face in his hands.

 

“I’m sorry we haven’t had the chance to do this earlier,” Shintarou said resting on his elbows. “I’ve wanted to, but things at the hospital are getting hectic again.”

 

“You know it’s okay, silly.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou’s nose. “As long as we get some action once in a while, I’m happy.”

 

Shintarou offered him a kiss and then trailed his tongue against his lower lip. Positively ready to get rid of his clothes for good, Kazunari’s chest heaved heavily as he yanked the towel away from his lover. His sweatpants got spots of water wherever their bodies pressed against each other, and it made him grin against Shintarou’s lips. He moved back just to appreciate the handsomely sculptured figure of his lover, eyed the muscles and the crooks that he was most familiar with. The tips of his fingers he dragged against Shintarou’s biceps and pushed his hips up in an invitation. Shintarou caught the hint and got rid of the clothes, and eventually Kazunari laid down naked and utterly comfortable in his own skin.

 

Wrapping his arms back around Shintarou’s torso, Kazunari pulled him close and into another kiss. Moans gathered in his mouth and sneaked out, made the kisses vibrate in the best way possible. Already feeling slightly lightheaded, Kazunari slid his hands down and spent a long moment squeezing and kneading Shintarou’s tight buttocks. He scratched the skin gently and couldn’t help the smile that twitched high up on his lips. Every kiss and every touch only reinforced the idea that he never wanted to do any of these things with someone else, that he didn’t need anyone else in his life. No one else would be able to make him feel so safe and loved and thoroughly sexy. He smirked.

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou rose up enough to reach for the bottle of lube on the nightstand. His chest was proudly displayed and so _there_ , and Kazunari couldn’t resist the temptation. He took both of the nipples to his fingers and twisted and teased gently, then pulled a little harder and nearly made Shintarou collapse on top of him. Cheeks red and the lengthy cock jerking wildly, Shintarou returned back to his position and looked down at Kazunari.

 

“Don’t,” he muttered.

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

“No, it’s… I can’t hold back if you do that.”

 

Kazunari’s lips melted to a bright grin. A second longer he paid good attention to the hardened buds on the chest. “You don’t have to hold back,” he promised with a quiet murmur and tugged Shintarou to another kiss.

 

They spent a sweet moment simply kissing with no tongues involved until Shintarou sat up over his feet. He patted Kazunari’s waist and slickened his fingers with the lube. “Roll on your side,” he said.

 

Kazunari complied immediately and moved to the new position, and he shuddered as Shintarou glued his chest to his back. His skin rose to goose bumps, and he winced when the cold and slick fingers rubbed against his puckered skin. He clenched the muscles around his hole but relaxed, lifted one leg and pressed its sole against the mattress to create an easier access. The tips of the fingers heated up quickly as they stroked the sensitive skin but didn’t nudge in. With a light frown Kazunari looked at Shintarou over his shoulder and got a sudden fluttering butterfly kiss on his mouth. He tried to reach back for another kiss. It wasn’t quite successful but Shintarou noticed his distress and kissed him again.

 

Slowly, when Kazunari was certain that his flesh couldn’t be any stickier from the lube, Shintarou moved a finger inside. Kazunari arched his back, body twisting to a curve, but he made sure to push out his bottom as much as possible. A warm hand laced over his waist, and Kazunari took a hold of the fingers and entangled them to his. He squeezed the digits gently and let out a quiet, breathy moan as Shintarou pumped the lone finger with a slow pace. Kazunari encouraged him and got the second one quickly. As blood thrummed wildly in his veins, his cock hardened to full erection, and he pawed himself to the rhythm of the fingers moving in him.

 

“Does that feel good?” Shintarou muttered in his ear, adorable concern in his tone.

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari confirmed. Gently he rolled his body in motion, met with the fingers whenever he could and moaned whenever Shintarou stretched him better. Shintarou knew what he was doing, dragging the fingers against the tight walls and reaching for the prostate. The sweet nub was quickly found, and Kazunari squeezed the hilt of his cock. Five minutes like this, the pads of the fingers pressing against his prostate, would have been more than enough to make him come, which was exactly what he wanted to avoid. He patted Shintarou’s hip to let him know that it was enough and moved around in the embrace to face his lover.

 

With a smile on his lips he brought their cocks together and stroked both of them. He examined Shintarou’s features, eyed the parted lips and the eyes that couldn’t stay open. He pressed his nose to the side of Shintarou’s and slipped his own eyes close as he jerked both of them with a steady pace. His heart beat madly in his chest, ready to exploit further from its place, and his pulse thudded, his toes curled and his pre-cum dripped down on Shintarou’s length. Kazunari looked down at their cockheads nestling together, both swollen, his a shade darker than Shintarou’s. He lifted his chin back up and received a hungry kiss immediately.

 

“Move on top,” he whispered against the corner of Shintarou’s mouth and let go of their cocks.

 

It took a bit of shuffling, but eventually Shintarou was situated between Kazunari’s legs wrapped around his waist. He eased himself slowly inside Kazunari, and as soon as he was buried to the hilt, Kazunari moved his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him close. During the first few thrusts they looked into each other’s eyes, murmured sweet nothings, told each other their love and how they’d always be together. They kissed and once more declared their undying love.

 

A moment later the words changed into moans, and Kazunari clung onto his lover as the thrusts grew in tempo. He closed his eyes and lulled comfortably in the motion, hooked his legs tighter around the sturdy waist and followed the pelvis’s movement to his best abilities. He scratched Shintarou’s back, didn’t plan to leave behind red marks but was sure that some would remain as Shintarou rolled his hips and aimed for his prostate again. Quietly moaning and breathing heavily, Kazunari drew Shintarou to a new set of kisses that he aimed to make as sweet as possible. His body turned flushed throughout.

 

As if from a silent agreement Shintarou pulled out when their kiss broke, and Kazunari flipped around on his stomach. He settled a pillow near his crotch for leverage and pushed his ass as high up as he could. A moan escaped him when Shintarou got his cock back in and continued with slow thrusts. Out of the blue Shintarou slapped his buttock, and Kazunari winced. The skin tingled pleasantly from the spot, and he grinned against his forearm.

 

“Do that again,” he said. He moved up on all fours and said, “Do that again, babe, felt so good…”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“ _Yes_.”

 

He didn’t have to coax twice when Shintarou swatted his ass again. The flesh jiggled and his skin burned, which made his abdomen tighten. Kazunari curved his back and rolled his eyes shut, but they fluttered right open when Shintarou took a hold of his cock and pumped gently. Thoroughly pleasured, Kazunari moaned and gathered some of the sheets to his fists. His knuckles turned pale but he still didn’t let go of his grip. With one hand Shintarou stroked him, and the other roamed on his back and over his spine.

 

“So beautiful,” Shintarou muttered, barely audible in the midst of both of their moans and grumbles. “You’re so—so beautiful.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari hung his head and pushed his back to Shintarou’s front.

 

Shintarou slowed down the thrusts and brought his lips to Kazunari’s nape. He kissed the spot several times and rutted his hips gently forward. “Kazu,” he breathed husky in Kazunari’s ear. “ _Mmh_ … Kazu… Kazu…”

 

“W-Wait— _ah_ —wait…”

 

Shintarou stopped but rubbed Kazunari’s hips. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, it’s—Come here.” Kazunari patted the spot beside him, and to the exact spot Shintarou was quick to lie down. Catching his breath, his dick aching for some contact, Kazunari lied beside Shintarou and tangled their legs together. He moved an arm over Shintarou’s chest and looked him in the eyes, then broke into a smile and kissed him.

 

“Are you sure everything is fine?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Yeah, I just didn’t want to come yet. I wanna enjoy a bit longer.”

 

Shintarou huffed but held a weak smile on his lips. “Just because you would have gotten an orgasm doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be enjoying after that.”

 

“I know, but this feels nice right now. Kinda special.” Kazunari sighed gently and worked his fingers over Shintarou’s abdomen. The skin tightened beneath his and Shintarou muffled a moan, but couldn’t hold back another one when Kazunari wrapped his fingers gently around his dick and stroked. Kazunari kissed Shintarou’s chin several times and was fond of the smooth surface without a sign of stubble.

 

He settled comfortably to the crook of Shintarou’s arm and buried his face to his neck, and continued pumping the cock. Shintarou was quick to return the favor, and together they jerked each other with slow fingers and dragging kisses that lingered and brought a tickle down Kazunari’s belly. Tilting his head to a good angle and then stretching his neck enough, he flicked his tongue against Shintarou’s and snickered afterwards. Shintarou kissed his laughter and then held him in to a deeper smooch.

 

When he felt like he could come any moment and his lover’s sex was wildly throbbing as well, Kazunari let go and stroked Shintarou’s stomach instead.

 

“Do you want to finish in missionary?” he asked, his voice sweet and gentle.

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a second. “If you’re okay with that.”

 

“I’m okay with anything, Shin-chan.”

 

It took a bit of settling and shuffling, but they were quick to get back into the position that Kazunari knew was Shintarou’s favorite. For so many of the first years he had wondered why, had pinned it down to Shintarou’s desire to not be too experimental, and then had realized that Shintarou considered it the most intimate position despite its normality. It was a nice one indeed, suitable for kissing and looking at each other. Even now Kazunari rested his gaze on Shintarou’s features as the man pushed back inside him.

 

The thrusts were tentative, tender, thoroughly loving, and it was pace sweet enough to rock his body in. Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s nape with one hand and brought another to his own cock and stroked. His insides burned in the best way possible, and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Shintarou’s cock jerked inside him, and as the movements turned slightly harsher and more frantic, Kazunari looked at his lover’s face that twisted to a small cringe. Holding back a breath, Shintarou reached his orgasm, released inside Kazunari, and jerked his hips forward a couple of times.

 

Shintarou rested his damp forehead against Kazunari’s and thrust few more times, then nudged Kazunari’s hand away from his cock and rubbed him. Relaxing and letting his lover take control, Kazunari pushed his chest up and moaned. Like so many times before he came to Shintarou’s hand, utterly finished by his fiancé, and peeked towards his crotch. Some of the cum dropped to his stomach near the navel, some in the long fingers that milked even the last droplet without a fail. His stomach tightened, and the afterglow hit him immediately.

 

As soon as Shintarou lied back on the bed, Kazunari crawled over him and peppered kisses all over his face. He smiled from ear to ear, straddled Shintarou and then looked at him without a drop of hurry. He rubbed his nose against the man’s for a set of Eskimo kisses and tried to calm down his wildly beating heart.

 

“Were you enjoying yourself?” Shintarou asked and stroked the small of Kazunari’s back.

 

“Yeah, and you know it.” Kazunari kissed him multiple times, mere quick pecks, and then rested his head to Shintarou’s shoulder. He hugged him, the position a bit awkward for that, but it didn’t stop him. He smooched the nearby collarbone, then the soft skin of the neck, and stroked the spot with the tip of his nose. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?” Shintarou drew his fingers up Kazunari’s spine.

 

“You know. I’m sure you were tired after work and everything.”

 

Shintarou nudged Kazunari on his side and kissed his forehead. “You don’t have to thank me for it, the pleasure was mine. And… admittedly, I was quite in the mood for something like this.”

 

“Yeah, I could tell.” Kazunari snickered and hugged Shintarou with one hand, and pressed his face against his glowing hot chest. “Let’s clean up a bit later, okay? I want to stay like this a bit longer.”

 

Shintarou said nothing and pulled him closer, enclosed him safely in his arms. Kazunari sighed softly and slipped his eyes close, moved his legs in the midst of Shintarou’s and relaxed. Exhaustion brimmed in the back of his eyes but he refused to fall asleep. He wanted to cuddle a bit here and then a bit in the couch, if they’d ever make it that far. He stroked vague shapes to Shintarou’s back and took deep breaths. In no hurry anywhere, he tightened his grasp from his fiancé and smiled against his skin.


	164. Make a List

Kazunari threw an empty notepad and a pen to the coffee table and jumped to sit on the couch beside Shintarou who jolted.

 

“This is happening now,” Kazunari announced, pulled his legs with him to the couch and crossed them.

 

Shintarou lifted his gaze from the book he was reading. “What is ‘this’?”

 

“The wedding guest list. Do you realize that Akashi is already sending _me_ messages about it? He even used smileys today.” Kazunari shuddered.

 

“Oh,” breathed Shintarou. He put down the book seemingly for good and took in a breath through his nose. Shintarou looked tired and groggy, but he hadn’t just gotten out of the bed from their nap (Kazunari had lulled in the softness and warmth for thirty extra minutes just because he _could_ ). Rubbing his eyes, Shintarou muffled a yawn and then glanced towards the notepad Kazunari had brought. He sighed heavily. “All right. I think if we don’t complete this anytime soon, he’ll haunt us down and make us do it whilst he is watching.”

 

“Agreed.” Kazunari grabbed the pad and opened it to the first clean page. He had wanted to make the list ages ago, but there had always been something keeping them busy, or maybe they were simply growing lazy about it. He knew that Shintarou wasn’t too fond of planning the wedding to begin with, and he himself didn’t have great plans that _needed_ to be executed, so maybe it was a good thing after all that Seijuurou was there to kick their asses. With a clear of a throat Kazunari brought the tip of the pen to the paper and narrowed his eyes in thought. Now that they had to start doing this, his mind was utterly empty. “I can’t come up with anyone,” he groaned.

 

Shintarou moved closer and pressed his shoulder against Kazunari’s. “Let’s start with the obvious,” he said, a hint of desperation in his voice. “Your parents. My father and sister.”

 

Kazunari scribbled and battled whether to make Shintarou write after all because of his lanky handwriting but discarded the thought. “The Miracles,” he said and wrote, “and ex-Shutoku, all of them… All right, that’s the obvious. We could just have a really small wedding like this…”

 

“If you want to have a small wedding, I won’t oppose.”

 

“I was just _joking_ , Shin-chan,” Kazunari huffed. He tilted his head towards Shintarou, then shook his head in bemusement and kissed his lover’s chin. At first Shintarou grumbled but still kissed his forehead in return. Kazunari bristled. “Okay, um… My grandparents, then _your_ grandparents…”

 

“Not my father’s parents, please.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “Why not?”

 

“Are you seriously asking that?”

 

“I… guess?”

 

“We’re not inviting grandma Midorima.” Shintarou hummed from the throat. “She’s been belittling you every single Christmas we’ve spend with my family.”

 

Kazunari’s heart sank to his stomach. Not sure how he had even managed to forget the ever-energetic grandma Midorima, he now shuddered. He still remembered the very first Christmas they spent with Shintarou’s family when they had been twenty-one and comfortably in an already long-lasting relationship. It had been his first time meeting relatives outside the immediate family, and grandma Midorima had spent the entire evening glaring at him when Shintarou had introduced him as his partner. At the end of _that_ evening the woman had been an octave shy of shouting at him for ruining her grandchild’s life. Two Christmases later she had grown bolder with her words and caused a scene when Kazunari had reached for the chicken, and told him off in front of every relative and named him both an abnormality and abomination. He had cried long and hard that evening at home.

 

Now he sighed, his insides quivering from the memories. “All right, we’re not inviting her,” he said and didn’t feel bad at all. Of course the elder woman would bark to the entire family how it was _his_ fault and how _he_ would try to build a wedge between the family; she’d make up something to put his name to the dirt. Kazunari’s stomach turned upset. “She’s gonna hate me even more, though.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. Even my father thinks she’s going too far, and she’s his mother.”

 

Kazunari nodded, a little absentminded.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “And your mother mentioned that we should perhaps not invite one of your aunts, she said you know who she means.”

 

“Oh, _yeah_ , she’s almost worse than your grandma.” Kazunari puckered his lips to a small pout and tapped the pen against the pad. “If we’re not inviting her, then we can’t invite those cousins as well… Not that anyone’s gonna mind, but your cousins are okay, aren’t they?”

 

Shintarou nodded, and Kazunari scribbled down the names of the Midorima cousins (he was actually quite fond of them, since they were a lively bunch in a good way and often really liked his jokes). Afterwards he jotted down every relative he could remember starting from his uncle’s family all the way to Shintarou’s timid second cousins. The list grew in size little by little, and Kazunari smiled at it. _Finally_ it was starting to feel like they’d have themselves a proper wedding. His heart fluttered and butterflies settled to his stomach for an extreme race.

 

“How about your university friends?” Kazunari peeled his gaze off the list.

 

For a second Shintarou was quiet and then shook his head. “No.”

 

“Really? None of them? Not even that… what was his name, Fujimoto?”

 

“No,” Shintarou dryly said. “No university… _friends_.”

 

“All right… What about someone from work?”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou paused and then said, “The head of the department. Hayashi Kasumi.”

 

“Got it…” Kazunari wrote it down, not sure if he used the precisely right characters but he’d ask about it later. His stomach tightened. Cautiously he glanced at Shintarou and swallowed down his sudden nervousness. As casually as possible he asked, “What about the receptionist?”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. “What about him?”

 

“Are we inviting him?”

 

“Why would I invite to my wedding the man that nearly broke us up?”

 

Kazunari gave him a look and squeezed the pen better in his fingers. “We weren’t breaking up,” he stated matter-of-factly.

 

“But it was _close_. We’re not inviting him, why are you even asking that?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I just thought that maybe you want to be his friend or something, he’s not _that_ bad of a kid. I mean, he apologized and everything.”

 

“We’re still not inviting him.” Shintarou moved his arm around Kazunari and pulled him to the crook of his body. He rubbed Kazunari’s shoulder and then stroked the soft skin under the sleeve of the t-shirt. Bringing his mouth to his lover’s ear, he muttered, “Have I already told you how good you look today?”

 

Kazunari snickered and jabbed Shintarou gently in the gut. “I’m _fine_ , Romeo, no need to sweet talk me now. I was just curious whether you want to invite him or not.”

 

“Thank you for being considerate.” Shintarou brushed his lips against Kazunari’s temple and pulled back just enough for them to still sit comfortably right next to each other. “Do you think we’d be done with this now?”

 

“Mm… Maybe. I can’t think of anyone else.”

 

“How many do we have now?”

 

Kazunari did a quick count. “Right now… Eighty altogether. That’s a good amount, right?”

 

“Did you count everyone’s families?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Eighty doesn’t sound bad at all.”

 

Kazunari grinned. He was quick to discard the list and concentrated solely on Shintarou instead. His lips he pressed against the slightly scratchy chin and kissed the chosen spot tenderly. He rubbed his lover’s chest and gently scratched his fingers over one of the nipples. His pulse thudded happily. “I can’t wait to give it to Akashi, at least he won’t send me smiley-filled messages anymore. It looks _so_ scary when he does it, Shin-chan.”

 

“I can imagine.”

 

“You haven’t seen the horror!” Kazunari rose up to his knees, thought for a moment, and then slumped down on the couch with his head on Shintarou’s lap. “At least we’re done with that now.”

 

“You do know that he will probably make us go through them with him, don’t you?”

 

Kazunari let out a groan. “He’s too efficient.”

 

Shintarou let out a chuckle right below his breath. “I hope you’re only joking, because he is doing a lot for us,” he said in a more serious tone.

 

“Of course I’m just joking. We’d be engaged for ten years if he wasn’t here to give us a wedding.” Kazunari lifted his hand up and tousled Shintarou’s hair. “The next time I see him, I’ll make sure to say a big thank you and make sure that he knows just how much we appreciate this.”

 

“That sounds better.”

 

“Hey, now that we’re here, let’s make a deal.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “What kind of deal?”

 

Kazunari wore a beamish smile. “You get up and make some tea and I’ll stay here and keep this spot warm.”

 

“That doesn’t sound like a balanced deal.”

 

“It is! You’ll get a burning hot seat by the time you’re back.” Kazunari wiggled to sit up and patted Shintarou’s thigh. “Up you go, Shin-chan, hop hop.”

 

With a sigh Shintarou got up. “The next time _you_ ’ll make the tea and _I_ ’ll occupy the seat.”

 

“You have my word on it, cross my heart and everything.”

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

The bridge of Kazunari’s nose wrinkled under the grin. He managed to swat Shintarou’s ass as the man disappeared to the kitchen and sank to the couch feeling light on the inside. He grabbed the notepad and went through the list once more and was happy with it; it looked like a list he was happy to give to Seijuurou when the opportunity would present itself. Satisfied, he threw the pad to the coffee table and relaxed on the couch.


	165. A Mountain

The sky was dark and grumbling when Shintarou climbed up the steep stairs towards the mountaintop. He wasn’t sure why he had gone along with Kazunari’s _whims_ of having a stupid picnic in Mount Takao when he had a night shift coming right up, but here he was, panting and puffing excess air out of his lungs. The only thing he wished for was that they wouldn’t encounter too many tourists, and from that perspective it looked good so far. His thighs were burning and his legs ready to give up when he stopped at the top of another set of steps and looked behind his shoulder.

 

Kazunari dragged himself way behind one slow step at a time. His face was thoroughly red, the color deep, and his breaths were incredible labored. Shintarou waited in all peace although he wanted to tell his lover to hurry up. By the time Kazunari reached his side and crouched on the ground, Shintarou heaved out a sigh.

 

“Give me the backpack,” he said.

 

“You don’t have to,” Kazunari huffed and straightened his posture again. His legs trembled awfully but he still smiled albeit looking a lot exhausted. “I’m fine, it’s just few more stairs.”

 

“Just give me the backpack,” Shintarou said, nearly barked, and reached his hands towards his lover. With a grumble Kazunari handed over the backpack, and Shintarou adjusted it comfortably to his back. It was incredibly heavy, and he really didn’t want to know what sort of stuff Kazunari had packed for their impromptu picnic.

 

Walking side by side again, Shintarou startled when Kazunari took a hold of his hand. He took a thorough look around and made sure that no one was around to see before he squeezed Kazunari’s fingers better in his grasp. The gesture gained him a toothy grin and a seemingly happy fiancé. He sighed quietly under his breath. He knew that he wasn’t the most romantic person out there, since most of these ideas were Kazunari’s (and the man was proud of it), but it was romantic enough to go along with the plans, right? Shintarou’s lungs ached but he refused to give up when he saw a glimpse of the top of the mountain.

 

Above them the sky complained and growled again. The darkness of the clouds looked ominous, and it didn’t feel any better as they reached the highest point and the weather spread over Tokyo. His body already sore, Shintarou let go of Kazunari’s hand and brought both of his own to his waist as he looked at the sight in the midst of admiring tourists. Another sigh escaped him, but he tried to turn it mellower when Kazunari took a stand right next to him. Although the dark hair was tightly glued on Kazunari’s forehead and his cheeks were redder than apples, he still looked wonderful. Shintarou felt his expression soften, yet he was quick to avert his gaze when he was caught staring.

 

The clouds grumbled.

 

“It’s going to rain,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“It just looks like that,” Kazunari convinced and dragged his bones to the nearest available wooden set of a table and chairs. He sat on one side and patted the spot beside him.

 

Having no other choice, Shintarou slipped beside him and set the bag on the table. He pulled the zipper apart and looked into the insides but saw nothing but plastic boxes after plastic boxes. Worried that he’d somehow mess up some order, he nudged the bag to Kazunari and watched him unload their lunch to the table.

 

“What are we having?”

 

“I’ve got sandwiches here…” Kazunari tapped a blue-hued box. “And slices of apple and pear here, and sweet tea in the thermos, and maybe a bit of chocolate in the small one.” He gave a beautiful smirk.

 

“Sounds like a picnic,” Shintarou said. He inched a little closer and tried to ignore the occasional tourists passing by them in order to go to the small souvenir shop behind their backs. Craving for the sandwiches, he reached for the box and popped the lid open. He examined the breads with narrowed eyes, both of them looking slightly different. “What’s in them?”

 

“Oh, the dark ones are for you, there’s tuna, salad, cucumber and tomato and that dressing you like.”

 

Shintarou blinked. His heart warmed. All of his favorites. “Thank you,” he said and reached for the darker bread. He took a bite upon hearing his stomach grumble in the same fashion as the sky and munched happily. In his eyes Kazunari was the best cook out there, and he wouldn’t have wanted the sandwich in any other way. Had they been alone in the safety of their living room he would have stroked his fingers over Kazunari’s spine and maybe even give him a kiss, but now in public Shintarou merely bumped his shoulder gently against Kazunari’s and gave him a nod. “It’s good,” was his final verdict.

 

“It’d be difficult to fuck up a sandwich,” Kazunari snickered. He grabbed his own and took a large bite, fixed his gaze in front of them to the silhouette of the city and spoke once his mouth was empty again. “I kinda already forgot how pretty Tokyo is.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “It’s merely a city among the others. I’m sure there are _prettier_ ones.”

 

“But doesn’t it just scream home to you?”

 

“Not exactly when we’re here in the midst of all these foreign people.”

 

Kazunari gave him a look and jabbed him in the arm. “Just admit it, you liked coming up here.”

 

“Right. Walking up those stairs was such a feat when we could have taken the cablecar.”

 

“But where’s the fun in that? Now we’re tired and our feet are exhausted, and the food tastes better.”

 

Admittedly there was some truth behind Kazunari’s words. Shintarou didn’t admit that, however, and in silence finished the sandwich. The first raindrop landed on the tip of his nose and made him both frown and look up. His hand froze in the middle of the reach for the fruits.

 

“It’s raining,” he said.

 

“It’s not,” Kazunari insisted and opened the thermos. “You’re just imagining it.”

 

“No, I just got a drop on my nose. It’s raining.”

 

“Let me see your nose then.” Kazunari inched close enough and then straightened his posture, and with a lot of unnecessary intensity stared at the nose. Shintarou felt positively flustered and slipped his eyes shut, but it wasn’t much of help when Kazunari’s warm breath caressed his face as gently as his fingers sometimes did. Eventually Kazunari pulled back and said, “Sorry, Shin-chan, I don’t see any rain on it.”

 

“As _if_ you could still see it,” Shintarou muttered and threw him a look. “Did you even look at the weather forecast?”

 

“I did.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “Did you?”

 

Kazunari gave him a narrowed stare but was quick to relax his face. “I didn’t,” he admitted.

 

Shintarou sighed. “It’s going to rain.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

As soon as the words escaped his airheaded fiancé, the sky tore apart and rain fell heavily down.

 

It was a warm rain, one meant for summer, but it had the awful ability to seep through fabric and soak anyone thoroughly. Kazunari squealed and was quick to shove the boxes back to the bag whilst Shintarou wiggled free from the seat and searched for some shelter. The canopy of the souvenir shop seemed suitable but he wasn’t the only one with the same idea as the tourists and few locals ran there. The rain fell down on both sides of his face, and his hair was already soaked. Although there was no reason to search for shelter anymore when they were both drenched, Shintarou still took a tight grasp of Kazunari’s arm and tugged him along under the canopy.

 

They found one uncomfortably small corner for themselves. Shintarou gave Kazunari a harsh look.

 

“So it won’t rain, huh?”

 

“How was I supposed to know?”

 

Kazunari huffed and got the straps of the bag over his shoulders. He shuffled a little closer as a group of tourists spread out beside them and nearly had to stand in the rain. Nostrils flaring, Shintarou gave the same group a strict glare and – purely because he didn’t want his lover to get sick for standing in the rain – wrapped his arms around Kazunari’s torso. He pulled him against his chest and felt the man quiver. Kazunari’s lips grew a little blue but the grin never left.

 

“This is a bit romantic, don’t you think?” Kazunari slipped his hands to Shintarou’s back.

 

“No,” Shintarou flatly said. “Now we’re wet and the car’s seats will get dirty, and afterwards we need to take a warm shower. You should have looked at the weather forecast, because in this rain it would have been more suitable to take a picnic in the backyard.”

 

“But I wanted to come here, come on. It’s my last months as Takao, it’s only suitable that we visit Mount Takao.”

 

“That is the most ridiculous reasoning I have ever heard.”

 

“Oh, come on. It’s been ten years, you _know_ this isn’t the most ridiculous one.”

 

Shintarou puckered his lips. “You’re right,” he said after a moment’s thought. “Now that I think about it, this might not even reach the top five.”

 

“Mm-hmm, told you.” Kazunari held an ear-splitting grin and rose to his tiptoes. “Shin-chan?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

Shintarou’s heart jumped to his throat. Suddenly feeling too coy for his own good, he carefully glanced around. The underside of the canopy was awfully crowded, and every figure meant a pair of eyes that might see such a small declaration of love. His chest tightened. “There are people around,” he gently said.

 

Kazunari pressed his soles back on the ground. “I don’t think they care if I give you a small smooch,” he tried.

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “Would it be just a small smooch?”

 

Kazunari nodded eagerly.

 

“All right, a small smooch will be fine.”

 

The smile on Kazunari’s lips was so wonderfully tender as he reached back up and pressed a brief kiss on Shintarou’s mouth. Shintarou fluttered his eyes open, wasn’t even sure at what point he had closed them, and looked into the pooling dark of Kazunari’s eyes. Thunder rumbled in the sky, and even lightning flashed. Certain that no one really paid attention to them, Shintarou took a bold movement and leaned down enough to kiss Kazunari another time. It left his lips tingling pleasantly but he still didn’t have the will to do it again.

 

“That was totally more than I bargained for,” Kazunari said flashing a smile.

 

“Don’t look so damn pleased with yourself.”

 

“I must have done _something_ right to get a second kiss from grumpy Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m not grumpy,” Shintarou insisted.

 

“Not even teeny tiny bit?” Kazunari slipped his hands back to the small of Shintarou’s back and stroked the spot over the fabric.

 

Shintarou grumbled and refused to answer.

 

Kazunari sighed gently and finally peeled back. Still he brought his hand to Shintarou’s in the most discreet manner, and it did look like their fingers weren’t tangled at all. “I’m sure the rain will stop soon,” Kazunari muttered mostly to himself. “But I guess we can’t stay any longer so you won’t miss work… We can ride the cablecar back down if you want, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’ll make personally sure that we’ll ride the cablecar.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “Sometimes you’re so cute.”

 

“I’m not _cute_.”

 

“Whatever you say, hun.” Kazunari gave Shintarou a knowing look and squeezed his hand ever so slightly. “I’m happy you still came here with me, though.”

 

“You didn’t give much of a choice,” was Shintarou’s initial reply, but he continued upon seeing Kazunari’s pout, “I wanted to come with you. It would have been a good idea if the weather had been kinder for us.”

 

“I’ll make sure to check the forecast the next time. Or have the picnic in our backyard.”

 

Shintarou attempted to hold back a smile. “Picnic in the backyard doesn’t sound like an awfully bad idea.”

 

“Then it’s settled.”

 

Once more Shintarou took a look around and, once he confirmed that no one was still looking at their direction, leaned back down to press his lips ever so quickly against Kazunari’s. He pulled back from the kiss and felt a lovely flutter down his stomach, moved his fingers better in the midst of Kazunari’s and looked up at the darkened sky and the thunderclouds. From the corner of his eye he spotted a wicked grin on his lover’s lips and couldn’t help the smile that eventually twitched to his lips as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly 200 days to go! It... seems quite a lot now that I think about it...


	166. In a Shambles

Shintarou’s pulse thudded loudly. Although he was slightly nervous, his hands were fully steady as they always were under the extremely bright lights with a patient right in front of him. He furrowed his brows ever so slightly as he worked the metallic instruments around the living heart in the opened chest. There was an itch behind his eyes that were slowly growing more and more tired. Seven hours on feet right at this particular spot hadn’t done miracles to him, and every now and then he had to take a deep breath through his nose to keep himself from losing concentration.

 

He glanced towards the beeping monitor that still remained nicely calm. His breath shuddered as he looked down again. His forehead felt damp, and he worried that a bead of sweat might trickle down his temple soon. Shintarou craned his neck and felt an ache in both of his legs but didn’t move, not when his gloved hand was around a woman’s heart and nurses’ and another doctor’s gazes were on him. His mouth was dry and parched, and he couldn’t gather enough saliva to wet his lips. What time was it, anyway? Shintarou narrowed his eyes and asked for another instrument. Only this surgery and then couple of hours more, and then he could _finally_ go home… Maybe he’d take a nap before driving home. He hoped that Kazunari would be awake.

 

A yawn wanted to escape him but he swallowed it down to his best abilities. He pulled his hand back and gave a small nod, and the doctor on the other side of the table took over for the next few minutes. Shintarou held the utmost respect for the man in front of him; the doctor was a decade older than him and had also worked for a decade more, and was utterly excellent when it came to cardiovascular surgery. Focusing his gaze on the careful hands that knew exactly what they were doing for learning purposes, Shintarou’s head rang with a dull ache that was too stubborn to leave. His fingers itched.

 

“That should do it,” announced the doctor with relief in his voice. “You can finish what we started, and then we can go take a damn long nap.”

 

Shintarou’s lips curled ever so slightly from mere politeness, and he nodded. He took a new set of instruments in his hands and took a deep breath. He leaned over, and as soon as he was about to get to work on the open chest, the monitors beside them went insane. They beeped irregularly, frantically, and Shintarou held in his breath. The heart leaked blood at first, then spitted it out in gushes. Shintarou’s pulse thickened as he threw the instruments down on the metallic tray and worked his fingertips against the heart.

 

“There must be a—a puncture.” He nearly fell over the simple words and stared at the monitor. The heart rate was steadily growing slower, and the monitor screamed even louder. He tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t anymore as his fingertips grew hastier and more desperate in the attempt to find the spot that caused the mess. The front of his scrubs turned splattered from blood, the blue of his gloves soaked, yet finally his expression brightened. “A cloth,” he requested and got one immediately. He shoved it against the weakly beating heart in an attempt to suppress the little wound.

 

He couldn’t. The cloth turned bloodier by the second. Shintarou was no longer able to breathe. He felt thoroughly flustered as he yanked the cloth out of the way and received plenty of help from the other doctor. He couldn’t feel his own heart anymore. This was someone’s mother – he had seen the family visit all the time, and little kids had talked with her intensely and with wide smiles. He had to somehow get her out of here alive. Thinking about his own mother and knowing that the doctors had surely done their everything to try to prevent the cancer from taking over, Shintarou felt close to hyperventilating. Suddenly he breathed, and he breathed hard.

 

He was unable to stop even when the monitor’s beeping turned monotonous and the heart stopped beating in his palm. Only when he was aware of everyone’s gazes did he pull his soaked hand back and stared at the chest he had opened with a scalpel seven hours ago. His hands trembled, and his eyes widened. He was quick to squeeze them shut for a second, and then held a more serene look on his face upon glancing the clock.

 

“Time of death, seven oh one pm.” He sounded choked and he knew it. He couldn’t take a look at her again, thus he walked out of the room and ripped away the mask covering his face. Hastily he yanked the scrubs away and shoved them to the nearest bin, pushed open the door and marched through the corridors with heavy steps.

 

 _Why_ had the heart ripped right at the end? They had operated for seven long hours, and only when they were finished did it happen. Shintarou’s fingers glued to fists as he determinedly walked through the corridors towards the locker room. How could he face the children? _How_ could he tell them that their mother wasn’t coming back home again? He huffed and breathed heavily. That was the first patient that had died in his surgery. The _first_. Shintarou gritted his teeth together and pushed the right door open. Upon confirming that the room was empty, he kicked the nearest locker and let out a loud groan. Just for the sake of it he kicked the spot again and was more than happy to live with an aching toe for the moment. He pressed his forehead against the cool metal of his locker and closed his eyes.

 

His body was unwilling to relax and unwind. The weight of the long surgery set on his shoulders and made him want to collapse. Shintarou lulled in the moment of failure and in his mind went through all the steps they had done. He hadn’t made a mistake, and neither had his colleagues, he was certain of it. Had the heart just not been able to handle it? Feverishly he thought. Maybe if they had known that this would happen, they could have taken precaution. Or had he been too rough in the last few seconds, relieved that the surgery was almost over? Nausea settled to his stomach and made his chest clench. How could he walk in front of the family and tell them that they had tried to do everything but it hadn’t been a success? The woman had been in the hospital for so long, she had deserved to go home to her children. Shintarou groaned and banged his forehead against the locker. Somehow it felt insanely good. It still didn’t take his bewilderment away. His thoughts still ran a hundred per mile.

 

“Midorima.”

 

He startled and glanced over his shoulder, and was quick to peel off upon seeing their head of the department. She stood by the door, her white coat as neat as ever, her hair in a smartly constructed ponytail. Her eyes were ever so slightly narrowed, and underneath the gaze Shintarou cowered. He hung his head down. Judging from her gaze, she knew. It made his heart do painful somersaults.

 

“I heard from Ito, and I was also watching,” Kasumi said.

 

Shintarou nodded. Maybe they’d fire him. His skin crawled, and his eyes widened. Was this why she was here? They would really fire him. How could he go home and tell Kazunari? His pulse ticked. The worst part was that Kazunari wouldn’t necessarily be mad but tell him it wasn’t his fault. He felt hot around his ears.

 

“I’m sorry,” he managed to muster out. “I—I need to tell the family.” He took a step forward but froze to the spot, pinned by her gaze.

 

“I need you to calm down and take a deep breath,” she said with a stern tone. “I’ll tell Ito to handle that, I can’t send a flustered doctor like this to the family.”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze. _A flustered doctor_. He glued his fingers to tight fists. He bit his lower lip and felt his jaw clench. Even when it hurt he didn’t do anything to stop it.

 

“I want you to go home,” she said.

 

“Please,” Shintarou muttered a quiet plea. “I still have few hours left on my shift.”

 

“Have you seen yourself? You look shaken and bewildered. What would the patients think if I’d let you do rounds right now? You only have few hours, the board is empty, so you might as well go home and calm down and return work tomorrow with a new mindset.”

 

“But I don’t have a shift tomorrow.”

 

“Then you take the opportunity and relax.”

 

“But—“

 

“It’s not a suggestion,” she said, nodded, and left.

 

Shintarou stood still in the middle of the room. He was being sent home like a child who had misbehaved. Something boiled in his chest, and he wasn’t sure whether it was anger or disappointment. Probably the former, he deduced as he kicked the nearby locker once more and sat down on the bench. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath and felt like kicking something again even when his toes hurt. Thoroughly he felt like a failure, a doctor who couldn’t even keep his patients alive.

 

He hung his head between his palms and sat still for long moments.

 

When he eventually managed to peel off and change into clean clothes and shove the others to a bag, he was quick to scurry out of the hospital. The whole drive back home he seethed, and once he got stuck in the traffic he shouted to the car in front of him although he knew that the idiotic driver couldn’t even hear him. Part of him knew that this was his defense mechanism, to allow the anger to surface, but he wasn’t too keen on going home like this. Knowing himself, he’d shout at Kazunari although it wasn’t Kazunari’s fault. Shintarou squeezed the wheel enough to turn his knuckles white. Although he knew that the head of the department had the hospital’s interest in mind, Shintarou was certain that she had made a mistake. Sure, _maybe_ he was a little flustered, but that didn’t prevent him from working.

 

He ignored his still clenched teeth and sullen expression as he got back home and slammed the door shut behind his back. Under his breath he grumbled and cursed, and heard Kazunari welcome him home but didn’t answer a thing. For once he wasn’t feeling like it. He marched forward and hoped that he had turned invisible in the last few steps but he hadn’t. Kazunari looked up from his magazine to him and smiled tenderly.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari tried again.

 

“Hi,” Shintarou mumbled.

 

It seemed to be enough to alarm Kazunari. He rested the magazine on his thighs and looked at Shintarou with a frown. “Is everything alright? You’re home early.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Of course it does.”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue and disappeared to the bedroom momentarily to grab a clean towel. He walked back with heavy steps and shrugged. “I just got sent home because I’m a bad doctor.”

 

“What? Why, what happened?”

 

“I said it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“I’m taking a shower.”

 

The last thing he wanted was an argument, thus Shintarou retreated to the bathroom and for once locked the door behind his back. Right now he didn’t need Kazunari to be overly nosy about his matters, and he was certain that he did the right thing. Stripping his clothes and then stepping under the shower, he tried to relax his shoulders but couldn’t. Even the warm water that caressed his aching body didn’t help. He pressed his palm flat against the slippery tile wall and hung his head down, stared at his toes and the swirls of water as it traveled down the drain.

 

He glared down although he hardly saw a thing without his glasses. It took a long while before he slipped his eyes close and took deep breaths from the very bottom of his lungs. _Fuck_. The patient had trusted them, and now she was dead. The thought brought a bang in Shintarou’s chest. How could he recline beside his own lover at night and hold him tight and know that someone out there couldn’t do that to their partner? Chills invaded him despite the burning hotness of the water.

 

Until the skin on his fingers turned wrinkled he didn’t step out, and even then he did it reluctantly. He wrapped a towel around his waist and unlocked the door, opened it, and nearly had a heart attack as Kazunari stood right behind it with an obviously concerned look on his face.

 

“Did something happen?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou sighed. He trembled as the cold air hit his water-slick body. “I fucked up, all right?”

 

“What?”

 

“I said I _fucked up_. End of story.” He tried to step away but Kazunari grabbed him by the arm. “What?”

 

“Don’t be like that,” Kazunari pleaded quietly. He slipped his fingers down from Shintarou’s arm to his hand and took a gentle hold of it. “I want to know, and I want to help. Don’t be angry at me because of that.”

 

“I’m not _angry_. I’m upset with myself.”

 

“Then help me understand that.”

 

Shintarou remained silent but felt his bottom lip tremble. In the corners of his eyes something hot brimmed, but he blinked rapidly to prevent himself from crying. He was an adult, and he wasn’t going to cry over something like this. The urge increased, however, when Kazunari sighed gently and wrapped his arms around him.

 

“Come here,” Kazunari whispered and pulled him to a tight hug.

 

Shintarou pressed his nose to his lover’s neck and took in his scent. It was familiar, soothing, and he always associated it with home. Certain that his patient’s children would spend the evening and night crying, he moved his arms around Kazunari and squeezed him. He closed his eyes and didn’t want to think about anything at the moment, but his thoughts raced and refused to stop. Even the gentle strokes Kazunari gave to his spine didn’t help.

 

“I had her chest open right in front of me,” Shintarou said and peeled back, and stared into Kazunari’s eyes. “I had her _heart_ right in my… palm, and then… I…”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms. “I’m sure you did everything you could to save her.”

 

“And still she died.” Shintarou moved away from Kazunari’s embrace.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“The bedroom.”

 

“No—Come to the couch with me, please. Just talk to me if you feel like talking, but please don’t shut me out.”

 

Shintarou looked at him and hesitated a moment. “I’ll get dressed,” he eventually complied and thought he saw relief in Kazunari’s features. In their wardrobe he took the most comfortable clothing he could find, loose and soft fabrics that hugged his body gently and attempted to calm him down. He took deep breaths, tousled his hair with the towel and could only think about the weakly beating heart that had then stopped. It took him a long moment to move himself away from the room and into the living room.

 

By the couch he stood a moment and then sank down beside Kazunari. He spent another moment thinking, and then curled himself as small as possible and buried himself to his lover’s arms. Although he knew that he was perhaps being childish, he couldn’t help it at the moment. Kazunari said nothing, simply stroked his arm with his soft fingertips and peppered kisses to his forehead and hair. There was an ache in his chest, but Shintarou did his best to ignore it.

 

“Are you feeling any better?” Kazunari asked after minutes of silence.

 

Shintarou thought it through. “No,” he eventually admitted.

 

Kazunari kissed his forehead. Out of the blue he gasped for breath. “Oh… _Oh_ , I got it.”

 

“Got what?”

 

“You have a day off tomorrow, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou slowly said, a little suspicious.

 

“How about we do a one night getaway trip to some nearby onsen?” Kazunari smiled gently although there was a hint of excitement behind it.

 

Shintarou heaved out a heavy sigh. “I don’t think a vacation will fix this.”

 

“Come on. It’ll be you, me, hot baths and sleeping in yukatas.”

 

“I don’t know…” His stomach turned upside down. Somehow it felt wrong to do something like that after the complete failure. It didn’t seem to cross Kazunari’s mind as the man got up on his feet. Shintarou sighed. “Kazu—“ He swallowed in the rest when his lover already dashed away.

 

A second later Kazunari returned with a laptop and slumped down beside Shintarou. “We don’t even have to go far, we can pick an onsen in Hakone and stay the night in some nice little ryokan and just relax. Wouldn’t you like that?”

 

“It doesn’t feel appropriate,” Shintarou managed to say.

 

Kazunari’s fingers stopped over the keyboard, and he peeled his gaze away from the first ryokan’s website. “I just want you to cheer up,” he said and rubbed Shintarou’s thigh. “You’d probably end up staying in bed the whole day and feeling bad, I know you. At least this way you could have something else to think. Just think it through, we could eat out for once and get our skins wrinkled in the baths and then sleep together in yukatas.”

 

Truthfully, it didn’t sound awful. Shintarou rubbed his temple and sighed. “Do what you want,” he said.

 

“I’m not gonna book it if you really don’t feel like it, it was just a suggestion.”

 

“Do you really want to go to such place?”

 

Kazunari blinked and nodded slowly.

 

“Then we go,” Shintarou said like it was the simplest thing in the world. At the moment it was. “You can choose the place, it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari moved the laptop from his lap to the coffee table and pulled Shintarou back in his arms. He kissed his forehead and stroked his forearm. “I know you feel bad, but don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

 

“I’m trying not to.”

 

“That’s good. You know I’m proud of you no matter what.”

 

“Yeah.” Shintarou remained still a moment longer and then got up despite the fact that Kazunari’s embrace was warm and soothing. “I think I’m going to bed, I—The surgery last seven hours, I’m really tired.”

 

“You do that, I’ll be right with you.” Kazunari offered a soft smile. “Do you want to go to the onsen tomorrow?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay, I’ll just—I’ll get a place for us to stay tomorrow, I’ll come to bed after that.”

 

Shintarou nodded and without a further word got to the bed. He stripped down to his underwear and slipped under the blanket to his own spot, stirred the cats’ sleep in the foot of the bed but ignored the protests of meows. Burying his cheek to the pillow, he shuddered despite the warmth that engulfed him. As much as he tried to think about other things, he couldn’t, his mind only geared towards the surgery and nothing else. Once more he went through his mind everything he had done, tried to find mistakes or anything that would have caused the outcome but couldn’t think of anything. He gritted his teeth and listened the cats purr to each other.

 

It felt like hours had passed when Kazunari finally tiptoed to the room, clearly trying to be as quiet as possible. Shintarou didn’t stir when his lover shushed the cats and lied down right behind him. He got a kiss on the shoulder, and then Kazunari sneaked his arm carefully over his waist. It brought a familiar sensation to Shintarou but he still didn’t move. Only when Kazunari settled against his back for good did Shintarou open his eyes and stared at the curtains drawn over their smaller balcony’s doors. He gave himself permission to think it over until he was sick only for today. Tomorrow he’d gear his thoughts for the new day, enjoy the night in onsen, and then return to work refreshed. He hummed to the thought and brought his fingers over Kazunari’s forearm, stroked the soft hair gently and wondered if his plan would truly hold.


	167. Explore

With his hands loosely resting on his hips Kazunari stood in the small backyard of the ryokan room he had booked, and looked at the sight. The fences were tall and giving no chance for anyone to see what was going on in their private little yard; the hot spring right in the middle looked tempting, and as much as he wanted to get rid of his yukata right at the moment, he didn’t. The breeze between his legs was pleasant, and the fabric of the clothing was pleasant against his skin. A faint smile overtook his lips as he shifted his weight from one foot to another and felt the wood of the balcony beneath his feet. The sky had gone dark and the stars were out, something he couldn’t witness every day back home. His chin tugged up, he tried to recognize some of the constellations.

 

 _Maybe_ he had gone a little overboard by booking a room with a private hot spring, but he had figured that it was the most comfortable choice for both of them. He knew that had their option been to use a public one, he would have spent hours trying to tempt Shintarou to come with him. Now they get could get naked right in the little balcony and took few steps towards the warm water. Kazunari shuddered from the thought and grinned from ear to ear. Truthfully, he was looking forward to simply relaxing and spending some time with each other. He figured it was the perfect recipe for a successful one-night getaway.

 

He spent a moment longer looking at the yard that had looked just as good in the pictures, then adjusted the yukata that wanted to display more than he was keen on showing at the moment and slipped back inside. The room was small but they wouldn’t have needed any better. Shintarou was a sight on his own, clad in striped yukata, reclined on the tatami floor with his gaze fixed on the small television. By the doorframe Kazunari stood and watched his fiancé. They had gotten here only few minutes ago, and already Shintarou seemed a bit more relaxed. He genuinely felt sorry for his lover about yesterday, thus he promised himself to make sure that everything would be perfect today.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asked just to be on the safe side.

 

Sluggishly Shintarou looked up at him and hummed, his head resting on his palm, elbow against floor. “For the hundredth time, I’m _fine_ ,” he said.

 

“I just wanted to be sure.” Kazunari smiled gently at him and carefully lowered himself on his knees. For a moment he thought and simply sat, but he was quick to lie down right beside Shintarou on his back. He looked up at him and tousled his hair, which gained him more attention. “How are you liking the place?”

 

“It’s good,” was Shintarou’s verdict as he moved ever so slightly to face Kazunari better. The long fingers twitched and then moved to stroke Kazunari’s jaw. “It’s good to hear something other than the constant traffic.”

 

“I know, right? The backyard looks really amazing, I gotta tell you.” Kazunari slipped his eyes close for a second, and upon opening them he laced his arm over Shintarou’s waist and rubbed his bottom clad in the soft, thin fabric. “So what do you want to do, go take a dip first or order some food?”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou paused and absentmindedly kept working his fingers over his lover’s chin. “We might as well test out the hot spring before eating. I’m sure that once you get food in your system, you won’t want to get up anymore.”

 

“Hey!” Kazunari swatted Shintarou’s bottom and made him wince. “You make me sound super lazy,” he protested and rolled a little farther away on the soft floor to prevent himself from snuggling Shintarou an hour straight. It took a bit of willpower to get up now that he had settled comfortably, but when he did he spared a look towards the familiar cooking show. Smiling silly to Shintarou, Kazunari finally lifted up on his feet. The yukata was generous on the chest area, the fabric slipping apart, but he didn’t bother to cover himself up when Shintarou was staring. With a grin Kazunari brought his hands around Shintarou’s waist when he was up and tiptoed enough to kiss him. “What do you think of the yukatas?” he murmured.

 

Shintarou flushed around the cheeks ever so slightly. “They are… an outfit.”

 

“You like ‘em?”

 

“It’s just—just a piece of clothing.”

 

Kazunari smirked. “Says you with your eyes on my nipples.”

 

“That’s not true,” Shintarou protested and stared into Kazunari’s eyes, although his gaze had been a lot lower a second ago. It took him a moment of silence to eventually lean over and bring his mouth to Kazunari’s ear. In it he murmured, “You look good.”

 

Kazunari chuckled as he pulled back. “I knew you liked it,” he chirped and entangled their fingers together. With a wide grin he tugged Shintarou in motion and through the balcony doors to the backyard. Shintarou let out an approving hum. Happy that his lover seemed to like his choice of ryokan, Kazunari let go of him and stepped on the cool grass. It caressed his soles as he twirled around right on the edge of the hot water and fixed his gaze on Shintarou. Feeling just a bit naughty, which brought a pleasant tick to his pulse, Kazunari gave the man his best bedroom eyes as he slipped the fabric belt away from his waist and parted the yukata. He arched one of his brows and proudly displayed himself.

 

“What do you think of the view?” he asked and managed to keep his tone innocent. He glanced down at his naked body and for once was happy with how he looked like. Certain that he was still _hot_ for his age, he slipped the yukata down on his ankles and stood still like he wasn’t naked to begin with. “The stars are very pretty tonight.”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou mustered out without a single glance towards the sky. He took a step forward and slipped his hands on his own belt, never breaking their eye contact. Once he stood right in front of Kazunari, he breathed slightly heavier. His hands fumbled on his waist, fingers quivering, but eventually he slipped the robe down on the ground as well. Redness crept on his neck.

 

Kazunari kept his eyes on the green ones although he would have loved to take a look at the lean muscles and the cock hanging relaxed. Instead he puckered his lips, and after a long moment turned around and sat on the edge of the square-shaped dent in the ground. He dipped in his legs, confirmed that the water was nearly burning hot, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He eased himself in all the way to his neck and then watched Shintarou mimic the motion. Together in the space luxuriously big for two people Kazunari made his way across and stopped in front of Shintarou. Gentle steam rose from the surface and fogged the glasses that Kazunari ended up taking away.

 

“This feels _so_ good,” Kazunari eventually said and relaxed beside Shintarou. The water licked his body that seemed more aching than he thought it was. “This actually feels so good that I could get an orgasm from this.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “Really? An orgasm?”

 

“Mm… Yeah, totally.”

 

Shaking his head, Shintarou caressed Kazunari’s arm and made the man look at him. There was clear hesitation in his eyes, but he leaned down nonetheless and kissed him tenderly. When he pulled his mouth back, he murmured, “This does feel quite good.”

 

“Right? It’s just hot enough, and, I mean, look at the location. Plus it’s just you and me and we don’t have to worry about old men and we can kiss a bit more.” Kazunari hooked his arms around Shintarou’s waist and smooched his chin. “You don’t mind if we do some kissing later on, do you?”

 

“Why… later?”

 

“Because I think that right now I should go and get the sake for us.” Kazunari pressed his lips briefly on Shintarou’s cheek and pushed himself out of the bath. The air hadn’t felt quite as cold as it did now, and he squealed. “I want to jump back in there!” he squeaked but nearly ran inside nonetheless. He found the bottle of sake and the two small cups easily (they might have purchased them right before they had reached Hakone), grabbed himself a hairband and dashed back. His movements were quick as he set everything down on the edge and got his body back under the warm water. He shuddered as he set the band to his hair to prevent the bangs from falling on his face.

 

He reached for the bottle and poured the cups half full, gave Shintarou one and took one to himself. He buried himself down enough for his shoulders to cover and kept the cup right above the surface. With a grin on his lips he clinked it against Shintarou’s.

 

“To, uh, something. To the one who invented hot springs?” He snickered, and even Shintarou chuckled. With a nice warm tickle down his belly Kazunari bottomed down the sake. It burned in his throat, but it didn’t feel as good as tasting the alcohol on Shintarou’s lips as he kissed him gently. In the midst he nudged the cup safely back to the edge and lulled in the water after he pulled back.

 

“I’m fairly certain,” Shintarou began and brought his hands on Kazunari’s hips, “that this was in the end a decent idea.”

 

“I knew you’d warm up for it.” Kazunari reached his neck and kissed Shintarou on the lips again. This time he made the kiss linger, tilted his head and then deepened it. He hummed and slipped his eyes close, wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s neck and strained his body against his lover’s. It was absolutely perfect, he thought, even when from the nearby public bath house some chatter and laughter echoed to their little private paradise. Reluctantly Kazunari pulled back for air and fluttered his eyes. “That felt nice,” he murmured softly and, as he got a confirmation of a nod from Shintarou, gave him a new kiss that was possibly even better than the previous one.

 

In the midst of the kiss Kazunari worked his fingers on Shintarou’s nape and rubbed the water-slicked spots gently. He took a breath through his nose and turned the kiss longer, pressed himself better against Shintarou’s body, and Shintarou tightened his grasp. For a moment Kazunari forgot all about the special setting and the fact that the water was warm and steaming as he could only focus on kissing the man that he was planning to spend the rest of his life with. His lips tingled and felt a bit swollen already, but it didn’t stop him from kissing Shintarou more. His heart held a pleasant rhythm and his abdomen tightened. It felt awfully intimate, and he wasn’t sure whether the credit could really go all to the setting.

 

Eventually Shintarou pulled back, adorably flustered at that. Even so he didn’t let go of Kazunari’s waist but held him close. “I think I need some more sake,” he said and reached for the bottle, poured some to both of the cups and offered the other to Kazunari. Shintarou bottomed the small amount in one go and slid his hands back to Kazunari’s skin. His fingers dipped lower by the second, and eventually he boldly rested them on Kazunari’s buttocks. “Is this okay?” he asked.

 

Kazunari worked his fingers through the green locks and made them a little damp. “You know it’s okay, you can grab my ass anytime you want,” he promised with a bit of a grin and kissed Shintarou again. This time it was a lot shorter but twisted his insides in a wonderful knot and took his breath away. He looked into Shintarou’s eyes and knew that he didn’t want to look at anyone else like this. “I’m happy you came along,” he said.

 

“I’m happy you came up with the idea.” Shintarou moved one of his hands upwards and stroked Kazunari’s spine with his index finger. The other hand still firmly remained on one of the buttocks and even squeezed. “It’s… I like this. It gives a chance for both of us to relax.”

 

“You really need some relaxing, you’ve been tense for a while.”

 

“Have I?”

 

“Not badly, but I was starting to feel like you’d explode soon.” Kazunari smiled tenderly and cupped Shintarou’s face to his palms, and pressed his lips back to his. It was silly, he sometimes thought, how into he was still kissing the same mouth he had kissed for a decade, how it didn’t take the butterflies away no matter what. It was still exciting, and from that he knew that this was meant to last for a lifetime. With the thought in his mind he moved back enough and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder. Although the water was warm, it was nothing compared to Shintarou’s arms that took him in the embrace and didn’t let go.

 

In the same position they lulled for long minutes. Kazunari lost the track of time within the first five and didn’t even care to know how long they remained still. It was one of those evenings when words weren’t needed, he figured and kissed the roundness of Shintarou’s shoulder. He got a kiss back in the midst of his hair, and it made a smile twitch on his lips. With a hum he settled even closer and felt his fingertips turn wrinkly. The water remained hot, steam escaping to the starry sky that was getting darker by the minute. Shuddering a bit, Kazunari made sure that his shoulders were below the water and closed his eyes. Although he had so many things to say, both humdrum and sweet declarations of love, he felt like staying like this told everything necessary. He stroked the back of Shintarou’s shoulder and peppered the nearby strip of skin with several kisses.

 

It took a long while before he even considered getting up, but when he did, he finally stirred from the pleasant slumber.

 

“I could have so taken a nap just like that,” he said with a chuckle and peeled away from Shintarou.

 

Shintarou muffled a yawn to his shoulder. “Indeed. I’m slightly hungry, though.”

 

“Mm, we better eat a bit, then relax a bit, and maybe after that we’re powered up again to take another dip.” It took a lot of power and self-restraint to move out of the water, but he didn’t do it without smooching Shintarou once more. He pressed his palms to the edge and attempted to push himself up, only to let out a high-pitched yelp when Shintarou swatted his bottom. Not sure if his lover was actually feeling playful or if it was the sake, Kazunari still grinned at him and got up on his feet successfully. He grabbed the yukata from the ground and wrapped it around his quivering body, brought his hand back to Shintarou’s although the walk was quick, and got inside.

 

He reclined sloppily in the tatami mat, and once he lied down, he didn’t feel like getting back up anymore. They ordered food, mainly fish, and when it eventually arrived, Kazunari ate with good appetite. Every now and then he spared a look at Shintarou in the midst of chatting about things that hardly would have mattered to anyone else but in which they found joy out of. In the midst of explaining about the certainty of penguins mating for life (he had seen it in a documentary he recently watched), Kazunari’s eyes widened as Shintarou leaned over and kissed him even when his mouth was still full of crawfish.

 

“You’re so cute, Shin-chan,” he said and swallowed down the bit of fish quickly.

 

“No, you are that,” insisted Shintarou. There was a glimmer in his eyes behind the glasses he had gotten back to the bridge of his nose.

 

“Am I now?”

 

“You most certainly are.”

 

“Good to know.” Kazunari brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean, then dropped back on the floor on his back and groaned. “I’m so full! Why did I order another fish?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I told you not to, didn’t I?”

 

“I should have listened to you, now my stomach hurts.” Kazunari took a deep breath through his nose and tugged his chin up enough to look at the television. Another episode of the cooking show had started, and although they were reruns, he couldn’t remember seeing it. He pushed up enough and then rested back on his elbows. Soon Shintarou scooted over and moved beside him, the plates of food empty and practically licked clean. The sake they had drank some more now bubbled in Kazunari’s veins and made him feel positively flustered but in the best way possible.

 

It didn’t take until the next commercial break for Shintarou to coyly slip his hand in from the slit of the yukata and rub Kazunari’s stomach.

 

“Are you giving me a belly rub?” Kazunari asked and turned his gaze at him.

 

“Possibly,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Just don’t press too hard or I might vomit all over you.”

 

“That’s really the mental image I wanted to have right this moment, thank you.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I’m just saying! You don’t want any surprises happening either, do you?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I’ll take the warning into consideration, thank you very much.”

 

In the dim light Shintarou looked very much like the eighteen-year-old boy he had been. Kazunari smiled and stroked the man’s cheek. Sometimes he couldn’t believe all the years they had managed to stay with each other despite annoying each other to no end from time to time. He felt Shintarou’s engagement ring near his navel and adored the sensation of the metal brushing against his skin rising in goose bumps.

 

“You know what we still have to do,” he said as Shintarou kept rubbing his stomach with a gentle motion.

 

“What is that?”

 

“Buy wedding rings. This time we can get matching ones and get these cute little carvings on the inside.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “What would we carve, though?”

 

“I don’t know, something really cliché.” Kazunari chuckled. “Maybe the day we started to date or something, though I can’t even remember it…”

 

“Fourth of January,” Shintarou said without missing a beat. He then inhaled sharply through his nose and was quick to say, “Not that I know the exact date or anything.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Who would have thought that _you_ out of the two of us would keep such a good track of our anniversaries?” The laughter still curling his lips, Kazunari pushed Shintarou on his back to the floor and crawled over him. He pressed his chest against the man’s and kissed him tenderly, but as it deepened he began to rock his hips against Shintarou’s. He let out a quiet moan below his breath and then pulled back. “I don’t know how good an idea this is, I feel like I’m gonna be sick if I move too much…”

 

Shintarou scooped Kazunari’s ass in his palms and squeezed. He looked up into his lover’s eyes and narrowed his own. “You already started this,” he pointed out. “Will you now stop when I’m slowly getting in the mood?”

 

“Are you slowly getting in the mood?”

 

“Possibly.” Shintarou cleared his throat. “Isn’t this what everyone always dreams of, anyway, sex in—in yukatas?”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Is it really a thing?”

 

“I’m… fairly sure it is a thing.”

 

“Then we really shouldn’t waste the opportunity.” He grabbed the belt of Shintarou’s robe and slipped it open slowly, and lifted his hips up to part the fabric. He wasn’t sure whether it was even possible, but somehow Shintarou’s body looked extra nice in the yukata. Maybe they should get some to home, Kazunari idly thought and worked his fingertips over the muscles on his lover’s chest.

 

When Shintarou finally opened his robe in return and even slipped it away from his body, Kazunari pressed his lips tight against his lover’s and rutted his hips against his. It brought friction to his cock that rubbed against Shintarou’s with a maddening speed as he got really into rocking his hips forward. His nose squeezed flat as he kissed Shintarou desperately as if he wouldn’t have another chance to do something like this. The kisses turned sloppy and almost amateurish as Kazunari moved his hips in a steady fast motion long enough, and soon it was difficult to concentrate on anything other than his hardening dick. His breaths turned labored and heated against Shintarou’s mouth that he simply forgot to kiss. He was quick to grow fully hard and moaned against the man’s cheek.

 

“Did we…” He swallowed hard but couldn’t contain the moan. Although he was a little concerned with the thickness of the walls, he didn’t point it out to Shintarou. He kissed him harsh and then continued with a quiet mewl, “Did we bring lube?”

 

“No,” Shintarou was quick to say and as equally quick to grab Kazunari by his hips as if he’d leave somewhere.

 

Instead Kazunari pressed himself tighter over Shintarou and kept rocking his hips. “We can… can do it like this,” he breathed and let out an incoherent noise, something akin between a moan and a grumble as Shintarou’s rock-hard length rubbed against his in a perfect angle. Kazunari rolled his eyes shut in their sockets and didn’t want to lift his upper body up to properly sit on top of Shintarou although it would have made things a lot easier. Instead he rather preferred to have his chest tightly pressed against his lover’s, his face buried to his neck that was burning hot.

 

Admittedly, he really liked this yukata sex, although there wasn’t much yukatas involved by the time he yanked the annoying fabric out of the way from Shintarou’s body. He pushed his hips forward and tried to make the movements deep and slow but ended up rocking his body like a little bunny in heat humping its partner. Kazunari attached his lips to Shintarou’s neck and sucked with the same intensity he had used at the prime age of eighteen and had finally gotten Shintarou’s permission to give him his first hickey. Now he was still sure that he’d left behind a red mark and hoped that the collar of Shintarou’s white coat would be enough to cover it. Shintarou moaned, his breathing broken and irregular and so very _good_. It brought a flicker of heat to Kazunari’s belly.

 

He might have been puffy because of the dinner, but when Shintarou looked at him with lust in his eyes, Kazunari felt like the sexiest person alive. Shintarou’s looks often had that effect when given in the midst of sex; in the moments the green eyes looked at him so intensely that he believed in the fact that Shintarou had never seen anything sexier than him. Powered again by the gaze, Kazunari rutted his hips harder and felt his cock twitch. Pre-cum oozed out drop at a time, and when he glanced between their stomachs and saw their proudly swollen cockheads nestling against each other, his hips jerked. He turned more desperate, more needy, and he was quick to dive into another kiss. Something buzzed in his head, probably the sake mixed in with incredible arousal, and it made him work harder for the goal.

 

When Shintarou squeezed his ass again and dug his nails to the skin, clawed ever so slightly, Kazunari came with a muffled moan. Moments later Shintarou followed. Kazunari didn’t even bother to glance at the mess they had made, knowing exactly what it’d look like, and rather lulled in the warmth of his lover’s embrace. He caught up with his breath, his lungs working the best they could, and he shifted ever so slightly to a better position. Shintarou pressed the back of his head against the floor and closed his eyes, and the sight made Kazunari smile. Pressing a kiss to the man’s jaw, Kazunari gained a look and a kiss on his lips. He was sure he had reached the ninth cloud and wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

 

Soon he began to shiver, their balcony door wide open and a gentle summer breeze bristling to their room. Kazunari grunted and yanked the yukata to his grasp but didn’t get it properly on as he merely threw it over his arched back like a throw and shuddered against Shintarou. He got a kiss on his forehead, and then Shintarou lifted his upper body up forcing Kazunari to move along.

 

“If you’re cold, we can go back to the water,” Shintarou quietly suggested.

 

Kazunari felt his eyes brighten. “Let’s,” he said immediately and scurried up on his feet. Ropes of cum had settled to Shintarou’s stomach as a joint masterpiece, and the sight brought a whole new set of heat in Kazunari’s belly. He ignored it for a moment as he stepped through the sliding doors and hurried back in the water. A long groan escaped him, but it changed into a smile as Shintarou eased himself to the water beside him. He could get used to this, Kazunari thought and wondered how much it would cost to get a nice little hot spring. _Probably too much_. Snickering privately to the idea, he waded his way through the water and settled in front of Shintarou again.

 

“You look so pretty tonight,” he said and kissed the tip of Shintarou’s nose.

 

“Come on,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“It’s the truth! You’re the prettiest hubby out there, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You so are.” Kazunari prolonged his vowels, which made it sound like he was whining. It was worth it as he saw a smile on Shintarou’s lips, and the same smile even tugged higher when he kissed it. He rubbed his lover’s firm pectorals. “Hmm… You look so good in fact that I might have to demand a second round once I’m recovered from the first.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “Is that so?”

 

“That is so, yes.” Kazunari felt the bridge of his nose wrinkle from the widening smile. “In fact… Why don’t I start by getting you back in the mood and then, you know…” He trailed off as he slipped his hand lower from the chest and reached for Shintarou’s abdomen that tightened immediately beneath his fingers.

 

“Here?”

 

“Since we did some yukata sex, we better get in some hot spring sex as well, right?” Kazunari peppered a line of kisses to Shintarou’s jaw and hummed from the back of his throat. “But if you insists, I can stop—“

 

“Don’t,” Shintarou breathed. He swallowed thickly, moved his fingers around Kazunari’s wrists and coached them to the right direction. “I—I mean… Don’t stop.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I won’t,” he promised and kissed Shintarou gently. Against his lips he muttered, “I definitely won’t.”


	168. Flat Tire

Although thousands of others had had the same idea of going back to Tokyo before noon and the traffic was slightly slower from usual, Shintarou didn’t feel annoyed about it. In fact, he felt positively _glowing_ and knew that the morning’s dip to the hot spring wasn’t the only reason for it. Beside him on the shotgun sat Kazunari who smiled and babbled about everything that popped in his head, and Shintarou had to admit that he liked his fiancé the best like this. He listened a very detailed explanation of how the hot springs must have come to being in the first place and nodded along in all the appropriate places.

 

Admittedly, the one night getaway had been perfect for his nerves. He was grateful to get the chance to simply nullify his thoughts for one evening and concentrate on what was important, Kazunari that was, instead of worrying about things. Even the shift starting later in the afternoon didn’t cause his heart to tick anymore, and it made him pleased. Shintarou tightened his grasp from the wheel, his knuckles growing a little pale as he finally saw his chance to yank up the speed with no one in front of them. He pressed his foot harder on the gas but made sure he was still within the speed limitations.

 

“Doesn’t that make so much sense?” Kazunari asked.

 

“It does,” Shintarou concluded.

 

Bristling, Kazunari brought his hand to Shintarou’s knee and squeezed. Afterwards he rubbed the spot with such gentle fingers. “You look happy.”

 

“I _am_ happy.”

 

“Wait—Is this real life? Did the grumpy Midorima Shintarou actually _admit_ that he’s happy?” Kazunari gasped.

 

Shintarou threw him a look. “Go on, make fun of me then.”

 

“I’m not making fun of you, Shin-chan, I’m just teasing, and there’s a huge difference.” Kazunari pulled his hand back to himself but was quick to bring it to Shintarou’s shoulder. He massaged the spot that no longer was as tense as yesterday. “Did you have fun, though?”

 

“I did. Thank you for coming up with the idea, it was surprisingly wonderful.”

 

“We should do that again some other time. _Or_ go to a Western spa and get massaged and all these treatments and then sit in sauna and get steamy.”

 

Shintarou hummed from amusement. “We’ll see.” With nothing but a straight road ahead of him, he turned to briefly look at Kazunari. The smile on his lover’s lips competed with the sun that would surely become scorching hot once the time would reach fully past noon. He didn’t need an explicit _I love you_ from Kazunari’s mouth to know that he was loved (unlike when he had been seventeen and confused about everything), the mere way in which Kazunari looked at him told everything necessary. Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat.

 

He was about to indulge Kazunari and say something sweet when it felt like he hit a strange bump and nearly lost control of the car. Immediately forgetting how to breathe, afraid that they’d make the headlines as the couple who tragically lost their lives in a car accident, Shintarou slowed down the speed. The bumps continued one after another, mostly on his side, and made steering impossible. He breathed hard, and as his pulse thickened and Kazunari looked positively worried, Shintarou stopped by the road.

 

“What was that?” Kazunari asked.

 

“I have no idea.” Still catching up with his breath, Shintarou tried to see through the back window if he had hit an unsuspected hare or other animal, but there was no road kill.

 

Kazunari freed himself from the seatbelt. “I’ll go take a look.”

 

“I can go,” Shintarou hurried to say, a little worried to let Kazunari out there, but couldn’t do a single thing when his lover was already out of the car and his door left wide open. Shintarou released his own seatbelt just in case and through the windows watched Kazunari circle the car. He opened the window as Kazunari approached with a frown on his face.

 

“It’s a flat tire,” Kazunari announced.

 

“What?” Shintarou felt his face fall. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah, come take a look.”

 

Shintarou scurried out of the car quickly and followed Kazunari towards the rear whilst cars passed them with terrifying speed. He stood still and glanced at the tire that was utterly ruined. Strips of burnt rubber hung from what was left of it, and just looking at it made Shintarou’s blood pressure rise up towards the ceiling.

 

“You must have hit something,” Kazunari quietly said and bumped his shoulder against Shintarou’s arm.

 

Shintarou crossed his arms against his chest. “I didn’t _hit_ anything,” he insisted and looked down at his lover. “I don’t know what the hell happened, but I didn’t hit anything. Are you saying I’m a bad driver?”

 

“Shin-chan,” called Kazunari and rubbed Shintarou’s hip. “Remember to take deep breaths. Whatever happened, it’s not the end of the world, okay? Hell, maybe it just decided to explode all on its own.”

 

Shintarou grumbled.

 

“Deep breaths, babe,” Kazunari reminded with a gentle smile and patted the small of his back. “Do we have a spare one?”

 

“No,” Shintarou grunted. He attempted to do exactly what Kazunari wanted him to do and took deep breaths. The task turned a little easier when he matched them to the rhythm of the strokes that Kazunari peppered on his back. Slipping his eyes close, he said, “We don’t have one.”

 

“Then we’ll call someplace. I’ll do that, but come sit inside with me, there’s no point staring at it now.”

 

Although he loved to think that he was the voice of reasoning in this relationship, the truth couldn’t have been different. In situations like these when he was ready to explode and nearly walk home from annoyance, Kazunari always managed to keep a cool head and talk with a soothing voice that brought Shintarou out of the pits of flaming rage. With a sigh Shintarou peeled away from him and went back to the car, turned off the engine and listened Kazunari call for towing.

 

Few minutes later Kazunari ended the call and patted Shintarou’s thigh. “The guy on the phone said they’ll be here in half an hour, and they’ll get us to the mechanics and we can get the tire changed. So don’t worry, we’ll make it home before you gotta leave.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“I do say so.” Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s hand to his own and stroked his knuckles. “So just relax and remember to breathe, this is just a little obstacle in the road.”

 

Shintarou sighed. He entangled their fingers together and looked at them. After all the years they still fitted perfectly together. “Thank you,” he muttered.

 

“Aw, Shin-chan, don’t thank me. It’s just a lot easier for you to be calm by the time they get here instead of barking at them.”

 

Shintarou glared at him.

 

“I’m just joking!” Kazunari hurried to snicker. He inched as close as he could on his seat and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder, and kept rubbing the back of his palm. “Sometimes these things just happen and we can’t help them, and in those times we just need to let the universe do its thing.”

 

“Such an attitude doesn’t always help.”

 

“But sometimes it does, and that’s good enough.”

 

Shintarou felt his insides rumble, but he tried to keep a neutral look on his face as Kazunari lifted his chin and looked at him. Knowing fully well what his lover craved for, he sighed and kissed him briefly, lips merely touching Kazunari’s for a second before he pulled back. It seemed it wasn’t enough for Kazunari who took a hold of his chin and kissed him in return, longer and deeper. The kiss was just enough to turn Shintarou’s head fully blank, and in the aftermath he took in a breath through his nose and forgot why he was grumpy in the first place. When he remembered, it didn’t feel like that big of a deal anymore.

 

“Wanna turn on the radio?” Kazunari asked with his sweetest voice.

 

“No,” Shintarou said. “I’d rather listen to you.”

 

“Aw, babe, how sweet of you.”

 

Shintarou felt flustered but didn’t muster out another word when Kazunari began to babble about this and that again. Sometimes he preferred the conversations when he could simply remain quiet and didn’t have to say a thing and still both of them were satisfied. He closed his eyes and listened the voice that he was ready to listen to for the rest of his life. Half an hour flew by quicker than he had expected, and by the time a gruff-looking man knocked to the window, Shintarou felt fully calm again and tackled the problem without anxiety.


	169. Desk Lamp

In the warm hue of the bedside lamp Shintarou read a book and relaxed better on the couch. Despite the fact that the day had already slipped to a late evening, the weather remained awfully hot and humid, thus he had his long legs stretched over the blanket instead of under it. He slipped his fingers below the shirt he used for sleeping and scratched his stomach, and quickly brought the hand back to the book as he turned the page and kept reading. In the background he still heard the steady rumble of the shower and considered it as quite a nice sound.

 

As much as he liked his share of slow evenings in solitude, right now he was craving to have Kazunari with him. Sometimes he had such urges that burned his chest and made him almost unable to breathe, but they rarely happened. He hadn’t seen a single glimpse of Kazunari since the morning when he had left the bed and his peacefully sleeping lover for another long day at work. By the time he had come to read on the bed, Kazunari had returned and went straight to the shower. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and tried to concentrate on the book, but the lines of text flashed in his eyes and made him unable to focus. He didn’t want to give up, not when he had started, but his eyes abandoned the page altogether when the shower was turned off.

 

He held in his breath as he waited, and it was rewarded few seconds later. The door creaked softly open, and Kazunari stepped in with a towel around his waist and water licking his bare chest. Shintarou perked on his side of the bed ever so slightly and attempted some sort of a smile. Maybe it looked like a smile when Kazunari’s lips twitched higher in return.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou said. “You’re back.”

 

“Finally,” Kazunari huffed and strutted in front of the wardrobe. “I went by Tetsuya’s place when I got out of work, I wasn’t planning to be there so damn long but then we started talking and I just lost the track of time…”

 

Involuntarily Shintarou dozed off from the conversation when Kazunari dropped the towel on the floor and searched for clothes. Shintarou took a sharp inhale through his nose as he had the direct visual on the perfect roundness of Kazunari’s bottom. He knew fully well that his lover himself disliked that part of himself (despite the fact that he made the effort to compliment it whenever he could), but to him it was wonderful. The buttocks were fleshy and jiggled a little when Kazunari hopped into a clean pair of boxers. They looked good even clad in fabric, and Shintarou simply stared at the widened hips and the flesh he always took a hold of when they were in a suitable position for lovemaking. The thoughts traveled straight to his groin.

 

“What?” Kazunari asked out of the blue.

 

Shintarou jolted. The man had turned around, and the boxers hugged his package generously. It took a moment for Shintarou to regain his ability to talk. “Nothing. How was your day?” he was quick to ask.

 

Kazunari looked a little suspicious as he threw the towel over the wardrobe door to dry and crawled on the bed. “It was fine, the same old stuff.” He yanked the blanket open from his side of the bed and settled under it, and then shuffled a little closer. “What are you reading?”

 

“Just a… a book.” Shintarou made the mistake of looking at Kazunari’s face and found himself struck by awe all over again. The bedside lamp created the perfect light for Kazunari’s cheekbones pop right to the surface of the sheer skin, and Shintarou held in his breath. This was the face he had stared at for ten years, yet still he considered it so very beautiful, and on some days like this found it even more wonderful from the normal. He spotted Kazunari’s frown and cleared his throat. “I’m sure you’d like it if you gave it a go,” he continued, badly delayed.

 

“Yeah, I could try it when I have the time.” Kazunari moved his hand on Shintarou’s chest and stroked the spot gently. With a sheepish smile on his lips he reached his neck longer and pressed a kiss on the corner of Shintarou’s mouth. He pulled back but only to kiss him properly. Afterwards he patted the man’s chest and retreated to his side of the bed. “I think I’m gonna sleep, I’m so exhausted.”

 

A slight disappointment rumbled in Shintarou’s stomach. “Should I close the lamp in that case?”

 

“Nah, just keep reading, it won’t bother me that much. Goodnight, babe.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Shintarou glanced at the silhouette of his lover rising from under the blanket and let out a quiet sigh. He turned his gaze back to the book and tried to continue reading, but it was difficult when the most perfectly crafted being lied right next to him. Thinking through his options carefully, he lost track of them when he realized he saw more of Kazunari’s nape than usually. He frowned lightly and discarded the book, sank better to the bed and brought his fingertips gently on his lover’s nape. Kazunari let out a squeal.

 

“Sorry,” Shintarou apologized immediately but didn’t pull his hand back. He stroked the spot. “Have you cut your hair?”

 

Kazunari glanced at him over shoulder and gave a small smile. “I cut it in Tetsuya’s place when he wanted a haircut and afterwards I decided to get rid of my own as well.”

 

“It suits you well.” Shintarou slid his hand on Kazunari’s shoulder and massaged it.

 

“Mm, it’s the same as always, really.”

 

“I still like it.” Shintarou hesitated a moment and then moved closer until he was able to press his chest against Kazunari’s back would he want to. Instead of doing so he leaned lower and kissed the somewhat bony shoulder. He kissed the spot again and afterwards brought his mouth to Kazunari’s ear. “I like it a lot,” he murmured.

 

Kazunari shivered and craned his neck, as if offering it. Taking it exactly like that, Shintarou laced his lips on the soft skin and peppered a line of kisses on the side of the neck. He had never been a love bite kind of person, but right now he felt like he could suck one if they weren’t so old already. He considered it a teenager thing and wasn’t sure whether Kazunari wanted to appear on work with a bruise in such a place, thus Shintarou merely kissed the skin tenderly. Kazunari wiggled ever so slightly, grabbed Shintarou’s arm and yanked it over his waist. It was surely an invitation, Shintarou figured and nudged one of his long legs between Kazunari’s. Their bodies fit like puzzle pieces made for each other, had always done so and would surely always do so.

 

Without a word he slid his hand along the side of Kazunari’s body and stopped his fingers’ advance to the curve of the hips. No matter what anyone said, Kazunari included, Shintarou loved the matured body, all of its crooks and bumps and the way the fullness had gathered on certain spots. He squeezed the hip and kissed the very beginning of Kazunari’s jawline. From the back of his throat Kazunari let out a hum and stroked the fine hair on Shintarou’s arm. Planning to fully tangle them to each other, Shintarou moved closer, pulled Kazunari better in his grasp, and indulged his skin to a new set of kisses that descended back on the shoulder.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari whispered.

 

It took a lot of self-restraint for Shintarou to pull his mouth back. “Should I stop?”

 

“No… Keep going, that feels really good…”

 

Shintarou complied with pleasure. He slipped his hand on the tight band of Kazunari’s boxers, then to the backside and nudged his fingers against the shower-fresh skin. The shape of the bottom felt even lusher and nicer once he got to squeeze one of the buttocks, and he couldn’t resist the temptation. Kazunari breathed quietly, wheezed every now and then, and even let out a soft moan whenever Shintarou kissed a seemingly good spot on his neck. Although he had no intentions of making the situation advance even further than this, he was already enjoying this alone. He slipped his eyes close and spent a small moment kissing the soft shell of Kazunari’s ear.

 

Losing the track of time, he had no idea how long it continued like so. It still didn’t feel quite enough when Kazunari peeled away from him and left Shintarou grumbling. But instead of breaking the moment for good, Kazunari rolled on his other side and faced Shintarou with a small smile on his face. The corners of Shintarou’s mouth twitched higher as well, and he was fully smiling by the time Kazunari kissed him so very gently. Humming against his fiancé’s lips, Shintarou tilted his head ever so slightly to turn the kiss deeper and more loving.

 

A big part of him considered something like this far more intimate than any kind of sex could have been. Sex surely had its own magic, but this was something different, something that he could have spent hours doing now that he had finally gotten the hang of it after years of practicing. Maybe Kazunari thought similarly as he threw a leg over Shintarou’s waist and moved closer but didn’t rut his hips against his as he normally would have done. Shintarou scooped his smaller lover in his arms and held him against his chest.

 

He peeled his lips away to catch his breath. Kazunari looked so very beautiful as he looked up at him with a hazy smile before he rubbed their noses together. A small chuckle-like huff escaped Shintarou and, slightly amused, he closed his eyes and allowed Kazunari to keep rubbing their noses. When he had the chance to, he stole a brief kiss that turned into a proper kiss when Kazunari pushed his lips back to his. Shintarou sighed softly and in the midst of the kiss stroked Kazunari’s uncovered nape.

 

Nothing else truly mattered but a moment such as this, being physically close but even closer in a much deeper level. They continued kissing, and Shintarou felt warmth tickle his heart roots in a way it often did when his lips were glued to Kazunari’s and his mind fully blank from anything other than his fiancé. Kazunari smelled good, a hint of their fruity shower gel but most importantly of himself, and the mixture was one Shintarou could have easily drown himself into. Kazunari’s lips were moist, plump, full, and a little slick with saliva that Shintarou wasn’t sure whose it was anymore. Most of the time he believed that nothing in life was perfect, but Kazunari was. Kazunari was with all of his flaws and silly laughter and the way he smiled even now against the kiss that left Shintarou utterly breathless.

 

Once again he got a concrete proof of how insanely in love with Kazunari he was. He loved him, yes, but he was still _in love_ with him. Kazunari still left his heart pounding heart when the kiss ended, made butterflies in his stomach race, and crafted a blush on his cheeks when in the aftermath they looked at each other in the eyes. Shintarou breathed heavier than a moment before and craved to touch Kazunari. He did, planted his fingertips on the hip again and stroked the spot.

 

“You know what I really like about you?” Kazunari asked with a soft smile on his lips.

 

“What?”

 

“The way you look at me.” Kazunari stroked a green strand of hair behind Shintarou’s ear. “Like I’m the most precious thing you’ve ever seen.”

 

“You are,” Shintarou bluntly said. It seemed like the perfect evening to stop being coy and bashful and be honest with himself and his feelings.

 

Kazunari trailed the tip of his nose against the side of Shintarou’s. His breath was a warm breeze and smelled of spearmint. “I hope I look at you the same way,” he murmured.

 

“You do,” Shintarou whispered in return. He angled his head ever so slightly and kissed Kazunari as sweetly and softly as he could. “You do,” he reassured the second time against the moistness of Kazunari’s mouth.

 

“Then I’m happy.”

 

They looked at each other in the eyes, kissed once more, and then Kazunari curled against Shintarou’s chest. Shintarou slipped his eyes closed and held his lover close, stroked the rounded spine and wondered how he had gotten so lucky in life. He buried his nose to the shortened hair that reminded him of their time in high school and hummed softly. There had been so many instances for him to choose otherwise, and where would he have been then? Not enjoying the warmth of Kazunari, that was for sure. Something brimmed in the corners of his eyes and reminded him to take off his glasses, but even then the sensation didn’t help. He wrapped his arms tighter around Kazunari and molded his body to fit his.

 

Kazunari burrowed better to his chest but lifted his head up enough to smooch Shintarou’s chin. “Close the lamp,” he softly said.

 

Shintarou reached for the nightstand, and within a second the room turned dark and quiet. It still didn’t take the warmth away from the bed as he settled back to his position and embraced Kazunari. Although he knew that the gestures were probably enough, he still leaned towards Kazunari’s ear and kissed it. In it he whispered from the safety of the darkness that didn’t display his heated cheeks, “I’m the happiest man in the world to have a man like you beside me through everything.”

 

Kazunari slid a hand to Shintarou’s nape and stroked the chosen spot gently. He pulled the man to another kiss that succeeded reasonably well although they went for it blind. “And I’m the happiest to have you, Shin-chan.” Kazunari rested his head to the crook of Shintarou’s shoulder and kissed a random spot. “And no matter what happens, I… I’ll always be with you, and I’ll—I’ll always be by your side and forgive everything and… and…”

 

“Are you crying?”

 

“No.” Kazunari sniffled and snickered. “I just got something in my eye, okay?”

 

Shintarou smiled softly. “Okay,” he agreed and didn’t press the matter further because he knew how it sometimes felt. Sometimes he wanted to cry because he shared his life with a man that he was willing to fight for, and he knew that the tears were of happiness instead of sadness. Thus he held Kazunari in his embrace and stroked the vertebras that appeared to the skin’s surface because of the man’s position, slipped his eyes closed and laid awake for the longest of time because he didn’t want to miss a single second of this.


	170. Total Silence

Kazunari ran in the busy streets of the city in the midst of masses of crowds that surely didn’t make his running any faster. He breathed heavy and then didn’t at all, felt a little dizzy but knew that he was completely late. The last person he wanted to make angry was Seijuurou for various reasons, and now he really tried although he was already five minutes late. The neat trousers and a tight dress shirt that Shintarou had picked out for him were clutching him in all the right places and made him want to rip them off and change into something more comfortable. _Alright_ , maybe his butt looked amazing in the pants and maybe Shintarou had given him his equivalent of bedroom eyes (no one else but him could have called them bedroom eyes per se), but still. It was a matter of odd principle, but he knew that Seijuurou would look amazing, thus he had to look at least half the amount of amazing.

 

The sad truth was, however, that he wasn’t the only one planning to have a night out in the city on the fine Friday night. Some were already drunk although it was only right past eight pm, some just started, but he seemed to be alone in his hurry. He pushed past the people and finally saw the corner he was meant to take. An exhausted smile on his lips, he picked up the pace until he reached the street corner. By it he stopped and took a deep breath, tried to collect himself to a coherent unit that wasn’t panting and wanting to throw up his lungs. Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair and felt the digits tremble ever so slightly.

 

It was a lot different to have a dinner alone with Seijuurou than doing it with Shintarou. He did genuinely like Seijuurou although from time to time he was still a little (or a lot) reserved around him. From the restaurant’s window he looked at himself, decided that he looked good enough, and then gave an apologetic smile on the couple trying to enjoy their food right on the other side of the glass. He held in a breath and took the steps forward, confident, at least happy about the fact that someone would pamper him by taking him out to a fancy restaurant. Together with Shintarou he had looked into the website of this particular place, and— _wow_. Upon seeing the menu Shintarou had slid an extra fifteen thousand yens for him.

 

The corners of Kazunari’s lips twitched higher as he saw the familiar man by the canopy of the entrance. He got his hand up for a small wave and gained a nod from Seijuurou. As always, just like he expected, Seijuurou looked impeccable from head to toe looking every bit like a man who belonged to a place like this. Kazunari went for a hug whilst Seijuurou seemed to desire a handshake, and in the midst of the awkward bumping Kazunari gave a cheek kiss to regain and pulled back with a grin.

 

“Hi,” he finally breathed, “I’m sorry I’m late, it’s like everyone in the city is out tonight.”

 

“I didn’t wait for too long, so don’t worry.” Seijuurou flashed a warm smile and nodded towards the restaurant. “Should we?”

 

“We definitely should.”

 

Kazunari followed Seijuurou’s footsteps and held in a gasp of awe that wanted to escape him. The place was cramped for a good reason. The interior design was gorgeous, modern, a cold blue glow coming from the walls that weren’t covered by sizeable windows. All of the tables were secluded from each other giving enough privacy, and although he was wearing his finest clothes, he still felt inadequately dressed. At least no one was looking at him. Powered by the thought, he offered a silent smile as Seijuurou turned to look at him. The waiter pointed out their table situated nicely in a corner, and Kazunari sat down on the chair that was slightly too small for casual sitting.

 

He tried to search for a comfortable position, briefly wondering if his bottom had grown in size again, and eyed Seijuurou. The man looked good in the cold light, all about cheekbones and gorgeous face structure, and as handsome as he was, he also wasn’t really Kazunari’s type that consisted of tall men that were silly, a little reluctant with normal couple stuff but easily warmed up in the end.

 

“We should probably start with drinks,” Seijuurou said and took a hold of the small menu. “Are you here by car or…?”

 

“Oh, I’m taking the taxi back home, so I’m all in for a bit of drinking.” Kazunari grabbed the menu and systematically went through the drinks that cost twice as much than they did in a regular bar. Suddenly glad that Shintarou had chipped in for the dinner, he puckered his lips in thought.

 

“Before we begin,” Seijuurou suddenly said, “I want to say that this dinner is on me, all right?”

 

Kazunari stared at him and regained his thoughts a moment later. “Don’t worry, I can get this myself.”

 

“I insist.” Seijuurou gave a sweet smile. “Take it as an apology for my choice of wording the other day if nothing else.”

 

Moistening his lips, Kazunari wasn’t sure how exactly he could refuse from such a tempting offer. Eventually he nodded. “Just this once, then.” Shintarou would probably hate him, but right now Shintarou wasn’t here. Kazunari straightened his posture and brought his gaze back to the drink list just in time for the waiter to arrive.

 

“Good evening, sirs, what may I get to you?”

 

“Hmm.” Kazunari narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. The list was exhaustive and contained cocktails he had never even heard of. Worried that he might have been taking too long to decide something so simple, he mustered out, “I’ll have Between the Sheets, thanks.” Had he told anyone that he hadn’t chosen it for the name, he would have lied.

 

“Sidecar for me, and we’ll think about our choices of food a moment longer,” announced Seijuurou.

 

The waiter nodded and disappeared.

 

“So,” began Kazunari as he changed the drinks menu to one with food. “How are you doing?”

 

“Fine, thank you. Slight bumps in the work life but nothing I can’t handle.”

 

Although Kazunari was sure that in this life there indeed was nothing Seijuurou couldn’t handle, he still asked, “What sort of problems?”

 

“Well.” Seijuurou cleared his throat and took a seemingly better position. “My father is… slightly angry, should I put it mildly, because of the nature of my relationship with Kouki.”

 

“Oh. _Oh_ ,” Kazunari breathed and nodded along. “So he’s not comfortable with you together with a man.”

 

“He’s not, and he likes to be very vocal about it. It surely doesn’t help that I live as his neighbor from across the road.” Seijuurou rolled his eyes.

 

“But it’s your life, you know, so just live it. What does he know? I bet he’s just stuck in the past with the whole _my son can’t be gay_ sort of mindset, but this is twenty-fifteen and you fall in love with whoever you want.” Kazunari shrugged but smiled reassuringly. “Not that I want to cross any lines here or anything.”

 

Seijuurou looked at him without a word, lips pressed tightly together, but then his posture relaxed. “You’re right,” he said. “That was eye-opening, thank you. But how are you doing?”

 

“Just fine, you know, life as usual. Though I did go and do one shift for the kindergarten where Tetsuya works, you know, and it was just amazing.”

 

Seijuurou leaned his chin to his palm. “So you enjoyed it?”

 

“Aw, I did, so much.” Kazunari sighed gently. “Just made me realize that it’s what I wanna do in life instead of sitting in a supermarket… I mean, I don’t have any concrete plans yet—well, I do, but I kind of haven’t told Shin-chan yet.”

 

“Now you got me curious.”

 

“Well…” Kazunari pursed his lips and rubbed the pads of his fingers against the white tablecloth. “I’ve told him that I want to try out the entrance exams after the wedding and everything, but I was thinking of… possibly stop working for the summer so I can actually study, but I really don’t want Shin-chan to, uh, support the both of us again.”

 

“He’d love to do it for the sake of something like this and you know it.”

 

“Yeah, but… I gotta see what I’ll do,” Kazunari hurried to wrap up the story as he spotted the waiter approaching with a tray of two cocktails.

 

“A Sidecar for you, sir, and Between the Sheets for you, sir,” the waiter announced and, once he got the drinks on the table, straightened his back. “Would you be ready to order yet, or should I give few more minutes?”

 

“We’ll take those few more minutes, thank you,” said Seijuurou and watched the waiter go before he sighed softly and finally took a first look of the menu. He eyed it for a second before he asked, “How is Shintarou doing?”

 

Kazunari was about to bring the cocktail on his lips but put the glass down in the last second. “He’s a little stressed,” he admitted. “You know, work stuff and everything. I took him out of the city few days ago, we went to Hakone for one night to just relax. He _really_ needed that.”

 

Seijuurou smiled a little wider from the norm. “I’m certain that with you he’s in safe hands.”

 

“You bet he is.” Kazunari winked and cleared his throat. “Okay, we should probably order or we’ll drive the waiter insane.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Kazunari laid his gaze on the names of the food that he hadn’t heard before and wrapped his fingers back around the cocktail. Between the Sheets turned out to be a decent drink, living up to its name, rolling tangy and lemony on his tongue, and he simply had to take another sip with a small smile. It was definitely the kind of drink that Shintarou wouldn’t have liked, a bit on the sweeter side, but Kazunari found the buzz of it pleasant.

 

He smiled silly to the glass as he put it down and finally concentrated on deciding what to eat. Part of him was glad that Seijuurou was paying, part a little embarrassed for it because everything seemed awfully pricey.

 

“Are we eating appetizers?” he asked.

 

Seijuurou glanced up at him. “If you wish.”

 

“Mm… I might have to pass, I’m not gonna be able to eat the main if I start with food.”

 

“I must admit,” Seijuurou said and leaned a little closer, “the portion sizes are awfully small here, so if you want to leave with a full stomach, I suggest taking an appetizer.”

 

“That changes everything then,” Kazunari snickered.

 

He ended up ordering artichoke hearts for a starter (he had no idea what they were but he was feeling adventurous) and some sort of steak for main course (admittedly, he couldn’t pronounce the cut correctly and was eager to see how it’d look like). They also asked for a new set of drinks, and from that Kazunari knew that it would be a moist night. He certainly didn’t mind, not when he haven’t had a proper night out in ages and definitely not without Shintarou. With a sheepish smile he took a hold of his new share of Between the Sheets and clinked it against Seijuurou’s Sidecar.

 

“To a nice night out, I think,” he said.

 

“That sounds like a perfectly valid reason for a toast.” A grin ghosted Seijuurou’s lips, but it was gone when the man brought the glass on his lips and sipped from the vibrantly colored drink.

 

“Oh,” breathed Kazunari when a thought crossed his mind. “I just have to ask, did Shin-chan send you that guest list we made for the wedding?”

 

Seijuurou nodded. “Although I still need addresses for the names. I’m sure both of you are busy and don’t want to start crafting the invitations, so I’ll have someone else do it for you.”

 

“You’re the kindest.” Kazunari grinned. “How excited are you to be the best man as well?”

 

“I’m quite… excited, yes.” Seijuurou’s smile softened visibly. “I’m honored that he asked it from me, though I do have to write a wonderful speech for the reception.”

 

“I’m sure that he’d be moved even if you just stood there and didn’t say a thing.”

 

Seijuurou laughed, and the sound bubbled. “I’m sure he would,” he admitted and finished the drink, then poured some water to an empty glass and took a sip from it. “Are you getting excited? The date is drawing near after all.”

 

“Mm… Not yet, but ask me about that next month or the beginning of August, I think I’ll be freaking out even when I’m not technically doing anything.” Kazunari toyed with his engagement ring and looked at it fondly. Soon he’d have to get another ring to accompany it, as long as he’d go and pick something up with Shintarou. “It’ll be great no matter what.”

 

“It will, I’ll make sure of that. In fact, I was wondering if the both of you would have a day off within the next week. I’d want to take you to look at the botanic garden that works as the venue.”

 

“I’d love that! I’ll make sure to let you know the first instance we’ll have our day offs at the same time.”

 

“Perfect.”

 

Just in time their starters arrived. Kazunari ate with a happy smile although the artichoke hearts were truly _interesting_. In the midst of the forkfuls he chatted about this and that and stayed for a rather long time in the topic of Kouki that seemed to bring an unexplainable warmth and tenderness to Seijuurou’s expression. In between the courses they ordered a new set of cocktails, drank them, then went for another. The fifth ones arrived at the same time as their main course.

 

When he finished with his steak, Kazunari was sure that his stomach would explode. He gave a look to Seijuurou over the table and wanted nothing more than to pop open the button of his trousers to give his belly the space to expand. He finished his drink instead.

 

“I don’t know if I can handle dessert,” he said but grabbed the dessert menu. “I kind of want to… Mm, should we have one more round of drinks?”

 

“Sure.” Seijuurou’s cheeks had started to redden during the fourth cocktails, and a constant smile was on his lips for good. The usual sharpness of his tone and words had disappeared, and he sounded a lot more relaxed and mellower. Kazunari knew that he wasn’t doing any better, probably already a bit tipsy, but he could have one more. Seijuurou stopped the nearest waiter. “Excuse me? We’d like to have… one Sidecar and one… Between the—“

 

“Make it two Sidecars,” Kazunari interrupted.

 

The waiter nodded and left.

 

“Kazunari,” Seijuurou called.

 

“Yes?” Kazunari leaned his elbow to the table and pressed his chin to his palm.

 

“I want to ask you something, but it might be slightly inappropriate.”

 

“You won’t know if you don’t ask.”

 

“…True.” Seijuurou cleared his throat and leaned over. “Alright, here goes. Kouki and I have been talking about a… certain fantasy if you can call it like that.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“It’s… It’s—It’s threesome. And we were talking about the possible people that we know that we _might_ want to join us, and, well…” Seijuurou smiled boyishly. “I mentioned you and Shintarou, but Kouki is terribly coy around Shintarou but he is fond of you, and you are a very attractive man, so… I fully understand if you don’t want to engage in such an act and I will understand if you’d rather not, but would you like to be the third part?”

 

Kazunari’s mouth dropped open. He stared at Seijuurou and wanted to snicker because he was certain it was only a joke. But Seijuurou looked dead serious despite looking tipsy as hell, and Kazunari could only stare. Him, in a _threesome_? He didn’t know what to say. He sat in full silence as Seijuurou no longer said anything either, and tried to come up with _something_ to say. His pulse thudded and not from pure pleasure. Seijuurou was a good-looking man and so was Kouki, but Kazunari couldn’t picture himself in bed with anyone other than Shintarou. He took in a sharp sigh and rubbed the tablecloth.

 

“Listen…” He was a little terrified. “I’m really, really, _really_ flattered, but I don’t… think I can. I’ve got Shin-chan, and he wouldn’t be okay with it. I don’t—I don’t think _I’d_ be okay with it either, you know, I love Shin-chan more than I love oxygen or… or other important stuff.”

 

“That’s perfectly acceptable,” assured Seijuurou. “I simply wanted to throw the question out there.”

 

Kazunari nodded and offered a shaky smile. He was glad that the last drinks arrived, and he swallowed his Sidecar in one gulp. Wiping his mouth clean to the back of his palm, he tried to come up with a good way to steer the conversation to another direction, but his mind was completely empty. He wasn’t exactly shaken by the suggestion, mostly shocked, and thus the most awkward silence surrounded their table. He cleared his throat and glanced at Seijuurou who didn’t look any more comfortable than he felt. Swallowing down a sigh, Kazunari listened the total silence and wondered if there was a worse way to end an otherwise nice evening.

 

* * *

 

It seemed that he wasn’t as tipsy as he thought he was as he paid the taxi driver and walked up to the front of home without a single stumble. In fact, he felt almost sober as if he hadn’t had multiple Between the Sheets or Sidecars throughout the night. He searched for the keys and didn’t fumble at all, opened the door and closed it with a sigh. He didn’t bother to turn on the lights to the hallway, wasn’t sure whether Shintarou was asleep already or not and didn’t want to risk it. As quietly as possible he took off his shoes and hung the jacket. He felt a dull ache in his chest and had to stop to take a proper breath, and even bent down as the pain became more intense. They were probably those weird artichoke hearts that gave his heart a burn, he figured and rubbed the mid-part of his chest to soothe down the sudden pain.

 

The night had ended in clumsy polite kisses on the cheeks before he had parted with Seijuurou. The longer he thought about it, the more amused he became by Seijuurou’s suggestion. He knew fully well that had the man not been drunk he wouldn’t have asked something like that, and Kazunari wondered if Seijuurou still remembered it tomorrow. A little smile on his lips, he tiptoed forward and was pleasantly surprised by the warm glow of light in the living room. Shintarou sat on the couch with the cats and looked over his shoulder as soon as he heard him coming.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari murmured. He popped open the upmost buttons of his shirt and crawled on the couch in the crook of Shintarou’s arm.

 

“You smell like you’ve had a drink or two,” Shintarou said, his tone surprisingly amused.

 

“Or five or six,” Kazunari mumbled and reached his neck long enough to press a soft kiss on his lover’s chin. With a quiet grumble he burrowed better in the arms and slipped his eyes close.

 

“Did you have fun?”

 

“Yeah… It was amazing, the restaurant was so… so good.” Kazunari groaned. “Though my chest just started to hurt when I walked in now, it’s probably a heartburn or something.”

 

“Should I get you something for that? I’m sure we still have those things that help with the burn.”

 

“It’s okay, it’ll go away in few minutes.” Still Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s palm and brought it to his chest.

 

“If you say so.” Shintarou rubbed the spot and kissed his forehead. “How was Seijuurou?”

 

“Positively drunk by the end of it.” Kazunari snickered and pulled his head back to look at Shintarou. He smiled silly. “You won’t believe what he said to me.”

 

“What?” Shintarou frowned lightly.

 

“He asked me to do a threesome with him and Furihata.”

 

“What?” Shintarou’s hand froze on Kazunari’s hip. “ _Seijuurou_ asked you that?”

 

“Yup. Though he was _really_ tipsy from all the Sidecars he had been drinking…”

 

Shintarou looked like a lost puppy as he eyed Kazunari. He swallowed thickly and by the sounds of it forgot to breathe. When he did, it turned sharp and almost panicking. “What… What did you say?”

 

Kazunari gave him a look. “What do you think?”

 

Shintarou stared at him, and then out of the blue grasped his chin and kissed him hard. Kazunari grumbled against his lover’s lips but was quick to melt to the grasp and enjoy the kiss. He hooked his arms around Shintarou’s neck and smiled, tilted his head and deepened the kiss that turned rather desperate. Eventually he giggled to Shintarou’s mouth and pulled back to catch up with his breath. With his thumb he stroked Shintarou’s cheek.

 

“I turned him down, silly,” he whispered and smooched him. “Why would I want to do a threesome when I got you? Don’t look so scared.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Shintarou took a deeper breath and hugged Kazunari in his embrace, kissed his ear and then his shoulder.

 

Kazunari kissed the edge of Shintarou’s mouth and patted his lap before he got up on his feet. “I’m gonna take a shower and hit the bed, you better be there by the time I get back…” He took a slightly shaky step forward. “God, we just gotta go to that restaurant one day, it was _amazing_.”

 

“Hey,” Shintarou interrupted and grabbed a hold of Kazunari’s arm before he was out of reach. Kazunari turned to look at him with a gentle frown, and Shintarou turned flustered. “Did you consider doing it?”

 

Part of him knew the question would come, thus Kazunari snickered gently and walked back closer. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulder and kissed his cheek. “I wouldn’t even consider it in million years, babe, I’ve got you and you’re all I need. It’s not even a problem, hun, he was getting drunk and everything, it’s not a big deal.”

 

Shintarou nodded slowly. “All right.”

 

Kazunari ruffled Shintarou’s hair. “And don’t you dare calling him tomorrow when I’m not around, you hear me?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I promise.”

 

“Good. Now drag your sweet ass to the bed, Shin-chan, and then you can show me why you’re all I need.”

 

“Do you mean… _Oh_.”

 

Kazunari gave him a wink and went for the shower as Shintarou dashed to the bedroom nearly with the speed of light.


	171. An ID Bracelet

Shintarou stood behind his parents’ house door (he still had troubles calling it just his father and sister’s as part of him didn’t want to exclude his mother and would probably never do so) and knocked on the wood. He took a step back and examined the paint on the boards of the façade, frowned lightly and wondered if he should offer his help for repainting it for a bit of facelift. Probably Kazunari would be eager to do it as well. The front yard’s garden looked well tended, however, and he wondered if Kazunari had exchanged gardening tips with his father. On one of the soil beds were his mother’s favorite flowers planted, and it brought a smile on his lips.

 

When the door opened, he made the effort to smile. “Hi,” he said, his voice a little quiet.

 

“Hey,” said his father in return.

 

They looked at each other for few seconds in silence and then exchanged a brief hug. They had never been hugging persons although Shintarou was slowly learning the habit from Kazunari, but the hugs had increased when his mother had passed away. Maybe his father felt guilty, or maybe he wanted to be more physical with him. Whatever the reason was, the hug still made Shintarou’s smile a little wider as he stepped inside and took off his shoes.

 

“How are you?” He turned to look at his father.

 

“I’m good. Life as usual. How is Kazunari?”

 

“Good, good, he’s good, taking care of me and everything.” Shintarou cleared his throat and walked out of the cramped hallway towards the kitchen. “So, what did you find in the attic?”

 

“I didn’t even remember that we were collecting these, but your mother, you know her, she is so sentimental.” The elder man’s voice turned softer when he talked about his wife. He led Shintarou to the kitchen and patted the side of a cardboard box hoisted to the table. “They are photos all the way when you were out of your mother’s womb. I thought I would show them to you while I go through them.”

 

“That sounds fun.” Shintarou took a seat beside his father’s usual chair and rubbed his chin. He had been happy that his father had invited him over, and this seemed a lot more relaxed than trying to come up with a topic of conversation or talk about things they always did without a single change in the words (usually in those situations Kazunari was with him to help him out). Now he didn’t mind one bit to sit quietly and go through photos.

 

His father took the box in his lap and fished out the first photo with a tender smile on his lips. “Look,” he said and offered it to Shintarou. “That’s you. I suppose… I think this is the day you were born.”

 

Shintarou looked at the baby on the photo and couldn’t have recognized it as himself at all. He was wrapped in a cozy-looking bundle and his mother held him with an exhausted but happy smile on her lips. Seeing it brought warmth to his chest, and he looked at her fondly. This was exactly how he wanted to remember her, lips tugged towards the ears and even the eyes smiling. For the first time ever since she passed away, seeing her picture filled him first with wonderful memories and only then grief took a tiny step forward.

 

“And here, this was wrapped around your wrist and this on hers.”

 

He got two plastic bracelets. They were light blue and filled with information; the smaller one simply said ‘baby Midorima’ whilst the bigger one held all of her details. The corners of Shintarou’s lips tugged higher.

 

“She was so proud that day,” his father said. Something glimmered in his eyes but he didn’t wipe them. Instead he looked at his son. “She was so exhausted because you took your time, but she was happy to finally hold you in your arms.”

 

“I can imagine,” Shintarou managed to muster out.

 

“Have you talked about children with Kazunari?”

 

Shintarou put down the bracelets carefully on the table above the first photo. “It’s a topic we have talked about, yes, and… Well. Sooner or later you’ll have grandchildren.”

 

“That’s great.” His father gave a slightly tense smile and pulled out another photo. “This is your first Christmas,” he said and handed it to Shintarou. “I remember that you cried so much the week before, and on Christmas day you were suddenly a quiet happy child. I think your mother already got a little worried.”

 

Shintarou chuckled. The five-month version of him was dressed in red, and he held a present in his hands with one of the corners in his mouth. There was a tuft of green hair on the top of his head, and he looked slightly bewildered staring straight into the camera. His cheeks were chubby, and he still couldn’t recognize himself from it. Now he crossed his leg over another and stared at the photo a while longer before he turned back to his father.

 

“I think you’ll like this one.”

 

With a light frown Shintarou took the next photo and felt his heart skip a beat. It was no longer a childhood picture but one of him and Kazunari in the midst of Christmas decoration probably in their early twenties. There were various feet around them yet they sat on the floor and looked at each other. Properly for the first time he saw how he looked at Kazunari, and even when he said it himself, he looked like every bit of a man who was in love. Kazunari had his eyes on him as well, neck a little stretched and a smile splattered on his lips. His own mouth was slightly parted, and he had a feeling they were in the midst of a conversation.

 

“When is this taken?” he managed to ask as he got out of his thoughts.

 

“Let me see… I think it’s one of the first Christmases you spent with our family.”

 

“I didn’t even know this existed.”

 

“Your mother must have taken it.”

 

Shintarou nodded and looked at the face that he had had the privilege of looking for so many years of his life already. He swallowed thickly and covered his smile with a cough. “Do you mind if I take this home and show to Kazunari? I’m sure he’d like it.”

 

“Go ahead. Here, here’s another one.”

 

It was an older picture and by the looks of it from their last year in high school. They were in basketball court clad in bright orange, a little fuzzy as the picture was taken from afar. But there they stood in front of each other, Kazunari seemingly staring up at him, pointing him with a finger, and Shintarou couldn’t help but wonder what was happening in that precise moment and why his mother had felt the need to take a picture of it. It still made his heart turn around in a pleasant somersault.

 

“You can keep it as well,” his father promised.

 

“Thanks,” Shintarou muttered and moved it to a separate pile with the first photo. He took a deep breath and straightened his posture, craned his neck and still felt a rather nice thud in his chest. Most of the time he wasn’t fond of looking at pictures and photos of himself, but the older ones were lovely memory and the newer ones had Kazunari in them to whom he could concentrate more. His fingers itched for the next one.

 

His father smiled gently to the next one. “This is when Youko was born, look at you in here.”

 

Shintarou did. He was already in his early teenage years and looked awfully concerned as he stood by his mother’s hospital bed and eyed the bundle that was in her arms. Youko looked like a generic baby, same as everyone else, but again their mother had a wide and tired smile on her lips as she looked at the camera. The moment was pressed in his memory, and he remembered worrying whether his parents could handle a baby when he was already twelve or thirteen.

 

“You should put these in photo books to keep them intact,” Shintarou said.

 

His father nodded. “Your mother wanted to do that when we found the box in the attic, but she didn’t get the chance to start when she…” He cleared his throat and scratched his nape. “But I could buy nice books and put them in the bookshelf. She would like that.”

 

“She would,” Shintarou agreed and took another photo from the box himself. In it he was dressed as a cowboy and looked so absolutely miserable that it now made him laugh. He had to be only six, maybe seven, his glasses were round and his eyes a little watery. The hat looked ridiculous, too big for him, and he stood tense in front of the camera. He shook his head in amusement and briefly wondered why exactly he was wearing such a costume.

 

“Nowadays it is so much easier to take pictures, so when you do have children, take photos of them, so when you’re older you can relive the memories,” his father instructed.

 

“I will.” Now that they were in the topic, an old worry resurfaced in Shintarou’s mind. He fidgeted ever so slightly on the edge of the chair. “Dad?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’ve been wondering. How do you… How do you know that you’re a… a…”

 

“A what?”

 

“…A good father.”

 

His father turned to look at him, and for the first second they both stared at each other with a frown. Then his father’s expression softened, and he squeezed Shintarou’s shoulder gently.

 

“You don’t know that beforehand,” he said.

 

Shintarou’s heart sank to his stomach.

 

“And I know because I worried a lot about this before you were born. I got scared when your mother was pregnant with you on the eight month, and I spent nights after nights telling her that I won’t be good and I don’t know how to be a father to a child.”

 

“But… you did good,” Shintarou said, a little confused.

 

“I have worried a lot even after the both of you were born. And I’m not going to lie… The first time you brought Kazunari home, not as your friend but as your partner, I thought to myself… That I have really done it now, I messed up somewhere and look at my son now, I failed at being a father.”

 

It was the first Shintarou heard about it. His nostrils flared and his eyes widened as he looked at his father’s expression that was still soft. His pulse echoed loud in his ears, and he felt slightly nauseous.

 

“But that was me reflecting my fears on you,” his father reassured and squeezed his shoulder again. “It took a bit of time, few months, and I knew that I had done everything right and if I wanted to be the good father I always wanted to be, then I should support you.”

 

“Oh,” Shintarou said weakly.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, Shintarou. I adore Kazunari. He keeps you grounded and he makes you smile, and your mother and I were worried for a long time that maybe you’d shut everyone out because you were a timid child, but look at you now. About to get married.” His father pulled his hand back to himself and sniffled. He let out a weak chuckle. “Look at me, a grown man, about to cry.”

 

“Dad…”

 

“I’m very happy for you, Shintarou. I’m so proud of you. And I will be there in the front row when you get married to Kazunari, and your mother will be watching you.”

 

Shintarou sucked in his lower lip to prevent himself from crying. He didn’t know why it was lately that whenever he met with his father things often escalated to this. Maybe it was the outburst of years’ worth of unspoken feelings. He stared down at the wooden surface of the dining table and glued his fingers to fists to try and stop getting emotional about the topic.

 

“You won’t know if you’ll be a good father beforehand,” his father gently said, “but you will try your best when you hold your child for the first time in your arms. Always know that you don’t have to do it alone.”

 

Shintarou nodded, unable to muster out coherent words at the moment.

 

His father took a breath through his mouth. “I think we got sidetracked here now,” he said and cleared his throat. He got his hand back into the box and took out another photo. “Look, here you are on your first day in middle school. I wonder if we have one for your first day in high school…”

 

Shintarou tuned out of his father’s explanation and took the said photo in his fingers’ grasp. In the picture was a reserved boy clutching a lucky item against his chest, and something about it made Shintarou smile. He had come so far, although he was still hung up on the horoscopes (and would probably be for the rest of his life even if his future children would laugh at him for it). He sighed softly and was careful to put down the photo and take the new one. Watching his life flash in front of his eyes wasn’t such a bad thing after all, not when he had the opportunity to talk with his father about everything.


	172. Jumped the Fence

Carrying a garden chair and balancing a magazine on it, Kazunari felt the warm grass underneath his bare toes and smiled to the sensation. The sun was at its highest caressing his cheeks and other parts of his face that weren’t covered by the sunglasses. In his feet the cats circled and meowed loudly, then dashed off few meters away and began to playfully fight with each other until they spotted Kazunari again and attacked his feet. He had thought that the sleeveless shirt might be too much, but now he realized that the temperature was scorching and he could have worn nothing and still feel hot.

 

He searched for the right spot for a bit of sunbathing and put the chair exactly on it. He had tried to coax Shintarou to join him, but the man had only grumbled and vowed to stay inside to read his book. Maybe a bit of me-time was required, Kazunari figured and settled to the chair, lifted his chin up and enjoyed the sunshine. If he was lucky, he’d get a nice tan, but most likely he’d burn for being too careless. He searched for a comfortable position and, upon finding it, opened the magazine and began to read the gossips like any proper housewife would have done.

 

The combination of sun and grass that tickled his toes gently made him smile. From time to time Shintarou commented that he smiled too much, but Kazunari wasn’t sure whether there was such a thing as smiling too much. He indulged to an article about a familiar celebrity who had cheated his wife and in the midst of the lines glanced up at the cats. They lied in the sun, Ao slightly over Ushi who was finally starting to put on proper weight. Most of the time Ushi tried to be an alpha male, but Ao always showed him who was in charge here. Now the girl groomed her satisfied-looking boyfriend’s ears one by one, then butted him in the neck and made him fall over properly. Shaking his head from amusement, Kazunari gazed back to the magazine.

 

He hopped over the Sudoku saving it for Shintarou who always filled them in and glanced over the television shows. Their favorite was about to go for a break in few weeks, and feverishly he tried to search a replacement for it. He didn’t like crimes and Shintarou wasn’t fond of dramas, so finding a common ground was difficult. Puckering his lips, Kazunari narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as he read a small box about a new cooking show but didn’t think it was worth watching. He swung his leg over another and tapped the one on the ground to the grass to the beat of a song stuck in his head for good.

 

Maybe in ten, fifteen minutes he’d try to ask Shintarou to come to the backyard again. The weather was nice, and a bit of fresh air would do his fiancé good.

 

Powered by the thought, Kazunari glanced up from the magazine again but the cats were gone from their spot right beside the tree. He frowned lightly and looked around. Eventually he saw Ushi by the fence sitting and meowing loudly. Kazunari’s frown deepened but quickly turned into a horrified expression when he saw exactly where Ao was. The girl stood over the fence and meowed and turned her little head straight towards him. They stared at each other. Kazunari’s heart skipped a beat, and he stumbled up on his feet. The fence was so thin, what if Ao would fall? He discarded the magazine and took a careful step forward. Oh, _god_ , what if something were to happen to his baby girl? What if she—

 

She jumped off the fence to the other side of it.

 

Kazunari stared at the empty spot. Nausea gathered in his belly and wanted to push up to his throat. His fingers trembled, and he glued them to loose fists when Ushi strutted to his feet and circled around him.

 

“Sh…” The words got stuck in his throat, as if his tongue had doubled in size and was now in the way. His pulse raced. His breaths grew thicker. “Shin-chan!” he finally shouted and ran towards the house, nearly fell over for stumbling so badly but didn’t care. “Shin-chan!” He rushed up the few steps to the balcony and ran through the open door, stopped by the couch where Shintarou sat and looked at him with a frown. “Shin-chan,” he breathed. Tears already prickled in his eyes.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Ao… Ao jumped over the fence.”

 

“What?”  
  
“Ao jumped over the fence!” Kazunari screamed and didn’t wait for Shintarou. He dashed forward and through the hallway, grabbed his keys and rushed outside. His heart thudded fiercely and clearly wanted out of his chest, but all of his thoughts were geared on his little girl as he circled around the block towards the side where their yard was. What if a car would drive over her? His chest heaved harder, and he couldn’t breathe properly anymore. He was an emotional man, sure, but the tears were right about to fall on his cheeks when he didn’t see a sight of the cat anywhere.

 

She would _die_. She wouldn’t climb on his lap anymore and purr like a little machine when he stroked her in the right spots. Kazunari twirled around and heard running steps behind him.

 

“Ao!” he called. He kept stumbling a step from here to there until Shintarou took a hold of his arm. “Come on, Shin-chan! We have to find her!”

 

“We’ll search together,” Shintarou said, his voice calm and collected.

 

Kazunari looked up at him with a hazy vision. He worried of having something akin to a panic attack; he sometimes did, but right now he’d have a proper reason for it, or so he figured. He yanked his arm to himself and without looking back ran to the end of the road. The little miss was nowhere to be seen, not hiding under any bushes or playing with crows that watched him curiously from the nearby tree. He even stopped an elder woman to ask about Ao but even she hadn’t seen her. About to lose his mind, Kazunari crouched on the ground and hugged his knees against his chest. He wasn’t embarrassed of crying, not when such an important small part of his life was missing and quite possibly gone and _dead_. He wheezed desperately.

 

The sounds only grew in volume when Shintarou rubbed his back along the curve of his spine.

 

“We’ll find her,” Shintarou tried quietly.

 

“But she’s not here anymore.” Kazunari took a sharp breath through his nose and got up on his feet. Stubbornly he stared up at Shintarou but was quick to fall apart. He butted his forehead to Shintarou’s chest. His shoulders trembled to the sniffles. “She’s _gone_ , she’s _dead_ , some car is going to run over her and—“

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou called and hooked his arms around Kazunari, pulled him closer to his chest and hugged him. “We’ll find her, I promise. She has the collar, it has our phone number, and someone will find her and call us.”

 

“But what if she’s already dead?”

 

“She’s not.”

 

“How can you know?”

 

Shintarou sighed. “I need you to calm down right now, okay? Take deep breaths, you sound like you’ll panic.”

 

“I’m already panicking, idiot.” Kazunari got out of his embrace. “I’ll search the street once more.”

 

“I’ll help you,” Shintarou hurried to say and came after him.

 

Together they walked the street back and forth, and then went to the street next to theirs. Every passing minute made Kazunari’s heart tick a little faster and turn his mind more desperate. She was _nowhere_ , and she was clearly hit by a car. They’d find a little cat corpse. The thought made him shudder and stop dead on his tracks in the middle of the quiet little side road. He brought his palm over his mouth and squeezed. Ushi would probably mourn. His breath quickened the more he thought about it. Biting the inside of his cheek, Kazunari looked up when Shintarou stopped beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist. From Shintarou’s darkened look Kazunari knew that all of the hope was lost for good.

 

He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

About to tell Shintarou to go back and start making ‘missing’ posters, he heard loud giggles nearby. Carefully he lifted his head up and frowned. He turned around multiple times until he saw a group of little children on someone’s backyard and a little black furry lump in the midst of them. A shuddering breath escaped him.

 

“There,” he whispered and yanked Shintarou’s arm. He took a step forward. “There,” he said again, and this time a wide smile rose to his lips. He ran forward.

 

In the middle of the children Ao sat and meowed gently. Kazunari couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of his mouth when he crouched over and picked the cat in his arms. He squeezed her tight to his chest and closed his eyes, and listened to her purr. When he opened his eyes, all of the children were looking at him with widened gazes, but Kazunari merely smiled as he stroked Ao’s head.

 

“Mister,” one of the brave ones asked. “Is it your cat?”

 

“She is,” Kazunari said, just in time for Shintarou to walk closer. “She was a really bad girl and jumped over the fence, didn’t you, baby?”

 

“Can we still pet her?”

 

“Of course!”

 

As soon as Kazunari said it, five pairs of little hands glued on Ao’s fur and stroked her everywhere. Smiling, he looked up at Shintarou who offered him a small smile in return.

 

Ten long minutes later the children waved her goodbye as Kazunari took her home with Shintarou by his side.

 

“Don’t ever do that again,” he muttered to Ao’s fur and made her purr. “You freaked me out, miss, so don’t ever do that again… Shin-chan, can you bring the treat bag?”

 

Kazunari sat down on the couch with the cat still in his arms, and a moment later Shintarou seated beside him. Even Ushi joined them as he jumped on the couch, strutted on Kazunari’s other side and began to groom Ao’s spine. The little girl purred loudly and let out a quiet meow when Kazunari offered her her favorite treat. He worked his palm over her head and spine several times and buried him in kisses before he let her go. She didn’t move but settled on his lap on a comfortable-looking curl. Heaving out a sigh, Kazunari rubbed his eyes to his fingers.

 

“Are you okay?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Yeah, I just really freaked out.” Kazunari rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and got rubs to the side of his body. He kissed the man’s shoulder. “But at least our little adventurer is safe now.”

 

“I’m happy she is.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s forehead. “Now that’s settled, should I make dinner? I’m slightly starving.”

 

“Mm… Yeah, I’ll come make it with you.”

 

Shintarou was the first one on his feet. Kazunari followed him after few minutes of cuddling their little miss a while longer and then left her to the gentle care of Ushi. The cats snuggled together on the couch and licked each other’s ears whilst their tails swished gently. Kazunari looked at the sight with a smile on his lips and afterwards went to snuggle with his own boyfriend by the stove.


	173. A Joyous Moment

“Ah… _Oh_ , nn… Ah, Shin-ch— _ah_ …”

 

Shintarou plastered his lips on Kazunari’s shoulder and kissed the spot as he bucked his hips up whenever he had the chance to. Some days nothing felt as good as being buried dick-deep to his fiancé, and today was one of those days. He had woken up few hours ago feeling particularly needy, had eaten breakfast together with Kazunari and then started to steal kisses from here and there. Eventually he had indulged his lover and promised to make love in Kazunari’s favorite position, which seemed rather convenient now that they sat on the couch. Kazunari’s back rubbed against Shintarou’s chest as he bounced on his cock, head thrown back and lush moans escaping him time after time.

 

What was a little bothering was the little audience they had with the cats sitting in front of the balcony door, eyes narrowed and staring at them, but Shintarou tried not to pay any attention to them. He slipped a hand to the front of Kazunari’s body, took a tight hold of his cock and pumped feverishly. The muscles around his own girth tightened, and Kazunari moaned loud again. The lush body in his lap pulled into a gorgeous curve and left Shintarou breathless. He kissed the tight cord on the side of Kazunari’s neck and suckled a particularly succulent spot. It was enough to make Kazunari throw his head back even more, the back of it resting on Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

With his free hand Shintarou grasped Kazunari’s hip and squeezed. The love handle felt wonderfully soft in his grip, and he was certain that the attention he gave to it made Kazunari tighten up his insides even more. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and met up with Kazunari’s hips whenever he could, although the position had its restrictions. It still made his cock throb wildly inside Kazunari milking out the gobs of precum that involuntarily escaped him.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” he breathed in Kazunari’s ear, his voice low as he nipped the earlobe. He slid his hand from the hip to Kazunari’s chest and stroked it mindlessly. In Kazunari’s ear he continued with a murmur, “Look at you… So beautiful…”

 

“S-Shin…chan…” Kazunari gasped for breath and moved his bottom on Shintarou’s cock with a maddeningly slow speed.

 

Shintarou whispered and murmured several other compliments that popped in his head at the moment, wanted to give Kazunari the feeling that he was utterly wanted and _sexy_ because he was. Sometimes he still worried that Kazunari’s self-esteem was in a gentle slope downwards, thus Shintarou tried his best to not create any negative feeling from his side. He rubbed his palms all over Kazunari’s body, brushed over the sensitive spots and prompted a barely-there moan that traveled straight to the bundle of extremely sensitive nerves on his cockhead. Muffling a moan to Kazunari’s shoulder, he nipped the spot. Drool trickled down his chin.

 

It didn’t take long for him to tiptoe right on the edge of release. Wanting to last a while longer for the sake of his lover, Shintarou forced the pace to slow down even more and held Kazunari in his arms. He pushed his hips up slowly although it made him positively insane and caught up with his breath. Never before had it felt as amazing to be a statistical abnormality (he had stared at the statistics long and hard in his life, and the flame of intimacy should have died ages ago), and the thought made him kiss Kazunari’s shoulder even more intensely. He dragged his mouth on the strip of flesh joining the shoulder to the nape and rutted his hips up again.

 

“Oh my— _god_ ,” Kazunari moaned.

 

Shintarou’s heart thudded, and his skin felt like it turned damper absolutely everywhere. An actual grin rose on his lips. It seemed that he was getting an achievement again, and it tightened his abdomen. “Does it feel that good?” he asked, a little coy but more than ready for the praises.

 

“I just realized that I can apply to the universities today.”

 

Shintarou’s face fell. His lips parted to a quiet protest but Kazunari already got up on his feet like they weren’t in the middle of something important. His core trembled as his cock stood lonely, jerking and twitching. He stared at Kazunari who still held an erection and was flushed on his chest towards his ears, and couldn’t believe it. Certain that it was a joke of some kind, Shintarou squeezed the base of his cock and whimpered.

 

“Come back here,” he pleaded.

 

“In a minute,” Kazunari promised. “I’ll just apply to the university first.”

 

“What—Kazu. Kazu.”

 

Shintarou tried but failed and had to watch Kazunari rush naked to the guestroom and come back with their laptop. There was a grumble on his lips as his lover sat down beside him on the couch and started up the machine. He threw him harsh glares that then turned softer as he watched his lover’s naked figure. Not sure what to think about the situation when his blood pounded harsh in his veins, he inched a little closer. Kazunari actually opened the university’s website. Shintarou heaved out a sigh.

 

“Could you not do this right now?” For once he was too horny for his own good, but he wasn’t asking for the moon. Shintarou reached closer and kissed the underside of Kazunari’s jaw. It made Kazunari moan but not stop what he was doing. Shintarou persisted. “Kazu.”

 

“Just few minutes, babe.” Kazunari was slightly out of breath but it didn’t seem to bother him at all. Intensely he clicked the right letters on the keyboard.

 

“Were you thinking about this the whole time?” Giving up, Shintarou rested his head on Kazunari’s shoulder and squinted his eyes at the laptop’s screen. He couldn’t see a thing properly without his glasses. “I thought I was doing a good job.”

 

Kazunari snickered softly and kissed Shintarou square on the mouth. “You were doing amazing,” he said and patted Shintarou’s thigh, which brought a jolt on Shintarou’s cock. “I just remembered this all of a sudden and now I wanna do this so I don’t forget.”

 

“I could have reminded you,” Shintarou muttered and watched Kazunari fill his information. Usually he wasn’t a whiny person, didn’t like to do it and was sometimes annoyed when Kazunari did it, but now he couldn’t help it. He had almost _come_ , he had the right to whine a little. Slipping his eyes close, he let out a heavy sigh that made his lungs rumble. “Have you noticed that you have this bad habit of sometimes coming up with something seemingly important when we’re in the middle of something like _this_?”

 

“Oh, Shin-chan, just bear with it few minutes.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou’s forehead absentmindedly. “Your babe’s going to university after all.”

 

“Technically you’re only applying, you’re not in yet.”

 

“That’s just the fine print, okay? I’ll be working hard.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “Do you have an idea what else is hard?”

 

Kazunari laughed and ruffled the green hair. “Look at you, hun, cracking an actual joke. I’ll take care of your hardness in a sec, I promise.”

 

“Do you?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Here’s a little preview.” Kazunari brought his hand on Shintarou’s cock and pumped it few times. Unable to contain himself, Shintarou let out an embarrassingly loud moan and pushed his hips up to Kazunari’s fingers. Just few more seconds of the heavenly friction… Kazunari pulled his hand back to himself with a grin. “How’s that?”

 

“Makes me want to throw that computer across the room,” Shintarou huffed and hung his head down. Whether Kazunari was doing this on purpose or not, it was absolutely working. He watched his cock throb rosy with need and squeezed his eyes shut. It took everything he had to not curl his fingers around the length and finish off himself. His mind went into sidetracks and forced him to think about the sensation of pounding into Kazunari from behind. He quivered and glued his gaze back to the form that Kazunari filled. It had to be halfway done. His eyes slipped on Kazunari’s proudly standing cock. He swallowed thickly.

 

“Almost done,” Kazunari promised.

 

Shintarou brought his mouth to Kazunari’s ear and let in it a frustrated breath. “Will you make this up for me?” he whispered, his voice heated.

 

Kazunari’s skin rose to visible goose bumps. He turned to Shintarou and kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll make it up for you anyway you want.”

 

A trembling groan escaped Shintarou. Feverishly he thought of all the things they could do but always kept going back to having Kazunari from behind. It was a position they rarely did due to him considering it impersonal, but now he found it appealing. His palm itched to swat Kazunari’s flesh. _Oh_ , maybe he’d do that. Maybe he would. He could get a little wild. He had been—well, he had never really been _wild_ , but they had done their experiments. Sometimes he wanted to slap Kazunari’s ass. Right now he wanted to. Imagining and remembering the way the sensation felt, he shuddered. He grasped the hilt of his cock again and squeezed.

 

After an excruciatingly long moment Kazunari said, “You can now congratulate me, because I have officially applied to an university.”

 

“Congratulations,” Shintarou mustered out. Once the pressure would be away from his groin, he’d give more heart-felt congratulations.

 

“Thanks. Now I just gotta figure out how to handle a marriage while I’m studying in Sapporo…”

 

Shintarou’s face fell. “What?” It came out as a lousy whimper. His dick was close to shriveling as he stared at Kazunari. “What—What do you mean, in Sapporo?”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. “Wait, I didn’t tell you? I decided to apply in Sapporo because it has the perfect university for me. I thought… I thought I told you.”

 

“You… didn’t tell me.” Shintarou stared in front of him but didn’t quite see anything. Sapporo was… _far_. Very far. Too far, on the other side of the whole country. Sapporo had never been on the table of conversation. Could they handle a long-distance marriage? Maybe if they really put some effort in it, but what if Kazunari would meet someone better and most importantly, someone who was _close_? Sucked in to the void of his sudden thoughts, Shintarou found it harder to breathe.

 

“—chan. Shin-chan,” Kazunari called.

 

Shintarou turned to look at him. The laptop was gone and his lover looked at him with a boyish grin.

 

“I’m just joking.” Kazunari chuckled. “I’m just joking with you. I applied to the university here.”

 

Shintarou let out a breath. His lungs ached. His eyes remained wide.

 

“I’m just joking, hun,” Kazunari said and kissed him. “Oh, babe, did you really think I’d do something like that without even asking first? You’re so gullible. What would I even do in Sapporo all by myself?”

 

“That’s… not funny,” Shintarou managed to say before he regained his senses. He tossed a glare to Kazunari. “That’s not funny. You can’t joke with things like that.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kazunari said but sounded like he hardly meant it. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and drew him in for another kiss. This time it lingered, turned deeper and hasty and a bit desperate from Shintarou’s side. Shintarou’s heart still thudded from the shock he tried to recover from, but his pulse beat under the kiss in which Kazunari brought his tongue along. Dragging the tip of it against Shintarou’s lower lip, Kazunari hummed and then pulled back enough. There was a glimmer in his eyes. “Would it make you feel better if I let you do whatever you want?”

 

“I was planning to do that anyway.”

 

Shintarou got up on his feet and yanked Kazunari up as well, but instead of nicely walking him to the bedroom he lifted him up with ease and carried him over his shoulder. Kazunari squealed and laughed but ended up moaning as Shintarou swatted his buttocks as hard as he could. His blood boiled both from arousal and annoyance, and he was sure there was a fluster on his cheeks as he threw Kazunari on the bed.

 

“On your knees,” he told.

 

Kazunari scurried up on all fours immediately with a smirk still splattering on his lips. Shintarou was about to climb in to the bed with him but had to retreat and rush back to the living room to grab the bottle of lube along. When he returned, Kazunari had set himself to an even lewder position with his chest on the mattress and his bottom pushed up high. It was a sight that revived Shintarou’s libido immediately, and he was quick to crawl behind his very own trickster. He greased his cock with a new set of lube, worked his fingers inside Kazunari a few times and then settled his member back in him. Kazunari moaned below his breath and then again as Shintarou made the first testing thrusts.

 

Once he got the hang of the rhythm again without hurting his own knees too much, Shintarou stroked the perfect roundness of Kazunari’s bottom. He thought of the tasteless joke Kazunari had made and, as it filled his mind again, slapped the lush skin hard.

 

Kazunari cried out. “Yeah,” he mumbled against the pillow. “Yeah, more…”

 

Shintarou rutted his hips against Kazunari’s and picked up the pace until he had to slow it down for the sake of keeping both of them in balance. “You really shouldn’t make such jokes,” he pointed out.

 

“I was such a bad boy,” Kazunari breathed and looked at Shintarou barely over shoulder. “Wasn’t I, Shin-chan?”

 

“Did you do it on purpose?”

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

Not completely satisfied with the answer, Shintarou swatted Kazunari’s ass again. Then a second time, then a third, and finally on the fourth the skin started to redden. It was possibly the wildest thing he had done during sex for a while, but it brought a pleasant tickle down his stomach and made him feel utterly in control. He knew that Kazunari liked it too (Kazunari had always been an honest and open person who told _everything_ to practically everyone), thus he didn’t feel too awful for making the spot even redder by spanking him a bit more. He pushed his cock deeper inside Kazunari, aimed for his prostate and found it within seconds.

 

The octaves of Kazunari’s moans rose by tenfold as Shintarou ruthlessly rutted against the sweet spot over and over again. Kazunari curled his fingers around the sheets and squeezed tight. Upon seeing it, Shintarou spanked his ass again.

 

“Are you learning your lesson?” he asked with a thick voice.

 

“Y-Yes… _Yes_ …” Kazunari whined and pushed his back hard to Shintarou’s front. “Shin…chan, come in me… Come inside me…”

 

Shintarou stroked the small of Kazunari’s back and once more swatted his buttocks. If Kazunari wanted so desperately for him to release in the warmth and tightness, he’d do it. He closed his eyes and kept moving his hips in a pace that was perfectly suitable for him. It seemed to be just as perfect for Kazunari whose insides suddenly tightened and who let out a moan louder than before. Shintarou blinked and rolled his hips forward a little slower, slipped his hand to Kazunari’s front and found the place sticky with cum.

 

Smiling faintly, Shintarou didn’t hold back. After several hasty, jerking thrusts he did exactly what Kazunari wanted and shot the ropes of white deep within him. Few more times he gave tentative nudges, slowed the pace down naturally and rubbed Kazunari’s back from the very bottom of his nape to the buttocks that glowed bright red. He massaged them, and after a while pulled back for good. Immediately he lied down on the bed and took Kazunari in his arms, stroked his body all over and peppered kisses on his face.

 

“Mmh, tickles…” Kazunari wheezed and pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s chin. He remained silent few moments and then kissed the same spot again. “That was good,” he whispered.

 

Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s nape. “Was it?”

 

Kazunari smiled silly and nodded. “How does my ass look like?”

 

Shintarou took a careful peek. “Positively red,” he said, a little embarrassed. “But I don’t think it’s going to bruise.”

 

“What a shame…” Kazunari buried his face to the crook of Shintarou’s shoulder and laced his arm over the man’s chest. Vaguely he drew circles around the rosy nipples and made Shintarou’s skin shiver. “Did you like it?”

 

“I did,” Shintarou admitted. “Though I’m worried I might have gotten carried away.”

 

“You didn’t.” Kazunari propped up on his elbows. “And if you did, I’d tell you to stop. You know I’m not afraid to shout at you if you do something I don’t like.”

 

Shintarou smiled dryly. He remembered one particular instance from few years ago when he had gotten a bit more playful than usual (he might have been a _little_ tipsy) and eager to try new positions and tricks and techniques. The night had ended horribly with Kazunari telling him to firmly stop it because it didn’t feel good and making him sleep strictly on his side of the bed. Shintarou rolled on his side and gazed into Kazunari’s eyes.

 

“Sometimes I still worry,” he said.

 

“And that’s totally okay because you’re my little worrywart.” Kazunari leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss on Shintarou’s lips. “But I’m telling you, slapping and spanking is still totally okay even if you do it without consulting me first, it feels _so_ good you have no idea.”

 

“All right.” Shintarou felt a bit more encouraged. “You always… do sound like you are enjoying it.”

 

“You have no idea.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou a second time and remained near his chest when he pulled back. “Plus you get so cutesy like this afterwards.”

 

“It’s important that I let you know afterwards that I treasure you.”

 

“Sure is.” Kazunari grinned softly and kissed Shintarou’s jawline from the chin to the very top near the ear. Afterwards he patted Shintarou’s stomach. “Since you treasure me so much, why don’t you go and draw a bath for us?”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed but he nodded nonetheless, a little reluctant to move away but did it anyway. Before he could take a single proper step forward, however, Kazunari stopped him by grabbing his arm. Shintarou looked at him with a light frown.

 

“One more kiss before you go,” Kazunari said.

 

“You make it sound like it will take forever to get the bath ready,” Shintarou muttered but complied anyway, crouched down beside the bed and kissed Kazunari with all he got. Afterwards he was a little breathless and utterly lightheaded. He hummed and worked his fingers through the dark hair. “Do you want one of those disgusting bath bombs in there as well?”

 

“Yeah, please… There’s this heart-shaped one somewhere there, put that in, it doesn’t smell too strong.”

 

Shintarou nodded, pulled on a pair of boxers and was gone for the few minutes it took to fill the tub completely with burning hot water. He threw in the heart-shaped bomb and watched it dissolve, dipped his fingers to the water and decided that it was still too hot. Not annoyed at all because of it, he made his way back to the bedroom and slipped back on the bed beside his naked lover. He drew shapes on Kazunari’s bare back, dipped his fingers to the small dimples and remained quiet because he knew that silence from him spoke more than any awkward sweet nothings could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a sweet chapter. I don't know what went wrong.


	174. Recovery From...

The kitchen radio spouted out classical music, and to its rhythm Kazunari tried to chop the spring onions. As much as he would have liked to switch the channel to one with the latest hits, for once he had given Shintarou free reigns over the music and now was stuck with a violin concerto he wouldn’t have listened had he been on his own. It hardly mattered when Shintarou stood right behind him, hands on his hips and fingertips slipping below the fabric whenever they could. Kazunari held a constant smile on his lips and attempted to concentrate, but the spring onions looked rather lousy as he spent more time looking over his shoulder and kissing Shintarou.

 

He swayed his hips gently from one side to another, rubbed his bottom against Shintarou’s front, but after a while Shintarou held him steady and made it nearly impossible to move. Kazunari’s lips twitched to a grin as he took a look of his lover and gained a kiss on the tip of his nose. He forgot all about the bell peppers as he turned around in the embrace, hooked his arms around Shintarou’s neck and tiptoed to kiss him. There was a grumble against his mouth, and then Shintarou pulled back ever so slightly.

 

“We are supposed to make dinner,” Shintarou pointed out.

 

“And we are.” Kazunari nodded along to his own words and rubbed the fine hair on Shintarou’s nape. “But we can totally do a bit of this while we’re at it…” He grinned once more, rose back to his toes and kissed him again. Despite the protests Shintarou held him tight from the waist and returned the kiss.

 

Sometimes Kazunari still forgot that they had been together for a decade. From time to time people asked how they did it, how they managed to keep the spark, how they found the effort to give little touches here and there. Truthfully, he didn’t know. They had reached a slump at one point. Life was simply a whole lot better with Shintarou by his side, plus he liked kissing. He tilted his head ever so slightly and nipped Shintarou’s lower lip, which resulted in Shintarou sighing and turning him around. Facing the counter again, Kazunari grabbed the knife back in hand and began to demolish the peppers.

 

“Can you grab the fish from the fridge if you don’t want to be sweet with me anymore?” he asked.

 

“With pleasure.”

 

Kazunari threw him a look and thought he saw a hint of a smile on Shintarou’s lips. Shaking his head from amusement, he turned back to the cutting board but from the corner of his eyes watched Shintarou move around and eventually settle to the counter beside him. Kazunari moved the vegetables to the oven tray and was done, had all the time in the world to simply watch Shintarou handle the salmon of the size that could have fed a four-headed family. Watching his lover’s profile was always a satisfying experience, and he thanked everyone involved for making such a beautiful man. Most importantly, this was the face he’d have the privilege of staring for the rest of his life with an actual permission.

 

“What?”

 

Kazunari jolted out of his thoughts. “Nothing. Just thinking about how pretty you are.”

 

“Shut up,” Shintarou mumbled, mostly to the fish as his cheeks began to glow a healthy red.

 

“It’s true, though.”

 

“If someone in this house is pretty, it’s you. Now give me the cream from the fridge and stop making pointless comments.”

 

Kazunari sighed softly and went for the fridge. “Ten years, Shin-chan. I thought you’d be used to the compliments already.”

 

“Technically, it’s almost eleven.”

 

“It’s not.”

 

“It is.”

 

“I’m checking.” Kazunari pulled his phone out and went through its calendar. He huffed afterwards.

 

“So?” Shintarou arched his brows.

 

“ _Maybe_ you’re right, Mr. Know It All,” Kazunari puffed.

 

Shintarou looked victorious, but his expression softened. “Come here,” he asked.

 

Kazunari shifted closer until he was right next to Shintarou. He wrapped his arms around the man’s waist and rested his cheek on his chest, closed his eyes and listened the other instruments quiet down for a piano solo. He rubbed Shintarou’s sides and lulled in the moment when absolutely nothing was wrong. Just like this he had stood so many times during all the years and told himself that this was for life, that this was his future. They had turned from young and foolish to respectable adults and still held same interests with each other. He tiptoed and smooched Shintarou’s neck before he pulled back.

 

“Okay, get the fish on that and I’ll get the spices,” he said.

 

Without a word Shintarou executed their plan, and a second later Kazunari came back beside him with spice bottles in hand. He went easy with salt and pepper and put a great handful of chili on it. Shintarou looked at him with a light frown.

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” the man asked, a little suspicious. “That’s a lot of chili.”

 

“Come on, it’ll taste good.” Kazunari mixed it all together and watched the red spots of chili rise to the very surface of the cream that covered the fish and the vegetables. “Are you suspecting my superior cooking skills?”

 

“Not at all.” Shintarou didn’t sound too convincing.

 

Kazunari slapped him in the arm and pushed the tray to the oven. “You’ll see, it’ll taste amazing and then you have to admit that I can cook.”

 

“You _can_ cook,” Shintarou complied as he grabbed Kazunari’s hand and tugged him towards the living room. “It’s only the fact that you can get very generous with the spices that worries me.”

 

“Tell me _one_ time I totally messed up with the spices.”

 

“Well—“

 

Kazunari grabbed a cushion and pressed it against Shintarou’s face before he could continue. “I changed my mind, don’t want to hear after all.”

 

Shintarou shrugged but _definitely_ smiled when Kazunari crawled to the crook of his arm on the couch. He moved his hand on Shintarou’s chest and rubbed gently, and rather absentmindedly watched the television show that they hadn’t followed but which now seemed mildly interesting. As minutes passed, the house started to smell good from the food, and Kazunari’s stomach grumbled. Shintarou began to stroke the spot right below the navel, and Kazunari relaxed fully beside him. If he could decide, he’d spend all the days like this, just the two of them and the cats and nothing to worry about.

 

Despite the gentle strokes and rubs on his belly, he was more than happy to have some food in his system. He ate too fast, shoved the vegetables in his mouth and once or twice got a look from Shintarou, to which he merely shrugged and grinned. When he was eventually done and his stomach stretching (only then he realized that he had eaten way too much for his own good) and eyes growing heavy, Kazunari settled back beside Shintarou and rested his head on his shoulder. Lazily he watched the game show where couples competed from knowledge and wondered if they could win such a thing. Probably if the questions were right and Shintarou feeling especially smart. Snickering, Kazunari buried his face to Shintarou’s shoulder and felt ready to take a small nap any minute now.

 

Every single hope of a nap got crushed violently when his chest began to ache out of the blue. He hummed and squeezed his eyes shut, tried to ignore the sensation but it grew harsher and bolder with every passing second. He breathed deeply and pulled away from Shintarou, worked his fingers over his chest and rubbed as much as he could. It felt like his heart did violent somersaults around the chest, utterly dislocated, pounding so harsh that it took Kazunari’s breath away. He wheezed and hung his head down, pulled himself to the smallest possible curl and attempted to take deep breaths. His chest scorched. The pain travelled up his esophagus.

 

Shintarou brought his hand to Kazunari’s curled spine and stroked. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari muttered but wince when he straightened his posture again. “No,” he admitted quietly and pressed his palm flat to his chest. It felt like something that didn’t belong in him was right beneath the skin. “I… _Fuck_ …”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“My… chest really hurts.” Kazunari bit the inside of his cheek to prevent a wince from escaping.

 

Shintarou’s face tensed, and suddenly he looked like a professional. “Where exactly does it hurt?”

 

“H-Here.” Kazunari rubbed his upper chest and tried to take another deep breath. His lungs refused to cooperate. The pain made him want to cry. “It’s just… j-just a heartburn, babe…”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Kazunari nodded feverishly.

 

“I don’t think I’ve seen this severe heartburn on you before.” Shintarou moved his hand over Kazunari’s knee and squeezed. “How bad is the pain on a scale from one to ten?”

 

“Mm… Seven?” Kazunari turned to Shintarou and smiled. He could tell himself that the smile was weak and shaking, but he was sure it was enough to convince his lover that this was nothing but nasty heartburn. “It’s probably— _ah_ —because of the food, too much chili after all…”

 

Shintarou shook his head and brought his index and middle finger to Kazunari’s pulse on his wrist. He remained quiet for a moment and then took a sharp breath through his nose. “Can I listen to your lungs and heart? I have a spare stethoscope here somewhere.”

 

Kazunari jabbed him in the arm. “You know fully well that you’re not… getting a stethoscope near me unless we’re half naked and about to fuck.” He huffed and reclined better on the couch, dipped his head back and slipped his eyes close. He wasn’t sure whether he imagined it or not, but the pain seemed to turn mellower. Still tears brimmed in the corners of his eyes as his breath labored. His whole chest felt like it would collapse any second now, and the sensation made his knees tremble.

 

“I can get you a time for a doctor’s appointment within few days—“

 

“Shin-chan—“

 

“—and there are plenty of good ones in our hospital, I can make sure they’ll see if something’s wrong—“

 

“Shintarou,” slithered between Kazunari’s teeth. It made Shintarou startle. “It’s _heartburn_ , all right? I ate too fast, and you act like I’m— _fuck_ —dying.”

 

“But you _never_ have heartburns this bad,” Shintarou insisted.

 

“Please, just—it’s getting better, all right? It’s getting better now.” It might have been a small white lie as the pain seemed to only increase, but the last thing Kazunari wanted was Shintarou to freak out. He brought his hand back to Shintarou’s arm and stroked the chosen spot gently, then offered him a tender smile as he worked his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay,” he assured. “It’s okay, just relax…”

 

Shintarou hummed, and from his tightened features Kazunari knew that he wasn’t pleased at all. “Can I at least get you a pill for the heartburn?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

Immediately Shintarou pushed up on his feet and rushed off. Alone, Kazunari let his face turn into a cringe and kept rubbing his chest. He wasn’t sure whether the problem was his heart or lungs or everything altogether, but he felt weak. His stomach turned into knots, yet he was convinced that it was nothing worse than a regular heartburn. However, his eyes turned heavier and he would have loved to sleep for the rest of the evening even with the ache.

 

When Shintarou returned with a glass of water and a pill, Kazunari put on a brave face. “Thanks,” he murmured softly and swallowed the relief with the help of water, then gulped down the rest and sighed heavily afterwards. Hoping that the pill would do what it promised, he blinked sluggishly and wondered what sort of position to take to be as comfortable as possible when Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist.

 

“Come here,” the man muttered, his voice a little shaken as he tapped his lap.

 

Kazunari gave a small smile and didn’t think twice as he moved his head on Shintarou’s lap and relaxed on the spot. Long, tender fingers went through his hair and massaged his scalp here and there.

 

After a moment Shintarou asked, “Are you feeling any better?”

 

“A little, yeah.” Kazunari looked up and smiled sleepily to Shintarou whose frown ruined most of his good features at the moment. He lifted his hand and stroked his lover’s chin. “It’s getting better, yeah… Doesn’t hurt that much.”

 

“If this continues and happens again, will you let me take you to a doctor?” Shintarou looked him straight in the eyes. “Heartburns are okay as long as they are not severe and come often.”

 

“I’ll let you take me to a doctor if this happens again,” Kazunari promised. “But Shin-chan, remind me not to marry a doctor, okay? I’ve heard that they have a tendency of overreacting…”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “Very funny,” he dryly said. “Why don’t you leave the joking aside for now and concentrate on relaxing? I can bring you another glass of water if you’d like.”

 

“No, don’t move, I’m just perfect like this.”

 

Kazunari’s chest still nipped but he didn’t mention it, didn’t want to worry Shintarou even more. If there was one person in the world who could worry himself to death, it was definitely Shintarou. But he loved the worrywart just like this and wouldn’t have changed him to anyone else. He slipped his eyes close and left a huff through his nose. He decided to struggle through the television show and afterwards crawl to bed, but the ache seemed to disappear for good and he lulled asleep in the softness of Shintarou’s lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (◕‿◕✿)


	175. A Working Relationship

Shintarou removed his white coat, moved it to the back of a chair to reserve it despite there were only few people around in the break room, and went to get his late lunch from the small fridge. Embarrassingly enough his plastic box was the one with the brightest colors (he had only Kazunari to blame for it), and like always a little coyly he popped open the lid and heated the food. Afterwards he sat on the seat he always took and dug in to yesterday’s leftovers. On the table was an unoccupied newspaper that he grabbed and began to read to make the eating go faster.

 

Ever since he had been seven and seen a real doctor, he had known he wanted to be one. He had had a glorious image of them, but they had all crumbled down when he started medical school. Now he sat in a small break room in a small table enjoying the small fifteen minute break that he had in the midst of the hurry that would slam right across his face the second he stepped out of the room. He _loved_ his job, he really did, but sometimes he wished he was at home in evenings like these, sitting beside Kazunari and enjoying the newly engaged life that he was meant to have. Surely everyone felt like that sometimes. He made sure to chew his food properly as he eyed over the sports section of the paper. The volleyball season had started, it seemed, but he wasn’t too interested in that.

 

He slowed down eating halfway through the box, wanted to savor the last moments of peace before he’d go back to the hastiness. He had few rounds to make, then a surgery… If he’d be out of the hospital by midnight, he’d consider himself very lucky. Kazunari would probably be asleep already and then gone in the morning. At least he had already managed to get their honeymoon week completely off. It would probably be the only real vacation he’d have, and already Shintarou made sure to both appreciate it and promise himself to enjoy it thoroughly. They’d still have to come up with a destination. Shintarou’s lips puckered in thought as he glanced at the travel advertisement on the paper. Kazunari wanted a beach, didn’t he? They could go to Thailand… Or to Europe. Spain sounded like a decent choice. It would be an expensive trip, but Kazunari was worth every yen. Shintarou gave a small smile to the thought.

 

“I see your fiancé’s still taking care of your nutrition.”

 

Shintarou startled out of his thoughts as a fellow doctor sat across the same table. His lips turned flat in an instant. “That’s right,” he simply said. He had wanted to keep his private life away from the discussions always shared in the break room, but there was only little he could do when he wore an engagement ring on a daily basis. The last thing he needed in life were rumors, but he knew this man was only curious for the sake of finding something to do on the break.

 

“I have to admit I’m a little jealous, it always looks good.” The man laughed.

 

“It’s… only yesterday’s leftovers.” Shintarou hummed, thought a moment, and out of politeness asked, “How is your wife doing?”

 

The man’s expression brightened. “She’s good. She’s—who am I kidding, she’s a hormonal mess. We’re finally expecting.”

 

“Congratulations are in order in that case.” Shintarou offered something akin to a smile. “How many months?”

 

“Just three, but we’re getting excited. Or, I’m getting excited, she’s… You know women and their hormones.”

 

“Mm.”

 

In reality, Shintarou _didn’t_ know women and their hormones, but he nodded along nonetheless. He didn’t know what else to ask, thus he remained quiet and his colleague didn’t seem to mind. The brief conversation died and Shintarou returned back to the magazine. Expecting… Part of him wished he could experience such joy together with Kazunari as well, but they would simply have to choose unconventional methods by the time they were ready for children. Adoption was certainly an option, but there were plenty of others.

 

Shintarou rubbed his nape and finished eating his food with minutes to still spare. Not exactly sure what to do with those minutes, he continued to read and briefly thought of taking a toilet break now that he didn’t have a handful of residents breathing on his neck.

 

The door to the room slammed loudly open.

 

“Fuck,” cursed Takeshi who was possibly the doctor who Shintarou was the closest with (and, possibly, that was only because they worked in the same department and were close age-wise).

 

“What happened?” asked the other doctor across Shintarou.

 

Takeshi swayed a patient file in his hand. “I was supposed to call my patient’s emergency contact, but my phone died.”

 

“I left mine at home.”

 

“You can use mine,” Shintarou helped. He thought he was doing well in obeying Kazunari’s words of trying to make some friends around the hospital, and politeness was always a decent step forward. He reached for his coat’s pocket and fished out his phone, flipped it open and saw a missed call from Kazunari. It made him frown, but he decided to call him back once Takeshi was done and handed the phone to him.

 

“Thanks,” Takeshi sighed and took the empty seat between them. He flipped the file open from the right page and punched the keys, then seemingly had to start again judging from his huffs and puffs. After a while he groaned. “I don’t know how to use an old phone like this.”

 

“Let me,” Shintarou said and took the phone and the file from him.

 

Takeshi grunted. “You might want to consider getting one of those smartphones, they’re real good. No one uses phones like yours anymore.”

 

“It’s working, so I have no reason to change it,” Shintarou pointed out dryly and began to enter the numbers.

 

After the first few he hummed and thought what a funny coincidence it was that the number was almost same to his. He shook his head in amusement and punched the next two. During the next one his fingers froze. It was… exactly like his number. His brows knitted together as he checked the number again. Wasn’t this… really just like _his_ number? His hands trembled, and he squeezed the phone better in his grasp. A sharp thud occupied his chest as his heart skipped a beat. He pressed the final key and stared at the number.

 

He forgot to breathe.

 

“This…” The words didn’t get out of his mouth smoothly anymore. His fingers trembled so badly that the phone shook in his grip. “T-This… It’s…” Shintarou stared at the sequence of numbers on the paper. “My number,” he whispered and gasped for breath. His pulse began to race faster than ever. There was only one person he knew had him as an emergency contact. His eyes widened, and the phone dropped from his hand as he simply forgot to hold it. _No way_. _No, no, no—_

 

“Midorima—“

 

Shintarou grasped the corner of the file and yanked it close to check the name written in scrawny handwriting on the front. His whole world fell apart in a single instance.

 

 _Takao Kazunari_.

 

“Which room?” he murmured.

 

“Midorima—“

 

“Which room is he in?!”

 

“Three-oh-seven,” Takeshi hurried to say.

 

Shintarou left everything on the table and pushed up on his feet, and ran like he had never run before. His heart wanted to fail. Why was Kazunari here, why was he on _their_ department’s floor, why was he in the _cardiovascular_ department? Shintarou nearly slipped as he turned around the corner but managed to stay up on his feet just in time. Was it because of yesterday’s heartburn? He had _known_ it wasn’t just heartburn! He pushed aside a nurse that walked in front of him and felt something hot brim in his eyes. He should have just dragged Kazunari to a doctor, should have not budged, he was a doctor, he knew better!

 

His breathing turned labored, and then he forgot to do it altogether when he turned around another corner and to the familiar corridor where he spent a lot of his time. _Fuck_ —that was why Kazunari had called him earlier today. Why hadn’t he answered, why hadn’t he heard his phone ring? His lungs hurt and sapped oxygen in them but he couldn’t stop. What if Kazunari was d— _Don’t. Don’t, don’t, don’t._ His bottom lip trembled. He couldn’t continue running but he pushed himself forward, knew that there were only few more doors between him and Kazunari. Panic swelled inside him and took him over for good. What if he could have prevented this? Why had he only given a damn pill for heartburn? He should have been stricter and forced an examination on Kazunari.

 

Shintarou stopped behind the door three-oh-seven. Never before in life had he trembled as much as he did now. His vision was hazy because of the tears that already escaped from his eyes. He tried to think rationally. If Kazunari was dead, he wouldn’t be here. If there was something severely wrong with Kazunari, he would be in ICU. Powered by the thought and the fear that something was wrong after all, Shintarou yanked open the door and stepped in.

 

He stopped dead on his tracks to the foot of the bed. He stared at the love of his life curled up on the bed, hooked on machines, monitors beeping calmly around him. Moving a hand over his mouth and letting his panic rush over him like a tidal wave, Shintarou stopped being a doctor and became a loved one.

 

“Kazu,” he muttered although it was obvious that Kazunari couldn’t hear.

 

He stumbled forward and crouched by the bedside, simply looked at him. The cheeks he had stroked so many times in his life were pale, the usual color far gone. Carefully Shintarou worked his fingers through the dark hair and bit his lower lip as hard as he could. He worried that Kazunari had stopped breathing and living altogether, but the heart monitor beeping calmly told everything necessary. Taking a deep breath and then a sob, Shintarou pressed his forehead against the edge of the mattress and took a hold of Kazunari’s hand. There was a clip in the middle finger, the engagement ring gone and resting on the small table, but still Shintarou tangled their fingers together and lifted his chin up.

  
Somehow like this Kazunari barely looked like himself, like he was just a ghost of what he had been in the morning when Shintarou had kissed him goodbye and promised to hurry back home. Sniffling, Shintarou rose up on his feet and leaned over, pressed a tender kiss on the burning hot forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. Fear changed into desperation, and suddenly he had the urge to know what was wrong. Reluctantly he let go of Kazunari’s hand and took a step towards the edge of the bed where another file was attached to. He grabbed it and opened it.

 

“That’s confidential and you know it,” Takeshi said out of the blue and made Shintarou startle.

 

Recovering from the surprise, Shintarou stared at him and his outreached hand. “I’m a doctor,” he said.

 

“Right now you’re a loved one. Give it to me.”

 

Shintarou huffed. “That is my _fiancé_ lying there!” His voice jumped an octave higher, and his cheeks glowed. “I have the _right_ to know what’s wrong with him!”

 

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him, Midorima, but you know that relatives can’t read the files.”

 

“But I’m a doctor—“ Shintarou gasped for breath when Takeshi snatched the file from his hand. His eyes narrowed, and he gave his harshest glare to the man who wasn’t fazed by it at all. He knew he had lost the battle and returned by Kazunari’s side, took a tight hold of his hand and refused to let go. “What’s wrong with him?”

 

Takeshi took a breath and collected his façade. He stood by the foot of the bed and cleared his throat. “A nurse said that he came by complaining a chest pain, and he was very agitated—“

 

“Cut to the chase. What’s. Wrong. With him.”

 

Looking a little sullen, Takeshi said, “Angina pectoris.”

 

Shintarou slipped his eyes close and hung his head. His mind buzzed with thoughts that he couldn’t gather to anything coherent. He squeezed Kazunari’s hand tighter to his grasp, but loosened the grip and stroked the knuckles as gently as he could. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he clenched his jaw and stared up at the doctor. “Is it caused by coronary artery disease?”

 

Takeshi nodded.

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. “But he’s young,” he defended.

 

Takeshi opened the file and read hastily. “We took an ECG and MRI, and he has coronary artery disease. It seems to run through the family.”

 

“It doesn’t.”

 

“It says so right here, Midorima. A family member has died of cardiac arrest because of the disease.” Takeshi sighed and mumbled below his breath, “This is why I hate when doctors are the family members.”

 

“I heard that,” slithered through Shintarou’s teeth.

 

Takeshi’s lips twitched in something that seemed like an apologetic smile. “I had to give him sedative because he was panicking. He’ll be sleeping the night, but you know as a doctor that he’ll be fine. We’ll start a medication, and then he can live normally.”

 

“Live _normally_? He’s not even thirty and now he has this.”

 

“But it’s good that it was noticed now, because we can control it. He’s not in danger. He just has high blood pressure, he doesn’t tick any of the other boxes, he’s not obese, he doesn’t have diabetes, his blood cholesterol isn’t high, and you know fully well that all of that is a good sign.”

 

Shintarou worked his fingers through his hair and turned to Kazunari. His face looked peaceful, just like it always did when he was merely sleeping, but something about it made Shintarou’s nose tickle and his eyes feel hotter than a second before. His Kazunari… He should have noticed before. He should have gone his family history carefully through and get him checked. Tightening his grip from the hand that for once didn’t squeeze back, Shintarou hung his head down. Why hadn’t he noticed a thing like high blood pressure? He specialized in the cardiovascular system, for crying out loud.

 

“Sign me up as his doctor,” he said quietly.

 

“You know I can’t do that, not when he’s your fiancé. So suck it up—“

 

“Suck it up?” Shintarou repeated and stared up at Takeshi. “Is that what you tell the relatives of patients who might as well come close to having a cardiac arrest?”

 

“He wasn’t close of having a heart attack,” Takeshi said calmly and took a step closer. “I understand that you’re upset, any one of us would be, but I need you to calm down or I have to direct you out of this room.”

 

Shintarou gritted his teeth together but didn’t say a word.

 

“I’ll let you stay here if you can behave.”

 

“Please let me,” Shintarou muttered. His eyes stung and turned heavier but he refused to spill out the tears when a colleague was still in the same room. “Could you… I have rounds and a surgery later today, could you please take them over?”

 

“I’ll do that.” Takeshi stopped a step away from him and patted his shoulder. “He’s going to be fine, Midorima, and I’m saying that from a doctor to a doctor. If he was unstable I would tell you, but he’s fine. I gave him the first batch of medication for the angina, and by the time he wakes up he won’t feel a thing.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “Thank you,” he managed to muster out.

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

 

He didn’t look at Takeshi any longer but fixed all his concentration on Kazunari. When the door clicked gently shut, he finally sniffed loud and removed his glasses. The tears burned in his eyes and then created paths on his cheeks. He looked at Kazunari and examined the heart monitor that beeped in a gentle pace. Although he knew that Kazunari would be discharged tomorrow already with a recipe for medicine in hand, he still worried. Shintarou moved a chair right beside the bed and refused to let go of Kazunari’s hand. Surely his lover would chuckle and call him a worrywart like he so often did, but Shintarou couldn’t help it.

 

Bringing his hand closer, he sniffed again and stroked some of the dark hair behind the ear. By tomorrow morning Kazunari would have a bit of color on his cheeks again would things go fine and without a complication. Shintarou lifted Kazunari’s hand just enough to kiss his knuckles tenderly. He kept his lips on the spot and squeezed his eyes shut. More tears escaped him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the sleeping figure. He kissed his knuckles one by one and broke down into louder cries. “I’m so sorry…”

 

To the sleeve of his shirt he rubbed his eyes but only made them ache even more. _God_ , he could have done so much more to prevent this. He was a doctor specializing in hearts yet he hadn’t even thought of once to ask whether the Takao family had its problems with the area. Shintarou leaned down and kissed Kazunari’s cheek, then looked at his features and bit his trembling bottom lip. At least… At least he had a good doctor. He had known Takeshi ever since he started to work here and he was a good doctor, firm yet gentle. Shintarou rested his forehead on Kazunari’s and held in his breath to listen Kazunari’s. They sounded healthy, which brought a bit of soothing inside Shintarou. Guilt still riddled him, turned his stomach into a knot and made him nauseous. If only he could have predicted this, if only he would have known that this was lurking right around the corner. He should have guessed from the symptoms Kazunari had.

 

The minutes ticked and Shintarou refused to move. He decided to stay by Kazunari’s sides until the moment he would wake up and didn’t care if he would get fired because of it. Right now all that mattered was Kazunari’s health, and he sure as hell would remain by his side like a guard dog to make sure that the monitor checking Kazunari’s heart rate wouldn’t go insane. Shintarou settled to a more comfortable position on the chair, and in the relative silence of the room he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I've been trying to throw subtle hints for a while, so who saw it coming? Also, here's a conspiracy theory: in 75 we had kissing accident in hospital, now in 175 we have a fiancé in hospital... I'm worried for 275.~~
> 
> Just going do a teeny tiny disclaimer to say that I'm not a doctor, and if there are any inaccuracies in my portrayal of this condition it is due to the lack of time to conduct a proper research of the matter. If you have knowledge and want to educate me (which I'll welcome with open arms because learning is always good!!), you can drop me a message [here](http://iwaizm.tumblr.com/ask) ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> Also, thank you so so much for your support!! I'm so grateful for all the kudos and comments and just the mere fact that you're reading this, whether you're doing it daily or catching up in bulks. The halfway point is nearing and I'm getting super emotional, so thank you for everything. This would be a difficult ride to do completely alone. I hope you'll have a good day today, or at least a tiny bit better than yesterday.


	176. Show No Fear

There were beeps everywhere. They sounded irregular, chosen randomly and then spouted out in an odd order, but once Kazunari regained enough consciousness, he realized that it was a steady sound. Strangely enough the beeps also matched his heartbeat perfectly. His brows drew in to a light frown because they couldn’t do it any deeper. He felt so light, but the bed he was in was uncomfortable. Groaning, he tried to roll on his side and snuggle in Shintarou’s arms, but he couldn’t. He parted his lips and tried to mutter Shintarou’s name to make the man come closer instead, but nothing but a wheeze got out of his mouth. What the hell was—

 

His eyes shot right open. He breathed heavily through his nose, and the machine by his side raced as fast as his heart in his chest. His mouth was parched and didn’t produce enough saliva for him to wet his lips. That definitely wasn’t his ceiling because his wasn’t as ugly and depressing as this. Kazunari rolled his eyes shut in their sockets and fluttered them open in a gentler manner than before. His neck was sore and an itch had settled to his left sole, but he didn’t want to bend over and scratch the spot. He began to take calm breaths, which calmed down both his heart and the machine. Feeling odd pressure in his finger, he lifted his hand up. Just like he suspected, he was hooked directly to the apparatus. His gaze wandered in the room until he saw Shintarou.

 

Shintarou sat on a chair beside the bed, head resting on the edge of the mattress, glasses dipped to an unnatural position and hair disheveled. Sighing gently, Kazunari reached his hand to the green locks and stroked gently. _Right_ —he was in hospital. He remembered stumbling to the reception crying from pain. He had tried to call Shintarou who hadn’t answered, then Tetsuya whose phone went straight to voicemail, and eventually had gotten Tatsuya to drive him here. His swallow was thick and echoed in the room as he brushed some hair behind Shintarou’s ear. He didn’t know what he had done wrong last night – he had made his favorite food, enjoyed a show on the couch with the cats, and suddenly his chest had been on fire and forced him on the floor on his knees and then in a fetus position. A small part of him had been sure he would die.

 

There were wrinkles on Shintarou’s forehead that Kazunari tried to smoothen with the pad of his thumb. He could imagine the kind of night Shintarou must have had beside him here while he had been sleeping all the pain away. It was actually funny that he didn’t hurt anywhere anymore. With his other hand he rubbed his chest but it didn’t bring any discomfort. _Huh_. He looked at Shintarou and felt his eyes burn in the back. For sure he had made the worrywart worry even more. He stroked Shintarou’s cheek gently and sighed heavily.

 

A light knock echoed from the doorframe, and then a woman peeked inside with a smile on her lips. “You’re awake,” she said. Her voice was gentle. “I’ll call your doctor to come over.”

 

 _My doctor is already here_ was what Kazunari wanted to joke but couldn’t muster the words out when she was already gone. Getting tired of lying down in a position that became quickly uncomfortable now that he was awake, he pressed his palms on the mattress and attempted to lift himself to sit up. The monitor by his side went crazy again, his pulse thudding fiercely in the root of his ear, and to the beeping Shintarou jolted awake and looked bewildered. Kazunari stared at him with widened eyes, mid-way of sitting up, and Shintarou nailed his gaze back on him. For long seconds they simply stared at each other. Then Kazunari broke into a small smile and Shintarou leaned in to grab him to a hug.

 

It was the tightest hug Kazunari had received in a while but he understood. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou and squeezed just as tight, rested his head in the crook of Shintarou’s shoulder and took in his scent that was even stronger from usual. Slipping his eyes close, Kazunari felt his eyes itch again but decided not to cry, not when Shintarou’s shoulders shook so badly. He rubbed his fingers along Shintarou’s spine and hushed gently in his ear, but when it didn’t really help, he murmured with his gentlest voice, “Shin-chan… Shin-chan, shh…”

 

“…I’m sorry.” Shintarou peeled back and cleared his throat, hastily wiped his eyes to the sleeve of his shirt and sat back on the chair but only for a second. He leaned back in and grabbed the pillows on the bed. “Let’s make you comfortable, here—here, now lean back and you can sit properly.”

 

Carefully Kazunari leaned back. The pillows were situated perfectly against the small of his back, and he couldn’t help but smile. Before he could do a single thing more, Shintarou grabbed his hand and squeezed. Kazunari entangled their fingers together and felt his expression softened when Shintarou kissed his knuckles. His free hand he brought back in the midst of Shintarou’s hair and stroked. They looked into each other’s eyes for few seconds, and then Shintarou buried his head to Kazunari’s shoulder. Kazunari hooked his other arm around his lover and held him close to him, and knew exactly that he wouldn’t have been any calmer were their positions reversed. He kissed the top of Shintarou’s head.

 

“Hey,” he whispered. “Guess what? Yesterday evening… I got so bored that I just… decided to come and see you here.” He chuckled.

 

Shintarou looked up. “That’s not funny,” he muttered.

 

“No? I thought it was pretty funny.”

 

Shaking his head, Shintarou moved his hand on one side of Kazunari’s face and planted his lips on his. Kazunari sighed gently and responded the tender kiss, tilted his head, slipped his eyes close and sniffled as quietly as he could. The kiss tasted very different from all the others they had changed during the years – the flavor was not only love but utter relief. Their noses squeezed together but Kazunari didn’t mind. He couldn’t breathe but he felt like it wasn’t important at the moment. His heart thudded and so did the monitor, and as the sound turned louder and more annoying, Shintarou pulled back. Reluctant to make the kiss stop, Kazunari leaned in closer and managed to steal one more smooch.

 

He let out a shivery sigh and squeezed Shintarou’s fingers. “How…” He swallowed and wasn’t sure if he even wanted to hear the answer. “How serious is it?”

 

Shintarou’s expression tightened.

 

“What?” Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat. “What… Why do you look like that? Am I—Am I going to die?”

 

“No—Honey, no.” Shintarou curled a hand around Kazunari’s nape and pulled him closer, then kissed his forehead. “You’re not going to die.”

 

“But… How serious is—“

 

“Good morning.”

 

Kazunari startled out of his thoughts, interrupted, peeled away from the little bubble he had built around him and Shintarou and turned to look at the door. Few steps in the room stood a man, possibly as tall as him if not few centimeters taller, jet-black hair in a neat cut and dark bags below the eyes. There was a polite smile on his lips and a white coat on his shoulders, hands occupied with something that looked like a file.

 

“It’s good to see you awake,” the man said and stepped by the empty bedside. “I’m Akiyama Takeshi, your doctor and, well… your fiancé’s colleague.”

 

Kazunari looked at Shintarou who patted his hand.

 

“Has he already told you everything necessary?”

 

“No, no… We didn’t get that far yet.” Kazunari smiled silly and made the good doctor chuckle. By his side Shintarou didn’t sound as equally amused, but his lover had always been a tough crowd. Kazunari sat up straighter and cleared his throat. “So what’s wrong with me? I remember having… a really bad chest pain, but I didn’t know it was this serious.” He nodded towards the machines.

 

“Well…” Takeshi glanced at Shintarou before he turned to Kazunari for good. “What you had yesterday was angina pectoris. It’s a type of chest pain caused by your heart not getting enough blood flow. That itself wouldn’t be awfully bad, but we discovered…” Takeshi flipped over to another page on the file. “You have previous family history of heart problems and your blood pressure is extremely high, so I’m afraid to tell you that it has led to coronary artery disease.”

 

“A… What?” Kazunari blinked and turned to Shintarou again. The long fingers were gentle and soothing on his knuckles, but his heart still skipped a beat. Aching wrinkles set on his forehead as he frowned deep. “What does that mean?”

 

“It’s been causing your chest pains,” Shintarou said with a soft tone. “The arteries in your heart… They’re getting narrow.”

 

“But isn’t that a thing for old people?” Kazunari huffed. “I’m not even thirty.”

 

“I assure you, with right tools it is easy to tackle and won’t change the quality of your life at all,” Takeshi said. “We can prevent it from getting worse by right diet, some exercise, dropping the alcohol to bare minimum… Although I’m sure you’re doing all of that right already because you’re in good shape.”

 

“But…” Kazunari took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. He really wished the chest pains had been nothing but nasty heartburns, but something like _this_ … It was difficult to wrap his mind around it. His breathing turned labored and his chest tightened, his eyes widened, his nostrils flared, and he squeezed Shintarou’s hand harder in his own. Certain that he’d panic from all the sudden information, he took hasty breaths to work at least some oxygen in his system but only remembered to slow down when Shintarou took him in his arms. He rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and listened the gentle murmurs in his ear, and slowly calmed down. For once he wasn’t embarrassed at all to do this in front of someone other than Shintarou.

 

Takeshi smiled reassuringly. “I’ll already discharge you home today, so we really do have this under control. We can start medication, but aspirin already will help because you have no other heart diseases. You’re in extremely good hands, doctor Midorima here knows what to do.”

 

“I… really have no doubt about that.” Kazunari chuckled weakly and nodded. “Thank you, doctor. So… I won’t die, right?”

 

“You won’t die,” Takeshi reassured. “It’s an unfortunate situation, of course, and this isn’t utterly common, but you have nothing to worry about.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.” The doctor took a step back. “I’ll come by noon to check on you once more and then you can go home.”

 

Kazunari nodded and watched the doctor go before he turned back to Shintarou. Something about the small smile on his lover’s lips made tears brim in his eyes, and he sniffled. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him close, hugged him.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Shin-chan…”

 

“It’s not your fault.” Shintarou kissed his ear and rubbed his back. “It’s not your fault, Kazu. It happens to run in your family and you happened to got it now.”

 

Huffing, Kazunari peeled back. “Just because my uncle died of heart attack doesn’t mean I have to do that too! Shit…” He hung his head down and let out a shaking breath when Shintarou kissed his forehead. He hugged his lover again and this time remained in the embrace. He concentrated on taking deep, calming breaths that wouldn’t turn the monitors insane again and thought he did surprisingly well with it. Nuzzling his nose against the side of Shintarou’s neck, he kissed the spot and then peeled back enough to look into Shintarou’s eyes. “I just need to think positively about this, right? I’ll just be taking more aspirin than before.”

 

Shintarou’s lips curled slightly higher. “If you wish to put it that way. But I do think… You should have mentioned about your uncle’s incident to me.”

 

“I have.” Kazunari’s brows knitted together. “I’ve told you that he died because of heart attack.”

 

“I don’t remember you mentioning about it.”

 

“Didn’t I? I really thought I did.” Kazunari puckered his lips in thought but soon sighed. “Even if I had told about it, it wouldn’t have changed a thing, right? I’d still be sitting here.”

 

“I know.” Shintarou let out a sigh as well and worked his fingertips over the back of Kazunari’s palm. He softened his voice as he continued, “I got really scared when I found out that you were here. I… I didn’t know what was wrong, and I thought… I thought…” His whole expression turned tenser, and he clenched his jaw.

 

Kazunari moved his hand on Shintarou’s cheek. “I’m really sorry.” His vision turned slightly hazy when he thought of Shintarou and how he must have panicked for sure. His bottom lip trembled. “I really didn’t mean to.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” Shintarou said immediately. “I’m just… I’m happy you’re okay.”

 

“That’s debatable.” Kazunari flashed a small smile.

 

Shintarou tossed him a stare. “You’re _fine_.”

 

“…You didn’t call my parents, did you?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Let’s not at all.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Why?”

 

“Because.” Kazunari chewed his bottom lip and held in a sigh. “Mom’s already worrying about dad, and I don’t need her to freak out because his son’s heart suddenly has a disease.”

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a moment and then nodded. “Whatever you want to do.”

 

“Thanks.” Kazunari hesitated and looked into the safe green of Shintarou’s eyes. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe he really wouldn’t die from sudden heart attack. He could still dream and plan their future just like he had done until this moment. His lips twitched to a smile, and gently he kissed Shintarou on the lips. “You know,” he began with a whisper, “I have the best possible husband out there.”

 

“I’m not your husband yet,” Shintarou muttered.

 

Kazunari pressed his forehead against Shintarou’s. “You know you are, have been for years. And you know we’ve been married for the same years even without our names signed at the bottom of some paper.”

 

Shintarou kissed him briefly. “I love you,” he admitted.

 

“I love you too,” Kazunari whispered and kissed him again. “Sorry I made you worry.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” Shintarou said again. He kissed Kazunari’s cheek and took him in his arms for a new hug. “I’ll take good care of you.”

 

“You always have.”

 

“And I always will.”

 

Kazunari nodded, just a little bit amused. He cupped Shintarou’s face in his palms and kissed him, poured out the love he felt for this gorgeous man who stood by his side no matter what, and didn’t want to separate from him anymore. His heart skipped a joyful beat and the butterflies in his stomach did somersaults that tickled in all the right places. Smiling, feeling like there was nothing wrong with him after all, Kazunari smooched Shintarou’s mouth once more and pulled back for a breather.

 

“Are you coming home with me?” he asked.

 

“I’ll drive you home but I have to come back for a shift.” Shintarou worked his fingers through Kazunari’s hair and pushed the bangs out of the way. “But you need to call work and tell them that you’re having a week’s sick leave.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“I’ll make Akiyama write one for you.”

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“You need to rest.” Shintarou looked adorably stern. “And let your body catch up and recover from this. It might not be life-threatening right now, but you really need to rest.”

 

“Alright, doctor.” Kazunari smirked and smooched Shintarou once more. “You know better than I do, and I’m not going to complain if you tell me to lie in bed for a week doing nothing.”

 

“Good.” Shintarou nodded. “We have few hours before you’ll get discharged, so you might as well start relaxing now.”

 

Kazunari patted Shintarou’s knee. “Go get yourself something nice from the cafeteria, you probably haven’t eaten a thing.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Hun, it’s the cafeteria, not some deli across the city.” Kazunari rubbed the tight flesh around the kneecap and eyed the obvious worry on Shintarou’s face. “I’ll be fine since I won’t drop dead all of a sudden. Take a pee break while you’re at it.”

 

“But I don’t need—“

 

“Come on. You think you can smuggle me a chocolate bar?”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful.

 

“I’m just kidding.” Kazunari pressed a kiss on the corner of Shintarou’s mouth and patted his thigh. “Now go, it’s not good for you to sit by the bedside like I’m dying when we can go home in few hours.”

 

Shintarou was clearly reluctant as he got up and promised to come back in ten minutes. Kazunari relaxed on the uncomfortable bed and watched Shintarou disappear. The room was awfully lonely as he stared up at the ceiling and allowed thoughts to come in and out as they pleased. He closed his eyes and rubbed his chest, and scolded his heart for being so damn weak. _God_ , he really wasn’t even thirty and already something like this had happened. Now that he was alone, he gave himself permission to worry for the few minutes and think about things he didn’t want to voice aloud. He took deep breaths and counted to ten to keep himself from worrying too much. Things were okay. This was a mere bump in the road, and everything was okay.

 

He was absolutely certain about it when Shintarou rushed back exactly ten minutes later and offered him one third of a chocolate bar. With good appetite Kazunari munched it, kissed Shintarou thank you for the umpteenth time and relaxed just like the good doctor by his side had told him to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun reading your comments for the previous chapter, thank you so much! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ It's always so nice to write a dramatic chapter that's not only super fun to write but also gains tons of amazing comments that make me grin like a fool.


	177. Under Control

Shintarou had always been a diligent citizen, always obeying the law because his nature was like that – it was easy for him to follow a known set of rules because doing that made life a lot easier. Yet he forgot all about his fundamental nature when he pressed his foot against the pedal as hard as he could and went through the red light just in time to reach the next crossing few seconds earlier. There was a tick in his chest that refused to move, and he drummed his fingers against the wheel’s surface. The traffic was insane, and he itched to press the horn for the poor soul in front of him. Shaking from head to toe, he kept thudding his fingers to the firm surface and felt his stomach turn upside down.

 

Beside him on the shotgun was a plastic bag from their favorite sushi restaurant and a can of diet Coke. When he looked at them his heart skipped another beat. His bottom lip trembled, but he bit it hard to prevent himself from getting overly emotional before he’d reach home. The day’s shift had been honestly _shit_ and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. All his thoughts had been geared to Kazunari who he had tried to call as soon as he pushed his way through the hospital’s entrance, but the man hadn’t answered. Three more times he had tried, but nothing. Maybe dropping by the sushi place had been a mistake after all. What if Kazunari lied dead in their living room? Cold shivers ran down Shintarou’s arms. _Stop it_ , he told himself and sped up through another set of red lights, _stop it, stop it, stop it. He’s fine_.

 

There was still a flicker of terror down his belly as he pulled up to their driveway. He grabbed all of his belongings with hasty fingers and ran through the front yard without thinking twice. His hands trembled badly as he fished out the keys and managed to drop them on the balcony. Cursing under his breath, knowing that every second was important, he managed to open the door and pushed himself inside.

 

“Kazu!” he already called as he kicked his shoes off and left everything other than the plastic bag to the hallway. He got no answer. Panic seeped through his veins. “Kazu,” he called again and hurried forward. “Kazu? I’m back.”

 

Certain that the silence meant death from a sudden cardiac arrest, Shintarou was still unable to breathe when a head popped to his vision from behind the couch’s back. Kazunari looked positively alive, healthy color on his cheeks, hair messy and the familiar smile on his lips. Shintarou stood still and sighed from relief, and felt idiotic for worrying so much. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand and couldn’t get rid of the shudders even when he tried.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kazunari asked with a light frown.

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou assured and brought a weak smile on his lips. He circled around the couch and stopped right in front, leaned over and kissed Kazunari. For so many hours he had ached to do so, afraid that he couldn’t anymore, but now most of the thoughts melted away as he deepened the kiss. Reluctantly he pulled back and fluttered his eyes open, rubbed Kazunari’s cheek and felt unexplainable warmth inside him. “I’m home,” he muttered.

 

“Welcome back,” Kazunari said and kissed him again.

 

It took a moment for Shintarou to recover from the sweetness, but when he did, he sat down on the couch right between Kazunari and the cats. He offered the plastic bag to him. “I happened to be in the neighborhood of your favorite sushi restaurant,” (Kazunari didn’t have to know that he had deliberately dropped by the place that was across the city), “so I got you takeaway.”

 

Kazunari gasped for breath when he fished out the plastic box of sushi assortment. A smile spread on his lips. “Aw, Shin-chan, you’re so sweet,” he said and smooched another kiss on Shintarou’s lips. He was clearly about to discard the bag when his lips curled to a wider grin, and he pulled out the can of soda. He shook it slightly. “Wasn’t I supposed to start eating healthy?”

 

“That’s why it’s the diet version,” Shintarou explained. “It’s a compromise.”

 

“You’re the sweetest.” Kazunari balanced the box and the can on his lap as he cupped Shintarou’s face to his hands and joined their lips together again.

 

Against his lover’s mouth Shintarou hummed gently. He usually wasn’t a kissing kind of person if they weren’t in the middle of getting intimate, but this felt extremely nice. A gentle sigh trickled from his mouth and curved his lips into a small smile. When Kazunari kissed him so passionately, Shintarou knew his fiancé was so very much alive. It rolled the weight away from his shoulders and made it easier for him to take full breaths. When he pulled back, he didn’t move an inch but watched Kazunari pop the lid open and grab the dispensable chopsticks.

 

“How was your day?” Kazunari asked as he took the first makizushi in his mouth.

 

“It was alright.” Shintarou settled better on the spot and quickly got two demanding cats in his lap. He tried to distribute equal time of stroking for both of them at the same time, and decided not to mention to Kazunari that his head had been in the hazy clouds the whole day because of him. “The same as usual. I had one short surgery.”

 

“My Shin-chan’s saving lives again.” Kazunari chuckled and opened the can of soda, and took a large gulp from it. He pointed the sushi with the chopsticks. “Do you want a bite from this?”

 

“No, I’m good.”

 

“Are you sure? You must be starving again.”

 

“It’s okay, really. I bought it for you, and it makes no sense if you feed me half of it.” Shintarou got up on his feet. The cats protested. So did Kazunari. “We still have leftovers, right? I’ll heat them up, I’ll be back in few minutes.”

 

Kazunari smiled gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I—I know.”

 

Shintarou pressed a hasty kiss on Kazunari’s forehead and hurried to the kitchen. The demanding mewls followed, and whilst waiting for the food to heat up in the microwave he put some in the cats’ bowls. Like always Ushi was more interested in eating from the same bowl as Ao, and firmly Shintarou moved the boy in front of his own. It took few times before Ushi got the hint and left Ao alone. Shintarou tapped his fingertips against the counter and watched through the microwave’s window as the plate twirled around. The seconds were suddenly slower than ever before, and he itched to return by Kazunari’s side. Maybe the can of soda had been a mistake after all. Although he knew that one can wasn’t going to kill Kazunari, he was quick to abandon his medical training and think like a worried husband.

 

The microwave dinged, and Shintarou grabbed the plate and almost dropped it for being so hot. He carried it to the living room with the help of the hem of his shirt and sat right beside Kazunari leaving no space in between them. It brought a grin on Kazunari’s lips but the man said nothing. Shintarou took a breath through his nose and gave one more kiss to Kazunari just to be on the safe side. Maybe the kisses would have a healing effect. He _knew_ it wasn’t the case but part of him hoped for the best.

 

“How was your day?” he asked and shoved the food in his mouth.

 

Kazunari snickered. “Slow down and chew properly, babe, I’m really not going anywhere.”

 

Shintarou swallowed hard and did as he was told.

 

“I’ve been doing nothing, basically,” Kazunari said. He took another sushi roll in his mouth and as he chewed it, he rubbed Shintarou’s thigh. “I’ve been lying here pretty much the whole day, I watched… three movies, the cooking show, and the cats kept me company. I kind of felt like a crazy cat man.”

 

“But you made sure to relax?” Shintarou looked at him, concern bubbling in his stomach.

 

“I did. Didn’t that sound relaxing?”

 

Shintarou shrugged.

 

Kazunari inched even closer and kissed the corner of Shintarou’s mouth. “It was _very_ relaxing, so much actually that I got bored as hell. I might take a small walk tomorrow or ask someone over.”

 

“That sounds like a good idea. But you need to stay relaxed, so you might not want to invite Kise.”

  
“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “I’m simply saying that when the two of you are put in the same room, the probability of you taking it easy and relaxing drops significantly. It’s like watching children run around.”

 

“Now you’re just being condescending.”

 

Shintarou huffed through his nose. “Invite whoever you want as long as you’re—“

 

“Relaxing. Yes, sir.” Kazunari grinned and shoved the final piece of sushi in his mouth. A bit of rice hung from his chin but he wiped it to his sleeve and munched happily. “That was _so_ good, thank you so much.”

 

“It’s not a problem,” Shintarou muttered from the corner of his mouth that was full of leftover stir-fry. He swallowed thickly what he had left and moved the plate to the coffee table, and sluggishly eyed the television. He wasn’t sure what the movie was about but Kazunari seemed mildly interested in it, thus he didn’t ask for the remote and subdued to his destiny instead. Every now and then he glanced at his lover from the corner of his eye to make sure that he was all right. He spotted Kazunari rubbing his chest, and his own heart jumped to his throat. He turned to him with widened eyes.

 

“Does your chest hurt?” he asked so fast that the words nearly jumbled.

 

“Hm? No, it was just itching.” Kazunari moved closer and snuggled to the crook of Shintarou’s arm. After a second he tugged his chin up and puckered his lips that Shintarou kissed as he got the hint. Kazunari hummed from the throat and rested his head partly over Shintarou’s chest. “I’m feeling _fine_ , you really don’t have to worry.”

 

“But did you take the medicine for the angina this morning?”

 

“I did. It’s not hurting anymore.”

 

Shintarou eyed Kazunari’s expression and eventually averted his gaze. He hooked his arm properly around Kazunari’s torso and hugged him closer, then rested his cheek over his head. Despite reassuring himself that things were alright, he couldn’t quite get rid of the nausea that pooled in his stomach. He wanted to make himself somehow useful, so he said, “Why don’t you lie down on the couch and I’ll rub your feet?”

 

Kazunari perked up. “Really?”

 

Shintarou nodded. He didn’t have to coax Kazunari as the man already peeled off from him and swung his legs over his lap. Tentatively Shintarou brought his fingertips on the insteps and began to massage as gently as he could in the same way he always did whenever he actually agreed to do this. A little more relaxed himself, he watched the television again and pulled the pants of the legs towards Kazunari’s knees to have a full access on the shins. He worked his fingers over the bone and dipped them around on the tense calves. The tension from his own shoulders was just about to dilute when Kazunari let out a gasp. Shintarou turned his head towards his lover so fast his neck ached.

 

“What’s wrong?” His heart beat madly.

 

Kazunari shook his head and sank better to the couch. “You just hit a really good spot.”

 

“Oh.” Shintarou made sure to work his fingers more gently on the particular spot.

 

“Hey, Shin-chan.”

 

“Yes?”

 

Kazunari held in a pause and then sighed. He lifted himself to sit up properly and pulled his legs back to himself, inched a little closer and grabbed Shintarou’s hand to his own. “I know you’re still worried and everything, but I’m fine,” he quietly said and looked into Shintarou’s eyes. “Now, I’m not telling you to stop pampering me if that’s what you want to do, but I’m not dying.”

 

“I didn’t think like that,” Shintarou hurried to say. When Kazunari gave him a look, Shintarou sighed. “I’m sorry I’m worried.”

 

“It’s okay—“

 

“I’m a doctor yet I can’t think straight when I look at you, and all the years in the damn medical school don’t matter at all because I get _irrational_ , and then all of a sudden I hate myself for buying you a can of diet soda—“

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari called firmly and grasped the man’s face in his hands. It was enough to make Shintarou quiet down. “I’ll be _fine_. You said so yourself, the doctor said so. I won’t die from one can of coke.”

 

Shintarou hung his head down, but Kazunari moved a set of fingers below his chin and forced him to look up again. His bottom lip trembled again, and this time Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek. Not sure what to say at all, he ended up muttering, “I’m sorry.”

 

Kazunari kissed him gently. “Don’t apologize, silly.”

 

“I worry too much.”

 

“You do.” Kazunari looked at him with the most beautiful smile splattered on his lips. “And you know, as much as I love getting surprise sushi and foot rubs… If you’re worried, just talk to me about it. Sit me down and say ‘hey Kazu, I think you’re about to die from a heart disease, please prove me wrong’. Okay?”

 

Shintarou sighed heavily and nodded. “Okay.”

 

“I know you worry _so_ much, Shin-chan, but you’re not getting rid of me yet.” Kazunari chuckled and smooched Shintarou. “If I start feeling bad, I’ll tell you immediately.”

 

“Please do,” Shintarou muttered. He looked into Kazunari’s eyes and wrapped his arms around him, pulled him tightly to a hug and refused to let go. He pressed a line of kisses on Kazunari’s shoulder and buried his nose to his neck. “I love you so much,” he said, his words muffled to the fabric and skin.

 

Kazunari rubbed his back. “I love you too.” He kissed Shintarou’s ear and squeezed him in the embrace. He whispered, “Am I still eligible for the foot rub?”

 

Shintarou huffed a sound akin to laughter and peeled away. “You are,” he said and brushed a dark lock behind Kazunari’s ear.

 

“Good, because I think there was a really sore spot on my left leg that I think could use a bit more rubbing…”

 

Without a word Shintarou grabbed Kazunari’s legs and pulled them to his lap. His chest was slightly lighter as he continued to massage the long legs. He even dared to smile whenever his eyes met with Kazunari. Worry still remained in the back of his head but he endured and didn’t let it take control. Things would be fine, he told himself, and no one was going to die anymore. He was a little bit more certain of it when Kazunari reached for him and kissed him sweetly.


	178. It Was Pink

Although there were couples and families with their screaming children around, Shintarou held Kazunari’s hand tightly as they walked towards the entrance of the botanic garden. His fingers were a little damp, mostly from nervousness, but Kazunari didn’t say anything about it and Shintarou assumed that it was okay in that case. His heart skip regular beats, but despite the casual looks that they got once in a while it was worth it, because there was a gentle smile on Kazunari’s lips that made the man look thoroughly happy. It was a sight in which Shintarou’s eyes rested, and even now he glanced at him every other step.

 

He was in no hurry although he could see the flaming red of Seijuurou’s hair by the arch leading to the garden itself (his friend got a little lost in the midst of tall parents but Shintarou knew better to not mention it). He squeezed Kazunari’s hand gently and attracted his attention.

 

“How’s your chest?” he asked for the umpteenth time although Kazunari had forbidden it but he couldn’t help it.

 

“Doesn’t hurt,” Kazunari reassured.

 

“And your heart?”

 

“Very much alive and happy. Don’t worry, Shin-chan.” Kazunari lifted their joined hands and kissed Shintarou’s knuckles. A little girl nearby stared with her eyes the size of plates and then giggled before she looked elsewhere. Kazunari chuckled and stroked the knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “You know that you don’t have to hold my hand, right? I’m an adult now, I won’t get lost.”

 

“Very funny,” Shintarou dryly said and huffed. “Remind me never to try to be romantic again.”

 

“Oh, don’t be like that! I like it very much when you’re romantic.” Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s hand and looked up at him with glimmer in his eyes. “Let’s do this properly now, okay? This is probably the place where we get married.”

 

Shintarou nodded and pressed his lips flat, didn’t utter out another word. He still kept his hand on Kazunari’s despite the teasing and didn’t let go even when they stopped in front of Seijuurou who held a smile on his lips.

 

“Good to see you,” Seijuurou said with a nod, looked at the both of them but let his gaze linger a bit more on Shintarou, somehow cautious.

 

Shintarou pretended not to notice, but he had few words for Seijuurou about a certain suggestion given to _his_ fiancé. Such words, however, he decided to put on hold until they were alone as he didn’t want to bother Kazunari. He let go of Kazunari’s hand and hooked his arm around his lover’s waist, pulled him closer and gave Seijuurou a look. Seijuurou looked mildly amused.

 

“I spoke with a man in charge here on the phone earlier and he promised to show us around.” Seijuurou rested a thick file against his hip. “And because we don’t want any unfortunate surprises, I made sure that we can have a same-sex ceremony in here if we decide to choose this garden. He had no problems with it.”

 

“That’s great,” Kazunari chirped and rose to his toes to see past Seijuurou. “I really can’t wait to see it. It really looks pretty from here already, doesn’t it, Shin-chan?”

 

“It does,” Shintarou admitted.

 

Seijuurou took a step back. “I promise we’d meet him in the main building that would actually work as a place for the reception. It looks stunning in the photos.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Stunning sounds perfect for our little wedding.”

 

Shintarou merely followed. He knew that everyone knew that he was mostly tagging along instead of diving into the decision-making, and he actually preferred it like that. Of course he wanted a beautiful wedding, but he’d go along with almost anything as long as Kazunari was happy. Nothing else mattered. With a faint smile on his lips he watched Kazunari look around with narrowed eyes and talk about the wedding colors with Seijuurou. Shintarou stayed behind two steps’ worth and looked around in all peace. The trees were old and rather beautiful, and he only hoped they’d get a dash of color by the time August rolled in.

 

“Shintarou,” Seijuurou called and snapped Shintarou out of his thoughts, “don’t get left behind.”

 

“Sorry,” Shintarou said and tried to ignore the smirk on Kazunari’s face. He couldn’t, not when he was marrying that same smirk that only widened when Kazunari smooched a kiss on his cheek and held his hand. With a sigh he kept up the men’s pace until they stopped by a large building.

 

It was a beautiful one, the façade of old architecture and looking positively breathtaking. Kazunari’s mouth dropped slightly open, and something about the look made Shintarou’s lips twitch into a small smile. Seijuurou looked intensely pleased when he turned to them.

 

“If we choose this garden, we can rent a huge room from this building for the reception,” Seijuurou said. “I have already seen the space, and it’s gorgeous. High ceiling, very spacious… And it would be close to the place where the ceremony would be held so the guests don’t have to move from one location to another.”

 

“It sounds sensible,” Shintarou said.

 

“I like the way it looks,” Kazunari chipped in.

 

“Good.” Seijuurou offered a snide smile and turned around on his heels. “Here he is.”

 

An elder man clearly already in his sixties or even seventies walked towards them, hair turning gray but his lips still held a smile. When he stopped right in front of them, Seijuurou bowed.

 

“Akashi Seijuurou, we talked briefly on the phone.” Seijuurou straightened his posture and gestured towards them behind his back. “And this will be the happy couple.”

 

“Pleasure to meet you,” the man assured and held his smile intact. “Should we walk around the premise? I can show you the place where we’ve had weddings before.”

 

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

 

The man and Seijuurou led the way, and Shintarou stayed slightly behind together with Kazunari. They shared a look, and Kazunari looked positively amused. The crowd of people from the parking lot had scattered here and there, busy with taking pictures or admiring the view, thus Shintarou had the guts to wrap an arm back around Kazunari’s waist and keep him close. They stopped abruptly as Kazunari kissed his cheek and then the corner of his mouth. Shintarou couldn’t resist and smooched Kazunari’s lips as briefly as he could. It gained him a rub on the chest and a happy fiancé.

 

“I’m getting excited,” Kazunari muttered as they followed the duo on a narrow path in the midst of blooming flowers. “It’s starting to feel like we’re actually getting married.”

 

“Did you think it was all a hoax up until now?” Shintarou asked just as quietly.

 

“Of course not, dummy.” Kazunari jabbed him in the arm. “It just feels like it’s actually happening, you know what I mean. It’s nice to make it official.”

 

“It is,” Shintarou admitted and felt his cheeks glow from heat. Hoping that Kazunari wouldn’t notice his fluster, he tried not to see the bright grin on his future husband’s face.

 

They came to a sudden halt.

 

“Under this tree a lot of couples have married,” the old man said and smiled tenderly as he gazed upwards. “It was pink during the spring but… not anymore as you can see.”

 

Shintarou usually wasn’t the person to get mesmerized by scenery, but now he held in a breath and felt his heart flutter. The tree grew right by a large pond, some of its thick roots pushing up to the surface. It rose high above their heads, its branches spreading over and creating nature’s own canopy. He could see why so many had wished to marry here; it was almost like a glade framed by flowers all around. He could also vision himself getting married under the tree to the love of his life. His hand sought Kazunari’s and once he found it, he squeezed the fingers to his grasp. Kazunari looked at him with a tender smile on his lips, and simply from it Shintarou knew that Kazunari loved it. It was an easy place to love, admittedly.

 

“So?” asked Seijuurou with his brows arched and tone impatient. “What do we think?”

 

“It’s amazing,” Kazunari breathed. “Right, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“I really want to get married here. We could—the chairs could go here and here,” Kazunari pointed towards the grass, “and if we do the thing under the tree and then there’s the pond on the background, it’ll look good in pictures.”

 

Shintarou nodded along again and didn’t find anything to add.

 

“You’re right,” Seijuurou said and turned to the elder man. “How is the tree going to bloom? We were hoping to have autumn colors.”

 

“When is the wedding again?”

 

“Twentieth of August.”

 

“Oh, son, it won’t look at its greatest, I’m afraid.”

 

Seijuurou’s face fell. The corners of his lips tightened, and from experience Shintarou knew it meant pure trouble. Seijuurou still held a polite look on his face. “What do you mean, not at its greatest?”

 

“It is the hot and humid season,” the man explained. “It will bloom, but you won’t get the shades of red and yellow and brown.”

 

Seijuurou took in a sharp breath and looked at Shintarou and Kazunari over his shoulder, and seemed absolutely bewildered. His knuckles turned pale as he tightened his grasp from the file. “But we need the colors,” he said bluntly, voice right on the edge of civility. “This will be an _autumn_ wedding. It is hardly going to be one if all of _this_ will look like it’s summer.”

 

“There’s hardly—“

 

“Can’t it be sped up somehow? We need the colors.”

 

“Well… Nature will do its best, but I don’t think… August is very early—“

 

“I don’t think you understand,” Seijuurou insisted and stepped closer. Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat just looking at the scene. Seijuurou’s tone of voice turned harsher. “It is going to be an autumn wedding. _Autumn_ wedding. I don’t care if I have to drag a tree from the north for it to look like it’s autumn, I promised an autumn wedding and I’ll be _damned_ if I don’t give this couple what they—“

 

“I actually kind of like this too,” Kazunari carefully interrupted.

 

Seijuurou turned to look at them. His gaze spat fire and made Kazunari cower, but Shintarou wrapped his arm tightly around his fiancé and kept him grounded and strong. Kazunari cleared his throat and attempted a smile. At his current state Seijuurou looked mighty intimidating, as if ready to do absolutely anything to get his way, and Shintarou admired Kazunari’s courage to speak up when Seijuurou was like this.

 

“I don’t think you understand, Kazunari,” Seijuurou said. His smile dripped poison. “I promised an autumn wedding with colors.”

 

“Hey,” Shintarou said and tried to snap Seijuurou out of his spell.

 

“I know,” Kazunari hurried to say. “And I know that I was the one asking for it but… I kind of like August, you know? It sounds nice to say that I’m getting married in August. If the trees and things won’t bloom when it’s happening, then I’m fine with that. We’re fine with that, right?” He looked up at Shintarou with eyes of a pup.

 

“We are,” Shintarou said quickly.

 

Seijuurou stared at them blankly for a moment. His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared ever so slightly, but he craned his neck and turned back to the older man. “I’m sorry,” he said, the words rather mechanic rather than meaningful. “It seems like it won’t be a problem after all.”

 

“The garden will look spectacular nonetheless, I assure you,” the man tried.

 

“I’m sure it will. I will give you a call in the matter of few days and book everything necessary. Thank you for your time.”

 

With a nod the elder man strutted back to the path and was gone. Shintarou’s insides turned cold as Seijuurou turned to them again and stared. Worried that his friend would lose his mind over something like this (which wouldn’t have been a real surprise for him but still rather unpleasant), Shintarou tightened his grasp from Kazunari and pulled him closer. He stared back at Seijuurou, and little by little his friend’s gaze softened again until he seemingly got out of his thoughts. Seijuurou stepped closer and looked mostly at Kazunari.

 

“Are you sure this will be okay?” Seijuurou asked. “I can try and do my very best to make it at least look like the autumn colors are here. We can—We can start the ceremony a little later and hang fairy lights up from the tree to make it look better.”

 

“I really love this place,” Kazunari assured. He wiggled out of Shintarou’s embrace and stepped closer to Seijuurou. “And you’re doing amazing job. We’re both so grateful for all of this.”

 

Seijuurou sighed. “It won’t look exactly as we envisioned it, but we can try our best to make it a little…”

 

He trailed off as Kazunari hugged him. His eyes widened, and so did Shintarou’s. Shintarou wasn’t sure what was going on, but the longer the hug lasted the more he realized that Seijuurou had turned bewildered. In Kazunari’s embrace Seijuurou seemingly calmed down, heaved out a deeper sigh and closed his eyes briefly. When Kazunari pulled back and patted Seijuurou’s shoulder, Seijuurou even smiled.

 

“I think I needed that,” Seijuurou admitted quietly. “Thank you.”

 

“No, thank _you_. This place is so beautiful, and I don’t we could have come up with it ourselves. Could we, Shin-chan?”

 

“We definitely couldn’t,” Shintarou agreed. “Thank you.”

 

Seijuurou took in a sharp inhale and let the breath out through his mouth. “So we’ll book this spot and the building?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“Alright, I’ll make that happen.”

 

When the agreement was made, Shintarou took one more look around to press the sight tightly in mind. Despite what Seijuurou said, he was certain that the flowers and trees would look magnificent by the time the last of August would roll in and he was dressed in a tight suit ready to marry Kazunari. He sighed gently and took a hold of Kazunari’s hands as they walked back through the path past the building and towards the parking lot.

 

“I’ll be in contact with you,” Seijuurou said by the entrance. “We need to have a meeting with Ryouta regarding the suits, and next month we need to meet with Atsushi as he promised to make the cake. Both Tetsuya and Daiki promised to help with the decorations, so we’re right on schedule.”

 

“Thank you so much,” Kazunari said with his genuinely sweetest voice. “We’d probably get married in our backyard without you.”

 

“It’s my pleasure.” Seijuurou flashed a smile. “Have a safe drive back home.”

 

As Seijuurou walked towards his car, Shintarou felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t sure whether he should bring a certain matter up or not, but he was quick to make up his mind and gave the car keys to Kazunari.

 

“Wait just a second, I need to talk with him about something.”

 

Kazunari stopped him by grabbing his arm. “What something?”

 

“You know…” Shintarou cleared his throat. “Stuff I need to go over with my best man.”

 

The look that Kazunari gave him was enough to pin anyone on a spot. “Are you sure it’s not about that one little suggestion he made me a while back?”

 

“No—No, why would you think that?”

 

“Come _on_ , you’re a shitty liar!” Kazunari slapped Shintarou on the arm. “Don’t do that, that’s going to be awkward.”

 

“It’s not going to be awkward—because it’s not about that,” Shintarou persisted although Kazunari had already caught the truth. “I’ll be right back, start the car already.”

 

“Don’t give him a hard time!”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and turned around in his heels, and rushed behind his friend. “Akashi!” he called.

 

Seijuurou opened the door to his car but stopped and turned to look at him with a smile. “Is something wrong?”

 

Taking a deep breath, Shintarou suddenly realized that this was in fact a bad idea. He couldn’t turn back down now that he had started and fiddled with his fingers. “Well…” he began but didn’t know how to continue. “Kazunari told me…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“…about a certain incident.” Shintarou cringed and hoped that Seijuurou took the hint but he clearly didn’t. “Apparently, you… You asked him… to have a threesome.”

 

Seijuurou’s eyes widened. He looked mildly shocked at first, but his expression soon relaxed and even a smile spread on his lips. “I believe that happened, yes,” he said. “I was rather drunk when that happened, although it shouldn’t be an excuse for asking a question like that from my best friend’s fiancé. Is he uncomfortable with the matter?”

 

“No, no. I just wanted to be on the same page here.” Shintarou nodded slowly. “He found it amusing, to be honest.”

 

Seijuurou chuckled and shook his head. “Well, please know that I wouldn’t have asked him that if I had been sober. I shouldn’t have asked that in the first place to begin with, but it seems my judgment lowers when I get alcohol in my system. Are we okay with this matter?”

 

“We’re okay,” Shintarou promised. “I only wanted to know. He’s my fiancé after all.”

 

“I understand. I’m happy you brought it up with me.” Seijuurou offered a smile. “Drive safely.”

 

“You too.”

 

Shintarou stepped out of the way and turned around, strutted towards their car and felt a little lighter around the chest area. He climbed on the shotgun.

 

“So?” asked Kazunari. “Do we still have our wedding planner?”

 

“Of course we do,” Shintarou said. “Don’t worry.”

 

“And do you still have your best friend?”

 

Shintarou threw him a glare.

 

“What? I’m just asking out of curiosity.”

 

“Yes, I still have my best friend,” he sighed. “The matter is dealt with and everyone’s happy.”

 

“I’m sure everyone is.” Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s knee and then patted the spot before he started the car. “Are we going straight home?”

 

“We could stop by a store to grab some groceries.”

 

“Roger that.”

 

Relaxing on the seat, Shintarou looked towards the botanic garden once more before Kazunari drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KnB is ending tonight. I already went through this pain once when the manga finished, and now the anime is ending too! I'm too old for this sorrow. However, it might be over but we're still bravely pushing forward with this fic that is so damn long that we should all question our sanity by now. Thank you for all the comments, you're all very dear to me!! Next week let's celebrate the halfway mark together ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ


	179. Empty Calendar

Kazunari startled awake from a nightmare with a quiet scream on his lips and tears burning in his eyes.

 

Breathing heavy and irregular, he squeezed some of the sheets to his fists and stared up at the dark ceiling. _Just a nightmare_. He gasped for breath but pressed his lips tightly together to stop making such noises in the middle of the night. His mind was a haze and ready to drop him back to sleep, thus he didn’t dare to close his eyes yet. The bad thing about his nightmares was that they were all vivid, although slightly ridiculous – this time a killer monkey had chased him in Seijuurou’s house and had nearly finished him. Now he could chuckle about it, but in the dream itself it hadn’t been funny at all.

 

He brought his forearm over his eyes and concentrated on taking deep breaths. The cats purred softly in the foot of the bed and then quieted down. Shintarou slept beside him, he could tell from the way he breathed into the pillow as he lied on his stomach. Rain drummed to the window, and his breaths that he couldn’t get in control topped all of it off. He cursed his lungs for being this idiotic and checked the time from his nightstand. Four am. _Shit_ —it would be difficult to fall asleep again. Kazunari rubbed his eyes free from sleep and rolled on his side to at least try to get some more sleep. He pulled his legs up towards his stomach and curled up, and was easy with the blanket as the night was extremely hot and had prevented him from snuggling Shintarou in the first place.

 

Minutes passed and although his breaths eased into normal, the sensation remained in his chest. He realized too late that the pain didn’t bubble from his lungs but near his heart, and his eyes snapped wide open. Gasping for breath, Kazunari stared at the dimness in front of him and tried to get his breathing in control at first. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his chest gently with his fingertips, tried to tell himself that the sensation was all in his head and that it wasn’t really happening, but when his heart pounded fiercely and his chest got squeezed, he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He thrashed on the bed in an attempt to find a perfect position that would make it hurt less and eventually curled up in a fetus position. Cold sweat broke on his forehead.

 

He glanced over at Shintarou. It was four am and he really didn’t want to wake Shintarou because he knew that he had an early morning shift again. Kazunari thrashed in the bed from one side to another and ended up lying on his back again. He clutched the front of his sleeping shirt. It wasn’t an awful pain, not as strong as the previous ones but something almost akin to a ghost ache. Maybe it was exactly that and his mind was doing tricks with him. He inhaled through his nose and told himself to calm down, that it was all in his head and if he just remained peaceful the pain would be gone and he could go back to sleep. It didn’t get any better. He waited six minutes more but when the sensation didn’t ease, he rolled on Shintarou’s side of the bed and nudged the man’s shoulder gently.

 

“Shin-chan,” he whispered and hated himself for this. Shintarou didn’t like to be woken up in the middle of the night, but at the same time Shintarou had told him to tell if it hurt. Kazunari’s fingers froze over Shintarou’s shoulder. Maybe if he got up and grabbed some aspirin… _You promised him_. Feeling shit about himself, he nudged Shintarou again. “Shin-chan. Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou took a sharp breath and muttered incoherently, “I’m up,” and afterwards sighed deeply. He remained still and quiet for a moment longer before he stirred in the spot and croaked, “What’s wrong?”

 

Kazunari chewed the inside of his cheek and tried to come up with suitable words that wouldn’t freak Shintarou out the second he woke up properly. Eventually he blurted, “My chest hurts.”

 

Immediately Shintarou sat up and switched on the bedside lamp. In the warm glow he looked tired as ever, dark bags around his eyes that got slightly muffled as he put on his glasses. The green hair stuck in every possible direction, and he looked confused at first of where he was before he fixed his gaze on Kazunari. Worry found his wrinkles immediately.

 

“How bad is it?” Shintarou’s voice was low and husky, and not necessarily in a good way.

 

“Not that bad,” Kazunari was quick to say and worked his fingers gently over his chest. “It just… hurts.”

 

“Do you want me to bring you aspirin?”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Kazunari forced himself to sit up and inched closer. Luckily Shintarou took the hint and wrapped his arms around him, and in the safety of a warm chest Kazunari dared to slip his eyes close. He drew shapes on the small of Shintarou’s back. “It’ll go away, sorry I woke you up.”

 

“You know it’s okay.” Shintarou ghosted the tip of his nose in the midst of Kazunari’s hair and kissed his temple. “Should I listen to your heartbeat just in case?”

 

“No—Shin-chan, I’m fine.” Already regretting that he had told as he worried that Shintarou would freak out soon, Kazunari lifted his chin up and pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s jaw. “But if you want to, you could rub my chest a little.”

 

“I don’t think scientifically it will make any difference,” Shintarou said. Even so he slipped his hand under Kazunari’s shirt and dragged his fingers over his torso until he reached his chest. He rubbed the spot above his heart gently, clearly avoiding putting too much pressure. “Does that feel good?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

“And you’re sure I don’t need to bring you aspirin for the pain?”

 

“I’m sure,” Kazunari muttered and buried his face to the crook of Shintarou’s shoulder. “I figured it’s just some ghost pain, I had a nightmare. For some really strange reason I was at Seijuurou’s place and there was this monkey that was chasing me with knives and tried to kill me…”

 

Shintarou let out a short and quiet chuckle. “That sounds like an interesting nightmare.”

 

“It was shit scary,” Kazunari concluded with a sigh. “You should have seen the monkey, it was staring straight into my soul.”

 

“I’m sure it did.”

 

Quivering ever so slightly, Kazunari grabbed the blanket and threw it better over them. Enclosed in Shintarou’s arms, he felt so utterly safe even when they didn’t speak a word. When the long warm fingers stroked his chest, the pain seemed to subside all on its own. A slight burn remained, but it went easy with him, and he could have fallen asleep in a second. He closed his eyes and muffled a yawn to the side of Shintarou’s neck. His eyelids grew heavier but he refused to sleep. He tightened his grasp from Shintarou and squeezed.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou gently called.

 

“Mm?”

 

“I want you to call to work and take tomorrow off as well.” Before Kazunari could protest, Shintarou continued, “I know you’re getting frustrated, but one day more. Please. Just so we know that nothing will happen again.”

 

“Babe…” groaned Kazunari. He tried to come up with a good argument but at that time of the night couldn’t. A heavy sigh escaped him. “ _Fine_. But I’m going to work on Tuesday and the only thing stopping me is me lying dead on the floor.”

 

“Thank you,” Shintarou murmured.

 

Grumbling, Kazunari pulled Shintarou to lie down with him and snuggled against him despite the heat pooling in the room. He set his head over Shintarou’s chest and refused to move it away even if he was asked to. His good doctor’s heartbeat was soothing and regular although not necessarily calm. He closed his eyes and decided to try and sleep but couldn’t. Even Shintarou kept stroking his spine over the fabric.

 

“I hate having such an empty calendar,” Kazunari eventually said. “Drives me nuts.”

 

“It’s just few days more.”

 

“Easy for you to say.”

 

“Hey…” Shintarou hoisted himself up and then came back down as he rolled Kazunari on his other side and spooned him. “I’m concerned about your health. I’m not doing this to be annoying.”

 

“Yeah, I know, but still.” Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s arm and yanked it better over his waist. He worked his fingers over the bony knuckles and slid them upwards to stroke the fine hair on the forearm. “I’m just frustrated. I’m _fine_. Sort of at least.”

 

“Kazu—“

 

“I know, I know, I’ll be a good boy and go crazy with the cats few days more. Doctor’s orders, yeah?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou sounded like he smiled. He pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s shoulders and whispered, “Should I go and heat some milk so you might fall asleep faster?”

 

“No—Don’t go.” Kazunari looked at Shintarou over his shoulder and gave him a quick kiss. “Just stay, okay?”

 

Shintarou nodded without a word and held Kazunari better in his arms. Kazunari shifted until he found the perfect position and curled up. To his position Shintarou followed and crafted himself around, and once again despite the hotness they were a single unit of tangled limbs and bodies pressed tightly against each other. Kazunari closed his eyes and breathed calmly, mistook his heartbeat for a pain and chuckled silently under his breath. Part of him knew what Shintarou felt at the moment as the fingertips tightened their grasp; _don’t leave me_ and _don’t die on me_. Kazunari didn’t voice out the answers to such statements but lifted Shintarou’s hand enough to kiss the fingers. Fully certain that he’d wake up in the morning just like every other morning and would have no problems whatsoever, he entwined his fingers to Shintarou’s.


	180. Dowsing

“I’m home!”

 

Shintarou threw the keys to the small bowl by the hallway’s table and waited for an answer, but got none. With a heavy sigh he took off his shoes and listened the silence that fully embraced him. His body wanted to move into shock and panic, but he took deep breaths and told himself over and over again that even if Kazunari didn’t answer it didn’t mean that his fiancé was dead somewhere. To drive his point further home he didn’t rush but put his jacket slowly in its place, settled everything properly in the hallway with no real rush and only then took steps forward.

 

The kitchen was empty and so was the living room. He peeked into the bedroom, and his heart jumped to his throat. A frown wrinkled his face and crafted an ache between his eyes, but he refused to enter into full panic mode. He turned around and continued to breathe as regularly as possible as he looked around. Maybe Kazunari had gone somewhere and there was a note on the table, or maybe he had forgotten to mention about it. Shintarou picked his phone from the pocket and checked it for new messages, but he had gotten none. Biting the inside of his cheeks, he strutted around the living room and got Ushi following him keenly on his heels. Shintarou stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at the cat.

 

“Where have you put Kazunari?” he asked.

 

Ushi meowed and jumped on the couch beside Ao. Clenching his jaw, Shintarou forgot all about asking advice from cats (he wasn’t sure what he had thought in the first place) but still moved by the couch and rubbed both of their heads.

 

About to finally let the stress sink in fully and call Kazunari’s phone, he spotted a figure in the backyard walking in circles. His frown deepened, and he left the cats to their own vices as he walked to the balcony door. That was definitely Kazunari, but Shintarou couldn’t understand what the hell the man was doing. Kazunari held something that looked like a branch from a tree and walked from one corner of the yard to the other. Maybe he had finally lost his mind for good. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip, and his lungs sapped in a breath. For long minutes he stared at his lover walk around and then couldn’t take it anymore. He slid open the door and smelled fresh rain that was already gone from the sky.

 

“Hey,” he called.

 

Kazunari stopped in the middle of the yard and looked up. His lips tugged to a wide grin. “Welcome home,” he chirped.

 

Shintarou stepped to the balcony and got his socks soaked. “What on earth are you doing?” he asked. It was a comical sight, Kazunari grasping the stick tightly and pointing its end towards the ground.

 

Kazunari strutted closer. “I read about this thing online,” he began and threw the stick on the ground to hook his arms around Shintarou’s waist. He looked up at him with the most shining eyes in the world. “That if you take a stick from a tree, and it has to be Y-shaped or something, and go over a place with it, you might find a water source.”

 

Shintarou sucked in his lower lip and, as he let go of it, nodded slowly. “You’re going insane,” was his verdict, and he shook his head in amusement.

 

A chuckle burst from Kazunari’s mouth. “Thank god I’m going back to work tomorrow then!”

 

“Thankfully,” Shintarou agreed. His expression softened as he looked at Kazunari, his forehead smoothened, and he brought his hands around his lover’s torso. “Hey,” he muttered.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari murmured back. He rose to his tiptoes and kissed Shintarou sweetly, and only pressed his soles back on the balcony after several quick and wet smooches. A gentle sigh got out of him. He rubbed Shintarou’s back and kissed his chin. “How was work?”

 

“Nearly made a mistake in the OR, so you can deduce from that.” The corners of Shintarou’s lips tightened, but they were kissed, which resulted in the tension in his stomach to melt. He stroked a dark strand behind Kazunari’s ear and finally peeled away from him. “Are you ready to stop being a lone crazy person in our backyard, or do you still want to search for mystical water?”

 

“Hey!” Kazunari nudged Shintarou’s arm with his knuckles. “Says the guy who stares at horoscopes every single day.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “It’s a habit,” he defended.

 

“Yeah? I bet you carried along that big-ass umbrella that was your lucky item today.”

 

“Cancer was in a low placing today—Wait, _you_ checked them as well, didn’t you?”

 

Kazunari smiled snidely. “Guilty as charged,” he cooed and smooched Shintarou once more. “But alright, I’m done embarrassing you in our own backyard that no one can actually see because the fences are so tall.”

 

“You weren’t embarrassing me,” Shintarou muttered as Kazunari pulled him inside from his hand. He tangled their fingers together but let go as Kazunari crouched to the floor and got two curious cats by his side. Shintarou looked at the sight and felt warmth overtake his insides. That was his family right there – he couldn’t help the small smile. He was still quick to wipe it off as Kazunari looked up at him. After clearing his throat, he asked, “Have you eaten already?”

 

“Nah, I was too busy dowsing.”

 

“What?”

 

“That’s what they called it online.” Kazunari straightened his legs and posture. “It’s called dowsing when you use the stick and search for water. I guess you could find ores that way too.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I’ll make dinner,” he said and disappeared to the kitchen before Kazunari could educate him more about the wonders he had read online.

 

Although exhaustion irked in the back of his eyes and his mind itched for a warm shower, he still searched the ingredients for a quick stir-fry from the fridge. He rubbed his eyes behind the glasses and washed his hands afterwards, grabbed a pan and put it on heat as he chopped the vegetables that looked more than ready to be eaten already.

 

“Hey, Shin-chan…”

 

“Yeah?” Shintarou looked over his shoulder and saw Kazunari by the doorframe. He could immediately tell that the man had something on his mind by watching him fidget and fiddle with his fingers. Taking a deep breath, Shintarou made sure to soften his voice as he said, “Tell me.”

 

He turned back to the cutting board but heard Kazunari’s soft steps echo in the kitchen. Soon Kazunari wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and hugged him.

 

“I’ve been thinking about this whole university thing,” Kazunari began.

 

Shintarou stopped chopping the peppers.

 

“And I don’t really know how soon to start studying.”

 

Shintarou realized he had held a breath only when it came out of him as extremely deep. He put down the knife and turned around to face Kazunari. Kazunari’s eyes glimmered and there was a small smile splattered on his lips, one that made Shintarou want to kiss it. He resisted the temptation, however, and thought about the question.

 

“Knowing your studying style, I’d start as early as possible,” he eventually said. “The exams will come sooner than you think. When was it?”

 

“I think in August or September.”

 

“Since we have the wedding in August, your mind will be occupied by it so start as soon as possible.” Shintarou nodded to his own words and grabbed the knife again. He began to chop the peppers but from the corner of his eye saw that Kazunari didn’t move an inch. Again as gently as possible he asked, “Did you have something else on your mind?”

 

“Well…” Kazunari leaned the small of his back against the nearby counter and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “This is just in a thought level, okay?”

 

“All right.”

 

“I was just thinking how to make sure that I could get actually get in to the university… So I thought that maybe… You know, knowing me I need a lot of time to actually study…”

 

Shintarou arched his brows and couldn’t remember the last time Kazunari had looked so embarrassed. He hummed. “Do you want to quit working for the summer?” he asked.

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened, and he looked slightly bewildered. “That crossed my mind, yeah.” He rubbed his fingertips against the countertop. “But then I thought, I’d go insane if I had to just stay here and study all day, plus I don’t want you to support the both of us again—“

 

“Don’t worry about that,” Shintarou said immediately. “I want you to do what feels good for you, and if I need to support us financially, then I’ll do that.”

 

“Yeah, but Shin-chan…” Kazunari moved closer and rubbed Shintarou’s hip. He looked up at him. His cheeks glowed bright. “Do you know how guilty I felt the last time?”

 

“I don’t understand why you did.” Shintarou threw the vegetables to the pan, and as the oil began to sizzle, he lowered the heat. He turned to Kazunari. “I’m marrying you. I have been with you all these years, and I have promised to support you no matter what. It’s only money.”

 

“I’ll think about it.” Kazunari’s lips puckered to a pout as he rose to his tiptoes and kissed Shintarou. He even grumbled against Shintarou’s mouth but looked a bit more relaxed when he pressed his soles back on the floor. “I’ll see what I’ll do. Though I really want to start studying.”

 

“I’m sure you will get in. I can tutor you if you want.”

 

Kazunari smirked. “Tutor me, huh…” He brought his palm to Shintarou’s chest and rubbed near his nipples. “I can remember pretty vividly that one time when you tutored me… Remember how I sucked you off then?”

 

Shintarou quivered. “I do,” he said, his words a little muffled. He possibly couldn’t forget the time when they had dated only few silly months and he had tried to pull Kazunari through high school geography and ended up getting sucked off on his bedroom’s floor. Chills invaded his skin but he tugged his chin up and said, “This time won’t be like that.”

 

“No, maybe this time _you_ ’ll suck _me_ off.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s ass. “You know what? Why don’t you shout me when dinner’s done, I think I’m going to try and find magical water source from our backyard.”

 

“In that case take a jug from the cupboard, I want to taste this special water.”

 

Kazunari giggled. “I love it when you make jokes, you should do it more often. You’re actually pretty funny.”

 

Shintarou’s lips twitched into a small smile but he hid it by staring tightly at the vegetables on the pan. He got one more swat on his buttocks but chose to ignore it simply because Kazunari was already gone. Shaking his head from amusement, he added the strips of meat to the mixture and fondly thought about the memories of tutoring the airheaded idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I hate these goddamn prompts.


	181. Two Hens

“ _And you took your medication?_ ”

 

“Yes,” Kazunari sighed for the umpteenth time. He lifted his elbow to keep the phone against his ear as he rummaged through the bag trying to find the keys to the locker. His steps echoed heavy in the small corridor leading to the proper backroom of the supermarket. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

“ _And you don’t feel any pain right now?_ ” Shintarou asked.

 

“I don’t,” assured Kazunari. As annoying as it was to have Shintarou ask the same questions over and over again, he didn’t get frustrated. He knew that his lover stressed, thus he let him ask the questions he had asked for days straight and answered them with a calm voice. “You should be working and not worry about me,” he pointed out.

 

“ _I’m on a lunch break_ ,” Shintarou dryly said. He sighed. “ _Did you take the medication for the angina_ and _the heart disease?_ ”

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

“ _I just want to know that you remembered to take both of them_ —“

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

“— _because you might forget the other one—_ “

 

“Shintarou,” Kazunari called, his voice an octave higher from the usual, and it was enough to shut Shintarou up. He stopped in the middle of the empty corridor and squeezed the key in his palm that began to dampen. “I’d understand your concern if I was twelve or something, but I’m an adult. If a doctor told me to take these certain medicines, I’ll take them. So calm down and try to believe when I say that I took them.”

 

“ _…Sorry._ ” Shintarou sighed again. “ _You’re right, I’m sorry. I won’t ask again_.”

 

“And if I did feel pain, I’d tell you immediately and you know that.”

 

“ _I know_ ,” Shintarou quietly said.

 

Kazunari took slow steps forward again. “So don’t worry about a thing, okay? If I start to feel bad, I’ll just end the day shortly.”

 

“ _Okay_.”

 

“Okay? I love you, I’ll see you in the evening.”

 

“ _I love you too_.”

 

The call ended, and Kazunari shook his head. He liked to be pampered and being taken care of, but he had his limits like every person and Shintarou was dangerously approaching them. Shoving his phone to his bag and trying to gear his thoughts to the upcoming work, Kazunari strutted forward a little faster and turned around the corner. In the last stretch right in front of the door to the dressing room stood two men looking rather intimate, and Kazunari backed around the corner hastily.

 

Not sure why he had done it in the first place, his heart raced faster as he peeked at the sight again. The men looked familiar. He took another look and felt his eyes widen. Ryou and _Daiki_. Looking very intimate. Kazunari’s heart jumped on his throat, and although he felt a little bad for eavesdropping, he didn’t have the guts to march in front of them in the fear of interrupting something. There was a tiny smile on Ryou’s lips as his back was pressed against the wall and Daiki’s figure loomed in front of him. They exchanged few words that Kazunari couldn’t quite catch, but Daiki was definitely smiling. Kazunari’s pulse thrummed heavy in his ears as he pressed his own back against the yellow-hued wall and stared in front of him.

 

He was too curious in nature to _not_ look again, so he took another peek. Ryou grasped Daiki’s collar and tugged him down, and they shared a gentle kiss. Afterwards they said something to each other and kissed again, so tenderly that it almost hurt. Kazunari hid himself back around the corner and bit his lower lip to stop himself from grinning so widely. Steps echoed towards him, thus he took few ones back himself and pretended to just walk around the corner. When Daiki saw him, the blue eyes widened ever so slightly.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari said in passing.

 

“Hey,” was all Daiki managed to say before he was already around the corner and gone.

 

Kazunari was quick to take the last steps and witnessed healthy redness on Ryou’s cheeks. As much as he wanted to smirk, he tried to keep his expression steady. He stopped beside him.

 

“You know that we’re not allowed to let strangers in here,” he said and winked.

 

Ryou’s lips melted in a nervous chuckle. He worked his fingers through his hair. The digits trembled ever so slightly and his blush only deepened. “I know,” he said, his voice breathy. “I just… I couldn’t resist.” He smiled with the intensity of sunshine.

 

Kazunari patted Ryou on the shoulder. “You need to tell me everything,” he chirped as he took the final steps towards the door and then through it to the empty dressing room.

 

“It was…” Ryou sighed and sat down on the first wooden bench nearby. He fiddled with the straps of his bags. The corners of his lips kept twitching higher. “We kind of… just finished our date.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He was quick to take a seat beside Ryou. “How was it?”

 

“Amazing.” The fluster on Ryou’s cheeks deepened but it didn’t stop him from smiling. “I mean… Last week he suddenly called me and we met for few drinks, and he said he wanted to meet me again, so we met last night… And he took me out to eat, and—and we ended up going to my place.”

 

“What did you think of him?” Kazunari was both excited and worried, because technically he had set the two up, and if Daiki had done something bad, he was to blame in the first place. He examined Ryou’s expression keenly. His heart pounded madly.

 

“He’s nicer than I remembered,” Ryou said. “He’s still rough around the edges, but he was really nice. He’s gentle.” The blush deepened another notch. “And when we were done with… y-you know, he just held me in his arms and told me personal things about his previous relationship and—I had a good time. I really did.” He rubbed his nape.

 

“You sound like you did.” Kazunari pushed up on his feet and walked in front of his locker to change his shirt. “Are you going to meet up with him again?”

 

“Probably.” Ryou took off his shirt and revealed a map of hickeys around his skin. Seemingly he didn’t notice them himself as he took his time to pull on the work shirt. He sighed softly and said, “I just don’t think I’m suitable for him.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t know. He’s… He seems like he needs someone more… Someone who has more presence. Someone edgy.” Ryou shrugged.

 

“Listen,” Kazunari said and shoved his bag to the locker. “You’d be _perfect_ for him. After the things he’s been through, I think he needs someone who can keep him grounded and bring out the softer side of him.”

 

Ryou chewed his bottom lip. “I don’t think I’m that kind of a person.”

 

“Please. I’ve _never_ seen him kiss anyone like he did just now.”

 

Ryou startled. “You—You saw that?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Guilty as charged. Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you so I just kind of waited it out around the corner.”

 

Looking a little bewildered behind the eyes, Ryou averted his gaze quickly and cleared his throat quietly. He remained silent for few moments and eventually turned back to Kazunari. “You’ve been friends with him for a really long time, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“So you know him pretty well.”

 

Kazunari nodded. “You could say so, yeah.”

 

“Do you think… Do you think it might work out? If I got involved,” Ryou added quickly as an explanation.

 

“I think it might.” Kazunari smiled. “You just need to make sure that he’s not using you to get over his previous relationship, that’s all.”

 

“Mm.” Ryou pushed his bangs up with the help of a bobby pin and sighed so heavily that his shoulders slumped. “I’ll see what I’ll do. I think I’m going to meet him again. I don’t want to be _too_ sharing, but…” He looked around and leaned closer although there was no one around. Very quietly he admitted, “The sex was amazing.”

 

Kazunari’s lips tugged to a smirk. “That’s great.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so exhausted afterwards, but he cuddled me the entire night.” Ryou pulled back, and his eyes went wide around the corners. “Oh, that really was too much information, I’m really sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, we’re friends.”

 

Ryou smiled sweetly. “Thank you,” he said and attached the nametag on the chest of the shirt. “Really… Thank you.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “For what?”

 

“I know you gave my number to him. So thank you.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Don’t thank me. I just hope he won’t fuck up so you won’t come and blame me.”

 

“I wouldn’t blame you!” Ryou gasped for breath. “I definitely wouldn’t.”

 

“That’s good to know.”

 

“But thanks. And, um… I hope you’re feeling better. Someone said you were sick and that’s why you missed your shifts.”

 

Kazunari’s smile itched a little lower. “I’m feeling a lot better,” he told but didn’t let Ryou in on his little secret. He had decided that only Shintarou needed to know, because the more people he told the more sympathetic looks he’d get wherever he went. “But I’m back now.”

 

“It was a bit lonely without you,” Ryou admitted. “Hey, um… Would you like to go for a coffee after this shift? I think we finish at the same time.”

 

“Yeah, I’d like that. Meet you here?”

 

Ryou nodded and left the room first.

 

Kazunari sank his bottom down on the bench and searched for his phone. Once he found it, he tapped a quick to message to Shintarou.

 

 _To:_ Shin-chan  
_From:_ Kazunari ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ  
_Subject:_ guess what happened  
             > Sakurai and Aomine actually hooked up!! just found out tho I saw them kissing before I got here (ps. I’ll come home later, grabbing  
                coffee with Sakurai after work)

 

Happily he shoved the phone back to the bag, but as he was about to nudge the bag to the locker, the phone vibrated. Frowning ever so slightly, Kazunari fished it back to himself. His lips curled to a quick smile as he saw that Shintarou had already replied.

 

 _To:_ Kazunari ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ  
_From:_ Shin-chan  
_Subject:_ Re: guess what happened  
             > That’s great. Do you want me to pick you up?

 

Kazunari typed back a message with a simple ‘yes’ and a kissing emoji, chuckled to the sight and finally locked the small metal door with his belongings behind it. He took a look through the mirror and made sure that he looked somewhat presentable before he left the room trailing Ryou’s steps.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, tell me… Too much information and everything, blah blah blah, but what position?”

 

Ryou turned as red as a beetroot and hid his face partially behind his palms. On the other side of the table Kazunari laughed at the reaction and sipped from the iced coffee he had ordered right after the first one. The café Ryou had chosen was nice and small, cozy, one where Kazunari had never been before, and there were so many customers that it was easy to talk about anything and not get anyone eavesdrop.

 

“In a spoon,” Ryou eventually admitted, his voice quiet and slightly trembling. “I didn’t even _know_ it was a thing, I thought—All the previous times, I’ve only done it in—you know, the basic one, and he just… He was behind me and he got… you know,deep in me…” He shook his head, and a smile melted on his lips.

 

“You _really_ liked it, didn’t you?” Kazunari arched his brows higher and twirled a spoon in the half-empty tall glass.

 

“I did.” Ryou nodded. His face had been red ever since they had sat down on the comfortable couch and began their first round of coffees. It was a healthy glow, nonetheless, and Kazunari couldn’t remember seeing Ryou ever smile so widely and continuously. “I remember in high school, he just kept being annoying to me, and I really thought he hated me,” he sighed. “But now I feel like I’m reliving my youth in the best way possible.”

 

“You really are something else.” Kazunari shook his head in amusement and crossed one leg over another. “I think I should become a matchmaker, apparently I’m really good at it.”

 

Ryou chuckled.

 

“Tell you what, though. If Aomine’s not taking you as an avec to our wedding, let me know and I’ll send you an invitation, okay? I want you there.”

 

“Really? I’ve never been to a wedding.”

 

“Me neither,” Kazunari admitted with a grin. “But Akashi’s making it the most beautiful one out there.”

 

Ryou rubbed his fingers around the glass. “So you’re friends with all of the, um, Miracles?”

 

“Yup. Blame Shin-chan, though. You get together with one of them, you’re basically dating the rest of them as well.” Kazunari sighed softly. “They’re family, you know? I don’t know how the hell it’s possible that they’re still getting along after all these years, but they look out for each other. They’re good guys, all of them.”

 

Ryou nodded.

 

“I’m sure you’d like them,” Kazunari said and felt something buzzing in his pocket. He grabbed his phone and read the message he got. “And it seems like my ride is here.”

 

“Oh—Mine too.” Ryou tightened the grasp from the phone he held in his hand and got up. “This was a lot of fun, thanks for joining me.”

 

“Aw, don’t mention it. We really should hang out more.” Kazunari crouched just enough to see through the café’s window and saw Shintarou on the pavement by their car. “Let’s go.”

 

The bell dinged for their departure above their heads, and the gentle summer breeze greeted them. Kazunari took few steps forward with Ryou tightly by his side, and only a second later he realized that their rides had in fact parked next to each other. Shintarou held his arms loosely crossed over his chest as he spoke with Daiki who leaned against his car and looked positively uninterested. Holding back a smile, Kazunari didn’t have to utter out a word before Shintarou already noticed him. Shintarou’s posture straightened, and so did Daiki’s.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou said. “Ready to go?”

 

“Yeah. Sorry for the wait.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s waist and circled around the car to the shotgun. From the safety of it he glanced at Ryou who stopped in front of Daiki and looked up at him.

 

“You wanna come to my place?” Daiki asked, and Ryou nodded.

 

“Sakurai,” called Kazunari and waved his hand. “I’ll see you at work.”

 

“See you,” Ryou called back with a smile.

 

Kazunari climbed to the car where Shintarou had already settled in. He yanked the seatbelt on him and turned to his lover. “What did you talk with Aomine?”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “We were merely chitchatting,” he said and started the car. “From what it seems like, those two are already getting close.”

 

“You sound unimpressed.”

 

“Knowing Aomine, anything can happen,” Shintarou said and, getting stuck in the traffic lights, turned to Kazunari. “I have food ready at home.”

 

Kazunari grinned widely. “Do you?”

 

“Yes. And it’s something other than stir-fry.”

 

“I can’t wait.” Kazunari brought his hand to Shintarou’s knee and squeezed gently. “You know I love you a lot, right?”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. “Where is that coming from?”

 

“Just wanted to let you know. You take such good care of me.”

 

“I hope I do.” Shintarou turned to look at the traffic again but glanced at him quickly, looking very suspicious. “Are you saying that in the hopes of getting me to cuddle you as soon as we reach home?”

 

“Possibly.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s thigh. “Is it working?”

 

Shintarou gave him an eyeful but didn’t say a thing. From the silence Kazunari knew that the cuddles were absolutely guaranteed and grinned widely. He pulled his hand back to himself and sighed softly, closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that I'm getting _really_ into the idea of Aomine and Sakurai? ~~Stay tuned...~~


	182. A Flaw

Kazunari stared at himself from the front camera of his phone and puckered his lips. He tilted his head and relaxed his mouth, then narrowed his eyes, then opened them up properly, but nothing seemed to be a suitable angle for a picture. A heavy sigh managed to get out of him, and for a moment he pressed his phone to his thigh and stared at it (the angle from below didn’t look flattering at all and crafted him an awful double chin). He didn’t understand how people managed to look amazing in their pictures, but as soon as he tried he looked awful. Taking a deep breath, he brought the phone back in front of his face and stretched his arm long enough to create perfect distance.

 

Beside him Shintarou huffed. Kazunari threw him a stare and cringed, and didn’t care what Shintarou thought whilst reading a magazine. Rolling his shoulders back and straightening his posture, he attempted a smile for the phone and took the picture. The end result was gross. He cursed below his breath, but the volume of the television drowned it. Just for the sake of it he took another picture and examined it more carefully.

 

Had his nose always looked so big? His insides turned cold, and his heart dropped straight into his stomach. Now that he was really staring at it, his nose looked unbelievably large. With his fingertips Kazunari gently rubbed the bridge. It wasn’t tiny and it wasn’t perfectly straight, and feeling the bones beneath his fingers made him quiver. His smile was a little crooked, too, the teeth not perfectly straight, not perfectly white. The dimples looked pretty horrifying when he stared at them long enough. He swallowed thickly but still felt a lump in his throat. For the sake of it he took another picture of himself and cringed to it.

 

A heavy thud settled in his chest. As he looked at the photo, he tried to understand what Shintarou had seen in him in the first place. Sure, he had looked a lot better when he was seventeen without wrinkles appearing to the corners of his eyes and permanent bags under his eyes, but _still_. He could name a handful of more attractive people without even thinking. Kazunari clutched the phone tight in his hand and squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t rational thing to think about, but his thoughts were occupied by his nose and awful mouth that he now hid behind his palm. Nausea swelled inside him like a tidal wave ready to crush him underneath. His breath hitched. He looked up and turned to Shintarou.

 

“Is my nose big?” he asked.

 

Shintarou turned to another page of the magazine. “No,” he simply said.

 

“You didn’t even look.”

 

“I’ve looked at it for ten years, I know what I’m talking about.”

 

“This is serious,” Kazunari pointed out and inched closer. “Just look at it and tell me if it’s big.”

 

With a heavy sigh Shintarou looked up from the magazine. The corners of his mouth tensed, and there was a dangerous tick near his left eye. “I’m looking now,” he dryly said.

 

“Okay, so tell me.”

 

“What exactly do you want me to say? It’s a nose, great, you have a nose.” Shintarou shook his head and returned back to the magazine but said, “Is this one of those instances where you pretend to be coy like some women and I need to praise you from head to toe and say how this and that looks gorgeous just to put you up on some pedestal?”

 

Dumbfounded, Kazunari stared at his lover’s profile. He knew he had pissed off Shintarou now, he could tell from the clenching jawline and tightened lips and brows drew in together. Still he felt annoyance bubble in his own chest. He let out a sharp breath and pushed up on his feet.

 

“Whatever,” he said, grabbed a cushion and threw it to Shintarou’s head. “Sorry I asked. Just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you need to take it out on me.”

 

He strutted to the kitchen, and as it became obvious that Shintarou wasn’t right by his heels, Kazunari threw the phone carelessly on the kitchen table. His knees nearly gave in but he took support from the fridge that he eventually opened. He stared at its content but didn’t really see anything as his thoughts were in something other than food. Shintarou always made it sound like he was demanding _oh_ so much for wanting a bit of compliment and reassurance here and there. Gritting his teeth together, Kazunari pulled out a milk carton and set it on the counter harder than he should have. Finding something to go with it was difficult but he still tried.

 

 _Maybe_ Shintarou didn’t compliment him because there was nothing to compliment on. His stomach twisted into knots. Fuck—he _was_ starting to sound like some women. He stared down at his toes with a cringe and felt shivers run down his arms. He picked his posture back up again after taking a deep inhale but it didn’t help at all. Fuck it – woman or not, he was allowed to feel insecure. He was allowed to feel bad about the fact that he had a bit of tummy and his ass was chubby and his hips round. The realization of it didn’t make him feel any better, though. His shoulders slumped. He grabbed ingredients for a simple sandwich and slammed the fridge door shut.

 

Feverishly he began to slice tomatoes and enjoyed the sight of their juices dripping to the cutting board. There was also something extremely satisfying in cutting the cucumber in half.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou called out of the blue somewhere nearby.

 

Kazunari didn’t turn to look at him, and he didn’t have to when warm long arms wrapped around his waist and a familiar body pressed against his back. A sigh rolled in his mouth but he didn’t let it out. He let go of the knife instead and stood in the embrace. His expression softened ever so slightly as Shintarou kissed the spot joining his neck to his shoulder.

 

“Come sit down with me,” Shintarou said.

 

No reason to decline, Kazunari turned around but stood still as he watched Shintarou take a seat by the kitchen island. Feeling his lips pucker, he took the steps separating them and silently sat beside his lover. Shintarou looked at him at first, his brows in a frown but there was a subtle difference from before. This frown wasn’t angry but something entirely else, and Kazunari realized his observation was correct when Shintarou took his glasses off and rubbed the marks on the bridge of his nose. That was concern in his fiancé’s expression, and it made Kazunari’s heart skip a small beat.

 

Shintarou parted his lips but didn’t say anything at first as he carefully took a hold of Kazunari’s hand and squeezed gently. Only then he said, “I don’t understand where all this insecurity is coming from.”

 

Kazunari moistened his lips. “We don’t have to talk about this,” he said.

 

“But I want to. We _need_ to.” With the pad of his thumb Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s knuckles. “It pains me to see you push yourself down constantly like this.”

 

“Come on,” Kazunari muttered.

 

“I’m serious, Kazunari. I want to talk about this.” Shintarou looked at him. His uncovered eyes seemed so raw like this. “You used to be so confident. I can’t remember one instance when you would have doubted yourself in the past like this. Have I done something to make you feel this way?”

 

Kazunari stared at the marble of the island. “It doesn’t matter,” he said lightly in an attempt to brush the matter off. Shintarou didn’t buy it and squeezed his hand harder. Sucking in his lower lip, Kazunari looked up at him. “You didn’t do anything,” he eventually said.

 

“Then what is this?”

 

“It’s… I guess… The whole incident with the receptionist made me see myself in a different way or something.”

 

Shintarou’s frown deepened. “Why would that make you think this way of yourself?”

 

Kazunari huffed. “Were we not looking at the same guy? He was _gorgeous_ , Shin-chan.”

 

“I don’t think he was anything special.”

 

“Please. So if someone asked you, you wouldn’t say he looks good?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “I could see why someone would call him that way, but he’s not my type.”

 

“What is your type, then?”

 

“You.”

 

Kazunari shook his head and pressed his lips tightly together. He hung his head down.

 

“Did you consider him good-looking, then?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Of course. Anyone with eyes would.”

 

Shintarou looked puzzled but sighed. He moved the chair closer until their knees were touching and brought his free hand on Kazunari’s thigh. Gently he rubbed the spot, let go of Kazunari’s hand and lifted his chin up. The weakest of smiles splattered on Shintarou’s lips, but it was a smile nonetheless. Yet it disappeared the longer Shintarou looked at Kazunari.

 

“Am I not complimenting you enough?” asked Shintarou. “I’ve been trying to do that more often, but maybe it’s not enough.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I really don’t know, babe.”

 

“Because to me you are very gorgeous.” Shintarou’s fingers trembled ever so slightly as he brought them to Kazunari’s cheek. “Your nose looks beautiful just the way it is, and I’m very fond of the dimples on your cheeks when you smile.”

 

It was difficult not to smile after such a statement. Kazunari tried to control it by biting his lower lip but didn’t manage to do it. Pleasant shivers invaded him. He pressed his cheek better to Shintarou’s palm and turned his head just enough to kiss the slightly damp skin. He slipped his eyes close.

 

“I don’t care how you look like,” Shintarou quietly said. “I’m not… marrying you for your looks. I like this version of you better. I like the way your body has become, I like your love handles, I like your bottom, I like that you look like this instead of the way you looked like before.”

 

“Says the guy with the perfect stomach,” Kazunari muttered and chuckled afterwards. He fluttered his eyes carefully open and looked at Shintarou. Suddenly itching for a kiss, he reached his head forward and managed to plant his lips on Shintarou’s chin. It was enough at the moment, yet he moved his chair even closer and rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder. Shintarou wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close, and in the embrace Kazunari felt safe and wanted. Still he sighed and afterwards muttered, “I just hate it how you managed to keep your figure and I didn’t… That I got too comfortable and started eating shit.”

 

Shintarou kissed his ear. “I wish I could take the insecurity out of you just like that.”

 

“I wish you could.”

 

“Tell me how I can make you feel better.”

 

“I don’t know,” Kazunari admitted with a sigh. “Sometimes I do feel like the most beautiful person in the world when you just look at me and—I don’t know.”

 

Shintarou sighed as well. He pressed his lips on the corner of Kazunari’s mouth and kissed him. With a quiet grunt Kazunari turned to kiss Shintarou properly and melted in his embrace. If he could have decided it himself, he wouldn’t have been like this. He wanted to be confident in himself like he had always been, wanted not to burden Shintarou even more with something as idiotic as this, but sometimes he overthought things. Sometimes he stared at himself from the mirror or the screen of the phone and wondered what had gone wrong. But right now the thoughts were melting just a little bit as Shintarou kissed him gently several times.

 

When they eventually parted, they were both breathless. Shintarou pressed his forehead against Kazunari’s. His breath felt wonderfully warm, and it made Kazunari smile.

 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you like that,” Shintarou said.

 

“It’s okay. I know you aren’t having a good day.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou briefly once more. It was always difficult to stop when they started, and now it brought a smile on his lips. He patted Shintarou’s thigh and pulled back for good. “I’ll figure something out for this problem.”

 

“Hey,” called Shintarou and took a hold of Kazunari’s hand as Kazunari was preparing to get back on his feet. “Could we… y-you know.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “What?”

 

A faint blush invaded Shintarou’s cheeks. He cleared his throat and tangled their fingers properly together. “I’d like to make love to you.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. He stroked Shintarou’s cheek and kissed him quickly. “That’s sweet of you, Shin-chan, but we don’t have to.”

 

“I really want to,” Shintarou insisted. His voice strained and his blush deepened. It still didn’t make him look any less persistent. “I want to make love to you right now. I want to show you that I can’t see any flaws in you. _Please_.”

 

Kazunari knew that when Shintarou asked like this, there was only one possible answer. The corners of his lips twitched a little higher. “Okay,” he murmured and nodded. “Okay, we can do that.”

 

Relief flashed across Shintarou’s face, but it quickly changed into determination as he grabbed Kazunari’s hand and tugged him in motion towards the bedroom. Diligently Kazunari followed and looked at Shintarou’s nape. He couldn’t help but feel thankful that Shintarou tried his best despite not having the greatest day himself, and because of it Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s fingers a little for a silent ‘thank you’. He knew that Shintarou got it, especially when Shintarou glanced at him over shoulder and gave him a look where smile would have suited perfectly.

 

Shintarou switched on the light to the bedroom and guided Kazunari to sit on the edge of the bed. Resting his hands on his lap, Kazunari glanced around and itched to straighten the pillows on the bed but didn’t have the chance to when Shintarou grasped his chin and kissed him. He hummed against the warm pair of lips and was quick to melt thoroughly and respond the kiss. He cocked his head slightly to the side, and his nose flattened against Shintarou’s. As much as he liked the desperate, I-want-to-fuck-you-right-now kisses, his favorites were these slow ones with lifetime promises behind them. These kisses were sweet, caring, I-love-you-no-matter-what kind, and they tickled Kazunari right in the pit of his belly.

 

When the kiss came to its natural end, Shintarou got down on both of his knees and tugged Kazunari to another kiss. Kazunari bent down to meet with the gesture and felt fire burn in his chest the way he loved it. His head was dizzy and his lips curled in a constant smile as Shintarou pulled the shirt away from him and peppered kisses to his chest. Kazunari squirmed and felt absolutely breathless, though he gasped and jolted forward when Shintarou pulled his pants down on his ankles and took them off rather clumsily. The smile on his lips crafted dimples on his cheeks, but it momentarily disappeared as Shintarou kissed his abdomen. The spot tightened, and Kazunari brought his fingers to Shintarou’s hair.

 

“Don’t,” he muttered.

 

Shintarou looked up with a frown, his hands resting on the lush sides of Kazunari’s thighs. “You don’t want me to…”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “Not today. Come here.”

 

Shintarou’s frown was adorable as he climbed on the bed with him. Kazunari hooked his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and kissed him, gently at first, then deepened it and made sure to convey all his love for the man. In the midst of it Shintarou dipped him on his back and kept kissing him until he lied beside him. The soft fingertips drew vague shapes around his navel, and Kazunari inhaled sharply. He rolled his eyes shut and winced when Shintarou took a hold of his cock and gave the first stroke. His hips bucked up involuntarily, and his mind turned blank. It was easy to forget why he had been so anxious a moment ago when Shintarou pumped his fist gently around his cock and thumbed the head.

 

Kazunari wiggled closer and buried his face to Shintarou’s neck. Shintarou smelled amazing, of himself, slightly musky with a hint of deodorant, and Kazunari melted right in his embrace. His breaths sounded louder as they were muffled against the damp skin. He wanted to roll on his side but was kept on his back, and he didn’t complain when Shintarou took such good care of him. Blood hurried through his veins and stirred his member in full length, and Shintarou picked up the pace. Whining and wincing, Kazunari thrashed and curled his toes into the sheets. Blindly he searched for Shintarou’s bulge and found it quickly, slipped his hand into the sweatpants and took a hold of the lengthier cock.

 

“You don’t have to,” Shintarou murmured in his ear, his voice low and raw.

 

“I want to,” Kazunari mumbled and matched his hand’s pace to Shintarou’s. His back arched, and he felt flustered all over. “ _God_ , Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou’s breath was warm and moist against his cheek. Kazunari gasped for breath over and over again and squeezed Shintarou’s cock in his hand, then tugged harshly in a feverish attempt to make his lover feel just as good as he did. Shintarou’s free hand roamed over his chest and ended up over his nipples that he teased gently, rubbed, scratched in the way that always made Kazunari scream from pleasure, and even now he let out throaty noises. More desperate for release as pre-cum dripped out of him, Kazunari pushed his hips up constantly to meet up with Shintarou’s hand.

 

“We’ll figure this out,” Shintarou breathed in his ear and pushed his body close to Kazunari’s. “We’ll— _hnn_ —figure… I want you— _ah_ —confident…”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari moaned. “Shin-chan…” He bucked his hips up again and again, and whenever he brought his body back down on the mattress, he felt his bottom jiggle. Right now it didn’t matter one bit, not when Shintarou pumped him so good and kissed the shell of his ear like he wouldn’t be able to do it ever again.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou murmured, completely breathless. “Kazu… I love you… I love you, I love you, _Iloveyou_ …”

 

Kazunari had always been weak to declarations of love, and he was exactly that at the moment as well. With a strained moan Kazunari came, the orgasm gently pulled from him, and his breaths became more erratic than before. As much as Shintarou tried to move his hand away from him, Kazunari refused to stop in the middle and kept stroking his lover to his best abilities. He might have been exhausted and ready for a long period of cuddling, but he found it absolutely irresistible when Shintarou flushed and moaned deeply because of him. Vision hazy, he looked at Shintarou intently and held in his breath when Shintarou came. The ropes of cum soiled his fingers but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

 

As soon as Shintarou recovered, he pulled Kazunari in his arms and held him tight. In the embrace Kazunari found it easy to smile, and he nuzzled Shintarou’s collarbone. He slipped his eyes close and listened Shintarou’s deep breaths and fast heartbeat that pounded against his chin. Happy with life again, Kazunari tightened his grasp and hugged him tighter.

 

“I love you,” Shintarou whispered as if he hadn’t said it in ages.

 

Kazunari smiled and looked up at him. “I love you too,” he reassured and kissed him tenderly. He wanted to bury himself back against Shintarou but Shintarou held him in the position. He frowned. “What?”

 

“Let me… just look at you.”

 

A little baffled by the request, Kazunari still nodded and inched slightly farther away. He glanced down at his body and all of its flaws and curves that he hadn’t had before and carefully looked up at Shintarou. Shintarou’s gaze traveled around his body intently, keenly, and despite the close examination Kazunari felt good. He rested the side of his head to the pillow and heaved out a soft sigh. He wouldn’t have lied naked like this in front of anyone but Shintarou. He really didn’t need words for compliments when Shintarou’s gaze told everything necessary.

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in together, however. He looked defeated as he laced his arm back to Kazunari’s waist and pulled him back in his arms. He kissed the top of Kazunari’s head and let out a trembling sigh.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kazunari asked.

 

“I’m worried I’ve done something wrong,” Shintarou admitted and ghosted his nose against Kazunari’s. “That at some point I have… given you all these ideas and now you can’t feel secure anymore.”

 

“Babe… I feel _so_ comfortable with you right now.”

 

“But you know I have never been good with the whole… relationship thing.” Shintarou looked into Kazunari’s eyes. “I want to support you but I’m not sure how to do it.”

 

Kazunari pushed up on his elbows. “Just do what you’ve been doing,” he promised and kissed Shintarou. “That’s enough.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I am.”

 

“Because if there’s something I could do more—“

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari gently called and managed to shut Shintarou up. “I’m serious. This will pass. Some days these things just happen but I promise, cross my heart and everything, I’ve felt a lot more confident now than few months ago.”

 

Shintarou nodded slowly. “Okay,” he murmured and kept a moment’s pause. He stroked Kazunari’s cheek. “You’re the most gorgeous man I have ever known, inside out.”

 

“And so are you,” Kazunari whispered. He laced his lips over Shintarou’s and kissed him softly, then climbed partially over him and settled in the most comfortable position he could find. “And thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For loving me so unconditionally.” Kazunari grinned and rubbed his nose against Shintarou’s. “You mean the world to me.”

 

“And you mean the world to me,” Shintarou admitted with a slight fluster. “Do you want to stay like this a little longer?”

 

“Yeah, please.”

 

So they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love saying this... Welcome to July! Look at us, you and me, and how far we've come. Tomorrow is the official halfway point, and I'm getting emotional and really excited. Now that July has rolled upon us, let's plan a wedding! Let's celebrate Shin-chan's birthday! Let's have mind-blowing sex!
> 
> ~~If you've followed along for a long time, you might have noticed that I post these chapters almost at the same time every day. However, due to personal stuff tomorrow's chapter will be delayed by few hours.~~


	183. Sterilized

If Kazunari had been a cat, at the precise moment he would have surely purred as much as he could. The cooking show was nothing but background music to him as he had his eyes closed and Shintarou’s hand absentmindedly stroking his chest. He figured it didn’t make any physical difference, but he was still certain that it calmed down his heart in case it wanted to jump up to his throat and cause another havoc. Kazunari buried his cheek better to Shintarou’s lap and stretched his legs, curled up his toes and muffled a yawn to Shintarou’s fabric-clad thigh. It wasn’t that late of an evening but work had been hectic and he still smelled of sweat. So did Shintarou, but there was something oddly soothing about slumping down on the couch together and not worry about silly details. It wasn’t the first time they were surrounded by each other’s body odors after all.

 

He could have easily fallen asleep right on the spot. His eyelids were growing heavier by the second now that he thought about it, and he briefly wondered whether to give up for good and go roll around in the bed. He decided to push through the television show at the very least and sluggishly fluttered his eyes open. The chicken on screen looked amazing, lulling in a rich butter sauce, and his stomach grumbled to the sight of it. He rolled properly on his side to take a better look, and Shintarou’s palm followed on his chest and kept rubbing.

 

“Shit,” Shintarou suddenly let out, his voice unbelievably sharp. “He’s doing it again.”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari’s brows knitted together, and he looked up at Shintarou. The man was perked up and his gaze was directed somewhere behind the couch. Kazunari stirred up. “What?”

 

Shintarou merely nodded to the direction.

 

Kazunari looked and held in a breath. The cats seemed like they were fighting at first, rolling around like they always did before they ended up grooming each other, but this time was different. Ao hissed and meowed loudly, but rather skillfully Ushi pushed her down on the parquet and climbed over her. The boy was pushy and seemingly knew what he was doing, mounted the girl with ease and grabbed her soft nape in his teeth’s grasp. Ao hissed and thrashed around, but Ushi kept kneading his legs to her sides and settled her in the perfect position. Few seconds later she simply gave up and subdued, and her tail swayed out of the way.

 

“I told you there’s something wrong with him!” slithered from Shintarou’s mouth as he pushed up on his feet with the speed of lightning and grabbed Ushi forcibly away from Ao. Ushi hissed and clawed the air, and looked positively annoyed when Shintarou let him down on the other side of the living room. The green eyes fixed on Kazunari quickly. “You see what he did?”

 

“Come on, Shin-chan.” Kazunari reclined back on the couch and sighed. “You make it into a bigger deal than it is.”

 

“I’m _not_.”

 

“You are.” Kazunari flashed a small smile when Ao jumped on the couch and crawled in his arms. He took her in his arms and stroked her gently. “See? The missy right here is alright, no harm done.”

 

Shintarou didn’t budge. He even crossed his arms over his chest. “We’re taking that monster to the vet right now. This isn’t normal.”

 

“It is! I even Googled it. Babe, can you see his balls anywhere?”

 

“That doesn’t matter—“

 

“Can. You. See. His balls?” Kazunari clenched his jaw. “No, you can’t, because the vet removed them because I asked them to. Ao’s not gonna get knocked up.”

 

“I’ll take him to a vet myself then.”

 

Shintarou worked like a hurricane around the house, marching from here to there, carrying this and that, and eventually came back to the living room with a crate and set it down on the floor. Kazunari blinked and straightened his posture, Ao still firmly in his lap. Across the living room Ushi looked at him curiously and meowed. Kazunari heaved out a sigh and put Ao down on the floor, and pushed up on his feet himself.

 

“The vet’s closing in an hour,” he said calmly and approached Shintarou like the man was the only wild beast in the house. He got close enough and rubbed Shintarou’s arm. “I don’t understand why you worry so much.”

 

“Because I don’t want kittens running around here. We can’t deal with kittens,” Shintarou firmly said and glared at him. “What vet did you bring him to? I’m sure they are unprofessional and the operation wasn’t successful, we need to go to a respectable one to show the cat—“

 

“Hey, time to slow down again.” Kazunari slipped his fingertips below Shintarou’s shirt’s sleeve and stroked his bicep. “You’d laugh at yourself if you heard how frantic you sound right now.”

 

“This isn’t funny!”

 

“But you’re favoring one child over another,” Kazunari chuckled. “They’re both important, and you can’t throw Ushi under the bus if he does something like this.”

 

“I’m not throwing him under the bus, I’m taking him to a vet.”

 

Kazunari worked his fingers through his hair. Shintarou always loved to advertise how hellishly stubborn _he_ was, but the man was just the same himself. Shaking his head, Kazunari took a step back and decided not to argue. He ignored Shintarou for the time being and crouched down on the floor fixing his gaze on Ushi.

 

“Come here, baby,” he cooed softly. The cat perked and approached. “Good boy, come here. We’re going on a little trip because Shin-chan wants to, come here… Good boy, thank you so much.”

 

On his knees Kazunari crawled towards the crate and locked him in there with a heavy heart. He got up on his feet and grabbed the box securely in his arms and hugged it against his chest. To Shintarou he offered a stare. “You’re driving,” he announced, voice straining. “And give a treat to her and bring the bag along to give to him. You better give _me_ a treat as well because now I’m pissed.”

 

“Whatever you want.”

 

Shintarou worked fast and efficient, and eventually sat behind the wheel as Kazunari settled to the shotgun with the box in his lap. Within Ushi meowed, and the sound made Kazunari’s stomach turn into tight knots. He tried to soothe him with quiet words and favorite treats, and eventually he did quiet down. So did the atmosphere in the car. The silence between them crackled, but Kazunari had no reason or even the will to talk with Shintarou. They had had a perfectly nice evening at home, the cats had gotten a little _feisty_ , and now they were stuck in the Tokyoite traffic. His skin rose to goose bumps and his jawline tightened as he gritted his teeth together.

 

As much as he acknowledged the fact that he could be childish himself sometimes, so was Shintarou. Maybe they suited each other just fine in that retrospective.

 

They weren’t the only ones wanting a vet’s consult so late in the evening. The little reception was cramped but they managed to fit themselves to available seats next to each other. Through the cracks Kazunari looked at Ushi whose eyes glimmered in the light rather dangerously. He heaved out a sigh and looked around. The place was as depressing as a hospital, the walls oddly yellow-colored and worn out posters hanging here and there. He examined the cats and dogs and parrots in the said posters and rubbed his eyes. Now he was tired _and_ cranky. It seemed like a perfect recipe for a disaster.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou muttered and squeezed his knee. “Kazunari.”

 

“What?” Reluctantly Kazunari turned his gaze from a sobbing little girl hugging a small dog to Shintarou by his side. Shintarou looked genuinely apologetic, but it only melted his heart a tiny bit. “What?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou tried.

 

“You could have used that when you were shouting at me. Just forget it, we’re here now.”

 

“I’m concerned about our cat’s health.”

 

“And you want to pay yourself sick by having a vet tell it to you. I could have done it for free right from our couch.”

 

“Kazu—“

 

“I know what you’re trying to do and cute nicknames don’t work right now.” Kazunari shot him a look. “I’m annoyed at you.”

 

Shintarou sighed and leaned away from him. Kazunari tightened his grasp from the box and hugged it against his chest, and looked at the little girl hopelessly crying. The sight dropped his heart to his stomach. He wondered if there was something wrong with the dog that looked pretty happy albeit resting his chin on the girl’s knee. His insides clenched. Maybe he had been too harsh on Shintarou after all. He knew Shintarou like the back of his own hand, and Shintarou’s concern was often masked by anger. Maybe Shintarou was worried that there was something wrong with Ushi, and maybe he loved both of the cats equally despite one being a stray. Kazunari looked at his lover’s profile that had tightened, the lips that tugged downwards and the gaze strictly attached right in front of him. Feeling guilty, he nudged Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“Hey,” he muttered.

 

Slowly Shintarou turned to him. “I thought you were annoyed at me,” he dryly said.

 

“I was.” Kazunari offered a small smile. “Maybe it’s better to have a professional tell an opinion than read about it from Google.”

 

Shintarou’s expression softened. “I was too heady,” he admitted. “I shouldn’t have exploded like that.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“Midorima!”

 

Kazunari perked and got up, and spotted a man across the room in an open doorway. Shintarou was quick to get up as well and even wrapped his arm around Kazunari’s waist to guide him towards the right direction. Kazunari’s arms quivered as he carried Ushi to the vet. He offered the man a brief smile and stepped into the room that looked a lot more pleasant than the reception. He put the crate down on a metal table and turned towards the man.

 

“So, what might be the problem tonight?” the veterinarian asked.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “He’s been neutered about two months ago, yet he still… mounts.”

 

The man looked at them with a serious expression. “That’s wonderful, but how about the cat?”

 

Shintarou looked dumbfounded, but Kazunari burst into laughter. He muffled the giggling to his palm but gave thumbs up to the vet who smiled lopsidedly. Shintarou’s face gathered color on the cheeks.

 

“I’m terribly sorry, just some late night humor,” the man said with amusement in his tone and stepped towards the examination table. He pulled the box apart and took Ushi in his arms. The cat looked just as dumbfounded as Shintarou did but remained nice and quiet even in the stranger’s arms albeit staring at Kazunari. The man stroked Ushi’s head. “He’s neutered all right. You said he mounts?”

 

Shintarou remained quiet and utterly flustered.

  
“He does,” Kazunari helped and patted the small of Shintarou’s back. “We have a female cat, and he’s mounted her a couple of times now. We were worried whether he really is sterilized.”

 

The man kept quiet for few seconds. Ushi meowed and tangled in his arms.

 

“Tomcats sometimes keep having the sexual urges despite being neutered. It’s programmed in their brains,” the vet explained. “How old is he?”

 

“We don’t… actually know. He’s a stray we took in.”

 

“I see.” The man put Ushi down on the table. “I’m certain that it’s merely the coding that makes him want to get it going with the female despite the circumstances, but I can examine him quickly to see whether something else might be going on.”

 

“Please do,” Shintarou finally managed to muster out.

 

The vet nodded and offered a friendly smile. “Are his vaccinations all okay?”

 

“We got everything done when we took him in.”

 

“Good, good…” The man pulled on rubber gloves and efficiently went over the cat’s fur with his fingertips. As he moved his hand on the underside of Ushi’s belly the cat hissed but was quick to calm down as he got strokes on his back. Eventually the vet nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with his organs, no lumps anywhere or anything. I’ll listen his heart and then you’re good to go.”

 

Kazunari watched him pull out a stethoscope that was slightly smaller than Shintarou’s back home. Ushi sat down on the table and meowed lazily, his tail swishing from one side to another. Beside him Shintarou looked like a nerve wreck, and Kazunari couldn’t help but hold his hand to offer at least some soothing. Shintarou gave a small smile, and Kazunari made sure to give the same gesture back.

 

“I can’t find anything wrong with him,” the vet eventually announced. With firm yet gentle moves he ushered Ushi back to the box. “So rest assured. He might do this few times more, but it’s simply in his brains. He won’t impregnate the female, but if you’re worried about other tomcats possibly achieving that, you might consider neutering the female as well.”

 

“We’ll think about it,” Shintarou said. “Thank you.”

 

“No worries. You don’t have to stop by the reception, the bill will come straight to your home.”

 

“Thanks,” Kazunari said, offered Shintarou a look and grabbed the box along.

 

The drive back was just as quiet as the one before, but Kazunari was more than relieved to actually reach home. He let Ushi out of the crate, and immediately the boy ran to Ao who had come halfway to greet them. The cats wrestled a moment and then began to groom each other in the middle of the hallway. Carefully Kazunari stepped over them and looked at Shintarou over his shoulder.

 

“Didn’t I tell you?”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou sighed. “But you can’t deny that it’s a relief to know that there is nothing wrong with him.”

 

“I wasn’t even worried about it in the first place,” Kazunari pointed out and slumped down on the couch. “And now we gotta pay the bill that is probably really expensive.”

 

“Then we will,” Shintarou simply said and carefully sat beside Kazunari. He paused for a moment and then asked, “Are you still annoyed with me?”

 

Kazunari looked at him and shrugged. A coy smile rose on his lips. “Possibly,” he said but wasn’t sure whether Shintarou caught the teasing in his tone or not.

 

Shintarou moved a little closer. “Is there any way I could make you come around?”

 

“Mm… I wonder.”

 

“Kazu, please.”

 

“You can give me a kiss and a foot rub, and then we’re even.”

 

Shintarou didn’t hesitate at all to press his lips against Kazunari’s. The kiss was soft and extremely pleasant, and it left Kazunari smiling when their mouths parted.

 

“Turn around then,” Shintarou said, sighed gently and moved farther away.

 

“Pleasure to do business with you,” chirped Kazunari with a grin and threw his legs over Shintarou’s lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're over halfway through this year and this ridiculous challenge! How insane is that? It's a bit scary to know that soon ("soon") this will be over, because I like writing this. I like coming up with the subplots and write them out, be a little dramatic and everything. Thank you _so_ much for tagging along so far, and I hope I'll see you for the last 182 days as well!


	184. Pretending

Kazunari stared at the doorbell attached to the door of his parents’ house and tried to muster up the courage to press it but couldn’t. His heart ticked in his chest and his fingers turned damp when he even thought about stepping through the door. He chewed his bottom lip. Shivers pierced through his body ruthlessly and made him want to turn around his heels and leave, but he couldn’t do it with Shintarou patiently standing by his side. Most of the time he was a shitty liar, and he wasn’t sure how exactly he could cover up the fact that he had been in hospital and now had a disease in his heart without his mother realizing that something was off. He heaved out a sigh.

 

“What’s wrong?” Shintarou finally asked.

 

Kazunari turned to him. In one hand Shintarou held a small gift bag of the nearby teashop (he had insisted that he should bring _something_ to his in-laws) whilst the other searched for Kazunari’s fingers. Kazunari turned completely towards Shintarou and straightened the collar of his shirt.

 

“Let’s not tell them about my trip to the hospital,” he managed to say aloud.

 

The corners of Shintarou’s lips tensed immediately. “I think we should,” he said.

 

Kazunari knew his tone of voice, persuasive and slightly pushing. He flatly decided not to fall for it and kept fiddling with the collar. “We’re not telling.”

 

“So we’re going to pretend that you’re fine?”

 

“I _am_ fine.” Kazunari gritted his teeth together and finished off by combing his fingers through the green hair. “I’m fine and you know it. We’re going in and you’re not going to spill the beans.”

 

“But they are your parents,” Shintarou tried. “They’d want to know.”

 

Kazunari gave him a look and finally reached for the doorbell. He pressed it down and took a small step back, and collected himself to a coherent unit. Beside him Shintarou shot him several glances but Kazunari flatly ignored them as he heard steps approaching the door. He pulled up a smile on his lips that then turned into a genuine one when his mother opened the door.

 

“Hello, dears,” she said. She hugged Kazunari first and right after wrapped her arms around Shintarou who had to bend down slightly to not make the hug too awkward. “I was starting to worry that you got caught up in the traffic!”

 

“Almost did.” Kazunari flashed a grin and stepped in, Shintarou tailing right behind him. He got a gentle squeeze to his waist from the man and looked at him briefly, then stared at him when he saw the look Shintarou was giving him. Quick to focus his attention back to his mother, he met her gaze with a smile. “How you’ve been?”

 

“Oh, good, good, you know, getting older day by day.” She laughed, and Kazunari could recognize his own laughter in the sound. “Your father’s in the living room, the tea is almost ready.”

 

“Wait,” Shintarou hurried to say and offered the small bag to her. “I got you this.”

 

Her eyes widened ever so slightly, but her smile widened quickly. “Oh, dear, you shouldn’t have! It’s not even any special occasion.”

 

“I simply wanted to.”

 

“You’re such a sweetheart, Shintarou. Go on, I’ll meet you in the living room in few minutes.”

 

As she disappeared to the kitchen, Kazunari approached the living room and dragged his sock-clad toes against the floor. Fingers brushed against the small of his back, and the gesture brought goose bumps on his shivering skin. As much as he wanted to turn to Shintarou and reciprocate the touch, they emerged to the living room. His father sat in his usual seat and the television was open, although he lowered the volume when they approached.

 

“Hi, dad,” Kazunari chirped. He slumped down on the armchair and watched Shintarou take a seat on the couch. “How’s your leg?”

 

“Completely healed,” the man grunted and nodded towards the kitchen. “Yet she keeps acting like it’ll snap any moment again. Women sometimes are very mysterious.”

 

“Glad I’m not marrying one then.”

 

His father turned to Shintarou. “How are things in the hospital, son?”

 

“Good, thank you.” Shintarou paused and briefly looked at Kazunari who shook his head just a little bit. Taking a sharper breath, Shintarou straightened his back. “It’s going good,” he concluded and sounded somewhat disappointed.

 

“That’s good.” The elder man nodded and gazed back to the television.

 

What Kazunari did appreciate now that he was older was the fact that his father didn’t bother to say a thing if he had nothing to say. It was a fresh outcome and the total opposite of his mother who liked to talk a _lot_. He was sure that he hadn’t fully inherited that trait although Shintarou liked to make the point clear whenever he could. He relaxed in the armchair and crossed one leg over another, thought that things would be simply fine and they wouldn’t have to tell a single thing to anyone. Shintarou was overreacting, anyway, since he wasn’t dying or even in danger. His heart was in perfect shape and everything under control.

 

A small smile twitched on Kazunari’s lips as he looked at the show about fishing. He rested his eyes on the scenery that looked nicely peaceful, but was pulled out of his thoughts when certain someone squeezed his knee. Frowning, he looked at Shintarou who would definitely ruin the master plan by looking concerned. Kazunari hesitated a moment but got up nonetheless and sat down beside his lover. To Shintarou’s cheek he gave a quick smooch and gained a softer look from his father. He brought his hand to Shintarou’s knee and squeezed back for reassurance.

 

Few minutes later his mother appeared with a tray filled with cups and a small bowl of biscuits.

 

“Shintarou,” she called and attracted the man’s attention. “Do you have any plans for the big day already?”

 

“I’m… sorry?”

 

“Your birthday, dear! Do you have something planned?”

 

“No… No. Right?” Shintarou asked and looked at Kazunari.

 

Kazunari grinned. “None at all.”

 

“We’re not having any plans that I wouldn’t know of, right?”

 

“Who knows?”

 

“Kazu.” Shintarou’s tone turned warning.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Relax! I’m saving the big surprise party for your thirtieth party, no worries.” He gave a wink to his mother, although he was partially telling the truth. He had small plans for Shintarou’s birthday, but they only consisted of breakfast in bed and eating cake just the two of them. Still he kept Shintarou in suspension, and now his fiancé writhed beside him. As much as he wanted to keep quiet, he didn’t dare to make Shintarou suffer so much. He patted Shintarou’s thigh and reassured, “I’m not doing a surprise, okay? But prepare yourself for something massive when you turn thirty.”

 

“I’m already not fond of it,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

Kazunari’s mother laughed gently. “You’re still young, dear! You have plenty of time to feel resentful about birthdays in the future, you shouldn’t get discouraged already.”

 

“True,” Shintarou admitted. “But I still have fresh in memory the party Kazunari organized when I turned twenty-one.”

 

“Hey, that was a great party, okay?”

 

“We got kicked out of the restaurant, Kazunari. I wouldn’t call that a great party.”

 

“But that’s because you’ve got no sense of humor.” Kazunari offered him a grin and turned to his mother. “I doubt Shin-chan even remembers when my birthday is!”

 

“November 21st. Don’t underestimate me,” Shintarou said.

 

Kazunari sighed. “Sometimes you remember the dates better than I do.” He shook his head in slight bemusement. “How’s the garden doing, mom?”

 

“It’s turning out to be wonderful,” she said with a smile. “The flowers are blooming, and I’m pretty sure we’ll get our own tomatoes and carrots this year.”

 

“You know, I also planted some carrots to our backyard, but I don’t think they’re growing that great.”

 

“You need to give them time, dear. They won’t grow any faster if you keep stressing about it.”

 

“But do you think they’ll make it before the summer ends?”

 

She nodded. “For sure.”

 

Kazunari tugged Shintarou’s arm. “You hear that, Shin-chan? We’ll get carrots soon.”

 

Shintarou merely smiled, but even that didn’t look too genuine anymore. Kazunari’s brows knitted together to a frown, and his heart skipped an ugly beat in his chest. He knew _exactly_ what Shintarou had on top of his mind, and it was the one thing he wanted to keep out of this house. Carefully he stared into Shintarou’s eyes and got a stare back, and felt like they had a wordless argument within the seconds. Eventually Shintarou sighed, clearly giving up, and averted his gaze.

 

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

 

“Couldn’t be better,” Kazunari said and chuckled a bit to reinforce his words. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all. It was a long morning.”

 

“You shouldn’t stay up too late at night,” she scolded.

 

“I’m not. And I’m also not fifteen anymore.” Kazunari swallowed down a sigh that wanted to escape him.

 

“I’m just stating a fact, dear.” She huffed and shook her head. “I’m going to wash the cups if everyone is done.”

 

Shintarou pushed up on his feet. “I’ll help you.”

 

“That’s so sweet of you, dear.”

 

Kazunari rubbed his eyes and sluggishly looked at the television show again. Things were going fine like this. They’d loiter around for maybe an hour more and then go back home, make some dinner, take a nap, and just relax now that they had a day off together again. He muffled a yawn to the back of his palm and felt tears brimming in his eyes. Although he had done a lot of relaxing lately, he was still looking forward to do it together with Shintarou.

 

“Takao Kazunari!” his mother suddenly shouted.

 

Flashbacks hit Kazunari, and he jolted. He knew for certain that he was in trouble (she never bothered to use his full name otherwise), and gasped for breath when she marched out of the kitchen with Shintarou tailing behind her. The look on Shintarou’s face tattled pure guilt. Kazunari glared at him and didn’t have to think twice what happened.

 

“You told her,” he said and got up. “You told her, didn’t you?”

 

“He was right to tell me!” Her voice turned an octave higher. “You’ve been to a hospital and you didn’t plan to tell us?”

 

His father stirred in the couch. “Why have you been to the hospital?”

 

“It’s really nothing—“ Kazunari tried.

 

“Our son had a heart attack!”

 

“It wasn’t a heart attack! Shin-chan, what the hell did you tell her?”

 

Shintarou moved closer to her. “It’s wasn’t a heart attack,” he said with a calmer voice. “He has coronary artery disease, it’s perfectly treatable—“

 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” she interrupted and fixed her gaze on Kazunari. “Why? This is absolutely ridiculous, you were in hospital!”

 

“It’s not a big deal, mom,” Kazunari tried although his insides were seething. “Mom, I’m _fine_. I didn’t want to worry you. It’s under control!”

 

“My baby had a heart attack—“

 

“It’s not a goddamn heart attack!” Kazunari puffed the excess air out of his lungs and glared at Shintarou. “Are you happy now? Are you _happy_ now?!”

 

Shintarou took a step forward. “Kazu—“

 

“I’m going home,” Kazunari announced and marched towards the front door.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou tried and hurried behind him. He grabbed his arm and forced him to a halt. “Come on,” he murmured with a gentler tone.

 

Kazunari yanked his arm to himself. “I’m. Going. Home.” He gave Shintarou his meanest glare and grabbed his jacket, pushed his shoes to his feet and yanked the door open. There was a burning fire in the pit of his belly as he marched across the yard and towards their car, and ignored the echoes of running steps behind him. He gritted his teeth, grinded them together, and was more than ready to kick something out of pure frustration. He glued his fingers into tight fists and fished out the car keys, and climbed to the shotgun, didn’t trust himself with the driving task at the moment. His pulse thudded loud in his ears as Shintarou got in the car as well and closed the door.

 

“Kazunari—“

 

“I asked you to do _one_ thing!” Kazunari shouted and didn’t bother to hold back anymore. “ _One_ thing, Shintarou! And you do exactly the opposite without even bothering to think about how I feel!”

 

Shintarou cowered. “I was trying to help,” he quietly said.

 

“And I do appreciate that, but now I have to deal with my mom calling me every other day to ask whether I’m close to having some stupid heart attack!” Kazunari felt breathless and lightheaded. When he even looked at Shintarou, he saw nothing but red in his vision. “I told you explicitly _not_ to tell them! Why can’t you respect my wishes?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“That won’t help me much anymore, will it? Now they know because you had to be Mr. Nice Guy and spill the beans to them!” Kazunari crossed his arms over his chest and turned towards the window.

 

Shintarou let out a noise resembling very much a whimper. He moved his hand carefully on Kazunari’s knee. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t.” Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s hand by the wrist and shoved it away from him. “You just couldn’t listen to me and respect what _I_ want.”

 

“It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to make you this upset.”

 

“Then you could have kept your mouth shut! You don’t _understand_ how obsessive she can get when she thinks something’s wrong!”

 

“I’m really sorry.” Shintarou looked utterly miserable. “I thought I did the right thing. Please… I know I should have listened.”

 

Kazunari let out a joyless chuckle. “I’m telling you, I’m nothing with your damn apology when the mistake is already out there. God—Sometimes you can be such a selfish prick.”

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a moment. “How can I make this better?” he quietly asked.

 

“Just drive, please.”

 

“Are we really going home?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari looked at Shintarou and felt a guilty sting in his chest. The man looked like a puppy that had just lost its entire family. Kazunari sighed. “Don’t look so miserable, okay? I’ll be mad and annoyed with you today, and tomorrow I won’t even remember the thing.”

 

Shintarou nodded and started the car.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari called and, when Shintarou carefully looked at him, crooked his forefinger. “Give me a kiss then.”

 

Although the kiss was brief, it was still soft and loving. Kazunari peeled back and stared at the city through the window.

 

“I’m still mad at you,” he muttered.

 

“You have the right to be,” Shintarou agreed. He added quietly, “I’ll try to make you come around. I’m sorry.”

 

“Please stop apologizing.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Kazunari pressed his forehead against the window and squeezed his eyes shut. _Shit_ – if only Shintarou had managed to keep his mouth shut, he could have continued pretending just fine. Shivers prickled on his skin. But of course Shintarou was a good man and a good son-in-law, but sometimes it made Kazunari grit his teeth so hard his jaw hurt. Now was definitely the case. He rubbed his damp fingers against his denim-clad thighs and took deep, calming breaths. He had all the rights to be not only annoyed but angry as well. Hanging his head a little down allowed him to rub his nape, which he did. He knew too well that as soon as they’d reach home Shintarou would do everything in his power to make him come around just like he had promised. Perhaps by the evening he would already calm down.

 

Not sure whether simple foot rubs could make the matter better this time, he swallowed thickly but couldn’t get rid of the lump in his throat. In his pocket his phone buzzed, and as he confirmed that it was indeed his mother calling, he turned the damn thing off and shoved it deep down his pocket. Right now he didn’t want to deal with anyone worried about his stupid heart that was absolutely and perfectly _fine_. He stole a glance towards Shintarou who looked shaken from the outside and couldn’t even begin to think how he felt from the inside. Not sure if he even wanted to know, Kazunari pressed his lips tightly together and remained quiet.


	185. Crystal Ball

For the first time ever since he woke up Shintarou sat down by the dinner table with a cup of tea and heaved out a sigh. It had become something akin to a routine when he was the only one awake in the otherwise quiet house, to enjoy some hot beverage and check Oha Asa in all peace. Sleep was still in his eyes as he looked outside the window at the grey sky and heavy clouds and wondered how quickly it would rain. He brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, then decided that it was still too hot to drink and discarded the cup as he reached for his phone and went to the horoscopes.

 

He craned his neck and rubbed an aching spot as he waited the site to load. As much as he liked these silent mornings when he could listen to his own thoughts, he now missed having Kazunari on the chair beside him reading the morning paper. It wasn’t even about the good morning kisses or touches that made his heart ache but the mere sensation of having his fiancé right next to him. He didn’t need kisses or touches to feel lucky but Kazunari simply sitting beside him. Now Shintarou stared at the empty seat and pressed his lips tightly together. They hadn’t really made up yesterday, either. He had tried his best (although foot rubs hadn’t solved the situation, he was sure that they had helped his case just a little) and cursed his own stupidity. Not sure whether Kazunari had already forgiven him, he sighed and fixed his gaze on the phone’s screen.

 

As usual, he read Scorpio’s prediction first and wasn’t too fond of the low ranking. But with a simple thing like towel as a lucky item, he was sure that he wouldn’t meet Kazunari in the hospital again. Nodding along to the words, he scrolled back up to see Cancer’s higher ranking and hummed. A crystal ball. Where the hell was he going to find such a thing? He glanced at the clock. He didn’t even have the time to stop by a hundred yen store before work. Nausea bobbed in his stomach without permission. At least his ranking was high. He worked his fingers through the hair and closed his eyes, listened the silence. He could run to a nearby store during a break to see whether he could find a crystal ball.

 

Sometimes he was certain that Oha Asa was toying with him. The nausea inside him climbed up towards his chest and made it ache. It made him gulp down his tea in one go and get up on his feet. Forget about the crystal ball, he had to find a suitable towel for Kazunari. He abandoned his phone to the table and tiptoed around the house, and eventually opened the door to the bedroom as quietly as he could.

 

Some of the morning light already filled the room. Shintarou stopped by the door and looked at the lump on the bed with a softened expression. Unlike usually after an argument Kazunari hadn’t been hell-bent on sleeping strictly on his own side, and even now he was sprawled over both of their sides. Shintarou felt his lips wanting to twitch up to a smile but he refused to do so when he wasn’t sure whether he was on a dry land yet. He tiptoed to the wardrobe and searched for a towel, tried to decide on the size and color and listened the quiet huffs that Kazunari made in his sleep that made him sound like a hedgehog. Admittedly it was one of Shintarou’s favorite sounds, and the realization of it yet again made him feel like the sappiest man on the planet.

 

Shaking his head from slight bemusement, he eventually grabbed a small blue towel and closed the wardrobe door. He froze on the spot in hesitation, but the digital numbers on the nightstand made him approach the bed. Like always when Kazunari still slept without disruption, Shintarou stopped beside him and kissed his forehead tenderly. He allowed his lips to remain on the spot longer than was necessary and closed his eyes, kissed the soft skin again and once more for good luck. The third smooch made Kazunari stir, and Shintarou pulled back hastily. His eyes widened as he watched Kazunari move around a bit too much. He forgot to breathe and took a careful step backwards.

 

“Shin…chan?”

 

 _Shit_.

 

“Just sleep,” Shintarou whispered. This usually didn’t happen. His pulse thudded in his ears. He had woken up his already annoyed lover at five am – he feared he was a goner. “Just sleep, I’m already leaving.”

 

“Mm… Wait,” Kazunari muttered and rolled on his other side. He rubbed his eyes and lifted to sit up. A sleepy smile rose on his lips, but apparently he couldn’t quite yet open his eyes. “Gimme a good kiss…”

 

Shintarou’s heartbeat started to calm down. He took a step back where he had just stood and laced his mouth over Kazunari’s to a brief kiss. Hoping that it was good enough, he peeled back but Kazunari kissed him another time. It left his lips pleasantly tingling, and even a weak smile pulled up on his face.

 

“I’ll leave your lucky item in the kitchen,” Shintarou whispered. “You should sleep longer, I’m just leaving for work.”

 

“Wait… Wait, Shin-chan…” Kazunari cracked his eyes open and looked positively exhausted. The bags under his eyes were heavy and dragging, but the frame of his face relaxed and softened visibly when he looked at Shintarou. “About… yesterday…”

 

Shintarou held in a breath. A tremor took over his insides and grabbed a hold of his skin. He didn’t feel any calmer when Kazunari patted the bed, and he sat down on the edge of the mattress. With a heavy hum and closed eyes Kazunari inched closer until they were nearly face to face. Blindly he searched for Shintarou’s thigh and managed to find it, then patted it and began to rub the spot. Shintarou remained tense even when he didn’t want to, but he was certain that he’d get scolded again.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kazunari whispered.

 

“What?” Shintarou turned to him. In the haze of the morning Kazunari looked beautiful despite the messy hair and dried drool on his cheek. “No, _I’m_ sorry.”

 

“I know, I know, but…” Kazunari rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and sighed. “I know you only—“, he yawned loudly, “—meant good.”

 

Shintarou’s pulse ticked in his ears. “But you were right, I should have respected what you wanted.”

 

“Mm… But maybe you’re right, maybe it’s… good that they know.” Kazunari shrugged and slumped back down on the bed. His voice croaked. “I’ll call my mom today and talk it through with her.”

 

Shintarou nodded in the lack of words. He moved his hand below the blanket and against Kazunari’s burning hot skin, and rubbed his stomach as gently as he could. A dragging groan escaped Kazunari, but at the moment Shintarou considered it such a wonderful sound. He kept his fingers tender as he rubbed the tiny tummy. Despite the lack of lights he could tell the outlines of a smile on Kazunari’s lips.

 

“Sorry I took my time to come around,” Kazunari mumbled with a yawn.

 

“I was expecting to wait a little longer,” Shintarou admitted. He moved slightly closer and stroked a dark hair strand behind the ear to its rightful place. “So we are not in an argument anymore?”

 

“We’re not,” Kazunari confirmed with a smile and reached his hand to rub Shintarou’s cheek. “You’re such a good man, babe…”

 

Shintarou hummed. “I don’t think that was what you said yesterday.”

 

“Hey.” Kazunari pinched Shintarou’s nose and made him wince. “Yesterday was different, now is now. It does help a bit that it’s like… five or something and I can’t think straight.”

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, I only wanted to kiss you goodbye.”

 

“I know. I’ll probably fall asleep as soon as you’re gone.” A tired chuckle got out of Kazunari’s mouth. He pulled his hand properly to himself and rubbed his eyes some more. “Where did you say you’ll put my lucky item…?”

 

“To the kitchen. It’s a towel today for Scorpio,” Shintarou said. Reluctantly he got up but leaned down to kiss Kazunari’s forehead once more. He squeezed his lover’s shoulder gently and forced himself to peel back for good. “I’ll see you in the evening.”

 

“Have a good day…” Kazunari rolled under the sheets and covered himself up fully, but suddenly said, “Hey.”

 

Shintarou stopped by the door. “Hm?”

 

“What time are you coming back?” The blankets muffled the words.

 

“Around seven if nothing catastrophic happens.”

 

“In that case… How about a movie night?”

 

A small smile twitched on Shintarou’s lips. “Movie night sounds good,” he agreed. “Do you want me to stop by the store in that case?”

 

“Mm… Get popcorn. And soda.”

 

“ _Diet_ soda,” Shintarou corrected. “That I can do.”

 

“Yeah, I can do that.” Kazunari pulled the blanket better over his head and curled up in a lump. “Can’t wait…”

 

Shintarou hummed something close to ‘me neither’ and closed the door gently behind his back. His chest felt a lot lighter than before, and he could breathe without a problem. Of course he had known that they would make up today since they never fought more than a day, but it was still a relief. Maybe tonight he’d give a more thorough apology. He strutted to the kitchen and folded the towel to the corner of the kitchen island and rubbed it tenderly. Kazunari would definitely like it if he got a bit inviting. Set with the idea, Shintarou grabbed his belongings and left the safe haven for another day at work.


	186. Trickle Down

“Are you ready for the best massage of your entire life?” Kazunari cooed the tease and swayed the small bottle of oil as he leaned against the bathroom’s doorframe.

 

Shintarou looked at him over shoulder, already situated on the living room floor. “Yes,” he simply said and yanked his shirt off.

 

The corners of Kazunari’s lips twitched higher, and he broke into a smirk. He took slow steps forward, savored the moment, spent the few seconds looking at Shintarou’s back muscles that looked amazing in the room’s lighting, and eventually got on his knees behind Shintarou. It was a pretty rare situation to begin with as he was usually on the receiving end of massages, but Shintarou had started to look awfully tense from his upper body and Kazunari decided to fix it. He grabbed a hairband from the couch and with the help of it pushed his bangs out of the way. Afterwards he patted Shintarou’s shoulder.

 

“On your stomach then,” he said.

 

Shintarou obeyed without a pause and reclined on the strip of floor that they had covered with a towel. Kazunari wasted no time to climb over the man and sat right on his tight ass, and since Shintarou didn’t complain, he remained on the spot. The oil was nicely warm and slick as he rubbed it to his hands and glanced up at the television they kept open. Had they been five years younger, Kazunari would have lit candles here and there, but right now this was romance enough and they both silently agreed on it (not to mention the cats would have gone crazy over the little flickering lights).

 

“Glasses off,” Kazunari instructed.

 

Shintarou took them off and pressed his cheek against the floor. He slipped his eyes close and relaxed his shoulders.

 

“Alright then, here goes.”

 

Kazunari brought his greasy fingers on Shintarou’s shoulders and massaged gently. Immediately Shintarou grumbled below his breath, but it seemed to be the good kind of grumble. Kazunari deduced it from Shintarou’s expression that was positively orgasm-like and smirked. He started tenderly, searched for the sore spots and once he found them, he concentrated on them. The muscles right below the shoulders had knotted awfully, and Shintarou grunted lowly whenever Kazunari brushed his fingers over the spots.

 

“Does it feel good?” Kazunari asked.

 

Slowly Shintarou opened his eyes. “Yeah,” he admitted with a sigh and turned his head on the side, pressed his forehead to the floor. “You can do it a little harder.”

 

“Now that’s a sentence every man wants to hear.”

 

“Shut… up…”

 

“Mm-hmm.” With a knowing grin on his lips Kazunari pressed his thighs better on both sides of Shintarou’s hips and continued with the massage. He dug his fingers to the tight flesh and kneaded a little harder than before, which gained him a concerto of moans that would have been enough to make him rock-hard had they been in bed and about to get it going. Now he merely focused on the intimate pleasure he was clearly giving to Shintarou and smiled faintly to his back muscles that flexed in a gorgeous rippling motion beneath his fingers.

 

Every now and then he looked up at the television to see what their favorite show’s contestants were doing with their salmons. Every piece of fish looked delicious and made his stomach grumble ever so slightly, but Kazunari dismissed the hunger as he slipped his hands back on Shintarou’s shoulders and massaged. A jolt traveled down Shintarou’s spine, and the moan that escaped him was low and resonating. Kazunari held in a breath and kneaded his fingertips a little lower.

 

“If I was an actual massage person and you’d be my client, I’d be so tempted to fuck you right now,” Kazunari muttered.

 

Shintarou huffed a sound that was very close to chuckle. “That would be an assault.”

 

“Good thing you’re my husband then.”

 

Kazunari grinned although Shintarou couldn’t see it and inched to sit lower on the man’s legs. He dropped his hands along and massaged the gentle curve of Shintarou’s waist. No matter what set of muscles he looked at, they were all absolutely wonderful, toned, still flexing right underneath his touch. They were tense and then relaxed, and tensed again when he rubbed over them. Kazunari held a small permanent smile on his lips and examined the little swirl of hair Shintarou had on his nape.

 

“That feels good,” Shintarou muttered. “A bit to the left…”

 

“Here?” Kazunari asked as he concentrated on the new spot.

 

“Yes— _oh_ , that’s good…”

 

Now that he thought about it, Shintarou had always been prone to sounding sexual when he didn’t mean to. Kazunari was quick to dismiss dirty thoughts from his mind, although they kept popping to the surface when he slid his fingers towards the band of Shintarou’s pants. There was fine hair growing in the lower back, and they crafted the skin rather smooth. He rubbed the small dimples with the pads of his thumbs and gained a new set of groans and grunts that were pure music to his ears. Convinced that nothing could have sounded better than this, Kazunari slipped his eyes close momentarily and kept rubbing the spots whilst listening the noises Shintarou made.

 

He focused on the lower back for long and sweet minutes. Eventually he tugged on the band of the sweatpants and rubbed Shintarou’s ass over the fabric.

 

“Can I massage your butt as well?” he asked.

 

Shintarou propped up on his elbows and turned to look at him. “Can you keep your hands to yourself?”

 

Kazunari arched his brows higher and squeezed Shintarou’s buttocks. “We can find out together.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and turned to look back in front of himself. “We both know how that is going to end up.”

 

“Are you complaining?”

 

“I guess not. You can massage _that_ part as well then.”

 

Kazunari was eager to yank Shintarou’s pants and boxers down to his knees and settled to sit down a little lower himself to get perfect access to the ass. It was a very lovely bottom, he had always thought so, perhaps a little flat but wonderfully sculptured nonetheless. It also fit perfectly in his palms as he began to massage it and tried his best to not get frisky and carried away with it. Shintarou hummed, the noise clearly coming from his throat, and sounded so different from before that Kazunari’s pulse thudded louder.

 

He cupped the ass in palms and squeezed, pushed the buttocks together and then spread them apart ever so slightly. Shintarou jolted and pushed his back to a slight arch, which knitted Kazunari’s brows together. Not sure whether it had been a good reaction or not, he spread the cheeks apart again and claimed it to be for science when Shintarou let out a moan. Kazunari’s eyes widened, and he spotted a deep redness on Shintarou’s cheeks. Afraid that he was in fact going to lose control after all, Kazunari hurried to massage the backs of Shintarou’s thighs while he was at it.

 

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape reality that was Shintarou’s hips pushing against the floor in the tiniest movements. Kazunari’s fingers froze on the skin riddled with slight hair. He stared at the buttocks that squeezed against one another ever so slightly, examined Shintarou roll his hips forward, and felt his lungs stop working. Not able to resist the temptation, he swatted the bare ass. Shintarou yelped.

 

“Turn around,” Kazunari said when he regained and grinned.

 

“No,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“Come on, just turn around.”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

Shintarou threw him a look. “You know exactly why.”

 

“Yeah, but I want to see it. Come on, just this once. Come on.”

 

Below his breath Shintarou grumbled several times but did what Kazunari wanted in the end and slowly rolled on his back. Kazunari bit his lower lip to stop himself from smirking so much when he saw the long and lean cock half-hard. Shintarou looked positively embarrassed, flushed all the way to his chest, and covered his face to his forearm. Taking in a savoring breath, Kazunari trailed his fingertips through the neatened pubic hair and made Shintarou’s dick jerk.

 

“I didn’t know the massage was _that_ good,” he teased tenderly.

 

“Stop,” Shintarou groaned.

 

“I know I said I’d only massage but… That’s starting to look painful. You want me to take care of it?”

 

Shintarou mumbled something.

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “What was that? I didn’t hear.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Shintarou moved his arm away from his face. “I said…” he began. His voice trembled slightly. “I said that you can do that.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Thanks for the meal in that case,” he said and lowered himself towards Shintarou’s stomach.

 

There was no hesitation in his bones as he dragged his tongue from the very base of the cock to the tip that held such a nice color of purple all around it. Kazunari crafted a circle from his fingers and attached it around the hilt, squeezed slightly and prompted a breathy moan from Shintarou. He looked up at him and cooed a soft murmur, then wrapped his lips around the cockhead and suckled gently. Shintarou pushed his hips up and the cock nearly sank in deeper than Kazunari had planned, but he took what was given to him nonetheless and bobbed his head.

 

The sensation of wrapping his lips around Shintarou’s dick was as pleasant as always, but he decided to tease his husband-to-be this time. Kazunari pulled back and darted his tongue out, trailed it around the head and licked the small slit at the very top. The lean hips bucked up against his mouth but Kazunari kept pulling his mouth back, never giving Shintarou the chance to shove his cock deep in his mouth. With a small smirk Kazunari looked up and witnessed frustration pool in Shintarou’s eyes. He didn’t break their eye contact as he took in the tip again and hollowed his cheeks.

 

Shintarou groaned and moaned so beautifully. The sounds were a little louder than the television and stirred the cats from their slumber near the balcony door, but the furballs only looked at their direction curiously before they sank back into the cuddle. Kazunari traced his fingertips over the abdomen clad thinly in skin, circled around the hipbones and brought his mouth to the side of the cock where the veins bulged. It was easy to tell that Shintarou wanted it so badly as he moved his hips up in a constant gentle pace, but Kazunari didn’t want to give it to him yet. The cock swell in its full length. A bead of precum trickled down the shaft, and Kazunari flicked it on his tongue and in his mouth. He loved the tangy, salty flavor and couldn’t wait to get gobs of cum down his throat.

 

Powered by the thought all of a sudden, he said, “Can you get up?”

 

Shintarou looked like was positively lost in the pleasure but managed to mumble in a husky whisper nonetheless, “Sure…” He pushed to sit up and then on his feet although his knees trembled badly. He even had to seek support from the couch but remained on his feet nonetheless. When he looked down at Kazunari, he frowned. “What are you going to do?”

 

“Gonna blow you so good that you can’t even walk afterwards.”

 

Kazunari scurried up on his knees and settled in front of Shintarou, hooked his arm around the man’s waist and swallowed the cock in his mouth. He slipped his eyes shut and enjoyed the moment, bobbed his head in a suitable pace and really liked it. Sometimes he liked to just satisfy Shintarou without the need to get something in return, and right now was one of those moments. He fluttered his eyes open deliberately slowly and looked up. Shintarou’s gaze was tightly fixed on him, the lips slightly parted, the long fingers buried in the midst of his hair. Just like this Kazunari loved to see Shintarou, drowning in pleasure but being slightly coy about it. He suckled the tip for a good while and drew out delicious moans.

 

“Fuck me in the mouth,” he eventually panted.

 

Shintarou quivered. His skin rose to goose bumps that Kazunari rubbed. “What?”

 

“You heard me.” Kazunari wet his lips and swallowed thickly. “Fuck me in the mouth.”

 

“I—I don’t know if I should—“

 

“I’m giving you permission, babe.” Rolling his eyes shut, Kazunari pushed himself a little upwards and tugged his chin up. “Give it to me.”

 

“Are you… sure? I don’t want to… strain you or your chest or—“

 

“Just shut up and give it to me, _please_.”

 

Shintarou breathed harder than before. His fingers felt hesitating as they grabbed Kazunari’s chin and lifted it even more upwards. Kazunari relaxed his shoulders and hummed when the cockhead nudged against his lips that he was quick to open as wide apart as possible. Sometimes he loved it rough and he knew that sometimes Shintarou liked to give it to him rough. He opened his eyes once more and looked up at Shintarou, tried to convey through the gaze that it really was okay, and got a long set of fingers in the midst of his hair again.

 

Albeit hesitating and trembling, Shintarou rolled his hips forward. Kazunari moaned and kept his gaze fixed on Shintarou. The cock invaded his mouth with ease and with every thrust approached his throat. He took in deep breaths through his nose and tried to concentrate on not gagging, which proved to be difficult when Shintarou finally got the hang of it and thrust harder and faster. Tears brimmed in Kazunari’s eyes, but at the same time heat pooled in his abdomen and spread the warmth around his bones. His nostrils flared, and once the lush cockhead started to reach his throat on a regular basis, he began to fight off the gag reflex. The corners of his mouth stretched pleasantly around the girth.

 

It was absolutely worth it when he saw the coy pleasure on Shintarou’s expression. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut to exorcise the hotness away and hummed from the throat when Shintarou yanked his hair gently. Over and over again Shintarou nudged his cock into his throat, and Kazunari began to cough. Worried that retching would ruin the mood for good, Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s waist to steady himself on the spot but couldn’t help the reflexes when the tempo of the thrusts increased. He breathed through the nose but gagged, and for a moment thought that the cause of his death would say ‘choked on a dick’. It didn’t happen as Shintarou pulled hastily back, his cock jerking against Kazunari’s cheek.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintarou breathed out.

 

Kazunari smiled despite drool trickling down his chin and from there to his lap. Somehow he felt like he might have looked sexy at the moment despite nearly retching out the dinner. He looked up with a silly smile and rubbed Shintarou’s bottom.

 

“That was good,” he reassured.

 

“ _Good_? You nearly choked. We really shouldn’t.”

 

“Do it again.” Kazunari stroked the tiny curve of Shintarou’s ass soothingly. “But don’t push that far in, okay? And… _Oh_ , come on my face, okay?”

 

“You’re being perverse today,” Shintarou muttered below his breath.

 

“And you love it.”

 

Shintarou shrugged, but his silence spoke more than any word could have at the moment. He grabbed the base of his cock and guided it back to Kazunari’s lips, and Kazunari parted his mouth immediately. The cock tasted just as good as it had few seconds ago. Kazunari slipped his eyes close and took in the gentler thrusts that Shintarou gave to him. Every now and then he hummed and moaned around the dick, which in return made Shintarou let out sounds that tickled Kazunari in all the right places.

 

Kazunari wasn’t exactly sure how much time passed as the throbbing cock nudged in his mouth in a clear pace, but eventually he grabbed the shaft and stroked it. Shintarou stopped moving his hips and squeezed Kazunari’s hair instead while Kazunari sucked and licked to his best abilities. Maybe he wasn’t an expert in giving blowjobs, but at least he knew exactly what his husband liked and now took advantage of that information. He flicked his tongue against the biggest vein on the underside of the cock and made Shintarou’s knees buckle. Shintarou gave one stuttered grind of hips, which was hint enough for Kazunari to pull his mouth back just in time.

 

Thick ropes of white erupted on his face. He let out a breathy chuckle and let the drops of cum trail down towards his mouth and chin. The droplets trickled down on his skin and created damp paths wherever they hit. He kept the dick tightly in his fist and pumped it, made sure that everything got out and on his face. Darting his tongue out made a string of saliva mixed with cum droop down and eventually drop. Kazunari trailed his tongue around his lips and took in what he could, felt some right underneath his eye, and made sure not to clean up too much as he looked up at Shintarou.

 

Shintarou trembled violently as their eyes met. He rubbed Kazunari’s cheek and smeared the release around, and rather clumsily offered his forefinger to Kazunari. Without hesitation Kazunari sucked it in his mouth, hollowed his cheeks again, trailed his tongue around the digit and let go when Shintarou was thoroughly flushed.

 

“How good do I look right now? From one to ten,” he said.

 

Shintarou got down on his knees on the floor and breathed heavily. “Ten,” he muttered without missing a beat. He cleared his throat. “That’s… That’s a ten.”

 

“Feels pretty good to have your cum all over my face.” Kazunari grinned and hooked his arms around Shintarou’s shoulder. “I’d kiss you if you didn’t have to taste yourself on my— _mmhm_!”

 

Shintarou interrupted him with a kiss. Kazunari’s eyes went wide, but he relaxed and deepened the kiss now that he got one. Shintarou pushed his body closer and, when the kiss came to its natural end, took Kazunari in his arms and hugged him. Despite the embrace Shintarou peppered kisses on Kazunari’s neck.

 

“I’ll go get a tissue for you,” he announced and got up.

 

Kazunari remained on the spot and scooped in his fingers the droplets he could find and swallowed them down. He didn’t mind the taste at all – it wasn’t the most delicious thing on the planet but it was okay enough for him to swallow. Licking his fingers clean, he looked up when Shintarou returned on the floor and rubbed his face to the soft tissue.

 

“You really did look good,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“I knew you’d like it.” Kazunari smooched Shintarou’s lips. “It was good, even when I was close to dying.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but pulled Kazunari in his arms again. “Should I… you know.”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “I’m fine, thanks.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely sure, Shin-chan. You need to get pampered sometimes too.” Kazunari gave Shintarou a tender kiss and rubbed his nose against his. “We could continue the massage in the traditional way.”

 

“How about I massage you instead?”

 

Kazunari snickered. “You just can’t let go of you not giving me something, can you?”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “I feel horribly selfish otherwise. Sit down right here and take your shirt off.”

 

“Alright, alright, Mr. Pushy.” Kazunari took his shirt off and sat in front of the couch where Shintarou climbed in as soon as he got his clothes back on. He craned his neck and rolled his shoulders back, and was quick to hang his head back as Shintarou began to massage him. Shintarou’s fingers were as magical as always, and soon Kazunari groaned from pleasure.

 

After a while of silence Shintarou asked, “Your heart isn’t beating absurdly normal, is it?”

 

Kazunari snickered. “Nope. At least not in the ‘I’ll have an actual heart attack soon’ kind of way. Are you worrying again?”

 

“No.”

 

As much as he would have loved to push the subject further, he didn’t. He merely hummed and enjoyed the fingers that rubbed him good.


	187. Open...

A little bell above the jewelry shop’s door chimed as Kazunari stepped in. The difference between the summer temperature and the store’s air conditioning was drastic, and he shuddered from the sudden drop. He glanced around in all peace and, once he saw that all the clerks were busy with other people, walked slowly around looking at the displays. As much as he would have loved to spend a moment looking at the large selection of wedding rings, he was here on a mission. He puckered his lips and stopped by a glass case with watches in it. His eyes narrowed as he tried to search for a specific one but couldn’t. _Shit_. If this shop didn’t have what he was looking for, he’d be screwed – this was his third and final try.

 

“Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?”

 

Kazunari startled out of his thoughts and looked up at the man who had appeared out of nowhere right on the other side of the display. He cleared his throat and fished out his phone and flicked through the photos. “I’m searching for a watch… This one.” He showed the picture that he had searched for an hour in the morning. It was a damn nice watch, and not to mention expensive as hell; the leather straps were dark, the case golden and the dial black. It was the _exact_ watch he wanted to buy and nothing else was going to be good enough. “I tried some other shops but no one seems to sell it anymore… Would you have it?”

 

The man puckered his lips and then tilted his head as he gave the phone back. “It’s last year’s model,” he said rather carefully. “It’s not a surprise no one sells it anymore.”

 

Kazunari’s shoulders slumped. “Right. Um. So, you don’t have it either?”

 

“Let me look from the back.” The man offered a nice smile and disappeared.

 

Kazunari waited patiently and looked at the other watches through the glass. If this was a watch for himself he wouldn’t have bothered with it so much. But this was Shintarou’s _birthday_ present, and Shintarou had had his eyes set on the specific watch ever since last Christmas (but had been too stingy to actually buy it). Kazunari knew that Shintarou wasn’t really a watch person to begin with but had immediately liked _this_ watch, thus he wanted to get it. He _needed_ to get it to make tomorrow perfect. He tapped his fingers against the glass and felt his nerves bubble in his stomach. Maybe he’d have to get this year’s model after all. He cringed to the thought. It certainly didn’t look as nice as the one he had his eyes set on.

 

Few minutes later the man returned with a smile and a box in his hand. “I found it,” he announced, a little out of breath, and opened the box to reveal the watch.

 

Kazunari’s heart skipped a beat. A grin rose to his lips. “Oh, thank you so much. I’ll take it.”

 

“This has actually been a display piece because it was the only one we have left, so I’m going to give you discount for it.” The man flashed a new smile as he strutted behind a register. “Would you need anything else?”

 

“Can I get it gift-wrapped?”

 

“Of course. Give me a minute.”

 

Kazunari nodded and started the waiting game again. On the nearest display were wedding rings, and he eyed them fondly. Soon he’d come back to a jewelry store with Shintarou to search for the perfect rings together. He thought it would be fun although he knew it was most likely the exact opposite of how Shintarou felt about it. Snickering to the thought, he glanced at the engagement ring around his finger and rubbed it with the pad of his thumb. He had already decided not to take it out but instead would wear both of them. It might look tacky but he didn’t care.

 

His lips twitched higher as the man returned with wrapping paper and silver string and set to work. Kazunari watched the skillful fingers wrap the box better than he could have ever done and was about to start a casual chitchat when his phone buzzed in his jeans’ pocket. He pulled it out, half-certain that it was Shintarou despite being at work, and frowned as the name ‘Akashi’ flashed on the screen.

 

“Sorry,” he apologized to the man and took a step back before he answered the call. “Hey.”

 

“ _I heard that you’re going around the city in preparation of Shintarou’s birthday_.”

 

“What—Wait, what? Who told you that?” Kazunari’s brows knitted tighter together and crafted an ache beneath his forehead.

 

“ _Atsushi_.” Seijuurou sounded mildly amused.

 

Kazunari pressed his lips together. Somehow he wasn’t surprised at all in the end that Seijuurou knew everything.

 

“ _Either way, would you have the time to stop by my house today? I have a present for Shintarou but I wouldn’t want to drop it off myself tomorrow since I’m under the impression that there won’t be a party_.”

 

“No party this year, no.” Kazunari pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed the credit card to the man. “He hates parties where he’s the center of the attention, but we can totally organize one when he’s thirty. But yeah, uh… I still have an hour or so before I’m meeting with Murasakibara, so are you free now? It’ll take me, what, maybe twenty minutes to get there?”

 

“ _That’s suitable, I’ll see you then_.”

 

Kazunari ended the call and turned to the man. “I’m sorry about that,” he chirped and looked at the perfectly wrapped gift. Already he itched to just give it to Shintarou but knew he had to wait.

 

“That’s alright. Now if you could insert your pin here…” The man gave the small apparatus to Kazunari who obeyed diligently and punched in the four-digit code. The other end of the machine spouted out a receipt that the man gave to him together with the card. “And here you go. Thank you very much, I hope you’ll have a pleasant day.”

 

“You too, thank you _so_ much.”

 

Kazunari was all grins as he gently placed the wrapped box with a nice little bow on top of it to his bag and got out of the store. The warm weather hit him straight in the face like a wet cloth and made him cringe. He felt hotter than was necessary as he walked around the block to the parking lot where he had left the car and was more than happy to climb in on the driver’s seat and turn the air conditioning as cold as possible. For few precious seconds he sat still and waited the car’s insides to cool down and only then set the bag on the shotgun and drove to the outskirts of the city.

 

Seijuurou’s mansion was, as always, intimidating as Kazunari pulled up in front of it and got out of the car. According to Shintarou the previous house had been even more gorgeous before Seijuurou had decided to move to Tokyo in his early twenties. Kazunari was careful to walk on the path and eyed the front yard’s lawn that was in an impeccable condition. If he had the money, he would have surely wanted to buy a house like this to himself. Awe inside him per usual he stared up at the two-story dream and sighed under his breath. He could save money all his life and still not have enough to actually get one of these. Now that he thought about it more thoroughly, he didn’t even want one. He was perfectly content with what they had.

 

He rang the doorbell, and moments later Seijuurou came to open the door.

 

“Good to see you,” Seijuurou said and gestured him to come in. He took a hold of a large present from the hallway’s table and offered it to Kazunari. “Here is my present.”

 

“It’s huge,” Kazunari said the obvious, and then out of curiosity asked, “What is it?”

 

Seijuurou held a mysteriously wide smile on his lips. “You’ll see tomorrow.” He even _winked_.

 

The curiosity inside Kazunari burned even hotter.

 

“And this was from…” Seijuurou paused to turn a small envelope around. “Tetsuya, Ryouta and Daiki.”

 

“A joint present from Aomine and Kise? Wow,” Kazunari breathed. “That’s something.”

 

“I don’t know the details, they merely gave it to me to pass on to either you or Shintarou.” Seijuurou flashed a small smile. “What do you have in store for him tomorrow?”

 

“Oh, you know… Just breakfast in bed, opening presents, maybe get a bit intimate if he’s feeling like it… I’m getting a cake from Murasakibara,” Kazunari added.

 

“That sounds truly a wonderful alternative for a party.”

 

“Yeah, it’s all planned out, still need to wake up earlier than him tomorrow and actually execute it.” Kazunari snickered. “I was just getting him a present.”

 

Seijuurou cocked a brow up. “And may I inquire what you got him?”

 

Kazunari pressed his hip against the doorframe to hold himself steady with the present. “He’s been craving this one watch since last Christmas but didn’t bother to buy it, so now I ran around in so many shops trying to actually find it. I got it, but I mean, he’s going to be annoyed as hell that I got him something.” He shook his head. “I wanted to buy it to him for Christmas present but we agreed not to buy presents for each other then, so I got it for him now.”

 

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, albeit he might indeed be annoyed.”

 

“Aw, tell me about it. But whatever he says, we’re organizing him the biggest party in few years.”

 

Seijuurou nodded. “He’ll be positively infuriated.”

 

“He knows who he’s marrying, he better get used to it.” Kazunari glanced around the walls to spot a clock but didn’t find one. “You know what time is it? I promised to meet with Murasakibara at fifteen past at his new shop and I still need to work out where exactly the address is.”

 

“In that case you might want to leave.”

 

Kazunari nodded along the words. “You want me to let you know how he likes your present?”

 

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll find it pleasant.” Seijuurou looked almost _smug_. “You can spare me from the details.”

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and looked down at the blue-colored wrapping paper. It looked as innocent as it could have been but he was suddenly sure that it held something different inside. Shivers ran down his spine. He thanked Seijuurou and once he got back to the car he made sure that everything fit in the bag. He wasn’t sure whether Shintarou was home already or not, but if he was, he wanted everything to be nicely hidden just in case.

 

Finding Atsushi’s store proved to be easier than he thought, and he still had a handful of minutes to spare. He parked by the street right in front of the small shop and got out, then stared at the display window and felt a grin toy with his lips. On the window, in a beautifully thoughtful cursive the shop’s name simply read as _Muro_ , and something about the sight made Kazunari’s heart feel warmer than a second before. He bit his bottom lip to stop smiling so damn much and pushed the door gently, tested, and it opened with ease. A small bell dinged above his head.

 

There wasn’t much to see about the store as it was. The chairs and tables were shoved against the walls, the floor still a little dusty, but the color palette all around was calm and surprisingly sophisticated. Across the room was a glass display, utterly empty, but Kazunari could visualize the treats that would appear there next week. The invitation they had gotten for the opening had been nice, and he had immediately called Atsushi to tell that they were attending.

 

Now he took a careful set of steps forward. “Hello?” he asked. His voice echoed in the space.

 

At first silence greeted him. Then came a lazy, “Taka-chin?”

 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Kazunari stopped by the counter and tiptoed to see towards the sliver of light that came from the doorframe leading to the back.

                                                            

Atsushi emerged out of the blue with a white box in his hands. “Sorry, almost didn’t hear you…” There was flour in his chin and chocolate frosting on his knuckles. “Here’s Mido-chin’s cake, I hope he likes it.”

 

“Can I take a peek?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kazunari parted the box just enough to see a perfectly round cake with pure white frosting on top and orange letters that simply said ‘Happy Birthday’. His lips turned into a smile.

 

“It’s perfect,” he cooed and closed the box. “How much do you want?”

 

“Eh? I don’t want money, it’s Mido-chin’s birthday after all…” Atsushi shrugged. “I know Mido-chin doesn’t like sweets so I tried to make it less sweet, it’s carrot cake. It should taste good.”

 

“Thank you, I know he’ll love it.” Kazunari’s smile twitched higher. “Talking about love… You’re naming your shop after Himuro, aren’t you?”

 

“Huh? Mm, yeah… Muro-chin deserves it.” Atsushi shrugged another time. “Before I forget, Muro-chin asked me to give you this.” He stepped back to the behind and came back with an envelope in hand. “He said it’s Mido-chin’s birthday present.”

 

Kazunari nodded and set the envelope over the cake box. “I’ll make sure to give it to him. Are you sure you don’t want me to pay for the cake?”

 

Atsushi shook his head. “Muro-chin would get angry at me if I took money for it. I don’t want money, just tell me if Mido-chin liked it.”

 

“I’ll do that. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.”

 

“It’s no problem.”

 

“I can’t wait to see how the shop turns out to be next week.”

 

Atsushi rolled his eyes. “I’m so tired working on it all the time, but Muro-chin tells me I can do it, so I guess I have to.”

 

“So I guess you already stopped working at the previous place?”

 

“Yeah. But I want to bake and make stuff, not talk to interior designers about the colors… No one cares about the colors, they’re just here to eat cake.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I agree, yeah. But it’s looking good so far, I really like the colors.”

 

“Muro-chin picked them. I told him to pick something because I don’t care, but it’s a given because Muro-chin is smart.”

 

A soft sigh escaped Kazunari. He had always liked the devotion Atsushi and Tatsuya had with each other and how unconditionally they seemed to love and thrive each other to their best results. If there was one couple he knew would never break up, it was be this one.

 

“Thanks again,” he said with a smile. “I’ll give you a message of how he liked the cake.”

 

“Oh, Taka-chin,” Atsushi called as Kazunari took the first few steps. “Muro-chin wanted me to ask how you’re doing, he worries a lot because you went to the hospital.”

 

Kazunari froze still but relaxed himself nonetheless. Tatsuya deserved to know since he had been kind enough to actually drive him to the hospital. “Tell him I’m totally okay,” he said. “They found that I’m having this disease in my arteries, but it’s fine. Gonna live on and everything.” He chuckled.

 

Atsushi nodded. “I’ll tell Muro-chin.”

 

They exchanged their byes, and Kazunari left. It felt a little odd admitting it aloud that there was something inherently _wrong_ with his body, but it was also relieving. He didn’t want to start shouting it around the city, but it felt good to get it out of his mouth even once. With a faint smile on his lips he got back in the car and drove to their home’s direction, but stopped by the nearest convenience store to get ingredients for a breakfast in bed. He even indulged and bought a slightly more expensive bottle of champagne, and with everything loaded on the shotgun he drove home.

 

The house was dark and empty when he opened the front door. Guessing he only had minutes to spare before Shintarou would come back, Kazunari snapped on the lights, and immediately the cats rushed to greet him. He rubbed both of their heads as a thanks and went by the kitchen first, put everything in the fridge and knew that there was no way he could hide the cake and its box anywhere. He did try to settle it discreetly in the fridge’s shelf but it was no use. Deciding to not think about it, he rushed to the guest room and hid the presents under the rarely used bed. He’d have to search for proper recipes in the morning… Though he wasn’t sure yet what exactly he’d make. What even were good things to have in congratulations-you’re-older-again breakfast? Unsure, he sat by the writing desk and fired up the laptop.

 

He spent thirty minutes mindlessly browsing various recipes before the front door clicked open and then shut. He was quick to save the ones that he thought Shintarou might like the best and turned the laptop off, shot up on his feet and peeked to the hallway from the frame.

 

“Welcome home,” he said with a smile.

 

“I’m home,” Shintarou sighed and yanked his shoes off. When he looked up, he frowned. “What are you doing in there?”

 

“I just checked something online, nothing else.” Kazunari stepped out of the room and closed its door behind his back. He crooked his forefinger to Shintarou. “Can I get a kiss?”

 

“I smell sweaty,” Shintarou said but closed in their distance nonetheless and gave Kazunari a brief kiss. Afterwards he patted Kazunari’s hip and walked to the kitchen. “Have you made dinner yet?”

 

“Nah, I just got back.” Kazunari took a deep breath and tried to sound casual as he said, “Hey, there’s this white box in the fridge, but I want you not to look into it. Just pretend it’s not even there.”

 

Silence fell for few seconds. Then Shintarou appeared by the kitchen’s doorframe and looked at Kazunari with suspicion in his eyes. “Is it… You know.”

 

“What?”

 

“For tomorrow.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “What about tomorrow?”

 

“You know.”

 

“Mm… I don’t. Tomorrow’s Tuesday, is that what you mean?”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not going to say it.”

 

“Okay. But ignore the box, all right? It’s not for us, it’s work related stuff.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Shintarou didn’t sound like he had swallowed the white lie at all. Kazunari didn’t mind at all as long as Shintarou didn’t get curious, which he doubted. Maybe it hadn’t been the most subtle way to tell Shintarou to stay away from the cake, but it would do for now. He _knew_ that Shintarou knew, but as long as they both pretended they didn’t things were fine. Kazunari strutted to the kitchen and watched Shintarou fill up a glass of water.

 

“Should I cook something?” he asked.

 

Shintarou nodded mid-sip. However, afterwards he said, “I can cook as well if you want.”

 

“Joint effort it is, then.” Kazunari stopped by Shintarou’s said and kissed his jaw. He murmured a soft, “I missed you today.”

 

Shintarou hummed. “We were apart for twelve hours.”

 

“Oh, come on, be a little romantic.”

 

“…I missed you too.”

 

“That’s more like it.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s ass. “How was work?”

 

“Awful.” Shintarou opened the fridge and eyed the box before he grabbed a carton of eggs and leftover rice. “We had a new resident coming in today, and he was so nervous he nearly killed a patient by giving her the wrong intravascular medicine.”

 

“Ouch. Your department?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Though he works under Ito, thank god for that.”

 

“Come on, you were a nervous resident back in the day too.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “At least I didn’t nearly kill anyone on my first day.”

 

“I’m sure he’ll be shit-scared to come to work tomorrow. Luckily you’re not his supervisor, he’d be dead tomorrow.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Well…” Kazunari pushed the small of his back against the counter and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Let’s just say that as much as I thoroughly enjoy your bossy mood, I wouldn’t want you to be my boss. You’re pretty strict.”

 

“I’m only working by the standards.”

 

“And you’re good with what you do.” Kazunari tiptoed and smooched Shintarou’s cheek on his way to grab the milk from the fridge. “But I’d pee in my pants if I was a resident and in your care.”

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue. “Either way, they will probably have a discussion with him tomorrow.”

 

“Poor thing.” Kazunari let out a small sigh and shook his head. “I can’t even imagine fucking up so bad on my first day.”

 

“They’ll just talk with him, he can still continue.” Shintarou turned to him. “Are you going to get the milk to the bowl or not?”

 

“What are we even making?”

 

“Omurice.”

 

“I had a hunch.” Kazunari offered a bright smirk and poured enough milk to the beaten eggs. “You came back in a good time, though, the show’s starting soon.”

 

“We better make this fast then.”

 

They did, although it didn’t happen exactly fast as Kazunari stopped Shintarou every now and then to give him smooches here and there (Shintarou grumbled every single time but didn’t seem to object at all).


	188. Law Breaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I look at a prompt and say 'it's Shin-chan's birthday, I don't have to fucking obey you'.
> 
>  _Finally_ we find out how damn old they are. It's been such a mystery for a long time, sorry about that! Already few months ago I came to a final decision about it but decided that since I had been vague about it for so long, I'll just save the 'reveal' for Shintarou's birthday. And look at that - they're old!
> 
> Either way, **happy birthday Shin-chan!!**
> 
> //What I forgot to mention yesterday was that we finally passed 500 000 word-line! Insane! Half a million words! Wow. Seems like we'll be just shy of one million at the end of the year (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

Shintarou woke up to a thought that escaped as soon as he regained full consciousness in the early haze of a morning. Under his breath he groaned and found himself frustrated for not remembering what exactly had been such a powerful thought that had stirred him from the slumber. He muffled a yawn to the damp pillow and rubbed his eyes. Now that he was awake, he gave himself full five minutes and then he’d get out of the bed. He wasn’t the sort of person to lull in bed an hour after he woke up, that was more what Kazunari did and even after the hour Kazunari always complained about having to get up.

 

Now that he was awake, however, little cuddling wouldn’t hurt anybody. He swallowed in another yawn, his nostrils flaring, and rolled on his other side. It took a bit of rubbing to flutter his eyes open, and immediately his brows knitted together. The other side of the bed was utterly empty, and judging by the state of it Kazunari was long gone. _What?_ Shintarou pushed up enough to look at the clock on Kazunari’s nightstand. It was only nine… Safe to say that Kazunari was never awake so early on a day off, Shintarou sank back to the bed and felt funny on the inside. His stomach nipped unpleasantly, and as he stared up at the ceiling, he suddenly remembered.

 

 _Right_. His birthday.

 

He cringed. It was a little suspicious that Kazunari was out of the bed already.

 

Shintarou grasped the edge of the blanket and pulled it over his body rather protectively. If behind that door his family and friends would stand for a very ill-timed birthday party, the last thing he wanted was to be on his boxers like an idiot. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to abolish the ache that settled in his head. So many times he had told Kazunari over the years that he didn’t like surprise parties or celebrating his birthday in general, but Kazunari hardly listened. His fingers trembled, and suddenly he was fully awake without wanting to. So many thoughts raced in his mind all at once, and his heart pounded louder than ever. If there really _was_ a party (which the sensible part of him doubted as it was merely nine am), he would have to force a smile on for the entire day and—

 

“Kazu!” he called just to be on the safe side. His pulse thudded in his ears. When he got no answer within the first few seconds, Shintarou sat up in the middle of the bed and curled his toes into the sheets. “Kazunari?”

 

“Are you awake already?” came a muffled echo of a shout.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat to get his voice out better. “Yes!” he shouted back.

 

“Just stay there!”

 

Reluctantly Shintarou eased himself back into the bed. This didn’t sound good at all. Why did he have to stay here? Or, to ask the more important questions, why did they have to celebrate his birthday in the first place? He was only turning twenty-eight… He shuddered to the thought. Twenty-eight. _Twenty-eight._ Prepared to undergo a premature midlife crisis, he slipped his eyes close and tugged the blanket better over his shuddering body. Exactly two years from now he would be thirty. It didn’t sound too bad, but it _was_ intimidating. Exactly ten years ago he had been only eighteen and starting to learn about life. Now he was twenty-eight and knew more than he wanted to.

 

Highly uncomfortable in the midst of the clingy sheets and the sunshine that sneaked to the room through the slightly parted curtains, he listened the faint noises that came outside the room. He had no idea what Kazunari was planning and why he couldn’t move out of the room, but he worried. He let out a shivery breath and rested his fingers on his pulse on the wrist. Certain that he’d go insane before anything would happen, he stirred to a better position under the blanket. Kazunari had always been like this, making birthdays into big deals… Shintarou didn’t even want to think about his twentieth birthday that had been a disaster in his mind. _Maybe_ he had gotten really good birthday sex with slightly intoxicated Kazunari riding his cock like there was no tomorrow, but that was beyond the point now.

 

Every cell in his body tensed as he heard steps. He pushed to sit up again and gathered enough blanket to cover his lower body. Now he cursed that he had thrown his shirt to the floor during the night for being too hot but didn’t have the time to crouch towards the floor as the door creaked open. He held in his breath.

 

“Happy birthday to you,” Kazunari cooed with his singing voice and pushed in with a tray in his hands and no one else with him.

 

Shintarou could breathe better, but his cheeks turned glowing in an instant.

 

Kazunari grinned. “Happy birthday to you,” he continued singing, “happy _biiirthdaaaay_ dear Shin- _chaaaaan_ … Happy birthday to you.”

 

“Stop it,” Shintarou muttered.

 

Kazunari’s grin was brighter than the midsummer sun as he walked forward with steady steps and not so steady hands. The bowls on the tray clinked together, but the aroma that emitted from them was incredibly good and made Shintarou’s stomach grumble.

 

“Legs straight,” Kazunari ordered, and Shintarou obeyed. Slightly out of breath, Kazunari set the tray over Shintarou’s legs and pulled back to stand beside the bed. “Like promised, no parties today, just a nice breakfast in bed.”

 

Shintarou blinked and reached for his glasses to see it all better. On the tray were all of his favorites, oatmeal porridge, a colorful smoothie, a smaller bowl of sliced fruits, and in the corner was a small card. He began from that and read it quickly (‘Shin-chan, happy 28th birthday! Thank you for sharing so many of your birthdays with me, I hope you continue to do so even in the future. You might be an old geezer now but I don’t love you any less’). Kazunari’s handwriting was rather endearing and made his heart flutter. He took a breath through his nose and looked up at Kazunari, patted the spot beside him and didn’t have to ask twice when Kazunari crawled beside him. His pulse thudding like a maniac, Shintarou leaned in and kissed Kazunari tenderly.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered.

 

Kazunari smooched him again and smiled afterwards. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Thank you,” Shintarou repeated.

 

Kazunari rubbed Shintarou’s chest and rested his head on his shoulder. Below his breath he snickered tenderly. “You won’t be mad at me for wanting a little casual celebration for you, right?”

 

“I think… I’ll survive this year.”

 

“That’s great.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou’s cheek and then peeled away enough to give Shintarou some space. “Besides, you now have a younger lover who’s _not_ an old dinosaur, so you gotta keep up with me.”

 

Shintarou threw him a stare. “You’re four months younger.”

 

“Hey, I’m not the one who’s twenty-eight here!”

 

Shaking his head, Shintarou grabbed the spoon and dipped it into the porridge. It tasted just the way he liked it, soft and little salty with a dash of milk poured into it. He ate with good appetite and offered Kazunari a spoonful now that he was at it. Without a word Kazunari ate it and smiled silly afterwards. The smile was enough for Shintarou’s lips to twist similarly, and he leaned down to kiss Kazunari another time. Sometimes it was okay to be a little love-struck, he decided and nudged his shoulder against Kazunari.

 

“No party afterwards, right?” he asked out of suspicion.

 

“No, you’re only getting me this year.”

 

“That’s a relief,” Shintarou said and sipped from the smoothie. The taste of strawberries mixed with raspberries and banana rolled softly on his tongue. He popped in a piece of orange in his mouth and quivered ever so slightly. “Are you disappointed?”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips. “Not really. I have big plans for you in two years.”

 

Shintarou grunted. “Please don’t.”

 

“I’m going to throw parties for you whenever you turn a significant number.”

 

“What am I marrying myself into?”

 

Kazunari laughed and rubbed Shintarou’s arm. “Should have asked that question years ago, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but didn’t retort anything, didn’t have anything clever on the tip of his tongue at the moment. He opted on eating the porridge but hummed from the throat when Kazunari reached for the fruit bowl and snatched slices of apple.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou said and wiped his chin clean to the back of his palm. “I thought this was my breakfast in bed.”

 

“But you see, I’m entitled to this, it’s a maker’s reward. I woke up at the crack of dawn to prepare this.” Kazunari grinned.

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “Do you want some of the porridge in that case?”

 

“No, babe, it’s your breakfast.” Kazunari winked and kissed the corner of Shintarou’s mouth. “But tell me, do you feel any different now than before? I have to start mentally preparing for my birthday.”

 

“I feel exactly the same.”

 

“Aw, I think you’ve done something wrong then.”

 

Shintarou looked at him, eyed the unshaven stubble on Kazunari’s jaw and the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and realized that he actually _wanted_ to be twenty-eight. Kazunari was at his peak in beauty right now right at the moment, and Shintarou spent a long time staring at him. Grateful of the fact that for once Kazunari didn’t say anything but merely smiled to him, Shintarou held in a breath and kissed Kazunari once more. Maybe it was the sudden age weighing on him, but he had turned into a sappy person and he rather liked it.

 

After tender moments of silence Kazunari finally asked, “Is my old man finally finished with his breakfast?”

 

“Today is the only day you’re allowed to make these jokes, do you understand?”

 

“Understood, sir,” Kazunari said and snickered afterwards. “I’ll take the tray and you sit tight ‘cause I have a surprise for you.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. “Please, this was enough surprise as it was.”

 

“Don’t think this is the only thing.” With a wink Kazunari practically ran out of the room.

 

Shintarou sighed and gathered enough pillows behind his back to rest his stretching stomach. The breakfast had been amazing, and it felt nice for once to not have to craft it himself. He rubbed his abdomen and slipped his eyes shut, took deep breaths and didn’t even want to think about this _surprise_ Kazunari was getting to him. Suspicious sounds echoed around the house, and Shintarou frowned deep. He sat up properly and finally reached for the shirt on the floor, yanked it on and waited.

 

“Tada!”

 

Shintarou turned to look at the doorframe. His mouth dropped open. There stood Kazunari with _boxes_ in his arms, and it took Shintarou a fraction of a second to understand that they had to be presents. He huffed.

 

“You _didn’t_.”

 

“These aren’t from me,” Kazunari defended. “I mean, one of them is, but the others you have to blame the Miracles for wanting to remember their dear friend on his special day.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari had a knowing smirk as he climbed on the bed and set everything down carefully. He grabbed the upmost white box that Shintarou had already seen in the fridge and offered it to him. “Your first present, a little dessert. I brought forks so we can eat straight from the box like cavemen.”

 

Shintarou held in his breath as he opened it. Just like he had suspected last night, it was a cake, but a very nice one. With a green frosting it simply said ‘Happy Birthday’, and he had a hunch where it was from.

 

“Murasakibara?” he asked.

 

“You got it right.” Kazunari gave him a fork. “Dig in, I want to taste. And tell me how it is because I promised to tell him.”

 

Shintarou nodded and scraped some of the cake to the fork. Worried that it would be a sweetness overload, he was pleasantly surprised when he got the cake in his mouth. It was moist but most importantly not at all too sweet. Figuring that it must have been carrot cake judging from the taste, Shintarou nodded and nudged the box towards Kazunari for him to eat. Kazunari did and looked positively happy about it. Some of the frosting remained on the man’s chin, and Shintarou swept it away with his finger that he popped in his mouth. Afterwards he got a tender kiss on his lips. He relaxed thoroughly and simply _enjoyed_.

 

It could have been so much worse after all. A birthday in bed together with his loved one wasn’t so bad at all. That was the consensus of his thoughts when he peeled his mouth away from Kazunari and looked into his eyes.

 

He took more cake to the fork but instead of eating it himself, he offered it to Kazunari. With a grin Kazunari wrapped his lips around the metal and pulled a little, then ate. Kazunari reciprocated the gesture and fed Shintarou a small bite. To the back of his palm Shintarou wiped his mouth clean again and felt his stomach rumble from satisfaction.

 

“Do you want to open your presents?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou cringed. “I thought everyone would know by now that I don’t like presents.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, tough life, Shin-chan. Here, this was from Murasakibara and Himuro.”

 

In his hand Shintarou got a small envelope. Under Kazunari’s watchful eyes he flipped it around and pulled the flap open, and tugged out a card whishing happy birthday on its cover. Positively feeling like he was ten all over again, he opened it and read the scribbled notes from both Atsushi (‘happy birthday mido-chin, i hope you like the cake’) and Tatsuya (‘All the best to you on your 28th birthday, Shintarou, I hope it is the best one you have had so far’) and couldn’t help the smile that twitched on his lips. To the other side of the card was attached a little slip of paper that he showed to Kazunari.

 

“A gift card to a bookstore,” Kazunari read. “That’s just perfect for you.”

 

“This is embarrassing,” Shintarou mumbled as he grabbed the next envelope with Daiki, Ryouta and Tetsuya’s names on top.

 

“It’s just me, hun. It’d be worse if there was dozen people around.”

 

Shintarou had to agree with it. He nodded and gained a smooch to the corner of his mouth, and then opened the next envelope. Again there was a card, this with painted flowers on its cover, and as soon as he opened it, fifteen thousand yens dropped on his lap. He inhaled sharply and felt his cheeks glow even hotter than before. Feverishly he eyed the notes from Daiki (‘we didn’t know what else to give you so have money, I’d love to see your face right now’), Ryouta (‘Happy Birthday, Midorimacchi!!’) and Tetsuya (‘ _’Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years’_. Happy Birthday, Midorima-kun’) and felt a little flustered afterwards. In his mind he gave thanks to the trio and put the money carefully back in the envelope with the card.

 

He turned to stare at the two presents still left. One of them was larger than necessary, one small and compact in the perfect square shape. Kazunari looked at him with arched brows, fingers clearly itching. Shintarou sighed and reached for the smaller one.

 

“Don’t open that yet,” Kazunari said.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s from me and I want you to save it for the last. Open this one, here. It’s from Akashi.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips flat and took the present in his lap. It was of unusual size coming from Akashi; if the two of them exchanged presents, they were always books or gift cards to some place, not in the size of _this_. Thus he was a little wary as he opened the ribbon as carefully as he could without breaking it and slipped his finger underneath one flap of wrapping paper. He took his time unfolding it and hummed as Kazunari rested his head on his shoulder. His fingertips trembled as the wrapping paper finally uncovered another box. It was shining black, of sturdy material, and looked somewhat intimidating.

 

Not sure what was going on, he opened the box nonetheless. On top was a small envelope, but it really wasn’t the thing that attracted his attention the most. He moved the envelope aside and looked at the small collection of… Were those vibrators? Shintarou’s eyes widened. On a soft cushion rested variety of small vibrators, a blindfold, a _riding crop_ , handcuffs, nipple clamps, a gag ball, three different cock rings…

 

It was a sex kit. A BDSM starting kit by the looks of it.

 

Kazunari looked just as shocked as he felt. “Wow,” he muttered. “That’s… _wow_.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t muster out a word. He felt even more flustered as he stared at the steel vibrators and hastily grabbed the envelope with quivering fingers. He pulled the card out with speed unlike before and read through Akashi’s note as quickly as possible. ‘Happy birthday, Shintarou. You’re probably wondering what I have given to you as a present but rest assured, it is merely a joke. Your real gift is your chosen weekend at an onsen, but do enjoy the other present however you seem suitable’, it said.

 

“It’s a joke,” Shintarou managed to muster out.

 

Kazunari laughed beside him. “He really knows how to surprise people, all right. Look at that—Just look at those vibrators, they look like quality stuff.”

 

Not knowing what to make out of the joke at all, Shintarou closed the box hastily and tried to forget all about his pounding heartbeat. The few instances that he had visited a sex shop in his lifetime he had always coyly walked past _this_ kind of stuff and then in the safety of another shelf looked towards the toys. Now they lied on his bed in his lap, and his insides shriveled.

 

Kazunari leaned closer and kissed the lobe of his ear. “We can always use them later today—“

 

“No,” Shintarou said. “No—no.”

 

Just a little bit Kazunari pulled back and frowned, but brought his hand on the small of Shintarou’s back and rubbed soothingly. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah—Yeah, of course. This is just a joke, we’re not using them.” He let out a strained chuckle and nudged the box farther away from him with his fingertips like it was made out of pure poison. He put the envelope on top of the others.

 

Although Kazunari didn’t look all too convinced, he still took the final present in his hand and offered it to Shintarou. “There’s still this one if you want to open it.”

 

Shintarou nodded. He spent the few seconds of opening the wrapping paper to calm himself down and once he got a hold of himself again, he took a deep breath and kissed the corner of Kazunari’s eye. “I told you not to get me anything,” he said.

 

“I know but… I couldn’t resist the temptation.”

 

Shintarou looked at him a moment longer and then turned his gaze to the small black square in his hands.

 

“It’s not some bullet vibrator if that’s what you’re worried,” Kazunari remarked.

 

“Funny,” Shintarou dryly said and opened the box without caution.

 

On a white cushion lied a watch. Not just any kind of watch, either, but the one he had spotted ages ago but had deemed too expensive to actually buy. He lifted it up and examined it, the leather of the straps absolutely gorgeous and the little hands already pointing the right time. Feeling wordless all of a sudden, he turned to Kazunari and gave him a narrowed look.

 

“Why did you get me this?”

 

“Because you’ve been wanting it for _so_ long. Here, let me.” Kazunari grabbed the watch and yanked Shintarou’s hand to himself, and attached the present around the man’s wrist. “See? Looks pretty damn good on you.”

 

“It’s too expensive,” Shintarou tried quietly as he eyed the watch. It really was beautiful. He hadn’t had a working one in years, but this one was really too much. He parted his lips in protest but didn’t manage to say a word when Kazunari kissed him square on the lips. For once he decided to be a good person and, once the kiss broke, whispered a gentle, “Thank you.”

 

Kazunari smiled. “You’re very welcome.”

 

Shintarou hooked his arm around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him closer against him. Even if he tried he couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend his birthday. Intimate celebration like this was so much better than being surrounded by handfuls of people and having to socialize. Now he could close his eyes and listen the silence and the occasional huffs and puffs that Kazunari let out of his mouth. Shintarou kissed the top of Kazunari’s head and slowly opened his eyes, examined the mess they had made of the bed and the watch on his wrist (he definitely avoided looking at Seijuurou’s joke of a gift). Just like this he felt content. He was _happy_. It was a whole other feeling from the one that had took him over when he was sixteen and suddenly very certain that he would spend the rest of his life alone.

 

Powered by the thought, he kissed Kazunari again, and again, and again until they were both breathless and making an even bigger mess out of the sheets.

 

Shintarou scooped Kazunari in his arms and deepened the kiss, tilted his head and peppered several smooches all around his laughing fiancé’s face. Beneath him Kazunari squirmed and wiggled but locked him in a tight grip, then cupped his face and kissed the tip of his nose.

 

“Are we really about to have celebratory sex?” Kazunari’s breath was warm and positively arousing.

 

Shintarou looked into Kazunari’s eyes that were as dark and beautiful as the entire universe. He swallowed thickly and rolled his eyes shut, and as soon as he opened them he received another kiss on the tip of his nose. He settled better on his knees on the bed. There were long legs draped around his waist, envelopes here and there, the box of cake just barely balancing on the edge of the bed together with their new and shiny sex kit.

 

“I suppose it’s a tradition by now,” he quietly said.

 

“I’d hate to break a tradition,” Kazunari agreed and kissed Shintarou, left him utterly lightheaded. “And since you’re the birthday boy… You can decide everything.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “Every…thing?”

 

“ _Everything_ ,” Kazunari promised with a heated whisper and wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders. “So Shin-chan… How should we celebrate your birthday?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “How is your chest feeling? It won’t strain you too much if we do this, will it?”

 

Kazunari huffed and rolled his eyes. “It won’t stop me from having sex with you, that’s for sure. Come on, birthday boy, don’t think about _that_ now. How should we do this, sugar?”

 

Eventually Shintarou didn’t think twice as he said, “Just like this.”

 

Kazunari’s smirk was teasing and bright, but it disappeared as soon as Shintarou kissed him deeply. Now he hated the fact that he had pulled on his shirt but decided not to be bothered about it as he rolled his hips gently against Kazunari’s with the energy of a twenty-eight year old. It might have not been the same amount of energy that he had harbored at eighteen but at least now it was packed with years’ worth of love and experience, and he wouldn’t have changed it into anything else.

 

He dove straight into several kisses that were mesmerizing and tasted of carrot cake, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way at the moment. Birthdays suddenly didn’t seem that bad at all now that he really thought it through, and Shintarou basked in the wonderful realization. He even smiled against Kazunari’s lips and knew that nothing could wrong – it was his lucky day, after all, the one day in the year when nothing would for certain go wrong.

 

They celebrated his 28th birthday with sweet lovemaking that echoed through the entire house and left both of them exhausted and tangled in the midst of damp sheets and with each other.


	189. The Cost of...

Shintarou couldn’t remember the last time he had been _this_ relieved to get back home after a long day of work. As he opened the front door he heaved out a heavy sigh and was more than happy to get the shoes off from his aching feet. In the midst of the hallway’s dimness he stood still and collected himself back into a stable unit. Nothing exactly bad had happened at work, it had simply been a bad day without any casualties and he couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason why he felt so drained.

 

He didn’t bother to shout the usual ‘I’m home’ as he heard the television being loud. A little irritated and not sure if he had the energy to watch some ridiculous drama that Kazunari liked, Shintarou swallowed in another sigh and discarded his bag behind him as he took few steps forward. Without him properly noticing at first he had two cats by his feet out of the blue, meowing and purring as if they hadn’t seen him in ages. Their eyes gleamed as they looked up at him, and Shintarou pondered which one to pick up in his arms. He went with Ao and lifted the girl up, rubbed her head and gained a quiet meow. Ushi remained by his feet and pushed his cheek against his calf and strutted beside him when they walked. Halfway down the corridor Shintarou put Ao down and lifted Ushi in his arms for the sake of being fair and emerged to the living room.

 

On the couch sat Kazunari, comfortably, slumping, with a laptop in his lap and barely even watching the television that was too noisy. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and put the tomcat down on the floor as well before he grabbed the remote and punched the volume button to get the noise level significantly down.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said and lifted his gaze from the laptop. He held a smile on his lips, but it twitched lower the longer he looked at him. “You look pretty grumpy.”

 

“Tiring day.” Shintarou moved behind Kazunari by the couch and rubbed his shoulders. It lured out a quiet, breathy groan from his fiancé, and at the moment it cheered him up a little. It definitely made him continue with the spontaneous massage. He peeked towards the laptop’s screen and frowned lightly. “What are you doing?”

 

Kazunari clicked his tongue. “Trying to search for the entrance exam books, but they’re ridiculously expensive. I’m not going to pay fourteen thousand from one book when I need three of them. How do the kids even pay them?”

 

Shintarou’s frown deepened. He thought a second and then said, “Wait a second.”

 

Without explaining himself further he retreated his steps back to the hallway and searched for his wallet. Once he found it, he only grabbed his credit card with him and returned back hastily. With a small smile on his lips he offered the card to Kazunari.

 

“Here.”

 

Kazunari looked at the card, then at him, then at the card again and suddenly looked almost mad. “What are you doing?”

 

“Buy the books.”

 

“You really missed my point, Shin-chan.”

 

“Just take it.” Shintarou tried to offer the card to Kazunari who flatly refused.

 

“Come on—I’ve got a credit card of my own, if I wanted to buy them I would have. Don’t shove money to my face.”

 

Truthfully, Shintarou felt a little sting of guilt from yesterday. Surely it had been his birthday, but Kazunari had bought his gift from his own money. They operated with three accounts, one to each of them and then a joint one that was most frequently used on a daily basis, but now he tried to give something back but Kazunari refused to take it. A bit of annoyance bubbling in his stomach, Shintarou dropped the card on the couch and gave up.

 

“Sorry,” he muttered and rubbed his nape.

 

Kazunari looked up at him, and his tense lips softened into a smile. He twisted his body just enough and worked his fingers through Shintarou’s hair, rubbed his chin and then pulled back. “It’s okay, but you know I don’t like that.”

 

“I know.” Shintarou sighed.

 

“Come here.” Kazunari patted the spot on the couch beside him.

 

Finding no reason to decline, Shintarou circled around the furniture and sat on the spot. A little curious, he looked at the laptop’s screen better and read out loud the title of the book Kazunari had been browsing. He sighed, shook his head and relaxed better on the spot.

 

“It’s only hundred and fifty pages and then they want me to pay so much for it,” Kazunari grumbled.

 

“I really could buy it for you,” Shintarou tried quietly. “It’s an investment after all.”

 

“Investment or not, we’re not paying that much from something like this. And then three times!” Kazunari shook his head and sighed, discarded the laptop and still held a grumble on his lips. “I just need to find a way to get them cheaper.”

 

“…You could go to the library.”

 

Kazunari’s frown was almost _adorable_ as he turned to look at Shintarou. “You’re genius,” he breathed all of a sudden. “I didn’t even think about that.”

 

Shintarou bristled just a little bit from satisfaction.

 

“But now that I think about it, I don’t even know where our nearest library is.”

 

“Few blocks from us,” Shintarou helped.

 

“ _Oh_. Then maybe I’ll drop by there tomorrow after work.”

 

“But if you don’t find them, I can— _mmhm_.”

 

Shintarou couldn’t finish the sentence when Kazunari pressed his palm tightly over his mouth and made it nearly impossible to muster out a sound.

 

“Is this about the watch?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou’s eyes went wide. He shook his head as the initial reaction but knew that Kazunari knew better. Sometimes, naively so, he still underestimated how well they knew each other and how Kazunari managed to pick up the little signs. Shintarou sighed and nodded slowly.

 

“Well, don’t be like this.” Kazunari pulled his hand away from Shintarou’s mouth but stroked his cheek nonetheless. “It was your _birthday_. I’m allowed to pamper you a little once a year since you didn’t let me get you a Christmas gift.”

 

“I don’t think I really did anything to deserve it.” Shintarou shrugged.

 

“You turned twenty-eight, I think that’s achievement enough.” Kazunari ruffled Shintarou’s hair, turned it utterly messy and grinned seemingly at his masterpiece. Soon he sighed, however, and sank better into the couch. “You’re so weird with money, I’m not gonna lie. You don’t have any problems spending it on me or someone else but as soon as someone’s buying you something… It’s like hell breaking loose.”

 

“That’s not true,” Shintarou defended.

 

Kazunari gave him a knowing look.

 

“ _Maybe_ it’s true,” Shintarou admitted and quickly added, “But it’s only reasonable.”

 

“It’s not, really. It was your birthday gift, okay? I don’t want anything back because of it.”

 

Unease snarled in Shintarou’s bones but he didn’t voice it out. He simply nodded and decided to learn to be a bit more relaxed about the matter. If Kazunari said that it wasn’t as reasonable as he thought it was, maybe it indeed wasn’t. He let out a long sigh and carefully moved an arm around Kazunari’s shoulders. Kazunari took the hint immediately and burrowed in the crook of the arm, rubbed his stomach gently and turned to the television.

 

“I think I’m really going to the library tomorrow,” Kazunari said absentmindedly. “Do you need something from there?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Mm… I hope they’ll have the books or otherwise I really don’t know what to do.” Kazunari sighed and shook his head. “But tell me, what was so tiring about your day?”

 

Shintarou told and Kazunari listened.


	190. Who Took It?

The library was a quieter place than Kazunari remembered, thus he held awe in his bones as he took slow steps between the tall shelves and eyed the countless books lined up perfectly in them. He had a small hunch where the things he needed were, but he rather took the sight in first and savored it as he wasn’t sure when would be the instance he’d actually come back. His eyes rested on the sight, and he simply knew that he had come to the right place. Here and there sat students by the wooden tables, either surrounded by piles of books or piles of books _and_ a laptop. Everywhere he walked he saw scrunched brows knitting to frowns but most importantly, it was dead silent.

 

Just to be on the safe side he turned his phone on vibration, wouldn’t have wanted to bother any hard-working student. He squinted his eyes to read the small post-it note the nice lady in the reception had wrote to him when he asked the whereabouts of the books he needed. The numbers were simple on the paper, but the whole system of cataloging the books got Kazunari confused. He twirled around the same shelves multiple times before he realized that he wasn’t even in the right spot and walked across the hall. His steps echoed, and he gained few nasty looks. He smiled apologetically and hurried without making too much sound.

 

Kazunari turned between two shelves and then swirled around immediately upon seeing two teenagers tangled to each other half naked and panting in the secluded corner. His heart pounded, but he tried his best to forget the scene without thinking how oddly sexy it would be to get things going with Shintarou in someplace like the library. Of course Shintarou would never agree to it as he wasn’t a fan of sex in public places, but there was something arousing in the fear of possibly getting caught. Kazunari knew that there were no words in the world he could use to convince Shintarou to do that, thus he brushed the thoughts off and finally found the right shelf.

 

Finding the right set of books, however, proved to be more difficult. He examined the colorful spines and puckered his lips, scratched his chin and reread the titles. He eventually spotted the first one up the shelf, way out of his reach, and looked frantically around. A small stool was right by his side, and with a small smile Kazunari grabbed it and with the help of it managed to grab the right one. He put the book to wait on the floor as he continued the search for the next two. Every book seemed to have only single copy, and he really hoped that no one had snatched the important ones away.

 

He held the urge to whistle but swallowed it down as he remembered exactly where he was. He chewed his bottom lip and bobbed his head to the rhythm, found the second book and grabbed in his hands. Systematically he went through the books with the thought that Shintarou would have probably already found everything necessary had he been here with him. At the same time he thought that he couldn’t rely on his Shin-chan for _everything_ , so Kazunari took a deep breath through his nose and continued the search.

 

It took a handful of minutes, but eventually he got the last one as well. He hopped back on the floor with a smile on his face, but the smile shriveled as soon as he looked down at the floor and didn’t see the first book he had put down. He frowned and twirled around in the search of it but it seemed to have disappeared for good.

 

“Who took it?” he whispered and kept swirling around. By the nearest table sat a little girl who looked at him with eyes of the size of plates. Kazunari took a small step towards her and smiled gently. “Hey,” he whispered. “I put a book on the floor and now it’s gone, did you happen to see who took it?”

 

The girl said nothing as she sucked her finger, but she was quick to point towards the direction ahead of them.

 

Kazunari gave her thumbs up. “Thanks.”

 

He hurried as fast as he could without making too loud steps. In the midst of the occupied tables he tiptoed and tried to find the culprit. It should have been easy, he figured, since the book had such a colorful cover, and indeed he was quick to spot it in a teenager’s embrace as the boy looked up at a shelf. Kazunari took a deep breath and approached him.

 

“Hey,” he whispered and managed to attract the teenager’s attention (although he looked disinterested). He pointed at the book. “That was kind of mine… Sorry.”

 

“It wasn’t.”

 

Kazunari blinked. He held the smile on his lips. “It was, actually. I got it out from the shelf and put it on the floor so I could get these.”

 

The boy smiled, but it seemed somehow ironic. “I don’t remember you having dibs on it.”

 

“I… kind of did, you know. I took it out of the shelf. It’s mine.” Kazunari frowned lightly as he stared at the boy who had to be at least a decade younger than him. “I really need it.”

 

“So do I.” The boy sounded a little cocky. “So stop bothering me.”

 

“I’m not bothering you,” Kazunari insisted, his voice a little raised. “But that was my book and I’d really want it back.”

 

“Yeah? You’re not getting it because I need it to get to university.”

 

“Me too!”

 

The boy frowned and looked at him from head to toe. After the inspection he smirked. “You’re _old_ , don’t bullshit me.”

 

Kazunari’s mouth fell agape. “I’m not old,” he insisted and tightened his grasp from the books he hugged against his chest. “And I need it just as much as you do, and I happened to have it first.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, old geezer. Fuck off, will you? I’m kind of busy.”

 

“I’m not going to _fuck off_ until you give me the damn book!”

 

“What’s the matter here?” a drowsy female voice asked behind him.

 

Kazunari looked at the librarian over his shoulder and sighed from relief. He parted his lips for a quiet protest but the boy beat him to it.

 

“Ma’am,” the boy said with widened eyes. “I’m terribly sorry, but this man is causing disruption, he stomped across the room and came to shout at me.”

 

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Is that so?”

 

Kazunari shook his head and gave the boy a glare before he turned to her. “That’s not true,” he said with a whisper. “This guy took _my_ book that I had put it on the floor while I was searching for these, and now he won’t give it back to me.”

 

“It’s library property,” the woman dryly said. “It’s not yours.”

 

“Ma’am—Please, I understand, but I really need that book and he snatched it.”

 

“The thing about your lousy generation is that they are always looking for the youth to blame.” She shook her head and gave him a judgmental stare before she looked at behind him. “Go on, boy. And don’t raise your voice anymore.”

 

“Thanks,” the boy said and disappeared.

 

Kazunari huffed and clicked his tongue. “What do you even mean, my generation? It’s _your_ generation blaming the teenagers.”

 

She narrowed her eyes. “Do I need to remove you from this library?”

 

“I’m just saying that this is completely unfair because _I_ had the book first and—“

 

“Do I need to remove you from the library, sir?”

 

Kazunari blinked. Something bad bubbled in his stomach and wanted to escape from his mouth in the form of angry words, but he swallowed them down and shook his head. “No, ma’am,” he muttered between his clenched teeth. “I was already on my way out.”

 

“Don’t forget the check those books out. I’ll have my eyes on you.”

 

Feeling like _he_ was eighteen all over again, Kazunari turned around his heels and practically rushed to the self-check machine. He could feel the woman’s eyes on his back, which brought shivers down his spine and skin. Below his breath he grumbled from annoyance and cursed the whole public library system to the lowest hell. Maybe he should have taken Shintarou’s offer and get those books online without having to be shoved around like this. He shook his head and grabbed the two books he had at least managed to get and got out.

 

His annoyance only grew once he reached home and Shintarou wasn’t there yet. Not wanting to open up to the cats who would surely only look up at him with rounded eyes and meow as an answer, Kazunari strutted to the kitchen and threw the canvas bag on the kitchen island. Annoyed _and_ hungry, he yanked the fridge door open and searched for something ready to eat. When he found none, he grabbed the ingredients for miso soup and began to prepare it with grumble still on his lips.

 

When the front door opened and closed fifteen minutes later, Kazunari didn’t bother to hold back anymore.

 

“Can you _believe_ what happened today?” he shouted for Shintarou hear in the hallway and chopped the tofu more aggressively than was necessary. “I went to the library, I found the right shelf for the books and grabbed the first one and put it on the floor to wait because I don’t have five arms. Then this snotty brat comes and steals it from me and then _refuses_ to give it back to me!”

 

Silence answered him. He continued nonetheless and swayed the knife.

 

“And he called me old and made it sound like I don’t need it at all, and this damn grumpy librarian swoops in to the rescue and she’s all _oh, your generation is shitty, respect the youth, blah blah blah_ ,” Kazunari mimicked and gritted his teeth together. “So in the end _I_ get in trouble for it, and the brat gets away with it. He probably wasn’t even eighteen and had no damn manners… Are you listening?”

 

He heard steps come towards the kitchen and looked over his shoulder, ready to scold Shintarou for not listening, but the words dried in his mouth when he saw the look on his lover’s face. Shintarou’s cheeks were pale and his gaze a mess, the overall expression shaken and not really in this moment anymore, feet dragging, the whole tall frame far from straightened. Slowly Kazunari put down the knife and wiped his hands dry to the towel hanging nearby.

 

“What’s wrong?” he murmured gently and approached him.

 

Shintarou moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue. “This… child died today in our department. He had been waiting for a new heart since the beginning of the year and all the doctors liked him and now he just… I had to call the parents to come back, they had just left.”

 

“Oh, honey…” Kazunari wrapped his arms around Shintarou and hugged him tight. He closed his eyes and felt Shintarou tremble against him, which made him rub his back as soothingly as he could. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“It just made me think of you.” Shintarou’s breath was warm and tickled Kazunari’s nape. “And how I don’t want to be in that situation.”

 

Kazunari reached his neck enough to kiss Shintarou’s jawline. “You won’t,” he promised. “I won’t die.”

 

“Death is unexpected, Kazunari.” Shintarou peeled back enough and looked into Kazunari’s eyes whilst his own looked unbelievably raw. “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“You won’t. You won’t, Shin-chan.”

 

“You know, I was the one who talked to the parents when they came back. I don’t… _ever_ want to be in that situation in their position.”

 

Kazunari cupped Shintarou’s face in his palms. “You won’t—“

 

“Because all the years I’ve tried my best to follow fate, to make sure that even if Scorpio happens to be in a low ranking that you’d still be safe—“

 

“Shin-chan—“

 

“—but it didn’t stop you from having _this_ , so why would it stop you from dying too young?” Shintarou quivered. “Death just _appears_ , and I can’t—can’t handle it if you’ll be the next on in my life to simply disappear—“

 

“Shin-chan!” Kazunari raised his voice and managed to make Shintarou press his lips tightly together. He looked at his lover as tenderly as he could whilst rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. “I know you worry so much, and I know that me telling you that it won’t happen won’t make you feel any better. But what I can do is to promise that I will do _everything_ in my power to prevent myself from dying prematurely.”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

Kazunari worked his fingers through the green hair that felt a little dirty but it didn’t stop him from stroking few strands behind the roundness of the ears. “I’m making miso,” he tried. “I hope you’re hungry.”

 

“I am.” Shintarou sounded a little muffled but cleared his throat and straightened his posture. His cheeks glowed and he looked positively embarrassed. “You… What did you say about the library again?”

 

Kazunari smiled and patted Shintarou’s hip. “There was this stupid kid who stole my book, and this old librarian woman was mean as hell.”

 

“Hm… Hair in a really tight bun and gaudy clothes?”

 

“Sounds about right.”

 

Shintarou shook his head. “That woman has worked there forever, I saw her there the first time in the first year of high school. She’s… a character for sure.”

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

“Did you find your books?”

 

“Two out of three, so I guess that’s a success.” Kazunari shrugged. “I’ll start with them and go check if the brat has returned the book in few weeks.”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

Reluctantly Kazunari peeled away from him. “Would you need anything to make you feel better?”

 

“Maybe…” Shintarou turned redder. “Maybe a kiss.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I’ll give you as many kisses as you want, come here.”

 

He tiptoed and took Shintarou back in his arms, smooched his lips once and then several times more. They all remained as short ones but Shintarou didn’t seem to mind as he hooked his arms around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him closer. Kazunari hummed softly from the throat and tilted his head, kissed the soft pair of lips few times more and then looked up at Shintarou. The man still looked a little miserable but his mouth was twitching higher. Kazunari kissed him once more and then pulled back.

 

“Better?” he asked.

 

“Yes. Thank you.”

 

“Any time you want, Shin-chan, you know it’s not a problem.” Kazunari returned back to the counter and grabbed the knife. “Are you taking a shower now or later?”

 

“Later,” grunted Shintarou and was suddenly right behind him and hugging him.

 

Kazunari startled but relaxed to the embrace. He gained a kiss on his shoulder and then to the corner of his mouth when he turned his head enough to the right direction. If something like this made Shintarou feel better about everything, then Kazunari was more than ready to stay in the embrace for the rest of the day. He knew that Shintarou worried easily, stressed quietly and thought feverishly about everything all the time, but it was a side of his future husband that he had gotten used to and knew how to deal with it. He pushed his body better in Shintarou’s arms and continued to chop the tofu.

 

“I think I’m going to start studying tomorrow,” he said when the stock finally began to boil. “You know, try to get the hang of it.”

 

“That would be an interesting sight to see.”

 

“Hey, I’m not eighteen and more interested in getting my boyfriend to fuck me anymore.” Kazunari huffed and shook his head. “It was just my hormones getting crazy back then, alright? You were hot and I loved your dick, what can I say?”

 

Shintarou kissed the side of Kazunari’s nape. “Are those things no longer true then?”

 

“Oh, shush, you know exactly what I think about you and your body parts.” Kazunari nudged his elbow gently against Shintarou’s stomach. “But I’m going to take it slow this time and really focus. I guess it’ll be better because now I’m actually interested in the stuff. I already got to a university once, how hard can it really be again?”

 

Shintarou hummed. “That sounds like the spirit you should be having.”

 

“But you _could_ tutor me so then we could play out that teacher-student fantasy you love.”

 

Startling, Shintarou pulled away. “I don’t have such a fantasy,” he said, flustered.

 

Kazunari gave him a look. “Are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely,” Shintarou insisted.

 

“So… The few times that we’ve actually done it over the years—“

 

“Not a word more.” Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re even talking about in the first place.”

 

“Okay, sorry, my bad.” Kazunari shrugged. “But just do know that our uniforms are somewhere nearby if you ever have the need to use them.”

 

“Right. Thank you for that pointless piece of information that I won’t ever use in my life.”

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

Shintarou grumbled. “I think I’ll take that shower now after all.”

 

“Are you sure? Dinner’s almost done. If you could just set the table before you go then…”

 

Shintarou sighed but complied nonetheless, reached for the deep bowls in the cupboard and stopped beside Kazunari. They looked at each for a second, and as Kazunari grinned, Shintarou kissed him.

 

“I’m proud of you,” Shintarou muttered.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Save that for the moment if I actually get in.”

 

“ _When_ you get in,” Shintarou corrected tenderly. “But I am proud of you already for taking the step to the direction where you want to go.”

 

“Well, you know, I don’t want to be stuck in a supermarket for the rest of my life.” Kazunari patted Shintarou’s bottom. “Now go be sappy while you set the table, please.”

 

“I’m not being sappy,” muttered Shintarou but walked towards the dining table nonetheless.

 

Kazunari grabbed a spoon from the drawer and tasted the soup, hesitated but added more spices anyway. His mind was a slight mess and a mixture of everything from lingering annoyance to worry about Shintarou. He took his thoughts away from everything unnecessary, though, when Shintarou returned and gave him a hug. In the embrace it was easy to forget about idiotic teenagers and worries about possibly dying, and it brought a smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, guys. I've really struggled lately. It's not showing yet, but in the matter of few days the fics are getting both shorter and shittier. Why? The reason why I started this challenge in the first place was because my life was utterly boring and nothing ever happened to me. Well... Happy things have happened to me in the course of few weeks. It's getting harder to concentrate on something like this. I love this thing from the bottom of my heart, but suddenly my mind is filled with other things that seem so much more important. I'm trying my hardest to balance this and real life, but this isn't _as_ important as it was in the beginning of the year when I was utterly miserable.
> 
> The point is, I'm really sorry that the quality is going to drop, and I hope that you struggle through this with me (because I'm certainly not happy with my writing). We can do this... Right?


	191. The Patent Office

Kazunari carried the necessary books, a notebook and a thick pencil case to the kitchen and set them all down on the marble countertop, looked at the sight and smiled proudly. Today was _the_ day when he’d finally hit the books after years and years of not doing that, and something about it made him excited. He had hardly ever been excited about studying when he had been younger; he had had his strong subjects that he liked, but at the same time his hormones had been going a little wild and his boyfriend had been discovering his sexuality too. Now there was no chance of any of that happening, thus Kazunari loosely crossed his arms over his chest and simply looked at the sight with a smile on his lips.

 

He made sure that everything was perfect, the books in a suitable position, the pens lined up nicely, the notebook not having a single smudge inside. Some of it he had learned from Shintarou watching him prepare for exams back in the day, and although someone (or rather, Shintarou) might have considered him a slightly messy person, he liked order just as much as the next guy. Kazunari was about to sit down on the stool but stopped mid-air, turned around his heels and did the first pee break of the afternoon. Afterwards he came back and sank on the small chair.

 

Knowing his lover, Kazunari was sure that Shintarou would have scolded him for the choice of environment, but it was a perfectly nice spot and the hum of the fridge was soothing. He rolled his shoulders back and cleared his throat, pondered which book to read first and grabbed the thinner one about patent offices. Not sure _how_ exactly it was relevant to the degree he wanted to have, he shrugged the thought off and opened to the introduction page. He took in a deep breath through his nose and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, collected himself, patted himself on the back for doing this in the first place, and slowly fluttered his eyes open. He fixed his gaze on the words on the pure white page and began to read.

 

He made it through three lines when vigorous meowing started to echo somewhere near his feet. Startling out of his thoughts, Kazunari looked down and saw Ushi sitting right beside the stool on the floor. The boy meowed several times in a row, then remained quiet, and then began the whole show all over again. His eyes were tightly fixed on Kazunari, although in the middle they closed as he yawned and revealed his teeth. Kazunari chuckled and got up on his feet. Ushi pressed himself against his leg immediately.

 

“You hungry?” Kazunari asked and strutted to the cupboard where they kept the cats’ stuff. “Such a cute little boy you are… Yes, yes, I’m getting out your food, no need to push your head against me.”

 

Ushi had definitely grown into an energetic boy, and Kazunari wouldn’t have guessed that he had once been a stray. As he opened the bag with scissors, Ushi stretched on the floor and then strutted a circle around his feet. Kazunari grabbed a small bowl and by the counter put enough food in it, then placed the bowl down, and a second later Ao rushed to the kitchen as well with the speed of lightning.

 

A smile tugged on Kazunari’s lips, and he gave the little girl rubs and food as well before he slipped back to sit on the stool. It was difficult to concentrate when the cats were right _there_ looking so damn cute whilst eating in all peace beside each other. Kazunari looked at them a good while before he forced himself to look back at the book. He took a deep breath and searched the line where he had last left and continued reading slowly, grabbed a marker and every now and then highlighted something that seemed relevant. As much as he wanted to complain to the empty house how none of it was of any relevance, he supposed it had a bigger meaning and turned the page.

 

His gaze began to wander five minutes later, and he found himself staring at the magnets on the fridge’s door. The ones he had brought from China almost a decade ago were still there, together with one that had their picture on it. Kazunari frowned lightly as he looked through them, and then squinted his eyes to read the upcoming grocery shopping list that Shintarou had began to craft few days ago. Did it say eggs? Kazunari stretched his neck forward and tried to find the correct item in the midst of the neat handwriting but couldn’t. He had to fix it for the sake of getting the list right, he figured and hopped off the chair. Adding the eggs to the list took a longer time as he found sudden cravings starting from yoghurt to passion fruit, and he jotted all of them down one by one. He took a step back few minutes later and looked at the creation with a grin.

 

He turned around and approached the island again when a familiar ringtone echoed in the house. Figuring out that he _had_ to answer the call, he rushed to the other side of the house and grabbed his phone. The screen flashed the name ‘Kise’ time after time, and with a grin Kazunari answered.

 

“Hey,” he chirped.

 

“ _Hey, Takaocchi! How are you?_ ” Ryouta sounded oddly bubbly, even more so than usual.

 

Kazunari tiptoed and took slow steps around the coffee table in the living room. “Good, good, you know, studying.”

 

“ _Studying? Oh, good luck with_ that.” A huff echoed on Ryouta’s side. “ _Anyway, do you want to come by my place tonight? We can be lousy and drink wine on the couch_.”

 

“Mm…” Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and felt his fingertips tingle. He really wanted to, _really_ wanted to, but when he turned around and opened his eyes, the books stared at him from the kitchen. As tempting as a glass of wine sounded, he said, “I don’t think I can do tonight, I really have to start making sense of the exam material.”

 

“ _That’s okay, maybe next time_.”

 

“Hey, how about we go out some night? Just the two of us. I know that Murasakibara’s shop is opening next week and then you’ll drop by with Akashi, but maybe after all of that?”

 

“ _Yeah, that sounds really good_ ,” Ryouta assured. “ _I’ve already started to think about the suits, and I’m sure they’ll turn out absolutely amazing. I don’t want to spoil anything, but you’ll look gorgeous._ ”

 

Kazunari smiled to his toes. “I’m sure they’ll be beautiful since you’re working on them.”

 

“ _Aw, please, Takaocchi! No need for flattery_.” Ryouta snickered. “ _Mm, I think I’m going to call someone else to see if anyone’s free_.”

 

“Where’s Kasamatsu?”

 

“ _Visiting his sister. We’re taking it casual, not trying to jump into anything headfirst, you know? I want this to work out_.”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips in thought. “Hey,” he began and couldn’t help but drop to sit down on the couch. “Hypothetically speaking, if Aomine was dating someone, would you like to know?”

 

Ryouta stayed quiet for a long time. “ _No_ ,” he eventually said. “ _Aominecchi can do what he wants and it doesn’t concern me anymore. If he’s dating someone, good for him. We’re both moving on, right? I mean—Is it a boyfriend?_ ”

 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to know.”

 

“ _Yeah… Yeah. He’ll probably bring the poor thing to the shop’s opening anyway, I’ll see him there. Do you think the invitation was us plus an avec?_ ”

 

“I think so.”

 

“ _Maybe in that case I’ll try to drag Kasamatsu along. Anyway, I’ll let you continue studying, I’ll see you soon!_ ”

 

“See you,” Kazunari said and ended the call.

 

For a moment he simply sat on the couch and reflected on things. If he and Shintarou would ever break up, things would be awful – they shared a circle of friends so they’d be bound to meet after a breakup. Shivers ran down his spine, and he pushed himself up. The last thing he wanted to think about was breaking up when they were the happiest they had ever been together. Still shuddering, he slipped back on the stool by the kitchen island and grabbed the book. He began to read despite exhaustion already pooled in the back of his eyes.

 

He only managed on the tenth page with few more highlights when the front door opened. A loud grumble escaped straight from his throat, and he shut the book and gave up. It seemed like the universe insisted that he didn’t study today, thus he didn’t even bother. His posture slumped, and he didn’t bother to pick it up when Shintarou stopped by the doorframe.

 

“What are you doing?” Shintarou asked.

 

“I was _trying_ to study, but apparently I’m not allowed to today.” Kazunari sighed and grabbed the book, and swayed it. “What does patent offices have anything to do with teaching kids anyway?”

 

Shintarou frowned and approached. “Maybe they simply want to test how well you absorb knowledge,” he tried and stopped beside Kazunari. “Why aren’t you allowed to study today?”

 

“The universe is against it. I think the stars aren’t properly aligned today.”

 

“Are you making fun of it?”

 

“Of course not!” Kazunari slipped his hand to the small of Shintarou’s back below the shirt and stroked the spot. It was a surprisingly soothing thing to do. “You’ve influenced me to think about that sort of stuff more seriously.”

 

“…You’re joking.”

 

Kazunari shrugged and tried not to look too guilty.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “If you talk like that, Scorpio _will_ have a low ranking soon.”

 

“Yet I remember that I was _again_ on top of you.” Kazunari smiled snidely and patted Shintarou’s bottom. “You smell sweaty.”

 

“I was going to take a shower now.” Shintarou peeled away much to Kazunari’s dismay. “I vaguely remember that one of your favorite movies is coming on television, should we watch it?”

 

“Oh, yes, please. How about you take a shower… and I run around the convenience store and get us some popcorn?”

 

Shintarou nodded and looked pleased. “That sounds good.”

 

“Give me fifteen minutes, okay? I’ll meet you on the couch.”

 

Shintarou huffed a chuckle, shook his head and went to the bathroom. Kazunari smiled to the man’s shadow and felt something bubble in his chest. In any day he’d switch studying to a movie night, hands down. He’d start studying tomorrow, he promised to himself and spent a moment longer looking at the books. Tomorrow he’d study and make himself proud. Convincing himself that it was going to happen, he grabbed everything necessary and dashed into the humid summer evening.


	192. Cooperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly rougher sex below. If it's not your thing, see you tomorrow!

Cozily tucked in the bed, Shintarou didn’t really feel at ease from the inside. The book he was reading was good, the temperature in the room perfectly cool, and there was his fiancé by his side reading his own things, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than a box on the floor. It wasn’t _any_ box, either – it was the one Seijuurou had bought for his birthday containing such… _toys_. He hadn’t known what to do with it so he had simply left it on the floor by the window and had been staring at it for the past few nights. The mere thought of opening it tensed his abdomen and left him short of breath. He startled out of his thoughts and fixed his gaze back on the book and pushed his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

 

As interesting as the book was, he couldn’t remember half of the lines he read as his gaze kept slipping back towards the floor and the toy box. The things it had contained perked his curiosity now as he hadn’t had the chance to look thoroughly the last time. Shifting in the bed for a better position, Shintarou glanced towards Kazunari and examined the curve of the nape as the man lied on his side. Of course it was a bad idea because Kazunari was studying. He wouldn’t have wanted to interfere with studying. Shintarou flexed his fingers, cleared his throat quietly and craned his neck. He tried to think of other things, but the idea of having Kazunari blindfolded and quivering beneath him did strange things to him. Shifting to a new position, he held in his breath and closed his eyes briefly.

 

Had Seijuurou guessed that he was inclined to like such things, or had it been a pure guess? Shintarou straightened his position and felt his toes twitch. He had never tried a cock ring… It would look good around the base of Kazunari’s cock. _Stop it_ , he told himself harshly and forced his eyes back on the book. It was still hard to not think about Kazunari moaning and his body thrashing as they’d experiment with the riding crop for the first time. _Stop_. He could fuck Kazunari hard and delay his orgasm, then drive him to the edge and make him beg. _Stop, stop._ He could… Shintarou slipped his eyes close and shuddered. He could cradle Kazunari in his arms afterwards once he had fucked him thoroughly.

 

He put down the book with trembling fingers and cautiously looked at Kazunari. Would he be a bad person if he suggested something like that now? Kazunari was busy but would still probably agree to try it out. Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and laced his fingers together and looked at the skin tightening over the knuckles. He brewed suitable words in his head but had troubles finding the courage to actually muster them out. He eyed the box several times and squeezed his own fingers as his heart thudded wildly. _Just ask, he won’t laugh_. He fiddled his fingers and turned back to Kazunari. _God_ , his hips looked so good from this angle. He wanted to touch the curve and take a tight hold.

 

“Hey,” he finally said before he would lose all his courage.

 

Kazunari stirred beside him. “Mm?”

 

“I was—was thinking…” Shintarou moistened his lips that suddenly felt drier than ever before. He sucked in the lower one and glanced at the box to see that it was still there. He swallowed thickly and startled when he saw Kazunari’s eyes on him. His own widened, and he felt unbearably hot on the cheeks. Although they had been together forever and about to marry, suggesting sexually natured things was still difficult for him. “I was thinking…”

 

“Yeah?” Kazunari frowned lightly and closed the book. “What is it?”

 

“The, um… The, the thing that Akashi got for my birthday.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“The… Sex toys,” Shintarou murmured and witnessed Kazunari’s expression brighten. “I was thinking… Would you like to… to, uh…”

 

Kazunari brought his hand to Shintarou’s shoulder and rubbed gently. “Take your time,” he encouraged.

 

“Would you like to try it out?” Shintarou finally said all at once with a maddening speed, words jumbling and stumbling, but at least it was out there. He bit his lip and dared to look at Kazunari.

 

At first Kazunari blinked and looked positively dumbfounded (Shintarou was already thinking of taking his words back), but quickly a lopsided grin rose to his face. He discarded the book immediately to the nightstand and sat up properly. “I’d love to,” he said with a nod. “You want to get up and bring the good stuff here?”

 

Shintarou nodded and got up on his feet, felt his knees tremble, and grabbed the box from the floor. Feeling like a little boy in Christmas he climbed back on the bed and watched Kazunari settle into a cross-legged position over the blanket. Shintarou set the box between them and rubbed his fingers over the lid. He jolted as Kazunari brought his hand over his and stroked his knuckles.

 

“Nervous?” asked Kazunari.

 

“A little,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“I still had a hunch you’d warm up for this.” Kazunari’s smile was dazzling as he grabbed the box closer and opened it without even seemingly thinking twice.

 

Shintarou held in his breath. The content looked exactly as he remembered, filled with things he had sometimes vaguely thought of trying but had never had the guts to actually purchase. His cheeks glowed unbearably hot, and he dragged his tongue over his lips. He reached his hand towards the box and took a hold of the blindfold that felt silkier than he had imagined. Its black surface would definitely look good draped over Kazunari’s eyes, he figured and glanced up. Kazunari watched him keenly.

 

“Do you want to put it on?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” Shintarou said.

 

Kazunari nodded towards the toys. “What else do you want to use?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “The riding crop,” he whispered below his breath. “And… And the cock ring.”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply and shuddered. “God, yes,” he murmured and crawled closer. There was still a grin on his lips, and it was illuminating as he hooked his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders. “Let’s get a little kinky.”

 

“Do you… Do you want to do that? It’s not too much or anything?”

 

“You don’t even have to ask, I’m totally craving it now.” The corners of Kazunari’s eyes glimmered as he yanked his shirt off and wiggled out of his pants. “Should I lie down?”

 

It felt calming, the way Kazunari wasted no time whatsoever. Shintarou nodded and got up on his knees and gave Kazunari the space to roll on his back. He held in a breath and pushed the box a little to the side to stop it from interfering, looked at its contents once more before he fixed his focus on Kazunari. There was still a fine quiver on his fingertips as he put the blindfold on. Kazunari snickered and set his head back down on the pillow, curved his naked body ever so slightly and made Shintarou gently sigh.

 

“How does it look?” Kazunari asked and adjusted the blindfold. “Good?”

 

“So good,” Shintarou muttered and pushed himself back up on his knees. He examined the body he loved curve even more beautifully than before. Violent shudders pierced his insides. He tried not to get too ahead of himself and overly excited but Kazunari looked incredibly good. His abdomen tightened to the sight and his cock jerked in his loose pants. Kazunari’s chest heaved up and down in calm breaths until he pushed it up as if offering it to him.

 

“I’d by lying if I said that this isn’t arousing,” Kazunari snickered and pressed his thighs against each other tighter than before. His cock twitched visibly. “Are you gonna spank me now?”

 

Shintarou couldn’t answer as he pressed his fingertips against Kazunari’s collarbone and slipped them slowly downwards. It became obvious fairly quickly that Kazunari couldn’t get out another word either as he gasped so loudly it echoed in the bedroom. Kazunari’s skin rose to goose bumps, and those same bumps Shintarou stroked with all the love in the world. He circled the tip of his index finger around the navel, then rubbed the hipbones but didn’t go any lower although Kazunari bucked his hips up. He frowned lightly. Kazunari seemed more sensitive today, he deduced as he kept stroking the quivering skin.

 

He took his time to adjust to the situation and give Kazunari the time to do the same as well. His heart beat like a maniac and made his chest ache and sting, but it was a good kind of pain. In concentration he sucked in his lower lip and spent precious minutes stroking Kazunari’s bare skin here and there and avoided the spots that he knew made his future husband tickle. This already was enough to drive him insane and arouse him, and he shifted enough to feel more comfortable with the pressure slowly building in his pants.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari murmured, the name a mere moan on his lips. “Please… I want to try it.”

 

Shintarou nodded and felt stupid afterwards, but shook the thought off and took a careful hold of the riding crop. It weighed more than he thought, and it felt a little intimidating as he curled his fingers around the handle.

 

“I’m a little concerned,” he admitted and looked up at the spot where Kazunari’s eyes were.

 

Kazunari bucked his hips up. “Why?”

 

“I might hit you too hard.”

 

“I’ll tell you if you do.”

 

“But if you tell me afterwards then I’ve already hurt you.”

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari gently muttered and curled his fingers. “I don’t mind if it hurts. I just… _god_ , I just want you to do that to me. Come on.” So he said and turned around on the bed on all fours and pushed his round bottom out.

 

Shintarou’s eyes went wide. He felt a lump down his throat but couldn’t swallow it, not when Kazunari so purposefully wiggled his ass like that and made his palms dampen. The cheeks would look even better with a bit of red in them… Cautiously Shintarou settled the end of the crop against one of the buttocks and stroked. Kazunari jolted and let out a straining moan.

 

“Are you going to spank me?” Kazunari asked, his tone teasing and breathy. “I’ve been such a bad boy, Shintarou… You really should spank—“

 

Shintarou flicked the crop across the buttocks. Kazunari gasped for breath and moaned loudly. Holding in a breath himself, Shintarou stared at the flesh that had jiggled in the most gorgeous way imaginable from the impact and tightened his grip from the crop. The sense of power filling him was odd, yet he worried that it had hurt too much. It didn’t seem to be the case when Kazunari arched his back even more to push his bottom out and up.

 

“Was that okay?” Shintarou whispered.

 

Kazunari pressed his forehead against the mattress and moaned. “ _So_ okay,” he breathed. “Please do it again… It tingles nice.”

 

Encouraged by the words, Shintarou stroked the shape of the bottom with the end of the crop and searched for a suitable place for another quick spank. His pulse echoed loud in his ears, and he curled his fingers even tighter around the tool. When he hit the flesh and watched it jiggle, his cock stirred as Kazunari whimpered.

 

Shintarou swallowed but picked up his courage nonetheless. “Chest on the bed.”

 

Kazunari turned his head towards him as if looking at him over the shoulder and nodded feverishly, then pressed his chest fully on the mattress and pushed his ass up as high as it was seemingly possible. Shintarou stroked Kazunari’s side with his free hand, felt the goose bumps with the pads of his fingers and pushed his hips against his lover’s backside. Just a moment he spent closing his eyes and taking in the situation, calming his nerves and pushing his obvious erection against the cleft of the wonderfully sculptured bottom. Kazunari panted and whimpered against the sheets, and let out a high-pitched moan when Shintarou flicked the crop against his bottom again.

 

“I’m so hard right now,” Kazunari snickered.

 

Shintarou pressed his chest against Kazunari’s back and brought his lips to his ear. “Are you?”

 

“ _Fuck_ … Don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Whisper to my ear with that sexy voice.” Kazunari shuddered and pushed his hips slightly towards the bed. “Touch me…”

 

Shintarou sneaked his hand to the front of Kazunari’s body and took a tight hold of the cock. He pumped it few times to turn Kazunari’s noises even louder and let go sooner than he wanted to (yet he knew that if he were to continue he’d bring Kazunari over the edge). Pulling back reluctantly, he let go of the riding crop and with the help of both his hands turned Kazunari around on his back. Kazunari’s cockhead was rosy and throbbing with obvious need, and as much as Shintarou’s fingers itched to touch it, he didn’t. Instead he turned to the box of goods.

 

“Can I tie your hands?” he asked. There was still a hint of coyness in his voice but it was slowly disappearing.

 

Kazunari licked his lips. “Please,” he breathed, a little desperate. He already brought his hands above his head.

 

Shintarou grabbed the two handcuffs that felt sturdier than they looked like. He hooked one of the ends around Kazunari’s wrists and the other to the metal bars of the bed end and looked down at his masterpiece. Just like this Kazunari was breathtaking, tied up and leaking pre-cum. Shintarou got rid of his clothes and crawled closer, but reached his hand for the box once more and took a hold of one of the simpler-looking cock rings. Only then did he settle between Kazunari’s thighs and pulled the trembling legs around his waist. His own cock reached towards his abdomen and ached with arousal. Almost unable to contain himself, he took a hold of Kazunari’s dick and put the cock ring on.

 

A frown drew wrinkles above the dark blindfold. “What’s that?”

 

“A ring,” Shintarou said as he set it to a proper place around the base of Kazunari’s cock. He let go and took in the sight. “Does it feel comfortable?”

 

“You’re so kinky,” Kazunari said instead and chuckled. “That’s really tight…”

 

“Is it unbearable?”

 

“No, feels so good. Are you gonna pound in me now?”

 

Shintarou dared to smile. “Yes,” he simply said and reached for the bottle of lube on the nightstand. He was quick to grease his cock and prepare Kazunari with the help of few fingers, and was eager and little desperate to sink his length inside the warmth that consisted of the clenching muscles.

 

Kazunari’s insides embraced him wholly as he nudged the tip of his cock inside and eased in. The handcuffs rattled as Kazunari pushed his body up and let out a long set of moans that made Shintarou rut his hips harder against Kazunari’s. Shintarou looked down at Kazunari and felt the burning desire to kiss him, his lips tingling and his mind craving for it, thus in the midst of tentative thrusts he leaned down and laced his mouth tightly over Kazunari’s. The most beautiful moans escaped Kazunari and vibrated against Shintarou’s mouth. Shintarou pushed harder in Kazunari and deepened the kiss, brought his tongue along and grasped his hips tight.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari breathed, and at the moment it was the most gorgeous sound crafted in humankind. “Shin-ch— _ah_ …”

 

Shintarou hummed and squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them and picked up his posture again. He thought that it was okay to be little rough for once and increased the tempo of thrusts. Running his hands on Kazunari’s sides, he couldn’t help the temptation and swatted the side of one of the buttocks. Kazunari arched his body and moaned even harder than before, then thrashed his head from one side to another. A cringe overtook his face, but Shintarou could tell that it was a good kind of cringe, one made by pleasure. Encouraged by it, Shintarou pushed his hips harder and faster and felt his abdomen tighten almost uncomfortably so.

 

“ _Ah_ … fuck… I want—want…” Kazunari moaned and shook his head. “Touch me, please…”

 

“No,” Shintarou said with a huskier voice.

 

Kazunari grumbled. “ _Please_.”

 

“No.”

 

Shintarou remained strict with his tone and decided to go with a plan he came up within a second, which was to get his own pleasure first and then thoroughly focus on Kazunari. The first part of the plan was quickly completed as he with the help of few rougher thrusts was close to coming and pulled out just in time to not make a huge mess out of everything. He finished off to his palm as he pumped out the cum with a tremble in his loins. As much as he wanted to lull in the bed and collect himself, he remained on his knees and lowered himself just enough to kiss Kazunari tenderly. Kazunari grunted against his lips but ended up smiling. So did Shintarou.

 

“Let’s take care of you,” Shintarou murmured.

 

“Hmm, please…” Kazunari pushed his lower body up. “Come on, Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou brought his hand gently around Kazunari’s cock and stroked. The sigh that got out of Kazunari’s mouth was music to Shintarou’s ears, and he increased the rhythm that he used to tug the pleasure from Kazunari. He let out a shivery breath and savored his own afterglow, and suddenly got a better idea. He let go and listened Kazunari grumble for few lingering seconds, leaned down and took the cockhead in his mouth.

 

“Fuck!” Kazunari moaned. The handcuffs rattled again. “ _Fuck_ , ah, Shin-chan… Fuck, keep doing that… Keep— _ah_ …”

 

Shintarou settled better on the bed and took his time to suckle the head and fondle the balls that tightened hastily in his grasp. He squeezed and kneaded the sack, lured out moans after moans and bobbed his head on the cock. The noises Kazunari made turned dragging and longer, and his cock twitched in Shintarou’s mouth.

 

“I want to come,” Kazunari whined and thrashed his body. “I want to come, I want to come, _IwanttocomepleaseShin-chan_ …”

 

Rather pleased with himself, Shintarou pulled back with a muffled wet pop and stopped touching Kazunari. Even so his lover writhed and grumbled.

 

“Shin-chan!” Kazunari groaned. “Come _oooon_ , take it off… Please, I’m dying!”

 

Shintarou stroked the smooth surface of the ring. “Do you want me to take this off?” he asked.

 

“Yes!”

 

“Even when you told me what a bad boy you have been?”

 

Kazunari gasped. “Yes,” he whispered, his voice incredibly heated. “Yes, please…”

 

“Not yet.”

 

Shintarou thumbed the sensitive slit and was certain that he had never seen the length as purple-hued as it was now. He smiled faintly to the sight and took a tight hold of the head. Kazunari jolted and tried to get his arms free without succeeding.

 

“Shin-chan,” he begged. “Please… Please, I’m bursting… _Please_.”

 

“Do you want to come?” Shintarou asked although the answer was obvious.

 

“ _Yes_.”

 

“I suppose I have to… take this off then.” Shintarou murmured it so softly that his voice nearly didn’t carry any further than the front of his face. He was a man of his words, however, and took a hold of the ring, pulled it off swiftly and witnessed Kazunari come immediately.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time Kazunari had shot such gobs of cum that nestled on his stomach whilst some trickled down the length. Kazunari moaned, nearly _screamed_ , and it looked like there was no end to the thick ropes of white that erupted from the cockhead. The lush body curved and curled, fingers flexing, lips parted as wide as possible and torso convulsing the little it could with the arms bound above his head. The initial afterglow seemed to go on forever as Kazunari shuddered feverishly, but when he eventually stopped quivering, the biggest smile spread on his lips.

 

Shintarou began by taking off the blindfold. Kazunari opened his eyes sluggishly, the smile on his lips a little lazy. With a smile of his own Shintarou reached for the handcuffs and tossed them to the other side of the bed, then got down on the bed and pulled Kazunari in his arms. Kazunari buried his face to his chest and nuzzled a spot near the collarbone, then kissed the strip of skin and looked up.

 

“Are you okay?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Never better.” Kazunari shuddered. “That was… _wow_. Incredible.”

 

Shintarou ghosted his fingers over the long line of Kazunari’s side. “Was it?”

 

“Yeah. Did you like it?”

 

“I did. It was different.”

 

“In a good way?”

 

“In a good way,” Shintarou assured and tugged Kazunari better in his arms. He brought his hand to Kazunari’s back and slid it all the way up in his hair that he began to stroke as gently as he could.

 

Kazunari hummed and kissed him briefly. “I especially liked that riding crop part.”

 

Shintarou felt his cheeks heat up. “You did?”

 

“ _Oh_ , I did. Felt so damn good.” Kazunari stretched his limbs and let out a yawn afterwards. “Mm, I’d change studying into this any time…”

 

“We’ll prioritize your studying over sex from now on.”

 

Kazunari grumbled. “Don’t be such a wet blanket now. Let me enjoy this a little longer.”

 

Shintarou complied and rolled on his back, and took Kazunari to the crook of his arm. His eyelids grew heavier as he stared up at the ceiling and every now and then pressed a kiss on Kazunari’s forehead or in the midst of hair. It couldn’t have been any better, he quickly figured and smiled to the thought. He rolled back on his side and hooked his arms properly around Kazunari, hugged him and kissed him, and when he was sure he’d fall asleep, he murmured a quiet ‘I love you’ in his ear.


	193. Far Back in Time

**12 th of JULY, 20XX  
**\- _second year of high school_ -

 

Anxiously Shintarou waited behind the Takao household’s door and tapped his foot against the wooden planks of the balcony. For the whole Sunday he had felt particularly weird about _everything_ , although there was a strange heat in the pit of his abdomen that made him want to see Kazunari a little faster. Of course as far as he was asked, he wasn’t aroused per se but maybe getting sick. He was most definitely not thinking about the birthday present Kazunari had given to him few days ago (it might have had something to do with an empty house with Kazunari’s parents gone and obnoxiously loud moaning). He rang the doorbell a second time and sucked in his lower lip. For once he felt impatient and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

It took a long time before Kazunari bothered to come and open the door. When he did, he looked like an outright mess in Shintarou’s eyes – the dark hair was messy and pointing everywhere, lean fingers scratching the abdomen below the loose-fitting shirt. Shintarou cringed and didn’t even try to hide the expression.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

 

“Huh? Shin-chan, not so loud…” Kazunari muttered and worked his fingers through his hair.

 

“Why?”

 

“’Cause I just woke up.”

 

“Were you _sleeping_?” Shintarou clicked his tongue. “It’s four pm.”

 

Kazunari shrugged, smiled lazily and rested his shoulder against the doorframe. “I stayed up late and I was real tired. You coming in or not?”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips in a tight line and gave up, nodded and stepped in. He pulled the door close behind his back and gasped for sudden breath as Kazunari hugged him out of the blue. It was far from uncomfortable but made him slightly uneasy as the gesture only increased the burning hotness inside his bones. It felt a bit too powerful for mere arousal but he couldn’t be sure, thus he patted Kazunari’s back politely and managed to get him to move away. He cleared his throat and looked down at his boyfriend who had a silly smile on his lips. It was a ridiculous sight, yet it was one that he had gotten accustomed to. It wasn’t enough to bring a smile to his face, however.

 

Kazunari tugged his chin a little up. “You wanna go upstairs?”

 

“Sure.”

 

A jolt traveled through Shintarou as Kazunari grabbed his hand so very casually and tugged him towards the staircase. He stumbled behind his shorter boyfriend but pulled himself back to a coherent unit rather quickly, cleared his throat and felt a familiar itch inside him. He most certainly hadn’t come here for _that_ but to spend time with someone who had grown rather important to him. Sometimes he felt like that, craving to simply be in Kazunari’s presence and around him. He would have never admitted that but he still felt that, and at the moment Shintarou supposed that it was more than enough.

 

Kazunari’s room was as messy as always, books hardly coordinated, school notebooks lying here and there, and from the small pile of them on the bed Shintarou guessed that Kazunari had tried to study but fallen asleep in the middle. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from scolding his boyfriend like he often did and merely turned around and looked at the sight with narrowed eyes. Eventually he moved some of the books aside and sat down on the edge of the bed. The mattress was soft and gave slightly in under his weight. Within seconds Kazunari slumped down on the bed beside him and stretched out his limbs, and looked up at Shintarou. He moved his hand up and stroked Shintarou’s cheek.

 

“What’s up?” he cooed with a soft voice.

 

“Not much,” Shintarou admitted and felt his skin heat under Kazunari’s fingertips. He swallowed thickly and nodded towards the books. “What were you studying?”

 

“Huh? Oh, just some English.” The corners of Kazunari’s lips twitched higher as he moved closer with the rest of his body. “You want to help me?”

 

“No, thank you.”

 

“Hmph, stingy.”

 

“I’m not doing your homework for you.”

 

“I didn’t say you need to do it _for_ me but help me. You’re such a stingy boyfriend, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou shook his head and didn’t want to participate in the idiocy any further, thus he kept his mouth shut and didn’t utter out a single word more. It was difficult to keep completely quiet, however, when Kazunari sneakily leaned closer with a smile on his lips and kissed him full on. A muffled groan escaped Shintarou, and he squeezed his eyes shut upon feeling the impact that he was still getting used to. Kissing was so _wet_ , a little slimy as well when Kazunari used his tongue, and Shintarou was still in the process of deciding whether it was good or not. Even so he answered the kiss to his best abilities. The heat inside him grew and spread.

 

When their mouths parted and the kiss ended, Shintarou felt positively lightheaded. He didn’t have the time to collect himself when Kazunari attacked his neck and scraped his teeth over the sensitive skin. Shintarou’s whole body jolted and then his abdomen tightened. A quiet moan escaped him without permission and crafted him into an outright mess. He hissed when Kazunari suckled a delicate spot even harder than before, and he bucked his hips forward. So sneakily Kazunari moved his hand to his inner thigh. Shintarou craned his neck and rolled his eyes shut.

 

“Hey…” His voice was annoyingly husky. “Are your… parents… not here?”

 

“They’re downstairs,” Kazunari mumbled against the side of Shintarou’s neck.

 

Shintarou snapped his eyes right open and nudged Kazunari farther away. “We can’t.”

 

“Can’t what?”

 

“You know.” Shintarou exhaled sharply when Kazunari inched his hand even upwards on his inner thigh. “We can’t.”

 

“I don’t understand what you mean unless you say it properly.” Kazunari flashed a smirk and brought his mouth right back on Shintarou’s neck.

 

Shintarou really wanted to complain and really wanted to stop because the last thing he wanted was to be loud in the most awkward way when Kazunari’s parents were downstairs. The walls in the house were thin and the noises echoed, he knew from one instance and didn’t want to redo the mistake of fucking Kazunari into the mattress and afterwards getting knowing looks from the parents. However, it was difficult to protest when Kazunari sucked with the power of a leech and left behind a wet trail of saliva.

 

“Oops,” Kazunari suddenly said.

 

Shintarou’s knees trembled. “What?”

 

“I think I just gave you a hickey.”

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” slithered between Shintarou’s throat. He pushed up on his feet and discarded Kazunari on the bed, fished out his phone from his pocket and with the help of its darkened screen stared at his neck. The little he could see definitely tattled a tale of a bruised mark. He huffed and turned to Kazunari. “Really?”

 

Kazunari didn’t look guilty at all. Instead he wore his brightest smirk. “It’s just a little one.”

 

“How do you think I can go home like this?” Shintarou huffed. “ _No_ , I’m meeting the idiots tomorrow. Do you know how much they’ll taunt me for this?”

 

“It’s just the Miracles, Shin-chan. They know we’re together.”

 

“But they don’t need to know about my… my _sex life_.” Shintarou whispered the last words.

 

Kazunari chuckled and slumped back down on the bed. He scooted up enough and patted the empty spot beside him. “Come here and we can talk about your sex life together.”

 

As much as Shintarou wanted to turn down the invitation, he couldn’t, not when Kazunari’s eyes glimmered like they did. With a sigh he eased himself to the bed and rolled on his side to face Kazunari properly, examined the small smile on his boyfriend’s lips and considered himself rather lucky even when he had a blossoming hickey on his neck. The spot that Kazunari had concentrated on tingled and felt hotter than before. Shintarou shifted in the cramped bed but couldn’t find a comfortable enough position. Before he could complain about it, Kazunari entangled their fingers together and kissed him briefly.

 

Shintarou grumbled when he fluttered his eyes open. “You shouldn’t suck such things on my skin,” he finally managed to muster out.

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “You don’t like it?”

 

“It’s embarrassing. It’s for teens.”

 

“We’re still kind of teens, you know.”

 

“You know what I mean,” Shintarou said, his voice sharper than necessary. He sighed and closed his eyes, and soon shuddered when Kazunari stroked some of his hair behind his ear.

 

“I won’t do it again in that case,” Kazunari promised with a whisper. “And I’m sure that the Miracles won’t laugh at you for that little mark or anything. It’s actually kind of cute.”

 

Shintarou nodded slowly. He wasn’t sure whether he was still absolutely convinced but he tried to believe in Kazunari’s words nonetheless. Shifting a little, he moved closer to his boyfriend and pressed his body against his. Wherever their limbs touched, it burned pleasantly. He let out a shivery sigh and laced his hand over Kazunari’s waist, and gently stroked the spot right below the fabric.

 

“I feel like I could take another nap,” Kazunari murmured. “Wanna nap with me?”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou listened the sensations that his body gave out and eventually said, “Sure.”

 

Certain that the heat would subdue, Shintarou moved his arms around Kazunari and pulled him in his arms. It took only few minutes before Kazunari began to snore gently and quietly. Shintarou sighed and closed his eyes, but instead of thinking about sleeping he listened Kazunari instead. He rested his cheek on the lumpy pillow and breathed calmly through his nose, wondered if this thing between them would become something serious after they were done being teenagers and couldn’t decide on it. Possibly. _Maybe_. Right now the only thing he knew was that he felt rather good here holding Kazunari in his arms, and it was a thought that was perfectly satisfactory on its own.


	194. A Label You Hate

**13 th of JULY, 20XX  
**\- _second year of high school_ -

 

Shintarou walked as fast as he could without running towards the familiar basketball court. The sun was already at its highest and scorching making his neck damp and outright sweaty. He should have taken a thinner shirt, he now realized and cringed as he walked in the midst of a small crowd. He looked at the time from his phone and shuddered. If there was one thing he hated, it was being late, and now he was exactly that. Of course those _idiots_ wouldn’t mind that much, but he was still certain that he’d be the last one to arrive thus attracting everyone’s attention. He held in a sigh that wanted to escape and turned around the corner. His heart beat like a maniac.

 

It took him a handful of minutes more to reach the court, and through its metal fence he saw his friends. They met once in a while now that last year’s fiasco was over and they could all be civil with each other. Now that Shintarou thought about it, he actually _liked_ spending time with them. That, however, was something he wouldn’t have admitted aloud at all, not even to Kazunari would he beg to hear it. He tried to gear his thoughts away from Kazunari and from yesterday when after a certain nap they had gotten a little intimate and given mind-blowing orgasms to each other. Shintarou’s cheeks glowed as he even thought of the word ‘orgasm’. Shivers ran down his arms, but he dismissed the thoughts immediately as he stepped through the narrow gate to the court.

 

Everyone kept doing what they did, and Shintarou didn’t feel the need to announce his presence. Slowly he approached Seijuurou who stood on the other end of the court and looked slightly displaced, arms loosely crossed over his chest and overlooking the small competition going on between Daiki and Ryouta. From the group Shintarou felt closest to Seijuurou although they weren’t great friends, hadn’t been in a while. The truth was that he missed Seijuurou’s friendship, the one they had had in the first years of middle school. Now he found himself wanting to rekindle it but wasn’t sure how to approach the task. Maybe they wouldn’t become great friends anymore. Maybe they were deemed to be just friends who would lose contact after few more years.

 

“Hey,” he still said and stopped beside Seijuurou’s side.

 

Seijuurou smiled and looked a little brighter than before. “Hello.” He turned to Shintarou for good and let his arms to his sides. “You didn’t bring Kazunari along.”

 

“Why would I? He’s not… It’s nothing special.” Shintarou pressed his back against the fence and looked at the rest of them on the other side of the court. Whilst Daiki and Ryouta played actual basketball already, Tetsuya read a book by the side and Atsushi sat beside him eating snacks. Shintarou swallowed a lump down from his throat and looked at Seijuurou. “Why do you ask?”

 

“No reason.” The corners of Seijuurou’s lips twitched a little higher. Maybe Shintarou just imagined it, but it looked like Seijuurou’s gaze lingered on his neck longer than was normal. “I was merely curious.”

 

“Surely,” Shintarou said with his driest tone. “How are you doing?”

 

“Good, thank you.” Seijuurou pushed away from the fence. “Busy with school, but that’s nothing unexpected.”

 

“And your grades must be top-notch as always.”

 

“Perhaps.” Seijuurou’s smile turned boyish. “Are you still thinking about going to medical school?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“What does Kazunari think about it?”

 

A frown knitted Shintarou’s brows together. “Why would his opinion matter?”

 

“Well, it’ll eat your free time when you start studying for it.” Seijuurou shrugged. “He is, after all, your boyfriend, is he not?”

 

Shintarou felt his cheeks heat up. He cleared his throat and murmured a small ‘yes’ from the corner of his mouth, barely audible, but it seemed that Seijuurou caught it judging from the grin that briefly visited his lips. Shintarou inhaled sharply and tried to forget his own fluster but couldn’t really. He remembered the first time he had said aloud that he was dating – the grins and smirks among the group had been horrible, and Shintarou had regretted it immediately. For some reason they had all guessed in a fraction of a second that it was Kazunari. He still wasn’t sure why but he hadn’t and still wasn’t keen to ask. Now Seijuurou kept glancing towards him, and he did his best to ignore it.

 

“We should probably join them to do what we all came here to do,” Seijuurou eventually remarked.

 

“We should,” agreed Shintarou and pushed away from the fence, then followed Seijuurou’s trail towards the other end of the court.

 

Right in time Daiki scored a basket and got his soles back on the ground, and gave the whining Ryouta a wide grin. It turned odd-looking as he turned around his heels and spotted Shintarou. He cocked his head on the sight and took a step forward.

 

“Glad to see the gay boy join us,” he said with a laugh.

 

Shintarou froze. His fingers curled into tight fists. “What?” His voice trembled.

 

“Huh?”

 

“What did you just call me?”

 

“What? Man, I’m only telling the truth, right?” Daiki looked around but both Ryouta and Seijuurou didn’t look amused. “Come on, I just said gay boy which is funny. That’s funny. It’s a joke, you know.”

 

Something inside Shintarou snapped. All through his teenage years he had wondered and worried what his awakening sexuality was, and when he was finally coming to better terms with it, someone as idiotic as Daiki called him with such a degrading name. His head hurt, but it didn’t stop him from stepping closer and grasping Daiki from the front of his shirt. It was hardly as intimidating as he wanted it to be when they were the same height. Daiki didn’t even look scared.

 

“Don’t ever call me that again,” got out from between Shintarou’s clenched teeth.

 

Daiki grinned, and the way he did it looked degrading. “Got your panties in a twist? I’m just telling the truth, you’re a little gay boy, walking around with a huge hickey on your neck. Did you have fun last night with your cute lil’ boyfriend? You probably made him scream all night—“

 

Shintarou shoved Daiki away and made him stumble but not fall. His eyes widened around the corners, and he simply forgot to breathe. He took a step forward but was stopped by Seijuurou who grabbed his arm.

 

“Shintarou,” Seijuurou called with a calming voice. “Leave it. We both know it’s not worth it.”

 

“Yeah, it’s not worth it,” Daiki mimicked.

 

“You’re disgusting,” Shintarou said and yanked his arm free from Seijuurou’s grasp. “You are absolutely disgusting, getting your kicks from something like this. Just because you are insecure about yourself you don’t have to project it on me with words you can’t be bothered to think twice about. Are you jealous?”

 

A frown drew in on Daiki’s forehead.

 

“Don’t _ever_ talk about me or my relationships like that. Don’t _ever_ call me with that name or I will bash your teeth off, you _fucking_ pig.”

 

Daiki looked positively dumbfounded. Shintarou was a little alarmed himself of his way of talking but certainly didn’t feel like taking his words back. He shook his head and simply lost all belief in Daiki. With someone so disgusting as him Shintarou didn’t even want to be friends with, and right now he couldn’t stand being in the same court as him. He huffed and took a step back, his vision blurry and his mind absolutely blinded by rage he had never felt before like this. Squeezing his fingers to even tighter fists, he took a trembling step back. In return Seijuurou stepped closer.

 

“Apologize,” he said, his tone the one they had all gotten used to last year. “Apologize, Daiki, for such insolent words.”

 

“Fuck that, I ain’t apologizing to no one, especially not to someone so psycho.” Daiki spat on the ground and stood taller. “I don’t care.”

 

“I’m leaving,” Shintarou managed to muster out. His words trembled. Something itched in the back of his eyes, and that something he didn’t want to let out in front of everyone.

 

“Shintarou,” Seijuurou tried. “Don’t mind him, please.”

 

“I’m leaving,” Shintarou repeated, this time with more energy. He didn’t want to be a second longer in here, thus he turned around and without another word stepped out of the court.

 

Behind his back he heard heated words of argument but didn’t bother to listen properly, thus he tuned out of it and walked on the street like a ghost. He stared in front of him, and part of him wanted to cry. He had worked so hard and so long to come to terms with himself, to understand that it was _okay_ for him to feel such affection to another male, and Daiki had thrown all of that on the ground on his feet. Taking a shivery breath didn’t calm him down at all, and his steps turned faster as he walked further. He sniffed and felt ridiculous. He was already close to being a grown up, and still he wanted to cry because of something so stupid and idiotic. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry_. This was, unfortunately, one of his bad sides, feeling emotional about things that he deemed important and sensitive to himself.

 

Instead of going straight home, he turned around a certain corner and walked towards Kazunari’s house. He wanted to be near him right now, he _needed_ to, because Kazunari was the only one who wouldn’t make fun of him. Kazunari was the one who had taught him in the first place that what they had going on between them was okay and not something to be ashamed of. Kazunari was the one who had embraced his own homosexuality and come terms with it quickly. Shintarou wanted nothing more than to be near Kazunari right now, and it made his steps even faster than before.

 

By the time he reached the familiar front door, he was crying just a little. He was ashamed of it but rang the doorbell nonetheless.

 

It certainly didn’t help his case that Kazunari’s mother came to open the door.

 

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” she asked, voice full of worry immediately. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Wait, come inside, come… Kazu-chan, Shintarou is here, come quickly!”

 

Shintarou felt small and miserable standing in the middle of the hallway surely looking like an outright mess with glowing cheeks and teary eyes. He wanted to remove his glasses but didn’t do it under Kazunari’s mother’s watchful gaze. Hanging his head down to avoid her eyes, he felt his legs turn into jelly when he heard Kazunari come down the stairs the way he always did, hopping over every other. Carefully Shintarou looked up and witnessed Kazunari freeze to the last step, smile disappearing in an instant.

 

“Shin-chan,” he breathed and rushed the small distance. “What’s wrong? I thought—Weren’t you supposed to go and play basketball?”

 

Shintarou couldn’t say a word.

 

“Come upstairs,” Kazunari said immediately and grabbed Shintarou’s hand to his own. “Can you make some tea, mom? I’ll come get it myself, don’t come up.”

 

“I won’t,” she promised and went to the kitchen.

 

“Come,” Kazunari muttered and tugged Shintarou in motion and up the stairs. As soon as they reached Kazunari’s room, Kazunari shut the door behind their backs and stood in front of Shintarou looking up at him. “What’s wrong?”

 

Shintarou shook his head. He wanted to dig a hole on the floor and disappear in it, and not resurface at least in a week.

 

“Sit down.” Kazunari took a hold of Shintarou’s hand again and pulled him towards the bed.

 

Shintarou did as he was told to and sat down on the edge of the bed right to the spot where he had been so many times already. Kazunari took a seat beside him and brought his hand to his knee and began to stroke gently. The motion made Shintarou quiver. He felt a little guilty for feeling so good about something so simple. Finally he moved his glasses and rubbed his eyes to the back of his palm. The tears had stopped, but he still felt awful.

 

The great thing about Kazunari was that he didn’t push him to say a thing. Kazunari merely kept his hand on Shintarou’s knee and stroked the chosen spot with care, looked at his profile every now and then and pressed a soothing kiss on his cheek. Shintarou slipped his eyes close and collected his thoughts.

 

“Aomine is an idiot,” he finally said.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I’m sure we all agree on that sometimes. What did he do?”

 

“He called me a… He said a degrading term to me.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “What did he say then?”

 

Shintarou took a breath and pressed his lips in a tight line. “He called me a… a _gay boy_ ,” he spat it out like a curse.

 

“Oh, fuck,” Kazunari sighed. He straightened his posture and pulled his hand away from Shintarou’s knee. “What happened then?”

 

“I snapped. No one has the right to call me like that.”

 

“I know—“

 

“I don’t want a disgusting label like that.” Shintarou felt bewildered. His pulse thudded harder than was necessary. “I don’t want… anyone to make me feel like it’s unnatural for me to be with you—This is your fault, anyway.”

 

“What? How is it my fault?”

 

“You gave me the hickey. He picked on it.”

 

“Hey, I know you’re annoyed right now, but you don’t need to blame _me_ for this.” Kazunari stared at him. “I’m trying my best right now, and it’s really not helping if you tell me stuff like that.”

 

Shintarou thought about it a second. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I’m frustrated, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kazunari assured and pressed a quick kiss on Shintarou’s cheek. “What are you going to do now?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Do you want to stay here with me?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“I’ll go get the tea in that case.”

 

Kazunari got up, but Shintarou stopped him by grasping his arm. Maybe Kazunari knew what he wanted when he leaned down with a soft smile and kissed him square on the lips. It made Shintarou feel a lot better about everything, and he wished that the kiss never ended. Unfortunately it did, and Shintarou fluttered his eyes open a moment too late when Kazunari was already gone. He sighed and shifted to a better position, then decided to get comfortable and moved on the bed enough to press his back against the wall. He straightened his legs in front of him and stared at them, and tried not to think about anything.

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and drew him out of his thoughts. Reluctantly he pulled it out and felt his heart skip straight to his throat when he saw a new message from Daiki. Not sure if he really wanted to read it or not, he was just about to do it when Kazunari walked back to the room with two cups.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat back down on the bed.

 

“Aomine just sent me a message,” Shintarou muttered.

 

“What did he say?”

 

“I didn’t open it yet.”

 

“Open it! I wanna see.”

 

Shintarou did exactly that and eyed the message quickly. He cleared his throat and read, “’Sorry about before, didn’t mean to make you angry or anything. I’m cool with whoever you are with. No hard feelings, yeah? Let’s play basketball tomorrow.’ Well, I’m sure Akashi told him to write that.”

 

“But that’s still nice of him, isn’t it?” Kazunari handed the cup to Shintarou with a small smile. “Maybe he just had some sort of a mood before, I’m sure he wasn’t being serious.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look.

 

“Or, you know, not hundred percent serious or anything.”

 

Shintarou sighed. “I guess I need to answer him later.”

 

“Why later?”

 

“Because I’d rather spend time with you now than worry about it.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “You’re such a romanticist after all.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Make me.”

 

Shintarou’s eyes widened. He felt his cheeks turn brighter once again, but this time it wasn’t that awful sensation. Wondering how exactly Kazunari meant the statement, his mind soon turned thoroughly blank as Kazunari kissed him and took him as a total captive. It was really easy to forget about everything awful and also to shut Kazunari right up. Not complaining one bit about the method, Shintarou tilted his head to avoid their noses from squishing against each other, slipped his eyes close and deepened the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may not believe it, but I do love Aomine.


	195. A New Spatula

Kazunari stood beside the bed and stared down at two suitable dress shirts he had dug out from the wardrobe. One was colorful and a little bit out there, the second more conservative with a light-blue hue, and he had all the troubles in the world deciding which would go better with his jeans. He grabbed the colorful shirt and lifted it up, eyed it, examined it as critically as he could, and then decided that Shintarou would most likely be embarrassed as hell if he wore it in public. He chose the smarter one instead that he had worn on multiple occasions and found it a bit strange that it felt slightly tighter around the shoulders. It hadn’t done that last Christmas, he vaguely thought and decided not to think about it too hard to not ruin his good mood. The last thing he wanted was to sulk in someone else’s shop’s opening.

 

When he emerged from the bedroom, he strutted around the house as he rolled up the sleeves ever so slightly and eventually found Shintarou from the kitchen. The man stood by the island and looked at the brand new spatula with a cringe on his face. Kazunari had tried his best to tie a nice bow around the tool, but judging from Shintarou’s expression his lover wasn’t appreciating it too much.

 

“Is this really necessary?” Shintarou asked.

 

Kazunari approached and stopped in front of him. He adjusted his dark collar. “It’s a joke, and I’m sure Murasakibara will like it.”

 

“I don’t know about this… It feels a little far-fetched.”

 

“You’re far-fetched.” Kazunari stroked Shintarou’s shoulders to neaten the fabric and took a step back to look at him. As always Shintarou looked perfectly impeccable, the shirt hugging him from all the right places, the dark color definitely suiting his complexion. A sense of pride filled Kazunari quickly. He smiled fondly to Shintarou and rubbed his sides. “Besides, I don’t think a gift is even mandatory in a situation like this, so we’re doing pretty good by bringing even this.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows. “If you say so.”

 

“I do say so, just trust me. Do you want me to text Himuro just in case?”

 

“Don’t,” Shintarou said immediately.

 

“Are you sure? Because I can—“

 

“Don’t.” This time Shintarou sounded stricter than before but heaved out a small sigh. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

 

“That’s what I’m telling you, silly.” Kazunari straightened Shintarou’s collar once more and took a step back to look at him, then nodded. He gave another nod towards himself. “Do I look presentable now?”

 

Shintarou didn’t hesitate to answer, “You do, very much like so.”

 

“I was planning to go with this really funky shirt but then I thought that it might be too out there, you know, and since we’re only going to be little fishes in the pond…”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I don’t think I know myself.” Kazunari laughed and turned around his heels. “If you’re ready let’s go, I don’t think it’s appropriate that we’re too much late.”

 

Shintarou gasped for breath behind him. “Do you think we will be late?”

 

“Nah, if we leave now that is. You driving?”

 

“I was thinking you could.”

 

“Sure. I’ll just drive back as well so if they’re serving alcohol, go crazy with it.”

 

Shintarou wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a look. “I’m not going to go _crazy_ with it. I’ll opt with the non-alcoholic choice.”

 

Kazunari looked at him and patted his side. “Do what you want, babe,” he said and peeled away from Shintarou to walk properly and efficiently. He grabbed the necessities and closed the front door behind their backs, then returned back inside to give good head rubs to their cats and only then got back to the front yard. Hastily he crossed it and went after Shintarou, then slipped to the driver’s seat and settled in comfortably.

 

Now that he had already driven to Murasakibara’s new shop once, he didn’t have any problems maneuvering there although Shintarou tried to give (rather bad) advice every other corner. Kazunari took it easy although he wanted to let the man know what exactly he thought about his words, and he merely smiled and gave him kisses whenever he stopped in the traffic lights. They weren’t the only ones out in the city in the early evening and the traffic tattled the tale, which soon frustrated Shintarou but Kazunari didn’t mind at all. Guessing that the front of the shop would be full of cars, Kazunari parked farther away and got out, grabbed Shintarou’s hand and was surprised that Shintarou didn’t mind at all.

 

As they stopped in front of the shop that already buzzed with people, Shintarou looked at the window with a light frown. Kazunari gazed at the cursive font of _Muro_ as well.

 

“He named it after Himuro,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah, I think he did.” Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s hand and let go. “I think it’s pretty romantic.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yeah. I’d be over the moon if you had a shop and you’d name it after me.”

 

Shintarou gave him a sideway glance but didn’t say a word anymore. Kazunari grinned, and as much as he wanted to say this and that and everything silly, he didn’t and stepped through the open door. He tiptoed few steps and frowned immediately. The people that loitered around didn’t look familiar at all, and it made him pucker his lips. He knew that the Miracles were invited, but they seemed to be invisible all of a sudden. Pressing his soles back on the floor, he spotted Atsushi easily, the man a head taller than most around him – the purple hair helped somewhat as well. Kazunari took a hold of Shintarou’s hand and tugged him along.

 

“Hey,” he called and attracted Atsushi’s attention. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Atsushi looking so _professional_ with a neat shirt’s hem tugged inside black dress pants. Beside him stood Tatsuya who on the other hand was the epitome of beauty at the moment, hair slicked slightly back, and the dark magenta color on his shirt absolutely flattering. Kazunari’s lips twitched to a smile, and he pushed Shintarou ahead of him.

 

“Hello,” Shintarou said and cleared his throat.

 

“Good to see you, Mido-chin,” Atsushi said and excused himself from the small group. “Did you just got here?”

 

“Yes, we did.” Shintarou remained quiet a moment too long crafting it awkward. He reached his hand forward and offered the spatula to Atsushi. “Here. Congratulations, the shop looks great.”

 

“Eh, thank you… It’s because of Muro-chin.”

 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Atsushi,” Tatsuya said with a gentle tone and gave both Shintarou and Kazunari a short bow. “Thank you for coming, both of you.”

 

“Wouldn’t have missed it in the world,” Kazunari cooed.

 

“You should go take a look around. I think there’s still some champagne left near the displays, and there should be some treats as well…”

 

Kazunari nodded. “I’ll go do that. You gonna catch up a little, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou nodded in return, and Kazunari patted his back. More than happy to leave his fiancé to his own devices for once, he waded through the people that simply stood and chatted with each other, and tried to desperately get to the other side of the small space. The champagne was all gone, but he grabbed a tall glass of orange juice and grinned to it. It wasn’t exactly cold anymore but still felt good as it trickled down his throat. On a small tray were settled small pieces of different cakes, and with itching fingers he took one that looked a lot like chocolate one and bit into it. He licked his lips clean and took another bite.

 

“Takao!”

 

Nearly choking to the heavenly-tasting bit of chocolate, Kazunari turned around. His brows knitted together to a quick frown, but his expression smoothened as soon as he spotted Ryou waving his hand to him behind a trio of tall men he had never seen before.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari breathed when Ryou finally managed to get to him. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Uh, well, mm… Aomine asked me to come.” Ryou’s cheeks glowed healthily, and he pointed behind his back. “He’s somewhere there talking to, um, Kagami I think? But how you’ve been?”

 

“Good, good. Have you tasted this cake? It’s amazing.”

 

“Oh, yeah, it was really good. Did you come alone?”

 

“No, Shin-chan’s talking with Murasakibara somewhere there, I thought I’d let him do a bit of friend bonding on his own. Does him good and everything.”

 

Ryou let out a short laughter.

 

Kazunari cocked a brow up. “ _But_ , tell me. Seems that you’re getting cozy Aomine.”

 

“You know…” Ryou shrugged. “We’re just seeing each other.”

 

“Right.”

 

“I don’t want to get my hopes up or anything… I-I think I saw his ex somewhere here, he didn’t look to happy.”

 

Kazunari bit the inside of his cheek and nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s the worst part of dating someone within the friend circle, you know. But I’m sure Aomine wouldn’t have brought you along if he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of having you here.”

 

Ryou gave him a small smile. “Hopefully.”

 

“Hey, Sakurai!”

 

They both jolted. Kazunari held in a breath as he saw Daiki push through the crowd. At first he couldn’t tell the emotions on his apart, but it soon became apparent that he was smiling. Kazunari’s heart skipped an odd beat. A smile actually suited Daiki rather well, made him look more handsome and somewhat happier about life in general. Daiki strutted beside Ryou and hooked an arm around his waist clearly without another thought.

 

“Where the hell did you disappear?” he asked, his eyes fixed on Ryou.

 

Ryou nodded towards Kazunari. “I just saw Takao and wanted to say hi.”

 

“Hi,” Kazunari said with a bit of a grin and only then actually attracted Daiki’s attention.

 

Daiki’s smile didn’t really lower at all. “I suppose since you’re here Midorima is as well.”

 

“Yeah, he’s back there talking with Murasakibara. How you’ve been?”

 

“Real great, thanks. Hey,” Daiki muttered to Ryou, “what time do you think we can get the fuck out of here?”

 

Ryou flushed red. “I-I don’t really know…”

 

“I’m kind of done already with this, y’know. Would rather drag you back home.”

 

“I-Is that so?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“Aominecchi!” came an echo from a little farther away. A second later Ryouta appeared to the sight looking redder and wobblier than probably was necessary. “We weren’t done yet!”

 

Daiki heaved out a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes. “Let’s go,” he said to Ryouta and tugged him in motion.

 

“No, we weren’t _done_ talking yet!”

 

“I’ll take care of it,” Kazunari promised and put down the glass of orange juice, and stopped in front of Ryouta. The man smelled delicious, a mixture of sweets and champagne, and now that they were close to each other, Kazunari could tell apart the hint of redness in Ryouta’s eyes. He smiled to him nonetheless and grabbed him from his waist. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

“Nn, Takaocchi, c’mon… Aominecchi!”

 

“Forget him,” Kazunari lightly said and glanced towards the direction where Daiki and Ryou had disappeared. When it seemed that the coast was clear, he let go of Ryouta and looked at him. “You okay?”

 

“No,” Ryouta winced and heaved out a sigh deep enough to make his shoulders slump. “Kasamatsu didn’t want to come along and now Aominecchi brought someone here!”

 

“But that’s okay, you know. You’re both moving on, isn’t that great?”

 

Ryouta didn’t look too convinced.

 

Kazunari patted him in the back. “This is a good thing, I promise. Go easy on the champagne, yeah?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, sure.”

 

“Good boy.” Kazunari flashed a small grin and rubbed Ryouta’s nape. “Grab some cake, alright?”

 

“Alright.”

 

When Ryouta dragged himself towards the table and took a piece of cake, his legs still wobbling, Kazunari heaved out a sigh and shook his head ever so slightly. Suddenly someone grabbed him from the waist and made him yelp, but he relaxed as soon as he saw Shintarou look down at him with a frown.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes and rolled around in the embrace. “Aomine brought Sakurai along, and I don’t think Kise liked that so much. He’s eating cake now and looks like a miserable puppy that I really want to save.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips together. “I’m just waiting for the day when they actually learn something.”

 

“You can’t blame them, you know, they were together for so long.”

 

“But still.”

 

“You wouldn’t be any better if we broke up.” Kazunari gave him a knowing look and wiggled free from his grasp. “How was Murasakibara?”

 

“Good. I really do think that the shop looks great.”

 

“It does, even better than the last time I saw it.”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou moistened his lips. “Do you think this could be enough socializing for now? I don’t think we’re that much needed in here.”

 

“But we just got here.”

 

“And now we’ve seen the place. I’m not feeling too good.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “What’s wrong?”

 

Shintarou cringed. “It’s merely a slight headache, but a nasty one.”

 

“Oh. Uh, yeah, sure, I guess? Let me just drop by to Himuro and tell him bye, okay?”

 

Shintarou nodded, and as soon as he did Kazunari went to search for Tatsuya. It was somewhat difficult to find the man but eventually he spotted him and offered an apologetic smile.

 

“Oh, Kazunari.” Tatsuya excused himself from the ongoing conversation and turned to him with Atsushi idly eyeing him beside Tatsuya. “Did you have the chance to try to products? Atsushi spent the entire morning baking them.”

 

“They were really good,” Kazunari said. “But unfortunately I think we’re leaving now because Shin-chan isn’t feeling too good. He got almost straight from work to here so it’s really no surprise, so you know. I’m really sorry about it.”

 

“It’s not a problem.” Tatsuya smiled and tugged Atsushi’s arm. “Is it a problem, dear?”

 

“No… Drive safely home,” Atsushi said, his voice a little dreamy and his gaze fixed on the general direction of the sweets above the crowd’s heads.

 

Kazunari shifted from one foot to another and felt slightly uneasy. “I really wanted to stay a little longer, but you know Shintarou. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m saying again that it isn’t a problem at all.” Tatsuya’s laughter was sweet and genuine. “Though I did wish to catch up with you some more, it’s been too long since the two of us sat down for a coffee.”

 

“Aw, I know right? It’s been so hectic.”

 

“It must be, with your wedding closing in. How is the planning going?”

 

“Good. Kise should drop by tomorrow with Akashi to plan the suits or something.”

 

“That sounds like fun. Are you getting nervous yet?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Not really. I mean, I’m just marrying Shin-chan, no big deal… And then it’s August and I’ll probably go insane.”

 

A smile rose to Tatsuya’s lips. “I’m sure the jitters will hit you. I was wondering, are you already planning the bachelor party?”

 

“Huh? No, no… I’m not sure if we’re even having one.”

 

“But it’s a tradition! Surely you should.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “We’ll see about it. But I’m sure my bachelor is getting really frustrated by now, so thanks for inviting us, and again I’m really sorry.”

 

“We’re both happy that you could drop by. Have a safe trip home.”

 

Kazunari exchanged his byes with him and went back to Shintarou who looked, admittedly, a little sour. He hooked his arm to his and looked at him. “Ready to go home then, wet blanket?”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “You can stay here if you wish, I can go home by myself.”

 

“Nah, I think it’s mandatory that I come along since we’re practically married, and I’d be a pretty miserable sight here on my own.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry either way, but I can’t help my headache.”

 

“They told me it’s fine so I guess it really is fine. Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Kazunari stroked Shintarou’s knuckles. “Let’s go then, I’ll drive as promised, and we’ll get you some painkillers for the head.”

 

Shintarou looked a little miserable as he nodded. Kazunari rose to his tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss on his fiancé’s cheek, then bristled and led him back to the car leaving the sweet scent behind.


	196. Hidden From Your Eyes

Shintarou rubbed his eyes to his palms and muffled a yawn that desperately wanted to escape him. Both his mind and body were weary of another twelve-hour shift from work, but he knew he had to keep going for a little while longer for the sake of the wedding. Rather happy that they weren’t properly organizing it, he poured the burning hot coffee to a cup and took a sip. He sighed from content when the hot liquid traveled down his esophagus and closed his eyes, simply enjoyed the moment and the silence in the house now that they still had one. As much as he liked his friends, Ryouta was often a bit too much for him to handle when he was tired. The thought in mind, he took a longer sip from the coffee and only afterwards added a dash of milk in it.

 

His thoughts trailed as he listened Kazunari pace around the house for a reason or another. He hung his head down and rubbed his eyes with his free hand to get rid of the exhaustion for good. It hardly helped. He heaved out a sigh and leaned his bottom against the edge of a counter. Now that he really thought about it, the wedding was right around the corner. The thought nipped the bottom of his stomach. They would be _married_ , or technically speaking, Kazunari would enter his family register. _Midorima Kazunari_ didn’t sound bad at all. In fact, it made Shintarou smile and feel utterly stupid for doing so, but he couldn’t help it at all. Of course they didn’t need a piece of paper to tell how much they loved each other and how they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless.

 

He finished the cup of coffee and battled whether to get another, but decided against it in the fear of being too awake by the time and emerged from the kitchen. He only managed to take few steps forward when Kazunari approached him with a phone in his hand.

 

“Kise just messaged me, they’ll be here in few minutes.” Kazunari looked positively excited, lips tugged in a bright grin that easily lightened up Shintarou’s mood as well. “Can you start brewing tea? Oh, and get some cookies, I think we still have some.”

 

Shintarou swallowed in a sigh and nodded, gained a quick kiss on his chin and with the power of the lingering moist feeling on his skin turned around his heels and went back to the kitchen. As much as he liked to host and have his friends over, especially if it was something as important as getting suitably dressed for the wedding, today was definitely one of those days when he didn’t necessarily feel like it. However, he was an adult and knew when to keep quiet and his opinions to himself, thus he merely chewed the inside of his cheek as he began to boil the water and searched for the tea leaves. The cookies were in the top cupboard, and he got some of them to a small colorful bowl.

 

Closing his eyes and standing in front of the stove, Shintarou jolted as Kazunari wrapped his arms around his waist all of a sudden. He held in his breath for a second and glanced at him over his shoulder, and felt his lips twitch ever so slightly to match Kazunari’s smile.

 

“Tired?” Kazunari asked and kissed his shoulder blade.

 

“A little,” Shintarou admitted. “But I drank some coffee.”

 

“Is it still hot in the pot?”

 

“It should be, I just made it.”

 

“Great,” Kazunari muttered under his breath and peeled away from him.

 

Shintarou didn’t necessarily want Kazunari away from him but didn’t protest either way. He merely looked at his husband-to-be with a softer expression than a second before, and as he eyed Kazunari’s profile, it hit him again that this was the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. A gentle sigh escaped him. He wanted to tell Kazunari a handful of things, how beautiful he looked, how wonderful he was, but he only managed to part his lips for a breath when the doorbell rang. Pressing his lips tightly shut again, Shintarou hummed when Kazunari gave him a knowing look and disappeared.

 

Seconds later he listened several greetings from three different men and rolled his eyes. As much as he wanted to remain in the kitchen a little while longer, he took steps forward and stopped by the doorframe. Seijuurou looked as professional as always, red hair almost fashionably disheveled (it was probably Ryouta’s doings), and Ryouta seemed his bubbly self despite having slightly swollen eyes and dark bags circling around them. Shintarou nodded a greeting and attempt a smile. It remained as a mere attempt, but neither of them seemed to mind.

 

“Come on in, we should get settled to the living room. Can you bring the tea, Shin-chan?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Yes,” Shintarou simply said and disappeared back to the kitchen. He grabbed a tray and set four cups on it, poured tea in all of them, took the cookies along as well and with slightly trembling hands walked to the living room. The seat beside Kazunari was already taken by Ryouta much to his dismay, but Shintarou tried not to cringe at all as he sat down on the armchair and crossed one leg over another.

 

Seijuurou turned to him. “How have you been?”

 

“Alright, thank you. It’s hectic at the hospital,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly. “Must be the heat toying with people’s hearts.”

 

Seijuurou’s laughter was light but genuine. “It must be indeed. I’m sure we are all wishing to start settling for the night, so should we start? I’ll let Ryouta do most of the talking.”

 

Ryouta perked beside Kazunari, and the folder he had hugged against his chest he set on the table. “I’m excited about this,” he admitted. It showed. He sat right on the edge of the couch and held a sunny smile. “There’s this one designer that I’ve worked with, she’s so sweet and she promised to help me out when I explained the situation to her. _Anyway_ , I’ve come to the conclusion that you two should really wear white.”

 

Shintarou gave an idle nod.

 

“I’ve liked the sound of that since the beginning,” Kazunari chirped.

 

“Great!” Ryouta opened the folder. On a dark page were stabled pieces of fabric that Shintarou couldn’t tell apart. Ryouta lifted the folder to his lap and showed them first to Kazunari. “These are the possible fabrics, see how some of them have patterns? The suits should be as light as possible because, well… It’s going to be really hot.”

 

Kazunari looked wonderful as he stroked the fabrics with the tip of his finger in awe. There was something absolutely lovely in the way he looked at the moment, and Shintarou could picture him instantly under twinkling fairy lights promising to be with him for an eternity. He held in a breath and didn’t get out of his thoughts until Ryouta reached the folder towards him. Encouraged by three set of eyes, Shintarou tested the fabrics as well. Some of them were thick and smooth, some thin and coarse, yet he couldn’t see any obvious difference in them in color. Ryouta was quick to prove him wrong.

 

“We could either have pure white, or maybe ivory… Or something akin to a dash of vanilla, it’s really up to you guys.”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips. “I really wouldn’t mind pure white… What do you think, Shin-chan?”

 

“I don’t know what the difference between them is,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Me neither,” Seijuurou revealed with a wink. It made Shintarou feel a little better for not following fashion as closely as Ryouta and apparently Kazunari did in terms of the shades of white.

 

“We can go with pure white,” Ryouta assured and pointed one of the pieces. “It’s this one. Like it, Midorimacchi?”

 

Shintarou said, “It looks suitable, yes.”

 

“We could also do a bit of patterns for the shirt underneath, or have it white as well, or play with colors…” Ryouta took in a quick breath and let it out just as hastily. “We have endless choices, really. I think we should do measurements first, though… Midorimacchi, on your feet!”

 

“What?”

 

“Get up so I can measure you.”

 

With a quiet groan Shintarou rose on his feet and stood still. He felt slightly awkward as Ryouta circled around him with a measuring tape and hands wandering here and there, but Kazunari seemed to deem it amusing judging from his grin. Shintarou gave him a look and in return Kazunari showed him thumbs up. Every now and then Ryouta scribbled something on a paper, made him lift his arms and took another bunch of measurements.

 

“I’ve mentioned it before,” Ryouta began after a moment of silence, “but we really should give Midorimacchi a three-piece suit, it would look _gorgeous_.”

 

“As long as I’m dressed,” Shintarou dryly said.

 

“Don’t say that! It’s your wedding day, things have to be _perfect_.”

 

“I’m sure it will be exactly that.”

 

“Because when it gets hot, you can take the jacket off and you’ll still look dashing in the vest.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and was more than happy to sit back down. In return Kazunari hopped up and grinned boyishly as Ryouta began to take his measurements.

 

“I’m gonna make you look so good, Takaocchi,” Ryouta promised as he was on his knees in front of Kazunari measuring the length of his leg. “Your suit will look so cute and make your chubby tummy look amazing.”

 

Trembling silence filled the room. Shintarou couldn’t breathe. Had he… heard right? _Chubby tummy_. He must have heard it right as Kazunari stared down with widened eyes filled with shock and terror. Shintarou’s pulse thudded hard and loud in his ears. Was Ryouta really so stupid? He had to be. Shintarou parted his lips and tried to say something but all the words dried in his mouth as he saw the gentle quiver on Kazunari’s body. So long and so hard he had tried to make Kazunari feel good about himself, and now Ryouta wrecked it all without even realizing it. His gaze met with Kazunari’s briefly, and then Kazunari already averted his eyes.

 

“Do I have a chubby tummy?” Kazunari asked quietly.

 

“Hm?” Ryouta looked up and smiled. “Yeah, but it’s really nice.”

 

“Do I really… have one?”

 

“Yeah! I… I…” Ryouta trailed off as he looked around. Shintarou shook his head and brought his fingers across his throat for a simple yet effective ‘you’re dead’, and only then did Ryouta gasp for breath. He hurried up on his feet properly. “Of course not!” he took back his words but obviously too late. “Of course not, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s a cute tummy, it’s not chubby, I didn’t mean it like that—“

 

“Kise,” Shintarou warned and managed to effortlessly shut the babbling man up. Warily he looked at Kazunari who still looked a little shaken but smiled nonetheless.

 

“I’m sure the suit will took great,” Kazunari said and sank back on the couch. On the outside he still looked happy but something about his eyes screamed the exact opposite.

 

Ryouta glanced around in apparent panic and then looked at Shintarou with big puppy eyes. Shintarou bit his bottom lip and got back up, and immediately slipped to sit beside Kazunari. He stroked his knee as gently as he could but only gained a sad-looking smile that made his heart crack around the edges. Shooting Ryouta a deathly stare, Shintarou pulled his fingers to tight fists and made the man cower. When he was certain that Ryouta regretted his choice or wording from the bottom of his idiotic heart, Shintarou turned back to Kazunari and kissed his cheek.

 

“Hey,” he murmured. “Are you alright?”

 

“Of course.” Kazunari laughed but it didn’t sound awfully genuine.

 

Ryouta took a careful step forward. “Should we stop…?”

 

“No! Let’s just continue where we left off. Um… Uh, where did we get cut off?” Kazunari looked flustered. “Right, um… Right, the suits… U-Uh, how about matching ones? Not the same style but still looking similar.”

 

Ryouta nodded feverishly. “Matching ones are good! That’s good, yes, great, that’s—I can make that happen, yes!” His fingers trembled as he grabbed a pen and scribbled on the paper something right above both of their measurements. “Y-Yes, right… The designer friend, she promised to… sketch something, so I’ll tell her everything necessary and the suits will be tailored and, and, then we just need you to come and fit them at some point, as soon as possible of course… Mm.”

 

“While we’re at it,” Seijuurou began and straightened his posture. “We might as well confirm some of the decorations. Tetsuya sent me a photo of a possible set of fairy lights, how do you like them?”

 

He gave his phone to Shintarou who offered it more towards Kazunari who still quivered ever so slightly in his embrace. Although the corners of Kazunari’s lips tugged higher, it still didn’t look as happy as it sometimes did.

 

“These look really good,” he still said and attempted a wider smile towards Seijuurou. Shintarou glanced at the picture briefly and agreed. Kazunari shifted beside him. “Are they going to the branches?”

 

“We were thinking that, yes. The ceremony takes place right after the sun sets, so it will look beautiful, I will make personally sure of that.” Seijuurou smiled and nudged Ryouta’s shoulder. “However, I do believe that we have made enough damage for today, and we should get going.”

 

“No, no, you don’t have to go yet,” Kazunari protested and wiggled free from Shintarou’s grasp. “Please stay, at least for the tea.”

 

Seijuurou shared a look with Shintarou and ended up nodding. “For the duration of the tea, then.”

 

Kazunari nodded and got up. “I’ll go get some water while I’m at it.”

 

With a frown Shintarou watched Kazunari go to the kitchen. He hesitated a mere second and then followed him with hasty steps, wanted to make sure that the damage made wasn’t too harsh. In his mind he still cursed Ryouta for being absolutely careless with his words – no matter how good friends you were with someone, you didn’t have to call them _chubby_. Seething with slight anger, Shintarou tried to forget the feeling and settle into a calmer mind as he stopped beside Kazunari and kissed his hairline.

 

“Are you really alright?” he whispered.

 

Kazunari shook his head.

 

 _I knew it_ , Shintarou thought and hooked his arm around Kazunari’s waist. He sighed gently and pulled him closer. “Don’t mind what Kise said,” he tried. “I don’t know why he said something as idiotic as that.”

 

“Because it’s the truth,” Kazunari chuckled and shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, okay? I have a chubby tummy, that’s it, end of story.”

 

“You don’t have a chubby tummy,” Shintarou tried.

 

Kazunari gritted his teeth and grabbed Shintarou’s hand, brought it under his shirt and attached it to his stomach. “Try it. Grasp it.”

 

“No—“

 

“Come on. Grasp the chubbiness.”

 

Shintarou sighed and pulled his hand back. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

 

“Maybe you think like that, but what about everyone else? I’m the _chubby_ one here, they see you as this really athletic one and wonder why you’re settling down with someone _chubby_.”

 

Annoyance bursting in his stomach, Shintarou grabbed Kazunari’s hands and yanked him to stand properly in front of him. He stared into his eyes. “No one thinks like that,” he sternly said. “I guarantee you, no one cares. I don’t care. Why would you be bothered with others’ opinions? As long as you are comfortable the way you look, no one else matters.”

 

“But I’m not comfortable like this, Shin-chan.” Kazunari cringed. “Maybe I don’t want to be the friend who has a chubby tummy.”

 

“Could you please stop repeating ‘chubby tummy’? You don’t have one.”

 

Kazunari stared at him. “The bad thing is that the wedding’s a month away and I’ll look hideous in pictures.”

 

“Kazunari.” Shintarou realized that he was starting to sound impatient but tried his best not to be. He stroked Kazunari’s knuckles. “Please calm down. You’re perfect the way you are.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay? Can we agree on this?”

 

Kazunari nodded and cracked an actual smile. He looked down at their toes and then lifted his gaze up, kissed Shintarou briefly and hummed. “Now we’re being bad hosts. Go entertain them, I’ll be right there.”

 

“Do you promise?” Shintarou asked.

 

“I promise. Go on! I’ll be right there, give me few seconds.”

 

Shintarou obliged and went back to the living room where Seijuurou had reclined properly on the seat and Ryouta looked more anxious than he had ever been. With a small sigh he sat on the couch and wondered if they really were agreeing on the fact that there was nothing wrong with Kazunari or his body. It seemed to be the case when Kazunari came back those few seconds later with a glass of water and smiled his own smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~It's funny how fast happiness can change into the worst nightmare. To anyone else whose loved one is struggling with cancer: stay strong and please remember to take care of yourself. One day everything will hopefully be better.~~
> 
> Please don't expect anything from this fic anymore. I'm terribly sorry. Let's see how long my mental state will allow me to continue.


	197. With a Shovel

Now that there weren’t that many cars on the road about to leave the city, Kazunari rolled down the window and let the breeze tackle the insides of the car. He closed his eyes gently and moved his head closer to the window, simply enjoyed the way the wind messed up his hair and made him luckily unable to think about anything unnecessary. The things said yesterday still circled in his mind but he tried not to concentrate on useless stuff that didn’t even matter in the first place. He took a deep breath and fluttered his eyes open, watched the rapidly passing scenery and then turned to Shintarou on the driver’s seat. Kazunari pressed the side of his head against the seat and with a smile looked at his lover.

 

Shintarou caught his gaze quickly and glanced at him when the road stretched out long in front of them.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Couldn’t honestly be better,” Kazunari cooed and brought his hand on Shintarou’s shoulder. With the pad of his thumb he stroked the spot and lured out a satisfied hum. “Plus this is really nice, you know, to just spend time with your family.”

 

The corners of Shintarou’s lips tightened to something akin to a smile. “Dad sounded eager to spend time with you again.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Good to know I’m still on his good side.”

 

“You were never on any other side.”

 

“I know.”

 

Kazunari spent a moment longer looking at Shintarou’s profile and then averted his gaze to the window. What he had always loved about the Midorima family was that it had always welcomed him with open arms. Of course things were a little difficult now that Shintarou’s mother was gonw, but it slowly seemed like the three of them were getting back on their feet and finding joy in life again. He rolled his eyes shut and enjoyed the wind tousling his hair. Briefly he thought that he should have grabbed along sunglasses as the sun was clearly at its highest with no chance of going behind a cloud. It blinded him whenever he made the mistake of opening his eyes, but the warmth tickled his cheeks and made him smile.

 

His phone buzzed for the umpteenth time, and for the umpteenth time he tapped Ryouta a message that he wasn’t mad about his words and that everything was fine. Kazunari let out a gentle sigh and shook his head, hoped that Ryouta would finally get the hint that things were okay, and shoved the phone back in his pocket. With the tip of his tongue he moistened his lips and swallowed in a sigh that wanted to escape him when Shintarou finally pulled up to the front yard of his parents’ house.

 

The sun greeted them as they stepped out of the car. Kazunari shielded his vision with his hand and looked around the spacious premises, was little jealous of the size of the yard and the garden but didn’t complain. In the swing situated by the garden sat both Shintarou’s father and Youko, and Kazunari waved his hand to them as Shintarou hooked an arm around his waist. The elder Midorima stirred up on his feet and walked to them.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari chirped with a grin on his face. “Thanks for having us.”

 

“Thank you for coming,” the man said. His mouth curled up to a small smile. “Hot day today, isn’t it?”

 

“Totally. Hey Youko!” Kazunari waved his hand to the girl who lifted her own to a smaller wave.

 

“Would you want something to drink?”

 

“I’m good, thanks.”

 

“I’m good as well,” Shintarou reassured and let go of Kazunari. “We were actually thinking since the both of us have a day off tomorrow that we could stay the night if it’s not a problem.”

 

“Of course not, you can stay as long as you like,” Shintarou’s father said and nodded to reinforce his own words. “We should probably head to the shade, I didn’t expect the weather to be this awful.”

 

Kazunari traced the man’s steps. “It’s really hot, I kept the window open as Shin-chan drove and it was still a bit too warm.”

 

“Mm-hmm. Few days ago I purchased a fan but I feel like it isn’t doing much.”

 

“Yeah, it’s getting unbearable.” Kazunari turned to look at Shintarou over his shoulder and assumed that he was following, but his fiancé curved to the left and approached Youko. With a gentler smile he watched Shintarou sit down beside her and exchange few words with her. Kazunari turned back to his father-in-law and said in an attempt to give the siblings more alone time, “I think Shin-chan’s mentioned that you’re gardening as well.”

 

The man stopped and looked at him. “I am,” he said. There was a hint of pride in his voice. He pointed towards the larger patch of garden. “I grow vegetables there, and here… Careful with your steps, I have flowers here. They are my wife’s favorites.”

 

Kazunari glanced down at his feet and examined the white flowers that had grown beautifully in the soil. They brought a smile on his lips. “They’re gorgeous,” he breathed and looked up at him. “They really look amazing.”

 

“Thank you. I wouldn’t have started otherwise but Shintarou mentioned that gardening is a calming hobby that helps manage the nerves, so I started.”

 

“It’s so much fun, really. I’m trying to do _something_ to our backyard but it’s not looking that great yet, but I’m growing carrots and strawberries so hopefully it’ll become something good. My mom’s gardening as well.”

 

“Ah, that’s lovely.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“I have to admit,” the man began and spared a glance towards his children before he fixed his gaze back on Kazunari. “I’m having troubles moving the soil around.”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “How do you do it then?”

 

“Well, I have my gloves, and I move it around.”

 

“Aw, you should do it with a shovel. You got one?”

 

“I don’t think so, no.”

 

“Hm.” Kazunari puckered his lips and looked at Shintarou over his shoulder. “Shin-chan! Can you go with Youko to town and buy a shovel to your dad?”

 

“Sure,” Shintarou called back and got up together with his sister.

 

Kazunari turned back to the older man. “Can you show me your carrots? I don’t think mine are coming along that great.”

 

The man nodded and led Kazunari on the other side of the small garden. “Thank you,” he suddenly said under his breath.

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted together. “What for?”

 

“For… I feel like sometimes they need some quality time together. One day I’ll be gone and… They’ll only have each other. I want them to get along.”

 

Slowly Kazunari nodded. “I know she’s so important to him, but you know Shin-chan. Hardly shows his feelings.”

 

“Sometimes I just worry.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“But here, these are the carrots.”

 

Kazunari crouched down and brushed his fingers gently against the carrots’ leaves. “They look so much better than mine! What are you doing to them?”

 

“Nothing,” the man admitted with a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I simply water them and let them grow.”

 

“Maybe I’m stressing too much over mine and they’re sensing it.”

 

The man let out a genuine laughter. “It could be,” he said with a lingering chuckle. “An interesting theory.”

 

“Yup.”

 

They descended into silence but Kazunari didn’t mind one bit. He whistled and stroked the lush carrot leaves a little while longer before he pushed up on his feet and circled around looking at the other things that were growing in the neatly organized garden. He wished that his own looked the same but knew that by heart he was in the end a chaotic nature and wouldn’t have liked too much organization. Strutting around here and there under the scorching sun, he eventually sat down on the swing beside Shintarou’s father and closed his eyes. He pressed his soles on the ground and enjoyed the sun on his face. Maybe this year freckles would bloom on his cheeks after a decade of not being there.

 

He didn’t stir from the position until he heard the car coming back. He cracked his eyes open and fluttered them, muffled a yawn to his shoulder and watched Shintarou and Youko get out of the car. There was a small smile on his lover’s lips, and from the simple gesture Kazunari could tell that the trip had been a success.

 

“Did you find the shovel?” he called.

 

“Yes,” Shintarou said and grabbed the tool from the backseat. He held it up for his father. “Is this suitable?”

 

“It looks good, son.”

 

Shintarou seemed a little baffled at first but pulled out of his thoughts quickly. He took in a sharp breath and walked closer. “I thought that I could cook today since we are guests.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Shintarou’s father said.

 

“But I’d want to,” Shintarou insisted. “If you’d let me.”

 

“You want me to help?” Kazunari asked.

 

“No, I want you to relax and take it easy.”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari turned to his father-in-law. “Shin-chan’s getting so good at cooking, I promise you, he can whack pretty much anything and it’ll taste good.”

 

Shintarou took a step back. “It is settled,” he simply said. “I’ll use your kitchen and your ingredients, dad.”

 

“Be my guest, then.”

 

Kazunari’s lips twitched into a smile, and as much as he wanted to go and check what exactly Shintarou was making, he remained on the spot and let the sun caress him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely messages, they mean the world to me. Thank you so so much!


	198. Birthright

Shintarou woke up to sweat on his forehead. Not wanting to open his eyes, eventually he had to and stared up at the dim ceiling. It took him a moment to remember that they weren’t at home, and he let out a low grunt, silent enough to not stir Kazunari awake beside him. The bed was cramped and Kazunari nearly right on his skin which certainly didn’t help the heat. Sure of the fact that it had to be already morning, Shintarou grabbed his phone from the floor and checked the time. Two am. _Damn_. He put the phone down and shifted to a better position, slipped his eyes close and huffed through the nose. It wasn’t a good position. The bed also wasn’t great, hard and lumpy in all the wrong places, and as much as he loved Kazunari from the very bottom of his heart, his fiancé was being awfully clingy with his sweaty skin.

 

Not sure whether to get up or not, Shintarou groaned. He rubbed his forehead to his palm and breathed deeply, but it didn’t really help. He didn’t feel any cooler, and in fact the sheets licking his skin only made him feel worse than a second before. His stomach nipped and then grumbled, loudly at that, and didn’t stop even when he stroked the underside of his navel with his fingertips. He felt like his whole body glowed from head to toe, and the more he thought about it the hotter he felt. Taking a breath through his nose, then staring outside the window where no one had installed curtains, Shintarou tried to moisten his lips but couldn’t with the lack of saliva.

 

He tossed and turned in the small space that Kazunari hadn’t conquered (it was one of his future husband’s flaws, hogging all the space in beds of any size) but couldn’t settle down. He rubbed his damp forehead, then looked at Kazunari and the dark hair that had glued on his forehead. His fingers itched to brush them aside, and his lips tingled for a quick kiss, but just because he had woken up so early didn’t mean that he had to wake Kazunari up as well. Shintarou kicked the covers aside and let his chest heave in its own pace, rolled his eyes shut again and scratched his abdomen. If he simply relaxed, he’d fall asleep for sure… He pressed his lips together and thought of the oldest trick in the book that his mother had taught him, counting sheep.

 

The sheep count was at its thirty when he decided to give up for good. He’d warm some milk and only then slip back to the bed, he decided and swung his legs over the edge. Sucking in his lower lip, he glanced at Kazunari over his shoulder when he pressed his soles against the cold floor. He curled his toes but eased them back on the floor that suddenly didn’t feel as cool as it had been a second before. Drenched in sweat and cursing the summer temperatures, Shintarou pushed himself up, debated whether to pull on a shirt or not but didn’t. He fixed his boxers in a better position, muffled a yawn to his palm and quietly slipped out of the guestroom that was almost too small for two people.

 

The wooden floor creaked softly under his feet as he approached the kitchen. At first he was certain that the small flicker of light coming from the direction was a mirage, but the more he approached it the better he realized that it was real. His brows knitted faintly together, and as he stopped by the doorframe, he wasn’t sure whether to go in or not. It was most obviously either his sister or father and wasn’t sure which he preferred. He shifted weight from one foot to another and wondered if he should go and put some clothes on after all. Hesitating for few long seconds, he eventually stopped thinking for good and strutted through the frame.

 

The light shone from the open fridge, and in front of it stood a small figure dressed in long pants and a top and was – most importantly – sniffling. Shintarou’s eyes went wide as he watched Youko’s long green hair fall on her back as her entire frame quivered. He made the mistake of stepping closer, and immediately Youko turned to him and stared at him like a wounded deer in large and frightening headlights. The fridge’s light was enough to craft her eyes as red-rimmed and swollen. Shintarou’s heart skipped a beat, and his knees buckled. He parted his lips but couldn’t muster out a word when his little sister sniffled and averted her gaze back to the fridge. He stood and stared and felt nervousness grip his heart and squeeze tight. At first he forgot to breathe. Then he remembered to function again.

 

“What’s wrong?” he managed to muster out.

 

She merely shook her head.

 

“Should I…” He trailed off in thought. He glanced down at himself and craved to get some clothes on, felt a little awkward standing in the middle of the kitchen in his boxers only but remained on the spot. “Should I go get Kazunari?” he asked.

 

“Don’t,” she whispered with a broken tone.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

She didn’t say anything.

 

“Youko.” Shintarou heard the impatience in his own tone but couldn’t help it. His skin crawled on goose bumps. “Youko. What’s wrong?”

 

“Just go away.”

 

“Sit down,” Shintarou said and moved by the table. He grabbed one of the chairs and pulled it a little out, then stared at her. “Sit down and tell me.”

 

“I don’t want to. God, you’re so fucking annoying…”

 

“Hey.” Shintarou gritted his teeth but relaxed his jaw quickly. “I want to know what’s wrong so sit down and don’t swear at me.”

 

Youko threw him a defiant look but closed the fridge nonetheless. The kitchen turned dark but she still found her way on the chair. Shintarou remained on his feet a moment longer, then turned on a smaller lamp by the stove and sat down on the chair beside her. He examined her profile, and as the long bangs shielded her face, she began to cry softly. He really wished he had gone to wake Kazunari up after all.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly this time.

 

She shook her head and shrugged. Her shoulders trembled. She sniffled and but quickly rubbed her eyes to her palms.

 

Shintarou sighed. “Should I go wake up dad?”

 

“No…”

 

“What about Kazunari? Do you want to talk with him?”

 

“No…”

 

“Then please tell me because I’m worried.”

 

Slowly she tugged her chin up and looked at him. Her plump lower lip trembled, and the tears turned lush in her eyes that for once weren’t covered by makeup. She hiccupped and rubbed her forehead over and over again. It took her a moment to calm down and find her words again.

 

“The… boy I told you about…”

 

Shintarou’s heart hopped to his throat. “Did he hurt you?” he asked. His blood boiled instantly.

 

“No,” Youko said quickly and then bit her lip. “Well…”

 

Shintarou leaned closer. “When did he hurt you?”

 

“It’s not like that!” She huffed and stared at him. “No… He… He… _Hebrokeupwithme_.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Why can’t you listen!” She broke to another set of sobs and glared at him like it was all his fault. “He broke up with me! He… He broke up with me… He, just…”

 

Shintarou stared at her with mouth dropped agape. This really wasn’t his field of expertise. He really should have stirred Kazunari from his slumber and let him deal with this. Not sure what to say or how to soothe the sobbing girl, Shintarou moved his hand closer and was about to pat her back but decided against it in the last minute. He cleared his throat and felt unease settle in his bones.

 

“Did he say… why he… did this?” His brows knitted together.

 

Youko fiddled with her fingers. “’Cause I didn’t let him have sex with me,” she murmured.

 

“What?”

 

She looked up at him again. “Because I didn’t let him fuck me,” she said, this time pronouncing all her words loud and clear.

 

“Oh.” Shintarou crossed one leg over another and rubbed his knee. He felt a little hot around the cheeks but knew that she expected something from him judging from her look. “Well,” he began. His mouth felt suddenly awfully dry. “That’s… T-That’s good, that you didn’t… if he pressured you… you didn’t… and that’s good. That’s—That’s admirable.”

 

“But he broke up with me,” she whispered. “He said he doesn’t want a stingy girlfriend.”

 

Shintarou craned his neck and rubbed it, and couldn’t look at her. “That sort of a boy isn’t for you,” he quickly said. “That sort of a boy isn’t for anyone.”

 

The statement only made her cry more.

 

Shintarou wondered how he managed to ruin it so thoroughly in the matter of seconds and worked his fingers through his hair. Here was his little sister crying and upset, and he didn’t know what the hell to do and even wished for his husband to be here because Kazunari knew these things better. Shintarou bit his lower lip and looked at her, felt utterly powerless and didn’t know how to fix the situation or make her feel even an ounce better. She cried even louder than before, too, more hopelessly, as if given up already, and Shintarou wanted to say that there were plenty of boys in the world that would want to be with her no matter what. Such words he simply couldn’t articulate properly to fit his mouth.

 

About to give up himself, he heard soft steps approaching and sighed from relief as the sleepy-looking Kazunari appeared by the doorframe.

 

“Hey…” the man muttered and rubbed his eyes. “What’s wrong…? I heard someone cry…”

 

Youko sniffed. “Kazu-nii…”

 

Shintarou got up on his feet. “Come sit down,” he said and patted the back of his chair. “Please help me out.”

 

Kazunari slipped to the chair with ease and looked at Youko, and rubbed the last sleep from his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong…? Why are you crying?”

 

“He broke up with me!” she howled and wrapped his arms around Kazunari.

 

A quiet sigh escaped Kazunari. He patted her back and looked up at Shintarou, smiled briefly and then focused on stroking her back. “Hey,” he said and attracted her attention again. “Is this the boy we’ve talked about?”

 

“Mm-hmm…”

 

“Did he say why he broke up with you?”

 

“B-Because… Nn, because…”

 

“Because she didn’t have sex with him,” Shintarou helped.

 

Youko glared at him, and he mouthed ‘sorry’.

 

Kazunari pulled back and looked at her. “Is that true?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Then he’s a fucking dick, alright? That’s not a reason to break up with someone if you didn’t want to have sex with him. That guy’s a douche, just forget about him.”

 

“But I liked him, Kazu-nii.”

 

“I know it hurts right now, but he’s not worth it.” Kazunari straightened his posture and muffled a yawn to his shoulder. He wiped his eyes afterwards. “It’s not worth it,” he repeated and nodded to reinforce his words. “No one should pressure you into having sex.”

 

Shintarou nodded along.

 

She looked at them from Kazunari to Shintarou and bit her lip. “But… Maybe if I had—”

 

“No,” Kazunari interrupted. “If you’re not ready to have sex, you don’t have to have sex. A boyfriend should understand that.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Kazunari tilted his head ever so slightly and gave her a smile. “Sooner or later he’ll realize what a wonderful girl he broke up with, and then he’ll be sorry as hell when you find someone so much better than his sorry ass could ever be.”

 

She let out a quiet chuckle.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay,” she whispered.

 

“Good girl. Go wipe your eyes and then head to bed, it’s too late for you to still be awake! Today’s a new day, and if you see him at school, you can tell him to go fuck himself because you deserve better.”

 

With a smile on her lips she got up and strutted out of the kitchen with some confidence in her steps.

 

Shintarou sighed and sank on the vacant seat. He shook his head and looked at Kazunari. “I don’t know how the hell you do that,” he said.

 

Kazunari frowned. “Do what?”

 

“You know. Talk to her better than I could ever do. I don’t understand any of these things.”

 

Kazunari chuckled softly and rubbed Shintarou’s knee. “I’m sure you gave really good advice to her too.”

 

“I don’t think I did.” He licked his lips and shrugged. “At least she’s comfortable enough talking with you. I don’t care who she gets her adult perspective from as long as it’s good.”

 

“I’m sure she’d love to talk these things through with you as well.”

 

Shintarou didn’t say anything, just listened the steps echo around the house until they quieted down for good. A sigh rumbled in his chest but he didn’t let it out as he turned back to Kazunari and attempted a smile. “Thank you,” he whispered.

 

“For what?”

 

“For talking to her.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. She’s my family now, of course I’ll help her out.” Kazunari gave him a smile and kept stroking his knee. “You’re all my family now.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“And I think we should head to bed as well.”

 

Shintarou finally let the sigh out of his system. “I couldn’t sleep in that heat, that’s why I got here in the first place.”

 

“Was it really so hot?”

 

“You kept tangling to me like some sort of… I don’t know. You were being clingy. It’s a hot night and I was drenched in sweat.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “If I promise not to be clingy, will you come back to bed with me?”

 

“Possibly. But I know that promise won’t hold.”

 

“We’ll see about that. Come on.” Kazunari got up and grabbed Shintarou’s hands to his own. “I’m so tired, it’s only two, too early for this… Plus we need to drive early home and I don’t want to die in a horrible accident when one of us falls asleep behind the wheel.”

 

“Obviously it won’t happen.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kazunari dragged Shintarou all the way to the guestroom and didn’t let go until both of them were back in bed. He inched closer and smooched Shintarou’s cheek. “We can open the window if you want.”

 

Shintarou moved on his back and stared up at the ceiling. “Yes, please.”

 

Kazunari got up on his knees and reached for the window, yanked it open and then settled nicely on the other side of the small bed. “Better?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good. Now get some sleep.”

 

Shintarou tried but soon failed. He tossed and turned again and eventually ended up eyeing Kazunari’s profile. “Do you think she’ll be alright?” he asked under his breath.

 

Kazunari hummed and rolled on his side to look at Shintarou. “She will,” he promised.

 

“I don’t want some… teenagers forcing her to do something like that.”

 

“She’s a smart girl, Shin-chan. She knows when to say no.”

 

“I suppose you are right.” Shintarou moved the blanket aside to get some of the outside air to his skin. He heaved out a sigh and squeezed his eyes shut. “You’re right.”

 

Kazunari moved a little closer. “Of course I am,” he cooed softly and kissed his forehead. “Get some sleep now and don’t worry too much, we can talk to her again in the morning.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

After such reassuring words it was a lot easier for Shintarou to find peace and sleep.


	199. Lawnmower

“Hey, Kazu, can you help me with…”

 

Shintarou trailed off with the phone in his hand as he realized that Kazunari wasn’t in the living room despite the television close to full volume. His brows knitted together as he tightened his grasp from the device that had gone crazy all of a sudden and glanced around. Only the cats were present, and even they didn’t bother with the television – they were in a tight embrace together, although Ushi did lazily look up at him and meowed. Shintarou approached them, then strutted past them, and turned down the volume that made his ears ache. He gave a side-glance towards the tomcat who devoted long seconds to groom the area around Ao’s ears.

 

“Where’s Kazunari?” he asked and regretted it immediately, _as if_ cats could speak and tell him clearly where his husband-to-be was. Cringing to his own actions, feeling a little ashamed although there was no one to witness the awful moment, Shintarou walked around the house but couldn’t locate Kazunari anywhere. He puckered his lips and stepped to the backyard although he already saw through the balcony doors that there was no one on the yard. Nonetheless he got outside and stood under the scorching sun, looked left and right and didn’t see a single glimpse of his loved one. His heart wanted to jump to his throat but he told himself to calm down.

 

Huffing, his skin crawling close to goose bumps although the weather was hot and humid, he turned around his heels and took steps back towards the balcony door when he heard Kazunari’s voice. He frowned even deeper than before and twirled around, narrowed his eyes, looked at his surroundings but couldn’t spot the man although he had _clearly_ heard his voice. Shintarou could have recognized Kazunari’s tone no matter what since he had listened it almost half his life, and now it echoed somewhere close. Not able to locate the spot, he curled his fingers to loose fists and rose to his toes. He spotted a bush of messy black hair behind the fence and pressed his soles back on the ground. _Alright_.

 

He shoved his phone to the pocket of his shorts, shut the balcony door securely to keep the cats safe, made sure that he didn’t have his messiest sleeveless shirt on, and got out of the house through the front door.

 

Warily he circled the house, took careful steps forward and then peeked around the corner. Kazunari stood by another fence, chatted and laughed, and in front of him stood a man and woman with a child clinging to her leg. Such people Shintarou had never seen before, and now he felt his heart sank to his stomach and create tight knots. He cleared his throat but couldn’t get rid of the sudden lump that formed right in the middle of his esophagus. It took him a moment to realize that Kazunari leaned against a lawnmower, and once Shintarou saw it, he wondered why the hell he hadn’t spotted it in the first place.

 

Part of him wanted to join, and part of him wanted to retreat back to safety and sit down on the couch with the cats and afterwards listen what Kazunari had to say. He wasn’t sure where he mustered the courage to walk forward, but before he fully realized it he was already closing in on the distance. The strangers spotted him first and gave him looks, and once Kazunari looked into his direction, his lips tugged to a bright smile.

 

“Shin-chan, come here,” he cooed and wiggled his fingers.

 

Shintarou obeyed, already in motion, and stopped by his fiancé’s side. “What are you doing?” he said and nodded towards the lawnmower.

 

“Our grass is growing too long and I wanted to cut it, but since we don’t have one I decided that I’d ask around and our neighbors had one.” Kazunari grinned brightly. “This is Akira-san and Shizuka-san. This is my husband.”

 

“Soon to be,” Shintarou corrected and gave a small nod. “Midorima. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Likewise,” said Shizuka. Her smile was warm and inviting. She brought her fingers through the little girl’s hair and stroked. “This is our daughter, Aiko.”

 

“Hello,” Shintarou said and attempted a smile. It seemingly wasn’t a smile enough as Aiko buried her face to her mother’s thigh and shook her head so wildly that her pigtails swayed back and forth.

 

Shizuka laughed softly and stroked Aiko’s hair. “She’s a little shy around new people,” she said. The little girl turned red around her ears. “We were just talking with your husband how you moved here few months ago, right?”

 

“Yes.” Shintarou shifted weight from one foot to another and glanced at Kazunari. He didn’t bother to correct the title of a husband anymore. “I’m sure we should have introduced ourselves before, but I have been busy with work.”

 

“Oh. What do you for living?”

 

“I’m a doctor.”

 

“What a coincidence,” Akira joined the conversation and cleared his throat. “I’m a dentist.”

 

Shintarou nodded. “A colleague, then.”

 

“How have you liked the neighborhood?” asked Shizuka.

 

“We love it,” Kazunari chirped with a sunny smile. “So many families around and everything, this is a perfect place to have a child or two.”

 

Shintarou offered him a flustered look to tell him to go easy on the information – he wasn’t interested in letting two total strangers know everything about their life the instant they met. Beside Kazunari he fidgeted and felt his insides quiver, and perhaps Kazunari noticed it as well as he hooked an arm around his waist and squeezed reassuringly before he let go. It was a little soothing after all.

 

“I have to say,” Shizuka began, “that we had a gay gouple living across the road few years go, they were awfully nice… Weren’t they, dear?”

 

“They were,” Akira agreed.

 

“I know some people worry about people’s reactions, but the neighborhood is real nice, no one judges.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “We haven’t gotten hate mail yet, so I guess things are good.”

 

It was a joke well received, and Shintarou felt an odd sense of pride fill him. He spared a glance towards Kazunari, eyed his profile and sighed gently right below his breath. It took him a moment before he bothered to turn back to their neighbors.

 

“You should drop by for coffee sometime,” Kazunari said. “We even have two cute cats. Do you like cats, Aiko-chan?”

 

The girl peeked carefully towards Kazunari and nodded. Her cheeks were the color of apples, and her fingers grasped the hem of her mother’s shirt tightly.

 

“Yeah? We have a girl named Ao and a boy named Ushi, and you know why? Because Ao has really blue eyes and Ushi looks like a cow, he has those cow spots on his fur. They like cuddles a lot, too.” Kazunari smiled gently.

 

Something about his expressions and his tone of voice made Shintarou want to give the man a child of their own as soon as possible. Maybe they had been ready for family addition for a long time, but slowly it was growing more and more topical matter. Although he sometimes wondered whether he’d make a good father, he knew that Kazunari would be excellent. Kazunari had always been great with children, was patient with them, went easily long with their stories and imagination, and was overall the kind of man that Shintarou preferred to have as a father to his possible future children. He watched Kazunari have a short conversation with the girl about cats and whether they _really_ were better than dogs, and only startled out of his thoughts when Kazunari straightened his posture again.

 

“I think I better get chopping the grass,” he announced and patted the lawnmower. “I’ll return this to you later today, I think it’ll be a quick job.”

 

“Take your time, we won’t be needing it soon,” Shizuka said. “It was very nice to meet you two.”

 

“Likewise!”

 

Hastily Shintarou nodded to both of them before he rushed after Kazunari towards their backyard (he soon loathed the fact that he had locked the balcony door from the inside and knew that soon he’d have to circle around the whole house again). Kazunari set the lawnmower in the middle of the grass that indeed looked a little overgrown now that Shintarou paid attention to it, and turned to him with a smile toying on his lips.

 

“They were nice, don’t you think?”

 

“They were,” Shintarou agreed and, feeling an ache in his feet, sat down on the garden chair.

 

Kazunari slumped beside him a second later and shielded his vision from the sun. “It’d be nice to have new friends.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Shintarou frowned. “Are our old friends not good enough?”

 

Kazunari snickered. “That’s not it, silly.” He rubbed Shintarou’s thigh. “But it’s healthy to get to know knew people. Plus, you know… Couple stuff. Murasakibara and Himuro are busy, I haven’t heard a word from Kuroko in ages—“

 

“You haven’t?” Shintarou felt a small sting of pain in his forehead as he deepened the frown.

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I think he’s just busy. I kind of miss him, though.”

 

“You should try to give him a call.”

 

“Yeah… I suppose. But maybe soon we’ll be an actual family with actual kids, and, you know… It’d be nice to hang out with another family.”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Shintarou could see the reasoning behind such a statement. He nodded. “They seemed like nice people.”

 

“I know, right? Such a shame we didn’t get to know our neighbors sooner… The people here _are_ accepting.”

 

It had always been one of Shintarou’s concerns. He didn’t want the nature of his relationship to change because of what people thought, and he wasn’t going to let that happen, but he _was_ concerned of how other people saw him. Often he worried that the simple and problematic label of ‘gay’ was pressed to his forehead although it wasn’t necessarily true. He only loved Kazunari, and Kazunari happened to be a man. Crossing his leg over another and trying to find a more comfortable position in the plastic chair, he moistened his lips. He tried to gear his thoughts on something else and examined the machine. He nodded towards it.

 

“Do you know how to operate that?”

 

Kazunari shrugged with a smirk. “I guess I’ll find out. When have you ever seen me mow the lawn in the first place?”

 

“Never, and that worries me.” Shintarou hummed. “It’s a perfectly nice lawn now, it would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”

 

Kazunari jabbed him to the side with his elbow. “Hey! No joking now, it’ll be _perfect_.”

 

The corners of Shintarou’s lips twitched a little higher.

 

“Unbelievable… I wish someone were here to listen to this, my husband mocking my skills of using a lawnmower.”

 

“I’m not mocking,” Shintarou corrected. “I attempted a joke.”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “You’re so cute, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou huffed through the nose and rose up on his feet. “I better go around and open the balcony door, otherwise we’re trapped in here.”

 

“Aw, and I was hoping you’d sit with me a little longer.”

 

Shintarou looked at him over his shoulder. “We can sit when you’re down with the grass.”

 

Kazunari gave a toothy grin. “You’ve got yourself a deal, babe.”

 

Shaking his head, Shintarou stepped out of the backyard and diligently circled around the house, opened the door and got a duo of cats by his feet as if he had been gone longer than mere ten minutes. He pursed his lips and opened the balcony door, but closed it as soon as Kazunari actually started the machine. The noise levels were completely different from what he was used to, and he cringed and hurried to the couch. He pushed the television volume a notch higher but the motor of the lawnmower was loud and apparently old. Letting a grumble from the throat, he picked Ushi in his arms as the cat hopped on the couch with him, and together they looked at Kazunari through the windows. Shintarou hoped that the end result would be sufficient and took Ushi better in his lap.


	200. Follow the...

Feeling like for once there was absolutely nothing wrong in the surrounding world, Kazunari wanted to show off his happiness by whistling a tune but didn’t, because he knew that Shintarou would greatly disapprove it now that there were people around. Still the smile on his lips kept growing and growing, and it twitched right from one ear to another when he finally spotted the familiar jewelry shop. His stomach turned into pleasant little knots and his heart thudded loud in his chest, butterflies raced from here to there in the midst of his intestines. He felt like he was suddenly young all over again and in the midst of the first year of the relationship when everything was exciting and so thrilling.

 

He reached for the store’s door but was stopped dead on his tracks by Shintarou who grabbed his arm. As a light frown knitted to Kazunari’s face, he turned around to look at Shintarou.

 

“What?” he asked and arched his brows higher from the frown.

 

“I just want you to know that you will have the final say,” Shintarou said with a deadpan expression and let go of Kazunari’s arm. “We’ll pick one that you love.”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened. “Silly,” he began and stepped out of the way as another couple strutted to the store. “You’re gonna have to wear it as well, so we’re not choosing something only I like, okay? You’re gonna give your honest opinions about each and every one, okay?”

 

Shintarou hesitated a clear moment and then nodded.

 

“Good boy,” teased Kazunari before he finally stepped in with Shintarou shadowing his steps.

 

In the few instances he had visited jewelry stores Kazunari had learned to love the atmosphere. There was something skin-tingling, butterfly-nauseatingly exciting about walking in the midst of the most beautiful necklaces and the most gorgeous wedding rings. Right now he had his eyes set on the latter and decided that they wouldn’t walk out of the store until they found the perfect one for the two of them. Something akin to _alright_ wouldn’t be sufficient, and he was willing to sacrifice multiple hours of his life in the search of _the_ one

 

He grabbed Shintarou’s hand tightly to his own and tugged the man along, dismissed everyone else around them and headed straight to the display with the rings. With a quiet grumble Shintarou settled beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist, held him close, and the simple gesture made Kazunari bristle. He looked up at his husband-to-be and flashed a bright grin, recognized the signs of happiness and content from Shintarou’s expression, and turned his gaze back to the display that shone bright. As attractive as the diamonds were, it wasn’t what they were looking for. Kazunari puckered his lips and examined the collection, then spotted a simple silver-hued band in the corner and pointed at it.

 

“What do you think of that?”

 

Shintarou peered. “Which one?”

 

“There, silver, nothing extra.”

 

“I’m buying you either gold or white gold, forget silver,” Shintarou simply said and left no room for discussion.

 

Rather pleased with the statement, Kazunari moved out of the embrace and tiptoed to see better through the flat surface of the display. In the corner of his eye he saw a shadow approaching and looked up at a familiar-looking woman.

 

“Good afternoon,” she said, her voice smooth and pleasant. “Is there anything I could do to help you?”

 

“We’d like to see the wedding rings,” said Shintarou before Kazunari could even think about answering.

 

“Certainly.” She reached for the key around her neck and opened the display, and pulled over the surface the large square where rings after rings were situated. She held a polite smile on her lips. “Is there anything certain you were looking for?”

 

Shintarou glanced at Kazunari, and Kazunari shook his head.

 

“Could we look through them in peace?”

 

“Certainly,” she repeated and took a step back. “Do call me if you need assistance.”

 

Although she made the effort to move farther away, she was still close. Something about it amused Kazunari (he couldn’t help but wonder if she thought they were a pair of criminals ready to sweep all the expensive rings to their pockets), but he forgot all about it when he returned right to Shintarou’s side and squinted his eyes in thought. He gave a general, joint glance to the rings.

 

“Do you see anything you like?” Shintarou murmured.

 

“Hm…” Kazunari pursed his lips together and eyed the golden rings with more intensity. Some of them reminded him of the one he had gotten Shintarou for the engagement. He tilted his head, narrowed his eyes slightly, and then felt warm in the chest as he kept coming back to a certain ring. Its band was delicate, mostly gold but a stripe of silver in the middle, the silver feeling a little rough under the pad of his finger as he tested it. “How do you feel about this one?”

 

Shintarou leaned closer and examined it. “Mm.”

 

“So you don’t like it.”

 

“That’s not it.”

 

“Your reaction told everything necessary,” Kazunari simply said and discarded the idea about the ring although it was pretty. For some reason he was dead set on having matching ones and wouldn’t settle down on anything less.

 

He was in the process of deciding whether the simplest white golden one was suitable when Shintarou said, “How about this?”

 

Kazunari fixed his eyes on the ring that Shintarou pointed and pursed his lips together. The ring wasn’t necessarily _bad_ – it was golden with a tiny line of diamonds in it, each shining a little brighter than the previous one. He cocked a brow up and turned to Shintarou. “Really? You don’t even like rocks in your ring.”

 

Shintarou shrugged. “I thought you might consider it suitable.”

 

“The diamonds are pretty, sure, but I don’t want them around my finger.” Kazunari hummed and strutted a step to the side to look at a display that was nearly as high as he was. He tiptoed and then turned to the woman lurking nearby. “Excuse me? Can we see these ones here?”

 

She nodded and immediately closed in the distance, opened the display case and pulled out a new set of rings. Feeling like a predator over a dead carcass Kazunari examined them as critically as he could with a new pucker occupying his lips. He remained silent for few moments and then set his eyes on another golden band with the smallest of silver stripes going across. Biting his lower lip, he pointed it to Shintarou.

 

“This one?”

 

The frame of Shintarou’s face tightened. He let out a sharp breath. “Maybe,” was his verdict.

 

“That’s an improvement,” Kazunari chuckled. “Mm… What kind would be your ideal one anyway?”

 

“I don’t have one.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“I don’t know. Something simple. Nothing extra.”

 

“Oh, I see.” Kazunari flashed a smile and directed his attention to the simpler bands. The woman on the other side of the table gave him a look but he didn’t glance up at her. Instead he compared two white gold rings that were nearly identical aside from one being slightly narrower than the other. Not sure about which one he should present to Shintarou as a possible ring, Shintarou beat him to it and pointed the leaner ring.

 

“Something like this,” Shintarou said.

 

Kazunari felt his heart hop a pleasant beat. “I really like that one.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Mm-hmm. It’s simple and nice… But should we do a golden one instead?”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou straightened his posture and looked almost judgmental as he stared down at the golden variety of the same ring. He looked up at the woman. “Could we test this on?”

 

“Sure.” She grabbed the ring box and gave it to Shintarou.

 

Shintarou’s cheeks glowed ever so slightly as he took off the ring and nudged it to Kazunari’s finger. Kazunari wanted to protest in the fear of getting the thing stuck and having to buy it and then go to a hospital to get it cut off, but it was a nearly perfect fit, though a little bigger than was necessary. It contrasted nicely with his engagement ring, however, and the sight of the two of them together was enough to make his knees turn into jelly from pure awe.

 

“This is it,” he whispered.

 

Shintarou moved closer. “Is it?”

 

“Oh, Shin-chan, it totally is. Here, try it on.” Kazunari tugged the ring from his finger and moved it to Shintarou’s. It looked just as gorgeous. “What do you think?” he asked, ready to burst from impatience that gnawed his bones.

 

The seconds that Shintarou remained quiet were dreadful. He eventually breathed out, “This is good.”

 

“It is, isn’t it? Excuse me, we’d like two of these.”

 

She nodded.

 

“And we’d like some engraving to them,” Kazunari continued. “’21st August 2015’.”

 

She nodded another time and scribbled something down on a piece of paper. “You can pick them up in few days.”

 

“Great!”

 

“Cash or card?”

 

Kazunari turned to Shintarou.

 

“Card,” Shintarou said without a twitch in his expression and reached for his wallet, and stopped right in front of the little machine where he stuck his card in. As he finished punching the pin, he looked at Kazunari. “Are you happy with this?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari said immediately and hooked an arm around Shintarou’s waist. “Couldn’t be happier, babe.”

 

Shintarou looked more than pleased as he pulled out the card and set it back to the wallet. “Thank you,” he said to the woman and led Kazunari out of the shop. The bell ringed above their heads but Shintarou kept his hand in Kazunari’s nonetheless.

 

“So,” Kazunari said as they approached their car. “Are you feeling more excited now?”

 

“There’s nothing exactly to be excited about,” Shintarou dryly said. “It’s a party, yes, but nothing will change between us.”

 

“Come on! We’ll be husband and husband, that’s gonna change.”

 

“…I have long considered you a husband.”

 

Kazunari couldn’t help his grin. “You’re so sappy,” he said as they stopped by the car. He slipped his hand sneakily under Shintarou’s shirt and stroked his stomach, and made the man quiver. “Give me one quick smooch, okay?”

 

Shintarou did exactly that, although there was nothing _quick_ about it. Kazunari felt ready to melt into a puddle of goo right on the pavement as the kiss lingered despite the fact that they were in public, and didn’t show any signs of stopping. Murmuring quietly against Shintarou’s lips, Kazunari slipped his eyes close for good and quivered, grasped the back of Shintarou’s shirt and squeezed the fabric into his loose fists. He wanted it to continue forever, but too soon Shintarou pulled back and Kazunari grumbled. Slowly he fluttered his eyes open and looked into the deep green of Shintarou’s eyes.

 

“Meanie,” he whispered.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.” Kazunari swallowed hard and licked his lips. He shook his head and circled around the car, slumped down on the shotgun and grumbled.

 

“Because what?” asked Shintarou as he sat down on the driver’s seat.

 

“Makes me want to jump on you as soon as we get home.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. Kazunari smirked.

 

“It’s true,” Kazunari chirped.

 

“Right.” Shintarou pressed his lips tightly together and steered the car to the road. After a second’s silence he continued, “I might give you the permission to do that.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Hm.”

 

“ _Really_?”

 

“Stop asking.”

 

Kazunari leaned towards him and stroked his shoulder. “Yes, sir.”

 

Something inside him sizzled the entire car ride back home. It twisted and turned in his stomach, went down to his abdomen and crafted a fierce flame that grew so much stronger whenever he glanced in Shintarou’s direction. Kazunari flexed his fingers and rubbed their dampness to his jeans-clad knees but it wasn’t much help. Something about Shintarou’s profile today looked so damn irresistible, and paired with the fact that they had just purchased their wedding rings only made matters so much better. He let out a small breath from his mouth, involuntarily, and immediately attracted Shintarou’s gaze at him.

 

They gave each other a long look. It was enough to make Kazunari squirm on the seat and leave a silent promise hanging heavy in the air.

 

The second they reached home and closed the front door behind their backs was also the moment Kazunari found himself pushed against the wall. Shintarou kissed him instantly, gentle for the first instance and then rough straight afterwards, and Kazunari really wouldn’t have wanted in any other way. He hooked his arms around Shintarou’s neck and hugged him tight against his body, bucked his hips towards him, let out a dragging moan against Shintarou’s mouth and tightened his grasp from him. Somewhere by their feet he heard demanding meows and pulled back for breath, panted and chuckled as he saw two set of gleaming narrowed eyes stare up at them.

 

“They missed us,” he murmured and hummed when Shintarou kissed the side of his nape. “ _Ah_ , Shin-chan… Not in here, the kids can see…”

 

Shintarou threw him a look as he peeled off. “It’s just the cats.”

 

“It’s not good for their eyes either.”

 

Shintarou rolled his own. “You can stop joking and head to the bedroom.”

 

Kazunari flashed a grin. “Ooh, demanding. Alright, alright, I’m on my w— _Hah_!”

 

He couldn’t even finish off the sentence as Shintarou simply picked him up. Loud laughter burst from his mouth in a steady wave, but he tried his very best not to wiggle and thrash around too much to not end up with a concussion. There was still a smirk on his lips, and he watched the cats follow keenly as Shintarou carried him to the bedroom. The cats, however, remained outside the door as Shintarou closed it and then threw him on the bed. Kazunari propped himself up on his elbows, which was the only thing he managed to do before Shintarou crawled in with him and indulged him to a new set of kiss.

 

Knowing fully well where the sudden urge had come from, Kazunari hummed and tilted his head, moved one arm around Shintarou’s nape and deepened the kiss. His abdomen tightened and pulsed with warmth that grew by several degrees when Shintarou trailed his fingers below his shirt and towards his hipbones. Kazunari gasped for breath and shuddered, and quite desperately reached for Shintarou’s back. He dragged his fingers over the length of the back and dipped them below the fabric, reached for the distinct shoulder blades and rocked his body gently against Shintarou’s hand cupping his crotch.

 

It took him a handful of willpower to peel his mouth away from Shintarou. He huffed and looked into the gleaming green eyes, then smirked.

 

“Are you this eager to have a bit of fun with your husband?”

 

“ _Future_ husband,” Shintarou corrected and was slightly out of breath. He laced his lips over Kazunari’s and kissed him deep and tight. It was almost unbearably _hot_. Shintarou pulled back with a wet pop. His face got a dash of color around the edges. “Something about the… the rings…”

 

“Mm. New kink of yours, eh, buying rings together?”

 

“Shut _up_.”

 

Kazunari grinned and kissed the corner of Shintarou’s mouth. “But I know the feeling,” he murmured and trailed his lips to Shintarou’s ear.

 

“Do you?” asked Shintarou as he tugged Kazunari’s jeans out of his legs.

 

“I do. There’s just something sexy about commitment…”

 

“Are you teasing me now?”

 

“I’m not, cross my heart and everything.”

 

Kazunari stroked his own length through the fabric of the boxers, but Shintarou grabbed his wrist and pinned it above his head. Feeling like a prey succumbing to a predator, he couldn’t help the chuckles and snorts that got out of his system as Shintarou gave a line of kisses on his neck and shoulder. Kazunari brewed a quick plan in his mind, and when Shintarou seemed like he was being as vulnerable as he could possibly get, Kazunari pushed him down on the bed on his back and climbed to sit on top of him. Feeling positively victorious, Kazunari rested his hands on Shintarou’s chest and curled his fingers ever so slightly over the nipples. Shintarou gasped.

 

“The tables have turned,” Kazunari announced.

 

Shintarou shook his head. “Is this how you want it to be?”

 

“God, yes.”

 

Almost possessively Shintarou grasped his hips and squeezed, moved his own soles to the bed and created the perfect seat to Kazunari. Just to test it out Kazunari bounced once and lured out a barely-there moan. It was enough to make him feel like the master of the situation.

 

“You’re so liking this,” he taunted.

 

“Is it a surprise?” Shintarou sounded dry. “I thought we had already established the fact that whatever we do in a situation like this will—“

 

“Yeah, yeah, off with the pants, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou looked a little hurt at first, but pulled off his pants nonetheless as Kazunari lifted his ass high enough. Afterwards Kazunari settled his bottom perfectly over the bulge straining under the tight black boxers and rubbed to his best abilities. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and parted his lips, and let out the most beautiful moan there was in the humankind. Kazunari trembled and pressed his thighs tightly on either sides of Shintarou’s body and at the moment couldn’t give a damn that they looked bigger from usual. Right now he was only able to focus on the ever-changing expression on Shintarou’s face as he kept grinding.

 

With hasty fingers Kazunari pulled up Shintarou’s shirt and latched his mouth on one of the nipples, bit and suckled and made Shintarou push his hips up. Together they moved in a messy pace, and soon Kazunari felt precum soil his underwear. He didn’t care and was in no rush to get to the real action as he dragged the tip of his tongue across the sensitive bud that turned wonderfully hard against his taste buds. He glanced up at Shintarou and smirked to his flushed reaction.

 

“W-What are you doing?” Shintarou panted.

 

Kazunari lifted himself up enough and moved his face near Shintarou’s. “Showing you a hell of a good time,” he whispered and kissed his fiancé passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200th chapter, I never thought I'd see this day coming. Only 165 more to go. It sounds ridiculously impossible right now, but let's get through this one day at a time. Thank you for every single comment and kudos you have given me in the last two hundred days, I'm extremely honored to write this not only to myself but to you as well.


	201. Underground

It seemed that half of Tokyo was embarking on the same ride on the subway as them at the exact same moment, Kazunari briefly thought and managed to squeeze himself through the doors just in time. Now it seemed like a bad idea to go take a walk on the other side of the city using public transport instead of being in the comfort of their own car with a working air conditioning. The back of his shirt was drenched with sweat, his socks were damp, and his bangs glued to his forehead as he settled between salary men. He huffed out a breath and looked around, couldn’t spot Shintarou and soon frowned. Had Shintarou missed the train after all? The little he could Kazunari tiptoed and soon saw Shintarou sitting on a seat. Their eyes met, and Shintarou looked relieved.

 

“Do you want to switch?” Shintarou asked when Kazunari moved right beside him and grabbed the nearest pole.

 

“I’m good here, just sit,” Kazunari assured and flashed a tired smile.

 

As much fun as exercising was, he wasn’t too keen about _this_. He thought of taking a cold shower and drinking something with ice poured all over it, quivered from the thought and slipped his eyes close. The hum of the subway was nice and soothing in his ear as well as the low murmur of some people talking either to each other or on the phone. Kazunari took deep breaths through his nose and tried to banish the heat out of his body but was unable to. The fabric clung nastily to his skin from here and there, and although he had opted for shorts it still wasn’t enough. Probably stripping naked wouldn’t be enough, Kazunari figured and snorted to the private thought.

 

It felt like in every station more people came in than they pushed out. Soon Kazunari squeezed himself to a smaller package beside people clearly going back to home from work. Whenever the path dipped underground the temperature dropped, and at the moment it was the single most soothing thing that the entire world could have offered to him. Lazily he glanced at Shintarou and watched his profile, examined him stare strictly in front of him with a slightly clenched jaw and wanted to kiss him surprisingly badly. The last time they had kissed was in the morning… His lips tingled from the thought. Maybe he’d have the chance to do it once they were home if he still remembered. He made a mental note to himself to remember and closed his eyes again with a hint of a smile on his lips.

 

A hand sneaked to the front of his body and jolted him out of his thoughts. Kazunari’s eyes widened, but the smile soon melted on his lips. How _kinky_ Shintarou was being! He bit his lower lip and turned to look at him over his shoulder.

 

“Shin-ch…” The rest of the syllables dried in his mouth when he realized that Shintarou wasn’t behind him but still tightly seated in his spot. Gasping for breath, Kazunari stared in front of him and looked at his reflection from the window. Maybe it was an accident and he simply imagined it. Maybe—The hand ventured forward and cupped him tightly in the large palm. His core tightened. He parted his lips for a protest but not a single sound escaped him. So many times he had read someone getting molested in the train and not doing a thing, had always said that it was easy to scream and shout, but now he was frozen.

 

Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and forgot to breathe, tried to become as tiny as possible. Heavy breaths echoed in his ear, and a taller and stronger body pushed against his back. _Disgusting. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting_. Didn’t anyone see this happen? The train was packed but _still_. Kazunari swallowed hard and tried to move away but couldn’t, didn’t have any space to do so. His sweat turned cold on his forehead. He let out a quiet whimper but it seemed to only encourage the stranger who with ease popped up the button of his shorts open. Kazunari’s breath quickened, and he chewed the inside of his cheek. _Speak up. Speak up, idiot, say something, anything!_ He parted his lips for another attempt to say something but it felt like he had lost the ability to speak for good. He didn’t like it, so why couldn’t he say anything?

 

With his gaze he searched for Shintarou, desperate to get some help and support when the stranger took a tighter hold of him, grasped his hip and refused to let go. _Why_ was this happening to him? Kazunari felt his eyes burn in the back. He stared at Shintarou’s profile as hard as he could and hoped from the bottom of his heart that the man took the hint and would see his distress. _Please, please, please, please…_

 

Shintarou turned to look at him. Kazunari let out a sharp breath and curled his fingers tighter around the pole to keep his balance in the curve that the subway made. There was a frown on Shintarou’s face, which was followed by a mouthed ‘are you alright’. Instantly Kazunari shook his head and nodded downwards, then watched Shintarou’s gaze follow. Within a second Shintarou’s own eyes blew wide, and he pushed up on his feet. The hand on Kazunari’s crotch continued its boldness and rubbed him in all the right places.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou called with a loud voice and attracted some people’s attention as he pushed through the mess of crowd. Carefully Kazunari glanced at him and saw him take a tight grip of the stranger’s shoulder. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

“What?” the stranger squeaked like a pig.

 

“I said, what the hell do you think you’re doing, molesting people like this.” Shintarou raised his voice, which brought red on the stranger’s face and multiple gazes nailed to them. “I’m calling the police for _molesting_ , I wonder what they will say about that.”

 

“P-Please… I’m sorry—“

 

“Don’t apologize to _me_.” Shintarou clenched his teeth and for once in his life looked more than ready to beat someone up. “Get the hell out of my sight. Kazu, come here.”

 

Kazunari didn’t have to think twice whether to obey or not as he pushed past the stranger and arrived safely in Shintarou’s arms. Shintarou squeezed him tight against his chest, and Kazunari heaved out a trembling sigh. Burying his face to Shintarou’s sweaty shirt didn’t do much to his quivering knees and trembling heart but it still made him calmer. The doors behind his back opened and the stranger ran, but they didn’t move a single inch. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and finally fiddled with the button but it wasn’t that great with his hands shuddering so much. He clicked his tongue and tried to get himself back in control.

 

“Are you alright?” Shintarou murmured in his ear.

 

Not sure about it himself, Kazunari still nodded.

 

“Should we get off at the next station?”

 

“No.” Now that he found his voice back it didn’t sound like himself at all. It trembled and was weak. He looked up at Shintarou and shrugged. “Let’s go home.”

 

Shintarou nodded and didn’t say a word, simply held him close in his embrace and didn’t let go until their station came. Kazunari’s legs hardly carried him but he still did his best, and by the time he saw their house by the road, he already felt lighter about everything. It wasn’t _that_ big of a deal, he figured and took a deeper breath through his nose and let go of Shintarou’s hand that he had held the entire way walking. He fished out the keys and opened the door, and the cats came to greet him. He picked Ushi up in his arms and cradled him, but didn’t quite manage to give a kiss to the top of his head when Shintarou pulled him close again.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Shintarou asked with obvious worry in his voice.

 

“I am!” Kazunari snickered. “So some random guy fondled me, so what?”

 

“Kazu.”

 

“I’m _fine_.” He strutted down the hall and towards the living room. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

“Kazunari.”

 

Kazunari stopped and, as Ushi struggled, let the tomcat down on the floor. He turned to look at Shintarou and puckered his lips. There was something weird in Shintarou’s eyes as he looked at him, and only when he came closer again did Kazunari realize that it was bottomless worry. A sigh escaped him, loud and clear, and his shoulders slumped. Then they began to tremble but he still held himself together for the sake of it.

 

“Hey,” murmured Shintarou and held him from the waist. “Talk to me.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kazunari said and felt like it was the truth. “I’m just a little shocked, that’s all. It’s not a big deal… Just feel a little dirty.”

 

“You’re not dirty,” Shintarou said immediately. “There’s nothing dirty about you because of that.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Trust me. Come here.” Shintarou pulled him along to the living room and sat him down on the couch beside him. He grabbed Kazunari’s legs and pulled him to his lap. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “I’m fine, Shin-chan, I promise. In few hours I won’t even remember it anymore.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Shintarou nodded slowly. “Alright,” he mustered out with a slightly muffled voice. “Can I still give your feet a massage?”

 

“If you _really_ insist, yes.”

 

When Shintarou began the promised massage a second later, Kazunari slipped his eyes close and did his best to relax. Just a little bump in the road, he figured and relaxed, grabbed a cushion and held it against his stomach for some extra mental support. Shintarou’s fingers were gentle on his insteps, and at the moment it was really all he needed to get rid of such unpleasant thoughts. He took a deep inhale and let it all out through his mouth until his lungs were thoroughly empty.


	202. Turnip Soup

The first minute Shintarou spent trying to settle the cookbook in a perfect position to the rack specifically designed for it (an old Christmas gift from Kazunari’s mother if he remembered correctly), and during the next minute he attempted to move the turnips to perfect positions on the cutting board. Perhaps the knife he squeezed in his fist was too big for the job, but in cooking he always thought that bigger was better, plus the knife was the sharpest they owned. The vegetables looked a little intimidating, plump and _hard_ , and Shintarou wasn’t sure how to approach the task.

 

He was a decent cook. It was a fact he forced Kazunari to establish every now and then. He could cook without a problem, and he could make simple things from the scratch. Maybe he had been terrible at this ten years ago, but ten years was a lot of time to improve. Even so he squinted his eyes to the recipe for the umpteenth time and read through the lines that he had by now nearly memorized by heart, and tried to think how exactly he’d turn the turnip into neat cubes. He grabbed one of them and turned it around to find the perfect position, then twisted it around another time because the first way didn’t feel exactly right.

 

Eventually he cut the first one in half and pushed the knife down so loud that it crafted a loud echoing sound that made him cringe. Shintarou let out a shivery sigh and rubbed his forehead to his forearm, took a deep breath and moistened his suddenly dried lips. He cut the vegetable into cubes that looked nothing like they did in the glossy picture of the book and cursed silently under his breath. Despite having a tick in the chest because of it, he decided to go with it and put some water to boil as he continued destroying the vegetables one by one. He was as precise as he could with the knife, careful and calculating, but the cubes were hardly matching in size with each other and he quickly gave up. He put down the knife and hung his head down, thought about calming things and reassured himself that the cubes didn’t matter when they were smashed into puree in the last step. _The cubes don’t matter_ , he told himself and picked up the knife again.

 

“Mm… What are you doing?”

 

Shintarou jolted out of his thoughts and looked over his shoulder at Kazunari leaning against the doorframe. At the moment Kazunari was the epitome of tiredness, eyes glued shut and clearly unable to stay open, posture slumped, and a constant yawn on the drool-crusted lips. Shintarou discarded the knife once more.

 

“Turnip soup. I’m _trying_ at least,” he said and watched Kazunari drag himself closer. Soon he got a clingy fiancé against him and hugged him without even thinking about not doing it. He hooked his arms properly around Kazunari’s torso and simply held him close and knew that it was enough. “How was the nap?”

 

“Mm… Just fine, can I help you with this?”

 

“Sure… There’s not much to be done anymore, though.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips to a pout. “Is there at least a little something I could help with?”

 

Shintarou thought a short moment. “You can put the turnips in the water.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“How are you feeling?” Shintarou asked carefully. He wasn’t sure whether things were still fine regarding the day before because Kazunari hadn’t mentioned it anymore, but he only wanted to be on the safe side. He moved his hands on Kazunari’s hips and held his fingers cautiously on the spot.

 

Kazunari offered a sleepy smile. “Feeling good, Shin-chan… Or maybe nauseous, I don’t think I should have taken that nap…”

 

“Mm.” Shintarou let go of him. “Go lay down on the couch, I’ll be right there with you.”

 

“Aw, come on…”

 

“Go.”

 

Kazunari grumbled but turned around his heels anyway, gave him a nasty look and disappeared. Shintarou held in a sigh and impatiently waited for the water to reach its boiling point, and as soon as it did he chucked the turnip cubes into it. For few seconds he watched them bounce and bubble around before he turned down the heat as was instructed. He leaned his pelvis against the edge of the counter and narrowed his eyes to the recipe again and read it once more to know exactly that he was doing the right thing. Boil them until soft. How many minutes was that? Shintarou grabbed the egg timer and turned it. Fifteen, twenty minutes? Maybe thirty… He set it on twenty-five and puckered his lips in thought. _Hm_. It would probably be enough—

 

“Shin-chan,” called Kazunari from the living room. “Come take a look at this, hurry.”

 

Shintarou forgot the fact that he was battling with a problem to begin with as he rushed to the living room and stopped behind the couch. His brows knitted together to a deep frown as he eyed the news on the television and the current headline of a molester getting caught.

 

Kazunari looked up at him from the couch. “Do you think that’s the guy from yesterday?”

 

Shintarou curled his fingers. “Could be,” he said. “What did they say before?”

 

“That he did it mainly in Yamanote line and that there were several incident reported to the police.” Kazunari sank better to the corner of the couch and hugged a pillow to his chest. “They didn’t show his picture or anything, so I don’t know.”

 

“I think it might be the same person,” Shintarou carefully said and circled around the couch, and took a seat beside Kazunari. He moved his hand on his lover’s knee and rubbed as gently as he could, and got a reassuring smile from Kazunari, which encouraged him. “You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

 

“I’m not worrying about it.”

 

“Are you sure? Because you know that you can always talk to me about anything.”

 

Kazunari sighed and leaned his head to the back of the couch. “I know. But there’s nothing to talk about, you know? A random guy touched me, that’s all.”

 

Shintarou pulled one of his legs up to the couch and turned better towards Kazunari. “Your privacy was still invaded,” he tried with a soft tone. “So if you feel bad about it—“

 

“Honey,” Kazunari interrupted with a smile. “I have to remind you that you got your degree in medicine, not in psychology.”

 

Shintarou nodded slowly, but he still worried that Kazunari was merely putting up a front that would sooner or later collapse. He didn’t push him, however, merely opened his arms and murmured, “Come here.”

 

No coaxing was necessary as Kazunari crawled in his arms immediately and settled right beside him. Shintarou rubbed Kazunari’s side as the man rested his head on his shoulder and decided to do everything in his power to make Kazunari feel good and secure again. Although he wasn’t sure whether _he_ was overreacting, he didn’t want to take risks. Maybe Kazunari was alright and maybe he didn’t even think about the incident any further, but Shintarou wanted to be absolutely sure of that before the matter would be discarded completely. He worked his fingertips up and down on Kazunari’s side and made him quiver.

 

“It doesn’t change a thing, right?” Kazunari suddenly asked.

 

Shintarou looked at him. “What do you mean?”

 

“That the thing yesterday happened.”

 

“Why would it change anything?”

 

“I don’t know.” Kazunari glanced up at him and suddenly looked like he was a decade younger and hesitant about everything. His face was under the spell of a light frown. “I don’t want you to think differently about me.”

 

Shintarou settled better on the couch and pulled Kazunari along. “Nothing can change the way I think about.”

 

“ _Something_ will, you know.”

 

“Possibly, but not this.” Shintarou was stern with his words but not with his tone. “What happened was not your fault by any means, and I surely don’t think less of you. You’re my husband, and I’m pledging to be with you no matter what.”

 

“Mm.” Kazunari looked a little calmer. He even cracked a smile as he buried himself better to the crook of Shintarou’s arm. “Good.”

 

Shintarou remained quiet for a moment. “If you want to talk about it, we can talk as many times as you want.”

 

“I know, Shin-chan. Thanks.”

 

Feeling a bit more secure that he was doing the right thing himself, Shintarou took the remote and changed the channel into something lighter, found a ridiculous soap opera that they sometimes watched and decided that it was good enough. He entangled his fingers to Kazunari’s and held him close, sighed gently and closed his eyes, let his thoughts trail here and there. It was a good thing that the molester was caught to make sure that no new victims would appear. Still he felt resentment for such a low excuse of a man who had even dared to touch _his_ fiancé. Shintarou tried his best to abandon the gloomy thoughts and focused on stroking Kazunari’s side.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari called.

 

“Yes?”

 

“How long were your turnips supposed to boil?”

 

“…Shit.” Shintarou hopped on his feet and rushed to the kitchen. The egg timer no longer ticked, and he couldn’t understand how he had missed its ringing. With hasty fingers he grabbed a fork and poked the first piece of turnip, but it was still hard. He heaved out a sigh of relief and shook his head.

 

“Did you mess it up?”

 

Shintarou turned around and looked at Kazunari by the doorframe again. “No,” he said and pushed his hair out of the way from his forehead. “They’re not done yet.”

 

“Oh, I see.” Kazunari flashed a small grin. “How about you come back to the couch with me then?”

 

“Alright.”

 

Shintarou diligently obeyed and slumped back on the couch beside Kazunari, held him close and watched the television show although it didn’t interest him one bit. He struggled through nonetheless, but found his eyes closing over and over again despite doing his best to keep awake. An afternoon nap suddenly sounded like a real treat considering the fact that he still had a long night shift ahead of him.

 

Just when he felt like he could actually fall asleep and forget all about dinner, his phone rang and vibrated on the coffee table and pulled him out of the lull. With a sigh he let go of Kazunari and reached for the damned device, then frowned when he saw who was calling.

 

“What?” asked Kazunari.

 

“It’s Momoi.” It was safe to say that she _never_ called, and now Shintarou felt his heart weaken. He offered the phone to Kazunari. “Answer it.”

 

“Why? She’s calling you.”

 

“I don’t want to. Answer it, please.”

 

“Shin-chan.”

 

“I need to check the turnips.”

 

Kazunari sighed and took the phone, threw a glare to Shintarou and answered the phone. “Shin-chan’s phone, Kazunari speaking! Hey, yeah, he’s just making food, can I help you with something?”

 

Shintarou rushed to the kitchen with a wildly pounding pulse and checked the turnips that still weren’t soft enough as the recipe required them to be. He leaned against the counter and listened Kazunari’s faint talking echo in the house together with some laughter that made him want to smile. The small twitch of lips disappeared immediately, however, when Kazunari strutted to the kitchen with the phone still in his hand.

 

“Are we free on Friday? Momoi has her baby shower then.”

 

“Wait.” Shintarou glanced at his schedule he had put up to the fridge door for the sake of convenience and searched for the week’s Friday. It looked as full as it could possibly get. He turned to Kazunari. “I have a shift then, I can’t make it.”

 

“Okay.” Kazunari nodded and brought the phone back to his ear. “You still there? Yeah, unfortunately we can’t make it—“

 

“Wait,” Shintarou interrupted. “You can go.”

 

Kazunari frowned, told Satsuki to wait and pressed the phone to his chest. “Are you sure? I don’t have to go, it’ll be boring without you anyway.”

 

“Just go, it will be fun with… all the baby stuff. You can even borrow the car.”

 

“Nah… I can try to get a ride from Himuro and Murasakibara if they’re going… Momoi, is Himuro and Murasakibara coming? Yeah? Great, um, in that case I’ll come and replace Shin-chan as well, is that okay? Yeah… Yeah, can’t wait! Thanks a lot, yes… Thanks, see you.”

 

When Kazunari ended the call, Shintarou said, “I thought she had her baby already.”

 

“Oh, she did.” Kazunari grinned. “She just didn’t have the baby shower before, and you know, better late than never, right?”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“I guess I need to go to the city before Friday to pick something up… What do you normally give as a gift in a baby shower?”

 

“Don’t ask me,” Shintarou said and turned back to the stove. He tested the turnips and smiled to them as they finally felt tender. “When have I ever been to a baby shower? I didn’t know they are actually organized.”

 

“Welcome to the baby world, I guess. Maybe I’ll bring some toys or something.”

 

“I think that’s sufficient.” Shintarou poured the water out of the kettle. “Can you give me something I can mash these with?”

 

“I thought you were making soup, not puree.”

 

“I’m just following the recipe.”

 

Kazunari grinned lopsidedly as he gave the right tool for smashing the soft vegetables. Shintarou ignored such a look completely and set to work, only to discover ten minutes later that the soup was never going to be an actual soup like this. He gave up quickly.

 

“I think we have some fish in the freezer, we can just fry it and eat it with the puree,” Kazunari comforted and rubbed Shintarou’s back. “Don’t worry about it, this looks really good.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Come on, chin up. Give me the fish and let’s do it.”

 

Shintarou did exactly that and couldn’t hide the sourness from his expression although he tried his best.


	203. Bouncing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains **takamido** (I'm so happy to be able to say that after such a long while), so if it's not your thing, see you tomorrow! (ゝ∀･)

Feeling a little drowsy but pleasantly so, Kazunari rolled on his side on the bed and leaned his cheek to his palm, and gazed at Shintarou’s profile. In the warm hue of one bedside lamp the man looked breathtaking and other hundreds of flattering adjectives that floated in Kazunari’s mind but he couldn’t really grasp any of them. It was a sight where his eyes truly rested, and he adored looking at Shintarou’s sharp and distinct jawline and the way his fingers curled ever so slightly to hold the book better in the hands. Although Shintarou was merely reading a book with a different set of glasses, there was something unbelievably arousing in that.

 

Kazunari squirmed in the spot and pushed his share of the blanket away from his bare thighs, but it wasn’t enough to attract any attention. He peeked at the cover of the book and deduced that it was one of those psychological ones again. Knowing that by the time Shintarou was done with it in few days he would recommend it to him, Kazunari pressed his cheek against the pillow and peered up at his fiancé. He arched his brows up to see better (he wasn’t sure whether there was any scientific base on _that_ statement) and puckered his lips. There was slight bubbliness in the pit of his stomach together with exhaustion, but he wasn’t ready to fall asleep yet although the time was nearing midnight and they were already in bed.

 

Twisting and turning around in his spot didn’t gain looks from Shintarou, thus Kazunari began his favorite game, ‘how much will it take for Shin-chan to notice me’. He propped back up on his elbow and displayed a nice grin on his lips, but it was an utter failure. He slumped back down on the bed and moved on his back and looked up, but it certainly wasn’t a success. Heaving out a heavy sigh wasn’t any better, and feverishly Kazunari thought of something. Eventually he moved back on his side and brought his fingertips on Shintarou’s forearm. Goose bumps popped up to the skin, and Shintarou quivered.

 

“You look so pretty,” Kazunari whispered and tried to get a bit of seduction in his tone.

 

Shintarou glanced at him and looked positively amused. “I see that the glass of wine is doing its job.”

 

“It’s not the wine talking,” Kazunari reassured although the buzz in his head was somewhat related to the white wine he had sipped on the couch beside Shintarou. He sat up and crossed his legs and looked at Shintarou properly with a smile. “You just happen to be very, _very_ pretty, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and turned back to the book. “I believe it’s your bedtime.”

 

“Come _on_.” Kazunari grabbed the book to himself and shut it despite Shintarou’s protests and moved it to his nightstand. He eased back to the bed and moved on his stomach, worked his fingertips over Shintarou’s stomach and drew vague shapes. “You’re so beautiful.”

 

“Kazunari,” Shintarou warned.

 

“What? I’m just telling the truth.” Kazunari inched closer and pressed his lips on Shintarou’s jaw for a moist kiss. He pulled back with a wet pop. “And since you’re so pretty, I think we should fuck.”

 

Shintarou’s brows arched noticeably higher. He stirred in the spot ever so slightly before he turned on to his side and faced Kazunari. For Kazunari it was a ridiculously good sign that made him grin so widely it hurt in his cheeks where dimples were crafted.

 

“Are you up for it?” Kazunari asked with a low voice that dragged a little.

 

Shintarou took a breath through his nose. “I’m not sure.”

 

“Mm… What do I need to do to make you sure?”

 

“It’s getting a little late,” Shintarou said quietly.

 

Kazunari pushed back up and tilted his head, then lowered himself towards Shintarou and kissed the side of his corded nape. He trailed his mouth to Shintarou’s ear and murmured, “I really want to fuck you.”

 

Shintarou startled. He moved back enough to look into Kazunari’s eyes whilst his own widened around the corners. “I—I…”

 

“Is it a bad idea?”

 

“I…”

 

“ _Whaaaat_ , did cat got your tongue?”

 

“No.” Shintarou huffed and seemingly tried to collect himself. It wasn’t that great of a success. “You want to…”

 

“Yes.” Kazunari nodded.

 

“Hm.” Shintarou glanced at the clock and then back at Kazunari, and looked a little wary. He let out a deep exhale and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue. In Kazunari’s eyes the gesture was amazingly sexual and it made his cock stir in his loose boxers. Shintarou rubbed his nape and whispered right below his breath, “Alright.”

 

Kazunari blinked. “What?”

 

“I said alright.”

 

“So I can do you?”

 

“Yes, you can… _do_ me.”

 

The grin that rose to Kazunari’s lips was wider than ever and made his cheeks hurt even more. He held in a breath in excitement and sat up properly on the bed, then tapped his lap.

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together. “What?”

 

“Come sit here.”

 

“On your lap?”

 

“Yes,” Kazunari said impatiently and wiggled. “C’mon, put your ass right here, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou let out a breathy chuckle that didn’t sound that amused. “I’m heavy.”

 

“So? I’m a man, I’ve got some strength in me. Hop on.”

 

Under his breath Shintarou grumbled several things that Kazunari couldn’t understand, but the man climbed on his lap nonetheless and made Kazunari smirk. Shintarou wasn’t heavy per se, simply long and even more towering than usual, and Kazunari had to look up at him. There was delicious deep read on Shintarou’s cheeks as he squirmed ever so slightly on the spot, but Kazunari grabbed his hips and held him steady. It soon became not enough, and he grasped Shintarou’s buttocks in his grasp. Shintarou whined, and Kazunari’s dick jerked right underneath Shintarou.

 

“Fuck,” Kazunari whispered. “You’re so hot, Shin-chan.”

 

“Don’t,” warned Shintarou with a low voice.

 

“I’m gonna say exactly what I want to say right now. Mm…” Kazunari squeezed the tight ass and kneaded it with the energy of a horny teenager. He reached his neck up and just barely managed to smooch a quick kiss on Shintarou’s lips. Against the corner of Shintarou’s mouth he murmured, “I’m gonna make you ride me so good…”

 

Shintarou shuddered from head to toe.

 

Kazunari grinned lazily and pushed Shintarou’s boxers lower. “Like that idea?”

 

Only silence answered him.

 

Kazunari trailed his fingertips up on Shintarou’s sides and did it as sensually as he could before he squeezed the ass back in his grasp. “Or is it such a terrible idea that you _really_ don’t want to do it?”

 

“Don’t make me say it.” Shintarou glowed red.

 

“I love it when you get all tsun-tsun.”

 

“I’m not—“ Shintarou cut himself off with a huff and shook his head. He spared Kazunari a stare and reached for the lube on the nightstand, then handed it to Kazunari. “Do what you have to do.”

 

“I don’t _have_ to do this,” Kazunari cooed and attached his mouth on Shintarou’s neck. He kissed and suckled the spot and lured out such sexy grumbles from Shintarou that his cock grew half-hard already. He pushed his hips up ever so slightly and knew that it wouldn’t be a problem at all for Shintarou to bounce on his dick for a change. Behind Shintarou’s back he popped open the cap of the bottle and poured the lube all over his fingers, smeared it around, and didn’t care that some of it dropped on the sheets. He shoved his hand down Shintarou’s boxers from the back and slid his fingers down the cleft.

 

Shintarou hissed.

 

Kazunari looked up at him. “Cold?”

 

Shintarou swallowed thickly. “Warn me before you… _Nn_ …”

 

It was cute how Shintarou simply forgot to breathe as Kazunari rubbed and nudged the puckered skin shielding the vulnerable flesh. Shintarou’s expressions were golden, and Kazunari couldn’t tear his gaze away from his face as he gently eased a finger inside him. Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut in a fraction of a second and tightened his insides, but Kazunari stroked the side of his waist and managed to make him loosen up.

 

He began slowly and savored the moment of being in control finally after so long again. He breathed deeply and pumped his finger with a steady pace, and already it was enough to make Shintarou squirm. Feeling a little lightheaded, Kazunari slipped his eyes close and pressed his half-naked body better against Shintarou’s, and sort of hoped that their chests would simply melt together. He felt the heavy pulse of Shintarou’s heart, and his own quickly took the same rhythm. His cock strained against the seam of the boxers almost painfully, and he let out quiet moans. It was easy to lost himself in the moment and he did, and began to push his finger in and out faster than he meant to.

 

Shintarou didn’t complain, and Kazunari took it as a good sign.

 

“Is it good?” he whispered, his tone a little sluggish.

 

“Yeah,” Shintarou breathed in his ear.

 

“Can I put another one?”

 

This time Shintarou only nodded.

 

Kazunari held in his own breath as he added more lube and nudged his forefinger inside beside the other. The way Shintarou gasped for breath was arousing as hell, and Kazunari got a little carried away as he curled his fingers and thrust them fast and hard inside his twitching lover. His own bulge was painful and demanded attention right at the moment, but he endured for the sake of preparing Shintarou thoroughly. Kazunari knew that if their situation was reversed he wouldn’t want such long preparation, but he wanted to make sure that Shintarou was alright and without pain.

 

Powered by the thought he leaned down and pressed a wet kiss on Shintarou’s nipple. Shintarou’s body convulsed and the muscles tightened, and Kazunari chuckled breathlessly. Knowing that he had just hit a jackpot, Kazunari brought his mouth back on the same nipple and suckled, bit and tugged, and managed to make Shintarou’s vocal chords loosen up. It sounded nice for once for Shintarou’s moans to echo in the room instead of his. Kazunari spread his fingers apart ever so slightly and attracted a shivering gasp.

 

He continued a long time just like that, mouth on Shintarou’s chest and fingers buried deep in him even when he felt desperate for relief. Even with the urge kindling a flickering flame in his abdomen Kazunari wanted to concentrate on Shintarou and Shintarou’s pleasure instead of his own. He brought his free hand on Shintarou’s cock and tugged and stroked lovingly, and the member swell hard in his palm. Shintarou pushed his hips up towards him, and Kazunari had to squeeze his eyes shut to calm himself down. Shivers jolted through him, pierced him, and made him push his fingers even faster in the midst of the tight and melting muscles that gave way whenever he demanded it.

 

“Just do it,” Shintarou suddenly whispered.

 

Kazunari jolted out of his hazy thoughts and looked at him. “Are you sure? Because I can continue—“

 

“Do it,” Shintarou said harsher this time. Fluster had overtaken his face for good and splattered spots of red all the way to his chest.

 

Blinking and feeling slightly dumbfounded, Kazunari nodded hastily and pulled his fingers out at once. He let go of Shintarou’s body and witnessed it suffer from a violent tremor, which was the reason why his heart hopped to his throat and crafted a tight lump in his esophagus. Kazunari hurried to push his boxers down enough to finally release his cock that sprung up proudly. He grabbed the lube and greased the length quickly, then added some more to his fingers and made sure that Shintarou’s flesh was soaked and quivering. Only then did he grab Shintarou’s waist and tugged him towards him to the right position. So many times he had fantasized of doing this, having Shintarou jump and bounce on his cock like an outright _slut_ , and Kazunari couldn’t believe that it was happening.

 

Even so he asked as he looked into Shintarou’s eyes. “Are you sure this is okay?”

 

Shintarou answered him by grabbing his cock from the base and sinking down on it.

 

Kazunari couldn’t control the moan that got torn out of his lungs when Shintarou seated himself fully on his dick. His abdomen tightened, and because of the warmth and the tightness Kazunari was more than ready to come right at the moment. He supposed it was the side effect of not doing this often enough to actually get used to it. It took him a moment to come back to his senses and _not_ come prematurely, and as he looked at Shintarou he shook his head from amusement. Shintarou’s lips were parted and he panted so beautifully, hung his head a little down and finally removed his glasses.

 

They remained still for a moment.

 

“What am I…” Shintarou swallowed hard. “Supposed to do now?”

 

“Bounce,” Kazunari said and squeezed Shintarou’s hips. “ _God_ , just—just bounce on my dick, Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou looked hesitating as well but lifted his hips up nonetheless, then pushed them down immediately. Kazunari gasped for breath and buried his fingers deeper into Shintarou’s flesh and grasped the spot, then pushed his hips up the little he could. It took some willpower to let go of Shintarou hip and move his hand to his dick instead, but it was definitely worth it when Shintarou jolted and let out a mewl. Lust had blown Shintarou’s eyes wide open, and Kazunari wished he had a device in hand to capture the moment.

 

It took many messy moments for Shintarou to truly understand what Kazunari meant when he said _bounce_ , and fuck—it was amazing. Kazunari eased his back on the bed and let Shintarou do the work, watched his long and lean fiancé ride his dick like a champion and grinned to the sight. He moaned when Shintarou scratched his chest, and in return Kazunari pumped his cock as hard as he could. Precum trickled to his fingers, which only made him stroke Shintarou even faster. He tried to match the pace of the body taking such good care of his dick but couldn’t, not when Shintarou sat down fully on his member again and rolled his hips as if he had done this several times before in his life.

 

“Kazu…” Shintarou whispered.

 

“Keep going,” begged Kazunari with a whine. “Keep… please, keep going, just… _Yes_ …”

 

Shintarou did exactly that, and although Kazunari was the one with his dick buried deep inside his lover he still felt like the one being fucked. He pushed the back of his head harder against the mattress as moans rumbled in his lungs and escaped in long and dragging sequences. Lulling in the feeling of an incoming orgasm had never felt as good as it did now, but he still tried to tiptoe around the feeling instead of diving straight into it. He kept his fist tight around Shintarou’s veiny erection and listened the music of moans he had never heard from Shintarou before.

 

“Wait,” he managed to get out of his mouth.

 

Shintarou stopped, Kazunari’s cock buried in him all the way to the base. “W-What?”

 

“Don’t… Don’t move. A little higher… Just like that.” Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s hips and pushed his own up to get his cock right back in to the heat and tightness. The sound of his balls slapping against Shintarou’s skin was so perverse that it made Kazunari smirk, although the gesture wiped from his lips as soon as he really set to the task of fucking Shintarou in the position they were in. Just like this Shintarou looked so beautiful, muscles ripe and head thrown back in pleasure, letting out throaty noises whenever Kazunari hit the good spot. Kazunari tightened the muscles on his thighs and already felt exhausted for doing the work and continued nonetheless, and hoped he had an extra arm just to get Shintarou off. Shintarou, however, grasped his own cock and pumped.

 

Watching Shintarou completely unravel made Kazunari’s heart skip a beat. He thrust in him as deep as he could, and without a warning Shintarou shot his load and trembled on top of him like he was about to lose his mind. Suddenly the man was completely quiet although it was obvious that an orgasm wiped over him and ropes of cum trailed from the swollen cockhead. Kazunari held in his breath and thanked every single higher deity for bestowing a wonderful husband like this to him. Shintarou collapsed on top of him, wheezing and exhausted, yet he still moaned as Kazunari kept thrusting in him in the search of his own pleasure.

 

Few moments later he came inside Shintarou (which was a pretty impolite thing to do, he figured but didn’t have the time to ask whether Shintarou minded or not) and was thoroughly spent. He hooked his arms around Shintarou’s torso and held him close, didn’t want him to get up even when his cock turned limp inside him. Their telepathy didn’t seem to work as Shintarou lifted up just enough for Kazunari’s dick to slip out. Kazunari grumbled. He brought his fingers to Shintarou’s ass and pushed them in, scraped the little cum he could get out and watched Shintarou quiver even harder than a second before.

 

Kazunari kissed him gently, sweetly, and made sure to stroke his skin on goose bumps. “Was it good?” he whispered.

 

Shintarou swallowed and nodded, then rolled beside Kazunari. Kazunari followed him immediately and draped his limbs over Shintarou, hugged him and pulled him into his arms in the way that Shintarou often did to him. Slipping his eyes close proved quite dangerous as he was more than ready to fall asleep instantly as the pleasant warmth of the afterglow took over him in a fraction of a second.

 

“Did I do good?” Shintarou mumbled against Kazunari’s skin.

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari muffled a yawn to Shintarou’s hair. “You were the best, Shin-chan…”

 

Shintarou propped up on his elbows and looked at Kazunari. “Technically you can’t call me _the_ best when you have nothing to compare to.”

 

Kazunari let out a lazy chuckle and turned to Shintarou. He worked his fingers through the green hair that felt a little damp and reached for a kiss. “So silly…”

 

The huff that escaped Shintarou sounded very much like a snort. Shintarou shook his head and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up.

 

“Where are you going?” Kazunari asked and grabbed Shintarou’s arm.

 

“To the shower, because _someone_ decided to finish inside of me. I can’t sleep like this.”

 

“Hm.” Kazunari puckered his lips and pushed up. “I’m joining you then.”

 

“Will you keep your hands to yourself?”

 

“Yes, definitely.” Kazunari grinned to the sight of Shintarou’s naked back and murmured to himself, “Won’t promise, though…”

 

“I heard that.” Shintarou gave him a look over shoulder and grabbed their towels drying by the wardrobe. “Come on, then.”

 

Kazunari scurried up on his feet and hurried after Shintarou.


	204. Nervousness

“Hi,” Kazunari greeted the barista who looked absolutely tired of his job behind the counter, and looked up at the board behind the same barista’s head. “Um, can I get… Caffè latte, and…” He spent a long time looking at the display of different sweets and cakes, and puckered his lips in an attempt to decide what he wanted to have. There was no real hurry, he figured since there were no customers behind him or hardly sitting by the tables to begin with, but the barista’s cheeks glowed red and Kazunari wasn’t sure whether it was from anger or impatience. He took in a sharp inhale and hurried to say, “And two chocolate cookies, thanks.”

 

He fished out his wallet as the barista set to work without saying a word, and he watched keenly as his coffee was being made. Tapping a tune to the counter with the help of his fingers, he glanced around and tried to decide which table was the best for meeting up. His gaze trailed from here to there, and as he looked at the rainy weather through the wall-sized window, he spotted a familiar figure running towards the door. The corners of his mouth tugged to a grin when the bell chimed and a thoroughly soaked Tatsuya got inside to the warmth and dryness of the store. The dark bangs were wet and hanging over his eyes, and his shoes looked muddy.

 

With a smile Kazunari waved his hand to him to attract his attention, and he managed just fine. Tatsuya smiled as well as he approached him and in the midst of walking took off his jacket.

 

“Am I late?” Tatsuya asked.

 

“No, for once I’m early.” Kazunari snickered. “You want something? I’m just about to pay, so my treat.”

 

“Oh, I couldn’t.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Anything else?” the barista asked with a dry voice as he placed the coffee and the plate with cookies to the counter.

 

Kazunari turned to Tatsuya and arched his brows.

 

A small sigh escaped Tatsuya, and he stepped forward. “Hello. Iced caffé mocha and a slice of the chocolate cake, thank you.” When the barista set to work, Tatsuya turned to Kazunari and offered a wicked smile. “I need to test the competition, although Atsushi’s cake already looks moister than that.”

 

“Spoken like a true businessman, I guess.”

 

Kazunari flashed a grin. Just for the sake of not getting interrupted he held his tongue and further words and waited for the barista to finish the beverage. He paid and thanked him and only received a blank look back, but he didn’t necessarily mind as he took his treats and strutted to the window seat. The sky really was grey and gloomy, people rushing with and without umbrellas, and there was something about sitting in a cozy coffee shop with faint and peaceful music in the background that brightened up his mood considerably. He took a small sip of the coffee and settled better to the soft chair in which he simply wanted to sink into.

 

“So, tell me, how’s the shop doing?” he asked.

 

Tatsuya tore his gaze from the cake and looked up. “Busy,” he said with a softer, fonder tone than before. “There’s a steady flow of customers. Some of them are regulars from the previous one but there are already new ones… But Atsushi seems happy, so I really couldn’t ask for more.”

 

“Aw, that’s good. It’s good that he’s happy.”

 

Tatsuya nodded. “There’s just a smile on his face more often, and that look is worth of him being busy at home even when he comes from the shop. I haven’t seen him this passionate ever before.”

 

In the midst of taking the first bite from the first cookie Kazunari nodded. He wiped the crumbs to the back of his palm and said, “It’s really such a pretty shop, and he’s amazing with what he’s doing. He needs a bit of recognition and I’m happy he gets it.”

 

“Yes.” With a smile Tatsuya scraped a small piece of the cake to the fork and took a taste. Chewing the one bite was slower than Kazunari expected, but afterwards Tatsuya’s smile wavered ever so slightly. “It’s good,” was the final verdict, spoken with a light disappointment in the voice. “Hm. Do you want to try?”

 

“I’m good with my cookies, thanks.”

 

When Tatsuya sipped from his drink, the ice cubes clinked against the tall glass. He set it back down and leaned better into the chair as he fixed his gaze on Kazunari. “But how are you? Anything exciting happening?”

 

“Not really,” Kazunari admitted with a shrug. “I mean, I’ve started studying for the exam, but that’s nothing extremely exciting.”

 

“But it is, isn’t it? How is it going, are you enjoying it?”

 

“Mm. The books are a bit… boring, but I know that I gotta just push through them if I want to get in.” Kazunari sighed. “I just feel so old, you know? There will be these eighteen year olds that have stuff fresh in their head, and then there’s me, twenty-seven and haven’t studied in ages, and I’m just… I don’t know how it’ll go.”

 

“I’m certain that you’ll do good,” Tatsuya said softly. “When there is a will there is a way, and I’m sure you will succeed.”

 

“Thanks. That’s nice to hear, especially today when I just couldn’t care less.”

 

Tatsuya hummed and took another sip from the drink. “But how are you health-wise? Is it… getting better?”

 

Kazunari had to take a moment to understand what Tatsuya meant. When it clicked in his head, he let out a breath. “ _Oh_ , I’m totally fine, don’t worry. There’s _some_ discomfort every now and then, but nothing to worry about, really. Shin-chan’s taking good care of… Well, sometimes I feel like he’s taking _too_ good care of me, he likes to worry so much.”

 

“It’s always difficult to see a loved one suffer after all.”

 

“Yeah, I’d understand if I was suffering, but I just need to feel any small ache and he’s ready to drag me back to the hospital.” Kazunari snickered.

 

“How is he doing anyway?”

 

“Oh, he’s fine, he’s fine. You know, a little stressed, but I don’t remember seeing him ever without any stress, so he’s doing good.”

 

“That’s good to hear. And how is the wedding planning going? In a month it’s already over.”

 

Kazunari inhaled sharply through his nose and let the excess air out of his mouth. “It’s good. We went to get our wedding rings, do you want to see a picture of them?”

 

Tatsuya’s posture straightened. “Yes, please.”

 

Grabbing his phone from his pocket wasn’t exactly an easy feat but Kazunari managed nonetheless and proudly showed the rings Shintarou had gotten to get from the store on his way home yesterday.

 

“They’re beautiful,” Tatsuya said. “I love that you chose matching ones. Wonderful.”

 

“They are, aren’t they?” Fondly Kazunari looked at the picture a second longer before he pushed his phone back away. “My only criteria was to get them match, and I’m happy we found ones that we both liked. It’s getting so concrete, you know? I’m getting excited. Akashi’s totally stressing, though.”

 

Tatsuya frowned lightly. “How come?”

 

“He called me last night and… it was just the most intense call I’ve ever gotten.” A snicker got out of Kazunari. “He asked me if I’m sure about the colors of this and that and the seating order and the decorations… It was really intense but I’m happy he’s doing this, because without him we really wouldn’t have a wedding.”

 

“Knowing him I’m sure it will be absolutely breathtaking event.”

 

“Yeah. And I really want to thank him somehow when all of this is over, but he just keeps saying how it’s his gift for us and he’s happy to do all of this… I don’t know.”

 

“You still have time to figure it out.”

 

“Mm, thank god for that.” Kazunari finished the first cookie and grabbed the second, took a bite from it and felt his stomach stretch and tell him that it was soon going to be enough. Cringing, he put the cookie down. “Mm… One day Kise came over to talk about our suits, and I just got so worried—It doesn’t really matter, but I got worried if I’ll somehow expand from this shape. Everyone wants to look their best at their wedding day, and I’m just here eating cookies.”

 

Tatsuya sighed gently and moved to the edge of his seat. “You have nothing to worry about,” he reassured.

 

“As long as I’ll actually fit in the suit in a month then I’m fine with whatever.”

 

“That’s the spirit.”

 

“I guess.” Kazunari stared at the cookie and decided to abandon it altogether. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily and saw stars when he opened them again.

 

“Weddings are always very lovely,” Tatsuya said.

 

Kazunari hummed. “You’re still planning not to get married with Murasakibara?”

 

Tatsuya shrugged. “There’s been a lot of pressure from our families lately, but… I don’t consider it meaningful enough to do it. If we marry there will a lot of different expectations, and I’m happy the way things are now. And Atsushi says that he’s happy as long as I’m happy and that he doesn’t have the need to get married… We talk about this from time to time and always reach the conclusion that we just won’t.”

 

“I really think that if it’s not your thing then you shouldn’t do it.”

 

“I think so too, yes, but Atsushi’s family has a… slightly different opinion.”

 

“Ah, I see.” Kazunari nodded along. “That’s too bad. Just do what you want to do.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kazunari held a moment’s pause. “Hey, about tomorrow. You’re going to Momoi’s baby shower, right?”

 

Tatsuya nodded.

 

“Can I get a ride from you? Shin-chan’s working and I told him that he could take the car.”

 

“Yes, of course. Should we come and pick you up?”

 

“Yeah, that’d be perfect. Just message me in the morning or something so I know what time I need to get ready.”

 

“Let’s do that.”

 

Tatsuya smiled, but without a warning the gesture disappeared and turned into a light cringe on his face. He draped his lean fingers over his shoulder and squeezed, then let out a shivery breath and closed his eyes tightly. His body bent forward ever so slightly, and he slid his hand from the shoulder to his nape that he held just as tightly.

 

Kazunari leaned closer. “Are you alright?”

 

It took a long second for Tatsuya to open his eyes and straighten his posture. He looked pale around his cheeks but smiled nonetheless, squeezed his nape once more and pulled his hand back afterwards. “I’m fine,” he said yet his voice turned weaker than a moment before. “I have just… Lately there’s been a pain on my shoulder that sometimes radiates to the collarbone and neck, it’s crushing sometimes.”

 

“Have you gone to a doctor to show it?”

 

“No, no, it’s nothing serious, just a little ache.” Tatsuya chuckled. “It must be because of the stress that has increased lately, nothing worse than that. I will be fine.”

 

“Are you sure? Because I’m sure that if Shin-chan tries he could probably squeeze you to an appointment—“

 

“Kazunari,” Tatsuya interrupted softly. “I’m fine, please don’t worry.”

 

“Okay.” Kazunari’s brows knitted momentarily together. “Have you talked to Murasakibara about this?”

 

“There isn’t anything to tell. I’m fine.”

 

“That didn’t exactly look like you were fine. You’re all pale, and—look, your fingers are shaking.”

 

Tatsuya pulled his fingers quickly into fists. His smile shivered. “Please don’t worry,” he repeated and took a quick breath, then sipped from his drink. He looked awfully flustered all of a sudden, and when he spoke, his words trembled. “So… Are you excited about tomorrow?”

 

Although Kazunari had his doubts, he decided to do what Tatsuya clearly wanted him to do and forget the previous subject. He cleared his throat and tried to find a good position but suddenly every twitch felt uncomfortable. “Yeah, I can’t wait to see her baby,” he eventually said and attempted a smile. “I’ll probably get a baby fever from it, but you know…”

 

“Are you thinking about family addition?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s been on the table for a while now, you know. We’re almost thirty, together for so long and now married, it just seems like the time might be right for a child.”

 

“Mm. Is adoption what you are thinking?”

 

“We haven’t really talked about it _that_ far… I know we should if we go with adoption because it’s a hellishly long process and everything, but I don’t know. Things have been really hectic lately.”

 

Tatsuya gave a small smile. “We are all still young,” he reminded, “only closing in on thirty. Though I _am_ curious to see who is the first one to get a baby after Satsuki…”

 

“Well,” began Kazunari with a huff. “Since you guys don’t want one, I guess it’s us. I gotta admit that I know that deep down Shin-chan’s pretty proud that we’re the first ones getting married, he thinks no one believed that he’d be the one.”

 

“It only takes one instance to find the right person. You and I are very lucky that we found ours so early on.”

 

Kazunari felt his expression softened. “You’re right.”

 

Tatsuya parted his lips for further words but pressed them suddenly tightly together and got his phone out. He rose to his feet. “Sorry, Atsushi is calling. I’ll be right back.”

 

“Yeah, take your time.”

 

Kazunari leaned better into the chair and watched Tatsuya strut towards the toilet with the phone on his ear. A sigh got out of him, long and heavy, and he closed his eyes in thought. He thought of everything and nothing at the same time, which was such a funny sensation now that he thought about it more deeply. He snickered and shook his head, grabbed his phone and checked various news sites just to kill time before Tatsuya came back.


	205. Showers

“Taka-chin, over here!”

 

Kazunari perked and lifted his gaze up, and immediately spotted by their driveway a familiar car with the ever-so towering Atsushi beside it waving his hand to him. Giving a wave back, Kazunari hugged the brightly wrapped gift against his chest and rushed to them with a smirk tugging his lips constantly upwards.

 

“Hey,” he greeted as soon as he reached the car.

 

“Hey.” The single word managed to be dragging in Atsushi’s mouth. “Muro-chin is in the backseat, he said he wants to sit with you.”

 

“Great, you’re driving?”

 

Atsushi looked mildly annoyed as he nodded. “Muro-chin says that I might forget how to drive if I don’t drive, so now I need to drive… Don’t really want to…”

 

“Oh, it’ll be just fine.”

 

“Mm.”

 

With a definite grin on his lips Kazunari got into the car and sat beside Tatsuya who offered him a friendly smile back right away. As he put on the seatbelt, his gaze was immediately drawn on the small gift between him and Tatsuya. It was just as colorful as his was, pastel shades and a lovely bow on top, and Kazunari recognized it to be from the same baby accessory shop that he had hastily visited yesterday in the midst of full panic. He nodded towards the gift as Atsushi started the car and looked positively mismatched with his head nearing the ceiling.

 

“What did you get for her?”

 

Tatsuya said, “We got a babygro, though we had some issues trying to decide on the color.”

 

Atsushi huffed behind the wheel. “Because the baby is girl it doesn’t mean she will like pink… And if it’s pink, it looks weird with Momo-chin’s hair, so I wanted to get green.”

 

“But the green looked absolutely dull, so we decided on orange.”

 

Kazunari nodded along. “Orange is a good color.”

 

“We also got a rattle that makes a really loud noise. The store we stopped by few days ago, it was… an experience to say.”

 

“Tell me about it.” Kazunari’s eyes widened slightly, but he chuckled quickly. “I went to the shop by myself yesterday, and as much as I know that Shin-chan wants babies, that would have freaked him out. It freaked _me_ out, seeing all those strollers and… and things that I really can’t even name.”

 

Tatsuya laughed softly.

 

“Anyway, who’s coming beside us?”

 

Tatsuya squeezed Atsushi’s shoulder gently. “Did Satsuki mention who else is invited, honey?”

 

Atsushi spent a moment in thought, and then looked at them over his shoulder as they got stopped to the traffic lights. “We are… Then Mine-chin, Kise-chin, Kuro-chin… Aka-chin… Then some women.”

 

“Momoi’s friends?” asked Kazunari.

 

“I guess.” Atsushi shrugged and continued driving when the light turned from red to green.

 

“I don’t know how I can handle a bunch of women all at once,” Kazunari joked with a snicker and lured out a similar sound from Tatsuya. He turned to him. “You know it’s funny that we always gather with all guys, it’s gonna be weird. At least we get to see the baby.”

 

“Would Shintarou appreciate it if you go back home with a baby fever?” Tatsuya asked.

 

“I really don’t think he’ll be ecstatic to be honest.” Kazunari shook his head to the thought and looked at the passing scenery through the window. Knowing fully well that it was going to be a long ride (which on the other hand meant that they couldn’t stay too long – the idea of an all-women party was slightly intimidating after all), he took off his shoes and adjusted the seatbelt better around his torso, and relaxed to the tunes coming from the radio.

 

By the time they reached the right address, it became obvious to Kazunari why Satsuki had preferred to move out of the buzz of Tokyo. Surely this city was busy as well, but the neighborhood they were in was wonderfully calm, even more so than the one where he was building a home with Shintarou. There was awe on his lips as he got out of the car holding the gift against his chest and looked up at the house. It was beautiful and something he had sometimes hoped to have, two floors and a white fence with a perfectly tended grass in the front yard. He shared a quick look with Tatsuya and strutted behind Atsushi towards the front door.

 

The door was decorated with pink balloons, and above the frame hung a banner saying ‘It’s a girl!’. The sight of it was adorable, and Kazunari held a grin on his lips when Atsushi rang the doorbell and took a good-sized step back. They stood side by side on the small porch that felt a little cramped, and as they waited, Kazunari looked around to memorize silly details that he’d later tell to Shintarou, like the fact that the flowers by the nearby pot were a little withered.

 

As soon as the door opened, a wall of chatter and laughter hit the porch. As intimidated as Kazunari wanted to be about it, such negative feelings quickly disappeared from his mind when he looked at Satsuki and the little girl in her arms. The baby looked positively tired and also positively adorable, and he simply couldn’t stop grinning to her.

 

“Hey!” Satsuki breathed. Her smile was beautiful. “So glad you could make it, come on in! The other boys are already here, come on in. How have you been?”

 

“We’ve been wonderful, thank you,” Tatsuya said and kissed Satsuki’s cheek.

 

“Dai-chan told me about the shop opening, I’m so sorry we couldn’t make it.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure you have been busy with this wonderful girl right here. How has it been so far?”

 

Satsuki heaved out a small sigh and held her baby better in her arms. “She cries a lot, but today she’s been quiet, which is a surprise when there are so many people around.”

 

“Maybe she just like parties,” Kazunari snickered.

 

Satsuki turned to him and smiled. “It’s so good to see you too,” she said and closed her eyes briefly when Kazunari gave her cheek a kiss. “How is Midorima?”

 

“He’s really good, and he’s very sorry that he couldn’t come.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry about it! Talking about it, we are coming to your wedding, I really can’t wait.”

 

“Me neither,” Kazunari reassured with a grin and lifted the gift ever so slightly. “We brought you a little something, is there some place where we can put them?”

 

Satsuki’s expression softened. “You didn’t have to,” she scolded and shook her head. “But there’s a small table in the kitchen, you can put them there. And please take something to drink and eat as well while you’re at it, and come socialize in the living room!”

 

Kazunari nodded and led their three-men group towards the direction he assumed was kitchen. They really weren’t the only ones bringing gifts along, it quickly became obvious from the state of the small table covered in presents. Wondering how many toys the little girl would get by the end of the day, Kazunari turned around his heels and eyed the selection of several nibbles. His stomach grumbled, but he still reached for a glass of juice and looked around the decorations that were heavily pink. The kitchen was wonderful to begin with, dominated by steel and wood and the combination really worked. He sipped the apple juice and bristled.

 

He was in the middle of putting small cupcakes on a plate when Seijuurou appeared beside him out of nowhere.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari said. “So you came to check out the baby as well.”

 

“You could say so.” Seijuurou’s smile was lopsided and almost boyish. “Where have you hid Shintarou?”

 

“Aw, he couldn’t make it, he’s working on a shift right now.”

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

“Mm. Did you bring Furihata along?”

 

Seijuurou’s smile only twitched higher, which seemed unusual but still rather amusing. “I was worried it would give out a wrong message if I were to bring my lover whom I’ve been with for few months to a baby shower.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Maybe a little, yeah.”

 

They exchanged few more words until Seijuurou went to refill his glass with juice and Kazunari headed to the living room. The space was full of women laughing and chatting, but the most surprising sight was Daiki sitting in an armchair with Satsuki’s baby in his arms. He rocked the little girl gently and stroked her head, and looked around every now and then. Kazunari could only stand still and stare at the soft expression that he had never really seen on Daiki before. The same thing was with the gentle movements as Daiki held the baby securely in his arms and said something when Satsuki came by him.

 

Finding it difficult to tear his gaze away from the sight, Kazunari stumbled forward and squeezed himself to a corner of the crowded couch. He took a taste of the cupcake that turned out to be blueberry-flavored with a sinfully good frosting, and finished it quickly. Licking his fingers, he glanced around and felt somehow tiny for once. He liked parties as much as anyone else, but it felt rather _lonely_ without Shintarou by his side. He couldn’t jump in on conversations going around him as everyone seemed engaged with their chatting partners, thus he sat and continued eating. Atsushi and Tatsuya were busy with each other but that was a given, Tetsuya was nowhere to be seen and Ryouta was fully focused on talking with few women on the other side of the room.

 

Kazunari held in a sigh and the urge to fish out his phone, and finished the other cupcake. He eyed the piece of pie he had taken but wasn’t too keen on eating. It was strange how he actually _missed_ Shintarou although they had been together for so long.

 

“Hello,” said a pleasant female voice by his side out of the blue.

 

Kazunari startled out of his thoughts and turned to look beside him at her. She was a woman of his age for sure, long hair on curls and falling to her chest, lips skillfully painted and tugged up to a nice smile. She stroked a strand of dark hair behind her ear and watched him keenly.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari greeted.

 

“I haven’t seen you before. Are you a friend of hers?”

 

“Oh, yes, yes. Takao,” he introduced.

 

“Nakano. Do you live around here?”

 

“No, in Tokyo.”

 

“Oh.” She inched a little closer and crossed one leg over another. “Have you always lived there?”

 

“Born and raised.” Kazunari grinned and moved the plate to the nearby coffee table to get it out of the way. “I’ll take it that you live around here?”

 

“In the same neighborhood,” she said. “It’s such a beautiful baby they have.”

 

“She is.”

 

Nakano smiled and tilted her head ever so slightly. “Do you have children?”

 

“Just cats.”

 

“ _Oh_. Cats are lovely.”

 

“They are, but also a lot of work,” Kazunari snickered. “How about you, any children?”

 

“No, no… I’m still searching for the right man.”

 

Something about her gaze that she directed straight in his eyes sent a jolt down Kazunari’s spine, and it wasn’t necessarily pleasant. Shivers traveled on his skin and crafted goose bumps, and he hoped that he had put on a long-sleeved shirt. He shuddered but tried his best not to show it, and instead made sure to smile the way he always did.

 

“What do you do for living?” Nakano asked.

 

“Right now I’m working at a supermarket, but I’m applying for university.”

 

“Do you mind me asking how old you are?”

 

“Twenty-seven,” Kazunari said and gave out a smirk. “But you know what they say, it’s never too late. I want to become an elementary school teacher.”

 

Her expression brightened. “That is such a lovely goal. I’m a nurse myself.”

 

“That’s nice. Do you like your job?”

 

“I do. It’s very rewarding.” Her smile really was a nice one but definitely not as beautiful as Shintarou’s whenever he smiled. She moved a little closer and tapped her feet to his. “You seem like such a lovely man.”

 

“Um… Thank you?”

 

“How come you’re still single?”

 

Kazunari let out an exhale together with a chuckle. “I think there’s a misunderstanding going on here,” he said once he realized that she really seemingly _was_ flirting with him. He showed her his hand with the ring around his finger. “I’m getting married next month.”

 

Her face dropped, but she pulled herself together faster than Kazunari had ever seen anyone do in his entire life. She offered a smile, but it was a little tense around the edges. Very briefly she examined his ring and then pulled back. “Your fiancée must be a lucky woman,” she said.

 

The conversation suddenly felt like an utter train wreck.

 

“I’m gay,” Kazunari said, his tone amused.

 

Her eyes widened. “Oh,” she managed to get out. “You don’t… look like that.”

 

Not sure what to do at all, he jolted when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Never before had he been happier to see the familiar ‘Shin-chan’ flash across the screen as he was now. He jumped up on his feet and excused himself, and nearly ran to the quiet hallway leading to the front door. He took a deep breath and answered.

 

“Hey honey,” he cooed. “How come you’re calling, you got a lunch break?”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Shintarou said, “ _I just wanted to know how it’s going there._ ”

 

“Good, you know, there’s a baby and bunch of women and cupcakes. You called at a really good time though.”

 

“ _How come?_ ”

 

“I think this one woman was trying to hit on me.”

 

Silence filled the line, but it wasn’t as heavy as it could have been. At least it wasn’t heavy for him, but it might have been that for Shintarou, he figured as he heard his fiancé huff to the phone.

 

“ _What happened?_ ”

 

Kazunari leaned his back against the wall. “We chatted a bit and then she asked why I’m single and I said that I’m not, and she said that my fiancée is a lucky woman and I told her that I’m gay, and _wow_. Intense.”

 

“ _Mm._ ”

 

“Are you jealous?”

 

“ _Why would I be_?”

 

“Your voice sounds sharper than a second ago,” Kazunari pointed out.

 

“ _It’s not_ ,” Shintarou said yet sounded just as sharp. Maybe he realized it himself, as he exhaled loudly “ _I’m not jealous_ ,” he said with a gentler tone.

 

Kazunari nodded. “Whatever you say, honey. Just know that I’m really missing you, it’s lonely here without you.”

 

“… _Is it?_ ”

 

“Mm-hmm. It’s pretty awkward just sitting here alone when everyone else is busy with something else, I don’t know. Are you making dinner tonight?”

 

Shintarou paused for a moment. “ _I can do that, yes_ ,” he eventually said. “ _When are you coming back?_ ”

 

“I honestly don’t know, I’m leaving when Murasakibara and Himuro are, so I don’t know. The drive was pretty long, mm… I’ll message you when we’re on our way.”

 

“ _Alright._ ” Shintarou took another pause. “ _I love you_.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “I love you too, Shin-chan.”

 

“ _Bye_.”

 

He ended the call with a wide smile on his lips that began to ache from the gesture. Gentle shivers ran down his spine as he pushed the phone back to the pocket, and he remained a moment longer standing still and thought about Shintarou’s words. After all the years the three little words created such butterflies in his stomach that it was almost insane. He pushed away from the wall and felt his knees buckle, which made him snicker below his breath. Shaking his head to his own reaction, he stopped by the kitchen to grab something more to drink and only then went back to the living room in the midst of everyone else.


	206. Graduation

There were yellow spots from the marker in Shintarou’s palms and fingers as he uncapped the marker once more to go over a line in the research paper. Once he was done with it, he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and stayed still for a moment. There was a slight ache near his nape – soon he would need a massage. Tiredness irked in his bones all around his body as well, but he decided to keep going for a little bit longer. He rolled his shoulders and felt the tension but tried to forget all about it as he moved his glasses back on and settled to a better position on the couch. Ergonomically speaking it was the worst place to study and he should have made a good use of their guest room’s desk, but the couch _was_ the most comfortable spot and for once no one was here to complain.

 

Though part of him wished that someone were around to complain to him. He looked at his phone for time and felt his brows wrinkle. Kazunari was _late_. Within a fraction of a second Shintarou went through all the disastrous things that could have happened (maybe Kazunari had been caught to a car accident whilst walking too carelessly, or had had a heart attack, or some maniac had carried a gun on the street), but he tried to banish such thoughts away immediately. He focused on taking deep breaths instead and slipped his eyes back close, and moved the pile of paper from his lap to beside his body to the spot where Kazunari was supposed to be in. When he fluttered his eyes open, he abandoned studying altogether and concentrated on finding something watchable on television.

 

The minutes seemed long and dragging, and he sighed from relief when the front door eventually clicked open. He moved his hand to the back of the couch and turned to look behind him over his shoulder, waited patiently, and felt warmth melt inside every crook of his body when Kazunari strutted to sight and offered him a big grin.

 

“Hey,” breathed Shintarou and kept his heart in check. “How was your mother?”

 

“Talking _all_ the damn time. I listened half an hour about some rumor from her friend living across the street, so glad you didn’t come along, you would have hated it.” Kazunari shook his head, huffed, and swayed a small CD case in his hand. His lips tugged upwards. “But she gave me this.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “What is it?”

 

“DVD of our graduation.”

 

Shintarou’s heart dropped straight to his stomach, and his insides turned as cold as the arctic. He didn’t have fond memories of their graduation for several reasons, the most important being the awful mental state he had been in because of breaking up with Kazunari. A cringe overtook his expression, and he tried to furiously smoothen it when Kazunari looked at him with a funny look on his face. Shintarou’s pulse ticked furiously.

 

“Can we watch it?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because!” Kazunari slumped down on the couch beside Shintarou and rubbed his knee. “I feel like doing a trip down memory lane.”

 

Shintarou pushed up. “You can watch it, I’ll start on dinner.”

 

Kazunari stopped him by grabbing his arm. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” Shintarou turned to Kazunari and gave a small shrug. “I don’t want to watch it, that’s all.”

 

“Why?”

 

Shintarou shook his head.

 

Kazunari rose on his knees on the couch. “Tell me,” he insisted and entangled their fingers together, and squeezed.

 

“It’s not a good memory,” Shintarou said more bluntly than he had originally wanted.

 

Kazunari tilted his head ever so slightly. “Because we broke up?”

 

Shintarou held in a breath. He had thought that they would dance around the subject for an indefinite time, but it seemed that Kazunari was willing to dive straight into it. Shintarou knew that it was a period of time that wasn’t supposed to be sore any longer, but he still regretted it and occasionally kept beating himself over it. It reminded him of the time when he had been an utter coward and gone with things he had thought others expected from him instead of following what was the right thing to do according to himself.

 

Kazunari slipped his fingers from Shintarou’s hand to his forearm and stroked along. “I’m not forcing you to watch it if you don’t want to.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“But I just thought that it’s been, what, ten years since it happened and it’s just ancient history by now. I mean… We graduated after all, and I’d want to make it a good memory instead of thinking about stuff that doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

It was the first time Shintarou thought it like that, although he wasn’t sure if it would suddenly change into a good memory after being bitter about it for years and years. Kazunari had his annoyingly adorable puppy eyes on, and every single time Shintarou found it difficult or nearly impossible to refuse. He heaved out a heavy sigh and hung his head down.

 

“Alright,” he eventually gave in. “Put it on, I’ll go make tea.”

 

He disappeared to the kitchen to take a breather. His heart still pounded fiercely in his chest, and he had to squeeze the edge of the nearest counter to hold himself steady. His knees wanted to definitely buck, but he straightened his legs and breathed deeply and calmly. He knew exactly what he would see on the video, an exhausted and depressed version of himself glancing towards Kazunari’s direction every now and then. He couldn’t understand why anyone had bothered to film the occasion in the first place, but he figured that there was nothing he could do about it anymore.

 

He took his time to brew the tea and knew that Kazunari didn’t mind. Pouring the end product into two large mugs was soothing and almost therapeutic in an odd way, and by the time Shintarou put the teapot to cool down to the stove, his heart was calm once more. His fingers, however, trembled as he carried mugs to the living room, and he figured that his nerves hadn’t disappeared that much after all. He attempted to keep his calm when he sat down beside Kazunari and offered him his share. On the television was a familiar scenery of their high school, and it brought tremor in his toes.

 

“You ready?” Kazunari asked after taking a sip from the tea.

 

“As ready as I could possibly be.”

 

Shintarou had to force himself to keep his eyes open when Kazunari hit start from the control. The image fluttered a little and then turned steady, the blooming cherry blossoms crafting a lovely vibrant canopy over the students. Every now and then Shintarou spotted familiar faces that he hadn’t seen in years and would probably never see again, and something about the sudden fact made his heart throb. The focus of the camera turned from the loitering crowd to Kazunari who held a bit of blush on his cheeks.

 

“ _Mom, do you seriously have to?_ ”

 

“ _Of course!_ ” Kazunari’s mother exclaimed on the television and either stepped back or zoomed farther away. “ _My baby is graduating, I gotta do this! So, Kazu-chan, how are you feeling?_ ”

 

Kazunari looked almost odd in his uniform that Shintarou hadn’t seen on him in ages. It brought his heart from his stomach to his throat. The way Kazunari squirmed on screen, however, seemed so very atypical of him as well as the extensive fiddling with fingers. He parted his lips for an answer but seemed to forget all about talking when he looked at something over his shoulder. His face dropped immediately, and the corners of his mouth tugged downwards.

 

“ _Kazu-chan?_ ”

 

“ _Huh?_ ” Kazunari turned back towards the camera and looked utterly shaken. Beside him Kazunari shifted his position and moved closer, hooked an arm around his and looked up at him. Shintarou kept his gaze on the screen and forgot to breathe as he witnessed the younger Kazunari’s expression break. “ _What?_ ”

 

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” she asked, her voice riddled with obvious worry.

 

“ _Nothing_.”

 

The camera turned away from Kazunari to the side, and suddenly Shintarou saw himself. He was few funny centimeters shorter, hair messier, feet dragging, but eyes fixed straight in front of him. His shoulders were slumped, and he could still remember what he had been thinking at that point – he had wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

 

“ _Don’t film him!_ ” hissed Kazunari out of the blue. “ _Mom, stop it!_ ”

 

“ _Why? Should we go and say hi to him?_ ”

 

“ _What? Mom, no, stop it_.” Kazunari sounded desperate on the television and squeezed Shintarou’s arm beside him.

 

“This is different than what I remembered,” Kazunari murmured.

 

Shintarou turned to him. “Should we stop?”

 

“…Just a little bit longer.”

 

It was painful to watch, Shintarou soon realized. Only now did he realize that he hadn’t really spent time thinking about how _Kazunari_ had felt over the period of time when they been apart, and the direct evidence of it was shown right on the television. Kazunari stole peeks towards him in the ceremony every now and then, and Shintarou hated himself for not noticing it back then as he merely kept staring in front of him like a total idiot. He heaved out a sigh and tugged Kazunari better in his arms, held him close and kissed his hair as an attempt to make up for what he saw on the screen. In return Kazunari kissed his chin and offered him a smile that was just a little bit sad.

 

Seeing such a smile was enough for Shintarou. He grabbed the remote and paused the video, which made Kazunari exclaim.

 

“We’re not watching it any further,” he said.

 

“Why not?” There was a bit of whine in Kazunari’s voice.

 

“ _Because_. This isn’t fun by any means and it doesn’t make me consider that day as a good memory.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“No. We’ve seen enough.”

 

Kazunari seemingly gave up as he heaved out a heavy sigh and shook his head. He grabbed the remote from Shintarou and closed the television for good, and then turned to look at him. His eyes looked somewhat sad but there was a smile on his lips as he wrapped his arms around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him close. They kissed, and although the kiss was short, it was packed with feelings developed over so many years. Shintarou breathed through his nose and looked into Kazunari’s eyes that definitely did not look as sad as their counterparts had on the DVD. He swallowed thickly and leaned back close, laced his lips to Kazunari’s and kissed him again, this time deeper and with more feeling than before.

 

When he pulled back, he saw stars that couldn’t have possibly be as great as Kazunari was.

 

Kazunari snickered. “Feeling guilty?” he teased.

 

“Stop it,” Shintarou murmured as his cheeks glowed. “I’m not.”

 

“Not even teeny tiny bit?”

 

Shintarou huffed. “Maybe I am. I never wanted to make you look like that.”

 

“But that’s ten years ago, it doesn’t matter anymore—“

 

“Of course it matters.”

 

“It doesn’t.” Kazunari cupped Shintarou’s face to his hands. “What really matters is that you’re here now, okay? Don’t focus on the past anymore.”

 

It was easier said than done, Shintarou figured and felt shivers run down his spine. Nonetheless he nodded and felt a little better when Kazunari kissed him on the lips. He hooked his arms properly around Kazunari and held him close to his chest, felt his own pulse thud weaker than before but it was nothing out of ordinary. Closing his eyes, he pressed his cheek against Kazunari’s head and remained still for a long time. Kazunari rubbed his back with his fingertips and stroked the length of his spine before he grinned brightly and kissed him once more.

 

“Watching that made me kind of hungry,” he announced.

 

“Huh.” Shintarou puckered his lips and let go of him. “I’ll start on that dinner.”

 

Kazunari hopped on his feet. “I’ll help.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look. “Will you help or _help_?”

 

“Mm… Not sure about the difference, but let’s say I’ll _help_.” He winked.

 

Shaking his head from bemusement, Shintarou strutted to the kitchen with Kazunari tightly behind him – too tightly in fact it soon became obvious as his bottom was squeezed and then slapped. He returned the favor and lured out a gasp from Kazunari, which actually made him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm off to a well-deserved and quick getaway trip with my better half, thus there will be no chapter tomorrow. Monday is a double update day, so see you then! Have a wonderful weekend ( ˘ ³˘)♥


	207. Worst Case

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

 

Kazunari stopped whistling the tune that had been stuck in his head for the whole duration of dinner and turned to look at Shintarou over his shoulder. The little crunch of brows on his lover’s face was adorable, and it made him grin from ear to ear. He let go of the plate he had been intensely scrubbing for the last two minutes to make sure it was spotless, but even so he was soaked in soap water all the way to his elbows.

 

“I’m sure, hun,” he said for the umpteenth time and watched Shintarou put down a glass by the sink. “Just go and sit down and relax, will you?”

 

“I don’t mind helping.”

 

“I know, but let me do this, okay? It’s therapeutic and everything.”

 

Shintarou gave him a look but also gave up and with a sigh retreated back to the living room.

 

A little amused, Kazunari grabbed the plate and the sponge back in his hands and continued scrubbing until the matte grey surface was sparkling clean and he felt a tingle of satisfaction inside him. He grabbed the set of cutleries they had used and washed them, then swayed a little from side to side to the song that he whistled and sometimes sang out loud. As much as he liked doing dishes together with Shintarou, there was something nice about doing them alone and simply sink to the feeling of dipping his hands into the soap water. One by one he put the things to dry above his head to the cupboard and felt happier than a moment ago.

 

His feet tingled, and he curled his bare toes against the cold floor. His insides trembled ever so slightly, but the hot water in the sink soothed the sensation just enough for him to still feel comfortable. Kazunari swayed his hips from one side to another and listened the muffled sounds of the television, and paid more attention to it when the familiar commentators announced who was eliminated from the cooking show. A gasp rolled on his lips when his favorite contestant’s smoked salmon was deemed inedible, and he grumbled and stared at the soap bubbles when the same person was sent home. Certain that the judges had made a grave mistake, Kazunari turned his focus back fully on the dishes.

 

In the midst of cleaning a glass he felt an odd thud in his chest. His heart jumped to his throat and then within a second sank straight back into his stomach and made his abdomen tighten. He convulsed a little forward, but continued cleaning and ignored the tingling that grasped around his heart and squeezed. Gasping for breath when the ache turned stronger and stronger, the glass slipped from Kazunari’s hand and sank to the sink. He wasn’t sure whether it broke or not and at the moment didn’t even care when his body bent in half and, he heard absolutely _nothing_. The sponge dropped on the floor, and soon he was on his knees leaning against the counter, squeezing its edge like it was the last straw of his dear life.

 

It burned inside him, and he wasn’t even sure what _it_ was. All he knew was that it made him unable to breathe, forced him into a fetus position, and made his lips sputter out Shintarou’s name in something so incoherent that drool dripped to his chin. His eyes swell with tears, and Kazunari squeezed the counter so hard that his knuckles turned white. It was the same kind of pain that had driven him to the hospital in the first place, and it was the kind of pain that he didn’t want to experience after such a cozy evening at home.

 

“S-Shin…” He could only murmur, and he knew that it wasn’t enough to carry his voice all the way to the living room. Kazunari let go of the counter and let his arms slop on the floor beside his quivering body. His insides were on fire, burning, scorching, and he begged and pleaded it to stop but it didn’t. _I’m going to die, I’m going to die in my own kitchen, I’m going to…_ “Shin…” He couldn’t even breathe anymore because his lungs felt like collapsing and his chest got squeezed into the tiniest package possible. _I’m going to die_ , was all he could think about, and it crafted a pulsing pain in his head. His heart wanted to fail and his body to give up.

 

Kazunari mustered all his energy to scream, “Shin-chan!”

 

It took some seconds for Shintarou to rush to the kitchen but when he did, his hands were all over Kazunari, big and helpful and pulling him to sit up.

 

“Kazu,” breathed Shintarou hastily as he stroked his back. “What’s wrong? Where does it hurt? Show me, Kazu, please.”

 

Kazunari cried. Although he couldn’t say out a single word, he patted his chest several times and watched Shintarou’s eyes went wide.

 

“We’re going to the hospital,” Shintarou said, his voice a little shaken but still stern. He got up and rushed out.

 

Suddenly Kazunari felt so alone lying on the cold floor. The cats strutted towards him but kept their distance as he sobbed silently from the pain that took him over. Was this a heart attack? _You’d be dead already if it was, idiot_. The medicine was supposed to work… He had gotten antibiotics and they had worked before this… Why was this happening? His cheeks were wet, and the tears rolled towards his left ear as he cocked his head to the side. He curled his fingers weakly to fists and closed his eyes, then wondered if he died and left his body when his toes no longer touched the floor.

 

When he opened his eyes, he realized that Shintarou cradled him in his arms carried him towards the front door. In any other case Kazunari would have struggled and laughed and told Shintarou to put him down, but right now he couldn’t, not when Shintarou looked like he was ready to freak out at any time. _He_ was freaking out to begin with. The pain in his chest area radiated towards his neck, and he wondered if this really was it. Less than a month to the wedding and he was going to die. _Shit. Fuck. Not yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet…_ He squeezed his eyes back close as Shintarou put him down the shotgun, and he pulled himself to the smallest curl possible. It didn’t help the ache at all but at least he tried.

 

“We’ll be right there,” Shintarou chanted as he drove faster than was allowed, “we’ll be right there, don’t worry… We’ll be right there, we’ll go to the clinic, we’ll be right there, Kazu, breathe, just breathe, we’ll be right there.”

 

Kazunari tried his best to breathe. It wasn’t that successful. He turned to look at Shintarou and wondered if Shintarou somehow _knew_ that this was their last car ride together. Probably, he figured, judging from the paleness of the face he had stared at for so many years and had planned to stare at for so many years to come. The thought made his body bend forward again, and he grasped his sweatpants-clad knee tight. He shuddered. It took him a moment to realize that he didn’t have shoes at all, but as soon as the thought entered his mind it became an utterly pointless thought and he dismissed it completely. The tight pain was all he could think about and concentrate in.

 

The scenery passed one street corner after another, and eventually the hospital rose tall in the darkening skyline. Kazunari could hardly keep his eyes open, and although he heard Shintarou talk all the time, he couldn’t tell apart the words. Shintarou’s voice alone, however, was helping him stay in this reality instead of focusing on the burning grasping his heart, thus he turned his head towards him and attempted to smile. The result was surely idiotic.

 

“We’re here,” Shintarou announced as soon as he parked the car and jumped out. He tugged Kazunari’s door open and leaned towards him. “Can you walk?”

 

Kazunari nodded feverishly, didn’t want to be carried anymore although it had been nice in its own way. His knees bucked immediately when he got on his feet, but with the help of Shintarou steadying himself he managed to drag his drained body towards the little side entrance with a glowing red cross on top of the canopy.

 

The polyclinic smelled just like any hospital, almost annoyingly clean and sterile. It was jam-packed as well with people, some coughing and some sobbing. Kazunari felt like he fit with the latter group just fine, but at least no one was staring at him funnily for crying. Relief washed over his pain-riddled body as Shintarou sat him down on a vacant seat and crouched in front of him, hands resting on his knees.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Shintarou murmured and looked into his eyes. “I’ll go to the reception, stay right here. Can you breathe?”

 

“Yes,” Kazunari finally whispered and nodded feverishly afterwards. He got a quick kiss on his cheek and then watched Shintarou hurry to the small line by the reception.

 

Kazunari slipped his eyes close and relaxed as much as he could. When he simply sat still and focused on breathing, the pain seemed to lessen every passing second. He took deep breaths and shut out everything going on around him, ignored the awful-sounding coughs and heavy sighs and focused on his heart and told it that it was doing such a wonderful job already. Just a little he hung his head down and rubbed his nape and shoulders, and felt like this was all happening because of the tension in his back muscles. By the time Shintarou approached him still looking very pale, he felt ready to jump on his feet and walk back home.

 

“I asked them to call our department, and Akiyama still has his shift. He can see you, it will be easier that way.” Shintarou let out a shaking breath and offered his hand to Kazunari. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Kazunari huffed and rubbed his chest through the shirt. “But I don’t have any shoes.”

 

Finally Shintarou turned a little red from the cheeks. “I’ll carry you to the main building,” he said and crouched lower again. “Let’s go.”

 

“But I’m fine now, Shin-chan, it doesn’t hurt—“

 

“It doesn’t matter. We’re getting you checked now that we are here. Wrap your arms around my shoulders.”

 

Shintarou’s tone of voice was the one that Kazunari couldn’t argue with. He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly but obeyed nonetheless, and under the eyes of many watchers got carried out of the polyclinic in Shintarou’s arms. It was a little embarrassing now that he thought about it, but he tried not to concentrate on something like that when he could feel Shintarou’s arms tremble around him. He tangled his legs and curled his toes, tried to find the ache again but couldn’t. His chest was at ease again.

 

Because of it he smiled apologetically when they walked in Doctor Akiyama’s room.

 

“Good evening,” said Akiyama with a lopsided smile as Kazunari sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk. “A little unfortunate to meet like this again.”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Shin-chan’s fault for overreacting.”

 

Akiyama shared a brief look with Shintarou but moved closer with his chair and grabbed the stethoscope. “Mind if I listen then? Downstairs said that your chest was hurting.”

 

“Mm-hmm. But it kind of stopped already.”

 

“Let’s listen.”

 

The metal of the stethoscope was cold against his skin, and Kazunari jolted. He squeezed the arm of the chair and slipped his eyes close, took deep breaths whenever he was told to and only opened his eyes again when the good doctor pulled back.

 

“What kind of pain did you have?” Akiyama asked.

 

Kazunari puckered his lips in thought qhen Shintarou stroked his upper back. “Just… It was right here in the middle, sort of the same as before I guess? But it stopped now so that’s a good thing, right?”

 

Akiyama nodded slowly. “It might be a heart burn that’s more severe than usual, or it could be the angina pectoris resurfacing again.” He moved behind the desk and clicked the keyboard a couple of times, and then turned back to Kazunari. “I’m fairly certain—“

 

“Be absolutely certain,” warned Shintarou from behind Kazunari.

 

Kazunari shot him a stare and slapped him in the arm.

 

Akiyama chuckled softly. “I’m _certain_ ,” he said and clearly directed the word to Shintarou, “that it’s the angina pectoris again. It might be here to stay, so you might experience these attacks more often.”

 

Kazunari nodded and felt his stomach turn upside down.

 

“We’ll give you nitroglycerin to treat it in the first instance and then switch to beta blockers. How does that sound?”

 

“As long as I’m fine and without pain, give me whatever you have,” Kazunari said and risked laughter.

 

“I’ll write you a recipe in that case, you can go to any pharmacy and pick them up.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

As Kazunari rose to his feet, he glanced at Shintarou and wondered why he had gotten so silent all of a sudden. Yet Shintarou’s fingers were glued in tight fists and the knuckles were almost fully white, which made Kazunari’s brows drew in. It took some effort to turn back to the doctor and grab the recipe to himself, but when he did he quickly trailed behind Shintarou’s steps towards the elevator and from there to the front doors. The air had turned brisk, and walking barefoot wasn’t a thing that Kazunari would have necessarily wanted to do. At the same time there was a lump in his throat that prevented him from talking at first.

 

“What’s wrong?” he eventually asked when they reached their car.

 

Shintarou slipped inside without a word. Kazunari hurried around the vehicle and got in, and immediately his heart stopped beating.

 

Never before had he heard Shintarou breathe so heavily and irregularly as he did at the moment. Shintarou’s long fingers were draped around the wheel that he squeezed so hard that the skin was tight over the knuckles. The man stared straight in front of him, but something about his expression was utterly vulnerable and broken as he kept breathing like he couldn’t breathe in the first place. Kazunari’s nostrils flared as he looked at Shintarou and felt panic seep into his veins. He reached his trembling hand forward but didn’t dare to touch him. Shintarou’s shoulders heaved up and down so fast that Kazunari feared his future husband would drop dead any second now.

 

When he finally realized what was going on, he felt ashamed for not understanding sooner. _A panic attack_.

 

“Shin-chan—“

 

Shintarou lifted his hand up and displayed his opened palm to Kazunari. Kazunari stirred farther away and bit his lower lip. Fine quivers ran on his skin. There was nothing he could do to help, or so it seemed as Shintarou squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head down. Kazunari fiddled with the seatbelt and then his fingers, then the piece of paper and drummed his foot.

 

After a moment longer he tried again, “Shin-chan…”

 

“It’s over now,” Shintarou announced with a collected voice and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kazunari quietly said and looked at him. He finally brought his hand on Shintarou’s knee, and it seemed that Shintarou didn’t mind, thus he stroked the spot. “What triggered it?”

 

“The thought that this is happening _again_. It makes it even clearer that there is something wrong with your heart.”

 

Kazunari shifted an inch closer. “But I’ll be fine, right?”

 

“Right,” Shintarou murmured and let out another long exhale. “Right. I’m sorry, that was an overreaction.”

 

“It wasn’t. I know that feeling, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. You got a panic attack, and that’s okay.”

 

“I know it’s okay.” So Shintarou said but didn’t look all too convinced about his own words. He took a deep breath through his nose and shook his head, and started the car. “Let’s stop by the pharmacy, all right?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

Shintarou leaned towards him and kissed him out of the blue. He looked slightly red when he pulled back and cleared his throat. “I’m glad you are feeling better now,” he said and gripped the wheel better. “Let’s go home now.”

 

“Let’s,” Kazunari agreed with a grin.


	208. Electricity

Kazunari snuggled tighter to the crook of Shintarou’s arm that had served as his personal heater and love seat for the last decade and kissed the side of Shintarou’s chest. The quiver that the small motion lured out was delicious, and for a brief moment Kazunari discarded their favorite show and looked up at Shintarou. He knew without seeing that his own eyes gleamed, but Shintarou didn’t look that impressed at all. Kazunari let out a low grumble, and it was enough to give him a small smooch on the lips. It left him wanting for so much more (his cock had been aching for few days now after all), but he dismissed the thought and settled back to the perfect position.

 

When the first set of commercials rolled in, he finally asked, “How was your day? I think I forgot to ask.”

 

Shintarou shifted beside him and looked at him. “Fruitful,” he said with a ghost of a smile on his lips. “The surgery today went excellent.”

 

“It did?”

 

“Yes. The department is experimenting with a new technique that the more experienced doctors have used, and I finally got to try my hands on it today.”

 

“Uh huh.” Kazunari slipped his hand on Shintarou’s stomach and rubbed.

 

Shintarou sounded almost out of breath when he enthusiastically continued, “It’s a way to put less strain on the heart when we operate, it was nerve-wrecking but _very_ exciting.”

 

Kazunari patted Shintarou’s abdomen. “You really sound like you enjoyed it, I’m happy for you.”

 

Shintarou actually showcased a full smile. It tasted good on Kazunari’s lips and left him a little breathless when Shintarou pulled back. “Did you study today?”

 

“I did.” Kazunari threw his legs over Shintarou’s lap and moved into a new position that proved to be even more comfortable than the previous one. “I started the book about educating children, and it’s really interesting, I’m just hell of worried that I’m studying wrong or something.”

 

“I’m certain that you will do fine.” Shintarou rubbed the side of Kazunari’s body. “You simply need to start believing in yourself.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so—Shh, it’s starting again.”

 

Kazunari looked back at the television and burrowed better to Shintarou’s side in the position he was in. Nothing in the world could have been better than sitting beside his husband like this when the sun had already dropped down and the world outside was dark and rumbling with thunder, and their favorite show blasted on the television. Even their cat couple had come to watch, although they mostly concentrated on snuggling and cuddling on the floor than anything else. The sight of it made Kazunari smile and snuggle Shintarou even better than a moment before. Life had treated him so well, he figured as the red team in the show burned their batch of chicken, given him everything he had hoped for and even more.

 

During the next commercial break he lifted himself slightly up and kissed Shintarou square on the lips. Shintarou didn’t mind – he hardly did when it was just the two of them cozily at home hidden away from strangers’ eyes – and kissed him eagerly back, which made Kazunari’s cock twitch even more in his pants. The involuntary few-day strikes of celibacy were mostly unwanted, and now he wanted nothing more than to get Shintarou to pound in him rough and hard to make up the small downfall of their sex life. He was still very much of a sexual person no matter how much he neared thirty, he thought and wrapped his arms tightly around Shintarou’s shoulders and pulled him close.

 

Even when the show continued, he didn’t let go or pull back. In fact he climbed on Shintarou’s lap and grinded his hips at him, over and over again, until he was a panting mess moaning and drooling against Shintarou’s mouth. Kazunari squeezed his eyes tightly shut and quickly forgot all about kissing when they rocked their bodies together. He buried his face to Shintarou’s neck and inhaled his scent, and felt more than ready to already burst although they had done absolutely nothing yet. Maybe there was a bit of masochism inside him as he, after a lingering moment of feeling so damn good and ready for some good fucking he moved away and sank back beside Shintarou.

 

“Damn,” murmured Shintarou.

 

Kazunari swallowed thickly and looked up at him, smile lacing his lips. “What?”

 

Shintarou shook his head and huffed. “You can’t start something like that and then not continue.”

 

“But the show’s still going.”

 

“It wasn’t bothering you just now.”

 

Kazunari grinned guiltily. He slipped his hand below Shintarou’s shirt and stroked over the nearest hipbone. The shivers that Shintarou gave out made Kazunari’s heart jump up to his throat. He murmured right below his breath, “I’m more interested in watching this right now…”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes, and the small gesture was enough to tell that he didn’t believe one bit of Kazunari’s words.

 

They settled back into the position of being a coherent unit, although both of them shifted every now and then. After five minutes Shintarou grabbed a cushion and pressed it against his crotch, which made Kazunari smirk even wider as he looked up at the apple-red cheeks of his loved one. Kazunari chewed his lower lip and tried to decide whether to continue teasing or not, but soon decided against it and focused on the show after all. At least Shintarou pulled him closer.

 

“Hey,” Shintarou murmured after a moment. “How is your chest doing?”

 

Kazunari puffed out the excess air from his lungs. “I’m fine,” he said for the umpteenth time within the last twenty-four hours. “It doesn’t hurt and the meds are clearly kicking in. How many times are you going to ask?”

 

Shintarou looked hurt. “I’m merely concerned about your health,” he defended with a tone that was sharp around the edges.

 

“I know, I know. Look, I think that granny’s going home tonight.”

 

“Please don’t change the subject.”

 

“I’m not changing the subject! Shin-chan, just relax, if it hurts I’ll tell you immediately and you know it. Now I dare you to say that the granny isn’t going home.”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips in a way that looked rather dangerous, but soon his face relaxed and he sighed. “I don’t think she is going home,” he said. “She’s performed well in today’s episode.”

 

“You kidding me, right? She hasn’t done a thing today in the team.”

 

“That is because you’re not paying attention.”

 

“You think so? She hasn’t—Hey!”

 

Kazunari exclaimed as the television suddenly turned dark. A second later the same thing happened with all of their lights, and suddenly it was dark and silent. The silence was ripped apart by a loud rumbling of the thunder, accompanied by a great flash that freaked out their kitties that hissed and jumped and dove straight underneath the coffee table. Kazunari’s insides quivered, but the small moment of nervousness disappeared as he chuckled.

 

“Great,” he sighed. “Now we won’t know who gets eliminated.”

 

Shintarou stirred up. “I’ll check the fuses.”

 

Kazunari sat in the middle of the couch and patiently waited. His patience soon turned extremely thin, and he jumped up on his feet and trailed towards the hallway. Shintarou stood by the wall and lighted a spot with the help of a flashlight, and jumped ever so slightly when Kazunari sweeped in. He sighed and pulled away from the small box attached to the wall.

 

“It’s not the fuses,” was his verdict.

 

“So it’s the thunderstorm then.”

 

“Probably. Call your mother and ask if their lights are out.”

 

Kazunari nodded and called his mother. She answered after the fifth beep, and after a brief conversation he ended the call and turned to Shintarou. “Apparently our side of the city is all dark, something about lightning hitting something crucial.”

 

“How is that possible? This is Tokyo.”

 

“I know, right? But they’ll probably set up some back up thing, so let’s give it few minutes.” Kazunari added with a grumble, “Though by then we won’t see who goes home…”

 

Shintarou hooked his arms around Kazunari’s waist and pulled him closer. “We need to watch the rerun tomorrow.”

 

“We would but you’ll be working tomorrow.”

 

“Ah, right.”

 

“Won’t feel the same without you,” Kazunari murmured and took a step back to press his back against the wall. Shintarou followed and pinned him to the spot. Biting his bottom lip didn’t prevent the smile from getting up on Kazunari’s lips. He tilted his head and eyed the outlines of Shintarou’s gorgeous face. “Hmm. What should we do?”

 

“Don’t ask me.”

 

“You really have nothing special in your mind?” Kazunari cooed.

 

Shintarou stayed silent a moment, and then let out a sound of understanding. He kissed Kazunari out of the blue, and it was all that Kazunari needed at the moment. His fingers Kazunari curled against Shintarou’s nape and scratched gently, and by the time he got his lover moaning, he pulled some of his green hair. Shintarou moved his mouth to his neck and bit softly at first, then harder. Kazunari pushed his bottom against the wall and leaned his chest forward, tightened his grasp on Shintarou and felt a set of tremor gliding down from his abdomen to his crotch.

 

To his ear Shintarou murmured with a heated voice, “Should we move to the bedroom?”

 

“No,” Kazunari mumbled immediately and hooked one leg around Shintarou’s shoulder, and pressed his back better against the wall to keep his balance. He tugged Shintarou closer and slipped his eyes close as a moan laced his throat. “Let’s stay here,” he begged.

 

“You mean… like this? Standing?”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari flashed a grin but wasn’t sure whether Shintarou saw it or not in the dimness. He kissed him hard and only pulled back when he couldn’t breathe anymore. A small chuckle toyed with his lips as he leaned closer and moved his mouth against Shintarou’s ear. He purred, “You don’t have to put it in, we can have fun in other ways…”

 

Shintarou gasped for breath, and Kazunari knew that he had gotten him hooked on the idea.

 

They kissed, and soon afterwards in the picture came fumbling hands on each other’s pants. Kazunari pulled the strings on Shintarou’s pants and managed to loosen the waistband, then shoved them down with hurry and cupped his cock over the boxers. Shintarou leaned closer and rested his face on his shoulder, body bent and quivering in the way that Kazunari loved it. Over and over again he worked his fingers over the good-sized bulge, took a hold of it through the fabric and pumped it in his fist until Shintarou slapped his hand away. Kazunari frowned lightly but soon chuckled when Shintarou kissed him tongue-deep.

 

His skin turned a lot more sensitive when Shintarou dragged his fingertips over his body here and there before plunging his hand into his pants. Kazunari’s body convulsed and he pushed his hips forward, but it wasn’t enough friction. Quietly he begged and pleaded, looked into Shintarou’s eyes as he finally touched his cock directly. Kazunari reached his hand into Shintarou’s boxers as well and began to pump in the exact same rhythm that his lover used on him. He rolled his eyes shut in the sockets and pressed the back of his head against the wall, pushed his hips forward every other second and let out noises straight from the throat. The pressure and heat that built inside him was heavenly although the position was a little tricky, especially when his legs started to remind him of well-cooked noodles. His knees bucked and wanted to bring him down on the floor, but he somehow remained in balance with the help of Shintarou pushing against him.

 

Messy handjobs were one of Kazunari’s favorites, and he felt so damn lucky to receive and give one right now as outside the walls the thunder roared. Every now and then a lightning flashed and illuminated the inside of the house crafting patterns on the walls, but such patterns Kazunari soon couldn’t see as he got completely lost in the pleasure. His hand barely functioned but he tried his very best, shoved his hand deeper into Shintarou’s boxers and squeezed the tightening scrotum in his hand. The sounds Shintarou made were absolutely beautiful, and Kazunari couldn’t get enough of them. He teased his future husband for a long time the best he could with a familiar hand stroking him good and luring out pearls of precum, and soon curled his fingers back around Shintarou’s shaft.

 

The way Shintarou’s dick twitched and jerked in his palm made Kazunari greedy. He moved his hand faster and harder on the cock, and as he kept moaning, his mouth turned as dry as a desert, or so it felt. Kazunari pushed his hips towards Shintarou time after time, and as much as he wanted to get rid of his boxers for good, he knew that he was so close to coming that he didn’t want Shintarou to stop even for a second.

 

The lights flickered right back on when he reached his orgasm, and for a moment he was certain that he turned insane and that the light was coming from his mind instead of the lamp hanging right above them from the ceiling. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could and shuddered, convulsed, pressed against Shintarou and pressed his mouth close to prevent himself from going absolutely insane with the sounds of moaning. He trembled from head to toe and couldn’t do a single thing in the first twenty seconds when the afterglow shuddered him and made him rose on his toes. The way he breathed was heavy and irregular, and his heart pounded, crafted a slight ache in his chest but it was good, it was as perfect as it could have been.

 

Once he _sort of_ recovered, he stroked Shintarou again. Shintarou grabbed him from his waist and pushed him tighter against the wall as if fearing that either of them would fall on the floor. At the moment Kazunari felt like it just might happen. Shintarou grabbed his chin and kissed him hard and deep, and Kazunari succumbed to the kiss without a single second of hesitation, parted his lips and trailed his tongue against Shintarou’s. Some saliva dripped on his chin but he didn’t care at all even when the kiss was set and slick and sexy as hell. He slipped his thumb against the cockhead and from there a little downwards to the sensitive underside where the thickest vein waited him. Touching it made Shintarou lose his mind it seemed as he grunted lowly over and over again and finally came in Kazunari’s hand.

 

The muscle on Kazunari’s forearm ached, but he couldn’t stop smiling when he pulled his hand back and simply looked at Shintarou. The glasses were a little out of place, the green hair disheveled, and the eyes unfocused for the first instance, lips parted and glossy. Kazunari kissed him gently, sweetly, and gained an equally nice kiss back. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou and hugged him.

 

“This was so good that even the lights came back on,” Kazunari murmured with a chuckle.

 

Shintarou clicked his tongue but kissed Kazunari’s shoulder nonetheless. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He was slightly out of breath.

 

“Mm… Can’t promise.” Kazunari moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue and thought a moment. “Since everything’s working again, how about a bath?”

 

Shintarou moved back and looked into Kazunari’s eyes. “As long as there won’t be any bombs involved.”

 

Kazunari pouted. “But that’s the best part of a bath.”

 

“Take it or leave it.”

 

There was no thinking about it. “Fine,” Kazunari sighed and peeled away from the wall for good, and strutted towards the bathroom. “You win this time, but _only_ this time.”

 

Shintarou let out a quite satisfied hum, but Kazunari ignored it altogether and went to draw the bath. He stood beside the tub and jolted when Shintarou wrapped his arms around him from behind and cradled him in the embrace. Warmth bubbled inside Kazunari, and he looked at him over his shoulder and kissed him briefly. He pushed his bottom against Shintarou’s front and grinned, which gave him a pat on the hip and a kiss on the nape.

 

“I think you have to let go of me now if you don’t want a flood in here,” Kazunari snickered.

 

“Fine,” said Shintarou and let go of him.

 

Kazunari reached for the tap and closed it, tested the water and nodded. “It’s ready,” he announced and wiggled out of his clothes with a record speed. Naked and totally comfortable with himself once again, he glanced at Shintarou, winked at him, and sank under the warm water. It would have been so much better with a nicely scented bomb but a deal was a deal and this was what he had agreed to. Keenly he watched Shintarou strip naked and moved enough to give the man some space between his thighs. Shintarou’s limbs looked positively overgrown as he got in the bath and settled himself for long moments before settling down for good in front of Kazunari.

 

Hooking his arm around his fiancé, Kazunari kissed the vertebra closest to his face and nuzzled the spot.

 

“I’m still annoyed that I don’t know who went home in the show,” he grumbled.

 

“We can read it online,” said Shintarou and rubbed Kazunari’s forearms.

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“Then you need to wait until tomorrow and not complain.”

 

“I’m not really complaining, am I?”

 

“You are.”

 

Kazunari huffed and ruffled Shintarou’s hair. Some of them stuck up. “You don’t have to be so mean, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m not being mean,” Shintarou said with a softer tone. He looked at Kazunari over his shoulder. “Or am I?”

 

“Hmm. Maybe just a teeny tiny bit.”

 

“In that case I’m sorry.”

 

“Apology accepted. Now lean against me and let’s relax.”

 

Shintarou did exactly that, and together they relaxed as the warm water engulfed them in the spacious tub. Their limbs tangled together, and Kazunari couldn’t have come up with a better way to spend an evening.


	209. Folk Singer

“What time will you be back?”

 

Shintarou’s piercing gaze would have surely been intimidating for anyone else, but Kazunari kept his expression soft as he looked into his lover’s eyes.

 

“I don’t know yet,” he said gently and brushed Shintarou’s shoulders. “Probably after midnight. I don’t want to plan too much beforehand.”

 

“Take a taxi when you come back,” Shintarou said, his voice shivering ever so slightly as he brought his hands on Kazunari’s collar and fixed it. He swallowed thickly and looked awfully pale around the cheeks. “Please. Who knows what kind of people will be on a bus.”

 

“I will, I will. You don’t have to worry.”

 

“Yeah, Midorimacchi, you don’t have to worry!” Ryouta chipped in behind Kazunari’s back. “I’ll take good care of Takaocchi.”

 

Shintarou didn’t look exactly convinced as he glanced at Ryouta briefly and then brought his gaze back to Kazunari. He worked his fingers through the dark hair, pushed the bangs out of the way, and looked like he was ready to scold. His fingers quivered.

 

“Don’t drink too much,” he murmured.

 

“Come on, Midorimacchi, you sound like you’re Takaocchi’s mother!”

 

Kazunari glanced at Ryouta over his shoulder and gave him a quick look that was enough to make the blond press his lips tightly shut and still grin cheekily. A small sigh rolled in his mouth as he looked at Shintarou and rubbed his chin. “I won’t drink much,” he promised.

 

Shintarou shifted weight from one foot to another. “I’m not saying that you can’t drink at all, but one glass is enough. You shouldn’t be consuming alcohol too much.”

 

“Why not?” asked Ryouta.

 

Dismissing Ryouta’s question for now, Kazunari nodded to Shintarou. “One glass,” he promised and rose to his tiptoes, and kissed Shintarou on the lips. It was enough to make him bristle, and when he pulled back, he was all smiles. “You’re not allowed to worry too much, okay? Don’t sit on the couch and stare at your phone, just relax on your own for once.”

 

Shintarou looked highly uncomfortable but nodded nonetheless.

 

“We’re going then,” Kazunari announced and peeled away from Shintarou for good. He lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers for a quick wave. “Play with the cats for a bit, okay?”

 

“Please take care of yourself.”

 

“We will!” Ryouta exclaimed.

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t say a word more, simply looked like a lost puppy when Kazunari finally closed the front door behind their backs. The fresh air tickled his cheeks but didn’t feel that great when his heart sank down to his stomach when he even thought of the stress Shintarou’s mind was probably riddled with at the moment. This was _healthy_ , he told himself, to have some time apart. But he usually didn’t go to bars without Shintarou, so this was new. A little bit exciting as well. Kazunari still felt his lips curl to a small pucker of a pout.

 

“You two are too close,” Ryouta said when they started their walk towards the station. “And Midorimacchi worries too much! What was that about, ‘don’t drink’? Why can’t you drink?”

 

“It’s a long story.” Kazunari shrugged.

 

“Aw, come on, Takaocchi, you can tell me.”

 

Kazunari glanced around and didn’t say a word as they pushed through a crowd of people loitering in the nearby bus stop. When they passed them, he looked at Ryouta and hesitated. He _could_ tell him about his heart condition, but knowing Ryouta soon everyone would know. The way Ryouta looked at him, however, made him sigh and his tongue to go wild with words.

 

“There’s this thing in my heart,” he said.

 

Ryouta stopped dead on his tracks and looked at him with widened eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

“I just have this thing, a condition, whatever. It’s nothing dangerous!” he hurried to say when Ryouta started to look shocked beyond words. “The doctor just told me that it’s better if I don’t drink _that_ much, you know? A little bit is fine everyone now and then, but I’m not planning to get drunk.”

 

“Me neither!” Ryouta huffed. “You should have told me sooner! Should we go to my place and watch movies instead?”

 

“No, no—Let’s just go to the bar, okay? It’ll be nice, don’t worry about it.”

 

“Hmm, okay. But we can still go to my place if you want to.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I’m telling you, it’s _fine_.” He shook his head in amusement as they climbed up the stairs to the right platform. “Anyway, enough about that, how are things with you and Kasamatsu?”

 

Ryouta cringed. “I might be doing something wrong.”

 

“How come?”

 

“Well, ‘cause he’s, I don’t know. He doesn’t seem _that_ into it. I haven’t seen him in…” Ryouta did a quick count with his fingers. “Four days. Is that normal? I don’t think it’s normal since we’ve just started dating.”

 

Kazunari shrugged and pursed his lips. “Maybe he’s just that kind of person.”

 

“But when we got together in the first place we spent so much time together.” Ryouta’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe he just doesn’t like me anymore.”

 

“What is there not to like about you?”

 

“You’re biased, Takaocchi, your opinion is invalid.”

 

“Huh? Why?”

 

“Because you’re my friend, of course you can’t say that I’m a horrible person.”

 

Kazunari patted Ryouta’s back, and they stepped into the subway. “Come on, you’re not a horrible person. Maybe your honeymoon period is just over.”

 

“It’s over too soon if that’s the case.”

 

“Talk to him about it.”

 

“Yeah, I should… Hey, do you have time in few days? We need to fit the suits, Akashicchi hates me because it’s going too slow and he keeps messaging me that the wedding will be a disaster if we don’t do it soon.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Yeah, I think we both have some time on Friday, is that okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Ryouta’s expression brightened. “Akashicchi is so passionate about this, he’s almost going insane.”

 

“Mm, tell me about it. But we wouldn’t have a wedding to begin with in the first place without him.”

 

“Mm-hmm. But _wow_ , the thing he’s planning for you guys—“

 

“What thing?” Kazunari frowned.

 

Ryouta’s eyes went wide from the corners. He looked at Kazunari like he had just seen a ghost. “Nothing,” he hurried to say and stumbled over the simple syllables. “Nothing at all, I didn’t say anything! You didn’t hear it from me.”

 

Kazunari moved closer and grabbed the nearest rail to keep himself steady. “What is he planning?”

 

“No, no, no, you won’t hear it from me. I’m sure Akashicchi will tell you himself, stop looking at me like that!”

 

“Now I’m curious _and_ bothered.”

 

“I’m not telling you anything, alright? And if Akashicchi asks, you didn’t heart it from me, got it?”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Got it,” he complied with no other choice but to do so. Yet in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but think what the hell Seijuurou was _still_ planning to do, and in secrecy on top of that. He chewed his bottom lip and watched the city pass by with great speed, and squeezed into a smaller package when more people stepped in to the same carriage. It was crowded and suffocating and he could hardly breathe properly, yet he tried to ignore the little sting that settled right in the middle of his chest. He took a deep breath and looked at the late evening spread over the city.

 

In the back of his mind he hoped that there wouldn’t be that many people in the bar since it was only Tuesday, but he quickly realized how awfully wrong he was when they stepped into the pounding music. The bar was crowded with people at least a handful of years younger than them, and suddenly Kazunari felt so very self-conscious about being in such a place. He wasn’t sure why Ryouta had chosen a bar like this where he couldn’t hear his own thoughts over the echoing beat of dance music, but maybe they weren’t here for chatting after all. Swallowing in his sigh was slightly hard but he managed, and keenly he followed Ryouta’s steps towards the counter.

 

“What do you want?” Ryouta shouted over the music.

 

Kazunari spent a second thinking. “Rum and coke.”

 

“What?”

 

“Rum and coke!”

 

Ryouta’s face turned bright again, and he turned towards the bartender who noticed him immediately. “Two rum and cokes!” he shouted to her, and she nodded.

 

Few moments later they got their drinks and oriented towards an empty table made just for two people. Kazunari plopped down on the highly uncomfortable seat and put the drink down, crossed one leg over another and with a pucker on his lips looked around. There really were a lot of young people, possibly in their early twenties, and he felt out of place. He brushed a strand of hair behind his ear and moistened his lips, then took a careful sip of the drink. It was good, was his final verdict and took a better gulp. The noise level of the music was maddening, but at least Ryouta held a constant smile on his lips as he looked around as well.

 

Kazunari leaned towards him and brought his mouth to his ear. “Have you been here before?”

 

Ryouta nodded. “Few times!” he shouted and pointed towards the other end of the space. “There’s a karaoke booth over there!”

 

A chuckle escaped Kazunari. “Then that’s definitely your place to be!”

 

“What?”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “Nothing.”

 

He fiddled with his fingers. The rum and coke brought an annoying tingle down his throat, and after he had gulped down half of it, he didn’t want a single drop more. Shivers ran down his skin on his arms. The shudders soon invaded his insides as well, and his heart thudded in an uncomfortable way. He took a deep breath and told his body to calm down, but his bones and limbs weren’t really obeying. Afraid that the whole evening would be ruined if his chest started acting up, he had a brief moment of panic wondering whether he had taken his medication or not. He was already about to call Shintarou when he remembered vividly taking the pills that tasted disgusting and let out a sigh of relief. Maybe he was just worrying too much. Maybe Shintarou had glued some of his worry to him. _Probably_ , he figured and relaxed on the small seat.

 

It took only a handful of minutes for the first man to approach Ryouta. Ryouta was smiling widely, giggling a bit, and Kazunari watched the interaction with amusement. The stranger leaned to say something to Ryouta’s ear, which made Ryouta laugh a bit more. He brushed his blond bangs out of the way and eventually shook his head to the man who looked positively discouraged but left nonetheless. Ryouta turned to Kazunari and rolled his eyes.

 

“You could be fifty and they’d still come to hit on you,” Kazunari chirped.

 

“Oh, come _on_.”

 

“It’s true.”

 

“Mm… Maybe. But I’m a happily taken man, though it _is_ flattering… Now we just need someone hitting on you!”

 

“Oh, please, no.”

 

Ryouta’s brows knotted together. “Why not?”

 

“Because I hate it when people do that, and Shin-chan would get jealous.”

 

“Midorimacchi doesn’t have to know, it’s not like anything will happen. Just a bit of flirting, that’s all.”

 

Kazunari hummed. “I appreciate your train of thought but I’m getting married, don’t really want to be flirting with other guys.”

 

“Whatever you say. Let’s go sing a bit, okay?” Ryouta hopped on his feet with the energy of a baby rabbit and grabbed his almost-finished drink along.

 

Kazunari really had no other choice but to follow, although he was happy to get out of the crowd that was getting highly annoying. He trailed Ryouta’s steps one by one, shadowed tightly behind him, and sighed from relief to find out that there was an empty karaoke booth. The walls muffled the music coming from the dance floor, and it brought peace in his mind. He took a more comfortable position and crossed his leg over another again. This is what they should have done in the first place, something goofy like this. He watched Ryouta choose one of the annoying folk songs that everyone seemed to hate and grasp the microphone.

 

One of the somewhat irritating things about Ryouta was that he seemed like the absolutely perfect package. He got the looks and the singing voice, but Kazunari had come to terms with it years ago that whenever the two of them were standing together he was always the lesser one. He couldn’t keep his grin at bay when Ryouta sang clearly from the bottom of his heart, the show completed with appropriate hand gestures.

 

Just when the song ended and Ryouta approached him with the microphone, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He was quick to jump on his feet and excuse himself as Shintarou’s name flashed on the screen.

 

“Hey,” he breathed to the phone.

 

“ _I know I shouldn’t have called, I’m really sorry, but I only wanted to know how you are doing_ ,” Shintarou spouted out the syllables hastily.

 

Kazunari smiled to his toes. “Don’t worry about it. Uh, I’m fine, got myself a rum and coke and that’s the only alcohol I’m going to drink tonight.” He snickered and continued, “And Kise dragged me to a karaoke booth so you know, that’s what we’re probably going to do for the rest of the night.”

 

“ _I see_.”

 

“What are you up to?”

 

“ _I’m watching this… movie that is coming on the television._ ”

 

“Oh, is it good?”

 

“ _It’s decent_ ,” Shintarou said. “ _The cats have invaded most of the couch and I don’t dare to bother them, they sleep together_.”

 

“Aw, you’re too soft, Shin-chan. You can nudge them out of the way if they’re bothering.”

 

“ _They aren’t necessarily bothering… I stroked them, and they sort of_ stuck _beside me_.”

 

“They just love you.”

 

“ _Mm-hmm. How is Kise doing?_ ”

 

Kazunari moistened his lips. “The same as always, bubbly and so energetic that you’d probably hate him right now. What time is it?”

 

“ _Ten thirty_.”

 

“Hmm. We’ll probably leave after midnight or something, is that okay?”

 

“ _Alright. Don’t hurry, but take the taxi when you come back._ ”

 

“Got it, babe. Now relax and put the phone away, if something happens I’ll call you. Don’t worry.”

 

“ _I’ll stay up until you come home_.”

 

“You really don’t have to, Shin-chan.”

 

“ _But I want to._ ”

 

“Okay, okay, do what you want. I’ll see you in few hours.”

 

“ _I love you_ ,” Shintarou suddenly said.

 

Kazunari’s lips melted to a bigger smile. “Love you too.”

 

“Aw, Takaocchi, what’s taking so long?” called Ryouta.

 

Kazunari snickered to the phone. “Okay, I’m hanging up now, see you soon.”

 

“ _See you_ ,” Shintarou said and ended the call.

 

Shaking his head from slight amusement, Kazunari pushed the phone in his pocket and went back to the booth to sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos, it's making this ~~horrible~~ experience so much better. You give me strength when I have none to continue on the bad days, so thank you!! Let's try our best to struggle through the rest of the year as well.


	210. High Class

Kazunari loved sleeping in spoon with Shintarou. He had always liked it, and he liked to think that he had trained to Shintarou like it as well (if he remembered it correctly, Shintarou hadn’t been _that_ keen on it when they were younger), which made the experience so much better. Naptimes like these in a tight spoon were the best, and with the thought in mind he snuggled better into Shintarou’s arms. Shintarou grumbled right beside his ear, but Kazunari dismissed the protest and remained right on the spot. He even tangled their legs tighter together, crafted knots that would be difficult to open unless one of them rolled back for good, and held a tired smile on his lips.

 

He had already fallen asleep once, and now that he had woken up, getting back to sleep proved more difficult than it should have been. He fluttered his eyes open and looked at the window and the curtains drawn in front of them and the way the sunshine pierced through the thin fabric. The temperature had hopped up again making it almost unbearable to do anything, and his skin was a bit damp as he snuggled closer to Shintarou. He inhaled through his nose and let the air out of his mouth, listened and examined his heartbeat and decided that everything was okay. The thought made his lips tug higher than before.

 

From the door echoed quiet scratches that soon turned vigorous, and few moments later Ao squeezed herself through the small crack of the door. Keenly after her followed Ushi, and they both jumped on the bed one by one. They circled around a couple of times before they systematically approached him and came to meow right on his face. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and chuckled, and when Ao began to lick his nose, he had no other choice but to start paying proper attention to the two of them. Falling back to sleep was definitely ruled out, but at least the cats kept him company when Shintarou still breathed heavily behind his back.

 

It was the perfect afternoon slumber, suddenly disrupted by the doorbell. Kazunari relaxed on the bed and pretended to be asleep when Shintarou stirred behind him, but he seemingly didn’t fool his future husband who nudged him.

 

“Go open it,” Shintarou grumbled with a low voice and nudged Kazunari again.

 

Kazunari groaned. “You’re closer to the door,” he said and pushed his bottom against Shintarou’s front as a way to get him out of the bed. “You go.”

 

“You have been awake longer, go open the door.”

 

“That’s a shitty reason.” Kazunari pursed his lips together when the doorbell rang again. He nudged Shintarou. “Come _on_.”

 

“Kazunari,” warned Shintarou.

 

“Shintarou,” Kazunari mimicked.

 

Shintarou opened his eyes and stared at him. “Go open the door.”

 

“You do it.”

 

“Kazunari.”

 

The doorbell rang again.

 

Kazunari clicked his tongue and got up, and slapped Shintarou’s bottom. “You owe me one.”

 

“Yeah, yeah…” Shintarou mumbled and buried his face to the pillow.

 

Shaking his head Kazunari hurried out of the bedroom and to the front door. He had no idea who it was as they hadn’t invited anyone over, but somehow he wasn’t surprised at all when he opened the door and Seijuurou stood behind it looking as energized as ever. Kazunari rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and offered a smile.

 

“Hey,” he said.

 

“Hello. Did I come at a bad time?”

 

“No, no, we just finished napping… Come in.” Kazunari nodded and moved out of the way, and closed the door behind Seijuurou. He took a breath and shouted, “Shin-chan, Akashi’s here!” He turned back to Seijuurou and asked as they walked to the living room, “How you’ve been?”

 

“Fine, thank you. And you?”

 

“Just great. You want tea or coffee or something?”

 

Seijuurou flashed a small smile as he sat down on the couch. “I’m only here for a small announcement, that is all.”

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted together. “Oh, okay… Shin-chan, get your butt in here!”

 

A moment later Shintarou scrambled out of the room together with the cats and looked positively baffled and annoyed. He was quick to make the annoyance disappear from his expression, however, and settled a much more neutral one as he stopped by the coffee table.

 

“Hello,” he greeted Seijuurou and even risked a smile. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m here to announce something. Do sit down,” Seijuurou said.

 

Shintarou looked at Kazunari who shrugged. Kazunari was just as confused as Shintarou was, he figured, and curiously glanced at Seijuurou who reached for an envelope from his bag. His insides prickled from burning curiosity, and he squeezed Shintarou’s knee as he sat down beside him. The lopsided smile on Seijuurou’s lips was definitely telling.

 

“Now, I know what you will say, especially Shintarou,” Seijuurou spared a glance towards Shintarou, “but this is a joint effort from your friends, and I have merely organized it.”

 

“What is it?” Shintarou asked with a slightly sharper tone.

 

“Patience,” said Seijuurou and sounded almost _cheeky_. “I was meant to give this to you on your wedding day, but I thought it would too much stress and hassle if you only knew on the day of departure, so I’m afraid I have to reveal it now. Kazunari, if you could do the honors.”

 

Kazunari took the envelope offered to him and looked at it with a deepening frown. The day of _departure?_ He looked up at Shintarou and then at Seijuurou.

 

“I did snoop around, but if the destination is not suitable, we can always change it,” Seijuurou said.

 

Shintarou snatched the envelope from Kazunari’s hand and held a moment’s stare longer with Seijuurou as he opened the envelope with trembling fingers. He pulled its content out, and immediately his motuh dropped open.

 

“What is it?” Kazunari asked.

 

Shintarou stopped talking altogether.

 

“What?” Kazunari grabbed the pieces of paper from Shintarou. His eyes went wide. No matter how he looked at it, he held two plane tickets in his hand. Not just _any_ plane tickets either, but ones dated right on their wedding day, the return tickets a week later. Shudders pierced through his body. The tremor only increased when he saw the destination. “Thailand,” he managed to mutter out. He looked up at Shintarou who stared at Seijuurou with a look that told all of his confusion. Kazunari swallowed thickly and turned his gaze to Seijuurou as well. He asked, “Is this… our honeymoon?”

 

Seijuurou looked proud as he nodded. “We have also reserved a private villa by the beachside for you—“

 

“We can’t accept,” Shintarou finally spoke. His voice trembled. “No, this is too much.”

 

“Shintarou—“

 

“No. _No_ , you have done enough already, I can’t possible let you purchase our honeymoon as well.”

 

“It was a joint effort between all of us,” Seijuurou explained with a softer tone. “Everyone chipped in, and this is what we want to give the both of you as a wedding gift.”

 

“It’s a bit too much,” Kazunari said, and Shintarou nodded feverishly beside him.

 

Seijuurou stirred in the spot and then rose up. “Will you at least give it some thought? The trip is already purchased, but I am sure there are plenty of people who can take the tickets if you decide to decline.”

 

Shintarou moved the tickets back to the envelope and offered it to Seijuurou. “Here.”

 

A snicker toyed with Seijuurou’s lips. “Give it more thought than few seconds, be so kind. I will see you on Friday, I cannot wait to see the work Ryouta has put on the suits.”

 

With such words Seijuurou was gone just as abruptly as he had come.

 

Kazunari blinked and felt slightly weird around the stomach. He stared at the envelope that Shintarou squeezed in his fist and wondered what the hell they were supposed to do. Of course it was too much (he had a hunch how much plane tickets _and_ a private villa cost), but this could have been their honeymoon in Thailand where there were beaches as long as the gaze carried with a hot weather. And _private villa_. Kazunari’s fingers quivered from mere excitement, but he was quick to pull them into fists as he looked at Shintarou’s profile. He searched for words for a while.

 

“So what do we think?” he asked carefully.

 

Shintarou shook his head. “We can’t accept.”

 

“Let’s think this rationally—“

 

“Our friends are spending money on our wedding and now also to our _honeymoon_? These are things we are supposed to buy yourselves with our own money.” Shintarou’s jaw clenched as he turned to look at Kazunari.

 

Kazunari’s brows knitted lightly together. “But we didn’t really ask for this, it’s a gift… They wanted to do this for us.”

 

“It doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.”

 

“But it’s rude to turn down a gift.”

 

Shintarou stared at him. “You _want_ to have this, don’t you?”

 

Kauznari huffed. “Of course I do! It’s a damn dream come to true, come on. Think with your brains instead of your feelings for a second. You want to have this as well but this is probably your ego getting too big again.”

 

“My ego isn’t getting big,” Shintarou insisted and put the envelope down on the coffee table. “We are saying thank you but no thank you and return it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I said so.”

 

“Such a solid argument, Shin-chan.”

 

“Shut it.”

 

“Or what?” When he didn’t get a response, Kazunari moistened his lips. “If you still feel like this after a week, then fine, we’ll give it back. But give it a week.”

 

Shintarou crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“Got it?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Now drag your grumpy ass back to the bed and sleep a bit more.”

 

Shintarou shot him a glare but retreated back to the bedroom nonetheless.

 

Kazunari heaved out a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead and the spot between his eyes that was gathering deep wrinkles from all the frowning. He hummed and grabbed the envelope back to himself, took out the tickets and simply looked at them. They were first class, too… He pressed the tickets against his mouth and closed his eyes, and thought feverishly. Shintarou did have a point, but their friends had already paid for it… It really would be rude to just turn them down. Kazunari pulled his legs with him to the couch and stared at the tickets once more before slipping them back to the envelope.

 

Certain that he might be able to turn Shintarou’s head about the matter, he slipped to lay down on the couch and sighed again. He grabbed a cushion against his stomach and turned on the television, but already missed the warmth of Shintarou’s body. He didn’t bother to get up, however, and only settled better on the couch.


	211. Random Laughter

Although Shintarou held in his hands a book that he was very much looking forward to reading, once he turned to look at Kazunari he couldn’t look elsewhere anymore. His lips were parted involuntarily, yet he didn’t have the thought in his mind to press them back together. Watching Kazunari read was a fascinating sight on its own already, but in the glow of two bedside lamps Kazunari looked like every bit of the man Shintarou wanted to marry as soon as possible.

 

The way Kazunari’s nose curved ever so slightly was beautiful. He knew that Kazunari himself hated it, but he was quite fond of it and knew even without touching that the skin draped over the delicate bones was soft and smooth. In the same glowing light Kazunari’s cheekbones popped right to the surface and made Shintarou’s gaze a captive of them. Although he knew that staring was impolite, which was what his mother had taught him ever since a young age, Kazunari didn’t seem to even notice that he was looking at him, thus Shintarou let it slip and continued looking at his fiancé whose eyes went from one page to another with a slow speed. Seeing Kazunari read was somehow arousing, which on the other hand was a fact that Shintarou never said aloud in the fear of sounding absolutely ridiculous. It was however, arousing that was, although he wasn’t necessarily in the mood for something at the moment.

 

He stirred his legs under the blanket and then pushed the blanket away in the fear of soon suffering from a heat stroke. The weather was getting obnoxiously hot day by day, and the temperature hardly dropped during the night. Still in the back of his mind he had the unbelievable desire to hug and cuddle Kazunari almost constantly, even if it meant suffering from such heat that made his head positively dizzy. He dismissed the thoughts and focused on Kazunari again, and the way his fingers were curled around the edges of the book (‘How to educate a child’ it said in the cover and actually did look interesting), and the way his brows scrunched and crafted a small ‘v’ in the middle of his eyes. From the little wrinkle Shintarou knew that Kazunari was as concentrated as he could possibly be, and the simple fact already made him bristle with pride. He knew that Kazunari would do great things in life, and he knew that Kazunari was meant to teach children for a living.

 

However, he considered it odd that Kazunari didn’t notice him looking at all although minutes passed so very lazily. Shintarou moved his own book to his lap and swallowed down a yawn that wanted to escape him. The time was already too late and even the cats were asleep by their feet, and he knew that soon he’d have to press his head to the pillow and get a few hours’ sleep before work. He moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue and quivered ever so slightly.

 

He fixed his gaze back on Kazunari. _God_ , Kazunari was such a beauty… The blanket was thrown out of the way, and it revealed the milky thighs that he desperately wanted to grasp and squeeze and lick. Shintarou startled out of his thoughts and flushed, but luckily Kazunari still didn’t notice. Maybe the thighs weren’t as tight as they used to be back in the day, but they still looked absolutely incredible, and even better than they ever had before. He really was such a lucky man, Shintarou thought and felt his insides fill with warmth. From head to toe Kazunari was beautiful, but the most beauty lied within the man that he was going to pledge himself to in the matter of few weeks. He shuddered and sucked in his lower lip. He couldn’t believe the fact that he could spend the rest of his entire life with Kazunari, that he was given the actual permission to do so. Eyeing Kazunari’s profile, Shintarou suddenly felt almost emotional.

 

“What?”

 

Shintarou jolted. Finally Kazunari met with his gaze and held a lopsided, almost boyish grin on his lips. Shintarou’s eyes widened, and suddenly his tongue felt like a wet knot that was too difficult to untangle.

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou mustered out, and then continued without even thinking, “I heard a joke from my coworker today.”

 

“Oh?” Kazunari’s brows arched higher. He sat up properly and put the book head down on his lap. “Let’s hear it.”

 

“Mm…” Feverishly Shintarou thought of the joke that he had heard. It hadn’t been that amazing and he wasn’t sure in the first place why he had said something like that, but he decided to go for it now. “It’s… actually a pretty stupid one.”

 

“I still wanna hear it.”

 

“Okay. Um… So, a sick patient asked his doctor, ‘flu?’.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“And the doctor replied, ‘no, I came on my bike actually’.”

 

Shintarou bit his lower lip and waited. Within fractions of seconds Kazunari’s eyes widened, and then he laughed. He laughed, then giggled, and it was enough to craft dimples on his cheeks and bring out the most beautiful wrinkles right on the edges of his eyes. His body bent a little forward as the giggles kept coming, and although Shintarou hadn’t considered it as _that_ good of a joke, it felt so good to see Kazunari laugh. It was probably the most wonderful state in which his lover could have possibly been, because the joy was wonderfully reflected on his expression. Just like this Shintarou wanted to remember Kazunari whenever he would look back in their life as an old man, full of life and laughter.

 

Even when Kazunari’s laughing eventually died down, small sniggers still escaped his plump lips. He shook his head and held a grin on his lips as he turned to Shintarou.

 

“That’s funny,” was his verdict.

 

“I don’t know about that,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Are doctor jokes popular at your work?”

 

“You could say so.”

 

“Priceless.” Kazunari wiped his eyes to the back of his palm and shuffled closer. He rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and shifted ever so slightly to press their bodies properly together. There was a wonderful shine in his eyes. “You’re so cute.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “How come?”

 

“Don’t know, you just are. So so _so_ cute.”

 

“Stop it.”

 

“You’re blushing.”

 

“I am not.” So Shintarou said but was painfully aware of the heat on his cheeks.

 

Kazunari smirked. “So are.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and refused to jump in on the argument.

 

Kazunari smooched Shintarou’s chin. “I think I’m gonna sleep, all this reading is making me tired.”

 

“I know the feeling.”

 

“Close your lamp as well then, will you?”

 

Shintarou did that and sank properly under the covers. Immediately he got Kazunari snuggling against his body, and he really didn’t mind one bit. He inched closer and pressed a gentle kiss on Kazunari’s forehead, which seemed to be just enough to make Kazunari quiver. Shintarou hooked his arm better around his lover’s torso and pulled him closer, slipped his eyes close, and in his mind replayed the moment when Kazunari laughed. It was for sure the most beautiful sight in the entire world every single sunset and sunrise included, and in the dimness of the room the thought made him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've been absolutely _glued_ to my s.o. in the last few days, so things have been a bit rocky between me and this fic. But for the next few days business will be as usual, so let's embrace the last days of July together!


	212. Bowl of...

Kazunari squinted his eyes at the small ornament hanging on the front door of Ryouta’s place and puckered his lips to it. He tried so hard to decide what it actually resembled and at the same time tried to forget the obvious phallic shape of it (because he was certain that Ryouta would _never_ hang anything dick-like to his front door). It was easier said than done, and he even found it hard to tear his gaze away from it. When he looked at Shintarou, he realized that Shintarou as well was staring at the exact same decoration with a deep frown on his face.

 

“Looks like a dick,” Kazunari finally admitted aloud.

 

Shintarou jolted out of his thoughts and turned to him with some red on his cheeks. “It is not.”

 

“I didn’t say it is, I just said it looks like one.”

 

“…You do have a point.”

 

Kazunari leaned closer. “What do you think it is?”

 

“I don’t even want to know,” Shintarou admitted with a whisper.

 

Accepting the answer, Kazunari finally rang the doorbell and settled right beside Shintarou to wait. Instead of staring at the odd ornament he looked at the mail slot and Ryouta’s name attached to it. He curled his toes in his shoes and let his thoughts trail, which soon came right back when the door swung open and Ryouta stood in front of them with a bright grin on his lips. They hugged, but to Shintarou Ryouta gave a mere pat on the shoulder, which seemed to make Shintarou relieved.

 

“Come on in!” Ryouta chirped and stepped aside. “I’m so excited, I can’t wait to see you guys try the suits on.”

 

Kazunari flashed a grin as he took off his shoes and adjusted his socks better in his feet. He looked up at him. “Is Akashi already here?”

 

“Uh-huh, so we can start straight away.”

 

“Great,” said Shintarou dryly behind his back.

 

Kazunari slapped him in the arm, but Shintarou merely rolled his eyes. Shaking his head in slight bemusement, Kazunari strutted behind Ryouta to the small living room, and there Seijuurou was indeed, sitting comfortably in an armchair and sipping something from a tiny cup. The man’s expression lightened ever so slightly, and his posture turned straighter as they greeted each other. Kazunari looked around expecting to see some gorgeous suits, but there was nothing. Even Shintarou picked up on that.

 

“Where are they?” Shintarou frowned.

 

Ryouta huffed. “I can’t just have them here where you can see each other’s suits, can I? They’re in the bedroom, and we’re going to try them on individually.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because! It’s bad luck if you see what the other is wearing.”

 

Shintarou’s frown deepened. “Is it really?”

 

“It is! Tell him, Akashicchi.”

 

Seijuurou stirred on his spot. “Possibly,” was his answer.

 

Shintarou sighed.

 

“Hey, Kise,” Kazunari called.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why do you have a bowl of popcorn on the table?”

 

Ryouta grinned. “Because,” he said and stressed the last half of the word. “This might take a while, and I want to eat them while I’m watching you two get naked.”

 

“You’re going to look the other way,” Shintarou said immediately.

 

A bubbly laughter got out of Ryouta’s mouth. “I’m just joking! But Takaocchi, let’s try yours first, okay? I think you’re going to take longer than Midorimacchi anyway.”

 

“Fine by me,” Kazunari said and already felt the first butterflies in his stomach. He glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder but couldn’t attract his lover’s attention anymore as he sat beside Seijuurou and engaged in a chat. He dismissed the things he had had in the tip of his tongue and disappeared to the bedroom together with Ryouta and the popcorn.

 

There were two black bags hanging from the wardrobe’s door. Kazunari moistened his lips. As much sense as Ryouta was making for not letting them see each other’s clothes, his insides burned with curiosity knowing that one of the bags had Shintarou’s suit in it. He rose to his tiptoes and shared a grin with Ryouta who reached for the smaller bag and settled it neatly on the bed. Kazunari flexed his fingers and could hardly stay still, and suddenly felt like a five-year-old boy who wanted to jump up and down from pure excitement. He kept his feet firmly on the floor, however, but approached the bed nonetheless.

 

“It’s gonna look amazing,” Ryouta promised.

 

“Show me,” whispered Kazunari.

 

Surely teasing, Ryouta pulled the zipper down excruciatingly slowly, but what was revealed under the bag was everything Kazunari had ever hoped for. The suit wasn’t a pure shade of white but a little creamy. The lapels had something shiny right on their edges framing them, and something about the whole creation made his eyes burn. Kazunari bit his lower lip and moved his hand on his chin that he rubbed. It was easy to imagine himself in such a suit, and seeing it physically right in front of him made the upcoming wedding so much realer than he had thought in the last few months.

 

“Is that a good reaction?” Ryouta asked carefully.

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari breathed. “It looks… It’s gorgeous.”

 

“Good. Okay, take your clothes off, let’s try it on… Here, the pants… For the shirt underneath, I was thinking of a peachy color like this, do you think it’s okay?”

 

Kazunari nodded as he pulled on the white pants that seemed to hug him in all the right places. They clung to his ass in a way that was still comfortable but left some room for his thighs. He felt slightly self-conscious being without a shirt in front of Ryouta who he knew looked absolutely gorgeous without any clothes on (he had seen it few times and was a little jealous), but he didn’t think it too much as he closed the buttons of the faintly peach-colored shirt. He rolled his shoulders and took a good look of the jacket still lying on the bed, and couldn’t contain his smile even when he attempted to do so.

 

He got the jacket on and let Ryouta do the finishing touches. He worked his fingers through his hair and pushed the bangs out of the way.

 

“Go take a look,” Ryouta said and opened the wardrobe’s door with a mirror attached to it.

 

Kazunari’s feet trembled as he closed in the distance between him and the mirror. He looked at his reflection and could hardly recognize himself. The suit was a perfect fit, and no matter which angle he looked at himself from, he looked _amazing_. He chewed his bottom lip and brushed some hair behind his ear, took a deep breath and looked at himself from head to toe. White really suited him. The peachy shirt contrasted beautifully against the shade of white, too.

 

Never in his life had he dreamed of a certain type of wedding, and the general wedding thoughts had only hit him late last year, but now that he looked at himself through the mirror, he knew that this was the outfit he wanted to pledge himself to the greatest man in his life. His brows knitted together as he battled the emotions welling up inside him and rushing towards his eyes. He quivered ever so slightly but took a deep breath and turned to different angles to see everything. The bottom line definitely was that he looked not only gorgeous but absolutely _beautiful_ clad in white from top to bottom. His eyes glimmered. This was the sight that Shintarou was going to see under the tree when they’d say their ‘I do’s in front of all of their family and friends.

 

Kazunari’s bottom lip trembled.

 

“Is it good?” Ryouta asked and took a careful step forward.

 

“It’s better than I could have hoped,” Kazunari mustered out and offered a tender smile to his friend. He didn’t think twice at all as he pulled Ryouta to a tight hug and held him in it for a long while. When he peeled off, he felt the biggest grin on his lips. There was a similar one of Ryouta’s as well.

 

“I was so worried,” Ryouta breathed and shook his head, then took a step back and grabbed Kazunari from his waist. “We can tuck a bit from here to make it just a _little_ bit tighter, it’d make your figure look even before.”

 

“I feel slim in this.”

 

“You _are_ slim.”

 

“How is it?” echoed Shintarou’s voice from the living room.

 

Before Kazunari could answer, Ryouta pressed his palm against his mouth and smirked.

 

“It looks amazing!” Ryouta shouted back. “You’re a lucky guy, Midorimacchi!”

 

“… Could I see it?”

 

“No way!” Ryouta moved his hand away and looked at Kazunari in the eyes, then whispered, “You look so pretty.”

 

“Thanks,” Kazunari murmured.

 

“Now let’s take this off before it gets dirty, okay?”

 

Stripping out of the suit was the hardest part in the last ten, fifteen minutes because Kazunari found himself attached to it already. Yet he pulled his own clothes back on as quickly as he could and spared one more look towards the white fabric before Ryouta zipped the bag back close. Kazunari let out a shivery breath but grinned nonetheless, gave Ryouta one more hug and only then emerged out of the bedroom. Upon seeing him Shintarou jumped up on his feet immediately and looked at him keenly.

 

“How was it?” Shintarou asked.

 

“So beautiful,” Kazunari admitted. “Your turn.”

 

Shintarou walked past him and brushed his side before he got to the bedroom and closed the door behind his back. With awe in his sigh Kazunari slumped down on the couch.

 

“Did it look good?” Seijuurou inquired.

 

Kazunari hummed and nodded. “It was gorgeous, I looked damn good.”

 

Seijuurou’s smile twitched higher. “I have seen it and already in the hangar it looks wonderful, but I’m certain it is at its greatest on you.”

 

Kazunari’s cheeks glowed, but he soon turned his attention to another fact. “So you’ve seen Shin-chan’s suit as well, right?”

 

“Possibly.”

 

“How is it?”

 

“I’m certain that no one has ever seen him look more handsome than he will look like in that suit.”

 

Kazunari groaned. “That’s just teasing!”

 

“You will both look wonderful, there is not doubt about that.” Seijuurou let out a short breath and turned properly to him. “May I ask if you have reached a conclusion about a certain wedding trip?”

 

Kazunari looked at him and arched his brows. His expression soon softened. “Don’t worry about it,” he promised. “We’ll go there even if I have to drag him to the plane with me. It’s too much, of course, but it’s such a nice gesture from everyone and it’d be rude if we just turned it down.”

 

“Good.” Seijuurou looked more than pleased and reached for the popcorn. “I’m glad.”

 

“So am I. He just likes being stubborn once in a while.”

 

“Surely.”

 

When Shintarou eventually came out of the bedroom, he looked like someone had knocked the air out of his lungs. Kazunari perked up.

 

“How was it?” he asked.

 

Shintarou nodded, but the small smile on his lips told everything necessary. “Good,” he said but Kazunari knew it was so much better.

 

“You’ll look like the most beautiful couple out there,” Ryouta helped.

 

For once Kazunari didn’t disagree with the statement.


	213. Rake

The sun was at its highest and the temperature absolutely burning, and Kazunari _still_ went back and forth in their backyard doing something that Shintarou simply couldn’t wrap his mind around. From the safety of the shadows of the balcony Shintarou held his hands on his waist and watched his husband to be with a deepening frown. When was the last time Kazunari had drank some water? Why wasn’t he wearing a hat to begin with? Worried that Kazunari would be struck by the sneaky sunshine, Shintarou paced around the balcony ever so slightly from one end to another and huffed excess air from his nose every now and then. What was Kazunari _thinking_? Had he remembered to take his medicine?

 

There were so many questions and worries and stress circling in his mind, but he didn’t utter out a single word from his mouth for a simple reason. He knew that Kazunari didn’t like when he, according to Kazunari’s words, _babied_ him. It was something he couldn’t help, of course he couldn’t, not when this was his future husband and he wanted him to be absolutely safe. Maybe he was overreacting ever so slightly, Shintarou admitted that he did, but the sun was looking very treacherous and Kazunari very unprotected.

 

Shintarou lasted five minutes more.

 

“Kazu!” he called.

 

Kazunari stopped in the middle of the yard and leaned against something that looked very much like a rake. “What?”

 

“Do you need some water?”

 

“I’m good, thanks!”

 

Unease settled inside Shintarou. “Can I at least bring you a hat?”

 

“Don’t need it, thanks!” Kazunari shared a bright and illuminating grin and turned back to what he was doing.

 

Shintarou breathed deeply and felt an uncomfortable thud in his chest. He kept pacing back and forth, and whenever he stopped he curled his toes against the wooden planks of the balcony. From the corner of his eye he looked at Kazunari whenever he could, and sometimes he even saw Kazunari stop what he was doing and look at him. Whenever that happened Shintarou felt thoroughly guilty and cowered ever so slightly, battled whether to go back inside and keep staring at Kazunari from the living room but decided against it. As much as he wanted to change the fundamentals of himself, he couldn’t help that he worried about Kazunari and his wellbeing.

 

“Babe!” called Kazunari out of the blue.

 

Shintarou startled out of his thoughts. “What?”

 

“You wanna come and help me?”

 

Shintarou’s brows knitted together lightly. “May I?”

 

“Yeah, please. I don’t understand what this tree is doing.”

 

Shintarou put slippers on and descended down from the balcony stairs. He approached Kazunari whose smile competed with the shine of the sun and watched him grip the end of the rake a little harder. Shielding his eyes from the sun, Shintarou looked up at the tall tree growing at the corner of their yard.

 

“What’s the problem here?”

 

Kazunari puckered his lips to a small pout and pointed to their feet. “It keeps dropping its leaves for some reason so I have to rake all of them. I don’t get it why it does that, it’s not even autumn yet.”

 

“I’m… not a tree expert.”

 

“But have a wild guess at least.”

 

Shintarou crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “I really… I can’t even fathom what could be the reason, Kazu.”

 

“Hmm… Okay. Can you rake them for me then?”

 

“Is this what you wanted me to do, all the work for you?”

 

Kazunari’s grin was both boyish and little guilty. “Maybe,” he admitted.

 

Shintarou sighed and rolled his eyes, and shook his head. “Fine,” he said, thought that it would take most of the strain away from Kazunari’s body and grabbed the rake. Now that he really looked at it, the tree _had_ shed most of its leaves that were still mostly green with only a hint of autumn colors. He sucked in his lower lip and set to work, raked, and a mere minute later realized how much he actually had to _do_ because of simple leaves. Huffs left his mouth time after time, and he threw Kazunari a glare as he spotted a wicked smirk from his lips.

 

Once there was a small beginning of a pile of leaves, Kazunari came closer and rubbed Shintarou’s upper back that was gathering tension. “You want me to bring you something to drink?”

 

“ _Please_ ,” Shintarou breathed.

 

“I’ll be right back in that case.”

 

When Kazunari disappeared inside the house, Shintarou stopped dead on his tracks and slipped his eyes close. The weather really was bad… His head was already starting to ache. How did Kazunari manage to stand out here for so long? Shintarou squeezed his eyes tighter shut. _God_ , it was too hot for any activity. He had only stood here for few funny minutes, and already he dreamed of taking an ice-cold shower just for the sake of it. He took in a breath through his nose and let the air out of his mouth. His lungs collapsed ever so slightly. He let the rake out of his hand and let it collapse on the ground, straightened his posture and looked up to the clouds that floated on the blue sky. Somehow, despite the heat, it was simply such a beautiful day.

 

“Here you go, Shin-chan,” cooed Kazunari behind his back without a warning.

 

This time Shintarou didn’t startle but slowly opened his eyes and turned to Kazunari. In the glimmering sunlight his fiancé couldn’t have looked any better, and at the moment (as well as every moment in his life) Shintarou considered Kazunari the most beautiful being in the entire world. He felt a hint of a smile rising on his lips, just a tiny one, but Kazunari seemed to notice it as his mouth tugged higher around the edges.

 

“Here,” Kazunari said again and offered the glass to him.

 

Shintarou’s fingers were hungry as he wrapped them around the glass and took a long gulp from the water. It felt so incredibly good to get the cold liquid down his throat. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut for a small moment to simply enjoy the fleeting moment. With the tip of his tongue he moistened his lips, and when he turned back to Kazunari, he displayed an actual smile.

 

“Thank you,” he said and wrapped an arm around Kazunari’s waist, pulled him closer and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Why don’t you go inside now and relax?”

 

Kazunari’s face fell. “Why?”

 

“I don’t want you to get a sunstroke.”

 

“I won’t get one, silly.” He flashed a smirk and reached for the rake on the ground. He straightened his posture and leaned against the tool. “Now let’s do this, you can watch me.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but accepted the offer nonetheless and spent long moments looking at Kazunari strut back and forth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to August (how fast time really flies...)! This is the month of the wedding, and I gotta tell you, I'm ridiculously excited. Ever since I started this journey, I had in my mind that I _really_ want to write a midotaka wedding, and now it's right around the corner. Just few more weeks! I hope it's going to be amazing ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ


	214. New Coat

Walking side by side in a shopping center put a smile on Kazunari’s face even when they weren’t holding hands or showing any signs that they were engaged and about to get married. Nonetheless good mood bubbled inside him, and he was certain that nothing could make it go away. He spared a glance towards Shintarou who carried a bookshop’s plastic bag and looked more than satisfied, Kazunari could tell from the small tug of lips that appeared on his fiancé’s face. When Shintarou caught him looking, Kazunari offered a bright grin that wrinkled the bridge of his nose.

 

“What?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Nothing.” Kazunari spared a glance towards the women’s clothing shop they passed. “This is just nice, I can’t remember the last time we went shopping to a place like this.”

 

Shintarou arched his brows ever so slightly. “Hm,” was his initial reaction. He tightened his grasp from the colorful plastic bag and moistened his lips. “This is nice,” he eventually agreed.

 

“Nice change of pace.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You’re so cute.”

 

The elderly woman passing them gave Kazunari a look, and right afterwards Shintarou shot him a glare.

 

“What?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Please don’t do that in public.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Give me compliments out of the blue like that. People are staring.”

 

“Only one granny stared, Shin-chan, you make it sound like _everyone_ is glaring.”

 

“Hm.”

 

Shintarou averted his gaze. Kazunari spent a moment longer looking at the strong profile that certainly did things to him when in a suitable angle, and only then looked away. Their steps were slow and deliberate, which gave him plenty of time to look at the shops’ displays. Most of them were filled with bikinis and bathing suits that didn’t interest him at all, but he spent a moment longer looking at a store for men’s formalwear. The suit on the mannequin looked good, and Kazunari was certain that it would look even better on Shintarou.

 

His insides quivered. Soon he would see Shintarou in _the_ suit… Shivers ran down his arms and created goose bumps as a trail. The wedding was only few weeks away, and it was easy to tell by the state Seijuurou had seemed to be in the last few days, calling him and Shintarou every other minute to confirm this and that. Seijuurou had insisted on having a tasting for the cake, but Kazunari had told that he trusted Atsushi’s taste and slithered out of the chore. As beautiful as he knew the wedding was going to be, the fine details didn’t matter to him – he only wanted to enjoy the day with Shintarou and nothing else was needed.

 

He brushed his knuckles against Shintarou’s and attracted the man’s gaze on him. The edges of Shintarou’s lips twitched in a way that looked like an upcoming smile, but it disappeared as soon as it had got on.

 

“What should we make for dinner?” Shintarou asked as they went down the stairs.

 

“Something good.” Kazunari puckered his lips in thought. His focus turned solely from food to a storefront with the most gorgeous coat he had ever seen. Although it was fully black, it still looked good, fitting snugly to the mannequin. “Uh, just something, I want to go check that out.”

 

“What?”

 

“Come on.” Kazunari strutted towards the store where he usually _didn’t_ shop, but the bright banners claimed that everything was fifty percent off and he couldn’t resist. It was a little intimidating and he felt slightly awkward with teenagers buzzing around, but he ignored such petty thoughts for a moment and went to hunt the coat he had seen. At first Shintarou trailed behind him patiently but then stopped him in the midst of racks of t-shirts.

 

“What are you searching for?”

 

“A coat. _The_ coat I saw on the window.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly and let go of him, backtracked enough and then came back with his eyes widened. “Why do you need that? It’s mid-summer, it’s too hot to wear it in the first place.”

 

“Tactics, Shin-chan. Now it’s fifty percent off, but if I buy it when it’s autumn it’s full price again, and that just doesn’t make sense.” Kazunari shook his head to his own words and saw Shintarou’s expression brighten ever so slightly from understanding. Kazunari gave him a wink and turned around a small corner towards the jeans section.

 

As much as he wanted to ask someone where to find what he wanted, there was not a single sales person in sight. Kazunari huffed and looked at the jeans collection, saw the type of skinny jeans he had loved to wear a decade ago and wondered if they’d still look good on him. _Probably not_ , he decided with a bit of disappointment lacing the thought and turned around his heels, saw the nicest pastel-colored shirt and briefly debated whether to buy it or not. It took him a moment to decide against it and continued with the search feeling a little sour. His nose wrinkled from a pout that was about to grow on his face when Shintarou waved his hand at him and then gestured him to come closer.

 

“Is this it?” Shintarou asked and pointed at a coat hanging from an upper hangar way over Kazunari’s head.

 

“Yeah, that’s it. Can you give it to me?”

 

Shintarou did, and Kazunari grabbed it to himself. He stared at it keenly, eyes fixed on the small details like the depth of the pockets and the various strings hanging from it. It might have not looked as good as it had in the window, but it was still miles better than the old leather jacket he wore when the weather turned cold and the leaves red. He held in a breath and put the coat on, bristled, and then spread his arms slightly apart. Perfect fit. He wanted to smile but didn’t dare yet, and instead looked at Shintarou with his brows arched higher.

 

“What do you think?” He turned around to show Shintarou everything.

 

The pause that Shintarou held was nerve-wracking. “I like it,” he eventually said.

 

“Yeah? You think it suits me?” Kazunari moved in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. He liked the shade of black of the coat that was somewhat lighter than his hair, and it did look damn nice. He turned back to Shintarou and glanced at him with the expectation of saying something.

 

Shintarou merely nodded. “It looks nice.”

 

“Just nice?”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Hmm.” Kazunari took it off and took a good look at the price tag. It would have been too much if it weren’t on sale, but he still wasn’t sure whether he had the guts to spend so much on something that he wouldn’t be able to wear in months. He rose to his toes and then pressed his soles flat on the floor again, and in the midst of loud pop music echoing in the store tried to think of the best solution.

 

“Come on,” said Shintarou with a hint of impatient in his voice.

 

Kazunari threw him a look. “I’m trying to decide and it won’t go any faster if you hurry me like that.”

 

With a sigh Shintarou rolled his eyes and went to wander towards the shirts. Kazunari looked at the coat through the mirror. It was a good coat and he couldn’t deny it. It would also be a coat that he’d definitely wear once the weather would be cold enough. It would be more expensive by the time autumn rolled in, too… They weren’t short on money either. His brows knitted to a frown that crafted a deep wrinkle between his eyes, which looked extremely unflattering but he couldn’t help it at the moment. He curled his toes inside his shoes that were making his feet annoyingly damp and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue.

 

“Just take it,” Shintarou suddenly said.

 

Kazunari startled and looked at him over shoulder, and spotted all the signs of annoyance from his partner. “What?”

 

“I said just take it. I’ll pay it.”

 

“What rush do you suddenly have?”

 

“I’m only trying to speed up this process because I know that in the end you will want to take it. So come on, simply take it and let’s go.”

 

Kazunari grumbled. “Just give me a second, will you?”

 

With another huff Shintarou turned around his heels and walked on the other side of the store. His backside already looked bored as hell, and Kazunari did his very best to hasten his thinking process. As easy as it sounded, it still proved to be hellishly difficult. When he spotted Shintarou approach him again with a tight stare in his eyes, Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat and within a second he decided.

 

“I’ll take it,” he breathed before Shintarou could say a single thing. “And I’m paying it myself,” he quickly added.

 

“Fine.” Shintarou looked slightly pleased.

 

Kazunari hurried to pay for the coat and couldn’t help the grin that took over his lips when the woman behind the counter eventually handed him the dark plastic bag. He bristled and found his place right beside Shintarou again.

 

“Are you happy now?” Shintarou asked.

 

“Yup.”

 

“It was indeed a nice coat.”

 

“I know, right.”

 

“And it does make sense to buy it now when it is cheaper if you would purchase it closer to autumn anyway.”

 

Kazunari hummed and briefly brought his fingers to the small of Shintarou’s back for a quick pat. Certain that no one had seen, he pulled his hand back and gave a wicked smirk. Shintarou shook his head from clear bemusement, and the corners of his lips tightened. They quickly relaxed, however.

 

“We still need to figure out what we’ll eat for dinner,” Shintarou pointed out.

 

“Something quick,” Kazunari said. “Pasta or something.”

 

“I’m not really in the mood for pasta.”

 

“Or fish.”

 

“…Fish is good.”

 

Kazunari steered his steps towards the biggest supermarket around the block situated on the bottom floor of the shopping center. “Let’s go then,” he said and smiled.


	215. Short...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter looks funny, I'm sorry about that! Me and my laptop are in two different places at the moment and I have to do this on mobile. At least the chapter is out, and I hope that's okay for now! See you tomorrow~

“I specifically said orange roses, so how come there were _red_ ones when I went to see them?”

 

Kazunari blinked and felt positively dumbfounded as he looked at Seijuurou standing in the doorway of their front door. The man talked to a handsfree with his brows knitted together and the glare in his eyes rather dangerous. Kazunari leaned his palm against the wall and didn’t necessarily want to interrupt, but the warm summer rain beat down rather hard on their porch and the gushing wind rushed the droplets inside as well. He curled up his toes and moistened his lips and witnessed a deep red appear on Seijuurou’s cheeks. The lean fingers clutched around the large folder he hugged against his chest.

 

“No, I _specifically_ said orange… Hold on a second, be so kind.” Seijuurou slipped his eyes close momentarily and once he opened them, covered the handsfree with his hand and finally focused his gaze on Kazunari. “I’m sorry about this, may I come in?”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari felt slightly amused as he stepped out of the way and closed the door behind Seijuurou’s back. “You want some tea?”

 

“No, thank you, I’m on a tight schedule. Yes, are you still there? Yes, may I speak with your manager?”

 

Kazunari’s lips curled into a small grin as he shadowed Seijuurou’s steps to the living room and didn’t mind at all that the man paced around like he owned the house. This was interesting as well as amusing, and he only wished that Shintarou were home to witness Seijuurou’s collapsing patience. He stopped by the couch and knitted his fingers together to the front of his body and fiddled them. Seijuurou put the file down on the couch and strutted around the coffee table whilst pushing his bangs out of the way with his fingers.

 

“This is ridiculous,” breathed Seijuurou. The color on his face got an even deeper color. “I have _paid_ … No, I will come and visit your store in two hours, and we will sort this matter out. Yes. Yes, thank you. _Idiot_ ,” Seijuurou murmured when he had already clearly ended the call. He sighed a heavy breath and shook his head, and sat down right on the edge of the couch. He looked up at Kazunari and continued, “I don’t understand how difficult it is to get flowers right.”

 

“Is there a problem?” Kazunari sat down beside Seijuurou.

 

Seijuurou sighed again and grabbed the folder across his thighs. “You probably figured it out but they believe orange roses are the same as red ones.”

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, is it?”

 

Seijuurou gave him a deadpan expression. “Red is _not_ the wedding color, so such roses will not be tolerated. Here, I have gathered everything into the file and I will leave this with you, but I would like to go through it once now.”

 

“Sure.” Kazunari inched closer and let Seijuurou move the file partly on his thigh as well. It looked very simple albeit amazingly thick. On the first page when opened was their invitation that looked as perfect as ever and brought a smile on Kazunari’s lips. When Seijuurou flipped the next page, a detailed piece of paper with several circles and plenty of names appeared.

 

“This is the seating chart,” said Seijuurou matter-of-factly. “I only know a handful of the guests myself, so I have merely put everyone here and there. Thus I want you and Shintarou to go through this extremely carefully, and if you desire to move someone from one seat to another, I want you to clearly mark it with a red marker.”

 

“Got it,” Kazunari promised.

 

“Excellent.” Seijuurou turned the page. The next one featured a set of photographs of cakes, and the mere sight of them made Kazunari’s stomach grumble. One of them was tall and colored as rich chocolate, and Kazunari was certain that it would have melted right on the tip of his tongue. The second was white and two tiers taller than the previous one, orange flowers made out of marzipan falling on the side of it like a colorful waterfall. The last cake was rather modest but looked utterly traditional.

 

Seijuurou stroked his fingertip over the glossy surface of the photos. “These are the cakes Atsushi has been working on, you see the ingredients on this side of the page. We will soon have a tasting and then decide on the final one.”

 

“Ooh, that’s gonna be tough, they all look good.”

 

“Atsushi does have the skill to craft something delicious.” Seijuurou flashed a small smile. “We have also gotten the suits ready.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“And Tetsuya and I have been searching suitable decorations, and it is going along well.”

 

“That’s so good.” Kazunari threw one leg over another.

 

“We found the perfect fairy lights—Here, they are these ones.” Seijuurou pointed a picture on the next page. The lights were delicate and small but so very gorgeous. “They would hang from the tree and also in the reception. How do you like them?”

 

“They look amazing.”

 

“Do you think Shintarou will appreciate them?”

 

“Aw, he’ll like everything, he’s not too fussy about stuff like this.”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“I’ll still ask his opinion, don’t worry.”

 

Seijuurou looked noticeably more relieved but pulled his expression back together hastily. “I was also thinking of doing a rehearsal dinner few nights before the big day.”

 

Kazunari’s brows drew in. “Do you think it’s necessary?”

 

“Of course we don’t have to if the idea repulses you, but it would be good practice. We would only invite the closest family and most intimate friends.”

 

“I… actually hadn’t thought about that but I’m in.”

 

Seijuurou’s eyes brightened. “I can book a lovely restaurant in the city, it would work beautifully as a venue for the dinner.”

 

“We shouldn’t spend too much money on stuff like that, though.”

 

“Nonsense.” Seijuurou flashed a smile. “I trust on you only getting married once, and since it happens once, it needs to be special.”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“Money won’t be a problem, Kazunari.”

 

Kazunari wasn’t exactly colored convinced but he didn’t delve further into the discussion knowing fully well that Seijuurou surely had a set of argument already up his sleeve. Thus he merely smiled at him and looked at the photos of decorations that would make their wedding look absolutely breathtaking. He brushed his fingertip over the photograph and puckered his lips.

 

“Are you getting nervous?” Seijuurou asked out of the blue.

 

Startling from his thoughts, Kazunari turned to him. “A little,” he admitted with a hint of smile. “It’s getting so close.”

 

“Almost too close, there are still so many things to do.”

 

“This won’t interfere with your actual work, will it?”

 

“Of course not. I am fully capable of multitasking.” Seijuurou glanced at his watch and looked somewhat unimpressed. He still looked up at Kazunari. “It will be a wonderful wedding.”

 

“I’m sure it will with you in charge.” Kazunari grinned.

 

Seijuurou looked pleased. “I really should get going, however, I need to visit the flower shop. I regret choosing them instead of the dozen other choices the city has.”

 

“Hey,” Kazunari interrupted Seijuurou from walking out of the living room. “Totally not related, but how are things with you and Furihata?”

 

Seijuurou stopped dead on his tracks and offered a more polite smile. “Things are good, thank you for asking. Lately our schedules have been clashing horribly, but we are working around it. Once the wedding is over things will surely quiet down.”

 

“Hopefully,” Kazunari said and muffled a yawn to the back of his palm. He got up on his feet and followed Seijuurou towards the front door. “Thanks for dropping the file, I’ll make Shin-chan get cracking on that seating chart as soon as possible.”

 

“That would be a relief.”

 

“Thanks for everything, anyway, you’re amazing.”

 

A huff of breath escaped Seijuurou. “Don’t thank me yet, let’s see how the wedding goes first.”

 

“Everyone already knows it’ll be so good.”

 

Seijuurou merely thanked him and set off, and halfway through the front yard already talked on the phone. Kazunari watched him disappear inside an expensive looking car and only then closed the rainy weather behind the door. For a moment he collected his thoughts, and then retreated back to the living room and went through the folder until Shintarou finally came home.


	216. Walk a Mile

Shintarou hated driving on early mornings when he was making his way to the hospital with the entire city stuck in the traffic lights, but driving out of the city on a day off with Kazunari by his side was definitely enjoyable. Now that the case was the latter, he even held a small smile on his lips as the scenery slowly but steadily changed into more rural. As much as he loathed using the birthday gift of a night in onsen that Seijuurou had given to him (simply because Seijuurou was doing so _much_ and Shintarou was slowly realizing that he didn’t have the means to repay him), Kazunari had managed to lure him in to the idea of a relaxing night soaking in warm water.

 

“I’ve got a question,” Kazunari said when they passed the final intersection towards the mountain path.

 

Shintarou raised his brows as a sign that he listened but didn’t dare to glance towards him. “Tell me.”

 

“Why do you think Akashi is doing all these things for us?”

 

“I have been wondering the same question myself.” Shintarou looked at the situation behind his back from the small mirror and, as no one followed, slowed down ever so slightly. He dared to look at Kazunari after all despite the road being in bad condition and winding. “And I haven’t reached a good conclusion.”

 

“Do you think he wants something in return?”

 

Shintarou thought a moment. “He isn’t that kind of person,” he eventually concluded.

 

Kazunari grinned brightly. “Maybe he has a secret crush on you.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“You never know!”

 

“He is with Furihata, is he not?”

 

“But you never know,” Kazunari repeated with an annoyingly bright smirk on his lips.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “Are you just teasing me now?”

 

“Mm… Maybe.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Ooh, Shin-chan’s getting mad!”

 

“No, I simply think you are being ridiculous.” Shintarou squeezed the wheel in his fingers and tried to think Kazunari’s words rationally. Although he knew that Seijuurou had had a crush on him when they were in middle school, such feelings were surely long gone and buried. The mere thought made him shudder. He continued, “Who on earth would provide some _crush_ their wedding? Your logic isn’t very sound at the moment.”

 

“I’m really just messing with you.” Kazunari took off his shoes and moved his feet up (Shintarou tried his best to keep himself from scolding him). “Maybe he just wants to show off his money.”

 

“I don’t think that’s the case, either.” Shintarou hummed and once more tightened his grasp from the wheel. “This is Akashi we’re talking about, after all. He’s just being friendly, that’s all.”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not complaining if I get to go to a place like this. This is pretty belated birthday celebration, though.”

 

Shintarou raised his brows momentarily but kept his eyes fixed on the road that was twirling more than would have probably been allowed in the city. Gorgeous mountains rose on both of their sides, and as the setting sun hit the very peeks, the sight was even more beautiful than it probably had been few hours ago. It was also a sight in which Shintarou would have loved to rest his eyes but couldn’t, not when he had offered to do the driving in the first place. At least Kazunari was relaxing if nothing more, and that alone was already more than enough for Shintarou. He rolled his tense shoulders a bit back and slowed down the speed ever so slightly to read the first sign by the road. It made him frown.

 

“Why does it say that the parking is right in here?” he asked.

 

“Huh?” Kazunari clearly startled from his thoughts and rubbed his eyes, then pushed his bangs out of the way of his eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

“That sign just now, did you see it?”

 

“No.”

 

“It said that the parking is here and the inn a mile away. That can’t be true.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Why would we need to _walk_ a mile after we have parked? That’s simply ridiculous.”

 

Kazunari shrugged, and Shintarou felt irritation gnaw his bones. Who would _design_ such a place like this? For him it didn’t make sense at all although he tried to understand. When he pulled the car by the nearly empty parking lot, he looked around suspiciously. There was a small trail leading towards a mountain, and if he really squinted his eyes, he thought he saw something resembling an inn further up. An annoying sting filled his chest and made him short of breath. Beside him Kazunari perked and looked more than ready to go, but Shintarou really wasn’t sure about this.

 

“What’s wrong now?” Kazunari asked out of the blue. “You look weird.”

 

“I just don’t understand this.”

 

“It’s only a mile, Shin-chan, you won’t die from it.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“Good. Let’s go then, I wanna see this inn, it looked so damn good in the pictures.”

 

Shintarou complied and got out of the car, and shielded his vision to see the sunset even better in all its glory. Kazunari was right, a mile wasn’t too bad – it could have been so much worse after all. With the thought in mind he let out  a sigh and grabbed their joint backpack from the back, settled it comfortably on his shoulders and locked the car doors. Immediately Kazunari grasped his hand and entangled their fingers together. Shintarou squeezed Kazunari’s fingers since not a single soul was around.

 

“This is gonna be so nice,” Kazunari reassured as they set out on the small trail that surely hadn’t been tended properly in years. “I’m sure it’s going to be _amazing_ since Akashi picked it.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“What, not convinced?”

 

“I don’t know,” Shintarou admitted.

 

“Aw, don’t worry. We can just relax and have fun in the water again… Last time was so much fun, wasn’t it?” Kazunari slipped his fingers below the sleeve of Shintarou’s t-shirt and stroked the muscle. “We can totally have a rematch of _that_ …”

 

Shintarou’s insides quivered from the memory of the last time they had had a night at an onsen. Just for a quick moment he closed his eyes and took careful steps forward, and only when he stepped on a particularly big stone. He glanced towards Kazunari who smirked so brightly that Shintarou’s cock jerked in his pants. He wasn’t sure how many days it had been since they had last been… _intimate_ , and although he hadn’t had particular urges lately, they now rose right inside him. All it took was a certain kind of look from Kazunari and he already felt like a puddle of goo. It was almost difficult for him to breathe when he even thought about getting busy with his husband to be.

 

“Now you look so much better, a little flustered.”

 

“I am not,” Shintarou insisted but knew that he was utterly wrong about it. His heart thudded in his chest and his pulse pounded right at the bottom of his stomach.

 

“Whatever you say, hun.”

 

Shintarou resorted on not saying anything else because he knew that Kazunari would have been able to counter everything. He took a breath through his nose instead and squeezed Kazunari’s hand even better to his own.

 

The mile seemed awfully long distance to walk especially when the road became an uphill and the bag on his back grew heavier by every step. Eventually the inn stood right in front of them, and Shintarou had never seen happier to see a building. He let go of Kazunari’s hand as an elder couple walked past them, and he gave a polite nod to them. Without stopping to admire the view Shintarou stepped in through the entrance and found himself right at the reception.

 

“Good evening,” the small woman behind the counter said.

 

Shintarou nodded to her as well and waited for Kazunari to catch up. When he did, Shintarou turned back to her and continued, “We have a reservation under the name Midorima.”

 

She looked through a thick book and held a smile on her lips. “Yes, here.” She turned around her heels and grabbed a key from a board hanging on the wall. “Room five, it’s right down the corridor.”

 

“Thank you.” Shintarou squeezed the key to his slightly damp palm and moved his other arm around Kazunari’s waist to guide him in the right direction. The corridor was short, thankfully, and the right door the most secluded one from the few that there actually were.

 

When he opened the door, the setting sun painted the whole room with a magnificent orange glow. Shintarou put down the bag by the door and took cautious steps forward, opened the balcony doors and held in a sigh. The view was absolutely wonderful, the mountains high and the air fresh. Shintarou brought his hands on his waist and stood still, listened the silence that was then followed by birds tweeting somewhere nearby. It all brought a smile on his lips, and as much as he wanted to _not_ smile, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

He did startle, however, when Kazunari wrapped his arms around his waist out of the blue and hugged him from behind. Immediately his heart jumped up to his throat, but the sensation was surprisingly pleasant. He moved his fingertips on top of Kazunari’s knuckles and rubbed them gently. The view might have been splendid, but the most beautiful thing was the smile on his lover’s lips. Shintarou turned around in Kazunari’s embrace and brought him closer, then hugged him.

 

“This might have been a good idea after all,” he murmured.

 

“Oh, don’t say that yet, we haven’t had fun yet.”

 

Shintarou looked at him.

 

Kazunari grinned cheekily again and wrapped his arms properly around Shintarou’s waist. “We have that private little pool again, isn’t that great?”

 

“Hm. I guess you are right.”

 

“Mm-hmm… I can do so many things to you right here…”

 

A lump rose to Shintarou’s throat and he couldn’t swallow it down no matter how hard he tried. He moistened his lips that felt drier than ever. “Like what?” he managed to muster out.

 

Kazunari merely grinned and sank down on his knees.

 

Grateful of the fact that they had a private little view, Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and gasped for breath when Kazunari tugged down his pants and showed him very quickly exactly what he had clearly in his mind.


	217. Ignite

There was the most terrible burn inside Kazunari, and he couldn’t come up with a way to make it go away especially now that Shintarou wasn’t home.

 

He felt like a feline trapped in heat as he rolled around in the couch and hugged a cushion and felt like his body was burning from the inside. He dug his toes tight to the couch but it didn’t bring any relief, but at least he tried. On the television was their favorite show, but he had come to the realization that it wasn’t _that_ good without Shintarou watching and commenting it by his side. The greatest sigh of all time escaped Kazunari, and he flipped on his stomach and stretched his limbs fully now that the cats had abandoned him and gone to cuddle on their own to the last rays of sun in front of the balcony door. Frustration made him groan several times, and he found it especially hard to stay put. He tried but alas, it wasn’t very successful.

 

It didn’t help at all that he pressed his hand flat on his abdomen. The simple and small gesture brought a jolt in his spine and made him groan a little harder. They had had such a good time last night, fooling around a bit, rolling around on a tatami floor, and it had been wild and passionate but he was still craving for it. His heart jumped to his throat and then sank straight to his abdomen right underneath his fingers as the show descended into its commercial break and he had all the time in the world to think about everything unnecessary. _God_ , the way Shintarou’s fingers had felt inside him yesterday… Kazunari shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He could still _feel_ the sensation of the soft fingertips traveling down from his collarbone to his navel and then slip into his pants…

 

He toyed with the tight band of his boxers now. It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind but it was surely better than nothing, he concluded and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue. When the show returned and the nice female voice commented on the contestants’ journeys so far, Kazunari bucked his hips up ever so slightly and moved his hand right on top of his bulge with the annoyingly thin fabric still preventing skin-to-skin contact. He huffed through his nose. His abdomen tightened, and it really didn’t help his case when he pushed his hips better against his palm that was growing both damp and hot. _Fuck_ , he really felt needy. Maybe they _were_ a statistic abnormality because after ten years he still wanted to have Shintarou touch him almost daily. Not sure what was up with that but not bothering to think about it either, Kazunari allowed his hand inside his boxers and gasped.

 

Sometimes, whenever he masturbated, he thought about this and that and nothing special, but most of the time – as well as right now – he imagined Shintarou, lying on the couch right beside him, reclined and looking like the typical Greek god that he had drooled over in high school (to his defense most of them had looked incredibly good crafted in marble). Kazunari held in his breath and moved his fingers carefully over his shaft that jerked. Not quite ready for the main act yet, wanting to tease himself, Kazunari moved his hands lower and squeezed his scrotum in his grasp. His balls tightened, and already he saw stars in his closed and darkened vision. This definitely wasn’t a case of blue balls, so why the hell did it feel so incredibly good to just squeeze himself?

 

He didn’t really find an answer when he began to gently pump his cock in his fist. The strokes were lazy and hot, yet not quite enough. What he really needed and missed were Shintarou’s fingers on him, around and inside him, all over his skin, touching him and making him tremble like he was in the midst of the worst fever. The mere thought made a moan trickle out of Kazunari. He let his mouth hang open and wasn’t ashamed at all about his noises although the cats sometimes stared at him funnily whenever he glanced at them.

 

From the swollen cockhead he moved his hand back down to the scrotum, then even lower and spent a good moment stroking the perineum. He really desperately wanted to push his forefinger inside but was too lazy to get up and pick up the lube and wasn’t too keen on using only spit for the job. His hole puckered and clenched, however, and turned even tighter as he brushed his fingernail over the sensitive skin. Kazunari sucked in his lower lip and wondered how many minutes he would actually last. If he had the energy to get up, he could also use a toy to finish himself off… He was quick to brush the idea as his knees bucked when he even did a sad attempt to get up. Locked to the soft crease of the couch and not ready to move a single inch, Kazunari buried himself better to the spot and with his free hand even moved some cushions to support his back that already ached ever so slightly.

 

Shintarou would do him so good… Just like he had done last night, pounded in him fast and hard, sober but drunk on the heat, wild yet gentle. With the memory in mind Kazunari brought his fingers around his dick again and pumped hard. The friction was almost painful, thus he helped himself with a bit of spit after all, and his cock thanked him. Right on top was a particularly big vein that thudded like it sometimes did when things got heated between him and his future husband. Kazunari only had to fleetingly think of Shintarou, even his name was enough, to make him thrash on the couch even more than before.

 

“Fuck…” he murmured right below his breath when the first glistening pearls of precum appeared on the sensitive slit that he was quick to thumb. “Shin…” he continued but couldn’t finish at all although he tried his best. Over and over again he brought the pad of his thumb against the cockhead and made himself moan like he was in heat (he was pretty sure that he was in fact; maybe it had something to do with the weather that was enough to make anyone sweaty even in the evening).

 

Maybe, just _maybe_ , Shintarou would unexpectedly slam the front door open and come to fuck him so hard and good. Certain that it was going to happen, Kazunari kept his hand steady on his cock and stretched his neck enough to look behind him. He didn’t have a direct visual to their front door, but even so disappointment as quick to well inside him when he realized that his little fantasy was most certainly not coming true. Of course he knew that Shintarou wasn’t due home yet, at least not in the next thirty minutes, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to last for so long.

 

His skin burned, and the heat only grew when he slid his free hand under his shirt and gave a tug to his nipple. The nubs on his chest were hardly ever sensitive, but right now he felt like he was nothing but an erogenous zone from head to toe, and wherever he touched made him quiver so damn badly. The muscles on his thighs tightened, and he curled his toes, felt ready to burst, _wanted_ in fact to burst so badly that it hardly made any sense to him. He breathed harder than before, so much in fact that his lungs ached and rasped. _Fuck_ , soon they’d have their wedding night, and it would surely be _the_ best sex he had ever gotten. He tugged his cock faster and squeezed his eyes shut even more. Soon he could officially call Shintarou his husband, even if it meant that he would only enter the Midorima family register. It would be enough, it would be so, _so_ enough—

 

He came abruptly. He thought he could last few silly minutes more but definitely couldn’t. Thick ropes of white erupted from him and made a mess of his fingers. Few more times he stroked himself although he was sensitive as hell and his toes curled so much that it hurt. His pulse shot off the roof with ease, and when he finally let go of his dick, it jerked once more. He breathed so heavy that he couldn’t hear the television, not when his ears rang and he saw the most beautiful stars in the back of his eyelids. If only Shintarou would be home already… The thought made him quiver even more than a second before. Content with himself and the way he was only a puddle of satisfaction, he pulled his hand out of his pants for good, grabbed a cushion and nuzzled his nose against it. He really could have used some cuddles but knew that he had to wait for it.

 

Eventually he got up and oriented his trembling legs to the shower. He took his time, scrubbed clean every single crook of his body and made extra sure that his crotch area was free from cum. He wrapped a towel around his waist and still felt a quiver in the back of his knees but pushed out of the steam-filled room anyway.

 

“Hey,” echoed from the living room.

 

Kazunari felt his expression brighten. With wet feet he strutted towards the living room and stopped beside the couch where Shintarou sat one leg crossed over another and glanced up at him.

 

“You took a shower early,” Shintarou pointed out.

 

“Oh, you know…” Kazunari grinned and slumped down beside his lover. “I might have gotten myself dirty and had to go clean myself up.”

 

Shintarou frowned lightly. “What does that mean?”

 

“Means I jacked myself off, honey.”

 

“ _Oh_.” Shintarou’s cheeks flowed red ever so slightly. “That’s… That’s good, I believe.”

 

“It _was_ good, believe me.” Kazunari hooked his arm around Shintarou’s and snuggled closer to his side. “But not as good as last night, I just kept thinking about it, and _man_ …”

 

Shintarou shuddered.

 

“But how was the hospital?”

 

Shintarou threw him a stare but still said, “Busy as always. I had two surgeries.”

 

“Did they go well?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

“Hm.” Shintarou licked his lips with the tip of his tongue and turned his attention and gaze fully on Kazunari. “That aside, why don’t you tell me exactly _how_ you did this… deed just now?”

 

Kazunari perked beside him and arched his brows ever so slightly. He jabbed Shintarou in the arm. “You want to know that desperately?”

 

“I’m not exactly _desperate_ ,” Shintarou said but didn’t convincing at all.

 

“Uh huh, that so?” Kazunari sank better on the couch and grinned. “I’ll tell you all right.”


	218. Kindness

Most of the time it was difficult to catch Shintarou off guard, or so he liked to think. He liked to believe that he was a well-prepared man, and conveniently always forgot about the instances when Kazunari grabbed his bottom from behind and squeezed like a perverted eighteen year old, the action completed with giggles that traveled straight to Shintarou’s navel and south of it. The bottom line was that he considered himself a man who was difficult to startle and catch off guard.

 

Sometimes, however, he underestimated his soon-to-be husband. Sometimes he forgot how amazingly off-guard he could get when he sat on the couch in all peace and Kazunari parked right on his lap and began to kiss him like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

 

That was, of course, the case now that Shintarou tried to watch an actually interesting documentary about bumblebees in the nature channel. He missed completely how exactly the said bees contributed to the society as Kazunari wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulders and tugged him closer, kissed him deeper and made his mind absolutely void of every other thought that wasn’t related to this moment and Kazunari. When Kazunari actually did pull back ever so slightly, Shintarou gasped for breath like he was a dying man underwater and with widened eyes looked at the cheeky grin on Kazunari’s face. He knew what it meant, trouble in its best form possible. Immediately Shintarou’s insides heated up.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari breathed.

 

Shintarou swallowed thickly. “…Hi.”

 

“Were you busy doing something?”

 

Shintarou glanced at the television over Kazunari’s shoulder. “I think… watching that…”

 

“Shit, sorry. Do you want me to, you know… go and not bother you?”

 

Although Shintarou knew that this was Kazunari’s tactic, he still fell for it and grasped his fiancé by his waist. “Don’t,” he murmured and couldn’t ignore the flickering flame inside him now that Kazunari had set it on with a simple kiss that still spoke to him in multiple levels. In his mind he counted to ten to avoid himself for acting like a teenager (he still had _those_ times fresh in memory, and couldn’t believe how easily he had subdued to his hormones), but when he fixed his gaze back to Kazunari, the counting didn’t matter at all. This wasn’t _normal_. Or it was, to lust after your partner, but it wasn’t normal per se to lust after someone who he had been with for a decade. A decade was an awfully long time to have sex with someone. He knew exactly what kind of sounds Kazunari would make if he were to stroke his sides or tease his abdomen or tug his scrotum or thrusts two of his fingers harshly inside him.

 

“What?” Kazunari’s brows were knitted in a small frown.

 

“What?” Shintarou slowly repeated.

 

“You have a funny look on your face, what are you thinking?”

 

“Nothing,” promised Shintarou yet felt his cheeks glow. It was only a small white lie. He squeezed Kazunari’s lush hips to his grasp and lured out a high-pitched breath. “Stay a little longer now that you’re there.”

 

“I think I will.” Kazunari’s smile was almost devilish as he tilted his head ever so slightly and kissed Shintarou again. This time it wasn’t as deep as before but most definitely teasing, a bit of tongue but not enough. It drove Shintarou insane, and he moved his hands properly around Kazunari’s torso and pulled him against his chest. Despite his best efforts it wasn’t enough to deepen the kiss, and by the time Kazunari pulled back again there was a grumble on his lips. Kazunari chuckled.

 

“You do this on purpose,” Shintarou accused.

 

“Maybe. But guess what?”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “What?”

 

“Exactly fifteen days to our wedding.” The edges of Kazunari’s lips softened. “Are you getting excited?”

 

Shintarou’s heart hopped to his throat and his pulse turned luscious. He inhaled sharply through his nose and let the breath out from his mouth. “Fifteen days, is that so?” His voice quivered ever so slightly. He _was_ indeed growing excited, but it wasn’t a piece of fact that he wanted to say aloud.

 

“That is so.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“Oh, come on! Don’t be a stone-faced thing for once, at least smile a bit! I’m starting to second-guess whether you really want to get married to me or not.” Kazunari’s lips puckered to a small pout.”

 

Shintarou hurried to say, “Of course I want to marry you. And, possibly… I might get excited.”

 

There, _said it_. An odd sense of pride filled him, and it only grew stronger when Kazunari’s eyes glimmered and he kissed him again. Shintarou hummed against his lover’s lips but didn’t have the time to take a breath when Kazunari deepened the kiss. His mind spun round and round, and he was unable to grasp any coherent thought. All he could really think about was that his highly seducing fiancé was sitting on his lap grinding his hips against his crotch, and that it felt _good_. He dug his fingers deeper into Kazunari’s flesh and squeezed, possibly too harsh as Kazunari winced but didn’t break the kiss after all. A pearl of drool dripped on Shintarou’s chin, and he couldn’t remember the last time their kiss had been _this_ intense. He panted hard, and his shaft ached by the time Kazunari peeled away from him.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou murmured and swallowed hard. It wasn’t enough to calm down his heart. He fluttered his eyes open as he didn’t even realize he had closed them, and rubbed the thick eyelashes to see Kazunari better.

 

“What?” Kazunari whispered.

 

Shintarou merely shook his head, unable to form words. His groin ached in the best way possible and still he wondered how the hell Kazunari managed to rile him up after all the years. _Because of love_ , Shintarou figured and hummed to the private thought.

 

Kazunari nodded behind Shintarou’s back. “Should we move somewhere else to continue this?”

 

“The—The bedroom?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Unless you wanna do it here, I really don’t mind.”

 

“The bedroom is fine,” Shintarou was quick to say.

 

It prompted a grin from Kazunari who grabbed his hands and pulled him up on his feet. Shintarou stumbled but managed to not fall down on the floor, and as Kazunari tugged him in motion towards the correct room, he tangled their fingers tightly together. His pulse echoed loud in his ears, irregular and irrational, and it was almost scary how the sole thought in his mind was _I need to fuck him_. Sometimes his hormones still grumbled inside him and made him into a mess, and it seemed like today was one of those days. They had had a rather succesfful streak of sex already in the matter of few days, and he was oddly eager to continue it.

 

He helped Kazunari to open the bedroom door and closed it right behind his back to prevent extra pairs of eyes from getting in. As soon as it was done Shintarou grasped Kazunari from his shoulders and pushed him on his back on the bed and climbed along and over him. Beneath his long limbs he trapped Kazunari, and it seemed that Kazunari didn’t mind one bit, at least judging from the full-width grin that spread on his lips. Shintarou’s bangs were growing fast again as they drooped longer than was necessary, and brushing them out of the way only helped for few funny seconds. He removed his glasses, and although his vision was blurry, he still fixed his eyes on Kazunari’s squirming figure.

 

“I’m actually really, really hot and bothered right now,” Kazunari said with a bit of chuckle.

 

The statement tore a hum from Shintarou’s throat. He leaned down and pressed his mouth tightly on the side of Kazunari’s neck and kissed and sucked and used his teeth ever so slightly, but was cautious of not leaving behind a mark of some sort. Dear _lord_ , just Kazunari’s scent was enough to drive him wild… Shintarou took a hold of Kazunari’s wrists and brought them over the man’s head, pressed them hard against the mattress and kept him in a tighter cage made out of bones and muscles. Kazunari gasped for breath, but Shintarou sealed his mouth with his own and kissed him soundless.

 

When he pulled away, Kazunari didn’t utter out a single word more, and for once Shintarou preferred it that way. All the heat trapped inside him trickled slowly but steadily to his cock that stood erect and confined in his sweatpants. Someone might have called the bulge impressive, but Shintarou found it somehow embarrassing. He didn’t have to lull in the shame for too long as Kazunari cupped his shaft in his palm and stroked through the fabric. Shintarou’s hips bucked forward giving Kazunari almost no space to move his hand, but somehow Kazunari was still successful and Shintarou felt like an utter idiot already moaning.

 

Blindly he searched for Kazunari’s crotch, and after a bit of humbling was successful. He dove his hand straight underneath the shorts and boxers, took a tight grip of the very base of the swollen cock and stroked. Kazunari jolted underneath him, then trembled, then shuddered like he so often did, and such a simple quiver was enough to arouse Shintarou to a whole new level. Shintarou gripped Kazunari’s girth tighter and pumped, felt annoyed by the way the fabric clung to his knuckles and made everything so much more difficult, and out of frustration yanked Kazunari’s shorts away. A laughter curled on Kazunari’s lips, and Shintarou kissed him fiercely.

 

He really had _the_ sexiest husband in the world and there was no doubt about it. He got another confirmation of that when Kazunari squirmed underneath him, pushed his hips up and nearly offered his half-naked body to him. Shintarou’s cock ached, but it helped ever so slightly as he got his pants off and his shaft was no longer pushed in a painful position. He settled himself properly between Kazunari’s thighs and moved his legs farther apart, worried for a split second that it hurt his lover but Kazunari’s smirk told everything necessary.

 

More than eager, Shintarou reached for the lube on the nightstand.

 

“Babe,” Kazunari breathed with a raspy voice and moved his hands around Shintarou’s neck, and tugged him closer. He murmured straight in Shintarou’s ear, “Just put your cock straight in, please…”

 

Shintaoru’s abdomen tightened. He swallowed hard and loud and peeled away just enough to look into Kazunari’s eyes. Kazunari looked so very confident in his own words, but still Shintarou glanced down at this cock that twitched from the mere thought. He certainly didn’t have the thickest girth out there, but he was quite proud of the lean length and now also slightly worried. With the tip of his tongue he moistened his lips and popped the bottle’s cap open.

 

“I’ll use my fingers for a minute or two,” he tried.

 

Kazunari pushed the back of his head against the mattress and his hips upwards again. “You’ve stretched the hole for ten years, you’d think it can take your dick just fine by now.”

 

“It might still hurt,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly.

 

“Then let’s give it a shot.”

 

“The last time didn’t go so well,” Shintarou reminded with a gentle tone.

 

Kazunari stared up at him. “But maybe it’s— _Ah_ , fine, I just wanted to get you faster in me because you’re getting all purple already.”

 

His cock might have gotten a shade of purple, but Shintarou was confident that at the moment his face was thoroughly red. He cleared his throat and, as usual, smeared some lube on the tip of his fingers that he rubbed against each other to take the initial coldness away. Still respecting Kazunari’s wishes, he didn’t spend that much time on plunging his finger inside the hole that clenched around his digits and made him short of breath. Shintarou slipped his eyes close and pushed his forefinger deeper, then added his middle one and felt somehow ready to prematurely come when Kazunari moaned. The sound came straight from the lungs, and it was the exact sound that Shintarou was so weak for.

 

He wanted to prepare Kazunari longer to make sure that everything would go smoothly, but it was difficult to continue when Kazunari tugged his cock, stroked and teased and made it almost impossible for him to concentrate on fingering him. Grunting a wordless protest, Shintarou pulled his hand away from Kazunari and made sure there was plenty of lube on his cock as well. Kazunari’s lips were parted, glistening with saliva, chest heaving hard up and down, pulse almost visible on the slightly sunkissed skin. Not able to contain himself anymore, Shintarou took a good hold of the base of his cock and eased the head in.

 

There was something _romantic_ in the way the sun hit his eyes through the window by their sides as he pounded inside Kazunari. The same sunlight casted dancing shadows on Kazunari’s face riddled with obvious pleasure, and it knocked the breath straight out of Shintarou’s lungs. After all the years spent together he still wondered how on earth Kazunari managed to look so gorgeous in every possible situation. He liked Kazunari in formal wear, but the best moments were the first minutes of the morning, or sweat clinging to his forehead, or the way he now writhed in his embrace as he pumped his own cock to the rhythm of the thrusts. Shintarou’s thoughts became an outright jumble of this and that, coherent and incoherent, but it didn’t stop him from keeping his thrusts steady and consistent.

 

Shintarou hung his head and enjoyed, lulled in the moment of pleasure that was slowly building up inside him to a serious burn. The sensation kept him firmly in its grasp, and over and over again he drove hard into Kazunari. The arousal thrummed in his veins and nestled into his scrotum, and it only burned even more when Kazunari pulled him down to a kiss. Shintarou’s thrusts turned slower and more deliberate as he aimed for a specific spot that he knew Kazunari loved. And Kazunari did as his moans rose an octave higher and with his free hand he grasped Shintarou’s waist. When Shintarou knew he hit the spot several times after a row, he dared to pick up the pace again. The bed squeaked ever so slightly under them. Shintarou rolled his eyes shut and saw outright stars.

 

“Shin— _ah_ —chan…” Kazunari dug his nails on Shintarou’s back and scratched. “Shin-chan… That’s good, _oh_ , that’s good… There, there…”

 

“Here?” Shintarou confirmed and angled his hips properly.

 

“Yes!” Kazunari squeaked and held onto Shintarou even tighter than a second before. “Yes… That’s… _fuck_ , Shin…chan…”

 

Shintarou focused on Kazunari’s pleasure first, didn’t consider his own that important when Kazunari hadn’t gotten his orgasm yet. He brought his hand on his lover’s cock and stroked to the rhythm of his thrusts. Everything happened so suddenly as Kazunari began to writhe even more than before, and within a blink of an eye the pleasure erupted from him. Shintarou’s eyes widened and he simply forgot to move as he looked down at Kazunari and the way he looked trembling and shuddering in the midst of an orgasm. His abdomen tightened as well as his scrotum, and he found no reason why he should hold back now that Kazunari looked more than blissful.

 

Thus he came. A shaddering orgasm pierced him just like that, but he did manage to pull out in time and only made a mess out of the sheets. He hung his head down once more and kept his eyes close, breathed deeply and calmly and found himself in Kazunari’s arms. The hug was warm and filled with love, even a dense man like him knew it, and it brought a satisfying tingle down his stomach. He buried his face to Kazunari’s neck and held himself in the position for long seconds before he even considered moving an inch. When he did do that, he only rolled beside Kazunari and got him better in his arms.

 

“Still so good,” Kazunari sighed beside him.

 

Shintarou hummed. A smile dared to twitch on his lips, but he hid it into Kazunari’s unruly hair that today stuck in every possible direction. “I’m being wrung dry if this continues a day longer.”

 

“Hmm?” Kazunari poked Shintarou’s ribs with his forefinger and pushed him on his back on the bed. He climbed over him and looked more than wicked again. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it when we finally have sex as often as we did when we were kids?”

 

“We’re not exactly young anymore,” Shintarou pointed out dryly.

 

“Only thirty, Shin-chan!” Kazunari snorted. “What, you starting to complain now?”

 

“I’m definitely not complaining, no.”

 

“Thought so.” Kazunari snuggled right on Shintarou’s side and seemingly wasn’t willing to let go of him at all (Shintarou quite liked it). He breathed against Shintarou’s neck and eventually murmured with a surprisingly delicate voice, “You’re really all I need, Shin-chan… Just you on a bed cuddling me like this, right now it’s the best.”

 

“W-Where is this coming from?”

 

“From the heart, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but eased himself better in Kazunari’s embrace after all. His cheeks glowed hot when he whispered in Kazunari’s voice, “I think the same about you.”

 

Together they forgot themselves in the moment when the sun finally disappeared behind the clouds and a drumming rain took over.


	219. Genius

“Hey, you listening me?”

 

Shintarou jolted out of his thoughts that circled mostly around work and the upcoming surgery he had in few days, which had required him to do some studying on his own. He turned to Kazunari who had taken lazy steps beside him all day. Somewhat ashamed to admit that he really hadn’t paid attention to what Kazunari was saying, Shintarou felt his cheeks glow. He cleared his throat and tried his best to not look guilty. It didn’t seem to work on Kazunari, and Shintarou sighed.

 

“I wasn’t listening, I’m sorry,” Shintarou admitted. “Could you please repeat?”

 

Kazunari hooked his arm around Shintarou’s and pointed in front of them. “I was just saying that we should go and visit that shop.”

 

 _That shop_ glowed bright flashing neon in the early dimness of the evening. The same shop’s front was also riddled with several indecent words, and it was the exact same shop that brought a hard lump in Shintarou’s throat. He swallowed hard and stopped dead on his tracks, and no matter how hard he stared at the black windows that looked ominous, the shop’s nature didn’t change. One glance, and he knew what it was. _Sex shop_. The thought alone made his insides quiver from embarrassment.

 

“Oh, no,” he finally answered.

 

“Why not?” Kazunari tugged Shintarou’s arm gently. “When was the last time we went to one?”

 

“Why should we go there in the first place?”

 

“It’ll be fun, come on.” Kazunari pulled Shintarou along.

 

Shintarou refused to move a single inch more and stopped in the middle of the pavement. There was an ache between his eyes but he didn’t have the means to smoothen the spot. “It will be the opposite of fun, Kazunari. Last time was already humiliating enough.”

 

“You’re just making it embarrassing for yourself. People actually go to sex shops, you know. Plus I’d really like to have some new toy in our small collection.” Kazunari flashed a grin.

 

Shintarou sighed deeply but couldn’t refuse, not when Kazunari looked so annoyingly happy about something as simple as visiting a certain kind of store. He nodded, and the entire small way from the spot where he was in to the front of the store he braced himself for the visitation. He wasn’t even sure which was worse, the shop being crowded (thus it would have been easier to go unnoticed but there might have been familiar faces) or not a soul around. Figuring that the latter was his worst nightmare, Shintarou had the chance to live that nightmare immediately when Kazunari pushed the door open and the shop looked absolutely abandoned. Only a girl in his early twenties sat behind the counter and gave a friendly smile to both of them.

 

“Welcome,” she said, her voice bubbly and reminding Shintarou of Kazunari. “You need some help?”

 

“We’re just browsing, but we’ll let you know if we need some,” Kazunari responded with a cheer in his voice and delved further into the store between the shelves.

 

Shintarou gave a nod to her and knew himself how awkward it must have looked like. Like a lost child in the search of his mother he hurried after Kazunari’s steps, but few simple shelves were enough to mess up with his mind. He stopped in front of a glass showcase with expensive looking plugs and wondered how some of them would fit inside something so tight. His brows knitted to a deeper frown as he circled around the showcase and wondered if steel would feel cold against such sensitive skin. He quivered and hurried to move forward, had a hunch and feeling that the girl behind the counter was probably looking.

 

Unconsciously he stopped in front of the BDSM section, and when he realized that he was actually _there_ , his heart jumped up to his throat. There was a lot of leather, too much for his taste, but the handcuffs didn’t look half bad. Several whips tangled beside one another, and although Shintarou’s fingers itched to try and test the material, he didn’t dare to. He kept a respectful distance between himself and the wall and merely looked, although his pulse _did_ tick louder than was normal in his standards. A ballgag drew his gaze, and he couldn’t help but visualize it shoved to Kazunari’s mouth with drool dripping down the man’s chin.

 

Shintarou hurried away from the wall. “Kazu?” he whispered, his voice trembling.

 

“Here,” echoed Kazunari’s voice someplace between another set of shelves.

 

It took Shintarou some time to finally reach his lover – he refused to admit that he had taken a small stop on the DVD section and glanced at the selection of gay porn –, but when he did he examined the awe in Kazunari’s face as Kazunari looked up at the tall wall of dildos and vibrators.

 

“Not gonna lie, they all look really tempting,” Kazunari murmured and spared a glance at him. His eyes glimmered in the dimness that was illuminated by warm glow of lights from here to there. He took one plastic package in his hand and examined the turquoise-colored vibrator rather intensely. “What do you think of this?”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips in thought. It looked similar to what they already had at home in the color purple, as the side of the package promised an earth-shaking, wiggling experience. He shook his head and leaned closer. “If you really insist on buying something, we should… invest in a plug. It’s safer.”

 

“I want some vibration, though.”

 

“I’m sure…” Shintarou paused to swallow. “I’m sure they produce vibrating plugs.”

 

Kazunari didn’t say a word as he put the package away and moved one step left. Shintarou followed him and stopped beside him, and looked at the selection that was almost too much for him. Every time they had purchased something like this, he had always let Kazunari decide as Kazunari was the one using them the most. Shintarou most certainly wasn’t against toys in bed, but he was somewhat coy around the subject and he had no problem admitting it to himself. As riveting experience as it was to have Kazunari make love to him from time to time, he wasn’t keen on having something vibrate in his bottom, thus he merely followed Kazunari’s wandering around the store without saying a word.

 

“Excuse me,” Kazunari suddenly said and made Shintarou want to step out of the store immediately when the girl behind the counter perked. “Could I get some recommendation?”

 

“Sure,” she said and hopped off from the chair immediately. When she stood in front of them, she was easily shorter than Shintarou but competed in height with Kazunari. “What type of thing are you looking for?”

 

“A plug preferably, something that vibrates.” The way Kazunari talked was easy, as if he was asking nothing more than were tomatoes were found in a supermarket. “It’d be nice if it had some size as well.”

 

With glowing cheeks Shintarou followed the two as she immediately raced across the store and stopped in front of the showcase that Shintarou had looked at previously. She opened it with a key hanging around her neck and turned mainly to Kazunari.

 

“If money isn’t a problem, here we have our most popular products. This, this, and… this vibrates, and we have had some very good feedback about them. They are very easy to clean, too.”

 

Shintarou spared an extra glance towards the plugs pointed out by her. They looked… admittedly, somewhat exciting, even more so than the plastic ones they had at home. These looked heavy, some lean, some thick, but all turning slimmer at the very end and looking like Kazunari might enjoy them if they were to bring one to the bed with them. However, Shintarou wasn’t exactly sure whether he was willing to pay so much for something like that, but Kazunari looked fascinated.

 

“What’s the most popular out of these?” he asked.

 

She thought briefly. “This,” she announced and took one of the silvery ones from the case, and weighed in her hand. “It’s one of our newest models, Genius 3000M.”

 

Kazunari snickered. “What makes it so genius?”

 

“The vibration pulses, and people have said that it’s quite pleasant. Here.”

 

Kazunari took the toy in his hand. After a second his lips turned up to a grin, and he turned to Shintarou. “Try it, it’s surprisingly heavy.”

 

It _was_ heavy, and the weight combined with the size intimidated Shintarou. Kazunari, however, looked far from scared. Shintarou turned around the plug that was definitely bigger than any of the ones they had gotten before and wondered if it really would be as genius as its name suggested. Carefully he handed it back to the girl who took it with a hint of a smile on her lips.

 

“We have different sizes as well,” she said. “S, M, and L. Though some customers have complained that the S might be even _too_ small… It’s really up to your preference.”

 

Kazunari turned to Shintarou. “Could we get one?”

 

Shintarou moistened his lips. “If you want to,” he complied. “I don’t… mind the price. If you want one, you can get it.”

 

“What size, though?”

 

“It’s up to you,” Shintarou murmured with a slightly quieter voice in front of the girl.

 

Kazunari hummed in thought and fixed his gaze back on her. “I think we’ll take the M.”

 

“Perfect. Here, let’s take an unopened box for you… Come to the register, please.”

 

Shintarou followed both of them and let Kazunari do the buying as he had their joint card in his wallet. He fidgeted ever so slightly and spared one more glance towards the rest of the store. Maybe, if he one day felt feisty and daring enough, they could come here again… He breathed a little heavier than a moment ago. Now that they had gotten something shoved deep into a black plastic bag that looked suspicious on its own, were they going to test it out as soon as they’d reach home? For once Shintarou found himself thinking _hopefully_.

 

The girl was as chirpy as ever as she told them goodbye and hoped for them to visit soon again. Shintarou’s collar was slightly uncomfortable when they stepped out of the store into the humid summer evening. He glanced at Kazunari from the corner of his eye and spotted all the signs of an upcoming night of sex from his fiancé’s expression. Considering everything, the plug had looked good despite being worth of a week’s grocery. It would surely look even better vibrating inside Kazunari… Shintarou shuddered.

 

“We should try it,” he finally voiced out his opinion.

 

Kazunari perked beside him. “Tonight?”

 

“When we get home.”

 

“I just love it when you get so eager.”

 

“Anyone would in a situation like this.”

 

“Surely.” Kazunari rose to his toes and pecked Shintarou’s cheek. “You drive, okay? Gotta rest myself for the upcoming fuck.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but agreed to drive anyway. They went to search for the car, and all the time his skin tingled from excitement and expectation.

 

An hour later he came to the conclusion that the plug was a good purchase and that Kazunari looked ridiculously good with it buried deep inside him.


	220. Country Road

Kazunari parked the car in front of a towering building that he had become familiar with over the years and peered at it through the window. For some reason – he didn’t know exactly why – his heart pounded fiercely as he even thought about stepping out of the car. Part of him worried that something had happened to Tetsuya although he had sounded normal on the phone when they had agreed to meet up. They simply hadn’t met in so long, not properly at least, and he worried. Kazunari was sure that someone else might have thought that with the wedding around the corner Tetsuya was a lousy bestman, but Seijuurou was handling most of the things on his own anyway. Kazunari drummed his fingers against the wheel and then squeezed it.

 

Not wanting to think too much, he got out of the car and approached the front door of the building. His steps were heavier than they had been when he left at home, and his pulse ticked uncomfortably on his neck. The last thing he really wanted was a falling out with Tetsuya. Tetsuya was, after all, a friend he had known the longest if he didn’t count Shintarou in. They had been through so much together, survived a messy and guilty, short relationship and still nothing had changed between them. He took the stairs instead of the lift and raced to the right floor, and behind Tetsuya’s door huffed. He stared at the door for a good while, examined the characers of ‘Kagami’ beside ‘Kuroko’, and moistened his lips. Maybe he was thinking too much. He most certainly _was_ thinking too much, he decided it himself and attempted to wipe the thoughts out of his head. Although it wasn’t exactly a success, he still brought a small smile on his lips as he rang the doorbell.

 

Barks echoed behind the door, but they quickly quieted down. Someone fumbled with the lock on the other side, and Kazunari took a step back already. He expected to see Tetsuya but was greeted by a messy-haired, just-woke-up-from-a-nap Taiga who rubbed his eyes.

 

“Hey,” Kazunari said, a little baffled at first but pulled himself together quickly. “Is Kuroko ready?”

 

“Yeah, sure… Come in, I think he’s brushing his teeth or hair or something… Nigou, _please_.”

 

The grown pup of a Husky whished his tail and wanted to jump on Kazunari, but Taiga held the dog down and, once the front door was closed, disappeared back to wherever he had come from. Left alone in the small corridor, Kazunari smiled to Nigou and petted his head. The dog really was large, almost scarily so, but there was a nice glimmer in the blue eyes and the tail never stopped moving. Kazunari’s smile twitched a little higher, but when he heard soft steps approaching, he looked up immediately and held in his breath.

 

Although they had seen each other briefly every now and then, simply looking at Tetsuya like this made Kazunari grin widely. Nothing had changed, they still looked the same, but Kazunari had really missed Tetsuya.

 

“Hi,” Kazunari breathed.

 

“Hey,” Tetsuya countered with a soft, gentle tone and stepped forward, stopped for a moment and then hugged Kazunari. It was a long hug, tight, very telling as well, and it took them a long while before they peeled away from each other. Tetsuya sighed quietly and looked at Kauznari in the eyes the way he often did, unashamed. “I’m sorry.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “For what?”

 

“For us to not meet earlier.”

 

“You’ve been busy, I’ve been busy, that’s just life.” Kazunari patted Tetsuya on the shoulder and offered him a reassuring smile. “Ready to go for a drive?”

 

Tetsuya nodded. “I was wondering if Nigou could come along, if Kazunari-kun wouldn’t mind. Getting out of the city would do him good.”

 

“Sure, he can be on the backseat, no problem.”

 

The three of them got out of the apartment and downstairs to the sunshine.

 

“So how you’ve been?” Kazunari asked as he led the duo towards the car and watched Nigou strut obediently by Tetsuya’s side.

 

“Busy,” Tetsuya said. “And I haven’t been a very good bestman to Kazunari-kun.”

 

Kazunari huffed and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? Akashi’s basically a powerhouse on his own, he’s all over this wedding. Plus I heard from him that you’ve been thinking about the decorations.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You don’t need to do anything else. As long as you show up in the wedding, that’s enough.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“And keep a ring in the safe place.” Kazunari shoved his hand to the pocket of his pants and pulled out a small box. There wasn’t any urgent hesitation in the tips of his fingers as he handed the box to Tetsuya with a smile. “It’s Shin-chan’s wedding ring, I want you to keep it until the ceremony. Shin-chan already gave his to Akashi.”

 

Tetsuya nodded and squeezed his fingers around the box. “I will keep it safe,” he promised. “May I see how it looks like?”

 

“Be my guest,” Kazunari said as he climbed in to the car. His legs twitched as Tetsuya settled to the backseat with Nigou and opened the jewelry box. He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was waiting, but the little gasp of air was most likely a good one.

 

“It’s beautiful,” said Tetsuya and examined the ring better (Kazunari watched him through the mirror). “Did Kazunari-kun choose it himself?”

 

“We chose them together, we’ve got matching ones.”

 

“That is a lovely idea.” Tetsuya closed the box and put it in his pocket. “I will make sure it is safe until the wedding, Kazunari-kun.”

 

“Thanks.” Kazunari started the car and steered them out of the small parking lot into the lane that would take them out of the city. As the sun heated the insides of the car nearly to a boiling point, he yanked the air-conditioning as cold as he could. “But what you’ve been up to to keep you so busy?”

 

Tetsuya shrugged. “Work,” he said and stroked Nigou’s head. “A teacher at work was fired last week and we haven’t found a replacement yet, so everyone has been working extra shifts.”

 

Kazunari raised his eyebrows. “Why was the person fired?”

 

Tetsuya looked uncomfortable.

 

“I mean, if it’s a thing you can’t say that’s totally alright.”

 

“She molested a child.”

 

Conveniently in the traffic lights, Kazunari turned to look at him over his shoulder with his mouth dropping agape. “You mean…”

 

“Yes.” The edges of Tetsuya’s mouth dropped downwards.

 

“Oh, god.”

 

“It has been… quite a scandal at the daycare.”

 

“I can imagine. Is it a police case?”

 

Tetsuya nodded.

 

“Wow, that’s just… Damn.” Kazunari had to tear his gaze away from Tetsuya as the color changed from red to green. For few hundred meters he drove in silence, unease gnarling in his bones as he even thought about it. He craned his neck and cleared his throat. “Did you all get in trouble because of it?”

 

“The police question everyone.” Tetsuya heaved out a sigh. “It is very stressful, when I want to concentrate on my job and taking care of the children.”

 

“I can imagine. That’s… That’s awful. How is that even possible?”

 

“I really don’t know.”

 

“I’m really sorry to hear.”

 

“I think in the end everything will be fine.”

 

“Let’s hope so,” Kazunari said. He hesitated to continue, “How are things with you otherwise? How’s Kagami?”

 

“Good.”

 

“No trouble in paradise yet?” Kazunari grinned and looked at Tetsuya through the small mirror.

 

Tetsuya displayed a smile. “No trouble in paradise,” he confirmed and averted his gaze to the window. “Where is Kazunari-kun driving?”

 

“Just a bit outside the city. There’s this road that takes to Shin-chan’s parents’ place, and if you take another road that splits from that road, it’s actually pretty nice and quiet.”

 

“That sounds lovely.”

 

“We can stop by the first field or something that we see, gives Nigou the opportunity to just run loose.”

 

“Did you hear that, Nigou?”

 

The Husky barked and panted afterwards.

 

“I’ll take that as a good sign,” Kazunari snickered as he switched to another lane and into the road they usually took when visiting Shintarou’s father.

 

“Is Kazunari-kun already excited about the wedding?”

 

“Mm… The butterflies are slowly getting there,” Kazunari admitted and sighed gently. He did a quick count in his head and realized that the wedding was in twelve days. The realization of it brought his heart to his throat. His pulse fastened and he almost had troubles breathing. “It’ll be amazing,” he whispered. “Just… I’m getting excited, all right?”

 

Tetsuya snickered. “It will be wonderful, especially Akashi-kun in charge.”

 

“I know, right? And I don’t get you guys, getting us a trip to Thailand… We’re being pampered too much!” Kazunari exclaimed and, once he found a suitable field that he always passed with Shintarou, stopped safely by the road. “It’s all ridiculous and we’ll never have the means to repay all of this.”

 

“I don’t think Kazunari-kun and Midorima-kun have to repay.” Tetsuya smiled softly and from the bag he brought along got a toy for Nigou. As soon as he got out of the car, he let Nigou free and threw the toy to him a little farther away. He turned to Kazunari. “This is a once in a lifetime moment after all.”

 

“I guess so. But whoever’s getting married next, I’m gonna make sure we chip in big time.”

 

Tetsuya chuckled. There was a smile curling on Kazunari’s lips as he shielded his eyes from the sun and watched the grown Husky dash towards them with the toy hanging from his mouth. Immediately Nigou sat in front of Tetsuya and looked more than happy with life when Tetsuya threw the toy again. Kazunari stepped into the field as well and took a deep breath of the fresh air. Behind their backs the city rose tall and dark and almost menacing, but right here in the shade of the skycrapers the view couldn’t have been better. He heaved out a soft sigh and looked at Tetsuya.

 

“I have to admit that I was a little worried,” he said.

 

Tetsuya frowned. “Why?”

 

“’Cause I thought we were falling out since we haven’t spend time like this in a long time.”

 

“Kazunari-kun is an important friend, and I did feel sad for not meeting him.”

 

Kazunari cracked a smile. “You just always hear about people losing contact with friends, and I thought that I don’t want it to happen to us. We’ve been friends for so long after all.”

 

“True.”

 

“And, you know… Earlier this year I was even more when Shin-chan suddenly started to have fits of jealousy and I thought that you’d think that the polite thing to do would be to step back or something.”

 

“Is Midorima-kun still jealous?”

 

“No, no. We’ve talked about this for so many times and he knows there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

 

“There isn’t,” Tetsuya assured and tilted his head ever so slightly. He parted his lips to say something but was interrupted by Nigou. Throwing the toy again, he looked at Kazunari. “It would make me sad to lose one of my best friends.”

 

Kazunari laughed. “I’m one of your best friends, huh? That’s an honor, thanks.”

 

“I thought Kazunari-kun was aware of it.”

 

“Mm… Maybe, but it always feels nice to hear it.”

 

Kazunari grinned and managed to lure out a similar gesture from Tetsuya. It only made him smile even wider, and under the burning sun he once more turned his gaze to the Husky. Once he opened his mouth for chitchatting, he barely took breathing breaks anymore.


	221. Jagged Edge

News on television and cats playing by his feet, Kazunari folded what was their week’s worth of laundry. He liked folding some of them, like boxers that were easy and took a second, but whenever he countered Shintarou’s better shirts he felt slightly lost but did it to his best abilities nonetheless. The pile he was gathering to the corner of the couch was starting to look nice, professional even, and he was satisfied with his progress. Ironing them had already been work enough, but he had promised to do all of it by himself today and managed to not ask for Shintarou’s help. He looked up at the television and the weather forecast on screen.

 

“They’re promising storms next week!” he shouted to Shintarou who was somewhere around; Kazunari wasn’t sure of his actual location. “They look big as well.”

 

“How far forward does the forecast go?” echoed soon back.

 

“Not yet to the wedding week. It better not be storming, though!”

 

“I’m sure it won’t.” Shintarou’s voice came closer and closer until they were clearly in the same room after an hour and bit of extra.

 

Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder as he picked up one of the shirts and folded it. “Don’t swear on it yet,” he snickered. “Though I’m sure that if it looks like it’ll rain, Akashi will order the weather not to get bad or something.”

 

“…What are you doing?”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari jolted and turned back to Shintarou. He looked at his own hands where a shirt tangled and frowned lightly. “Folding our laundry, can’t you see?”

 

Shintarou took a step closer. His brows were knitted deeply together. “That’s not how you do it.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said, that’s not how you do it.”

 

Kazunari glanced at the shirt in his grasp again. It was perfectly folded, really, no sleeves tangling anywhere. He huffed and put it on top of the pile of other folded items. “What are you saying? That’s how I always fold them.”

 

“Yes, but that is not the correct way to do it,” Shintarou insisted.

 

“There is no _correct_ way, Shin-chan.”

 

“There is.” If Shintarou hadn’t been two meters and counting, he would have been easily mistaken to a kid from the underlying whine in his voice. “And you’re not doing it right.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips and brought his hands to his waist. “At least I’m doing it.”

 

“But while you are at it you could have done it correctly.”

 

“What’s wrong about them? They look neat, that’s the way _you_ always do it anyway.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“I’ve watched you fold stuff, I’ve seen it, I _know_ it’s like this.”

 

“It isn’t.” Shintarou sounded slightly sharper.

 

A dry, joyless snicker finally escaped Kazunari. “What are you doing, strutting out of wherever you were telling me how to fold clothes? I’m not ten, I know how to do this.”

 

Shintarou took a step forward and looked very towering and mighty with all the centimeters packed in his height, but Kazunari didn’t cower. He never did, not anymore, hadn’t flinched in ten years, and stood by his ground albeit shorter.

 

“I only want you to do it properly,” Shintarou said slowly.

 

“I _am_ doing it properly!” Kazunari saw a hint of red in his vision. Sometimes, only _sometimes_ , Shintarou could be unbearable, especially if he started on something as pointless as this. He curled his fingers to loose fists and looked into Shintarou’s eyes. Shintarou looked a lot more intimidated than intimidating. Under his breath Kazunari huffed. “So could you go wherever you were and leave me to do this _the right way_?”

 

“Why do you insist?”

 

“Why do _you_ insist?”

 

“Because it is common knowledge that laundry is folded like—“

 

“Common knowledge my ass!” Kazunari’s jaw clenched. “You haven’t had a problem with this before, why do you come telling me off now?”

 

Shintarou shifted weight from one foot to another.

 

Kazunari turned back to the laundry and picked up another pair of boxers. “Just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you’re privileged to take it out on me, husband or not.”

 

“I don’t have a bad day,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly.

 

“Right, you just like to explode for no reason. That’s so much better.”

 

“I’m not exploding, I only wish you would do it the way it is meant to be.”

 

“You mean the way you want it to be,” Kazunari corrected.

 

There was a shade of red in Shintarou’s cheeks, and Kazunari knew the color wasn’t for embarrassment. Shintarou crossed his arms over his chest rather tightly and stared down at him with narrowed eyes.

 

“Could you _please_ do it the other way?” Shintarou asked.

 

“No. And if you have nothing else to do but complain, you can go.”

 

“I’m not going.”

 

“Oh, yes you are.” Kazunari moved a pair of socks beside the pile and looked at Shintarou, straightened his posture and hoped it brought him few extra inches of confidence. “Go, and let me do this in peace.”

 

“…Fine. You are still doing it wrong.”

 

“Whatever!” Kazunari huffed under his breath, “Asshole.”

 

“I heard that,” Shintarou said.

 

“You were meant to.”

 

“Why am I marrying you?” Shintarou mumbled.

 

“Excuse me?” Kazunari abandoned the laundry altogether and strutted after Shintarou. “What did you just say?”

 

Shintarou was the first one to cower. “Nothing,” he still said.

 

“No, what did you say? You’ve known _exactly_ from the start what kind of person you’re marrying, so excuse me for not folding the damn clothes the way mister deems it suitable.”

 

“Forget it.”

 

Kazunari shook his head. “No, you forget it. Go do whatever you did before you decided to piss on me.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“ _Fine_.”

 

Kazunari watched Shintarou march to the kitchen and waited few seconds longer to see whether the man came back. When he didn’t, Kazunari huffed and returned back beside the couch, and more violently than before yanked a shirt to his grasp and folded it furiously. His face glowed, and he knew without a mirror that he was red thoroughly. What was Shintarou even trying to accomplish with some remark like that? He gritted his teeth together and threw the shirt on the pile (his folding technique was clearly decreasing). Looking at the rest of the laundry made his blood pressure boil, and as much as he wanted to be the bigger person here, he couldn’t help himself at the moment. He grabbed his favorite boxers and folded them furiously from the middle.

 

“Kazu,” Shintarou called with a softer tone somewhere nearby.

 

Kazunari didn’t bother to look at him. “What?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You should be.” Kazunari clicked his tongue. “Doesn’t matter how I fold the damn clothes. _Fuck_ …”

 

He startled when Shintarou wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. Kazunari’s initial reaction was to jab his fiancé to the abdomen to break free but he didn’t, counted to ten instead and took a deep breath. Over his shoulder he looked a Shintarou and pressed his lips tightly together.

 

“I shouldn’t have said it so sharply,” Shintarou said and looked guilty. “And I’m sorry I kept insisting.”

 

Kazunari sighed. “It’s okay,” he muttered.

 

“It’s not. I shouldn’t have exploded to you like that.”

 

“It’s _fine_ , Shin-chan, don’t worry about it, really.”

 

Shintarou tightened his grip from him and pulled him better against his chest. He brought his mouth near Kazunari’s ear and murmured, “I still feel bad about it.”

 

Kazunari moved his hands over Shintarou’s and stroked his knuckles. “You don’t have to! It’s not bothering me anymore.”

 

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want this to become an issue few hours later.”

 

“I mean… I _was_ bothered by it, but you came to apologize now.” Kazunari turned around in the embrace and looked up into Shintarou’s eyes that held a lovely glimmer behind the glasses. His lips tugged to a smile. “If you’re just having a bad day, that’s okay, but please don’t take it out on me, okay? I’m only a human as well, can’t take all at once.”

 

“I know, and I apologize.” Shintarou kissed Kazunari’s forehead and rubbed the small of his back. “That was idiotic of me. You can… fold the laundry however you want.”

 

“…You could show me your way once more though and then I can use it, if you want.”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Are you sure?”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Kazunari nodded and twirled around his heels again. He took a shirt from the basket and lifted it up. “So how am I supposed to fold it?”

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “Grab the corners of the shirt… Like that, good, and put them together…”


	222. Out of Date

The most horrible sensation circled in Shintarou’s stomach, like little worms digging holes to the walls of his stomach. His intestines twisted and turned into nasty knots that made his throat tighten, and luckily the volume of the television was high enough to make the grumbles of his stomach disappear underneath it. He took in a breath through his mouth and kept the air stuffed to his cheeks for a moment, but when he exhaled all of it out it didn’t help at all. From the corner of his eyes Shintarou glanced at Kazunari who was snuggled to the corner of the couch. He cleared his throat quietly and pulled his legs up, and tried his best to focus on the movie.

 

For few minutes things were fine, and then his stomach turned upside down again. His muscles clenched, and it was clear that _something_ wanted to push through his esophagus and up his throat. Shintarou pressed his lips flat instantly, worried and terrified that he would somehow vomit after not doing so in what had to be a decade. He shifted his position by few inches and brought his hand to his abdomen, then slid it towards his navel and rubbed the tightened skin under the shirt as soothingly as he could. His bowels made loud noises, groaned and complained, and Shintarou felt some heat on his cheeks. Kazunari didn’t seem to hear at all in the first place, which gave Shintarou some peace of mind. As comfortable as he was around his future husband, he still felt embarrassed about this and that occasionally.

 

He kept rubbing his stomach, but the ache that had started nipping his abdomen slowly inched upwards. It settled in the very middle of his stomach for ten minutes, tangled around his bowls and teased his left liver, then continued like hundred little flesh-eating worms towards his chest (the mental image brought shivers to Shintarou’s skin that rose to goose bumps on his arms and calves). His heart pounded loudly as if trying to abolish the intruder, but the odd feeling continued all the way to his throat where it climbed in and settled uncomfortably. Shintarou swallowed thickly but couldn’t get rid of the feeling of a lump. Quietly he cleared his throat and lifted his legs better to the couch with him quite similarly to a position that Kazunari often favored. It didn’t help.

 

“What are you twisting and turning?” Kazunari suddenly asked.

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou was quick to say. He glanced at Kazunari briefly, patted his knee and then turned back to the television.

 

Now that he thought about it, was that cold sweat on his forehead…? He swallowed hard and moistened his chapped lips. Taking a deep breath, he slipped his eyes close and thought things through rationally. No matter how he looked at it, this was nausea. Nausea that wanted to spill out of his mouth. His chest tightened and his stomach clenched, which pushed the vomit towards the very beginning of his throat. _Calm down_. He could already taste the sickness in his mouth. _Calm down_. This happened so suddenly without prior symptoms, so he wasn’t riddled by something bigger.

 

What had they eaten? His eyes widened. _The shrimp_. He breathed harder, which quickly proved to be a mistake, and pressed his dampening palm against his mouth. It had to be the shrimp, because everything else in the dinner wasn’t in the danger zone in his mind. He hadn’t checked the date, and he was certain as _hell_ that Kazunari hadn’t checked the date either. But it hadn’t look bad or smelled awful, so was it really it? Shintarou went back and forth with the thought in his mind when his stomach churned again. This time the sickness turned straight into his mouth.

 

He was too late on his feet, he realized when he pushed up and held his hand on his mouth to stop a nasty spillage from happening. Kazunari shouted something behind his back but Shintarou didn’t and _couldn’t_ listen, not when his pulse gushed loud in his ear. Right on time Shintarou managed to throw himself on his knees on the cold tile floor in the bathroom and threw up the dinner to the toilet. He squeezed his eyes shut as the bitter taste rolled and danced on his palate, and stuck his tongue out as much as possible. It did the opposite and made him retch again. He was quick to throw up again. His chest convulsed.

 

“Shin-chan,” Kazunari called somewhere extremely nearby, and was suddenly on his knees right beside him. He stroked Shintarou’s back along his spine.

 

“Don’t look,” Shintarou murmured although he didn’t even know if Kazunari did that, as he felt too sluggish to open his eyes. The room reeked of bile and dinner, and it nearly made Shintarou gag again. He swallowed and pressed his lips together, and only when he was certain that for the duration of few words he wouldn’t vomit, he said, “Check the date on the shrimps.”

 

Judging by the sounds Kazunari got up on his feet. He still stroked Shintarou, this time from the top of his head. “You think it’s that making you sick?”

 

“Probably,” Shintarou mumbled.

 

“Give me a second then.”

 

It felt heavenly to be alone for few seconds more. Carefully Shintarou opened his eyes and was greeted by the mess in the toilet water, averted his gaze but retched nonetheless. He flushed to get rid of the smell but the taste remained on his buds, and he made the mistake of smearing it around as he moistened his dried lips. He wanted nothing more than to get up on his feet and wash his face, gargle some water and forget all about it, but his legs felt like well-boiled pasta and the rest of his body definitely refused. His arms shuddered, and soon afterwards his muscles started to shiver as well.

 

“Shit,” he whispered to the toilet as the water in it finally settled down from the whirls. The nausea hung over him like a thunder that crept inside him as well whenever he expected it the least. The tile floor was awfully cool against his bare knees, and he now wished he had chosen sweatpants instead of shorts few hours ago when he had come home from work.

 

“Uh, Shin-chan? The shrimp’s actually out of date, it went bad three days ago… But I brought you some water,” Kazunari added hopefully.

 

Shintarou looked at him over his shoulder and huffed through his nose.

 

“I really should have checked it before we made it, I’m so sorry honey.” Kazunari got back beside Shintarou and sat down on his legs. He gave the glass to Shintarou and rubbed his back. “Is this food poisoning now?”

 

“Possibly,” Shintarou muttered and took a big gulp of the water. It didn’t taste necessarily good, only pushed the bad taste from the front of his mouth to the back. His heart hopped a crucial beat and his stomach turned right around, but he endured nonetheless and put the glass down on the floor beside him. He sighed, finally removed his glasses and rubbed his forehead with the back of his palm.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Kazunari said as he leaned closer and pressed a kiss on Shintarou’s cheek. The spot where his lips touched heated up. “I really should have been more careful.”

 

Shintarou trailed his tongue over his bottom lip and hoped that there was nothing else inside him that wanted out anymore. “It’s alright,” he reassured with a quiet, choked voice. “Not… your fault.”

 

“Should we tuck you in?”

 

“It’s seven pm.”

 

Kazunari rose to his feet. “I’ll bring a pillow and blanket to you in the couch as a compromise then, is that better?”

 

Shintarou thought for a moment and eventually nodded.

 

When Kazunari disappeared from the bathroom, Shintarou remained on the spot for a moment longer to gather himself to something at least akin a coherent unit. It wasn’t easy at all, and he ended up needing Kazunari’s help to even get up on his feet. He didn’t know how the aversion had hit him out of nowhere, but he knew that with enough hydration he’d be working the day after tomorrow with no problem. His knees trembled as he took careful and deliberate steps forward leaning against Kazunari. Never before had it felt so good to sit down on the couch as it did now.

 

“You need something, hun?” Kazunari asked as he worked his fingers through Shintarou’s hair.

 

“A thermometer.” Shintarou eased himself to lay down and stretched his legs. “And my glasses from the bathroom floor… please.”

 

“Got it. You want more water?”

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

Kazunari left and came back some seconds later. Shintarou reached his hand towards him but didn’t get to do a single thing when Kazunari put on his glasses and straight afterwards shoved the thermometer in his mouth. Somewhat worried that he was pouting for once in his life, Shintarou said nothing although he wanted to tell Kazunari to stop smirking. He rolled his eyes shut and breathed calmly through his nose, and didn’t even have quick enough reflexes to snatch the thermometer away when Kazunari did it.

 

“Thirty-seven point seven, I guess it’s gonna climb.” Kazunari puckered his lips. “Here’s the water anyway, are you comfortable there?”

 

“I am, yes, thank you.” Shintarou sat up and only took a sip from the water – any more and it would have probably come straight up. He swallowed hard and sighed afterwards, looked up at Kazunari and felt his expression soften. He reached his hand forward and whispered, “Come here.”

 

Kazunari crawled in his arms immediately and without a word settled to the familiar crook like it was the place he was going to spend the rest of his life in. Shintarou shuddered and pulled his lover a little closer, a little tighter, rested his cheek against the dark hair and squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach still grumbled and turned and twisted and did everything in its power to make him want to vomit, but he refused to give in to the urge again. He dragged his nose through Kazunari’s hair and smelled the shampoo that Kazunari liked to use, and something about it was so incredibly soothing that Shintarou wanted to trail into sleep. Although he didn’t, he still relaxed with his husband-to-be by his side and the steady hum of the television as the distraction in the background.


	223. Policeman

His tongue pressed tightly to his cheek, Shintarou pressed his foot better against the pedal and defied law ever so slightly as he rushed home.

He had a good reason to go home, too. Partly it was because of Kazunari (although there was most likely nothing wrong with Kazunari), but mostly it was because of his own nausea. He had, stupid as he was, insisted that he was fine and nothing was wrong whatsoever despite having a food poisoning the day before, but few hours after the beginning of his shift they had already sent him home. Which was idiotic as he was fine. So Shintarou kept telling himself and flatly ignored the way the remnants of the breakfast still pooled and circled in his stomach.

What he refused to admit in the first place was the fact that he felt ready to vomit again, which was really the sole reason why he drove so fast to begin with.

At least the worst morning traffic was gone. There were still cars here and there but on the highway Shintarou didn’t have to stop at all, thus he sped up ever so slightly. He wondered briefly what Kazunari was doing now that he was enjoying another day off. Hopefully studying, he thought and hummed. He drummed his fingers against the wheel to the rhythm of a song that Kazunari had made stuck in his head by whistling it constantly in the last fourty-eight hours. Chewing his bottom lip in concentration, he glanced at behind him through the mirror, then looked at the road through the windshield and decided to stretch the speed limits just a bit more. The last thing he wanted was to vomit in the car that he had just cleaned a week ago, and he was willing to not be the perfect citizen for it.

He spent, naturally, more time looking in front of him than behind him, which was why he didn’t notice the motorcycle tailing behind him until a second too late. He didn’t have the time to slow down when red and blue suddenly flashed, the driver on the bike signaling to pull over. Inhaling sharply through his nose, Shintarou spared a glance at the police motorcycle once more before he looked in front of him again.

“Are you kidding me?” he murmured. He glanced at his phone that he had thrown on the shotgun and hoped that somehow it would be his ticket out of the situation, but it didn’t do a single thing. He slowed down and began to search for a good spot to actually stop whilst the bike tailed behind him and made his heart jump more than it should have. How would he tell about this to Kazunari? Would he get arrested, would they take his license away? In his mind Shintarou cursed with the energy of a teenager whose vocabulary had just expanded. What a disappointment he was being! Goddamn, he thought and finally pulled over when the highway ended and the smaller and more cramped roads began.

His palms turned damp immediately and his pulse thrummed loud in his ears. He tapped his foot in an incoherent rhythm as he watched from the mirrors how the police dismounted the bike and with slow, almost sluggish steps approached him. The sun was high and the policeman wearing sunglasses that Shintarou had only seen in magazines, the whole look topped off with a helmet that the man didn’t bother to take off. Shintaoru swallowed hard and pulled down the window, and tried to think of a handful of proper reasons why he was driving so fast. The one time he did it, and he got caught immediately!

“Driving and vehicle license, thanks.”

Shintarou’s hand trembled as he reached towards the the thick yet small file that held the vehicle license. “Officer, I really think there’s been a mistake here—“

“Midorima?”

Shintarou startled. He looked up at the officer who took his sunglasses off and revealed a pair of dark blue eyes that he had definitely seen ebfore. It took him a fraction of a second to recognize Daiki who looked more than amused as he now leaned against the car with a bit of a smirk on his lips. Shintarou breathed deeply and rubbed his damp forehead. His pulse finally showed signs of calming down.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Believe it or now, sometimes I actually work.” Daiki shoved the pair of glasses to the breast pocket of his shirt and leaned lower. “Where’s the rush, big boy? You were driving pretty damn fast.”

Shintarou squirmed on the seat. “I just need to get home quickly for certain reasons.”

“Huh. You broke the law, though.” Daiki took the licenses from Shintarou and glanced at them. His posture was at the same time both cockily confident and sluggish, and Shintarou had no idea how Daiki managed to look like that. Daiki hummed straight from the throat and spared him a glance. “That’s the first I’m seeing it, the golden boy being an anarchist.”

“I’m not an… an anarchist,” Shintarou insisted.

“Right, right. I should give you a speeding ticket.”

Shintarou’s muscles tightened. “Only a ticket?”

“What, you want me to take your license away?”

“Please don’t.”

“Feels good to have the power to do it.” Daiki displayed a smirk that borderlined with ‘ugly’, but gave Shintarou the licenses back. “Maybe I’ll just let you get away with a warning since we’re friends and all that shit. I’m not technically allowed, y’know, but I’d just hate to ruin the upcoming wedding. Akashi would be fucking pissed, too.”

Shintarou moistened his dried lips with the tip of his tongue. “I suppose,” he quietly said. Not sure whether he really was so easily out of the hook, he hurried to continue, “How are you doing, anyway?”

Daiki narrowed his eyes ever so slightly but relaxed his shoulders. “Good, good, same old shit as always.”

“How is, um… Sakurai, is he?”

“Doing good, y’know, nothing special.”

“That’s nice to hear.” Shintarou chewed the inside of his cheek and realized that despite being friends ever since middle school, they really had nothing in common and nothing to talk about. He averted his gaze and watched the cars pass by.

Daiki tapped the hood of the car and startled Shintarou out of his thoughts. He flashed a quick grin. “I better let you go then, the missus is probably waiting.”

Shintarou’s jaw clenched. “Right,” he simply said although he ahd many thoughts in mind what he thought about Kazunari being referred as ‘missus’ (he really wanted to avoit the speeding ticket after all). He attempted a smile that only remained as an attempt, but Daiki seemed amused and thus Shintarou kept the gesture on his lips until they waved their hands shortly for a goodbye. A sigh escaped him as he rolled up the window and started the car, but didn’t drive off until he watched Daiki disappear with the motorcycle.

He was extremely cautious for not speeding the rest of the way home.

When he swung the front door to home finally open, immediately he heard a familiar, “Welcome home!” chime from the kitchen.

“I’m home,” he sighed and put down his bag, hung his jacket and treaded towards the kitchen with cats circling around his feet. He stopped by the doorframe and eyed Kazunari and the pile of books settled to the kitchen island. He rolled up the sleeves of his shrit that glued on his back. “Guess who I ran into.”

Kazunari discarded the book he was clearly reading and looked up. “Who?”

“Aomine. He stopped me and nearly gave me a speeding ticket.”

“Wait, he still works as a policeman?”

“Yes.”

“But that was real nice of him, don’t you think?” Kazunari flashed a sunny smile. “Why were you speeding anyway?”

Shintarou pressed his shoulder better against the doorframe and ignored Ushi who tried to climb on his leg. “I felt sick. That’s why they sent me home in the first place.”

“Oh yeah, right, you were supposed to have a long shift today. I was thinking for a second why the hell you’re already home. Didn’t I tell you to stay home today to begin with?”

“Maybe,” Shintarou muttered to himself and walked to the fridge, took out a bottle of water and sipped from it. It felt insanely good to get the cold liquid down his throat. He sighed afterwards and brushed the back of his palm against his mouth before he turned to Kazunari. “It’s just funny because I didn’t know he still worked to begin with. Doesn’t he seem too… I don’t know.”

“Nah, I think he’s just perfect to be a police.”

“I suppose. It seems like he is still with that Sakurai as well.”

“Mm-hmm, Sakurai’s been having a good time at least, he’s been telling me all about him and Aomine during our breaks.”

“Thankfully I don’t have to listen to something like that.”

Kazunari slapped him playfully on the arm as he walked past him.

“Are you studying?” Shintarou asked.

The bridge of Kazunari’s nose wrinkled from a small pout. “Just for a bit. Are you hungry already?”

“Not yet.”

“We’ll make something to eat later then. Now go lie down, you’re gonna get sick otherwise again!”

Shintarou gave Kazunari a look but didn’t say no, and walked to the living room whilst two cats shadowed him keenly. When he lied down on the couch the cats followed, and both of them settled over his stomach although there was hardly room for two. Shintarou didn’t necessarily mind the weight, although they were warm and made his skin glow almost painfully hot, but he didn’t have the heart to shoo them away. He slipped his eyes close and relaxd, took calming breaths and listened the occasional huffs that came from the kitchen whenever Kazunari turned to a new page.


	224. Delete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a late chapter, guys! Real life has been so intense and I barely have the time and energy to keep writing this, but we're still going on! It might not be as strong as in the beginning, but thanks everyone for tagging along, it really means the world to me.

**12 th of AUGUST, 20XX  
**\- _third year of university_ -

 

Shintarou had a zone. It wasn’t a zone used in high school basketball (the concept was still a blur to begin with, and he wasn’t sure whether it was real or all made up by some idiots), but one he most of the time entered when university deadlines were nearing and he wanted to make sure that he’d pass with flying marks. His fingertips flew on the keyboard of his laptop as he furiously typed the biggest essay of the year. Every now and then he glanced at the notes he had made yesterday with scrawny letters that he wasn’t proud of but he got the general idea out of it and made sure to write faster than he had ever had.

 

His knuckles ached, but at least for once the tiny apartment was quiet. He had no idea where Kazunari had gone as he had left in a hurry with a promise to come back before the midnight, but at the moment he wasn’t very interested about his boyfriend’s whereabouts. At the moment Shintarou’s thoughts were solely geared on the essay that he _had_ to finish tonight. The deadline was still a week’s away and he knew that he wasn’t in a hurry, but he never left things to the final moment. Right now he was in the _zone_ as well, and his digits began to hurt the more and faster he wrote. Even so he didn’t stop even when his stomach grumbled and nipped from the bottom from slight hunger. If he remembered correctly, he had made a quick sandwich few hours ago. Or had it been five hours ago when Kazunari had left? Not sure and not really caring at the moment, Shintarou rolled his shoulders back to find his good posture again and continued.

 

Every now and then he took a break, small enough to not bother to get up on his feet although he knew very well that he should have stretched his limbs. It was somewhat ironic that he was writing an essay about health and new forms of technology and their correlation, yet he didn’t bother to do the exact things he wrote about. He slipped his eyes close for a moment, removed his glasses and rubbed the drooping eyelids. There was an ache in his forehead that wouldn’t go away no matter what thoughts he tried to occupy himself with. He was also in too good of a shape for writing to bother to get up and find painkillers.

 

Shintarou really couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so incredibly good about writing an essay. There was even a hint of a smile on his lips as he laced his fingers right back over the correct keys and continued writing. He didn’t even stop to correct spelling mistakes as he decided to do it once he’d review the paper. Certain that this would be _the_ essay to get him to the top of the department and make him a renowned medical student, he continued.

 

Without a warning the laptop’s screen turned pitch black. Shintarou’s mouth dropped agape and his breath hitched higher. His heart thudded in his chest like it was about to fail, and it ddn’t get any better when he pressed the power button and nothing happened. As his fingertips trembled, he pressed the same button several times more but nothing happened. He pulled his hand back and flexed his fingers into a tight fist. It didn’t make the laptop pop back to life either.

 

“Don’t do this to me now,” Shintarou whispered to the machine and tried to start it a handful of times more. Nothing happened. His blood pressure started to boil. He murmured again, “Don’t do this to me you… piece of… Just turn on again, please, don’t eat my essay…”

 

The laptop didn’t listen to him. Shintarou’s pulse echoed in his ears, so loud enough to make him clench his fist even harder than before. The skin turned pale over his knuckles. He gritted his teeth together and grinded, which crafted another set of pain on his temples. He pressed the pad of his forefinger to the power button and pressed hard and long, and finally the screen flickered as well as hope inside him. Eyes widening, Shintarou tapped his fingers against the edge of the table and held in his breath. For a moment there he had already cursed every form of technology to the smallest corners of hell, but it seemed that the machine redeemed itself. He took a deep breath and relaxed, and checked the time from his phone. He had only lost few minutes, and if he really tried, he could probably reach the magnificent zone again.

 

Too bad the laptop had deleted the entire essay.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Shintarou asked from the keyboard that provided him no answer. Not able to help himself, he slammed his fist to the table. “Are you actually kidding me?! Don’t delete my essay, you shit! Give it back, come on, give it back!”

 

His chest clenched as he shouted, which was something he hardly ever did. He really couldn’t help himself, not when something as idiotic as a _damn_ laptop had simply swallowed his essay. He had worked hours for it! Had sat here for hours and hadn’t taken even a single break! He couldn’t breath properly anymore. He took a tight grip of the edge of the table and squeezed as much as he could to feel something other than raw red. With his hand trembling he tried his best to find the essay that had really disappeared like it never even existed in the first place. His search was vain.

 

“Give it back!” he shouted out of frustration.

 

“Wow, wow, Shin-chan, what’s going on?”

 

 _Great_.

 

As much as he truly loved Kazunari, right now the bright eyes and a silly smile were the last thing he wanted to see. Shintarou still looked at his boyfriend over his shoulder and didn’t bother to hide his emotions that surely showed on his face.

 

“I saw you screaming all the way to the street from the open window, what’s wrong?” Kazunari crossed his hands loosely over his chest and cocked his hip to the side.

 

“This _damn_ thing,” Shintaoru began, and his voice rose an octave higher immediately, “ _deleted_ my essay that I have been writing for hours!”

 

“Just calm down, okay?”

 

“How could I possibly calm down? Hours’ worth of work, it’s all gone.”

 

“Lemme see.” Kazunari took hasty steps forward and crouched beside Shintarou’s chair, and pulled the laptop closer. “What did you do to it?”

 

“I didn’t do _anything_ ,” Shintarou insisted with poise in his tone.

 

“Alright, alright, no need to get mad at me.” Kazunari threw Shintarou a look and sat down on the floor, got the laptop in his lap and started to click the keyboard. “What happened to it then?”

 

“It just turned black all of a sudden, I didn’t do anything to it.”

 

“It just turned black, yeah?”

 

“That’s what I said just now. Can’t you listen?”

 

Kazunari hummed and sounded genuinely amused. “Seems like someone is a little stressed.”

 

“I’m not.” Shintarou thought it a moment. “ _Maybe_ I am. So what?”

 

“You get so cranky it’s almost cute.”

 

“It’s not—Are you doing something to it or not? I don’t have all day to waste if I need to start writing the essay again.”

 

“Okay, okay, just be a bit patient, babe.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and didn’t have the energy to comment the use of ‘babe’. He hung his head down and attempted to relax, squeezed his eyes shut and listend how Kazunari worked on something on the laptop. The keyboard clicking was a surprisingly soothing sound, and it in the background calmed Shintarou down (at least a little bit). Maybe things wouldn’t be that bad after all. If the essay was lost, he still had time to write another one. Shintarou dragged the tip of his tongue against his lower lip. He would just have to remember the things he had written the first time and try to repeat them—

 

“Done,” Kazunari announced out of the blue.

 

Shintarou opened his eyes slowly. “What?”

 

“Done. Here’s your essay.” With a huge smile on his lips Kazunari turned the laptop around. On its screen indeed was the essay exactly how Shintarou had left it before the blackout. “No need to thank me, I’m just a genius.”

 

“I… How? How the hell did you do that?”

 

Kazunari wiggled his hands. “With these magic fingers.”

 

“No, seriously. How did you do it?”

 

“The programme had saved a copy even when you hadn’t, so I just have to find it. You gotta remember to save stuff more often, you know.”

 

“…Thank you.” The weight on Shintarou’s shoulders disappeared almost immediately. “I absolutely love you.”

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He looked bewiledered at first but soon grinned. “You must have been really scared to lose that essay, huh?”

 

Shintarou shot him a glare.

 

Kazunari lifted his hands up in the air and lifted himself up from the floor. “I’ll leave you to it, I guess you wanna write some more. Have you eaten? I could make dinner or something.”

 

“Dinner sounds good.” Shintarou moved the laptop back to the table and was about to delve back into the writing process when he turned back to Kazunari. He frowned lightly. “I thought you were meant to be gone until the midnight. What happened?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “Things were just boring, is all. So does dinner sound okay?”

 

“Alright. Make whatever you want, I’m up for anything.”

 

“Give me thirty, then, I’ll shout to you when food is done.”

 

They agreed on it, and Shintarou watched behind Kazunari as he walked to the kitchen. Shintarou let out a sigh that he had unconsciously held in and turned to the laptop. As eager as he was to finish the essay, he took five minutes to decide that today wasn’t the day to finish anything. He discarded the laptop and joined Kazunari to the kitchen.


	225. Flying Overhead

The weather was so damn warm that Kazunari’s face glowed all around. He huffed a harsh sigh and rested his hand on his forehead, felt the dampness and the heat and wondered if the summer would ever end. Probably after their wedding… Or it would go on and on and _on_ until it was December and time to exchange gifts and eat so much that anyone’s stomach stretched from getting overboard again.

 

Whenever there was a slight wind, Kazunari relished it. The grass felt cool under his toes. He had really accidentally found the most perfect spot on their backyard to do _this_ , which was in other words doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes it was important to do nothing and simply wonder how the world turned around with a slow speed. Kazunari opened his eyes carefully and looked up at the clouds sailing on the blue sky that had been clear a handful of minutes ago. Somewhere the clouds had emerged, and it seemed that they weren’t going to disappear anytime soon. He didn’t mind it at all as he remembered how as a kid he had loved to imagine the shapes of the fluff and let his imagination run wild. This was surely relaxation at its purest form.

 

“Is this really supposed to be _fun_?”

 

Well… _Almost_ in its purest form.

 

Kazunari rolled on his side and moved his arm under his head, and looked at Shintarou. A smile tugged his lips upwards, but he tried to settle an annoyed look on his face. Judging by Shintarou’s bemused reaction he really didn’t succeed.

 

“This _is_ relaxing,” Kazunari insisted. He wanted to inch closer but both of the cats had strutted between their bodies and settled right on the spots. “Just look up at the clouds and don’t think stuff like work or some wedding.”

 

“It is difficult not to think about the wedding when it is _ours_. I am getting mails from Akashi daily about it,” Shintarou stated dryly.

 

“At least it’s over soon.” Kazunari moved back on his back and wiped the sweat off from his forehead. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, thought a moment and then continued, “Aren’t you getting excited at all, or do you need to keep up an appearance that you don’t care about it?”

 

“Of course I am excited, but I am moderately so.”

 

Kazunari laughed. It sounded so typical of Shintarou and he couldn’t help but let the snickers and chuckles escape. The sun shone harshly on his face, probably crafted wrinkles that wouldn’t show until twenty years later, but Kazunari felt too lazy to get up and find some sunscreen (he wasn’t sure if they even had a bottle of it – some things had simply mysteriously disappeared during the move and neither of them had had the energy to keep searching for them after the initial weeks).

 

“I really love you so much,” he cooed.

 

Shintarou said nothing, and after a moment Kazunari turned to him. The man’s face was thoroughly red, and it wasn’t certain whether it really was only thanks to the sun. Shintarou took Kazunari’s hand to his own and squeezed slightly, and from it Kazunari knew the answer without being given a verbal equivalent. He squeezed Shintarou’s fingers back and gave him a blissful smile, which was reciprocated with something very close to a full-fledged smile. In the sunshine Shintarou took Kazunari’s breath away, the framed green color resembling an absolute oasis that Kazunari wanted to dive into head first.

 

“We’re getting married,” he suddenly blurted out.

 

Shintarou looked at him with a deep frown. “Yes… Yes, we are.”

 

Kazunari rubbed Shintaoru’s shoulder. “You look at me like I’ve gone crazy,” he laughed. “I just realized it now, I mean, I didn’t _realize_ realize it, but I just, you know. Do you know?”

 

“I’m not… exactly sure if I get what you are trying to say, but alright.”

 

“No, just think about it.” Kazunari rolled around on his stomach and tugged a tuft of grass from the ground. “We’re actually getting _married_. All the papers from now on will read Midorima Kazunari, we’ll be an actual family together from now on.”

 

“But we have always been a family,” Shintarou interrupted.

 

“Yeah, _yeah_ , but it’s still gonna be different.”

 

“…I think I understand.”

 

Kazunari grinned brightly and brought his hand to Shintarou’s cheek. He stroked the dampness on them and moved one overgrowing strand of hair behind the man’s ear. The smile on his own lips grew wider, and as he gently pushed the kittens away, he moved his head to the crook of Shintarou’s neck. It was a sweaty spot but comfortable nonetheless, thus he didn’t bother to move his head anywhere else. He closed his eyes slowly, felt a little dizzy but the shadow of Shintarou’s head provided enough shade from the heat.

 

“Hey, look.”

 

Kazunari pulled himself out of the lull that he was in and looked up at the sky where Shintarou pointed. A large jet flew overhead, made a terrible noise and left behind a white trail on the sky.

 

“We’re soon going to be in one,” Kazunari said.

 

Shintarou made a noise from the throat.

 

“Be as annoyed as you want, but we’re sure as hell flying in first class to Thailand.”

 

“It’s too much,” Shintarou mumbled.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing,” Shintarou said. “I didn’t say anything.”

 

“Mm… Right.” Kazunari inched closer although it was nearly physically impossible, and for a moment longer looked at the jet that was disappearing behind the clouds with a rapid speed. He sighed gently and rolled his eyes shut, and rubbed Shintarou’s stomach. “We’ll be sipping cocktails in no time.”

 

“It might be fun,” Shintarou complied.

 

“And skinny-dip in the sea.”

 

“ _That_ we won’t do.”

 

“We have a private strip of beach, though. Come on, it’d be fun, get naked in the sea, have a bit of fun in the sea…”

 

Shintarou moved a little farther away and gave him a look. “I know exactly what you are thinking and it won’t happen. There are jellyfishes, there are other sea creatures, and I am not planning to get busy with you in the water.”

 

Kazunari rolled his eyes but smirked afterwards. “I’ll give you few Sex on the Beaches and we’ll see what you think after them.”

 

“You’re planning to get me drunk and then make me have sex with you in the sea.”

 

“Yes, pretty much.”

 

Shintarou narrowed his eyes. “What a fun honeymoon it is shaping out to be.”

 

“Are you being sarcastic now?”

 

“Slightly.”

 

“Alright then, you little wet blanket.”

 

“I’m not a wet—“

 

Kazunari shut Shintarou up by kissing him. His other hand he moved to the green locks and tugged gently, then tilted his head and deepened the way his lips met with Shintarou’s. He slid his free hand back to Shintarou’s and entwined their fingers together, tightened the grasp, and although were was love on the tip of his tongue he didn’t utter out the words. Instead he let the kiss speak volumes on its own as he trailed his tongue against Shintarou’s lower lip and made the summer feel few more degrees hotter than before.


	226. On a Mission

To the sound of his phone buzzing Kazunari jolted out of his thoughts.

 

Where was the damn thing? As much as he wanted to deny it, he had _perhaps_ fallen asleep whilst trying to study to the entrance exam that was pushing closer and closer by every passing day. The reading glasses that he had taken from Shintarou’s nightstand were everything but straight on the bridge of his nose, and he was pretty certain that there was a print of his palm on his cheek without even bothering to check it from the mirror. He muffled a yawn to his fist and looked at the mess he had made out of the kitchen island, then started to lift up papers and notebooks to find his phone that buzzed feverishly. Who the hell would even call him? What time was it…? Kazunari yawned again and had to get up on his feet that felt like spaghetti when he carried his weight on them.

 

“Hah!” he eventually yelled when he located the phone. ‘Akashi’ it said on the screen, and the sight alone made Kazunari’s heart skip a beat. There was one and only one reason why Seijuurou would call him, and immediately he felt a little ditzy thinking about the wedding. He answered the call. “Takao,” he sang to the phone.

 

“ _We have an emergency_.”

 

“…What?” Kazunari’s thoughts were immediately drawn to Shintarou. Was something wrong with him? Couldn’t be – he knew that _he_ was Shintarou’s emergency contact. But maybe they had met up for lunch (they were best friends after all) and—“What’s going on, what emergency?”

 

“ _The cake’s design and flavor is still unfinished and the wedding is in one week. This is an emergency._ ”

 

“Oh,” Kazunari breathed from relief. He felt stupid for thinking that Shintarou was somehow directly linked to this ‘emergency’. Walking slowly around the kitchen island with the phone in his hand, Kazunari ruffled his hair. “Just pick some flavor, really, we’re going to be alright with everything.”

 

“ _This isn’t my wedding._ ” Seijuurou sounded positively impatient. “ _We need you in Atsushi’s shop as soon as possible. I know you are home_.”

 

“How?” Kazunari looked around with narrowed eyes and peeked through the window. He didn’t put past Seijuurou to not spy on them, as amusing as it sounded.

 

“ _I called Shintarou to ask whether he is also available, and he told me that you are home_.”

 

“Oh.” Kazunari pursed his lips and pressed the balls of his feet back on the floor.  “Um… Really, Akashi, just pick something—“

 

“ _I have also called your mother, and she is on her way. She sounded delighted_.”

 

“Wait, you called my mom because of some wedding cake?”

 

“ _I thought we could use a female opinion for once._ ”

 

“For fuck’s…” Kazunari trailed off on his own and tried to remember that Seijuurou did all of this to provide them with the best wedding possible. He took a deep breath and glanced at the school books that were eagerly waiting for him. As much as he preferred _not_ studying, he knew that it was crucial to do in order to get into the university. On the other hand their wedding was only a week away… The guests would be eating the cake, too. “Fine, I’ll come there. Give me an hour, though, I need to use public transportation.”

 

“ _Perfect, thank you very much. We shall wait for you_.”

 

It took a bit more than an hour for Kazunari to reach the correct neighborhood. The last remaining blocks he speed-walked in the fear of making both Seijuurou _and_ his mother angry – he knew that Atsushi most likely wouldn’t care less whether he’d come a minute or two later than was planned. Kazunari turned around the familiar corner and stopped in front of the right shop that looked suspiciously empty. Was it closed for today? His brows drew in. He wasn’t sure whether it was closed on Fridays or Seijuurou had made Atsushi close it, he didn’t even want to find out as he pushed the door open.

 

The little bell rang overhead and welcomed him in. When the sound still echoed, from the back Seijuurou marched in his vision. Seijuurou’s hair might have been as neat as ever but there were dark bags under his eyes and his whole face looked weary. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes as his jaw clenched, but he clearly made the attempt to relax his face as he approached him.

 

“You’re finally here,” Seijuurou noted.

 

“I’m sorry, the trains were delayed, there was some accident somewhere.” Kazunari smiled and managed to lure out a similar gesture from Seijuurou.

 

He followed the man to the back and spotted his mother right beside Atsushi. She looked tiny compared to the tallest man of the group, but she held a sharp look on her eyes yet a friendly smile on her lips.

 

“Kazu-chan, you shouldn’t be late!”

 

“I couldn’t help it, mom.” Kazunari pressed a quick smooch on her cheek and then turned to Seijuurou. “So, how do we do this?”

 

Seijuurou shifted weight from one foot to another and briefly glanced at Atsushi. “Most ideally we would have both of the grooms here, but since Shintarou is unable to make it, I decided that this will be the next best solution. Atsushi has made three cakes for us to choose from, and may I put emphasis on the fact that we _must_ choose one today?”

 

“Right, okay.”

 

“Here are the cakes, Kazu-chin,” said Atsushi and stepped aside.

 

From the sidetable were three cakes nearly identical to the pictures that were in the file that Seijuurou had given to him some time ago. Kazunari held in a breath of awe and wondered how the hell someone so big and sometimes clumsy could produce something so beautiful and delicate. He shared a smile-filled look with his mother and stepped closer and admired the first cake. It had three simple layers, its frosting was white, and it looked very simple. He stopped in front of it and glanced at the four forks places on a smaller plate beside it.

 

“This is strawberry cake,” Atsushi said and shrugged a bit. “I don’t think it’s that good so I didn’t bother to decorate it…”

 

“I’m sure it tastes damn good,” Kazunari said and grabbed a fork, and took a taste from the smaller piece settled to a separate plate. As he had predicted, the flavor was good, the strawberries bursting on his palate and left him licking his lips clean. He took another taste. “This is really good.”

 

“It’s a bit too sweet,” his mother said.

 

Kazunari gave her a look.

 

“What? It is, dear! At the end of the dinner the guests want something sweet, but not too much so. It’s a very important balance.”

 

“I think she might be right,” Seijuurou said.

 

“It is a bit too sweet,” Atsushi helped.

 

“Hmm. Truthfully I don’t think Shin-chan would like it,” Kazunari finally said.

 

“Moving on,” Seijuurou said.

 

Atsushi nodded and stepped behind the next cake. It was the one that had caught Kazunari’s eyes in the pictures already – tall and beautiful, smooth white surface with orange flowers most probably made out of marzipan falling down on the side, some painted on the cake itself as well. Atsushi looked somewhat proud of it.

 

“This is chocolate and vanilla,” Atsushi said and then pointed at the decoration. “The flowers are from orange marzipan… Muro-chin helped me to make it look like a traditional wedding cake, and they’re orange because it’s one of the wedding colors…”

 

“It looks beautiful,” Kazunari’s mother said.

 

“It does,” Kazunari echoed. “I really like the flowers, they look amazing.”

 

“Let’s taste,” Seijuurou ushered.

 

They did. In between the vanilla-flavored layers was chocolate filling, and Kazunari liked it. It wasn’t as sweet as the one before, but it was good, and the chocolate practically melted on his tongue. He let out a load groan that hopefully told everything necessary and wiped his mouth clean to his fingertips, and then licked his fingers from the spots of chocolate.

 

“That’s insanely good,” he said just to be on the safe side.

 

“Better than the first one?” Atsushi asked.

 

“Mm… Yeah, I’d say so.”

 

“We still have the third one,” Seijuurou remembered.

 

Kazunari’s mother stepped beside her son and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I did like the second one better,” she said, “but are those flowers on the cake too much?”

 

Kazunari frowned and looked at her. “I actually liked the flowers.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, it won’t match the centerpieces.”

 

“I will make personally sure that they do,” Seijuurou stepped in and ushered them towards the third cake. “Shall we taste the last one before we decide on the final taste and look?”

 

Kazunari obeyed and grabbed the final fork, tasted and felt a smile spread on his lips. “It’s good,” was his verdict as he glanced at the cake’s exterior better. Its color was as chocolate-filled as the flavor was, and he actually preferred full chocolate instead of hint of vanilla mixed into it. He pursed his lips together and glanced at all three of the cakes. His pulse thudded louder as he felt Seijuurou’s gaze on him and knew that he had to make a decision quickly. He brought his fingers together and flexed them, moistened his lips and glanced at his mother. She looked like she had an opinion, but Kazunari decided to voice out his first.

 

“I liked the third cake’s flavor best, but the second one is the most beautiful and I can see it as our wedding cake.”

 

“Excellent,” Seijuurou said and continued sounding impatient. He turned to Atsushi. “Would it be possible to merge these two cakes?”

 

Atsushi looked like he jolted out of his thoughts. He wrinkled his nose. “Possibly… Yes, I can do that… Do you want that, Kazu-chin?”

 

Kazunari nodded. “I’ll just take a picture of the second cake to Shin-chan… Is it too much trouble for you to make one cake out of the two?”

 

“It won’t be trouble…”

 

“Okay, I’ll just send this to Shin-chan… Done! Thank you so much, Murasakibara, the cake’s gonna be amazing.”

 

“Don’t thank me, Kazu-chin…”

 

Someone’s phone rang. A second later Seijuurou fished out his from his pocket, glanced at the screen and then back at the phone. “Excuse me for a moment, it’s the florist calling. I’m starting to think he can’t do anything right… Hello? Yes, I have called you multiple times. Yes. Yes…”

 

Kazunari watched Seijuurou strut around the small kitchen with an unnerving pace, which was enough to make him want to get nervous as well. He toyed with his own phone a moment longer and only then pushed it back to his pants’ pocket, and looked at his mother.

 

“I thought the last one was the best,” she murmured to him. “The second one looks too tacky, don’t you think?”

 

“I like it,” Kazunari said. “And I’m sure that Shin-chan’s going to like it as well.”

 

“It is your wedding, I suppose.”

 

“Come on, mom.”

 

“Your friend here is doing quite a workload to begin with.” She nodded towards Seijuurou and leaned closer to Kazunari. “Charming young man, though he seems a little stressed right now.”

 

“I’m pretty sure he is. Are you and dad coming to the rehearsal dinner?”

 

“Of course we are, dear!” She gave him a nice smile. “I can’t wait to see Shintarou again, I feel like it’s been ages since you two have come to visit. I’m sure he’ll look wonderful on the day itself.”

 

Kazunari felt dreamy just thinking about it. “Yeah,” he murmured and sighed softly. Shintarou _was_ going to look wonderful no matter what he’d wear. His thoughts didn’t trail any further as Seijuurou came back to their presence with a light frown yet somewhat upturned lips, which looked quite ridiculous.

 

“The florist keeps having problems,” Seijuurou explained, “ _as if_ I’m asking so much from him. But rest assured, all problems will be solved by the time it is the big day.”

 

“I’m not worried,” Kazunari chirped. “Is there something else you need me for?”

 

“No, I believe this is it for now. Thank you for coming here with such short notice.”

 

“No problem, thanks for doing this.”

 

They shared a smile.


	227. Miniature...

It was raining. As much as Shintarou liked a stormy weather, he wasn’t fond of getting nearly tropical heat together with the rain. He held an umbrella above his head and walked faster on the pavement in the midst of hundred of others orienting to work. It took only a short while for his shoes to be thoroughly soaked, and he was quick to curse himself for leaving his car farther away instead of taking it all the way in front of the very familiar shop where he was going to get the day’s lucky item. He stepped straight into a puddle and wanted to groan, but he swallowed the sound back to his stomach and merely frowned privately under the safety of the brightly colored umbrella that belonged to Kazunari.

 

For so long he had visited the specific shop whenever he had the time for it. It had been his go-to place for lucky items since his teenage years simply because on the shelves were situated the most ridiculous items in a reasonable price (though sometimes he liked to spend more money on some specific item). Shintarou checked his phone once more to remind himself of the two items he had to buy – lip calm for Kazunari and a miniature train for himself – and hummed from satisfaction. He dearly hoped that both of the items he’d find from the store, simply because he didn’t have the time to search somewhere else before the start of his shift. He also liked to have a possession of his item first thing in the morning, which was also the reason why he had agreed to meet Kazunari over lunch to give him his item.

 

He was glad to get out of the rain, though, as he stepped inside the shop situated near a train station in a shady corner. A small bell rang, and immediately the familiar musky, almost sickly sweet scent filled his nose. The shop clerk was a familiar man, small and somewhat plump, and to him Shintarou gave a nod that was immediately reciprocated. They had never exchanged a full conversation, had only said ‘thank you’ and ‘see you again’, but somehow Shintarou felt like there was an odd connection between them. There surely had to be, as most of the mornings he was the only customer between the dusty shelves that nearly bent under the weight of several items that many would have considered garbage.

 

As much in a hurry as Shintarou was, he still took his time to systematically go through the shelves. Routines were important to him, and it was also easier when he had no idea where to find the things he was searching for. Lip balm and train, lip balm and train… He thought that a miniature train would be easy to find, yet he found everything else in miniature size _but_ a train. There were fancy cars still in their plastic packaging, as well as miniature-sized umbrellas, but the trains seemed to have disappeared for good. Pursing his lips together, he decided to tackle the easiest task first and headed towards the corner packed with cosmetics.

 

Luckily he found a lip balm quite easily and enclosed it to his palm. At least Kazunari would be safe from the curveballs destiny might throw at him. Somewhat relieved, Shintarou wandered around the store aimlessly and kept his steps slow although he knew he really didn’t have the time for this. Something about the countless items that _could_ be his future lucky items were mesmerizing. There was definitely incense burning somewhere around him, and as strong as the scent was, it was pleasant. Shintarou felt at home, and there was even a small smile toying with his lips. This was a place where he had never been with Kazunari, although Kazunari had visited here on his own. It was an intimate place for him, like a secret garden or a private oasis in the midst of the hottest desert.

 

He still needed that train, though.

 

Shintarou searched and then searched some more, but couldn’t find the one thing he was looking for. Given up, he traced his steps to the counter and put down the lip balm.

 

“Is that all for today?” the man behind the counter asked and gave a smile.

 

“Yes.” Shintarou hesitated but continued, “Unless… Do you happen to have miniature trains? Any kind would be suitable.”

 

“Hmm… I’m afraid if there was none in the shelves, we don’t have any.”

 

“That’s alright, I’m sorry to bother.”

 

“It isn’t a bother at all. So just this?”

 

“Just that, thank you.”

 

Bummed, Shintarou left the store a minute later.

 

*

 

“…chan. Hey, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintarou startled from his thoughts and looked up, saw Kazunari and cleared his throat. He moved one leg over another and took a better seat on the small wooden chair situated in the hospital’s quieter cafeteria. Fiddling with his fingers, feeling uneasy in his own skin, he watched Kazunari put his bag down and grab his wallet from it.

 

“Earth to Shin-chan,” Kazunari joked.

 

“I’m here,” Shintarou said dryly.

 

“You weren’t just now. Give me a sec, I’ll go get something to eat. You want a salad?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Shintarou heaved out a heavy sigh when Kazunari left and stared at the small bag that his fiancé left on the seat, and pressed his lips tightly together. So far the day had been horrible and he had made simple mistakes that weren’t supposed to happen in the first place. From the bathroom’s window he had seen a black cat cross the street, and although he found the typical signs of misfortune quite amusing, straight afterwards he had found out that a patient of his had passed away. Perhaps it was a mere coincidence, but he most desperately needed his lucky item. He had even messaged Kazunari about it, but Kazunari hadn’t been that helpful about it. For sure his day was going to be the worst one in a long time. It was quite alarming that he already had the thought when it was only noon.

 

“You shouldn’t be pouting too much,” Kazunari pointed out all of a sudden.

 

Shintarou looked up at him slowly. “I’m not pouting.”

 

“You are, and I saw it all across this room. Here’s your salad, cheer up a bit.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and took his share of the lunch, popped open the lid of the plastic bowl the salad was in and discarded the thought of adding dressing. The plastic fork was highly annoying, but he didn’t want to whine and thus ate in silence.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kazunari asked as he crunched a piece of cucumber.

 

“You know what is wrong.”

 

“Are you still sulking about your lucky item?”

 

Shintarou threw him a glare. “If you took it as seriously as I did, you would surely _sulk_ as well.”

 

“So no luck in that department, huh?”

 

“I didn’t have the time to check anywhere else now that you occupied my lunch as well.”

 

Kazunari snickered and brushed Shintarou’s knuckles briefly. “Would it make you feel better if I told you that I have a surprise for you?”

 

Shintarou’s brows drew in to a frown. He thought a moment and then shook his head. “I don’t think so, no. What is it?”

 

“Well. Since I had some extra time in my hands, I went by a toy store…” Kazunari’s grin was wicked as he pushed his hand into his bag. “And I got you this.”

 

On the table Kazunari set a small, colorful box. Shintarou peered closer at it and held in his breath. No matter how he looked at it, it was a miniature train. Albeit clearly designed for children with its bright neon colors and a happy face painted on it, it was everything Shintarou needed at the moment. Carefully he curled his fingers around the box and looked at the train more closely. He glanced up at Kazunari, and upon seeing his fiancé’s grin his heart thudded more wildly. His insides turned warm from the single glance.

 

“Thank you,” he murmured.

 

“Do you think you’ll feel better now?” asked Kazunari.

 

“Yes… Yes, thank you.”

 

“Cheer up then, will you? Just count on your husband to get you a train when you can’t.” Kazunari winked. “What would you do without me?”

 

“I would be completely lost,” Shintarou told the truth and smiled.


	228. Chapter 228

**16 th of AUGUST, 20XX  
**\- _second year of high school_ -

 

“We shouldn’t do this.”

 

Frowning, Kazunari stopped his hands on Shintarou’s abdomen and looked up at this too-tall boyfriend whose face was riddled with wrinkles caused by worry. A smirk rose to Kazunari’s lips, and he pushed Shintarou better against the metal locker behind his back and continued to let his hands roam on the bare skin underneath the sweaty orange jersey. The way Shintarou’s muscles tensed and tightened underneath his fingertips was addicting. Kazunari brushed his thumb across a nipple, and Shintarou gasped, pushed himself better against the locker and created noise that echoed in the otherwise empty locker room.

 

“I’m serious,” Shintarou tried but sounded everything but convincing.

 

“Relax,” Kazunari whispered into Shintarou’s ear (he had to tiptoe to reach that high) and took a grasp from his waist. He pressed his body against Shintarou’s and tried to swallow in the desperate moans that already escaped him, but it wasn’t a success at all. At least he tried.

 

Shintarou held Kazunari’s shoulders and attempted to yank him away. “I’m _serious_ ,” he insisted, “we shouldn’t do this. What if someone walks in?”

 

“Isn’t that the best part?” Upon seeing his boyfriend’s look, Kazunari was quick to add, “No one’s going to walk in on us, okay? All the upperclassmen already left, no one ever stays behind expect me and you.”

 

“But this might be the one time someone actually _does_ stay behind and—“

 

Kazunari laced his lips on Shintarou’s to shut him up. He took a sharp inhale through his nose and slid his hands to Shintarou’s, tilted his head and tasted the softness and quiver on Shintarou’s mouth. He hadn’t lied – there _was_ something amazingly dangerous in the aspect of getting caught, and now he only had to convince Shintarou of it as well. Trailing his tongue over Shintarou’s plump bottom lip, Kazunari pushed his pelvis to his boyfriend’s and deepened the kiss. From the sounds Shintarou made Kazunari knew that he made his cute Shin-chan absolutely breathless, and the realization forced a grin on his face.

 

When he pulled back, he felt a flush on his face bu the grin remained. He looked up at Shintarou who seemed lost as a little bunnyrabbit without its mother, and tugged the elastic band of his shorts.

 

“We’re gonna have so much fun here,” he murmured and tried to sound as seductive as possible.

 

Shintarou swallowed thickly. “We still… _ah_ , shouldn’t…”

 

“Shh, don’t worry about that… I’ll stop if someone comes in,” Kazunari promised. “Unless you really don’t want to, I’m not forcing you.”

 

Shintarou held a moment’s silence and looked into Kazunari’s eyes. Without a word he removed his glasses and bent his knees enough to put them on the nearby bench. He nodded.

 

Kazunari’s eyes went wide. “We can do this?”

 

Shintarou nodded again.

 

“Really?”

 

A nod.

 

“Really? Are you—“

 

“Shut up, Takao, and continue.”

 

Kazunari snickered but obeyed as he so often did. He kissed Shintarou again, held his lips as his captive and moved his hand inside the shorts that had made damp spots on Shintarou’s skin here and there. They weren’t exactly experienced in sex, but it still felt good to do something slightly different from the usual. Kazunari sighed against Shintarou’s mouth and cocked his head to the side, brushed the tip of his nose on Shintarou’s and parted his lips enough to let his tongue meet his. Slowly Kazunari moved his fingers over the bulge and squeezed. It reacted immediately. Kazunari pulled back and chuckled.

 

“Someone’s eager,” he teased.

 

Shintarou flushed red immediately. “Don’t.”

 

“What?”

 

“Say that.”

 

“Say what?”

 

Shintarou shot him a glare.

 

Kazunari grinned. “Sorry,” he said but didn’t really mean it. He rose to his tiptoes to be on Shintarou’s eye level. “I just like it so much when my cute boyfriend gets hard because of me.”

 

He didn’t think it was possible, but Shintarou turned even redder around the cheeks. Feeling like his job here was partially done, Kazunari smooched Shintarou quickly before he sneaked his fingers underneath the tight boxers that Shintarou liked to wear. His fingertips met with the eagerness instantly, and the corners of his lips tugged up. Oh, they were going to have so much _fun_ together right now. The setting made it even better in his mind. Kazunari curled his fingers around the base of Shintarou’s cock and squeezed. The locker rattled as Shintarou pressed his back better against it.

 

Slowly and doing it deliberately Kazunari stroked, then squeezed, and then pumped with a faster speed. Shintarou’s head dipped slightly back and his eyes rolled shut in the sockets, his lips parted and the most delicious little whimpers escaped him. Mesmerized, Kazunari stared at him and every other second had to remind himself to keep moving his hand on the cock that jerked in his grasp. Kazunari held in a breath and rose back to his tiptoes, and for the moment ignored the twitching that his own dick made.

 

“I like you so much,” he breathed against Shintarou’s lips.

 

Shintarou only grumbled.

 

“I really, really, _really_ do.”

 

“I-I got it, thank you.” Shintarou parted his eyes that lust had clearly riddled. He looked like a beast waiting to be awaken, chest heaving heavily, breaths dragging and labored, and gaze slightly unfocused. He wrapped his long arms around Kazunari’s torso and yanked him closer, but didn’t say a word although he looked like it.

 

“…You know what,” Kazunari said. He moved his hand out of the boxers and tugged down them together with the shorts. “I’m gonna blow you.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes. “It has never worked before.”

 

“Yeah, and now I’m going to give it another go.” Kazunari pulled the clothing down to Shintarou’s ankles and admired all the centimeters that his boyfriend had on his cock. It resembled the dicks on porn, at least in Kazunari’s eyes, and because of the length he had been unable to give a proper blowjob before. He had tried multiple times and hadn’t been successful, but now he felt lucky and daring. With a grin on his lips and surely heat in his eyes he sank down on his knees in front of Shintarou and greeted the cock.

 

He grasped Shintarou’s bare buttocks in his palms and fondled, kneaded and made Shintarou a shade redder than before. He kissed the swollen cockhead and itched to do so much more before. Maybe he should start exercising his mouth, or do something to make it easier for him to get something so long properly towards his throat without gagging (in the previous times it had been pretty unsexy even in his opinion). He stuck his tongue out and flicked it across the head, then took the tip in his mouth and sucked. The locker rattled. Shintarou moaned, though the noises soon got muffled when he moved a hand on his mouth. Lightheaded, Kazunari glanced up at him and caught his gaze, held his look and lowered his lips again on the dick. It tasted tangy and sweaty, but something about it was such a turn on. Just fifteen minutes ago he had still watched Shintarou do his magic on the court, and now they were here. Kazunari quivered.

 

Not bothering to think any further, he parted his lips and took the cock in as much as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut and battled the gag reflex, and as he felt like choking he pulled his head back. The head he still kept in his mouth and suckled, trailed his tongue around the slick surface and tried bobbing his head another time. Truthfully, he had Googled how to give a blowjob but the tips and hints hadn’t been useful at all. Thus he decided to simply wing it and do it what felt like the right way. He bobbed his head, careful not to let the cock get too far in his throat, and it seemed like he did at least _something_ right because Shintarou squirmed and whimpered. Warmth swelled inside Kazunari as he looked up at his boyfriend. He moved one hand on Shintarou’s abdomen and stroked, slid it up towards his chest as far as he could reach and drew vague shapes on the quivering skin.

 

Their eyes met. Although his knees already ached and his jaw slacked, Kazunari considered the situation pretty romantic even when they weren’t cozily buried under one of their blankets.

 

Shintarou clearly hesitated but ran his fingers through Kazunari’s hair eventually. Kazunari closed his eyes and shuddered, wanted to hump something to get rid of the burning heat down his crotch but decided that he could handle it for now. Right now he really only wanted to concentrate on Shintarou and nothing else.

 

The door to the locker room slammed open.

 

“Hey, Takao-senpai! Are you still—“

 

Shivers ran down Kazunari’s spine, and he froze instantly. His muscles were as tight as Shintarou’s felt, and even without looking he felt a burning gaze on the back of his head. Slowly he pulled his mouth away from Shintarou who immediately bent down to pull his pants up. Although Kazunari really didn’t want to, he still glanced at the person over his shoulder and recognized him as one of their first years. The boy’s eyes were wide as he openly stared, and Kazunari quickly felt heat overtake his face. He was ashamed but most importantly _screwed_ , because hadn’t he promised Shintarou that this wouldn’t happen? He definitely didn’t dare to look up at his boyfriend.

 

Thus Kazunari tried to play it off as he sat over his legs. “What’s up?”

 

“N-N-Nothing, I didn’t see anything! Nothing, I saw nothing, anything, I mean, nothing! Nothing, senpai!”

 

Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut as the first year disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. His heart thudded wildly and feverishly in his chest. _Shit,_ Shintarou was going to be so mad at him. _He_ had been the one to suggest this, and now it had failed, and of _course_ Shintarou was going to be pissed at him. Really not wanting to look up at all, Kazunari fiddled with his fingers and carefully glanced up. Shintarou’s face was red throughout, and his jaw was clenched.

 

“I’m sorry?” Kazunari tried.

 

Shintarou shook and settled the shorts better on his hips. “A first year just saw my… penis inside your mouth.” Even his words trembled. “You said this was an excellent idea.”

 

“Well, you… never really know if someone’s going to walk in.”

 

“You _said_ that no one else ever stays behind but us.”

 

“It’s not really that big of a deal,” Kazunari still tried. “I mean, they know we’re together—“

 

“How?”

 

Kazunari felt like he kept digging his hole even deeper and deeper. He rose to his feet that bucked and nearly gave in, but he leaned against the locker to keep his balance intact. “I may have mentioned some of the first years that,” he admitted.

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes and then shut them. He leaned his back against the locker and took deep breaths. “Alright,” he eventually said with a composed voice. “Fine, alright. How fast will the entire school now that we are in a relationship?”

 

“Come on, Shin-chan, now you’re overreacting. This is not a big deal, okay?”

 

Shintarou shot him a glare that left him wordless. Kazunari arched his brows and pressed his lips tightly shut.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment of excruciating silence.

 

“This won’t happen again,” Shintarou said.

 

“Okay, Shin-chan.”

 

“ _Ever_ again.”

 

“Yes, I got it. Am I still invited over to your place?”

 

Shintarou’s eyes narrowed. “Possibly.”

 

A flicker of hope spread in Kazunari’s chest. He decided to push his luck. “And am I allowed to continue what we just did?”

 

“…Maybe.”

 

“Better change clothes in that case.”

 

Kazunari dared to grin, and from the way Shintarou rolled his eyes he knew he was off the hook. At least for now, but it was definitely good enough. He was quick to get out of his sweaty clothes and change them into the uniform, and with light steps he strutted around the room and ushered Shintarou to move a little faster.


	229. A Bottle of...

“Should I call my doctor to ask if _this_ is okay?”

 

Shintarou gave Kazunari a glare and only afterwards the slightly larger-than-usually glass of white wine. Kazunari’s grin reached from one ear to another, and he didn’t even bother to say that he had only made a harmless joke. One glass of his favorite wine wasn’t going to kill him, he had reached the conclusion already in the morning when he had decided that this evening he wanted to spend on the parquet of the coziest corner of their living room. Snuggling between thick cushions, he took the first sip. Immediately the fruity flavor tangled on his taste buds, and he was in seventh heaven. He licked his lips and watched Shintarou lower himself on the floor.

 

Once Shintarou had taken a taste, Kazunari raised his glass and prompted his fiancé to do the same.

 

“We should toast,” he announced.

 

“To…?”

 

“To… Our last night just the two of us for few days.” Kazunari offered another grin.

 

Shintarou sighed heavily, clinked his glass to Kazunari’s and took a long sip. Afterwards he sighed again. “I don’t understand why we need to meet those _idiots_ for so many days in a row.”

 

“Aw, c’mon, Shin-chan.”

 

“I’m serious. Why do we need to meet them tomorrow _and_ have a rehearsal dinner _and_ a bachelor party? It sounds quite extensive.”

 

“It’ll be fun,” Kazunari promised. He settled to a better position and stretched his legs straight in front of him, and wiggled his toes. In the dim light coming from the kitchen and the few candles he had lit his toes looked quite funny. He drank more of the wine and quivered. “I can’t believe we’re getting married, though… We were seventeen just now.”

 

Shintraou hummed beside him and pressed their shoulders together. “It is unbelievable.”

 

“It almost feels like a week ago when you even proposed to me!”

 

“Time really flies by.”

 

“To be honest… I didn’t think we’d get married this year.”

 

Shintarou turned to him and frowned lightly. “How come?”

 

Kazunari shrugged. “I don’t know, I just thought you’d need couple of years more to gather enough courage, you know? But I’m happy you did, it’s really the right time to get married.”

 

“I think so too.”

 

Shintarou flashed a rare smile that made Kazunari’s insides melt within a faction of a second. Smiling silly himself, Kazunari rested his head on Shintarou’s shoulder and looked at the dancing shadows that the lights created on the floor. He felt so _peaceful_ , like there was nothing wrong in the world, like Shintarou would take away everything that was bad and evil in the world. Kazunari simply knew that they were meant to be, had always been from the very beginning, and getting married was only the first step in their life together.

 

He balanced the glass on his thigh, and with his free hand grasped Shintarou’s. Heaving out a gentle sigh, Kazunari slipped his eyes close and nuzzled his cheek to the roundness of the shoulder. Now that he thought about it, the next few days were indeed going to be insane. Gathering with the Miracles tomorrow, then the dinner, then Shintarou’s bachelor party… Why wasn’t the bachelor party on Wednesday and the rehearsal dinner on Thursday? Kazunari’s brows knitted together but he didn’t bother to question it as he figured that Seijuurou probably had a plan and vision. It was definitely a mess that he didn’t want to involve himself in, thus he took another sip from the wine and wiggled his toes.

 

“I’m starting to get butterflies,” he admitted.

 

Shintarou shifted slightly beside him. “Me too,” he murmured.

 

Kazunari glanced up at him and saw a faint blush on his husband-to-be’s cheeks. It made him snicker. “You know you’re so cute, right?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Is that how you talk to the guy you’re marrying on Friday?”

 

Shintarou huffed through his nose, and although he looked like he wanted his face to wrinkle from a cringe, he kept his expression neutral. “I have been thinking,” he began but didn’t continue.

 

“That’s always a good thing,” Kazunari snickered.

 

“Yes, right. I have been thinking,” Shintarou started again and cleared his throat. “That before the whole… chaos starts on Friday, I want to sign the papers in the morning. Just the two of us, have a small celebration although we’ll celebrate later in the evening. I only want a moment with you when we put our names down on the paper and can say that you are in my family register.”

 

Kazunari’s lips tugged up to a smile. He placed his hand in the middle of Shintarou’s stomach and rubbed gently. “You’re actually romantic and I love that. I like the sound of that, let’s do it.”

 

“Because I’m _sure_ they have come up with a ridiculous plan, like separate us the first thing and not let us see each other until the ceremony.”

 

Kazunari laughed. He pulled his legs towards his chest and hugged them. “I’m pretty sure that’s the plan, yeah. But we’ll be separated during your bachelor party as well.”

 

Shintarou grunted, and the sound resonated from his lungs. “That is the most awful invention of the entire humankind and I don’t wish to have one.”

 

“At least you’re getting one, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou quieted down for a moment. “Himuro did suggest giving you one as well, right?”

 

“Yeah, but… It’s not really the same. It’ll do you good, though, just hang out with the boys in your final night as a single man.”

 

“I haven’t been a single man in ten years.”

 

Kazunari bumped his shoulder to Shintarou’s. “You know what I mean.”

 

“In fact, I have never really understood the meaning of that. It might be a bachelor party but no one is truly _single_ if they’re marrying the next day.” Shintarou drank the last drop of wine from the glass and poured himself some more, and refilled Kazunari’s glass as well. “It’s just odd.”

 

“I guess you’re right.”

 

“I _am_ right.”

 

“Mm-hmm. I wonder if they’ll bring you to a strip club.”

 

Shintarou looked genuinely horrified. “I’ll come back home immediately if _that_ is their idea of a party.”

 

“Isn’t it a thing overseas, bring the future husband to get his final lap dance?”

 

“I’m not going to a strip club.”

 

“Maybe I’ll give you a lap dance on our wedding night, then.” Kazunari winked.

 

Shintarou flustered ever so slightly but hid it skillfully behind the glass of wine. When he was finished with the small sip, he looked pretty contained again. “Do what you want,” he said with a slightly heavier voice.

 

“Okay, one lap dance ordered. Should I also try to find a garter somewhere to make the experience better?”

 

“Kazu.”

 

“I’m just _teasing_ ,” Kazunari laughed and smooched Shintarou’s shoulder. “Relax a bit, babe. Are you finally getting nervous?”

 

Shintarou pursed his lips together, but after a while answered, “Yes.”

 

“Can’t believe you just admitted that.”

 

“It’s funny, isn’t it? To be nervous about something like marrying you.”

 

“It’s not funny, we gotta do it in front of all our friends and family. But don’t worry.” Kazunari squeezed Shintarou’s fingers. “I’ll be there right next to you so you don’t have to do it alone.”

 

“Unless you get cold feet,” Shintarou said matter-of-factly.

 

“Hey, I think if someone here is gonna get cold feet, it’ll be you.”

 

“I’m not backing down. This is what I want, and I am going to get it.”

 

A giggle escaped Kazunari’s system. “I love it when you get so cocky, it’s pretty hot.”

 

“Huh.”

 

Kazunari placed his hand on Shintarou’s thigh and stroked the chosen spot, and slid his fingers slowly towards the crotch. “So hot in fact that I really, _really_ want you to carry me and that bottle of wine to the bedroom…”

 

Shintarou frowned. “Now?”

 

Kazunari nodded.

 

Shintarou cleared his throat. “Alright.”

 

He put his glass down and got up on his feet, then pulled Kazunari up as well and looked down his feet. Kazunari stood still and smirked, and the tug of lips quickly turned into full laughter when Shintarou actually lifted him up in his arms and carried him bridal style. To help, Kazunari grabbed the wine bottle along. He reached his neck enough and kissed Shintarou, just long enough to let him know what he had in his mind. He squealed and giggled even louder than before when he was thrown on the bed. The wine spilled ever so slightly but for once Shintarou didn’t seem to care.


	230. Zero Gravity

For the umpteenth time Shintarou heaved out a heavy sigh. Behind the door to Seijuurou’s luxurious home he fidgeted and tried to ignore the looks Kazunari gave to him beside him. No matter how much he cared and, admittedly, _loved_ his friends, meeting them always seemed like such a chore. They were loud, always butting in on other people’s business, _loud_ , too excited about the upcoming wedding, and quite _loud_. So loud in fact that even with the door closed he could hear chatting and talking echo and bounce on the tall walls decorated with several paintings (he had always been a little jealous of Seijuurou’s skills of interior design). He laced his fingers together and squeezed.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kazunari asked with a quieter voice.

 

Shintarou glanced at him and shook his head. “I just want to get this over with as soon as possible, get in and hopefully get out alive.”

 

Kazunari’s snicker sounded beautiful and resonated with the dimness of the early evening. “Don’t be such a wet blanket, Shin-chan, it’ll be fun. We get to eat and chat with our friends.”

 

“Which is the exact same thing that we are doing tomorrow at the rehearsal dinner.”

 

Kazunari said nothing but took a hold of his hand nonetheless, and gently squeezed. The gesture was somewhat reassuring, and Shintarou heaved out a sigh that left his lungs utterly empty. It helped him breathe normally again, and also made him finally press the doorbell. He knew fully well that he was not the most social being, but at least these were his friends that he knew and trusted thoroughly, and nothing else mattered. With the thought in his mind he found it easy to stand still waiting, hand in Kazunari’s. He decided to not complain a word more, would go through today and tomorrow’s rehearsal dinner with a softer expression on his face because every day was a step closer to Friday and it was all that he wanted.

 

The door swung open, and the night’s host stood in front of them with a pleasant smile on his face. Seijuurou stepped closer and gave Shintarou a hug, which left Shintarou baffled. He could barely look at Kazunari accepting Seijuurou’s hug a lot easier.

 

“Thank you for coming,” said Seijuurou and brushed his red bangs back to their clearly designated place on his forehead. He stepped aside. “Come on in, everyone is already waiting.”

 

Once again they were the last ones to arrive, and once again Shintarou rolled the blame on Kazunari who had taken his time to ponder about his outfit minutes before they were meant to leave. Yet Shintarou didn’t say a word, merely nodded and stepped in, took off his shoes and followed Seijuurou’s footsteps towards the living room. The weather was slightly cold for such a beautiful summer evening, and Shintarou was more than happy that this little meeting didn’t take place on the backyard as usual.

 

The moment they stepped into the living room was also the moment the chaos began.

 

“The happy couple’s here!” Ryouta exclaimed with an obnoxiously cheery voice and hopped on his feet. “We’ve been waiting for you!”

 

“Took your sweet time,” said Daiki, reclined on the couch in a sluggish position that left almost no room to anyone else, and held a glass bottle of beer in his hand, its bottom against his thigh. “Let’s hope you weren’t driving too fast this time.”

 

“I didn’t,” Shintarou retorted, “thank you for the concern.”

 

“Do sit down,” Seijuurou said behind them. “Do you want something to drink?”

 

Kazunari shifted weight from one foot to another. “If I’m spotting correctly and that’s a raspberry beer on Aomine’s hand, I’d love to get one.”

 

Seijuurou chuckled. “Well spotted. Anything for you, Shintarou?”

 

“Just water, thank you.”

 

“Right. Sit down, I’ll be right back.”

 

The command was simple but executing it a little more difficult as Shintarou peered around in the hopes of actually finding an empty seat. There was some space beside Tetsuya but he figured that it was a spot that Kazunari would prefer, thus he averted his gaze. Sitting between Daiki and Ryouta wasn’t too comfortable an idea either, so he ended up beside Atsushi. There was a thick and rich smell of chocolate around the man, not too sweet, like Atsushi had spent the entire day melting chocolate for several frostings, and Shintarou hardly minded. He crossed one leg over another and settled more comfortably on the smaller couch, gave a nod of acknowledgment to Atsushi and listened the unsteady chatter around him.

 

When Seijuurou came back, he talked to the phone. “For the last time, if you do _not_ get this order right, I _will_ change florists. I need orange roses, and I don’t care what you must do to get them orange, simply _do it_.” He gave Kazunari the bottle of beer and Shintarou the tall glass of water and turned around his heels, strutted back towards the kitchen. “Let me speak to your manager, thank you. No, I want to speak to your manager…”

 

“Is he still having troubles with the flowers?” Kazunari asked and took a swig from the beer.

 

Ryouta clicked his tongue on the other couch. “The flower guy just can’t get Akashicchi’s order right, this is like the third time he’s calling within the last thirty minutes and he’s really angry.”

 

“He’s so fucking angry over flowers,” Daiki helped, and Ryouta nodded eagerly beside him.

 

“Huh,” was the only thing that left Shintarou’s mouth. He couldn’t exactly sympathise over the situation, as he wasn’t too keen on stressing over the color of flowers. They were going to look exactly the same no matter what the color. Kazunari looked somewhat concerned, however, and because of it Shintarou made sure to settle a gentle look on his face when Kazunari glanced at him.

 

“Hey, Takaocchi, I’ve got pictures of the groomsmen’s suits, you wanna see?” asked Ryouta.

 

“ _Ooh_ , show me.”

 

Ryouta did exactly that and then approached Shintarou.

 

“I really don’t need to see,” Shintarou was quick to see.

 

“Come on, Midorimacchi, just look at them! Here.”

 

Shintarou pressed his lips tightly together to avoid saying something stupid and took a hold of Ryouta’s phone. On the screen was a simple suit (or so it looked like to him), black and white with a peachy handkerchief tugged in the breast pocket. Slowly Shintarou nodded.

 

“They look good,” he said.

 

“They look _amazing_ when they’re on, they’re really fitted and everything. Everyone’s going to look gorgeous on Friday.”

 

Shintarou nodded again in the loss of actual words. He pressed his back to the couch and sipped from the water, and only afterwards realized how insanely dry his mouth actually felt like. The idle chatting continued around him, and he let his mind and eyes rest in the setting. As reluctant as he had been to come here, this was nice. This was almost _fun_ , to be around the people he cared about the most. He didn’t think it was necessary for him to even be part of any of the conversations, and together with Atsushi they sat in silence next to each other like they so often did together.

 

“That imbecile,” Seijuurou said when he finally came back to the living room without the phone. He took a seat from the empty armchair and sighed. “I really wonder how difficult it is to get flowers right. I should have asked Kouki to do it.”

 

“Did you solve the issue?” Kazunari asked, and the curiosity burning in his tone was more than obvious.

 

“Hopefully. I wouldn’t want to call there again, but they are highly unprofessional.” Seijuurou took a deep breath through his nose, and as he exhaled he reached for his glass of wine on the table and lifted it up. “Either way, I would like to make a toast despite preparing a speech for tomorrow’s dinner as well as the day itself.”

 

Shintarou bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from telling Seijuurou not to to say anything and raised his glass along with everyone else.

 

Seijuurou cleared his throat and began. “To our happy couple. I’m sure that I speak on behalf of everyone here when I say that this event is much expected and we are happy that you have included us to celebrate your first step towards your future. Congratulations for meeting this wonderful milestone, Shintarou and Kazunari.”

 

There was the most beautiful smile on Kazunari’s lips as he clinked his bottle to Tetsuya’s glass and drank. Shintarou was few seconds late with the drinking but took a small sip anyway, and gave Seijuurou a nod as their eyes met.

 

“Since we are in the subject,” Seijuurou began again when he averted his gaze from Shintarou and looked at everyone else. “I hope that everyone has their jobs in mind for Friday, since I do not want to keep repeating myself. Does everyone know what they are doing?”

 

“Stand still, shut up and look pretty,” Daiki helped.

 

Seijuurou clearly wanted to smile but didn’t. He straightened his posture and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue. “If you wish to put it so crudely, then yes, Daiki is correct. Does anyone have any questions?”

 

No one said a word.

 

“Good. I’m going to order some food, I don’t think anyone has any problem with pizza.”

 

No one surely had a problem with it as the general consensus was to nod and grin. Shintarou remained on his seat and watched Seijuurou go, and a second later out of a whim jumped on his feet and traced his friend’s steps towards the kitchen. By the time he arrived Seijuurou was already on the phone, and obediently he waited by the doorframe as the man made the order for enough pizza that would surely be enough for the whole group.

 

Seijuurou turned to him when he ended the call. “I ordered two large ones specifically for Atsushi, I really hope it will be enough.”

 

Shintarou’s lips tugged slightly upwards. “I think it will be.”

 

“Hopefully. Is something the matter?”

 

Shintarou pressed his shoulder against the wooden frame of the nearby wall and thought his words carefully through. He wasn’t a man open with his feelings too often, and every time such a thing happened he uttered the words out to Kazunari. He moistened his lips that suddenly felt drier than any desert and cleared his throat quietly. “I want to say how thankful I am for you to do this,” he said and felt like a flustered mess. His cheeks glowed and his stomach turned upside down under Seijuurou’s gaze that he couldn’t quite meet. “You are… putting so much effort in this, and I want to thank you.”

 

Seijuurou stepped closer until they were nearly face-to-face. There was a soft smile splattered on his lips. “Don’t thank me, Shintarou,” he said, his tone gentle. “This is the least I can do as your bestman. And, admittedly… I’ve quite enjoyed this.”

 

“Still, if there is anything I could do for you… I will do it.”

 

Seijuurou had to tiptoe to squeeze Shintarou’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, or rather commanded. “I’m more than happy that the two of you are allowing me to do this, it is already a reward enough.”

 

“I’m not sure about that…”

 

“Just enjoy these upcoming days, Shintarou, will you? You worry too much as usual.”

 

Shintarou rolled his eyes but said nothing as he knew for certain that Seijuurou was right and he did worry too much. It was something that he couldn’t exactly turn off even if he wanted to, but at least it seemed that the people that mattered to him were understanding of it. He pursed his lips together, and although there were still thoughts right on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to say to Seijuurou – like how grateful he truly was to have him as his friend, and how much it meant to him that the man had been by his side all these years –, he didn’t say anything when Seijuurou shifted.

 

“Let’s go tell the good news about the food, I’m sure they are all eager to eat.”

 

“Let’s,” Shintarou agreed and returned back to the living room with his best man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's had a great day so far! Mine's been amazing - I got myself another tattoo showing yet again that I am true anime trash ~~not midotaka this time~~ ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ


	231. An Accessory

“Oh, Kazunari, I must say that your suit is spot on.”

 

Kazunari gleamed upon hearing Seijuurou’s compliment. The suit he wore might have been one that he had worn for a certain funeral, but he hadn’t been comfortable enough to buy a new one just for tonight. More than happy that the black fabric and the tight fit got a good reception, he gave Seijuurou a brief one-arm hug and stepped back. Shintarou didn’t do the same but smiled nonetheless. It was enough to make Kazunari’s heart skip a beat.

 

“Looks like no one else is here yet,” he said and glanced around. The venue that Seijuurou had booked was gorgeous, full of wood and warm colors, and the horseshoe-shaped table was most certainly the best solution for such a big group of people. Kazunari eyed the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, examined the tall beige candles on it that had been lit to surely brighten up the light in the middle. He rolled his shoulders and was more than thankful that he hadn’t put on a tie or bow after all, because the room was slightly hot despite the windows being open.

 

“We are the first ones, yes, but only because I wanted to go through few things with you before we start,” Seijuurou said. “Is that okay with the both of you?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Alright… Shintarou, I need you to come here… By the door, yes, and Kazunari right next to him here… Perfect.” Seijuurou flashed a tender smile as he stood in front of them, hands resting on his waist. “When the ceremony is done and you’ll walk away, we will head straight to the building where we have our reception. You will have few minutes to spare, but I want you to get into these positions.”

 

“Got it,” Kazunari said. Shintarou nodded beside him, his face a little pale.

 

“There will be guests coming with a rapid speed, so I want you to only take few seconds to greet each one to get over this part quickly. Is this clear?”

 

“Yes,” Shintarou managed to muster out.

 

“There is no order in which the guests will come in, but I will advise your family to come last so you can take your time with them. After we are done with this, we will move to the table and you will have your dance, and afterwards we will eat dinner. The speeches will be made during dessert.”

 

Kazunari shifted weight from one foot to another and cocked his hip to the side. “How many speeches will there be?”

 

“At least myself and Tetsuya will talk, but if anyone else wants to I will give the permission yet advice them to keep it short.” Seijuurou’s smile had a hint of danger behind it. “After that you are free to do whatever you want, but do stay here at least until the midnight.”

 

“We won’t be leaving a minute before, right, Shin-chan?”

 

Shintarou hummed.

 

“Excellent. As soon as everyone bother to show up, we will practice the greeting, so pretend they are some godawful relatives that you do not want to engage into a conversation.”

 

Kazunari snickered, and he even heard Shintarou stifle a laughter. He took a deep breath and straightened his posture, moved an inch closer to his future husband and took his hand. They shared a look, soft and gentle, and Kazunari was ready to melt into a puddle straight away. Exactly in two days they had said their ‘I do’s in front of everyone and be married. It might have not have any juristidcal meaning, but it was still an event that would change their lives. The change wouldn’t necessarily be a big one, as he had already felt like Shintarou was his husband for _years_ , but it was nice to have a big party and a lot of recognition for their relationship.

 

When Seijuurou strutted around the space glancing at his watch every other second, Kazunari turned to Shintarou and squeezed his fingers. “Nervous?” he whispered.

 

“Slightly,” Shintarou admitted with a muffled tone. He swallowed thickly and looked into Kazunari’s eyes. He leaned closer. “It feels suddenly so real.”

 

“I know what you mean. But hey, it’s only our family and the Miracles today, good rehearsal.”

 

“You’re right,” Shintarou murmured. “Maybe this rehearsal was a good thing after all.”

 

“Your family is here,” Seijuurou suddenly announced and marched towards the doors.

 

Kazunari let go of Shintarou’s hand and relaxed his shoulders and spine, took a deep breath and settled a smile on his lips that soon tugged upwards as he saw Shintarou’s father and Youko step through the doors. Youko had a flowing dress, the fabric silky and decorated with painted flowers, and she wore a slightly coy smile on her lips as she nodded to both of them. Shintarou took a step forward and gave his father a hug.

 

“Thank you for coming,” Shintarou said.

 

“We wouldn’t miss it.” The elder Midorima moved a step back and plaed his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Your mother would have loved to see this day. Look at you, so handsome and glowing with happiness… Friday will be a wonderful day.”

 

“Yes, of course. Thank you, dad.”

 

Kazunari watched Youko step in front of his brother and share a hug with him, yet he shifted his focus quickly on Shintarou’s father who came to hug him. The man had always had tight and warm hugs, and Kazunari had the time to slip his eyes briefly close before they pulled apart.

 

“Thanks for coming,” Kazunari cooed.

 

“Congratulations,” Shintarou’s father said and smiled. “And thank you for everything you have done for this family.”

 

“Aw, now you’re just making me blush!”

 

“Keep it moving,” Seijuurou advised from the background as the doors opened again and Kazunari’s parents appeared.

 

Shintarou’s family quickly changed into Kazunari’s as his mother was quick to take the steps forward. She reached for Kazunari first and hugged him tight. She smelled of her favorite perfume, the scent filled with flowers and a hint of vanilla, and it brought Kazunari straight back into his childhood. There was a slight blush on her lips, and her eyes gleamed from obvious happiness as she cupped Kazunari’s face into her hands.

 

“You’re so handsome, Kazu-chan,” she cooed softly and pinched his cheek before she let go of his face. “You both look so lovely.”

 

“Just wait until we’re having our wedding suits on, they look _beautiful_.” Kazunari winked.

 

Her smile widened. “Oh, I remember like it was yesterday when the two of you started dating, you were so small and young then! And now you’re getting married, I feel like I might cry…”

 

“Please don’t, you already spent too much time on your makeup,” Kazunari’s father retorted and gave a pat on Kazunari’s shoulder before looking at the both of them. “Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks, dad. Go take a seat, I think the places have names on them.”

 

Kazunari didn’t have the time to breathe properly when the rest of the Miracles appeared as if they had come all together (he didn’t put it past them). He gave Tetsuya a tight hug and smiled brightly to Taiga, kissed Ryouta’s cheeks and hugged him and decided not to mention the obvious lack of Kasamatsu, exchanged teasing words with Daiki although he find it rather odd that Ryou was nowhere to be seen, gave another kiss this time on Tatsuya’s cheek and gave a difficult hug to Atsushi, and a bit simpler one to Kouki who trailed behind everyone and eventually settled beside Seijuurou with a timid smile on his lips.

 

As Seijuurou nodded towards the table, Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s hand and pulled him to motion with him as he approached the seats available mid-table. Seeing their friends and family gathered around the same table brought an itch behind Kazunari’s eyes, but he only sniffled quietly before he sat down. Beside him sat Tetsuya who gave him a silent smile, to which Kazunari responded with a similar gesture before he turned to Shintarou. The seat beside his fiancé was still empty as Seijuurou cleared his throat and stepped in front of the table.

 

“If I may have your attention, please.” When everyone quieted down, Seijuurou continued. “Thank you for coming to this rehearsal dinner, it is much appreciated. I am Shintarou’s best man if it is still unclear to some, and I will orchestrate both this dinner and the reception on Friday. Thank you once again to everyone who has come here, so let’s enjoy a wonderful dinner together in preparation for the upcoming wedding.”

 

Seijuurou approached his seat, and the chatting started immediately. Kazunari patted Shintarou’s thigh, squeezed and made him quiver, and gave him a glimmering look before he turned to Tetsuya just in time for the appetizers.

 

“I heard from Akashi that you’re doing a speech on Friday,” he said.

 

Tetsuya smiled softly. “I am,” he responded. “It is the least I can do as Kazunari-kun’s best man. It will be a good speech, please don’t worry, though I am sure that Akashi-kun will excel in his.”

 

“Aw, I’m pretty sure yours is going to be amazing as well, you’re good when it comes to stuff like that.”

 

Tetsuya chuckled. “I really hope so, I don’t want to embarrass Kazunari-kun. Is Kazunari-kun excited?”

 

“You bet.” Kazunari grinned. “Though I’m a little concerned when it comes to the dancing part.”

 

“That’s why I said we should take dance lessons,” Shintarou interrupted.

 

Kazunari glanced at him and grinned so widely that the bridge of his nose wrinkled. “We’ll just see what happens the day after tomorrow, then. We’ll probably make fools of ourselves in front of _eeeeeveryone_ , but we’ll see.” He winked.

 

Shintarou huffed, shook his head and turned back to Seijuurou and Kouki.

 

A moment longer Kazunari spent looking at his lover before he finally focused on eating the appetizer. The soup was thick and rich with pumpkin flavor, and due to its size he was quick to finish it. He scooped the last drops as carefully as he could and didn’t lick the spoon clean although he would have wanted to. He glanced around and let his eyes rest on the sight of the most important people to him chatting together. His mother was quite engaged in a conversation with Daiki, which seemed like the oddest combo but they still talked and Daiki looked quite civil. Briefly his eyes met with Ryouta who jumped on his feet immediately and approached him.

 

“Takaocchi, come with me to the bathroom for a bit,” Ryouta announced.

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “Okay,” he agreed despite finding the request odd and got up.

 

“Be back in ten minutes for the entrée,” Seijuurou said.

 

Kazunari nodded and hurried after Ryouta to the bathroom that was one of the most luxurious ones he had ever seen. The metal was colored gold and the window tall and wide, the lights bright and creating a nice hue on Ryouta’s cheekbones as he turned to him with a grin on his face.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“I got you something,” Ryouta announced.

 

“Aw, you didn’t have to.”

 

“I know, I know, but I found it and I thought that you really need to have it.” With such a proud smirk on his face Ryouta put his hand to the pocket of his suit’s jacket and took out a square box. It wasn’t much bigger from a palm but its black exterior looked quite menacing. Ryouta handed it to Kazunari. “You really need something new and something blue, so consider this as those two. Now open it, I wanna see your reaction!”

 

Kazunari narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and opened the box. A blue, lacy garter. He let out a breathy laughter. He should have guessed. “Amazing,” he said and wasn’t lying one bit. Already before he had briefly thought of getting something similar to this, but now Ryouta had saved him from the trouble of actually searching for it. Kazunari took the frilly piece and felt its softness on his fingertips, and then grinned from one ear to another. “This will be handy, thanks?”

 

“I know, right? I thought it’ll be a useful accessory, and I bet Midorimacchi will like it as well. Let me know what he thinks of it, okay?” Ryouta winked.

 

“You bet.”

 

The bathroom door opened, and Seijuurou peeked in. “Gentlemen,” he called. “We are ready to continue with the dinner, so if you could please return back to the table it would be very much appreciated.”

  
“Got it!”

 

Ryouta rolled his eyes when Seijuurou disappeared. “Akashicchi’s really taking this wedding coordinator job seriously.”

 

“I kinda like him like this,” Kazunari admitted. “He’s really efficient and everything, but I’m looking forward to him just relax once the wedding is over. I’m pretty sure he’s showing not his best side to Furihata.”

 

Ryouta huffed. “Poor thing, having to deal with stressed Akashicchi straight away.” He rolled his eyes but displayed a wicked smile on his face. “And we should totally go before we get scolded more harshly.”

 

“Yup.” Kazunari emerged from the bathroom after Ryouta and returned to the table. Immediately he attracted Shintarou’s gaze, and his fiancé leaned closer to him when he sat down.

 

“What’s the matter?” Shintarou muttered in his ear.

 

“Nothing.” Kazunari kissed Shintarou’s cheek and squeezed his knee. “Kise just gave me an early wedding present, that’s all.”

 

“Huh.” Shintarou’s eyes narrowed.

 

“You’ll find out on our wedding night,” Kazunari whispered and winked.


	232. Slumlord

“Are you sure this is okay?”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips tightly together, discarded the game show on the television and glanced at Shintarou over his shoulder. His lover looked pretty damn good in the late evening; the dark jeans were a definite improvement from the usual sweatpants, and the casual-but-sexy dress shirt hugged the man in all the right places. Kazunari would have spent a long time eyeing him if Shintarou didn’t give his concerned look for the umpteenth time during his preparation. A sigh escaped Kazunari’s lungs, and he shook his head.

 

“It’s your bachelor party,” he stated at least for the seventh time. He had already lost count how many times they had had this small conversation within the last sixty minutes. “Of _course_ you’ll go, and of _course_ it’s okay.”

 

Shintarou stirred. His posture looke uncomfortable, and he toyed the button on his sleeve around his wrist. “It feels weird without you.”

 

“Just go, Shin-chan, they’re throwing the party for you. I’ll be fine here, I think Himuro’s coming here, we’ll have our own two-man bachelor party here.”

 

Shintarou most definitely wasn’t colored convinced. He took steps closer and stopped behind the couch, moved his hands on Kazunari’s shoulders and massaged gently. “I’ll miss you,” he said.

 

Kazunari snickered. “I’m pretty sure that Akashi will make you come home super early for tomorrow, so we’ll be apart for only few hours.”

 

“Still,” Shintarou murmured surprisingly softly and brought his lips on the side of Kazunari’s neck. He kissed the spot, and Kazunari shuddered. It took a while for Shintarou to pull back, and when he did he rubbed the top of Kazunari’s head. “Do something nice with Himuro, won’t you?”

 

“Yes, mom.”

 

Even without looking Kazunari knew he received a poisonous look from Shintarou right in the middle of the back of his head. Getting into the game show again, he kept his eyes fixed on it and only moved his head slightly to the side. Shintarou kissed his cheek, and Kazunari made a moist kissing sound with his mouth. Absentmindedly he waved his hand.

 

“Come home sober, no one wants a groom that smells of booze!”

 

“I will,” Shintarou promised with his serious tone and was finally gone.

 

Alone, Kazunari heaved out a sigh and rubbed his forehead. _Alright_ , admittedly he was a little jealous that Shintarou was getting a bachelor party and he wasn’t, but it wasn’t _that_ big of a deal. He didn’t exactly want a wet night in some dark strip club on the night right before their wedding, but he did miss spending time with some friends. He grabbed a cushion and hugged it against his chest, bristled and muffled another sigh that desperately wanted to get out of his system. This was the bad side of having joint friends that had been originally Shintarou’s friends – in situations like these he understood that he didn’t really have his _own_ friends. Sure, he had managed to coax Tatsuya to come and spend time with him as another outsider, but it wasn’t exactly the same.

 

Deciding to stop lulling in the thoughts that didn’t even matter, Kazunari patiently waited for Tatsuya to come. Fifteen minutes later the bell rang, and he was quick to jump up on his feet and dash to the door. Behind it stood Tatsuya, dressed like he was also about to hit the clubs.

 

“Did you come to the wrong place?” Kazunari teased and hugged him briefly, then let him in. “I feel really underdressed now.”

 

Tatsuya laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it, please. Has Shintarou left already?”

 

“Yeah, fifteen minutes ago.”

 

“Good. I brought something for us to drink.”

 

Tatsuya held out a bottle of champagne. Kazunari took a closer look of it and realized that it was non-alcoholic and tried to decide what he thought about it. Nonetheless he brought a smile on his lips and accepted it before retreating back towards the living room.

 

“Should I open this straight away?” he asked.

 

“Yes, please, my mouth is dry.”

 

“Be right back then.” Kazunari flashed a hasty smile and hurried to the kitchen to find their finest flutes.

 

From the living room Tatsuya asked, “Are you feeling bummed that Shintarou is gone for the night?”

 

Kazunari tiptoed to reach the glasses and thought. “Not really, he deserves a night out and everything. It’s just… I don’t know.” He grabbed the flutes and returned to the living room, and shrugged a bit as he sat down beside Tatsuya. “I feel kind of left out, you know? I really appreciate you coming here and everything, but this is hardly a bachelor party. No offense.”

 

“No offense taken,” Tatsuya promised and opened the bottle. He poured the glasses nearly full and lifted his. “Either way, here is to your last night as a somewhat single man, and to tomorrow that is surely going to be the most beautiful day of your life.”

 

“Cheers,” Kazunari said with a genuine smile on his lips and clinked his glass to Tatsuya’s. He took a sip from the drink that turned out to be surprisingly good with its bubbly strawberry flavor. He sipped some more and kept it in his grasp. “How about you, not going there either? Do you ever feel like you’re not part of their… clique or something?”

 

“Sometimes,” Tatsuya admitted. There was still a small smile on his lips. “But I’m more than happy to spend time with you here, it’s cozier this way, don’t you think?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari grinned. “This is how I’d wanted to spend my bachelor party anyway, cozily at home instead of… going dancing and drinking to some crowded bar. Do you know where they’re going?”

 

“Atsushi didn’t mention, no. He didn’t seem too eager to go, either.”

 

“Aw, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Akashi will make sure they won’t have _too_ much fun after all.” Kazunari snickered but sighed afterwards. He rubbed his eyes and wanted to yawn, but swallowed the urge back into his stomach and glanced at Tatsuya. “So, what do you want to do?”

 

“Hmm… I’m quite hungry, to be honest.”

 

Kazunari straightened his posture. “I think there’s some leftovers in the fridge.”

 

“How about we get pizza instead? It is a special night after all.”

 

“Ooh, that sounds fun. I think we’ve got the nearest place’s brochure somewhere here—“

 

“I came by car, so we could drive to the city and grab some in person.” Tatsuya’s smile twitched a little bit towards the ears. “How does that sound?”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. “Sure. Sure, that’d be fun. I just gotta change my clothes first, are we heading out now?”

 

“So I thought.”

 

“Okay, give me ten minutes!”

 

Kazunari rushed to the bedroom and didn’t ponder about his clothes too much – it was a pizzeria, after all. He put on his most comfortable jeans and a t-shirt that always managed to compliment his shapes, gave himself a look through the mirror and decided that it was good enough. He brushed a strand of dark hair behind his ear and smiled to his reflection, then grinned. Looking at himself, he could hardly believe that he was getting married tomorrow. The thought brought butterflies in his stomach instantly. _Married._ Even better, _married to Shin-chan_. Kazunari sucked in his lower lip to stop himself from smiling so damn widely but couldn’t help it. From time to time the thought simply hit him and made him the happiest man.

 

When he emerged from the bedroom, Tatsuya was on the phone. For a fraction of a second the man looked like a creature caught in headlights, and he was quick to end the call. Kazunari frowned.

 

“Who was it?”

 

“Oh, just Atsushi.” Tatsuya smiled again and shoved the phone to his pocket. “He didn’t have anything important to say, but anyway, should we get going?”

 

“Yeah. Actually, I know this really good place, it’s only few minutes away from here by car.”

 

“As good as that sounds, there is one place near Shibuya that I have been craving to try for so long, should we try that one instead?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kazunari trailed behind Tatsuya and closed the door behind his back after saying goodbyes to their cats, and seated himself comfortably to the shotgun. Maybe, just _maybe_ he could drink a bit of beer if Tatsuya was in charge of driving, just to make it feel more bachelor party-like. He crossed one leg over another and watched through the window how the city’s lights glimmered all around them once they got out of the suburb. Although he usually wasn’t that comfortable with silence, he liked this particular one.

 

Despite the traffic they reached Shibuya pretty quickly. Kazunari sat better in the seat and tapped his fingers against his knee. The various restaurants soon turned bars and nightclubs, which brought a frown on his face. He turned to Tatsuya.

 

“Are you sure you turned the right way?” he asked. “I’m not sure if there are any pizzerias here.”

 

“I’m certain,” Tatsuya said. His eyes glimmered like they hadn’t done before during the evening. “There’s a parking hall few blocks from here, and then we need to walk. It will be worth it, trust me.”

 

“I’ll trust you then,” Kazunari snickered and relaxed.

 

Just like Tatsuya had promised, there was a parking hall nearby. The evening was nice and breezy, and it was obvious that after a month or two autumn would finally roll in and leave the summer dust behind. Kazunari moistened his lips and followed Tatsuya back to the district with more clubs than restaurants but had faith in his friend. The faith soon wavered, however, when several pizzerias passed and they didn’t stop to any of them. He walked briskly beside Tatsuya and looked at his profile.

 

“Are you sure this is the right way?”

 

“I’m certain.”

 

“’Cause I don’t want to get mugged or killed the day before my wedding.”

 

Tatsuya laughed. “You won’t, I promise. Look, this is it.”

 

Kazunari stopped dead in his tracks in front of a nightclub. The outside of it seemed crowded, but in the midst of other people he spotted a familiar tall figure with neat green hair and a coy smile on his lips. His mouth dropped agape, and he quickly registered the entire set of Miracles outside the club’s entrance. He looked at Tatsuya who gave a knowing little grin. Frozen to the spot, Kazunari watched Shintarou approach him and eventually stop in front of him.

 

“What’s going on?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Did you think I would have my bachelor party without you?” Shintarou took Kazunari’s hand to his own. “Did you really think I would leave my husband behind on a night like this?”

 

“I… Shin-chan!” Kazunari couldn’t help the giggle that got out of him. He jabbed Shintarou gently on his arm and shook his head, looked at the group behind his fiancé and found Seijuurou’s gaze on him. “Did you plan this?”

 

“Possibly,” Seijuurou said and stepped beside Shintarou. “I have already explained tonight’s rules for everyone else, so I will give you a brief overview. No heavy drinking tonight, I need the both of you looking very sharp tomorrow.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“And do have fun, please.”

 

“I’m pretty sure we will.” Kazunari grinned to Shintarou.

 

“That’s it. Go enjoy your joint bachelor party.”

 

Kazunari felt lightheaded as Shintarou pulled him close to his body. Together with the rest of the Miracles they walked inside the club. The music was loud and thudded in Kazunari’s pulse, and although they place smelled of alcohol, sweat and piss, there was something extremely satisfying in it. He hooked an arm around Shintarou’s waist and, once they found some empty space from the side, stood in front of him. Kazunari got up his toes and gave a moist smooch on Shintarou’s jaw.

 

“Did you know about this?” he shouted over the music.

 

Shintarou nodded.

 

“You’re so sneaky!”

 

“And you are very gullible!” Shintarou shouted. The music seemed to turn even louder. “I would never leave you behind like that.”

 

Kazunari laughed and shook his head. His insides felt warmer and much lighter than an hour ago, and he couldn’t help it. It really was the best like this, together with Shintarou that was. Certain of the fact that they had somehow turned back in time and he was again seventeen and madly in love with the most gorgeous boy in school, he rose back to his toes and kissed Shintarou. The kiss lingered, was moist, deep and then soft and light, and when he pulled back and the flashing neon lights hit Shintarou’s skin Kazunari knew he was lucky. He wrapped his arms around Shintarou and pulled closer and didn’t want to let go anymore.


	233. What You're Longing For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On January 1st I embarked on a crazy adventure and journey that I thought I’d never do. At the time the idea of writing a fic once a day about my favorite pairing seemed so thrilling and fulfilling. I was full of hope and dreams, and I could already see the 365th day when I could say ’I did it, look at me, I actually did it’. For so many months I wrote and wrote and wrote, and put other things on hold, only concentrated on this wonderful and beautifully massive fic that I was constantly creating.
> 
> It has been a long time since I stopped enjoying writing this. Waking up every day was dreadful because I lied in bed and thought ’I need to get up right now and start writing’. Writing became a chore and, most importantly, it wasn’t fun anymore. This, the thing that was supposed to be so much fun and make me happy, wasn’t that anymore. It really didn’t make me happy. I started to write the bare minimum to just get it over with and then continued doing other things that I really wanted to do. I started to find other things to heal myself, found love, started another crazy journey that is finding myself again, and suddenly I realized that this fic just wasn’t for me anymore.
> 
> You have no idea how disappointed in myself I am. I set out a goal and now I’m here telling you that I won’t reach it. I’m disappointed, heartbroken, and so angry to myself because I couldn’t do what I said I’d do. I’m also sorry for doing this so abruptly, but I can’t continue anymore. This isn’t fun anymore, and that’s the bottom line of this decision. Writing is the love of my life, and it’s supposed to be fun. I already started to count the days to the end of the year just so I could stop doing this, and from that I know it would be wrong to continue. I’m ashamed of the quality of my writing and the things I put out for you to read every day, and I’m not comfortable with it anymore.
> 
> That is also the exact reason why I’ve decided not to write the wedding. Few months ago I could have written it and it would have been exactly how I imagined it. Now it would be everything but that, and I don’t want to do that to myself or to you. Thus I’m giving you free hands to decide what happens in the wedding that is so dear to me. The wedding has always been a milestone to me - I told myself ’just wait for the wedding, and if you still feel like quitting, then you can’. This day was supposed to be the one that would change my mind about writing this, but it hasn’t. This feels like the right way to end this insanely gorgeous and beautiful journey.
> 
> I feel hollow just writing these paragraphs. As some unknown pop artist once said, ’never say never’ - I might continue this in a week, a month, a year, but right now I am unable to. This pains me so, so much, but I hope you understand. I hope that one day I’ll stop feeling guilty for the sake of myself, too. Right now I feel guilty for doing this, but I can only beg for all of you to understand.
> 
> Lastly, but most importantly - thank you to everyone who has stood by my side, whether it is from day 1 or 233. This has been a blast, and I couldn’t have gotten this far without your kudos and comments. It means the world to me to have such dedicated readers who have come back each day to experience this wild adventure with me. I’m so grateful to you, and once again I am so terribly sorry. I’m still so much in love with midotaka, so hopefully we’ll see each other again when my mind is back in the right place for writing.
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The white sheets were messy and rumpled. The sun shone bright through the parted curtains and carved shadows on Kazunari’s naked body that Shintarou keenly examined from a slight distance. The way Kazunari’s hip rose in the midst of the sheets made his fingers itch, and for once he followed the urge and trailed his fingertip against the silhouette. Kazunari quivered and looked at him, and Shintarou offered him a small smile that clearly told everything necessary. Slowly, naked and exhausted, Shintarou moved closer until his skin was against Kazunari’s and there was nothing wrong in the hazy morning of their wedding day.

 

Over Kazunari’s shoulder he read the sheet of paper that Kazunari held in his hand. The form was already partially filled last night, and now it only missed their signatures right at the bottom. Shintarou smiled and pressed a soft kiss on Kazunari’s nape, which made his fiancé shudder. A sunny smile rose to Kazunari’s lips, and he discarded the form as he turned around in Shintarou’s embrace. They looked each other in the eyes. Shintarou’s heart skipped an odd beat, and a set of butterflies climbed from his stomach to his chest. There was still sleep in Kazunari’s eyes and the sun on his cheekbones, and although he looked dazed and positively _not_ ready quite yet, it still took Shintarou’s breath away. He inhaled sharply and forgot to let it out, and didn’t breathe until Kazunari gave a butterfly kiss on his mouth.

 

“Hey, you,” Kazunari murmured, his voice soft and cooing.

 

“Hello,” Shintarou whispered back.

 

Kazunari stroked Shintarou’s cheek with the pad of his thumb and bristled. “Today’s the day,” he said the obvious.

 

“Yes,” Shintarou said. The butterflies dropped immediately back to his stomach, and he shivered. In ten odd hours he would stand underneath the tree and say ‘I do’, and he would most likely sound extremely choked and make some distant relative laugh, but it wouldn’t matter because Kazunari for sure wouldn’t chuckle. He laced his arm better over Kazunari’s waist and pulled him close, felt his burning skin against his own and felt so incredibly _safe_ in the midst of the crumpled sheets. He wasn’t sure what he had done in his life to deserve something as wonderful as this, but he surely wasn’t planning to ruin any of this. Closing his eyes, he aimed his lips for Kazunari’s forehead and found his target. He murmured against the damp skin, “I have to admit that I’m slightly nervous.”

 

“You’d be mad if you weren’t,” Kazunari teased and cupped Shintarou’s face to his hands. He looked at him in the eyes, the gaze so raw and pure and _loving_ , and kissed the tip of his nose. “But if it makes you feel any better, I’m nervous too. Here, feel it.”

 

Kazunari grabbed Shintarou’s hand and moved it over his heart. _Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump_ , like a proper doctor Shintarou felt and counted the pulse, and it took him a moment to merely concentrate on the fact that Kazunari’s pulse was indeed fast. His own soon took the same rhythm, erratic and mad and eager, and he gasped for breath. A nervous chuckle escaped him, a little embarrassed, but he was quick to accept his own reflexes when Kazunari kissed him again. The kiss lingered, and Shintarou held Kazunari better in his grasp, traced his lower back with the tips of his fingers and drew shapes of love, tilted his head and deepened the kiss.

 

It was simply a perfect morning and a perfect day to have a wedding. Quiet and sunny, peaceful and calm, just like their lives would be when they would pledge themselves to each other. They kissed a moment longer, and only when they pulled back did Kazunari quietly chuckle. Shintarou chewed his bottom lip in thought and then moistened it with the tip of his tongue. He had so many things to say, wanted to declare his love for the hundredth time, but when he looked at Kazunari he felt like the silence spoke more than any words could at the moment. His expression softened, and he knew without even seeing that his gaze was gentle. Kazunari’s lips tugged up to a smile, and he was breathtakingly beautiful.

 

“Ready to sign it?” Kazunari asked. “I’m sure that Akashi and Kise are coming here any minute now.”

 

“I’m ready,” Shintarou said, and it was the truth.

 

He moved better on his side and watched Kazunari take the paper back in his hands (it was a little wrinkled on the corner but would do for now). His fiancé reached for the nightstand to get a pen, and after a while of shifting and shuffling he sat up. Shintarou followed him and pulled the sheet to cover his lower body, and moved an arm around Kazunari’s waist. Kazunari looked up at him, and his eyes gleamed.

 

“Midorima Kazunari,” Kazunari said.

 

“Sounds strange.”

 

“Doesn’t it?” A chuckle toyed with Kazunari’s lips. He tightened his grip from the pen. “We’ll get used to it… Eventually. Right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you ready? No turning back now.”

 

Shintarou didn’t have to hesitate when he answered, “I have been ready for years.”

 

They shared a kiss, and then signed the paper. There it was, the form filled and complete, and something about it brought an itch behind Shintarou’s eyes. It was right _there_ , black on white that Kazunari was his family, that they would be together no matter what.

 

He cried a little. So did Kazunari. They shared another kiss, this time salty, and smiled.

 

“Do you think we have some time to… simply lie here?” Shintarou asked, hopeful.

 

Kazunari didn’t manage to answer when the doorbell rang. He laughed and shook his head. “I guess that’s your answer. Better get dressed.”

 

Shintarou slipped out of the bed, reluctant, but pulled on the first clothes he found and followed Kazunari’s trail to the front door. Right before Kazunari opened the door Shintarou pulled him to one more kiss that left him positively breathless. Kazunari’s grin was wicked as he slapped Shintarou’s bottom and only then opened the door. Behind it stood Seijuurou and Ryouta, both looking very awake and very annoyingly happy.

 

“Good morning,” Seijuurou said and invited himself inside. “Are we ready to get the show going? As planned, Kazunari will leave with Ryouta and I will stay here with Shintarou, any questions?”

 

“Is there some time for breakfast?” Kazunari asked hopefully.

 

Seijuurou arched his brows. “According to the timetable, no. Eat at Ryouta’s place. Why do you look like you have just gotten out of bed, Shintarou?”

 

“Because I just got out of bed,” Shintarou admitted.

 

Seijuurou clicked his tongue and glanced at a sheet of paper he had on top of a thick file. “We can make up that time later. Go wash and shave yourself, so we can start preparing.”

 

Shintarou nodded but didn’t want to take a single step away from Kazunari who was already pulling on a jacket over his pajamas.

 

“Just thinking about you guys getting married makes me want to cry,” Ryouta admitted and sniffled. He hooked his arm to Kazunari’s. “Let’s go, Takaocchi. Akashicchi, we’re going, see you in the evening!”

 

“Wait,” Kazunari said and stopped by the door, and looked at Shintarou. “Hey, Shin-chan.”

 

Shintarou perked. “Yes?”

 

“Guess what I just realized.”

 

“What?”

 

“The next time we’re seeing each other, we’re getting married.”

 

It brought a whole new wave of nerves to the pit of Shintarou’s stomach. Kazunari stepped closer and raised his hand, kept his palm open, and Shintarou stared at it for a long time. It took him a moment to realize what the gesture was for, and just like he had done several times a decade ago, he gave Kazunari a high five. Kazunari grinned and gave him a moist smooch square on the lips.

 

“See you,” he said.

 

“See you,” Shintarou said and smiled from ear to ear.


End file.
